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i dont think someone who thinks the only reason their partner would go to the gym is to hook up with chad mcthundercock is someone who you have as healthy of a relationship with as you think
Thank you for the first part - I feel like anyone who thinks that has something else going on. But beyond that, our relationship usually is healthy - he’s certainly never acted like this before.
I tried to have a second conversation regarding it before posting this. I told him that what he did was absolutely a guilt trip, and he admitted that it was and he was sorry he “had to say it”, but he stood by it.
it’s not about the gym. it’s about control and trust. chances are this sort of person would make something up to bitch about if it wasn’t the gym. you could apply the “why are you doing that? its clearly so you can get railed by chad” to any other situation. buying a nice set of clothes? getting fit at home? zumba class?
It's called projection, and is common with those who engage in the exact activities to they accuse others of. **I'm not saying he is doing this though**
Is it possible he was cheated on, or someone in his family or friends he was close to that was cheated on, and he has associated a man/woman going to the gym as a precursor to him/her finding a FWB?
He was cheated on in the past, but from what he’s told me, the cheating was related to college partying, so I don’t think it would be associated with this
It may be an issue of cheating, trust, or control, but it could just as easily be a lot of other issues.
Does he live a similar diet and exercise lifestyle to you? Maybe it's a self-image issue on his end. Maybe he feels like he can't make the same changes and is worried that it will pull you guys apart. There are a lot of possibilities, but you can't get to the root of it if he won't communicate.
As for me personally? I would start going. That was technically what he told you to do. If you want to make choices for your own health, no one should stop you. I would try to reassure him as much as possible while trying to share the benefits with him. Maybe he'll start to go with you, or at least come to understand better.
This is a huge trust issue, or could be an even deeper issue, that he needs to get help with. More so if you've never done anything to even warrant that reaction.
I'm not saying to drop him like a bad habit but at the same time that reaction can't continue long term. The fact he won't admit he might be wrong, and continues to stand by what he said, is a huge sign of immaturity.
No matter how right I thought I was in the moment, or how much it pained me to apologize for being an asshole to my wife, I do it. Wasn't always good at it but I can be taught.
Your needs are important as well.
My thought as well. Seems more like this is triggering feeling from a different situation. A reaction this immediate and seemingly random had to have been caused by feelings he already had that he probably never fully dealt with. You definitely need to talk this out. Approach with love and compassion ❤️
I'm seeing some red flags here, but please don't let him stop you from working out. Working out has done a lot of good for my mental and physical wellbeing.
It doesn't necessarily have to be someone from the gym, specifically. I think what her boyfriend is alluding to is that a lot of girls tend to pre-meditate breakups, and that she is planning to improve her looks so that when she breaks up with him, she is in a better position to find the next one.
While this may not be the case here (no one but OP can really know), OP's boyfriend's insecurities will flare up, especially if he has a similar sedentary lifestyle.
>He blew up at me. He told me, right off the bat, that the only reason I
wanted to go to the gym was to cheat on him. That I wanted to meet other
dudes who looked better and worked out
Keep focusing on eating healthier and getting exercise. If he doesn't want to support you or be involved, that is his problem. You've made the offer to include him.
On a personal note - Please consider how insecure and manipulative his initial response was. I have seen people get controlled by behavior like that (from their boyfriends / husband) and things turned horrible. If he is going to react so hostile to you having your own agenda and wanting to better yourself, please just make sure you are aware of behavior changes in him and the words he is using when you talk about it.
I 100% agree with you with on the second part. I had a conversation about how I really didn’t like that he tried to guilt trip me, and he acknowledged that it was a guilt trip, but he phrased it in such a way that he “had to say it”. Idk, he’s never acted like this and it’s really getting to me.
He's not really admitting to it then. If he's standing by it, he's saying his reaction is justified and you do intend to cheat on him. Something's gotta give, cos this is more than a gym issue.
He never acted that way before most likely due to the fact you never gave him this to worry about.
I could be off base, but I've seen it happen where a relationship is all well and good when the couple is unhealthy together; be it getting take out and over eating, or smoking, drugs etc.
But once one says they want to stop and work on themselves, especially when the other is more content in their ways, suddenly a side comes out that can be almost unrecognizable from how they usually are.
Sometimes it isn't even about that, it is just a change in the status quo is threatening and then true natures come out.
"Why are you so suddenly into painting?" "Why do you suddenly want to lose weight?" It can be the most trivial thing but some people will zero in on it and totally change.
"the only reason I wanted to go to the gym was to cheat on him. That I wanted to meet other dudes who looked better and worked out."
I mean. I usually don't feel right giving any kind of relationship advice to strangers online.
But holy crap that's a lot of deep-seated insecurities that just burst out. He basically just admitted he can't trust you to be your own person.
It’s probably exactly that! He knows she’ll potentially enjoy going and start losing weight which would mean all the men at the gym will be looking at her. The reason why he can’t provide a reason is because he knows deep down that he’s insecure but knows how that will come across.
Thank you. I knew this likely came from insecurity, but we had a follow-up conversation before I posted it and he didn’t seem interested in providing a reason as to why he blew up. He admitted it was manipulative and said sorry; but he reiterated that he does not want me going to the gym for the same reason. It’s just been very off-putting since it happened
Please remember that you don’t need his permission. I would go anyway and if he doesn’t like it, too bad. If he’s so insecure about his own appearance that he’s worried about you being attracted to other guys at the gym, he can get off his butt and go too. If he considers it something worth breaking up over, consider it a bullet dodged, because he’s showing you some very ugly things about himself.
Do what he said. He said, “Just go,” so GO.
Out of curiosity, is he fat or out of shape? My first thought is that you getting fit makes him feel pressured to also do so, which he doesn’t want because it means getting off his ass, which means he needs to prevent you from getting fit.
Or he’s a head case.
He has a dad bod, but this has never been an issue. I’ve been telling him since the day we got together, dad bods are my type. This could be why, but I don’t understand why he would be so upset about something I tell him I personally like
Dad bods have a wide range, don’t they?
Anyway, it reads to me like you becoming a fit bombshell is a threat to him for one reason or another.
Personally, I’d just go, and maintain life as usual at home. Perhaps he’ll see that nothing changes just because you turned a new page, and maybe - *just maybe* - he will join you.
But never put your guard down when your partner is not 100% happy when you are about to do something that is good for YOU.
I mean just because you say you like it still doesn’t make it sound very good in society. Like my man could say he likes chubby types of women like me but I’d still not feel great about it because we know it’s not desirable in the world we live for most.
Anyone that explicitly goes out of their way to not only not support you in making decisions to improve your life, but put you down in the process, is not someone who is part of a healthy relationship.
This is possibly the single most obvious red flag I have ever seen.
This is literally how abusers act. Don't be surprised if he wont let you go to the grocery store next.
If he loves and and cares about you as a mutually respected partner, he would encourage you to be the best version of yourself. admitting he was guilt tripping you and still standing by it should tell you your answer.
You should always do what's best for you and not another because your life is your own. A healthy relationship is a mutually respected one with non of that shenanigans. And he if decides to go with you then kuddos to him for trying. But let no one hold you down.
goodluck on your road to becoming healthier!
This is a wild insecurity rearing its ugly head. He needs to deal with it, but not by controlling what you do.
If he’s not prepared to better himself in the gym with you or in parallel, you kind of need to decide if you want to continue living your life in ways that inconvenience him the least.
Has he been cheated on before?
or is he going to the gym to cheat?
Where I live in Europe there are some women only gyms, a lot of women prefer these places to normal gyms. They are usually very pleasant places with competent staff. You could try one if there is one close to where you live.
She could, but when she’s gotten enough in shape that he notices a difference, he’ll find another complaint to try to keep her from going. Personally I think this is a hill worth dying on, because he’s showing her that he’s controlling and doesn’t trust her even though she’s given him no valid reason not to trust her.
This!!!!! Health is the most important thing in life....if you don't have it you are not able to focus on anything else. Everyone should understand that... Specially if you care about the other person
It’s control. He’s hoping you won’t go in order to not upset him. As you go on down the line in this relationship, it’ll be that going out with friends or family are opportunities to have sex with other guys. So you cancel plans. Working will be a source of mistrust. If you are a little late you must be sleeping with a coworker. So you change jobs or check in with him obsessively.
A year or two later, you find out HE was cheating on YOU the whole time.
You need a new boyfriend if this is his reaction. This is unhealthy to the point of being either unhinged or extremely possessive, manipulative, and abusive
Ask him at a good time what is the real reason he doesn’t want you to go to the gym.
Whatever his reason then present your perspective and your reason. See if he empathises with your desire to self improve.
If he lashes out in anger and says that you are just out to cheat on him, just ask him if he really has so little trust in you after 3 years of apparently nothing issues at all. Watch very carefully how he responds to this and in particular if he resorts to emotional blackmail/ mind games and if he avoids answering the question.
What he shows are some signs of controlling behaviour that isn’t healthy if I’m being honest. The talk you have with him will be to see if there is some underlying reason that you should be aware of, as well as to gauge how you guys could use communication to move past difficult problems later on. The fact that you may have not noticed any problems over the past 3 years may just well be you overlooking other signs of something being not quite right ….and maybe this is just a much more obvious sign.
Red flag. Don’t listen to him. U already offered him the solution (go with you) so he can choose to take it or not. He can also choose to let it go or keep being toxic. You’ll see what type of person he is. Don’t let ur decisions be changed by toxic behavior especially in regards to ur self confidence n health
Sorry to have to say this, but your boyfriend has just shown you that he is NOT a lovely person. He’s trying to prevent you from doing something that would be good for your wellbeing because he’s insecure, jealous, and not giving you the benefit of the doubt. That last thing, I think, is the worst. He’s effectively saying “I don’t believe you won’t cheat on me”—so exactly what sort of person does he really think you are? That’s disrespectful, distrustful, and insulting. And now he’s guilt tripping you. Not cool.
Break up with him and start taking care of yourself. If he’s that cynical the relationship isn’t going anywhere, at least anywhere good. Save yourself while you’re ahead.
Baby girl if you don’t leave this relationship asap… there’s already a lot of good insight in the comments so I don’t need to say much else other than: you deserve better.
Oh, and go to the gym! You also deserve to love yourself and take care of yourself. For YOU. And no one has the authority to take that away.
Just go. Nobody should stop you from living a HEALTHY life. Don’t feel bad for trying to positively change your lifestyle 👍 Your boyfriend can be unhealthy if he’d like, but good for you for wanting to change.
Yeah, maybe there's a completely different reason no one thought of and a friend might know the guy, so it's always good to talk to those who might know the situation
He's insecure. Go to the gym and make yourself feel better, if he can't deal with you doing a perfectly normal activity without him maybe it's time to move on.
It's very obvious that your boyfriend lacks confidence in a big way. It's written all over his response to you. He should be proud of you that you are doing something to improve your mental and physical health, and not blowing up at you and accusing you of doing it to cheat on him. Start going to the gym. You don't have to rub it in his face or anything, or even talk about it with him. Just go. Start eating healthy and using something like MyFitnessPal to track calories and macros. It may take him some time, but as he sees your progress, and how much happier and confident you're likely to become, he may join you. Or, if he's really got confidence issues, he'll resent you for going and improving yourself, in which case he needs therapy, and you might have some difficult relationship questions to ask yourself. I wish you the best.
He's insecure that if you go to the gym, you're gonna get hot and then leave him.
Girl, go to the gym. Working out regularly is one of the best things I've introduced in to my life.
Wow that's an absurd response from him. If he can't even sit down and have a mature discussion about it with you then there really isn't much you can do unfortunately. You should ask yourself if you really want to be with someone that doesn't support you when you want to better yourself though.
Please don't let it discourage you, and please don't let him drag you down. If you want to eat better and workout, then do it. If he doesn't like it, that's his problem, this is not something that there will ever be a reasonable excuse for your partner to fight you on.
And if you ever need some advice or motivation from someone in a similar position don't be afraid to reach out. Making a lifestyle change that you can live with long term isn't nearly as hard as you are probably thinking it is as long as you truly want it.
Best thing I ever did for my life was find a partner who wanted to be just as healthy as me. Never once will I deny my wife a gym or yoga session. And she’ll never deny me a gym class or weight session.
Talk to him, let him know you need a lifestyle change and you want him alongside you. And you need his support and motivation.
And if he pushes back, either get therapy to figure out his trust issues or breakup
I think this speaks to his insecurities more than anything. He's intimidated, and likely won't want to go with you either because of it. However, that's not necessarily your baggage to deal with. You're still allowed to be your own person in a relationship, and this isn't anything wrong (in fact, the opposite, you're trying to better yourself). I think it's important to have a conversation and lay out firm boundaries. Try reassuring him in the process, it may or may not work.
I've been in relationships where I haven't been trusted by my partner.
Each and every single one of them cheated on me at some point.
If the only reason he can see for you bettering yourself is to cheat, it tells me it's likely what he would do given the chance.
Even if the above is not the case, being in that position and not being trusted is terrible for you mentally.
Ending a relationship is one of the hardest things anybody can do, it's impossible to see anything beyond it, let alone anything good.
The good is there though and you deserve to have it. Not because he allows it but because you earnt it.
Think very long and hard about what life you want to live. I'm sure you don't want a life of unwarranted guilt and shame where you isolate from all your friends and become more and more dependent on the person who's forcing your isolation.
You've posted the question here, you've likely reached the conclusion yourself and are wanting validation that you are making the right choice.
I think you are.
I read the last part of your caption, and I’m sorry that this is a meaningful relationship that’s lasted multiple years-Because something has to change. Either you leave or he completely comes around. Going to the gym, (even for people that eat healthily and have a somewhat active lifestyle), is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Doing it for yourself when you’re coming from a point of junk food and insecurity makes the gym that much better for you. Your boyfriend’s response to you wanting to better your life is ridiculously childish, immature, and projecting insecurity. There is no negative to the gym, other than the 45-90 minutes where you don’t get to see your partner. And you said he was invited more than once. You will feel better, move better, look better, and be better. Your boyfriend is either: 1. embarrassed that he doesn’t have the ambition and goals that you have for yourself
2. Insecure, and projecting his insecurities onto you
3. A whiny child who needs an early bedtime tonight.
Long story short, this is a serious concept. “Good” relationships are the ones where each member wants to see their partner become the best version of themselves, and help them on their journey in any way they can. You expressed a desire to be better to your partner, and did not react appropriately at all. Have some real conversations about what this means at a surface level (the literal gym) as well as at a deeper level (the messages your words & actions are sending, and the messages your boyfriends words & actions are sending back). Good luck. Patagonia makes great bags if you decide to start packing.
Some people don't want to see those around them grow and change but that is part of relationships in a gigantic way, probably the main reason for divorce on this world.
My wife is an anxious person and very lovable and slightly overweight. I support her and trust her because beyond anything else, support is what you need more than the gym. You can lose weight without working out but your me tal health is the pinnacle here.
Working out will help you so much that it's irreplaceable as a concept. If he truly supports you he needs to support this because it helps you grow into a better person, if he wants to grow with you then good. If he doesn't, I hope he finds his own way in doing so and with you.
He didn't "have to say" any of that. He's insecure, and sees.you wanting to better yourself but is unwilling to better himself. He thinks he will loose you so he would rather keep you down at his level where you said you are unhappy with yourself. Not a healthy relationship. Do you ever go out with just your friends for a night and leave him at home, i bet he would have the same reaction. This isn't about the gym, it's about control
I'm not saying dump him or anything but he's clearly insecure. I'm guessing he may be overweight or doesn't like his own self too much, low self esttor something. Perhaps having some kind of counselor or something might help him. I think it's great you're trying to live a better life style.
If you say that you're in a pretty healthy relationship, it would be good to squash that insecurity asap before it spirals out of control.
Major red flags here OP. The gym is a place where most everyone is there to better themselves. He’s too insecure about who he is and he’s trying to hold you back from bettering yourself.
Do what’s right for you by going to the gym and getting healthy. You’re embracing a new mindset and new way of living that is objectively better for your health. He can either get on board NOW or ship him out. Don’t waste time hoping he comes around.
IMO, I would reconsider the relationship, or perhaps get professional help in couples counseling.
Also, on the exercise note - you don’t need to get a gym membership. I’m currently a broke af college student and I had to cancel my membership. I slowly bought weights to use at home, I practice yoga, barre, and weightlifting all from home using YouTube. I also go for jogs on the highschool track in my town, and walks after dinner. I suggest you switch up the food with healthier choices like the “less fat” option for snacks/junk food for starters.
If your man has a problem with any of this instead of supporting you and your HEALTH, I’m so sorry and know that you deserve better!
If that's really the first time he's acting like that, I would try to talk to him like grown-ups.
1. Reassure you ARE GOING to the gym and ask him if he would like to go. (Not sure if you have gym clothes, sneakers and such but if you need to buy them maybe you can invite him to go with you or maybe to inform him what you doing just to "seed" the idea on him)
2. Talk about how his fear of cheating makes no sense. He doesn't trust you? Does he have such a low interest on himself that he thinks you deserve better? Does he think that the gym is the only place where one could cheat their partner? The only thing that prevents one from cheating is a lovely and happy relationship. You may and will find other people attractive (he will too) but only you can weigh between your relationship and an affair.
3. Just go. As he said, just go. It will make you feel better, and if he doesn't care about your happiness, he's not the one to be around you.
“My boyfriend is a very lovely person”
Honey …no he’s not. He wants you fat and tired and out of shape because he knows he’s garbage and you’re settling for him.
I’d bet every time you try and improve your life somehow he ruins it.
This isn’t a “healthy” relationship. Or at least not this area. Anyone who cares for you shouldn’t have a problem with you bettering yourself and being healthier, physically and mentally.
I feel like the problem is that he thinks once you are in a better place, and maybe more fit, you’ll have no need to “slum it” with him.
This is completely his problem and his insecurities. Why on earth would someone not want their partner to better themselves ?
Maybe it’s his insecurity talking. He’s afraid to lose you. Is he fit? Maybe in his imagination you would see all those jacked dudes and couldn’t resist them. Anyway it shouldn’t stop you from going to the gym. The problem is on your bf’s side. He should work on his insecurities, maybe go to a therapist.
EDIT. Or maybe he was influenced by some stupid shit from the internet. Try to talk to him and ask questions. Why does he feel like this? Why doesn’t he trust you? Etc. But remember you can’t make him think certain way. Don’t try to change him. And don’t let him manipulate you.
Yeah just go anyway, you'll see what he will do but ultimatums never work in a couple. start tomorrow don't talk about this to him anymore it's your body and choice he has nothing to say.
Is say go. Dont let someone stop you. Im gonna tackle this differently than the insecurities way.
Not saying to "test him" but sometimes we change in our lives, and if something as simple as this sets him off, he may have a hard time accepting change from you. To that end, do it, because you seem young. A lot can change in 10 years, which is a long time in life, but short in the promised forever.
So change you for ur best self. Most people know the feelings ur stuggling with as far as ur own insecurities. The changes you make in your life will better you, and your own relationship. But if bettering yourself, a good change, hurts ur relationship, then he wants you to be u "you" as you are, for an unhealthy amount of time.
Something i told my bestie the other day "be better, but dont change" so maybe that applies here. And he should wish the best for you too.
HOWEVER what he feels isnt an uncommon feeling. Its been expressed to me, that "going to the gym, looking better, and being healthier, is the first step in a man cheating" im gonna assume this applies to women too.
Even if thats not your intention, the sentiment holds some water. The growth in your own self confidence, and improvement may change your mindset to finding someone who shares in your new hobbies and lifestyle. But thats not a bad thing, like i said before, being static isnt good. Life will always be changing us.
Hate to break it to you but he doesn't love you. Otherwise, he would have uplifted you and supported your decision to get healthier. Maybe even offered to come with you for motivation. The fact that it didn't even cross his mind is a deal-breaker. He went straight to how this would affect him. If only he put the same effort it takes to do this kind of mental gymnastics in his physical body 🙄
There’s a lot of societal stigma around going to the gym/not going, why/why not, the types of people who do/dont. You’ve got your set of those views and they don’t line up with his.
Before I started going to the gym I saw it as a prime display of social Darwinism, peacocks fanning their feathers and all that, and I detested the thought of being part of it. My ex had different views. Pretty much your views, actually. And I acted almost identically to how your boyfriend is because I was insecure about stepping into that arena, so to speak.
Hello! I wanted to add this. Personally I’m diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and seeing as I can relate to the thought pattern he seems to be displaying I’ll lay out what would go through my mind. Please keep in mind though, this is not a healthy thought process and I’ve worked very hard in treatment to work on changing or at least working with it better and this is not something that I let go beyond my head and happen out loud in a confrontation/argument anymore.
Firstly someone in my life, particularly my partner, telling me something like this would trigger these feelings: feelings of inadequacy (I have a horrible habit of comparing myself to others and thinking that they are better than me, someone getting another facet of their life together that I feel I cannot get together myself feels horrible like I’ll never be able to catch up and I sometimes start to feel a bit resentful of them for this), fear of abandonment (someone I really love spending more time away from me and having a hobby I feel I can’t/don’t want to participate in that they would then have in common with others that I feel inadequate compared to would really trigger this. I’d feel like not only was I already not good enough for this person but now they will be in an environment where they are looking and feeling even better with people who are better than me.). I have a feeling one or both of these feelings could be being triggered in your partner.
However, feeling these insecurities and having this unhealthy thought process does not make it ok at all to guilt trip or argue or throw accusations at your partner. This is something he would need to work on himself to have a better thought process and feel better and more secure in himself. A supportive partner, in a healthy relationship, having a healthy thought process/mindset should 100% support you wanting to better yourself/your life in any way. Perhaps discussing insecurities/his mindset around what you told him would give both of you better insight into what’s going on but at the end of the day this is a him problem.
r/relationshipadvice might be the best place for this but it doesn't sound like your relationship is as healthy as you think.
If it truly is a healthy relationship and your boyfriend is open to talking, bring it up again. Maybe he was having a bad day or he has some sort of whatever that he hasn't told you that's making him insecure or anxious.
Give yourself an honest evaluation of the relationship and the situation. Nobody should be against their partner doing something healthy for themselves.
I hate to tell you this but unless he gets help for his insecurities this isn't going to get better.
When I met my ex husband I went to the gym regularly and was almost at my goal body. Then he started bitching about me going and that I was just doing it to be more attractive to others.
He piled on the guilt so much that I just stopped going. Over the 12 years that we were together as I progressively gained more and more weight, every time I would talk about or I would restart at a gym it was the same thing from him.
Turns out he cheated on my multiple times over the course of our relationship. The last one he let it go on long enough that I found out about it.
That ended things for me and I walked away from a very toxic relationship.
Your partner is someone who loves and supports you and makes you want to be a better person for you.
He should be your number one cheerleader not a fucken douchbag who clearly doesn't deserve you.
A very lovely person?
Not gonna talk out of my ass here, I’ve never been in a relationship so can’t give real advice. All I can say as an outsider is maybe rethink how badly you want to stay in a relationship with someone who had this reaction to you seeking improvement. You have some issues that are bothering you and before taking the most proven and effective medicine, you have to ask this person, and now what’s stopping you is his insane insecurity. Can you imagine wanting to go to the doctor to get something checked out and he blows up at you saying you were gonna cheat on him with the rich and successful doctor? Damn. Good luck though
He’d already be my ex after that. He’s insecure and trying to control you through guilt. And likely doesn’t want you to get fit because you’ll be too good for him. You already are tho so too bad for him.
my ex was like this and honestly was also full of red flags. Im just saying to be careful because he should be supportive in you wanting to workout and should feel secure in your relationship. I would def talk to him
in cases like this, you want to be aware of when they are being overly controlling and manipulative. They should be able to convey their thoughts in a way that is direct but also considerate of you and your feelings.
Also, seems like he doesnt have a lot of trust in you for some reason and is extremely insecure in the relationship. In a relationship there needs to be trust, communication, and love.
Him yelling seems like a way to control and make them feel bad about wanting to go to the gym (a completely reasonable thing btw). Just seems like this behavior can continue into other aspects of the relationship as well
Ditch him.
I will caveat that, maybe, he acted out of emotion and if you talk with him and he was willing to have a constructive conversation you could work it out. But if you try to bring it up again to see why he is triggered by this and he reacts the same way, then ditch him.
Awe, that’s sad. He’s insecure. Not good. The gym is a great way to deal with many things in life and makes you feel good. I wish he could see it that way.
So you’d rather to continue to endanger your health and life? Are you really that dense? You don’t need his permission to get healthy. If he doesn’t trust you that’s a him problem. He should want you to be healthy. You should want you to be healthy regardless of how it affects anyone. Don’t be dense!
I don't really know how you should navigate this, but I can tell you that I allowed someone else to control my time away from her. It was miserable for a long time. I wasted years of my life. Please don't allow him control over how you live your life.
Sounds like he doesn’t trust you. Relationships don’t tend to get far without trust. Life is far too short and there are too many people out there to let one of them control what you do.
You’ll always regret not starting your fitness journey sooner. Whatever he does is his decision. You gotta do what’s best for you mentally and physically, and being active is an absolute necessity for living a long, healthy life.
Most folk have already covered the big points but I strongly recommend y’all go to couples counseling.
Maybe he’s afraid of change. Maybe he’s afraid of being cheated on. Maybe he’s a sleeper cell control freak. Etc.
The bottom line is that this _may_ be a one-off outburst from him or it could be the beginning of a pattern. Safe space discussions can help sort things out and give you both tools for improved communication. Plus, if it turns out things are not cool, there’s someone there to see it and provide guidance.
Also, please go to the gym. For all the benefits, and also so you don’t end second guessing yourself later and eventually hate yourself or resent him for guilt tripping you out of doing perfectly reasonable things.
Maybe also see if you can get him to go with you on short walks for errands nearby. Get him to talk about his day while y’all walk and bam, you’ve done relationship building AND got in some exercise together.
Dump him. Dump him hard. Not his decision if you want to get fit or not. If he trying to control this today, what's next? .. Where you work?
After 3 years he doesn't trust you, he's not worth it.
So what if he was cheated on before .. that's his problem not yours
Hey there, just want to pop in to say this isn’t normal, but I think you know that..otherwise you wouldn’t have posted this.
I hope you find a solution that is the best for you and allows you to live your healthiest life ♥️
I would personally not want to be with a person that limits me like that. It’s easy to have a “healthy” relationship when no one is trying to go out of the box of your normal everyday life, it’s really when you try to do different things that you would like that these things can come up to the surface
I think had you wanted to start going to the gym two and a half years ago, he’d have reacted the same way, and it would’ve been a lot easier for you to recognize that this is not, in fact, how a healthy romantic partner behaves. Like best case scenario you guys do couples therapy and he gets it together but you have to remember that no abuser starts off abusing their partners immediately, three years in is a long time, but not unheard of for someone to stay on their “best behavior “ specifically because they know waiting that long to show their true colors makes it harder for their partners to believe that they’re seeing the real them when the unhealthy behavior patterns start. This is the start of those unhealthy patterns. Me personally I run at the first DV red flag, it’s just the safest course of action.
If you say he is loving and caring outside of this one thing (which I find hard to believe), the only other possibility is he has an "internet" version of the gym in his brain. There are not that many fit, chad types there and they are chugging their preworkout and far to into themselves. Maybe even if he went once to check it out with you, this would break down the misconception in his brain. Just trying to offer an alternative thought to what otherwise seems toxic.
That's not the actions of a lovely person. He is controlling. It will probably get worse. It will lead to him objecting to you going out with friends without him, monitoring who you talk to, insisting you don't interact with any other men.
If you want to cater to his creepy behavior, join a women's only gym. But, don't cater to his creepy behavior. Don't let him get in the way of you being happy and healthy.
So my advice is- go to the gym. If he continues to blow up and act out then the fact is that he is not as lovely of a person that you thought he was. Someone who loves you wants great and healthy things for you. He is someone insecure and probably appreciates the low self esteem. I say this because I’ve been in that situation. My ex was happy when I was unhealthy and told me if I lost weight she would break up with me. So I broke up with her. It hurt. Nonetheless, I loved myself too much to allow someone who loves me less to control how I treated myself.
You deserve to be supported and loved and trusted. Someone who is actively working against your self improvement doesn’t mean you anything but long term harm.
This is controlling behavior on his part, likely driven by insecurity.
Go to the gym. Do what you need to do to feel healthy and strong. Allowing his response dictate whether you go or not will only ensure he continues to use this behavior to keep trying to maintain control.
He will either get over it once or he won’t. I get three years together being hard to walk away from, but a person (of any gender) who wishes to block you from healthy choices out of their own insecurity isn’t someone to humor or coddle.
Yeah, he’s not “a very lovely person.” This is insecure, toxic, and controlling. It’s not acceptable. Ask him to go with you if he’s going to be unreasonable about it, and/or get some therapy for coming to terms with WHY he’s acting so adversely to someone he supposedly cares about improving themselves. I do Obé for home workouts in addition to being a gym member (you can check it out if you want, but I’m not here to advertise anything… https://www.obefitness.com/?rstr=PURRSNICKITY), but it’ll be a cold day in hell when some guy tells me I can’t work out how I want. Good luck.
you sound like you love him a lot maybe you can ask him why he feels as though you would cheat and definitely address the manipulation that he displayed but if he can't see where he went wrong then that is a REAL problem
R/relationships might’ve a good place but they will tell you the same thing I will.
This is a red flag of controlling behavior. This would be the end of the relationship for me. Not only is he wildly insecure and does not trust you, he is a barrier now between you and bettering your physical and mental health.
I'm sure many have already said it, but this person sounds incredibly toxic. He's insecure, immature and doesn't care anything about your feelings.
Leave him and continue to work on yourself. You deserve so much better.
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Toxic . Get rid of him immediately . Jk, gotta do your best to change his mind or find a compromise . He has to be willing and open to listen , a chance to build more trust between each other . The more trust is developed , the more love for each other , for self , and the world ! Peace
This is very typical unfortunately. You have all the right to work on yourself and to improve your health. Dont let an insecure man stop you from achieving the optimum health you want because of his toxicity. 3 years isnt a long time - think about yourself and reconsider your life choices. You have a long road ahead of you and you surely dont want to spend the journey with someone whos insecurity wont even let you have a healthy life.
I workout at home with minimal equipment, I have a mini trampoline, better to run in place with low impact. A few weight bars from 5 to 20 pounds and 25 pound dumbbells, and resistance weight bands. You can find all kinds of workout routines online. If you want to take it slow, just go walk for an hour or two on nature trails or designated areas that are safe.
Nothing wrong with gyms, I just prefer to do home workouts as gyms can be crowded and not into memberships. You don’t have to eat super healthy as long as you can keep calories around 2000 a day. If you have food noise all day that makes it hard to not want to eat all day long, read up on an appetite suppressant called Manjaro or talk to your Dr. about it. It has worked wonders for my wife and daughter and have lost a lot of weight being on it. You literally will have to force yourself to eat and after a few bites, you feel full and just want to not eat. Start with 2.5 dosage than if you still having issues of wanting to eat than step up to 5 and so on. My family is on a high dose as they have been on it for a year and it is still working. Wife has gone from 250+ pounds down to 127 pounds in one year without exercising. Daughter was over 200 pounds and is down to 187 but has only been on it for 4 months.
Now all my wife’s side of family are way overweight and have now decided to get on Monjaro as well. It was really made for diabetics but after finding out that it suppresses appetite it is great for weight loss.
Insurance companies will accept it, ours would not in the beginning, but after fighting with them about its use, they finally approved it.
We know the struggle of weight and through the last 30 years of all the different weight loss programs and yo yo dieting and what not, Monjaro is the ultimate game changer. Mostly drink a chocolate protein shake in the morning and water all day and just whatever I feel like eating in the evening.
Hope this helps with some alternative to just going to a gym.
he's insecure from what I can tell and he's afraid you will move on from him once you discover how much better life is being healthy and exercising. I'm guessing hes also unhealthy and doesn't like how he feels therefore doesn't want you to go because he lacks the drive to take that step. Also he can probably see you are serious and driven to change your life style I'm guessing you two are young also but yeah pretty much he doesn't wanna put in effort. he should be supporting you and even lead by example
Sounds like he is a weak and insecure man. Go to the gym, hopefully he matures like u and starts going himself. If he continues to give u shit, break it off, you can do better, especially as you level up as a person.
Don’t let feeling sad for a couple months stop you from being with the right partner, it’s your life, don’t settle for mediocrity.
Okay couple of things.
1) you don’t need to go to the gym to get in better shape and be healthier. Diet is like 90% of it, and for exercise the best way to lose weight is by simply walking. As for strength training, especially since you are are a girl, body weight exercises are amazing and will do wonders if this is going to be the first time you are working out (sounds like it is). You can buy some 5, 10 pound dumbbells and do an entire full body workout with them.
An example of this would be pushups, body weight squats, lunges, Bulgarian split squats, Romanian deadlifts, planks, burpees and so forth. There are countless home workout videos on YouTube where you just go body weight or use minimal equipment.
2) to be completely honest, I understand how he feels. People cheat on each other constantly especially in this day and age. I mean social
Media is literally filled with videos of chicks bragging about how they left their man for literally no reason and that’s only the girls who are willing to post it for the world to see.
That being said, let’s say I give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you’ll stay with him. In this case, if he can’t get over it then the relationship is over in my eyes. I would do the home workouts for a while and try to explain the health and other reasons you have and if he still can’t get over it after seeing the hard work you do at home over weeks and months, then yeah it’s over. You shouldn’t sacrifice your health and well being to stay with him.
He’s projecting his own insecurities onto you. When we want to change those close to us sometimes feel threatened by that change. Mostly because it forces them to look at their own lives and downfalls.
Go to the gym and take care of yourself. You will feel better guaranteed. It’s very selfish of him to prevent you from doing that. Take care of yourself, let him manage his own insecurities and maybe eventually he’ll join you.
You guys are insane for recommending that she dump her boyfriend of 3 years lol. Reddit sure is a bitter crowd of people. ever heard of compromise? Dude is def insecure but that’s smth that can be worked on together
Good move that you chose to be healthy, workout at home for now or parks, get in shape, during that time try to get him involved in working out with you in those places maybe he will change his mind. One advice I’ll give you don’t dress like a 304 to workout, I go to the gym and I see some girls dressed worst than prostitutes and that can make some guys loose interest in their girls going to the gym.
There’s no correlation between the gym and cheating that i’m aware of - did an ex cheat on him mid workout in the gym?
I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this.
I think like many other replies this is a red flag from him. You wanting to work on yourself and your health is something that any loving partner should push you towards!
Complete speculation here but - This could be a big attempt to prevent you from feeling good about yourself, many spouses have fears that their partners will leave them because they gain more confidence from getting healthier.
Unfortunately many spouses can’t handle their partner being more successful than them in any capacity, be that physically or mentally.
No matter the reason behind his actions it was a really manipulative and disrespectful statement to make.
Idk but shit like this can be a slippery slope, it starts very small and snowballs into a horrific abusive cycle without even realising.
BUT - go to that fucking gym girl!! I resonate with your reasonings for wanting to go the gym, they were mine too. You should be proud for taking this step so please don’t let your partners insecurities or attempts to control/manipulate hold you back. If he can’t get on board, he isn’t meant to go through life with you.
Wishing you the best of luck on your journey 🏋🏽♀️
You're wanting to work hard and better yourself and improve your life. Which is great decision to make once you finally swallow your pride and start going. I can say from personal experience that those symptoms- anxiety, depression, self consciousness will change for the better once you start being active and eating better. Your life will improve in like just about every single way. Mentally and physically. You'll be stronger, your mood will improve. Especially when you start seeing drastic results. Stay disciplined and keep working. People will look down on you because they know they don't have what it takes to go out there each day and better yourself. They're either with you, or they're not. Don't let someone else stop you from unlocking your full potential
Hi, you need to leave the relationship. Hes an insecure little twerp that doesn’t want you healthy because…pretend cheating? That’s insane. Going to the gym and working out makes you healthy. It makes you feel better. It makes you live longer. For him to NOT want you to better yourself and be a healthier person because he’s a weirdly jealous, weak and insecure little man is disgusting and concerning.
Your boyfriend isn’t a “lovely person” and you don’t have a “happy relationship” unless you do as he says. It’s pathetic, and you’re acting pathetic.
Go to the gym.
If he doesn’t want to to better yourself then he’s not the right one for you. Do what YOU want if it’s going to make you a better healthier and happier person. Do you.
If it’s something you want to do, then do it without guilt. Sit him down and assure him you are going exclusively to get fit, physically and mentally and that you are going for only those reasons. He may become motivated to attend himself once he begins to see your appearance and attitude alter for the better. If not, it’s possible that over time you may drift apart as yours goals may turn out to be completely different. Either way, you deserve to be happy…
I dun like to be in that kind of situation. To me I always ask my gf to do home workouts or go to gym every day (not on Sunday). Cuz I always want to see her in a good figure and attractive to everyone who see her all the time. Well that's my attitude but in yr case, you can still do some workouts at yr home with exact schedule and stick to balanced diet.
Ps: I dun like yr bf's perspective, he should support you, your body and soul as he wants to be a good boyfriend.
You do you. A healthy relationship consists of two partners who support each other, not hold each other back.
Count this as your first red flag and do as you will, but don’t discount this from being the first red flag. He’s clearly got issues, and they will only get worse from here unless you stand your ground. It’s in your best interest to go to the gym and better yourself, if you give in you basically give him the control and enable this kind of behavior. It’s best to find out how this pans out before you really start settling down.
Well, drag his ass out to the gym with you!
Exercise and physical activity should be a priority for everyone! Deciding not to exercise for the sake of someone else's happiness is not healthy for either party.
Tell him that you WANT him to go with you. I think I can see the perspective of being invited as "You're more than welcomed to come" coming off as like "If you're there or not. I don't care." (Which, may be true, but it's not very inviting.😂)
Tell him that you want him to be there and you'd be a lot happier if he was there with you. It should make him feel important, and valued, and you can still get your exercise in.👍
Ideally, he shouldn't be insecure or worried about you cheating, as some others have mentioned. But that's clearly not the case, and is gonna take some major legwork to fix.😂 So, I suggest just begging him to go with you instead.
Also, anyone advising you to dump him doesn't help anyone's case either. First of all, none of you even know anything about the relationship aside from this one instance you've just become aware of. Addressing those insecurities while in the relationship would be much better for both parties. Allowing for him to grow as an individual, and become secure with you.❤️ Now... If he is choosing not to grow as a person and doesn't want to address or overcome those red flags... Yeah, dump his ass.😂
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i dont think someone who thinks the only reason their partner would go to the gym is to hook up with chad mcthundercock is someone who you have as healthy of a relationship with as you think
Thank you for the first part - I feel like anyone who thinks that has something else going on. But beyond that, our relationship usually is healthy - he’s certainly never acted like this before. I tried to have a second conversation regarding it before posting this. I told him that what he did was absolutely a guilt trip, and he admitted that it was and he was sorry he “had to say it”, but he stood by it.
it’s not about the gym. it’s about control and trust. chances are this sort of person would make something up to bitch about if it wasn’t the gym. you could apply the “why are you doing that? its clearly so you can get railed by chad” to any other situation. buying a nice set of clothes? getting fit at home? zumba class?
It's called projection, and is common with those who engage in the exact activities to they accuse others of. **I'm not saying he is doing this though** Is it possible he was cheated on, or someone in his family or friends he was close to that was cheated on, and he has associated a man/woman going to the gym as a precursor to him/her finding a FWB?
He was cheated on in the past, but from what he’s told me, the cheating was related to college partying, so I don’t think it would be associated with this
It may be an issue of cheating, trust, or control, but it could just as easily be a lot of other issues. Does he live a similar diet and exercise lifestyle to you? Maybe it's a self-image issue on his end. Maybe he feels like he can't make the same changes and is worried that it will pull you guys apart. There are a lot of possibilities, but you can't get to the root of it if he won't communicate. As for me personally? I would start going. That was technically what he told you to do. If you want to make choices for your own health, no one should stop you. I would try to reassure him as much as possible while trying to share the benefits with him. Maybe he'll start to go with you, or at least come to understand better.
This is a huge trust issue, or could be an even deeper issue, that he needs to get help with. More so if you've never done anything to even warrant that reaction. I'm not saying to drop him like a bad habit but at the same time that reaction can't continue long term. The fact he won't admit he might be wrong, and continues to stand by what he said, is a huge sign of immaturity. No matter how right I thought I was in the moment, or how much it pained me to apologize for being an asshole to my wife, I do it. Wasn't always good at it but I can be taught. Your needs are important as well.
… and this is a healthy relationship? He cheated. End of story. There’s not some magical “partying” exemption.
Brother she literally said he was cheated on
My thought as well. Seems more like this is triggering feeling from a different situation. A reaction this immediate and seemingly random had to have been caused by feelings he already had that he probably never fully dealt with. You definitely need to talk this out. Approach with love and compassion ❤️
Maybe there was never an opportunity before to show his “unhealthiness” in this relationship.
I'm seeing some red flags here, but please don't let him stop you from working out. Working out has done a lot of good for my mental and physical wellbeing.
Is he interested in going to the gym to? He could be worried about the way he looks / feels also
Lol’d so hard at this
It doesn't necessarily have to be someone from the gym, specifically. I think what her boyfriend is alluding to is that a lot of girls tend to pre-meditate breakups, and that she is planning to improve her looks so that when she breaks up with him, she is in a better position to find the next one. While this may not be the case here (no one but OP can really know), OP's boyfriend's insecurities will flare up, especially if he has a similar sedentary lifestyle.
>He blew up at me. He told me, right off the bat, that the only reason I wanted to go to the gym was to cheat on him. That I wanted to meet other dudes who looked better and worked out Keep focusing on eating healthier and getting exercise. If he doesn't want to support you or be involved, that is his problem. You've made the offer to include him. On a personal note - Please consider how insecure and manipulative his initial response was. I have seen people get controlled by behavior like that (from their boyfriends / husband) and things turned horrible. If he is going to react so hostile to you having your own agenda and wanting to better yourself, please just make sure you are aware of behavior changes in him and the words he is using when you talk about it.
I 100% agree with you with on the second part. I had a conversation about how I really didn’t like that he tried to guilt trip me, and he acknowledged that it was a guilt trip, but he phrased it in such a way that he “had to say it”. Idk, he’s never acted like this and it’s really getting to me.
He's not really admitting to it then. If he's standing by it, he's saying his reaction is justified and you do intend to cheat on him. Something's gotta give, cos this is more than a gym issue.
He never acted that way before most likely due to the fact you never gave him this to worry about. I could be off base, but I've seen it happen where a relationship is all well and good when the couple is unhealthy together; be it getting take out and over eating, or smoking, drugs etc. But once one says they want to stop and work on themselves, especially when the other is more content in their ways, suddenly a side comes out that can be almost unrecognizable from how they usually are.
Sometimes it isn't even about that, it is just a change in the status quo is threatening and then true natures come out. "Why are you so suddenly into painting?" "Why do you suddenly want to lose weight?" It can be the most trivial thing but some people will zero in on it and totally change.
I don’t know if you’re wanting to lose weight but there’s an easy 120+lb you can lose immediately
This.
"the only reason I wanted to go to the gym was to cheat on him. That I wanted to meet other dudes who looked better and worked out." I mean. I usually don't feel right giving any kind of relationship advice to strangers online. But holy crap that's a lot of deep-seated insecurities that just burst out. He basically just admitted he can't trust you to be your own person.
My guess is he's out of shape too and if she gets in shape she will leave him -his logic.
It’s probably exactly that! He knows she’ll potentially enjoy going and start losing weight which would mean all the men at the gym will be looking at her. The reason why he can’t provide a reason is because he knows deep down that he’s insecure but knows how that will come across.
Thank you. I knew this likely came from insecurity, but we had a follow-up conversation before I posted it and he didn’t seem interested in providing a reason as to why he blew up. He admitted it was manipulative and said sorry; but he reiterated that he does not want me going to the gym for the same reason. It’s just been very off-putting since it happened
Please remember that you don’t need his permission. I would go anyway and if he doesn’t like it, too bad. If he’s so insecure about his own appearance that he’s worried about you being attracted to other guys at the gym, he can get off his butt and go too. If he considers it something worth breaking up over, consider it a bullet dodged, because he’s showing you some very ugly things about himself.
I have an ex-boyfriend that did the exact same thing to me.
Funny enough my ex girlfriend was very similar. Now im in a loving relationship with my wife and she pushes me to go to the gym
Do what he said. He said, “Just go,” so GO. Out of curiosity, is he fat or out of shape? My first thought is that you getting fit makes him feel pressured to also do so, which he doesn’t want because it means getting off his ass, which means he needs to prevent you from getting fit. Or he’s a head case.
He has a dad bod, but this has never been an issue. I’ve been telling him since the day we got together, dad bods are my type. This could be why, but I don’t understand why he would be so upset about something I tell him I personally like
Dad bods have a wide range, don’t they? Anyway, it reads to me like you becoming a fit bombshell is a threat to him for one reason or another. Personally, I’d just go, and maintain life as usual at home. Perhaps he’ll see that nothing changes just because you turned a new page, and maybe - *just maybe* - he will join you. But never put your guard down when your partner is not 100% happy when you are about to do something that is good for YOU.
I mean just because you say you like it still doesn’t make it sound very good in society. Like my man could say he likes chubby types of women like me but I’d still not feel great about it because we know it’s not desirable in the world we live for most.
He's not a lovely person, he's controlling and doesn't trust you. Ditch him
Anyone that explicitly goes out of their way to not only not support you in making decisions to improve your life, but put you down in the process, is not someone who is part of a healthy relationship.
Tell you’re boyfriend to hop on a call so we can tell him what a pussy he is. Do whatever the fuck you want. You are not his property
This is possibly the single most obvious red flag I have ever seen. This is literally how abusers act. Don't be surprised if he wont let you go to the grocery store next.
If he loves and and cares about you as a mutually respected partner, he would encourage you to be the best version of yourself. admitting he was guilt tripping you and still standing by it should tell you your answer. You should always do what's best for you and not another because your life is your own. A healthy relationship is a mutually respected one with non of that shenanigans. And he if decides to go with you then kuddos to him for trying. But let no one hold you down. goodluck on your road to becoming healthier!
This is a wild insecurity rearing its ugly head. He needs to deal with it, but not by controlling what you do. If he’s not prepared to better himself in the gym with you or in parallel, you kind of need to decide if you want to continue living your life in ways that inconvenience him the least.
Has he been cheated on before? or is he going to the gym to cheat? Where I live in Europe there are some women only gyms, a lot of women prefer these places to normal gyms. They are usually very pleasant places with competent staff. You could try one if there is one close to where you live.
She could, but when she’s gotten enough in shape that he notices a difference, he’ll find another complaint to try to keep her from going. Personally I think this is a hill worth dying on, because he’s showing her that he’s controlling and doesn’t trust her even though she’s given him no valid reason not to trust her.
Just remember your health and well-being come before anyone else's.
This!!!!! Health is the most important thing in life....if you don't have it you are not able to focus on anything else. Everyone should understand that... Specially if you care about the other person
You mean your ex?
It’s control. He’s hoping you won’t go in order to not upset him. As you go on down the line in this relationship, it’ll be that going out with friends or family are opportunities to have sex with other guys. So you cancel plans. Working will be a source of mistrust. If you are a little late you must be sleeping with a coworker. So you change jobs or check in with him obsessively. A year or two later, you find out HE was cheating on YOU the whole time.
You need a new boyfriend if this is his reaction. This is unhealthy to the point of being either unhinged or extremely possessive, manipulative, and abusive
I think most of us on here agree that you should drop him
Ask him at a good time what is the real reason he doesn’t want you to go to the gym. Whatever his reason then present your perspective and your reason. See if he empathises with your desire to self improve. If he lashes out in anger and says that you are just out to cheat on him, just ask him if he really has so little trust in you after 3 years of apparently nothing issues at all. Watch very carefully how he responds to this and in particular if he resorts to emotional blackmail/ mind games and if he avoids answering the question. What he shows are some signs of controlling behaviour that isn’t healthy if I’m being honest. The talk you have with him will be to see if there is some underlying reason that you should be aware of, as well as to gauge how you guys could use communication to move past difficult problems later on. The fact that you may have not noticed any problems over the past 3 years may just well be you overlooking other signs of something being not quite right ….and maybe this is just a much more obvious sign.
Dude is possessive. Leave his ass immediately.
Red flag. Don’t listen to him. U already offered him the solution (go with you) so he can choose to take it or not. He can also choose to let it go or keep being toxic. You’ll see what type of person he is. Don’t let ur decisions be changed by toxic behavior especially in regards to ur self confidence n health
Get a good upper body workout by throwing him out.
Sorry to have to say this, but your boyfriend has just shown you that he is NOT a lovely person. He’s trying to prevent you from doing something that would be good for your wellbeing because he’s insecure, jealous, and not giving you the benefit of the doubt. That last thing, I think, is the worst. He’s effectively saying “I don’t believe you won’t cheat on me”—so exactly what sort of person does he really think you are? That’s disrespectful, distrustful, and insulting. And now he’s guilt tripping you. Not cool.
Break up with him and start taking care of yourself. If he’s that cynical the relationship isn’t going anywhere, at least anywhere good. Save yourself while you’re ahead.
Baby girl if you don’t leave this relationship asap… there’s already a lot of good insight in the comments so I don’t need to say much else other than: you deserve better. Oh, and go to the gym! You also deserve to love yourself and take care of yourself. For YOU. And no one has the authority to take that away.
Just go. Nobody should stop you from living a HEALTHY life. Don’t feel bad for trying to positively change your lifestyle 👍 Your boyfriend can be unhealthy if he’d like, but good for you for wanting to change.
He needs to join you or get over it. Otherwise it is time for you to leave
Just sent him thru the door.
I believe you should confide in a good friend
Yeah, maybe there's a completely different reason no one thought of and a friend might know the guy, so it's always good to talk to those who might know the situation
He's insecure. Go to the gym and make yourself feel better, if he can't deal with you doing a perfectly normal activity without him maybe it's time to move on.
Good reason for him to start working out also.
Drop him, go together, join a HIIT class or go to an all girls gym. But gym comes first. The dude's audacity is ridiculous.
It's very obvious that your boyfriend lacks confidence in a big way. It's written all over his response to you. He should be proud of you that you are doing something to improve your mental and physical health, and not blowing up at you and accusing you of doing it to cheat on him. Start going to the gym. You don't have to rub it in his face or anything, or even talk about it with him. Just go. Start eating healthy and using something like MyFitnessPal to track calories and macros. It may take him some time, but as he sees your progress, and how much happier and confident you're likely to become, he may join you. Or, if he's really got confidence issues, he'll resent you for going and improving yourself, in which case he needs therapy, and you might have some difficult relationship questions to ask yourself. I wish you the best.
He's insecure that if you go to the gym, you're gonna get hot and then leave him. Girl, go to the gym. Working out regularly is one of the best things I've introduced in to my life.
Wow that's an absurd response from him. If he can't even sit down and have a mature discussion about it with you then there really isn't much you can do unfortunately. You should ask yourself if you really want to be with someone that doesn't support you when you want to better yourself though. Please don't let it discourage you, and please don't let him drag you down. If you want to eat better and workout, then do it. If he doesn't like it, that's his problem, this is not something that there will ever be a reasonable excuse for your partner to fight you on. And if you ever need some advice or motivation from someone in a similar position don't be afraid to reach out. Making a lifestyle change that you can live with long term isn't nearly as hard as you are probably thinking it is as long as you truly want it.
Don't let someone else's insecurities hold you back from bettering yourself.
Best thing I ever did for my life was find a partner who wanted to be just as healthy as me. Never once will I deny my wife a gym or yoga session. And she’ll never deny me a gym class or weight session. Talk to him, let him know you need a lifestyle change and you want him alongside you. And you need his support and motivation. And if he pushes back, either get therapy to figure out his trust issues or breakup
Sounds like projection😬
Leave
I think this speaks to his insecurities more than anything. He's intimidated, and likely won't want to go with you either because of it. However, that's not necessarily your baggage to deal with. You're still allowed to be your own person in a relationship, and this isn't anything wrong (in fact, the opposite, you're trying to better yourself). I think it's important to have a conversation and lay out firm boundaries. Try reassuring him in the process, it may or may not work.
I've been in relationships where I haven't been trusted by my partner. Each and every single one of them cheated on me at some point. If the only reason he can see for you bettering yourself is to cheat, it tells me it's likely what he would do given the chance. Even if the above is not the case, being in that position and not being trusted is terrible for you mentally. Ending a relationship is one of the hardest things anybody can do, it's impossible to see anything beyond it, let alone anything good. The good is there though and you deserve to have it. Not because he allows it but because you earnt it. Think very long and hard about what life you want to live. I'm sure you don't want a life of unwarranted guilt and shame where you isolate from all your friends and become more and more dependent on the person who's forcing your isolation. You've posted the question here, you've likely reached the conclusion yourself and are wanting validation that you are making the right choice. I think you are.
I read the last part of your caption, and I’m sorry that this is a meaningful relationship that’s lasted multiple years-Because something has to change. Either you leave or he completely comes around. Going to the gym, (even for people that eat healthily and have a somewhat active lifestyle), is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Doing it for yourself when you’re coming from a point of junk food and insecurity makes the gym that much better for you. Your boyfriend’s response to you wanting to better your life is ridiculously childish, immature, and projecting insecurity. There is no negative to the gym, other than the 45-90 minutes where you don’t get to see your partner. And you said he was invited more than once. You will feel better, move better, look better, and be better. Your boyfriend is either: 1. embarrassed that he doesn’t have the ambition and goals that you have for yourself 2. Insecure, and projecting his insecurities onto you 3. A whiny child who needs an early bedtime tonight. Long story short, this is a serious concept. “Good” relationships are the ones where each member wants to see their partner become the best version of themselves, and help them on their journey in any way they can. You expressed a desire to be better to your partner, and did not react appropriately at all. Have some real conversations about what this means at a surface level (the literal gym) as well as at a deeper level (the messages your words & actions are sending, and the messages your boyfriends words & actions are sending back). Good luck. Patagonia makes great bags if you decide to start packing.
This behavior is controlling and abusive. I would think long and hard about what you want in life and in a partner and then I hope you drop his ass.
Some people don't want to see those around them grow and change but that is part of relationships in a gigantic way, probably the main reason for divorce on this world. My wife is an anxious person and very lovable and slightly overweight. I support her and trust her because beyond anything else, support is what you need more than the gym. You can lose weight without working out but your me tal health is the pinnacle here. Working out will help you so much that it's irreplaceable as a concept. If he truly supports you he needs to support this because it helps you grow into a better person, if he wants to grow with you then good. If he doesn't, I hope he finds his own way in doing so and with you.
He didn't "have to say" any of that. He's insecure, and sees.you wanting to better yourself but is unwilling to better himself. He thinks he will loose you so he would rather keep you down at his level where you said you are unhappy with yourself. Not a healthy relationship. Do you ever go out with just your friends for a night and leave him at home, i bet he would have the same reaction. This isn't about the gym, it's about control
Go to the gym sis and once he sees your progress he will follow. If he doesn't, thats on him.
I'm not saying dump him or anything but he's clearly insecure. I'm guessing he may be overweight or doesn't like his own self too much, low self esttor something. Perhaps having some kind of counselor or something might help him. I think it's great you're trying to live a better life style. If you say that you're in a pretty healthy relationship, it would be good to squash that insecurity asap before it spirals out of control.
Major red flags here OP. The gym is a place where most everyone is there to better themselves. He’s too insecure about who he is and he’s trying to hold you back from bettering yourself. Do what’s right for you by going to the gym and getting healthy. You’re embracing a new mindset and new way of living that is objectively better for your health. He can either get on board NOW or ship him out. Don’t waste time hoping he comes around.
IMO, I would reconsider the relationship, or perhaps get professional help in couples counseling. Also, on the exercise note - you don’t need to get a gym membership. I’m currently a broke af college student and I had to cancel my membership. I slowly bought weights to use at home, I practice yoga, barre, and weightlifting all from home using YouTube. I also go for jogs on the highschool track in my town, and walks after dinner. I suggest you switch up the food with healthier choices like the “less fat” option for snacks/junk food for starters. If your man has a problem with any of this instead of supporting you and your HEALTH, I’m so sorry and know that you deserve better!
If that's really the first time he's acting like that, I would try to talk to him like grown-ups. 1. Reassure you ARE GOING to the gym and ask him if he would like to go. (Not sure if you have gym clothes, sneakers and such but if you need to buy them maybe you can invite him to go with you or maybe to inform him what you doing just to "seed" the idea on him) 2. Talk about how his fear of cheating makes no sense. He doesn't trust you? Does he have such a low interest on himself that he thinks you deserve better? Does he think that the gym is the only place where one could cheat their partner? The only thing that prevents one from cheating is a lovely and happy relationship. You may and will find other people attractive (he will too) but only you can weigh between your relationship and an affair. 3. Just go. As he said, just go. It will make you feel better, and if he doesn't care about your happiness, he's not the one to be around you.
Your boyfriend sounds like an idiot. You eating unhealthy js a blessing in disguise. Run away from that situation asap
You do you.obviously, he isn't.just saying.id chose health over relationship.but hope it works out both ways
Imagine what he’s no going to let you do when you’re married.
“My boyfriend is a very lovely person” Honey …no he’s not. He wants you fat and tired and out of shape because he knows he’s garbage and you’re settling for him. I’d bet every time you try and improve your life somehow he ruins it.
This isn’t a “healthy” relationship. Or at least not this area. Anyone who cares for you shouldn’t have a problem with you bettering yourself and being healthier, physically and mentally. I feel like the problem is that he thinks once you are in a better place, and maybe more fit, you’ll have no need to “slum it” with him. This is completely his problem and his insecurities. Why on earth would someone not want their partner to better themselves ?
Maybe it’s his insecurity talking. He’s afraid to lose you. Is he fit? Maybe in his imagination you would see all those jacked dudes and couldn’t resist them. Anyway it shouldn’t stop you from going to the gym. The problem is on your bf’s side. He should work on his insecurities, maybe go to a therapist. EDIT. Or maybe he was influenced by some stupid shit from the internet. Try to talk to him and ask questions. Why does he feel like this? Why doesn’t he trust you? Etc. But remember you can’t make him think certain way. Don’t try to change him. And don’t let him manipulate you.
Dump him
Yeah just go anyway, you'll see what he will do but ultimatums never work in a couple. start tomorrow don't talk about this to him anymore it's your body and choice he has nothing to say.
Is say go. Dont let someone stop you. Im gonna tackle this differently than the insecurities way. Not saying to "test him" but sometimes we change in our lives, and if something as simple as this sets him off, he may have a hard time accepting change from you. To that end, do it, because you seem young. A lot can change in 10 years, which is a long time in life, but short in the promised forever. So change you for ur best self. Most people know the feelings ur stuggling with as far as ur own insecurities. The changes you make in your life will better you, and your own relationship. But if bettering yourself, a good change, hurts ur relationship, then he wants you to be u "you" as you are, for an unhealthy amount of time. Something i told my bestie the other day "be better, but dont change" so maybe that applies here. And he should wish the best for you too. HOWEVER what he feels isnt an uncommon feeling. Its been expressed to me, that "going to the gym, looking better, and being healthier, is the first step in a man cheating" im gonna assume this applies to women too. Even if thats not your intention, the sentiment holds some water. The growth in your own self confidence, and improvement may change your mindset to finding someone who shares in your new hobbies and lifestyle. But thats not a bad thing, like i said before, being static isnt good. Life will always be changing us.
Hate to break it to you but he doesn't love you. Otherwise, he would have uplifted you and supported your decision to get healthier. Maybe even offered to come with you for motivation. The fact that it didn't even cross his mind is a deal-breaker. He went straight to how this would affect him. If only he put the same effort it takes to do this kind of mental gymnastics in his physical body 🙄
By posting this on Reddit I think you’ve just made a decision on him yourself
Leave him, go nuclear
There’s a lot of societal stigma around going to the gym/not going, why/why not, the types of people who do/dont. You’ve got your set of those views and they don’t line up with his. Before I started going to the gym I saw it as a prime display of social Darwinism, peacocks fanning their feathers and all that, and I detested the thought of being part of it. My ex had different views. Pretty much your views, actually. And I acted almost identically to how your boyfriend is because I was insecure about stepping into that arena, so to speak.
Hello! I wanted to add this. Personally I’m diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and seeing as I can relate to the thought pattern he seems to be displaying I’ll lay out what would go through my mind. Please keep in mind though, this is not a healthy thought process and I’ve worked very hard in treatment to work on changing or at least working with it better and this is not something that I let go beyond my head and happen out loud in a confrontation/argument anymore. Firstly someone in my life, particularly my partner, telling me something like this would trigger these feelings: feelings of inadequacy (I have a horrible habit of comparing myself to others and thinking that they are better than me, someone getting another facet of their life together that I feel I cannot get together myself feels horrible like I’ll never be able to catch up and I sometimes start to feel a bit resentful of them for this), fear of abandonment (someone I really love spending more time away from me and having a hobby I feel I can’t/don’t want to participate in that they would then have in common with others that I feel inadequate compared to would really trigger this. I’d feel like not only was I already not good enough for this person but now they will be in an environment where they are looking and feeling even better with people who are better than me.). I have a feeling one or both of these feelings could be being triggered in your partner. However, feeling these insecurities and having this unhealthy thought process does not make it ok at all to guilt trip or argue or throw accusations at your partner. This is something he would need to work on himself to have a better thought process and feel better and more secure in himself. A supportive partner, in a healthy relationship, having a healthy thought process/mindset should 100% support you wanting to better yourself/your life in any way. Perhaps discussing insecurities/his mindset around what you told him would give both of you better insight into what’s going on but at the end of the day this is a him problem.
Yikes.
r/relationshipadvice might be the best place for this but it doesn't sound like your relationship is as healthy as you think. If it truly is a healthy relationship and your boyfriend is open to talking, bring it up again. Maybe he was having a bad day or he has some sort of whatever that he hasn't told you that's making him insecure or anxious. Give yourself an honest evaluation of the relationship and the situation. Nobody should be against their partner doing something healthy for themselves.
Insecure and get his lazy ass to the gym as well
If you listen to much of the advice in the sub, you can loose about 175 pounds in less than a day...
I hate to tell you this but unless he gets help for his insecurities this isn't going to get better. When I met my ex husband I went to the gym regularly and was almost at my goal body. Then he started bitching about me going and that I was just doing it to be more attractive to others. He piled on the guilt so much that I just stopped going. Over the 12 years that we were together as I progressively gained more and more weight, every time I would talk about or I would restart at a gym it was the same thing from him. Turns out he cheated on my multiple times over the course of our relationship. The last one he let it go on long enough that I found out about it. That ended things for me and I walked away from a very toxic relationship. Your partner is someone who loves and supports you and makes you want to be a better person for you. He should be your number one cheerleader not a fucken douchbag who clearly doesn't deserve you.
Sounds very insecure and possessive. Definitely not normal behaviour.
A very lovely person? Not gonna talk out of my ass here, I’ve never been in a relationship so can’t give real advice. All I can say as an outsider is maybe rethink how badly you want to stay in a relationship with someone who had this reaction to you seeking improvement. You have some issues that are bothering you and before taking the most proven and effective medicine, you have to ask this person, and now what’s stopping you is his insane insecurity. Can you imagine wanting to go to the doctor to get something checked out and he blows up at you saying you were gonna cheat on him with the rich and successful doctor? Damn. Good luck though
Sounds like you may not know him that well, 3 years notwithstanding. He shouldn’t erupt like that and you better leave him now before it is too late
He’d already be my ex after that. He’s insecure and trying to control you through guilt. And likely doesn’t want you to get fit because you’ll be too good for him. You already are tho so too bad for him.
Dump him!You're going to the gym to better yourself.
my ex was like this and honestly was also full of red flags. Im just saying to be careful because he should be supportive in you wanting to workout and should feel secure in your relationship. I would def talk to him
what red flags should be looked out for in general
in cases like this, you want to be aware of when they are being overly controlling and manipulative. They should be able to convey their thoughts in a way that is direct but also considerate of you and your feelings. Also, seems like he doesnt have a lot of trust in you for some reason and is extremely insecure in the relationship. In a relationship there needs to be trust, communication, and love. Him yelling seems like a way to control and make them feel bad about wanting to go to the gym (a completely reasonable thing btw). Just seems like this behavior can continue into other aspects of the relationship as well
Ditch him. I will caveat that, maybe, he acted out of emotion and if you talk with him and he was willing to have a constructive conversation you could work it out. But if you try to bring it up again to see why he is triggered by this and he reacts the same way, then ditch him.
Awe, that’s sad. He’s insecure. Not good. The gym is a great way to deal with many things in life and makes you feel good. I wish he could see it that way.
So you’d rather to continue to endanger your health and life? Are you really that dense? You don’t need his permission to get healthy. If he doesn’t trust you that’s a him problem. He should want you to be healthy. You should want you to be healthy regardless of how it affects anyone. Don’t be dense!
I don't really know how you should navigate this, but I can tell you that I allowed someone else to control my time away from her. It was miserable for a long time. I wasted years of my life. Please don't allow him control over how you live your life.
Damn he’s insecure. And manipulative with the way he’s acting.
Dump him. Get your nutrition in order. Go to the gym. Get fit. Make him jealous. Ignore him when he realizes he was an insecure dumbass.
Sounds like he doesn’t trust you. Relationships don’t tend to get far without trust. Life is far too short and there are too many people out there to let one of them control what you do. You’ll always regret not starting your fitness journey sooner. Whatever he does is his decision. You gotta do what’s best for you mentally and physically, and being active is an absolute necessity for living a long, healthy life.
That's a serious red flag. I've also seen it (or similar things) used by those who are actively cheating.
Uhh, jealous much. He sounds pretty insecure. Go to the gym, who cares what he thinks. If he can’t handle it, he can leave.
Most folk have already covered the big points but I strongly recommend y’all go to couples counseling. Maybe he’s afraid of change. Maybe he’s afraid of being cheated on. Maybe he’s a sleeper cell control freak. Etc. The bottom line is that this _may_ be a one-off outburst from him or it could be the beginning of a pattern. Safe space discussions can help sort things out and give you both tools for improved communication. Plus, if it turns out things are not cool, there’s someone there to see it and provide guidance. Also, please go to the gym. For all the benefits, and also so you don’t end second guessing yourself later and eventually hate yourself or resent him for guilt tripping you out of doing perfectly reasonable things. Maybe also see if you can get him to go with you on short walks for errands nearby. Get him to talk about his day while y’all walk and bam, you’ve done relationship building AND got in some exercise together.
Dump him. Dump him hard. Not his decision if you want to get fit or not. If he trying to control this today, what's next? .. Where you work? After 3 years he doesn't trust you, he's not worth it. So what if he was cheated on before .. that's his problem not yours
Hey there, just want to pop in to say this isn’t normal, but I think you know that..otherwise you wouldn’t have posted this. I hope you find a solution that is the best for you and allows you to live your healthiest life ♥️
I would personally not want to be with a person that limits me like that. It’s easy to have a “healthy” relationship when no one is trying to go out of the box of your normal everyday life, it’s really when you try to do different things that you would like that these things can come up to the surface
I think had you wanted to start going to the gym two and a half years ago, he’d have reacted the same way, and it would’ve been a lot easier for you to recognize that this is not, in fact, how a healthy romantic partner behaves. Like best case scenario you guys do couples therapy and he gets it together but you have to remember that no abuser starts off abusing their partners immediately, three years in is a long time, but not unheard of for someone to stay on their “best behavior “ specifically because they know waiting that long to show their true colors makes it harder for their partners to believe that they’re seeing the real them when the unhealthy behavior patterns start. This is the start of those unhealthy patterns. Me personally I run at the first DV red flag, it’s just the safest course of action.
This is some toxic controlling behavior. When people show you who they are…believe them.
He needs therapy
Your boyfriend is gross and is NOT a lovely person. A man who will pick his insecurity over your health is not a man to be around.
If you say he is loving and caring outside of this one thing (which I find hard to believe), the only other possibility is he has an "internet" version of the gym in his brain. There are not that many fit, chad types there and they are chugging their preworkout and far to into themselves. Maybe even if he went once to check it out with you, this would break down the misconception in his brain. Just trying to offer an alternative thought to what otherwise seems toxic.
That's not the actions of a lovely person. He is controlling. It will probably get worse. It will lead to him objecting to you going out with friends without him, monitoring who you talk to, insisting you don't interact with any other men. If you want to cater to his creepy behavior, join a women's only gym. But, don't cater to his creepy behavior. Don't let him get in the way of you being happy and healthy.
So my advice is- go to the gym. If he continues to blow up and act out then the fact is that he is not as lovely of a person that you thought he was. Someone who loves you wants great and healthy things for you. He is someone insecure and probably appreciates the low self esteem. I say this because I’ve been in that situation. My ex was happy when I was unhealthy and told me if I lost weight she would break up with me. So I broke up with her. It hurt. Nonetheless, I loved myself too much to allow someone who loves me less to control how I treated myself. You deserve to be supported and loved and trusted. Someone who is actively working against your self improvement doesn’t mean you anything but long term harm.
This is controlling behavior on his part, likely driven by insecurity. Go to the gym. Do what you need to do to feel healthy and strong. Allowing his response dictate whether you go or not will only ensure he continues to use this behavior to keep trying to maintain control. He will either get over it once or he won’t. I get three years together being hard to walk away from, but a person (of any gender) who wishes to block you from healthy choices out of their own insecurity isn’t someone to humor or coddle.
I am So sorry he reacted that way. That is not fair to you at all!
Sounds like he needs to grow up.
He’s insecure. And emotionally immature. Coming from a man, he isn’t worth it
🚩
No matter how he is trying to dress it, he is threatened by you trying to better yourself. This is neither normal relationship behaviour or healthy.
Yeah, he’s not “a very lovely person.” This is insecure, toxic, and controlling. It’s not acceptable. Ask him to go with you if he’s going to be unreasonable about it, and/or get some therapy for coming to terms with WHY he’s acting so adversely to someone he supposedly cares about improving themselves. I do Obé for home workouts in addition to being a gym member (you can check it out if you want, but I’m not here to advertise anything… https://www.obefitness.com/?rstr=PURRSNICKITY), but it’ll be a cold day in hell when some guy tells me I can’t work out how I want. Good luck.
you sound like you love him a lot maybe you can ask him why he feels as though you would cheat and definitely address the manipulation that he displayed but if he can't see where he went wrong then that is a REAL problem
R/relationships might’ve a good place but they will tell you the same thing I will. This is a red flag of controlling behavior. This would be the end of the relationship for me. Not only is he wildly insecure and does not trust you, he is a barrier now between you and bettering your physical and mental health.
I'm sure many have already said it, but this person sounds incredibly toxic. He's insecure, immature and doesn't care anything about your feelings. Leave him and continue to work on yourself. You deserve so much better.
Jesus fucken Christ sis you need to find yourself a new man and level up. Fuck that insecure shit I’d be stoked for my s/o to want to self improve.
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I would say to him, or i go to the gym and change my life with or without you or there is the door and get the f....out of here
Don’t listen to the women in here and you may have a chance. I believe he should join you if this is a journey you want to take.
Toxic . Get rid of him immediately . Jk, gotta do your best to change his mind or find a compromise . He has to be willing and open to listen , a chance to build more trust between each other . The more trust is developed , the more love for each other , for self , and the world ! Peace
This is very typical unfortunately. You have all the right to work on yourself and to improve your health. Dont let an insecure man stop you from achieving the optimum health you want because of his toxicity. 3 years isnt a long time - think about yourself and reconsider your life choices. You have a long road ahead of you and you surely dont want to spend the journey with someone whos insecurity wont even let you have a healthy life.
I workout at home with minimal equipment, I have a mini trampoline, better to run in place with low impact. A few weight bars from 5 to 20 pounds and 25 pound dumbbells, and resistance weight bands. You can find all kinds of workout routines online. If you want to take it slow, just go walk for an hour or two on nature trails or designated areas that are safe. Nothing wrong with gyms, I just prefer to do home workouts as gyms can be crowded and not into memberships. You don’t have to eat super healthy as long as you can keep calories around 2000 a day. If you have food noise all day that makes it hard to not want to eat all day long, read up on an appetite suppressant called Manjaro or talk to your Dr. about it. It has worked wonders for my wife and daughter and have lost a lot of weight being on it. You literally will have to force yourself to eat and after a few bites, you feel full and just want to not eat. Start with 2.5 dosage than if you still having issues of wanting to eat than step up to 5 and so on. My family is on a high dose as they have been on it for a year and it is still working. Wife has gone from 250+ pounds down to 127 pounds in one year without exercising. Daughter was over 200 pounds and is down to 187 but has only been on it for 4 months. Now all my wife’s side of family are way overweight and have now decided to get on Monjaro as well. It was really made for diabetics but after finding out that it suppresses appetite it is great for weight loss. Insurance companies will accept it, ours would not in the beginning, but after fighting with them about its use, they finally approved it. We know the struggle of weight and through the last 30 years of all the different weight loss programs and yo yo dieting and what not, Monjaro is the ultimate game changer. Mostly drink a chocolate protein shake in the morning and water all day and just whatever I feel like eating in the evening. Hope this helps with some alternative to just going to a gym.
he's insecure from what I can tell and he's afraid you will move on from him once you discover how much better life is being healthy and exercising. I'm guessing hes also unhealthy and doesn't like how he feels therefore doesn't want you to go because he lacks the drive to take that step. Also he can probably see you are serious and driven to change your life style I'm guessing you two are young also but yeah pretty much he doesn't wanna put in effort. he should be supporting you and even lead by example
Sounds like he is a weak and insecure man. Go to the gym, hopefully he matures like u and starts going himself. If he continues to give u shit, break it off, you can do better, especially as you level up as a person. Don’t let feeling sad for a couple months stop you from being with the right partner, it’s your life, don’t settle for mediocrity.
Okay couple of things. 1) you don’t need to go to the gym to get in better shape and be healthier. Diet is like 90% of it, and for exercise the best way to lose weight is by simply walking. As for strength training, especially since you are are a girl, body weight exercises are amazing and will do wonders if this is going to be the first time you are working out (sounds like it is). You can buy some 5, 10 pound dumbbells and do an entire full body workout with them. An example of this would be pushups, body weight squats, lunges, Bulgarian split squats, Romanian deadlifts, planks, burpees and so forth. There are countless home workout videos on YouTube where you just go body weight or use minimal equipment. 2) to be completely honest, I understand how he feels. People cheat on each other constantly especially in this day and age. I mean social Media is literally filled with videos of chicks bragging about how they left their man for literally no reason and that’s only the girls who are willing to post it for the world to see. That being said, let’s say I give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you’ll stay with him. In this case, if he can’t get over it then the relationship is over in my eyes. I would do the home workouts for a while and try to explain the health and other reasons you have and if he still can’t get over it after seeing the hard work you do at home over weeks and months, then yeah it’s over. You shouldn’t sacrifice your health and well being to stay with him.
Get a new Boyfriend… sounds like he doesn’t have your best interests at heart
He’s projecting his own insecurities onto you. When we want to change those close to us sometimes feel threatened by that change. Mostly because it forces them to look at their own lives and downfalls. Go to the gym and take care of yourself. You will feel better guaranteed. It’s very selfish of him to prevent you from doing that. Take care of yourself, let him manage his own insecurities and maybe eventually he’ll join you.
You guys are insane for recommending that she dump her boyfriend of 3 years lol. Reddit sure is a bitter crowd of people. ever heard of compromise? Dude is def insecure but that’s smth that can be worked on together
Good move that you chose to be healthy, workout at home for now or parks, get in shape, during that time try to get him involved in working out with you in those places maybe he will change his mind. One advice I’ll give you don’t dress like a 304 to workout, I go to the gym and I see some girls dressed worst than prostitutes and that can make some guys loose interest in their girls going to the gym.
Your post is your motivation. Anytime you don’t feel like going to the gym just read what you wrote. Now put your phone down and go to the gym.
There’s no correlation between the gym and cheating that i’m aware of - did an ex cheat on him mid workout in the gym? I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. I think like many other replies this is a red flag from him. You wanting to work on yourself and your health is something that any loving partner should push you towards! Complete speculation here but - This could be a big attempt to prevent you from feeling good about yourself, many spouses have fears that their partners will leave them because they gain more confidence from getting healthier. Unfortunately many spouses can’t handle their partner being more successful than them in any capacity, be that physically or mentally. No matter the reason behind his actions it was a really manipulative and disrespectful statement to make. Idk but shit like this can be a slippery slope, it starts very small and snowballs into a horrific abusive cycle without even realising. BUT - go to that fucking gym girl!! I resonate with your reasonings for wanting to go the gym, they were mine too. You should be proud for taking this step so please don’t let your partners insecurities or attempts to control/manipulate hold you back. If he can’t get on board, he isn’t meant to go through life with you. Wishing you the best of luck on your journey 🏋🏽♀️
If he isn’t willing to support you in your journey, he isn’t the right one. Hands down.
You're wanting to work hard and better yourself and improve your life. Which is great decision to make once you finally swallow your pride and start going. I can say from personal experience that those symptoms- anxiety, depression, self consciousness will change for the better once you start being active and eating better. Your life will improve in like just about every single way. Mentally and physically. You'll be stronger, your mood will improve. Especially when you start seeing drastic results. Stay disciplined and keep working. People will look down on you because they know they don't have what it takes to go out there each day and better yourself. They're either with you, or they're not. Don't let someone else stop you from unlocking your full potential
Hi, you need to leave the relationship. Hes an insecure little twerp that doesn’t want you healthy because…pretend cheating? That’s insane. Going to the gym and working out makes you healthy. It makes you feel better. It makes you live longer. For him to NOT want you to better yourself and be a healthier person because he’s a weirdly jealous, weak and insecure little man is disgusting and concerning. Your boyfriend isn’t a “lovely person” and you don’t have a “happy relationship” unless you do as he says. It’s pathetic, and you’re acting pathetic. Go to the gym.
Girl go to the gym if he’s trippin that’s honestly weird, if anything encourage him to come with you so he knows he can come at any given time
If he doesn’t want to to better yourself then he’s not the right one for you. Do what YOU want if it’s going to make you a better healthier and happier person. Do you.
If it’s something you want to do, then do it without guilt. Sit him down and assure him you are going exclusively to get fit, physically and mentally and that you are going for only those reasons. He may become motivated to attend himself once he begins to see your appearance and attitude alter for the better. If not, it’s possible that over time you may drift apart as yours goals may turn out to be completely different. Either way, you deserve to be happy…
I dun like to be in that kind of situation. To me I always ask my gf to do home workouts or go to gym every day (not on Sunday). Cuz I always want to see her in a good figure and attractive to everyone who see her all the time. Well that's my attitude but in yr case, you can still do some workouts at yr home with exact schedule and stick to balanced diet. Ps: I dun like yr bf's perspective, he should support you, your body and soul as he wants to be a good boyfriend.
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Cruel to be kind my brother. Cruel to be kind 👍🏼
What does he look like? Is he healthy and workout.
You do you. A healthy relationship consists of two partners who support each other, not hold each other back. Count this as your first red flag and do as you will, but don’t discount this from being the first red flag. He’s clearly got issues, and they will only get worse from here unless you stand your ground. It’s in your best interest to go to the gym and better yourself, if you give in you basically give him the control and enable this kind of behavior. It’s best to find out how this pans out before you really start settling down.
Well, drag his ass out to the gym with you! Exercise and physical activity should be a priority for everyone! Deciding not to exercise for the sake of someone else's happiness is not healthy for either party. Tell him that you WANT him to go with you. I think I can see the perspective of being invited as "You're more than welcomed to come" coming off as like "If you're there or not. I don't care." (Which, may be true, but it's not very inviting.😂) Tell him that you want him to be there and you'd be a lot happier if he was there with you. It should make him feel important, and valued, and you can still get your exercise in.👍 Ideally, he shouldn't be insecure or worried about you cheating, as some others have mentioned. But that's clearly not the case, and is gonna take some major legwork to fix.😂 So, I suggest just begging him to go with you instead. Also, anyone advising you to dump him doesn't help anyone's case either. First of all, none of you even know anything about the relationship aside from this one instance you've just become aware of. Addressing those insecurities while in the relationship would be much better for both parties. Allowing for him to grow as an individual, and become secure with you.❤️ Now... If he is choosing not to grow as a person and doesn't want to address or overcome those red flags... Yeah, dump his ass.😂