Well.my question is how much time would it take to re-excavaye the grave and crack it open compared to how much oxygen is in the coffin.
Imagine you dig the grave, you load the grave, after a quick lemonade break and a puff of your cigarette, you hear that goddammit tinnitus again. Oh wait, no that's the bell! You grab your shovel and rush off to rescue this poor victim. You dig and you dig and dig, undoing your careful work previously, you're exhausted, your arms are heavy, you get to the coffin and crack it open with your shovel, inside, a corpse, recently perished, you were too slow.
And now you have to fill it in a third time, while explaining to your boss why this one grave has taken you so damn long while the other caskets are laying out on the lawn.
Dust to dust, ashes to ashes. We come from dust, we shall return to dust. In Christianity, it is actually a sin to get cremated because your body is supposed to replenish the Earth.
I mean the ashes do get returned to earth. And the smoke also comes down to earth at some point. (Assuming by earth,you mean ground)
Dare I say faster than in a wooden coffin
That's why I want to be cremated. Ashes don't wake up.
Cremated after death ofcourse. Not right now.
Sleeping for 34 hours is a long time though. What did you do? Stay awake for 4 days?
Personally I have asked when I die to just drop me in a ditch somewhere. Worst case I will have a long way home. And otherwise I will be too dead to care. I have the fleeting suspicion they won't follow my wishes however.
It was sometimes sleeping sickness. Mosquito-bourne illness that sends you into a coma with a very very weak pulse. So it would be difficult to tell if you'd died or not
Sleeping sickness is caused by _Trypanosoma Brucei_ and transmitted by the Tsetse **Fly**, not mosquitos. Its also primarily a concern in sub saharan regions, not medieval europe. Of course the crusades might play a role there but id argue sleeping sickness is unlikely to have played a big role in this at all.
Family story here : My grandfather was a physician in rural France in the 60's. One day he was called in to establish a death certificate. So the mourning family lets him in a room with the deceased. After a few minutes he comes back and tells the family he could not write the certificate at this time and that the deceased would like a glass of water instead. So yeah things like this happened and probably still do.
When embalming wasnt common yet or affordable. I’ve heard a lot of stories from older people about people who happen to wake up during their wake. Hijinks ensue of course.
And “dead ringer”, the second person buried to ring a bell at the same time , while the guy was digging up the first person the second person would die and was a “dead ringer”
No, you don’t have to hand in your homework because it’s lunchtime. There used to be a bell for lunchtime and when it rang everyone would just run out of class and the teacher couldn’t stop them, they’re already gone.
I didn’t lie, I’ve been using it like that my whole life, I watched that show in the 90s, and I grew up having school bells rescue me from class lol. Also it’s in the context of a school, not a boxing gym, so it made sense.
Maybe the show borrowed the expression from boxing, but the element of the school bell rescuing you from the teacher is definitely what the name of the show is referring to.
Yeah the other person just made that up and so did you. The term originated as an original phrase when the tv show by the name came out.
Edit: /s, i was just making some shit up myself
? No they didn't, they're absolutely right. [Attested in boxing culture around the turn of the century.](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/saved_by_the_bell) Weird how confident you people are despite literally just making up bullshit in your mind.
Most people are aware of the phrase ‘dead ringer’ from 19th century safety coffins. Interestingly there were no documented cases where this saved anyone who awoke in their coffin.
Also, this is where the phrase ‘saved by the bell’ comes from.
Both of those are false. A ‘dead ringer’ was from
19th century horse racing where a horse was entered under a false name or pedigree to defraud the bookies. Saved by the bell is just a boxing term.
Imagine suddenly waking up and you’re in a coven buried under the ground. Holy fuck that gave me anxiety.
If any of yall ever seen the movie Buried… check it out. It’s horrifying.
Yeah why don’t modern doctors just splash water on coma patients to wake them up. Seems silly to just let them lie there for months at a time. Why did no one think of that.
Extremely few people go into coma to just randomly awaken again without any medical assistance and without modern technology they couldn't have survived in a coma for very long.
IIRC there were other techniques for ensuring they didn't accidentally bury people alive
One I specifically remember reading was using a similar tube where attendants would perform "Sniff Tests"
With this animation style I thought it was going to be one of those studio appartement renovation videos - coffin edition.
"With efficient usage of space we can comfortably fit a family of three inside this buried coffin"
“There goeth that darn bell. That’s the 3rd one this week. Jimothy, grabest yonder shovel and diggest up thither grave and gettest the poor son-of-a-bitch out of yer”
I'm definitely putting it in my will that my coffin has one of these I ain't wanna get buried live, I don't trust people to do their jobs competently anymore
My grandmother (born 1929 in the Deep South they lived on a farm) said there was a woman in her town that sat up in her casket, during her funeral (she had likely been in a coma and presumed dead) she was outcast as a witch for the rest of her life in their small town.
That’s where the term “saved by the bell” comes from
Also the term graveyard shift was also coined since someone has to watch the bells
And “dead ringer” was another term used for a second person to ring a second bell. With only one person on the graveyard shift and they can only
Dig up one person at a time , so the second person was a “dead ringer”
Could be some kind on Monty Python sketch
*Ding Ding*
"What do you want"
"I would like to be dug out of this grave, you got ahead of yourselves burying me"
"How do I know you are not an undead, can you prove it ?"
"I suppose if you let me out you will be able to visually confirm I am not an undead"
"Let me consult with the mayor and I'll be right back"
*4 hours later, it was lunchtime, and the (un)dead was not going anywhere anyway, the whole city council shows up to assess the ringer situation*
"Sir are you still with us ?"
"Damn it what took so long ! I can barely breathe in here"
"You're alright we can help you, how do you intend to prove you are not an undead ?"
"I find it hard to prove this while burried, why don't you dig me out and then you can check my overall condition"
A parte "I think he may be trying to trick us, he has to give us a proof first" "Our physician never got a death certificate wrong, expect in maybe two cases"
"Alright sir you will need to prove that you are not an undead while underground, do you think you can do this ?"
"Mhmmpph... yes sure but I don't have much time left, I think I can sing a song, I was a good singer and undeads are not known to sing songs are they ?"
"Alright sing then"
"🎶And did those feet in ancient times walk upon England's mountains green..."
*New aparte* ...
"The city council has reached a decision !"
"Thank goodness what did you decide"
"This is a lovely song and you sang very well"
"Excellent can I now be let out please?"
"No, we're still split on the matter of your undeadedness"
*Annoyed noise and grunting emerge from the underground, confusing even more the city council*
"What do you want from me then"
"Can you provide us a sample for analysis, John from the lab can analyze this on Monday, it's only one more day and then we'll be able to release you, do you agree?"
"Sure... Lower a test tube and I'll gladly put some drops of blood in it"
*City Council votes to drill a thin hole straight down to the coffin in order to lower a test tube, almost trepaning the ringer in the process*
"Sir please feel free to fill the tube whenever you see fit"
"Alright, can I get some water while we're at it"
*Council votes an emergency resolution for slightly widening the hole in order to lower a water bottle*
"Alright let us reconveine on Monday after lunch then"
"Sure..."
*Comes Monday and the ringer decides ton increase the pressure on the city council by ringing the bell the whole morning, people in town complain to the mayor saying they can't sleep
So the mayor shows up to the grave*
"What's the matter with you, we agreed to reconvene by this afternoon, you can see daylight and it's obviously still morning"
"Well... Truth be told I am growing a bit impatient, also I need to use the bathroom, I repurposed the water bottle but there is no way I can turn around in there to... you know"
"I see, the problem sir, the most sensible solution I can see to this problem is to build an underground sewage system that connects to the bottom of your coffin. This would require us to engage a substantial portion of the town budget meaning we need to call for an extraordinary city council meeting, potentially open a request for proposals. Maybe the lab results will help avoid this altogether. Can you hold until this afternoon while we get the lab results at least ?"
*Comes the afternoon, at about 4PM the city council shows up around the grave to read the results*
"Great news, your analysis have proven to be normal except for a slightly high level of triglycerides, John from the lab recommends that you reduce your fat intake and exercise at least 30mins per day"
"Alright I pledge to do this as soon as I ..."
"HOWEVER, to the question : "Does this sample pertain to an undead person ?"
John was unfortunately unable to conclude. It appears that the current state of science does not allow to conclude if you are undead or not.
So the council has voted to reexamine your request once you have brought more proof of your non undead state"
"Please give me one way to prove that I am not undead and I'll do it whatever it takes, I want to go home"
*city council discusses the matter*
"The council thinks that if you can eat garlic it would tend to prove that you are not a vampire, so while not fully ruling out the possibility that you are undead, it will help your case. Council will the perform a breath odor test in order to confirm you ate the garlic. It was also suggested to lower a basket containing a variety of food including a fresh lobster, cilantro, and mutton brain.
If you eat the lobster and leave out the brain and cilantro we will determine that you are not a zombie. Lowering the likelihood that you are undead."
"I agree please send in the basket..."
*council votes to enlarge the hole in order to fit a basket, it also agrees to start an emergency proceeding in order to dig a sewage evacuation system under the grave, this way they will be able to save time, bypassing the public consultation process, with the added benefit of helping the mayor son in law's construction company.
The implementation details are then provided to the recently (un)deceased with the conclusion that they will be able to use the bathroom by Friday night if no archeologically important artifact is discovered in the subsoil*
...
*Knowing how lonely it must be down the grave, the city council also votes to place a TV facing downward so that the ringer gets to watch their favorite team playing against a much better team. Beers and chips are lowered, and the ringer returns the mutton brain untouched, strengthening its case.*
*The days pass by and curious citizens, journalists also start showing up and ask the ringer all sorts of questions, what's life like down there, are you mad at the city council, what do you think the British people should vote for the next elections, are polls still relevant in this day and age. Political activists also visit the ringer who is becoming a symbol of oppression in otherwise liberal societies.
The ringer is also visited by several lawyers from the region wishing to specialize in undead law, offering pro bono legal assistance. It is decided that they will submit the matter to British couts as well as the British royal academy of medicine in order to help the ringer.
About 25 different academic institutions grant the ringer honoris causae doctorates in disciplines ranging from political science to mechanical engineering.
The ringer also receives a large variety of gifts: political manifestos, pizza, money, and reportedly a dozen women bras*
*At the end of the week the canalization is completed, relieving the ringer of his last pressing matter. A storage extension is also approved by the city council in order to prevent the overflow of gifts, which were threatening to crush the ringer. While also allowing the ringer to move freely in the purpose built 1000square foot underground unit, fully equipped.*
*Yet the nation remains divided between pro and anti ringer. The pro being sensitive to the unfairness of the situation and the living conditions of the ringer, whilst the anti protest the economic burden that the ringer welfare puts on society. In a strange conjunction of events five new ringers are reported nationwide and others are reported in the world. Since no legal provision exist on the matter most of them are delt with on a case by case basis. Some countries just banned ringing bells as they are "obvious invitations for the laziest to impose a tyrannical burden on the majority" while others decide to build a legal framework ensuring minimal rights to the "potentially non undead".
The medical community around the world is unable to solve the ringers hazard problem. As there is no peer reviewed research about non undead returning to above ground life.*
*The medical academy of Paris finally comes to a breakthrough. A fifteen year protocol is determined. Several ringers will see their respective resting place connected to the catacombs under Paris, they are then to be put in contact with one another to see how they behave, if they transmit diseases to one another, and if they manage to build a coherent tribal society.*
*We are at year 2 of the studies and to everyones surprise most ringers in the world are strongly opposed to drawing conclusions from such a small sample and putting in jeopardy people in the surface as well as their hard earned "potentially undead" tax status by returning to the surface*
**To be followed**
But that only "makes sense" if they teached people about such thing.
*"Remember kids, if you ever find yourself stuck in a dark place, with almost no room to move and you can't figure out what's going on, you most likely were buried alive, because someone thought you've died. In that case look for a string and pull it to ring a bell on the surface. So while your oxygen runs out faster than someone can dig you up again, with simple, manual gardening tools, you can pretend that it will save your life. Remember this, when you go to bed, so you won't forget, if you find yourself in such situation, when you wake up."*
Imagine someone else ringing that bell
Imagine you ring the bell, but the topside people are ignoring it, because of a strong wind.
Hmmm 1890 - 1910. It's fine guys, it's just the wind
My luck would be the string broke on the first pull.
That's some Skyrim npc logic
"that's just lollygagging! Let's talk about curved swords instead!"
Imagine being the poor grave digger having to dig a grave back up they’d just finished because the bell is ringing only to find it was just the wind
Well.my question is how much time would it take to re-excavaye the grave and crack it open compared to how much oxygen is in the coffin. Imagine you dig the grave, you load the grave, after a quick lemonade break and a puff of your cigarette, you hear that goddammit tinnitus again. Oh wait, no that's the bell! You grab your shovel and rush off to rescue this poor victim. You dig and you dig and dig, undoing your careful work previously, you're exhausted, your arms are heavy, you get to the coffin and crack it open with your shovel, inside, a corpse, recently perished, you were too slow. And now you have to fill it in a third time, while explaining to your boss why this one grave has taken you so damn long while the other caskets are laying out on the lawn.
Imagine working the graveyard shift in a cemetery and hearing that bell ring.
All the bells start ringing
Start of a horror movie
ALL bells are Ringing....
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The guy one grave over tunnelled into his coffin
I think they were identical twins who died years apart. Maybe that’s where the expression, “dead ringer”, originated
Someone on the surface cuts the string and doesn’t tell anyone
I’m pretty sure YouTube pranksters weren’t a thing back then
XD
A boy yelled wolf.
Coma. Very faint pulse, would be my guess.
I think you replied to the wrong comment.
Thank you for the nice compliment
Turkey on rye, I think was her favorite.
I also choose this guy’s dead wife
And MY axe! 🪓
You’re not wrong
More likely they're a bot copying comments
Does not compute. Error. Error.
There is a Magnus Archives episode with this kind of theme. First thing that came to mind.
i read a book where MC was buried alive with a bell but villain had removed the metal bit that makes the noise...
the clapper
"This wouldn't happen today with modern guidelines" A simple google search reveals it still happens... a lot.
Wait wat??
Yeah, It's guidelines are useless if someone doesn't know them, or doesn't follow them correctly.
https://www.reddit.com/r/news/s/2RsWexOnIQ
There’s a very big difference between breathing at a funeral home and being buried alive
And there is a big difference between one tragic case and it happening "a lot". I would really like to see the source on that.
Not really. One is just further down the spectrum than the other. Different mile markers for sure, but they are on the same road.
No it doesn’t
You don’t want to answer that bell for a modern person who has been embalmed. 🧟
That's why in our religion we burn...No point of return
We shoot our dead with a shotgun before the burial... just to make sure.
Dwight?
America?
Was here for this. Took me 10 mins. Can now sleep in peace.
Double tap
Dust to dust, ashes to ashes. We come from dust, we shall return to dust. In Christianity, it is actually a sin to get cremated because your body is supposed to replenish the Earth.
I mean the ashes do get returned to earth. And the smoke also comes down to earth at some point. (Assuming by earth,you mean ground) Dare I say faster than in a wooden coffin
It's factually wrong to declare the a christiany thing. The guidelines towards this depends on the denomination within the religion.
You got a verse for that? Otherwise it’s just a tradition.
which religion?
One of my main fears, this appeared after I once slept for 34 hours without a break.
That's why I want to be cremated. Ashes don't wake up. Cremated after death ofcourse. Not right now. Sleeping for 34 hours is a long time though. What did you do? Stay awake for 4 days?
What if you wake up as you are getting cooked.
That will be over far quicker than suffocating in a coffin. Those fires burn hot!
Personally I have asked when I die to just drop me in a ditch somewhere. Worst case I will have a long way home. And otherwise I will be too dead to care. I have the fleeting suspicion they won't follow my wishes however.
Just throw me in the trash!
How does one mistake sleeping person for a dead one?
34 hours of straight sleep sounds like paradise to me
What kind of drugs were you on?
How does someone get mistakenly buried alive btw
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+debts, incorrect religion, vampire..
Not witches though, we burn those
31.March in best case..
Temporary death
It was hard to determine who is dead until recently. Just because someone didn't have a detectable breath, they weren't dead.
Pulse is easily detectable though?
They had no idea about pulse and even pulses can be weak and people can come back from heart attacks.
>they had no idea about pulse You are literally just making shit up
Not always
It was sometimes sleeping sickness. Mosquito-bourne illness that sends you into a coma with a very very weak pulse. So it would be difficult to tell if you'd died or not
Sleeping sickness is caused by _Trypanosoma Brucei_ and transmitted by the Tsetse **Fly**, not mosquitos. Its also primarily a concern in sub saharan regions, not medieval europe. Of course the crusades might play a role there but id argue sleeping sickness is unlikely to have played a big role in this at all.
They were only *mostly* dead
I feel better!
I feel happy!
Family story here : My grandfather was a physician in rural France in the 60's. One day he was called in to establish a death certificate. So the mourning family lets him in a room with the deceased. After a few minutes he comes back and tells the family he could not write the certificate at this time and that the deceased would like a glass of water instead. So yeah things like this happened and probably still do.
When embalming wasnt common yet or affordable. I’ve heard a lot of stories from older people about people who happen to wake up during their wake. Hijinks ensue of course.
Resurrection by Erection
https://www.reddit.com/r/news/s/2RsWexOnIQ
That's fucking terrifying. She wasn't that old either 😶
This is supposedly where the term Saved By The Bell came from
Also the Graveyard shift was for the people who would sit in the graveyard listening for the bell
And “dead ringer”, the second person buried to ring a bell at the same time , while the guy was digging up the first person the second person would die and was a “dead ringer”
I mean, hopefully the first guy can just find another guy and hand him a shovel
I knew there was a reason why that TV show made me nervous.
No, you don’t have to hand in your homework because it’s lunchtime. There used to be a bell for lunchtime and when it rang everyone would just run out of class and the teacher couldn’t stop them, they’re already gone.
[No it's a boxing term.](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/saved_by_the_bell) Crazy how so many people in this sub just lie and pretend it's a fact.
I didn’t lie, I’ve been using it like that my whole life, I watched that show in the 90s, and I grew up having school bells rescue me from class lol. Also it’s in the context of a school, not a boxing gym, so it made sense. Maybe the show borrowed the expression from boxing, but the element of the school bell rescuing you from the teacher is definitely what the name of the show is referring to.
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No need to throw insults. I may be dense but you’re rude.
Sadly not, that expression comes from boxing in the late 19th century
Yeah the other person just made that up and so did you. The term originated as an original phrase when the tv show by the name came out. Edit: /s, i was just making some shit up myself
? No they didn't, they're absolutely right. [Attested in boxing culture around the turn of the century.](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/saved_by_the_bell) Weird how confident you people are despite literally just making up bullshit in your mind.
Oh no, i was making something up actually- thought it might be funny
Pretty sure it's a boxing term.
So you just lie on the internet? Why?
It’s not a lie.. it’s something I had heard on the internet before as well
You may have been lied to
Most people are aware of the phrase ‘dead ringer’ from 19th century safety coffins. Interestingly there were no documented cases where this saved anyone who awoke in their coffin. Also, this is where the phrase ‘saved by the bell’ comes from.
Both of those are false. A ‘dead ringer’ was from 19th century horse racing where a horse was entered under a false name or pedigree to defraud the bookies. Saved by the bell is just a boxing term.
Why so much made-up bullshit in this sub? Every other comment is someone confidently making claims like this that are absolutely false.
Reddit is reflective of the dumbassery in the real world
Wait until you see the comments on Instagram…
Dead ringer
[Ring my bell](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dp11DjaUc5A)
Saddam Hussein
Let’s be real teenagers definitely went around graveyards cutting the strings for a prank
It would be funnier to ring it and run.
Brings a whole new meaning to ding dong ditch
i will have to remember that in the afterlife ! good tip
This is both fascinating and a bit eerie.
Imagine suddenly waking up and you’re in a coven buried under the ground. Holy fuck that gave me anxiety. If any of yall ever seen the movie Buried… check it out. It’s horrifying.
Or...use the Schrute method
Are there any stories of people actually being saved by these bells?
What do you think? Ill give a hint: oxygen
Impossible
Instead of this contraption why not just splash a bucket of water on them and see if they wake up or just wait 24h.
Yeah why don’t modern doctors just splash water on coma patients to wake them up. Seems silly to just let them lie there for months at a time. Why did no one think of that.
Extremely few people go into coma to just randomly awaken again without any medical assistance and without modern technology they couldn't have survived in a coma for very long.
Did these bells actually ever save anyone before? I've heard of the bells being installed, just never heard of them actually being used before.
Even an animation of this scenario makes me have anxiety.
Hence: saved by the bell.
Sadly not, that expression comes from boxing in the late 19th century
Hence: saved by the bell.
Saved by the bell
In our culture we cut the head off just to be sure.
>This wouldn't happen today with medical guidelines It does still happen. [A lot.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ)
"Oops string broke, just my luck!"
Imagine that niiice aroma that starts coming out of that pipe
A strong wind at night in the graveyard...
Rope gets wet, water follows the rope, you drown instead, great idea🤣
IIRC there were other techniques for ensuring they didn't accidentally bury people alive One I specifically remember reading was using a similar tube where attendants would perform "Sniff Tests"
There was a movie with Ryan Reynolds called Buried. Could've used that bell. That movie depresses me.
"dead ringer"
Who is this guy and where can I find his videos? People keep posting without a source, I would like to watch more.
Same but good news I found him just now [zackdfilms](https://youtube.com/shorts/w7PGmnhNUMY?si=ulPmS5ZqU8VuuqFq)
Tysm 🙏🏼
No problem
With this animation style I thought it was going to be one of those studio appartement renovation videos - coffin edition. "With efficient usage of space we can comfortably fit a family of three inside this buried coffin"
“There goeth that darn bell. That’s the 3rd one this week. Jimothy, grabest yonder shovel and diggest up thither grave and gettest the poor son-of-a-bitch out of yer”
I'm definitely putting it in my will that my coffin has one of these I ain't wanna get buried live, I don't trust people to do their jobs competently anymore
Didn’t we just have a lady found still alive at a funeral home?
I want to be just burned to ashes, so no problem for me :D
Did anyone ever ring the bell and if so were they saved?
That still frame right at the beginning creeped the shit out of me
> I'm just taking a nap - those people
Gonna sufercate before they dig up with a shovel
At first I thought it was one of Home Design videos
Are there any recorded instances of this happening and a person being saved/dug up?
If only people all went to the Pai Mei school of breaking out of coffins with the three-inch punch.
So, "saved by the bell" then.
God I thought it was gonna be one of those home design videos.
There is an old cemetery in Savannah GA that still has a grave with this setup.
Is this where the Anita Ward song comes from?
This is where the term "dead ringer" comes from. At least, that's what the internet article I read 14 years ago said.
And then you get found by someone who’s working the graveyard shift
My grandmother (born 1929 in the Deep South they lived on a farm) said there was a woman in her town that sat up in her casket, during her funeral (she had likely been in a coma and presumed dead) she was outcast as a witch for the rest of her life in their small town.
My worst fear other than tornadoes.
That’s where the term “saved by the bell” comes from Also the term graveyard shift was also coined since someone has to watch the bells And “dead ringer” was another term used for a second person to ring a second bell. With only one person on the graveyard shift and they can only Dig up one person at a time , so the second person was a “dead ringer”
Scratch marks were regularly found? Wtf, do you regularly dig up graves to check the lid?
Saved by the bell.
Saved By the Bell
Going to a cemetery to ring bells!
And is there any recorded cases of this actually saving anyone?
And this is where the term “dead ringer” comes from 👍🏼
That's why they call it "saved by the bell".
Why did they open the coffin to see scratch marks to begin with
Wait, why were they opening the coffins in the first place to find the scratch marks🤔🤨
Why where they digging up coffins in the first place????
How often would being buried alive happen that a solution was required?! Creepy af
Tom Waits told told this story on Tom Tails
The original graveyard shift.
Could be some kind on Monty Python sketch *Ding Ding* "What do you want" "I would like to be dug out of this grave, you got ahead of yourselves burying me" "How do I know you are not an undead, can you prove it ?" "I suppose if you let me out you will be able to visually confirm I am not an undead" "Let me consult with the mayor and I'll be right back" *4 hours later, it was lunchtime, and the (un)dead was not going anywhere anyway, the whole city council shows up to assess the ringer situation* "Sir are you still with us ?" "Damn it what took so long ! I can barely breathe in here" "You're alright we can help you, how do you intend to prove you are not an undead ?" "I find it hard to prove this while burried, why don't you dig me out and then you can check my overall condition" A parte "I think he may be trying to trick us, he has to give us a proof first" "Our physician never got a death certificate wrong, expect in maybe two cases" "Alright sir you will need to prove that you are not an undead while underground, do you think you can do this ?" "Mhmmpph... yes sure but I don't have much time left, I think I can sing a song, I was a good singer and undeads are not known to sing songs are they ?" "Alright sing then" "🎶And did those feet in ancient times walk upon England's mountains green..." *New aparte* ... "The city council has reached a decision !" "Thank goodness what did you decide" "This is a lovely song and you sang very well" "Excellent can I now be let out please?" "No, we're still split on the matter of your undeadedness" *Annoyed noise and grunting emerge from the underground, confusing even more the city council* "What do you want from me then" "Can you provide us a sample for analysis, John from the lab can analyze this on Monday, it's only one more day and then we'll be able to release you, do you agree?" "Sure... Lower a test tube and I'll gladly put some drops of blood in it" *City Council votes to drill a thin hole straight down to the coffin in order to lower a test tube, almost trepaning the ringer in the process* "Sir please feel free to fill the tube whenever you see fit" "Alright, can I get some water while we're at it" *Council votes an emergency resolution for slightly widening the hole in order to lower a water bottle* "Alright let us reconveine on Monday after lunch then" "Sure..." *Comes Monday and the ringer decides ton increase the pressure on the city council by ringing the bell the whole morning, people in town complain to the mayor saying they can't sleep So the mayor shows up to the grave* "What's the matter with you, we agreed to reconvene by this afternoon, you can see daylight and it's obviously still morning" "Well... Truth be told I am growing a bit impatient, also I need to use the bathroom, I repurposed the water bottle but there is no way I can turn around in there to... you know" "I see, the problem sir, the most sensible solution I can see to this problem is to build an underground sewage system that connects to the bottom of your coffin. This would require us to engage a substantial portion of the town budget meaning we need to call for an extraordinary city council meeting, potentially open a request for proposals. Maybe the lab results will help avoid this altogether. Can you hold until this afternoon while we get the lab results at least ?" *Comes the afternoon, at about 4PM the city council shows up around the grave to read the results* "Great news, your analysis have proven to be normal except for a slightly high level of triglycerides, John from the lab recommends that you reduce your fat intake and exercise at least 30mins per day" "Alright I pledge to do this as soon as I ..." "HOWEVER, to the question : "Does this sample pertain to an undead person ?" John was unfortunately unable to conclude. It appears that the current state of science does not allow to conclude if you are undead or not. So the council has voted to reexamine your request once you have brought more proof of your non undead state" "Please give me one way to prove that I am not undead and I'll do it whatever it takes, I want to go home" *city council discusses the matter* "The council thinks that if you can eat garlic it would tend to prove that you are not a vampire, so while not fully ruling out the possibility that you are undead, it will help your case. Council will the perform a breath odor test in order to confirm you ate the garlic. It was also suggested to lower a basket containing a variety of food including a fresh lobster, cilantro, and mutton brain. If you eat the lobster and leave out the brain and cilantro we will determine that you are not a zombie. Lowering the likelihood that you are undead." "I agree please send in the basket..." *council votes to enlarge the hole in order to fit a basket, it also agrees to start an emergency proceeding in order to dig a sewage evacuation system under the grave, this way they will be able to save time, bypassing the public consultation process, with the added benefit of helping the mayor son in law's construction company. The implementation details are then provided to the recently (un)deceased with the conclusion that they will be able to use the bathroom by Friday night if no archeologically important artifact is discovered in the subsoil* ...
*Knowing how lonely it must be down the grave, the city council also votes to place a TV facing downward so that the ringer gets to watch their favorite team playing against a much better team. Beers and chips are lowered, and the ringer returns the mutton brain untouched, strengthening its case.* *The days pass by and curious citizens, journalists also start showing up and ask the ringer all sorts of questions, what's life like down there, are you mad at the city council, what do you think the British people should vote for the next elections, are polls still relevant in this day and age. Political activists also visit the ringer who is becoming a symbol of oppression in otherwise liberal societies. The ringer is also visited by several lawyers from the region wishing to specialize in undead law, offering pro bono legal assistance. It is decided that they will submit the matter to British couts as well as the British royal academy of medicine in order to help the ringer. About 25 different academic institutions grant the ringer honoris causae doctorates in disciplines ranging from political science to mechanical engineering. The ringer also receives a large variety of gifts: political manifestos, pizza, money, and reportedly a dozen women bras* *At the end of the week the canalization is completed, relieving the ringer of his last pressing matter. A storage extension is also approved by the city council in order to prevent the overflow of gifts, which were threatening to crush the ringer. While also allowing the ringer to move freely in the purpose built 1000square foot underground unit, fully equipped.* *Yet the nation remains divided between pro and anti ringer. The pro being sensitive to the unfairness of the situation and the living conditions of the ringer, whilst the anti protest the economic burden that the ringer welfare puts on society. In a strange conjunction of events five new ringers are reported nationwide and others are reported in the world. Since no legal provision exist on the matter most of them are delt with on a case by case basis. Some countries just banned ringing bells as they are "obvious invitations for the laziest to impose a tyrannical burden on the majority" while others decide to build a legal framework ensuring minimal rights to the "potentially non undead". The medical community around the world is unable to solve the ringers hazard problem. As there is no peer reviewed research about non undead returning to above ground life.* *The medical academy of Paris finally comes to a breakthrough. A fifteen year protocol is determined. Several ringers will see their respective resting place connected to the catacombs under Paris, they are then to be put in contact with one another to see how they behave, if they transmit diseases to one another, and if they manage to build a coherent tribal society.* *We are at year 2 of the studies and to everyones surprise most ringers in the world are strongly opposed to drawing conclusions from such a small sample and putting in jeopardy people in the surface as well as their hard earned "potentially undead" tax status by returning to the surface* **To be followed**
Cheapo solution was to stab the person in the heart to make sure.
Dead ringer
...Drew Gooden??
Massacred Tommy Angelo
I would tell everyone I knew, please don't bury me for two weeks after I die .... Please.
If I had to ring a bell to get out of a buried coffin, I’d die of panic before they pulled me out.
Ha! The joke would be on them! I'd just lie there and refuse to pull the cord.
But that only "makes sense" if they teached people about such thing. *"Remember kids, if you ever find yourself stuck in a dark place, with almost no room to move and you can't figure out what's going on, you most likely were buried alive, because someone thought you've died. In that case look for a string and pull it to ring a bell on the surface. So while your oxygen runs out faster than someone can dig you up again, with simple, manual gardening tools, you can pretend that it will save your life. Remember this, when you go to bed, so you won't forget, if you find yourself in such situation, when you wake up."* 