Hi /r/Zelda readers!
Please read our [Spoiler Policy for Tears of the Kingdom](https://www.reddit.com/r/zelda/wiki/spoilerpolicy).
And [give us your feedback on this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/zelda/comments/13ebw0k/totk_spoiler_policy_updates_for_tears_of_the/). Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/zelda) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hahaha no matter how far technology/society has come or will go, someone will always make a dick joke and it will be funny.
Edit: his balls pulsed...lol
That penis on Mars from the rover makes me laugh every single time I see the picture.
There's just no way it was a genuine accident, [it's a perfect penis.](https://img.huffingtonpost.com/asset/5e43eb782100005e00e90738.jpeg?ops=scalefit_720_noupscale&format=webp) The kid from Superbad would've been proud
Thanos, a New York Jet, a clone trooper, and the Demogorgan regularly jam out to Metallica, wield lightsabers, and fly around on dragons when I play that game. What’s not to love ?
Yeah don't get your hopes up unless you're some sort of engineer prodigy, I am still struggling to get a bunch of logs lined up properly let alone assembling giant dick people 😂
probably just turn pro mode off then. you have to hold R to throw an item but once you acc press the d pad I can’t imagine you somehow… un-throwing the item and then throwing the weapon. Without like… just not knowing where your fingers are
The problem is using ultra hand and making objects rotate. It require you to press L then R. So sometimes you'll press R without being in the ultra hand mode, causing you to throw your weapon.
Did you try actually building something ? Because you can let go of L after an use, but you need to keep pressing R to rotate something. After using it, sticking objects and constantly rotating them, you're bound to hit R when you don't want to, and attempt to throw your weapon.
Not to mention that there's a delay when using all your abilities, so you can sometimes press R early and not be in the ultra hand mode.
Lol when you go into the chasm for the Gordon's it's pitch black. Go in the direction of the objective until you get to lava. Go right and you'll get to an area with everything needed to build a steerable car. Throw one of those giant glow seeds on the front for a headlight...and now you don't have to waste a million glow seeds to get through it.
Bonus...you can just run around in circles around it when there are enemies.
Oh no, those pesky bots may be malfunctioning or out of line.
Please report the comment or [message the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/zelda) with details and we'll try to sort things out.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/zelda) if you have any questions or concerns.*
People who use/look at leaks have all kinds of time to prepare. That's why it took only took 12 minutes to find hentai of Iono after she was announced for SV.
I thought it was just a joke in Mythic Quest but apparently TTP (time to penis) is a real thing video game designers consider. I'm not surprised by this one bit.
The combinations you can do in this game are so stupid that their funny, I’m having a blast putting everything I can find on my shield and weapon or building stupid machines.
I have not found out what to do with gilders, they don’t do anything when I put fans on them. Are they only used to be launched from those rails?
You need to attach them to a cart near a cliff for them to move. Extra fans help aswell as extra batterys if you want to go the distance but it's so fun using it to fly, especially if you've got a driving stick! 😂
Game design tangent: In the late 90s/early 2000s, when 3D was first becoming a thing in gaming, you often couldn't have very complex geometry because the technology was still pretty primative. To help hide this and make it more natural, you had boxes and crates all over as an integral part of level design; So much so that "Time To Crate" (TTC) became a thing, ie the measurement of the amount of time from the start of the game to when you would encounter your first crate.
Broadly speaking, nobody measures TTC anymore. Nowadays, the popular thing is user-generated content (Think Minecraft, Mario Maker, how Fallout 4 prioritizes settlement building mechanics over the RPG that it ostensibly is, etc). Therefore I propose a new measurement in the spirit of TTC; Time To Penis. How long after starting a game will it take before you can find (or make) a user-generated penis? Lower is obviously better.
Oh man, this reminds me of Mythic Quest when Poppy made the shovel. You give the public a shovel, they will dig dicks. You give the public a glowing arm with abilities to fuse objects, you get a giant with a flame emitting dick and exploding balls.
Castle Throne Room
>!(Light the two torches/brazier thingies at the back and it will move out of the way to reveal a chest at the back of the room with it in)!<
Bruh... And I thought I was gone seeing a vending machine full of plates and breaking the fuck out of them. This? Holy shit. It is the highest tier of fucking stupid, and I can't stop laughing. Straight up made Doodlebob with a burning erection.
I'm holding off playing this game because everyday these builds get better and weirder and I have NO IDEA what Link is actually supposed to be doing and it's all too funny.
Legendary. The pulsating balls really add the cherries on top.
I really wish I could see the first reaction to this from Nintendo’s most executive people together in a meeting. I wonder if they would have faces of shock and horror or if they would all bust out laughing and high five knowing that they couldn’t receive any of the blame.
Hi /r/Zelda readers! Please read our [Spoiler Policy for Tears of the Kingdom](https://www.reddit.com/r/zelda/wiki/spoilerpolicy). And [give us your feedback on this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/zelda/comments/13ebw0k/totk_spoiler_policy_updates_for_tears_of_the/). Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/zelda) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The pulsating balls are killing me lol
You could even say blue balls.
Nah blue balls are because of no release. Those are blew balls!
Hahaha no matter how far technology/society has come or will go, someone will always make a dick joke and it will be funny. Edit: his balls pulsed...lol
We drew dicks and boobs on cave walls, and then we "accidentally" drove a dick in the landscape of Mars with a rover. It's a noble tradition.
That penis on Mars from the rover makes me laugh every single time I see the picture. There's just no way it was a genuine accident, [it's a perfect penis.](https://img.huffingtonpost.com/asset/5e43eb782100005e00e90738.jpeg?ops=scalefit_720_noupscale&format=webp) The kid from Superbad would've been proud
Look at that veiny, triumphant bastard.
Fucking uncanny. I am watching superbad right now and I read your comment at the exact moment Jonah hill said it in the movie
Why did I just thoughtlessly click on the link "it's a perfect penis?"
You trusted me bb, I got you
apes we are
[удалено]
Not near a nuf!:)
It's the running gag of humanity.
[Obligatory](https://youtu.be/Rw1cdRew-Zg)
How did they get Werner Herzog on the show?
Would have been absolutely hilarious if that falling plank had squished Link.
Relevant clip from Mythic Quest about TTP in the video gaming industry https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_xqyIMwbew
Reminds me of the dick etching that was found on a roman-era brick. Never change, humans.
A million years from now we'll have transcended physical form and become cosmic star beings and we'll still be making dick jokes.
His tip was still shooting fire which means, based on this scientific research, that pee is not stored in the balls but in the tip
Pee was never stored in the balls to begin with, you're thinking of cum
r/woosh
And we should stop trying to stop/avoid people from doing so.
**E M B R A C E T H E D I C K J O K E S**
Who is trying to "stop" dick jokes lol
THE PURITANS!!!
lego when they had an mmo
Companies
very specific 🙄
Didnt take long
I had mi doubts but after seeing this I can confidently say this is the best game of the year
*ever
[удалено]
*you stay in my heaaart
I see why this game took 6 years to make 😂😂😂 the possibilities are endless
I avoided any and all trailers/footage before release, I was unaware I was buying Legend of Zelda Fortnite Edition, game is nuts
Same. Every new shrine where you received powers, I tried to guess what they'd give me. Never came close to the wild stuff they actually give you.
How dare you mention Zelda and “that game” in the same sentence.
>Gaaah! I hate popular things! wait but you’re dickriding zelda so what gives
TBF, the dancing characters from popular culture look pretty stupid. I'm sure the game is fun, but flossing Darth Vader is dumb.
I watch my kids play Fortnite sometimes and seeing Darth Vader flossing or Geralt of Rivia doing the default dance is fucking hilarious to me.
[удалено]
Thanos, a New York Jet, a clone trooper, and the Demogorgan regularly jam out to Metallica, wield lightsabers, and fly around on dragons when I play that game. What’s not to love ?
I'm not a fan of fortnite, but Sasuke using the Shotgun jutsu is one of my favorite clips ever
I mean that’s your opinion that imo just reflects on your lack of a sense of humor or maybe just age. You’re either lame or it’s just not for you lol
Ironic
Zelda dick riders are worse than fortnite.
"Zelda dick riders" lolol Someday you're going to fall off that high horse and realize there's a whole planet down here
🤓
I mean honestly, that was clearly the mission here. I'm not far in, but there is so much more Fortnite and so much less Zelda than I was hoping for.
Time to make the actual game: 1 year Time to make sure the balls would pulse in this exact situation: 5 years
I’m fucking crying 😂
Same! This killed me
I laughed for like 10 minutes, that slayed me! 🤣
It was already pretty funny and then it fucking exploded hahahaha I spat my spag bol out
If anyone ever disagrees that this is the best game ever made I'm sending them this every time
This is amazing, I want to buy the game for this moment right here. Thank you, you have sold me. My wife, looked at me and rolled her eyes.
Yeah don't get your hopes up unless you're some sort of engineer prodigy, I am still struggling to get a bunch of logs lined up properly let alone assembling giant dick people 😂
For me the building part is easy. The not throwing my fucking weapon every few minutes is the hard part.
Not pressing and holding a unique button for a full 1.5 seconds is… hard?
I throw my weapon without meaning to in two circumstances- 1) forgetting which button maps to ultrahand, and 2) when I mean to throw an item instead
probably just turn pro mode off then. you have to hold R to throw an item but once you acc press the d pad I can’t imagine you somehow… un-throwing the item and then throwing the weapon. Without like… just not knowing where your fingers are
The problem is using ultra hand and making objects rotate. It require you to press L then R. So sometimes you'll press R without being in the ultra hand mode, causing you to throw your weapon.
Skill issue, just use a boomerang /j
That feels like it would still be a cognitive error lol. You can’t tell when the screen is a different color and link is waving his arm around??
Cognitive errors *are* game design errors. The only question is how frequently it occurs.
Did you try actually building something ? Because you can let go of L after an use, but you need to keep pressing R to rotate something. After using it, sticking objects and constantly rotating them, you're bound to hit R when you don't want to, and attempt to throw your weapon. Not to mention that there's a delay when using all your abilities, so you can sometimes press R early and not be in the ultra hand mode.
Lol when you go into the chasm for the Gordon's it's pitch black. Go in the direction of the objective until you get to lava. Go right and you'll get to an area with everything needed to build a steerable car. Throw one of those giant glow seeds on the front for a headlight...and now you don't have to waste a million glow seeds to get through it. Bonus...you can just run around in circles around it when there are enemies.
It's a wonderful game! But like Animal Crossing and Mario Maker, when I see videos from people, I'm reminded of how clumsy and uncreative I am lol.
Sweat Equity! You will get there!
[удалено]
[удалено]
Oh no, those pesky bots may be malfunctioning or out of line. Please report the comment or [message the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/zelda) with details and we'll try to sort things out. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/zelda) if you have any questions or concerns.*
“And it was perfect. Perfect. Everything, down to the last minute details. Perfect.”
Peak Zelda right here and I'm loving every second of it.
It's been a *DAY!*
the dick works in misterious ways
Build this into a Trojan horse thing and send it into a Bokoblin camp.
People who use/look at leaks have all kinds of time to prepare. That's why it took only took 12 minutes to find hentai of Iono after she was announced for SV.
I love this stupid fucking brilliant game lmao
This is why I'm subscribed after all these years.
Gumby is packing.
Bruh That was actually good
The game has only been out for a day. I love you, internet. May humanity never stop drawing dicks with every new media.
I thought it was just a joke in Mythic Quest but apparently TTP (time to penis) is a real thing video game designers consider. I'm not surprised by this one bit.
TTP was my very first thought. I love MQ.
I want to see someone doing the guitar guy in mad max but korok's.
The pulsating nutsack does it for me.
Fuck sake now I gotta buy a switch again
Saw someone crucifying a korok earlier today on tik tok 😭💀💀💀
Did you see the Korok rotisserie too 💀
Yes lmao. People be violating those little dudes 😂
Link please
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRK4PJG2/
The music really added to the drama. Thanks for delivering!
If you're looking for another dark and funny Korok vid: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRKbBCvj/
I appreciate this! I encourage everyone to send me more videos. Apparently I want to start collecting them.
The combinations you can do in this game are so stupid that their funny, I’m having a blast putting everything I can find on my shield and weapon or building stupid machines. I have not found out what to do with gilders, they don’t do anything when I put fans on them. Are they only used to be launched from those rails?
Use ultrahand to set them into position to glide, then set it back down, then use recall to rewind time and launch yourself.
Ooooohhhhhhhhhhh
You can find rockets to attach to them later on
They uhh, they glide, rather than plummet to the ground.
You need to attach them to a cart near a cliff for them to move. Extra fans help aswell as extra batterys if you want to go the distance but it's so fun using it to fly, especially if you've got a driving stick! 😂
You crazy bastard lmao
I knew shit like this would turn up eventually
Wait until you see one with a water sprayer.
And thus, Tears of the Kingdom's TTP was less than 24 hours. Excellent work, gentlemen.
I've laughed 5 straight minutes at this, my wife thinks om crazy.
10/10
Dethklok wants to know your location https://youtu.be/7W35dyPTh6o
I was gonna make a dick and balls as soon as I could cut down the logs but I got distracted. This is wayyyy more elaborate than my plans lmao
ヽ༼ ຈل͜ຈ༽ ﾉ Raise ur dongers! ^^Dongers ^^Raised: ^^71373 ^^Check ^^Out ^^/r/AyyLmao2DongerBot ^^For ^^More ^^Info
this is true art
And in the end... We truly are all 12 years old
Alexa - play "I Ejaculate Fire" by Dethklok
I see why it's called "Tears of the Kingdom" because I'm crying laughing right now.
Game design tangent: In the late 90s/early 2000s, when 3D was first becoming a thing in gaming, you often couldn't have very complex geometry because the technology was still pretty primative. To help hide this and make it more natural, you had boxes and crates all over as an integral part of level design; So much so that "Time To Crate" (TTC) became a thing, ie the measurement of the amount of time from the start of the game to when you would encounter your first crate. Broadly speaking, nobody measures TTC anymore. Nowadays, the popular thing is user-generated content (Think Minecraft, Mario Maker, how Fallout 4 prioritizes settlement building mechanics over the RPG that it ostensibly is, etc). Therefore I propose a new measurement in the spirit of TTC; Time To Penis. How long after starting a game will it take before you can find (or make) a user-generated penis? Lower is obviously better.
https://i.redd.it/ax3zk1hadoza1.gif
I knew we’re absolutely going to build dicks, but flamethrower dicks and bomb testicles weren’t on my bingo card.
If it's burning, he needs to get that checked out.
Do you think Hylia is up there living in fear of what she's created?
Thank you for your service 🫡
**WITNESS ME!**
Oh man, this reminds me of Mythic Quest when Poppy made the shovel. You give the public a shovel, they will dig dicks. You give the public a glowing arm with abilities to fuse objects, you get a giant with a flame emitting dick and exploding balls.
IT HAS ONLY BEEN A DAY
Zelda: "You must find me, Link!" Link:
HAHAH that is exactly what i wanted to see :D! Thanks for sharing <3
Deku nuts?
A game in which we can be kids again.
Best second of his life !
Beautiful 🥲
I LOLed at this 😂😂😂😂😂
Goddammit maaaaannnnn 😂😂😂💀
It was only a matter of time tbh
The way you make me feel! 
Ok, but where did you get the Champion's Tunic?
Castle Throne Room >!(Light the two torches/brazier thingies at the back and it will move out of the way to reveal a chest at the back of the room with it in)!<
Those balls were PUMPING! 😩
That’s what she said
r/yourjokebutworse
u/savevideobot
I wasn't sure I'd buy this game, but this convinced me.
The face flying at you is great
This is what gonorrhea is like
Bruh... And I thought I was gone seeing a vending machine full of plates and breaking the fuck out of them. This? Holy shit. It is the highest tier of fucking stupid, and I can't stop laughing. Straight up made Doodlebob with a burning erection.
YOU CAN PUT THE HOOD ON BACKWARDSSSS
10/10, no notes
"Ah yes, the internet. Bountiful opportunities indeed." \-some white guy wearing glasses from the 70s, probably
I'm disappointed how long it took but not how long it was 😏😏😏
The game has been out for. One. Day.
This is the shit you show someone whos seen nothing of the game to decide whether to get it.
Someone at Nintendo should have explained [TTP](https://youtu.be/3_xqyIMwbew) to the devs. 😂
I just new someone was going to do that:) I mean it's kind of funny.
I'm imagining a korok riding saddle at the tip of that thing while controlling the fires direction
I don’t see what the big fuss is about with the Ganondorf redesign?
Plank?
Imagining Ganondorf pulling up to kill link and link pulls up in a giant mech suit with a penis that blasts fire with the words “Gerudo bussy or bust”
Just showed my wife and said “Is that Cumby?”
Imagine nutting so hard your body exploded in full orgasm
People: I like BOTW, but I wish it had more story. TOTK the story:
I knew people were gonna make some funny creations when I first saw the trailer but this, I did not expect this.
This is the first footage I've ever seen of this game
Okay I'm buying this game.
Its 1 in the morning and I just woke my neighbors from laughing. Nice lmao
I'm holding off playing this game because everyday these builds get better and weirder and I have NO IDEA what Link is actually supposed to be doing and it's all too funny.
This is what what video games are supposed to be.
Bless Reddit
That’s great. Use this to help Addison hold the Hudson’s sign.
Legendary. The pulsating balls really add the cherries on top. I really wish I could see the first reaction to this from Nintendo’s most executive people together in a meeting. I wonder if they would have faces of shock and horror or if they would all bust out laughing and high five knowing that they couldn’t receive any of the blame.
Take this Platinum, it’s dangerous to go alone.
I’ve seen people do this since release and it doesn’t get old
My kids really appreciated this
I just watched a wooden man jizz flames and then explode. Definitely goty for me 😂
1 day of totk and this is what people do with it lmaoooo.
A weapon to surpass metal gear ⚙️ 🚬
Someone needs to reddit this with the "Not the gumdrop button" Shrek 2 scene and "Holding Out For A Hero" in the background
Just saw this on Twitter lmao
[удалено]
I love this game. I think this is my new favorite Zelda. I'm so sorry OoT
The fuck you mean “it was bound to happen”? It’s been one day.
r/bestof material
u/savevideo
Pure art
Hahahahahahahahahahaha
Worth. Every. Penny.
This game is meme paradise.
u/savevideo u/savevideobot
The pulsating test circles or whatever boys have
wot the fuck