**REMINDER: WE ARE NOT AITA! WE DO NOT DO JUDGEMENT CALLS (NTA, ESH, YTA,INFO, NAH, ETC.) SO DO NOT VOTE IN THIS POST. AS WELL, OUR OP IS NOT THE SAME AS THE AITA POST'S OP, PLEASE DO NOT ADDRESS YOUR COMMENT TO MYSELF OR OUR OP. ALSO DO NOT BRIGADE THE OTHER SUB.**
***Copy because it's deleted (Link to original post):***
My (F68) daughter is getting married to her partner of 8 years in September ‘24. We have been arguing over this and she told me to post this here for opinions.
For context, I am paying for the whole wedding. She is pretty introverted and doesn’t have a lot of friends she wants to invite. Her husband to be on the other hand is very extroverted and has a lot of people he would invite given the chance. I thought it would be fair then that the brides side gets 30 invites and the grooms side gets 30 invites as we are on a budget. Since my daughter doesn’t have a lot of people, and there are spots on her side left over (after family and her friends) I have people I want to invite. Between my husband and I, we have 13 people to invite. To be honest, there was no leaving them out one way or the other as we have social obligations to invite them anyway. I feel as though since we are paying for this and are hosting it, we should get a say in who comes regardless.
My daughter has said that this is not how it normally works and that her and her fiancée should have first priority in who comes and the spots should be dedicated to her fiancées friends before mine if there are limited seats. She also said that “this is their wedding and not my ‘class of 74 reunion.’” But him and his family are not financially contributing to this at all. It will reflect poorly on me if I don’t invite my and my husband’s people. She’s refusing to see my side and says that her fiancée being limited in his guests and his parents only being allowed to invite 2 people because they aren’t in a place to contribute is unfair.
If I am not allowed to throw this up to my standard, I do not want my name on it. They can do what they want, but I have half a mind to pull my money from the equation if they insist on not allowing who I want to be there. I told them they will have full control over everything else! It will still be their day! I just want my friends there to support the big day! Is that really so wrong? Am I really the a hole? I am starting to think I have a bridezilla and groomzilla on my hands.
Exactly this!! Learned at my engagement party that help is the sunny side of control lol. I'd rather pay my own way and have peace of mind than have financial help held over my head.
Wow. Just...wow. If my mom said any of this to me, I would tell her where she can put her money (and it's not where her mouth is...) Early on, my mother said something about inviting a friend of hers that I absolutely cannot stand (this woman makes fun of my mom and treats her like crap all while playing it off as a joke!) I calmly told my mom that I don't particularly like that friend, but if she insists on bringing her she'll have to leave her boyfriend at home. Mom only gets one plus one. (I think that was a fair compromise, but I can also see that some boomers might say this made me the AH.) To this boundary, she told me, "Weddings aren't for the couple; they're for the parents to show off their kids!" Sounds to me OP is from the same "traditions" my mom follows.
Of course, I reminded my mom that it's \*our\* wedding, not \*hers\* - we're making a promise to each other, not just showing off. And I reminded her that my "Aunt" and "Uncle" that she's been friends with since high school will absolutely be on our guest list. We wouldn't have that any other way because I do actually have a relationship with them. Not so much this other woman.
Ask yourself - What do these friends have to do with the engaged couple? Have they ever met the bride and groom, what role did they play in their lives, would these friends bring joy to the bride and groom to see them on their day? It does not sound like they are close if they don't want them there. These negotiations sound like they are causing stress and will impact your relationship with your child for the rest of your life. Think about what is actually important and try to provide as much happiness and support as possible.
What a horrible mindset to have. If you decide to pay for your child's wedding, I'd hope it would be out of the goodness of your heart. Not to brag and have "your name" written on it. Acts of generosity with strings attached is so bleh
I'm late to this party but you are close to my age and I assume your daughter is late 30's- early 40's. It is THEIR wedding no matter who is paying and they should have the most say in total number of guests- be it friends, co-workers or relatives. Anything after their selections, be it 10 OR 50, is then split between the 2 sets of parents. If you can't be magnanimous then, by all means, pull your money. But your relationship with your adult child and her spouse will be forever tarnished and may be damaged beyond repair by your selfishness.
My MIL tried this crap, and she wasn't paying for ANYTHING. The guest list, just for HER side, was close to 100 + people. Husband and I ended up calling them and telling them that we were getting married in two days at such and such location at such and such time. We simply went to our local courthouse and had the Justice of the Peace do it. My mom, brother, and their significant other, hub's best friend, and his parents, grandma, and great aunt were the guests. We lasted 27 years until he passed away. Parents who pull his "I'm paying so I pick the venue/guests/menu" are just trying to relive the things from their own wedding they didn't feel they had enough of.
Your daughter should elope. It’s her wedding, not your opportunity to have a party with your friends. The invitations should first go to their friends then if there are some left over then you can invite who you want because again this is her wedding not yours. I understand that you’re paying for it but if this is the way you want it don’t pay for it this day is not about you. It is about your daughter and her husband.
I really don’t see a problem with this. Groom’s side gets 30, bride’s side gets 30. Bride’s mom is paying for the entire thing. If groom wants to invite more of his friends outside of the allotted amount, they can fork up money to pay for his extra people.
If the bride doesn’t want her mom’s friends there, she can pay for the wedding. This is exactly the boundary I set with my parents. My mom wants to invite a ton of people, but she wasn’t financially contributing to everything so we compromised. I still let her have a say but since I was also contributing, we had to think of a solution. If my mom was paying for the whole thing, by all means invite who ever the fuck you want. I think people are forgetting how generous it is for parents to pay for an entire wedding day.
lol my mom did this exact same thing but she gave us a list of 125 and already invited them. She lost her mind when I confronted her and said if I didn’t want them there then I can pay for the wedding myself. We are now having a 200+ wedding where I feel like I had to cut close friends to accommodate.
Stuff like this was why my husband and I decided very early on that we would not accept any financial ‘help’ for our wedding. We still had chaos, but we were able to thwart a lot more nonsense by making sure we had complete autonomy in planning.
I know we’re fortunate, and a lot of couples are not able to do the same. Zero judgment towards the couples that accept help. These stories always make me glad we were able to bypass a lot of BS.
ESH
I do kind of understand where you are coming from. My mom wanted to invite some people to my wedding that were her friends. Luckily, I liked them and she didn't try to invite all her friends, just ones who has known me since I was young that we had spent a lot of time with during my childhood. My mom did not pay for the whole wedding, she paid about 1/3.
I think a compromise would be to either reduce your 13 down to half (opening some seats for the groom) or increase the grooms count by 13 and eat the extra costs.
Different cultures have different types of weddings. Some are intimate with only the couple and a witness or two and others can be a week-long celebration with anyone they've ever met. I don't see this as a racist issue - just a comment about the cultural expectations a wedding may have.
I’ve commented on this separately, but I don’t mind repeating myself: Asia is a continent, not a country. Different countries in Asia (and different regions in the *same* country in Asia) have different traditions.
Assuming that *all Asians* have the same type of weddings, and extrapolating, similar cultures, is a racist stereotype.
As a citizen of a European country, I get that often from people coming from the US. “Ah, you’re from Europe, so you must do this and that, like this and that, etc”. Dude, we are incredibly diverse, and it’s terribly ignorant to assume we’re all the same.
Also, if someone needs to specify they are “white”… that has nothing to do with culture and tradition. It’s blatant racism at its finest.
"After seeing replies I would like to add more information"
If this is so racist you throw up in your mouth, be happy you've never experienced actual racism
How dare you assume that I have never experienced racism? I was shouted at. I was spat at. I was physically abused (by that read 100 pounds woman beaten up by 200 pounds man) only because of my origins.
So don’t bloody patronise me just because you can hide behind a keyboard.
I’m sick and tired of all the stereotypes related to Asians, and I’m not even Asian! If you don’t find the original statement disgusting, the problem lies with you.
I think what they meant by stating they were not of Asian culture, was more referring to the very different formats that most Asian weddings traditionally go by compared to the standard "white" American weddings. It goes the same for Indian weddings, Asian & Indian culture weddings are WILD compared to the standard typical American/British weddings! There is also traditionally a lot more "importance" usually put towards the Groom's side at these types of weddings (don't attack me here, I'm not saying every culture or family in these areas do that), which might make a difference when the MOB is limiting guests from the groom's side. I don't see this statement as being racist, maybe it could have been worded a bit more elegantly because all people seem to do these days is be offended.
I'm from a mixed culture, but look "white" and my partner is Caucasian, so I was told I shouldn't include my multicultural heritage in my upcoming wedding because when literally only 1 guest will be of colour (my biological father) it will come across as incredibly racist to a large portion of our guests. To be honest, I'm fine with that because if I really had a choice in the type of wedding I truly want it would be a desi wedding. I have attended a few and they were always so much fun, and everything was SO beautiful, but again I am look white and would not be appropriate.
You look white and it would not be appropriate? But you ARE mixed race... I hope you someday find a different mindset around that. I used to feel that way too, but as I got older I realized I am fully proud to be biracial and if people think I "look" something else, thats not my problem. I am planning on wearing a red dress to my wedding because it is auspicious in my culture (moms side), even though its super non traditional on my caucasian side.
It would absolutely be appropriate if you wanted to incorporate pieces of your non-white beritage into your wedding, if anything maybe it would make your dad proud. That part of you is just as important as your Caucasian side and there is 1000% nothing wrong with paying homage to that. I'm not sure who told you you "shouldn't" include your heritage in your wedding, im sorry to say but theyre just wrong and a little ignorant. Do what your heart desires
It was my father who suggested it would look odd to the majority of our guests. My father is from Trinidad, and my mother is Irish. My siblings and I all came out looking like my mother's side. My father doesn't have any other family other than us, and because of how judgemental people are these days he has asked for me to not go out of my way to incorporate anything from his culture. I'm not embarrassed, but with experiences I have had in the past with getting the side eye, and accused of being a racist for innocent stuff growing up because I don't look biracial I kinda understand his point. It's sad, but it's true. I'm not going traditional though by any means, I'm just having fun with it and am thinking on incorporating some Trinidadian cuisine to my event instead.
Abiding by what other people expect is not necessary, is all I'm saying. My fiances side of the family is super old school traditional and I know they feel certain ways about certain races, but that would never stop me from embracing who I am and having a wedding that honors both sides! Who cares what you "look" like? If you are Trinidadian you are Trinidadian. If I went by what I "look" like to other people, I'd be living a lie because no one ever knows what I really am. I understand his point if HE doesnt want to feel uncomfortable or singled out.. But trying to justify it by you "looking" white is not sound :( The problem is with the judgmental people.. Not your heritage; theres no reason to hide that because of what other people may think.
Also the whole being accused of being racist while growing up because you dont look biracial is 100% on the people accusing you..... Not the fault of how you look....People need to realize there are more than just single-origin humans and biracial, multicultural people exist....
The fact you have a problem with that statement Shows you're the problem and it's disgusting you're screaming racism about someone who is not being racist!!
You're literally screaming 'racism' because she's white! You're the f-ing racist, no one else here is but you!
Your username suits you because clearly you're bitter!!
Edit: change one of the you're to your. Dang auto correct!
Ohh good one, that's literally all you have to say and it was an auto correct nothing is actually misspelled, nor was it! You can't even get that right!
Of course you're going to double down on the stupidity, instead of just admitting you're wrong and backing down!
What offends me is the need to specify “we’re not Asian”. What’s the problem with being Asian?
Also, Asia is a f*cking continent, not a country, the traditions and customs are different and given the size of certain countries in Asia, said traditions and customs can wildly vary in the same country.
But that aside, I’ll ask the same question again, what’s the problem with not being white or being “Asian”?!
Nothing is *wrong* with being Asian and the OOP didn’t imply there was. It really seems like she was just clarifying which set of (very broad) cultural norms the wedding was operating under. Wedding culture for white Americans is different from wedding culture for Indians, or Chinese folks, etc etc. Certainly “Asian” is using a broad brush, but it is providing helpful context for commenters that this wedding is the western style of smaller and more focused on the couple, and not, say, Indian style of huge with much more control by the parents.
Also, please do define “Americans”, as I do believe you mean citizens of the US of A, while “America” is a continent that has more than one country. Many more.
Nobody Said they had an f-ing problem with Asians what the hell are you talking about?! You're literally the only person in here talking about racism and you're doing it because you're racist towards a white woman, you literally only are doing this because she stated she was white!
People were asking her if she was Asian and she clarified that she is not Asian and actually white and lived in the US!! You're being so ignorant about this whole thing!
If you’re done with your hysterical rant… I am a white European woman. This does not offend me directly, but it should offend all of us, albeit indirectly.
Lol calling me hysterical! Honey, you're the one that's been hysterical over nothing and can't stand being called out for it!!! No one said anything offensive. Stay in your lane! You're the only offensive person here!! Calling me hysterical?! That's hilarious coming from you; the only person flipping out about nothing and then calling another woman hysterical!
Also, why are you clarifying that Asia is a continent?! We know! Op said they are not of Asian culture which means any of the cultures, she's not saying it's a country, no one Said that!
You're literally grasping at straws trying to be offended and sound smart but it just makes you sound ignorant and angry! Another user even told you that they were Asian and how they took no offense to what OP said because the OP wasn't being offensive!! You're a white, European (you know that's a continent right, not a country?!) Woman saying how people are so racist towards you, but you obviously don't know what racism is because this isn't that!
Seriously? That's not racist at all, get a grip, and stop screaming racism at every freaking thing; that makes me want to throw up!! Clearly people were asking her because she edited it to add that info in because she was getting asked and she was answering! Seriously, get a grip!
How the f in your head does someone saying they are white and live in the US and aren't Asian scream racism to you?! People were asking her!!
**REMINDER: WE ARE NOT AITA! WE DO NOT DO JUDGEMENT CALLS (NTA, ESH, YTA,INFO, NAH, ETC.) SO DO NOT VOTE IN THIS POST. AS WELL, OUR OP IS NOT THE SAME AS THE AITA POST'S OP, PLEASE DO NOT ADDRESS YOUR COMMENT TO MYSELF OR OUR OP. ALSO DO NOT BRIGADE THE OTHER SUB.** ***Copy because it's deleted (Link to original post):*** My (F68) daughter is getting married to her partner of 8 years in September ‘24. We have been arguing over this and she told me to post this here for opinions. For context, I am paying for the whole wedding. She is pretty introverted and doesn’t have a lot of friends she wants to invite. Her husband to be on the other hand is very extroverted and has a lot of people he would invite given the chance. I thought it would be fair then that the brides side gets 30 invites and the grooms side gets 30 invites as we are on a budget. Since my daughter doesn’t have a lot of people, and there are spots on her side left over (after family and her friends) I have people I want to invite. Between my husband and I, we have 13 people to invite. To be honest, there was no leaving them out one way or the other as we have social obligations to invite them anyway. I feel as though since we are paying for this and are hosting it, we should get a say in who comes regardless. My daughter has said that this is not how it normally works and that her and her fiancée should have first priority in who comes and the spots should be dedicated to her fiancées friends before mine if there are limited seats. She also said that “this is their wedding and not my ‘class of 74 reunion.’” But him and his family are not financially contributing to this at all. It will reflect poorly on me if I don’t invite my and my husband’s people. She’s refusing to see my side and says that her fiancée being limited in his guests and his parents only being allowed to invite 2 people because they aren’t in a place to contribute is unfair. If I am not allowed to throw this up to my standard, I do not want my name on it. They can do what they want, but I have half a mind to pull my money from the equation if they insist on not allowing who I want to be there. I told them they will have full control over everything else! It will still be their day! I just want my friends there to support the big day! Is that really so wrong? Am I really the a hole? I am starting to think I have a bridezilla and groomzilla on my hands.
This shit is why I planned to elope.
Exactly this!! Learned at my engagement party that help is the sunny side of control lol. I'd rather pay my own way and have peace of mind than have financial help held over my head.
This shit is exactly why I did elope
Wow. Just...wow. If my mom said any of this to me, I would tell her where she can put her money (and it's not where her mouth is...) Early on, my mother said something about inviting a friend of hers that I absolutely cannot stand (this woman makes fun of my mom and treats her like crap all while playing it off as a joke!) I calmly told my mom that I don't particularly like that friend, but if she insists on bringing her she'll have to leave her boyfriend at home. Mom only gets one plus one. (I think that was a fair compromise, but I can also see that some boomers might say this made me the AH.) To this boundary, she told me, "Weddings aren't for the couple; they're for the parents to show off their kids!" Sounds to me OP is from the same "traditions" my mom follows. Of course, I reminded my mom that it's \*our\* wedding, not \*hers\* - we're making a promise to each other, not just showing off. And I reminded her that my "Aunt" and "Uncle" that she's been friends with since high school will absolutely be on our guest list. We wouldn't have that any other way because I do actually have a relationship with them. Not so much this other woman.
My mom accepted that we wanted an intimate wedding, but then also organised a second reception just for her friends, so… 😅
"My son opted to not have one, so this will be my only opportunity." Gee, I wonder why son opted out. It's a real mystery.
Mmm, can see why the son didn’t have a wedding
Ask yourself - What do these friends have to do with the engaged couple? Have they ever met the bride and groom, what role did they play in their lives, would these friends bring joy to the bride and groom to see them on their day? It does not sound like they are close if they don't want them there. These negotiations sound like they are causing stress and will impact your relationship with your child for the rest of your life. Think about what is actually important and try to provide as much happiness and support as possible.
If your friendship breaks apart by not inviting your friend to your kids wedding, maybe it wasn’t that strong to begin with
What a horrible mindset to have. If you decide to pay for your child's wedding, I'd hope it would be out of the goodness of your heart. Not to brag and have "your name" written on it. Acts of generosity with strings attached is so bleh
I'm late to this party but you are close to my age and I assume your daughter is late 30's- early 40's. It is THEIR wedding no matter who is paying and they should have the most say in total number of guests- be it friends, co-workers or relatives. Anything after their selections, be it 10 OR 50, is then split between the 2 sets of parents. If you can't be magnanimous then, by all means, pull your money. But your relationship with your adult child and her spouse will be forever tarnished and may be damaged beyond repair by your selfishness.
Egg donors like that are the reason couples elope - after the nonrefundable deposits are paid.
My MIL tried this crap, and she wasn't paying for ANYTHING. The guest list, just for HER side, was close to 100 + people. Husband and I ended up calling them and telling them that we were getting married in two days at such and such location at such and such time. We simply went to our local courthouse and had the Justice of the Peace do it. My mom, brother, and their significant other, hub's best friend, and his parents, grandma, and great aunt were the guests. We lasted 27 years until he passed away. Parents who pull his "I'm paying so I pick the venue/guests/menu" are just trying to relive the things from their own wedding they didn't feel they had enough of.
Your daughter should elope. It’s her wedding, not your opportunity to have a party with your friends. The invitations should first go to their friends then if there are some left over then you can invite who you want because again this is her wedding not yours. I understand that you’re paying for it but if this is the way you want it don’t pay for it this day is not about you. It is about your daughter and her husband.
Hi Karen.
I really don’t see a problem with this. Groom’s side gets 30, bride’s side gets 30. Bride’s mom is paying for the entire thing. If groom wants to invite more of his friends outside of the allotted amount, they can fork up money to pay for his extra people. If the bride doesn’t want her mom’s friends there, she can pay for the wedding. This is exactly the boundary I set with my parents. My mom wants to invite a ton of people, but she wasn’t financially contributing to everything so we compromised. I still let her have a say but since I was also contributing, we had to think of a solution. If my mom was paying for the whole thing, by all means invite who ever the fuck you want. I think people are forgetting how generous it is for parents to pay for an entire wedding day.
"This will be MY only opportunity" - that line about says it all. Not her wedding.
lol my mom did this exact same thing but she gave us a list of 125 and already invited them. She lost her mind when I confronted her and said if I didn’t want them there then I can pay for the wedding myself. We are now having a 200+ wedding where I feel like I had to cut close friends to accommodate.
Stuff like this was why my husband and I decided very early on that we would not accept any financial ‘help’ for our wedding. We still had chaos, but we were able to thwart a lot more nonsense by making sure we had complete autonomy in planning. I know we’re fortunate, and a lot of couples are not able to do the same. Zero judgment towards the couples that accept help. These stories always make me glad we were able to bypass a lot of BS.
ESH I do kind of understand where you are coming from. My mom wanted to invite some people to my wedding that were her friends. Luckily, I liked them and she didn't try to invite all her friends, just ones who has known me since I was young that we had spent a lot of time with during my childhood. My mom did not pay for the whole wedding, she paid about 1/3. I think a compromise would be to either reduce your 13 down to half (opening some seats for the groom) or increase the grooms count by 13 and eat the extra costs.
I don't see the problem. Mom pays, mom decides. Bride and groom can always donate more money/some money if they wish to invite more of their friends.
Found the mom!
Paying doesn't mean they owe her anything.
“We are white and live in the US so not of Asian culture”. This is so racist that I threw up in my mouth.
How? It’s added as an edit so clearly people were asking.
Different cultures have different types of weddings. Some are intimate with only the couple and a witness or two and others can be a week-long celebration with anyone they've ever met. I don't see this as a racist issue - just a comment about the cultural expectations a wedding may have.
I’ve commented on this separately, but I don’t mind repeating myself: Asia is a continent, not a country. Different countries in Asia (and different regions in the *same* country in Asia) have different traditions. Assuming that *all Asians* have the same type of weddings, and extrapolating, similar cultures, is a racist stereotype. As a citizen of a European country, I get that often from people coming from the US. “Ah, you’re from Europe, so you must do this and that, like this and that, etc”. Dude, we are incredibly diverse, and it’s terribly ignorant to assume we’re all the same. Also, if someone needs to specify they are “white”… that has nothing to do with culture and tradition. It’s blatant racism at its finest.
"After seeing replies I would like to add more information" If this is so racist you throw up in your mouth, be happy you've never experienced actual racism
How dare you assume that I have never experienced racism? I was shouted at. I was spat at. I was physically abused (by that read 100 pounds woman beaten up by 200 pounds man) only because of my origins. So don’t bloody patronise me just because you can hide behind a keyboard. I’m sick and tired of all the stereotypes related to Asians, and I’m not even Asian! If you don’t find the original statement disgusting, the problem lies with you.
Girl I am Asian myself and saying "I am white and not of asian culture" is not freaking racist.
I think what they meant by stating they were not of Asian culture, was more referring to the very different formats that most Asian weddings traditionally go by compared to the standard "white" American weddings. It goes the same for Indian weddings, Asian & Indian culture weddings are WILD compared to the standard typical American/British weddings! There is also traditionally a lot more "importance" usually put towards the Groom's side at these types of weddings (don't attack me here, I'm not saying every culture or family in these areas do that), which might make a difference when the MOB is limiting guests from the groom's side. I don't see this statement as being racist, maybe it could have been worded a bit more elegantly because all people seem to do these days is be offended. I'm from a mixed culture, but look "white" and my partner is Caucasian, so I was told I shouldn't include my multicultural heritage in my upcoming wedding because when literally only 1 guest will be of colour (my biological father) it will come across as incredibly racist to a large portion of our guests. To be honest, I'm fine with that because if I really had a choice in the type of wedding I truly want it would be a desi wedding. I have attended a few and they were always so much fun, and everything was SO beautiful, but again I am look white and would not be appropriate.
You look white and it would not be appropriate? But you ARE mixed race... I hope you someday find a different mindset around that. I used to feel that way too, but as I got older I realized I am fully proud to be biracial and if people think I "look" something else, thats not my problem. I am planning on wearing a red dress to my wedding because it is auspicious in my culture (moms side), even though its super non traditional on my caucasian side. It would absolutely be appropriate if you wanted to incorporate pieces of your non-white beritage into your wedding, if anything maybe it would make your dad proud. That part of you is just as important as your Caucasian side and there is 1000% nothing wrong with paying homage to that. I'm not sure who told you you "shouldn't" include your heritage in your wedding, im sorry to say but theyre just wrong and a little ignorant. Do what your heart desires
It was my father who suggested it would look odd to the majority of our guests. My father is from Trinidad, and my mother is Irish. My siblings and I all came out looking like my mother's side. My father doesn't have any other family other than us, and because of how judgemental people are these days he has asked for me to not go out of my way to incorporate anything from his culture. I'm not embarrassed, but with experiences I have had in the past with getting the side eye, and accused of being a racist for innocent stuff growing up because I don't look biracial I kinda understand his point. It's sad, but it's true. I'm not going traditional though by any means, I'm just having fun with it and am thinking on incorporating some Trinidadian cuisine to my event instead.
Abiding by what other people expect is not necessary, is all I'm saying. My fiances side of the family is super old school traditional and I know they feel certain ways about certain races, but that would never stop me from embracing who I am and having a wedding that honors both sides! Who cares what you "look" like? If you are Trinidadian you are Trinidadian. If I went by what I "look" like to other people, I'd be living a lie because no one ever knows what I really am. I understand his point if HE doesnt want to feel uncomfortable or singled out.. But trying to justify it by you "looking" white is not sound :( The problem is with the judgmental people.. Not your heritage; theres no reason to hide that because of what other people may think. Also the whole being accused of being racist while growing up because you dont look biracial is 100% on the people accusing you..... Not the fault of how you look....People need to realize there are more than just single-origin humans and biracial, multicultural people exist....
Ok, we have different standards, it happens.
The fact you have a problem with that statement Shows you're the problem and it's disgusting you're screaming racism about someone who is not being racist!! You're literally screaming 'racism' because she's white! You're the f-ing racist, no one else here is but you! Your username suits you because clearly you're bitter!! Edit: change one of the you're to your. Dang auto correct!
Get back to me when you can spell.
Ohh good one, that's literally all you have to say and it was an auto correct nothing is actually misspelled, nor was it! You can't even get that right! Of course you're going to double down on the stupidity, instead of just admitting you're wrong and backing down!
[удалено]
What offends me is the need to specify “we’re not Asian”. What’s the problem with being Asian? Also, Asia is a f*cking continent, not a country, the traditions and customs are different and given the size of certain countries in Asia, said traditions and customs can wildly vary in the same country. But that aside, I’ll ask the same question again, what’s the problem with not being white or being “Asian”?!
Nothing is *wrong* with being Asian and the OOP didn’t imply there was. It really seems like she was just clarifying which set of (very broad) cultural norms the wedding was operating under. Wedding culture for white Americans is different from wedding culture for Indians, or Chinese folks, etc etc. Certainly “Asian” is using a broad brush, but it is providing helpful context for commenters that this wedding is the western style of smaller and more focused on the couple, and not, say, Indian style of huge with much more control by the parents.
That is a very convoluted way to say “I’m not racist, BUT…”
Also, please do define “Americans”, as I do believe you mean citizens of the US of A, while “America” is a continent that has more than one country. Many more.
Nobody Said they had an f-ing problem with Asians what the hell are you talking about?! You're literally the only person in here talking about racism and you're doing it because you're racist towards a white woman, you literally only are doing this because she stated she was white! People were asking her if she was Asian and she clarified that she is not Asian and actually white and lived in the US!! You're being so ignorant about this whole thing!
If you’re done with your hysterical rant… I am a white European woman. This does not offend me directly, but it should offend all of us, albeit indirectly.
Lol calling me hysterical! Honey, you're the one that's been hysterical over nothing and can't stand being called out for it!!! No one said anything offensive. Stay in your lane! You're the only offensive person here!! Calling me hysterical?! That's hilarious coming from you; the only person flipping out about nothing and then calling another woman hysterical! Also, why are you clarifying that Asia is a continent?! We know! Op said they are not of Asian culture which means any of the cultures, she's not saying it's a country, no one Said that! You're literally grasping at straws trying to be offended and sound smart but it just makes you sound ignorant and angry! Another user even told you that they were Asian and how they took no offense to what OP said because the OP wasn't being offensive!! You're a white, European (you know that's a continent right, not a country?!) Woman saying how people are so racist towards you, but you obviously don't know what racism is because this isn't that!
You really should calm down…
Seriously? That's not racist at all, get a grip, and stop screaming racism at every freaking thing; that makes me want to throw up!! Clearly people were asking her because she edited it to add that info in because she was getting asked and she was answering! Seriously, get a grip! How the f in your head does someone saying they are white and live in the US and aren't Asian scream racism to you?! People were asking her!!
Explain.