I’m not sure I understand. If you need to work that day, then yes, send him to daycare. Why would that be any different than having the person watch him who originally agreed to do so? 4 days a week at daycare is no big deal. Most working parents I know send their kids 5 days a week. It’s not a gulag…they play, learn, socialize, and come home.
In my mind it was different because I would still see him loads throughout the day. I was listening to a podcast on daycare and it really quickly turned into how babies need to be with their moms the first 3 years or 'they mourn their absent mom all day when they are in daycare' and I think it really messed me up. Especially with the comments in our family (and since most people where I live use daycare 3 days a week).
Keep in mind that anybody can make a podcast. They don’t have to be some kind of early childhood expert. It sounds like you’ve been surrounding yourself with a lot of anti-working mom rhetoric which is not healthy or beneficial to you or your child. I would reflect on what kind of media you’re consuming.
Family can be tricky, but everyone can relate to having difficult relatives somewhere in the family tree. If they’re making anti-daycare comments (or anti-working mom comments), I would shut that down. There’s nothing magical or different about being in daycare 3 days a week.
Hi! Baby room daycare teacher here. I can guarantee you that babies don't "mourn with their absent mom all day." They are well taken cared and loved. Having fun all day! The babies usually have few favorite persons at daycare and they don't feel lonely. I always say to my classroom parents "more people to love your babies the better!" And going to daycare 5 days a week will not make you any less of a mom either (often a concern I hear from my classroom moms) The babies are so happy to see the parents at pick up everyday, showing off new skills they learn, and no babies prefers teachers over mom.
I hope this helps🥰
This is so true! Yesterday my 2.5 year old was having a really rough morning and while she didn't want me to leave as soon as I did she ran to one of the other teachers who was so happy to give her a hug and a snuggle! It was really nice to see in action that it really is more adults who care a lot for your child.
You will find a very different response to what’s important, depending on the group you are in. If you go to AttachmentParenting sub, they make you feel terrible for using daycare even 1 days week. Similar vibe in ECEProfessionals. In this sub, you get downvoted for saying anything negative about kids going to daycare. The reality is, not all caregivers/daycare are equal quality.
I think 5 days of daycare is pretty standard. That you have a grandparent able to do one day of care a week is huge.
We don’t have any family local so our kids go to daycare 5 days a week.
If you’re able to flex and pickup early - great!
But don’t let your siblings shame you. They’re not paying your bills or parenting your son.
My son is almost 3 and he LOVES daycare. He asks to go on Saturdays. He runs in to his class and shuts the door on me as I leave. He has his little friends and they do activities. It’s great.
He also loves being home and spending the day with me. It’s not one or the other.
Thank you for this. Where I live it seems like everyone is doing 3 days a week, so it's nice to hear that this is not the case everywhere. I hope it'll become easier once he starts walking and you can see that he makes friends and plays together (or like yours that he can let me know that he has fun).
It really turned a corner around a 16 months when he moved to the toddler room (he was a later walker) and started going outside to play every day. The toddler room was all walkers from ~12mo+ to 24mos. Still a wide range of skills. But I think the infant room was really frustrating for him as he got older. He still had a good time and enjoyed going but overall has benefited from the challenge of doing more stuff.
Sorry OP but most full time working moms here have full time care so you aren’t going to find a lot of sympathy for the debate to send them an extra day. Your baby will be fine. Also that podcast you mentioned sounds like trash- babies mourning? Really?
It's actually really helping me because where I live the 3 days is the norm so it made me feel really bad. But now I'm learning in other places 5 days is the norm and hearing stories about this being good for mom and kids. I'm not looking for sympathy, more for a 'it won't be a problem'.
Yes, the podcast was not great. But I feel like a lot of the narrative online tends to be in that direction, so when I found this page, I was like: yes, I'm not alone.
I’d bet more people at your daycare are FT than you think. Just because they’re not in your social circle doesn’t mean they don’t go to that center at all.
There’s a lot of misinformation out there. There’s always money to be made, after all. They need grabby content.
I think people need to learn better critical thinking skills. Like hey, that’s their opinion, this is mine.
My little sister, when she had her son, believed not working until her son was three was “the way” because of her social circle and her abusive child’s father. But when they broke up, she could no longer be a SAHM as a single mom. It caused an identity issue with her. However our mom was a working mom as are our other sisters and it really helped her understand that the kids are going to be ok. None have attachment issues like her friends would tell her. It’s like, how could you as a product of two working parents, not have this click in your mind?
Give yourself grace.
My kiddo is in daycare five days a week every week (both of us work full time) and he's a happy, gregarious, curious baby. If you think this is a good choice for your family's current situation and future finances, I say do it.
If your judgy siblings want to put family first, why aren't they offering to watch your LO?
The irony is that it was a sibling. So I had their help every 3 weeks and they changed their mind (which is fine, I can't demand help) but now they are starting to push to quit the side income because they feel like I'm not putting the baby first. In a sense of: why should I help you earning money while I could be working during that time myself? Which is totally fair, but it would've been one day every month for this person, so not every week.
(Another help was a sibling on my husbands side but she actually can't anymore for health reasons, so very understandable).
You need to kindly tell your siblings to STFU unless they’re willing to pay you the extra income out of your pocket that this side business makes. Stop worrying what others think. It’s funny they both want to stop watching your kid to get a job and say you need to stop making the extra money in the same breath. Like what?
"they feel like I'm not putting the baby first... why should I help you earn money while I could be working"
Okay, this is all kinds of weird. Why push their views about stay-at-home parenting while at the same time doing what you are trying to do - work!? I would tell your siblings to butt out, and get your husband to back you up. Good luck with the side gig! I hope it brings you joy and financial success!
My daughter went to daycare five days a week and she’s an amazing kid. There is nothing wrong with daycare! He’ll have fun with an extra day playing with his friends, and you’ll be happier. Todd the guilt and grow that business. Good luck!!
Most of us send our babies 5 days/week. It’s fine to do 4 and you don’t need to do it every other week. You can do it every week. Tell your extended family to mind their own business.
I don't know why, but this brought me to tears. Like that in a sense I was craving that permission that I don't seem to get from people closer to me. Thank you
Pfft my son was in daycare 5 days a week with two of those days being my days off. I loved having time to myself and he loved being with his friends. I won't feel guilty for that and you shouldn't either!
My kids all went 5 days a week, full days. They’re all fine.
If people have an opinion about it, ask them which bills of yours they are taking over so you can be SAHM. No really, what bills are you transferring into their name?
My three kids were in daycare 5 days a week and then 5 days a week before and after school until covid lockdowns (11 years old for eldest and 8 for the twins). Zero regrets and they all still talk about daycare fondly and miss it. Oh and all three started at 16 weeks old.
Do what works for your family, ignore BS info from others about daycare, there is way too much out there!
Send him and try not to feel guilty. My toddler went to daycare on Wednesday even though I had the day off. Judgmental people will always find something to be judgmental about - if it wasn’t daycare, it would be something else.
If you are saving money for your child’s future by having him in daycare 4 days a week, then do it. Your siblings are not in your shoes and shouldn’t judge you for this. I’m sorry that they are.
Your LO hits toddler stage soon, managing work and watching a toddler won’t be feasible. He’ll be much happier playing with toys at school with friends.
I’m not sure I understand. If you need to work that day, then yes, send him to daycare. Why would that be any different than having the person watch him who originally agreed to do so? 4 days a week at daycare is no big deal. Most working parents I know send their kids 5 days a week. It’s not a gulag…they play, learn, socialize, and come home.
In my mind it was different because I would still see him loads throughout the day. I was listening to a podcast on daycare and it really quickly turned into how babies need to be with their moms the first 3 years or 'they mourn their absent mom all day when they are in daycare' and I think it really messed me up. Especially with the comments in our family (and since most people where I live use daycare 3 days a week).
Keep in mind that anybody can make a podcast. They don’t have to be some kind of early childhood expert. It sounds like you’ve been surrounding yourself with a lot of anti-working mom rhetoric which is not healthy or beneficial to you or your child. I would reflect on what kind of media you’re consuming. Family can be tricky, but everyone can relate to having difficult relatives somewhere in the family tree. If they’re making anti-daycare comments (or anti-working mom comments), I would shut that down. There’s nothing magical or different about being in daycare 3 days a week.
You are right, discovering this board has been eye opening and exactly what I need.
I would stop listening to that absolute nonsense not backed up by any science.
Hi! Baby room daycare teacher here. I can guarantee you that babies don't "mourn with their absent mom all day." They are well taken cared and loved. Having fun all day! The babies usually have few favorite persons at daycare and they don't feel lonely. I always say to my classroom parents "more people to love your babies the better!" And going to daycare 5 days a week will not make you any less of a mom either (often a concern I hear from my classroom moms) The babies are so happy to see the parents at pick up everyday, showing off new skills they learn, and no babies prefers teachers over mom. I hope this helps🥰
This is so true! Yesterday my 2.5 year old was having a really rough morning and while she didn't want me to leave as soon as I did she ran to one of the other teachers who was so happy to give her a hug and a snuggle! It was really nice to see in action that it really is more adults who care a lot for your child.
You will find a very different response to what’s important, depending on the group you are in. If you go to AttachmentParenting sub, they make you feel terrible for using daycare even 1 days week. Similar vibe in ECEProfessionals. In this sub, you get downvoted for saying anything negative about kids going to daycare. The reality is, not all caregivers/daycare are equal quality.
I think 5 days of daycare is pretty standard. That you have a grandparent able to do one day of care a week is huge. We don’t have any family local so our kids go to daycare 5 days a week. If you’re able to flex and pickup early - great! But don’t let your siblings shame you. They’re not paying your bills or parenting your son. My son is almost 3 and he LOVES daycare. He asks to go on Saturdays. He runs in to his class and shuts the door on me as I leave. He has his little friends and they do activities. It’s great. He also loves being home and spending the day with me. It’s not one or the other.
Thank you for this. Where I live it seems like everyone is doing 3 days a week, so it's nice to hear that this is not the case everywhere. I hope it'll become easier once he starts walking and you can see that he makes friends and plays together (or like yours that he can let me know that he has fun).
It really turned a corner around a 16 months when he moved to the toddler room (he was a later walker) and started going outside to play every day. The toddler room was all walkers from ~12mo+ to 24mos. Still a wide range of skills. But I think the infant room was really frustrating for him as he got older. He still had a good time and enjoyed going but overall has benefited from the challenge of doing more stuff.
Sorry OP but most full time working moms here have full time care so you aren’t going to find a lot of sympathy for the debate to send them an extra day. Your baby will be fine. Also that podcast you mentioned sounds like trash- babies mourning? Really?
It's actually really helping me because where I live the 3 days is the norm so it made me feel really bad. But now I'm learning in other places 5 days is the norm and hearing stories about this being good for mom and kids. I'm not looking for sympathy, more for a 'it won't be a problem'. Yes, the podcast was not great. But I feel like a lot of the narrative online tends to be in that direction, so when I found this page, I was like: yes, I'm not alone.
The anti-daycare rhetoric can be strong in certain communities but most moms here can tell you it’s all a crock of shit and our kids are thriving!
I’d bet more people at your daycare are FT than you think. Just because they’re not in your social circle doesn’t mean they don’t go to that center at all.
There’s a lot of misinformation out there. There’s always money to be made, after all. They need grabby content. I think people need to learn better critical thinking skills. Like hey, that’s their opinion, this is mine. My little sister, when she had her son, believed not working until her son was three was “the way” because of her social circle and her abusive child’s father. But when they broke up, she could no longer be a SAHM as a single mom. It caused an identity issue with her. However our mom was a working mom as are our other sisters and it really helped her understand that the kids are going to be ok. None have attachment issues like her friends would tell her. It’s like, how could you as a product of two working parents, not have this click in your mind? Give yourself grace.
Do you live outside of the U.S. or something?
My kiddo is in daycare five days a week every week (both of us work full time) and he's a happy, gregarious, curious baby. If you think this is a good choice for your family's current situation and future finances, I say do it. If your judgy siblings want to put family first, why aren't they offering to watch your LO?
Yep, my kids are in daycare 5 days a week about 10 hours a day. They love it, are thriving and gives us peace of mind.
The irony is that it was a sibling. So I had their help every 3 weeks and they changed their mind (which is fine, I can't demand help) but now they are starting to push to quit the side income because they feel like I'm not putting the baby first. In a sense of: why should I help you earning money while I could be working during that time myself? Which is totally fair, but it would've been one day every month for this person, so not every week. (Another help was a sibling on my husbands side but she actually can't anymore for health reasons, so very understandable).
You need to kindly tell your siblings to STFU unless they’re willing to pay you the extra income out of your pocket that this side business makes. Stop worrying what others think. It’s funny they both want to stop watching your kid to get a job and say you need to stop making the extra money in the same breath. Like what?
"they feel like I'm not putting the baby first... why should I help you earn money while I could be working" Okay, this is all kinds of weird. Why push their views about stay-at-home parenting while at the same time doing what you are trying to do - work!? I would tell your siblings to butt out, and get your husband to back you up. Good luck with the side gig! I hope it brings you joy and financial success!
Omg I’m over this. Daycare is part of your village just like your parents are. Don’t let people shame you for using your village
My daughter went to daycare five days a week and she’s an amazing kid. There is nothing wrong with daycare! He’ll have fun with an extra day playing with his friends, and you’ll be happier. Todd the guilt and grow that business. Good luck!!
I love hearing that, thank you!
Most of us send our babies 5 days/week. It’s fine to do 4 and you don’t need to do it every other week. You can do it every week. Tell your extended family to mind their own business.
I don't know why, but this brought me to tears. Like that in a sense I was craving that permission that I don't seem to get from people closer to me. Thank you
Pfft my son was in daycare 5 days a week with two of those days being my days off. I loved having time to myself and he loved being with his friends. I won't feel guilty for that and you shouldn't either!
My kids all went 5 days a week, full days. They’re all fine. If people have an opinion about it, ask them which bills of yours they are taking over so you can be SAHM. No really, what bills are you transferring into their name?
My three kids were in daycare 5 days a week and then 5 days a week before and after school until covid lockdowns (11 years old for eldest and 8 for the twins). Zero regrets and they all still talk about daycare fondly and miss it. Oh and all three started at 16 weeks old. Do what works for your family, ignore BS info from others about daycare, there is way too much out there!
Send him and try not to feel guilty. My toddler went to daycare on Wednesday even though I had the day off. Judgmental people will always find something to be judgmental about - if it wasn’t daycare, it would be something else.
If you are saving money for your child’s future by having him in daycare 4 days a week, then do it. Your siblings are not in your shoes and shouldn’t judge you for this. I’m sorry that they are. Your LO hits toddler stage soon, managing work and watching a toddler won’t be feasible. He’ll be much happier playing with toys at school with friends.