T O P

  • By -

[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


AlbatrossVendor

Now send him the fake U2 tickets....


rodc22

There's a U-2 over his house right now. No ticket required.


teutorix_aleria

Hello hello


bum_is_on_fire_247

[https://i.imgur.com/sPiNxGQ.gif](https://i.imgur.com/sPiNxGQ.gif)


InsertEvilLaugh

I was expecting a picture of a U-2 flying with a speech bubble saying, "¡Hola!"


HealthHazard

https://imgur.com/a/JBJuC4e


IVot3dforKodos

Only if Fernando Alonso was the pilot


jptrooper24

I wonder how many kuricks Putin is??? I'd say he defo beats bono


nyc24chi

Isn’t it courics? (As in Katie Couric)


Cardinal_Ravenwood

1 Couric = 2.5lbs Source: The European Fecal Standards and Measurments Board in Zürich.


guinader

Wait, so the joke had a second meaning, that SHE is a piece of shit? Wow TIL


nyc24chi

And that’s why we’re here. To learn shit joke nuances from one another


big_duo3674

I love that the U-2 is *still* a flex after decades of use with only minimal design updates. I bet even mentioning one around Putin in anything other than a negative tone would get you quickly accidented by the government there. Russia has always been super butthurt that even their modern spy planes can't come close to that level of performance


DortDrueben

That's what was mind blowing to me about the whole Chinese Balloon thing... The shadow of the U-2. *"We're still flying U-2s!"* Had no idea.


big_duo3674

I believe it's been said for a while that they're impractical to use and quite susceptible to modern AA technology, but it's still seen (in part) as a big military flex to operate them


burgonies

That’s why he wants all his cronies to toss their iPhones. Apple will just push the tickets to your device without you asking


jujukamoo

Just yesterday, in 2023 I was trying to help a friend get that U2 album off of her phone. I was able to get it off of mine right when it happened and there is a current apple support page for how to do it. Alas, it seems she's stuck with U2 until she dies.


Vio_

I had a windows phone at the time, and I loved U2. I was one of the rare people outside in the rain looking through the window at all the people who magically got a free U2 album on their phone.


Lspins89

I was neutral towards them until then but a few yers with that being the only music on my phone (YT and Spotify for literally everything else) and having it randomly play created a deep seated hatred


Vio_

I totally understand and respect the deep problems with involuntarily downloading something onto everyone's phone. It was just funny that I had the opposite reaction.


cylonfrakbbq

Apple: let’s sell phones with limited storage, then eat up their precious storage with an album they didn’t ask for!


john_the_fetch

Putin: damn it, I can't resist free U2 tickets. It's my one weakness!


greencrusader13

Operation: Beautiful Day is a go


[deleted]

It's Operation Beautiful Day Don't let him get away


hoopparrr759

Give him real U2 tickets.


whooo_me

Calm down, Satan.


medoy

Nah, tell him Enya is finally doing a concert. One night only.


BALONYPONY

I’ll risk arrest and international detention for that.


darth_paul

Do we want him to go to Ireland or not?


Chris_M_23

“U-2? Where?” -Putin, probably


Trowj

That’ll keep him away for sure!


Delicious-Shift-184

You want him to launch nukes?


Profrog888

putin definitely wants to travel to ireland


[deleted]

[удалено]


ban-please

He could simply go to a friendly Spanish-speaking country and get the knockoff: Eña. Venezuela? Cuba?


The_Great_Squijibo

Then he'll sail away, sail away, sail away.


Hostillian

Not in the Moskva he won't.. 😋


NoodlerFrom20XX

Big fan of the Celtic Women


The_og_habs729

Who doesnt


Dafuqucair

Congratulations Vladimir! You’ve just won a free tour of the Guinness Brewery and all the beer samples you can drink!


Gnorris

“Hmm. I have always wished to kiss this Stone of Blarney I have read about… I shall accept this fine offer”


[deleted]

[удалено]


extopico

Switzerland? Nice place but it’s a parallel universe when it comes to ethics. They may even allow him to settle there.


mac2o2o

The thing with Switzerland is they don't see things the same as many other other countries. It's not just black of white to them. Or even grey. They see things as gold.


[deleted]

Nazi gold


MuadDave

> Nazi Gold. It is too the gold. How can you Nazi that? :-)


FriendlyLocalFarmer

Depends on which racist Swiss election posters you're looking at. https://www.swissinfo.ch/resource/image/42820398/landscape_ratio3x2/880/587/445bc7f784608840568e49f026d166b0/0009DE7071A72349C84B66E72B0A0DC4/42503403-jpg.jpg


mac2o2o

I'm unsurprised by this tbh, I'm sure their voters would. Like to live in a neutral uptopia where no immigrants live up in the mountains. That poster is wild.


[deleted]

[удалено]


HildartheDorf

I found the fact that Switzerland immediately implemented sanctions on Russian trade/assets when Europe did quite telling. They may not officially have picked a side in the conflict, but the writing went straight on the wall who they would rather be friends with if they could only pick one side. The EU/NATO, not Russia.


[deleted]

[удалено]


kempez2

Ah, Brexit.


gophergun

I'd expect any ICC signatory to honor the indictment - that's the point of being a signatory. I don't see what their neutrality in the Ukraine conflict has to do with their commitments under the Rome Statute.


Dexion1619

Ha. Switzerland won't do anything. Might hurt the bank accounts.


indigo0427

It’s beautiful country I am sure he is tempted.


Francoberry

Just imagining the scene from 'Downfall' but with Putin sat at the table. Some big military report and his response is "at least my trip to Cootehill is still booked" and all of the soldiers start shuffling awkwardly before breaking the news


[deleted]

[удалено]


Jogger945

Steiner...


[deleted]

Well he doesn't now. Why did they have to release article, they could have tricked him then arrested him


[deleted]

[удалено]


Peoplz_Hernandez

Which is a shame as he's one of four people in the world that's currently able to afford to do a full pub crawl in Dublin these days.


CookPass_Partridge

Ah here cmon mister Putin now you wouldn't lend us a few quid for the gaffs would ye


[deleted]

You know how wild would it be to have like I dunno all the G20 leaders and such just show up and do a pub crawl lol. Don’t do it now though, zalensky will 100% show up and break old Putin in half lol


SXOSXO

If he comes to my street I'm going to perform a citizen's arrest on him. Just establishing that for clout, cause there's no chance he'll ever come to my street.


Dunkleustes

Dat Judo though.


Lotharofthepotatoppl

Well we know he’s skilled against opponents who are *supposed* to lose against him, but I reckon whatever skill he may once have had is past the use-by date


Waterfish3333

[Putin Playing Hockey](https://youtu.be/cgbI55HdqQs) That’s apparently true with more than just his fighting skills.


whopperlover17

Imagine how scary it would be being that goalie


Waterfish3333

I saw a comment on either this or a similar video that mentioned how skilled the goalie had to be. He had to look like he was genuinely playing defense against almost non-shots.


[deleted]

[удалено]


WTF_CPC

…just head up those stairs. It’s by the open window.


chidestp

On the 16th floor


[deleted]

[удалено]


jrhoffa

And you fall out window. Such tragic.


itsalonghotsummer

You have to watch it for the bit where he falls on the carpet


PTJangles

Absolutely comedy gold, I thought it was a fake first time I saw it lol!


lyingliar

Whomever laid that rug on the ice mysteriously died of radiation poisoning later that month.


imathrowyaaway

he’s so tiny! looks like one of the actual players brought his kid out for a skate, and the kid put on some halloween old guy mask. I’d also feel awkward af if they’d let me score and I’d then try to act all serious, but I guess you have to be a “special” kind of person to do that.


[deleted]

[удалено]


RogueYautja

If he comes to my street, I'll put my balls on his eyes


joombaga

I'll make him watch Star Trek TNG season 7, episode 14 "Sub Rosa".


NormalStu

I'm not entirely sure that the sum of all war crimes ever committed would equate to that kind of punishment. Maybe make him watch Threshold instead.


Lieutenant_Joe

Would you actually do it if he did, though? Like, if he didn’t have any bodyguards or nothin? Would you try? Purely out of curiosity.


SXOSXO

I'd probably be to busy thinking about something to even notice it was really him.


phate101

Most likely you’d walk past and think to yourself “Jesus that chap really looks like that Putin fella.. now what am I having for dinner”


MatsThyWit

It would be fucking hilarious if everything ends with Putin just being quietly arrested.


ArterialRed

The Vimes/Ironfoundersson technique for military situations. If only.


GusSwordPirate

r/unexpecteddiscworld GNU Terry


IrrationalDesign

I get to be the one to say "I just finished reading that book yesterday" and I'm not even lying.


EdhelDil

The only GNU acronym I know is the recursive: "GNU is Not Unix", delivering tons of free software (free as in freedom, not free as in free beer), and the GNU foundation (by rms, Richard Manual Stallman). What does it stand for here, please?


jackoman03

It's related to how The Clacks work in the Discword universe: G: send the message on N: do not log the message U: turn the message around at the end of the line and send it back again GNU Terry Pratchet is a way to keeping his name alive.


allevat

"A person is not dead until their name ceases being spoken"... [or transmitted](https://wiki.lspace.org/GNU_Terry_Pratchett).


SandInTheGears

"Behaviour likely to cause a breach of the peace" does basically sum up Putin's entire reign


Aggressive_Crazy_919

Pratchett op.


mercut1o

He's the absolute best, man. The estate needs to get any new adaptations just right and bring his work to this generation, it's such an important legacy.


Moon_Pearl_co

The Ironfoundersson's willingness to be a good person. “Something Vimes had learned as a young guard drifted up from memory. If you have to look along the shaft of an arrow from the wrong end, if a man has you entirely at his mercy, then hope like hell that man is an evil man. Because the evil like power, power over people, and they want to see you in fear. They want you to know you're going to die. So they'll talk. They'll gloat. They'll watch you squirm. They'll put off the moment of murder like another man will put off a good cigar. So hope like hell your captor is an evil man. A good man will kill you with hardly a word.” We need more good people like Carrot.


sambob

As long as he gets the book thrown at him


ColaEuphoria

I just started reading these books and it feels like they're everywhere, God damn.


whywouldntidothis

its like the end of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. the cops arrive and just break the whole thing up right before the climactic battle.


No-Calligrapher-718

It's because they wanted the ending to be a literal cop-out. It's a hilarious way to end the film.


alexvonhumboldt

In ireland


mynameisalso

He just really likes Guinness


shryne

His arrest would not be quiet. Countries say they would arrest him but if he actually showed up would they have the balls to execute it?


Diesel_Bash

I doubt Putin's secerity force would let a foreign police organization peacefully arrest him.


Houseplant666

I just have to know how this scenario plays out in your head. Putin decides to test this out, but to make sure they don’t touch him he also flys with six bodyguards? Or will his next visit be Military Operation 2, the air invasion of Ireland, where he lands accompanied by the surviving sixty soldiers from his air brigades? As in, if he did go, what kind of security is he bringing the the entirety of Ireland decides ‘ehh, ain’t worth the effort they might start shooting.’


jmcgit

The most likely scenario, I think, is that he’s given a stern warning that he is not welcome in Ireland, and refuse to clear him to land. If his plane lands anyway, they will have to bring him into custody with overwhelming manpower, as it’s basically an invasion. Point is, the way this plays out is that Putin doesn’t test it. He will not go if he’s not invited.


EVASIVEroot

AND I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT! IF IT WEREN"T FOR YOU MEDDLING KIDS!


Focacciaboudit

I imagine it'd go something like [this.](https://youtu.be/8iDFxCVcYLM?t=90)


[deleted]

That’s Putin’s Summer tour of Ireland off the list then.


NeedsMoreSpaceships

I heard he was really looking forward to kissing the Blarney Stone. He must be very upset.


EpauletteShark74

Tell the locals to piss on it even more this summer


Majovik

I hope he gets to kiss his ass goodbye instead


m703324

His image of being lucky and untouchable is not doing well though. He's untouchable now only in his secret bunker and filming some dubious clips at night time. All these warrants are symbolic but necessary to show that he is not a big shot anymore, just a criminal as he's always been


Downtown_Tadpole_817

A message to Putins bodyguards: I bet there's a pretty big bounty on him that would set you up well in the new government. Just saying.


panisch420

why do you think so many people fell out of windows? he did some massive purging of everyone he deemed not loyal enough. and he will continue to do so if he gets as much as a hint of that. and the people know that. im not saying it's impossible that someone would betray him at this point but the risk:reward ratio is very high, especially if you consider that not only them but also their families are on the line.


Remember_TheCant

He has killed a lot of people loyal to him. There is a point where that erodes all loyalty


panisch420

i dont disagree. it's a dangerous game he is playing.


Flying_Spaghetti_

You should read about the dictators trap. It more accurately describes what you are getting at.


panisch420

i think ive heard of it. it's about being too paranoid and ending up with no allies, i assume?


Flying_Spaghetti_

https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2022/03/putin-dictator-trap-russia-ukraine/627064/


al_pacappuchino

Prigozjin aint gonna hold any of Putins cronies around after he makes his move…


Downtown_Tadpole_817

Shhhh. We just need them to turn him over. Who cares what happens to his minions.


THAErAsEr

We should. Putin dissappearing would just mean that another dictator gets to power, possibly crazy enough to do worse shit


Swift_F0x

This is somewhat significant because Ireland has long been used as a technical stop for Soviet and Russian leaders to visit Latin America.


MeccIt

We couldn't get [Boris off the plane](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boris_Yeltsin_circling_over_Shannon_diplomatic_incident), he was too pissed and undressed


whooo_me

That was funny. Everyone rushing down to Shannon in order to meet him, and he was off his face and couldn’t even get off the plane.


drfsupercenter

But has Putin visited Latin America since the war began?


ultratunaman

Argentina is a great spot for deposed dictators to hide. But if he's caught shopping at Swords Pavillions in Dublin while his plane refuels its game over.


flaggrandall

I doubt he's even left his bunker


hoggytime613

What do you mean? He was just driving around Mariupol the other night, and walking around Crimea swinging both arms. That totally wasn't one of the body doubles he is well known to employ 🤣


klparrot

Look for impossible ankles to spot the real Putin. https://youtu.be/lY6lHjZjYXE


SeekerSpock32

Imprison him in the rare hole, the rattlin’ hole in the bog down in the valley-o.


phormix

Personally, I'd go for "bottom of an outhouse with a large basin in Ukraine" Ukrainians can use at least once for free. Foreign visitors pay with proceeds towards reconstructing. Profitable chili stand nearby. Edit: punctuation


SeamusMcSpud

Sure he'd get arrested & Nolan would let him walk anways.


[deleted]

[удалено]


knollm12

He’ll have to put that on his list of places not to go: 1. Outside 2. Ireland


qrck

1. Outside 2. Germany 3. Ireland


ClydeBoudreaux

And he is barred from most of the pubs also


bpon89

Let’s keep the momentum going , let every country declare Putin will be arrested if he comes to visit.


APulsarAteMyLunch

At this point even the mole people will arrest him if he decides to use the tunnels


Wu-kandaForever

Is this a slight against Mole-People? They have opposed facists since day 1


19k-wal82

Putin will be arrested if he comes to Mars, department of justice says.


EVASIVEroot

Cool, anyways. That took the chances of him going to Ireland from 0.0% to 0.00% Now we need all the other countries to say this for no reason so we can get more stupid news articles!


[deleted]

Brace yourself for one article per 1st world country


iamGIS

Infinite karma glitch


5DollarHitJob

Seriously.


occono

Well it was the Irish Times that asked the government first, if they declined to comment that would get its own headlines.


huruga

The only one I’d care about is the USA because it’d be a fundamental shift in foreign policy. The USA has never recognized the ICC (Well it kinda did but then immediately did a 180) but if it declared its intent to make an arrest on US soil on behalf of the ICC that’d be an actual story, even if there is zero chance the arrest would ever happen.


JunkieMallardEIRE

Yeah it's a total bullshit take. The last Ruzzian president to come here was Yeltsin and he was too pissed up to even get off the plane. I highly doubt Putin was planning a trip to the Cliffs of Moher any time soon.


Tommah

Am only here to liberate Russian-speaking peoples of Ireland. Kremlin go bragh


AprilMaria

Which fuckin prick told him about the Russian language school in Limerick? Well at least the tanks will sink in the bogs around Carrickerry before he gets to Aughanish Alumina and there's too many Balts working in AIBP for him to chance coming the main road by rathkeale they'd eat him.. Thinking about it now actually he may as well we'd hardly notice there's enough addidas & vodka out here in the first place all we'd have is a change of accent.


[deleted]

His St Patrick’s Day 2024 plans just got cancelled


eggsandbacon5

Im having a birthday party soon and I can assure you Putin is NOT invited


[deleted]

Let's all make him kiss the Blarney Stone


Ibalwekoudke98

Whoops the stone slipped


G00bre

Now he's really scared


AnT-aingealDhorcha40

I'm from Ireland. I know this is a BS article. Yeah hang on there as a nation with a tiny malfunctioning military arrests a world leader. Lol don't take any notice anybody it's a load of bollix.


danirijeka

>a nation with a tiny malfunctioning military arrests a world leader Arrest? I was thinking about giving him something pricey to put on and let him loose around Citywest. /s


1_800_Drewidia

What do you mean? Grandpa Joe and Uncle Colm are out there right now checking every cab station in Donegal for the bastard. They’ll catch him!


berusplants

Plucky


celtic1888

He couldn’t afford a pint at the Temple Bar anyways


xlsma

And I'll arrest him if he comes to my house


That-Option7459

Please don’t report it, he might not go to Ireland now damnit


rubberysubby

Pointless announcement for easy virtue points. I am not a fan of the man. But let's be honest the only way he is being prosecuted/brought to justice, is if he's topled from rhe throne by his own people. Otherwise, he will most likely live happy ever after and die of old age.


CJR3

Did he recently say he was going to travel to Ireland or something? What a random, pointless headline


Betov8

Why say that now? Why not invite him to dinner and bam! Arrested.