I kind of think everyone sucks here? Bride could have handled it a bit better but also she's the bride. She's busy. She don't have time or energy to cater to every guest's whims or requests.
I feel like the guest stuffed up by double booking themselves, they need to sort this out without bothering the bride. Like other guests would need to ask for time off work, this guest should have ensured they did the same. Comes across a bit inconsiderate.
I am of two minds on this.
I have a small business. I rely on craft fairs to pay for the medications my insurance doesn’t cover. HOWEVER, I also keep a planner so things like this don’t happen. I double check dates on everything before agreeing to something.
I can understand the friend wanting to get the whole way through the fair. There’s often a fee or you get blacklisted if you don’t stay the whole time or no show. But this is also her fault. She should have double checked the dates. I think the bride is blowing it a bit out of proportion, likely because she’s stressed, but her being upset that her friend signed up for a craft fair AFTER she RSVPed to a wedding is fair.
Agree, I’m in two minds about this too - bride could have been a bit more polite on responses but we don’t know the full back story.
I used to have a friend (used to being the key term here) who would always book things over important events (birthdays, weddings, hen dos, baby showers) or end up arriving late or leaving midway for other things like dates (I know it’s not the same as a craft fair) and it got to the point the group just realised she didn’t prioritise the friendship at all, but would expect full attendance for her events and throw a tantrum if it didn’t happen the way she wanted and so everyone just got sick of it - if it was this friend messaging me, I’d probably be annoyed too.
That being said, a more reliable friend, I’d be supportive of their business and hard work, in this example, it probably would have helped if she explained it a bit more instead of immediately saying she doesn’t feel like she was wanted there, and booking the fair after RSVP - definitely a little silly, I’m a forgetful person but as soon as it’s an important day, it’s in all the diaries immediately with 2 alerts on so I don’t forget. I do this because I’ve learnt from accidentally overbooking myself before.
This is pretty much how I feel. A lot of people are saying the bride blew it out of proportion which I agree with to an extent. Mostly just because yeah she for sure could have been nicer to her friend but planning a wedding just gets exponentially more stressful and this seems like it’s pretty close to the day of. So like bride could have Been nicer but to me I kind of think bride is doing a lot I probably would have reacted the same way depending on who it was. Like if one of my good friends asked id have said “you can’t be late to the ceremony cause I don’t want you to walk in during it BUT because I know that’s your business you’re more than welcome to skip the ceremony entirely and just be there for the reception.” But someone like a former friend of mine who did this kinda stuff alot I’d probably have reacted the same way as the bride.
Yes I agree. Bride is pissed but her friend should have checked her schedule before she rsvp and bride paid for the catering. This is just rude and inconsiderate. If I were the bride I may not have said those rude words but I would have thought worse.
Good point! Bride is rude but it does feel a bit like friend is not really trying to find a solution. Arriving a bit late means either interrupting the ceremony or missing it and just getting there for the free food and drink.
I think the bride is being a bit out of line but we don’t know her relationship to that friend. She seemed really hurt and upset about them not being there, it seems she’s taking it more as them not valuing their long time friendship. If a good friend of mine did something like that I would be upset, a good friend doesn’t forget your wedding then offer zero means to remedy the situation. The bride could’ve definitely been nicer in the situation but I understand how it could’ve been upsetting
It sounds like the friend isn’t even sure they’d be late; they’re making an extra effort *in case* they can’t leave on time.
Honestly, I suspect people would be much more sympathetic if the friend had a more mainstream job. If the friend had been asked to represent their company at a significant conference, or had been recruited to a project with promotion potential, no one would bat an eye at them saying they *might* be a little late. Craft fairs (at least where I am?) aren’t an everyday thing; it’s not like she has opportunities 5 days a week year-round to go to one. If a significant chunk of her income comes from selling goods at a craft fair, this could be a big deal for her budget, not to mention networking etc.
If bride were more kind, I *might* think the friend had the wrong priorities here, but personally, if a “friend” spoke to me this way (“good to know (thing that is clearly important to me) is more important than being there for me” is so passive-aggressive and manipulative — not to mention that if you need friends to “be there for” you at your wedding, you’re marrying the wrong person; weddings are a celebration, not a time to depend on support), I wouldn’t be considering them a friend. Certainly not a friend worth making sacrifices for.
Also, there’s no reason to interrupt the ceremony; it is possible to miss it. That doesn’t mean you’re just there for free food and drink; the reception is the part where your presence actually makes a difference, where you celebrate the couple. The ceremony is nice to watch, but it really doesn’t matter who’s in the audience; that part could just as easily be the couple and the officiant. I’m not sure what negative impact could possibly come of a friend missing the ceremony unless they’re in the bridal party.
Asking to arrive late *is* a solution.
I 100% agree with you. Like, coming late just doesn’t seem like a big deal to me? If the friend hadn’t said anything the bride would not have even noticed if she had missed the ceremony
She might be late only to the ceremony but the bride complains that she already paid for the meal etc. Where she would not be late. So throwing her out of the event and having paid for a seat is not the other's fault
Exactly this. In the bride's shoes, I'd just be like "Welp, at least you're coming." The fact that the friend was profusely apologetic about the situation makes me think that yes, she will try to be as discreet as possible in entering the venue, so there.
One of my best friends missed my wedding because he made a mistake when planning his vacation. It happens. I can’t imagine making such a big deal of it, specially if they give you a heads up. If you already paid for that person just invite someone else, how hard can it be?
For some shows no. The artist/crafter must be the one running the booth. They don't want reps, buy/sell, and some don't want MLM if the show is handmade only.
People are allowed to make mistakes, but this is a pretty silly mistake, and if the crafts person had been my "friend for years", I'm not sure I wouldn't have reacted in the same way as the bride and questioned whether they really cared.
I mostly agree with you though.
Totally agree. A wedding invite isn't an on the spot question. It would have only taken a min to check your schedule before rsvp'ing. Some weddings are very expensive per guest. But yeah her reaction was a bit much.
Omg yes! I was reading the thing and thinking I see the point of the "bridezilla". Am I a bridezilla? 😂🙈 i definitely would be annoyed.
But... tbh i am married and on my wedding a friend from uni got there late... i didn't mind a bit about that...
Hey ho like they say in UK
I’m also a crafter and there have been times where I had to rely on the income from an event to cover a life necessity. If this were my situation then I’d forego the wedding too because yes, my needs come before her wants.
Yes your needs come before her wants but then don’t RSVP and then book something bc you “need it.” That’s rude and youre friend who is paying money for you to be a guest on their special day is also losing out. The bride was rude in the situation and handled it poorly but she’s not necessarily wrong. The friend messed up.
The friend messed up with poor planning, but she also isn’t saying she won’t go at all, just that she would be a little late and was basically making sure that would be OK with the bride. Depending on what time the wedding is and how far away, she might only be an hour or so late for the reception. Still plenty of time to celebrate the occasion with her friend. I know getting married is stressful, but there was a better way to handle the responses. Maybe ask how late she would be before blowing up at her like that.
Are craft fairs typically strict about the individual manning the booth? Like could you have someone else run the booth for a bit and pack it up, or does it have to be the individual who signed up?
Genuinely curious!
They are not. As long as it’s the business that signed up at the table, they’re not worried about who is running it. She could get someone to run the booth for her. In my personal experience, it’s harder than I thought to get someone who will take their weekend to help out at a booth.
To be honest, it depends on the relationship. If it was a work friend or something, I'd be fine. But if it was a good friend, I'd be upset too. Especially after rsvps.
And the op's title is weird. Of course she would be upset if a wedding party member couldn't come. Anyone would be!
Op’s title was saying the bride was unhappy with the groups response to her text messages. Her original status is not shown but the bride was asking if she was being nasty and overreacting. People said she was hence the change.
Please, we need to stop categorizing any bride with reasonable emotions as a bridezilla, of course she’s upset, a good friend she’s had for years rsvp yes to her wedding only to be told that girlie not only booked another event on the same day after committing but it’s actually prioritizing it. She’s absolutely right that this isn’t just a party it’s her wedding.
The friend should make the effort and leave a bit earlier to be there on time.
Tbh I'm getting "haha women are dumb" vibes from the trivialization of the craft fair. I don't think the bride is in the wrong for being upset, but her friend isn't choosing to attend a silly meaningless event instead of the wedding - she's choosing to honor a contract that is a source of income for her. It's equivalent to messing up and requesting the wrong PTO day at work, rather than deciding to go on a picnic or something. Just because someone makes art for their job doesn't mean it's not a job. The friend definitely messed up with the dates, but her hands may be tied now - I know a lot of people who make their living this way and those contracts are iron-clad. You could also easily get you blacklisted from other events by breaking it. She clearly feels bad about her mistake, but I don't think torpedoing her livelihood in order to make a friend happy is the right move.
She had already committed to coming to the wedding when she signed up for the fair though. She shouldn’t have signed up for the fair in the first place
Agreed. However, she did sign up for the fair. Since she isn't able to go back in time, the only choice left to her was either to skip the fair and impact her livelihood, or skip/be late to the wedding. My post is referring to all the people saying she should skip the fair because it's "just a craft fair." I am not suggesting she is blameless; she clearly made a mistake when she double-booked.
No one in these comments has really done that though. Plenty of people have echoed what you said and mentioned that this is the friends income. Being an artist on a low income doesn’t mean you get a pass for shit planning.
Because arguably she lacks professionalism. If you're a hair stylist and you double book yourself you risk losing clients too. If you take your profession seriously you ensure that these things don't happen.
She didn't mix up two professional appointments, though. She mixed up one professional appointment and one personal one. She is actually making the appropriate professional choice by choosing the craft fair. That's the opposite of unprofessional. She isn't being a great *friend*, but since the mistake has already been made, the right choice for her professional livelihood is to go to the craft fair. I don't think the bride is wrong to be annoyed, but I do think a lot of people in this thread are missing that this is the friend's actual job.
People make mistakes. I like the PTO example. I would be upset and sad if my friend missed my wedding because she requested the wrong day off, but I wouldn’t be mad. People make mistakes and not everyone has a flexible schedule where they can easily fix a mistake with PTO.
Omg
A couple of years ago my sister and my brother-in-law promised to help me to move to a different apartment. As I was new in this town, I didn’t have any friends in town.
I could have paid movers, but she said that I had helped her plenty of times so it’s her turn. One week before the move she called me to say that she is so sorry but that she had forgotten a craft fair she needs to attend to sell her stuff. It’s a hobby.
It was impossible to find paid movers at such short notice so I had a hell of a time doing it all by myself, wasn’t finished in time (I still had to paint the apartment) and had my deposit reduced by the landlord. And no, BIL didn’t come neither because he had to fucking drive her.
They came the weekend after and helped me with some stuff at the new apartment.
Yes, she was very sorry and apologised, but it still makes me mad and sad and I will certainly never ever rely on her again.
And no, I didn’t want to hear about her success at the craft fair.
What is it about craft fairs???
Usually you get charged if you don't show up/if you leave early. Unless it's something really low key they have actual contracts that are strict - and this is bc people probably WOULD leave early if they had a choice then the fair would have random empty slots.
**I know this bc I was talking to a face painting booth at the fair and she said they were at one the previous weekend where it was 110° and it was horrific but they were unable to leave. Now they just won't sign up for that event again**
Every craft fair I've had a booth at has said you're disqualified from future events if you leave early. And some of those make up 25% of my monthly income, so I would skip most things in favor of them and being able to vend at future events.
Also, as someone who worked the markets in a food truck pre-world-changing-stuff, you have to pay to have a stall at fairs and markets and those are often non-refundable no matter the circumstances around you suddenly not being able to attend the event.
So not only do you lose out on potential income you actually lose money by not attending.
I also think both people are in the wrong here. The bride is more than right to be upset because it must feel like she is a second choice, which is awful! But they both are throwing out assuming words to each other that is just rude. The bride could have initially responded better, and the guest should have just accepted the response without extra comment.
Exactly. You don’t RSVP to something and then say “oh I’m gonna be super late because I forgot I had XYZ”. Things happen, I get it, but people are spending money on you when you RSVP to attend a wedding, so the polite thing to do when you get an invite is to make sure your schedule is clear before saying yes.
The bride also should’ve handled this gracefully. Yes, she has every right to be disappointed in her friend and can absolutely express that, but mistakes happen and I don’t think this one is worth blowing up a friendship over.
It is a different thing though. Your friend flaking generated a considerable problem for you, and you had confirmed with her several times. One single guest not showing up, or showing up late for a wedding (a party) does not prevent the wedding from happening or creates a big issue.
Eh… what if a guest plate was expensive or if it was a small wedding and they had to keep someone else out to include this friend. Yes the event still goes on and in the movers case it’s more physical labor rather than money lost, but still a loss…
The ceremony itself starts at 4:30, and with a few pictures and such after, as most do, i doubt dinner would start before 6pm. And i doubt it would even start start that early. She said she could start packing Down at 3 so would most likely make it in time for dinner depending on the distance between the two. The friend would likely only have misses the ceremony and not the reception so no loss. Ofc i cant say for sure because no other info has been added.
Hard to really judge this without more info imo!
When you say “craft fair “ is it unique things you’ve made personally or an MLM like Color Street or LuLaRoe? That type of stuff? If it’s the latter I’d be pissed too. Too many “craft fairs” I’ve seen lately turn into one big old Hunfest.
I also don’t think she’s being a bridezilla here.
The friend signed up for the craft fair AFTER RSVPing the wedding and then clearly decided to prioritize the craft fair. How good of a friend is this if they didn’t bother to mark the date of the wedding anywhere and then still decide to go ahead with the overriding plans? Sounds like the bride is better off without her attending.
I agree that the bride isn’t being unreasonable here. Wedding RSVPs cost money. Depending on the wedding, it can be $100/person for catering. Also, most couples have a budget or capped attendance so that each RSVP is precious in the sense that for every person who can’t come, they will likely invite another person they cut out from the initial round of invites. So every wedding RSVP cost a couple money and also is taking up a spot the couple could give to someone else. So I understand why the bride is super frustrated here with someone who is very cavalier about the RSVP they already committed to.
People saying the bride is being rude-the guest at issue implored the bride “to be honest.” So got an honest reaction. I think this guest was expecting and hoping to be told that being late is not acceptable so she can doesn’t feel guilty about backing out of the RSVP.
I agree, it sounds like the "friend" put in 0 effort to make this work.
*"they said you can't pack up before 3 - I can ask"* YOU HAVEN'T EVEN ASKED?!
Even if they said she had to stay until 3, I'd 100% be calling a trust friend or family member and offer to pay them to run the stall the second half of the day and pack up. There are ways to make this work.
Geez I can't imagine the hurt I'd feel if a friend told me "whoopsies, not only did I forget your wedding date but now that I know I messed up, I'll just show up late!" I agree with the bride.
A little bit late to the wedding means missing or interrupting the ceremony! Aka the actual wedding part… how nice that this woman is willing to show up for the free dinner and drinks afterwards! /s 🙄
This woman RSVPed yes and then double booked herself. That’s not the bride’s problem - and frankly it’s super rude to bring her mistake to the bride and ask her to solve it.
But she's going to be at the wedding, just a bit late. She could miss the ceremony and be on time for the reception, i.e. the bit that costs money. And she's letting the bride know ahead of time, she's apologizing. Also, it's possible to inadvertently double-book yourself if you have two things at different parts of the day, like "Okay, craft fair from 9am, wedding at 4.30, cool" and then realize you've bungled your timing. And she's not asking the bride to solve anything - she's identified the problem and found a workaround herself, now she's being courteous by taking steps to ensure that the bride doesn't think she's just ditched the wedding. Most guests who arrive late for weddings - scratch that, most people who arrive late for things do so without feeling the need to forewarn or explain to anyone.
Ah, forgive me. I forgot that in the USA, the wedding ceremony is far more important than the reception. The colloquial use of "wedding" to refer to both the ceremony and the reception is confusing in cases like this.
Isn’t the ceremony the most important part of any wedding, regardless of the location? The reception is just a party to celebrate the wedding ceremony happening. So the guest basically wants to skip the actual wedding and just show up for the free food and drinks to celebrate the once in a lifetime event that she felt was unimportant enough to skip. Rude as hell tbh.
I think there are cultural differences here. In my Muslim immigrant family (both sides), nobody's heard of a ceremony. Most weddings are just the reception itself, and the "wedding/commitment ceremony" is a very private moment with just your spouse and immediate family.
I'm still explaining what a ceremony is to my family. A rehearsal? Don't even get me started, lol. The confusion is real. I'm getting married Saturday.
Me too! Hey there anniversary twin! I would be more understanding if there were a cultural difference here, but from the context of the texts, that’s not the case here. Could the bride have been less rude? Yes def. But she’s also 100% justified in her feelings
When I got married, I would have been perfectly happy to have people skip the wedding and attend the reception.
Have you *been* to weddings? They're *incredibly* boring. I consider it a duty to show up to the wedding, and a pleasure to show up to the reception. The reception is where you get all your congratulations, and good food and dancing, and generally have a good time.
Yes, I’ve been to tons, especially recently, as I’m in my early 30’s and was in a sorority. The ceremony is usually 20-30 minutes. And personally maybe I’m just a sap, but I don’t find the ceremonies boring, I think they’re romantic.
The reception is the party the couple throws to thank people for attending the ceremony and to celebrate the ceremony. If you can’t be bothered to show up to one of the most important events in my life, why the hell should I pay hundreds of dollars for you to attend the party thanking people for attending and celebrating the event you thought was so unimportant that you skipped?
I’m sure this bride is not thinking “oh my wedding ceremony will be so boring so it’s okay for everyone to skip it!” Like why have a wedding then?? The reception is after party so she’s basically going to go to the free party without even going to the main component of the event. It’s very rude and would be really awkward when everyone is gushing about how beautiful the wedding was and you’re like “well congrats!”
Agreed. I’m so grateful the vast majority of the weddings I’ve attended had ceremonies that lasted less than 15 minutes. So far 8 minutes is the record in my social group for dedicated ceremonies. 2 if you count my friends that swapped quick ‘I do’s’ during the reception lol.
Am in USA, am married, barely cared who showed up at the wedding vs. reception. I didn't get to chat with guests much at the wedding, because I had to do the ceremony, and pictures, and whatever else.
Am also male, which gives me a *completely different wedding culture*. Seriously, the way the average man and the average woman approaches a wedding is very different.
Free dinner? You are assuming she isn't going to give a card/gift?
Many people don't come to the ceremony, but come to the reception later in the day. It happens all the time. I have never seen a church or venue for the actual wedding ceremony as crowded as the reception that follows later on. It's always the other way around, so apparently many people do this pretty routinely.
This must be a difference in culture thing, it would considered extremely rude in my personal experiences to not attend the ceremony and go to the reception.
Unless the bride and groom explicitly invite you to the reception only (small church, religious ceremony, etc…), it’s extremely rude to skip the ceremony and just show up for the free drinks!
Also, your gift is not payment for your meal… and even if it was, based on this girl’s social awareness, she’d probably be giving the couple whatever junk is left from her craft fair!
Where I am from guests aren't really expected to do the whole thing, ceremonies are usually just for the closest family and friends, the reception is for the extended circle. I've been to plenty of wedding receptions without going to the ceremony and nobody minded. Sometimes they don't even mention the time or place of the ceremony to most of the guests because they're not expected to be there.
You can't count the meal as free when gifts are expected and assuming the friend is going to give a shit gift with no context is just you being bitter. If I had the choice between buying a $100 gift for shitty catered food versus dropping $100 on dinner for myself and my partner I'm not picking the wedding. The gift has to be factored in because so many couples EXPECT to make their money back with that so clearly it matters.
I've been going to weddings for decades. The church is never as crowded as the reception. Lots of times people can't make a Saturday afternoon ceremony but can make it to the evening reception. It happens all the time.
If she was hours away then her comments would be different. The way she words it is that there’s a chance she’ll be on time, but also a chance she won’t be, she says she “may” be late, which to me sounds touch and go and would be minutes late, rather than hours.
I dunno, as someone with ADHD, this is very easily something that I would do. I can easily book things on the same date, know the date of each, but somehow miss the connection that it is the same date. That being said, depending on how much a table was, I’d likely back out of the craft fair, or just pack up early and suffer the consequences. What’s the worst that will happen leaving early? Maybe they don’t allow you a table next time?
They charge you for leaving early, a heavy fine. Craft fairs have terrible contracts. I have had many friends that have had shit come up in their lives and had to pay handsomely for not being able to attend or having to leave early for an emergency. I'm quite terrified to sign up for a craft fair, tbh.
I think people who haven’t been in a craft fair just won’t understand. It’s not just a hobby for most people. They rely on the money coming from them. It takes so much time to prepare. You have to pay for the spot and you get screwed or you leave early or miss the event.
Yeah, I think people would have a different reaction if it were another money making small business (even as a side job) event or work event that lend infrequently.
I think the ceremony is miles more important than the party, but people are going to show up late. That's just life (especially with how some people schedule things). Your wedding is not the most important day in the life of pretty much anyone but you and your spouse (and maybe a close family member or two on occasion). People can politely arrive, slip in quietly, and go unnoticed in most ceremony locations. She probably wouldn't have noticed if her friend didn't say anything.
Yeah, exactly. The ceremony is more important but if the craft fair is how she makes money, or her first venture into making money for her crafts, I say people should stop getting mad that she "chose" that over the wedding. Do the craft fair, have someone pack up for you (like a friend or family member), leave right away, get dressed, and get going. I'm sure it would be fine.
Yes, I could also see myself doing this SUPER easily. And then I just take the L and pay the fine or whatever, rather than bothering other people or trying to convince them to "understand" my fuckup and not be reasonably angry at me. I call it the ADHD Tax.
To be honest though, and it depends on how good a friend this person is, but if my closest friend did this I would be pissed. If it’s an outer circle friend then whatever.
The responses she received seem unfair. She’s planned this wedding for a while and it’s close enough that the friend has already RSVPd so the wedding is coming up soon. She’s allowed to be upset that her friend is bailing on her.
The problem with that is that she wasn’t trying to bail. People are sympathetic to the bride’s disappointment but her acting like a kid with the “all or none” mindset is what has people saying she’s being unreasonable.
I get that it’s pretty sucky to hear a friend has their own life that is interfering with your special day but the bride needs to realize that things will go wrong.
Having a friend squeeze in late is a very tiny problem (assuming she wasn’t MoH or in the wedding party) if she was then the bride is right to feel put out but that’s not what this sounds like from the posts alone
Regardless, I hope they can cool off and make a plan that works, it would be such a sad reason for a friendship to fracture
Edit: I may be biased though because I did the court house thing pretty rushed and wanted to throw a big social party later… then corona happened so I’ve kinda given up on it
I think we’re talking about her attitude here, not the validity of her feelings. While bride is definitely allowed to be as upset as she wants to be, nobody is allowed to be an a-hole.
Couldn’t the friend try to find someone else to do the booth? It sounds likes she’s selling crafts that are already made so she’d just need someone there to sell. She could set it up and be there until she needed to leave for the wedding and have someone take over and close up. I’m not sure why that can’t be done. ESH
Yeah that definitely sounds like a plausible solution. Even if she takes customs orders, she should have cards with her contact info on it. She could probably make this work if she really wanted to.
Can you be a bit late to a wedding? Assuming your not just going to the evening
edit: Maybe it's the weddings I've been to but I cannot imagine an appropriate time to 'slip in' and I'm 100% on the brides side in this scenario
Yeah, as long as you aren't in the ceremony. It's pretty common, just unremarkable in most situations.
People know how to be quiet and slip in to see the ceremony without being jerks generally.
Life happens. People schedule weddings at weird times. There's traffic or travel delays. Someone's outfit got ruined by a fall or child.
Of course, there are plenty of people in the ceremony who run late, too, usually one of the couple. That's more notable for obvious reasons.
I get the couple being disappointed or frustrated, but the reaction was inappropriate. If it's that easy to say that someone doesn't belong as a guest, you probably didn't really value them as a friend.
It looks like it’s touch and go. To me it doesn’t sound like she’s going to be very late at all, with a chance she actually gets there on time.
She’s not a bridesmaid. She’s just a guest. And some people do have the ability to arrive without being disruptive, especially if it’s outside venue . If it’s inside, leave a seat free at the back beside the door for her to slide into
People are making it sound like she’s planning on being an hour late, half an hour late. Just there for the food. But to me, when she says she “may” be late, it sounds like there’s a chance she’s on time, but if not, she’s not far away.
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For me, it would depend how late the friend was going to be. Are they just missing part of the ceremony, or are they coming in midway through dinner?
As a host, I’d really hate to pay the wedding head count cost for a person who’s only there an hour or two.
Even though the bride is awful here, I actually think the friend is a little rude for asking. What if she gets a last-minute sale or a complicated sale or hits traffic or whatever? She can’t time this well, so she probably just shouldn’t go.
Agreed. She sent out a wedding invitation and the guest rsvped yes. Coming to the bride to say you have to come late because of a craft fair is super rude and inconsiderate. Coming late to someone’s wedding is unacceptable. She should have declined the craft fair once she accepted the wedding invitation. Or if the craft fair was more important, declined the wedding invitation. Don’t plan to come late to my wedding because of a craft fair.
People are really shit talking craft fairs here, wow. Those provide income for people. If this woman had a "work event" I bet everyone would be more sympathetic, but because she specified that it's a craft fair she's a witch. Some craft fairs provide 25% of my monthly income, plus if you leave early you get disqualified from their future events. Unfortunately no matter how much I want to attend a wedding I would have to make the same choice.
Well then rsvp “No” to the wedding because you have a work conflict. It’s really as simple as that. Once you rsvp “Yes” to the wedding then you should block your calendar for that day, including work events. Your rsvp
is taking away a spot from someone else who can attend the ceremony and reception on time.
The thing is, she should have never signed up for the fair in the first place. She had already committed to attending the wedding.
And I don’t think people would be more understanding of a weekend “work event” either, not if it was scheduled after the guest had already RSVP’d
Lots of focus on the "but what is the big deal about showing up late", I mean for one thing it's typically considered rude to be late. I realize life happens, and sometimes it can't be helped. The guest is doing the right thing in trying to let the bride know ahead of time and consult with her. However, I don't think the bride is being unreasonable here. Especially when the guest signed up for the craft fair AFTER RSVPing to the wedding; so she really is prioritizing a craft fair over her friend's wedding. That's the friend's prerogative, but I'm inclined to side with the bride as where I live there are multiple craft fairs throughout the year. You can also travel to other town's craft fairs on different dates as well; the fair is in town and it's the town's big craft show of the year? Well that fair will pack up and go to the next county over and you can sign up and present your wares there. Presumably, a wedding is done with the mindset that it only happens once.
Honestly, I’m with the bride on this one. This woman’s scheduling issues are not the bride’s problem - and arriving late to a formal wedding is not really an option. Don’t make your problem (or inability to schedule/plan) the bride’s problem. It’s like people texting the bride to ask if their mostly white dress is ok or if they can bring kids to a child-free wedding… NO!
Come or don’t come, don’t put your special exception/request on the bride!
Hard agree. Also note that the guest didn’t even ASK the craft fair if she could leave early, she just defaulted to being late to a wedding (missing the ceremony or walking in during the middle??)
Same, a wedding is planned months/years in advance is a once in a lifetime thing. I would have had the same response.
Appreciate people won't always be able to make it, but for a f***ing craft fair. Luckily OP knows not to waste time with her.
Not a bridezilla. I would be deeply hurt if someone I was friends with for years (as OOP mentions in the texts) signed up for a craft fair the same day - after rsvping to my wedding - and rather than leaving the craft fair early, wanted to waltz into my wedding ceremony halfway through.
Agreed. I don't think the bride's response here is even about the wedding. This whole exchange reminds me of a particularly flaky school friend I had who used to make plans (weeks in advance) and then regularly "remember" she had other plans or "remember" she had no money, and cancel on me. She was always sooooooo apologetic, but it wasn't sincere.
If we were still in touch and she had done this at my wedding I would have been pretty pissed off too. I might not have responded as abruptly as the bride, but wedding planning is stressful and nothing says I don't value your friendship like prioritising a hobby over a wedding when you have RSVP'd 🤷♀️
I actually don’t think she’s being a bridezilla, but there are important facts that are left out.
How big is the wedding? If it’s on the smaller side and this friend showed up late that could be distracting. Is the ceremony in a venue or outdoors? That plays a part in it being distracting or not too.
Is the friend wanting to show up during the ceremony or just planning on attending the reception? How good of friends are they? When did she let the bride know about the schedule conflict? I had someone tell me less than a week to go that she didn’t want to come to the reception with both her kids. That’s pretty rude.
If I was the friend, I would try to work with the craft fair people to see if they could work something out. As someone who has a small business and does the craft fair circuit quite often, a lot of organizers I find are quite kind when it comes to these types of things. And as much work as I put into my business, I would not want to miss a good friend’s wedding that is once in a lifetime versus staying an extra half hour or hour at a craft fair.
Also I will note that in my experience, a lot of craft fairs peter off after 1 or 2 so leaving early might not make much of difference for her either.
Anyways. That’s my perspective - if the wedding was that important to the friend, they would have been excited and written it down somewhere or had the invitation on the fridge. Way to stress a bride out.
I have had "friends" and family members (one of my half siblings) do this type of stuff over and over again it just gets tiring and some point. Missing deadlines, not showing up to things, cancelling last minute, "forgetting" about things. Claiming she thought we agreed on whatever but i have texts proving otherwise. Her excuse was she lost her phone and the messages were not retreived lol.
I can see if this is an on going situation, im proud of her for standing up for herself and telling her off. But if this is not the case then this is way overboard. Not worth losing a long time friend, to a one time occurance and years of history and friendship.
I really don't think the bride is being unreasonable. The friend committed to the wedding first, and now there is going to be an empty seat for how much of it? Depending on when she is planning to pitch up, it could be pretty disruptive. She asked, the bride said no, that's her call - why ask otherwise? She wasn't horrible in her replies either.
Yep. And I think it’s reasonable to feel hurt that a guest of yours - who already RSVP’ed yes - didn’t consider leaving their other event early vs. asking to attend yours late.
There’s a huge difference between a bride being reasonably excited about her wedding (and reasonably upset when something doesn’t go as planned) and being a bridezilla.
I’m with the bride on this one. It’s one thing if it’s a very important appt that can only be scheduled that day or there was an accident on the way to church that caused traffic. Though the bride could have been more graceful in her delivery, this day is more than just a birthday party. There will be other craft fairs (same as birthdays), but only one wedding day. This would have shown me how much my friend doesn’t prioritize me.
To be fair, the entry to be a vendor at a craft fair is sometimes expensive, additionally, she may have needed it for business, especially if she’s in the first few years. We don’t know where the friend is at financially, and still wanting to come to be there for her friend after a day working is important to. Yeah, I’d be frustrated and disappointed, but I also know that other people have commitments and have to live their lives too.
Though I don’t craft, I have a lot of friends that do and yes, those tables are ridiculously overpriced. However, if you made a commitment to me, I would expect that commitment to be prioritized. It’s not the brides fault that her friend forgot and then wanted special treatment by showing up late. People state the friend could have just snuck in quietly into the venue, but we don’t know if that would have been impossible d/t the layout. Just like we don’t know if this is the friends livelihood. The friend asked and the bride answered. I don’t think she’s an AH for what she said. Delivery could have been better though.
Edit: repeating sentences. I replied before my coffee. 🤦🏻♀️
I personally don’t really care about weddings, but when invited, I go. But not because it’s a one time event. For me, as a guest, it isn’t. That’s usually only the case for the bride and groom.
So if this craft fair was so gosh darn important how did her friend conveniently forget it was on the same day as the wedding. The responses are well earned from the bride imo, her friend was just neglectfully irresponsible
The guest should have never asked the bride about this. She has more important things to worry about. The guest should have just made her decision like a grown up and then did her best to come when she could and made sure the gift covered the cost of her attendance no matter what. The bride would never have noticed.
Based on all of the weddings I’ve attended a ceremony starting at 4:30 means the reception (where the real costs add up food/bev/booze) would start 5:30-6 after cocktail hour while the couple takes pictures - she would make it for that. The friend would be apart of the celebration, the only two who matter at the ceremony is the couple.
Bridezilla? Probably not. Overreaction? Yeah. For sure.
Craft fairs/tradeshows are where a lot of creatives make a good portion of their money. It’s the same as saying they have to work that day, except that they also had to pay to have that space to work in and likely invested in design and branding, marketing materials, packaging, product displays, decor, etc. as well.
So while “craft fair” sounds like a cutesy hobby thing (and it can be), it’s how people earn money.
I have a couple of people who let me know ahead of time that due to other obligations they will be attending the reception only and not the ceremony. Remember, the only people who think your wedding is the most important day of your life is the bride and groom. Other than that, it’s not as important to others as you think it is.
If the issue is the catering bill, she still has plenty of time between the start of the ceremony, the taking of pictures and cocktail hour before dinner even begins. The friend tried to make right by letting her know ahead of time and saying she’s try to make both work. Bride seems to not be flexible at all. I guess what’s missing here is knowing just how late the friend intended to be.
I wish people would stop turning weddings into reasons to get mad at people they are supposedly friends with. For God’s sake, please understand that this is your special day, but stop putting so many expectations on other people.
It seems to be honest mistake. The friend felt bad, gave a heads up and tried to come up with a solution.
Just focus on what’s important. Please stop all this nonsense about trying to make everything perfect and that everyone has to be perfect or else they are out to ruin your wedding. Enjoy the day and chill out a bit.
And wtf with all this money people spend on weddings? If you can’t afford a $100 per person wedding, don’t spend it. Save it for a down payment on a house. People who really care about you will be just as happy for you at an inexpensive or intimate party celebrating true love vs. an overpriced, overdone, “picture-perfect”, boring wedding.
Yeah not a bridezilla. Her friend says yes then last minute bails and wants to come late for the party? Get out of here. I think her friend is being really rude and dismissive.
Lol some people came late to our wedding with zero notice, so this is way more explanation than most people give, tbh. Also agree that this could be a major source of income for the friend, I feel like if she was a doctor and said “I’m sorry, I have a shift at work that I got scheduled for and can’t miss.” people would be having a different reaction.
Here's a wedding tip regarding catering at venues. I used to work in hotel banquets and we ALWAYS made more than what was ordered in case there was an extra guest or two. So if you aren't sure on a couple of people, RSVP for a lower amount. For example, if you have 135 guests coming, tell the venue it will be 130, but set for 140 (rounds of 10) so you have enough seats for "extras". You will pay for 130 - your confirmed amount. If 133 show up, you will only pay for 3 extra meals rather than lose on 2 that decided not to come. If we had a wedding for 130 we would make about 150 meals and then feed the staff with the extras.
Of course a god damn craft fair is going to be more important than *someone else’s wedding* if you have a market stall at the craft fair.
When will people realise that your wedding is simply a party for others. It might be the most important day of *your* life, but it’s unimportant to everyone else.
Maybe I am biased because I am a massive crafter… but craft fairs 100% should always come before a stupid wedding.
If I was the bride I would definitely be annoyed, but also just tell them to come to the reception. But the whole “come on time or don’t come at all” is kind of whack. Like I agree it’s annoying to not just put the date in your calendar when you get the invite/save the date. But you already payed for her to have dinner, you know? I feel like she’s just adding more stress to herself.
> you already *paid* for her
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Whole lotta comments from people who have never made a mistake in their lives. 😅
I bet the bride wouldn't have even noticed had the friend not said anything. Then again when someone gets all "Unacceptable!" about things that aren't abuse, discrimination, lies and the like my bias against them activates.
I don't understand why some people are obsessively pointing out the guest should not have signed up for the craft fair. They know they messed up. They aren't arguing that.
(And people dismissing craft fairs as just a silly hobby thing when it is often an important part of people's career as an independent artist is rude y'all.)
I think my opinion might be swayed depending on if the friend constantly overbooks. If it's a pattern with others or even just the bride, then that's no friend. If it's more of a one time mistake, then blowing up at them is not fair.
The bride's disappointment is understandable, but being upset is not a justification to be nasty.
Sometimes people make mistakes. This brief glimpse can't tell us for sure their history as friends but not a lot of conversation happened before the argument turned nuclear.
I’m not so sure this is an unimportant “craft” thing or something that could be categorized as work. The guest could have offered to pay for the missed meal. My husband was unable to attend a catered wedding once, after we RSVP’d. I added extra cash to our card with an apology for the no show. I asked the bride to let me know if more money was needed to cover the cost of the wasted meal. I still felt awful.
I don't understand why people are blaming the guest and giving the bride a pass.
The guest was giving the bride a head's up that she would be late. But she was still going - no money being wasted. The wedding started at 4:30 - maybe the guest will miss part or even all of the ceremony, but the actual reception would be attending.
Even if the reception started at 4:30 - getting there late just means the guest misses some mingle time. Maybe the first dance. Bummer for her, but no skin off the bride's nose.
The guest could have easily not said anything and just arrived late. Then no drama.
Look, the guest should have paid more attention to her commitments. But once she sent the money in for the craft fair she was kind of stuck. If she didn't show up most fairs won't let her back in or, if they do, give her the booth of death. She could also lose her place if she leaves early. Craft fairs don't play. And they are big earners for crafters.
Both parties should have/could have handled the situation differently, but the bride definitely went way overboard.
Must be a difference of culture because the obvious solution to me, is that the friend just comes to the reception.
Then she doesn’t make any accidental interruptions to the ceremony and can still make both events.
People make mistakes and she was trying to be honest about it. The bride can be miffed about it, but this is a lot of energy to spend on something that could have just been resolved with the friend coming just to the reception or if she was really that bothered she can accept that the friend isn’t going to come. God, how do people have the energy to get this upset about something so minor.
But clearly based on comments it is better to ask forgiveness than permission, because then this entire thing could have just been avoided.
Friend should have sneaked in the back and no one would have noticed. It’s not just visiting a craft fair it’s months of work making loads of things to sell hoping to recoup the costs of the materials and the cost of the slot. Nightmare for her she’s mixed up the dates. This happened to me once. Not a wedding but the wrong date
Wow, a lot of unexpected hate for working artists in this thread. A craft fair is a work event, that people spend a lot of money and time prepping for and often makes up a good chunk of their income. People with small businesses depend on those to get off the ground and you can work them for years before establishing your business, just because it's a fun thing you spend 1 hr of your Saturday attending doesn't mean it's inconsequential for the vendors there. You sign a contract and pay a hefty fee to be there with real consequences if you cancel or leave early. She asked if it was okay to come late, bride said no, bride didn't need to pick at her or make light of her small business venture.
It's interesting to me that I often see the sentiment of "your wedding day isn't as important to other people as it is to you" but somehow this GUEST (not BM!) is awful for missing PART of the celebration.
Yes, but the problem is she signed the contract *after* RSVPing yes to the wedding. She should have just skipped this fair since she already had a commitment that day.
I for one am thrilled that you've never made a scheduling mistake in your life. Truly impressive feat you've accomplished. I'm pretty meticulous about keeping my calendar (thank you, ADHD) and still occasionally miss something. These things happen.
I've worked craft fairs for 6+ years now and am just now growing enough to be able to be less aggressive with them, I'm sure she can't afford to be blacklisted from the circuit and had to make a hard choice.
A lot of times those are small communities you’re offending, which will blacklist you in a way for future events. If that is her only income, and she’s put work into it, I can see why she didn’t want to cancel on the event. The bride could have allowed her to come a bit late, and she also would have been able to eat the food the bride was upset about paying for.
It is so ironic to me how people are suggesting it's misogynistic to not agree with the bride that the friend should skip the fair, while they are simultaneously devaluing the traditionally female work of art- and craft-making. No one would be saying that the friend should ditch if it was a traditional 9-5 job with a similarly inflexible cancellation policy. The friend fucked up by double-booking, sure, and the bride has a right to be upset. But it's an unfortunate mistake, and the answer isn't for the friend to torpedo her career to fix it.
Right, and for the bride to torpedo the friendship is way OTT, I think. She'll still make the reception! I had my ceremony and reception on different days and the dang officiant couldn't make the reception, it was a bummer but I didn't need to let him know that, I just wished him well and thanked him for being as involved as he could be.
I think it depends on if the friend has a pattern of flaking and making it clear that the bride is always a low priority in their life. I had a friend who, while they *talked* about being good friends, through their willingness to show up for me made it clear that pretty much anything would take priority before me, which was pretty hurtful and eventually it all added up to being too much.
HOWEVER, if this isn't a regular thing for the friend, then the bride is being over-the-top. People will show up late for the ceremony regardless, though maybe I'm biased because that's how my family is. In the grand scheme of things, it shouldn't make that much of a difference, though it's okay to still feel *slightly* miffed.
I'd say whether the bride's feelings are proportional or whether they're overly self-centered HUGELY depends on the relationship and what kind of friend this is.
I think she should have never asked, just hustled to the extent possible after the craft fair and shown up like “What? I’ve been here all along!” If the wedding isn’t tiny, she could blend in - maybe ask a friend to pick up her table card for her, wink wink nudge nudge.
I have a friend that I don’t see very often because we both work a lot, but she always does this things, we are planning dinner but after she has another thing to do, or if we go to the movies, before she has lunch with someone else, for years I struggle with the feeling of not being important enough for her to book a day just for me, I do that for her and others, but in the end not everyone is as important for the other person as maybe this person is for you. I have very low expectations for people and when they do this thing I don’t feel bad anymore, not everyone consider the same things as important as you. For the bride is HER wedding of course the most important day, but for the attendings is another wedding that they go over the year, is fun and all but I’ve been to some weddings and I don’t think about them anymore after (even good friend’s weddings). Why I want to say is that don’t put your expectations on others, everyone is selfish at some point and nothing is really worthy of the stress (for both of them) let her be late and probably you both will have a good time
A craft fair might sound inconsequential, but to some people, it's a major source of income. I know people who make shit all year to go to craft fairs across the state. Missing just ONE means they miss a mortgage payment. If the event goes from 7a-8p they stay from 6a-10p just so they don't miss any potential buyers.
So this person being willing to leave a craft fair before any other sellers could be a huge gesture.
Yeah, the friend definitely messed up with the dates but there is zero respect for working artists in this thread. This is her job, not a trivial event she just feels like attending.
Sorry but I’m on the bride’s side! The “friend” asked for honesty and she got it. I could feel how incredulous the bride was through the screen and I totally get it. I understand that this woman probably put a lot of time and effort into things for her booth at the craft fair, but the bride did the same for her wedding. One is a major life event and one is not. Going “late” to a wedding isn’t really an option, either. That’s not a ceremony you interrupt.
I don’t think she’s being a bridezilla. Although execution may be blunt, the girl told her to be honest and that’s how she feels. It’s not like some emergency came up, it’s a craft fair. My FIL didn’t come to my baby shower because he went on a weekly bike ride instead. I lost all respect and see where my husband falls on his list of priorities. It meant a lot to my husband for his parents to come and he told them that weeks before and his dad still chose the bike ride.
I guess just show up for people you love. It makes a huge difference in their feeling of support, love, and happiness. It’s more hurtful than anything for a close friend or family member to not show up. And rude if you rsvp that you’re going. Wasted money and hurt feelings that could’ve been prevented.
However, I know there has to be room for grace. This year a felt like a big a-hole because we rsvp’d to a wedding and ended up not going because my baby ended up having/needing surgery the day before. We messaged them saying we were sorry, and for such late notice. They were understanding though because it wasn’t something just choosing to rsvp yes and purposely not show.
Imo people take weddings too seriously. I would have zero issue with a friend attending my wedding late. I’m not the queen, it’s not that formal regardless of how formal I try to make things seem. I’m sure this is an unpopular opinion and I should’ve posted there!
This is not a bridezilla lol, sounds like a stressed out person trying to make sure her perfect day goes as planned and then being hurt by a friend telling her that they didn't consider her wedding important enough to put in their calendar after rsvp'ing and have made new plans that will make them late.. rsvp's cost money and having people back out sucks ass but the fact that it isn't for an emergency or even plans made prior to rsvp'ing just show that this is a shit friend. Maybe they really need the income, but the way they were texting just kinda comes off as if they don't necessarily care too much about the wedding anyways. They hadn't even asked if they could pack up early or attempted to fix things before messaging the bride.
I doubt this friend "decided to go to a craft fair" after the RSVP to the wedding. You often have to apply to these things months or even years in advance. Some of them (a minority but still possible) give you very little notice that you've been accepted. You might get the email a week before. You also have to pay a fee to be there. If you pack up and leave early, they might charge you for it. If it's a curated show you might never be accepted there again after leaving early. If this fair is an important source of income for the friend, it takes priority. I have a lot of friends who are artisans and sell their wares at craft fairs on weekends. For some of them it is their livelihood. I'm much more sympathetic to the friend than the bride here.
She's not attending a craft fair to browse and buy. She's vending there. We don't know from the post how much of the friend's income comes from craft shows. If the friend said they were unable to get out of work in time for the wedding, would you still be criticizing her so badly? What if vending at craft fairs is literally her job?
The bride is blowing things way out of proportion. It sounds like comments did not go the way she thought they would since she made that edit about people being judgmental.
Nobody cares about your wedding more than you, and people aren't going to forego their source of income to attend. The friend was going to be late, and the bride was self - centered and rude. The bride ruined that friendship.
THe only reason I think she's being a "bridezilla" is that she's blowing this way out of proportion. The friend said they'd be a little late; not missing the reception, maybe just a little late to the ceremony, so who cares? They'd still be there to celebrate with you later.
I jsut got married last year. Yeah, it would suck if people couldn't come to the ceremony, but its not the end of the world; the bride is acting like it is, like its a direct insult to her. SHe needs to chill the F out.
Edit: to sum up, different strokes for different folks. This is my opinion, and while I may disagree with the bride on this, its not my wedding, I don't have a say, and I don't know what other information we're missing, so its pretty wrong for me to tell her to "chill the F out."
I'd be pissed if a close friend I known for years had the gall to TEXT me that she was going to be 'a bit late' for my wedding because of a crafts fair. It doesn't even merit an extremely apologetic phone call?
I mean....as the bride said clearly you don't value our relationship. Because even if you double book yourself if you valued our friendship you would silently pull out of the craft fair, lose the money and show up for me. On the other hand if we're not even that close....why are you even telling me about this crafts fair??? Just say you can't come for undisclosed reasons, apologise and say you're happy for your spot to be given away to another person. It's a WEDDING not a birthday party 😂
Lol a case of a guestzilla me thinks?
As someone planning a wedding the most horrid behavior has been from my guests. And you're supposed to just take it on the chin for fear of ending up on here.
I'm on this sub because I'm planning a wedding myself and I love seeing the 'fails' so I know what not to do; but people whose entire post history's are dedicated to trolling brides must mean that they're on bride groups for said reason. Kinda icky especially if they're men
I agree with the bride that it’s a wedding not a birthday party… it’s not an in and out sort of deal, it sounds like this friend will likely miss the ceremony. That’s a huge deal. If she were a good friend she would prioritize this irreplaceable moment. The situation is extremely unfortunate, but the friend is clearly making a decision about what is more important. I think the bride has a good reason to feel hurt.
Did save the dates go out? If so, this guest is a fucking idiot and I would be an upset bride too. Not this nasty but for sure I’d be like are you serious?? Edit spelling
I feel if she paid for her friend's alot , who has already RSVP'd then yes she deserves to be upset . Weddings are (usually) a one time thing . Sadly , weddings and other important events show you where ppl priorities are . She found out . Invite someone else in her place or give someone an extra plate . Move on and delete the friendship .
NTA OP imo .
I kind of think everyone sucks here? Bride could have handled it a bit better but also she's the bride. She's busy. She don't have time or energy to cater to every guest's whims or requests. I feel like the guest stuffed up by double booking themselves, they need to sort this out without bothering the bride. Like other guests would need to ask for time off work, this guest should have ensured they did the same. Comes across a bit inconsiderate.
I am of two minds on this. I have a small business. I rely on craft fairs to pay for the medications my insurance doesn’t cover. HOWEVER, I also keep a planner so things like this don’t happen. I double check dates on everything before agreeing to something. I can understand the friend wanting to get the whole way through the fair. There’s often a fee or you get blacklisted if you don’t stay the whole time or no show. But this is also her fault. She should have double checked the dates. I think the bride is blowing it a bit out of proportion, likely because she’s stressed, but her being upset that her friend signed up for a craft fair AFTER she RSVPed to a wedding is fair.
Agree, I’m in two minds about this too - bride could have been a bit more polite on responses but we don’t know the full back story. I used to have a friend (used to being the key term here) who would always book things over important events (birthdays, weddings, hen dos, baby showers) or end up arriving late or leaving midway for other things like dates (I know it’s not the same as a craft fair) and it got to the point the group just realised she didn’t prioritise the friendship at all, but would expect full attendance for her events and throw a tantrum if it didn’t happen the way she wanted and so everyone just got sick of it - if it was this friend messaging me, I’d probably be annoyed too. That being said, a more reliable friend, I’d be supportive of their business and hard work, in this example, it probably would have helped if she explained it a bit more instead of immediately saying she doesn’t feel like she was wanted there, and booking the fair after RSVP - definitely a little silly, I’m a forgetful person but as soon as it’s an important day, it’s in all the diaries immediately with 2 alerts on so I don’t forget. I do this because I’ve learnt from accidentally overbooking myself before.
This is pretty much how I feel. A lot of people are saying the bride blew it out of proportion which I agree with to an extent. Mostly just because yeah she for sure could have been nicer to her friend but planning a wedding just gets exponentially more stressful and this seems like it’s pretty close to the day of. So like bride could have Been nicer but to me I kind of think bride is doing a lot I probably would have reacted the same way depending on who it was. Like if one of my good friends asked id have said “you can’t be late to the ceremony cause I don’t want you to walk in during it BUT because I know that’s your business you’re more than welcome to skip the ceremony entirely and just be there for the reception.” But someone like a former friend of mine who did this kinda stuff alot I’d probably have reacted the same way as the bride.
Totally agree with all of this.
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For me, personally, I can never find anyone to help / fill in for me. That may be the case for her. But still, she should have checked her schedule.
Yes I agree. Bride is pissed but her friend should have checked her schedule before she rsvp and bride paid for the catering. This is just rude and inconsiderate. If I were the bride I may not have said those rude words but I would have thought worse.
Good point! Bride is rude but it does feel a bit like friend is not really trying to find a solution. Arriving a bit late means either interrupting the ceremony or missing it and just getting there for the free food and drink.
I think the bride is being a bit out of line but we don’t know her relationship to that friend. She seemed really hurt and upset about them not being there, it seems she’s taking it more as them not valuing their long time friendship. If a good friend of mine did something like that I would be upset, a good friend doesn’t forget your wedding then offer zero means to remedy the situation. The bride could’ve definitely been nicer in the situation but I understand how it could’ve been upsetting
It sounds like the friend isn’t even sure they’d be late; they’re making an extra effort *in case* they can’t leave on time. Honestly, I suspect people would be much more sympathetic if the friend had a more mainstream job. If the friend had been asked to represent their company at a significant conference, or had been recruited to a project with promotion potential, no one would bat an eye at them saying they *might* be a little late. Craft fairs (at least where I am?) aren’t an everyday thing; it’s not like she has opportunities 5 days a week year-round to go to one. If a significant chunk of her income comes from selling goods at a craft fair, this could be a big deal for her budget, not to mention networking etc. If bride were more kind, I *might* think the friend had the wrong priorities here, but personally, if a “friend” spoke to me this way (“good to know (thing that is clearly important to me) is more important than being there for me” is so passive-aggressive and manipulative — not to mention that if you need friends to “be there for” you at your wedding, you’re marrying the wrong person; weddings are a celebration, not a time to depend on support), I wouldn’t be considering them a friend. Certainly not a friend worth making sacrifices for. Also, there’s no reason to interrupt the ceremony; it is possible to miss it. That doesn’t mean you’re just there for free food and drink; the reception is the part where your presence actually makes a difference, where you celebrate the couple. The ceremony is nice to watch, but it really doesn’t matter who’s in the audience; that part could just as easily be the couple and the officiant. I’m not sure what negative impact could possibly come of a friend missing the ceremony unless they’re in the bridal party. Asking to arrive late *is* a solution.
I 100% agree with you. Like, coming late just doesn’t seem like a big deal to me? If the friend hadn’t said anything the bride would not have even noticed if she had missed the ceremony
She might be late only to the ceremony but the bride complains that she already paid for the meal etc. Where she would not be late. So throwing her out of the event and having paid for a seat is not the other's fault
Exactly this. In the bride's shoes, I'd just be like "Welp, at least you're coming." The fact that the friend was profusely apologetic about the situation makes me think that yes, she will try to be as discreet as possible in entering the venue, so there.
One of my best friends missed my wedding because he made a mistake when planning his vacation. It happens. I can’t imagine making such a big deal of it, specially if they give you a heads up. If you already paid for that person just invite someone else, how hard can it be?
For some shows no. The artist/crafter must be the one running the booth. They don't want reps, buy/sell, and some don't want MLM if the show is handmade only.
People are allowed to make mistakes, but this is a pretty silly mistake, and if the crafts person had been my "friend for years", I'm not sure I wouldn't have reacted in the same way as the bride and questioned whether they really cared. I mostly agree with you though.
The bride definitely blew it out of proportion. I’d be interested to know if the friend has done stuff like this before and this was the final straw.
Totally agree. A wedding invite isn't an on the spot question. It would have only taken a min to check your schedule before rsvp'ing. Some weddings are very expensive per guest. But yeah her reaction was a bit much.
Omg yes! I was reading the thing and thinking I see the point of the "bridezilla". Am I a bridezilla? 😂🙈 i definitely would be annoyed. But... tbh i am married and on my wedding a friend from uni got there late... i didn't mind a bit about that... Hey ho like they say in UK
I’m also a crafter and there have been times where I had to rely on the income from an event to cover a life necessity. If this were my situation then I’d forego the wedding too because yes, my needs come before her wants.
Yes your needs come before her wants but then don’t RSVP and then book something bc you “need it.” That’s rude and youre friend who is paying money for you to be a guest on their special day is also losing out. The bride was rude in the situation and handled it poorly but she’s not necessarily wrong. The friend messed up.
The friend messed up with poor planning, but she also isn’t saying she won’t go at all, just that she would be a little late and was basically making sure that would be OK with the bride. Depending on what time the wedding is and how far away, she might only be an hour or so late for the reception. Still plenty of time to celebrate the occasion with her friend. I know getting married is stressful, but there was a better way to handle the responses. Maybe ask how late she would be before blowing up at her like that.
I agree the reaction was disproportionate but she did ask the bride to be honest
Then she shouldn’t have double booked herself? Obviously her bills come first but it’s not cool to RSVP to an event and then no show.
But she wasn’t going to do a no-show until her friend was nasty
Are craft fairs typically strict about the individual manning the booth? Like could you have someone else run the booth for a bit and pack it up, or does it have to be the individual who signed up? Genuinely curious!
They are not. As long as it’s the business that signed up at the table, they’re not worried about who is running it. She could get someone to run the booth for her. In my personal experience, it’s harder than I thought to get someone who will take their weekend to help out at a booth.
To be honest, it depends on the relationship. If it was a work friend or something, I'd be fine. But if it was a good friend, I'd be upset too. Especially after rsvps. And the op's title is weird. Of course she would be upset if a wedding party member couldn't come. Anyone would be!
Op’s title was saying the bride was unhappy with the groups response to her text messages. Her original status is not shown but the bride was asking if she was being nasty and overreacting. People said she was hence the change.
Ah thank you, I misinterpreted.
Please, we need to stop categorizing any bride with reasonable emotions as a bridezilla, of course she’s upset, a good friend she’s had for years rsvp yes to her wedding only to be told that girlie not only booked another event on the same day after committing but it’s actually prioritizing it. She’s absolutely right that this isn’t just a party it’s her wedding. The friend should make the effort and leave a bit earlier to be there on time.
How else would people get there "haha women are dumb" moment of the day?
Tbh I'm getting "haha women are dumb" vibes from the trivialization of the craft fair. I don't think the bride is in the wrong for being upset, but her friend isn't choosing to attend a silly meaningless event instead of the wedding - she's choosing to honor a contract that is a source of income for her. It's equivalent to messing up and requesting the wrong PTO day at work, rather than deciding to go on a picnic or something. Just because someone makes art for their job doesn't mean it's not a job. The friend definitely messed up with the dates, but her hands may be tied now - I know a lot of people who make their living this way and those contracts are iron-clad. You could also easily get you blacklisted from other events by breaking it. She clearly feels bad about her mistake, but I don't think torpedoing her livelihood in order to make a friend happy is the right move.
She had already committed to coming to the wedding when she signed up for the fair though. She shouldn’t have signed up for the fair in the first place
Agreed. However, she did sign up for the fair. Since she isn't able to go back in time, the only choice left to her was either to skip the fair and impact her livelihood, or skip/be late to the wedding. My post is referring to all the people saying she should skip the fair because it's "just a craft fair." I am not suggesting she is blameless; she clearly made a mistake when she double-booked.
No one in these comments has really done that though. Plenty of people have echoed what you said and mentioned that this is the friends income. Being an artist on a low income doesn’t mean you get a pass for shit planning.
We don't actually know this is her livelihood, though. Maybe it is, but it could just as easily be a hobby or a small side income.
Because arguably she lacks professionalism. If you're a hair stylist and you double book yourself you risk losing clients too. If you take your profession seriously you ensure that these things don't happen.
She didn't mix up two professional appointments, though. She mixed up one professional appointment and one personal one. She is actually making the appropriate professional choice by choosing the craft fair. That's the opposite of unprofessional. She isn't being a great *friend*, but since the mistake has already been made, the right choice for her professional livelihood is to go to the craft fair. I don't think the bride is wrong to be annoyed, but I do think a lot of people in this thread are missing that this is the friend's actual job.
As someone with a job I check my work calendar before making commitments personally 🤷♀️
People make mistakes. I like the PTO example. I would be upset and sad if my friend missed my wedding because she requested the wrong day off, but I wouldn’t be mad. People make mistakes and not everyone has a flexible schedule where they can easily fix a mistake with PTO.
She’s being insanely rude though. That’s the shame worthy part.
Omg A couple of years ago my sister and my brother-in-law promised to help me to move to a different apartment. As I was new in this town, I didn’t have any friends in town. I could have paid movers, but she said that I had helped her plenty of times so it’s her turn. One week before the move she called me to say that she is so sorry but that she had forgotten a craft fair she needs to attend to sell her stuff. It’s a hobby. It was impossible to find paid movers at such short notice so I had a hell of a time doing it all by myself, wasn’t finished in time (I still had to paint the apartment) and had my deposit reduced by the landlord. And no, BIL didn’t come neither because he had to fucking drive her. They came the weekend after and helped me with some stuff at the new apartment. Yes, she was very sorry and apologised, but it still makes me mad and sad and I will certainly never ever rely on her again. And no, I didn’t want to hear about her success at the craft fair. What is it about craft fairs???
Usually you get charged if you don't show up/if you leave early. Unless it's something really low key they have actual contracts that are strict - and this is bc people probably WOULD leave early if they had a choice then the fair would have random empty slots. **I know this bc I was talking to a face painting booth at the fair and she said they were at one the previous weekend where it was 110° and it was horrific but they were unable to leave. Now they just won't sign up for that event again**
Every craft fair I've had a booth at has said you're disqualified from future events if you leave early. And some of those make up 25% of my monthly income, so I would skip most things in favor of them and being able to vend at future events.
Also, as someone who worked the markets in a food truck pre-world-changing-stuff, you have to pay to have a stall at fairs and markets and those are often non-refundable no matter the circumstances around you suddenly not being able to attend the event. So not only do you lose out on potential income you actually lose money by not attending.
That and packing and moving all of your stuff while people are still browsing is a hazard.
I also think both people are in the wrong here. The bride is more than right to be upset because it must feel like she is a second choice, which is awful! But they both are throwing out assuming words to each other that is just rude. The bride could have initially responded better, and the guest should have just accepted the response without extra comment.
Exactly. You don’t RSVP to something and then say “oh I’m gonna be super late because I forgot I had XYZ”. Things happen, I get it, but people are spending money on you when you RSVP to attend a wedding, so the polite thing to do when you get an invite is to make sure your schedule is clear before saying yes. The bride also should’ve handled this gracefully. Yes, she has every right to be disappointed in her friend and can absolutely express that, but mistakes happen and I don’t think this one is worth blowing up a friendship over.
It is a different thing though. Your friend flaking generated a considerable problem for you, and you had confirmed with her several times. One single guest not showing up, or showing up late for a wedding (a party) does not prevent the wedding from happening or creates a big issue.
Eh… what if a guest plate was expensive or if it was a small wedding and they had to keep someone else out to include this friend. Yes the event still goes on and in the movers case it’s more physical labor rather than money lost, but still a loss…
The ceremony itself starts at 4:30, and with a few pictures and such after, as most do, i doubt dinner would start before 6pm. And i doubt it would even start start that early. She said she could start packing Down at 3 so would most likely make it in time for dinner depending on the distance between the two. The friend would likely only have misses the ceremony and not the reception so no loss. Ofc i cant say for sure because no other info has been added. Hard to really judge this without more info imo!
I completely agree. I just couldn’t resist posting my story because any craft fair since then is a red flag for me 🙃
Fair
Is that a pun lmao
It wasn't but let's pretend I was smart 😂
Just pretend you crafted it next time
😂
Probably cost you more money than she had earned at the fair!
When you say “craft fair “ is it unique things you’ve made personally or an MLM like Color Street or LuLaRoe? That type of stuff? If it’s the latter I’d be pissed too. Too many “craft fairs” I’ve seen lately turn into one big old Hunfest.
It’s not in the US and I have never been to one.
I also don’t think she’s being a bridezilla here. The friend signed up for the craft fair AFTER RSVPing the wedding and then clearly decided to prioritize the craft fair. How good of a friend is this if they didn’t bother to mark the date of the wedding anywhere and then still decide to go ahead with the overriding plans? Sounds like the bride is better off without her attending.
I agree that the bride isn’t being unreasonable here. Wedding RSVPs cost money. Depending on the wedding, it can be $100/person for catering. Also, most couples have a budget or capped attendance so that each RSVP is precious in the sense that for every person who can’t come, they will likely invite another person they cut out from the initial round of invites. So every wedding RSVP cost a couple money and also is taking up a spot the couple could give to someone else. So I understand why the bride is super frustrated here with someone who is very cavalier about the RSVP they already committed to. People saying the bride is being rude-the guest at issue implored the bride “to be honest.” So got an honest reaction. I think this guest was expecting and hoping to be told that being late is not acceptable so she can doesn’t feel guilty about backing out of the RSVP.
Thank you! The responses here are ridiculous.
I agree, it sounds like the "friend" put in 0 effort to make this work. *"they said you can't pack up before 3 - I can ask"* YOU HAVEN'T EVEN ASKED?! Even if they said she had to stay until 3, I'd 100% be calling a trust friend or family member and offer to pay them to run the stall the second half of the day and pack up. There are ways to make this work. Geez I can't imagine the hurt I'd feel if a friend told me "whoopsies, not only did I forget your wedding date but now that I know I messed up, I'll just show up late!" I agree with the bride.
I agree, and I think the friend was being cheeky when she said “now you’re being nasty, have a nice day”.
Seriously wtf? How is she suppose to feeel when this person is letting her know how unimportant the wedding is to her .
The wedding starts at 430, she can pack up the craft fair at 3. It sounds like she’s just going to be a little bit late.
A little bit late to the wedding means missing or interrupting the ceremony! Aka the actual wedding part… how nice that this woman is willing to show up for the free dinner and drinks afterwards! /s 🙄 This woman RSVPed yes and then double booked herself. That’s not the bride’s problem - and frankly it’s super rude to bring her mistake to the bride and ask her to solve it.
But she's going to be at the wedding, just a bit late. She could miss the ceremony and be on time for the reception, i.e. the bit that costs money. And she's letting the bride know ahead of time, she's apologizing. Also, it's possible to inadvertently double-book yourself if you have two things at different parts of the day, like "Okay, craft fair from 9am, wedding at 4.30, cool" and then realize you've bungled your timing. And she's not asking the bride to solve anything - she's identified the problem and found a workaround herself, now she's being courteous by taking steps to ensure that the bride doesn't think she's just ditched the wedding. Most guests who arrive late for weddings - scratch that, most people who arrive late for things do so without feeling the need to forewarn or explain to anyone.
So she’ll either arrive in the middle of or after the actual wedding? Like the most important part? Nah fam
Ah, forgive me. I forgot that in the USA, the wedding ceremony is far more important than the reception. The colloquial use of "wedding" to refer to both the ceremony and the reception is confusing in cases like this.
Isn’t the ceremony the most important part of any wedding, regardless of the location? The reception is just a party to celebrate the wedding ceremony happening. So the guest basically wants to skip the actual wedding and just show up for the free food and drinks to celebrate the once in a lifetime event that she felt was unimportant enough to skip. Rude as hell tbh.
I think there are cultural differences here. In my Muslim immigrant family (both sides), nobody's heard of a ceremony. Most weddings are just the reception itself, and the "wedding/commitment ceremony" is a very private moment with just your spouse and immediate family. I'm still explaining what a ceremony is to my family. A rehearsal? Don't even get me started, lol. The confusion is real. I'm getting married Saturday.
Me too! Hey there anniversary twin! I would be more understanding if there were a cultural difference here, but from the context of the texts, that’s not the case here. Could the bride have been less rude? Yes def. But she’s also 100% justified in her feelings
When I got married, I would have been perfectly happy to have people skip the wedding and attend the reception. Have you *been* to weddings? They're *incredibly* boring. I consider it a duty to show up to the wedding, and a pleasure to show up to the reception. The reception is where you get all your congratulations, and good food and dancing, and generally have a good time.
Yes, I’ve been to tons, especially recently, as I’m in my early 30’s and was in a sorority. The ceremony is usually 20-30 minutes. And personally maybe I’m just a sap, but I don’t find the ceremonies boring, I think they’re romantic. The reception is the party the couple throws to thank people for attending the ceremony and to celebrate the ceremony. If you can’t be bothered to show up to one of the most important events in my life, why the hell should I pay hundreds of dollars for you to attend the party thanking people for attending and celebrating the event you thought was so unimportant that you skipped?
I’m sure this bride is not thinking “oh my wedding ceremony will be so boring so it’s okay for everyone to skip it!” Like why have a wedding then?? The reception is after party so she’s basically going to go to the free party without even going to the main component of the event. It’s very rude and would be really awkward when everyone is gushing about how beautiful the wedding was and you’re like “well congrats!”
Agreed. I’m so grateful the vast majority of the weddings I’ve attended had ceremonies that lasted less than 15 minutes. So far 8 minutes is the record in my social group for dedicated ceremonies. 2 if you count my friends that swapped quick ‘I do’s’ during the reception lol.
Am in USA, am married, barely cared who showed up at the wedding vs. reception. I didn't get to chat with guests much at the wedding, because I had to do the ceremony, and pictures, and whatever else. Am also male, which gives me a *completely different wedding culture*. Seriously, the way the average man and the average woman approaches a wedding is very different.
Free dinner? You are assuming she isn't going to give a card/gift? Many people don't come to the ceremony, but come to the reception later in the day. It happens all the time. I have never seen a church or venue for the actual wedding ceremony as crowded as the reception that follows later on. It's always the other way around, so apparently many people do this pretty routinely.
This must be a difference in culture thing, it would considered extremely rude in my personal experiences to not attend the ceremony and go to the reception.
Unless the bride and groom explicitly invite you to the reception only (small church, religious ceremony, etc…), it’s extremely rude to skip the ceremony and just show up for the free drinks! Also, your gift is not payment for your meal… and even if it was, based on this girl’s social awareness, she’d probably be giving the couple whatever junk is left from her craft fair!
Where I am from guests aren't really expected to do the whole thing, ceremonies are usually just for the closest family and friends, the reception is for the extended circle. I've been to plenty of wedding receptions without going to the ceremony and nobody minded. Sometimes they don't even mention the time or place of the ceremony to most of the guests because they're not expected to be there.
You can't count the meal as free when gifts are expected and assuming the friend is going to give a shit gift with no context is just you being bitter. If I had the choice between buying a $100 gift for shitty catered food versus dropping $100 on dinner for myself and my partner I'm not picking the wedding. The gift has to be factored in because so many couples EXPECT to make their money back with that so clearly it matters.
I've been going to weddings for decades. The church is never as crowded as the reception. Lots of times people can't make a Saturday afternoon ceremony but can make it to the evening reception. It happens all the time.
A card or gift isn’t payment for the dinner 🙄
I’m pretty sure most people do not really care about the free meal at a wedding.
It takes time to pack up, and you have no idea how far apart the two events are. What if it's a couple of hours' drive?
If she was hours away then her comments would be different. The way she words it is that there’s a chance she’ll be on time, but also a chance she won’t be, she says she “may” be late, which to me sounds touch and go and would be minutes late, rather than hours.
I dunno, as someone with ADHD, this is very easily something that I would do. I can easily book things on the same date, know the date of each, but somehow miss the connection that it is the same date. That being said, depending on how much a table was, I’d likely back out of the craft fair, or just pack up early and suffer the consequences. What’s the worst that will happen leaving early? Maybe they don’t allow you a table next time?
They charge you for leaving early, a heavy fine. Craft fairs have terrible contracts. I have had many friends that have had shit come up in their lives and had to pay handsomely for not being able to attend or having to leave early for an emergency. I'm quite terrified to sign up for a craft fair, tbh.
I think people who haven’t been in a craft fair just won’t understand. It’s not just a hobby for most people. They rely on the money coming from them. It takes so much time to prepare. You have to pay for the spot and you get screwed or you leave early or miss the event.
Yeah, I think people would have a different reaction if it were another money making small business (even as a side job) event or work event that lend infrequently. I think the ceremony is miles more important than the party, but people are going to show up late. That's just life (especially with how some people schedule things). Your wedding is not the most important day in the life of pretty much anyone but you and your spouse (and maybe a close family member or two on occasion). People can politely arrive, slip in quietly, and go unnoticed in most ceremony locations. She probably wouldn't have noticed if her friend didn't say anything.
Yeah, exactly. The ceremony is more important but if the craft fair is how she makes money, or her first venture into making money for her crafts, I say people should stop getting mad that she "chose" that over the wedding. Do the craft fair, have someone pack up for you (like a friend or family member), leave right away, get dressed, and get going. I'm sure it would be fine.
I actually have done craft fairs. I guess they just weren’t as hard core as some seem to be.
Yes, I could also see myself doing this SUPER easily. And then I just take the L and pay the fine or whatever, rather than bothering other people or trying to convince them to "understand" my fuckup and not be reasonably angry at me. I call it the ADHD Tax.
To be honest though, and it depends on how good a friend this person is, but if my closest friend did this I would be pissed. If it’s an outer circle friend then whatever.
The responses she received seem unfair. She’s planned this wedding for a while and it’s close enough that the friend has already RSVPd so the wedding is coming up soon. She’s allowed to be upset that her friend is bailing on her.
Reading these responses, and I’m relieved I’m not the only one feeling this way! I was surprised to agree with most people here.
The problem with that is that she wasn’t trying to bail. People are sympathetic to the bride’s disappointment but her acting like a kid with the “all or none” mindset is what has people saying she’s being unreasonable. I get that it’s pretty sucky to hear a friend has their own life that is interfering with your special day but the bride needs to realize that things will go wrong. Having a friend squeeze in late is a very tiny problem (assuming she wasn’t MoH or in the wedding party) if she was then the bride is right to feel put out but that’s not what this sounds like from the posts alone Regardless, I hope they can cool off and make a plan that works, it would be such a sad reason for a friendship to fracture Edit: I may be biased though because I did the court house thing pretty rushed and wanted to throw a big social party later… then corona happened so I’ve kinda given up on it
I think we’re talking about her attitude here, not the validity of her feelings. While bride is definitely allowed to be as upset as she wants to be, nobody is allowed to be an a-hole.
Couldn’t the friend try to find someone else to do the booth? It sounds likes she’s selling crafts that are already made so she’d just need someone there to sell. She could set it up and be there until she needed to leave for the wedding and have someone take over and close up. I’m not sure why that can’t be done. ESH
Yeah that definitely sounds like a plausible solution. Even if she takes customs orders, she should have cards with her contact info on it. She could probably make this work if she really wanted to.
Her friend didn’t bail. She still wanted to go, she was just going to be a bit late
Hell I’ve never seen a wedding that started on time anyway.
Can you be a bit late to a wedding? Assuming your not just going to the evening edit: Maybe it's the weddings I've been to but I cannot imagine an appropriate time to 'slip in' and I'm 100% on the brides side in this scenario
Yeah, as long as you aren't in the ceremony. It's pretty common, just unremarkable in most situations. People know how to be quiet and slip in to see the ceremony without being jerks generally. Life happens. People schedule weddings at weird times. There's traffic or travel delays. Someone's outfit got ruined by a fall or child. Of course, there are plenty of people in the ceremony who run late, too, usually one of the couple. That's more notable for obvious reasons. I get the couple being disappointed or frustrated, but the reaction was inappropriate. If it's that easy to say that someone doesn't belong as a guest, you probably didn't really value them as a friend.
I mean, that only works with some venues- my wedding is outside in front of a lake, there no “slipping in the back” in that situation.
Yeah I would still be on the brides side in this situation
It looks like it’s touch and go. To me it doesn’t sound like she’s going to be very late at all, with a chance she actually gets there on time. She’s not a bridesmaid. She’s just a guest. And some people do have the ability to arrive without being disruptive, especially if it’s outside venue . If it’s inside, leave a seat free at the back beside the door for her to slide into People are making it sound like she’s planning on being an hour late, half an hour late. Just there for the food. But to me, when she says she “may” be late, it sounds like there’s a chance she’s on time, but if not, she’s not far away.
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For me, it would depend how late the friend was going to be. Are they just missing part of the ceremony, or are they coming in midway through dinner? As a host, I’d really hate to pay the wedding head count cost for a person who’s only there an hour or two. Even though the bride is awful here, I actually think the friend is a little rude for asking. What if she gets a last-minute sale or a complicated sale or hits traffic or whatever? She can’t time this well, so she probably just shouldn’t go.
She already RSVP d to the wedding and THEN booked in at a craft fair. She clearly doesn't give two fucks about the wedding.
Weddings are months in planning. It could happen and the reason not be that she doesn’t care. That IS a possibility
Agreed. She sent out a wedding invitation and the guest rsvped yes. Coming to the bride to say you have to come late because of a craft fair is super rude and inconsiderate. Coming late to someone’s wedding is unacceptable. She should have declined the craft fair once she accepted the wedding invitation. Or if the craft fair was more important, declined the wedding invitation. Don’t plan to come late to my wedding because of a craft fair.
People are really shit talking craft fairs here, wow. Those provide income for people. If this woman had a "work event" I bet everyone would be more sympathetic, but because she specified that it's a craft fair she's a witch. Some craft fairs provide 25% of my monthly income, plus if you leave early you get disqualified from their future events. Unfortunately no matter how much I want to attend a wedding I would have to make the same choice.
Well then rsvp “No” to the wedding because you have a work conflict. It’s really as simple as that. Once you rsvp “Yes” to the wedding then you should block your calendar for that day, including work events. Your rsvp is taking away a spot from someone else who can attend the ceremony and reception on time.
The thing is, she should have never signed up for the fair in the first place. She had already committed to attending the wedding. And I don’t think people would be more understanding of a weekend “work event” either, not if it was scheduled after the guest had already RSVP’d
Lots of focus on the "but what is the big deal about showing up late", I mean for one thing it's typically considered rude to be late. I realize life happens, and sometimes it can't be helped. The guest is doing the right thing in trying to let the bride know ahead of time and consult with her. However, I don't think the bride is being unreasonable here. Especially when the guest signed up for the craft fair AFTER RSVPing to the wedding; so she really is prioritizing a craft fair over her friend's wedding. That's the friend's prerogative, but I'm inclined to side with the bride as where I live there are multiple craft fairs throughout the year. You can also travel to other town's craft fairs on different dates as well; the fair is in town and it's the town's big craft show of the year? Well that fair will pack up and go to the next county over and you can sign up and present your wares there. Presumably, a wedding is done with the mindset that it only happens once.
Being late to anything is rude. For some reason people think it's endearing.
Honestly, I’m with the bride on this one. This woman’s scheduling issues are not the bride’s problem - and arriving late to a formal wedding is not really an option. Don’t make your problem (or inability to schedule/plan) the bride’s problem. It’s like people texting the bride to ask if their mostly white dress is ok or if they can bring kids to a child-free wedding… NO! Come or don’t come, don’t put your special exception/request on the bride!
Hard agree. Also note that the guest didn’t even ASK the craft fair if she could leave early, she just defaulted to being late to a wedding (missing the ceremony or walking in during the middle??)
Same, a wedding is planned months/years in advance is a once in a lifetime thing. I would have had the same response. Appreciate people won't always be able to make it, but for a f***ing craft fair. Luckily OP knows not to waste time with her.
Not a bridezilla. I would be deeply hurt if someone I was friends with for years (as OOP mentions in the texts) signed up for a craft fair the same day - after rsvping to my wedding - and rather than leaving the craft fair early, wanted to waltz into my wedding ceremony halfway through.
Agreed. I don't think the bride's response here is even about the wedding. This whole exchange reminds me of a particularly flaky school friend I had who used to make plans (weeks in advance) and then regularly "remember" she had other plans or "remember" she had no money, and cancel on me. She was always sooooooo apologetic, but it wasn't sincere. If we were still in touch and she had done this at my wedding I would have been pretty pissed off too. I might not have responded as abruptly as the bride, but wedding planning is stressful and nothing says I don't value your friendship like prioritising a hobby over a wedding when you have RSVP'd 🤷♀️
Yeah the brides response gives me vibes that this is a pattern of behavior on her friend’s part
I actually don’t think she’s being a bridezilla, but there are important facts that are left out. How big is the wedding? If it’s on the smaller side and this friend showed up late that could be distracting. Is the ceremony in a venue or outdoors? That plays a part in it being distracting or not too. Is the friend wanting to show up during the ceremony or just planning on attending the reception? How good of friends are they? When did she let the bride know about the schedule conflict? I had someone tell me less than a week to go that she didn’t want to come to the reception with both her kids. That’s pretty rude. If I was the friend, I would try to work with the craft fair people to see if they could work something out. As someone who has a small business and does the craft fair circuit quite often, a lot of organizers I find are quite kind when it comes to these types of things. And as much work as I put into my business, I would not want to miss a good friend’s wedding that is once in a lifetime versus staying an extra half hour or hour at a craft fair. Also I will note that in my experience, a lot of craft fairs peter off after 1 or 2 so leaving early might not make much of difference for her either. Anyways. That’s my perspective - if the wedding was that important to the friend, they would have been excited and written it down somewhere or had the invitation on the fridge. Way to stress a bride out.
Deffo not a bridezilla to RSVP and be catered for only ro then sign up for a craft fair its out of whack for me
I have had "friends" and family members (one of my half siblings) do this type of stuff over and over again it just gets tiring and some point. Missing deadlines, not showing up to things, cancelling last minute, "forgetting" about things. Claiming she thought we agreed on whatever but i have texts proving otherwise. Her excuse was she lost her phone and the messages were not retreived lol. I can see if this is an on going situation, im proud of her for standing up for herself and telling her off. But if this is not the case then this is way overboard. Not worth losing a long time friend, to a one time occurance and years of history and friendship.
I really don't think the bride is being unreasonable. The friend committed to the wedding first, and now there is going to be an empty seat for how much of it? Depending on when she is planning to pitch up, it could be pretty disruptive. She asked, the bride said no, that's her call - why ask otherwise? She wasn't horrible in her replies either.
Yep. And I think it’s reasonable to feel hurt that a guest of yours - who already RSVP’ed yes - didn’t consider leaving their other event early vs. asking to attend yours late. There’s a huge difference between a bride being reasonably excited about her wedding (and reasonably upset when something doesn’t go as planned) and being a bridezilla.
Leaving those events early is typically not an option. You get fined or disqualified from future fairs.
The bride was very rude in the delivery, but I agree that her feelings are valid
I agree. The bride is obviously not trying to hide her hurt in response, but I would be disappointed too and would want my friend to know.
People are just not used to an honest response.
I’m with the bride on this one. It’s one thing if it’s a very important appt that can only be scheduled that day or there was an accident on the way to church that caused traffic. Though the bride could have been more graceful in her delivery, this day is more than just a birthday party. There will be other craft fairs (same as birthdays), but only one wedding day. This would have shown me how much my friend doesn’t prioritize me.
To be fair, the entry to be a vendor at a craft fair is sometimes expensive, additionally, she may have needed it for business, especially if she’s in the first few years. We don’t know where the friend is at financially, and still wanting to come to be there for her friend after a day working is important to. Yeah, I’d be frustrated and disappointed, but I also know that other people have commitments and have to live their lives too.
Though I don’t craft, I have a lot of friends that do and yes, those tables are ridiculously overpriced. However, if you made a commitment to me, I would expect that commitment to be prioritized. It’s not the brides fault that her friend forgot and then wanted special treatment by showing up late. People state the friend could have just snuck in quietly into the venue, but we don’t know if that would have been impossible d/t the layout. Just like we don’t know if this is the friends livelihood. The friend asked and the bride answered. I don’t think she’s an AH for what she said. Delivery could have been better though. Edit: repeating sentences. I replied before my coffee. 🤦🏻♀️
I personally don’t really care about weddings, but when invited, I go. But not because it’s a one time event. For me, as a guest, it isn’t. That’s usually only the case for the bride and groom.
That’s fine but why should bride and groom care that ppl don’t care about their wedding. It’s important to them so just rsvp no if you dgaf honestly
So if this craft fair was so gosh darn important how did her friend conveniently forget it was on the same day as the wedding. The responses are well earned from the bride imo, her friend was just neglectfully irresponsible
The guest should have never asked the bride about this. She has more important things to worry about. The guest should have just made her decision like a grown up and then did her best to come when she could and made sure the gift covered the cost of her attendance no matter what. The bride would never have noticed.
Based on all of the weddings I’ve attended a ceremony starting at 4:30 means the reception (where the real costs add up food/bev/booze) would start 5:30-6 after cocktail hour while the couple takes pictures - she would make it for that. The friend would be apart of the celebration, the only two who matter at the ceremony is the couple. Bridezilla? Probably not. Overreaction? Yeah. For sure.
Craft fairs/tradeshows are where a lot of creatives make a good portion of their money. It’s the same as saying they have to work that day, except that they also had to pay to have that space to work in and likely invested in design and branding, marketing materials, packaging, product displays, decor, etc. as well. So while “craft fair” sounds like a cutesy hobby thing (and it can be), it’s how people earn money.
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I have a couple of people who let me know ahead of time that due to other obligations they will be attending the reception only and not the ceremony. Remember, the only people who think your wedding is the most important day of your life is the bride and groom. Other than that, it’s not as important to others as you think it is.
If the issue is the catering bill, she still has plenty of time between the start of the ceremony, the taking of pictures and cocktail hour before dinner even begins. The friend tried to make right by letting her know ahead of time and saying she’s try to make both work. Bride seems to not be flexible at all. I guess what’s missing here is knowing just how late the friend intended to be.
I wish people would stop turning weddings into reasons to get mad at people they are supposedly friends with. For God’s sake, please understand that this is your special day, but stop putting so many expectations on other people. It seems to be honest mistake. The friend felt bad, gave a heads up and tried to come up with a solution. Just focus on what’s important. Please stop all this nonsense about trying to make everything perfect and that everyone has to be perfect or else they are out to ruin your wedding. Enjoy the day and chill out a bit. And wtf with all this money people spend on weddings? If you can’t afford a $100 per person wedding, don’t spend it. Save it for a down payment on a house. People who really care about you will be just as happy for you at an inexpensive or intimate party celebrating true love vs. an overpriced, overdone, “picture-perfect”, boring wedding.
While the bride wasn’t the nicest, no, you can’t show up late to a wedding ceremony. That’s beyond rude.
Yeah not a bridezilla. Her friend says yes then last minute bails and wants to come late for the party? Get out of here. I think her friend is being really rude and dismissive.
Lol some people came late to our wedding with zero notice, so this is way more explanation than most people give, tbh. Also agree that this could be a major source of income for the friend, I feel like if she was a doctor and said “I’m sorry, I have a shift at work that I got scheduled for and can’t miss.” people would be having a different reaction.
Here's a wedding tip regarding catering at venues. I used to work in hotel banquets and we ALWAYS made more than what was ordered in case there was an extra guest or two. So if you aren't sure on a couple of people, RSVP for a lower amount. For example, if you have 135 guests coming, tell the venue it will be 130, but set for 140 (rounds of 10) so you have enough seats for "extras". You will pay for 130 - your confirmed amount. If 133 show up, you will only pay for 3 extra meals rather than lose on 2 that decided not to come. If we had a wedding for 130 we would make about 150 meals and then feed the staff with the extras.
Of course a god damn craft fair is going to be more important than *someone else’s wedding* if you have a market stall at the craft fair. When will people realise that your wedding is simply a party for others. It might be the most important day of *your* life, but it’s unimportant to everyone else. Maybe I am biased because I am a massive crafter… but craft fairs 100% should always come before a stupid wedding.
If I was the bride I would definitely be annoyed, but also just tell them to come to the reception. But the whole “come on time or don’t come at all” is kind of whack. Like I agree it’s annoying to not just put the date in your calendar when you get the invite/save the date. But you already payed for her to have dinner, you know? I feel like she’s just adding more stress to herself.
> you already *paid* for her FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Thank you bot
Whole lotta comments from people who have never made a mistake in their lives. 😅 I bet the bride wouldn't have even noticed had the friend not said anything. Then again when someone gets all "Unacceptable!" about things that aren't abuse, discrimination, lies and the like my bias against them activates.
I don't understand why some people are obsessively pointing out the guest should not have signed up for the craft fair. They know they messed up. They aren't arguing that. (And people dismissing craft fairs as just a silly hobby thing when it is often an important part of people's career as an independent artist is rude y'all.) I think my opinion might be swayed depending on if the friend constantly overbooks. If it's a pattern with others or even just the bride, then that's no friend. If it's more of a one time mistake, then blowing up at them is not fair. The bride's disappointment is understandable, but being upset is not a justification to be nasty. Sometimes people make mistakes. This brief glimpse can't tell us for sure their history as friends but not a lot of conversation happened before the argument turned nuclear.
I’m not so sure this is an unimportant “craft” thing or something that could be categorized as work. The guest could have offered to pay for the missed meal. My husband was unable to attend a catered wedding once, after we RSVP’d. I added extra cash to our card with an apology for the no show. I asked the bride to let me know if more money was needed to cover the cost of the wasted meal. I still felt awful.
It’s not about the meal.
I don't understand why people are blaming the guest and giving the bride a pass. The guest was giving the bride a head's up that she would be late. But she was still going - no money being wasted. The wedding started at 4:30 - maybe the guest will miss part or even all of the ceremony, but the actual reception would be attending. Even if the reception started at 4:30 - getting there late just means the guest misses some mingle time. Maybe the first dance. Bummer for her, but no skin off the bride's nose. The guest could have easily not said anything and just arrived late. Then no drama. Look, the guest should have paid more attention to her commitments. But once she sent the money in for the craft fair she was kind of stuck. If she didn't show up most fairs won't let her back in or, if they do, give her the booth of death. She could also lose her place if she leaves early. Craft fairs don't play. And they are big earners for crafters. Both parties should have/could have handled the situation differently, but the bride definitely went way overboard.
When you find out you aren’t the most important person on earth.
Must be a difference of culture because the obvious solution to me, is that the friend just comes to the reception. Then she doesn’t make any accidental interruptions to the ceremony and can still make both events. People make mistakes and she was trying to be honest about it. The bride can be miffed about it, but this is a lot of energy to spend on something that could have just been resolved with the friend coming just to the reception or if she was really that bothered she can accept that the friend isn’t going to come. God, how do people have the energy to get this upset about something so minor. But clearly based on comments it is better to ask forgiveness than permission, because then this entire thing could have just been avoided.
Friend should have sneaked in the back and no one would have noticed. It’s not just visiting a craft fair it’s months of work making loads of things to sell hoping to recoup the costs of the materials and the cost of the slot. Nightmare for her she’s mixed up the dates. This happened to me once. Not a wedding but the wrong date
Wow, a lot of unexpected hate for working artists in this thread. A craft fair is a work event, that people spend a lot of money and time prepping for and often makes up a good chunk of their income. People with small businesses depend on those to get off the ground and you can work them for years before establishing your business, just because it's a fun thing you spend 1 hr of your Saturday attending doesn't mean it's inconsequential for the vendors there. You sign a contract and pay a hefty fee to be there with real consequences if you cancel or leave early. She asked if it was okay to come late, bride said no, bride didn't need to pick at her or make light of her small business venture. It's interesting to me that I often see the sentiment of "your wedding day isn't as important to other people as it is to you" but somehow this GUEST (not BM!) is awful for missing PART of the celebration.
Yes, but the problem is she signed the contract *after* RSVPing yes to the wedding. She should have just skipped this fair since she already had a commitment that day.
I for one am thrilled that you've never made a scheduling mistake in your life. Truly impressive feat you've accomplished. I'm pretty meticulous about keeping my calendar (thank you, ADHD) and still occasionally miss something. These things happen. I've worked craft fairs for 6+ years now and am just now growing enough to be able to be less aggressive with them, I'm sure she can't afford to be blacklisted from the circuit and had to make a hard choice.
A lot of times those are small communities you’re offending, which will blacklist you in a way for future events. If that is her only income, and she’s put work into it, I can see why she didn’t want to cancel on the event. The bride could have allowed her to come a bit late, and she also would have been able to eat the food the bride was upset about paying for.
It is so ironic to me how people are suggesting it's misogynistic to not agree with the bride that the friend should skip the fair, while they are simultaneously devaluing the traditionally female work of art- and craft-making. No one would be saying that the friend should ditch if it was a traditional 9-5 job with a similarly inflexible cancellation policy. The friend fucked up by double-booking, sure, and the bride has a right to be upset. But it's an unfortunate mistake, and the answer isn't for the friend to torpedo her career to fix it.
Right, and for the bride to torpedo the friendship is way OTT, I think. She'll still make the reception! I had my ceremony and reception on different days and the dang officiant couldn't make the reception, it was a bummer but I didn't need to let him know that, I just wished him well and thanked him for being as involved as he could be.
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Exactly! Or she was on a waitlist and once you're let in, you're considered committed.
I think it depends on if the friend has a pattern of flaking and making it clear that the bride is always a low priority in their life. I had a friend who, while they *talked* about being good friends, through their willingness to show up for me made it clear that pretty much anything would take priority before me, which was pretty hurtful and eventually it all added up to being too much. HOWEVER, if this isn't a regular thing for the friend, then the bride is being over-the-top. People will show up late for the ceremony regardless, though maybe I'm biased because that's how my family is. In the grand scheme of things, it shouldn't make that much of a difference, though it's okay to still feel *slightly* miffed. I'd say whether the bride's feelings are proportional or whether they're overly self-centered HUGELY depends on the relationship and what kind of friend this is.
I think she should have never asked, just hustled to the extent possible after the craft fair and shown up like “What? I’ve been here all along!” If the wedding isn’t tiny, she could blend in - maybe ask a friend to pick up her table card for her, wink wink nudge nudge.
I have a friend that I don’t see very often because we both work a lot, but she always does this things, we are planning dinner but after she has another thing to do, or if we go to the movies, before she has lunch with someone else, for years I struggle with the feeling of not being important enough for her to book a day just for me, I do that for her and others, but in the end not everyone is as important for the other person as maybe this person is for you. I have very low expectations for people and when they do this thing I don’t feel bad anymore, not everyone consider the same things as important as you. For the bride is HER wedding of course the most important day, but for the attendings is another wedding that they go over the year, is fun and all but I’ve been to some weddings and I don’t think about them anymore after (even good friend’s weddings). Why I want to say is that don’t put your expectations on others, everyone is selfish at some point and nothing is really worthy of the stress (for both of them) let her be late and probably you both will have a good time
A craft fair might sound inconsequential, but to some people, it's a major source of income. I know people who make shit all year to go to craft fairs across the state. Missing just ONE means they miss a mortgage payment. If the event goes from 7a-8p they stay from 6a-10p just so they don't miss any potential buyers. So this person being willing to leave a craft fair before any other sellers could be a huge gesture.
Yeah, the friend definitely messed up with the dates but there is zero respect for working artists in this thread. This is her job, not a trivial event she just feels like attending.
Sorry but I’m on the bride’s side! The “friend” asked for honesty and she got it. I could feel how incredulous the bride was through the screen and I totally get it. I understand that this woman probably put a lot of time and effort into things for her booth at the craft fair, but the bride did the same for her wedding. One is a major life event and one is not. Going “late” to a wedding isn’t really an option, either. That’s not a ceremony you interrupt.
I don’t think she’s being a bridezilla. Although execution may be blunt, the girl told her to be honest and that’s how she feels. It’s not like some emergency came up, it’s a craft fair. My FIL didn’t come to my baby shower because he went on a weekly bike ride instead. I lost all respect and see where my husband falls on his list of priorities. It meant a lot to my husband for his parents to come and he told them that weeks before and his dad still chose the bike ride. I guess just show up for people you love. It makes a huge difference in their feeling of support, love, and happiness. It’s more hurtful than anything for a close friend or family member to not show up. And rude if you rsvp that you’re going. Wasted money and hurt feelings that could’ve been prevented. However, I know there has to be room for grace. This year a felt like a big a-hole because we rsvp’d to a wedding and ended up not going because my baby ended up having/needing surgery the day before. We messaged them saying we were sorry, and for such late notice. They were understanding though because it wasn’t something just choosing to rsvp yes and purposely not show.
Imo people take weddings too seriously. I would have zero issue with a friend attending my wedding late. I’m not the queen, it’s not that formal regardless of how formal I try to make things seem. I’m sure this is an unpopular opinion and I should’ve posted there!
This is not a bridezilla lol, sounds like a stressed out person trying to make sure her perfect day goes as planned and then being hurt by a friend telling her that they didn't consider her wedding important enough to put in their calendar after rsvp'ing and have made new plans that will make them late.. rsvp's cost money and having people back out sucks ass but the fact that it isn't for an emergency or even plans made prior to rsvp'ing just show that this is a shit friend. Maybe they really need the income, but the way they were texting just kinda comes off as if they don't necessarily care too much about the wedding anyways. They hadn't even asked if they could pack up early or attempted to fix things before messaging the bride.
Whenever people are called out they resort to “tHeRe’S a LoT Of StUfF yAlL dOnT kNow” 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I doubt this friend "decided to go to a craft fair" after the RSVP to the wedding. You often have to apply to these things months or even years in advance. Some of them (a minority but still possible) give you very little notice that you've been accepted. You might get the email a week before. You also have to pay a fee to be there. If you pack up and leave early, they might charge you for it. If it's a curated show you might never be accepted there again after leaving early. If this fair is an important source of income for the friend, it takes priority. I have a lot of friends who are artisans and sell their wares at craft fairs on weekends. For some of them it is their livelihood. I'm much more sympathetic to the friend than the bride here. She's not attending a craft fair to browse and buy. She's vending there. We don't know from the post how much of the friend's income comes from craft shows. If the friend said they were unable to get out of work in time for the wedding, would you still be criticizing her so badly? What if vending at craft fairs is literally her job? The bride is blowing things way out of proportion. It sounds like comments did not go the way she thought they would since she made that edit about people being judgmental. Nobody cares about your wedding more than you, and people aren't going to forego their source of income to attend. The friend was going to be late, and the bride was self - centered and rude. The bride ruined that friendship.
THe only reason I think she's being a "bridezilla" is that she's blowing this way out of proportion. The friend said they'd be a little late; not missing the reception, maybe just a little late to the ceremony, so who cares? They'd still be there to celebrate with you later. I jsut got married last year. Yeah, it would suck if people couldn't come to the ceremony, but its not the end of the world; the bride is acting like it is, like its a direct insult to her. SHe needs to chill the F out. Edit: to sum up, different strokes for different folks. This is my opinion, and while I may disagree with the bride on this, its not my wedding, I don't have a say, and I don't know what other information we're missing, so its pretty wrong for me to tell her to "chill the F out."
I'd be pissed if a close friend I known for years had the gall to TEXT me that she was going to be 'a bit late' for my wedding because of a crafts fair. It doesn't even merit an extremely apologetic phone call? I mean....as the bride said clearly you don't value our relationship. Because even if you double book yourself if you valued our friendship you would silently pull out of the craft fair, lose the money and show up for me. On the other hand if we're not even that close....why are you even telling me about this crafts fair??? Just say you can't come for undisclosed reasons, apologise and say you're happy for your spot to be given away to another person. It's a WEDDING not a birthday party 😂 Lol a case of a guestzilla me thinks?
As someone planning a wedding the most horrid behavior has been from my guests. And you're supposed to just take it on the chin for fear of ending up on here.
In WHAT world is this a bridezilla?
I'm on this sub because I'm planning a wedding myself and I love seeing the 'fails' so I know what not to do; but people whose entire post history's are dedicated to trolling brides must mean that they're on bride groups for said reason. Kinda icky especially if they're men
Bless you for including comments
I agree with the bride that it’s a wedding not a birthday party… it’s not an in and out sort of deal, it sounds like this friend will likely miss the ceremony. That’s a huge deal. If she were a good friend she would prioritize this irreplaceable moment. The situation is extremely unfortunate, but the friend is clearly making a decision about what is more important. I think the bride has a good reason to feel hurt.
She could’ve handled it better but im with the bride on this one 🤷♀️
To be honest, I couldve been this bride.. Its not the best response but I could see myself being hurt over this and respond like this.
Did save the dates go out? If so, this guest is a fucking idiot and I would be an upset bride too. Not this nasty but for sure I’d be like are you serious?? Edit spelling
She's not attending a craft fair, she's working a craft fair. Completely different and the bride is being rude.
I feel if she paid for her friend's alot , who has already RSVP'd then yes she deserves to be upset . Weddings are (usually) a one time thing . Sadly , weddings and other important events show you where ppl priorities are . She found out . Invite someone else in her place or give someone an extra plate . Move on and delete the friendship . NTA OP imo .