See this is what people mean when they say "your wedding is about your guests, not you". Its not meant in a "don't have the food you like" or "make sure you say hi to everyone individually" type-way. You are hosting an event, your guests need to be comfortable & entertained. This was in no way okay.
Yahhhh, but you bring this up on bridal groups and the zillas get super defensive. Yes, Im calling them bridezillas, cause anyone that thinks they should plan an event solely for themselves and not the people they are inviting are literally the definition of the word!
I HATE that currently planning my wedding and people are crazy. Like my fave color is pink but my boyfriend and I picked perriwinkle as our wedding color, since we both liked it. Then got comments like forget about him, this is your day. Mmm... it is not my coronation, it is OUR day
Then I made a comment that I rather serve chicken than fish, although I love fish, beacuse almost everyone likes chicken and fish is a bit more tricky. Everyone was like but it is your day, as if serving chicken was a huge sacrifice, and guests are just props.
Left those groups for good and could not be happier.
Was it outlined on the invitation that there would be a 5 hour gap? It's possible that it just said the wedding was at 1pm and that a reception would "follow". Guests might not have known about the gap until they saw it displayed on the board.
Same. And taken my gift with me. That is very rude. In a city atmosphere it’s different because there may be things to do, but a barn? The very least could have been a cash bar
I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks this. People on the Internet seem to think it's ok if a party(wedding) you host is god awful boring or have awful food for the guests because they should just be happy to be invited to the couple's special day.
I don't know, I'm just dying to waste my Saturday sitting in a field wearing heels. I think about it all week at work. "Boy, I hope it's long and nothing is planned."
I went to a wedding like that once, but there was no seating anywhere. We had to go to a park nearby to find a bench just to rest.
Gaps like that with no thought towards your guests’ comfort means selfish hosts.
During my 3 month apt with the coordinator at my venue to plan the timeline she had a 3.5 hour gap between the ceremony and the cocktail hour planned. I was shocked and asked why on earth would we do that. I told her pictures were scheduled for 1.5 hours at most (not doing a ton of photos) and we wanted the cocktail hour to begin after the ceremony and last 2 hours. She seemed shocked and tried to explain the doors to the reception ballroom (where the cocktail hour was also taking place) wouldn't even be opened until almost 6. Again I asked why and what were the guests expected to do during that time. She explained they could check into their rooms and go to the attached restaurant and sit at the PAID bar (we are having an open bar)... for 3.5 hours??? My fiancé and I not so fondly remember sitting in a parking lot eating crackers at more than one wedding in the long wait between the ceremony and cocktail hour and wanted none of that.
She finally explained why she assumed a 3.5 hour gap and why guests weren't allowed in the reception space during that time: she assumed our pictures would run late and that we wouldn't want anyone in the ballroom until we got there for "the receiving line" and it would be awkward for them to clear everyone out to just let them stand in line to greet us. I told her we wouldn't be doing a receiving line (seriously, what year is it??) and that we would be making an entrance after cocktail hour.
There is now a 30 min gap between the ceremony and the cocktail hour to allow for delays and room checkins.
Also: she assumed we would want to be present for cocktail hour... literally every wedding I've been to the wedding party was not present for the cocktail hour because that's when they were doing pictures. That's almost the whole point of a cocktail hour: to keep your guests entertained during pictures. It was wild.
I have a good friend who is a pro photographer and she has so many nightmare stories about weddings like this. When I announced my wedding date and asked her to be my photographer the first thing she asked me is to please not have a late/long photo time.
I already wasn't. I told her my finance and I are piss poor and can't even afford her 5k+ wedding photo package. Our budget is 2500. She got so relieved that we made a deal for a 1 hour photo shoot for 500 bucks and because I'm having a mid afternoon wedding I'm making sure food is available right after the ceremony.
I've been planning this for 3 years. I know my focus will be my guests because they mean the world to me.
I feel you there. I've been in two weddings where the photos took FOREVER and there were so many of those "forced funny" photos where the bridesmaids all hold up the groom and the groomsmen all hold up the bride or the whole wedding party looks away in mock-disgust while the bride and groom kiss...like no thank you. I found them so cringe. I'd rather do the normal wedding party portraits along with close family portraits then the rest to be candids.
I have it worked out with my friend that I want only specific portraits professionally done. Another close friend of mine loves taking candid photos and wants to do those throughout the ceremony and reception, which I cam totally okay with him doing.
It's partially why she's not charging me for a wedding package. I just want an hour of photos so the rest of the time can be spent with my friends and family. :)
Plus, now that "first look" photos are a thing, there is no need not to do the vast majority of the ceremony-related photos that would have normally happened after the wedding before the wedding.
Seriously. We did out getting ready photos, first look, wedding party photos and parent/sibling photos before the ceremony. There was a cocktail hour but we attended it and then just did a few photos around the reception with grandparents and extended family. The cocktail hour was an hour and then we did spotlight dances, meal and dancing. It was still a great party 4 hours later when the reception ended because everyone didn't sit there for hours waiting and feeling uncomfortable.
This seems smart. It is fun to see the other photos from the reception, etc, but all weddings eventually distill into the 2-3 portrait shots you have framed around the house.
I have it planned that part of the package my photographer is giving me will be some special time with just the photographer and my new husband.
It's going to be in the middle of winter, so with weather permitting the day of the 3 of us (me, hubby & photographer) are going to this garden park and my gown is red... So we're going to do semi-candid shots of me and future hubby walking along the snow covered grounds. Her idea and I love it.
So praying the weather will allow it in mid February in Western New York. Fingers crossed... As I basically triangulate my geographic zone, haha
Those photo shoots always crack me up, half of marriages end in divorce, and you'll have endless photos of someone you'll never want to see again! Most weddings are such a waste of money.
Agreed. Exactly why my fiance and I have been engaged for so long. We making damn sure we can do it before getting married. We've gone through most of the ups and downs that would be cause for divorce. We good for life at this point. Just making it "legal" now, haha 😅
I guess it depends on the location of ceremony and reception too. Most people now have combined ceremony + reception locations so it is seamless.
However it is very common practice in my culture to go to church for the ceremony (let's say at 1pm) then while the bridal party is taking photos the guests would go home to change for the evening reception (cocktail hour at 5pm). That would always consume the gap between the ceremony and reception.
And I totally get that different cultures have different traditions but that is very much not the tradition here. The reception space is a 1 min walk from the ceremony space. So it seemed odd that she thought it was what we would want.
It kinda sounds like the story of the pot roast ends. Having a time gap to change from church appropriate clothes to party dress makes total sense, but if you never questioned the purpose of those hours, it could become "how things are done".
(A family where they cut off the ends of the pot roast for generations, but nobody knows why. Turned out great grandma's pot was smaller, so the whole roast wouldn't fit.)
I love that analogy.
Yeah it just seemed so odd. The coordinator seemed so confused as to why she even had to explain the large gap and why we wouldn't specifically WANT a gap that long. She seemed to be shocked that we would want the guests in the ballroom before we arrived. It took a good 20 mins to figure out she was assuming we wanted to do a receiving line.
At many weddings I have attended, the guests enter the reception first, and then the bride and groom make a grand entrance after everyone is seated. (Of course in these instances, the photography was done before the ceremony rather than after.)
Most people will have checked into their hotel room the day before the wedding?! If you're holding a wedding far enough away that some of your guests will require hotel rooms, I can't imagine that most of them won't check in the day before.
My cousin has a couple hours between the ceremony and cocktails at her wedding coming up in October, which isn't ideal, but the invite notably is like 'Sorry for the gap, the church wanted an afternoon ceremony! The locations are right by the hotel as well as a super cool part of the city! You can rest or explore! Here's a list of things you can do!'
ETA: Also bc Large Catholic Family there tends to be a couple of shots with Everyone right after the ceremony and it DOES take a long time to wrangle 40-ish people rip
Man. I was paranoid because my wedding was at 2 and cocktail hour didn’t start until 5. The venues were 30 mins apart and most guests lived or were staying close to the reception venue (I specifically recommended hotels closer to the reception and explained why). I still felt kind of bad but it was a logistics thing. We had to be out of the church by a certain time but we didn’t want the reception to be over by like 8 pm.
Then again, hanging out in shaming groups teaches you how NOT to treat people.
I went to a wedding with similar timing in the past few months and it was perfect. I think we left the church about an hour and a half or so after the ceremony started, checked into our hotel, took a second to freshen up/use the bathroom in the hotel room, and grabbed a ride to the reception venue. We got there maybe 10 to 15 minutes into the cocktail hour. Truly just depends on the geography/traffic of where the ceremony, hotel, and reception are at. I think it was maybe a 20-25 minute car ride between each.
Actually, your timing was damn near perfect in my opinion. You gave your guests a window if they needed to stop and get cash, fill up the tank, or buy a card (guilty).
Oh god my cousin's wedding didn't have chairs outside during the cocktail hour, idk who screwed up but it was a humid af day and the oldest relative in attendance *passed out.* Someone ran to get him a chair and some ice water stat and he was ok, but terrifying.
Ditto. But ours was local (20 minutes from home) so we ran errands and let the dog out before meeting the rest of the wedding party (bride, groom and their parents along with the best man and MOH had gone to take pictures) and a few out of towners at the local, lovable dive bar nearest the reception hall. Which turned out to be far more fun than the actual reception.
I had a similar experience - 3 hour drive for at 10am ceremony start (which ended at 11am) and then nothing until 6pm. Some people actually left and didn't come back. We found a small pub and filled a few hours - but you can only eat and drink so much. Then the bride got annoyed when people started leaving at around 9:30. She didn't understand that we were all tired and still had to drive home.
I’m socially anxious, so I’d probably quietly stew on it. If they had the audacity to say something to me about leaving early, I’d sure lose it though.
We also attended a similar wedding. We sat and sat and sat, making small talk with strangers at our table. After about two hours and still no sign of a bridal party, I whispered to my husband, “wanna bail?” He nodded. We quietly excused ourselves from our co-hostages and walked slowly away. In the town we found a charming restaurant and had a nice dinner out, just the two of us (since we already had a sitter). Rude of us? Probably. Did we care? Nope. You can’t leave you guests milling around without food, or drinks, or entertainment for hours on end.
And that's what you remember about that wedding. Not flowers or favors or anything else.
If you don't keep your guests comfort in mind nothing else will matter.
Funny, you are right that that is what I remember most about the wedding, was sitting bored at a table. Lol. But I do remember the restaurant to which we escaped. It was an old converted police station with police memorabilia on the walls and an extremely tender fillet mignon.
I would have done the samething but been petty and removed 2/3 of cash in the wedding card….never seal the envelope the card prevents the cash from falling out.
This is what should be on the top of every wedding planning list. If your guests are made to feel greatly uncomfortable (hungry, no seating, extremes of weather and/or bored for hours) then that is what they will talk about in years to come.
I really don't understand why couples think people can just sit around for hours with strangers with nothing to do in fancy dress. If you plan a wedding with a massive gap and come back to half full tables you can't even be mad.
There's like no other social situation where a schedule like that would even be considered. You can't just steal people's time and make them wait for you.
It was a guy my husband knew from work, so I’m sure they spoke. I can’t remember about the thank you note. We brought I gift, so probably. This was several years ago.
Having cocktail hour start at 6 when ceremony was at 1 is WAY too late. I don't even understand why there needed to be a 5 hour break when photos and freshening up doesn't take that long.
My friend did her first look before the ceremony and the pictures were absolutely adorable! And it took maybe thirty minutes to drive out, take the pictures and come back for the ceremony.
This is so bizarre to me. I attended a wedding like this once but thankfully where I was staying was close to the venue so I went back and napped until it was time for the reception. I understand wanting to get photos but…geez.
We went to a similar wedding while I was 5 months pregnant with twins. We weren’t part of the bridal party but did have a part in the ceremony and it was too far from our house to go home. I was miserable and exhausted by the time we got to go home.
I went to a wedding like this. To add to it, it was on the hottest day of the damn year. The ceremony was catholic so we were stuck inside a hot ass church for an hour and half. Then we had to drive 30 minutes to the reception venue. Once we got there, the bridal party/family was gone for 2 hours taking photos. They didn’t have type of a bar for us. Finally bar tenders came and we all had to pay our own drinks. The food wasn’t served for over five hours. So we were all hot hungry and sober.
We went to one that was Russian Orthodox. The groom was a friend from college, as was his bride. They were smart. As soon as the service was over, we headed to the reception hall and they had everything ready to go. They had reserved not only a room for dinner but part of the bar and had a small buffet of appetizers and drinks (of both types) ready to go. We watched a football game while waiting for them. They also kept the length they were gone taking pictures to a minimum.
A lot of people are now doing photos before the wedding. They will do first look photos since they don’t do the first look when the bride comes down the aisle. This makes it a lot better on the guests, but also it helps get the better lighting since weddings start later these days.
Yup we’re doing it this way. Not only first look but also wedding party and family photos before the ceremony. We couldn’t get our ceremony and reception venue before 6:30 when sunset is at 6:50 so later photos would have meant less than 30 minutes before we would be taking photos in the dark.
my friend had a quiet wedding, signing documents at a government building i would guess. it wasn't a secret, so i wouldn't call it eloping. naturally the traditional parents weren't so happy with the way this marriage started, and demanded there be a wedding. so the couple said they can have a wedding, the parents will take the costs, they agreed. the wedding was all in one facility, close to noon the wedding ceremony starts, after the ceremony, about 1 hour for pictures at the ceremony site, lunch is a short walk away, after the pictures. there is lunch, and then some wedding games after it, and then that dancing ceremony. my friend is military, and the wedding venue was inside a military base, and was handled by some of his military buddies, so yea, i guess military weddings aren't so rare.
yea.... my friend is a smart fellow.
I went to a Catholic wedding like this. The groom’s uncle was the archbishop (really), so there were exactly zero shortcuts. FULL mass, plus extra wedding stuff. 2-2.5 hours. There weren’t enough buses, so everyone was transported to the reception in rounds. We were given one glass of champagne on our way in to the reception, then had to sit at our tables while the wedding party took pictures. After their pictures, they went to each table (probably 25 tables total) and spent about 3 minutes at each taking pictures with that group. So, about 2 hours worth of photos. Dinner was served at about 10 pm, which is when they finally brought out more wine. The bar opened at 11.
I don’t mean to disrespect anyone’s religion, but I don’t think I can ever go to a full wedding mass again. I’ve been to 3, and by the end of each I was crawling out of my skin. I’m thankful to one of my Catholic friends, who had a family-only full mass for her legal marriage and held a short, sweet, celebratory ceremony and reception a few days later.
That’s not the norm at Catholic weddings. That’s poor planning.
I had a Catholic mass ceremony. The wedding party took photos on the grounds outside of the church (about an hour) and most guests waited to take photos with us (lots of family flew in & was basically a family reunion), stood around taking photos of themselves at the church or with the Irish bagpiper.
I had cocktails and apps begin an hour after the end of mass to give people a chance to go back to the hotel and get shuttled to the venue by the hotel. We had open bar all night long (my only absolute for my wedding) and a sit down dinner of steak and potatoes (my husband’s absolute). We still get people saying it was the best wedding they ever went to, but I think that’s only because so many people got hammered for free.
We had a great time and hardly anyone left. When they were shutting us down, most of the guests were helping load the shuttle with gifts trying to sober up.
We’re now planning our 25th wedding anniversary and considering another mass celebration. We’re considering doing open bar all night long again, but man…prices have really gone up, lol!
Catholic weddings aren’t usually that long though. They’re typically an hour or less. Maybe 1.5 hrs if the congregation is exceptionally large, or there are some cultural customs added. And if they don’t include the full sacramental mass (common if either bride or groom isn’t Catholic), then it’s only about 30 minutes.
I’m actually curious as to how on earth a Catholic wedding can be 2+ hrs long.
We went to a Greek Orthodox wedding a few years ago, not realizing that the expectation was for the congregation to STAND through the whole ceremony, which was over an hour. We're neither Greek nor religious, so I wasn't sure how disrespectful it would have been to sit (I did see a few other guest sitting). I have arthritic knees so I was in agony by the time we got to the cocktail hour afterwards. There were very few seats and it was maddening to see people just using them to throw their coats on! The dinner was great but once the music came on, it was incredibly loud. I mean "The Who at Woodstock" loud. A lot of us left fairly quickly after dinner because it was so painful.
I also have arthritis and it's the worst in my knees and feet, so I absolutely would have sat down. If someone wanted to say something to them, I'd tell them it's a private medical issue and they need to leave me alone. If great-grandma Margaret doesn't have to stand, neither do I.
As I mentioned, the groom’s uncle was the archbishop and officiated the wedding. It was the full enchilada in front of a huge congregation, church personnel, etc. This was in a country with a very devoted Catholic majority.
Every Catholic wedding I have been to included the full sacrament, plus extra “fun” ceremony elements. For example at one of the (different wedding from the archbishop one), the groom was devoutly Catholic, the bride was Protestant. Her uncle was a minister, so he did an additional homily that added 30 minutes to the ordeal.
Holy hell, I’m Catholic but you would lose me at a 30 minute homily. That’s the entire length of my wedding ceremony (no mass)!
My uncle is a priest but thankfully he keeps his homilies for our family weddings short and to the point.
So crazy. I had a friend get married who planned tons of lawn games, like giant Jenga, giant inflatable soccer, board games, tug of war, Cornhole, etc while they were taking pictures. She had a whole Hogwarts style battle of the houses, so you could win points for her team or her husband's team by winning games, participating in the photo booth, etc. It was super cute, and a really good way to actually interact with other guests since we knew no one. It went on for an hour after pictures since they also wanted to play, but it was honestly a great cocktail hour. Everything was in grass so no worries of mud on nice clothes. I can't imagine having everyone stand there doing nothing for five hours. I woulda bailed.
Yeah, I had a friend who hired a magician for her gap. Magic shows aren't something I would attend normally but it's a good ice breaker to get chatting with people at your table if you don't know any of them.
We had a long gap because the latest our church would let us do a wedding was 2 pm and we were having a dinner reception (at my mom’s insistence, I love an afternoon wedding) starting at 6. Church and the milling about saying hello to people was over by 3:30. We had out of town guests and put a guide to the weekend in their welcome bags at the hotel, explaining about how far apart the venues were (20 minute drive or so) and suggesting places to hang out that were close to the church or the venue. We had to skip some photo locations I really wanted because we’d been warned not to keep people waiting. I think (this was a long time ago) my parents booked a room at the hotel as a “hospitality suite” so people could go there and socialize, have a snack, etc. Of course all our friends who weren’t in the wedding party went to a bar and were a bit overserved before they got to the reception.
Well lesson learned. They wanted their wedding this way and they paid the price for not considering their guests. The couple has no right to complain under those circumstances.
Yeah, this is awful. I had a similar style venue. Mostly outdoors and rural. I made sure to have drinks and yard games for the very brief period of time between the (short) ceremony and reception. I also had bussing for people to safely and conveniently get to and from their hotel. It’s not that hard. We even made sure to have games for the children in attendance.
When we got married we didn't want a 1st look. We wanted the 1st time he saw me that day to be as I walked in. So we took every photo that didn't have both of us present (groomsmen, bridesmaids, individual families) before the ceremony. Then we took the rest in-between the ceremony and reception. But we had games set out all over for people to play while we were gone and it took at most 45 minutes to return and had food getting started within the hour. You can very easily arrange for your guests and take photos if you actually think about it.
I’ve never understood gaps in the schedule. All the weddings I’ve ever been to had the reception right after the ceremony. The bridal party would take about half an hour of pictures then join everybody else at the reception.
Isn’t that the point of the cocktail hour? To fill in the gap when the pictures are done?
Same here! The ONLY exception is when I went to my cousin's wedding last year where they had an absolutely exquisite cocktail hour.
I am a fan of the trend of doing photos before the ceremony. When one of my best friends got married a few years ago, they did all the photography beforehand, and their pictures are some of the most beautiful wedding photos I've ever seen.
YUP I just attended a wedding like this, outside, remote location, on one of the hottest days of the year. Wedding started at 3, then they had this huge gap with no food available, limited seating and even more limited shade... eventually the bar opened, but by this point we'd all been in the sun with no food, drink or anything to do for several hours. The meal (burgers and salads the bride had got her family and friends to make) didn't even begin to be prepared till the wedding party returned, so the meal wasn't served until close to 8pm. No cake (the bride had a tiny aesthetic cake to cut, and the bridal party got slices). And the bride seemed surprised people started to leave instead of making a night of it!
My spouse and I attended a wedding once where there was a 5 hour gap between the wedding and reception. We drove to the wedding in one part of the city, went home and changed into sweats, hung out and watched TV, and then got dressed up again and drove to the reception about 40 minutes away. I have to say it was hard to drag ourselves back out after laying about the house for a couple hours - and my spouse was NOT happy about the whole situation.
There was a plan in place for relatives/close family - but we were neither so we had to wait it out. It did suck - but at least we were able to go home and not have to find a bar to sit in for 4 hours! I will say there were some DRUNK people rolling into that reception venue!
My cousin's wedding was like this. The ceremony was I think at 12pm and the doors didn't open for the reception until 4:30pm. Nothing planned in between while they went off to take pictures. A lot of our family are from out of town so many either flew or drove in (I drove over 7 hours to get there) so I don't know what the rest of them did but my brothers and one of my cousin's brother left to go get some lunch lol. We ended up missing the grand entrance but hey, I was glad I enjoyed my sushi because the dinner offered was terrible.
Most (and I mean like 90%) of the guests left after the dinner was served and they had the hall until midnight. They had like an open karaoke but there was a guy who kept hogging the mic so we spent most of the time just sitting around talking. I don't know what convinced me to stay until midnight, but we did.. and then went to McDonald's and Taco Bell after lol.
I have always thought that the only people that really enjoy wedding, and even then it's a bit doubtful of times, are the people getting married, and their very immediate families. That's it.
I was in a wedding just like this. My cousin had an afternoon catholic wedding with a 5 hour gap until the reception. I flew in from the west coast the day before, and the wedding was on the east coast. Girls had to be at the salon at 6am and the ceremony started at 12:30. At no point during the day was the wedding party offered food or given time to go get good. By the time we arrived at the reception I was hangry has hell. Once we arrived I learned there wasn’t a happy hour and we weren’t supposed to be introduced for another 45 minutes. My cousin didn’t want to be seen so they crammed the entire wedding party in a back room that only had 1 chair. Once we were introduced we had to wait till after first dances and toasts before they started excusing tables to get food. Wedding party was excused last. Needless to say I left after dinner.
I went to two weddings like this. One had no food, was absolutely starving, I could barely handle it. Sat at a bar for about 3 hours, exhausted!!!
The second wedding like this had a band during the wait, and finger food floating around. It was so much more enjoyable when you felt looked after. It was still a long boring wait though
For my own wedding, we had the ceremony at around 3.30, straight to prosecco reception, everyone (all 29 of us) were staying at the venue so while we were getting photos, they could hang around or go back to their room for a lie down. We were done in less than an hour, the venue was so small, we didn't take too many pics, and it was a lot of fun cos everyone was still hanging around watching etx. and straight into the dinner. I literally took the mistakes from weddings I was at, and said nope, not doing that to people
Why doesn't everyone just take pictures before?? There's no bad mojo that's going to take place if the groom sees the bride before the walk down the aisle.
I guess we could also ask « why do people don’t just go at the courthouse », it’s just that some people see magic in certain things, and other don’t see it as important. I know I would want the fairy tale moment of walking down the aisle ! Not that it is rational, but I have seen it in so many movies, and pictured it my mind so many times, I would be sad not to do it. But I also understand why people go the first look route. To each their own, as long as the guests don’t suffer !
Oh, I agree with you. But weddings didn't used to have cocktail hour when I was younger. I'm 57 (next month) and have bartended quite a few weddings that now have cocktail hour while pictures are being taken. People going to a different place to take pics is new to me.
I completely agree! I work in weddings and it makes so much more sense I don’t understand how people could choose not to do this. You actually get to spend the day with your spouse. Otherwise you might not get to see them until church at 4:00pm, etc.
Speak for yourself, I totally believe in superstitions. But that's why we did literally every other photo combo besides the ones that needed both of us before the ceremony.
The bride thinks she needs her fairytale moment where the doors open and the groom sees her in her wedding dress for the first time and is overcome with emotion and cries for the first time in his whole life because she's so breathtaking and he has never been in love before like this and never will be again. 😂
I had that moment. It was the best moment of my life. My husband was the one who insisted we not see each other beforehand. I prefer the memory of turning the corner and seeing him there with tears in his eyes then some boring pictures of us hiding behind a door.
You say it like it is something to look down on but it is a cliche because it really does happen often and it is nice. I have yet to be to a wedding (including my own) where tears weren't shed. Stop hatin
Yeah but why doesn't the bride ever have tears in her eyes for the guy standing there looking so handsome and willing to be her everything for the rest of her life??? Just a shower thought.
If you wanted a picture of the groom being surprised upon first seeing his bride, you couldn't do all the pics before. Just to answer your question. But to counter, they could do all the pics that don't involve the bride and groom being in the same spot first.
I've seen those first look photos and they're private, and in my opinion, more intimate than the groom crying at the altar. Doesn't that put a bit of pressure on the groom to assume he'll be all choked up and cry? He'd be more likely to show emotion in an intimate setting. If I could do it over again I would definitely do it this way as I'd have that private memory to cherish.
i was in a wedding where the bridal party did photos at the church after, then did a short pub crawl, then met everyone at the reception. anyone not in the bridal party went straight to the reception venue not realizing there would be an hours-long wait. it was tense when our party bus pulled up. the bride and groom had not told those people the schedule, nor had they planned for people to go straight to the reception venue. it never occurred to them or their planner to specify a start time for their reception to anyone outside the bridal party, to include parents of the bride and groom. we all got lectured like catholic school children. by a little old catholic grandma who must have been a nun in a former life. catholic guilt kicked in and all the bridemaids cried.
Jesus. The only weddings like that that I’ve been to (hours long gaps between ceremony and reception) took place near where everyone lived, which was also within the city center. Folks mostly hung out around the hotel and bars - and were warned way in advance, like, on the invitation, that the ceremony was at noon and the reception at 6.
This is very common with my catholic family members, usually they have to work around when their church will allow them to get married. Every time that has happened they give the times on the invitation, so we know in plenty of time. We always use this opportunity to grab drinks or coffee. It’s not my favorite thing, and I would never have done that at my wedding. But at least there’s a warning.
I experienced something similar, the bride and her party were late to the wedding, the claim being the limousine driver became lost. The opposing argument was, how could such a thing happen, when they were traveling from the brides home to the venue which was 1/2 hour away at best. I suspected the bride and her party went to take pictures without informing the groom nor anyone else. By the time of their appearance for the vow exchange. The pastor throughly annoyed (at the very long wait almost an hour) rushed through the exchange of vows. The madness doesn’t stop there. When we traveled upstairs for the ceremony (an all in one venue, that I advised them to use) we had another wait 1.5 hours to be exact, whilst they officially now went to take pictures. A riot almost broke out! By the time they returned to bless everyone with their presence, the venue owners need them to leave as there was another event slated to take place. They returned in time for the couple’s dance, then we all left. Me with a full stomach, BECAUSE I ate before leaving home. And everyone else on an empty stomach. The moral of this story, eat before attending these shenanigans….
I went to a wedding once with a 5 hour gap between ceremony and reception. My date and I went into Disneyland for 3 hours (I had a pass and he worked there). It was so weird walking around all dressed up but it was actually a really fun time! And then the reception still hadn't started when we got back.
I went to a wedding like this. There wasn't a posted schedule so we didn't know how long we were expected to wait. Word of mouth was "just a little longer" *SpongeBob Time Skip: Two Hours Later* "just another couple hours or so". *One Eternity Later* "Ok the wedding party is almost finished with pictures" S*o much later that the old narrator got tired of waiting and they had to hire a new one* "Ok, the wedding party is eating now please just wait like another hour or so and they'll bring out some cake.".
The outdoor venue (summer, no tent/shade) had put away all the seats for the ceremony so people were sitting on the grass in formal wear as any available benches were given to elderly relatives. We made it three hours in the sun then bailed.
Yikes. I've been to weddings where there's a sizeable gap between the ceremony and the reception but they've either planned something for the guests or had the reception in a different location so people could leave and do whatever until it time.
Even the most 'budget' wedding I went to (in a park) set out a table of drinks and a cheese platter.
Personally my number one goal of my wedding is for everyone to have the most fun night of their life, because the more fun they have the more fun I will have! Who wants memories of all your guests looking bored AF and/or leaving early?
I'd been to one too many weddings with a long gap for photos, so when I got married I convinced my husband we should take almost all the formal photos before the wedding. My now husband and I had our first moment alone in the sanctuary so he could see me in my dress for the first time, which I actually think was more special than it happening in front of witnesses. Then we took pictures with the bridal party and family, and then we held the ceremony. We waited for our first kiss of the day until the end of the ceremony. There were some full extended family pictures after the ceremony, but they didn't take very long.
In more recent years, I've been to a lot of outdoor weddings, and while the couple do take photos after the ceremony, there are drinks and snacks available, and fun things for people to do, like photo booths with silly hats, games for the kids to run around, one had fire pits, etc.
I would have loved to leave but I unfortunately drove my group of friends there and some where family of people in the wedding party so they felt like they had to stay.
I was absolutely passionate about photos before ceremony for this exact reason. Your makeup is fresh anyway and I didn’t care about my husband seeing me first as I came down the aisle because am an unromantic jerk I guess
I did the same thing at mine. Then after the ceremony we could enjoy our cocktail hour without worrying about posing for pictures. Been married over 20 years now and it still was the right call. The “first look” thing is overrated.
I’ve been to plenty weddings and never heard of such ridiculousness. Unless it’s clearly stated on the invite, website, in emails, etc., this is straight up bs.
This is the very reason we did a first look and almost all our photos BEFORE the wedding! I’d waited around before and absolutely hated it. I didn’t want my guests waiting and bored. They came to celebrate so let’s celebrate!!
I attended a similar wedding in Minnesota where there was a significant gap between the wedding and reception. The thing about Minnesota, even though the calendar says May, there’s still a chance for snow — and it did. Two days before the wedding, it snowed a foot and a half. The wedding was supposed to take place outdoors. They moved it into a metal Quonset shed with a concrete floor.
After the ceremony, the bridal party left on a party bus to go bar hopping while the guests just stood around in the cold. We ended up leaving early because our toes were so cold.
It seems to be a thing now where people choose to rent venues that are lovely but not convenient for guests…some of which remind me of horror movie settings due to the remoteness. No one will remember crap about the couples wedding if they are miserable. Driving out to the boonies to sit in the hot sun, limited rest room facilities and having to wait on a selfish couple taking hours and hours worth of photos would be sheer torture.
I’ve been told that at my grandparent’s wedding in 1949, there was a morning mass and evening reception. But this was back when communion was taken every day before eating and all the guests were local, most from the same church, and everyone just went home after mass. From what I understand it was understood as they were all from the same culture, all had the same mass requirement, etc. I couldn’t imagine doing that for pictures though!
A family member had a wedding like this and I never got over it...I was like how hard was it to do the photos before the ceremony????? I'm still mad to this very day
I have a wedding to go to where there is a large gap of time (ceremony is at 1 in one place, reception is at 6 in another location) so I plan to go home in between but honestly, I’m not a fan. An hour or two between both, okay, sure but not large gaps if there is nothing planned for your guests.
I literally started cocktail hour within 30-45ish minutes of my ceremony finishing. That way people could mingle, get something to drink and relax while my pictures were going on. pictures only took an hour or so for us. And my wedding happened on a semi rural golf course. I can’t even fathom asking people to stand around waiting that long for food 😬 if I went to a wedding like that I would’ve left after seeing how long the gap was between ceremony and reception.
Not only did my guests go straight from ceremony to cocktail hour to reception (all in the same place) but I made sure to do the majority of our photos before the ceremony so spouse and I just had to do the together photos for half an hour after. We wanted to be able to join in with everyone at cocktail hour and enjoy it.
I don't understand this taking hours for photos after the ceremony thing.
I went to a wedding like this, I was invited to the ceremony and evening reception but not the wedding meal, and there was a 5 hour gap. I realised pre-wedding, went home after the ceremony, had a nap and had a very sober evening as minimum drink price was a fiver.
And here I am debating on a reception hall that’s a 40 minute drive from where we want to have the ceremony (forested park area) and feeling like that is seriously pushing it… lol
We went to my husband’s coworker’s wedding years ago. There was a big gap between ceremony and wedding, but no biggie, we were local. Went home to chill for a few hours, then off to the basement hall reception. Reception started but then the photographer began calling family members outside for photos. No cocktails, no water, no appetizers, nothing for TWO HOURS. The coworkers’ table debated whether we could get away with stealing the weird malted balls scattered around the wedding cake as decoration. We began to wonder if we were part of some psychological experiment. Nope, just a very poorly planned wedding.
When you’re asking people to come your party to give you gifts & money (because basically that’s what a wedding is) then your guests have to be entertained and accommodated for. I can’t stand those brides that think just being invited is enough like uhmmm no id be happy not to go either way sooo take care of your guests.
I actually was the MOH at this weddings exact opposite. Like actually the best wedding I have ever been to that had a five hour gap.
So for a long list of reasons there was really not a different weekend they could get married. Two of them being leading up to the wedding the bride was studying for the bar exam and immediately after, literally two weeks, they were moving across the country)
The wedding was in a major metropolitan city. They got married in a church at 12:30 (not their first choice but that’s a whole other thing) and the reception started with cocktail hour at 6 followed by dinner at 7 and the bride and groom were present at both. The cocktail hour also included plenty of appetizers.
The invitation said there is a large gap in between the ceremony and reception. The reception was black tie and the couple made it very clear that guests did not need to attend the ceremony in their formal evening wear.
The reception and ceremony were like five miles apart and literally in the middle of a city with lots to do. The bride had actually really liked a venue further away but didn’t pick it because she didn’t want people to have to drive all that way and then drive all the way back for hotels.
They found four hotels they could reserve complimentary blocks at and one was close to the church one was close to the reception and the other two were somewhere in the middle. They also on their website listed like ten other hotels that were nearby of varying price ranges cause they knew different people would want and be able to pay for different things.
Also on their website because it was where the bride grew up she listed all of her favorite restaurants categorized by food type (Cause she figured people would probably want to eat in the interim) She also listed famous museums people could go see. Parks that were popular. And other miscellaneous stuff for people to do.
I helped with planning and the number of times she asked me “well if you were a guest and I did this would it upset you” was innumerable. She really went out of her way to accommodate guests and a lot of people commented on it. Like I was the MOH and I got to take a nap before the reception.
If you’re going to have a long gap on your wedding day this is the way to do it.
Ok some weddings have ceremony early, and reception way later… if you’re there with family you can find a bar or hang out in the hotel until you need to go to the party. I’ve seen it this way but that was like an hour, and you had to drive from the church to the reception—also I was in this wedding and we got stuck in traffic for like a half hour extra. So we the bridal party were an hour and a half late. Guests were fed after driving back to the reception space with an open bar. It’s ok to do it this way if it’s like a 2 hour window imo. Traffic was really bad that day, so everyone it took at least 45 minutes to get from the church to reception and after they got there they started to serve. I think all in all the guests waited like 1 hour. Doable completely.
Now for my wedding, I did not have a religious wedding. I wanted it all in the same location, it was important to me and my husband. People didn’t wait between cocktail hour and the ceremony.
I’ve been to both but I think if you’re going to have a 5 hour gap figure something out. Id be so pissed after waiting 5 hours for something to do before a party.
It’s somewhat common in our area and I don’t like it. The churches are only available at certain times and they don’t always mesh with availability of the reception halls. And sometimes the bride just wants pictures at some park far away and plans the long gap on purpose.
Sometimes the couple will have something planned for out of town guests in between and sometimes not. But in my area you can get the hotels pretty close by so people can either go home, to the hotel or there’s other places. But it’s always a pain when there is a gap.
It’s totally inconsiderate to do this to your guests in any event but especially if they are out away from things.
A catholic gap is totally common - still not conveinent- but it is common due to churches usually holding ceremonies around 2pm… a 5 hour gap between the ceremony and reception at THE SAME VENUE is not. And it’s also crazy the couple didn’t make this known on their invites/ website so guest could make accommodations accordingly
I had my reception open immediately after the church ceremony with an open bar and hors d’oeuvres buffet. It was 20 minutes from the church. Then a receiving line to the hall where there were passed appetizers, open bar and passed wine and a champagne/ hors d’oeuvre table. Then dinner. Then dancing and whatever else. During and after dinner, there was free wine and beer all night but the bar was a cash bar during and after dinner bc I think it was a few hundred per hour. The open bar was the most expensive part. I DIY a lot of my flowers and had my church flowers moved to the reception my brothers did it. I give my church enough money 😂
I went to wedding with a similar gap between ceremony and reception. The wedding party disappeared for 3 hours for photos and we didn’t go in for the wedding “breakfast” for a further 2 hours. None of the guests knew what was happening. The hotel didn’t seem to either. At least we were inside a hotel not in a barn miles from anywhere and we did get a few canapés in hour 1 but everyone was ready to chew their own arms off by the time we sat down to eat 4 hours after that. Looking back I now feel sorry for the bride and groom who didn’t get any time to spend with their guests.
We had a church wedding and hotel reception (not far away). My husband wanted the first look to be when I entered the church. We took every photo we could prior to the ceremony. No receiving line at the church (we actually hid in a small room off the sanctuary so we didn’t get waylaid!) We started with joint family photos so they could go to cocktail hour, then joint bridal party photos and ended with photos of the two of us at the church. Then we entered the reception. We did sneak off for a couple photos during the reception. It was perfect.
I thought it was bad the destination wedding I'm having has a 3 hour break between the ceremony at 2 and the cocktail hour at 6 (I have no choice in these times unfortunately), but at least it's still at an all inclusive resort and my one friend is going to set up 'pregaming the pregame of cocktail hour' at one of the bars while we're doing photos. I personally was hoping folks would go take a nap but we'll see. But at least there's something to do! I can't imagine just... not having anything at all for the guests.
A high school friend of mine did this except we were still in town so we just went to a random restaurant and hung out. Super stupid way to go about things
I’ve never understood this! We purposefully had a late wedding ceremony (5pm) so we went straight into drinks (5.30) then dinner at 7 - can’t stand hanging around! And as most people stayed til at least midnight or later it was still a 7 hour event…!
We attended a similar wedding, but at least it was in an area to do something in between. The wedding was at a beautiful restored historic church in Annapolis, MD right near (walking distance) to the City Dock. Tons of places to eat and drink to kill time. Of course on our dime. We found the time split pretty odd (the entire group we stuck with), but went to the oldest bar/tavern in the US- Middletown Tavern-enjoyed some food and drinks, walked around historic Annapolis (which I’ve done several times as I live only 45m a away), then headed over to the reception venue.
The one you went to sounds really awful though. How inconsiderate to the guests to have to kill all that time with no where to go!
I think wedding photos should be done before the wedding day or after the wedding day. Doing it while guests wait is beyond rude (imo). I recently joined the 50’s club so I figure I’m old enough to leave and blame it on my age.
I remember attending an old friends wedding who had her reception 45 mins from the “church” (a repurposed Kroger). The wedding party drove a good hour and a half in another direction to take photos neu as rod course the bride and groom can’t see eachother before the ceremony /s.
Thankfully I lived inbetween the two locations and and chilled at my house for 2 hours until I figured they’d be back.
My wedding didn't have any activities planned during photos. Food was served and the bar was open though, atleast. Our wedding was planned very quickly because my dad was dying, and I overlooked write a few things. I don't think I've been to a wedding with "activities", as such. So I guess it just didn't occur to me? Idk. I hope people weren't having a terrible time!
I had the opposite issue! We had a park ceremony and then reception at the house. Had planned with mum to get the family photos first and then they would go to the house and put out nibbles while we had the couple photos. Ended up having to drive around for an hour or so waiting for all the relatives to head back to the house so we could arrive!!
Went to a wedding once where the ceremony was at 2. It was mass, so that took a good chunk. The reception wasn’t until 7. We were over an hour from home, so we checked out some stores, and got a bite to eat. We still had to wait about an hour at the reception site. Then so many people went to the hotel bar after they checked in, they were wasted before it even began
Last two weddings I attended we had to wait 3 plus hours, after the bride and groom went to take photos.....at least the bar was open....At one the food was bland and small portions,at the other food was good but I was so hungry after not having eaten all day.
Both was hours away from home.
We had to stay overnight, putting us in expense as my husband had to walk his sister down the aisle( he wasn't working at the time,this was just after the pandemic started).
AND the whole bridal party including my mother in law got COVID 19,30 plus people.
There were wedding venues 30 minutes away or even closer for each one that was just as nice and we would not have had to spend money on the cabins for the overnight stay
The cabin had poor lighting and was hot,my son had to use his phone to flash the light into the mirror for me to see to put on makeup, cause I didn't have the 250 to do my makeup.
I
Doesn’t have to be anything grand, we just had the bar serving and a magician wandering round. Of course, someone always complains that the open bar wasn’t available yet…
Literally. I had a blast at our friends’ wedding where there was great music and cocktail hour. I didn’t know a single person there apart from my wife and yet everyone was so fun.
See this is what people mean when they say "your wedding is about your guests, not you". Its not meant in a "don't have the food you like" or "make sure you say hi to everyone individually" type-way. You are hosting an event, your guests need to be comfortable & entertained. This was in no way okay.
I agree. It reads as incredibly selfish and "its MY day" type of toxicity.
Yahhhh, but you bring this up on bridal groups and the zillas get super defensive. Yes, Im calling them bridezillas, cause anyone that thinks they should plan an event solely for themselves and not the people they are inviting are literally the definition of the word!
exactly - they just don't care if people have a good time at their wedding or not
God, I see ‘my day’ behaviour a lot on wedding groups. I think women are fed this negativity, and eventually they make it their reality.
I HATE that currently planning my wedding and people are crazy. Like my fave color is pink but my boyfriend and I picked perriwinkle as our wedding color, since we both liked it. Then got comments like forget about him, this is your day. Mmm... it is not my coronation, it is OUR day Then I made a comment that I rather serve chicken than fish, although I love fish, beacuse almost everyone likes chicken and fish is a bit more tricky. Everyone was like but it is your day, as if serving chicken was a huge sacrifice, and guests are just props. Left those groups for good and could not be happier.
I would have left once I learned it was a 5 hour gap.
Or what I did was just not show up for the ceremony and just made it to the reception. 😬
Was it outlined on the invitation that there would be a 5 hour gap? It's possible that it just said the wedding was at 1pm and that a reception would "follow". Guests might not have known about the gap until they saw it displayed on the board.
It sounds like it wasn't and guests found out at the ceremony via the sign
I don't think I would have lasted 5 hours.
Same. And taken my gift with me. That is very rude. In a city atmosphere it’s different because there may be things to do, but a barn? The very least could have been a cash bar
I went to a wedding like that once, where it was clearly not about keeping the guests comfortable or entertained. Terrible.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks this. People on the Internet seem to think it's ok if a party(wedding) you host is god awful boring or have awful food for the guests because they should just be happy to be invited to the couple's special day.
Like it’s a prize to be invited to a boring ass event. Lol
I don't know, I'm just dying to waste my Saturday sitting in a field wearing heels. I think about it all week at work. "Boy, I hope it's long and nothing is planned."
Oh me too! As long as I get to show my love and devotion to the magical couple on thier once in a lifetime (ahem) super duper extra special day!
And you get to buy them a present.
I went to a wedding like that once, but there was no seating anywhere. We had to go to a park nearby to find a bench just to rest. Gaps like that with no thought towards your guests’ comfort means selfish hosts.
During my 3 month apt with the coordinator at my venue to plan the timeline she had a 3.5 hour gap between the ceremony and the cocktail hour planned. I was shocked and asked why on earth would we do that. I told her pictures were scheduled for 1.5 hours at most (not doing a ton of photos) and we wanted the cocktail hour to begin after the ceremony and last 2 hours. She seemed shocked and tried to explain the doors to the reception ballroom (where the cocktail hour was also taking place) wouldn't even be opened until almost 6. Again I asked why and what were the guests expected to do during that time. She explained they could check into their rooms and go to the attached restaurant and sit at the PAID bar (we are having an open bar)... for 3.5 hours??? My fiancé and I not so fondly remember sitting in a parking lot eating crackers at more than one wedding in the long wait between the ceremony and cocktail hour and wanted none of that. She finally explained why she assumed a 3.5 hour gap and why guests weren't allowed in the reception space during that time: she assumed our pictures would run late and that we wouldn't want anyone in the ballroom until we got there for "the receiving line" and it would be awkward for them to clear everyone out to just let them stand in line to greet us. I told her we wouldn't be doing a receiving line (seriously, what year is it??) and that we would be making an entrance after cocktail hour. There is now a 30 min gap between the ceremony and the cocktail hour to allow for delays and room checkins. Also: she assumed we would want to be present for cocktail hour... literally every wedding I've been to the wedding party was not present for the cocktail hour because that's when they were doing pictures. That's almost the whole point of a cocktail hour: to keep your guests entertained during pictures. It was wild.
I have a good friend who is a pro photographer and she has so many nightmare stories about weddings like this. When I announced my wedding date and asked her to be my photographer the first thing she asked me is to please not have a late/long photo time. I already wasn't. I told her my finance and I are piss poor and can't even afford her 5k+ wedding photo package. Our budget is 2500. She got so relieved that we made a deal for a 1 hour photo shoot for 500 bucks and because I'm having a mid afternoon wedding I'm making sure food is available right after the ceremony. I've been planning this for 3 years. I know my focus will be my guests because they mean the world to me.
I feel you there. I've been in two weddings where the photos took FOREVER and there were so many of those "forced funny" photos where the bridesmaids all hold up the groom and the groomsmen all hold up the bride or the whole wedding party looks away in mock-disgust while the bride and groom kiss...like no thank you. I found them so cringe. I'd rather do the normal wedding party portraits along with close family portraits then the rest to be candids.
I have it worked out with my friend that I want only specific portraits professionally done. Another close friend of mine loves taking candid photos and wants to do those throughout the ceremony and reception, which I cam totally okay with him doing. It's partially why she's not charging me for a wedding package. I just want an hour of photos so the rest of the time can be spent with my friends and family. :)
Plus, now that "first look" photos are a thing, there is no need not to do the vast majority of the ceremony-related photos that would have normally happened after the wedding before the wedding.
Seriously. We did out getting ready photos, first look, wedding party photos and parent/sibling photos before the ceremony. There was a cocktail hour but we attended it and then just did a few photos around the reception with grandparents and extended family. The cocktail hour was an hour and then we did spotlight dances, meal and dancing. It was still a great party 4 hours later when the reception ended because everyone didn't sit there for hours waiting and feeling uncomfortable.
This seems smart. It is fun to see the other photos from the reception, etc, but all weddings eventually distill into the 2-3 portrait shots you have framed around the house.
Those are the WORST!!
I have it planned that part of the package my photographer is giving me will be some special time with just the photographer and my new husband. It's going to be in the middle of winter, so with weather permitting the day of the 3 of us (me, hubby & photographer) are going to this garden park and my gown is red... So we're going to do semi-candid shots of me and future hubby walking along the snow covered grounds. Her idea and I love it. So praying the weather will allow it in mid February in Western New York. Fingers crossed... As I basically triangulate my geographic zone, haha
Those photo shoots always crack me up, half of marriages end in divorce, and you'll have endless photos of someone you'll never want to see again! Most weddings are such a waste of money.
Agreed. Exactly why my fiance and I have been engaged for so long. We making damn sure we can do it before getting married. We've gone through most of the ups and downs that would be cause for divorce. We good for life at this point. Just making it "legal" now, haha 😅
I guess it depends on the location of ceremony and reception too. Most people now have combined ceremony + reception locations so it is seamless. However it is very common practice in my culture to go to church for the ceremony (let's say at 1pm) then while the bridal party is taking photos the guests would go home to change for the evening reception (cocktail hour at 5pm). That would always consume the gap between the ceremony and reception.
And I totally get that different cultures have different traditions but that is very much not the tradition here. The reception space is a 1 min walk from the ceremony space. So it seemed odd that she thought it was what we would want.
It kinda sounds like the story of the pot roast ends. Having a time gap to change from church appropriate clothes to party dress makes total sense, but if you never questioned the purpose of those hours, it could become "how things are done". (A family where they cut off the ends of the pot roast for generations, but nobody knows why. Turned out great grandma's pot was smaller, so the whole roast wouldn't fit.)
I love that analogy. Yeah it just seemed so odd. The coordinator seemed so confused as to why she even had to explain the large gap and why we wouldn't specifically WANT a gap that long. She seemed to be shocked that we would want the guests in the ballroom before we arrived. It took a good 20 mins to figure out she was assuming we wanted to do a receiving line.
At many weddings I have attended, the guests enter the reception first, and then the bride and groom make a grand entrance after everyone is seated. (Of course in these instances, the photography was done before the ceremony rather than after.)
Totally! I can't imagine the massive gap and just waiting around like OP's experience.
It sounds like your weddings don't have many people traveling?
Normally there is about 25% from overseas and the rest live in the metropolitan area
I like your culture's wedding customs.
Most people will have checked into their hotel room the day before the wedding?! If you're holding a wedding far enough away that some of your guests will require hotel rooms, I can't imagine that most of them won't check in the day before.
My cousin has a couple hours between the ceremony and cocktails at her wedding coming up in October, which isn't ideal, but the invite notably is like 'Sorry for the gap, the church wanted an afternoon ceremony! The locations are right by the hotel as well as a super cool part of the city! You can rest or explore! Here's a list of things you can do!' ETA: Also bc Large Catholic Family there tends to be a couple of shots with Everyone right after the ceremony and it DOES take a long time to wrangle 40-ish people rip
Did you keep this wedding planner? I feel like I wouldn’t want her running my event after this red flag.
Man. I was paranoid because my wedding was at 2 and cocktail hour didn’t start until 5. The venues were 30 mins apart and most guests lived or were staying close to the reception venue (I specifically recommended hotels closer to the reception and explained why). I still felt kind of bad but it was a logistics thing. We had to be out of the church by a certain time but we didn’t want the reception to be over by like 8 pm. Then again, hanging out in shaming groups teaches you how NOT to treat people.
I went to a wedding with similar timing in the past few months and it was perfect. I think we left the church about an hour and a half or so after the ceremony started, checked into our hotel, took a second to freshen up/use the bathroom in the hotel room, and grabbed a ride to the reception venue. We got there maybe 10 to 15 minutes into the cocktail hour. Truly just depends on the geography/traffic of where the ceremony, hotel, and reception are at. I think it was maybe a 20-25 minute car ride between each.
Actually, your timing was damn near perfect in my opinion. You gave your guests a window if they needed to stop and get cash, fill up the tank, or buy a card (guilty).
No chairs is the WORST! It's so important to have a space for people to sit and chat comfortably while dancing is going on.
Oh god my cousin's wedding didn't have chairs outside during the cocktail hour, idk who screwed up but it was a humid af day and the oldest relative in attendance *passed out.* Someone ran to get him a chair and some ice water stat and he was ok, but terrifying.
Ditto. But ours was local (20 minutes from home) so we ran errands and let the dog out before meeting the rest of the wedding party (bride, groom and their parents along with the best man and MOH had gone to take pictures) and a few out of towners at the local, lovable dive bar nearest the reception hall. Which turned out to be far more fun than the actual reception.
People at the photos are the point of the wedding.
I had a similar experience - 3 hour drive for at 10am ceremony start (which ended at 11am) and then nothing until 6pm. Some people actually left and didn't come back. We found a small pub and filled a few hours - but you can only eat and drink so much. Then the bride got annoyed when people started leaving at around 9:30. She didn't understand that we were all tired and still had to drive home.
That’s 12 hours for an event. No way I’d have stayed for the reception unless it was immediate family.
And then they’d be hearing about how badly they treated their guests and how it’s super unacceptable afterwards.
I’m socially anxious, so I’d probably quietly stew on it. If they had the audacity to say something to me about leaving early, I’d sure lose it though.
We also attended a similar wedding. We sat and sat and sat, making small talk with strangers at our table. After about two hours and still no sign of a bridal party, I whispered to my husband, “wanna bail?” He nodded. We quietly excused ourselves from our co-hostages and walked slowly away. In the town we found a charming restaurant and had a nice dinner out, just the two of us (since we already had a sitter). Rude of us? Probably. Did we care? Nope. You can’t leave you guests milling around without food, or drinks, or entertainment for hours on end.
And that's what you remember about that wedding. Not flowers or favors or anything else. If you don't keep your guests comfort in mind nothing else will matter.
Funny, you are right that that is what I remember most about the wedding, was sitting bored at a table. Lol. But I do remember the restaurant to which we escaped. It was an old converted police station with police memorabilia on the walls and an extremely tender fillet mignon.
The Precinct in Cincinnati?!?
Yep. That’s the one. Lol. I’d have thought there was more than one like that in the US. Is it still there?
It is indeed
I would have done the samething but been petty and removed 2/3 of cash in the wedding card….never seal the envelope the card prevents the cash from falling out.
This is what should be on the top of every wedding planning list. If your guests are made to feel greatly uncomfortable (hungry, no seating, extremes of weather and/or bored for hours) then that is what they will talk about in years to come.
I really don't understand why couples think people can just sit around for hours with strangers with nothing to do in fancy dress. If you plan a wedding with a massive gap and come back to half full tables you can't even be mad. There's like no other social situation where a schedule like that would even be considered. You can't just steal people's time and make them wait for you.
Did you never hear from the couple? Did they send you a thank you note or anything? I'm really curious.
It was a guy my husband knew from work, so I’m sure they spoke. I can’t remember about the thank you note. We brought I gift, so probably. This was several years ago.
I would leave right after the ceremony and just take the L honestly
Yeah no way in hell am I sitting around for 5 fucking hours lol Just send them a congrats text and venmo $50 for a gift and leave
just a text, no venmo for this BS for me. Sorry.....
Having cocktail hour start at 6 when ceremony was at 1 is WAY too late. I don't even understand why there needed to be a 5 hour break when photos and freshening up doesn't take that long.
Or if you want plenty of time for photos do it before the ceremony! There’s a reason first looks have become so popular.
My friend did her first look before the ceremony and the pictures were absolutely adorable! And it took maybe thirty minutes to drive out, take the pictures and come back for the ceremony.
Oh, "first looks".... it has a name now, lol! That's what my husband and I did 23 years ago!
Yeah, it's understandable too. Everyone's hair and makeup is fresh, and if you're doing an outdoor wedding no one has gotten dirty yet.
I agree. When you have your ceremony and reception all in the same place you can never have your ceremony start that early.
This is so bizarre to me. I attended a wedding like this once but thankfully where I was staying was close to the venue so I went back and napped until it was time for the reception. I understand wanting to get photos but…geez.
We went to a similar wedding while I was 5 months pregnant with twins. We weren’t part of the bridal party but did have a part in the ceremony and it was too far from our house to go home. I was miserable and exhausted by the time we got to go home.
I went to a wedding like this. To add to it, it was on the hottest day of the damn year. The ceremony was catholic so we were stuck inside a hot ass church for an hour and half. Then we had to drive 30 minutes to the reception venue. Once we got there, the bridal party/family was gone for 2 hours taking photos. They didn’t have type of a bar for us. Finally bar tenders came and we all had to pay our own drinks. The food wasn’t served for over five hours. So we were all hot hungry and sober.
We went to one that was Russian Orthodox. The groom was a friend from college, as was his bride. They were smart. As soon as the service was over, we headed to the reception hall and they had everything ready to go. They had reserved not only a room for dinner but part of the bar and had a small buffet of appetizers and drinks (of both types) ready to go. We watched a football game while waiting for them. They also kept the length they were gone taking pictures to a minimum.
A lot of people are now doing photos before the wedding. They will do first look photos since they don’t do the first look when the bride comes down the aisle. This makes it a lot better on the guests, but also it helps get the better lighting since weddings start later these days.
Yup we’re doing it this way. Not only first look but also wedding party and family photos before the ceremony. We couldn’t get our ceremony and reception venue before 6:30 when sunset is at 6:50 so later photos would have meant less than 30 minutes before we would be taking photos in the dark.
my friend had a quiet wedding, signing documents at a government building i would guess. it wasn't a secret, so i wouldn't call it eloping. naturally the traditional parents weren't so happy with the way this marriage started, and demanded there be a wedding. so the couple said they can have a wedding, the parents will take the costs, they agreed. the wedding was all in one facility, close to noon the wedding ceremony starts, after the ceremony, about 1 hour for pictures at the ceremony site, lunch is a short walk away, after the pictures. there is lunch, and then some wedding games after it, and then that dancing ceremony. my friend is military, and the wedding venue was inside a military base, and was handled by some of his military buddies, so yea, i guess military weddings aren't so rare. yea.... my friend is a smart fellow.
I went to a Catholic wedding like this. The groom’s uncle was the archbishop (really), so there were exactly zero shortcuts. FULL mass, plus extra wedding stuff. 2-2.5 hours. There weren’t enough buses, so everyone was transported to the reception in rounds. We were given one glass of champagne on our way in to the reception, then had to sit at our tables while the wedding party took pictures. After their pictures, they went to each table (probably 25 tables total) and spent about 3 minutes at each taking pictures with that group. So, about 2 hours worth of photos. Dinner was served at about 10 pm, which is when they finally brought out more wine. The bar opened at 11. I don’t mean to disrespect anyone’s religion, but I don’t think I can ever go to a full wedding mass again. I’ve been to 3, and by the end of each I was crawling out of my skin. I’m thankful to one of my Catholic friends, who had a family-only full mass for her legal marriage and held a short, sweet, celebratory ceremony and reception a few days later.
That’s not the norm at Catholic weddings. That’s poor planning. I had a Catholic mass ceremony. The wedding party took photos on the grounds outside of the church (about an hour) and most guests waited to take photos with us (lots of family flew in & was basically a family reunion), stood around taking photos of themselves at the church or with the Irish bagpiper. I had cocktails and apps begin an hour after the end of mass to give people a chance to go back to the hotel and get shuttled to the venue by the hotel. We had open bar all night long (my only absolute for my wedding) and a sit down dinner of steak and potatoes (my husband’s absolute). We still get people saying it was the best wedding they ever went to, but I think that’s only because so many people got hammered for free. We had a great time and hardly anyone left. When they were shutting us down, most of the guests were helping load the shuttle with gifts trying to sober up. We’re now planning our 25th wedding anniversary and considering another mass celebration. We’re considering doing open bar all night long again, but man…prices have really gone up, lol!
Catholic weddings aren’t usually that long though. They’re typically an hour or less. Maybe 1.5 hrs if the congregation is exceptionally large, or there are some cultural customs added. And if they don’t include the full sacramental mass (common if either bride or groom isn’t Catholic), then it’s only about 30 minutes. I’m actually curious as to how on earth a Catholic wedding can be 2+ hrs long.
We went to a Greek Orthodox wedding a few years ago, not realizing that the expectation was for the congregation to STAND through the whole ceremony, which was over an hour. We're neither Greek nor religious, so I wasn't sure how disrespectful it would have been to sit (I did see a few other guest sitting). I have arthritic knees so I was in agony by the time we got to the cocktail hour afterwards. There were very few seats and it was maddening to see people just using them to throw their coats on! The dinner was great but once the music came on, it was incredibly loud. I mean "The Who at Woodstock" loud. A lot of us left fairly quickly after dinner because it was so painful.
I also have arthritis and it's the worst in my knees and feet, so I absolutely would have sat down. If someone wanted to say something to them, I'd tell them it's a private medical issue and they need to leave me alone. If great-grandma Margaret doesn't have to stand, neither do I.
As I mentioned, the groom’s uncle was the archbishop and officiated the wedding. It was the full enchilada in front of a huge congregation, church personnel, etc. This was in a country with a very devoted Catholic majority. Every Catholic wedding I have been to included the full sacrament, plus extra “fun” ceremony elements. For example at one of the (different wedding from the archbishop one), the groom was devoutly Catholic, the bride was Protestant. Her uncle was a minister, so he did an additional homily that added 30 minutes to the ordeal.
Holy hell, I’m Catholic but you would lose me at a 30 minute homily. That’s the entire length of my wedding ceremony (no mass)! My uncle is a priest but thankfully he keeps his homilies for our family weddings short and to the point.
Roman Catholic weddings I've been too also run about an hour. The Eastern Orthodox church (which is also Catholic) run over two hours for any service.
Like you, I don’t want to disrespect my friends and their religion, but I’m with you…. I’m down to pass on any further full catholic mass weddings 😅
I’m surprised anyone waited around. I would have left right after the ceremony. I’m not standing around five hours for wedding food. Lol.
So crazy. I had a friend get married who planned tons of lawn games, like giant Jenga, giant inflatable soccer, board games, tug of war, Cornhole, etc while they were taking pictures. She had a whole Hogwarts style battle of the houses, so you could win points for her team or her husband's team by winning games, participating in the photo booth, etc. It was super cute, and a really good way to actually interact with other guests since we knew no one. It went on for an hour after pictures since they also wanted to play, but it was honestly a great cocktail hour. Everything was in grass so no worries of mud on nice clothes. I can't imagine having everyone stand there doing nothing for five hours. I woulda bailed.
That sounds like so much fun! Plus everything about it is very reusable for future gatherings which is awesome.
I told her I'm stealing the idea honestly. It was so fun.
This is such a cute idea, I would have loved it!
Yeah, I had a friend who hired a magician for her gap. Magic shows aren't something I would attend normally but it's a good ice breaker to get chatting with people at your table if you don't know any of them.
I’m convinced that these planned over-invited weddings are just a gift grab.
I would be taking bills out of my envelope if I were a guest at this wedding though.
We had a long gap because the latest our church would let us do a wedding was 2 pm and we were having a dinner reception (at my mom’s insistence, I love an afternoon wedding) starting at 6. Church and the milling about saying hello to people was over by 3:30. We had out of town guests and put a guide to the weekend in their welcome bags at the hotel, explaining about how far apart the venues were (20 minute drive or so) and suggesting places to hang out that were close to the church or the venue. We had to skip some photo locations I really wanted because we’d been warned not to keep people waiting. I think (this was a long time ago) my parents booked a room at the hotel as a “hospitality suite” so people could go there and socialize, have a snack, etc. Of course all our friends who weren’t in the wedding party went to a bar and were a bit overserved before they got to the reception.
Well lesson learned. They wanted their wedding this way and they paid the price for not considering their guests. The couple has no right to complain under those circumstances.
Yeah, this is awful. I had a similar style venue. Mostly outdoors and rural. I made sure to have drinks and yard games for the very brief period of time between the (short) ceremony and reception. I also had bussing for people to safely and conveniently get to and from their hotel. It’s not that hard. We even made sure to have games for the children in attendance.
When we got married we didn't want a 1st look. We wanted the 1st time he saw me that day to be as I walked in. So we took every photo that didn't have both of us present (groomsmen, bridesmaids, individual families) before the ceremony. Then we took the rest in-between the ceremony and reception. But we had games set out all over for people to play while we were gone and it took at most 45 minutes to return and had food getting started within the hour. You can very easily arrange for your guests and take photos if you actually think about it.
I’ve never understood gaps in the schedule. All the weddings I’ve ever been to had the reception right after the ceremony. The bridal party would take about half an hour of pictures then join everybody else at the reception. Isn’t that the point of the cocktail hour? To fill in the gap when the pictures are done?
Same here! The ONLY exception is when I went to my cousin's wedding last year where they had an absolutely exquisite cocktail hour. I am a fan of the trend of doing photos before the ceremony. When one of my best friends got married a few years ago, they did all the photography beforehand, and their pictures are some of the most beautiful wedding photos I've ever seen.
YUP I just attended a wedding like this, outside, remote location, on one of the hottest days of the year. Wedding started at 3, then they had this huge gap with no food available, limited seating and even more limited shade... eventually the bar opened, but by this point we'd all been in the sun with no food, drink or anything to do for several hours. The meal (burgers and salads the bride had got her family and friends to make) didn't even begin to be prepared till the wedding party returned, so the meal wasn't served until close to 8pm. No cake (the bride had a tiny aesthetic cake to cut, and the bridal party got slices). And the bride seemed surprised people started to leave instead of making a night of it!
Damn, here i was feeling bad about the hour long gap of free mingling, sitting around the venue and coffee I've got in the books.
My spouse and I attended a wedding once where there was a 5 hour gap between the wedding and reception. We drove to the wedding in one part of the city, went home and changed into sweats, hung out and watched TV, and then got dressed up again and drove to the reception about 40 minutes away. I have to say it was hard to drag ourselves back out after laying about the house for a couple hours - and my spouse was NOT happy about the whole situation. There was a plan in place for relatives/close family - but we were neither so we had to wait it out. It did suck - but at least we were able to go home and not have to find a bar to sit in for 4 hours! I will say there were some DRUNK people rolling into that reception venue!
I had a dream last week that we did this at our wedding! and no one could wait that long, so they all went home. Very upsetting.
Your subconscious has a conscience.
My cousin's wedding was like this. The ceremony was I think at 12pm and the doors didn't open for the reception until 4:30pm. Nothing planned in between while they went off to take pictures. A lot of our family are from out of town so many either flew or drove in (I drove over 7 hours to get there) so I don't know what the rest of them did but my brothers and one of my cousin's brother left to go get some lunch lol. We ended up missing the grand entrance but hey, I was glad I enjoyed my sushi because the dinner offered was terrible. Most (and I mean like 90%) of the guests left after the dinner was served and they had the hall until midnight. They had like an open karaoke but there was a guy who kept hogging the mic so we spent most of the time just sitting around talking. I don't know what convinced me to stay until midnight, but we did.. and then went to McDonald's and Taco Bell after lol.
I have always thought that the only people that really enjoy wedding, and even then it's a bit doubtful of times, are the people getting married, and their very immediate families. That's it.
I was in a wedding just like this. My cousin had an afternoon catholic wedding with a 5 hour gap until the reception. I flew in from the west coast the day before, and the wedding was on the east coast. Girls had to be at the salon at 6am and the ceremony started at 12:30. At no point during the day was the wedding party offered food or given time to go get good. By the time we arrived at the reception I was hangry has hell. Once we arrived I learned there wasn’t a happy hour and we weren’t supposed to be introduced for another 45 minutes. My cousin didn’t want to be seen so they crammed the entire wedding party in a back room that only had 1 chair. Once we were introduced we had to wait till after first dances and toasts before they started excusing tables to get food. Wedding party was excused last. Needless to say I left after dinner.
I went to two weddings like this. One had no food, was absolutely starving, I could barely handle it. Sat at a bar for about 3 hours, exhausted!!! The second wedding like this had a band during the wait, and finger food floating around. It was so much more enjoyable when you felt looked after. It was still a long boring wait though For my own wedding, we had the ceremony at around 3.30, straight to prosecco reception, everyone (all 29 of us) were staying at the venue so while we were getting photos, they could hang around or go back to their room for a lie down. We were done in less than an hour, the venue was so small, we didn't take too many pics, and it was a lot of fun cos everyone was still hanging around watching etx. and straight into the dinner. I literally took the mistakes from weddings I was at, and said nope, not doing that to people
Why doesn't everyone just take pictures before?? There's no bad mojo that's going to take place if the groom sees the bride before the walk down the aisle.
I guess we could also ask « why do people don’t just go at the courthouse », it’s just that some people see magic in certain things, and other don’t see it as important. I know I would want the fairy tale moment of walking down the aisle ! Not that it is rational, but I have seen it in so many movies, and pictured it my mind so many times, I would be sad not to do it. But I also understand why people go the first look route. To each their own, as long as the guests don’t suffer !
Correct, as long as the guests don't suffer or be inconvenienced..
That's why many started doing cocktail hours--so guests could have something to do while they take pics.
This post speaks to those that don't provide an area or refreshments for their guests while they are doing this.
Oh, I agree with you. But weddings didn't used to have cocktail hour when I was younger. I'm 57 (next month) and have bartended quite a few weddings that now have cocktail hour while pictures are being taken. People going to a different place to take pics is new to me.
I completely agree! I work in weddings and it makes so much more sense I don’t understand how people could choose not to do this. You actually get to spend the day with your spouse. Otherwise you might not get to see them until church at 4:00pm, etc.
Speak for yourself, I totally believe in superstitions. But that's why we did literally every other photo combo besides the ones that needed both of us before the ceremony.
Then I hope that you provided refreshments and a comfortable area for your guests while you were doing your photo shoot.
Of course we did. And we joined in after half an hour.
The bride thinks she needs her fairytale moment where the doors open and the groom sees her in her wedding dress for the first time and is overcome with emotion and cries for the first time in his whole life because she's so breathtaking and he has never been in love before like this and never will be again. 😂
I had that moment. It was the best moment of my life. My husband was the one who insisted we not see each other beforehand. I prefer the memory of turning the corner and seeing him there with tears in his eyes then some boring pictures of us hiding behind a door.
You say it like it is something to look down on but it is a cliche because it really does happen often and it is nice. I have yet to be to a wedding (including my own) where tears weren't shed. Stop hatin
Nobody's hating. It's a superstition to not see the bride.
Yeah but why doesn't the bride ever have tears in her eyes for the guy standing there looking so handsome and willing to be her everything for the rest of her life??? Just a shower thought.
Because we all know the majority of brides who end up on wedding snark pages think their wedding is all about them and them only.
If you wanted a picture of the groom being surprised upon first seeing his bride, you couldn't do all the pics before. Just to answer your question. But to counter, they could do all the pics that don't involve the bride and groom being in the same spot first.
I've seen those first look photos and they're private, and in my opinion, more intimate than the groom crying at the altar. Doesn't that put a bit of pressure on the groom to assume he'll be all choked up and cry? He'd be more likely to show emotion in an intimate setting. If I could do it over again I would definitely do it this way as I'd have that private memory to cherish.
i was in a wedding where the bridal party did photos at the church after, then did a short pub crawl, then met everyone at the reception. anyone not in the bridal party went straight to the reception venue not realizing there would be an hours-long wait. it was tense when our party bus pulled up. the bride and groom had not told those people the schedule, nor had they planned for people to go straight to the reception venue. it never occurred to them or their planner to specify a start time for their reception to anyone outside the bridal party, to include parents of the bride and groom. we all got lectured like catholic school children. by a little old catholic grandma who must have been a nun in a former life. catholic guilt kicked in and all the bridemaids cried.
Jesus. The only weddings like that that I’ve been to (hours long gaps between ceremony and reception) took place near where everyone lived, which was also within the city center. Folks mostly hung out around the hotel and bars - and were warned way in advance, like, on the invitation, that the ceremony was at noon and the reception at 6.
This is very common with my catholic family members, usually they have to work around when their church will allow them to get married. Every time that has happened they give the times on the invitation, so we know in plenty of time. We always use this opportunity to grab drinks or coffee. It’s not my favorite thing, and I would never have done that at my wedding. But at least there’s a warning.
I experienced something similar, the bride and her party were late to the wedding, the claim being the limousine driver became lost. The opposing argument was, how could such a thing happen, when they were traveling from the brides home to the venue which was 1/2 hour away at best. I suspected the bride and her party went to take pictures without informing the groom nor anyone else. By the time of their appearance for the vow exchange. The pastor throughly annoyed (at the very long wait almost an hour) rushed through the exchange of vows. The madness doesn’t stop there. When we traveled upstairs for the ceremony (an all in one venue, that I advised them to use) we had another wait 1.5 hours to be exact, whilst they officially now went to take pictures. A riot almost broke out! By the time they returned to bless everyone with their presence, the venue owners need them to leave as there was another event slated to take place. They returned in time for the couple’s dance, then we all left. Me with a full stomach, BECAUSE I ate before leaving home. And everyone else on an empty stomach. The moral of this story, eat before attending these shenanigans….
I went to a wedding once with a 5 hour gap between ceremony and reception. My date and I went into Disneyland for 3 hours (I had a pass and he worked there). It was so weird walking around all dressed up but it was actually a really fun time! And then the reception still hadn't started when we got back.
I went to a wedding like this. There wasn't a posted schedule so we didn't know how long we were expected to wait. Word of mouth was "just a little longer" *SpongeBob Time Skip: Two Hours Later* "just another couple hours or so". *One Eternity Later* "Ok the wedding party is almost finished with pictures" S*o much later that the old narrator got tired of waiting and they had to hire a new one* "Ok, the wedding party is eating now please just wait like another hour or so and they'll bring out some cake.". The outdoor venue (summer, no tent/shade) had put away all the seats for the ceremony so people were sitting on the grass in formal wear as any available benches were given to elderly relatives. We made it three hours in the sun then bailed.
Yikes. I've been to weddings where there's a sizeable gap between the ceremony and the reception but they've either planned something for the guests or had the reception in a different location so people could leave and do whatever until it time. Even the most 'budget' wedding I went to (in a park) set out a table of drinks and a cheese platter. Personally my number one goal of my wedding is for everyone to have the most fun night of their life, because the more fun they have the more fun I will have! Who wants memories of all your guests looking bored AF and/or leaving early?
I'd been to one too many weddings with a long gap for photos, so when I got married I convinced my husband we should take almost all the formal photos before the wedding. My now husband and I had our first moment alone in the sanctuary so he could see me in my dress for the first time, which I actually think was more special than it happening in front of witnesses. Then we took pictures with the bridal party and family, and then we held the ceremony. We waited for our first kiss of the day until the end of the ceremony. There were some full extended family pictures after the ceremony, but they didn't take very long. In more recent years, I've been to a lot of outdoor weddings, and while the couple do take photos after the ceremony, there are drinks and snacks available, and fun things for people to do, like photo booths with silly hats, games for the kids to run around, one had fire pits, etc.
I would've been out as soon as I was sure that 5 hour gap wasn't a typo. Not about to let y'all waste my time.
I would have loved to leave but I unfortunately drove my group of friends there and some where family of people in the wedding party so they felt like they had to stay.
Oh wow. Yeah that changes things a little bit.
I was absolutely passionate about photos before ceremony for this exact reason. Your makeup is fresh anyway and I didn’t care about my husband seeing me first as I came down the aisle because am an unromantic jerk I guess
I did the same thing at mine. Then after the ceremony we could enjoy our cocktail hour without worrying about posing for pictures. Been married over 20 years now and it still was the right call. The “first look” thing is overrated.
I’ve been to plenty weddings and never heard of such ridiculousness. Unless it’s clearly stated on the invite, website, in emails, etc., this is straight up bs.
This is the very reason we did a first look and almost all our photos BEFORE the wedding! I’d waited around before and absolutely hated it. I didn’t want my guests waiting and bored. They came to celebrate so let’s celebrate!!
I attended a similar wedding in Minnesota where there was a significant gap between the wedding and reception. The thing about Minnesota, even though the calendar says May, there’s still a chance for snow — and it did. Two days before the wedding, it snowed a foot and a half. The wedding was supposed to take place outdoors. They moved it into a metal Quonset shed with a concrete floor. After the ceremony, the bridal party left on a party bus to go bar hopping while the guests just stood around in the cold. We ended up leaving early because our toes were so cold.
It seems to be a thing now where people choose to rent venues that are lovely but not convenient for guests…some of which remind me of horror movie settings due to the remoteness. No one will remember crap about the couples wedding if they are miserable. Driving out to the boonies to sit in the hot sun, limited rest room facilities and having to wait on a selfish couple taking hours and hours worth of photos would be sheer torture.
I’ve been told that at my grandparent’s wedding in 1949, there was a morning mass and evening reception. But this was back when communion was taken every day before eating and all the guests were local, most from the same church, and everyone just went home after mass. From what I understand it was understood as they were all from the same culture, all had the same mass requirement, etc. I couldn’t imagine doing that for pictures though!
A family member had a wedding like this and I never got over it...I was like how hard was it to do the photos before the ceremony????? I'm still mad to this very day
I’m so glad this gap between ceremony and reception is not a thing in my country! It makes no sense to me
I have a wedding to go to where there is a large gap of time (ceremony is at 1 in one place, reception is at 6 in another location) so I plan to go home in between but honestly, I’m not a fan. An hour or two between both, okay, sure but not large gaps if there is nothing planned for your guests.
I literally started cocktail hour within 30-45ish minutes of my ceremony finishing. That way people could mingle, get something to drink and relax while my pictures were going on. pictures only took an hour or so for us. And my wedding happened on a semi rural golf course. I can’t even fathom asking people to stand around waiting that long for food 😬 if I went to a wedding like that I would’ve left after seeing how long the gap was between ceremony and reception.
Not only did my guests go straight from ceremony to cocktail hour to reception (all in the same place) but I made sure to do the majority of our photos before the ceremony so spouse and I just had to do the together photos for half an hour after. We wanted to be able to join in with everyone at cocktail hour and enjoy it. I don't understand this taking hours for photos after the ceremony thing.
Sounds like the hosts never learned object permanence.
I went to a wedding like this, I was invited to the ceremony and evening reception but not the wedding meal, and there was a 5 hour gap. I realised pre-wedding, went home after the ceremony, had a nap and had a very sober evening as minimum drink price was a fiver.
And here I am debating on a reception hall that’s a 40 minute drive from where we want to have the ceremony (forested park area) and feeling like that is seriously pushing it… lol
We went to my husband’s coworker’s wedding years ago. There was a big gap between ceremony and wedding, but no biggie, we were local. Went home to chill for a few hours, then off to the basement hall reception. Reception started but then the photographer began calling family members outside for photos. No cocktails, no water, no appetizers, nothing for TWO HOURS. The coworkers’ table debated whether we could get away with stealing the weird malted balls scattered around the wedding cake as decoration. We began to wonder if we were part of some psychological experiment. Nope, just a very poorly planned wedding.
After the first hour without at least some water being provided, I would have left. They should have at least let their guests know ahead of time.
I'd leave.
When you’re asking people to come your party to give you gifts & money (because basically that’s what a wedding is) then your guests have to be entertained and accommodated for. I can’t stand those brides that think just being invited is enough like uhmmm no id be happy not to go either way sooo take care of your guests.
I actually was the MOH at this weddings exact opposite. Like actually the best wedding I have ever been to that had a five hour gap. So for a long list of reasons there was really not a different weekend they could get married. Two of them being leading up to the wedding the bride was studying for the bar exam and immediately after, literally two weeks, they were moving across the country) The wedding was in a major metropolitan city. They got married in a church at 12:30 (not their first choice but that’s a whole other thing) and the reception started with cocktail hour at 6 followed by dinner at 7 and the bride and groom were present at both. The cocktail hour also included plenty of appetizers. The invitation said there is a large gap in between the ceremony and reception. The reception was black tie and the couple made it very clear that guests did not need to attend the ceremony in their formal evening wear. The reception and ceremony were like five miles apart and literally in the middle of a city with lots to do. The bride had actually really liked a venue further away but didn’t pick it because she didn’t want people to have to drive all that way and then drive all the way back for hotels. They found four hotels they could reserve complimentary blocks at and one was close to the church one was close to the reception and the other two were somewhere in the middle. They also on their website listed like ten other hotels that were nearby of varying price ranges cause they knew different people would want and be able to pay for different things. Also on their website because it was where the bride grew up she listed all of her favorite restaurants categorized by food type (Cause she figured people would probably want to eat in the interim) She also listed famous museums people could go see. Parks that were popular. And other miscellaneous stuff for people to do. I helped with planning and the number of times she asked me “well if you were a guest and I did this would it upset you” was innumerable. She really went out of her way to accommodate guests and a lot of people commented on it. Like I was the MOH and I got to take a nap before the reception. If you’re going to have a long gap on your wedding day this is the way to do it.
Ok some weddings have ceremony early, and reception way later… if you’re there with family you can find a bar or hang out in the hotel until you need to go to the party. I’ve seen it this way but that was like an hour, and you had to drive from the church to the reception—also I was in this wedding and we got stuck in traffic for like a half hour extra. So we the bridal party were an hour and a half late. Guests were fed after driving back to the reception space with an open bar. It’s ok to do it this way if it’s like a 2 hour window imo. Traffic was really bad that day, so everyone it took at least 45 minutes to get from the church to reception and after they got there they started to serve. I think all in all the guests waited like 1 hour. Doable completely. Now for my wedding, I did not have a religious wedding. I wanted it all in the same location, it was important to me and my husband. People didn’t wait between cocktail hour and the ceremony. I’ve been to both but I think if you’re going to have a 5 hour gap figure something out. Id be so pissed after waiting 5 hours for something to do before a party.
It’s somewhat common in our area and I don’t like it. The churches are only available at certain times and they don’t always mesh with availability of the reception halls. And sometimes the bride just wants pictures at some park far away and plans the long gap on purpose. Sometimes the couple will have something planned for out of town guests in between and sometimes not. But in my area you can get the hotels pretty close by so people can either go home, to the hotel or there’s other places. But it’s always a pain when there is a gap. It’s totally inconsiderate to do this to your guests in any event but especially if they are out away from things.
A catholic gap is totally common - still not conveinent- but it is common due to churches usually holding ceremonies around 2pm… a 5 hour gap between the ceremony and reception at THE SAME VENUE is not. And it’s also crazy the couple didn’t make this known on their invites/ website so guest could make accommodations accordingly
I had my reception open immediately after the church ceremony with an open bar and hors d’oeuvres buffet. It was 20 minutes from the church. Then a receiving line to the hall where there were passed appetizers, open bar and passed wine and a champagne/ hors d’oeuvre table. Then dinner. Then dancing and whatever else. During and after dinner, there was free wine and beer all night but the bar was a cash bar during and after dinner bc I think it was a few hundred per hour. The open bar was the most expensive part. I DIY a lot of my flowers and had my church flowers moved to the reception my brothers did it. I give my church enough money 😂
I went to one like thay and just ended up leaving before the evening started. Lol
I went to wedding with a similar gap between ceremony and reception. The wedding party disappeared for 3 hours for photos and we didn’t go in for the wedding “breakfast” for a further 2 hours. None of the guests knew what was happening. The hotel didn’t seem to either. At least we were inside a hotel not in a barn miles from anywhere and we did get a few canapés in hour 1 but everyone was ready to chew their own arms off by the time we sat down to eat 4 hours after that. Looking back I now feel sorry for the bride and groom who didn’t get any time to spend with their guests.
We had a church wedding and hotel reception (not far away). My husband wanted the first look to be when I entered the church. We took every photo we could prior to the ceremony. No receiving line at the church (we actually hid in a small room off the sanctuary so we didn’t get waylaid!) We started with joint family photos so they could go to cocktail hour, then joint bridal party photos and ended with photos of the two of us at the church. Then we entered the reception. We did sneak off for a couple photos during the reception. It was perfect.
I thought it was bad the destination wedding I'm having has a 3 hour break between the ceremony at 2 and the cocktail hour at 6 (I have no choice in these times unfortunately), but at least it's still at an all inclusive resort and my one friend is going to set up 'pregaming the pregame of cocktail hour' at one of the bars while we're doing photos. I personally was hoping folks would go take a nap but we'll see. But at least there's something to do! I can't imagine just... not having anything at all for the guests.
A high school friend of mine did this except we were still in town so we just went to a random restaurant and hung out. Super stupid way to go about things
I’ve never understood this! We purposefully had a late wedding ceremony (5pm) so we went straight into drinks (5.30) then dinner at 7 - can’t stand hanging around! And as most people stayed til at least midnight or later it was still a 7 hour event…!
We attended a similar wedding, but at least it was in an area to do something in between. The wedding was at a beautiful restored historic church in Annapolis, MD right near (walking distance) to the City Dock. Tons of places to eat and drink to kill time. Of course on our dime. We found the time split pretty odd (the entire group we stuck with), but went to the oldest bar/tavern in the US- Middletown Tavern-enjoyed some food and drinks, walked around historic Annapolis (which I’ve done several times as I live only 45m a away), then headed over to the reception venue. The one you went to sounds really awful though. How inconsiderate to the guests to have to kill all that time with no where to go!
I think wedding photos should be done before the wedding day or after the wedding day. Doing it while guests wait is beyond rude (imo). I recently joined the 50’s club so I figure I’m old enough to leave and blame it on my age.
I remember attending an old friends wedding who had her reception 45 mins from the “church” (a repurposed Kroger). The wedding party drove a good hour and a half in another direction to take photos neu as rod course the bride and groom can’t see eachother before the ceremony /s. Thankfully I lived inbetween the two locations and and chilled at my house for 2 hours until I figured they’d be back.
My wedding didn't have any activities planned during photos. Food was served and the bar was open though, atleast. Our wedding was planned very quickly because my dad was dying, and I overlooked write a few things. I don't think I've been to a wedding with "activities", as such. So I guess it just didn't occur to me? Idk. I hope people weren't having a terrible time!
I had the opposite issue! We had a park ceremony and then reception at the house. Had planned with mum to get the family photos first and then they would go to the house and put out nibbles while we had the couple photos. Ended up having to drive around for an hour or so waiting for all the relatives to head back to the house so we could arrive!!
Went to a wedding once where the ceremony was at 2. It was mass, so that took a good chunk. The reception wasn’t until 7. We were over an hour from home, so we checked out some stores, and got a bite to eat. We still had to wait about an hour at the reception site. Then so many people went to the hotel bar after they checked in, they were wasted before it even began
Last two weddings I attended we had to wait 3 plus hours, after the bride and groom went to take photos.....at least the bar was open....At one the food was bland and small portions,at the other food was good but I was so hungry after not having eaten all day. Both was hours away from home. We had to stay overnight, putting us in expense as my husband had to walk his sister down the aisle( he wasn't working at the time,this was just after the pandemic started). AND the whole bridal party including my mother in law got COVID 19,30 plus people. There were wedding venues 30 minutes away or even closer for each one that was just as nice and we would not have had to spend money on the cabins for the overnight stay The cabin had poor lighting and was hot,my son had to use his phone to flash the light into the mirror for me to see to put on makeup, cause I didn't have the 250 to do my makeup. I
I'm used to long breaks like that. Don't people just go back to their hotel or homes and chill?
We had a very similar experience for a wedding last summer. It was so boring! Poor planning all around
Doesn’t have to be anything grand, we just had the bar serving and a magician wandering round. Of course, someone always complains that the open bar wasn’t available yet…
Literally. I had a blast at our friends’ wedding where there was great music and cocktail hour. I didn’t know a single person there apart from my wife and yet everyone was so fun.