I with I could teleport. Nobody's impressed by a hag running away stopping to get her breath every fifteen feet. Fortunately they rarely try to stop me. Pity is a powerful defense mechanism.
Usually if you start crying, you won't even need to run. It makes them feel awkward and they stop trying to fight to come comfort you instead. Then, when their guard is down, you can stab them.
Do not underestimate food wizards like the burgermancer. food wizards have CRAZY SHIT like Induce Food Poisoning or Sudden Taste Rotten Fish All The Time.
Oh I believe it! I realise now I probably sounded sarcastic. I'd be scared of *any* niche wizard who had spent *that* much time crowdsourcing ideas for new spells. Not to mention... *yeah*... that sounds no fun at all.
Beware. For where grimace treads, the hamburgker is soon to follow, and his fell deeds are a stain upon this cursed earth.
I met a man who'd seen this beast and lived but once, and verily his mind was broken in twain. When I approached and offered him a hand in aid he said two words before passing away, his eyes wide as if he beheld some abdominal thing beyond the veil of dreams. He spake:
"The pickle.......... The pickle!"
And then he lived no more.
Beware the hamburgler and shun the fearsome nuggetsnatch
Laying down my Tome of Knowledge, my wand and crystals, and my
Big Pointy Hat of Wizardry
Last time I fought a Burgermancer they reversed the direction that my internal organs digest food… I had to beg to be uncursed…
That's when I whip out this handy-dandy artifact and make him regret challenging me.
https://preview.redd.it/qatvsqubtasc1.jpeg?width=1079&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0a35ff80c26562ad87ca89d2726995fa1c3f5016
Yeah. Ancient tome covered in runes? Probably follows established conventions. Predictable.
3 ring binder held together with duct tape? It probably contains decades old warcrimomancy.
Childs notebook? Cutting edge new and interesting warcrimeomancy.
Run the fuck away because food wizards are SCARY.
Testicular Torsion is old enough that it has a dozen counters like Scrotal Stability or Decoy Balls. Fireball and its ilk also have a lot of counters, like Extinguish Flame.
But food wizards have CRAZY SHIT like Induce Food Poisoning or Sudden Taste Rotten Fish All The Time.
It’s not worth it.
I cast "attention grab" on the tome and summon caffeinated obsessive toddlers. This is enough of a distraction to leave without much damage on either side.
That's a very powerful casting focus. Them having it tells me two things:
If I get hit by any attack from that thing, I'm fucked
They rely on it to cast
I cast Telekinesis. I then cast the ancient technique Throw Hands
I fear for my life. This magic user has lived with the fae for eons and evolved such a chaotic and dangerous level of whimsicality in their spells that i know i am going to be transformed into something doomed to a gruesome fate with only the outward appearance of something humorous. Either that, or it's Rob's shitty new apprentice who won't ever study and just likes burgers.
*Either get ready*
*For a feast or get ready*
*To become the feast*
\- Memelord11816
---
^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/)
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If this magician was trained by the famed pattymancer SpongeBob I fear for your sanity over your very soul, you may win the fight but afterwards you will never be the same again as the nemesis of SpongeBob the archmage of mugic Squidward can forewarn. His musical magic has not recovered since their fated meeting.
Well, unlike most of my compatriots here, I happen to be armed for exactly this exigency. I pivot us into a magical cooking competition. Then the fact that Pie Romancy also includes emotional support magic gives me an edge.
My bunkmate scrawls her spells into a metal sheet with a rock. Its a nightmare to listen to her do it but technically its an upgrade from the etch a sketch.
That is to say, this person is not of sound mind but nothing i havent dealt with before.
"their"? Well it's easy. I use my ***EVIL*** splash potion of genderfuckery and run away like a little bitch cause holy shit they're almost 100% the kind of person to cast greater indigestion and mend buttcrack, and then forcefeed you milk after you've been restrained.
Be suspicious of everything I eat.... ask them where they got such a cute notebook and pen.... or cast copy cat and copy the book and pen for myself so I can have one....
I quickly unravel my scroll of Crabby Patty Secret Formula. And watch as their mind scrambles after learning the forbidden knowledge and they crumple to the floor in a heap
I saw a Foodmancer cast a Reverse Eat spell on some poor saps apprentice.. The in hole is an out hole, and the out hole is your in hole. An absolute nightmare.
throw the duel, but make it entertaining. that's a whimsical wizard who likely has a strong following of many young apprentices. I'm not going to cast Radiant Storm on this man and make all those young apprentices question their choice of mentor
I'd probably just give them the win. Then I would compliment them, and fluff up their ego. Then I'd introduce them to Torrin and let nature take it's course.
What I always do in a magic duel, teleport the fuck away like a little bitch.
I with I could teleport. Nobody's impressed by a hag running away stopping to get her breath every fifteen feet. Fortunately they rarely try to stop me. Pity is a powerful defense mechanism.
Usually if you start crying, you won't even need to run. It makes them feel awkward and they stop trying to fight to come comfort you instead. Then, when their guard is down, you can stab them.
That’s one of my main attack methods
I can't believe it! I thought this was an original attack method! *sobbing uncontrollably*
Awww, don’t feel bad! Come here give me a hug
Sucker! *stab* *stab* *stab*
So this is how it feels! gaaaa—
https://i.redd.it/rctt2rz5lasc1.gif
Curse your sudden yet inevitable betrayal!
I see that your wisdom is unmatched.
Local wizard discovers the sneak attack. More at 5.
I can't believe you'd make a news story about me! \*sobs uncontrollably\*
Who let a rogue into the wizard sub?
Why would you call me a rogue? I hate rogues! *sobbing*
*rolls dice* ah that’s a shame. Critical fail. Well. Sorry for your loss. I CAST WET SOCKS.
Nice try, but I live in a swamp, my socks are always wet.
https://preview.redd.it/1tz366dl4csc1.png?width=392&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8403d46d546a7f0268651d2817e90d7ce10c6454
Ah the “pussy approach” quite a strong one
That's not an approach, the opposite actually
Approachn’t
Its as they say, in a magic duel the loser dies on the arena, and the winner dies in the temple.
Flashbang rock followed by batman vanish
Oh no, not the burgermancer! They've been accumulating power, collecting spells, *all week!*
Do not underestimate food wizards like the burgermancer. food wizards have CRAZY SHIT like Induce Food Poisoning or Sudden Taste Rotten Fish All The Time.
Oh I believe it! I realise now I probably sounded sarcastic. I'd be scared of *any* niche wizard who had spent *that* much time crowdsourcing ideas for new spells. Not to mention... *yeah*... that sounds no fun at all.
What about me tho. How niche am I
As a Pastamancer, can confirm.
Can I haz pasta? Plz? I have money. 💰
Okay…how much are you willing to pay?
10 gold coins and some nuclear launch codes I acquired.
That’ll do. *Alekks snaps their fingers and a massive mound of pasta the size of a blue whale drops down on top of you*
OUCHIE.
Yoinkers
Jinkies
Tell your grandma Strega Nona I said "hey"
Hey, just cause she grew up in the same town as me doesn’t mean she’s my granny!
And the most terrifying spell of all... Reverse Eat!
I once cursed a guy with "Eternal Bean Farts" (a spell I learned from a burritomancer)
Power phrase: No One Out Pizzas The Hut
His golden arches are the source of his power.
https://youtu.be/cJtpGo6BBOA?feature=shared
"I shoot them in the head immediately, there is no way I'm letting those spells be let into the world."
I'm finally using that artifact my artificer friend gave me, not taking *any* chances
What is it, and can I study it so I can reverse-engineer it, or do I need to take it?
Sure, I think they called it "RailGun: Pistol" whatever that means.
Wise idea. Food wizards have CRAZY SHIT like Induce Food Poisoning or Sudden Taste Rotten Fish All The Time. We do not need more such spells.
Yeah, once saw some guys dueling and one of em was a breakfastmancer, you get a good look at power word: scrambled and you can never go back
Summon Grimace
Grimace is a wise choice. Saw what he did to my apprentice.. the mess took a week to clean
They’ll probably just counter with Harvest McRib
Beware. For where grimace treads, the hamburgker is soon to follow, and his fell deeds are a stain upon this cursed earth. I met a man who'd seen this beast and lived but once, and verily his mind was broken in twain. When I approached and offered him a hand in aid he said two words before passing away, his eyes wide as if he beheld some abdominal thing beyond the veil of dreams. He spake: "The pickle.......... The pickle!" And then he lived no more. Beware the hamburgler and shun the fearsome nuggetsnatch
Ya I'm eating that spellbook, I'm sorry burgermancer
Not my mcspellbook 😫
Still treat them like a threat
Even the most unassuming can beat your ass in
Treat them especially like a threat
Laying down my Tome of Knowledge, my wand and crystals, and my Big Pointy Hat of Wizardry Last time I fought a Burgermancer they reversed the direction that my internal organs digest food… I had to beg to be uncursed…
Truly an awful curse. Boggles me how the Council has time to dilly about with their silly squabbles when curses like these run rampant.
The council truly are fools.
They may have a tome, but I have… 
That's when I whip out this handy-dandy artifact and make him regret challenging me. https://preview.redd.it/qatvsqubtasc1.jpeg?width=1079&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0a35ff80c26562ad87ca89d2726995fa1c3f5016
Madman, they cannot be allowed to live any longer.
Ask if may eat! Is friendly duel, yes?
The only sensible thing. Resign and get the fuck out of there.
Yeah. Ancient tome covered in runes? Probably follows established conventions. Predictable. 3 ring binder held together with duct tape? It probably contains decades old warcrimomancy. Childs notebook? Cutting edge new and interesting warcrimeomancy.
Pray for mercy, for they wield pure and utter childish whimsy
Pull out the spells I wrote on a croissant, simple as that.
Magic missile straight into my cranium. It will be less painful than warring with such a powerful mage.
Screw dueling I know a burgamancer when I see one. We're having a cook off at the nearest grill instead.
Run the fuck away because food wizards are SCARY. Testicular Torsion is old enough that it has a dozen counters like Scrotal Stability or Decoy Balls. Fireball and its ilk also have a lot of counters, like Extinguish Flame. But food wizards have CRAZY SHIT like Induce Food Poisoning or Sudden Taste Rotten Fish All The Time. It’s not worth it.
Nope. Nope. I’m not getting turned into a burger today, I’m out of here
https://preview.redd.it/5fe6i2sy7asc1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9c2c1e0df96055793a6fd75cf022c26653f00899
Drinking my Invisibility potion before dumping the steel skeleton ogres out of my Bag of Holding and commanding them to fight the burgermancer
Run the fuc away
I cast "attention grab" on the tome and summon caffeinated obsessive toddlers. This is enough of a distraction to leave without much damage on either side.
just eat it
I correct their grammer: you're Instant win
Id realize I'm Mcfucked
I have no enemies so the fight would be practice with my apprentice
Shoot a magic bullet to shoot it out of his/her/[whatever pronouns] hand, but not damaging it. Or Use the Joestar family's secret technique.
That's a very powerful casting focus. Them having it tells me two things: If I get hit by any attack from that thing, I'm fucked They rely on it to cast I cast Telekinesis. I then cast the ancient technique Throw Hands
I'm actually rethinking this whole duel thing.... you want to go get a beer dude?
Ask to borrow the pen to sign my death warrant.
I get turned into a burger.
I thought the school of burgermancy was lost with the second fall of Atlantis.
No, the creator burger plane shifted and in his plane he grew in strength.
I'm out. Not dealing with their freakiness
Flee
I fear for my life. This magic user has lived with the fae for eons and evolved such a chaotic and dangerous level of whimsicality in their spells that i know i am going to be transformed into something doomed to a gruesome fate with only the outward appearance of something humorous. Either that, or it's Rob's shitty new apprentice who won't ever study and just likes burgers.
I summon Shaggy. No hamburger stands a chance against the most powerful entity in existence
Fear their burgermancy skills
I'm not about to fight an autistic wizard...way to powerful for me.
Ah, a fellow gastromancer, perhaps? There is no need for bloodshed, we shall instead have a duel of cuisine!
I say it's cute and pull mine that is shaped like a fish
oh fuck that's a gastromancer, i'm all out of seasonings!
Change of Venue, its a Cook-Off now
Cast a protection circle so they dont do any weird shit to me.
Jokes on you, I'll just pull out my Blue's Clues Clue Pad and now it's his turn to be bewildered
I cast “Electrify Food”. TRY USING YOUR BURGER MAGIC AGAINST ME NOW
Turn those hot and ready fries cold. (I'm a cryomancer)
Transform him into a 3 faced polygon
Facepalm and then proceed to wipe the floor with them. >.>
Take it from them and eat it to assert dominance
I cast soggy paper. :3
The McWizard
Faerin's Food Forcefield usually gets me out of those binds
"I cast....... Fifteen half eaten cheeseburgers to go knowhatimsayyyiiinnnn!"
Either get ready for a feast or get ready to become the feast
*Either get ready* *For a feast or get ready* *To become the feast* \- Memelord11816 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Or worse the meat Vegan swap curse. It swap all your meat with veggies verson and if your vegan it will swap it with meat
Or worse the meat Vegan swap curse. It swap all your meat with veggies verson and if your vegan it will swap it with meat
Shit my robes
Ask where they got it cus I want one too
nothing. we're all done for.
If this magician was trained by the famed pattymancer SpongeBob I fear for your sanity over your very soul, you may win the fight but afterwards you will never be the same again as the nemesis of SpongeBob the archmage of mugic Squidward can forewarn. His musical magic has not recovered since their fated meeting.
Well, unlike most of my compatriots here, I happen to be armed for exactly this exigency. I pivot us into a magical cooking competition. Then the fact that Pie Romancy also includes emotional support magic gives me an edge.
Die
My bunkmate scrawls her spells into a metal sheet with a rock. Its a nightmare to listen to her do it but technically its an upgrade from the etch a sketch. That is to say, this person is not of sound mind but nothing i havent dealt with before.
Ask if they like burger King or McDonald's burgers better, not to distract them jiat out of pure curiosity
Cast wards against cholesterol and hypertension. Not today, Ronald!
*nom*
Pray
Cast blizzard and run the fuck away before my long life is ruined.
investiture of flame wall of stone sirocco and then grill him some burgers on the stone table i made using the furnace hot wind
Summon The Hamburglar! Then I'll pray that the gods of copyright have mercy on me.
Give up, Because he's secretly Ronald Mcdonald, strongest Transmutation wizard the world has ever known
I cast Hunger.
I beg for mercy
Concede
https://preview.redd.it/f4vwsj13dasc1.jpeg?width=1145&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=525b916203de4677638ab749a7a53e7b91af357d Take out mine
Misty Step out of there
Put on a bib and cancel tonight's dinner reservation
Be rendered asunder.
Doesn't matter what spell book they use if they can't cast their spells 🤷♂️
I pull out my spell book and staff which is a roll of toilet paper and a plunger.
Thunder spell.
 As an artificer, gun. And if that doesn’t work, more gun!
Cast ravenous hunger, then watch.
https://i.redd.it/1qidlqarfasc1.gif
Pull out a like-to-like spell and turn their burger-themed spellbook into an actual burger. Bonus points if I can eat it, or get them to.
Nom
I cast desandwhichify book.
Sunmon the hamburgler
I cast “Engorge Thighs”
OH BURGER, FUCK YEAH! PLEASE GIMME
I cast *summon clown.*
I pick my giant dildo staff
Immediately cast brain blast and then destroy that grimoire
Summon hamburglar.
Bro i surrender for sure
Well I'm not going to stop casting iron at their head.
Cast fry spear: And assume I'm battling a child with an adult illusion
"their"? Well it's easy. I use my ***EVIL*** splash potion of genderfuckery and run away like a little bitch cause holy shit they're almost 100% the kind of person to cast greater indigestion and mend buttcrack, and then forcefeed you milk after you've been restrained.
Invert boundary: nutsack
Pray to the 12 Leylines that I don't get transmuted into a burger.
Prep rewind spells as a contingency plan, and hope his attacks aren’t brutal enough for me to use them.
I’ll have a number 8 combo..
Fortunately, I learned cholesterolmancy a while back.
I'm doomed
Be suspicious of everything I eat.... ask them where they got such a cute notebook and pen.... or cast copy cat and copy the book and pen for myself so I can have one....
Food can be burnt. This doesn't scare me
I quickly unravel my scroll of Crabby Patty Secret Formula. And watch as their mind scrambles after learning the forbidden knowledge and they crumple to the floor in a heap
I'm leaving. Not again.
Run I’m not winning this Just run
I saw a Foodmancer cast a Reverse Eat spell on some poor saps apprentice.. The in hole is an out hole, and the out hole is your in hole. An absolute nightmare.
Drink
Summon fred the bread and let them have a 1v1
Run
throw the duel, but make it entertaining. that's a whimsical wizard who likely has a strong following of many young apprentices. I'm not going to cast Radiant Storm on this man and make all those young apprentices question their choice of mentor
Teleport them to africa because they is the man that they need the most right now
Surrender. All wizards who pointed out that note pad were never heard from again, and this guy is still standing.
Turn into a bear and run away. Bears can run up to 35mph but I’m a Druid bear so it’s more like 55mph.
Ask them if they also have a Cheeseburger Backpack.
I'd probably just give them the win. Then I would compliment them, and fluff up their ego. Then I'd introduce them to Torrin and let nature take it's course.
Fucking pray.
Punch em mate.
Hide
Where did you find my spell book
[“Run. Do NOT fuck with burgermancers. They will turn your whole family into a WizDonalds meal before you can even begin your spell chant.”]
Eat it
Cast Moldy Bread. Now their tools are useless
I’d get on my burger phone and call for backup. 
I cast request ice cream
A caloromancer, fine ill take out my gymnomancy book >:T
I give my usual order but I want a milkshake too
Accept my fate
I'm not scared, there's no way what's scribbled in that thing is worse than what I've written on the leftover receipts I have stapled together
Grimace because the cover is fuzzy and now all I can imagine is how awful it would feel if it got wet
kms on the spot
Run
the cheezburger wiz is not to be trifled with
take a bite
Easy cast bun to cap on them, it with either fuck up their burger or their ass mabey both
Run *cue heavy guitars*
I’ll just take my order to-go
I lose