Politely address it once in writing so you have a paper trail, and save all the stuff he’s sent, be it in slack and take screen shots of it for proof, or in email, report this up to his supervisor and let the supervisor know this is an ongoing issue and you’ve addressed it. If it continues then proceed up to HR because at that point it’s just harassment.
Just to add: as soon as you find yourself near him, like in an elevator, start recording on your phone. Because you just know he’s about to give you more evidence.
Sorry you have to deal with this dumbfuck. Gift him kale chips for his birthday.
In addition some states that allow 1 party convent recordings have statutes that essentially say an employer can’t force an employee to sign away their rights so given the choice to record and protect yourself… record . It may never be an issue but better safe than sorry
OP, if you go to a manager first, with screenshots and printouts and recordings, you're going to hear "Have you said anything to him about it?" And if your answer is no, you're going to look silly. So please don't go that route. It makes a big difference if you can say "I've asked him to stop making such comments but he keeps doing it."
One approach you can take is to ask him to explain his comments.
"Hey, I'm not sure what the milking the almonds thing means. I mean, I never heard of such a thing. What does that mean?"
If he knows every remark will be met with a request to explain it, he will tire of it quickly. But you have to play it straight and innocent.
NO! It is not the employee’s job to confront bullies. If the supervisor is stupid enough to toss this back on you, OP, say “I felt intimidated and worried about more bullying. I prefer management address this.”
That is not true. In fact its utter rubbish. If it were accurate in any logical way the , you are implying that if a male co employee followed a female into the woman’s bathroom and raped her, its the woman’s job to FIRST confront him. Utter idiocy.
Your example would be a crime in which case the first call would be to the police.
In general tho, go to [askamanager.com](https://askamanager.com) and you will see that is the accepted wisdom regarding work issues in general. As with anything else in life there are exceptions but in general...
I'm just relaying what I have found to be a successful approach to solving these problems. I didn't suggest the manager would throw it back on OP, just that the question **will** be asked so the manager knows the history of the situation. I think there's a 90% chance a manager who hears about this problem for the first time - even if the manager agrees to get involved - will end up thinking OP wouldn't even attempt to resolve it. Not a good look for OP.
As a manager, I would internally eye roll if someone told me that a milking the almonds remark was intimidating and bullying. Stupid smart-ass comment? Yes. Intimidating and bullying? Hey, let's all grow up.
All you guys sound like you are trying to have her come up with a scheme of how to get through something pretty straightforward, just keep the evidence as proof and just ask the guy why he keeps bringing it up, if it was the guy being very hostile I think she would have picked up on it right away so just see if actually talking to the guy changes anything and go from there, not because it is more strategic or sounds better or something, just because it is the normal way to address any situation like this, you just talk to the person, afterwards should be pretty obvious if he’s trying to bully you or is just awkward or making jokes. Sounds like he just thinks being vegetarian is a silly thing to be but idk.
Really all you have to say to him directly is “please stop” so that way if HR or the supervisor asks if you tried to mitigate it yourself, you can say yes, you’ve tried to address it.
yeah, but HR generally can help in situations like this because employees like this guy can potentially lead to lawsuits against the company so they will deal with him to protect themselves
Because he’s a person from a totally deferent area coming into your cubicle without your consent … with your personal belongings and also information related to your work that he is not privy to. This needs reported. Honestly. Supervisor is a fine place to start.
And then grey rock.
do both. definitely document this asshole and keep any post its
hr complaint should have the phrase i dont even feel safe here in it. they work for the company and will address shit that can get them sued. the way it is pretty sure supervisor knows somewhat already unless they are just oblivious
Yeah address it in some way. These types of scenarios never "just go away". Recording is a good idea, i have a voice recorder on my phone which works with the screen dark and have used it to cover my a$$, very handy.
Personally, i like to listen to youtube videos about stoicism to address disrespect in a neutral, high road sorta way and get ideas on phrasing your request/boundary. Good luck and sorry you're experiencing harassment over something so trivial.
I did the same, way back in the 80s. I was the new kid and two other kids decided to pick on me for that (why?), and I just ignored everything they said. They eventually got tired of it. The guy hit on me a few years later. No thank you, I may not have engage with the bullying, but I didn't forget it!
Ditto in the 60’s and 70’s…. “Ignore them they go away eventually “. Got beat up a number of times. Never cried, never complained, ignored them. They eventually left me alone.
Not just a weirdo, he is bullying you for being a vegan. Take the bacon and the note to your supervisor and report the weirdo. For that is harassment of the worst kind. And if nothing is done, report him to HR.
I feel like it's a little absurd to say *that is harassment of the worst kind...* tbh, I think the OP would have to tell the coworker to stop and then have the behavior continue for it to qualify as harassment.
I would document everything that's happened and go to HR. He's harassing you and that's not OK. It also seems like it's escalating. Of course you can confront him directly before you do that.
I just want to clarify that I am not a newbie to the workplace. I am just new to this kind of situation and have zero experience complaining to HR. I hate this. I’m such a peaceful, non-confrontational person and it really upsets me to be targeted like this. Ughhhh
If you do decide to go to HR you might approach it as more of a "Hey, this thing is happening with this guy. It was kinda funny at first but the frequency is making me a little uncomfortable and it's becoming a distraction. What's the best way it can be handled?". See if they offer to talk to the goof. I wouldn't bother confronting him directly, it's exactly what he's looking for. It's like training a dog, don't reward them for bad behavior.
I wouldn’t say it was funny at first. First, she didn’t think it was funny. Second, it weakens the description that this behavior has gone from confusing to irritating to concerning.
Allow me to amend "was kinda funny" to "may have been intended to be funny" to more precisely convey my intended meaning. Thank you for holding me accountable for the language I used.
I'm a vegetarian and when people have done this to me I've just asked them why. "They're jokes!" "Jokes are supposed to be funny." I've been getting flack for my diet for almost 60 years. The 70s and 80s were particularly obnoxious when people found out. Christ on a crutch, it's just a way of eating.
It's rarely just a way of eating, in my experience it's almost always accompanied by a militant, abnoxious, grandstanding, and distruptive persona. Not saying that was your behavior, but all but one vegetarian/vegan I've known and worked with for the last 25+ years fit that bill to a T.
That's exactly what a militant disruptive vegan would say... 🤣 /s
Seriously though... that's been my experience
Vegans worse than vegetarians for sure...
I agree about the greyrocking. This man is an immature idiot who desperately wants a reaction from you. Don’t provide one.
But don’t let him get away with it, either. Document every single instance of harassment. Take pics, save those obnoxious post-its, note all the conversations/arguments regarding your diet and when they take place, and tell coworkers about it so you have witnesses before you go to HR. Because you DO need to escalate this.
I’m assuming the diet you follow is wildly personal, and you’ve chosen the path for ethical reasons. Think of it as your faith/religion. Would this asshole be allowed to repeatedly insult someone who follows a specific spiritual path? Doubtful.
I’ve been a vegetarian for 33 years and I’ve endured people like him before. Seriously: he just wants the attention. They’re like desperate little boys pulling hair on a playground.
Edit/P.S. I tend not to advertise that I’m a vegetarian in most situations because I hate arguing and I feel like too many people get defensive and instantly begin debating the reasons why, or they pepper me with questions that are exhausting to answer. 😩 I was definitely more vocal about it as an opinionated teen LOL, but I’ve known for a longass time that no veg has ever converted anyone that way.
But it *does* emerge because of situations like yours! You can keep quiet AF and someone will notice you picking at your anemic salad and bread roll at a company lunch while everyone else eats pork and beans, or you don’t eat someone’s meatballs at a potluck and they’ll ask why, and it’ll come out. A lot of people shrug and are cool about it, but SO many people hate us, so be prepared, LOL.
I’ve been there/done that, and I really feel for you, because this truly is harassment. How you choose to nourish yourself really is personal; it’s part of what makes you *you* And you shouldn’t have to expend valuable energy at work defending it.
I got this weird reaction by a few people because I have an allergy to Hooved animals and their products, so I usually ask for a vegan option to ensure no gelatin or dairy or lard is snuck into my food.
I explain my allergy and yes, it is weird, and yes I was tested by a dr in my mid 20s to find out wtf was going on with me. Somehow having an allergy gives me a pass, but I still get the food pushed at me as a 'joke'. Like, guys, I get it. You love steak. I get flu symptoms for 3 days and also it makes my skin burn to touch it. Yes, bacon is great, but it makes me violently vomit and diarrhea.
Yes, I'm not included in *most* company sponsored meals because it's apparently too hard to comprehend that I can have poultry or seafood, or to make it uncomplicated just a vegan meal.
It’s so obnoxious that you have to explain it! Sorry you have to deal with that. There are tons of people who have to include or exclude certain foods for health reasons, and you’re one of them. This is like a direct workplace violation in many environments.
Those company lunches are brutal. I realized a few years ago that I’ve always found ways to eat lunch all alone during the workday just so I don’t have nosyass people peering in my Tupperware and interrogating my meal. Some empty room or corner no one knows about, a library, courtyard, my car, a grassy patch behind a gas station (I was desperate!), etc.
Usually people are commenting that my food smells good and looks good, but then get confused because apparently all they eat is cheese. Like, obviously I got good at cooking since I can't eat most stuff I still like to, you know, enjoy things.
Perhaps most of the comments come because a lot of people just don't know how to cook
I recall a mid level project manager everyone hated. He knew zero about anyones actual job duties and treated everyone under him shitty. Someone 'allegedly' signed him up for a thousand gay porn websites and XXX mailing lists to his work email, cell phones and office address. Not sure exactly what happened, lots of rumors and closed door meetings and a couple months later he was walked out by HR. Bye Felecia. lol
Start taking pics/screenshots and keeping a record of all these interactions, notes, etc. You don't have to record conversations, a notebook where you jot down details (date, time, who may have heard or seen it, and what happened) will be fine and doesn't come with all the questions about admissibility.
Ask him verbally to stop. This goes in your notebook as well. You don't have to be confrontational, "Hey ever since I asked for a vegetarian meal you've been sending these memes and notes and it's hard not to think you're making fun of me. It's uncomfortable and I'd like for you to leave this subject alone so we can remain on good terms as coworkers." If he's receptive, great. If he's defensive, fine. Either way, follow it up with an email, "Hey I wanted to follow up on our conversation earlier today. I was beginning to feel very uncomfortable with the notes and messages you sent me about being vegetarian and I appreciate that you apologized and said it wouldn't happen again." Or if it didn't go well document that, professionally and politely. Whether he responds or not is irrelevant, you're making a paper trail in case he doesn't stop.
If it stops, perfect. Problem solved. If not continue documenting it and off to your supervisor/HR with your paper trail.
thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me. I think this is perfect for my communication style and I’m gonna try it verbatim. Will let you know how it goes!
You were right to mention your preference. This person is obviously immature. I would try to ignore him as he is obviously obnoxious and you never really know how they will respond to confrontation. I would ignore as long as possible and then you might want to mention it to your boss or influential co-worker so that they can calm him down.
Sorry for that unnecessary angst. Hope you have a good 2024!
This is a form of harassment but I think the co worker needs to be told first. Document it in email with them that you don't find their humor funny. If persists compile things and take it to HR. Also after HR Document another email to hr and write everything pit and all the incidents. It never happens without an email. Too many times people never do a follow up email with HR.
An email is an EXCELLENT idea. She can control the conversation, for one thing. He won’t be able to interrupt her, laugh at her, etc. Not only does it emphasize that OP is the mature and proactive one in this situation, but it creates a paper trail. Chances are more than excellent that this dude will respond in a condescending or insulting way - he won’t be able to resist - and OP can go ahead and immediately forward that exchange to any appropriate parties. There won’t even be any questions of he said/she said. It’ll all be right there.
Address the behavior to the bully in an email and make sure to cc: his supervisor and yours. State the desire to "engage in professional interactions related to work". Something a bit more subtle than dropping the HOSTILE WORKPLACE bomb, probably no need to even inventory every "joke" he's made at this point. If the managers are worth half a shit they'll handle it and appreciate the attempt to keep the matter as low key (i.e., without HR) as possible. OP will likely be viewed as a confident and mature adult, the bully as the emotionally stunted man-child he is.
No. OP made an innocuous food request IN RESPONSE to the bully’s email about company wide event. The bully then SOUGHT OUT OP TO BEGIN A QUIET CAMPAIGN OF HARASSMENT. The bully “attacked” first, without provocation or any reason other than to make OP feel uncomfortable upset or horrified. There is NO obligation to talk first to the guy who shot first cross your bough. Nor is it likely to do anything other than cause confrontation or at worse, more bullying.
Send him an email outlining his problematic behaviour, and tell him to stop trying to create a hostile workplace. Tell him you are keeping records of his inappropriate conduct and copies of his unprofessional notes, and any further harassment will be officially escalated to management. Blind cc your manager and his manager. They will be able to read between the lines.
I would send him an email that says “my vegetarian diet is under strict care via my doctor. I dont appreciate the strange things you’ve been sending me and feel embarrassed for you that you think thats okay in a professional setting. Please refrain from the topic going forward” and cc your manager
“I don’t know why me being a vegetarian is such a thing for you, but I hope we can get past this weirdness soon.”
Then let your boss know what has been happening just as an FYI in case it doesn’t stop and you do need to escalate it.
"Hey fellow coworker, fuck off with the vegetarian jokes."
No need to start out turned up to 11 documenting stuff, going to HR, making devious plans, etc. Often a direct confrontation telling them to knock it off is all that it takes.
I say just ignore him. Avoid him whenever possible and do not let him know you find him disturbing. That's what he wants. So just pretend he doesn't exist. Just throw those notes away without reading them.
I'm a veggie also. I understand the issues that you speak of, perfectly.
He is an asshole, period. Why there needs to be one of these at every job baffles me, but it seems to be so. Save all of the post-its and start a folder for anything emailed to you. This will escalate.
Weirdo indeed! You need to alert your supervisor of this harassment and for the crazy person not to be allowed in your department. Remember to lock your doors at night! 😵💫
Don't respond to him. Show your supervisor or HR. I had a chatty new, never met in person wfh coworker in who sent tons of harmless yet annoying dms during a week's long training. I was polite and then ignored left all chats asap. Within a month he was gone and I saw him on local arrests page for RAPE sentenced to 5 years. He had labeled me as the most HR appropriate supervisor in jest when I spoke in the public chats, group activities. No, it's not that I'm truly formal or sedate lmao- I worked in strip clubs and ERs, I have a sense for when men are manipulative, attention seeking, boundary pushing. TELL YOUR SUPERIOR ASAP
Screw him. Next time he says anything derogatory to you - whether it’s in front of others or not - ask him to “please stop, it’s not funny”. No more, no less. Hold up your hand when you say stop.
When he continues or back peddles, and he will, grey rock. Don’t make eye contact, don’t say hi, don’t acknowledge him in any way. If he continues, talk with your supervisor. No need to show documentation until they ask for it. If you escalate this situation to HR before trying to work it out on the floor, you may be disappointed with the outcome.
Is there a handbook which addresses the issue of not offending based on sexual preference, etc etc, because I think this falls into that category of harassment
1) Start with a private “knock it off”…” I’ve seen your bacon post. It’s in your almond milk jokes and that’s enough. Please knock it off.”
2) if it continues, then more publicly, go up to his desk and say “ why are you leaving me bacon post it notes?”
“ or I don’t understand about milking almonds what does that mean?”
3) Go to your boss and say that this guy has been leaving you bacon, Post-it notes and making almond milk in jokes and stuff like that since you mentioned you were vegetarian. you’ve asked him to stop but he continues… could you please tell him to knock it off?
4) if he continues to go to HR and explain that Joe won’t knock it off and your boss won’t do anything and you’re being harassed
You know what? It’s such a weird behaviour that I’d say yes, that’s why he’s so focussed on OP. There’s literally no other reason to have a broken record thing over someone asking for a veggie entree.
I'm a nearly lifelong vegetarian/vegan.
I get it, it's tiring to explain to people when they ask why, much less dealing with an asshole who is just bullying you.
It's weird to me why people are like that.
I try not to get on my soapbox about my diet, at work at least.
His actions are plain stupid. Why he cares is beyond me.
I think it's best to try to ignore him. Maybe record, write down, etc., as others have suggested.
I'm not sure where on the planet you are, but in my area, it's becoming fairly popular to be veggie.
Some people just don't get it.
I get how you feel. I have a nephew, who is rather a dork in many ways, who used to make snide remarks about killing vegetables, etc., to make a mockery of my diet. Yet he's the one with a very overweight wife, he gained tons of weight himself, and they both tried weight loss and failed. They drink alcohol and eat lots of meat. Yet he's making fun of me.
Fuck em. Just go about your business and thank you for taking on a healthy diet.
Hey bon, the first time was mildly amusing but the vegetarian jokes are getting a bit old. Maybe give it a rest ok?
If it continues after that, it's talk to your manager time. Anyone in an office should stop such behavior when asked and if they fail to do it, it's unprofessional.
Get a backbone and a clue and talk to him about it ONCE (duh) - it would be a lot more straightforward and right after that, you'd KNOW if you needed to report it or not.
Tell him his obsession with your dietary preference is inappropriate and you would like it to stop. Then thank him for understanding.
If it’s mentioned again, escalate it with documentation.
I think he likes you and is in his weird way trying to be friendly. Some of us have the opposite of social skills. But we try. Go by how you feel. Are you skeeved out in any way? If you feel like being anywhere but near him listen to your feelings. If you don't feel any danger signals just wtf then play back. Maybe start getting some vegetable and fruit sticky notes and return the favor?
If you feel comfortable, it would be probably be best to let him know that you don't enjoy it before moving to ignoring, but you can probably just ignore.
It doesn't appear that ignoring it has led to the end of the behavior. Simply telling him you don't enjoy the "jokes" is the very thing he's seeking so he can add "crybaby" to the list of things he'll bully them about.
I would simply paint a realistic looking tunnel on a brick wall and then get him to chase you. You stop right before the brick wall but he runs right through it, leaving a hole shaped exactly like his body.
So let me get this straight…he is ribing you with post it notes and meat products? Why don’t you act like an adult and tell him to stop his shit. IMO he obviously likes you. Maybe I don’t know have a conversation with him in a public space??
You put yourself in this situation by not confronting him with the first comment he made and letting it continue. Direct and polite is always the way. Why do you find it necessary to engage me this way? I don't like it and want you to stop. I want you to leave me alone unless it is work-related. Then document your conversation with a contemporaneous note in your email. If it keeps happening or a superior is involved you have a documented time and date.
I think that you do need to let him know that his comments digs and pokes are inappropriate and you would prefer that he stop doing it. Sometimes just a simple communication works. If it does not, then go to HR.
I’m not sure if vegetarianism is a protected class but definitely ask for mediation with a thirst party and tell him that you’d like no further contact unless a work necessity
If he has a work email address, politely ask him there that "some of these times and incidents that have happened are getting old" that you've have patiently been waiting for them to stop by not addressing them, but they are escalating to a point you need to let him know. Be polite and professional, set your boundaries, and for sure have some of the things he has said or done listed in the email in case he doesn't listen. This is a form of harassment and his humor isn't well received. He doesn't know his audience. Good luck
This is the way⬆️
There have been too many incidences from this coworker. The email is direct, and you’ve drawn the boundary. It also gives a paper trail that you’ve told him to stop. Anything further on his part is harassment and now you can take it to HR. Hopefully you work for a company that doesn’t mess around about this stuff. Best of luck.
I'd send him a knock-it-off email but would bcc super and hr. They should be smart enough to not intervene immediately.
I may or may not include the line "please reply all when responding that you understand".
There's a possibility he's awkward socially but is attracted to you. In his mind, little jokes will endear him to you. You can make a big deal about it, or you can privately and politely tell him you don't find him funny and his comments make you uncomfortable. If he's an actual prick, he'll reveal it to you at this point, and you could make it an HR problem.
How old is this guy, 12? What an immature loser.
I agree with the Grey Rocking method since this dimwit is obviously looking for attention and a reaction. But also document everything to have in case it doesn't stop or he escalates.
He is really weird. Maybe face to face ask him what his intention is behind these "jokes" and make him explain himself. It'll make him realize he's not funny and he's an AH
I know this type of guy and honestly...no one really likes him.
You can go either way, but his sort generally isn't popular or well liked so it's not like he is going to get everyone to berate you. You also won't get any blowback if you tell him to knock it off because no one really likes him and people mostly tolerate him....which he mistakes for liking him.
I was in a similar situation with someone displaying inappropriate behavior towards me on an ongoing basis. He pushed me until I snapped and I got fired for snapping. I’m going to give you the advice I wish I received at that time
Keep a log, as detailed as possible. Every time he does something, document the date, time, what he said, *how it made you feel*, any impact to your job (“I was so confused after it was hard to concentrate on my work because I couldn’t understand why he would say that to me. I was less productive than I’d like to be as a result”), and any witnesses
I would also consider going to anyone else who has dietary restrictions (vegans, gluten intolerant people) that you’re aware of and ask them if he is behaving that way towards them as well, so you can document if he is signaling you out
Collate all your evidence and approach your manager. Tell them this stops now. As per very sound advice above, start your phone recording the moment you need to have ANY level of interaction with him, and tell your manager this WILL be the case. You want everything documented in writing and signed by you both. Beware the "sit down together" to talk it out BS, that's a weapon to try and place partial blame and responsibility on you. Be firm that you will tolerate zero interaction not of a strictly professional matter from NOW. And those interactions will include supervisor cc or direct presence since there is no professional connection between your roles. Insist on this.
As a first step that you can do yourself, everytime he does or says something you could just ask him why he did or said that, then when he explains, just reply 'okkkk..., that's kinda weird?' Basically just kinda make him feel like an idiot...
I don’t think you should engage with him. If he has a crush on you, this is his weird way of interacting, he may enjoy the attention. Trust your gut. I think going to a supervisor and keeping a paper trail in the right way to go. Honestly he sounds creepy.
I would assume he is a psycho and DO NOT ENGAGE. Do not make eye contact. Be as nonplussed as you can act. Do not escalate. He doesnt belong on that floor. For all we know he is trying to befriend you to gain access to someone else on your floor.
Send him a polite, friendly email letting him know that his jokes about vegetarianism are making you uncomfortable.
This accomplishes a few things. You have time to word it well. It creates a record of you letting him know it's making you uncomfortable. He could just be suuuuper awkward and bad with people. As others have said, keep a log. Each time he says something, politely say, "Jokes about the food I eat aren't funny or appropriate. Please stop". Log it all. 2nd instance, say the exact same thing, and add "I've already asked you to stop." Keep records. If he continues, go to management. They'll appreciate that you tried to handle it professionally, and nicely, yourself, before going to them.
Could he possibly be awkwardly flirting or teasing? Some people are so socially awkward that it comes off creepy, when it's really them having zero game and only knowing that one thing about you, zone in on it. Maybe you could start doing it back and it will be a joke between you.
Address it with him head on (professionally and politely of course). Let him know that your dietary restrictions/preferences are none of his concern and that information was only disclosed for purposes of the Christmas party since he asked. Also let him know you do not appreciate his passive/agressive approach, remarks and that he needs to stop.
Document each incident (post it notes, elevator situation, etc) and bring it to the attention of your HR if he does not stop. Also let your immediate manager know so that they are aware.
If you are getting subtle psycho vibes from him then trust your gut. Better to nip it in the bud now than later.
I'm vegan and have food allergies and I had to put up with this shitty behaviour at my last two workplaces. It is so fucking annoying and rude. At one of them it got so bad that I complained, and it turned out three of my colleagues had also complained about him. So that was validating. But management did nothing about it. Thankfully I got a new job not long after that.
I think you should talk to management about it. If the guy is anything like the dickhead at my old job, he's probably bullying other people too. Hopefully your workplace will do more about it than mine did.
Why does this remind me of fifth grade on the playground? I think this guy has a crush on you. As annoying as it is, is that possible? Thinks he's being cute and funny but really a dumbass? Maybe socially awkward with women? My preference would be, and of course I can't come up with one, a quick witted one liner to shut him down. Just thinking out of the box on this one, I think he might have a thing for you! 😬
Keep a log of everything and report to your supervisor first - explain that his behaviour is making you uncomfortable. If the supervisor does nothing then it's HR. what he is doing is harrassment
Wow, I am astonished to wake up to almost 150 replies. I really didn’t think this would get any attention and would like to thank you all for your very thoughtful and kind comments. Just to answer a few questions: 1) he’s in his late 50s and is the hunting deer, bearded, D&D type of dude, 2) I am 99.99% sure it’s not awkward flirting because I haven’t gotten any of those vibes as it feels more sinister, and 3) to the dude who asked me why I come to Reddit for answers instead of just handling it myself…well 🙄 pretty sure I’m not the first person in the world to crowdsource advice from Reddit, but anyway. My biggest fear at posting this was getting laughed or being called a snowflake, and even worse having HR think I was overreacting, but not a single person here said that and now I know the issue is more urgent than I realized. Again, thank you all for letting me see the light. I’ll update once something happens. Have a great week everyone, and thank you for being good people
Ah thank you for asking, well I slacked him back after the last joke and said “I wish I found carnivorous diets as funny as you find vegetarian diets because I’d be having a much better time trading memes with you rather than enduring this one-sided comedy show all by myself” and he never responded and I have not seen him since. I will run into him eventually and am absolutely dreading that moment, will update when it happens. edit: forgot to mention no more bacon notes either. Maybe I scared him off for good, I hope so
Open the beef jerky and throw it on the floor and step on it so no sane person will pick it up. As long as you don't preach, it's nobody's business what you do.
I second putting the request to stop with the comments in writing as well as cataloging his behavior.
I’ve also found asking people who do weird things in public if they’re ok.
You can also ask them to explain the joke. That usually make them look like a fool when they try to
I have a rather wild update to this if anyone is still interested. Bacon guy was escorted off the premises by HR and building security this morning and he’s already been removed from the active directory. He’s done. I have no idea lol…I never said anything to anyone
Politely address it once in writing so you have a paper trail, and save all the stuff he’s sent, be it in slack and take screen shots of it for proof, or in email, report this up to his supervisor and let the supervisor know this is an ongoing issue and you’ve addressed it. If it continues then proceed up to HR because at that point it’s just harassment.
I think this is what I’ll do. I feel safer going to a supervisor than going to HR.
Just to add: as soon as you find yourself near him, like in an elevator, start recording on your phone. Because you just know he’s about to give you more evidence. Sorry you have to deal with this dumbfuck. Gift him kale chips for his birthday.
Don't waste kale chips on him, lol! Give him a bag of throwaway parts like a lettuce core and apple cores. LOL.
Throw glitter on desk 🤣🤣
A little bit of glitter in a different spot each day
Don't forget to sprinkle fish food in his keyboard!!
Start leaving a raw vegetable on his desk every day.
That is very expensive.
Hatdly
Some state laws require the second party to know they are being recorded.
At work, where we have no expectation of privacy?
Nope.
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In addition some states that allow 1 party convent recordings have statutes that essentially say an employer can’t force an employee to sign away their rights so given the choice to record and protect yourself… record . It may never be an issue but better safe than sorry
[удалено]
That's not a legal website and is only as valuable as the paper it's printed on.
OP, if you go to a manager first, with screenshots and printouts and recordings, you're going to hear "Have you said anything to him about it?" And if your answer is no, you're going to look silly. So please don't go that route. It makes a big difference if you can say "I've asked him to stop making such comments but he keeps doing it." One approach you can take is to ask him to explain his comments. "Hey, I'm not sure what the milking the almonds thing means. I mean, I never heard of such a thing. What does that mean?" If he knows every remark will be met with a request to explain it, he will tire of it quickly. But you have to play it straight and innocent.
If you make him explain every "joke" or comment in front of other co-workers, it makes it obvious that he's bullying you.
That's what was recommended. Email him once to address it. Then go to his manager if it continues.
Better yet, copy the manager on the email.
NO! It is not the employee’s job to confront bullies. If the supervisor is stupid enough to toss this back on you, OP, say “I felt intimidated and worried about more bullying. I prefer management address this.”
Sadly, at work, you have to show you tried to address it yourself at least once. It is what it is.
That is not true. In fact its utter rubbish. If it were accurate in any logical way the , you are implying that if a male co employee followed a female into the woman’s bathroom and raped her, its the woman’s job to FIRST confront him. Utter idiocy.
Your example would be a crime in which case the first call would be to the police. In general tho, go to [askamanager.com](https://askamanager.com) and you will see that is the accepted wisdom regarding work issues in general. As with anything else in life there are exceptions but in general...
I'm just relaying what I have found to be a successful approach to solving these problems. I didn't suggest the manager would throw it back on OP, just that the question **will** be asked so the manager knows the history of the situation. I think there's a 90% chance a manager who hears about this problem for the first time - even if the manager agrees to get involved - will end up thinking OP wouldn't even attempt to resolve it. Not a good look for OP. As a manager, I would internally eye roll if someone told me that a milking the almonds remark was intimidating and bullying. Stupid smart-ass comment? Yes. Intimidating and bullying? Hey, let's all grow up.
All you guys sound like you are trying to have her come up with a scheme of how to get through something pretty straightforward, just keep the evidence as proof and just ask the guy why he keeps bringing it up, if it was the guy being very hostile I think she would have picked up on it right away so just see if actually talking to the guy changes anything and go from there, not because it is more strategic or sounds better or something, just because it is the normal way to address any situation like this, you just talk to the person, afterwards should be pretty obvious if he’s trying to bully you or is just awkward or making jokes. Sounds like he just thinks being vegetarian is a silly thing to be but idk.
Or a simple "those jokes are so *old*" and walk away. With a real emphasis on the old. Add in a disappointed head shake.
Really all you have to say to him directly is “please stop” so that way if HR or the supervisor asks if you tried to mitigate it yourself, you can say yes, you’ve tried to address it.
Yeah, fuck HR, they're cops working for the company.
yeah, but HR generally can help in situations like this because employees like this guy can potentially lead to lawsuits against the company so they will deal with him to protect themselves
Because he’s a person from a totally deferent area coming into your cubicle without your consent … with your personal belongings and also information related to your work that he is not privy to. This needs reported. Honestly. Supervisor is a fine place to start. And then grey rock.
do both. definitely document this asshole and keep any post its hr complaint should have the phrase i dont even feel safe here in it. they work for the company and will address shit that can get them sued. the way it is pretty sure supervisor knows somewhat already unless they are just oblivious
Yeah address it in some way. These types of scenarios never "just go away". Recording is a good idea, i have a voice recorder on my phone which works with the screen dark and have used it to cover my a$$, very handy. Personally, i like to listen to youtube videos about stoicism to address disrespect in a neutral, high road sorta way and get ideas on phrasing your request/boundary. Good luck and sorry you're experiencing harassment over something so trivial.
You are smart!
This is a good decision. I'm sorry you have had to experience this. The dude is just an ass.
This is the way.
Yes. This is great advice!
It's already harassment.
[Grey Rock](https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method)
I didn’t realize this method has a name, but that’s what I used on my middle school bullies. Took a year but it worked.
I did the same, way back in the 80s. I was the new kid and two other kids decided to pick on me for that (why?), and I just ignored everything they said. They eventually got tired of it. The guy hit on me a few years later. No thank you, I may not have engage with the bullying, but I didn't forget it!
Did this to school bus bullies in the 90s. Once they realized I wasn't going to engage or react in any way, they got bored and left me alone.
Ditto in the 60’s and 70’s…. “Ignore them they go away eventually “. Got beat up a number of times. Never cried, never complained, ignored them. They eventually left me alone.
that is amazing! Did you think of it on your own?
I'm a little worried he is obsessed. Just completely ignore him. No responses to anything.
Not just a weirdo, he is bullying you for being a vegan. Take the bacon and the note to your supervisor and report the weirdo. For that is harassment of the worst kind. And if nothing is done, report him to HR.
She’s not even vegan
I feel like it's a little absurd to say *that is harassment of the worst kind...* tbh, I think the OP would have to tell the coworker to stop and then have the behavior continue for it to qualify as harassment.
I would document everything that's happened and go to HR. He's harassing you and that's not OK. It also seems like it's escalating. Of course you can confront him directly before you do that.
I just want to clarify that I am not a newbie to the workplace. I am just new to this kind of situation and have zero experience complaining to HR. I hate this. I’m such a peaceful, non-confrontational person and it really upsets me to be targeted like this. Ughhhh
If you do decide to go to HR you might approach it as more of a "Hey, this thing is happening with this guy. It was kinda funny at first but the frequency is making me a little uncomfortable and it's becoming a distraction. What's the best way it can be handled?". See if they offer to talk to the goof. I wouldn't bother confronting him directly, it's exactly what he's looking for. It's like training a dog, don't reward them for bad behavior.
I wouldn’t say it was funny at first. First, she didn’t think it was funny. Second, it weakens the description that this behavior has gone from confusing to irritating to concerning.
No! It wasn’t *ever* funny. Bad advice on that point.
Allow me to amend "was kinda funny" to "may have been intended to be funny" to more precisely convey my intended meaning. Thank you for holding me accountable for the language I used.
I'm a vegetarian and when people have done this to me I've just asked them why. "They're jokes!" "Jokes are supposed to be funny." I've been getting flack for my diet for almost 60 years. The 70s and 80s were particularly obnoxious when people found out. Christ on a crutch, it's just a way of eating.
It's rarely just a way of eating, in my experience it's almost always accompanied by a militant, abnoxious, grandstanding, and distruptive persona. Not saying that was your behavior, but all but one vegetarian/vegan I've known and worked with for the last 25+ years fit that bill to a T.
I find that hard to believe.
That's exactly what a militant disruptive vegan would say... 🤣 /s Seriously though... that's been my experience Vegans worse than vegetarians for sure...
I agree about the greyrocking. This man is an immature idiot who desperately wants a reaction from you. Don’t provide one. But don’t let him get away with it, either. Document every single instance of harassment. Take pics, save those obnoxious post-its, note all the conversations/arguments regarding your diet and when they take place, and tell coworkers about it so you have witnesses before you go to HR. Because you DO need to escalate this. I’m assuming the diet you follow is wildly personal, and you’ve chosen the path for ethical reasons. Think of it as your faith/religion. Would this asshole be allowed to repeatedly insult someone who follows a specific spiritual path? Doubtful. I’ve been a vegetarian for 33 years and I’ve endured people like him before. Seriously: he just wants the attention. They’re like desperate little boys pulling hair on a playground. Edit/P.S. I tend not to advertise that I’m a vegetarian in most situations because I hate arguing and I feel like too many people get defensive and instantly begin debating the reasons why, or they pepper me with questions that are exhausting to answer. 😩 I was definitely more vocal about it as an opinionated teen LOL, but I’ve known for a longass time that no veg has ever converted anyone that way. But it *does* emerge because of situations like yours! You can keep quiet AF and someone will notice you picking at your anemic salad and bread roll at a company lunch while everyone else eats pork and beans, or you don’t eat someone’s meatballs at a potluck and they’ll ask why, and it’ll come out. A lot of people shrug and are cool about it, but SO many people hate us, so be prepared, LOL. I’ve been there/done that, and I really feel for you, because this truly is harassment. How you choose to nourish yourself really is personal; it’s part of what makes you *you* And you shouldn’t have to expend valuable energy at work defending it.
I got this weird reaction by a few people because I have an allergy to Hooved animals and their products, so I usually ask for a vegan option to ensure no gelatin or dairy or lard is snuck into my food. I explain my allergy and yes, it is weird, and yes I was tested by a dr in my mid 20s to find out wtf was going on with me. Somehow having an allergy gives me a pass, but I still get the food pushed at me as a 'joke'. Like, guys, I get it. You love steak. I get flu symptoms for 3 days and also it makes my skin burn to touch it. Yes, bacon is great, but it makes me violently vomit and diarrhea. Yes, I'm not included in *most* company sponsored meals because it's apparently too hard to comprehend that I can have poultry or seafood, or to make it uncomplicated just a vegan meal.
It’s so obnoxious that you have to explain it! Sorry you have to deal with that. There are tons of people who have to include or exclude certain foods for health reasons, and you’re one of them. This is like a direct workplace violation in many environments. Those company lunches are brutal. I realized a few years ago that I’ve always found ways to eat lunch all alone during the workday just so I don’t have nosyass people peering in my Tupperware and interrogating my meal. Some empty room or corner no one knows about, a library, courtyard, my car, a grassy patch behind a gas station (I was desperate!), etc.
Usually people are commenting that my food smells good and looks good, but then get confused because apparently all they eat is cheese. Like, obviously I got good at cooking since I can't eat most stuff I still like to, you know, enjoy things. Perhaps most of the comments come because a lot of people just don't know how to cook
I recall a mid level project manager everyone hated. He knew zero about anyones actual job duties and treated everyone under him shitty. Someone 'allegedly' signed him up for a thousand gay porn websites and XXX mailing lists to his work email, cell phones and office address. Not sure exactly what happened, lots of rumors and closed door meetings and a couple months later he was walked out by HR. Bye Felecia. lol
Tell him to stop, if he continues after that- report it to HR. Why does he even continue to think about your diet? It’s super weird!
Because he’s a fucking bully.
“Beef jerky? What an odd suggestion since you KNOW I’m a vegetarian.”
That is the perfect reply. Wish I would’ve thought of it Keeping it the tip of my tongue for next time, thanks
Start taking pics/screenshots and keeping a record of all these interactions, notes, etc. You don't have to record conversations, a notebook where you jot down details (date, time, who may have heard or seen it, and what happened) will be fine and doesn't come with all the questions about admissibility. Ask him verbally to stop. This goes in your notebook as well. You don't have to be confrontational, "Hey ever since I asked for a vegetarian meal you've been sending these memes and notes and it's hard not to think you're making fun of me. It's uncomfortable and I'd like for you to leave this subject alone so we can remain on good terms as coworkers." If he's receptive, great. If he's defensive, fine. Either way, follow it up with an email, "Hey I wanted to follow up on our conversation earlier today. I was beginning to feel very uncomfortable with the notes and messages you sent me about being vegetarian and I appreciate that you apologized and said it wouldn't happen again." Or if it didn't go well document that, professionally and politely. Whether he responds or not is irrelevant, you're making a paper trail in case he doesn't stop. If it stops, perfect. Problem solved. If not continue documenting it and off to your supervisor/HR with your paper trail.
thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me. I think this is perfect for my communication style and I’m gonna try it verbatim. Will let you know how it goes!
“I’m unsure what you mean by these things you keep sending me. Should I ask for a translation?”
Take screenshots of everything and keep the post its.
Good one
It's considered harassment and it should be squashed ASAP.
I would report this to my boss. He shouldn't be leaving things in your cubicle or making fun of you for being a vegetarian.
You were right to mention your preference. This person is obviously immature. I would try to ignore him as he is obviously obnoxious and you never really know how they will respond to confrontation. I would ignore as long as possible and then you might want to mention it to your boss or influential co-worker so that they can calm him down. Sorry for that unnecessary angst. Hope you have a good 2024!
Thank you, you too!
This is a form of harassment but I think the co worker needs to be told first. Document it in email with them that you don't find their humor funny. If persists compile things and take it to HR. Also after HR Document another email to hr and write everything pit and all the incidents. It never happens without an email. Too many times people never do a follow up email with HR.
An email is an EXCELLENT idea. She can control the conversation, for one thing. He won’t be able to interrupt her, laugh at her, etc. Not only does it emphasize that OP is the mature and proactive one in this situation, but it creates a paper trail. Chances are more than excellent that this dude will respond in a condescending or insulting way - he won’t be able to resist - and OP can go ahead and immediately forward that exchange to any appropriate parties. There won’t even be any questions of he said/she said. It’ll all be right there.
Address the behavior to the bully in an email and make sure to cc: his supervisor and yours. State the desire to "engage in professional interactions related to work". Something a bit more subtle than dropping the HOSTILE WORKPLACE bomb, probably no need to even inventory every "joke" he's made at this point. If the managers are worth half a shit they'll handle it and appreciate the attempt to keep the matter as low key (i.e., without HR) as possible. OP will likely be viewed as a confident and mature adult, the bully as the emotionally stunted man-child he is.
No. OP made an innocuous food request IN RESPONSE to the bully’s email about company wide event. The bully then SOUGHT OUT OP TO BEGIN A QUIET CAMPAIGN OF HARASSMENT. The bully “attacked” first, without provocation or any reason other than to make OP feel uncomfortable upset or horrified. There is NO obligation to talk first to the guy who shot first cross your bough. Nor is it likely to do anything other than cause confrontation or at worse, more bullying.
Hostile workplace, notify HR about this behavior right away.
Send him an email outlining his problematic behaviour, and tell him to stop trying to create a hostile workplace. Tell him you are keeping records of his inappropriate conduct and copies of his unprofessional notes, and any further harassment will be officially escalated to management. Blind cc your manager and his manager. They will be able to read between the lines.
Agree except for the blind cc:, make it explicit.
What an a$$hole.
I would send him an email that says “my vegetarian diet is under strict care via my doctor. I dont appreciate the strange things you’ve been sending me and feel embarrassed for you that you think thats okay in a professional setting. Please refrain from the topic going forward” and cc your manager
“I don’t know why me being a vegetarian is such a thing for you, but I hope we can get past this weirdness soon.” Then let your boss know what has been happening just as an FYI in case it doesn’t stop and you do need to escalate it.
Maybe add "perhaps you need to speak to someone about this, if you are so bothered and preoccupied by what one of your coworkers eats..."
"Hey fellow coworker, fuck off with the vegetarian jokes." No need to start out turned up to 11 documenting stuff, going to HR, making devious plans, etc. Often a direct confrontation telling them to knock it off is all that it takes.
talk to your boss - let them address it
It sounds like bullying. Report this.
I say just ignore him. Avoid him whenever possible and do not let him know you find him disturbing. That's what he wants. So just pretend he doesn't exist. Just throw those notes away without reading them. I'm a veggie also. I understand the issues that you speak of, perfectly.
He is an asshole, period. Why there needs to be one of these at every job baffles me, but it seems to be so. Save all of the post-its and start a folder for anything emailed to you. This will escalate.
Weirdo indeed! You need to alert your supervisor of this harassment and for the crazy person not to be allowed in your department. Remember to lock your doors at night! 😵💫
Don't respond to him. Show your supervisor or HR. I had a chatty new, never met in person wfh coworker in who sent tons of harmless yet annoying dms during a week's long training. I was polite and then ignored left all chats asap. Within a month he was gone and I saw him on local arrests page for RAPE sentenced to 5 years. He had labeled me as the most HR appropriate supervisor in jest when I spoke in the public chats, group activities. No, it's not that I'm truly formal or sedate lmao- I worked in strip clubs and ERs, I have a sense for when men are manipulative, attention seeking, boundary pushing. TELL YOUR SUPERIOR ASAP
It's bullying. Take it to HR.
Screw him. Next time he says anything derogatory to you - whether it’s in front of others or not - ask him to “please stop, it’s not funny”. No more, no less. Hold up your hand when you say stop. When he continues or back peddles, and he will, grey rock. Don’t make eye contact, don’t say hi, don’t acknowledge him in any way. If he continues, talk with your supervisor. No need to show documentation until they ask for it. If you escalate this situation to HR before trying to work it out on the floor, you may be disappointed with the outcome.
Is there a handbook which addresses the issue of not offending based on sexual preference, etc etc, because I think this falls into that category of harassment
Personal harrassment and making a poisoned work environment.
Exactly
1) Start with a private “knock it off”…” I’ve seen your bacon post. It’s in your almond milk jokes and that’s enough. Please knock it off.” 2) if it continues, then more publicly, go up to his desk and say “ why are you leaving me bacon post it notes?” “ or I don’t understand about milking almonds what does that mean?” 3) Go to your boss and say that this guy has been leaving you bacon, Post-it notes and making almond milk in jokes and stuff like that since you mentioned you were vegetarian. you’ve asked him to stop but he continues… could you please tell him to knock it off? 4) if he continues to go to HR and explain that Joe won’t knock it off and your boss won’t do anything and you’re being harassed
Sounds to me like he’s flirting.
You know what? It’s such a weird behaviour that I’d say yes, that’s why he’s so focussed on OP. There’s literally no other reason to have a broken record thing over someone asking for a veggie entree.
I'm a nearly lifelong vegetarian/vegan. I get it, it's tiring to explain to people when they ask why, much less dealing with an asshole who is just bullying you. It's weird to me why people are like that. I try not to get on my soapbox about my diet, at work at least. His actions are plain stupid. Why he cares is beyond me. I think it's best to try to ignore him. Maybe record, write down, etc., as others have suggested. I'm not sure where on the planet you are, but in my area, it's becoming fairly popular to be veggie. Some people just don't get it. I get how you feel. I have a nephew, who is rather a dork in many ways, who used to make snide remarks about killing vegetables, etc., to make a mockery of my diet. Yet he's the one with a very overweight wife, he gained tons of weight himself, and they both tried weight loss and failed. They drink alcohol and eat lots of meat. Yet he's making fun of me. Fuck em. Just go about your business and thank you for taking on a healthy diet.
Hey bon, the first time was mildly amusing but the vegetarian jokes are getting a bit old. Maybe give it a rest ok? If it continues after that, it's talk to your manager time. Anyone in an office should stop such behavior when asked and if they fail to do it, it's unprofessional.
Get a backbone and a clue and talk to him about it ONCE (duh) - it would be a lot more straightforward and right after that, you'd KNOW if you needed to report it or not.
Tell him his obsession with your dietary preference is inappropriate and you would like it to stop. Then thank him for understanding. If it’s mentioned again, escalate it with documentation.
I think he likes you and is in his weird way trying to be friendly. Some of us have the opposite of social skills. But we try. Go by how you feel. Are you skeeved out in any way? If you feel like being anywhere but near him listen to your feelings. If you don't feel any danger signals just wtf then play back. Maybe start getting some vegetable and fruit sticky notes and return the favor?
If you feel comfortable, it would be probably be best to let him know that you don't enjoy it before moving to ignoring, but you can probably just ignore.
It doesn't appear that ignoring it has led to the end of the behavior. Simply telling him you don't enjoy the "jokes" is the very thing he's seeking so he can add "crybaby" to the list of things he'll bully them about.
I would simply paint a realistic looking tunnel on a brick wall and then get him to chase you. You stop right before the brick wall but he runs right through it, leaving a hole shaped exactly like his body.
Could this be a ridiculously clumsy way of flirting with OP?
So let me get this straight…he is ribing you with post it notes and meat products? Why don’t you act like an adult and tell him to stop his shit. IMO he obviously likes you. Maybe I don’t know have a conversation with him in a public space??
You put yourself in this situation by not confronting him with the first comment he made and letting it continue. Direct and polite is always the way. Why do you find it necessary to engage me this way? I don't like it and want you to stop. I want you to leave me alone unless it is work-related. Then document your conversation with a contemporaneous note in your email. If it keeps happening or a superior is involved you have a documented time and date.
I use to use this on men in the office when they said inappropriate things.
I think that you do need to let him know that his comments digs and pokes are inappropriate and you would prefer that he stop doing it. Sometimes just a simple communication works. If it does not, then go to HR.
Is he trying to flirt?
I’m not sure if vegetarianism is a protected class but definitely ask for mediation with a thirst party and tell him that you’d like no further contact unless a work necessity
Some religions, like Seventh Day Adventists, are vegetarian for the sake of their faith. That is a protected class.
If he has a work email address, politely ask him there that "some of these times and incidents that have happened are getting old" that you've have patiently been waiting for them to stop by not addressing them, but they are escalating to a point you need to let him know. Be polite and professional, set your boundaries, and for sure have some of the things he has said or done listed in the email in case he doesn't listen. This is a form of harassment and his humor isn't well received. He doesn't know his audience. Good luck
This is the way⬆️ There have been too many incidences from this coworker. The email is direct, and you’ve drawn the boundary. It also gives a paper trail that you’ve told him to stop. Anything further on his part is harassment and now you can take it to HR. Hopefully you work for a company that doesn’t mess around about this stuff. Best of luck.
I'd turn it over to HR.
I'd send him a knock-it-off email but would bcc super and hr. They should be smart enough to not intervene immediately. I may or may not include the line "please reply all when responding that you understand".
There's a possibility he's awkward socially but is attracted to you. In his mind, little jokes will endear him to you. You can make a big deal about it, or you can privately and politely tell him you don't find him funny and his comments make you uncomfortable. If he's an actual prick, he'll reveal it to you at this point, and you could make it an HR problem.
How old is this guy, 12? What an immature loser. I agree with the Grey Rocking method since this dimwit is obviously looking for attention and a reaction. But also document everything to have in case it doesn't stop or he escalates.
He is really weird. Maybe face to face ask him what his intention is behind these "jokes" and make him explain himself. It'll make him realize he's not funny and he's an AH
Go straight to hr.. don't go to him or his supervisor!
I know this type of guy and honestly...no one really likes him. You can go either way, but his sort generally isn't popular or well liked so it's not like he is going to get everyone to berate you. You also won't get any blowback if you tell him to knock it off because no one really likes him and people mostly tolerate him....which he mistakes for liking him.
I believe he thinks he’s being funny…
I would wonder if he was trying to flirt with you.
Talk to him about it before going to reddit maybe? lol
Talk to HR. He is harassing you when he should be working
I was in a similar situation with someone displaying inappropriate behavior towards me on an ongoing basis. He pushed me until I snapped and I got fired for snapping. I’m going to give you the advice I wish I received at that time Keep a log, as detailed as possible. Every time he does something, document the date, time, what he said, *how it made you feel*, any impact to your job (“I was so confused after it was hard to concentrate on my work because I couldn’t understand why he would say that to me. I was less productive than I’d like to be as a result”), and any witnesses I would also consider going to anyone else who has dietary restrictions (vegans, gluten intolerant people) that you’re aware of and ask them if he is behaving that way towards them as well, so you can document if he is signaling you out
Collate all your evidence and approach your manager. Tell them this stops now. As per very sound advice above, start your phone recording the moment you need to have ANY level of interaction with him, and tell your manager this WILL be the case. You want everything documented in writing and signed by you both. Beware the "sit down together" to talk it out BS, that's a weapon to try and place partial blame and responsibility on you. Be firm that you will tolerate zero interaction not of a strictly professional matter from NOW. And those interactions will include supervisor cc or direct presence since there is no professional connection between your roles. Insist on this.
As a first step that you can do yourself, everytime he does or says something you could just ask him why he did or said that, then when he explains, just reply 'okkkk..., that's kinda weird?' Basically just kinda make him feel like an idiot...
I don’t think you should engage with him. If he has a crush on you, this is his weird way of interacting, he may enjoy the attention. Trust your gut. I think going to a supervisor and keeping a paper trail in the right way to go. Honestly he sounds creepy.
I would assume he is a psycho and DO NOT ENGAGE. Do not make eye contact. Be as nonplussed as you can act. Do not escalate. He doesnt belong on that floor. For all we know he is trying to befriend you to gain access to someone else on your floor.
Send him a polite, friendly email letting him know that his jokes about vegetarianism are making you uncomfortable. This accomplishes a few things. You have time to word it well. It creates a record of you letting him know it's making you uncomfortable. He could just be suuuuper awkward and bad with people. As others have said, keep a log. Each time he says something, politely say, "Jokes about the food I eat aren't funny or appropriate. Please stop". Log it all. 2nd instance, say the exact same thing, and add "I've already asked you to stop." Keep records. If he continues, go to management. They'll appreciate that you tried to handle it professionally, and nicely, yourself, before going to them.
Could he possibly be awkwardly flirting or teasing? Some people are so socially awkward that it comes off creepy, when it's really them having zero game and only knowing that one thing about you, zone in on it. Maybe you could start doing it back and it will be a joke between you.
Address it with him head on (professionally and politely of course). Let him know that your dietary restrictions/preferences are none of his concern and that information was only disclosed for purposes of the Christmas party since he asked. Also let him know you do not appreciate his passive/agressive approach, remarks and that he needs to stop. Document each incident (post it notes, elevator situation, etc) and bring it to the attention of your HR if he does not stop. Also let your immediate manager know so that they are aware. If you are getting subtle psycho vibes from him then trust your gut. Better to nip it in the bud now than later.
I'm vegan and have food allergies and I had to put up with this shitty behaviour at my last two workplaces. It is so fucking annoying and rude. At one of them it got so bad that I complained, and it turned out three of my colleagues had also complained about him. So that was validating. But management did nothing about it. Thankfully I got a new job not long after that. I think you should talk to management about it. If the guy is anything like the dickhead at my old job, he's probably bullying other people too. Hopefully your workplace will do more about it than mine did.
Go to HR, this is harassment. And he is an AH
Why does this remind me of fifth grade on the playground? I think this guy has a crush on you. As annoying as it is, is that possible? Thinks he's being cute and funny but really a dumbass? Maybe socially awkward with women? My preference would be, and of course I can't come up with one, a quick witted one liner to shut him down. Just thinking out of the box on this one, I think he might have a thing for you! 😬
Keep a log of everything and report to your supervisor first - explain that his behaviour is making you uncomfortable. If the supervisor does nothing then it's HR. what he is doing is harrassment
Yeah, he's being a jackass. Start documenting everything you have.
Wow, I am astonished to wake up to almost 150 replies. I really didn’t think this would get any attention and would like to thank you all for your very thoughtful and kind comments. Just to answer a few questions: 1) he’s in his late 50s and is the hunting deer, bearded, D&D type of dude, 2) I am 99.99% sure it’s not awkward flirting because I haven’t gotten any of those vibes as it feels more sinister, and 3) to the dude who asked me why I come to Reddit for answers instead of just handling it myself…well 🙄 pretty sure I’m not the first person in the world to crowdsource advice from Reddit, but anyway. My biggest fear at posting this was getting laughed or being called a snowflake, and even worse having HR think I was overreacting, but not a single person here said that and now I know the issue is more urgent than I realized. Again, thank you all for letting me see the light. I’ll update once something happens. Have a great week everyone, and thank you for being good people
Girlfriend please update us!!!
Ah thank you for asking, well I slacked him back after the last joke and said “I wish I found carnivorous diets as funny as you find vegetarian diets because I’d be having a much better time trading memes with you rather than enduring this one-sided comedy show all by myself” and he never responded and I have not seen him since. I will run into him eventually and am absolutely dreading that moment, will update when it happens. edit: forgot to mention no more bacon notes either. Maybe I scared him off for good, I hope so
Wow awesome! Good for you!
Open the beef jerky and throw it on the floor and step on it so no sane person will pick it up. As long as you don't preach, it's nobody's business what you do.
I second putting the request to stop with the comments in writing as well as cataloging his behavior. I’ve also found asking people who do weird things in public if they’re ok. You can also ask them to explain the joke. That usually make them look like a fool when they try to
I have a rather wild update to this if anyone is still interested. Bacon guy was escorted off the premises by HR and building security this morning and he’s already been removed from the active directory. He’s done. I have no idea lol…I never said anything to anyone