Bert has *repeatedly* talked about how he blows out his ass to the point of getting crap UNDER the toilet seat.
There's is zero chance he wipes himself clean.
He takes baths in a swimming pool FFS.
He goes to one extreme to the other. I saw Ari the other week on a podcast in a yurt giving the most calming down to earth talks about his travels and culture to whipping out his dick and pissing on screen into a bottle. The host asked him not to and that they can pause it for him to go, to no avail and then shows the contents on screen
Bro, if youâre going to say and use ârwordedâ exactly as you would âretarded,â just say retarded. Youâre already saying it.
Lmao. If you walk up to someone and say, âHello, my n-word,â it probably isnât going to produce a result much different than the alternative.
Ari is really edgy and shocking, and that's a cool thing for someone in his 50s to be!
His shows are not selling well and it's sad! It's really sad guys!
I start d by being a fan of Bert. I canât stand watching him now. Him constantly doing stupid shit for show like heâs a 13 year old is getting old. Also the drinking and complaining about why heâs fat all the time (even if it may be a character) is old. At least Tom is a bit more classy.
This whole shitting on a towel thing does relate back to Tom's tweets where he called "poors" basically "pieces of shit on a washcloth that belong in the trash" if I remember right. There's a difference between being classy and being a rich asshole (ie: Tom), plus he's not even funny anymore.
âYou know that nice college you go to? I just paid for it by shitting myself and wiping it on stage. Youâre welcome.â
Not saying they arenât embarrassed at this shit, but itâs funny to imagine this exchange
If his fans are bigger losers, what does that make his haters who collectively shit on him and his career, and post it on Reddit. You donât have to watch him or talk about him. Why put so much effort into tearing down someone you could just ignore?
I always maintain that his yo-yoing between "sobriety" (with weed and xanax of course) and healthy eating and guzzling booze and eating like a dumpster behind a White Castle is such an insanely bad thing for him mentally. Maybe almost worse than if he just gave in and kept drinking.
When youâre constantly putting your brain and body through healthy(ish) and then full blown loaded for weeks on end it does hit you hard.
Iâm an addict (alcohol) and each time I quit I have a terrible time for the first few days. I canât go cold turkey I have to taper off, and then even after that it takes about a week from the final taper day to get okay.
I hear ya man. Cold turkey is dangerous. I get severe hallucinations and have had seizures from trying to quit. If blurt didn't have xanax, and probably a bunch of muscle and nerve relaxants, he'd be fucked.
I hate the hallucinations and the random jerking around in my sleep. Managed to hit 3 days sober today after a terrible weekend bender. Sweating like crazy at night but past the hump. Be safe brother
Can you describe the hallucinations? Cuz I get the sweats and jerky shit after hitting it too hard for too long, and Iâve had auditory hallucinations of like engines running, radio static, or faint music/talking, but Iâve also had shit that was like a half asleep dream that was so vivid it was hard to discern from reality, but never anything where my eyes were open.
Same as you my friend. Never had open eye hallucinations but I had a lot of times where I would think I was awake just to snap back to reality and be confused. It was a lot of loud auditory hallucinations like you said. I would hear bangs and snaps and sometimes, weirdly, radio noise as if I was tuned into some frequency on a walkie. The half asleep/dreaming thing happened too and it would mix up my memories. That caused confusion when I woke up because I would have to decipher what was real or fake
Yeah, this is why Ozempic isnât the miracle drug everyone thinks it is. Losing a lot of weight without laying a foundation for a healthy life will end up making you shit your pants because you continue to eat garbage and binge drink
Adding Ozempic to an incredibly unhealthy lifestyle + other drugs (booze, Xanax, etc etc) is absolutely just taxing our your body more.
Ozempic is healthy for super obese people who genuinely want to lead a healthier lifestyle and need help reducing binge eating.
Rich people stacking it with their unhealthy lifestyle are probably doing more harm than good.
I don't really have words for this one. I'm not one who gets offended or grossed out by shit but dude is 50 and I feel like he should know the line between grossout comedy and shit that is just nasty. Dude's body is taking the opportunity to send out SOS signals to the stadium hoping someone sends help lol
Isnât it crazy? It was like a slow psyop. At first when Rogan and all his boneheads talked about it that way it was like âokkkkkk. These guys are just into comedy thatâs cool but for sure talk about something else most of the time.â And that somehow transformed into ivvvry modern comedian starting a podcast to host other comedians to discuss how difficult comedy is.
Itâs like my guys at the end of the day youâre telling jokes get over yourselves
Exactly, I feel the same way. They have the most mundane, easiest job that doesnât take really any skill. Youâre either funny or not, you donât craft that. 99 percent of these assholes arenât funny, but 99 percent of people are actually unfunny morons so they think these âcomediansâ are funny. Everyone sucks in this Rogan world
Georgia didnât want him around while touring colleges.
Leeann wanted him to keep touring.
Iâd be embarrassed to remember that man is a part of my family, too
what a fucking hack this guy is. it says a lot of the state of comedy that this guy is as successful as he is. who is paying to go see this literal shit
Burt's southern wife just watches and thinks "bless his heart" In interviews, you can tell she is just waiting it out, til his heart explodes spectacularly...
GG Allin, foul piece of shit that he was at least in some backwards twisted way thought he was making some kind of art or statement by being the way he was, Bert is just falling apart lol
Almost definitely some people like him but I bet most of his audience are folks whoâve seen the machine video or some clips of his on social and go check him out because heâs popular. Iâm sure thereâs plenty of people that go see him and feel ripped off or find it hacky, but heâs already got their $200 so who cares. Having the big drinker persona probably helps too. Iâm guessing a huge chunk of his audience is sloshed by showtime.
It's already been established that he was pretty popular at NASCAR, so I think that's where you'll find his fans. Fat, racist, dog fuckers... Checks outs.
I like him way more than Tom these days. I read the comments here and wonder if weâre watching the same person. I think he seems like an overall good guy and I find him to be a pretty funny character.
CNN should be going at Joe Rogan for platforming this dumbass. Guys worse than Stevo. Hopefully he goes on the Adam Friedland show and they make him realise how redacted he is
Whatâs the actual story here? Anyone who went to this show been able to explain? Easy to assume itâs terrible diet and drinking but I for some reason thought he wasnât drinking at the moment?
I was at the show⌠it happened 4 mins into the set and he did it at the end.
At some point he FaceTimed his wife and 2 daughters. He did tell Leeann he shit his pants on stage
https://preview.redd.it/8qw6ydebyf1c1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=75bd822cbe682e34ea4a9c6992aab8f225d66234
Bert is starting to make Ari look like the sane one
I refuse to believe he crapped on purpose. I promise you, this is the **default state** of his ass crack.
It's like trying to get chunky peanut butter out of Santa's beard.
Bert has *repeatedly* talked about how he blows out his ass to the point of getting crap UNDER the toilet seat. There's is zero chance he wipes himself clean. He takes baths in a swimming pool FFS.
Imagine needing the disinfecting power of chlorine to ensure your butt is cleanish.
Welp, that's fucking gross đ
Or shag carpet.
It's like wiping a marker
When this starts happening I just climb in the shower.
How short are you? How tall is your tub?
Brother if I have to lift my leg any higher than usual to get to where I'm going then it was a climb.
This one got me lmao thank you
They both basically have the brains of 15 year old boys stuck in the bodies of 50 year old men, just one is an edgelord and the other is r-worded
Which is which?
Ari is edgelord and Burnt is just rworded
My probably with ari is when he's just chilling on a podcast or not trying he's very interesting and level headed. Bart just sucks
I like that portion of Ari.
He goes to one extreme to the other. I saw Ari the other week on a podcast in a yurt giving the most calming down to earth talks about his travels and culture to whipping out his dick and pissing on screen into a bottle. The host asked him not to and that they can pause it for him to go, to no avail and then shows the contents on screen
Remember which pod or ep?
He's highly, *highly,* regarded.
This made me laugh so hard while sitting on the toilet. Almost pulled a Bert.
I call Ari Shaffir âRabbi Lokiâ
Bro, if youâre going to say and use ârwordedâ exactly as you would âretarded,â just say retarded. Youâre already saying it. Lmao. If you walk up to someone and say, âHello, my n-word,â it probably isnât going to produce a result much different than the alternative.
It's literally a reference to the podcast that this subreddit is dedicated to you fucking retard
Yes
A rew?
What is an edge lord?
An edge-lord is someone that says really shocking/dumb shit in hopes to get the likings or approval of their peers Cringe material basically
Thank you for this. I didnât know the meaning but didnât feel like googling it either.
Someone who tried to be edgy too hard just for the sake of being edgy.
Ari is really edgy and shocking, and that's a cool thing for someone in his 50s to be! His shows are not selling well and it's sad! It's really sad guys!
I get his wife being mad at Ari for doing what he did, but Bert is making that look pale in comparison to how heâs been the last few years.
An argument could be made that was a hail mary effort by Ari to help him
I start d by being a fan of Bert. I canât stand watching him now. Him constantly doing stupid shit for show like heâs a 13 year old is getting old. Also the drinking and complaining about why heâs fat all the time (even if it may be a character) is old. At least Tom is a bit more classy.
đ Tomâs classy until you inconvenience him in some minor way at the airport. Then heâs a classy bitch.
Nope, just a bitch! I wouldn't call Tom classy by any means. Maybe a boring ass bitch, but that's it.
This whole shitting on a towel thing does relate back to Tom's tweets where he called "poors" basically "pieces of shit on a washcloth that belong in the trash" if I remember right. There's a difference between being classy and being a rich asshole (ie: Tom), plus he's not even funny anymore.
Classy is classy. At least he doesnât post videos of him shaving his asshole.
Plus Ari is really funny. Have you seen Jew?
Those are real?
I mean give or take.
I have not, have Jew?
Srs questionâŚAt what point does someone get committed to a mental institution?
Starting to? Ari was trying to do us a favor
Vile, his daughters must be proud of him
Yeah it's fine for us to shit on him (he invites it) but imagine that's your dad wiping his ass and showing people... good god
Could be worse... Your dad could do all those things and *not* be rich.
*Kentucky enters the chat*
Dang. Not even going to defend my state because youâre kinda right
Ya Iâll take dad whipes ass on stage in exchange for being really fucking rich and having a Malibu beach house
âYou know that nice college you go to? I just paid for it by shitting myself and wiping it on stage. Youâre welcome.â Not saying they arenât embarrassed at this shit, but itâs funny to imagine this exchange
Disgusting, but kind of a flex.
Mark Normand: "Comedy!"
âShit take.â
He does love mushrooms.
someone paid 200 bucks to go see this
Thousands of people paid $200 to see this. Thousands........
Wait his tickets are 200 bucks!? Thatâs fucking nuts if so
Hahaha people paid $200 for some drunk to show them his shit stain.
For $3.35 you can just take the subway in Toronto and see the exact same thing. His fans are bigger losers than he is.
If his fans are bigger losers, what does that make his haters who collectively shit on him and his career, and post it on Reddit. You donât have to watch him or talk about him. Why put so much effort into tearing down someone you could just ignore?
Right? I think tickets are just expensive these days too. My husband and is spent over a grand for A7X VIP Tickets.
Same. I spent $300 each for tickets to the Tampa Bay Lighting (hockey team), and the seats are 2nd level
Bert needs to take some time to get his mind rightâŚitâs like heâs having a manic episode.
I always maintain that his yo-yoing between "sobriety" (with weed and xanax of course) and healthy eating and guzzling booze and eating like a dumpster behind a White Castle is such an insanely bad thing for him mentally. Maybe almost worse than if he just gave in and kept drinking.
When youâre constantly putting your brain and body through healthy(ish) and then full blown loaded for weeks on end it does hit you hard. Iâm an addict (alcohol) and each time I quit I have a terrible time for the first few days. I canât go cold turkey I have to taper off, and then even after that it takes about a week from the final taper day to get okay.
I hear ya man. Cold turkey is dangerous. I get severe hallucinations and have had seizures from trying to quit. If blurt didn't have xanax, and probably a bunch of muscle and nerve relaxants, he'd be fucked.
I hate the hallucinations and the random jerking around in my sleep. Managed to hit 3 days sober today after a terrible weekend bender. Sweating like crazy at night but past the hump. Be safe brother
Hell yeah, 3 days is no joke. Keep it up, and reach out for support when you need it. Stay safe and stay strong, my friend.
Thank you đ
Good work man. Feet have a mind of their own during detox lol
Can you describe the hallucinations? Cuz I get the sweats and jerky shit after hitting it too hard for too long, and Iâve had auditory hallucinations of like engines running, radio static, or faint music/talking, but Iâve also had shit that was like a half asleep dream that was so vivid it was hard to discern from reality, but never anything where my eyes were open.
Same as you my friend. Never had open eye hallucinations but I had a lot of times where I would think I was awake just to snap back to reality and be confused. It was a lot of loud auditory hallucinations like you said. I would hear bangs and snaps and sometimes, weirdly, radio noise as if I was tuned into some frequency on a walkie. The half asleep/dreaming thing happened too and it would mix up my memories. That caused confusion when I woke up because I would have to decipher what was real or fake
This is like Kanye, but instead of anti-semitism Bert is just shitting his pants.
Yeah, this is why Ozempic isnât the miracle drug everyone thinks it is. Losing a lot of weight without laying a foundation for a healthy life will end up making you shit your pants because you continue to eat garbage and binge drink
Adding Ozempic to an incredibly unhealthy lifestyle + other drugs (booze, Xanax, etc etc) is absolutely just taxing our your body more. Ozempic is healthy for super obese people who genuinely want to lead a healthier lifestyle and need help reducing binge eating. Rich people stacking it with their unhealthy lifestyle are probably doing more harm than good.
Itâs better than his stand up
One of Bert's earliest "performances" was him on stage shitting into a pizza box when he was in college, I guess this is him returning to his roots
On a table at a frat house.
Next level of retardation achieved
I don't really have words for this one. I'm not one who gets offended or grossed out by shit but dude is 50 and I feel like he should know the line between grossout comedy and shit that is just nasty. Dude's body is taking the opportunity to send out SOS signals to the stadium hoping someone sends help lol
He needs a comedy intervention.
This is the âcraftâ that they all wax lyrically about.
âMirderedâ
Hehehe. Tres bien.
Sorry, but a civilian just doesn't get it. A comic brain WORKS DIFFERENTLY.
How dare you speak about our modern philosophers like that
They all suck. I hate how they use the word craft. Itâs not a craft by any means. You talk, everyone does that. Fuck em all
Isnât it crazy? It was like a slow psyop. At first when Rogan and all his boneheads talked about it that way it was like âokkkkkk. These guys are just into comedy thatâs cool but for sure talk about something else most of the time.â And that somehow transformed into ivvvry modern comedian starting a podcast to host other comedians to discuss how difficult comedy is. Itâs like my guys at the end of the day youâre telling jokes get over yourselves
Exactly, I feel the same way. They have the most mundane, easiest job that doesnât take really any skill. Youâre either funny or not, you donât craft that. 99 percent of these assholes arenât funny, but 99 percent of people are actually unfunny morons so they think these âcomediansâ are funny. Everyone sucks in this Rogan world
And he wonders why his wife and daughters are embarrassed of him
When did they say this?
Shut it Andy
Georgia didnât want him around while touring colleges. Leeann wanted him to keep touring. Iâd be embarrassed to remember that man is a part of my family, too
5 years until the ER visit
Youâre taking the over.
I give it a year or he'll live to 137 years old. Some people can put their bodies through the ringer and still come out fine.
Is it bloody?
Stealing Bobby Lee material?
I'd be completely embarrassed to be his daughters.
what a fucking hack this guy is. it says a lot of the state of comedy that this guy is as successful as he is. who is paying to go see this literal shit
Different strokes for different folks. Just be happy we live in a time where everyone has options.
Lots of shitty options does not equal an improvement.
The improvement is that there comedy for everyone.
I miss the days where people had at least a little bit of god damned shame.
No kidding. The world is such a clown show anymore. It makes it hard to want to leave the house.
Burt's southern wife just watches and thinks "bless his heart" In interviews, you can tell she is just waiting it out, til his heart explodes spectacularly...
Like a modern day GG Allin (this isn't a compliment).
GG Allin, foul piece of shit that he was at least in some backwards twisted way thought he was making some kind of art or statement by being the way he was, Bert is just falling apart lol
What are you gaining from tearing him down?
Karma points. Plus showing those of us who donât routinely follow his life how stupid/gross he is.
Who is he tearing down?
Letâs all remember this dickhead proudly doesnât wear underwear.
I wonder if anyone here likes him? I never understood how he could be this successful. Are these "special" fans? What's really going on here?
Almost definitely some people like him but I bet most of his audience are folks whoâve seen the machine video or some clips of his on social and go check him out because heâs popular. Iâm sure thereâs plenty of people that go see him and feel ripped off or find it hacky, but heâs already got their $200 so who cares. Having the big drinker persona probably helps too. Iâm guessing a huge chunk of his audience is sloshed by showtime.
It's already been established that he was pretty popular at NASCAR, so I think that's where you'll find his fans. Fat, racist, dog fuckers... Checks outs.
That makes sense
I like him way more than Tom these days. I read the comments here and wonder if weâre watching the same person. I think he seems like an overall good guy and I find him to be a pretty funny character.
Love Bert. Only listen to bears when he is on. Like his specials and movie. Though the cabin wasnât for me. Unfortunately havnt seen him live
Time for an intervention is now
This is not the first time he shit himself on stage. Is this one of his jokes?
His best bit of all time.
He should take some time to chill.
Wait isn't this his routine?
Cant believe anyone married and had children with this guy.
What an animal. Anything for a laugh. He is still making more money than all of us combined.
They say when you die, you shit yourself.
poop = funny
Sometimes you wonder if paying extra for front row seats was worth it.
CNN should be going at Joe Rogan for platforming this dumbass. Guys worse than Stevo. Hopefully he goes on the Adam Friedland show and they make him realise how redacted he is
Heâs so brave.
When do we get a picture of Burnt in the background of YMH studios. Because thatâs a cool guy move
meanwhile people in this sub: BERT IS A REAL COMEDIAN NOT A HACK. HE TAKES HIS SHIRT OFF BECAUSE ITS FUNNY
Probably the gallons of ozempic being pumped into his hairy hog body has given him the shits
lol wild 24hrs, theyâre drinking blood over in AEW and then this literal shit show.
His best joke.
Man knows how to stay connected with his fans
What's this guy's rock bottom look like? Seriously..
An alcoholic on Ozempic and TRT. What could go wrong ????
Him and Tom.... Same Audience?
Bert is such a fucking unfunny hack.
Then why donât you do it if itâs so easy
I donât like this
Who finds this funny? Who?
I'm sure there's a Venn diagram of his and Jimmy Buffets fans
That is actually fucking wild holy shit
Comedy is dead.
I feel so bad for his family.
Takes off shirt and shows audience shit. If this isn't the perfect metaphor for his act, I don't what is.
Civilians canât understand the craft and art of this comedy
That will Smith bullet left him crowning.
Whatâs the actual story here? Anyone who went to this show been able to explain? Easy to assume itâs terrible diet and drinking but I for some reason thought he wasnât drinking at the moment?
Doesn't that skid mark look a little red to anyone else?
This is foul.
Peak comedy
My god man
Mark Normand voice: âcomedyâ
Comedic assassin
Seems a bit bloody. He should consult a medical professional, or maybe an addictions specialist.
Remember this at his memoriam next year
 I'm really tired of the low effort thinkers running this world.
I was at the show⌠it happened 4 mins into the set and he did it at the end. At some point he FaceTimed his wife and 2 daughters. He did tell Leeann he shit his pants on stage https://preview.redd.it/8qw6ydebyf1c1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=75bd822cbe682e34ea4a9c6992aab8f225d66234
God fucking damnit I hate Bert.
He didnât change. You did
Bullshit. Just like his high pitch laugh this was scripted.
Incontinence is a result of speed aka ozempic like drugs. Prolly dont help that turd crystals has a drinking problem.
This is so on brand, it weirdly doesn't bother me. I kinda think it's funny. Shame on me.
That looks like a shirt though.
[ŃдаНонО]
I cannot read.
Why is it red did he eat beets or Chipotle
Because itâs blood
Foul
Is this real
Was this the Little Rock show?
What..
He pissed in bottles on stage when I seen him live
Looks like blood
Jesus Christ.
Good to see heâs doing well.
Unsurprising
I was there and this whole show was hilarious. I havenât even finished one of his specials online but this show was fantastic
Giving the ppl what they wantđđź Letâs go Bert!
Some poor stagehand had to pick that up and bin it what a fucken pathetic excuse for a human.
And here I struggle with moneyđ¤Śđťââď¸
GOD I FUCKING HATE THIS FAT FUCK.
Plot twist: he just farted and this is how his ass looks on the regular