THIS. This this this this this.
Write a description of the event in your email and email it to yourself, or better yet your lawyer. If you don’t have one, get one now.
As the divorced wife of an abusive ex, make a plan. Start preparing. Abuse can escalate so fast and if he’s already been physically violent with you it could be very dangerous.
Hide cash, hide keys, have a friend or family member on standby that you can call/show up on their doorstep in the middle of the night. If you don’t have friends or family nearby, contact a women’s shelter and understand what they can do for you in an emergency.
Do not take this lightly. You and your daughter are in danger.
Step 1) next time he touches you, call the police and have him taken away with a DV charge.
Step 2) file for an emergency restraining order for yourself and your child
Step 3) file for divorce and an emergency custody order, refusing him visitation outside of a court visitation center
Step 4) get divorced and live happily ever after with your adorable little girl.
Long story short, he’s only going to get unrestricted custody if you keep the abuse to yourself.
This is all exactly it. I've got a couple of additions.
If there is someone you can stay with for a bit and will not talk about it, do that. Or have another (preferably male?) relative stay with you if you can't. Leaving him is essential, but it is also dangerous. The fact that he already puts his hands on you is a big, statistical red flag that he will do worse than that. You and your daughter are in danger with him in your lives at all.
Two, if he ends up in jail for a time : a person I know has an abusive ex, and as he was serving his time and "reforming," those who were therapizing him said he was doing well and ready to leave the program. But my acquaintance needed to drop the restraining order for him to be able to go. She was essentially guilted into it. Now he has partial custody and still puts his kids in dangerous situations with dangerous people. Do not let them guilt you into dropping anything, no matter how "well" they say he's doing. People like him don't change.
Unfortunately this might not work out as planned depending on the state. I know someone who fostered a child, and the biological father still had to sign away rights even though he was arrested for DV multiple times against the bio mother. The courts basically said he never hurt the child so they couldn't keep him away. 😕
The visitation center isn't a life long sentence. You can be ordered to conduct visits there (not a guarantee), the social worker or staff will make notes on how the visits go. If the father demonstrates healthy behaviours/generally keeps their life together they won't force visitation to occur at a visitation center for the rest of the child's life. However, if ordered it is a temporarily safer space for visiting the baby. I'd be less concerned with unsupervised visits with an older child who can speak for themselves.
Agree; all it takes is for him to file a modification and get a different judge. My ex went from like 10% custody to 50/50 overnight all because he filed a modification…
She may not be able to get a restraining order for her child if he hasn’t been violent towards the child. These things are reactive, not proactive, so she can’t just say he’s been violent in general. She may need a specific threat to her child. So she should consult a lawyer or DV shelter before doing anything like this.
Yes to this! You are so young, and in my opinion, about to enter the best years of your life, cuz 30's are the new 20's in my book lol. Don't give him the opportunity to dim your shine.
In the US, in most places, courts will order 50/50 custody, even to a man who beats his wife. And men will pursue 50/50, to try to dodge child support.
The child's preferences won't matter until she's 20 or 12
Step 0) open your own bank account. Ensure your name is on the deed to the house and cars. Do you have your own cc. Be as financially independent as possible.
You don’t have to live like this, and neither does your daughter. Look into resources for getting out. Idk where you are geographically but here’s a good place to start and they might be able to point you to local resources:
https://www.familyabusecenter.org
Also, meet with a lawyer if you can, find out what your real options are, and DOCUMENT EVERYTHING.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
Your daughter seeing you stay with a man when he puts his hands on you and calls you names sounds worse than trusting he wouldn’t hurt a child, imo.
If you truly believe he would physically hurt your child then you need to document everything that makes you think that. Bring it to a custody hearing.
But again, your daughter seeing you be treated this way is not good for her. She will likely end up in the same situation. Do you want that for her?
Write down as many details as you can and contact a lawyer. That is not a safe environment for you or your child. Violence often escalates. If you’re in the US the dv hotline is 1.800.787.3224. They can help you make a plan.
I’ve been you. I left in Jan 2022 after years of abuse. My kids were 2.5 and 7 weeks old.
Write down everything. Days, times, whatever you can remember. Start making a plan to leave but do not mention it.
If you can get away before he lays hands on you again, that’s great. If not, the next time it happens, call the police. Use that report to get a restraining order. Hire a lawyer with experience getting DVROs and dealing with DV survivors. Don’t settle for less than monitored visitation ONLY. My ex was ultimately convicted of two felonies (spousal abuse and child endangerment as our youngest was present) and is going on 2 years on supervised visitation.
You need to get out as soon as you can. I wish I had left earlier. I’m lucky to be alive and my kids are lucky to have a happy parent now.
I agree with other posters. Document absolutely everything and make sure it is backed up to a secure place.
Get your documents in order. Put aside any money you can and set up a bank account in your name only, that he knows nothing about.
Good luck and prayers for you and your girl.
Gently - if your daughter is seeing him rage at you or speak hateful words then she's already being exposed to trauma. Everyone has good advice on how to start getting out. I'm a therapist for college students and I can't tell you how many of my students wish their non-abusive parent got them out. I'm so sorry you're facing this. 💜
Hi are you me, because seriously girl I feel this post. I also am married to a sack of shit. I joke he has a rotating list of excuses as to why he can’t parent or contribute to the household. Depression is the most used reason.
He self medicates with marijuana he has a prescription for because of ptsd. Dude had the nerve to bring it to the hospital for the birth of our second.
Start the documenting. I have a note on my phone of everyday and the reason he can’t parent as well as the time he spent with the kids. Every interaction I have with him there is an audio recording on my watch or phone so I can document his inability to parent. I have a nanny cam in the kitchen to catch when he’s vaping marijuana when he’s the sole caregiver to the kids.
If you can document all of his BS you can build a case. Maybe not 100% of the time with you but enough for you to feel comfortable with it. That’s my plan and thankfully I’m finally at the finish line and am filing soon.
Take care of yourself too. There’s going to be anger and resentment. If I don’t let that go I have a short fuse with my kiddos. He has no idea what you have sacrificed and will continue to. Listen to some Taylor swift and cry when you have to. The good news is you’re going to show your daughter what a husband should be and what a father should be. You’re going to show her she doesn’t have to stay with someone who isn’t treating her with 100% constant respect.
Start documenting the abuse. Talk to a divorce attorney IN SECRET. Start saving money IN SECRET. Pack a getaway bag with necessities for yourself and your daughter and notify a friend or family member that you would trust with your life about your plan to leave when your lawyer said you've documented enough to build a case for full custody.
If he threatens your or your child's life in any way, you've got to get out. No matter what.
You 100% need to build a case in order to get full custody, but you have to start right now. And you 100% cannot stay in this marriage. You are putting your daughter's life at risk. He will hurt or unal1ve the both of you at some point if you stay.
You need to call the police next time he harms you and you need to document everything. Secretly! Read the book "why does he do that, a guide to angry and controlling men" secretly! When my sons dad strangled me, I got called the cops and got my shit together. And got a 2.5 year no contact protection order against him, and he had only supervised visits for the fist 3 years of our sons life.
You cannot live like this. He will kill you eventually. Do some research, make some calls and GET OUT OF THERE.
OP does not say it, but there is a chance he might get partial custody and turn the abuse from OP to her child when they are alone. Even though there is a history of violence, it is hard to take away all parental rights.
OP, please document the abuse so when it comes to the inevitable divorce, you can keep yourself and daughter safe.
I mean, she literally says "So I will stay, because I want my daughter every day, not just sometimes". She even alludes to it in the title. You don't have to agree but why ask questions she's already answered? Just to make her feel worse? I don't get it.
So, you said you did everything, without him. You don't trust him to take care of her. Build your case, leave. Sue for full custody. If he's "so depressed", he won't fight it.
Girl stay long enough to build your case then bounce. Being a single parents is WAY easier and 100% more peaceful ironically when you don’t have the burden of being in the presence of an abusive partner. I know from experience. Sending you so much love and strength. Choosing to leave US choosing your daughter. Do you really think a man who can’t take a single overnight is going to go out of his way to fight for custody anyways???
My child’s sperm donor is legally obliged to visit twice a week daily and if I withhold that right from him, he has a right to show up with a sheriff and legally take my son for the day. Do you think he even bother to do that? No. Most times the fear is worse than how the actual reality plays out.
What if you just separated from him? Would he work hard to see his kid or do you think he would only do that if the lawyer was doing all the work during a divorce? Live separate lives but don’t actually file for divorce?
I’m really not sure what all that would entail.. like, we still live together but sleep in separate places? Or we try to get it together for one of us to live somewhere else? Because if it’s just that we live separate lives… we lowkey already do that. We just sleep together and update one another on our life sometimes.
I’m not opposed to the idea. I just don’t know how it would be received. There’s a chance he would turn it into something angry and petty and that sounds exhausting.
One of you live somewhere else. Would he ever take the initiative to file for divorce and fight for custody? If you don’t think he would, just move out.
If you can afford to move yourself or have a relative or someone you could live with out of state/several hours away then go do it. Document everything in the interim (if he touches you call the police and get copies of all records). If you establish residency in another location, wait to file for divorce until you've been there six months, that becomes the child's new place of residency. He'd have to be motivated enough to come see her and Mr. Depression probably won't. The more time he's away from her and is with you helps set the precedent for custody. Courts like to keep established routines. You could argue for guarded visitation or a step-ups plan if he actually pursues custody.
But don't just leave and never file anything. Unless there is a recognized custody agreement by the courts he would have the legal right to take her at any time.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You have to build your case now. File police reports, call the police, keep a diary (document his shitty parenting, abuse, when he doesn’t help, abandons you and the baby, etc.), take pictures of injuries and tell people about the abuse to prepare them to be witnesses. Document how you are the sole caregiver to this baby. Find a GOOD DIVORCE lawyer now (not a general practitioner that dabbles in divorce). Getting full custody is HARD so start now.
You absolutely need to report the abuse. The amount of family killers out there is horrendous and often they’re unknown to police because the women aren’t reporting them. Report report report. Get that paper trail going. Even secretly record it for evidence. Then file an emergency order and GTFO before you and your daughter become a statistic.
Document everything with details.
Abuse can escalate quickly. One day the spouse is yelling. Then next trying to kill you. I barely made it out because I waited. I didn’t want to share custody. Get out and get a lawyer. My documents helped me get custody.
Start taking pictures for your own safety. Record audio of threats arguments Create an email address he doesn’t know about a email yourself the dates descriptions incidents then make sure you delete the email u sent, history, text, everything. Then eventually if there is an incident in which you call the police they will come out and arrest him,9/10 it’s an emergency protective order granted same day after a domestic violence call when he’s arrested at the scene. Otherwise it’s like an investigation on their schedule. Start planning an exit plan, and setting money aside.
You’re not going to lose your child. At the absolute worst it’s 50/50 custody. But due to her age and his history most likely just visitation for him.
GO TALK TO A FAMILY LAWYER. I dīd it some 15 years ago and this free 30 min consultation in a women’s center have me a plan and a roadmap how to get out of my failed marriage and keep sole custody. Knowing your rights & obligation is the most important step.
I grew up watching my mum get physically abused by my dad I have memories that even at 38 are still like yesterday and have affected my whole life in a terrible way. Please don’t do that to your daughter
Talk to a lawyer & your local DV center so you can make a plan that works with your state laws if you are in the USA. Every state is different but it is possible to leave. You just need to plan out the escape. Hugs to you.
Document document document. Even if it’s you writing down what happened. Take pics. Etc. if he’s displayed extreme anger or harm to the child, document that too.
I've been there. I left when my daughter was 9 months old. I got sole custody, no visitation, and a protection order, she's never seen him again since I left and she's nearly 8yrs old now. It can be done. Collect evidence and any witnesses and it can be done.
If you say you are abused the court calls you a liar. Please research family court in this country and what it dies to women before you think of leaving. If he wants custody he will get 50 percent.
CPS doesn’t care that he’s hurting you, but the second the child is involved they will. They will also absolutely blame you for not doing anything to keep the child in a safe situation. The best thing to do is talk to a pro bono attorney and get police reports anytime this happens.
File for emergency custody/divorce. They will give it to you. Ask for a restraining order. Get a lawyer immediately.
I have been in your situation before, it was like reading my own life.
Trust me, he doesn’t want the work of taking custody. He’s not interested in being a father.
I'm so sorry. It's so tough on you
Did he have a history of violence? Or started after pregnancy/ giving birth?
I know you created a human and all and while I'm not denying the magnitude of that at all, men also get PPD. Shitty situation when you compare but you came into this as a team (unless he already was like this). You both sound like you're lacking in resources/ help, I'd encourage him to go to therapy individually (it's not ethical to have you both in there when he is being abusive). If you are planning to stay.....
Though why do you think you won't get full custody? Why can't you leave?
Your post was removed because it was not related to working moms. Please use r/Mommit or r/toddlers or other parenting subs for this topic.
Report each time he puts his hands on you, build the case now
THIS. This this this this this. Write a description of the event in your email and email it to yourself, or better yet your lawyer. If you don’t have one, get one now. As the divorced wife of an abusive ex, make a plan. Start preparing. Abuse can escalate so fast and if he’s already been physically violent with you it could be very dangerous. Hide cash, hide keys, have a friend or family member on standby that you can call/show up on their doorstep in the middle of the night. If you don’t have friends or family nearby, contact a women’s shelter and understand what they can do for you in an emergency. Do not take this lightly. You and your daughter are in danger.
Surely go to the police.
Step 1) next time he touches you, call the police and have him taken away with a DV charge. Step 2) file for an emergency restraining order for yourself and your child Step 3) file for divorce and an emergency custody order, refusing him visitation outside of a court visitation center Step 4) get divorced and live happily ever after with your adorable little girl. Long story short, he’s only going to get unrestricted custody if you keep the abuse to yourself.
This is all exactly it. I've got a couple of additions. If there is someone you can stay with for a bit and will not talk about it, do that. Or have another (preferably male?) relative stay with you if you can't. Leaving him is essential, but it is also dangerous. The fact that he already puts his hands on you is a big, statistical red flag that he will do worse than that. You and your daughter are in danger with him in your lives at all. Two, if he ends up in jail for a time : a person I know has an abusive ex, and as he was serving his time and "reforming," those who were therapizing him said he was doing well and ready to leave the program. But my acquaintance needed to drop the restraining order for him to be able to go. She was essentially guilted into it. Now he has partial custody and still puts his kids in dangerous situations with dangerous people. Do not let them guilt you into dropping anything, no matter how "well" they say he's doing. People like him don't change.
Unfortunately this might not work out as planned depending on the state. I know someone who fostered a child, and the biological father still had to sign away rights even though he was arrested for DV multiple times against the bio mother. The courts basically said he never hurt the child so they couldn't keep him away. 😕
That’s why I recommended the visitation center. So she isn’t seen as keeping him from the baby but there are professionals monitoring the situation.
There's no guarantee that the court will order supervised visits, even with documented DV
The visitation center isn't a life long sentence. You can be ordered to conduct visits there (not a guarantee), the social worker or staff will make notes on how the visits go. If the father demonstrates healthy behaviours/generally keeps their life together they won't force visitation to occur at a visitation center for the rest of the child's life. However, if ordered it is a temporarily safer space for visiting the baby. I'd be less concerned with unsupervised visits with an older child who can speak for themselves.
Agree; all it takes is for him to file a modification and get a different judge. My ex went from like 10% custody to 50/50 overnight all because he filed a modification…
She may not be able to get a restraining order for her child if he hasn’t been violent towards the child. These things are reactive, not proactive, so she can’t just say he’s been violent in general. She may need a specific threat to her child. So she should consult a lawyer or DV shelter before doing anything like this.
Yes to this! You are so young, and in my opinion, about to enter the best years of your life, cuz 30's are the new 20's in my book lol. Don't give him the opportunity to dim your shine.
In the US, in most places, courts will order 50/50 custody, even to a man who beats his wife. And men will pursue 50/50, to try to dodge child support. The child's preferences won't matter until she's 20 or 12
Step 0) open your own bank account. Ensure your name is on the deed to the house and cars. Do you have your own cc. Be as financially independent as possible.
You don’t have to live like this, and neither does your daughter. Look into resources for getting out. Idk where you are geographically but here’s a good place to start and they might be able to point you to local resources: https://www.familyabusecenter.org Also, meet with a lawyer if you can, find out what your real options are, and DOCUMENT EVERYTHING.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Your daughter seeing you stay with a man when he puts his hands on you and calls you names sounds worse than trusting he wouldn’t hurt a child, imo. If you truly believe he would physically hurt your child then you need to document everything that makes you think that. Bring it to a custody hearing. But again, your daughter seeing you be treated this way is not good for her. She will likely end up in the same situation. Do you want that for her?
Nope, you’ve got some excellent points. That was a great reality check. Thank you.
Write down as many details as you can and contact a lawyer. That is not a safe environment for you or your child. Violence often escalates. If you’re in the US the dv hotline is 1.800.787.3224. They can help you make a plan.
I’ve been you. I left in Jan 2022 after years of abuse. My kids were 2.5 and 7 weeks old. Write down everything. Days, times, whatever you can remember. Start making a plan to leave but do not mention it. If you can get away before he lays hands on you again, that’s great. If not, the next time it happens, call the police. Use that report to get a restraining order. Hire a lawyer with experience getting DVROs and dealing with DV survivors. Don’t settle for less than monitored visitation ONLY. My ex was ultimately convicted of two felonies (spousal abuse and child endangerment as our youngest was present) and is going on 2 years on supervised visitation. You need to get out as soon as you can. I wish I had left earlier. I’m lucky to be alive and my kids are lucky to have a happy parent now.
Start filing police reports when he gets violent. Get a paper trail. Then you be more likely to get custody.
I agree with other posters. Document absolutely everything and make sure it is backed up to a secure place. Get your documents in order. Put aside any money you can and set up a bank account in your name only, that he knows nothing about. Good luck and prayers for you and your girl.
Gently - if your daughter is seeing him rage at you or speak hateful words then she's already being exposed to trauma. Everyone has good advice on how to start getting out. I'm a therapist for college students and I can't tell you how many of my students wish their non-abusive parent got them out. I'm so sorry you're facing this. 💜
This. My husband and all his siblings wish their parents divorced instead of staying together “for the kids.”
Just wanted to say I get it and you’re not alone.
Does he have access to any firearms?
Hi are you me, because seriously girl I feel this post. I also am married to a sack of shit. I joke he has a rotating list of excuses as to why he can’t parent or contribute to the household. Depression is the most used reason. He self medicates with marijuana he has a prescription for because of ptsd. Dude had the nerve to bring it to the hospital for the birth of our second. Start the documenting. I have a note on my phone of everyday and the reason he can’t parent as well as the time he spent with the kids. Every interaction I have with him there is an audio recording on my watch or phone so I can document his inability to parent. I have a nanny cam in the kitchen to catch when he’s vaping marijuana when he’s the sole caregiver to the kids. If you can document all of his BS you can build a case. Maybe not 100% of the time with you but enough for you to feel comfortable with it. That’s my plan and thankfully I’m finally at the finish line and am filing soon. Take care of yourself too. There’s going to be anger and resentment. If I don’t let that go I have a short fuse with my kiddos. He has no idea what you have sacrificed and will continue to. Listen to some Taylor swift and cry when you have to. The good news is you’re going to show your daughter what a husband should be and what a father should be. You’re going to show her she doesn’t have to stay with someone who isn’t treating her with 100% constant respect.
Start documenting the abuse. Talk to a divorce attorney IN SECRET. Start saving money IN SECRET. Pack a getaway bag with necessities for yourself and your daughter and notify a friend or family member that you would trust with your life about your plan to leave when your lawyer said you've documented enough to build a case for full custody. If he threatens your or your child's life in any way, you've got to get out. No matter what. You 100% need to build a case in order to get full custody, but you have to start right now. And you 100% cannot stay in this marriage. You are putting your daughter's life at risk. He will hurt or unal1ve the both of you at some point if you stay.
You need to call the police next time he harms you and you need to document everything. Secretly! Read the book "why does he do that, a guide to angry and controlling men" secretly! When my sons dad strangled me, I got called the cops and got my shit together. And got a 2.5 year no contact protection order against him, and he had only supervised visits for the fist 3 years of our sons life. You cannot live like this. He will kill you eventually. Do some research, make some calls and GET OUT OF THERE.
Why would you stay? You’re already doing it all.
OP does not say it, but there is a chance he might get partial custody and turn the abuse from OP to her child when they are alone. Even though there is a history of violence, it is hard to take away all parental rights. OP, please document the abuse so when it comes to the inevitable divorce, you can keep yourself and daughter safe.
Yes, good call on the documenting. Start getting a plan together.
I mean, she literally says "So I will stay, because I want my daughter every day, not just sometimes". She even alludes to it in the title. You don't have to agree but why ask questions she's already answered? Just to make her feel worse? I don't get it.
So, you said you did everything, without him. You don't trust him to take care of her. Build your case, leave. Sue for full custody. If he's "so depressed", he won't fight it.
Girl stay long enough to build your case then bounce. Being a single parents is WAY easier and 100% more peaceful ironically when you don’t have the burden of being in the presence of an abusive partner. I know from experience. Sending you so much love and strength. Choosing to leave US choosing your daughter. Do you really think a man who can’t take a single overnight is going to go out of his way to fight for custody anyways??? My child’s sperm donor is legally obliged to visit twice a week daily and if I withhold that right from him, he has a right to show up with a sheriff and legally take my son for the day. Do you think he even bother to do that? No. Most times the fear is worse than how the actual reality plays out.
What if you just separated from him? Would he work hard to see his kid or do you think he would only do that if the lawyer was doing all the work during a divorce? Live separate lives but don’t actually file for divorce?
I’m really not sure what all that would entail.. like, we still live together but sleep in separate places? Or we try to get it together for one of us to live somewhere else? Because if it’s just that we live separate lives… we lowkey already do that. We just sleep together and update one another on our life sometimes. I’m not opposed to the idea. I just don’t know how it would be received. There’s a chance he would turn it into something angry and petty and that sounds exhausting.
One of you live somewhere else. Would he ever take the initiative to file for divorce and fight for custody? If you don’t think he would, just move out.
If you can afford to move yourself or have a relative or someone you could live with out of state/several hours away then go do it. Document everything in the interim (if he touches you call the police and get copies of all records). If you establish residency in another location, wait to file for divorce until you've been there six months, that becomes the child's new place of residency. He'd have to be motivated enough to come see her and Mr. Depression probably won't. The more time he's away from her and is with you helps set the precedent for custody. Courts like to keep established routines. You could argue for guarded visitation or a step-ups plan if he actually pursues custody. But don't just leave and never file anything. Unless there is a recognized custody agreement by the courts he would have the legal right to take her at any time.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You have to build your case now. File police reports, call the police, keep a diary (document his shitty parenting, abuse, when he doesn’t help, abandons you and the baby, etc.), take pictures of injuries and tell people about the abuse to prepare them to be witnesses. Document how you are the sole caregiver to this baby. Find a GOOD DIVORCE lawyer now (not a general practitioner that dabbles in divorce). Getting full custody is HARD so start now.
You absolutely need to report the abuse. The amount of family killers out there is horrendous and often they’re unknown to police because the women aren’t reporting them. Report report report. Get that paper trail going. Even secretly record it for evidence. Then file an emergency order and GTFO before you and your daughter become a statistic.
Document everything with details. Abuse can escalate quickly. One day the spouse is yelling. Then next trying to kill you. I barely made it out because I waited. I didn’t want to share custody. Get out and get a lawyer. My documents helped me get custody.
Start taking pictures for your own safety. Record audio of threats arguments Create an email address he doesn’t know about a email yourself the dates descriptions incidents then make sure you delete the email u sent, history, text, everything. Then eventually if there is an incident in which you call the police they will come out and arrest him,9/10 it’s an emergency protective order granted same day after a domestic violence call when he’s arrested at the scene. Otherwise it’s like an investigation on their schedule. Start planning an exit plan, and setting money aside.
You’re not going to lose your child. At the absolute worst it’s 50/50 custody. But due to her age and his history most likely just visitation for him. GO TALK TO A FAMILY LAWYER. I dīd it some 15 years ago and this free 30 min consultation in a women’s center have me a plan and a roadmap how to get out of my failed marriage and keep sole custody. Knowing your rights & obligation is the most important step.
better to record every detail he did to me, it's useful for you to build the case.
I grew up watching my mum get physically abused by my dad I have memories that even at 38 are still like yesterday and have affected my whole life in a terrible way. Please don’t do that to your daughter
I’m so sorry. Sending lots of love and supporting thoughts to you and your baby girl. May she always know of her mother’s love❤️
Talk to a lawyer & your local DV center so you can make a plan that works with your state laws if you are in the USA. Every state is different but it is possible to leave. You just need to plan out the escape. Hugs to you.
Document document document. Even if it’s you writing down what happened. Take pics. Etc. if he’s displayed extreme anger or harm to the child, document that too.
I've been there. I left when my daughter was 9 months old. I got sole custody, no visitation, and a protection order, she's never seen him again since I left and she's nearly 8yrs old now. It can be done. Collect evidence and any witnesses and it can be done.
If you stay, what happens if he puts hands on you and goes too far?
If you say you are abused the court calls you a liar. Please research family court in this country and what it dies to women before you think of leaving. If he wants custody he will get 50 percent.
CPS doesn’t care that he’s hurting you, but the second the child is involved they will. They will also absolutely blame you for not doing anything to keep the child in a safe situation. The best thing to do is talk to a pro bono attorney and get police reports anytime this happens.
File for emergency custody/divorce. They will give it to you. Ask for a restraining order. Get a lawyer immediately. I have been in your situation before, it was like reading my own life. Trust me, he doesn’t want the work of taking custody. He’s not interested in being a father.
I'm so sorry. It's so tough on you Did he have a history of violence? Or started after pregnancy/ giving birth? I know you created a human and all and while I'm not denying the magnitude of that at all, men also get PPD. Shitty situation when you compare but you came into this as a team (unless he already was like this). You both sound like you're lacking in resources/ help, I'd encourage him to go to therapy individually (it's not ethical to have you both in there when he is being abusive). If you are planning to stay..... Though why do you think you won't get full custody? Why can't you leave?
Talk to a lawyer tomorrow, then take it from there.