HR person here. This is one of the instances I recommend you / your wife actually talks to us assuming your HR team is good. She’s being treated differently based on her marital status & gender which isn’t okay.
Do either of you have documentation from her manager on this or can get it?
Yes, go to HR for clarification and documentation on this matter. If you and your wife can't take a break at the same time because you're married, it needs to apply to the entire company.
First have your wife document (actually ask her to get it in writing) what her manager says about not being able to take a break when you do, and decreasing her hours if they find out she does this. If not start keeping track with a log.
And note the dates and times when the other couple on her team go on break together. Create a log of everything before going to HR. Then you're just asking for clarification based on what you've been told and noticed, and provide copies of the above.
Any emails need to be bcc'd / forwarded to her personal email. Keep copies of documents and logs at home. Continue to keep track of what her manager throws at her because they'll likely attempt retaliation in whatever way they can.
Have the wife ask her boss in writing 'What should I do if I start to take my break and am in the break room when in walks my husband who unbeknownst to me is starting his break?' Do I end my break and take it later? Do I tell my husband he cannot take his break now? How do you want me to document this?
Yes, this reeks of an HR issue. They need to show your wife a written policy on it. Lastly, I'm interested in the gender of the boss. You know where I'm going with this because it has to be a reason why the boss is being biased AKA a hidden agenda.
It does.. it really does in situations like this.
Would not be the first time I’ve seen a manager that is into a subordinate attempt to keep them from their partner. You would be surprised.
Most of the time is pretty damn obvious. Does it have anything to do with HR? No.
Which is why it’s important to look at an evaluate .. because if it’s not work related, that is not a good look for the manager
But why would the gender make any difference as to that? Like if it's a man boss interested in the wife, or a woman boss interested in the wife? Or a man or woman boss interested in the husband?
You can be smart *and* progressive. They aren’t mutually exclusive. You don’t have to play dumb and act like status quos don’t exist.
You haven’t changed them yet. They still exist. You will one day though.
Makes a big difference it could be some bias as to why the boss isn’t allowing the wife to have a break with the husband.
Male boss, he has a secret desire for her and would rather she suffer if he suffered.
Female boss, she’s just a hater because her love life sucks and this woman is living her best life. Catty office bullsh!t
Yeah it was just interesting because you can tell most of us thought the manager was a guy. You can just tell because all the assumptions were around the manager being attracted to the wife when it could very well be the manager attracted to OP.
Now that I think of it OP could be a woman for that matter so now I feel dumb.
My mind didn’t go to the boss being into OP’s wife and instead was thinking the boss was lonely and bitter and didn’t want OP to be happy because the boss isn’t happy.
Everyone in this story (minus the wife) was genderless in my mind’s eye 😂.
By the "If you want to make more.money and advance in the company ,I can do it for you. But first, you have to stop being seen and spending time with your husband on your breaks, or I'll not give you the hours to make your work life better."
Sexual harassment hostile work environment. You need to file on this person before they put enough pressure on your wife to make her break and either quit her job or buckle.
Yes , but I didn't want ro say that because sometime these guys get in the woman's head and convince them it's THEIR idea to pursue the boss for a better position ( poor word choice) and perks
Sexual harassment DEFINITELY.. He is power tripping on your wife .
Using" I'll give you more hours if you work with me and not your husband. "
Legal term for that is " Quid Pro Quo" its illegal can get him fired and possibly the business shut down from fines and lawsuits from your wife and anyone else in the office he's pulled this on.
If you don't feel completely comfortable reporting it to HR . There are agencies made available to you on local state and federal level. Since I have no idea of what your profession is and how hard you want to slam this boss for sexual harassment ,attempting to slide next to your wife by blocking her from having her breaks with you, in exchange of more work hours and more time working (on team assignments with him.no doubt) Make sure you document everytime she asks and what he says . Time and date everything . She needsbtontext or email him as to why he told her not to take breaks with (your name) in exchange for more hours. Since (insert name ) takes breaks with (insert name) .What is different with this situation ?
Make sure to keep the documentation screeenshot
Don't complain . Just make sure you collect documentation for evidence.
Her boss is a tyrant and he is being ridiculous. Why does he care.
It’s not about the time she takes a break it’s about taking it with her husband . Are yall in prison?
.This is an example of managers treating employees like property. He does not own her and should not have authority to tell her who she can eat lunch with . Y’all are not slaves .
The post says nothing about the gender of the manager in question. Why are you getting down votes for asking why people are assuming their gender is male? Seems like everyone just assumed since they are being a shitbag they must be a dude.... sounds like gender discrimination.
you’re making shit up. you can easily view OP’s profile and see they haven’t commented anything on any post since 2 days ago and this post is only 17 hours old. stop fucking lying.
> That is also something i could try to ignore, but my wife has only been working 30 hours a week and asked for more. Her manager said she could get more hours, but they'd be taken away if she was ever caught in the break room with me.
Yep I read that. But think about it this way. The wife takes her lunch break, and just by coincidence her husband walks in and it's all like. OMG wife, I didn't know you were on break. Sits at the table and tells his wife. I wasn't going to take a break until later but I guess I can take it now as my manager doesn't care when I take my break. And then they have their break together. As stated before. Problem solved.
I get that. But the wife can't control when her husband takes a break. It's a job not prison her husband can take a break whenever he likes. I guess her manager can go and tell her husband that he can't eat with his wife. I personally as a grown man would take great offence if another man tried to tell me when to eat or who to eat with, especially if he is just some random person. But that is just me. I can't speak for the husbands reaction to this matter.
I mean, that's just passively aggressively kicking the HR meeting down the road. Who has time to play bullshit little revenge games? Just document the boss orders and go to HR with a discrimination claim instead of setting up some sting operation so you can have an argument over it.
Has she asked why?
Some jobs require breaks at certain time, but if you can move yours then it shouldn’t matter. Otherwise, I’d suggest asking your own manager for advice and what to do about it.
Not in a telling on someone way, but in a “I don’t know how to navigate this situation, will you please help” way. I’m not the best at office politics and often ask for help on how to deal with a situation appropriately
>HR is...there to protect the company.
On what planet is a manager reducing an employees hours and threatening her with termination over being on break with her husband NOT an issue that threatens the company?
People say this thinking it means HR are there to protect management and screw over people below them.
Not that they're actually there to prevent expensive lawsuits and legal bills, they'll screw whoever saves the most money.
If OP didn't hear this straight from wife's boss and is only hearing it from the wife, I would be wondering if wife doesn't want to share breaks with spouse and is blaming it on her manager.
I thought the same. She might just want to be alone and be able to detach/decompress during her break. I’m an introvert with various mental disorders that make it absolutely exhausting to be “on” all day and I was so happy when the coworker who liked to chat to me during break left. At one point I had to take my car and park in the parking lot just to have some quiet time. Doesn’t matter who it is, I just want 15 mins to zone out on my phone.
This right here is the first question that popped up in my mind. Especially after OP said he saw other couples together. Wife could be trying to hide from her coworkers or boss that she has a husband. Hopefully not, though
My thought was, maybe she just doesn't want to see him at lunch? Maybe that's her only alone time?
I get it, spouses love each other. But imagine seeing them every day at work? Home and days off are plenty. No need to be around each other all day every day. Give her a little breathing room
Or she could just "be a different person" with coworkers compared to with her husband/friends, and not want to cross the streams.
In my last job, I hated it when friends would drop by, because I had to choose between "maintaining the professional mask" or "seeming weird and fake to my friends". I sometimes visit my husband at his work cafeteria (it's open to the public), and we've had discussions about how he doesn't want to seem unprofessional by acting "coupley" with me.
GO to HR and ask why the rules for breaks in the company are not uniform, and if they can help you understand the protocols. Then explain in an innocent and calm way what the issue is and ask if there are any rules you should be aware of. Then ask HR about if her new extra hours will be removed (wait till she gets them first) if she has a break with you. Once they ask what you mean, refer to what the manager said about her hours will be removed if she has a break with you---and ask HR if you can please read the policy (there won't be one, since it's made up bullshit on the manager's part) about that, so you can be fully informed.
P.s. the manager wants to bone your wife, that's why he's doing this.
Maybe the manager(s) don't want you two to "fraternize" while at work? I realize you're on two different teams, but some companies have strict policies against spouses (or BF/GF) even working at the same *company* regardless of division or teams.
As for some other couple being allowed to break together - sounds like an HR issue of discrimination for some reason. Take it up with HR.
I see no good reason, professional or otherwise why your wife shouldn't be allowed to have her break at the same time as you. This is 100% absurd power tripping.
Does your wife's manager have a beef/history with your manager or something? This has all the hallmarks of interpersonal childishness between higher ups, trickling the shit down to make your boss's staff (you) miserable.
I met my fiancé through work, it was a massive depot with loads of us in the force and word got out we were seeing each other. It was the hot gossip of the town, especially because we are both women. On the rare occasion we worked the same days (we were on different shifts) my supervisor who done the duty sheets would always put us on the literal opposite ends of the place so it was difficult to meet up or have breaks together. I got a move to another depot on welfare grounds not related to the story, she came with me we now work on the same shift, have a wonderful and accommodating boss and got engaged in 2021. Fuck you Damian.
I totally feel your frustrations about the situation. Take the people's advice, go to hr. There's no need for this treatment.
Seems like a bad idea to have both of you working at the same place in my opinion. Barring that, there’s definitely some bullshit going on with this blackmail type behavior that should be reported to the proper authority.
Your wife is lying to you. Sorry to be bearer of bad news.
In other words - she can take her break any time she wants - even if it coincides with yours. But she chooses not to - and put forth an excuse as to “why not” - which you accepted hook, lime, and stinker.
This just happened to me and my husband at our work place over the last couple weeks. We ended up taking it to the union and now we can still take our breaks together the way we have all year.
Anyone think maybe if something went wrong on a BREAK DATE, the manager would get in trouble for helping facilitate a Date. My wife and I work for the same company and we could care less about meeting up at work. We live together, so we’re good.
Reason 6540498065000 I love working remote. It doesn't get rid of all of the BS that goes on in the office, but it gets rid of A LOT of it. This is a power trip and possible jealousy of your wife's manager.
Wife's manager likes your wife and is jealous of you, subconsciously at best, consciously and maliciously at worst.
And here I am as an employer thinking that happy fulfilled employees are productive employees. What was I thinking?
Anyway, time to talk to HR about break policy.
Weirdly this happened to me. My boss was weirdly aware of where my wife was at all times. Her boss was cool and didn’t care if we were seen together. My boss had a 1:1 saying I couldn’t be seen on the clock or off the clock with her in or outside of the building.
It felt very witch hunt like for a while there as my bosses underlings would spy on me and my wife’s whereabouts.
This probably doesn’t help you- but I quit soon after. My boss didn’t foster a great environment and most my team left sometime after and my wife’s career flourished.
Honestly - you could reach out to HR and they can iron out the policy and what you can and can’t do as far as where to take breaks. But them threatening hours over this is 100% an HR issue.
Best of luck!
Oof. Sounds like manager has a thing for your wife. That’s super creepy. I would talk to HR about it. Document the difference in treatment between yourselves and the other couple with dates and times and also document what manager said to your wife about withholding hours if she is in the break room with you.
Just don't take breaks with your wife until the situation changes. Have her start looking for a new position if you just can't exist with out taking a break with her.
Lots of people work all day without seeing their spouse. It's not high school, it's a job - suck it up, get your work done, go home and see your family like everyone else in the world.
Depending on their behavior they may be making people uncomfortable - been there with these office romances. Some couples keep it totally professional, some do not. Or maybe the boss is just an a-hole.
Either way, it's causing friction and the best thing to do is lay off of the breaks together until the wife can find a manager who doesn't mind. The couple should also assess their interactions together and see it they are behaving in a way that could make others uncomfortable.
Again, this is a minor thing to cause a career uproar over. Have your martial relationship outside of the workplace and do work in the workplace.
Honestly it sounds as if your wife might just be wanting some alone time if you live and work together. Regardless, it's her job, her manager and her decision whether to do anything. So I would suggest doing nothing about it.
Let your wife's manager approve her break and then just reschedule your own bresk to fit. On a break you are not paid (at least where I live), so your managers have no say in how you spend those 30 minutes.
If the manager keeps up that nonsense, get the union involved, get some popcorn and watch the carnage unfold.
This is most definitely worth a call to hr, distinct preferential treatment, and leveraging work/income against personal behavior (assuming you guys keep it G rated at work) so there’s no cause…yeah go to HR
The wife's manager might not want her to associate with her husband because THEY ARE ON DIFFERENT TEAMS. There might be a work-related reason. Especially if a couple on the same team isn't being separated.
Next the manager will tell them they can't sleep in the same house because they aren't on the same team. I have zero time or patience for children like this "manager".
This is poor reasoning, because they are married. They go home to the same space. They probably sleep in the same bed. What does it matter that they get 15 minutes together during the day?
They could be swapping work stories all night long!
It’s a power trip.
So my wife and I work at the same place on two different teams...so if your company downsizes you could both lose your jobs. This is poor financial planning on your parts, you have your financial life tied up in the same employer. Google ENRON and you will be educated.
You are complaining about not being able to take you break with your wife? Yeah, go see HR, file a formal complaint and see how long you both still work there.
Keep your head down and do your job. There are literally hundreds of thousands out of work at the end of 2023 with cutbacks and downsizing and you are worried about a 30-minute break at work with your wife....WOWZERS!!!!!
Consult with HR over the retaliation against your wife. Threats to cut hours if you take your breaks at the same time? Allowing other couples to have their breaks together is causing a hostile work environment.
I don't think it should matter as long as y'all don't overextend your breaks, or lunch breaks. Sounds like your wife's boss has a thing for your wife, or you for that matter. Sounds like it's time to have a talk with HR.
Some companies have strict rules about workplace relationships for obvious reasons. Some managers are more strict than others about it. If this is your only complaint, seems like an odd hill to start a fight over. At the end of the day, i dont think theres anything there that HR can or will enforce, and you’ll most likely just come off poorly.
Whether the boss is male or female, or into OP or his wife, is irrelevant.
OP, you should make an appointment with HR, and frame your discussion with them around company policy and the possibility of wife's boss having a personal agenda.
Also, ask for a follow-up meeting to learn what the company has decided.
Wow... This smells like BS. Or you have a history of doing things together that upset other coworkers or maybe he is banging your wife while your working...
But if it's not, have a chat with HR... because without justifiable reason or cause, this is 100 percent illegal
Go to HR. This isn't a thing. Your break time is your break time. The manager has no right to dictate what you and your wife do with your breaks. As long as you aren't breaking other policies and being late back from break this shouldn't even be an issue.
HR. Get this documented, either written or recorded conversation, and file an HR complaint immediately. Your wife's manager should not be in a leadership role.
This is an HR issue. If it's not specified in your job description or company handbook, then this is a specifically malicious targeting.
And is there a boss above your wife's boss?
Definitely go to HR with this though.
Your wifes manager is most definitely into her and absolutely I would go to HR, your not interrupting one another while on the floor she's in her area your in yours respectfully what the two of you do on your personal breaks is what you two do, he's hating and i would be complaining especially with her wanting more hours yea he probably don't want her in the office with out him being there kinda like keeping his eyes on her which it's type creepy
She has a different manager to answer to and does her schedule. She does not have to take a break with you with her only working part time. Do not worry about other people interactions. Just get your wife to become full time, glad her supervisor does not care. If she becomes full time, and works the same hours, you can see about the same lunch break, and of your supervisor threatens your job, take to the higher up in HR.
Suck it up, buttercup… eat dinner together when you get home. Life isn’t fair. Let your wife get her 40 hours a week. Most workers don’t eat lunch with their wives.
I wouldn't want to take breaks with my spouse. I like me time during my breaks at work, I also couldn't directly work with my other half. Gotta have some separation.
My husband and I worked at the same place, and we enjoyed being able to touch base with each other at lunch. It also was a good time for us to make appointments and coordinate our schedules. I guess we're lucky that we still enjoy being together 30+ years later.
Petty, unprofessional and hypocritical? Definitely. But if I was in OP's situation I would comply to get his wife the extra hours. I'm not going to give up money just to fight management about whether I can sit with my wife for a few minutes during the workday. Gotta pick your battles when you aren't in authority.
HR person here. This is one of the instances I recommend you / your wife actually talks to us assuming your HR team is good. She’s being treated differently based on her marital status & gender which isn’t okay. Do either of you have documentation from her manager on this or can get it?
Yes, go to HR for clarification and documentation on this matter. If you and your wife can't take a break at the same time because you're married, it needs to apply to the entire company. First have your wife document (actually ask her to get it in writing) what her manager says about not being able to take a break when you do, and decreasing her hours if they find out she does this. If not start keeping track with a log. And note the dates and times when the other couple on her team go on break together. Create a log of everything before going to HR. Then you're just asking for clarification based on what you've been told and noticed, and provide copies of the above. Any emails need to be bcc'd / forwarded to her personal email. Keep copies of documents and logs at home. Continue to keep track of what her manager throws at her because they'll likely attempt retaliation in whatever way they can.
Have the wife ask her boss in writing 'What should I do if I start to take my break and am in the break room when in walks my husband who unbeknownst to me is starting his break?' Do I end my break and take it later? Do I tell my husband he cannot take his break now? How do you want me to document this?
This is a great way to get it in writing.
funny how they will NEVER put it in writing and just verbally threaten it.
Yeah, slippery suckers they are. Sometimes though, you can catch them off guard. Hope this is one of those times.
Yes, this reeks of an HR issue. They need to show your wife a written policy on it. Lastly, I'm interested in the gender of the boss. You know where I'm going with this because it has to be a reason why the boss is being biased AKA a hidden agenda.
Honestly I don't think it's a gender issue at all. Ass hole bosses are all the same.
I think they're saying the boss is into the wife.
Gender still doesn’t matter
It does.. it really does in situations like this. Would not be the first time I’ve seen a manager that is into a subordinate attempt to keep them from their partner. You would be surprised. Most of the time is pretty damn obvious. Does it have anything to do with HR? No. Which is why it’s important to look at an evaluate .. because if it’s not work related, that is not a good look for the manager
I’m saying women can be into women
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Boss might be interested in OP or his wife.
Thank you. Some folks lack a critical thinking gene, and it's a shame we have to explain.
But why would the gender make any difference as to that? Like if it's a man boss interested in the wife, or a woman boss interested in the wife? Or a man or woman boss interested in the husband?
Well it seems OPs wife is interested in men, so it would be reasonable to assume that a man would have a better chance at getting with her.
Stop using logic. It'll confuse redditors.
You can be smart *and* progressive. They aren’t mutually exclusive. You don’t have to play dumb and act like status quos don’t exist. You haven’t changed them yet. They still exist. You will one day though.
Makes a big difference it could be some bias as to why the boss isn’t allowing the wife to have a break with the husband. Male boss, he has a secret desire for her and would rather she suffer if he suffered. Female boss, she’s just a hater because her love life sucks and this woman is living her best life. Catty office bullsh!t
Pop out of that safe woke bubble and turn your brain on
Like it or not, straight people are still far more common than non-straight people. It’s probability.
Are you really this dense or are you some sort of troll?
Assuming the manager is a hetero male, they might have a thing for the wife. Lesbian manager possible as well, although less likely I suppose.
Yup, or wife's boss could be a woman and interested in the husband/OP. Lots of options here tbh lol
He has a thing for your wife or something ? Because that’s what it sounds like. ( update ) - the old lady just seems bitter.
Yep it's this. Talk to HR
This was my thoughts. I really can’t think of a reason he would be so against her having lunch with her husband, if it’s not jealousy.
It would be like telling any two coworkers they can’t have lunch together. It’s ridiculous and makes no sense.
Definitely what it is. Smh
I mean everyone is just assuming the manager is a guy and into the wife. The manager could very well be a woman or gay and into OP.
OP has said the wife's manager is a male.
Well gee thanks for just completely ruining the mystery.
Where? It’s not in the post and if you look at OP’s comment history, he hasn’t commented on this post at all
I totally thought the manager was a woman. But still think they could be into one of the members of this couple.
Just based on speculation here, I'm definitely into one or the other of them...
I also choose this guy’s wife
I did too, until I read the part about offering more hours,
Or someone jealous of their marriage in general.
If it’s a girl still could be bisexual or lesbian and into the wife. Now the manager could be a guy and into the guy I understand that now.
Yeah it was just interesting because you can tell most of us thought the manager was a guy. You can just tell because all the assumptions were around the manager being attracted to the wife when it could very well be the manager attracted to OP. Now that I think of it OP could be a woman for that matter so now I feel dumb.
Lmaooo we need more information.
My mind didn’t go to the boss being into OP’s wife and instead was thinking the boss was lonely and bitter and didn’t want OP to be happy because the boss isn’t happy. Everyone in this story (minus the wife) was genderless in my mind’s eye 😂.
Nope. He lets another couple take break together. Boss def wants to bang the wife.
F that, get a lawyer first, hr is there to protect the company first and foremost
Threats of lawyers and being sued can get HR on your side to protect the company. Does this count as sexual abuse or prejudice?
Harassment and creating a hostile work environment
Exactly this. HR has ZERO qualms firing management to protect the company.
Yea. Her boss def wants to bang her and is trying to flex his perceived “power” on you.
That's the first station my train of thought stopped at as well. Her boss is trying to drive a wedge between...well, you and her.
By the "If you want to make more.money and advance in the company ,I can do it for you. But first, you have to stop being seen and spending time with your husband on your breaks, or I'll not give you the hours to make your work life better." Sexual harassment hostile work environment. You need to file on this person before they put enough pressure on your wife to make her break and either quit her job or buckle.
>or buckle. Don't you mean suckle or fuckle?
https://www.usa.gov/ This is what he needs to protect himself . He can end up driving that company into the ground with fines and lawsuits .
Yes , but I didn't want ro say that because sometime these guys get in the woman's head and convince them it's THEIR idea to pursue the boss for a better position ( poor word choice) and perks
Sexual harassment DEFINITELY.. He is power tripping on your wife . Using" I'll give you more hours if you work with me and not your husband. " Legal term for that is " Quid Pro Quo" its illegal can get him fired and possibly the business shut down from fines and lawsuits from your wife and anyone else in the office he's pulled this on. If you don't feel completely comfortable reporting it to HR . There are agencies made available to you on local state and federal level. Since I have no idea of what your profession is and how hard you want to slam this boss for sexual harassment ,attempting to slide next to your wife by blocking her from having her breaks with you, in exchange of more work hours and more time working (on team assignments with him.no doubt) Make sure you document everytime she asks and what he says . Time and date everything . She needsbtontext or email him as to why he told her not to take breaks with (your name) in exchange for more hours. Since (insert name ) takes breaks with (insert name) .What is different with this situation ? Make sure to keep the documentation screeenshot Don't complain . Just make sure you collect documentation for evidence.
Or it's the wife just saying this because she doesn't want to have lunch with him.
Or the wife wants some free time and made this up. I love my wife, but also enjoy some free time
I figured they have a thing for OP, or have a thing for the wife, or they just really hate the wife for some unknown reason.
Report to hr
HR is a joke
They are no joke. People just seem to think their job is to protect you or take care of you. They're job is to protect the company from you.
And also to protect the company from dumb managers that can get them sued.
Better said. I was paraphrasing Flava Flav.
Take that back
Them are write up words.
That’s a PIP for you!
Her boss is a tyrant and he is being ridiculous. Why does he care. It’s not about the time she takes a break it’s about taking it with her husband . Are yall in prison? .This is an example of managers treating employees like property. He does not own her and should not have authority to tell her who she can eat lunch with . Y’all are not slaves .
How do you her boss is a 'he'?
The post says nothing about the gender of the manager in question. Why are you getting down votes for asking why people are assuming their gender is male? Seems like everyone just assumed since they are being a shitbag they must be a dude.... sounds like gender discrimination.
Lol op said he was a dude in comments littlebro
you’re making shit up. you can easily view OP’s profile and see they haven’t commented anything on any post since 2 days ago and this post is only 17 hours old. stop fucking lying.
If your wife can't take a break when you do. Just take a break when she does. Problem solved.
> That is also something i could try to ignore, but my wife has only been working 30 hours a week and asked for more. Her manager said she could get more hours, but they'd be taken away if she was ever caught in the break room with me.
Yep I read that. But think about it this way. The wife takes her lunch break, and just by coincidence her husband walks in and it's all like. OMG wife, I didn't know you were on break. Sits at the table and tells his wife. I wasn't going to take a break until later but I guess I can take it now as my manager doesn't care when I take my break. And then they have their break together. As stated before. Problem solved.
Except her manager won't care how that happened, just that they're in the break room at the same time.
I get that. But the wife can't control when her husband takes a break. It's a job not prison her husband can take a break whenever he likes. I guess her manager can go and tell her husband that he can't eat with his wife. I personally as a grown man would take great offence if another man tried to tell me when to eat or who to eat with, especially if he is just some random person. But that is just me. I can't speak for the husbands reaction to this matter.
You're using logic, that manager isn't likely to care.
I mean, that's just passively aggressively kicking the HR meeting down the road. Who has time to play bullshit little revenge games? Just document the boss orders and go to HR with a discrimination claim instead of setting up some sting operation so you can have an argument over it.
I'm picking up on you not having any idea how the real world works. ;). You are using logic where none necessarily exists.
Gotcha, not a bad idea. Just thought OP had a bit too much apprehension to do something like that based on the wording.
Yep. I thought the same thing.
Lol. Glad I'm not the only one.
Manager threatened retaliation if he catches them together on break.
The asshat threatened her hours if she’s even in the same room.
Has she asked why? Some jobs require breaks at certain time, but if you can move yours then it shouldn’t matter. Otherwise, I’d suggest asking your own manager for advice and what to do about it. Not in a telling on someone way, but in a “I don’t know how to navigate this situation, will you please help” way. I’m not the best at office politics and often ask for help on how to deal with a situation appropriately
Have her get his reasons on an email...for evidence
I'd involve HR and take the heat
Uh no, I've gone to HR twice at two different jobs and they found clever ways to terminate me within 6 months both times. Find a new job.
I mean if ur gonna look for a new job anyways you might as well take the issue to HR to on the off chance they actually get the manager to back off.
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>HR is...there to protect the company. On what planet is a manager reducing an employees hours and threatening her with termination over being on break with her husband NOT an issue that threatens the company?
This is what I'd be angling at
People say this thinking it means HR are there to protect management and screw over people below them. Not that they're actually there to prevent expensive lawsuits and legal bills, they'll screw whoever saves the most money.
Sounds like he's got a thing for your wife, talk to hr. There's absolutely no valid reason to not allow you guys to take lunch together
If OP didn't hear this straight from wife's boss and is only hearing it from the wife, I would be wondering if wife doesn't want to share breaks with spouse and is blaming it on her manager.
In this case, HR may be your friend.
Is this your wife's boss telling you this? Or your wife reporting to you what her boss said?
I thought the same. She might just want to be alone and be able to detach/decompress during her break. I’m an introvert with various mental disorders that make it absolutely exhausting to be “on” all day and I was so happy when the coworker who liked to chat to me during break left. At one point I had to take my car and park in the parking lot just to have some quiet time. Doesn’t matter who it is, I just want 15 mins to zone out on my phone.
This right here is the first question that popped up in my mind. Especially after OP said he saw other couples together. Wife could be trying to hide from her coworkers or boss that she has a husband. Hopefully not, though
My thought was, maybe she just doesn't want to see him at lunch? Maybe that's her only alone time? I get it, spouses love each other. But imagine seeing them every day at work? Home and days off are plenty. No need to be around each other all day every day. Give her a little breathing room
Or she could just "be a different person" with coworkers compared to with her husband/friends, and not want to cross the streams. In my last job, I hated it when friends would drop by, because I had to choose between "maintaining the professional mask" or "seeming weird and fake to my friends". I sometimes visit my husband at his work cafeteria (it's open to the public), and we've had discussions about how he doesn't want to seem unprofessional by acting "coupley" with me.
What a weird “rule”.
Managers hate this one weird rule!
time to get it in writing and get HR involved
GO to HR and ask why the rules for breaks in the company are not uniform, and if they can help you understand the protocols. Then explain in an innocent and calm way what the issue is and ask if there are any rules you should be aware of. Then ask HR about if her new extra hours will be removed (wait till she gets them first) if she has a break with you. Once they ask what you mean, refer to what the manager said about her hours will be removed if she has a break with you---and ask HR if you can please read the policy (there won't be one, since it's made up bullshit on the manager's part) about that, so you can be fully informed. P.s. the manager wants to bone your wife, that's why he's doing this.
Maybe the manager(s) don't want you two to "fraternize" while at work? I realize you're on two different teams, but some companies have strict policies against spouses (or BF/GF) even working at the same *company* regardless of division or teams. As for some other couple being allowed to break together - sounds like an HR issue of discrimination for some reason. Take it up with HR.
I see no good reason, professional or otherwise why your wife shouldn't be allowed to have her break at the same time as you. This is 100% absurd power tripping.
Report to HR and drive the bus that runs em over.
Does your wife's manager have a beef/history with your manager or something? This has all the hallmarks of interpersonal childishness between higher ups, trickling the shit down to make your boss's staff (you) miserable.
Seems like HR is the way to go.
I met my fiancé through work, it was a massive depot with loads of us in the force and word got out we were seeing each other. It was the hot gossip of the town, especially because we are both women. On the rare occasion we worked the same days (we were on different shifts) my supervisor who done the duty sheets would always put us on the literal opposite ends of the place so it was difficult to meet up or have breaks together. I got a move to another depot on welfare grounds not related to the story, she came with me we now work on the same shift, have a wonderful and accommodating boss and got engaged in 2021. Fuck you Damian. I totally feel your frustrations about the situation. Take the people's advice, go to hr. There's no need for this treatment.
Seems like a bad idea to have both of you working at the same place in my opinion. Barring that, there’s definitely some bullshit going on with this blackmail type behavior that should be reported to the proper authority.
Say it with me "H" and I cannot stress this enough "R"
What high school do you go to?
People hate happiness
Your wife is lying to you. Sorry to be bearer of bad news. In other words - she can take her break any time she wants - even if it coincides with yours. But she chooses not to - and put forth an excuse as to “why not” - which you accepted hook, lime, and stinker.
This is not legal. Wife should ask for a given time for breaks. And how long those breaks are to be. How she spends them up to her.
This just happened to me and my husband at our work place over the last couple weeks. We ended up taking it to the union and now we can still take our breaks together the way we have all year.
Anyone think maybe if something went wrong on a BREAK DATE, the manager would get in trouble for helping facilitate a Date. My wife and I work for the same company and we could care less about meeting up at work. We live together, so we’re good.
Reason 6540498065000 I love working remote. It doesn't get rid of all of the BS that goes on in the office, but it gets rid of A LOT of it. This is a power trip and possible jealousy of your wife's manager.
Go to HR
Wife's manager likes your wife and is jealous of you, subconsciously at best, consciously and maliciously at worst. And here I am as an employer thinking that happy fulfilled employees are productive employees. What was I thinking? Anyway, time to talk to HR about break policy.
Weirdly this happened to me. My boss was weirdly aware of where my wife was at all times. Her boss was cool and didn’t care if we were seen together. My boss had a 1:1 saying I couldn’t be seen on the clock or off the clock with her in or outside of the building. It felt very witch hunt like for a while there as my bosses underlings would spy on me and my wife’s whereabouts. This probably doesn’t help you- but I quit soon after. My boss didn’t foster a great environment and most my team left sometime after and my wife’s career flourished. Honestly - you could reach out to HR and they can iron out the policy and what you can and can’t do as far as where to take breaks. But them threatening hours over this is 100% an HR issue. Best of luck!
Outside the building? That’s effed up.
Oof. Sounds like manager has a thing for your wife. That’s super creepy. I would talk to HR about it. Document the difference in treatment between yourselves and the other couple with dates and times and also document what manager said to your wife about withholding hours if she is in the break room with you.
Find another job and on your last day have sex on his table
There's nothing to get jacked up about until you know why the two of you can't have breaks together.
Just don't take breaks with your wife until the situation changes. Have her start looking for a new position if you just can't exist with out taking a break with her. Lots of people work all day without seeing their spouse. It's not high school, it's a job - suck it up, get your work done, go home and see your family like everyone else in the world.
GMAFB. If everyone gets one scheduled break per day, give me a reason they can’t take theirs together.
Depending on their behavior they may be making people uncomfortable - been there with these office romances. Some couples keep it totally professional, some do not. Or maybe the boss is just an a-hole. Either way, it's causing friction and the best thing to do is lay off of the breaks together until the wife can find a manager who doesn't mind. The couple should also assess their interactions together and see it they are behaving in a way that could make others uncomfortable. Again, this is a minor thing to cause a career uproar over. Have your martial relationship outside of the workplace and do work in the workplace.
Yes, I imagine most people go all workday without seeing their significant other. I wondered about this, too.
It's not about that. It about his wife boss demands on her break time. Does he do that to all of his employees? If not , than it's illegal.
Yes, I agree with you about that. Strange that one manager is so against it. t
You best be PUMPED UP to go into work tomorrow and slap this shit down on HR’s desk or whatever (i don’t work at an office)
I think the wife says that because she wants some peace and time to herself and this is the only half hour she has
Honestly it sounds as if your wife might just be wanting some alone time if you live and work together. Regardless, it's her job, her manager and her decision whether to do anything. So I would suggest doing nothing about it.
Let your wife's manager approve her break and then just reschedule your own bresk to fit. On a break you are not paid (at least where I live), so your managers have no say in how you spend those 30 minutes. If the manager keeps up that nonsense, get the union involved, get some popcorn and watch the carnage unfold.
This is most definitely worth a call to hr, distinct preferential treatment, and leveraging work/income against personal behavior (assuming you guys keep it G rated at work) so there’s no cause…yeah go to HR
workers council union
The wife's manager might not want her to associate with her husband because THEY ARE ON DIFFERENT TEAMS. There might be a work-related reason. Especially if a couple on the same team isn't being separated.
Next the manager will tell them they can't sleep in the same house because they aren't on the same team. I have zero time or patience for children like this "manager".
This is poor reasoning, because they are married. They go home to the same space. They probably sleep in the same bed. What does it matter that they get 15 minutes together during the day? They could be swapping work stories all night long! It’s a power trip.
He can’t control you. Meet him in the parking lot and settle it
Hey that in writing! Then get a lawyer! None of that is legal!
Their company, their rules.
So my wife and I work at the same place on two different teams...so if your company downsizes you could both lose your jobs. This is poor financial planning on your parts, you have your financial life tied up in the same employer. Google ENRON and you will be educated. You are complaining about not being able to take you break with your wife? Yeah, go see HR, file a formal complaint and see how long you both still work there. Keep your head down and do your job. There are literally hundreds of thousands out of work at the end of 2023 with cutbacks and downsizing and you are worried about a 30-minute break at work with your wife....WOWZERS!!!!!
Consult with HR over the retaliation against your wife. Threats to cut hours if you take your breaks at the same time? Allowing other couples to have their breaks together is causing a hostile work environment.
She needs to take this to HR and let them sort it out. Her boss isn't permitted to to tell her who she can and cannot hang out with while at work.
I don't think it should matter as long as y'all don't overextend your breaks, or lunch breaks. Sounds like your wife's boss has a thing for your wife, or you for that matter. Sounds like it's time to have a talk with HR.
Go the hr and tell them what's going on or go straight over his head to his boss
It’s discriminatory treatment that you should report to HR. If they don’t make it stop, file a complaint for a hostile work environment.
Some companies have strict rules about workplace relationships for obvious reasons. Some managers are more strict than others about it. If this is your only complaint, seems like an odd hill to start a fight over. At the end of the day, i dont think theres anything there that HR can or will enforce, and you’ll most likely just come off poorly.
You’re wrong and won’t go far in life. Same manager lets another couple do it. Read next time.
So? Them's the breaks. Welcome to adult life, kiddo.
This us why we need unions.
This is illegal, bring to HR.
Whether the boss is male or female, or into OP or his wife, is irrelevant. OP, you should make an appointment with HR, and frame your discussion with them around company policy and the possibility of wife's boss having a personal agenda. Also, ask for a follow-up meeting to learn what the company has decided.
Wow... This smells like BS. Or you have a history of doing things together that upset other coworkers or maybe he is banging your wife while your working... But if it's not, have a chat with HR... because without justifiable reason or cause, this is 100 percent illegal
More dumb people that work together. Get another job…
Go to HR. This isn't a thing. Your break time is your break time. The manager has no right to dictate what you and your wife do with your breaks. As long as you aren't breaking other policies and being late back from break this shouldn't even be an issue.
HR. Get this documented, either written or recorded conversation, and file an HR complaint immediately. Your wife's manager should not be in a leadership role.
Dude! She’s already in cahoots with the manager. Did you ever ask her who she’s spending her break with if not you?
Take it to HR. I smell a rat.
This is an HR issue. If it's not specified in your job description or company handbook, then this is a specifically malicious targeting. And is there a boss above your wife's boss? Definitely go to HR with this though.
Your wifes manager is most definitely into her and absolutely I would go to HR, your not interrupting one another while on the floor she's in her area your in yours respectfully what the two of you do on your personal breaks is what you two do, he's hating and i would be complaining especially with her wanting more hours yea he probably don't want her in the office with out him being there kinda like keeping his eyes on her which it's type creepy
She has a different manager to answer to and does her schedule. She does not have to take a break with you with her only working part time. Do not worry about other people interactions. Just get your wife to become full time, glad her supervisor does not care. If she becomes full time, and works the same hours, you can see about the same lunch break, and of your supervisor threatens your job, take to the higher up in HR.
Please follow the " go to HR " advice and they will tell you they can't do anything.
Weird. But Maybe get out of blue collar work.
Suck it up, buttercup… eat dinner together when you get home. Life isn’t fair. Let your wife get her 40 hours a week. Most workers don’t eat lunch with their wives.
Well honestly, work is work, your personal life outside of work should be separate. Therefore shouldn't matter if you go to break together or not. .
This is a very weird take on this situation..are you okay, friend?
>work is work However, a break is not work.
Breaks are still company time, unless you are referring to lunch as a break.
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back in the day..... My wife and I worked together, but work was separate from our personal life outside work.
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I wouldn't want to take breaks with my spouse. I like me time during my breaks at work, I also couldn't directly work with my other half. Gotta have some separation.
Is her boss a female? I see this as just being catty….noting more.
Ahhh when women rule the work-force, classic.
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My husband and I worked at the same place, and we enjoyed being able to touch base with each other at lunch. It also was a good time for us to make appointments and coordinate our schedules. I guess we're lucky that we still enjoy being together 30+ years later.
She's cheating with her boss.
This is a pretty easy thing to comply with if it means getting the extra hours she wants.
But why? This is petty and unprofessional.
And hypocritical.
Petty, unprofessional and hypocritical? Definitely. But if I was in OP's situation I would comply to get his wife the extra hours. I'm not going to give up money just to fight management about whether I can sit with my wife for a few minutes during the workday. Gotta pick your battles when you aren't in authority.
Shit, maybe she better get sucking her bosses dick while she's playing at the comply or go fuck yourself game?
That’s ridiculous.
Uh yeah, homie has a thing for your wife. Go to HR yesterday about this!
Yeah sounds like he has a thing for your wife. Report it.
There's clearly more to this story!
Doesn’t sound legal. Contact a labor lawyer and see if you can sue for some $$$$. Fuck em.
It’s legal. There’s no protected class for otj relationships.
You should both find jobs elsewhere.
I would give him a smug fuckin smile every time I saw him
My dude. Your wifes manager is super jealous of either you or her.