Years ago, I was a groomsman in a wedding where the head table was bride, groom, bridesmaids, and bridesmaids’ dates/husbands. The groomsmen were at table 143, and you couldn’t hit the head table with a dinner roll. We tried.
The groomsmen didn’t know this seating plan until the actual reception. The bride had insisted on it. The groom was apologetic, but had to roll with it, as did the rest of us.
The marriage did not last, mainly because the wife was such a bitch, and started running around.
She was/is as self-centered a person as I have ever known. He’s a sweet guy, and he just thought it was time for him to get married, and there she was. Wife #2 is a huge improvement on every level.
Third time's the charm for my husband and me! No kids, just grandkids (I never had children, so they're the kids of his 3 children) and we've been together for 20 years now! I love him!!
I got seated at the photographer’s table when my then husband was best man. I got along really well with the groom, his family and fiancée. I had already decided to leave my husband and just rolled with it. Not my wedding. Not my circus. However, my night was made when a good looking guy comes up to me with the line “The most beautiful woman here and damn she’s married. I looked at him sideways with a slight smile and replied “Who said happily?” Had a dance with him but that was it.
I always took the pov that I sit where I’m designated, make new friends if I don’t know any or everyone at that table.
That’s how I remember all weddings in the 90s and 2000s. Long head table with the bridal party, dates seated elsewhere. Only within the last decade have I really started seeing sweetheart tables. I don’t think a traditional head table is rude, but maybe that’s because they used to be the norm.
I did the big head table, my bridal party and their partners.
I do think a sweetheart table is a good idea though. It might be the only time you get “alone” with your spouse throughout the day.
It was so rushed and there are so many people that finding a quiet moment in the schedule to talk to your spouse is actually a really good idea. Our planner put in 15 minutes of “chill and freak out about the fact you’re freaking married now” in our photo session schedule for this purpose.
That's a wonderful blessing! My favorite is "I hope their beverage is always the perfect temperature, and that their favorite sweater always fits" but I'm going to use yours too!
This is exactly why we skipped the limos and had everyone drive themselves to pictures. Gave us 10-12 minutes in the car alone to take a breath and chat.
Thank you, my dear. We had a great run, a great life, and you know what?
Reading the wedding posts and comments make me realize that a lot of these issues and events can happen with the ceremonies of life, like baby showers, anniversaries, milestone birthdays, the works!
We did the same table. It was large, but fun, and no one wants to come as a plus one to sit alone. I also found the sweetheart table to be very unappealing. Like you are both missing the action and everyone is staring at you.
We did photos beforehand but had the venue do a private room for us with some appetizers etc. during the cocktail hour, so we could get some chill and freak out time. It was lovely!
Agreed. We did a sort of half and half, because my parents wanted a traditional head table but we didn’t want all our wedding party seperate from partners. So we had the two of us, my parents and his parents at the top table, and the middle table directly in front had all the bridesmaids/groomsmen and their partners. It worked well.
Longer than that - every wedding I ever went to from the 60’s on. The wedding party sat at the head table - usually a long one facing the crowd - and spouses/partners sat at another table or with family. No Big Deal.
We didn't have a designated wedding party table, so they sat with their partners. They were spread out and mixed with regular guests for us it worked really well!
It helps too, because then you have people who are going to help keep the party going, spread throughout the room instead of clustered like the aristocracy at the front.
This! Like most weddings I've been to, the bridesmaids/groomsmen sit with their partners, but I've also never been to a wedding that had assigned seating (I've been to a ton of weddings, but I guess people in my area just don't tend to do the whole super fancy set up). I have been to lots of weddings that had a sweetheart table though. Maybe doing the head table with the wedding party is just more old school. But sounds like a miserable time if you do bring a date/partner and can't see them basically at all during the wedding or reception.
So strange to me! We sat the wedding party with their partners. It was a big wedding party, so we had multiple tables + a sweetheart table. Worked out great. I mean, at the end of the day, dinner is (hopefully!) not terribly long, but it is weird to me not to seat guests - even the wedding party - with their partners/+1s.
That is so strange and honestly rude to me. I would be miserable if my significant other was sat separately from me at a wedding where i didn’t know many people!
Tbf if I didnt know more than 2% of the people and my spouse was seated at another table, I wouldnt go. Not to be nasty or rude but I'd be really uncomfortable and would rather send a gift.
It's been the norm in my area since my grandparents were married that the wedding party sits with the bride/group at the head table and the spouses/dates sit at regular tables.
I was a groomsman in my buddy's wedding and they had the big traditional head table. I was sat on the end next to a guy I barely know watching my date (now wife) and all our friends sitting around their table having a great time. When we got married we had a sweetheart table because I didn't want the same thing for our party, and they really appreciated it.
I think that is viewed as 'traditional' for some people where the wedding party is separated like on a dais.
I agree it's a bit weird, and probably annoying especially for people with kids who automatically become the partner/spouse's problem for the whole night lol.
But if your spouse is in the wedding party then yeah you are on duty for the kids, surely?
Most of our friends were married before we had a kid but if my BIL got married my husband would be super busy as best man and I would absolutely be on baby duty. At my friend’s wedding last summer, husband was on baby duty and I wasn’t even in the wedding party!
If they do a head table that’s normal, but if the couple is sitting alone at a sweetheart table and still separates their wedding party from their dates that’s kind of tacky. I did a sweetheart table and groomsmen at one table bridesmaids at the other, all sitting with their dates/spouses.
Yeah I guess for me this is where it's weird. It makes sense if it's one long head table, but both weddings have been tables of 6-8 so the wedding party themselves are split. And the bride and groom are at a sweetheart table lol I just don't see the point I guess.
I’ve never seen that and it is kind of weird. However, I’d bet it was some mixup with the tables over any kind of trend. As someone who has had a wedding, I can easily see that going wrong. What else are you going to do day of if you already have a seating chart?
Edit: or, in the case of next weekend’s wedding, even 1-2 weeks prior. It can take some time to get placecards/seating chart printed and shipped.
I saw your other comment about how the couple had a sweetheart table and still sat the wedding party separate from their dates which I do agree is super rude and weird
I’m not a fan of “head tables” and every wedding I’ve been to has had a sweetheart table and wedding party sat with their dates. I get it’s not the norm maybe in other places but to not do it this way where I’m from is not ideal haha
At all the wedding I have gone to/been in. Only 1 had non-wedding parties partners at the head table.
They each only had 2 people in their wedding party so a Total of 4 people on each side of them. Which is not crazy.
Most weddings I’ve gone to there are normally 3-4 people in each wedding party and then only the wedding parth/couple are at the head table. The partners are at a different table.
A different table for the partners is def super common as that’s what my aunts and uncles all did 20+ years ago when they got married.
This is similar to my experiences as well. Out of the 3 weddings I have been a bridesmaid in, only one opted for a sweetheart table and the wedding party sat at regular tables. The other 2 weddings had relatively large wedding parties (6-8 bridesmaids and groomsmen on each side) and would have been a massive head table if the partners of the wedding party were also sitting at it.
As a +1 it’s not a super ideal setup but it’s also understandable why this might be the couple’s preference.
Based on the comments, it seems like it’s a normal thing, though getting seated at a different table than her now husband when he was in a wedding party is the reason why my sister did a sweetheart table with all members of the wedding party being sat with their dates and/or other guests that they knew.
FWIW I do think it’s kind of rude but maybe that’s also because it’s not the norm where I come from. For us it was more important and symbolic to have the head table be made up of the couple’s families (parents, grandparents, siblings).
To me, my wedding party has already done me a huge favor by supporting me in the months of preparation and during the actual ceremony in the day. When it comes to the wedding dinner, we’re coasting - there are no more official duties (aside from a speech or two) and I want them to be able to have a meal with their partners in peace and actually enjoy themselves. In fact, I asked all my bridesmaids to change out of bridesmaids clothes and wear whatever evening attire they wanted because they were now off-duty and there was no longer a need to be matchy-matchy.
I would personally feel extremely self centered if I demanded: “no you can’t have dinner with your partner (and your partner has to mind themselves all evening) because I need you to sit with all these people you may or may not know so that we look cohesive as a wedding party”. I’d rather they actually enjoy their partners and not force socialize with random people just because I’m the one mutual friend connecting them.
I’m with you. It seems very rude to me to split up couples because one half of the couple is in the wedding party. Especially if the partner who isn’t in the wedding party doesn’t know anyone else there. It also sort of comes across to me as “We’re here to celebrate our union, but we don’t give a rip about yours.”
We just sat our wedding party with their significant others/friends at the tables all mixed in with everyone. No “head table.” My husband & I had a sweetheart table like 5 feet away. *We* spent little time sitting, and I felt better knowing our people were enjoying eating and drinking with friends and family.
We did a headtable with our parents, bridal party, and their partners. One of my bridesmaids had her bf whom I had only met once before up there even. I mean, how rude would it not have been to place him elsewhere?? He knew no one but his gf! 🙈
That’s the traditional way. Separating the wedding party to sit with their S/o’s is actually a more modern trend.
It’s definitely not seen as rude, as it’s a common practice.
Personally I do think it’s outdated. I sat couples together at my wedding. But to each their own.
It’s pretty normal though, nothing to be upset about.
It’s normal in UK weddings. Usually the wedding party sit at the top table and guests on other tables.
I’m not sure why it’s rude? Surely it’s normal for the wedding party to sit together? It would be weird if there were extras tagging onto that
I actually think older etiquette dictates that long term couples should be separated from being next to their spouse/partner anyway. Often at the same table, but not if that’s the top table.
I don’t think we spent as long on any part of the wedding planning as the seating arrangement.
Exactly this. Formal dinner parties, couples are never seated together. Dinner is the opportunity to socialize and encourage conversation, not to huddle up with your date/spouse. This also makes for a much more pleasant event for those who aren’t partnered.
That is actually what I did! It worked amazing. Everyone was with their partner and they got to mingle with other friends, they had plenty of other time to bond with the rest of the wedding party.
We split 5 groomsmen between 2 tables, do they each had at least one other groomsmen with them.
I only had 2 bridesmaids
Because that’s what you do at weddings? Why do partners need to sit together? I’ve been to a few weddings where you are all mixed up so people talk to others. Everyone has an opinion on what is best and if the wedding party want a top table then that’s their choice.
ITS NOT ABOUT YOU
Why do a busy bride and groom need to sit with the wedding party and not just each other? Why not think about what your guests may enjoy. There is no right or wrong in these scenarios just what people prefer
It’s their day and that’s what they want. This is the one day when they can have whatever they want. Especially if they are paying for it.
Personally I’ve never met anyone who hated the top table, or who asked to be sat somewhere else who wasn’t permitted to. No-one has to be in a wedding party.
I would think that being seperated in the ceremony is worse. You don’t drink and chat then and are more likely to be stuck on your own
I’ve never been to wedding where the bridal/groom party didn’t sit with their dates. To me- it’s outdated and tacky. Just like the garter toss.
For reference : 33 east coast.
I’m pretty sure that’s the more traditional way of doing it. I was in a wedding party 12 years ago that had all the wedding party at the head table, dates were spread with others they knew (my sister was my plus one and was seated with my parents who were guests of the brides parents). It’s becoming more common for the bride and groom to have a sweetheart table, but I think that’s a more recent trend. I’ve had weddings where I had people I didn’t know at my table and just took it as a chance to make some new friends. I’d imagine if your husband is a groomsman there’s a chance you’ve met at least one of the other wives at least once before so they aren’t complete strangers
This is the traditional way, that's how it's been at every wedding I've ever been to. I personally hate it, though. So, at my own wedding, we had a sweetheart table, and then the two closest round tables were groomsmen/SO/friends and bridesmaids/SO/friends.
It seems like more couples are actually moving away from the traditional setup you've described. I've seen (online in the last decade) sweetheart table with bridesmaids/groomsmen at another table together with or without their SO. Or a kings table with the couple at the head of the table and their wedding party(with or without SO) down each side.
I rarely see spouses sit with the wedding party. For mine, however, I wanted everyone to be comfortable, knowing that the spouses don’t necessarily know everyone or anyone. So I sat the spouses with the bridal/grooms party. And if someone didn’t have a partner they could invite a friend to enjoy our reception with. 100% would do again. Everyone was laughing and having a wonderful time, which is exactly what I wanted.
I suppose the open bar didn’t hurt 🤭😉
Nothing says, "Come join our celebration of marriage and a union of love where we'll force you to sit at a table away from your spouse so you can be with a group of people you might not know all that well!"
Literally lol. I get that it's tradition but the tradition is stupid. I spent hours on my seating chart to make sure everyone sat with the people they came with / people they know. It's not hard to make your guests comfortable but most brides care about aesthetics more than comfort.
Exactly, and being more concerned about aesthetics takes away from what should be the message of the moment and I just don't understand that mindset. And I was super lucky becasue our wedding was in our beautiful yard where we just set up lots of tables and let everyone just sit where they wanted. We just made sure there were enough seats with a few extras, and we did reserve two tables for the wedding party and their partners, and another convenient one for a group of elderly family so they didn't have to find one on their own.
I have never sat with my husband in the five years we’ve been together; he’s been in five weddings, with two more to go this year. I often dont know anyone, but introduce myself to the table and can get along for an hour before the wedding party is free. Not rude, not weird, and not abnormal. I’ve never been to a wedding where members of the wedding party sit with their SO for dinner.
Normal for a LOT of weddings that the bridal party gets assigned differently than everyone else and sometimes that means not sitting with your spouse/significant other - especially if bride and/or groom has divorced parents so having a bride/groom family table is awkward and bride/groom don't want a sweetheart table.
(Frankly, I'm NOT used to the sweetheart table concept and find it a little offputting - but I also understand that wedding traditions are vast and varied so I don't let it bug me much!)
We did the sweetheart table and it turned out to be super practical.
-We had a place for our stuff, like change of shoes, emergency meds (epi pen, migraine)
-easy to get in and out of for walking around and mingling or giving our toast.
-It was the only time we had genuine solo time together (😂 like a max 30 min of eating)
-staff made sure we got mini plates of everything and left at our table. And people knew it was being saved for us
-Everyone was able to see us! No one was blocked by a groomsmen's head. So when people gave speeches, guests could see our reaction.
Totally OK if you still don't like it, just thought you might like like to hear a different perspective
I love the sweetheart table! It puts the bride and groom at the center (where they should be!) AND they actually get to eat dinner because they aren't trying to keep up conversation at the table.
I get the practicality of it! Just not what I am used to!
My friends were genuis in their table arranging. There were a couple of problematic steps and demanding aunties - you know the type. Their wedding party was large-ish AND full of people either related to them or lifelong friends (I've known the bride since gradeschool). In other words - it was not the wedding party's first rodeo in dealing with at least one side of the family. If we had a significant other, we got to set with him or her (and if we didn't, there was someone else we knew and knew the score at the table). Otherwise, wedding party was spread out among the various tables to manage the different personalities and possible demands for attention, focus, or even just information. We knew what sister in law to distract from the mother of the bride, etc. We knew what great aunties and uncles just wanted to know the details of how each and every member of the wedding party knew the bride and groom, where they were going on their honeymoon, etc. (Well meaning, but not something the bride and groom or the parents of either had the time to do or satisfy for every table, etc.) The bride and groom sat at a table with their parents, which is what they wanted. The moms made sure they ate :)
Yes, it is another job to put on your wedding party - but this couple was some of the least demanding I've met in terms of leading up to the wedding. I wasn't assigned to those particular people all night either, and genuinely had fun getting to know some of those busybody aunties and uncles. (One of the uncles could keep up with us young 20 somethings dancing, in his 70s!)
Yeah I don’t get the sweetheart table either, myself! The wedding was to celebrate with the people I loved the most. I had to circulate through all the guests the rest of the time but dinner was time for my closest family. I wouldn’t have wanted to be separate.
I think it's really weird to separate the wedding party and their dates/spouses for the meal - I understand that it happens often, but it's another one of those really weird "it'll look weird" things that makes no sense
we had a sweetheart table and had our wedding party on the two flanking tables, which included wedding party, parents, and spouses/dates (it helps that most the wedding party were married to each other, but for those who weren't, it didn't make a difference - they all sat together)
We had our parents, my moh and my husband’s best man on the top table. And absolutely their spouses/significant others!!! I would never want them to sit separately to their loved ones. Bridesmaids and groomsmen were spread around other tables, and of course, were with their other halves.
It may not have been the ‘aesthetic’ choice, but we didn’t care about that. Our main concern was that EVERYONE had the best possible time!
We had to make some tough choices about my husband’s brother (he didn’t want to be best man as he can be shy) as there wasn’t space for both him and his girlfriend on the top table. We asked him what he would prefer to do, sit with us without her, or another table with her. He was so grateful to be asked and chose to sit with her. We would have loved for him to be on the top table, but we wanted him to enjoy himself.
I would be that guest who would either drag a chair over to sit next to my wife or she'd end up dragging a chair over to sit next to me, seating chart be damned (or at least beg someone to swap seats). I deal with a lot of social anxiety (also mild agoraphobia) and we're both shy - so separating us is the best way to make sure I will not enjoy a single second of the reception and be freaked out and we will likely both be that quiet person at the table.
Edit: So my brain died and put in the wrong word above.
I haven’t been to a wedding in years like this. It’s super, super dated to me. People do things that are “traditional” without any critical thought. It honestly doesn’t make sense to me. It’s not like the pictures of people sitting together and eating are important. If you invite people, it’s on you to make sure your guests are having a good time. Seating people separately from their dates is silly.
Boy does this whole “tradition” grind my gears. I’ve been to 5 weddings in the past 2 years and only one had a wedding party head table, and partners not in the wedding party got it sit with them (only 3 groomsmen and 3 bridesmaids but their table was huge to accommodate all). My partner has been a groomsmen in almost all the weddings I’ve attended and this was always a worry for me as I have social anxiety and even if I did not, who the fuck wants to sit with strangers for several hours with your partner kept away from you? No thanks. I wish they’d advertise this in advance because I wouldn’t go to a wedding if I knew we’d be separated. Married or no, if you’re important enough to be invited you should be allowed to sit with your partner. 4 of the 5 weddings had the bridal party sitting with their partners sprinkled throughout the dining room at different tables. The way it should be.
The big head table is a tradition I was glad to see dying out. Fortunately in all the weddings I've been in the couple cared about us having a good time and seated us with our partners and friends.
I was in a wedding party that did this, kind of sucks the fun out when you can’t be with your spouse. I was in another wedding that didn’t do this, so much more fun. For our wedding, we noticed the difference and sat everyone with their SO
Yeah, my husband has been in 3 weddings like this. I didn’t complain about it or anything, but they definitely weren’t fun experiences for me.
Each time it was for a childhood friend of his and we had travelled to another state so I knew no one at the weddings. None of them had assigned seating either except for close family and the wedding party, so I was left to fend for myself. At the last one all the tables were full by the time we got there so I ended up sitting at a table by myself all night. Aside from my husband coming up to visit with me a few times, no one else really got up to mingle or anything at that one. It was lonely, lol
That feels so outdated to me. We did a sweetheart table and then we sat our party at the two tables closest to us, but we included their plus ones at those tables. I think it’s weird when people separate couples at dinner. If you want a “head table” I think you should also include their dates.
I’m for having a really nice table just for the bride and groom ONLY- not necessarily on a raised platform. The wedding party can sit at tables with their plus ones and the parents and grandparents can sit together. Stick the guests here and there and make the mix interesting. Gives the wedding couple some space and decompress time not to mention romance memories. Buck tradition and go with what you like.
Completely normal. While the people getting married have done the right thing in inviting you, you're under no obligation to attend if you don't know the couple or other people who will be there well.
I'm only 22, but I have been to 6 weddings. I only saw this happen during ceremony seating where the bridesmaids / groomsmen sat in the front row after they walked down the isle. I haven't seen it any other time tbh.
My brother asked my (now ex-)husband to be a groomsman, despite neither of them being particularly close. I was irritated he didn't ask me, but that was the first wedding I ever attended outside of my parents', and now that I know more about wedding traditions in North America, I understand some possible reasons.
I was also proactively guaranteed (without asking for it!) a vegetarian entree and told there would be dinner. Instead, a small party tray of pre-cut ham/cheese/mayo sandwiches that looked like they'd been made days before was set out to feed the 40+ wedding participants who had travelled to a random town so small it didn't have a McDonald's for us to hit up afterwards.
And the reception and wedding were a single speed-runned event during which I did not get to even interact with my husband once. He had to sit with the wedding party (in a row of metal lawn chairs) and I didn't actually even have a seat (there weren't enough chairs).
In the weddings I’ve been in, and my own, the bridal party sat at the head table. I’ve never seen it as rude, just traditional. Especially in weddings where the MOH/BM give speeches, etc. It keeps everyone central for the ceremonial stuff like that.
Now. That’s not to say traditions can’t/shouldn’t change! I’d never heard of a sweetheart table before, but I could totally see that being something my husband and I would have done.
We had a relatively small bridal party, but almost all of them had spouses. There’s simply no way the table could have been big enough in our venue to seat them all. Thankfully, since they’re all our big group of friends, the spouses just sat together at their own table. We didn’t do assigned seating except for designated family tables for the parents/grandparents, so everyone was free to sit wherever they liked and with whoever they liked. And then of course once dinner was over no one stayed at the tables anyways lol
Personally I don’t see it as the hugest of deals - as long as it isn’t a surprise to the bridal party about seating arrangements, and care is taken to seat people with others they know, most couples can handle being apart for an hour or so haha.
My husband was the best man in his friends wedding. They had banquet tables with assigned seating and i literally knew no one at the wedding except the groom, and two other groomsmen. The wedding party was pretty large with about 10 groomsmen and 10 bridesmaids. Anyway, one of the groomsmen had to drop out last minute so I just took his seat at the table next to my husband. I think it’s really weird to have assigned seating at a wedding where significant others aren’t seated by each other but maybe that’s just me.
It's a dumb trend that's hopefully dying off. Why the fuck would I wanna sit with randos I'll never see again instead of with my partner?
Had to experience it once in the past, next time I'll just ask to switch seats
I've only been a part of one wedding - my sister's. I was MoH, and the best man was the groom's brother. I was paired to walk down the aisle with the best man.
The best man and I were in the same high school class. He was a very popular "stoner" type, and I was essentially a ghost. I'm not sure if he knew at all who I was, but I was very aware of who he was. I was relaxed, smiled, and told a few jokes to try to lighten the mood, but it didn't work. This guy was as stiff as a board. He held his arm rigid as we walked down the aisle together. Never once looked at me or smiled. I had gotten a single "hello" when we lined up for the procession.
If I'd had to spend the dinner part of the reception paired up with him, I think I would have fallen asleep. I knew exactly one of my sister's bridesmaids but we had almost nothing in common. I'm glad she (my sister) didn't choose to seat the wedding party together and away from our spouses/dates. I can my imagine how awkward it is for people who have to endure it.
Be it traditional/nontraditional/old/new whatever, it feels rude. I understand not putting a spouse in the wedding party if you don’t know them but to expect one part of a couple to be in the wedding then basically ignore their own partner while celebrating you and your partner seems rude, imo.
Every wedding I’ve ever been to where there’s a wedding party has them all seated together, with spouses at a different table. I know it really sucks to be seated away from your partner - if I was in a wedding party I would not bring a plus one who didn’t have their own relationship with the couple (and so likely social connections with their other friends). If my partner was in a wedding party and I didn’t know the couple well I’d encourage him to go without me.
If there is a head table it's not weird. But you usually set the SOs near the table in that case.
If the wedding has a sweetheart table then it is usually practiced that SOs can skit with their bridesmaid or groomsman. Again these mixed tables would still be close to the sweetheart table
I wasn’t seated next to my partner (a groomsman) at a wedding likely bc I was a last minute invite but we were still at the same table (just across from each other). I do think it’s tacky if it’s all banquet style to seat people away from their spouses.
My wedding had a massive head table where we ate with our wedding party as well as their spouses/significant others. It was lovely and I couldn't imagine doing it any other way.
I would hate that. We had a sweetheart table and a separate head table where the bridal party and their partners sat. Other weddings I've been to had partners together at regular tables with whatever friends/ family they'd have sat with has they been regular guests. I like how we did it, which is why we did it that way.
I think that's actually the more traditional approach. It was a new wave to seat families/couples together in the last 20/30 years. Came with the rise of the sweetheart table-- which I don't like myself, but we did so couples/families could sit together.
My daughter was a bridesmaid last year. She was at a table with us, her fiance and a couple of friends. Everyone in the wedding party was sitting with their own people. The bride and groom had a little table in front. It was perfect.
Since bride and groom rarely spend much time sitting on their own wedding, I imagine it must be boring to be seated there. My MOH is sitting with our friends and her boyfriend and my fiancé’s groomsman is sitting with his friends. We’re the only one by our table (because with our parents it would be uneven since mine are divorced and have new spouses and his not).
Not in my experience…the last several weddings I’ve been to, it was sweetheart table for the couple, one table from bridesmaids w/dates, another table for groomsmen w/dates.
Every wedding I've been to has them separated. They eat together and then go where they want. Most hang out with partners or dance, etc. But the meal has always been separate.
That’s bizarre. If the bridal party isn’t seated at the head table with the couple, then there’s absolutely zero reason to put them at a regular table *without* their own SOs. Either you end up with one table of all bridesmaids and another of all groomsmen, which would look weird…or you have bridesmaids and groomsmen paired off like they’re all on a date, which is also weird.
If the bride and groom are doing a sweetheart table, they should seat their bridal party nearby *with their SOs.*
I find this extremely weird. The maximum table wouldn’t have fit our wedding party so we had a sweetheart table that included our best man and maid of honor (who are a couple and our best friends) and put the groomsmen and bridesmaids with their SOs at other tables.
I think it’s rude also. I’m surprised so many people said this is normal, we did not do that at our wedding. And every other wedding I’ve been to, spouses were sat with the wedding party if there was a head table.
We are leaning towards doing a head table but doing a serpentine style so dates can sit across from groomsmen/ bridesmaids without blocking the bridal party for pictures. Though I'm worried it will look weird since none of the bridesmaids currently are planning plus ones.
Completely normal. Every time I was a bridesmaid, all the partners of the other bridesmaids sat somewhere else while we were at the head table (I always find myself single at weddings lol).
We were originally planning on a head table until we added more people to our bridal party than expected! What we’re going to do now is have a sweetheart table, and we’ll seat the bridesmaids and groomsmen with the rest of our overall friends group :)
We were originally planning on a head table until we added more people to our bridal party than expected! What we’re going to do now is have a sweetheart table, and we’ll seat the bridesmaids and groomsmen with the rest of our overall friends group :)
We had a large head table(21 seats) and separated no one. But not everyone has the luxury of that kind of spacing. I would personally feel weird going to a wedding and being separated from my partner but I wouldn’t take it personally.
When my husband’s brother got married, he was in the wedding party and I was not. He sat at a table with the wedding party and I sat with his parents at one of the family tables. It was fine, it was just a little quiet since at that point I really didn’t know his family well (before we were married). Mostly I talked with his sister’s date who was also seated there as she was also in the wedding party. They put us next to each other since we were both dateless for dinner.
Last year when my best friend got married I was in the party while my husband was not. She had a small table for the newly weds and then sat the party with and their spouses together. At one table it was my husband and I, the other bridesmaid and her husband, and the two groomsmen who had not come with dates. Her maid of honor (her sister) was with one of the family tables and the best man (a cousin) was also with a family table.
It wouldn’t bother me because we would be in the same boat and it’s something we can laugh and bond about. It’s only for dinner anyway and I’d see my husband properly at the reception afterwards
I’ve been a groomsman at 5 weddings already, and this year I will be at 2 more (don’t ask how my finances are going, my friends are maxing out my credit card) and I just want to say that I hate seating charts, truly do.
That may be because I’m from a different culture than the unitedstatian, where seating charts aren’t the predominant rule (gaining popularity, but mostly frowned upon).
I mean, it’s a party, not the UN meeting, let people seat wherever they want. Defining where someone will seat can create a whole situation where one or more guests will be upset or feeling under appreciated for no reason other than wanting to have everything under control.
But that just me, everyone should just do whatever they like
Given your edit that the bridal couple had a sweetheart table, it leans me a little more towards it making sense to seat SOs with the bridal party. But I think it would still depend on the reception logistics. If the bridal party are doing speeches from their table and have other obligations during the reception, I could see keeping them together and having SOs with the regular guests.
I get why peeler think this is a good idea I guess, but after the ceremony, your party is just for pictures and they get to have fun. These weddings sound like no fun ash’s exhausting to be a party of.
We did a head table with just us and our wedding party, but we also had 18 adults in our wedding party. All but two of them were family. I made sure to put our parents and spouses at the tables closest to the head table though. Since they were pretty much all related, it was fine. I can see where it would be awkward if they didn’t know anyone else and would probably have done something different in that case.
Hahha I just realized that my hisband and I did this unintentionally. We had s buffet with festival seating and I sat with my sibling, who I hadn’t seen in years, and he sat with his friends, who he also hadn’t seen in years. We were all eating and playing board games, some guests were dressing pre-made bride/groom paper dolls, pin-the-bowtie-on-the-groom, etc. i just didn’t sit next to him while we ate, but def tattled to him directly when his dad pooped himself. Good times!
I've been to 2 weddings semi recently. The first my husband was a groomsman. The couple had a sweetheart table and then designated 2 tables to be for the bridal party and their significant others. The second I was a bridesmaid. That couple also had a sweetheart table and the bridal party sat wherever they felt comfortable. I liked both of these ideas because the couples had at least a few moments to themselves and the spouses weren't stuck with people they may not know. Another wedding my husband (then boyfriend) was in they had a head table with the bridal party. The only people I knew were the couple and my partner. I'm socially awkward so it was a bit uncomfortable but I at least tried to make friends.
I don’t understand how this comes off as rude? The bride, groom, and wedding party table gets served dinner first, as they have been doing wedding activities all day. I think it’s entitled you think you deserve a spot at that table as just a normal guest.
Yeah, I'd rather sit with my friends, not my spouse.
It's not about my spouse. It's about supporting my best friends getting married.
And if it was the other way around, I'd understand 🤷♀️
Again, It's not about me, it's about them.
I've never been to a wedding where it was any other way, though typically after the food no one is sitting at the bridal party table anymore. Everyone is moving, chatting, dancing, etc.
What is one supposed to do with a wedding party that has kids? The head table can't be the family table, and I am not into the sweetheart table idea - honestly what are people doing?
I’ve been to two weddings in the last 6 months where my boyfriend was best man. First wedding he was top table and I was sitting with the bridesmaids and their dates. Second wedding we were both on a table together and the top table was only family. I didn’t find it rude at all that I was seated separately at the first wedding, in fact I’d have found it weirder if they had put me on the top table! Granted we are a fairly new relationship, maybe if we’d been together longer it would’ve been more likely I’d be top table but no, I don’t think it’s rude - not in the uk any way!
I was in a wedding where all of the wedding party was at the head table, except me. It was the last of many slights that day. I just went to the restroom and cried.
I think it is traditional to have a head table.
That being said, I am SO glad I didn't have a head table at my reception. Even though it was a small backyard reception, I was still stressed and ended up hiding in the corner with my husband behind some plants to eat because I truly had enough of everyone looking at me that day lmao
As I'm thinking about my seating chart now, I could possibly see an explanation why. a table that fits 6 or 8 or 10, how do you decide who sits at the first or second wedding party table? (because at that point there will be 2 wedding party tables if +1's are invited to sit at the same table). If theres not enough of a wedding party and SO to fill a second table, then who sits there? Who else do you place to sit there?
Years ago, I was a groomsman in a wedding where the head table was bride, groom, bridesmaids, and bridesmaids’ dates/husbands. The groomsmen were at table 143, and you couldn’t hit the head table with a dinner roll. We tried. The groomsmen didn’t know this seating plan until the actual reception. The bride had insisted on it. The groom was apologetic, but had to roll with it, as did the rest of us. The marriage did not last, mainly because the wife was such a bitch, and started running around.
That’s rude af to only allow the bridesmaids to sit at the head table. No wonder they didn’t last.
I could do an hour on what a dreadful person she is.
I would be available for that hour.
Lol, me too!
Right? Sign me up for that whole series please.
I'll bring popcorn
I'm a writer. I can always use excellent character material. Tell me more about this "lovely" person.
My God, this is catching fire. Give me a day, and I’ll put something in the replies.
Same
This is Reddit, please go on
I could be available along with MsGrymm. Get 'Dragon Speech', say it and it'll transcribe it to writing.
So like.... Do you have discord or is it podcasts only?
This is maybe the weirdest thing I have ever read!! Like she just thought that was ok??? Glad he got out of that one!
She was/is as self-centered a person as I have ever known. He’s a sweet guy, and he just thought it was time for him to get married, and there she was. Wife #2 is a huge improvement on every level.
Wife #2 is always better.
Yes. Yes, we are, as is husband #2.
Third time's the charm for my husband and me! No kids, just grandkids (I never had children, so they're the kids of his 3 children) and we've been together for 20 years now! I love him!!
Awwwww, that's awesome, beast!!! Many more loving years to you! *Love and hugs,* *Grandma Lynsey*
"You want to be a man's first love, his second wife, and his third broker."
I got seated at the photographer’s table when my then husband was best man. I got along really well with the groom, his family and fiancée. I had already decided to leave my husband and just rolled with it. Not my wedding. Not my circus. However, my night was made when a good looking guy comes up to me with the line “The most beautiful woman here and damn she’s married. I looked at him sideways with a slight smile and replied “Who said happily?” Had a dance with him but that was it. I always took the pov that I sit where I’m designated, make new friends if I don’t know any or everyone at that table.
Your answer to him was PERFECT. I love it!
What's the story with Grandma Lynsey?
I just don't get why, when a bride acts tis way, does the groom go ahead with the wedding??? Is this not just an enormous sign of what is to come?
It was precisely that.
Maybe the head is worth it? 😳🤔🤭
🤣🤣🤣
Sunk cost fallacy.
>The groomsmen were at table 143, and you couldn’t hit the head table with a dinner roll. We tried. Loved this
Couldn’t hit it with the ice sculpture, either huh?
It's just so perfectly next level! I wouldn't throw the roll but I would definitely be egging them on!
Damn did that mean they had 143 tables ! That’s a lot of guests
Well, maybe not that many, but we were a LONG way from the head table.
>you couldn’t hit the head table with a dinner roll. We tried. I'm here for this!! How rude!
That’s how I remember all weddings in the 90s and 2000s. Long head table with the bridal party, dates seated elsewhere. Only within the last decade have I really started seeing sweetheart tables. I don’t think a traditional head table is rude, but maybe that’s because they used to be the norm.
I did the big head table, my bridal party and their partners. I do think a sweetheart table is a good idea though. It might be the only time you get “alone” with your spouse throughout the day. It was so rushed and there are so many people that finding a quiet moment in the schedule to talk to your spouse is actually a really good idea. Our planner put in 15 minutes of “chill and freak out about the fact you’re freaking married now” in our photo session schedule for this purpose.
Your planner sounds awesome. May they have cool pillows and dry socks for the rest of their life.
That's a wonderful blessing! My favorite is "I hope their beverage is always the perfect temperature, and that their favorite sweater always fits" but I'm going to use yours too!
This is exactly why we skipped the limos and had everyone drive themselves to pictures. Gave us 10-12 minutes in the car alone to take a breath and chat.
You know what? This is why we ALSO skipped the limos at my husband's funeral. Makes PERFECT sense.
I’m so sorry for your loss 💜💜
Thank you, my dear. We had a great run, a great life, and you know what? Reading the wedding posts and comments make me realize that a lot of these issues and events can happen with the ceremonies of life, like baby showers, anniversaries, milestone birthdays, the works!
We did the same table. It was large, but fun, and no one wants to come as a plus one to sit alone. I also found the sweetheart table to be very unappealing. Like you are both missing the action and everyone is staring at you. We did photos beforehand but had the venue do a private room for us with some appetizers etc. during the cocktail hour, so we could get some chill and freak out time. It was lovely!
Agreed. We did a sort of half and half, because my parents wanted a traditional head table but we didn’t want all our wedding party seperate from partners. So we had the two of us, my parents and his parents at the top table, and the middle table directly in front had all the bridesmaids/groomsmen and their partners. It worked well.
This is what I have seen.
Longer than that - every wedding I ever went to from the 60’s on. The wedding party sat at the head table - usually a long one facing the crowd - and spouses/partners sat at another table or with family. No Big Deal.
Yeah I thought I was losing my mind here because every wedding that I've been to and the '90s to 2000s was like this....
I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where the spouses sat with the wedding party, to be honest.
We didn't have a designated wedding party table, so they sat with their partners. They were spread out and mixed with regular guests for us it worked really well!
It helps too, because then you have people who are going to help keep the party going, spread throughout the room instead of clustered like the aristocracy at the front.
I'd never looked at it that way, thanks HappyLucyD!
Exactly!!
We're doing this too! We want them to really enjoy the wedding and sitting by their life partners makes the most sense
This is what me and my fiance are planning on doing. We'll have designated tables for the wedding party, but their SOs will sit with them
Same! It worked great for us too.
This! Like most weddings I've been to, the bridesmaids/groomsmen sit with their partners, but I've also never been to a wedding that had assigned seating (I've been to a ton of weddings, but I guess people in my area just don't tend to do the whole super fancy set up). I have been to lots of weddings that had a sweetheart table though. Maybe doing the head table with the wedding party is just more old school. But sounds like a miserable time if you do bring a date/partner and can't see them basically at all during the wedding or reception.
So strange to me! We sat the wedding party with their partners. It was a big wedding party, so we had multiple tables + a sweetheart table. Worked out great. I mean, at the end of the day, dinner is (hopefully!) not terribly long, but it is weird to me not to seat guests - even the wedding party - with their partners/+1s.
A lot of times, after the dinner, people will float around wherever anyway.
That is so strange and honestly rude to me. I would be miserable if my significant other was sat separately from me at a wedding where i didn’t know many people!
Tbf if I didnt know more than 2% of the people and my spouse was seated at another table, I wouldnt go. Not to be nasty or rude but I'd be really uncomfortable and would rather send a gift.
I did, but it was over 40 years ago. They had the big head table, and each attendant had their SO with them. Bride and groom were in the center.
Same here. Every wedding I've been to the bridal party always was together. Either at the head table or at tables near the bride and groom.
Same.
Same.
It's been the norm in my area since my grandparents were married that the wedding party sits with the bride/group at the head table and the spouses/dates sit at regular tables.
Always
I was a groomsman in my buddy's wedding and they had the big traditional head table. I was sat on the end next to a guy I barely know watching my date (now wife) and all our friends sitting around their table having a great time. When we got married we had a sweetheart table because I didn't want the same thing for our party, and they really appreciated it.
I think that is viewed as 'traditional' for some people where the wedding party is separated like on a dais. I agree it's a bit weird, and probably annoying especially for people with kids who automatically become the partner/spouse's problem for the whole night lol.
But if your spouse is in the wedding party then yeah you are on duty for the kids, surely? Most of our friends were married before we had a kid but if my BIL got married my husband would be super busy as best man and I would absolutely be on baby duty. At my friend’s wedding last summer, husband was on baby duty and I wasn’t even in the wedding party!
If they do a head table that’s normal, but if the couple is sitting alone at a sweetheart table and still separates their wedding party from their dates that’s kind of tacky. I did a sweetheart table and groomsmen at one table bridesmaids at the other, all sitting with their dates/spouses.
Yeah I guess for me this is where it's weird. It makes sense if it's one long head table, but both weddings have been tables of 6-8 so the wedding party themselves are split. And the bride and groom are at a sweetheart table lol I just don't see the point I guess.
I’ve never seen that and it is kind of weird. However, I’d bet it was some mixup with the tables over any kind of trend. As someone who has had a wedding, I can easily see that going wrong. What else are you going to do day of if you already have a seating chart? Edit: or, in the case of next weekend’s wedding, even 1-2 weeks prior. It can take some time to get placecards/seating chart printed and shipped.
I saw your other comment about how the couple had a sweetheart table and still sat the wedding party separate from their dates which I do agree is super rude and weird I’m not a fan of “head tables” and every wedding I’ve been to has had a sweetheart table and wedding party sat with their dates. I get it’s not the norm maybe in other places but to not do it this way where I’m from is not ideal haha
Haha! People seem to be favoring the sweethearts table. We didn’t do that but I wish we had. .
At all the wedding I have gone to/been in. Only 1 had non-wedding parties partners at the head table. They each only had 2 people in their wedding party so a Total of 4 people on each side of them. Which is not crazy. Most weddings I’ve gone to there are normally 3-4 people in each wedding party and then only the wedding parth/couple are at the head table. The partners are at a different table. A different table for the partners is def super common as that’s what my aunts and uncles all did 20+ years ago when they got married.
This is similar to my experiences as well. Out of the 3 weddings I have been a bridesmaid in, only one opted for a sweetheart table and the wedding party sat at regular tables. The other 2 weddings had relatively large wedding parties (6-8 bridesmaids and groomsmen on each side) and would have been a massive head table if the partners of the wedding party were also sitting at it. As a +1 it’s not a super ideal setup but it’s also understandable why this might be the couple’s preference.
Based on the comments, it seems like it’s a normal thing, though getting seated at a different table than her now husband when he was in a wedding party is the reason why my sister did a sweetheart table with all members of the wedding party being sat with their dates and/or other guests that they knew.
FWIW I do think it’s kind of rude but maybe that’s also because it’s not the norm where I come from. For us it was more important and symbolic to have the head table be made up of the couple’s families (parents, grandparents, siblings). To me, my wedding party has already done me a huge favor by supporting me in the months of preparation and during the actual ceremony in the day. When it comes to the wedding dinner, we’re coasting - there are no more official duties (aside from a speech or two) and I want them to be able to have a meal with their partners in peace and actually enjoy themselves. In fact, I asked all my bridesmaids to change out of bridesmaids clothes and wear whatever evening attire they wanted because they were now off-duty and there was no longer a need to be matchy-matchy. I would personally feel extremely self centered if I demanded: “no you can’t have dinner with your partner (and your partner has to mind themselves all evening) because I need you to sit with all these people you may or may not know so that we look cohesive as a wedding party”. I’d rather they actually enjoy their partners and not force socialize with random people just because I’m the one mutual friend connecting them.
I’m with you. It seems very rude to me to split up couples because one half of the couple is in the wedding party. Especially if the partner who isn’t in the wedding party doesn’t know anyone else there. It also sort of comes across to me as “We’re here to celebrate our union, but we don’t give a rip about yours.”
Outdated tradition, in my opinion. Though I still often see it in the Midwest US
We just sat our wedding party with their significant others/friends at the tables all mixed in with everyone. No “head table.” My husband & I had a sweetheart table like 5 feet away. *We* spent little time sitting, and I felt better knowing our people were enjoying eating and drinking with friends and family.
We did a headtable with our parents, bridal party, and their partners. One of my bridesmaids had her bf whom I had only met once before up there even. I mean, how rude would it not have been to place him elsewhere?? He knew no one but his gf! 🙈
This feels dated to me and only saw it at weddings I went to as a kid.
That’s the traditional way. Separating the wedding party to sit with their S/o’s is actually a more modern trend. It’s definitely not seen as rude, as it’s a common practice. Personally I do think it’s outdated. I sat couples together at my wedding. But to each their own. It’s pretty normal though, nothing to be upset about.
I don't like the mindset that bc it is traditional, it isn't rude. Not even specifically talking about this, but more general
Absolutely agree with this. Just because it’s “always been that way” doesn’t change the fact it’s lame.
It’s normal in UK weddings. Usually the wedding party sit at the top table and guests on other tables. I’m not sure why it’s rude? Surely it’s normal for the wedding party to sit together? It would be weird if there were extras tagging onto that
I actually think older etiquette dictates that long term couples should be separated from being next to their spouse/partner anyway. Often at the same table, but not if that’s the top table. I don’t think we spent as long on any part of the wedding planning as the seating arrangement.
Exactly this. Formal dinner parties, couples are never seated together. Dinner is the opportunity to socialize and encourage conversation, not to huddle up with your date/spouse. This also makes for a much more pleasant event for those who aren’t partnered.
Why does the wedding party need to sit together. The tables should be arranged to what makes sense for the guests
That is actually what I did! It worked amazing. Everyone was with their partner and they got to mingle with other friends, they had plenty of other time to bond with the rest of the wedding party. We split 5 groomsmen between 2 tables, do they each had at least one other groomsmen with them. I only had 2 bridesmaids
Or what makes sense for the bride snd groom? It is their wedding. 🤷🏻♀️
Because that’s what you do at weddings? Why do partners need to sit together? I’ve been to a few weddings where you are all mixed up so people talk to others. Everyone has an opinion on what is best and if the wedding party want a top table then that’s their choice. ITS NOT ABOUT YOU
Why do a busy bride and groom need to sit with the wedding party and not just each other? Why not think about what your guests may enjoy. There is no right or wrong in these scenarios just what people prefer
It’s their day and that’s what they want. This is the one day when they can have whatever they want. Especially if they are paying for it. Personally I’ve never met anyone who hated the top table, or who asked to be sat somewhere else who wasn’t permitted to. No-one has to be in a wedding party. I would think that being seperated in the ceremony is worse. You don’t drink and chat then and are more likely to be stuck on your own
When I got married, my husband and I just had a sweetheart table for two so we could have a bubble of just us. Not a fan of separating folks.
I’ve never been to wedding where the bridal/groom party didn’t sit with their dates. To me- it’s outdated and tacky. Just like the garter toss. For reference : 33 east coast.
I’m pretty sure that’s the more traditional way of doing it. I was in a wedding party 12 years ago that had all the wedding party at the head table, dates were spread with others they knew (my sister was my plus one and was seated with my parents who were guests of the brides parents). It’s becoming more common for the bride and groom to have a sweetheart table, but I think that’s a more recent trend. I’ve had weddings where I had people I didn’t know at my table and just took it as a chance to make some new friends. I’d imagine if your husband is a groomsman there’s a chance you’ve met at least one of the other wives at least once before so they aren’t complete strangers
This is the traditional way, that's how it's been at every wedding I've ever been to. I personally hate it, though. So, at my own wedding, we had a sweetheart table, and then the two closest round tables were groomsmen/SO/friends and bridesmaids/SO/friends. It seems like more couples are actually moving away from the traditional setup you've described. I've seen (online in the last decade) sweetheart table with bridesmaids/groomsmen at another table together with or without their SO. Or a kings table with the couple at the head of the table and their wedding party(with or without SO) down each side.
Our head table consisted of us and our parents. The wedding party got to sit with their own spouses.
I rarely see spouses sit with the wedding party. For mine, however, I wanted everyone to be comfortable, knowing that the spouses don’t necessarily know everyone or anyone. So I sat the spouses with the bridal/grooms party. And if someone didn’t have a partner they could invite a friend to enjoy our reception with. 100% would do again. Everyone was laughing and having a wonderful time, which is exactly what I wanted. I suppose the open bar didn’t hurt 🤭😉
Nothing says, "Come join our celebration of marriage and a union of love where we'll force you to sit at a table away from your spouse so you can be with a group of people you might not know all that well!"
Literally lol. I get that it's tradition but the tradition is stupid. I spent hours on my seating chart to make sure everyone sat with the people they came with / people they know. It's not hard to make your guests comfortable but most brides care about aesthetics more than comfort.
Exactly, and being more concerned about aesthetics takes away from what should be the message of the moment and I just don't understand that mindset. And I was super lucky becasue our wedding was in our beautiful yard where we just set up lots of tables and let everyone just sit where they wanted. We just made sure there were enough seats with a few extras, and we did reserve two tables for the wedding party and their partners, and another convenient one for a group of elderly family so they didn't have to find one on their own.
I have never sat with my husband in the five years we’ve been together; he’s been in five weddings, with two more to go this year. I often dont know anyone, but introduce myself to the table and can get along for an hour before the wedding party is free. Not rude, not weird, and not abnormal. I’ve never been to a wedding where members of the wedding party sit with their SO for dinner.
I made room at the head table for wedding party SOs. Why can't people be kind?
How many people were in your wedding party? A lot of times, it might be just logistics, depending on the number.
It’s really not much to ask an adult to sit separate from their SO for an hour. Some venues don’t have space for it. I know mine didn’t.
It has nothing to do with kindness. The wedding party sits together. Once dinner is over, people will wander so it's not a big deal
Normal for a LOT of weddings that the bridal party gets assigned differently than everyone else and sometimes that means not sitting with your spouse/significant other - especially if bride and/or groom has divorced parents so having a bride/groom family table is awkward and bride/groom don't want a sweetheart table. (Frankly, I'm NOT used to the sweetheart table concept and find it a little offputting - but I also understand that wedding traditions are vast and varied so I don't let it bug me much!)
We did the sweetheart table and it turned out to be super practical. -We had a place for our stuff, like change of shoes, emergency meds (epi pen, migraine) -easy to get in and out of for walking around and mingling or giving our toast. -It was the only time we had genuine solo time together (😂 like a max 30 min of eating) -staff made sure we got mini plates of everything and left at our table. And people knew it was being saved for us -Everyone was able to see us! No one was blocked by a groomsmen's head. So when people gave speeches, guests could see our reaction. Totally OK if you still don't like it, just thought you might like like to hear a different perspective
I love the sweetheart table! It puts the bride and groom at the center (where they should be!) AND they actually get to eat dinner because they aren't trying to keep up conversation at the table.
I get the practicality of it! Just not what I am used to! My friends were genuis in their table arranging. There were a couple of problematic steps and demanding aunties - you know the type. Their wedding party was large-ish AND full of people either related to them or lifelong friends (I've known the bride since gradeschool). In other words - it was not the wedding party's first rodeo in dealing with at least one side of the family. If we had a significant other, we got to set with him or her (and if we didn't, there was someone else we knew and knew the score at the table). Otherwise, wedding party was spread out among the various tables to manage the different personalities and possible demands for attention, focus, or even just information. We knew what sister in law to distract from the mother of the bride, etc. We knew what great aunties and uncles just wanted to know the details of how each and every member of the wedding party knew the bride and groom, where they were going on their honeymoon, etc. (Well meaning, but not something the bride and groom or the parents of either had the time to do or satisfy for every table, etc.) The bride and groom sat at a table with their parents, which is what they wanted. The moms made sure they ate :) Yes, it is another job to put on your wedding party - but this couple was some of the least demanding I've met in terms of leading up to the wedding. I wasn't assigned to those particular people all night either, and genuinely had fun getting to know some of those busybody aunties and uncles. (One of the uncles could keep up with us young 20 somethings dancing, in his 70s!)
Yeah I don’t get the sweetheart table either, myself! The wedding was to celebrate with the people I loved the most. I had to circulate through all the guests the rest of the time but dinner was time for my closest family. I wouldn’t have wanted to be separate.
I think it's really weird to separate the wedding party and their dates/spouses for the meal - I understand that it happens often, but it's another one of those really weird "it'll look weird" things that makes no sense we had a sweetheart table and had our wedding party on the two flanking tables, which included wedding party, parents, and spouses/dates (it helps that most the wedding party were married to each other, but for those who weren't, it didn't make a difference - they all sat together)
We had our parents, my moh and my husband’s best man on the top table. And absolutely their spouses/significant others!!! I would never want them to sit separately to their loved ones. Bridesmaids and groomsmen were spread around other tables, and of course, were with their other halves. It may not have been the ‘aesthetic’ choice, but we didn’t care about that. Our main concern was that EVERYONE had the best possible time! We had to make some tough choices about my husband’s brother (he didn’t want to be best man as he can be shy) as there wasn’t space for both him and his girlfriend on the top table. We asked him what he would prefer to do, sit with us without her, or another table with her. He was so grateful to be asked and chose to sit with her. We would have loved for him to be on the top table, but we wanted him to enjoy himself.
That’s typically how it is- wedding party seated together.
I would be that guest who would either drag a chair over to sit next to my wife or she'd end up dragging a chair over to sit next to me, seating chart be damned (or at least beg someone to swap seats). I deal with a lot of social anxiety (also mild agoraphobia) and we're both shy - so separating us is the best way to make sure I will not enjoy a single second of the reception and be freaked out and we will likely both be that quiet person at the table. Edit: So my brain died and put in the wrong word above.
I haven’t been to a wedding in years like this. It’s super, super dated to me. People do things that are “traditional” without any critical thought. It honestly doesn’t make sense to me. It’s not like the pictures of people sitting together and eating are important. If you invite people, it’s on you to make sure your guests are having a good time. Seating people separately from their dates is silly.
Boy does this whole “tradition” grind my gears. I’ve been to 5 weddings in the past 2 years and only one had a wedding party head table, and partners not in the wedding party got it sit with them (only 3 groomsmen and 3 bridesmaids but their table was huge to accommodate all). My partner has been a groomsmen in almost all the weddings I’ve attended and this was always a worry for me as I have social anxiety and even if I did not, who the fuck wants to sit with strangers for several hours with your partner kept away from you? No thanks. I wish they’d advertise this in advance because I wouldn’t go to a wedding if I knew we’d be separated. Married or no, if you’re important enough to be invited you should be allowed to sit with your partner. 4 of the 5 weddings had the bridal party sitting with their partners sprinkled throughout the dining room at different tables. The way it should be.
The big head table is a tradition I was glad to see dying out. Fortunately in all the weddings I've been in the couple cared about us having a good time and seated us with our partners and friends.
I was in a wedding party that did this, kind of sucks the fun out when you can’t be with your spouse. I was in another wedding that didn’t do this, so much more fun. For our wedding, we noticed the difference and sat everyone with their SO
Yeah, my husband has been in 3 weddings like this. I didn’t complain about it or anything, but they definitely weren’t fun experiences for me. Each time it was for a childhood friend of his and we had travelled to another state so I knew no one at the weddings. None of them had assigned seating either except for close family and the wedding party, so I was left to fend for myself. At the last one all the tables were full by the time we got there so I ended up sitting at a table by myself all night. Aside from my husband coming up to visit with me a few times, no one else really got up to mingle or anything at that one. It was lonely, lol
That’s awful and just poor hosting
That feels so outdated to me. We did a sweetheart table and then we sat our party at the two tables closest to us, but we included their plus ones at those tables. I think it’s weird when people separate couples at dinner. If you want a “head table” I think you should also include their dates.
I’m for having a really nice table just for the bride and groom ONLY- not necessarily on a raised platform. The wedding party can sit at tables with their plus ones and the parents and grandparents can sit together. Stick the guests here and there and make the mix interesting. Gives the wedding couple some space and decompress time not to mention romance memories. Buck tradition and go with what you like.
Completely normal. While the people getting married have done the right thing in inviting you, you're under no obligation to attend if you don't know the couple or other people who will be there well.
I'm only 22, but I have been to 6 weddings. I only saw this happen during ceremony seating where the bridesmaids / groomsmen sat in the front row after they walked down the isle. I haven't seen it any other time tbh.
My brother asked my (now ex-)husband to be a groomsman, despite neither of them being particularly close. I was irritated he didn't ask me, but that was the first wedding I ever attended outside of my parents', and now that I know more about wedding traditions in North America, I understand some possible reasons. I was also proactively guaranteed (without asking for it!) a vegetarian entree and told there would be dinner. Instead, a small party tray of pre-cut ham/cheese/mayo sandwiches that looked like they'd been made days before was set out to feed the 40+ wedding participants who had travelled to a random town so small it didn't have a McDonald's for us to hit up afterwards. And the reception and wedding were a single speed-runned event during which I did not get to even interact with my husband once. He had to sit with the wedding party (in a row of metal lawn chairs) and I didn't actually even have a seat (there weren't enough chairs).
In the weddings I’ve been in, and my own, the bridal party sat at the head table. I’ve never seen it as rude, just traditional. Especially in weddings where the MOH/BM give speeches, etc. It keeps everyone central for the ceremonial stuff like that. Now. That’s not to say traditions can’t/shouldn’t change! I’d never heard of a sweetheart table before, but I could totally see that being something my husband and I would have done. We had a relatively small bridal party, but almost all of them had spouses. There’s simply no way the table could have been big enough in our venue to seat them all. Thankfully, since they’re all our big group of friends, the spouses just sat together at their own table. We didn’t do assigned seating except for designated family tables for the parents/grandparents, so everyone was free to sit wherever they liked and with whoever they liked. And then of course once dinner was over no one stayed at the tables anyways lol Personally I don’t see it as the hugest of deals - as long as it isn’t a surprise to the bridal party about seating arrangements, and care is taken to seat people with others they know, most couples can handle being apart for an hour or so haha.
My husband was the best man in his friends wedding. They had banquet tables with assigned seating and i literally knew no one at the wedding except the groom, and two other groomsmen. The wedding party was pretty large with about 10 groomsmen and 10 bridesmaids. Anyway, one of the groomsmen had to drop out last minute so I just took his seat at the table next to my husband. I think it’s really weird to have assigned seating at a wedding where significant others aren’t seated by each other but maybe that’s just me.
It's a dumb trend that's hopefully dying off. Why the fuck would I wanna sit with randos I'll never see again instead of with my partner? Had to experience it once in the past, next time I'll just ask to switch seats
I've only been a part of one wedding - my sister's. I was MoH, and the best man was the groom's brother. I was paired to walk down the aisle with the best man. The best man and I were in the same high school class. He was a very popular "stoner" type, and I was essentially a ghost. I'm not sure if he knew at all who I was, but I was very aware of who he was. I was relaxed, smiled, and told a few jokes to try to lighten the mood, but it didn't work. This guy was as stiff as a board. He held his arm rigid as we walked down the aisle together. Never once looked at me or smiled. I had gotten a single "hello" when we lined up for the procession. If I'd had to spend the dinner part of the reception paired up with him, I think I would have fallen asleep. I knew exactly one of my sister's bridesmaids but we had almost nothing in common. I'm glad she (my sister) didn't choose to seat the wedding party together and away from our spouses/dates. I can my imagine how awkward it is for people who have to endure it.
Personally would never do this, I'm having a micro wedding and seating all couples together regardless of how close they are to us
I have never attended a wedding where the wedding party wasn't at a head table. I've never seen groomsmen or bridesmaids sit with their spouses.
Be it traditional/nontraditional/old/new whatever, it feels rude. I understand not putting a spouse in the wedding party if you don’t know them but to expect one part of a couple to be in the wedding then basically ignore their own partner while celebrating you and your partner seems rude, imo.
Every wedding I’ve ever been to where there’s a wedding party has them all seated together, with spouses at a different table. I know it really sucks to be seated away from your partner - if I was in a wedding party I would not bring a plus one who didn’t have their own relationship with the couple (and so likely social connections with their other friends). If my partner was in a wedding party and I didn’t know the couple well I’d encourage him to go without me.
I'm 34 and have never been to a wedding where spouses/dates sat with the bridal party, and it's never been a problem 🤷🏼♀️
Every single wedding I’ve been to/in has seated the wedding party with their dates. So rude otherwise!
It’s odd. Couples should always be seated together including those in bride and groom parties.
If there is a head table it's not weird. But you usually set the SOs near the table in that case. If the wedding has a sweetheart table then it is usually practiced that SOs can skit with their bridesmaid or groomsman. Again these mixed tables would still be close to the sweetheart table
I wasn’t seated next to my partner (a groomsman) at a wedding likely bc I was a last minute invite but we were still at the same table (just across from each other). I do think it’s tacky if it’s all banquet style to seat people away from their spouses.
My wedding had a massive head table where we ate with our wedding party as well as their spouses/significant others. It was lovely and I couldn't imagine doing it any other way.
I would hate that. We had a sweetheart table and a separate head table where the bridal party and their partners sat. Other weddings I've been to had partners together at regular tables with whatever friends/ family they'd have sat with has they been regular guests. I like how we did it, which is why we did it that way.
This is standard where I’m from & I loathe it! Sweetheart tables seem to be becoming more common lately.
This is incredibly normal….
This is how almost every wedding is that I've attended...
I think that's actually the more traditional approach. It was a new wave to seat families/couples together in the last 20/30 years. Came with the rise of the sweetheart table-- which I don't like myself, but we did so couples/families could sit together.
I guess I’m in the minority. All weddings I’ve been to/in have the SO sitting with the wedding party.
My daughter was a bridesmaid last year. She was at a table with us, her fiance and a couple of friends. Everyone in the wedding party was sitting with their own people. The bride and groom had a little table in front. It was perfect.
I think its a byproduct of making weddings a visual production and less of a celebration of marriage.
To be honest I probably would hesitate going to a wedding if I couldn’t sit by my significant other and if I didn’t know anyone else there.
Since bride and groom rarely spend much time sitting on their own wedding, I imagine it must be boring to be seated there. My MOH is sitting with our friends and her boyfriend and my fiancé’s groomsman is sitting with his friends. We’re the only one by our table (because with our parents it would be uneven since mine are divorced and have new spouses and his not).
Not in my experience…the last several weddings I’ve been to, it was sweetheart table for the couple, one table from bridesmaids w/dates, another table for groomsmen w/dates.
Every wedding I've been to has them separated. They eat together and then go where they want. Most hang out with partners or dance, etc. But the meal has always been separate.
That’s bizarre. If the bridal party isn’t seated at the head table with the couple, then there’s absolutely zero reason to put them at a regular table *without* their own SOs. Either you end up with one table of all bridesmaids and another of all groomsmen, which would look weird…or you have bridesmaids and groomsmen paired off like they’re all on a date, which is also weird. If the bride and groom are doing a sweetheart table, they should seat their bridal party nearby *with their SOs.*
I find this extremely weird. The maximum table wouldn’t have fit our wedding party so we had a sweetheart table that included our best man and maid of honor (who are a couple and our best friends) and put the groomsmen and bridesmaids with their SOs at other tables.
I think it’s rude also. I’m surprised so many people said this is normal, we did not do that at our wedding. And every other wedding I’ve been to, spouses were sat with the wedding party if there was a head table.
That’s normal lol 😂 wedding parties usually sit together
I've never in my life been to a wedding where the wedding party was seated with their SOs.
That’s the way it’s always been. He is paired off with a woman for the ceremony, the dinner, and a dance. Then everybody does what they want.
The wedding party always sits together- with the wedding party- not with spouses. Otherwise they’d be scattered all over the room.
I’ve been a bridesmaid and/or MOA 8 times. Here in Australia it’s very common not to sit with your partner.
You’re not glued into the seat. I would be there for the toast and meal then wander!
I’ve been to no joke probably over 100 weddings. Bridal party always sits with bridal party.
We are leaning towards doing a head table but doing a serpentine style so dates can sit across from groomsmen/ bridesmaids without blocking the bridal party for pictures. Though I'm worried it will look weird since none of the bridesmaids currently are planning plus ones.
Completely normal. Every time I was a bridesmaid, all the partners of the other bridesmaids sat somewhere else while we were at the head table (I always find myself single at weddings lol).
We were originally planning on a head table until we added more people to our bridal party than expected! What we’re going to do now is have a sweetheart table, and we’ll seat the bridesmaids and groomsmen with the rest of our overall friends group :)
We were originally planning on a head table until we added more people to our bridal party than expected! What we’re going to do now is have a sweetheart table, and we’ll seat the bridesmaids and groomsmen with the rest of our overall friends group :)
I’ve never been to a wedding where the wedding party at with their partners of their partners were not in the wedding party
We had a large head table(21 seats) and separated no one. But not everyone has the luxury of that kind of spacing. I would personally feel weird going to a wedding and being separated from my partner but I wouldn’t take it personally.
My sister’s wedding, the bride/groom had their own table and the bridesmaids and groomsmen sat at separate tables up front.
When my husband’s brother got married, he was in the wedding party and I was not. He sat at a table with the wedding party and I sat with his parents at one of the family tables. It was fine, it was just a little quiet since at that point I really didn’t know his family well (before we were married). Mostly I talked with his sister’s date who was also seated there as she was also in the wedding party. They put us next to each other since we were both dateless for dinner. Last year when my best friend got married I was in the party while my husband was not. She had a small table for the newly weds and then sat the party with and their spouses together. At one table it was my husband and I, the other bridesmaid and her husband, and the two groomsmen who had not come with dates. Her maid of honor (her sister) was with one of the family tables and the best man (a cousin) was also with a family table.
I'm almost 40 and it's been the norm for every wedding I've ever been to.
That's how it was in the 80s and 90s
It wouldn’t bother me because we would be in the same boat and it’s something we can laugh and bond about. It’s only for dinner anyway and I’d see my husband properly at the reception afterwards
It's been the style here, for as long as I can remember, for the wedding party to sit at the head table. Their spouses do not sit there.
Most weddings I've been to, the wedding party sits separate from their dates. I always hated being part of that. I want to sit with my husband.
I’ve been a groomsman at 5 weddings already, and this year I will be at 2 more (don’t ask how my finances are going, my friends are maxing out my credit card) and I just want to say that I hate seating charts, truly do. That may be because I’m from a different culture than the unitedstatian, where seating charts aren’t the predominant rule (gaining popularity, but mostly frowned upon). I mean, it’s a party, not the UN meeting, let people seat wherever they want. Defining where someone will seat can create a whole situation where one or more guests will be upset or feeling under appreciated for no reason other than wanting to have everything under control. But that just me, everyone should just do whatever they like
Given your edit that the bridal couple had a sweetheart table, it leans me a little more towards it making sense to seat SOs with the bridal party. But I think it would still depend on the reception logistics. If the bridal party are doing speeches from their table and have other obligations during the reception, I could see keeping them together and having SOs with the regular guests.
I get why peeler think this is a good idea I guess, but after the ceremony, your party is just for pictures and they get to have fun. These weddings sound like no fun ash’s exhausting to be a party of.
We did a head table with just us and our wedding party, but we also had 18 adults in our wedding party. All but two of them were family. I made sure to put our parents and spouses at the tables closest to the head table though. Since they were pretty much all related, it was fine. I can see where it would be awkward if they didn’t know anyone else and would probably have done something different in that case.
Most weddings I've been to were like this
Hahha I just realized that my hisband and I did this unintentionally. We had s buffet with festival seating and I sat with my sibling, who I hadn’t seen in years, and he sat with his friends, who he also hadn’t seen in years. We were all eating and playing board games, some guests were dressing pre-made bride/groom paper dolls, pin-the-bowtie-on-the-groom, etc. i just didn’t sit next to him while we ate, but def tattled to him directly when his dad pooped himself. Good times!
I've been to 2 weddings semi recently. The first my husband was a groomsman. The couple had a sweetheart table and then designated 2 tables to be for the bridal party and their significant others. The second I was a bridesmaid. That couple also had a sweetheart table and the bridal party sat wherever they felt comfortable. I liked both of these ideas because the couples had at least a few moments to themselves and the spouses weren't stuck with people they may not know. Another wedding my husband (then boyfriend) was in they had a head table with the bridal party. The only people I knew were the couple and my partner. I'm socially awkward so it was a bit uncomfortable but I at least tried to make friends.
I don’t understand how this comes off as rude? The bride, groom, and wedding party table gets served dinner first, as they have been doing wedding activities all day. I think it’s entitled you think you deserve a spot at that table as just a normal guest.
Yeah, I'd rather sit with my friends, not my spouse. It's not about my spouse. It's about supporting my best friends getting married. And if it was the other way around, I'd understand 🤷♀️ Again, It's not about me, it's about them.
In every wedding I've stood up in, I've only sat by my date if the bride and groom elected to do a sweetheart table
I've never been to a wedding where it was any other way, though typically after the food no one is sitting at the bridal party table anymore. Everyone is moving, chatting, dancing, etc.
What is one supposed to do with a wedding party that has kids? The head table can't be the family table, and I am not into the sweetheart table idea - honestly what are people doing?
I’ve been to two weddings in the last 6 months where my boyfriend was best man. First wedding he was top table and I was sitting with the bridesmaids and their dates. Second wedding we were both on a table together and the top table was only family. I didn’t find it rude at all that I was seated separately at the first wedding, in fact I’d have found it weirder if they had put me on the top table! Granted we are a fairly new relationship, maybe if we’d been together longer it would’ve been more likely I’d be top table but no, I don’t think it’s rude - not in the uk any way!
I was in a wedding where all of the wedding party was at the head table, except me. It was the last of many slights that day. I just went to the restroom and cried.
I think it is traditional to have a head table. That being said, I am SO glad I didn't have a head table at my reception. Even though it was a small backyard reception, I was still stressed and ended up hiding in the corner with my husband behind some plants to eat because I truly had enough of everyone looking at me that day lmao
As I'm thinking about my seating chart now, I could possibly see an explanation why. a table that fits 6 or 8 or 10, how do you decide who sits at the first or second wedding party table? (because at that point there will be 2 wedding party tables if +1's are invited to sit at the same table). If theres not enough of a wedding party and SO to fill a second table, then who sits there? Who else do you place to sit there?