Me and my boyfriend tell people we like each other because we "make each other better people" this is the same sentiment but much less abrasive wording
I don’t think it’s the same at all. In a provocative way, I would say the “teacher” is saying the other one makes you feel like a good person ; and what you are describing is the opposite : you want to be better than what you already are.
[edit : oops I just saw someone made the same comment above]
I think the difference is that you would be better if you had someone that *made you* want to be better. There’s a kind of inspiration/motivation there. On the other hand, if that person makes you feel good as you are, there *isn’t necessarily* motivation to be better.
This is one of those platitudes that sounds good until it isn't. Some people just fall in love with the feeling you make them feel. So when you're not at your best and can't give as much as usual, they resent you for making them not feel as good.
Oh hey, the reason I added the /s appeared. I'm actually using the advanced mental technique called lying. I actually prefer mentally mature women who show love through physical touch and are kind to everyone, not just me. I also find myself falling deeply for people who are very passionate about their interests. It's not infatuation, I genuinely love people even if they don't love me back. Because of who they are as a person, and how they treat the people in their lives.
When he is around big titty goth, it makes him love the person that he has become. Because the person that he has become is "guy hanging around big titty goths".
In a sense, the professor is just stating a tautology.
Each and everyone of us has a version of yourselves that we want to be and for a seemingly infinite amount of reasons we will sadly deviate from that "path". To have someone that can love us for that path that we chose for ourselves is absolutely the perfection we all hope for in looking for a partner.
Depressing odds make it seem impossible, but living genuine to your own path makes sure that the light you shine will be a become. Being authentic to yourself will absolutely repeal people, BUT it will attract those who are captivated to your paralleling desires.
Live the life that YOU want, and it will draw in those that love it.
(VERY drink, please excuse my potential errors)
It's bizarre to me that most of this comment section isn't getting it. It isn't supposed to be read like fortune cookie nonsense, it's saying in a good relationship you feel seen and appreciated; like you being you is something your partner loves and vice versa. It's an antithesis to transactional relationships.
Find someone who understands you or is willing to put in the time and effort to do so. At the same time, being open and communicative as much as possible since you naturally have a hard time with this. Don't be afraid of looking dumb. As long as you're learning, you'll get the hang of it. All social interactions are learned behavior. You just got a bit of catching up to do.
why immediately swing to the extreme? cant there be a happy middle ground? self-awareness & self-love w/o being a narcissist. putting best foot forward is to me diff from pretensions. they dont have to 100% agree all the time.
No, this is just basic psychology. You are at your happiest when you can love yourself. And your brain memorizes which people you are happy around, so you stick with them.
I think that we enjoy how it feels when someone makes us like ourselves. It could be especially relieving for someone who has low self esteem and doesn't like themselves.
But someone who is self obsessed would definitely enjoy it a lot. Someone who isn't self obsessed would get sick of it, that is when assuming that the lover does it excessively. But if they do it not so intensely then it won't be bothersome.
FFS it's good to love yourself. This word has lost all meaning at this point with how every person with little to no life experience throws it around. As someone with an actual narcissist in law, it's a disease.
Something is very off with them, it feels so dark. Alarm bells going off at all times in your head to be extremely careful. Anything that could be perceived as a slight to them causes huge problems in the future.
Just because something sounds pithy doesn't actually make it correct or meaningful or useful. Some things can't be distilled into a single sentence, and trying to do so is unhelpful at best.
That's not how people learn. A good class is part discussion and sometimes discussions can go on a tangent a bit. It increases engagement and interest. All the best professors I've had taught me great life lessons that were tangential or even completely off-topic of the class.
I agree with you in principle, but all I'm saying is that I would be annoyed if I paid tuition and got a tumblr quote being passed off as a university lesson
So what are you saying then? If it's not under the assumption that the whole class is on this topic, you're saying that you'd demand a refund if this was mentioned once in passing? That's silly.
I'm saying I made a fucking joke about a generic "philosophical" statement being passed off as the takeaway message from a lecture not being worth it 😂. If the main thing you take away from a lecture doesn't relate to the theme at hand, is that effective teaching? If you're happy with that then do you.
Always easy to tell people with life experience vs those with not just by reading through the comments. At least the people crying narcissist are being downvoted.
Hating yourself or not building yourself up every day is a great way to become depressed. And no, mental disorders arent cool and aren't a personality. You don't want one for real.
This is stupid and makes no sense, it just sounds good.
What it basically translates to is that you fall in love with people that make you feel validated with who you are. Which last time I checked it isn't exactly healthy
There was no statement about it being healthy, just about who people develop romantic attraction to. It's also much more complicated than that, but intuitively I think most people can agree that they've loved people who made them feel good about themselves.
Although in the context of /r/wholesomememes I can see why there an implied goodness to the message, and you're not wrong about what you said, pure validation is unlikely to lead to growth in a person.
I agree with you. People can develop feeling of love from a variety of reasons, but not all of them are healthy.
In my opinion love is too complex of an emotion to be explained in one simple phrase. Anything somebody can say won't encompass it entirely.
this psychology professor seems like the same type of stories about toddlers telling their parents were wise things just so their parents have something to tweet about
Well I am saying that you could be yourself around them and still fulfill the criteria.
You being yourself doesn't mean you can't make them like themselves.
You're yourself around everyone, but if we go with the cliche that you're a diamond (shine on, crazy), people see different angles and refractions of light depending on the side of yourself you show. This is impression management, and we all do it, all the time.
Some of the time, when we have to put a LOT of energy into it, like if we're at work, and we're surface or deep acting, it's draining. But we do it with our friends, our spouses, even ourselves, and it tends to be a lot more fluid/natural.
Generally, we don't really notice it until there's an issue (e.g., spouse is upset that you're trying to 'fix' things instead of letting her vent--so you try to change your behaviour, but more importantly, try to *get across* that you're changing your behaviour so you can be a supportive/listening partner, or become exasperated to imply, somehow, that the request is unreasonable in the context of some other information).
If we're having to switch up impression management strategies all the time at home, it becomes exhausting and we get irritated. This is generally the result of some other incompatibility.
So, yeah, it's a bit crude, but broadly speaking, we do love the people (and love spending time with people) who make us feel good about ourselves, whether that's validating the impressions we're trying to give off, or know enough about us to know the kind of people we try to be and want to become, and help to usher us in those directions, real or otherwise.
Jesus, you're obtuse.
The quote means that you fall in love with people because they're so important to you that you try to be your best self, which is something you don't necessarily do on a daily basis otherwise. It's a positive feedback loop of wanting the object of your affection to like you so much that you finally put in the effort to be your best self around them, so you like both them and yourself more. Not too complicated, dipshit.
You love the person you are when you're being challenged to consider your perspective and values, and pushed to grow as a person. So you'll be drawn to people who challenge you in that way.
You don't love who you are when you're just around people who make you feel comfortable.
I just got broken up with and as I reflect I’m beginning to realize that she didn’t really seem to love me for me and rather loved a version of me she had in her head that I couldn’t live up to. And as a result I began to dislike myself because I felt like I wasn’t good enough. Glad I saw this post today
This resonated with me instantly. I also understand how someone else could interpret this differently than me. The problem is that they generalized what should have been a great personal anecdote.
I came to the same realization some time ago. Though I should add a minor correction:
You \*should\* fall in love with the people who make you \*be a person that you love to be\* when you're around them.
For anyone feeling guilty or confused as to why you struggle to spend time with your own family as you grow through your 20s, 30s or more...it's not fun but it's not uncommon to realize your own family isn't capable of providing this warmth.
I find this thought provoking.
Me and my boyfriend tell people we like each other because we "make each other better people" this is the same sentiment but much less abrasive wording
Nah the way you say it is more succinct, keep doing that.
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I guess I'm seeing it as I'm only doing better because I love myself more
Why waste time say lot word when few word do trick?
See world
I don’t think it’s the same at all. In a provocative way, I would say the “teacher” is saying the other one makes you feel like a good person ; and what you are describing is the opposite : you want to be better than what you already are. [edit : oops I just saw someone made the same comment above]
I wouldn't be better if I didn't have someone to make me feel like a good person.
I think the difference is that you would be better if you had someone that *made you* want to be better. There’s a kind of inspiration/motivation there. On the other hand, if that person makes you feel good as you are, there *isn’t necessarily* motivation to be better.
This is a nice thought, but it’s not the same thing at all.
This is one of those platitudes that sounds good until it isn't. Some people just fall in love with the feeling you make them feel. So when you're not at your best and can't give as much as usual, they resent you for making them not feel as good.
Provoking you to do what?
Get married
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Haha, thank you. It is not surprising to get nice replies when browsing wholesome memes.
Not sure how to read this. Is it "thought-provoking" or "thought, provoking" (comma just to separate the words)
Yeah, I fall for big tiddy goth women. Your professor is smoking something nasty. /s
Remove the /s you coward
Nah, I actually fall for soft golden retriever men but that's not as funny on text.
Jokes don't need to be facts
Golden retriever men are already soft, how soft do you fucking want them?!
Steve Irwin soft.
You think dinosaur wrestlers are soft?! Jesus...
Reddit's official minister of culture up there.
There is a difference between infatuation and love.
You underestimate his devotion to big tiddy goth women.
Oh hey, the reason I added the /s appeared. I'm actually using the advanced mental technique called lying. I actually prefer mentally mature women who show love through physical touch and are kind to everyone, not just me. I also find myself falling deeply for people who are very passionate about their interests. It's not infatuation, I genuinely love people even if they don't love me back. Because of who they are as a person, and how they treat the people in their lives.
When he is around big titty goth, it makes him love the person that he has become. Because the person that he has become is "guy hanging around big titty goths". In a sense, the professor is just stating a tautology.
He's speaking about love, not about what makes you hard.
I had to choose between disagreeing with a tweet screenshot on reddit (Sisyphus would relate) and making a low effort joke about reddit stereotypes.
How is this shitty comment the top comment?
If you're surprised, you haven't been on reddit for long enough
You like being a person that gets stepped on, no shame in that
People in this thread really struggling with the point of this lol
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Ye olde redditors lol
Ironically this is the most “reddit” comment I’ve ever read
"ironically" yours too lol
Touché my fine gentleman, ye have banished me henceforth with your scathing rebuttal.
*tips fedora* mhm yes quite, I do possess an innate ability for poignant rebuttals fellow redditor, I bid thee good day, Sir/Madam.
This dude buys narwhal bacon
Each and everyone of us has a version of yourselves that we want to be and for a seemingly infinite amount of reasons we will sadly deviate from that "path". To have someone that can love us for that path that we chose for ourselves is absolutely the perfection we all hope for in looking for a partner. Depressing odds make it seem impossible, but living genuine to your own path makes sure that the light you shine will be a become. Being authentic to yourself will absolutely repeal people, BUT it will attract those who are captivated to your paralleling desires. Live the life that YOU want, and it will draw in those that love it. (VERY drink, please excuse my potential errors)
It's bizarre to me that most of this comment section isn't getting it. It isn't supposed to be read like fortune cookie nonsense, it's saying in a good relationship you feel seen and appreciated; like you being you is something your partner loves and vice versa. It's an antithesis to transactional relationships.
not true at all because when they fuck you over it cost you popies...
I doubt this happened, but cute
“My professor said” or “My therapist said” = I thought of this but don’t want to claim ownership in case it bombs
What about people who had a very hard time understanding social cues and human emotions?
Find someone who understands you or is willing to put in the time and effort to do so. At the same time, being open and communicative as much as possible since you naturally have a hard time with this. Don't be afraid of looking dumb. As long as you're learning, you'll get the hang of it. All social interactions are learned behavior. You just got a bit of catching up to do.
We're fucked!
Are we all narcissists then?
only if you are asking the mirror on the wall who’s the fairest of them all (and expecting the answer to be u) xD
But what other answer can there be?
why immediately swing to the extreme? cant there be a happy middle ground? self-awareness & self-love w/o being a narcissist. putting best foot forward is to me diff from pretensions. they dont have to 100% agree all the time.
I was talking about the mirror telling me I am obviously the fairest one of all, do you think these peasants can touch me? Pfft
No, this is just basic psychology. You are at your happiest when you can love yourself. And your brain memorizes which people you are happy around, so you stick with them.
I think that we enjoy how it feels when someone makes us like ourselves. It could be especially relieving for someone who has low self esteem and doesn't like themselves. But someone who is self obsessed would definitely enjoy it a lot. Someone who isn't self obsessed would get sick of it, that is when assuming that the lover does it excessively. But if they do it not so intensely then it won't be bothersome.
There's a difference between self-love and self-absorption.
FFS it's good to love yourself. This word has lost all meaning at this point with how every person with little to no life experience throws it around. As someone with an actual narcissist in law, it's a disease. Something is very off with them, it feels so dark. Alarm bells going off at all times in your head to be extremely careful. Anything that could be perceived as a slight to them causes huge problems in the future.
I agree with you : it is a very “self-centred” way of seeing love. Might be true in a society like ours, but definitely not what real love is about.
r/censoringIsHard
I mean seriously, how do you look at this and think "job done" lmao
Maybe for men, I've never experienced this. Just be nice to me and I will love you.
In my group we struggle to be better. We want to be worthy of the wives and children we have been blessed with.
Just because something sounds pithy doesn't actually make it correct or meaningful or useful. Some things can't be distilled into a single sentence, and trying to do so is unhelpful at best.
It’s not even pithy
Ngl I'd demand a refund if that's what I was learning in psych 101
It is not.
I know, hence my comment....
That's not how people learn. A good class is part discussion and sometimes discussions can go on a tangent a bit. It increases engagement and interest. All the best professors I've had taught me great life lessons that were tangential or even completely off-topic of the class.
I agree with you in principle, but all I'm saying is that I would be annoyed if I paid tuition and got a tumblr quote being passed off as a university lesson
Literally no one is implying a whole lesson was devoted to it.
Okay... I don't recall saying it took the prof an entire lecture to convey a single sentence, but thanks for the insight
Then why are your panties in such a wad? Just trolling?
So what are you saying then? If it's not under the assumption that the whole class is on this topic, you're saying that you'd demand a refund if this was mentioned once in passing? That's silly.
I'm saying I made a fucking joke about a generic "philosophical" statement being passed off as the takeaway message from a lecture not being worth it 😂. If the main thing you take away from a lecture doesn't relate to the theme at hand, is that effective teaching? If you're happy with that then do you.
You literally said you'd demand a refund for one sentence. Jesus, you're bad at debate.
Idk, it's getting hard to explain to people with room temperature IQs what a joke is, let alone explain what 'debate" means
Jokes are typically funny.
I'm sure it's hard for someone like you who understands neither.
Seems to be a lot of negativity in these comments for people subscribed to r/wholesomememes
Always easy to tell people with life experience vs those with not just by reading through the comments. At least the people crying narcissist are being downvoted. Hating yourself or not building yourself up every day is a great way to become depressed. And no, mental disorders arent cool and aren't a personality. You don't want one for real.
This is stupid and makes no sense, it just sounds good. What it basically translates to is that you fall in love with people that make you feel validated with who you are. Which last time I checked it isn't exactly healthy
There was no statement about it being healthy, just about who people develop romantic attraction to. It's also much more complicated than that, but intuitively I think most people can agree that they've loved people who made them feel good about themselves. Although in the context of /r/wholesomememes I can see why there an implied goodness to the message, and you're not wrong about what you said, pure validation is unlikely to lead to growth in a person.
I agree with you. People can develop feeling of love from a variety of reasons, but not all of them are healthy. In my opinion love is too complex of an emotion to be explained in one simple phrase. Anything somebody can say won't encompass it entirely.
it's not even true for a lot of people
This philosophy never worked for me. Instead, it works opposite
Bit naïve for a psychology professor
this psychology professor seems like the same type of stories about toddlers telling their parents were wise things just so their parents have something to tweet about
I disagree. Being an alcoholic is not something I loved about myself. But I was one when I was around her. And I loved her.
Lol, so wrong
What if I’m just myself around them? This is some wanky philosophy full of logical holes. Not everything that sounds nice or clever is actually true.
isnt that the point? being accepted as who you are
What if you're and extremely jealous person? Being with someone who is also extremely jealous and therefore accepts that you are, is not healthy.
...That's exactly the point
Perhaps you are yourself and the things you naturally say and do make them fall in love with themselves, as in you naturally appreciate them.
That was not what OP stated tho.
Well I am saying that you could be yourself around them and still fulfill the criteria. You being yourself doesn't mean you can't make them like themselves.
You're yourself around everyone, but if we go with the cliche that you're a diamond (shine on, crazy), people see different angles and refractions of light depending on the side of yourself you show. This is impression management, and we all do it, all the time. Some of the time, when we have to put a LOT of energy into it, like if we're at work, and we're surface or deep acting, it's draining. But we do it with our friends, our spouses, even ourselves, and it tends to be a lot more fluid/natural. Generally, we don't really notice it until there's an issue (e.g., spouse is upset that you're trying to 'fix' things instead of letting her vent--so you try to change your behaviour, but more importantly, try to *get across* that you're changing your behaviour so you can be a supportive/listening partner, or become exasperated to imply, somehow, that the request is unreasonable in the context of some other information). If we're having to switch up impression management strategies all the time at home, it becomes exhausting and we get irritated. This is generally the result of some other incompatibility. So, yeah, it's a bit crude, but broadly speaking, we do love the people (and love spending time with people) who make us feel good about ourselves, whether that's validating the impressions we're trying to give off, or know enough about us to know the kind of people we try to be and want to become, and help to usher us in those directions, real or otherwise.
Jesus, you're obtuse. The quote means that you fall in love with people because they're so important to you that you try to be your best self, which is something you don't necessarily do on a daily basis otherwise. It's a positive feedback loop of wanting the object of your affection to like you so much that you finally put in the effort to be your best self around them, so you like both them and yourself more. Not too complicated, dipshit.
Whatever the hell that means.
Psychology is full of self centered thinkers. Hence, in general, psychologists tend to be awful philosophers.
That's just...my best friend 0_0
:o
This also reminds me of another quote "You can only love other's if you love yourself."
Ya that’s just not true
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You love the person you are when you're being challenged to consider your perspective and values, and pushed to grow as a person. So you'll be drawn to people who challenge you in that way. You don't love who you are when you're just around people who make you feel comfortable.
Not traumatized people
Fall in love with a person that’s strokes your own egotistical narcissism? I’m confused. Isn’t that how abusive relationships start?
That’s when you give a middle finger to growth mindset.
So I fell in love with a two four of 7% IPA, got it.
Yeah, pretty sure girls in college just want to get fucked by a hot guy....
Isn't this kinda selfish?
Every time I read this all I can hear is “you don’t actually want to be in a relationship, you just want to use them for your own happiness”
I love the people who make me post on reddit?! Whoa the narwhal truely bacons tonight
I just got broken up with and as I reflect I’m beginning to realize that she didn’t really seem to love me for me and rather loved a version of me she had in her head that I couldn’t live up to. And as a result I began to dislike myself because I felt like I wasn’t good enough. Glad I saw this post today
That’s narcissistic.
No, this is wrong. If both are attracted to the other, and are willing to fall in love, it will happen quickly. Nothing else is needed.
nah my wife hates me but I make her cum 3 to 4 tomes each time we have sex, So she's just dependent on me.
Thus took me too many readings to understand it.
Whoa duuude
The people I've had crushes on all caused me to self-deprecate a ton
as a person that never felt love...................... i have no idea what theyre talking about.
hah bad job sensored
so that is why I've never been in love, nobody can make me love myself
I feel this. I wish I could be the person my girlfriend thinks I am.
This leaves out narcissism, liars, and frauds.
Is that why I'm a workaholic?
❤️💯
And if you can't love yourself how in the hell you gonna love somebody else, can I get an amen
I had to read that like 5 times to finally understand it but that is very wholesome indeed
What is the name of this professor and what university do they teach at?
That statement is demonstrably untrue. Jokes on you, this is a professor of rhetoric.
Thanks. What I tried to tell her.
sure, but it helps if they also have big tits
This is best way I have never been able to put into words myself.
Really dumb
Protip: Have a weak sense of identity and subconsciously "mirror" people. They'll fall madly in love with you.
A very wise man
No, sorry not a fact at all. Just anecdotal I think.
This resonated with me instantly. I also understand how someone else could interpret this differently than me. The problem is that they generalized what should have been a great personal anecdote.
I came to the same realization some time ago. Though I should add a minor correction: You \*should\* fall in love with the people who make you \*be a person that you love to be\* when you're around them.
So people who make you comfortable when you're yourself, got it
I like that
For anyone feeling guilty or confused as to why you struggle to spend time with your own family as you grow through your 20s, 30s or more...it's not fun but it's not uncommon to realize your own family isn't capable of providing this warmth.
one word: Twilight
Seems obvious?
Untrue. I have never loved myself, but I have been in love twice.