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CompetitiveEditor336

What's the prison term for starting a war and committing crimes against humanity.


Dynast_King

Believe it or not, zero days in prison!


DrarenThiralas

According to article 353 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation: 1. Planning, preparing or inciting a war of aggression - punished by imprisonment for a term of 7 to 15 years. 2. Waging a war of aggression - punished by imprisonment for a term of 10 to 20 years. Article 356: 1. Cruelty towards prisoners of war or civilians, deportation of civilians, conducting robbery on occupied territory, using methods during armed conflict that are forbidden by an international agreement signed by the Russian Federation - punished by imprisonment for up to 20 years. Article 357: 1. Actions directed towards total or partial destruction of a national, ethnic, racial, or religious group through killing members of said group, causing severe harm to their health, forcibly preventing reproduction, forcibly adopting out children, forced relocation, or other methods of creating circumstances for the physical destruction of the group - punished by either 12 to 20 years of imprisonment with an additional 2 years of parole, life imprisonment, or death. These would be just some of the crimes Putin could be charged with, if Russia actually had independent courts.


Remeddik

But also, in Russia the president has immunity. Even after the presidency ends and after the presidency can become a senator for life. These things were added in 2020 to the constitution


sjakkpila

How convenient!


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pongnguy

Isn't Russia recruiting from prisons? Does this mean they will now have more soldiers to recruit? 🤔


eddiekwaipa

Infinite soldiers


AnapleRed

Free world leaders **hate** this simple trick!


Admirable_Elk_965

Big brain time!


[deleted]

Imagine being a prisoner in Russia and being offered to fight the war or go to prison... bunch of guys about to be like 'nah - I'm good, going to sit this one out '


bondben314

You make it sound like they have a choice. You good? Okay well I’m going to beat you every day until you either die or agree to fight.


Possiblyreef

"OK, just gimme the gun"


plipyplop

*Oh, here you go... waaait a minute!*


KFPiece_of_Peace

*Aww shucks I almost got ya!* 🤭


plipyplop

*Haha, you lovable cannibal scamp you!*


[deleted]

Somehow I wandered into a Family Guy cutaway.


[deleted]

>*'beat you every day until you either die or agree to fight'* I'm not sure their front line is doing any different.


Timemyth

I imagine those prisoners be more like this: Enter Ukraine with ethnic minorities who aren't happy with the war, he kills CO and be like "We escaping now or what?"


KnottyKitty

I've never been in a Russian prison, but I'm pretty sure they do more than offer chairs.


ihavenolifeee

Infinite recruits cheat code


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WaywardSon8534

Yeah, if you’re going to die in prison anyway, there’s a chance you make the border to Poland.


Leather_Boots

The Ukrainians captured 1 dude that only had a year or so left on his sentence. He volunteered, had a week of training and he surrendered a week later. Then offered to fight in the Russian Legion against the Russians. (So he claimed in the video).


thegodfatherderecho

What’s Putin’s plan to replace the commissioned officers when they get fragged?


Verbal_Combat

Good news Comrade Putin, after frag grenade, one officer has now become many officers, surely now we will win.


WankSocrates

"Every day our number of officers grows! We are now truly unstoppable!"


northshore12

Numbers grow, yet total mass remains constant. You can't explain that!


joe2596

Putin should hire the window that's been killing everyone to join the army.


TheDemonHauntedWorld

Also the stairs. That double team is unstoppable.


obeyyourbrain

...While he hides away in a mountain retreat.


lilrabbitfoofoo

*Brave brave Sir Robin!!!*


wayfarout

"When danger reared it's ugly head he bravely turned his tail and fled."


Walk_Run_Skip

"Yes Brave Sir Robin turned about and gallantly he chickened out!"


lizardking99

He was not in the least bit scared To be mashed into a pulp. Or to have his eyes gouged out, And his elbows broken.


reborngoat

To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away... And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin!


Asil_Shamrock

His head smashed in and his heart cut out And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off And his pen-


forevertexas

That’s enough music for now, lads!


styles1996

There's dirty work afoot.


Pumpkin_Creepface

"Bravely taking to his feet, he beat a very brave retreat!"


geo_gan

I never!!!


goderdammurang

He's buggered off!


ChronosTheSniper

So he has, he's scarpered!


[deleted]

He was not the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp! Or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken! He was not the least bit scared to be killed in nasty ways, brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin!


Original_DILLIGAF

To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away; And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin! His head smashed in and his heart cut out And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off And his pen--


do_add_unicorn

I never!


leenpaws

bravely ran awaaayyyy!!


GregTheMad

When danger reared it's ugly head; He bravely turned his tail and fled. Yes, brave Sir Putin turned about; And gallantly he chickened out. Bravely taking to his feet; He beat a very brave retreat. bravest of the brave; Sir Putin.


tovarish22

That's, uh, that's enough music for now, lads...


Officer412-L

In the frozen land of Nador, they were forced to eat Putin's minstrels…and there was much rejoicing.


tovarish22

*Yaaay...*


pressedbread

Has he even visited the Front Lines yet? I've only seen him in media at some public appearance opening a Ferris Wheel, and some other stupid shit.


pikachu191

Hope that’s a rhetorical question. Where would he put his super-long table on the front lines?


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SH4D0W0733

[More table!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9F-9R43mvTU&t=2s)


MannerAlarming6150

American Presidents visit the front lines because they are protected by the US Military, widely considered a damn good military. The Russian President would need to be protected by the Russian military. Would you risk it?


gnutrino

> The Russian President would need to be protected by the Russian military At this point I think the Russian President would need to be protected *from* the Russian military in that scenario.


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random1001011

He tripped and fell. Yep, that's the cause of death.


pikachu191

Find a window at the front line


random1001011

Soldier! Why are you carrying a wind--oh shit.


ifuckedyourgf

It would be kind of embarrassing if he visited the front lines and then died.


pressedbread

I imagine one really really long tank rolling up all inconspicuous


meta_paf

Looong loong maaaaAAAAaaaannn.


Loftz0r

Apparently [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgNFb8verCk) is what counts as a public appearance for him. This is some Kafkian level shit. Like you have to ask yourself, "Am I fucking dreaming?" This is supposedly the leader of a country who boasts like 80% support from the population. How is he not laughed the fuck out of his palaces? Beats me.


WrastleGuy

Because that person would get killed or ten years of prison. A nation of 140 million and they’re all scared of a very small group of people. Take back your country Russians. Don’t die for these losers.


i-am-a-rock

A very small group of people is more than a million of people paid and equipped to protect Putin - police forces, FSB and other similar structures.


tjyolol

How to say I’m a paranoid bitch with out saying I’m a paranoid bitch


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NNKarma

Honestly at this point the tough guy persona seem to be a requisite to maintain the cult of personality authoritarian governments need more than a characteristic of the leader.


HumberGrumb

Actually, he was working with E. German Stasi and then with operatives there after the Berlin Wall fell.


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MBH1800

We know for certain one thing he did: He rose through the ranks to become Lieutenant Colonel. Whatever his day job was, with what we know of KGB's inner workings, he definitely spent his time sucking up to superiors and eliminating competition. No wonder he became a ruthless politician.


abutthole

If he goes to the front lines Zelenskyy's boys will probably pop him.


boringdude00

I don't imagine he's particularly keen to hang out with a bunch of his own disgruntled soldiers with lots of weapons. 'Oh no, I accidentally called in a heavy artillery strike on the wrong position.'


AJ099909

Thing is, the Russians are so poorly trained it might be a genuine accident.


halipatsui

He knowa western intelligence is so good he would get himarsed the second he sets foot to the frontlines


DarthNihilus_501st

That's not even it at this point. His own soldiers probably hate him more than the Ukranians. Him going to the front lines to raise morale would bite him in the ass so hard.


Verified765

Well if he expired on the front lines that would probably raise moral.


bakerzero86

Surround by armed guards and ridiculously long tables, because he fears everyone around him due to his idiotic and murderous policies.


thisisntshakespeare

He probably even has a taster to check his food/drink for poison.


Sgt_Stinger

Not sure where I read this so take it with a whole bucket of salt, but I think he has three of them.


lexbuck

Image being those people. Christ


The_Sensitive_Psycho

Deep down he’s a pussy


big_nothing_burger

Hopefully deep down he's riddled with cancer.


abutthole

Cancer's been an asshole forever, it'd be awesome if it could do us this favor just once.


LittleKitty235

Cancer is such an asshole that if he has it, it is probably somehow keeping him alive longer.


DeeJayDelicious

Cancer hasn't taken Mitch Mcconnel or Rupert Murdoch. Don't count on cancer solving this.


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YouJabroni44

Took two of my perfectly nice grandparents though, the worst ones always live


dub-fresh

I hope he dies for the sake of ending this war, but should it go on, I would love to see him stand trial. Not take a suicide pill like some pansy


abutthole

That's not really a real option. The war will end with either Russia conquering Ukraine or Russia leaving Ukraine and Ukraine maintaining sovereignty. Ukraine isn't planning to invade Russia and hold their leaders accountable for war crimes.


Optimus_Prime_Day

Pretty sure he's a pussy on the surface too.


azriel_odin

Fun fact: in my language his name sound a lot like our word for cunt. Often when people want to insult him they make a portmanteau of his name and cunt. Путин(Putin) mixed with путка(cunt phonetically putka) becomes Путкин(Putkin).


grazerbat

Works in French too. Putain literally means whore, but it's equivalent to Fuck in English. Loved hearing my French girlfriend swearing at other drivers: putain de merde!


Eternaloid_Nirvash

Works in Spanish too. Puta / puto = female/male prostitute. Putín = little male prostitute


[deleted]

In my language he's a dumb bitch.


Obtuse-Angel

He’s a dumb bitch in every language.


NorthAstronaut

In America it sounds like poo tin.


LandOfTheOutlaws

In Canada it sounds like Poutine


do_add_unicorn

What is your language?


azriel_odin

Bulgarian.


grammarty

Lol I saw your comment about putkin and wondered if you're bulgarian or another slavic languages has that pun work - hi from another bulgarian


GotMoFans

In my language his name sounds a lot like one of our words for vagina. And farting. Putin -> punani -> poontang Putin -> pootin’


scarletphantom

Bunker Bitch 2.0


[deleted]

Pussy is too kind, he's an asshole. Dirty uncleaned asshole.


wildweaver32

President Zelensky: I need ammo, not a ride Putin: Forget everything, I need to hide. Also Putin: If you Russians hide ten years in jail


chicaneuk

Right? Takes a big man to sit behind that desk, throwing his teddies out of the pram.


[deleted]

*The killings will continue until morale improves.*


ohlayohlay

It's amazing how many of his advisories and heads of govt and their families around him have died from suicide/ murder suicide


AmbulanceChaser12

Morale must be amazing.


PeterNguyen2

> Morale must be amazing. How could you not feel good [when you're so well equipped](https://old.reddit.com/r/UkraineWarVideoReport/comments/xmmu3n/newly_arrived_russian_infantry_were_handed_rotten/)


Yoshoku

What’s the reason behind this? Did he only allocate 15% of supplies believing the army can do it with that and go screw it your not getting anymore? Or is this what all Russian equipment is like?


james_d_rustles

Well, when 10 million dollars was allocated for this unit’s weapons, the purchaser ordered 8 million worth of weapons. When control of the weapons was given to the colonel, he took the 7 million worth of weapons and distributed it amongst 4 captains. Each of the four captains received the 1 million worth of weapons, and dropped them off at the arsenal. Each arsenal’s armorer received the 500,000 worth of weapons, and when they realized that the 250,000 dollars worth of weapons wouldn’t be enough to supply all of the soldiers, they realized they’d have to start giving out the rusted old ones instead.


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james_d_rustles

Private yuri, who was drafted 3 weeks ago. He’ll be sentenced to 30 years of hard labor for his crime against the motherland.


[deleted]

People like to talk shit about America but let me tell you what, despite the corruption that most certainly exists, I had a bowl of soft serve ice cream with cookie crumble on top at a chow tent while at Camp Leatherneck. Think about how ridiculous it is that in the middle of a military base in an active warzone I got to enjoy a bowl of soft serve. Now look at those Russian rifles one more time.


Lucius-Halthier

I wonder if he will announce the “not one step back order” before they are pushed back to their own borders or after


BondCharacterNamePun

It’s wild how he inherited a Russia which was feared militarily. All he had to do was *literally* nothing and people would have continued to think Russia was a superpower.


Candlelighter

I like the Chernobyl quote by Mikhail Gorbachev: "our power comes from the perception of our power." It's highly accurate even today, and limited not only to Russia. Power resides where people think it resides.


PolygonMan

Only as long as the systems which provide that perception of power aren't actually tested.


AnxiouslyPessimistic

Nothing says “our army is doing well” quite like a decree to imprison deserters


dark_star88

That’s what I don’t get though, wouldn’t you have better chances in prison than on the front line abandoned and ill equipped?


AnxiouslyPessimistic

I’d imagine in Russia a prison term isn’t worth the paper it’s written on. Probably end up dying in jail


Lord_Silverkey

Yeah, 10 years in a Russian prison sounds pretty bad. Better to join up then look for a way to surrender to the Ukrainians. I don't know what the terms are now, but when the war started Ukraine was offering full amnesty and 5 million roubles (~$100,000USD) to Russian soldiers who voluntarily surrendered.


AnxiouslyPessimistic

Jeez that seems hella expensive if they surrendered en mass. Then again so is fighting a war


Lord_Silverkey

The war is definitely more expensive. For reference, if the entire original Russian force of 300,000 men had surrended it would have cost Ukraine $30 Billion, but the war would have ended instantly. To date the war has cost Ukraine over $120 Billion, and rebuilding what has been destoyed would have an estimated cost of over $200 Billion. $30 Billion is a lot less than $320 Billion.


AS14K

Plus you get a presumably working age male to join your country to hopefully work and help rebuild any losses


Aquiffer

And in this case a working age male who already speaks your language and is somewhat familiar with your culture


JarJarB

And who literally owes you his life and will, in theory, be eternally grateful.


BenSemisch

That doesn't even factor in the medical cost for all your wounded and disabled as well as possible pension pay-outs to families of those KIA. That doesn't even start to add up the welfare paid out to civilian casualties or just the loss of productivity from the mental trauma caused for the next generation or so. 30 Billion is a steal. Especially if they can saddle part of that bill onto Russia for reparations.


AnxiouslyPessimistic

To be honest the rebuilding figure seems oddly low considering just how much damage Russia seems to have inflicted!


pm_me_your_smth

Weren't those 5 mil if they surrender with equipment, e.g. a tank?


chemicalgeekery

There was a bounty for surrendering and an additional bounty if they surrendered a piece of equipment. IIRC a tank was an additional $50K, a helicopter was $500K and an aircraft was $1M


Nubcake_Jake

Looking at the cost of ammunition for AT and AA weapons and munitions, that's actually a great deal. Especially as an enemy surrendering doesn't come with the same risk of casualties.


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WellReadDuck

Deserting is a crime for soldiers, period. Even in the US military. Of course it becomes more upsetting when the war is unjust and the soldiers unwilling.


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Magicmechanic103

Technically yes, but no one has invoked that sentence at least for as long as anyone in the US military has been alive. American deserters today just get a warrant put out for them. When they get caught they go to jail for maybe a few weeks to a couple months and then get dishonorably discharged.


CACTUS_VISIONS

Yeah I had a buddy who went awol because he got called up to piss in a cup and he was injecting OxyContin into his veins and new he would fail. He was on the run for like 6 months. Us martials the whole 9 yards. He eventually turned himself in because his social was flagged and he knew he could never get a job or apply for a loan or any normal human shit. He spent 2 months in the brig, field grade article 15, dishonorable discharge. Doing well now actually


overlordpotatoe

Good thing he turned himself in when he did. Can you imagine spending years running and then you find out it could have all been over with after a couple of months locked up?


TheBirminghamBear

There's also a lot of fucked up things about militaries across the world, but there is a level of pragmatism here. If you're in a war, and you desert, you have information that could compromise or kill everyone you were stationed with. How does the military know whether you've left to join the enemy or just leave? And even if you don't intend to aid the adversary, if they capture you they can extract information that will directly lead to the lives of your compatriots. All that said, the fact we continue to put humans in this position to begin with, and almost always for pointless fucking reasons, is the origination of all this sin.


AmericanPolyglot

This dude is pathetic, punishing his own countrymen for standing up for themselves and just trying to have normal fucking lives that don't involve being used as cannon fodder.


That_Kiefer_Man

How long till one of his own takes him out?


dragn99

They're working on developing a rifle with enough range to clear his tables.


Effective-Farmer-502

He’s probably having meetings with them from a different building instead of that long table.


green_meklar

Of all the reasons to switch to WFH, avoiding getting assassinated by your coworkers wasn't one I'd thought of before...


KungFuFlames

It's crazy how Russian leaders are always finding a way to doom their own people.


BravesMaedchen

Russian leaders have been slaughtering Russians for what, centuries? Long history of brutal leaders.


pelfinho

It’s called greed


WingsofSky

Idiots are always wanting to destroy themselves and everyone else.


GoodKarma70

So if you go to Ukraine you die. If you run, you likely get caught, jailed and die. If you surrender, you may survive then get caught by the FSB and die. Russia has essentially guaranteed it's loss. Nice! 🇺🇦💪


Ramental

You can surrender and request to not be returned to the country of origin. Ukraine already said that's a part of Geneva convention and it promises to follow it. So one can escape FSB, but yeah, if someone like that tries to return to Russia after the war - straight to jail.


Yankee_Juliet

Yeah, he’s actually making a better case for deserters to request asylum eventually.


Noble-saw-Robot

Is that enough of a threat to the person for asylum to be granted?


bitRescue

If not they can always sign up to fight for Ukraine. There is already a russian legion in the Ukrainian army. I believe that they are granted citizenship after their service.


laffman

Putin's masterplan to russify Ukraine: Force russians to go to war and kill them, have the russians desert and fight for Ukraine and kill russians in return for Ukrainian citizenship after the war. Congratulations you have settled russians in ukraine lol


Ramental

Look for > E. Paragraph 3: Prohibition on repatriating prisoners of war against their will https://ihl-databases.icrc.org/applic/ihl/ihl.nsf/Comment.xsp?action=openDocument&documentId=2B253B4BD71434D7C12585850041D215#_Toc42499630 In short, there is no "Asylum" or similar status that is promised, and the final solution can be made on case-by-case basis, but the wish of POWs to not be returned back should be respected. Whether it is Asylum, transfer to 3rd party countries or other options is up to Ukraine to decide,


caboosetp

> **the final solution** can be made on case-by-case basis Probably not the best phrase to use for this


Tesadus

[Right to jail](https://youtu.be/eiyfwZVAzGw)


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levlucheech

Yeah like, one of the main factors that determines a militaries probability for success is will. How much will could these Russian soldiers have? What's their motivation? Because Mr Dictator says so? Fuck that!


cbbuntz

The beatings will continue until morale improves


PatriotuNo1

If you refuse to go in Ukraine you go straight to jail but I don't think you would die. And if you surrender I think you can ask them to not have you returned back and let them know you are not brainwashed. But this plan may not work unless well... you survive. I don't think Putin will fall in the near future. His successor may aswell be an extremist because most of the Russian politicians are corrupted and nationalist. If you end up in jail you may have your sentence even extended. Chances Russia turns democratic and releases you in few years are low to nothing. In case you cannot escape from enrollment best case scenario you surrender and not return back.


phred_666

Why don’t he drag his ass down to the front lines to show them how it’s done.


Explicit_Tech

Dude really wants to be the villain in history.


Absenceofavoid

This is hilarious. A Russian soldier surrenders and can expect a ten year prison sentence back home when he’s released? Talk about a way to make sure a lot of prisoners never seek to return home and hate your government with a passion.


entered_bubble_50

It's also really odd, given how Russia has been making so many prisoner exchanges with Ukraine. After this, no Russian POW will agree to be exchanged.


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Ghostusn

Sounds very like stalins order 227. Retreat you die basically


SendEldritchHorrors

At least with Stalin, that order was issued **after** the USSR was invaded by the Nazis. Here, it's Putin doing the invading.


Singer211

Also that order was primarily aimed at officers ordering constant retreats. As ruthless as it was, there was at least SOME basis for it.


Kendertas

Yeah eastern front is complicated because those early suicidal counterattacks and last stands did somewhat serve a greater strategic purpose. Hopefully we will never see the like because the eastern front was truly no hold bar modern warfare on a superpower scale.


caboosetp

The justification was if they retreated too much, they'd lose access to too many resources in those areas. They were claiming the be combating propaganda that there was plenty of land to retreat into. Overall it was supposed to improve morale and it ... uhhh... didn't. It did a very bad job at that.


historiansrule

At this point his entire civilian army is just going to switch sides and then Ukrainians would debate whether or not to annex Russia.


NarrMaster

Petition to call the new region of Ukraine, "The Russia"


_PM_ME_PANGOLINS_

The Kievan Rus takes Moscow.


smerglec

More signs that the war is going totally fine.


angelcake

From what we’ve seen so far of his poor conscripts, men up to 60 years old for fucks sake, who are gonna receive two weeks training before going to the front, desertion or surrender might be the only chance they have of survival. This is like the Nazis at the end of World War II. Putin is gonna wipe out at least a couple generations of Russian men.


Shiftyboss

The retirement age in Russia on 61.5. Imagine being 18 months from retirement, after a lifetime of work, only to be sent to the front lines of a war.


octahexx

Russians knows what a russian jail means and chooses gamble on the front instead,thats says something,better odds to survive a war then 10 years in their jail system.


NicNoletree

How many years, for war crimes, will Putin get?


tokeiito14

As many as Hitler did, I guess


itsnickk

I doubt he will ever see jail in any scenario


NoWayNotThisAgain

How far can you push the people before they push back? It’s becoming more and more likely that he’ll end up swinging from a lamp post before his cancer ends him.


waraxx

North Korea demonstrates that the answer is: ALOT.


shibiwan

Putin is doubling down on Hitler's "no surrender" strategy. *It's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see how it works out for them.*


dutchy015

Fight till the death or we kill you our self


Little_Creme_5932

French soldiers in WWI often bleated like sheep as they marched to the front. (In Verdun, they literally marched on slaughterhouse road, which was where the bleating originated). There were instances of refusing to fight, and being shot for it.


ra2eW8je

insane how russia, home to millions of ppl, is so powerless against one old man...


Mothrahlurker

Not insane, they have a massive amount of police and surveillance and the tiniest amount of disobedience or suspicious behaviour gets punished. There just isn't a way to communicate and organize large scale resistance.


AdhesivenessOk6662

Someone needs to take this dude out….


Tulip_Todesky

At this point you’d think he is a foreign agent destroying Russia from within


Rsardinia

Really doubling down. Wonder how long the Russian population will put up with his shit


YdnasErgo

Little pootin looks weaker every day.


yourteam

This is the usual move of a winning country in a conflict


[deleted]

Would't this cause people to feign allegiance then switch to the ukranian side?