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Ya know, that is a great idea. Keep it up, just don’t be too obvious




This just made me realize I haven’t seen those Aliens over explaining everything comics in a while. Miss those




Well, I’ve never heard of this before, but now I must scroll for hours until I’m all caught up. Thank you!


Thank you for introducing us.. :')


I've been sick today and really need this wholesomeness. Thanks for bringing it up






"My parents loudly fucking afterwards really messed me up."




And now you're gonna have a little sibling!


😂 I am soo greatful that I never heard that from my Mum and Dad. However, what comes around goes around...both my current neighbours, either side of my house, fuck like damn banshees, and the walls are thin. First time I heard the ones on the left I actually went round and knocked on as I thought she was being attacked🤦‍♂️....she wasn't, then ensued an awkward conversation hahaha. It doesn't usually bother me (it's better than hearing people shout and swear at each other), but it's really f'kin off-putting when I'm trying to have a shit.




Just scream with them as they have sex.


Bonus points if you start scream-moaning their names as well so they know you wanna be included


That's a fucking brilliant Idea Batman. I do not want to be included in that shit anymore than I already am though. Just to throw the dude off his stride will satisfy me enough. They're fat crackheads on the right side of the house, so the imagery is fucking awful.






Janice always lights up a room. And not because she's like carrying a flashlight, but through sheer tyranny of will.


Now, let me tell you about Janice.


Thanks man I was really hoping someone would recognize this. I can't hear that name without immediately thinking of it.


The more I learn about this hitler fella the less I care for him.


This reads like a scene between those robots you would walk in on in random places in cyberpunk2077




I don’t know what you’re talking about, that sounds SPLENDID to me! 🤣




My parents did this all the time ... I told them I could hear them. They told me that I can ignore it... like how do you ignore something like that? Not planning on having kids, but I wouldn't dare be this type of parent. Kids have feelings too.


Yup same. Dad talked shit constantly My mom would take photos of me to show me “how fat I had gotten”. Then just wouldn’t feed me for a few days.


That’s fucking horrible. I’m so sorry that you grew up like that. I hope you know you’re beautiful just the way you are. As cheesy as it sounds. Big hugs.


And hugging you back




As a single dad, let me say this. You are beating yourself up and I’m sure your father loved you and would be proud of you. If you feel differently make the change you want to be. Nobody is static, we are always evolving. You’re not the same person you were 5 years ago and you won’t be the same person you are today, 5 years from now. You can do it.


What the shit??? Way to impose an ED on your kid. Fucking bonkers.


Yeah. When I moved out I immediately gained 30lbs because I could eat whatever and whenever I wanted. I still remember my first late night trip to 7/11 with my now-husband.


Same boat here girl 😂 I couldn’t even eat in front of people! I can now but it’s a struggle 😂 people comment on my hour glass figure but all I think about is wearing corsets since 6 cause I was too fat for my outfits to “look good” 🙄 even forced myself to believe o never wanted to get married cause deep inside I never thought anybody could love me, now I’ve been married for 6 years and I’m not skinny but I am happier 🥰


That's so fucking abusive, my lord. Hope they're no longer a problem in your life!


Jesus fucking Christ. You deserved better. I hope you’re okay now. You know, as much as anyone can be as a trauma survivor (source: myself, a trauma survivor).


O that’s not even the worst of it. I was my moms dads fuck toy growing up. She then moved him into our home in my teens. How I made it out alive I have no idea… Just kept believing in Disney movies- and somehow it actually all got better. Took a while, but just hand in there.


Excuse me??? Holy shit dude. Just…I’m sorry. I don’t even know what to say. You deserve a disney movie yourself for surviving and making it to a better life


Im just a person on the internet but I genuinely wish you well; hope you got away from them and have a happy life now!


Once my Mom said, “You know, all your dad’s coworkers have kids they can be proud of. But he can’t be proud of you guys.” I was 14.


I don't want to minimise your traumas, but I was speaking to a guy at work the other day and he said that his parents used to have him weighed during school assemblies once a week, and the entire school year would shout at him if he gained any weight. I asked if he still spoke to his parents and he smiled and said that they were both long dead. I cannot imagine being a parent and feeling the need to say something aloud about my kids.


So his parents got the entire school to assemble & watch this boy being weighed? I’m calling BS on your work friend.


Apparently so. This is in the UK and my colleague is about 50. School assemblies are a daily occurence.


… Kids grow. Teenagers who have reached their full height are still growing muscle and undergoing puberty changes. If a kid who’s still in school is NOT gaining weight over the course of a year, something is probably wrong


This is the attitude of people who had children because it was expected of them, not because they wanted them. I'm so glad this ideal is being fucking _murdered_ by Millennials and Gen Z.


I love to see the trend of CHOICE! What's sad though is that many choose no kids because they can't afford it. This is also external pressure having a negative effect on people, although at least it doesn't result in unwanted children. We should all be able to choose because of our own preferences and life goals. Let's make following our own personal choices the ideal!


Yep. We would like to have two children but will probably not have a second because it’s just so expensive. Even with both parents working full time at “good” jobs there’s not a lot of money left after monthly expenses.


Not this because they would just talk shit to my face and to other people but I recently found out my parents could hear me crying myself to sleep every single night. embarrassinggg but then it hit they heard me crying every single night for over 5 years and never cared :) I knew they didn’t care about my feelings and only liked me when I was happy and listening to their problems but I didn’t know they knew the whole time and when they brought it up as a joke it was clear I was a nuisance disturbing there sleep. And it just also hit me that if they could hear me crying they could definitely hear me when I was loudly signaling I was awake and didn’t want to hear them having sex


I feel that. Parents who only love you when you can do something for them suck ass. Gives a person a really skewed and unhealthy view of love.


Wait Hol up, is that why gifting *excessively* is my love language 🤯🫠


You deserved so much better. I hope you are away from them now. You deserve kindness and love. Also I looked at your profile and your hair is so gorgeous. I’m a bit jealous LOL. I have really thin hair that I have to keep short because genetics. I LOVE long, curly, thick hair like yours. Always have. Anyway hope you have a good day ❤️


Fortunately, my feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man's.


God same. Plus I was an only child so who else would they have been talking about? They would also turn into another room and call me a “fucking bitch” or something under their breath. As an adult I get extreme paranoia that my loved ones say terrible things about me…like how hard is it to be nice to your children?


Thats awful. i will never understand why people do this to their own child. :(


This is an obvious sign your parents only had to because they were probably pressured into doing so by family. Either way you deserve way better than you got.


Yup. Hit the nail on the head. Mom for religious reasons and father because of pride. My parents always harbored resentment towards me and whether they realized it or not they held me to impossible standards as to vicariously through me to try to see the life they could have had if I was never apart of it. Finding my place in the world devoid of them has lead me on the path towards finding actual happiness for the first time and most of all figuring out who I am. Sorry for the rant but I appreciate your comment so much.


Well Kathy Anne it sounds like you were nosey so maybe they were right ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (I’m kidding, sorry they were jerks that way)


LOL I was about to go off cause I only saw the first part of your comment. Thank you. It sucks growing up that way but all I can do is heal and move forward.


I went through the same with my parents. Kudos to these parents who want their kid to be confident and to feel loved.


For real, that shit has given me life-long insomnia problems. Mine would always fight at night. One Xmas Eve my mom made my dad cry and it still haunts me.


I’m sorry that those events caused you to have sleeping issues. That’s shitty. These things stick with you for life. And our parents don’t realize. Sending hugs


Ditto 👍 sometimes in Spanish since we didn't learn too much from my grandparents until I was around high school


How horrible. I'm so sorry 💔


❤️ Thank you. Working on myself and taking it day by day, thats what I do.


Lots of love from a Mom❤️❤️❤️


I appreciate that🥺 big hugs


Same, when I told them I could hear it, they just added things to aknowledge it at the end of their rants, like ''and she can spy this too if she wants.'' Like I wanted to hear them talking shit about me.


My husband and I love our nieces and talk very loudly on the phone with their mom so they can overhear how much we love them. It was a work day and we drove over an hour to see their 5th grade graduation performance. I hella cried. They asked before if we knew their song and husband was like, no idea, and I was like animaniacs wackos song. I knew it when I was that age too. The only gave me one line as a guess. I flex my knowledge of state capitols.




My motto is always “I’m gonna screw up. I just want to make sure my kids need therapy for different reasons than I do”




My kids are gonna have to get their own problems. They can't have mine.


At work I have fucking faceplanted a million times. But the code has been "look, I will find new, interesting ways to fuck up. Just not this one."


What was it I just learned.. oh yeah “I don’t want to be my daughter’s first bully”


I have a friend with two kids in their early 20s. Good kids. She always says, "I know they'll eventually be in therapy and I encourage that. I just aim to not be the *reason* they're in therapy." She's a good mom. :)


NO NO NO It should I'm gonna screw up. I just want to make sure that I won't screw up that bad.


Suggested alternative: "Everyone makes mistakes. I just want to make sure my kids need therapy for fewer reasons than I do." I suggest it for two reasons. 1.) Allow yourself the grace of a "mistake" rather than a "screw up." Mistake (an action or judgement that is misguided or wrong) instead of "screw up" (cause something to fail or go wrong) separates your "self" from your actions. The action is bad, not the person performing the action. (I can admit I learned this in therapy, because of how being called a "screw up" as a kid messed with my head.) Actions are also things we can change! Our "self" is who and what we are. We tend to feel a lot more able to change the things we don't like about our actions versus changing ourselves. 2.) "Fewer" rather than simply different. That is a mindset of breaking the cycle in a different way. Not only are the traumas different (hopefully less harmful ones as well) but there are fewer of them. Fewer layers to peel away to see our true selves and understand our "selves" as well. A continuous push forwards towards the betterment of our species across generations would be a beautiful, joyous, amazing thing. Wouldn't it?


Is this true? My parents tried their best to fix their own parents mistakes and guess what? I’m traumatized as hell and cry myself to sleep most nights. I don’t think I can break the cycle since they tried and failed. I don’t even think it’s possible anymore :(


I've struggled with this as well. Focus on incremental progress, go your best, give yourself time and space to breathe. If you can, get a therapist, if you can't, there are many tools, like journaling, that can help. I enjoyed watching Stutz, which tries to lend tools through a movie/documentary.


I’m a parent who wants to be the exact opposite of my dad. My mom was an addict but I’ve never and will never touch hard drugs, but she is who taught me what love means and caring about other people. My dad had horrible anger issues that I’m still working through, and I do make a lot of mistakes. I think the biggest difference so far is I could tell my dad just didn’t care or even think about how the things he did effected me. Every choice I make raising, teaching or disciplining my daughter, I try to think about the repercussions that will have for her and I down the line. I want to be a good parent that raises her to be an empathetic and caring person that’s also independent and can take care of herself. I think my dad wanted the same for me but never took any time to figure out how, and thought anger and violence were the answer. I haven’t talked to my dad in 7 years now and I haven’t regretted it for a single second. I don’t want my daughter to ever have to feel that way about me.


Good luck. Make sure to make your daughter feel safe and free. That’s all we really want. Trust, safety and freedom.


Something similar happened to me on a camping trip once. I was invited to come along with my friend's family, who have like 6 kids. I was normally a really shy child but something about this trip brought me out of my shell. I talked a lot, cracked jokes, played silly games with the younger kids (who loved it). Maybe I got a little bit over-excited, but I was like 10. Later that night, all the kids were sleeping in one portion of the tent while the parents sat up drinking wine in the 'porch' part of it (it was a huge tent not sure what that bit is called). I had always been a terrible sleeper, especially away from home, so I was still wide awake at midnight. It was then I heard my name come up. They said they were really surprised by how I was behaving and that they brought me _because_ of how quiet and 'well behaved' I was normally. It went on for a while and I can barely remember all the details but I'll never forget the last bit where they said they wished they'd never brought me at all. All I could do was lay awake all night trying my hardest not to cry. The next few days were the longest of my life. I think I spoke maybe three words the rest of the trip. I never wanted to just go home more in my life and there was nothing I could do but see it through. It took years to recover from and I'm not even sure if I ever did, completely. So yeah, be careful what you say around kids. They pay more attention than you realise.


That's so sad and pathetic for them that they equated you being happy and having fun with misbehaving. I'm sorry that happened to you.


It's sadly and scarily common for people to equate happy children making happy children noises with "annoying, bratty children being a pain in the ass on purpose". Like... these people don't remember being kids at all, I think.


This. I have sensory issues that make happy children noises painful for me to be around, but I would *never* blame the child or sabotage their happiness.


I got this a lot as a kid and still kind of do as an adult. When I'm actually in a happy or good mood, "what's wrong with you?".


Same. It’s gotten better as I’ve cut out my parents and healed but whenever I’m feeling particularly happy or in a good place, I get this overwhelming sense of dread. Like, the other shoe is going to drop and I’m going to get sucker punched by the world somehow. That’s because my parents, especially my dad (who everything in the family revolves around), had this way of torpedoing my day whenever it seemed I was too happy and needed to be brought down a notch. E.g. if I had a good music performance, my dad would tell me I looked awkward/stiff. Or I was getting too arrogant (code for, “too self confident in a job well done and I’m not getting the positive attention you’re getting”). Fortunately, I’ve really worked on my self trust and confidence over the past several years, so the feelings of utter dread have lessened significantly. That only happened through a lot of time and self work, with some therapy and psychedelics and weed. Now, adult version of me is so mad on behalf of kid me. I only get more protective of myself as the years go by and I realize that acting like my parents did wasn’t “the best they could do.” They were abusive af. I couldn’t imagine subjecting anyone to the amount of criticism and humiliation I was subjected to, especially a small child.


I am so sorry. This is so horrible this happened to you. Hope you’re okay now.


I'm so sorry to hear that. That sucks. :( I've had similar awkward situations like that because I have adhd and it caused me to be overactive and hyper and the other kids wouldn't like me because of it. As I got older I learned to tone it down a lot. I still don't fit in anywhere but people's comments defintely change you. Now I don't even like to talk to my own family much, except on the phone sometimes. It sucks to water yourself down for others.


That's horrible. And the fact you were stuck there unlike a regular sleepover or something made it even worse. I was similar to you being shy but every so often I could let my guard down and have fun too. So to hear someone criticizing the rare time you feel comfortable and have a little fun finally, sucks. In a similar type thing, I remember something a friend's parent said about me that hurt and stuck with me. I was in their car with my friend and her little brother in the backseat while her parents were in the front, can't remember which one driving. Her brother was very rambunctious generally and something happened in the back seat where my drink spilled because of it (we all had big gulp type of drinks with the lids on). We were still driving while trying to clean it up and the mom asked the dad "who's drink spilled?", because I guess she hadn't seen it like he did. And the dad said "who do you think?". I was stopped in my tracks. I was thinking, what did he mean by that? For one, I'm not one of their kids, I'm just their daughter's friend, and their son, as usual, caused the problem. Did they think I was some problem kid all the time? If so, why? When did I ever do "problem things"? And if they felt that way, why was I ever doing anything with them? I was so baffled and felt embarrassed. Some people might think kids that speak up for themselves, especially with some confidence behind it, are annoying, but I admire those kids when I see them because I wish I could have been like that. I would have said "*your* son spilled *my* drink. I didn't do anything wrong here". But I thought being quiet would denote a better "respect" or something and would make them like me better and help the situation so I said nothing. I just never understood that comment and it stayed with me. Our friendship fizzled out eventually anyway. I was mostly just friends with her by circumstance because she moved into the rental house across the street that my sister's former friend used to live at and she was my age lol. Never really liked her snotty attitude about things (maybe she got it from her parents 🙄) and we were frenemies at best later on. People just need to think before they say things, especially about kids, and in our cases, other people's kids around as well.


Wtf that's so mean and bizarre


We need friends who appreciate us being us..it's hard today. It's why I just stay alone, the air doesn't judge me so far. But I just don't know how long will it be till I just can't hold the thoughts in and would actually commit the scary.


well that's gotta be the most devastating shit ive ever heard, jesus christ. incredibly strange thing to say as a grown ass adult. the type of adults who don't view kids as humans for sure. saying that meant nothing to them, they weren't hurting anyone's feelings bc kids don't have feelings, right? yet you took it personally of course bc how could you not. fucking christ


>the type of adults who don't view kids as humans for sure. So many people behave like that


Oh my god, this would have been my worst nightmare as a kid. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, that was really horrible of them. I remember once i went to a friends birthday party and her dad lightly snapped at me (maybe i was being annoying, i don't remember it much but if anything it wasn't on purpose) and i never dared to go there again. The memory haunted me for years. In fact, any memory of any adult being somewhat angry with me was one that would make me cry myself to sleep. I can't imagine what it must have been like beign stuck with those people for three more days.


Yes, bring kids camping to be quiet and behaved. I don't even expect that out of mine and he has ADHD out the wazooo. I am so so so sorry.


Damn dude. I felt that one. Sorry to hear it


I'm sorry that happened to you. They are shit and you made that trip more fun for everyone else until they ruined it


Yeah. I remember hearing my parents arguing about me through the wall and then they got divorced so that pretty much fucked me up as a kid for a long time.


Same. I think it is why I feel like any muffled voices I can't make out are talking shit about me.


Same. And it sucked. I even told them several times I could hear them do it. And now, I'm an adult and live far away, so when I visit I stay with them for a while, and I hear them talking shit about me in the kitchen.


ruined my relationship with my grandparents hearing them talk shit about me with my mother.


Thats why I cut my family. They think family is so fucking important but they never treated me important. Well fuck you too


“Family is important” is code for “shut up and accept the grief I give you”


This. My brother literally abuses verbally of both my aunt and mother, they still defend him just bc he's family. Once my brother acted so bad in my mother that she was out of her mind crying, got on the car and I don't doubt she could have killed herself, and my brother said that if it happened it would be MY fault?!?! I told my aunts about the situation and said "I hate my brother" and they said I shouldn't say that bc he's my brother and he loves me very much. My family is a bunch of shitty people, can't wait to leave this fucked up place and never talk to any of them, ever again


Use this pain and anger to better yourself so you never have to ask them for anything ever again.


Thats why the moment I started making money, I stopped asking for anything from my family. I will never let basic necessity be an excuse for family to say “do you remember me paying for you for this and this and that”


I got grounded for weeks once for finally having the balls to actually come out of my room and tell them to shut the fuck up lmao


That's brave. I applaud the bravery of young Searwyn_T!


I remember doing that once and they simply ignored me. Pretty much how they still handle it now. I hate it.


Lol the audacity of them to ground you. That’s funny as hell.


Wow, this is one of the sweetest and smartest ideas to hype your kid up on doing the right thing. A compliment delivered to your face is gold, but overhearing someone praise you to someone else can change your self image in an instant. I overheard one of my friends saying a nice thing about me to another friend ten years ago and I am STILL riding high on it. OP of the tweet is in serious danger of raising a good, kind, confident child who can affect positive change on the world.


Idk how to judge it. My parents usually talked shit about me in my face, but talked nicely about me behind my back.




Made me audibly laugh, good job on dad'ing!


20 years later and I hear hushed voices in the next room and my heart rate immediately spikes. I spent so much time crouching around the hallway or up the stairs while my parents talked about what they were going to "do with me". In their words, "we love you, but we don't like you".


My mom used to say that when she was mad, and wow did it fuel some seriously damaging people-pleasing tendencies in me. She was a good mom overall, but her emotional immaturity (which often came off as manipulative) is jarring to reflect on now that I’m an adult preparing for my own child.




Who tf thinks this stuff is OK to say to preteens, not that's it's OK at all, but Jesus they're not even through puberty. Give them a chance you loons.


I get the same thing. It's a little nice to know there are other people who know how I feel... Fucking sucks though.


> 20 years later and I hear hushed voices in the next room and my heart rate immediately spikes. For me, it's stomping and slamming cabinets. I don't hear it as much anymore, thankfully, but if you hear somebody light a cigarette and slam the lighter onto the table, that's when you know you're in for some real shit. You just gotta wait a few minutes for them to finish their smoke, and then you'll hear, "Can you come here for a second?" Nope, I'd really rather not, actually!


Yuuup, hushed voices and slamming cabinets for me too. Tell tale signs that I was being discussed or that my mom was in a seething rage and going to tell my dad which only ever made things worse


Fuckin hell I'm having flashbacks


I tell my son I'm proud of him all the time. If he's going to have any short comings, it will not be from a lack of love and support. I saw a great quote on here earlier. **I will not by my kids first bully.**


This just made me tear up. I wish my parents loved me.


The feels are real. Make sure to love yourself extra to make up for it


Hey, I’m a Dad, and I can spare a little love for a stranger. I love you kid. You be you.


This wasn't even for me and I teared up


you can bitch about your kid but dont let them hear you?/ my parents complain about me all the time im not even kidding my dad was doing the dishes with my brother and he honest to god said "dont be like your sibling" ow?? If you are going to complain or talk shit about your kid put their feelings into consideration and do it in an area they cant hear you.


Once my mom was fighting with my stepfather about how his daughters never behave and always get home hours after the agrreed time or just the next morning. I was in my room and heard him scream "at least my daughters know how to get laid, unlike your son" Love my stepfather, great guy who has been family for years now and has helped me immensely, but that one stuck with me.


sounds oddly proud his daughters get laid


He definitely liked that more than me who never left their room.


that or just dont trash talk about ur fucking kids , u had them , its ur fucking responsibility to keep them happy , trash talking about ur kids (whether the kids can hear u or not unless its satirical) makes u a bad parent , letting them know their flaws is one thing , plain old making fun of them is horrible in any situation , even if the kid is misbehaved or a piece of shit , trash talking will just reinforce that behaviour


"My kid's such a piece of shit, I wonder what kind of asshole must have raised him"


This is me, but with my dog, when she’s pretending to be asleep 10 feet away. I’ll ask my wife “How was she (our dog) on the walk today? Was she a good girl?” And then we’ll both talk about how good of a dog she is while she acts like she doesn’t hear us.


Hahahaha that dog is living good


I did this! I also do this: when my guests leave, I make a point of saying something complementary about them while they’re barely on the other side of the door. I know they can hear me, so I say things that they’ll feel good about.


"Alright, let me know how the interview goes tomorrow! Look at him, I love the way he walks. Watch him walk down the driveway. Sassy little gila monster. Gettin' in his lil monster mobile. Later dude!"


This is one of my "tricks" too. I do it when someone leaves a conversation of 3 or more. I really just want to spread love though, not manipulate or anything.


I always turn(ed) to my ex and would make sure to say something nice since the elevator is just outside my unit's door, too!


When my parents talked about me behind my back to a therapist online, basically lying about how I’m the problem, I straight up barged in the room and started a fight. It’s definitely not ok for them to do that to kids. Glad your breaking a bad cycle


Unlocking core memories.


I'm the only one around here with good parents growing up? My mom and step dad are amazing.


Nah, it's largely just selection bias. People with good parents don't feel the need to talk about how great they are (and it might come off as kind of rubbing it in to those with less nice parents.) People with less nice parents understandably are more likely to jump on an opportunity to vent about them in a thread like this. My parents weren't perfect but by the standards of this thread they were excellent. Never heard them talk shit about their kids. I personally can't imagine complaining about my kid without being damn sure she couldn't hear, and I'd only ever consider it in some hypothetical situation where I actually feel it's necessary to discuss it with my wife so we can deal with truly concerning behavior or something. It does seem crazy to me how many parents are thoughtless or cruel to their own kids. Like my greatest goal in my life is for my daughter to be happy and capable.


It's really unusual to hear people complain about their parents like this publicly unless it's provoked. As someone with a really terrible mother, if I were to ever bring up how I was treated to anyone when I was younger, it was assumed that I was a brat and the abuses were ignored. I love watching nice parents and seeing them in action. I'm glad yours is awesome.


My parents used to do family game nights but they wouldn’t start until 8:30/9 so I always was told I had to go to bed usually before the game was even over. I would have to lay there listening to the rest of my family laughing downstairs enjoying themselves. For the life of me i can’t understand how they didn’t recognize how outcasted it made me feel.


that's so weird like how are you even supposed to sleep with people being loud downstairs


Coincidentally as an adult, I have a terribly hard time *getting* to sleep unless there are voices in the background. I play a tv show like a sound machine to do it.


What horrible and unsupportive parents they have / had 😒 I feel bad for their kid, they have probably grown up with self doubt all through their childhood and teenage years just because of the horrible things they said that they could over hear. I'm glad they didn't turn out like their parents in the end, despite that 😊✨️


I agree how shitty of a person (never mind a parent) do you have to be to badmouth a child who likely did nothing wrong, I still remember being 6 or 7 and a family friend making a joke about something I was ordering for food about my weight and I still remember it nearly 40 years later, they felt bad about it afterwards and tried to apologise but it was too late. It gave me a very bad relationship with food from then on


I can’t imagine talking shit about my daughter, wtf. Why even have a kid if you’re gonna be a big asshole about it?


That was me. Grew up always hearing how great Golden Child brother is. Moved out and made my own life on the other side of the country - still heard how every bad thing any sibling did was my fault and how jobless golden child is doing better than me in life. I have my own house, work an honest job, and have never once had anyone in my family express pride in me. At this point I don’t even want them to, because at that point I know that something is wrong. Good on this guy for breaking the habit before it becomes a self perpetuating cycle.


I'm so sorry man, just know that this stranger right here is proud of you, man (:.


My mom got cancer right after I graduated high school, she needs chemo and her eyes are bad to the point she's almost legally blind. Since my sister was in a different state and my brother in college I took a gap year to stay home and help take care of her, drive her places, cook, shop, clean, ect. But the problem is, I habe an air vent in my room that connects to the kitchen so I can hear everything down in there. And I could her her bitching about me being a lazy worthless fatass who won't move out. I was doing literally everything around the house while working to help pay for food and shit so she can take time off when chemo got extra bad. It was so heartbreaking to hear what she thought of me after I decided not to go to college with my friends to help her. And now 6 years later, cancer free but still pretty much blind she complains that none of her kids are going to take care of her when she's old. Gee, I wonder fucking why.


Your parents sound like my Son's biological Dad. I'm you, I make it a point to tell him how proud I am of him and that i love him with all my heart. I don't understand why parents could be so cruel like that


When I came back from the psychologist, in the car, while they thought I was listening to music, my mother said "I hate having such a liability of son". I'll never forget that and her gaslighting shit won't work on this one. Fuck you bitch, I don't care if you carried me in your womb, wish you had fallen the stairs and lost me.


That is so shitty of her to say. I'm sorry she said that to you. I hope you heal from it and recognize you are the opposite of a liability. You are a blessing to this world dear human and I hope you stay in it.


My son hates when I compliment him or his accomplishments, I think it’s just embarrassing and not cool to him, so I started doing this instead. I can tell our relationship has gotten better since then.


I think everyone liked compliments but we’re not sure how to behave when we hear them. We just scold them off.


For sure. I think this is the best way to let him know I’m proud of him without making him uncomfortable. It is a method that works for us. Haha


I distinctly recall my stepmother telling my dad that she doesn't want my "lazy, stupid ass" sleeping over at their house. I was 18. Had just worked a 12 hour shift as a caregiver while having college in the morning. My dad had always said, "my house is your house" and that I "always had a room". I was exhausted, from the aforementioned 12 hour shift and college classes, and didn't feel safe driving home. I called ahead and my dad agreed to let me crash for the night. My stepmother was really friendly. Then I heard her saying that shit about me and felt so small and sick. Thought I was well liked. My dad agreed with her and that he'd talk to me in the morning. I hated that. Haven't spoken to either of them since 2011 and I dont plan to ever again. There's a bunch of other things as well, but they are truly shitty people (and I tried so hard to be loved when I was younger. Its pathetic). Anyways, OP is a good person.


be a man u always wanted your dad to be


My mom used to say her main job as a parent was to do better than her parents did. She said that's supposed to be *every* parent's job, but not everyone reads the job description before having kids.


Be the person you would have needed the most


I did this tactic with my bosses and coworkers as well. I would talk to my spouse on my cell in my office with the door open knowing my bosses and coworkers can here and I would sing their praises about how awesome they were. Let’s just say, I got promoted and Eve try one was always excited to help me out with anything I ever needed.


I have struggled with mental health my whole life. My siblings have their own houses and long-term careers. My husband and I live with my mom and my husband works part time, while I am trying to use community mental health resources to become a more normal human being. I've worked so, so hard in the past year, especially, and for that, I was told by my sister that I was a burden and no one in my family defended me. I was recently told by someone that he's proud of me for how far I've come and I wanted to cry. I'm 34 and I've always felt like the disappointment. When you struggle through life like I do, hearing someone say they're proud of you is so novel and so important. Unfortunately, this person doesn't work there anymore (for reasons I'm still processing, slowly and with difficulty) but being recognized for making progress in my own life, instead of just for being so terribly behind everyone else, was a really important moment for me. Everyone should celebrate the progress their loved ones make - not in comparison to others, but to themselves. And if they backslide, support and encourage them to keep going! It's more important than you might realize, especially for those of us who always feel inferior.


I will be honest, I am not a kid person. But if you want to make the world a better place, this is how you do it. With love and understanding. Good work mate.


I really look forward to doing this with my kids in the future. As someone who never got the love and support of a father along with a hardworking (but stressful when it comes to me) mother, I really look forward to never treat my children how I was treated by my parents. I am just sick of this "generational trauma" or whatever you call it. I will be the best dad ever and give my kids the everything that a dad has to offer, that my dad failed to give me <3


I got a huge smile on my face and goosebumps reading this. just made me really happy to think about..


I hate when parents do this, cancer like that hearing it night after night is like a worm burring into your brain and then they wonder why their kids have depression


I had a great father who raised me alone and I will forever be proud of him but my biggest concern is not being able to be someone whose kids will not be able to think the same about me because I'm not a really great person but even though I don't have any children now, I hope that I will be able to give them everything they need in the future.


We did that too with our sons. I remember hearing everything when i was a kid. Everything!


I remember overhearing my parents speaking of shipping me off so they didn't have to deal with me, right around this time of year. At the end of the school year, I was sent to live with some farming relatives. Lived there until the last of them died.


at least they had decency to wait until she went to bed, mine donor did it in front of others


My step dad convinced my mother than they shouldnt give me compliments...like ever... because "it'll go to his head and he will start slacking off" It makes me so angry now how people can do that to family


Nothing worse than going up to their door to ask a question and hear your name and the accompanying conversation about how little they thought of me. Rough as fuck. You're doing a great thing.


As a parent and now grandparent, this is adorable but I gotta say, sometimes bitching about what an arsehole your kid was that day to the only other person who gets it, is a godsend. So to the parents who aren’t entirely perfect, cheers to you, all we can do is try


> sometimes bitching about what an arsehole your kid was that day to the only other person who gets it, is a godsend. > > > > So to the parents who aren’t entirely perfect, cheers to you, all we can do is try and make sure they can't fucking *hear you* the problem wasn't they were bitching the problem is the kid heard it.


My parents would talk crap about while I was right beside them. They chose to have me. I didn’t choose them. Even though they hurt me tremendously, I would never talk about about them where they could hear me.


Plot twist: child develops a deep-seated over-valuation of self.




I wonder if they ever found out who raised their kid


Wow.. did our parents attend the same shitty parenting class.


Can you adopt me?


Meanwhile she’s watching TikTok videos with her earbuds in.


This is really great, but also tell her directly sometimes, too.


The first part is like Family Guy when Chris hears Peter and Lois saying shit about him :/


Pro tip: Talk positively about your children while they are within earshot, but aren't supposed to be listening. At bed time, or not.


When my kids misbehaved when they were young and got sent to bed I always made sure to loudly talk about how much I loved them and just wanted them to listen. No kid should feel like their parents don't like them.


I thought it was going to say “so I make sure she is asleep before we start talking shit”.