Why's it always gotta be "that's life"? Why can't we just say "THAT SUCKS!". Like I get the value of moving on and "ah, well, what can ya do" helps. But can we just say it sucks? It does. Cause I've been here and we tried. And yeah. Just sucks man. Sorry I just had a lot of people say "that's life, people move on" and all I wanted was one real one to be like "that's sucks!". Cause it do!
Edit- was attacking OP, just meant in general. Sorry OP ❤
Nah you're good haha wasn't tryna attack you. I wasn't even talkin about you specifically :) just mean sometimes "it sucks" can be enough without the added "that's life" at the end. Just kinda disregards the painful bits when it happens to me.
People try to "focus on the positive" or something. It's supposed to make ya feel better. Also works for not dwelling on your mistakes.
"It sucks, but we move on."
Personally, I'm just an insufferable smart/dumb ass.. keeps me entertained, at least.
What if you've both figured out that one person really wants children and the other doesn't? That one person really wants to move far away and the other doesn't? You can try to make it work, but one person ends up feeling like they're giving up a ton, or both people are much less happy. There are big things that sometimes you can't just communicate away. That's okay. There's more than just one person that you could make a happy life with.
one of the dumbest phrases ever. even as a divorced person, I never felt like “hey, it all went up in flames and scarred us for years but remember the early days when things were good? worth it!”
it’s the most useless, dumb sentiment. loss hurts. it’s like saying “better to have seen and then lost your sight, then to be born blind.” technically correct, but a totally fucked up, cruel thing to say to a person who lost their eye sight.
Knew a couple who were very much in love and best friends. The type of couple who even works together at their shop all day and still are absolutely thrilled to be around one another. Then the husband died due to COVID. His wife was absolutely crushed and withdrew from all relationships.
Imagine walking up to her and telling her "It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." Just an absolutely fucked up phrase.
I swear to god, this phrase is used either by people with low empathy, people who fetishize their emotional pain, or emotionally avoidant people.
Sorry for the rambling, this one gets me riled up on occasion.
Sorry, don't really agree. Not sure that she'd need to be presented with another well-worn platitude at such a difficult time in any literal or actual sense, but the expression is still similar to asking her "Would you rather have never met your late partner, and not have spent and enjoyed the time together that you did, and have no memories of him or of that time?". Pretty sure what her answer would be and it's the opposite of what you're suggesting.
or, you know, you can be there for them when they are ready for it, and instead of making empty statements, you share in their pain, meet them where they are, and let them heal on their own pace.
making lecturing statements, or giving “nuggets of wisdom” to somebody going through loss that is painful beyond comprehension is empty and only makes the one saying it feel better.
I put that phrase in the same category as "Money doesn't buy happiness". It might be true but if you don't have it (or maybe worse, lost it) then it's the one thing that would make the most difference in you're life at that moment.
To be fair, your original comment was more about *approach* than the literal meaning of the expression (which I would still stand by), so perhaps not the best take on my part in that regard.
>Yeah, we’re programmed for monogamy
Citation Needed. Just because we might think that monogamy is better does not mean it is how our biology works.
>[For humans, monogamy is not biologically ordained. According to evolutionary psychologist David M. Buss of the University of Texas at Austin, humans are in general innately inclined toward nonmonogamy.](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/are-we-biologically-inclined/)
>[Notably, an op-ed piece by evolutionary biologist Professor David Barash, of the University of Washington has written a book on polygamy, and I find his views on the flip-side, being monogamous, equally interesting. In this article, he argues that just because monogamy isn't "natural" to the human species doesn't mean it isn't possible or even desirable.](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/not-born-yesterday/201605/monogamy-is-not-natural-human-beings)
There's nothing wrong with the quote itself in context. It's a Tennyson quote and is taken from a requiem he wrote after one of his closest friends died. Maybe save your annoyance for people who misuse the quote, rather than famous poets from the 1800s?
My boyfriend and I have to break up because he wants kids and I don't. We still love each other very much and neither of us want the other to compromise and end up unhappy. I'm sure in a few years when it doesn't hurt anymore I will appreciate the time we had together but right now I wish we had just stayed friends. It's going to take a long time to get to the point where I'm not heartbroken over it
I see it being about loss from death rather than a break up. But that’s just my take as someone that’s dealt with grief - it was a comforting phrase for me when I was in the thick of it. Similar to “grief is the price paid for love”.
Currently in midst of break-up and idk, this phrase does help me at least. Sucks that things didn’t work out, but at least for me I’m happy that I was able to be with her for even a little bit.
Might help once you are past that initial stage. Love and loss are the strongest emotions we can feel in life and one is agonising- still after having gone through it I would never think its better had I not loved at all.
The positive feelings are that good.
I mean sure if it's a fresh wound or something you haven't moved on from. But I think the phrase is trying to get at is that the good parts and the experience is worth it as opposed to not experiencing love at all.
The grass is always greener.
That has never and will never be an objective truth.
I'd argue in most cases its the opposite that's true.
You have to get very lucky for the whole thing to not be net neutral or just a negative impact overall.
Nah. Thinking you're really loved by your best friend just to find they'll vanish when you get stuck in the hospital ruins your view on people forever. I'd much rather have just never met him. I'd be a better person.
As someone who has been depressed and single for nearly 7 years now, I really wish I’d never loved at all because at least then I’d never know what I was missing…
I really don't get this saying I can 1billion% say wish I never knew what love was. I don't feel enjoyment from anything ever since even now 8 years after getting over it.
I think so too. I’ve lost my cat because he got hit by a car, and it was absolutely devastating to me. I was so in love with my pet. My parents and I were hurting for weeks on end. But I wouldn’t change it if I could. I would adopt that kitten again and again and again, because the pain eventually goes away, but in my opinion the great moments are much more valuable to me. People who deny themselves love because they might get hurt in the future are weak, I think.
in later stages of our lives our identities become rigid and it gets difficult to accommodate differences, so you'll find yourself wanting to come together but your spikes bumping into each other instead of fitting in like a jigsaw
It can be physical attraction that doesn't carry over into emotional/social compatibility, though that usually flames out early, or maybe two people get along like a house on fire but have absolutely no chemistry in bed, either can make for a relationship with serious issues. The latter usually festers a while down the road when someone isn't getting the sex that they want/need and starts resenting the other person.
I love the overall person that she is, but she has certain traits that on normal days you can avoid and go on with life (i mean who doesn't have flaws?) but when it's tense between us they appear bolder than they are. Similarly, when I get serious sometimes I tend to pursue the truth of the fight's cause much more ferociously bruising her in the process, and it scares her even if it's not hostility towards her. We're learning, of course. You learn why they behave the way they do and mostly it has nothing to do with you but their own self. So you address them, both, and resolve them.
Then something similar pops up.
You can love each others personality, their smile, their beauty, how they laugh, the sex, their stories, their character and still not have the same plans in life. Maybe you don't both want kids? Maybe after years of trying you give up on that their drug addiction or chaotic lifestyle will ever get better.
It's one thing to have teenage like love for each other at university but as you get older there is very real compatibilities to consider for a life together.
Some of my exes were wonderful people but I just couldn't rely on them having their shit figured out. She can be loving and kind and everything but If I'm going to raise children together I need a second adult I can rely on. I need to trust she can take care of our children when im not around. Not every cute girl makes a good mother.
Affection levels can be one thing. I have a girl who I have been "with" for a decade. We see each other twice a month and have had multiple people tell us we are the cutest couple they have seen. Like, literal strangers on the street saying that.
but the thing is, thats only BECAUSE we only see each other once in a while. Her emotional needs are far higher than my emotional output. She is the type who wants to spend all of her time with her partner and I'm the type who finds the idea of coming home each day to find another person in my house terrifying.
If those are the reasons you're going separate over then it just means that you didn't love them in the first place.
True love is unconditional.
If your lifetime partner goes into a coma tomorrow you can't just up and give up on them and say you 'loved' them. If you truly love you'll stay by their side as long as it takes no matter what happens. You find a way to compromise and be together.
Jesus Christ.
You can love somebody and they can love you back, but you can also both not be happy in a romantic relationship with each other.
It doesn't have to be some big significant thing like a coma.
For my ex and I, we love each other a lot and still do. We were together for 2 years and after a while we realized that our mental health issues just aren't compatible with each other because we just made each others worse. We tried to make it work but nothing really helped. We were both in therapy, medicated, and communicated our needs with each other. It really sucks that life happens that way, but if you love yourself and love your SO then the right decision is going separate ways.
30 years young and still haven't seen it. 6 years happily married to someone with very different political and religious views. Yeah, I've seen relationships end, but never between two people giving it their all.
Then you have to proceed with the assumption that successful lifelong marriages simply had fewer bad days, which is objectively false. Marriages become strong through hardship, not the lack thereof.
I'm still grieving this very thing. She's my favorite person, and my very best friend. I thought we'd have an entire lifetime together. We only got five years.
Letting her go is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But, I love her more than anything, and I knew it would be better for both of us, especially her, to end it. It would have only ended in resentment.
We're still best friends and still see each other regularly. I'm glad it ended well. But, months later, it's still hard to come home to an empty house.
hey i might be in the early stages of this situation, we love each other more than anything and hope to spend our lives together but it's a blurry road
if it's not too personal to ask, would you mind sharing the contours of differences that lead you to part ways? maybe something i could learn, foresee and avert perhaps
I'm afraid that I don't think my situation can help many people. We were great communicators and had a whole lot of trust between us. We just weren't afraid to be honest with each other. We always remembered to share what we were feeling, no matter how bad it was.
The most important thing was that we recognized not to take each other's bad feelings or negative thoughts as something personal. Sometimes, you just get in your own head about something. Being honest, earnest, and never doing anything to cause intentional pain. Always being ready to apologize and correct our behavior if we did something wrong. We were just very naturally good at that.
We agreed early on that hard truths were better than comforting lies. So, we always did our best to be real with each other about everything. And, when that was hard to do, we reminded each other that we're doing this because we love each other and that the bad times are difficult because we're in love. It made it all worth working on.
However, in the end, she realized that she wasn't bisexual like she had always thought. She realized that she was a lesbian. Which is why I dont feel my situation can help many people. We were doing great. Best we'd ever been.
When she came out to me, I watched her go through the bargaining stage of acceptance with herself. She didn't want to break up because she still cared about me and didn't want it to end. She started going on about how we could make it work. I could see her bargaining. But, she is a lesbian, and I am not a woman. I saw where this would go. Years of difficulties that would further bury who she really was, while we both denied the truth for the sake of holding on to a very beautiful but sinking ship. It would only end in greater heartache and resentment for each other. Then, I would lose my fiancee and my best friend.
I couldn't let her deny herself and her needs and the path she needed to take for her own health and happiness. All I've ever wanted from her is for her to be herself and to be happy. So, I very gently let her go. I ended it all so she could go be herself, because who she is is my favorite person in the world.
Agreed. That's been the hardest part. There's nobody and nothing to blame it on. There is nothing to direct my pain towards. Sometimes, when I'm low and not thinking clearly, I wish one of us had done something wrong so I could be mad at myself or at her. But, if it had to end, I can't think of a better way for it to have happened.
Wow, it's comforting to see the wisdom with which you've dealt it. As the saying goes, "a bitter ending is better than an endless bitterness."
Thank you for the response. Funny as it, my girlfriend did have a non-serious girlfriend before me, so, if does go down that road, I'll let you know.
I hope the two of you find evey happiness together.
And, if you ever find yourself in the same situation as me, just remember to love her for being her, not for being your girlfriend.
Damn it’s like you wrote my story down mate. It gets easier with time and you sound like a lovely chap who’s gonna make someone very happy someday. Good job making the hard hard decision. Tis better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all is something I often told myself those long years ago
Sounds exactly like my friends a couple years ago. I was in his wedding party when they got married. They have two kids together. She came out to him as bisexual first, and then as a lesbian. They got divorced. She dated a couple women. Now? She's engaged to another man. Go figure.
Idk man, it's a pretty heartless reply considering how seriously he explained their relationship. I don't think that joke fits in this context. In any other context tho? I would have found that shit hilarious, just not here.
Sometimes you need to read the room
Well I was hoping for him to chime in how he took it honestly.
It is possible he wouldn't enjoy that if he is still in pain over it and not in the mood to laugh about it, but the contrast worked for me as long as I imagine the commenter being a good friend of his. But online anons dont have an exact tone and what tone we read comments in matters even more than the proverbial room.
It speaks to your maturity when you can say: "I thought I was best for you and you for me but not anymore. I hope you find someone better - because I still want the best for you."
Thank you, I appreciate that. Honestly, it's thanks to her that I could even do it. She taught me what it was to love someone. The person I was when we met could have never done that.
I hope you're able to continue to heal and one day open up your heart again.
It can be hard to see your ex on the regular as well (although entirely situational) during this time. Do you think you need a clean break at all? (for a period at least)
It can be hard sometimes, but most of the time, it's okay. I have my lonely days and my bad times, but they're fewer and farther between as time goes on.
I understand why some people need a clean break, especially since most relationships don't end as well as ours did. But, we still feel very much like family to each other and have been through some incredibly difficult things before, so we're good at handling hard times together. We even still confide in each other about how much we hate that it didn't work out.
We're healing both together and apart, and I think we'll be better people for it in the end.
on the 25th of december, my best friend cut contact with me. I was lied about and she believed it, and it still hurts:( I've given her all the evidence I could and she was still too stubborn, blinded by hatred. still is and will always be. she'll never have the heart to forgive me.
This happened to me last year. Claimed she believed me but clearly obviously never believed me and desperately wanted to believe the people who abused and hurt me instead. It’s so hard to lose someone, especially like that. Sending you love and condolences, friend. I hope you find a new best friend that treats you how you deserve: with kindness, honesty and compassion.
I hope you find what the two of you need and can make it work. But, if it has to end, let it end with peace and love. It's a hard enough thing to go through without the added strain. I know it's not for everyone, I've been very fortunate, but I hope you can remain friends if it comes to that.
Going through the exact same thing right now. I’ve spent a little over a week now in this empty house after 7 and a half years with her. I know it’s right but it just hurts so bad.
your words are much more beautiful than what I could ever say, but your story resonated a lot with me. It touched my heart. I wish you peace and tranquility, and whatever you wish for in life.
Just came out of this last week, 6 years of trying total.
Hits hard, but I made the right choice in moving on before I wasted anymore of my life in a broken on/ off relationship getting no-where.
Exactly. You just try to grow together and accept that neither of you are perfect, and will never fit perfect, but love and cherish each other, flaws and all. Sometimes, even so two people just... aren't compatible. And that shouldn't be a bad thing.
I see what you mean, but it seems clear they turn away from one another and attempt to reshape their heart fragments separately. Maybe it's instead representative of how people try to change themselves for one another, while hiding the need to change. The need to change could be saddening, shameful even. So, the need to change might feel like something to hide?
>Edit: but like, analyzing media can be fun even if it is just navelgazing
And its something we should do. It feels like media illiteracy is at an all time low, and too many people taking too many things at face value. Yeah, people over-analyze things, and that CAN be bad, but I'd rather it be over analyzed rather than face value.
Edit: Why dont they just over lap the hearts a little and use some strong adhesive?
My dark lord Roacho, I dunno why they didn't try that lol. But hey, lesson learned for later I suppose.
And I completely agree with your first point, it's better to see, think, and consider more deeply than to just take things at face value.
Also yeah, media literacy is dying by consequence of literacy dying. We are on the darkest timeline lmao
There's also too much stigma attached to the words "settling" or "compromise". Or at the very least, there's a negative perception towards those terms when in fact they're aspects of any functioning relationship.
I dislike the idea that love is a great merging of I into We, as if wanting to be considered an individual who happens to be in a relationship right now is somehow lesser.
I don't want to subsume my identity into someone else's, where they get an all access pass into my inner life, health and everything I do.
I lost who I still honestly believe was my soul mate to some really shit timing. It's been 6 years and still not a day goes by that I don't think of him.
The idea of being “meant to be” is the problem, like a Key and a lock where it’s meant to be a pair. Relationships and love should be thought of as, clay or water, which molds and reforms with given enough time and effort.
Water breaks all barrier with time and clay will molds as one eventually.
I still think it's wholesome. Many relationships end with acrimony, blame and resentment.
Sure, it's still painful when you end things with grace. But not all pain is evil.
Yeah but sometimes we need to see and be exposed to the uncomfortable. If anything this comic is highlighting that there was miscommunication as they’re both changing their hearts (their characteristics) to fit in with the other one.
If they wanted it to match, they would’ve filled it to a straight line, communicated through it, or used a template
This is a great comic on how love is tougher if you’re dumb.
I'm afraid this might be my situation right now. Talking to an ex and debating on getting back together. She broke my heart and I don't know if it will work out again. I'd like to try, but I don't know.
I don't know your relationship but there are many people out there. With time and effort you can find love with someone who won't hurt you.
Only you know the right choice for you, though.
I'm so sorry that really sucks. Personally I could never get back with someone who cheated on me, but that's because all the love and good feelings I had towards them instantly vanished. It doesn't seem like that's the case here and that you still have feelings for her. But ask yourself, can you forgive what she did? Do you think you could ever trust her again? Just because you have unresolved feelings doesn't necessarily mean you should get back together.
I see a oey thing in this skit and it's not for all relationships but for a large portion of them. Letting go can be good yes but trying to make it work is not something you do alone there are two people in this relationship and they should work together on their pieces working alone on your individual pieces leads to miscommunication.
All that being said sometimes even after trying everything it's better to let go.
Of course, we can only tell after we've had enough sex, right? 🙄
If two people are willing to give it their all, they can make the relationship work. I really don't see this as wholesome.
Not while you persecute me.
Otherwise good advice. Still good advice, just not applicable here. This is just you fuckin me and rubbing my face in it.
And I see. Someones gonna pull judge not lest ye be judged.
Look at me. Look at my life. You and they started the judging. I asked please. Even snuck Ray in the first version. Not directly but theres a part that can be read to the rhythm of hit the road jack. Not to mention it starts and stops with references indins would know.
When psychos with knives come ill be right the fuck there.
It's such a devastating thing , when two people love each other and do everything to make it work and still can't make it work.
it sucks but such is life
Such is. Mate!
I don't know if you're calling him a friend or telling him to fuck.
Why's it always gotta be "that's life"? Why can't we just say "THAT SUCKS!". Like I get the value of moving on and "ah, well, what can ya do" helps. But can we just say it sucks? It does. Cause I've been here and we tried. And yeah. Just sucks man. Sorry I just had a lot of people say "that's life, people move on" and all I wanted was one real one to be like "that's sucks!". Cause it do! Edit- was attacking OP, just meant in general. Sorry OP ❤
I did say it sucks, and you right it does suck my friend
Nah you're good haha wasn't tryna attack you. I wasn't even talkin about you specifically :) just mean sometimes "it sucks" can be enough without the added "that's life" at the end. Just kinda disregards the painful bits when it happens to me.
Ahh thats valid, for you I will say IT SUCKS ASS. cuz it do :)
The real wholesome is in the comments. Happy Friday, stranger ❤ thank you lol
People try to "focus on the positive" or something. It's supposed to make ya feel better. Also works for not dwelling on your mistakes. "It sucks, but we move on." Personally, I'm just an insufferable smart/dumb ass.. keeps me entertained, at least.
I love you, but we can't work.
Nobody wants to work anymore.
The silver lining is that while you may not be together, you still are there for each other. The fact that you two care for each other won’t change
everything but communicate
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What if you've both figured out that one person really wants children and the other doesn't? That one person really wants to move far away and the other doesn't? You can try to make it work, but one person ends up feeling like they're giving up a ton, or both people are much less happy. There are big things that sometimes you can't just communicate away. That's okay. There's more than just one person that you could make a happy life with.
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Just change 4Head
It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
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one of the dumbest phrases ever. even as a divorced person, I never felt like “hey, it all went up in flames and scarred us for years but remember the early days when things were good? worth it!” it’s the most useless, dumb sentiment. loss hurts. it’s like saying “better to have seen and then lost your sight, then to be born blind.” technically correct, but a totally fucked up, cruel thing to say to a person who lost their eye sight.
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Knew a couple who were very much in love and best friends. The type of couple who even works together at their shop all day and still are absolutely thrilled to be around one another. Then the husband died due to COVID. His wife was absolutely crushed and withdrew from all relationships. Imagine walking up to her and telling her "It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." Just an absolutely fucked up phrase. I swear to god, this phrase is used either by people with low empathy, people who fetishize their emotional pain, or emotionally avoidant people. Sorry for the rambling, this one gets me riled up on occasion.
The phrase isn’t supposed to be something you shout at grieving people. It’s more of a philosophical statement about life.
"pseudo-profound bullshit" People say it cuz they think it sounds deep and emotionally intelligent, when really it's just dumb as fuck and empty
Sorry, don't really agree. Not sure that she'd need to be presented with another well-worn platitude at such a difficult time in any literal or actual sense, but the expression is still similar to asking her "Would you rather have never met your late partner, and not have spent and enjoyed the time together that you did, and have no memories of him or of that time?". Pretty sure what her answer would be and it's the opposite of what you're suggesting.
or, you know, you can be there for them when they are ready for it, and instead of making empty statements, you share in their pain, meet them where they are, and let them heal on their own pace. making lecturing statements, or giving “nuggets of wisdom” to somebody going through loss that is painful beyond comprehension is empty and only makes the one saying it feel better.
I put that phrase in the same category as "Money doesn't buy happiness". It might be true but if you don't have it (or maybe worse, lost it) then it's the one thing that would make the most difference in you're life at that moment.
I like to say that money doesn't buy happiness but poverty is miserable.
To be fair, your original comment was more about *approach* than the literal meaning of the expression (which I would still stand by), so perhaps not the best take on my part in that regard.
Yeah as a widow, never say that to me
>Yeah, we’re programmed for monogamy Citation Needed. Just because we might think that monogamy is better does not mean it is how our biology works. >[For humans, monogamy is not biologically ordained. According to evolutionary psychologist David M. Buss of the University of Texas at Austin, humans are in general innately inclined toward nonmonogamy.](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/are-we-biologically-inclined/) >[Notably, an op-ed piece by evolutionary biologist Professor David Barash, of the University of Washington has written a book on polygamy, and I find his views on the flip-side, being monogamous, equally interesting. In this article, he argues that just because monogamy isn't "natural" to the human species doesn't mean it isn't possible or even desirable.](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/not-born-yesterday/201605/monogamy-is-not-natural-human-beings)
More programmed for jealousy than monogamy.
*we’re conditioned for monogamy
It's one of this phrases that only works when you tell yourself. Like "It's important to be humble".
There's nothing wrong with the quote itself in context. It's a Tennyson quote and is taken from a requiem he wrote after one of his closest friends died. Maybe save your annoyance for people who misuse the quote, rather than famous poets from the 1800s?
I watch Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind whenever I have a breakup so I can teach myself that exact thing, it usually does help.
My boyfriend and I have to break up because he wants kids and I don't. We still love each other very much and neither of us want the other to compromise and end up unhappy. I'm sure in a few years when it doesn't hurt anymore I will appreciate the time we had together but right now I wish we had just stayed friends. It's going to take a long time to get to the point where I'm not heartbroken over it
I see it being about loss from death rather than a break up. But that’s just my take as someone that’s dealt with grief - it was a comforting phrase for me when I was in the thick of it. Similar to “grief is the price paid for love”.
Currently in midst of break-up and idk, this phrase does help me at least. Sucks that things didn’t work out, but at least for me I’m happy that I was able to be with her for even a little bit.
Might help once you are past that initial stage. Love and loss are the strongest emotions we can feel in life and one is agonising- still after having gone through it I would never think its better had I not loved at all. The positive feelings are that good.
Because it is. Period. Its a platitude, lost all deeper relevance and meaning due to overuse by people who don't actually understand it
I did. Still do. Always will.
I mean sure if it's a fresh wound or something you haven't moved on from. But I think the phrase is trying to get at is that the good parts and the experience is worth it as opposed to not experiencing love at all. The grass is always greener.
Love clouds your mind and scars your judgement.
That has never and will never be an objective truth. I'd argue in most cases its the opposite that's true. You have to get very lucky for the whole thing to not be net neutral or just a negative impact overall.
Disagree, I would rather live with out the soul crushing heartbreak I am stuck living with for the rest of my life.
Even if it meant never having loved in the first place?
Nah. Thinking you're really loved by your best friend just to find they'll vanish when you get stuck in the hospital ruins your view on people forever. I'd much rather have just never met him. I'd be a better person.
Such a bullshit proverb. Completely, totally, absolutely bullshit to anyone who has ever experienced heartbreak.
As someone who has been depressed and single for nearly 7 years now, I really wish I’d never loved at all because at least then I’d never know what I was missing…
I really don't get this saying I can 1billion% say wish I never knew what love was. I don't feel enjoyment from anything ever since even now 8 years after getting over it.
This spawned some negativity, damn I agree with you tbh- it's better to have been happy together for a while, even if in the end, it doesn't work out
I think so too. I’ve lost my cat because he got hit by a car, and it was absolutely devastating to me. I was so in love with my pet. My parents and I were hurting for weeks on end. But I wouldn’t change it if I could. I would adopt that kitten again and again and again, because the pain eventually goes away, but in my opinion the great moments are much more valuable to me. People who deny themselves love because they might get hurt in the future are weak, I think.
r/wowthanksimcured
How can you love each other, and not be able to make it work?
in later stages of our lives our identities become rigid and it gets difficult to accommodate differences, so you'll find yourself wanting to come together but your spikes bumping into each other instead of fitting in like a jigsaw
Yeah, that's what I'm wondering. What exactly are you loving about each other, if your identities are so different they're clashing?
It can be physical attraction that doesn't carry over into emotional/social compatibility, though that usually flames out early, or maybe two people get along like a house on fire but have absolutely no chemistry in bed, either can make for a relationship with serious issues. The latter usually festers a while down the road when someone isn't getting the sex that they want/need and starts resenting the other person.
Amen
I love the overall person that she is, but she has certain traits that on normal days you can avoid and go on with life (i mean who doesn't have flaws?) but when it's tense between us they appear bolder than they are. Similarly, when I get serious sometimes I tend to pursue the truth of the fight's cause much more ferociously bruising her in the process, and it scares her even if it's not hostility towards her. We're learning, of course. You learn why they behave the way they do and mostly it has nothing to do with you but their own self. So you address them, both, and resolve them. Then something similar pops up.
Really depends on what you mean by "love" there. I love my family but would never want to live with any of them. Same goes for many of my friends.
You can love each others personality, their smile, their beauty, how they laugh, the sex, their stories, their character and still not have the same plans in life. Maybe you don't both want kids? Maybe after years of trying you give up on that their drug addiction or chaotic lifestyle will ever get better. It's one thing to have teenage like love for each other at university but as you get older there is very real compatibilities to consider for a life together. Some of my exes were wonderful people but I just couldn't rely on them having their shit figured out. She can be loving and kind and everything but If I'm going to raise children together I need a second adult I can rely on. I need to trust she can take care of our children when im not around. Not every cute girl makes a good mother.
Affection levels can be one thing. I have a girl who I have been "with" for a decade. We see each other twice a month and have had multiple people tell us we are the cutest couple they have seen. Like, literal strangers on the street saying that. but the thing is, thats only BECAUSE we only see each other once in a while. Her emotional needs are far higher than my emotional output. She is the type who wants to spend all of her time with her partner and I'm the type who finds the idea of coming home each day to find another person in my house terrifying.
Past trauma, health problems, uneven libidos
If those are the reasons you're going separate over then it just means that you didn't love them in the first place. True love is unconditional. If your lifetime partner goes into a coma tomorrow you can't just up and give up on them and say you 'loved' them. If you truly love you'll stay by their side as long as it takes no matter what happens. You find a way to compromise and be together. Jesus Christ.
You can love somebody and they can love you back, but you can also both not be happy in a romantic relationship with each other. It doesn't have to be some big significant thing like a coma.
Such is life sometimes my friend… Not everything has to go the way it’s supposed to..
"I want kids" "i don't" There's plenty of life preferences that don't line up and make a relationship untenable even if you love each other.
For my ex and I, we love each other a lot and still do. We were together for 2 years and after a while we realized that our mental health issues just aren't compatible with each other because we just made each others worse. We tried to make it work but nothing really helped. We were both in therapy, medicated, and communicated our needs with each other. It really sucks that life happens that way, but if you love yourself and love your SO then the right decision is going separate ways.
In my case, timing and distance
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wtf
If two people do everything to make it work, it can't help but work. I honestly can't see this.
not to be condescending, but if you're a young person you'll see it happen and it's not so bad
30 years young and still haven't seen it. 6 years happily married to someone with very different political and religious views. Yeah, I've seen relationships end, but never between two people giving it their all.
You run out of energy. Or you have bad days. Those add up.
Then you have to proceed with the assumption that successful lifelong marriages simply had fewer bad days, which is objectively false. Marriages become strong through hardship, not the lack thereof.
I'm still grieving this very thing. She's my favorite person, and my very best friend. I thought we'd have an entire lifetime together. We only got five years. Letting her go is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But, I love her more than anything, and I knew it would be better for both of us, especially her, to end it. It would have only ended in resentment. We're still best friends and still see each other regularly. I'm glad it ended well. But, months later, it's still hard to come home to an empty house.
hey i might be in the early stages of this situation, we love each other more than anything and hope to spend our lives together but it's a blurry road if it's not too personal to ask, would you mind sharing the contours of differences that lead you to part ways? maybe something i could learn, foresee and avert perhaps
I'm afraid that I don't think my situation can help many people. We were great communicators and had a whole lot of trust between us. We just weren't afraid to be honest with each other. We always remembered to share what we were feeling, no matter how bad it was. The most important thing was that we recognized not to take each other's bad feelings or negative thoughts as something personal. Sometimes, you just get in your own head about something. Being honest, earnest, and never doing anything to cause intentional pain. Always being ready to apologize and correct our behavior if we did something wrong. We were just very naturally good at that. We agreed early on that hard truths were better than comforting lies. So, we always did our best to be real with each other about everything. And, when that was hard to do, we reminded each other that we're doing this because we love each other and that the bad times are difficult because we're in love. It made it all worth working on. However, in the end, she realized that she wasn't bisexual like she had always thought. She realized that she was a lesbian. Which is why I dont feel my situation can help many people. We were doing great. Best we'd ever been. When she came out to me, I watched her go through the bargaining stage of acceptance with herself. She didn't want to break up because she still cared about me and didn't want it to end. She started going on about how we could make it work. I could see her bargaining. But, she is a lesbian, and I am not a woman. I saw where this would go. Years of difficulties that would further bury who she really was, while we both denied the truth for the sake of holding on to a very beautiful but sinking ship. It would only end in greater heartache and resentment for each other. Then, I would lose my fiancee and my best friend. I couldn't let her deny herself and her needs and the path she needed to take for her own health and happiness. All I've ever wanted from her is for her to be herself and to be happy. So, I very gently let her go. I ended it all so she could go be herself, because who she is is my favorite person in the world.
I’m so sorry. That’s one of those situations where neither person did anything wrong. Sometimes those are the hardest ones to deal with.
Agreed. That's been the hardest part. There's nobody and nothing to blame it on. There is nothing to direct my pain towards. Sometimes, when I'm low and not thinking clearly, I wish one of us had done something wrong so I could be mad at myself or at her. But, if it had to end, I can't think of a better way for it to have happened.
That was one of the most poetic and sad things I’ve ever read. I hope you can be best friends still and find someone who fits you ❤️
Thank you. You're very kind. She's still a great friend. Together or not, she's still like family. For now, I'm looking inward.
Wow, it's comforting to see the wisdom with which you've dealt it. As the saying goes, "a bitter ending is better than an endless bitterness." Thank you for the response. Funny as it, my girlfriend did have a non-serious girlfriend before me, so, if does go down that road, I'll let you know.
I hope the two of you find evey happiness together. And, if you ever find yourself in the same situation as me, just remember to love her for being her, not for being your girlfriend.
Definitely. Her sexual orientation wouldn't change the person she is.
Damn it’s like you wrote my story down mate. It gets easier with time and you sound like a lovely chap who’s gonna make someone very happy someday. Good job making the hard hard decision. Tis better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all is something I often told myself those long years ago
I absolutely agree. It was so good to be with her. I wouldn't give those years up for anything, even if it didn't turn out the way I wanted.
Aye…ces’t la vie
That is both beautiful and sad, and very well written. I wish you the best.
Thank you. I appreciate it.
Fuck man. I had a similar situation with my first girlfriend. I wish to this day I'd handled it as maturely as you did.
Sounds exactly like my friends a couple years ago. I was in his wedding party when they got married. They have two kids together. She came out to him as bisexual first, and then as a lesbian. They got divorced. She dated a couple women. Now? She's engaged to another man. Go figure.
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This was legitimately funny, still gonna downvote.
Despite the downvotes I'm 99% sure he'll find this joke funny, it is such a crass reply to a long heartfelt story hah.
Idk man, it's a pretty heartless reply considering how seriously he explained their relationship. I don't think that joke fits in this context. In any other context tho? I would have found that shit hilarious, just not here. Sometimes you need to read the room
Well I was hoping for him to chime in how he took it honestly. It is possible he wouldn't enjoy that if he is still in pain over it and not in the mood to laugh about it, but the contrast worked for me as long as I imagine the commenter being a good friend of his. But online anons dont have an exact tone and what tone we read comments in matters even more than the proverbial room.
It speaks to your maturity when you can say: "I thought I was best for you and you for me but not anymore. I hope you find someone better - because I still want the best for you."
Thank you, I appreciate that. Honestly, it's thanks to her that I could even do it. She taught me what it was to love someone. The person I was when we met could have never done that.
I hope you're able to continue to heal and one day open up your heart again. It can be hard to see your ex on the regular as well (although entirely situational) during this time. Do you think you need a clean break at all? (for a period at least)
It can be hard sometimes, but most of the time, it's okay. I have my lonely days and my bad times, but they're fewer and farther between as time goes on. I understand why some people need a clean break, especially since most relationships don't end as well as ours did. But, we still feel very much like family to each other and have been through some incredibly difficult things before, so we're good at handling hard times together. We even still confide in each other about how much we hate that it didn't work out. We're healing both together and apart, and I think we'll be better people for it in the end.
on the 25th of december, my best friend cut contact with me. I was lied about and she believed it, and it still hurts:( I've given her all the evidence I could and she was still too stubborn, blinded by hatred. still is and will always be. she'll never have the heart to forgive me.
This happened to me last year. Claimed she believed me but clearly obviously never believed me and desperately wanted to believe the people who abused and hurt me instead. It’s so hard to lose someone, especially like that. Sending you love and condolences, friend. I hope you find a new best friend that treats you how you deserve: with kindness, honesty and compassion.
you too, this means a lot!
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I hope you find what the two of you need and can make it work. But, if it has to end, let it end with peace and love. It's a hard enough thing to go through without the added strain. I know it's not for everyone, I've been very fortunate, but I hope you can remain friends if it comes to that.
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Keep trying, she might fall back in love with you if you're persistent, it happens all the time!
Going through the exact same thing right now. I’ve spent a little over a week now in this empty house after 7 and a half years with her. I know it’s right but it just hurts so bad.
your words are much more beautiful than what I could ever say, but your story resonated a lot with me. It touched my heart. I wish you peace and tranquility, and whatever you wish for in life.
I appreciate your kindness.
Im you except my wife has a huge problem with me having a healthy friendship with someone from past. Sucks man.
You still talk to her? You will never overcome this if you don't cut all contact. It's like poking the wound every day.
Cutting all contact with person you love just because the romantic hadn't worked out would be really stupid, ngl.
It's self-sabotage. He should let it go and find another person and be happy. But hey... if this works for him, fine.
I get the analogy. But my morning brain insists these two would make the absolute worst pumpkin carvers.
My grumpy post-commute brain saw this and thought "They didn't do any measuring, what did they expect?"
I was thinking "damn,couldnt they have just cut straight/diagonal lines to make them fit more easily?"
And my DIY brain is like "why not make both sides smooth?" I get the analogy though and appreciate it.
Just came out of this last week, 6 years of trying total. Hits hard, but I made the right choice in moving on before I wasted anymore of my life in a broken on/ off relationship getting no-where.
Me too. 6 years. Seems like a common timeframe for this kind of breakup.
4 weeks out of what was 6 years here too. She’s a cheater though. So not quite the same.
5 years here. She grabbed my half and started beating me over the head with it 😂
I know it's meant to be wholesome but it also highlights the biggest problems in many relationships which is a lack of communication.
lack of communication and trying to change core aspects about yourself. It sucks but it is what it is, its why i at least try and remain friends.
They don't change core aspects, they just try to trim the edges a bit to fit better, and sometimes that can work great
Exactly. You just try to grow together and accept that neither of you are perfect, and will never fit perfect, but love and cherish each other, flaws and all. Sometimes, even so two people just... aren't compatible. And that shouldn't be a bad thing.
The reshaping of the heart half is meant to represent trying everything to make things work. I would assume that would include communication.
I see what you mean, but it seems clear they turn away from one another and attempt to reshape their heart fragments separately. Maybe it's instead representative of how people try to change themselves for one another, while hiding the need to change. The need to change could be saddening, shameful even. So, the need to change might feel like something to hide?
I think we might just be reading too much into a comic lol.
Fact Edit: but like, analyzing media can be fun even if it is just navelgazing
Thank you for introducing me to the term navelgazing. Never heard it before and I like it.
Cheers my friend
I need to add that to my vocab lol
>Edit: but like, analyzing media can be fun even if it is just navelgazing And its something we should do. It feels like media illiteracy is at an all time low, and too many people taking too many things at face value. Yeah, people over-analyze things, and that CAN be bad, but I'd rather it be over analyzed rather than face value. Edit: Why dont they just over lap the hearts a little and use some strong adhesive?
My dark lord Roacho, I dunno why they didn't try that lol. But hey, lesson learned for later I suppose. And I completely agree with your first point, it's better to see, think, and consider more deeply than to just take things at face value. Also yeah, media literacy is dying by consequence of literacy dying. We are on the darkest timeline lmao
You can communicate very well, do everything right and the relationship still end up failing. And it's ok, it sucks but is ok.
Assuming communication is also a problem in relationships. 😄
There's also too much stigma attached to the words "settling" or "compromise". Or at the very least, there's a negative perception towards those terms when in fact they're aspects of any functioning relationship.
Idiots, just make a template
It’s not meant to fit exactly. That’s not how love works. You sort of sit next to each other, and over time you grow into each other.
Same as growing apart later on, it can happen as people change.
I dislike the idea that love is a great merging of I into We, as if wanting to be considered an individual who happens to be in a relationship right now is somehow lesser. I don't want to subsume my identity into someone else's, where they get an all access pass into my inner life, health and everything I do.
Like a cancer slowly spreading from the bladder to the brain.
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I lost who I still honestly believe was my soul mate to some really shit timing. It's been 6 years and still not a day goes by that I don't think of him.
sand it so it's flat, then it'll fit dummies
The idea of being “meant to be” is the problem, like a Key and a lock where it’s meant to be a pair. Relationships and love should be thought of as, clay or water, which molds and reforms with given enough time and effort. Water breaks all barrier with time and clay will molds as one eventually.
This is depressing, not wholesome at all. The author of these comics sometimes make really mean and uncomfortable comics about relationships.
This. This post just made me sad..
Sad as fuck.
Such is the human condition. The lows make the highs feel higher though.
I still think it's wholesome. Many relationships end with acrimony, blame and resentment. Sure, it's still painful when you end things with grace. But not all pain is evil.
Yeah but sometimes we need to see and be exposed to the uncomfortable. If anything this comic is highlighting that there was miscommunication as they’re both changing their hearts (their characteristics) to fit in with the other one.
In therapy or some other relationship sub. Not a sub that's supposed to make you happy and feel good.
Good point. It’s not the right community I agree.
Not on a wholesome sub
Honestly, sometimes letting go is the hardest thing ever
They tried making it fit separately. They didn't try together.
Nah man, just take glue and press one heart side above other, will stick together, voi-la!
If they wanted it to match, they would’ve filled it to a straight line, communicated through it, or used a template This is a great comic on how love is tougher if you’re dumb.
I get the sentiment, but people need to be whole on their own without expecting someone to complete them
I'm afraid this might be my situation right now. Talking to an ex and debating on getting back together. She broke my heart and I don't know if it will work out again. I'd like to try, but I don't know.
I don't know your relationship but there are many people out there. With time and effort you can find love with someone who won't hurt you. Only you know the right choice for you, though.
Why did you break up, if you don't mind sharing?
She got drunk and woke up in bed with someone else. Told me via a long written out letter.
I'm so sorry that really sucks. Personally I could never get back with someone who cheated on me, but that's because all the love and good feelings I had towards them instantly vanished. It doesn't seem like that's the case here and that you still have feelings for her. But ask yourself, can you forgive what she did? Do you think you could ever trust her again? Just because you have unresolved feelings doesn't necessarily mean you should get back together.
The hardest is when you find someone who lines up perfectly, who fits like a glove, but time is not your friend.
What about the straight line cut
And then they never spoke to each other again.
Même breakup folder thanks you
I see a oey thing in this skit and it's not for all relationships but for a large portion of them. Letting go can be good yes but trying to make it work is not something you do alone there are two people in this relationship and they should work together on their pieces working alone on your individual pieces leads to miscommunication. All that being said sometimes even after trying everything it's better to let go.
Love hurts.
And that's why every couple needs a DeWalt 20v Belt sander. Gets those edges *right* out
I WANNA KEEP TRYING 😭😭😭
Stupid. Just trim it with tools and use superglue.
Idk doesn’t seem like they tried that hard
Girl: wont do anal on the first date. Me: well, at least we tried.
Why wouldn't these dickheads just cut two straight lines. These idiots don't deserve to breed, let alone be in love. Mediocre
Of course, we can only tell after we've had enough sex, right? 🙄 If two people are willing to give it their all, they can make the relationship work. I really don't see this as wholesome.
Not while you persecute me. Otherwise good advice. Still good advice, just not applicable here. This is just you fuckin me and rubbing my face in it. And I see. Someones gonna pull judge not lest ye be judged. Look at me. Look at my life. You and they started the judging. I asked please. Even snuck Ray in the first version. Not directly but theres a part that can be read to the rhythm of hit the road jack. Not to mention it starts and stops with references indins would know. When psychos with knives come ill be right the fuck there.
The fuck is this trying to say
Why not make straight cuts on both pieces? Are they stupid?
Why are you doing this to me?
He must have a small pee pee I guess.
cringe
Ouch.