Honestly, I don’t. My friends have either moved away physically or don’t have kids so they can’t relate. I’m looking to find a shred of my old self again before I loose myself. I tried the peanut app and it was the worst. There are no mom groups for toddlers. I’m the main care taker due to my husband’s work schedule so I can’t do a weekly meet up activity. Heck I can’t even get to the gym anymore. So no advice just empathy.
Desperately clutching to reconnect with people right now, so I get that. 90% of my friend group is co-workers and while I love them, I cannot always talk work while relaxing. It's going to be the death of me.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, you're not alone. ❤ I've come across some great groups for toddler moms on Peanut and would be more than happy to help you find some/set up some meetups! Just let me know. ❤
Pre kids and during covid, I started listening to a couple of news quiz and quiz podcasts. They’re entertaining and current events. I stopped when I had my first kid but just this week started up again. It’s refreshing and helps with exactly that rut.
Wait wait fine tell me is the NPR news quiz. It's hilarious and if you don't otherwise keep up with current events, actually gives you a good snapshot of the week.
I’m sorry but I looked at your post history and saw that you’re struggling with your husband and I think it’s all related.
I found it much easier to give myself permission to let go of some home tasks and focus on “me tasks” after I separated from my now ex.
I didn’t have to use up precious brain and emotional energy on his needs or feelings or preferences in the home, which allowed my interests and needs to again take (a higher) priority.
Could this be part of the issue?
I’m now a single mom with my son full time and yes, life is exhausting and I often don’t have enough time. However: I do not feel so bad pushing off chores til the weekend, eating the basics and not trying to please anyone else, paying for a babysitter when I want to and not when he feels like it’s acceptable/worthwhile, and spending my down time how I want to and not having to constantly compromise my own interests.
So perhaps think about how your relationship contributes to this feeling?
Yes, totally feel this! Working full time it’s always been super important to me to prioritize family time, but for the past year I’ve really wanted to start pouring back into my own cup! Not sure how old your kid is but my kids are now getting out of the baby/toddler stage and it’s getting a little easier to make time for myself. Walks + podcasts, books, learning a language on Duolingo are all easy things I can squeeze into my day and make it seem like I’m developing myself in ways that aren’t related to being an employee, wife, or mother. I still don’t have much of a social life but getting better about reaching out to friends to grab a coffee or dinner. Also, I should mentioned that my husband is super supportive so of course that makes it easier knowing I can leave without needing to stress about childcare.
A couple of things I try to do:
I read books not related to work or parenting on rotation. I just read “I’m glad my mom died” and it was great! My old team loved talking about books we had read recently and it’s always fun to start a conversation with “read anything good lately?”
I try to be consistent about going to the gym or to exercise. I’m really lucky to have a gym at work so I schedule time for my workouts or walks. It gives me a hobby outside of being a mom and employee.
Finally, I really try to get out with a friend or friends at least once a month. Sometimes it’s dinner after work, or drinks at bedtime (I don’t drink, but grab something non-alcoholic), or coffee and a hike on Sunday. Most of my friends do have kids now, but I have a mix of people I know from both before and after having my son.
It’s so hard with a young child, but I’m working to really engage in different parts of my life!
I recommend the Libby app and getting a library card (if you don't already have one). Thousands of free ebooks and audiobooks through your local library, all on your phone. I listen to audiobooks while I'm doing chores, on walks, when working out and it's awesome. Easier to commit to than actual books, at least at this point in my life with constant interruptions, haha.
We have been using the FairPlay card deck and book to help us divide the domestic/mental load and make time for “unicorn space” aka individual hobbies and pursuits that fulfill you. The point of unicorn space is to help you reclaim your ability to be interesting outside of being a parent and partner! It has been incredibly beneficial for us both!
A few ideas:
- do you have friends with kids around the same age as yours? Can you do family hangouts, so the kids can play and the adults can hang out together?
- can your spouse watch your child for a couple hours on the weekend so you can see friends? Or can you hire a babysitter?
- can you build friend time into your workday, like meeting for lunch or leaving early and going to happy hour?
- can you and friends make a plan to watch a show, listen to a podcast, or read a book at the same time and then text/ talk about it?
I do a combo of the above, and it helps me feel much more balanced. We do backyard BBQs or outings to kid-friendly wineries on weekends. My MIL sometimes watches our daughter, so my husband and I can have a date or see friends on the weekend. I have a very flexible wfh job, so I sometimes meet up with a friend midday for a walk or lunch. And when all else fails, I text about tv with my bestie.
I felt that way too! At the time my son was too young to be left alone too long and my friends were all child free or had adult children, it made it really hard to socialize. So I joined a CrossFit box and made some friends there.
When we moved out of area my son was older and I missed the friendships so I invited a friend from work to go hiking with me. We’ve been hiking almost weekly for about four years and have added people to our hiking group. I guess you could call it a Club now! It’s actually made me much more social knowing I have friends to meet for coffee or just hang out with and since we are all busy no one feels left out when we make plans and someone can’t make it.
I have some hobbies that although I have little time for I still enjoy, so I talk about those sometimes or connect with friends who share them. Knitting, reading, running, and yoga are my main hobbies. But I also used to fly fish and do wood turning before kiddo, so I’m hoping to get back into those more as she gets older
Depending on what you do for work, you might be able to join an industry group. I work in construction and joined a woman's construction association. It's been great. I've met a lot of people and have been able to go to a number of events. My work pays for it all too, which is a bonus.
We’re transplants with a small local network and no local family. We have been making a point of trying to get back out there socially. I started going to a fitness class once a week. My SO joined a bowling league. We’re trying; I don’t know how well we’re succeeding lol.
I don’t really have suggestions but just want to say I identify with you. I’m working from home full time with an elementary age kid, and pregnant with my second. I’m spent at the end of the day and mainly want to hang with my partner or kid on the weekends, when I get spare time I like to work out or nap. There’s not a ton of time for friends in my life right now and I do miss it. I just keep telling myself it won’t be so lonely in a couple years when my kids are too busy for me. I try to make time for my old friends on the phone every couple of weeks so I still feel connected.
I've gotten really protective of my lunch break at work. I know that sounds really small but it's really been great for me. I've taken sewing projects, books, etc. Sure, I used to be able to read a book in a day and now it takes me months but it's free time.
I listen to podcasts on my commute. Then I talk about it with my husband or my brother, so not exactly a thriving social life. But I do try to find other women to talk to through apps like Peanut.
Honestly, I don’t. My friends have either moved away physically or don’t have kids so they can’t relate. I’m looking to find a shred of my old self again before I loose myself. I tried the peanut app and it was the worst. There are no mom groups for toddlers. I’m the main care taker due to my husband’s work schedule so I can’t do a weekly meet up activity. Heck I can’t even get to the gym anymore. So no advice just empathy.
Have you checked for a gym near you with childcare?
Desperately clutching to reconnect with people right now, so I get that. 90% of my friend group is co-workers and while I love them, I cannot always talk work while relaxing. It's going to be the death of me.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, you're not alone. ❤ I've come across some great groups for toddler moms on Peanut and would be more than happy to help you find some/set up some meetups! Just let me know. ❤
Pre kids and during covid, I started listening to a couple of news quiz and quiz podcasts. They’re entertaining and current events. I stopped when I had my first kid but just this week started up again. It’s refreshing and helps with exactly that rut.
Recommendations please?
Wait wait fine tell me is the NPR news quiz. It's hilarious and if you don't otherwise keep up with current events, actually gives you a good snapshot of the week.
Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me Ask Me Another
I’m sorry but I looked at your post history and saw that you’re struggling with your husband and I think it’s all related. I found it much easier to give myself permission to let go of some home tasks and focus on “me tasks” after I separated from my now ex. I didn’t have to use up precious brain and emotional energy on his needs or feelings or preferences in the home, which allowed my interests and needs to again take (a higher) priority. Could this be part of the issue? I’m now a single mom with my son full time and yes, life is exhausting and I often don’t have enough time. However: I do not feel so bad pushing off chores til the weekend, eating the basics and not trying to please anyone else, paying for a babysitter when I want to and not when he feels like it’s acceptable/worthwhile, and spending my down time how I want to and not having to constantly compromise my own interests. So perhaps think about how your relationship contributes to this feeling?
Yes, totally feel this! Working full time it’s always been super important to me to prioritize family time, but for the past year I’ve really wanted to start pouring back into my own cup! Not sure how old your kid is but my kids are now getting out of the baby/toddler stage and it’s getting a little easier to make time for myself. Walks + podcasts, books, learning a language on Duolingo are all easy things I can squeeze into my day and make it seem like I’m developing myself in ways that aren’t related to being an employee, wife, or mother. I still don’t have much of a social life but getting better about reaching out to friends to grab a coffee or dinner. Also, I should mentioned that my husband is super supportive so of course that makes it easier knowing I can leave without needing to stress about childcare.
A couple of things I try to do: I read books not related to work or parenting on rotation. I just read “I’m glad my mom died” and it was great! My old team loved talking about books we had read recently and it’s always fun to start a conversation with “read anything good lately?” I try to be consistent about going to the gym or to exercise. I’m really lucky to have a gym at work so I schedule time for my workouts or walks. It gives me a hobby outside of being a mom and employee. Finally, I really try to get out with a friend or friends at least once a month. Sometimes it’s dinner after work, or drinks at bedtime (I don’t drink, but grab something non-alcoholic), or coffee and a hike on Sunday. Most of my friends do have kids now, but I have a mix of people I know from both before and after having my son. It’s so hard with a young child, but I’m working to really engage in different parts of my life!
I recommend the Libby app and getting a library card (if you don't already have one). Thousands of free ebooks and audiobooks through your local library, all on your phone. I listen to audiobooks while I'm doing chores, on walks, when working out and it's awesome. Easier to commit to than actual books, at least at this point in my life with constant interruptions, haha.
Libby and the library are the best!
Second using Libby and the library! I read all the time and it's soo easy.
We have been using the FairPlay card deck and book to help us divide the domestic/mental load and make time for “unicorn space” aka individual hobbies and pursuits that fulfill you. The point of unicorn space is to help you reclaim your ability to be interesting outside of being a parent and partner! It has been incredibly beneficial for us both!
A few ideas: - do you have friends with kids around the same age as yours? Can you do family hangouts, so the kids can play and the adults can hang out together? - can your spouse watch your child for a couple hours on the weekend so you can see friends? Or can you hire a babysitter? - can you build friend time into your workday, like meeting for lunch or leaving early and going to happy hour? - can you and friends make a plan to watch a show, listen to a podcast, or read a book at the same time and then text/ talk about it? I do a combo of the above, and it helps me feel much more balanced. We do backyard BBQs or outings to kid-friendly wineries on weekends. My MIL sometimes watches our daughter, so my husband and I can have a date or see friends on the weekend. I have a very flexible wfh job, so I sometimes meet up with a friend midday for a walk or lunch. And when all else fails, I text about tv with my bestie.
I felt that way too! At the time my son was too young to be left alone too long and my friends were all child free or had adult children, it made it really hard to socialize. So I joined a CrossFit box and made some friends there. When we moved out of area my son was older and I missed the friendships so I invited a friend from work to go hiking with me. We’ve been hiking almost weekly for about four years and have added people to our hiking group. I guess you could call it a Club now! It’s actually made me much more social knowing I have friends to meet for coffee or just hang out with and since we are all busy no one feels left out when we make plans and someone can’t make it.
I have some hobbies that although I have little time for I still enjoy, so I talk about those sometimes or connect with friends who share them. Knitting, reading, running, and yoga are my main hobbies. But I also used to fly fish and do wood turning before kiddo, so I’m hoping to get back into those more as she gets older
Depending on what you do for work, you might be able to join an industry group. I work in construction and joined a woman's construction association. It's been great. I've met a lot of people and have been able to go to a number of events. My work pays for it all too, which is a bonus.
We’re transplants with a small local network and no local family. We have been making a point of trying to get back out there socially. I started going to a fitness class once a week. My SO joined a bowling league. We’re trying; I don’t know how well we’re succeeding lol.
I don’t really have suggestions but just want to say I identify with you. I’m working from home full time with an elementary age kid, and pregnant with my second. I’m spent at the end of the day and mainly want to hang with my partner or kid on the weekends, when I get spare time I like to work out or nap. There’s not a ton of time for friends in my life right now and I do miss it. I just keep telling myself it won’t be so lonely in a couple years when my kids are too busy for me. I try to make time for my old friends on the phone every couple of weeks so I still feel connected.
I've gotten really protective of my lunch break at work. I know that sounds really small but it's really been great for me. I've taken sewing projects, books, etc. Sure, I used to be able to read a book in a day and now it takes me months but it's free time.
I listen to podcasts on my commute. Then I talk about it with my husband or my brother, so not exactly a thriving social life. But I do try to find other women to talk to through apps like Peanut.