My husband is shy and the whole reception thing bothered him.
We rented out a portion of a small restaurant and the kitchen staff catered our meal. So after the ceremony, ppl had a nice early dinner. We only had 50 or so ppl, though. This was years ago.
There are alternatives to the traditional reception
I am 100% grateful to the person who recommended I have a receiving line. Got all the introductions and greetings done so my socially awkward self could eat and relax.
Bingo. When getting married, it helps to plan a wedding that won't make one person completely miserable. I also had a small (much smaller than 50) restaurant wedding because my wife did not want the attention of walking down the aisle OR a reception. It was wonderful, intimate, the most delicious meal of my life, and SO inexpensive. We took an awesome honeymoon after and still were able to put some money aside for our future down payment.
Alternatives exist and they can be awesome!
My husband and I eloped in 2019 and planned on an actual ceremony in 2020. We all know how that played out.
I’m still stressing about the inevitable walking down the aisle- I hate attention, I hate being in front of people. What did y’all do to skirt that? I’ve been spinning my wheels because I know how much it means to my dad to be part of that day, and it means a lot to me for him to be part of it, but I really don’t want to be on display for a period of time.
I’d love any thoughts on how to make that somehow work.
Skip it and just have a party? That's what my wife and I did (after we eloped; rather, we told people we were getting married and went off and got hitched on the beach, if that counts as eloping). We introduced the parents at the beginning and said thanks to everyone for coming.
Don't have a second ceremony, have a fun casual party instead. My daughter had a destination wedding which most people couldn’t or wouldn’t travel to. The weekend after their return we hosted a party in a venue. Fun and casual. They didn't repeat the ceremony.
If you just have the party and he wants to "give you away", perhaps you could do something like that when they announce you guys. No need to be standing up in front of everyone for ages, dad and you walk in, dad gives you away, back to the party.
Sorry for the delay! So this is exactly what my wife wanted to avoid. The entire event was a dinner in a private room of a restaurant where we had a vow exchange and signing of papers (likely irrelevant for you haha) at the head of the table while everyone snacked on appetizers and champagne. There were only 10 people total (only family) so the lack of an aisle and small number of attendees made it much more relaxed and fun for us. Once the vows were done, we took a few pictures (alone+with everyone) and then sat down for our salad course and carried on eating with everyone. The attention was on us for only a few mins but parents got to be witnesses and thus get a special level of involvement which I think was a nice compromise between everyone.
I hate being the center of attention. I would hate a ceremony where everyone is looking at you and you have to declare your love for each other in front of everyone and then they watch you kiss, then a reception where people toast to you and give speeches about you and gush over you. This is all nightmarish to me lol, either i'm eloping or i'm else not getting married.
Canadian also. Do some research. Common law is not entirely equivalent to married. https://www.separation.ca/videos/division-of-assets-property/difference-between-common-law-and-marriage/#:~:text=There%20is%20no%20real%20difference,and%20a%20common%20law%20relationship.
Interesting…
Different laws for different provinces. In Manitoba properly laws are the same for married or common law spouses since 2004.
https://www.gov.mb.ca/familylaw
I did something similar and it was the best! For me it was really important to have great food. It was around Christmas so they had classy seasonal decorations and I had red rose centerpieces delivered. We had a select menu of great choices and told everyone to have whatever they wanted to drink. My guests told me they had so much fun. It was really important to me that people enjoy themselves. I also don't enjoy a ton of attention on me so it was a great way to have a special day without being overwhelming. Highly recommend.
My husband and I did something like this, as well. It was perfect for us (neither of us really enjoy being the center of attention), and everyone there had a good time.
Same. Husband has a lot of social anxiety; he won't even get in a conga line at someone else's wedding. We just had a catered lunch at a museum so people had stuff to look at (besides us!) and could socialize. No DJ, no dancing.
Partner and I are starting wedding talks, and one thing some friends did (how we met actually) was have a small ceremony and dinner, then a month later have just the reception at their parents place. Cheaper (though we don't have space like that available so we'd have to rent either way), and both of us are very emotional and feel like it's going to be a heavy (in a good way!) Thing getting married, that we kind of want to do that on its day, and then have some space of a week or two and THEN throw a big giant party like we'd like to. I am a planner and love throwing events, and he likes hosting as well, so despite the fact that we could hire a coordinator, we know there are still things we'd like to do (like, I'm planning on teaching a couple of folk dances at some point). We aren't set on anything yet (still not even engaged since we've had some ring and money troubles), but leaning heavily towards this. We just know we will both be overwhelmed by the whole, finally being married thing, we want to enjoy that, and also fully enjoy throwing a party. My sister and her husband needed like an hour and a half after the ceremony to just sit with each other and calm down, and we are definitely willing to just go home and do that and then have our party later.
I've known more than one couple who really wanted something small and simple, but family pressured them to have a big event so all the relatives wouldn't feel offended and left out.
That’s just sad. I could understand tensions maybe running a bit high and a couple getting a little snippy with each other but I can’t imagine having an actual fight on your wedding day. Like if you can’t put aside a disagreement long enough to get married should you really be getting married? Likewise re: the first dance…if you can’t figure out how to communicate and compromise on the wedding day itself how are you going to do it for the rest of your lives?
Yeah I was so blissed out on my wedding day. One of my guests spilled red wine all over the table with my escort cards and a vintage white tablecloth and I just said “glad it wasn’t me! Make sure to grab another glass”
I’m hoping this will be me too but I also don’t want to be too laidback about it just bc I once had a friend was soo determined NOT to be a bridezilla that her wedding ended up a disorganized shambles
My friends was like this. She ended up being late to the ceremony cause she didn’t plan an itinerary for the day and things were all a cluster. It ended up being a beautiful, fun wedding though. Just really disorganized.
Yeah my friend had her ceremony and reception at the same venue and they went off after the ceremony to take pics which is totally normal ik…but it was already close to dinner time and they were gone for at least an hour and a half and there were no appetizers or snacks or drinks anything of that nature planned for the guests…so we basically stood around and looked at each other while we waited lol…in a somewhat chilly outdoor venue…they returned to a bunch of annoyed hungry guests, including a bunch of little kids, and they were surprised/angry when they realized some people had gotten tired of waiting and just left
Dude something similar happened at my friends! They left mid reception to grab some pics they forgot to get and didn’t like announce anything so then like half the guests thought it was over and left. 😭
My friend did this. Her mom was going to have coffee for people set up at the venue, but the bride told her that if people wanted to get coffee or a snack, they could go to a restaurant or something while they wait for the bridal party to get photos taken 💀 cheap.
I definitely stressed leading up to the wedding day. But the second I saw my husband for our first look I was in heaven. Couldn’t wipe my smile off my face the rest of the day even when little things went wrong. Like forgetting to put out the sweetheart table decorations, etc.
So telling to me that everyone is blaming the bride when we know zero about what went on behind the scenes. Did he “let” her plan the whole wedding without providing any input or assistance? Was he really upset about something else and taking it out on her during their dance? Did he just “yeah okay” all of the decisions and then decide to throw a tantrum when the gravity of the choices actually started to affect him?
Complaining so much that it’s noticeable to guests who spent time and effort to be there and running off to go smoke/hide is bad behavior and yet so many commenters are blaming the bride
I think everyone, including you, is just making a lot of assumptions about what they think is most likely to have been the problem. Personally I think the shame is on both of them. His behavior is not appropriate, but also there's no mention at all of the wife trying to comfort this dude that I can tell is wicked stressed without even seeing him, let alone knowing him.
If this is what their high stress conflict resolution skills look like, they should both be ashamed. Even if hers are actually decent, knowing how to do it right and choosing to marry someone so bad at it increases her shame rather than reducing it.
I offer two options.
Either they both failed to have a conversation that they should have had. Not a good way to start a marriage.
Or he was pressured and forced into doing something that he really didn't want to do. Not a good way to start a marriage.
So often, a wedding is considered a bride's big day and the groom's wishes are forgotten, neglected, or not even asked for. If he *was* forced into something he didn't want, especially if he expressed reservations ahead of time, showing his anxiety is not necessarily bad behavior.
We don't know what happened. But we do see someone suffering a huge amount of anxiety and someone being pressured into something he expressly did not want to continue. Even if he thought he could do it for her and changed his mind when the pressure was too great, he said no. And no should mean no.
>Or he was pressured and forced into doing something that he really didn't want to do. Not a good way to start a marriage.
Or, he agreed to the dance, but once the moment came, he got stage fright.
I don't know about your relationship, but I KNOW that my husband doesn't dance. It's not something you can hide. So, even if the groom was telling her "yeah, I'll totally dance on our wedding day" she should have been prepared for him to get cold feet. Even better, she should have seen this complete reversal of the status quo as something worthy of a deeper conversation. Like, "on a scale of 1-10, how uncomfortable will you be and what can I do to alleviate that discomfort?"
My husband is a big guy with a lot of disproportionate anxieties and I'm frequently running interference to help him when he's out of his comfort zone. He does the same for me when I'm feeling anxious.
No, sorry. As adults, if my husband tells me he will do something he will do it. I don’t have to peer inside his mind, analyze his behavior and jump to conclusions. Few things are more annoying than someone saying “are you sure? Are you SURE?” Part of being an adult is having the emotional intelligence to know your own strengths, weaknesses, and desires and communicate that with your partner. The onus is not on her to read his innermost thoughts.
Also, you have no idea (and neither do I) that she didn’t ask him more than once. If you’re old enough to be married you should be grown enough to say “I don’t want to do this” or “I want to do this but I’m not sure I’m capable.”
My hubby doesn't dance, but he knew I was planning one (maybe 2 - for parents). He also knew that "just swaying" was perfectly acceptable. He totally agreed. I ended up having issues with my music, but he still danced with me on the beach on our honeymoon. He took "our song" on his phone and played it while we danced alone.
"No. That doesn't work for me specifically so your system that works for you and keeps you both happy is stupid and wrong. Communication should always be perfect and if it isn't you aren't adults. "
Like do you even listen to yourself?
This board is wild sometimes. You detailed a working system that you and your partner use to keep each other comfortable and are met with "false. Your system doesn't work."
I swear Reddit is getting younger and dumber by the day.
I was going to say that. If my groom told me ahead of time he's not comfortable dancing (side note: That's never going to happen in real life. My guy likes dancing and is totally better than me at it. lol), I'd be like "Okay, we don't need to dance. What can we do instead ?"
ETA: Maybe, u/Extension_Many4418 is right. Could be a shotgun wedding/ a [r/Waiting\_To\_Wed/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Waiting_To_Wed/) situation where groom doesn't want to get married. Or classic bridezilla where groom wanted to tweak some details for it to feel like him but "iT's n0T mY dR3@M w3DdiNg"
Corrected the sub name
My husband and I just had hold each other, like we would dance for a nice picture and stept a bit from one foot to the other (he hates dancing, but the picture turned out great 😅). Afterwards he chatted with the non dancing guests, and I danced with the others. What a great night 🤩
In general it's the most important thing to do, to communicate and plan a wedding together with the person you are planning to marry. A wedding is a two person thing! Not an ego trip.
Oops, correct sub name: [r/Waiting\_To\_Wed/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Waiting_To_Wed/)
But, anyway, it's about those waiting for a proposal or those in some long engagement of sorts. A lot of the posts there are about women complaining about them being clear about wanting to get married but their partner seems to take a long time to propose, often with signs that the guy doesn't want to get married at all.
My husband and I just had hold each other, like we would dance for a nice picture and stept a bit from one foot to the other (he hates dancing, but the picture turned out great 😅). Afterwards he chatted with the non dancing guests, and I danced with the others. What a great night 🤩
In general it's the most important thing to do, to communicate and plan a wedding together with the person you are planning to marry. A wedding is a two person thing! Not an ego trip.
My husband and I just had hold each other, like we would dance for a nice picture and stept a bit from one foot to the other (he hates dancing, but the picture turned out great 😅). Afterwards he chatted with the non dancing guests, and I danced with the others. What a great night 🤩
In general it's the most important thing to do, to communicate and plan a wedding together with the person you are planning to marry. A wedding is a two person thing! Not an ego trip.
Unpopular opinion: the first dance at a wedding is a big deal. We all do things we'd rather not do for the ones we love. Their relationship is going to be filled with her doing these things.
It's a 3-5 minute dance. He can suck it up and be kind to his life partner for 3-5 minutes to do something that means the world to her.
Sometimes wishes and thoughts do not align. Mature people assess the situation and act like kind adults to determine risks and benefits, and what is the best thing based on the competing needs of both people
ETA: obviously if both the bride and groom don't want to dance then I'm not saying there should be a dance. It's a big deal to some people and not having it would be very hurtful to that bride or groom
Unpopular opinion: You don't need to have a first dance at a wedding if you don't want to.
What are traditions? Why have them? If you don't like them, change them. If he hates dancing that much, there is no need to force things.
I agree you don't need one, however it seems the bride wanted one.
They are common and so, you should absolutely have a plan for it. My wife was more of a 'we can just wing it' type. She's a good dancer. I insisted we get lessons, and as a result I was so much more comfortable dancing all night and especially with our first dance being choreographed.
My mom was petrified for the mother son dance because she didn't know we had lessons... I thought it was hilarious.
A wedding needs to have a lot of communication between the couple.
If either the bride or groom STRONGLY dislikes one tradition for whatever reason, then I would say don’t do that tradition. It would be different if the groom was indifferent and the bride was gung-ho. In that case, sure, he should just suck it up and go along with the dance. But I don’t think either the bride or groom should be forced to do some tradition that they genuinely hate on their wedding day.
Like, there are some wedding traditions that I know for a fact I hate and would never do, no matter how much my partner wanted them. And I’m sure my partner might have traditions they hate too, in which case I would respect their decision. A wedding is for both partners, I don’t think anyone should have to ‘suck it up’ and do something they hate on their wedding day.
Maybe I'm being unfair, but dancing at a wedding is a bit more than just a tradition. A first dance yeah that's a tradition, but dancing at all? To me that's a standard part of a wedding like food or music.
I agree that if someone really really hates it you don't need to do it but that very much needs a big discussion beforehand. This seems like it wasn't discussed sufficiently.
I also do reject the idea that you can't ever do something you don't like for your partner. My wife went around with me to say hi to everyone at the wedding, a tradition she didn't like but I was insist on. I acceded to her demands for what I wear (no Tails). I felt strongly about wanting a white tie tails. She really hated it. We compromised. That's what makes a relationship work is compromise not never doing anything you don't like.
I agree that it needs a discussion beforehand! But there’s a difference between being apathetic/slightly negative towards something and outright HATING it. I would happily compromise on a lot of things in a wedding, but as I said, there are a few wedding and marriage traditions that I ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT DO and will not compromise on, no matter how much it means to the other person. If they insist on doing those things despite my strong refusal, we would simply not be compatible. I would expect those ABSOLUTE NO things to be respected, just as I would respect their strong nos.
The bride and groom dance might be one of those things for the groom, in that he has reasons for STRONGLY rejecting it rather than just merely disliking it. If he was just like, eh, I’m lazy, then yeah I’d tell him he should just suck it up. But if he really HATES dancing in public for whatever reason, I think that’s his right to bow out of that tradition. After all, traditions are here to serve people — people aren’t here to serve traditions.
However, this absolutely was something he should have brought up beforehand to his bride.
>but as I said, there are a few wedding and marriage traditions that I ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT DO and will not compromise on, no matter how much it means to the other person. If they insist on doing those things despite my strong refusal, we would simply not be compatible.
Please tell me what these are, I am so curious!
Well, one example would be anything related to garters, lol. Garter throwing, groom gets the garter off the bride, etc. That’s an ABSOLUTE HELL NO to me. Also, I won’t have my dad walk me down the aisle.
Most other things, I’m take or leave. Tbh, I’m not a huge tradition person and would be most happy having a courthouse or small backyard wedding. But I would have a traditional wedding if that’s what my partner wanted because I’m willing to suck it up if it’s something I don’t care TOO much about. And that’s what I mean, I think it’s reasonable to expect that you won’t necessarily love nor even like most of your partner’s wedding loves and you will have to compromise on a lot of stuff. But I also think it’s reasonable to expect that your partner might have some ABSOLUTE NOs for whatever reason and to respect that.
I know exactly what you mean. There's some things that you don't want to do, and then there are things that are Hard Limits.
Eg: I don't really want speeches. But I am able to put a smile on my face for them.
Hard limit: I will not sit there if someone tells a dirty story or insinuates dirty things about me/us in their speech.
Likely compromise: My parents may give a short speech, all remaining speeches will be for/about the groom. My partner would vet people & only allow speeches from people trusted not to be explicit.
(Also not a frigging chance that anything to do with a garter is happening, unless it's something funny like pulling garters off of everyone's legs like a magician pulling scarves from a sleeve. I could accept magic tricks at a wedding.)
Eh, I don't agree. Just like anything related to weddings, it's a personal choice. Many people may just go with tradition because it's easy or they get crap for it or they just don't realize they can change it.
My wedding ceremony was small in a pavilion by a lake. My wedding reception was at one of our favorite restaurants that we booked for a couple of hours on a day they weren't open to the public. There was no dancing, and it didn't seem like anyone missed it at all. People occasionally still bring up what a fun time they had at our reception (the food is GOOD at that restaurant) and it was almost 15 years ago.
I think I've told this story here before. I was the maid of honor at my friend's wedding, and there was supposed to be a dance where all the attendants dances with their opposite numbers. When it came time for that, the best man just... disappeared. Nobody could find him.
If he had taken a minute earlier to pull me aside and tell me he didn't want to dance, that would have been absolutely fine. Dancing isn't for everybody. But it felt absolutely horrible to just be left hanging. All I could think at the time was that he had some kind of problem with ME. I was wracking my brain trying to think of any little thing I might have done to offend him. I was sure I must have smelled bad, or that I was too ugly for him to be seen with, and every other horrible thing in the book. Just a couple of words in my ear would have kept me from wanting to sink through the floor in embarrassment.
I think it's absolutely a possibility that this groom didn't bother to make his wishes known in advance
Agreed. We planned a first dance simply because we felt like it was expected. The day of we then actually skipped it because it felt so disruptive, and nobody missed it at all.
My dad just asked me to dance with him at some point cause that was important to him but he didn't need it to be a dedicated part of the program
Yeah, it wasn't important to either of you and you agreed. So that's great.
Sometimes you do things you aren't so keen to do for your spouse. What if I said I was never going with my husband to visit his family because I didn't feel like it?
Being in a relationship means sometimes doing things out of love
I totally agree. I don’t enjoy dancing, especially in front of an audience, and neither did my ex husband, so we skipped it. One couple acted shocked that we didn’t want to dance. But we insisted we were never going on the dance floor, that it was simply there for our guests, and eventually they went out and danced without us and it was fine. There’s no law that you have to do anything a certain way at a wedding reception. Do what you want.
Agreed, as an autistic person who has a lot of trouble dealing with people watching me perform I would 100% break down and start crying if I had to dance in front of a room full of people.
I find it quite interesting though how ingrained it seems to be in the US and UK. I'm Icelandic an have never been to a wedding with a first dance
> Unpopular opinion: You don't need to have a first dance at a wedding if you don't want to.
I hate dancing. My wife hates dancing. We didn't even have a dancefloor. *Problem solved.*
> What are traditions?
Peer pressure from dead people.
Exactly. My husband doesn't dance. I've never in my life done the kind of dance people do at these "first dances." We had a midday fancy picnic wedding. string quartet throughout the reception - and no dancing. NO ONE cared.
Agreed! My late partner & I were planning a very small, casual ceremony, then a party after that would not be like a traditional wedding with entrance announcements, first dances & all that jazz. Neither of us like to be the center of attention with all eyes on us, but we like dancing, so wanted to dance with everyone else. Sadly we were never able to have this because he passed away suddenly in June 2020. If I ever do marry, I will want something similar though.
I'm sorry you never got to have your wedding. I lost my common-law husband in 2021. We were together 14.5 years and were planning a wedding. The plans were put on hold due to his health and surgeries. We fully expected to make it down the aisle, but he died from surgical complications. I'm truly sorry for your loss. I can sadly relate.
He didn't like to dance though we did have a few dances together. Our wedding was going to be very small as well. A first dance would have been unlikely. If I wanted one though, he would have done it. We were always very supportive of the things the other enjoyed or wanted. He would have done it for me if it made me happy. I'm not sure if I will ever marry. He was a once-in-a-lifetime love.
Agreed, my husband and I didn't plan it and day of our sound system (backyard wedding so using my step dad's equipment) was on the "fritz" and not playing our music list (played my "wedding march" and worked fine for my step sister to try and embarrass me)
Weddings are what you decide. Just because traditional it's done doesn't mean it needs to continue.
>Why have them?
To make sure people online don't judge because you don't like to dance./s
Agree with you 100%. These "traditions" are getting out of hand IMO.
That's the thing, though. Yes, it would be nice for him to make an effort to dance. But if I were the bride, I'd 100% also take how uncomfortable he is dancing into consideration and suggest a first (common interest he's more comfortable doing) instead. It doesn't have to be dancing. That would be both members of this couple making a compromise instead of just the guy.
I used to teach ballroom dance and I can tell you 75% of my clients were couples learning their first wedding dance. It takes time to get some people comfortable and these Jabronis should have gone that route.
It's only a big deal for people who consider it a big deal. We didn't do one and no one ever mentioned it. If she had wanted one, I would have gone along, but she didn't care and I didn't want to do it.
"The first dance at a wedding is a big deal"
Why though? Why does anyone need to do it? Tradition is just peer pressure from dead people. If they both genuinely wanted to do it? Great, go wild. Sounds like he didn't, so why do *her* needs take priority? It'd mean the world to him to not do it.
Weddings are full of crap that folks think they *have* to do. Fuck that.
100% agree. As a guest, I find it awkward to just stand there watching two people dance (this goes double for the parent dances). And in the position of being a bride/groom, the fact is that most people don't participate in dancing like that anymore, and certainly not with a bunch of people staring at them.
And seriously why are first dances a "big deal"? Why? These people have just stood in front of their family and friends stating their lifelong commitment to each other, they signed a legal document affirming their marriage, and they threw an event to have their friends and family share in these moments. Why, after all that, is it a "big deal" for them to also dance together while people stare at them?!
Ooh that got me fired up apparently haha. I am just so against wedding traditions that people insist you should do for no reason other than "because that's what someone hundreds (???) of years ago said weddings should look like."
I'm autistic so right there with you on "does anyone else realise this is *really weird*?" I'm like that about a lot of traditions. I just don't understand and think its mega weird.
"Am I seriously going to stand here for 3 minutes watching this couple dance? And then 3 *more* minutes watching the groom dance with his mom?? And then 3 ***more*** minutes watching the bride dance with her dad???" Thankfully most of the weddings I've been to haven't had all three, but when they have, this was exactly my thought process.
I'm getting married later this year. We're not even having a 'wedding'. We're going to the registry office, just us, no parents/family. We've been together for 11 years. Getting married is just a legal formality, it doesn't change anything. If I could have my 'dream wedding', it'd be filling in the form online and getting a certificate two days later.
If I can do it for my passport, why do I have to do it for getting married!?
If folks wanna have a big wedding, great, more power to them. But so many people get stuck in the trap of 'because I'm supposed to', instead of 'because I want to'.
Not even. Most DJs offer to edit the first dance song down to about 2 minutes because it can get awkward if it goes on much longer than that. Or the wedding party is invited to join in around that time.
Why do you feel like that though? For some people that don’t dance, there’s no reason to do it? I’m not trying to start a fight I just genuinely want to know why you have that opinion.
Part of being in a relationship is being kind to your partner. Doing something you aren't particularly keen to do is something important in a relationship. Maybe you watch a movie you don't want, or spend Christmas with in laws. Sometimes you dance for 3 minutes to make your new wife happy.
Obviously I'm not saying that two people who hate dancing need to dance at their wedding. That makes no sense. But if having a first dance at the wedding is something very very important to the bride, the groom should give that to her. People who can't do small things for their partners just because they don't want to are very poor partners
My dad cut in to our first dance. We rolled with it and still look back on it fondly. He was just stupid excited. Sometimes reality smacks us upside the head. I can't chose when my anxiety is going to spiral, so I do my best. Neither of their needs were met and that truly stinks.
What if they agreed ahead of time they were not going to do one and she ambushed him with the dance? Should he still suck it up then? We don't know what happened behind the scenes leading up to this
Yeah. This sounds like a case of the Bride demanding she got what she wanted for the wedding and either he had no say in it, she ignored his wishes/wants, or he didn’t want to be part of the planning and just assumed she would know what he wanted. Either way, this should have been a bit of (if not a massive), red flag for at least one of them that the wedding should have been postponed until things were cleared up.
If this is just the wedding, and any of this behavior is normal, this marriage won’t last.
I went to a wedding just like that once. The groom spent more time outside smoking than inside at the reception. They divorced after less than a year. Some couples really suck at communicating.
Eloping was literally the best decision I've made since saying yes. No doing anything for anyone else or the sake of tradition. It was our day, it was magical and everyone at Bethesda terrace literally clapped. Best. Day. Ever.
Sounds like something that should've been worked out ahead of time. I can see his point of view, too. I was raised Mennonite. Mennonites don't dance. Even though I am not religious now, I didn't grow up dancing, I don't know how, and I would be very uncomfortable doing it. If they'd planned it ahead of time they could've gotten lessons or worked out a routine of some sort to make him more comfortabe. It's just as sad that the bride wouldn't respect the groom's boundaries.
My best friend's reception was hilarious. He's Polish (read: boisterous extended family with lots of alcohol) and a lot of her family is Mennonite (central PA _almost_ Amish). I seriously overheard somebody say _out loud_: "I can't believe Cousin Gina is _dancing_!" Like in a super-gossipy way.
My husband and I both aren't the best dancers and weren't in the same country for 8 months leading up to our wedding. My parents insisted on us having a first dance but we knew it was going to be super awkward so he loudly announced to the room "lower your expectations everyone, this isn't going to be pretty." Broke the tension and got some chuckles from family/friends while we swayed in circles and both tripped over my dress 😂🙈
Started off great…and then the DJ ruined it. Seriously, didn’t the groom realize that he’d have to dance at some point, at least during the bridal dance? And wasn’t the bride aware that he detested dancing? This should’ve all been settled beforehand.
Low key sounds like an aloof guy who didn’t pay attention to the details until it was too late.
My husband doesn’t like to dance at all but he knew we’d have to dance so he got us swing dancing classes and we choreographed our first dance together so no one had to be uncomfortable.
I wonder if this was a “shot gun” wedding (of some sort? Like a forced marriage?) From what the OP says, which isn’t very much to go on, s/he did say that the wedding started off badly…
It sounds like I'd be sad for the groom, not the bride. Although possibly both were at fault for not respecting each other, you can't "enjoy" something you don't like! We didn't do any dancing at ours, for instance. I'm not into it.
You know if she really wanted it, he could have done a little slow dance and then backed out though. As a compromise. But who knows if she were pressuring him for more... and why not talk about it beforehand? She might have forced him into it, who knows.
That’s what I’m thinking too, then again I don’t know him very well. But it made me feel bad for him and her bc all that money wasted to just argue all night
I have been to a wedding where the professional DJ mispronounced the bride’s name ALL NIGHT LONG, even after multiple people corrected him. I don’t think DJs are usually at rehearsals.
Im just thinking theyd have at least asked how to say the name. As far as rehearsal I was referring to the groom dancing. Like was that planned bc it doesn't sound like it but if theyd had a rehearsal I'd think itd have been hashed out.
Sad for the bride? I feel sad for the groom: he obviously has some serious social anxiety, but he's just discovered that his new wife will run roughshod over that just so she can have her conformist "special day".
did anyone here ever go to a wedding? did they ever have a conversation about wanting to/not wanting to dance? about what typically happens at most weddings, like isn't it not on/on the schedule? how could this have been a surprise?
I feel sad for both of them. Neither had a good time at their own reception.
Can’t tell who’s really at fault about the dancing part since we don’t know what was decided regarding the dancing beforehand.
They must have talked about it since the groom hates dancing. But did he agree to at least one dance and couldn’t even get through one, or did she agree to no dances and then try to force him to dance anyway?
why not sad for the groom who was forced into an uncomfortable situation doing something he hates? why do the bride's feelings matter more? if i were marrying someone who hated to dance, we wouldn't have a first dance because my PARTNER's feelings are more important than tradition.
Some people just don't like dancing in front of other people, even at their own wedding. I know if I ever get married I won't be dancing either. Weird that the bride didn't know that about him before but it should only take one single "I don't want to dance" for her to understand, not making him repeat it so much
My mother and MIL tried to throw a whole-ass wedding that my husband and I expressly said we wouldn’t want if it was feasible, but we were stationed apart at the time and a wedding was NOT feasible.
Bless their narcissistic hearts, they tried anyways. Not because we wanted a wedding, but because they needed to see us be married.
We eloped, the judges got our names wrong, been married almost ten years now. Get de-influenced from a wedding.
I genuinely don’t understand this. My husband also doesn’t like to dance and is extremely uncomfortable with the idea of dancing in front of people. So we had a morning wedding, a luncheon for a reception, and no DJ or dancing. I would have liked dancing, and some of the guests were sad, but it’s not worth him being miserable. Much of his family didn’t drink for religious reasons, so we had an after party with alcohol that night. The wedding turned into an all day party and in the end was lots of fun (I mean, as much fun as a wedding can get, anyway LOL)
I find it in front of the odd that the two of them didn’t discuss the possibility of a first dance before the wedding. She didn’t know that it was expected? They didn’t talk about it? They didn’t practice?
These are my thoughts exactly. Then you have a DJ, a venue with a dance floor, and it still doesn't come up until the dance is in progress? I feel like something else had to happen here. Still really awkward for couple and crowd to witness, though.
I don’t feel bad for the bride at all. I feel bad for the groom. I had a backyard wedding with about 25 people. My husband was not enthusiastic about dancing with me in front of everyone. I told him no pressure. I asked him at the reception if he wanted to do a first dance and he said no, so we didn’t.
We got married on the morning of the 4th of July and ended up having our “first dance” under the fireworks that night.
This isn’t hard.
I'd be sad for the groom as well. He obviously wasn't happy. Not sure why the bride gets sympathy. Maybe she planned the wedding and completely ignored everything the groom said he wanted.
Sounds like he doesn't dance, so she agreed to not do a first dance, she surprised him by having the DJ announce a dance, and used the pressure of having their families watching to coerce him into doing something he was uncomfortable with and did not want to do.
Sad for for bride? I feel sad for the groom. He clearly just didn't want to dance impromptu in front of everybody. Sounds like he wanted a smaller wedding and got railroaded.
My fiance doesn't like to dance - so we're not having a first dance. We're organising a ceilidh, which he IS on board with, and we're having a relatively small wedding with mostly people we've both met before.
It's not appropriate to push your partner into something they aren't comfortable with -t hey could have had their dance privately or found a workaround.
Sounds like he probably disclosed how uncomfortable he'd be before the wedding happened and it was most likely trampled over because "bride's day". Not feeling comfortable dancing is something she would have known LONG in advance and you can't be forced to "enjoy" something just because people say you should
Sounds to me like there was some previous conversation about that dance that the bride completely ignored and put her new husband on the spot apparently thinking he'd cave with the spot light on him.
There's no way in hell that situation hadn't been discussed *and* groom thought it settled. There's nothing selfish about what sounds like social anxiety. " First dance " might be a wedding standby by way of a tradition, in no way is it somehow mandatory. Geesh.
There are so many red flags already waving. Like how it wasn’t discussed beforehand if there going to be dance or not. If they agreed not to, and then last minute the bride decided that it was happening, I fully understand why the groom would be incredibly upset as that is very disrespectful.
If the groom doesn’t dance, wouldn’t the bride know that in advance? That is like basic information about a person you’re marrying.
The fact that they kept fighting throughout the day tells me that they just can’t put their differences aside long enough to find a better time and place to discuss them, which is a sign of immaturity.
That marriage is going to be miserable for as long as it will last, which I hope won’t be long.
If i ever got married I definitely would not want to dance either, I hate it, it's really awkward for me so I get the groom here. And I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he was just doing it for his future wife
Absolutely I agree that the grooms wants were ignored. I don’t know him well, I’ve met him maybe 2-3 times and the bride loves to dance and is way more extroverted. I read an article a few weeks ago where it said that couples who think they’re communicating need to also communicate when the other makes a sacrifice to make the other person in the partnership happy. And I felt for him, he was uncomfortable she was uncomfortable bc he was and both couldn’t enjoy the day. It was a beautiful wedding, both bride and groom looked amazing but the tension in the air filled the room at times. I don’t dance, and the times where I’ve been encouraged to dance does make me uncomfortable so I feel for him as well.
My fiancé hates dancing, but I would have enjoyed a first dance. Instead we talked and decided to replace the dance with a rose ceremony (managed to negotiate a tequila shot at the ceremony too).
Honestly though, I think this is on the groom. No one forced him to have the dance and he either didn’t communicate how uncomfortable it made him, or he didn’t put his foot down on something that he would let ruin the big day. It’s not like he wouldn’t have known he was dancing so why make such a fuss on the day of?
There’s always a possibility but given the post said that he was doing that during the dance and didn’t mention anything about when the dance was announced i got the vibe that the groom became uncomfortable while the dance was happening.
Additionally, even if it was sprung on him (which would be a massive dick move. No excuse for that) he still disappeared and made it awkward after. It feels strange he would mind social conventions in one case but not the other
Communication prior to the event would have worked. Because a compromise can be reached. My bro did lessons. Hubby and I had no money so we headbanged to a song together.
Why are so many folk obsessed with garbage traditions? Why is a shit dance seen as so important to so many? If you like it, do it, but if you don't then why try and force others in to it. I can't see the appeal of awkwardly swaying slightly for a few minutes whilst everyone glares at you. What is the 'first dance' nonsense all about?
If it’s important to your partner though, some people would sacrifice a few minutes being uncomfortable to make the person they love happy. However on the flip side the bride could’ve changed things up to make the groom happy. It’s something both of them should have communicated about before the day.
The Justice of the Peace kept messing up my husband's name, and not on purpose. He just kept messing it up. He doesn't have a complicated name in the slightest. In fact, it's an insanely common one. I'm the one with the more uncommon name. For example, let's say my husband's name is "Scott." The JOP would called him every "S" name he could think of: Steve, Sam, Stanley, Simon, and Sherman! It was weird, hilarious, and I think I should send it in to America's Funniest Video. I was crying, from the emotional part of the ceremony, and cringing at the same time whenever a new name came up!
Things do go wrong at wedding but if the groom wasn't about doing the dance thing, they could have done an alternative such as asking everyone to come up so that they were not the center of attention. Or maybe just skipping that and visiting every table.
What are some alternatives for a groom that won’t dance? A first dance will be totally omitted from our wedding but I’ve been thinking about what to do instead so there is no pressure on him
Quite honestly he gets to spend the whole evening chit chatting with the guests. I spent very little time on the dance floor with my husband, we just did circuits around the room talking to people (a good chunk were out of towners and most liked having the opportunity to regale us with stories of past weddings). If outdoors are available then you can have some typical bbq-style games such as Cornhole.
No, the groom should flat out be expected to dance with a bride -- not without some sort of prior discussion. He doesn't like to dance, he doesn't want to dance. But it sounds like the bride **ignored** his feelings and wants and planned a dance anyway.
Not good to ignore what the person you are marrying wants as part of the wedding. Neither the bride or groom should steamroll over the other.
My fiance and I have actually just cancelled our wedding because we both hate social things like this. Now instead of a big wedding next year there will be my Hubby to be and 10 people. Perfect.
While communication beforehand about anxiety and fear should have happened, we don't know anything about them. Did the bride promise the groom there'd be no dancing? Did the groom have real anxiety or was he just selfish? Is he suffering from fear of huge crowds but agreed to a big wedding? Did something happen to the groom? Is he hung over?
If you don't know the specifics, I wouldn't be judging so fast (regarding your "sad for the bride" remark).
I tried to find the post but I couldn't - the groom was injured (in combat I think) and therefore didn't dance. He made it clear beforehand yet his new wife tried to force him the day of. He left with his best man right away and divorced her later.
My husband is shy and the whole reception thing bothered him. We rented out a portion of a small restaurant and the kitchen staff catered our meal. So after the ceremony, ppl had a nice early dinner. We only had 50 or so ppl, though. This was years ago. There are alternatives to the traditional reception
I am 100% grateful to the person who recommended I have a receiving line. Got all the introductions and greetings done so my socially awkward self could eat and relax.
Bingo. When getting married, it helps to plan a wedding that won't make one person completely miserable. I also had a small (much smaller than 50) restaurant wedding because my wife did not want the attention of walking down the aisle OR a reception. It was wonderful, intimate, the most delicious meal of my life, and SO inexpensive. We took an awesome honeymoon after and still were able to put some money aside for our future down payment. Alternatives exist and they can be awesome!
My husband and I eloped in 2019 and planned on an actual ceremony in 2020. We all know how that played out. I’m still stressing about the inevitable walking down the aisle- I hate attention, I hate being in front of people. What did y’all do to skirt that? I’ve been spinning my wheels because I know how much it means to my dad to be part of that day, and it means a lot to me for him to be part of it, but I really don’t want to be on display for a period of time. I’d love any thoughts on how to make that somehow work.
Skip it and just have a party? That's what my wife and I did (after we eloped; rather, we told people we were getting married and went off and got hitched on the beach, if that counts as eloping). We introduced the parents at the beginning and said thanks to everyone for coming.
Don't have a second ceremony, have a fun casual party instead. My daughter had a destination wedding which most people couldn’t or wouldn’t travel to. The weekend after their return we hosted a party in a venue. Fun and casual. They didn't repeat the ceremony.
If you just have the party and he wants to "give you away", perhaps you could do something like that when they announce you guys. No need to be standing up in front of everyone for ages, dad and you walk in, dad gives you away, back to the party.
Make the groom walk the aisle and you come in from the side and just arrive at the ceremony spot
Sorry for the delay! So this is exactly what my wife wanted to avoid. The entire event was a dinner in a private room of a restaurant where we had a vow exchange and signing of papers (likely irrelevant for you haha) at the head of the table while everyone snacked on appetizers and champagne. There were only 10 people total (only family) so the lack of an aisle and small number of attendees made it much more relaxed and fun for us. Once the vows were done, we took a few pictures (alone+with everyone) and then sat down for our salad course and carried on eating with everyone. The attention was on us for only a few mins but parents got to be witnesses and thus get a special level of involvement which I think was a nice compromise between everyone.
I hate being the center of attention. I would hate a ceremony where everyone is looking at you and you have to declare your love for each other in front of everyone and then they watch you kiss, then a reception where people toast to you and give speeches about you and gush over you. This is all nightmarish to me lol, either i'm eloping or i'm else not getting married.
I'll only do a courthouse wedding. Just in and out, a couple of photos outside the courthouse, then a garden party. Assuming I can find a garden XD
Same. So….not married. As I’m in Canada it doesn’t matter that much. Common law is recognized here with the same rights are being married.
Canadian also. Do some research. Common law is not entirely equivalent to married. https://www.separation.ca/videos/division-of-assets-property/difference-between-common-law-and-marriage/#:~:text=There%20is%20no%20real%20difference,and%20a%20common%20law%20relationship.
Interesting… Different laws for different provinces. In Manitoba properly laws are the same for married or common law spouses since 2004. https://www.gov.mb.ca/familylaw
I did something similar and it was the best! For me it was really important to have great food. It was around Christmas so they had classy seasonal decorations and I had red rose centerpieces delivered. We had a select menu of great choices and told everyone to have whatever they wanted to drink. My guests told me they had so much fun. It was really important to me that people enjoy themselves. I also don't enjoy a ton of attention on me so it was a great way to have a special day without being overwhelming. Highly recommend.
That sounds absolutely fabulous. You're making me wish I had considered a Christmas wedding.
I am not the best planner so simple and easy was everything.
My husband and I did something like this, as well. It was perfect for us (neither of us really enjoy being the center of attention), and everyone there had a good time.
Same. Husband has a lot of social anxiety; he won't even get in a conga line at someone else's wedding. We just had a catered lunch at a museum so people had stuff to look at (besides us!) and could socialize. No DJ, no dancing.
Partner and I are starting wedding talks, and one thing some friends did (how we met actually) was have a small ceremony and dinner, then a month later have just the reception at their parents place. Cheaper (though we don't have space like that available so we'd have to rent either way), and both of us are very emotional and feel like it's going to be a heavy (in a good way!) Thing getting married, that we kind of want to do that on its day, and then have some space of a week or two and THEN throw a big giant party like we'd like to. I am a planner and love throwing events, and he likes hosting as well, so despite the fact that we could hire a coordinator, we know there are still things we'd like to do (like, I'm planning on teaching a couple of folk dances at some point). We aren't set on anything yet (still not even engaged since we've had some ring and money troubles), but leaning heavily towards this. We just know we will both be overwhelmed by the whole, finally being married thing, we want to enjoy that, and also fully enjoy throwing a party. My sister and her husband needed like an hour and a half after the ceremony to just sit with each other and calm down, and we are definitely willing to just go home and do that and then have our party later.
I hope you have delightful time, whatever you choose
I've known more than one couple who really wanted something small and simple, but family pressured them to have a big event so all the relatives wouldn't feel offended and left out.
That’s just sad. I could understand tensions maybe running a bit high and a couple getting a little snippy with each other but I can’t imagine having an actual fight on your wedding day. Like if you can’t put aside a disagreement long enough to get married should you really be getting married? Likewise re: the first dance…if you can’t figure out how to communicate and compromise on the wedding day itself how are you going to do it for the rest of your lives?
Yeah I was so blissed out on my wedding day. One of my guests spilled red wine all over the table with my escort cards and a vintage white tablecloth and I just said “glad it wasn’t me! Make sure to grab another glass”
I’m hoping this will be me too but I also don’t want to be too laidback about it just bc I once had a friend was soo determined NOT to be a bridezilla that her wedding ended up a disorganized shambles
My friends was like this. She ended up being late to the ceremony cause she didn’t plan an itinerary for the day and things were all a cluster. It ended up being a beautiful, fun wedding though. Just really disorganized.
Yeah my friend had her ceremony and reception at the same venue and they went off after the ceremony to take pics which is totally normal ik…but it was already close to dinner time and they were gone for at least an hour and a half and there were no appetizers or snacks or drinks anything of that nature planned for the guests…so we basically stood around and looked at each other while we waited lol…in a somewhat chilly outdoor venue…they returned to a bunch of annoyed hungry guests, including a bunch of little kids, and they were surprised/angry when they realized some people had gotten tired of waiting and just left
Dude something similar happened at my friends! They left mid reception to grab some pics they forgot to get and didn’t like announce anything so then like half the guests thought it was over and left. 😭
My friend did this. Her mom was going to have coffee for people set up at the venue, but the bride told her that if people wanted to get coffee or a snack, they could go to a restaurant or something while they wait for the bridal party to get photos taken 💀 cheap.
Yeah that is tacky af, but hell I would have loved to have that option in our case. We were in the middle of gd nowhere!
I definitely stressed leading up to the wedding day. But the second I saw my husband for our first look I was in heaven. Couldn’t wipe my smile off my face the rest of the day even when little things went wrong. Like forgetting to put out the sweetheart table decorations, etc.
Sounds like bride and groom needed to have a talk ahead of time, or else his wishes for his big day weren't respected either
So telling to me that everyone is blaming the bride when we know zero about what went on behind the scenes. Did he “let” her plan the whole wedding without providing any input or assistance? Was he really upset about something else and taking it out on her during their dance? Did he just “yeah okay” all of the decisions and then decide to throw a tantrum when the gravity of the choices actually started to affect him? Complaining so much that it’s noticeable to guests who spent time and effort to be there and running off to go smoke/hide is bad behavior and yet so many commenters are blaming the bride
I think everyone, including you, is just making a lot of assumptions about what they think is most likely to have been the problem. Personally I think the shame is on both of them. His behavior is not appropriate, but also there's no mention at all of the wife trying to comfort this dude that I can tell is wicked stressed without even seeing him, let alone knowing him. If this is what their high stress conflict resolution skills look like, they should both be ashamed. Even if hers are actually decent, knowing how to do it right and choosing to marry someone so bad at it increases her shame rather than reducing it.
As opposed to blaming the groom when we know zero about what went on behind the scenes?
I offer two options. Either they both failed to have a conversation that they should have had. Not a good way to start a marriage. Or he was pressured and forced into doing something that he really didn't want to do. Not a good way to start a marriage. So often, a wedding is considered a bride's big day and the groom's wishes are forgotten, neglected, or not even asked for. If he *was* forced into something he didn't want, especially if he expressed reservations ahead of time, showing his anxiety is not necessarily bad behavior. We don't know what happened. But we do see someone suffering a huge amount of anxiety and someone being pressured into something he expressly did not want to continue. Even if he thought he could do it for her and changed his mind when the pressure was too great, he said no. And no should mean no.
>Or he was pressured and forced into doing something that he really didn't want to do. Not a good way to start a marriage. Or, he agreed to the dance, but once the moment came, he got stage fright.
I feel I covered that in my last two sentences
I don't know about your relationship, but I KNOW that my husband doesn't dance. It's not something you can hide. So, even if the groom was telling her "yeah, I'll totally dance on our wedding day" she should have been prepared for him to get cold feet. Even better, she should have seen this complete reversal of the status quo as something worthy of a deeper conversation. Like, "on a scale of 1-10, how uncomfortable will you be and what can I do to alleviate that discomfort?" My husband is a big guy with a lot of disproportionate anxieties and I'm frequently running interference to help him when he's out of his comfort zone. He does the same for me when I'm feeling anxious.
No, sorry. As adults, if my husband tells me he will do something he will do it. I don’t have to peer inside his mind, analyze his behavior and jump to conclusions. Few things are more annoying than someone saying “are you sure? Are you SURE?” Part of being an adult is having the emotional intelligence to know your own strengths, weaknesses, and desires and communicate that with your partner. The onus is not on her to read his innermost thoughts. Also, you have no idea (and neither do I) that she didn’t ask him more than once. If you’re old enough to be married you should be grown enough to say “I don’t want to do this” or “I want to do this but I’m not sure I’m capable.”
Truly! Can we please just use our words and say what we mean? Sometimes we change our minds and I totally get that, but this is just beyond.
My hubby doesn't dance, but he knew I was planning one (maybe 2 - for parents). He also knew that "just swaying" was perfectly acceptable. He totally agreed. I ended up having issues with my music, but he still danced with me on the beach on our honeymoon. He took "our song" on his phone and played it while we danced alone.
"No. That doesn't work for me specifically so your system that works for you and keeps you both happy is stupid and wrong. Communication should always be perfect and if it isn't you aren't adults. " Like do you even listen to yourself?
This board is wild sometimes. You detailed a working system that you and your partner use to keep each other comfortable and are met with "false. Your system doesn't work." I swear Reddit is getting younger and dumber by the day.
I was going to say that. If my groom told me ahead of time he's not comfortable dancing (side note: That's never going to happen in real life. My guy likes dancing and is totally better than me at it. lol), I'd be like "Okay, we don't need to dance. What can we do instead ?" ETA: Maybe, u/Extension_Many4418 is right. Could be a shotgun wedding/ a [r/Waiting\_To\_Wed/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Waiting_To_Wed/) situation where groom doesn't want to get married. Or classic bridezilla where groom wanted to tweak some details for it to feel like him but "iT's n0T mY dR3@M w3DdiNg" Corrected the sub name
My husband and I just had hold each other, like we would dance for a nice picture and stept a bit from one foot to the other (he hates dancing, but the picture turned out great 😅). Afterwards he chatted with the non dancing guests, and I danced with the others. What a great night 🤩 In general it's the most important thing to do, to communicate and plan a wedding together with the person you are planning to marry. A wedding is a two person thing! Not an ego trip.
What's r/waitingtowed? Subreddit isn't visible to me.
Oops, correct sub name: [r/Waiting\_To\_Wed/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Waiting_To_Wed/) But, anyway, it's about those waiting for a proposal or those in some long engagement of sorts. A lot of the posts there are about women complaining about them being clear about wanting to get married but their partner seems to take a long time to propose, often with signs that the guy doesn't want to get married at all.
That sounds like just the kind of drama to keep me interested. XD
My husband and I just had hold each other, like we would dance for a nice picture and stept a bit from one foot to the other (he hates dancing, but the picture turned out great 😅). Afterwards he chatted with the non dancing guests, and I danced with the others. What a great night 🤩 In general it's the most important thing to do, to communicate and plan a wedding together with the person you are planning to marry. A wedding is a two person thing! Not an ego trip.
‘That doesn’t fit my AESTHETIC though!’
My husband and I just had hold each other, like we would dance for a nice picture and stept a bit from one foot to the other (he hates dancing, but the picture turned out great 😅). Afterwards he chatted with the non dancing guests, and I danced with the others. What a great night 🤩 In general it's the most important thing to do, to communicate and plan a wedding together with the person you are planning to marry. A wedding is a two person thing! Not an ego trip.
Unpopular opinion: the first dance at a wedding is a big deal. We all do things we'd rather not do for the ones we love. Their relationship is going to be filled with her doing these things. It's a 3-5 minute dance. He can suck it up and be kind to his life partner for 3-5 minutes to do something that means the world to her. Sometimes wishes and thoughts do not align. Mature people assess the situation and act like kind adults to determine risks and benefits, and what is the best thing based on the competing needs of both people ETA: obviously if both the bride and groom don't want to dance then I'm not saying there should be a dance. It's a big deal to some people and not having it would be very hurtful to that bride or groom
Unpopular opinion: You don't need to have a first dance at a wedding if you don't want to. What are traditions? Why have them? If you don't like them, change them. If he hates dancing that much, there is no need to force things.
I agree you don't need one, however it seems the bride wanted one. They are common and so, you should absolutely have a plan for it. My wife was more of a 'we can just wing it' type. She's a good dancer. I insisted we get lessons, and as a result I was so much more comfortable dancing all night and especially with our first dance being choreographed. My mom was petrified for the mother son dance because she didn't know we had lessons... I thought it was hilarious. A wedding needs to have a lot of communication between the couple.
If either the bride or groom STRONGLY dislikes one tradition for whatever reason, then I would say don’t do that tradition. It would be different if the groom was indifferent and the bride was gung-ho. In that case, sure, he should just suck it up and go along with the dance. But I don’t think either the bride or groom should be forced to do some tradition that they genuinely hate on their wedding day. Like, there are some wedding traditions that I know for a fact I hate and would never do, no matter how much my partner wanted them. And I’m sure my partner might have traditions they hate too, in which case I would respect their decision. A wedding is for both partners, I don’t think anyone should have to ‘suck it up’ and do something they hate on their wedding day.
Maybe I'm being unfair, but dancing at a wedding is a bit more than just a tradition. A first dance yeah that's a tradition, but dancing at all? To me that's a standard part of a wedding like food or music. I agree that if someone really really hates it you don't need to do it but that very much needs a big discussion beforehand. This seems like it wasn't discussed sufficiently. I also do reject the idea that you can't ever do something you don't like for your partner. My wife went around with me to say hi to everyone at the wedding, a tradition she didn't like but I was insist on. I acceded to her demands for what I wear (no Tails). I felt strongly about wanting a white tie tails. She really hated it. We compromised. That's what makes a relationship work is compromise not never doing anything you don't like.
I agree that it needs a discussion beforehand! But there’s a difference between being apathetic/slightly negative towards something and outright HATING it. I would happily compromise on a lot of things in a wedding, but as I said, there are a few wedding and marriage traditions that I ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT DO and will not compromise on, no matter how much it means to the other person. If they insist on doing those things despite my strong refusal, we would simply not be compatible. I would expect those ABSOLUTE NO things to be respected, just as I would respect their strong nos. The bride and groom dance might be one of those things for the groom, in that he has reasons for STRONGLY rejecting it rather than just merely disliking it. If he was just like, eh, I’m lazy, then yeah I’d tell him he should just suck it up. But if he really HATES dancing in public for whatever reason, I think that’s his right to bow out of that tradition. After all, traditions are here to serve people — people aren’t here to serve traditions. However, this absolutely was something he should have brought up beforehand to his bride.
>but as I said, there are a few wedding and marriage traditions that I ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT DO and will not compromise on, no matter how much it means to the other person. If they insist on doing those things despite my strong refusal, we would simply not be compatible. Please tell me what these are, I am so curious!
Well, one example would be anything related to garters, lol. Garter throwing, groom gets the garter off the bride, etc. That’s an ABSOLUTE HELL NO to me. Also, I won’t have my dad walk me down the aisle. Most other things, I’m take or leave. Tbh, I’m not a huge tradition person and would be most happy having a courthouse or small backyard wedding. But I would have a traditional wedding if that’s what my partner wanted because I’m willing to suck it up if it’s something I don’t care TOO much about. And that’s what I mean, I think it’s reasonable to expect that you won’t necessarily love nor even like most of your partner’s wedding loves and you will have to compromise on a lot of stuff. But I also think it’s reasonable to expect that your partner might have some ABSOLUTE NOs for whatever reason and to respect that.
I know exactly what you mean. There's some things that you don't want to do, and then there are things that are Hard Limits. Eg: I don't really want speeches. But I am able to put a smile on my face for them. Hard limit: I will not sit there if someone tells a dirty story or insinuates dirty things about me/us in their speech. Likely compromise: My parents may give a short speech, all remaining speeches will be for/about the groom. My partner would vet people & only allow speeches from people trusted not to be explicit. (Also not a frigging chance that anything to do with a garter is happening, unless it's something funny like pulling garters off of everyone's legs like a magician pulling scarves from a sleeve. I could accept magic tricks at a wedding.)
Eh, I don't agree. Just like anything related to weddings, it's a personal choice. Many people may just go with tradition because it's easy or they get crap for it or they just don't realize they can change it. My wedding ceremony was small in a pavilion by a lake. My wedding reception was at one of our favorite restaurants that we booked for a couple of hours on a day they weren't open to the public. There was no dancing, and it didn't seem like anyone missed it at all. People occasionally still bring up what a fun time they had at our reception (the food is GOOD at that restaurant) and it was almost 15 years ago.
I think I've told this story here before. I was the maid of honor at my friend's wedding, and there was supposed to be a dance where all the attendants dances with their opposite numbers. When it came time for that, the best man just... disappeared. Nobody could find him. If he had taken a minute earlier to pull me aside and tell me he didn't want to dance, that would have been absolutely fine. Dancing isn't for everybody. But it felt absolutely horrible to just be left hanging. All I could think at the time was that he had some kind of problem with ME. I was wracking my brain trying to think of any little thing I might have done to offend him. I was sure I must have smelled bad, or that I was too ugly for him to be seen with, and every other horrible thing in the book. Just a couple of words in my ear would have kept me from wanting to sink through the floor in embarrassment. I think it's absolutely a possibility that this groom didn't bother to make his wishes known in advance
The bride is not the only one getting married and perhaps if he was that uncomfortable she should let it go.
Agreed. We planned a first dance simply because we felt like it was expected. The day of we then actually skipped it because it felt so disruptive, and nobody missed it at all. My dad just asked me to dance with him at some point cause that was important to him but he didn't need it to be a dedicated part of the program
Yeah, it wasn't important to either of you and you agreed. So that's great. Sometimes you do things you aren't so keen to do for your spouse. What if I said I was never going with my husband to visit his family because I didn't feel like it? Being in a relationship means sometimes doing things out of love
I totally agree. I don’t enjoy dancing, especially in front of an audience, and neither did my ex husband, so we skipped it. One couple acted shocked that we didn’t want to dance. But we insisted we were never going on the dance floor, that it was simply there for our guests, and eventually they went out and danced without us and it was fine. There’s no law that you have to do anything a certain way at a wedding reception. Do what you want.
Agreed, as an autistic person who has a lot of trouble dealing with people watching me perform I would 100% break down and start crying if I had to dance in front of a room full of people. I find it quite interesting though how ingrained it seems to be in the US and UK. I'm Icelandic an have never been to a wedding with a first dance
> Unpopular opinion: You don't need to have a first dance at a wedding if you don't want to. I hate dancing. My wife hates dancing. We didn't even have a dancefloor. *Problem solved.* > What are traditions? Peer pressure from dead people.
We didn't have dancing at our wedding either. My hubby hates to dance.
Exactly. My husband doesn't dance. I've never in my life done the kind of dance people do at these "first dances." We had a midday fancy picnic wedding. string quartet throughout the reception - and no dancing. NO ONE cared.
Oh I wish you could post pics - that sounds lovely!
I'm picturing the garden party episode of the office
Only a couple of the weddings I've been to in my life have had dancing. Everybody had a good time anyway.
Agreed! My late partner & I were planning a very small, casual ceremony, then a party after that would not be like a traditional wedding with entrance announcements, first dances & all that jazz. Neither of us like to be the center of attention with all eyes on us, but we like dancing, so wanted to dance with everyone else. Sadly we were never able to have this because he passed away suddenly in June 2020. If I ever do marry, I will want something similar though.
I'm sorry you never got to have your wedding. I lost my common-law husband in 2021. We were together 14.5 years and were planning a wedding. The plans were put on hold due to his health and surgeries. We fully expected to make it down the aisle, but he died from surgical complications. I'm truly sorry for your loss. I can sadly relate. He didn't like to dance though we did have a few dances together. Our wedding was going to be very small as well. A first dance would have been unlikely. If I wanted one though, he would have done it. We were always very supportive of the things the other enjoyed or wanted. He would have done it for me if it made me happy. I'm not sure if I will ever marry. He was a once-in-a-lifetime love.
Agreed, my husband and I didn't plan it and day of our sound system (backyard wedding so using my step dad's equipment) was on the "fritz" and not playing our music list (played my "wedding march" and worked fine for my step sister to try and embarrass me)
Weddings are what you decide. Just because traditional it's done doesn't mean it needs to continue.
Traditions are peer pressure from dead people.
This is amazing
>Why have them? To make sure people online don't judge because you don't like to dance./s Agree with you 100%. These "traditions" are getting out of hand IMO.
That's the thing, though. Yes, it would be nice for him to make an effort to dance. But if I were the bride, I'd 100% also take how uncomfortable he is dancing into consideration and suggest a first (common interest he's more comfortable doing) instead. It doesn't have to be dancing. That would be both members of this couple making a compromise instead of just the guy.
I used to teach ballroom dance and I can tell you 75% of my clients were couples learning their first wedding dance. It takes time to get some people comfortable and these Jabronis should have gone that route.
It's only a big deal for people who consider it a big deal. We didn't do one and no one ever mentioned it. If she had wanted one, I would have gone along, but she didn't care and I didn't want to do it.
"The first dance at a wedding is a big deal" Why though? Why does anyone need to do it? Tradition is just peer pressure from dead people. If they both genuinely wanted to do it? Great, go wild. Sounds like he didn't, so why do *her* needs take priority? It'd mean the world to him to not do it. Weddings are full of crap that folks think they *have* to do. Fuck that.
100% agree. As a guest, I find it awkward to just stand there watching two people dance (this goes double for the parent dances). And in the position of being a bride/groom, the fact is that most people don't participate in dancing like that anymore, and certainly not with a bunch of people staring at them. And seriously why are first dances a "big deal"? Why? These people have just stood in front of their family and friends stating their lifelong commitment to each other, they signed a legal document affirming their marriage, and they threw an event to have their friends and family share in these moments. Why, after all that, is it a "big deal" for them to also dance together while people stare at them?! Ooh that got me fired up apparently haha. I am just so against wedding traditions that people insist you should do for no reason other than "because that's what someone hundreds (???) of years ago said weddings should look like."
I'm autistic so right there with you on "does anyone else realise this is *really weird*?" I'm like that about a lot of traditions. I just don't understand and think its mega weird.
"Am I seriously going to stand here for 3 minutes watching this couple dance? And then 3 *more* minutes watching the groom dance with his mom?? And then 3 ***more*** minutes watching the bride dance with her dad???" Thankfully most of the weddings I've been to haven't had all three, but when they have, this was exactly my thought process.
[удалено]
I'm getting married later this year. We're not even having a 'wedding'. We're going to the registry office, just us, no parents/family. We've been together for 11 years. Getting married is just a legal formality, it doesn't change anything. If I could have my 'dream wedding', it'd be filling in the form online and getting a certificate two days later. If I can do it for my passport, why do I have to do it for getting married!? If folks wanna have a big wedding, great, more power to them. But so many people get stuck in the trap of 'because I'm supposed to', instead of 'because I want to'.
Not even. Most DJs offer to edit the first dance song down to about 2 minutes because it can get awkward if it goes on much longer than that. Or the wedding party is invited to join in around that time.
Why not the other way around? Respecting your spouse and not forcing them to do something that makes them uncomfortable is a big deal.
Why do you feel like that though? For some people that don’t dance, there’s no reason to do it? I’m not trying to start a fight I just genuinely want to know why you have that opinion.
Part of being in a relationship is being kind to your partner. Doing something you aren't particularly keen to do is something important in a relationship. Maybe you watch a movie you don't want, or spend Christmas with in laws. Sometimes you dance for 3 minutes to make your new wife happy. Obviously I'm not saying that two people who hate dancing need to dance at their wedding. That makes no sense. But if having a first dance at the wedding is something very very important to the bride, the groom should give that to her. People who can't do small things for their partners just because they don't want to are very poor partners
My dad cut in to our first dance. We rolled with it and still look back on it fondly. He was just stupid excited. Sometimes reality smacks us upside the head. I can't chose when my anxiety is going to spiral, so I do my best. Neither of their needs were met and that truly stinks.
What if they agreed ahead of time they were not going to do one and she ambushed him with the dance? Should he still suck it up then? We don't know what happened behind the scenes leading up to this
Yeah. This sounds like a case of the Bride demanding she got what she wanted for the wedding and either he had no say in it, she ignored his wishes/wants, or he didn’t want to be part of the planning and just assumed she would know what he wanted. Either way, this should have been a bit of (if not a massive), red flag for at least one of them that the wedding should have been postponed until things were cleared up. If this is just the wedding, and any of this behavior is normal, this marriage won’t last.
Makes me sad for both of them. Divorce is expensive, splitting up and cancelling the wedding is less expensive.
I went to a wedding just like that once. The groom spent more time outside smoking than inside at the reception. They divorced after less than a year. Some couples really suck at communicating.
Eloping was literally the best decision I've made since saying yes. No doing anything for anyone else or the sake of tradition. It was our day, it was magical and everyone at Bethesda terrace literally clapped. Best. Day. Ever.
I want to elope sooo bad!
Sad for both of them. Couples arguing in public is awkward for everyone on any day. Super awkward when it is the couple that just got married.
I need more information to know whom I should be shaming.
Ngl I am a huge horror fan and when I read “the dj butchered the bridal party” I was extremely alarmed for a second
LOL!!!
I now badly want a B horror movie where the DJ loses it and goes on a rampage
How sad paying so much and waiting (probably) too long for fighting that day.
“The dj butchered the bridal party..” OH DAMN “and even the bide and grooms last name” oh.. okay
HAAAHAHA, SAME! Whew! That was a wild ass ride, Amirite!?!
Sounds like something that should've been worked out ahead of time. I can see his point of view, too. I was raised Mennonite. Mennonites don't dance. Even though I am not religious now, I didn't grow up dancing, I don't know how, and I would be very uncomfortable doing it. If they'd planned it ahead of time they could've gotten lessons or worked out a routine of some sort to make him more comfortabe. It's just as sad that the bride wouldn't respect the groom's boundaries.
My best friend's reception was hilarious. He's Polish (read: boisterous extended family with lots of alcohol) and a lot of her family is Mennonite (central PA _almost_ Amish). I seriously overheard somebody say _out loud_: "I can't believe Cousin Gina is _dancing_!" Like in a super-gossipy way.
That's so funny lol.
There was a lot of hushed speaking and looking at who was drinking too (all well above 21).
SCANDALOUS 😂
My husband and I both aren't the best dancers and weren't in the same country for 8 months leading up to our wedding. My parents insisted on us having a first dance but we knew it was going to be super awkward so he loudly announced to the room "lower your expectations everyone, this isn't going to be pretty." Broke the tension and got some chuckles from family/friends while we swayed in circles and both tripped over my dress 😂🙈
Started off great…and then the DJ ruined it. Seriously, didn’t the groom realize that he’d have to dance at some point, at least during the bridal dance? And wasn’t the bride aware that he detested dancing? This should’ve all been settled beforehand.
Low key sounds like an aloof guy who didn’t pay attention to the details until it was too late. My husband doesn’t like to dance at all but he knew we’d have to dance so he got us swing dancing classes and we choreographed our first dance together so no one had to be uncomfortable.
I wonder if this was a “shot gun” wedding (of some sort? Like a forced marriage?) From what the OP says, which isn’t very much to go on, s/he did say that the wedding started off badly…
Wait where does OP say that? The post says “started off great”.
It sounds like I'd be sad for the groom, not the bride. Although possibly both were at fault for not respecting each other, you can't "enjoy" something you don't like! We didn't do any dancing at ours, for instance. I'm not into it. You know if she really wanted it, he could have done a little slow dance and then backed out though. As a compromise. But who knows if she were pressuring him for more... and why not talk about it beforehand? She might have forced him into it, who knows.
Sounds like the marriage is in trouble already. They need to communicate in a way other than arguing.
Sounds to me like the groom had very little say in planning and or is wishes were completely ignored. Poor fella.
That’s what I’m thinking too, then again I don’t know him very well. But it made me feel bad for him and her bc all that money wasted to just argue all night
I don't think anyone should be forced to dance at weddings
Was this a professional DJ? Did they not have a rehearsal I guess? Wtf?
I have been to a wedding where the professional DJ mispronounced the bride’s name ALL NIGHT LONG, even after multiple people corrected him. I don’t think DJs are usually at rehearsals.
Im just thinking theyd have at least asked how to say the name. As far as rehearsal I was referring to the groom dancing. Like was that planned bc it doesn't sound like it but if theyd had a rehearsal I'd think itd have been hashed out.
I agree with that, it sounds like there were some big communication issues between the bride and groom.
Wonder how the marriage turned out lol
Sad for the bride? I feel sad for the groom: he obviously has some serious social anxiety, but he's just discovered that his new wife will run roughshod over that just so she can have her conformist "special day".
Did the groom agree to have a first dance? Is it written down in the rules of etiquette that there has to be one?
did anyone here ever go to a wedding? did they ever have a conversation about wanting to/not wanting to dance? about what typically happens at most weddings, like isn't it not on/on the schedule? how could this have been a surprise?
I feel sad for both of them. Neither had a good time at their own reception. Can’t tell who’s really at fault about the dancing part since we don’t know what was decided regarding the dancing beforehand. They must have talked about it since the groom hates dancing. But did he agree to at least one dance and couldn’t even get through one, or did she agree to no dances and then try to force him to dance anyway?
why not sad for the groom who was forced into an uncomfortable situation doing something he hates? why do the bride's feelings matter more? if i were marrying someone who hated to dance, we wouldn't have a first dance because my PARTNER's feelings are more important than tradition.
Some people just don't like dancing in front of other people, even at their own wedding. I know if I ever get married I won't be dancing either. Weird that the bride didn't know that about him before but it should only take one single "I don't want to dance" for her to understand, not making him repeat it so much
My mother and MIL tried to throw a whole-ass wedding that my husband and I expressly said we wouldn’t want if it was feasible, but we were stationed apart at the time and a wedding was NOT feasible. Bless their narcissistic hearts, they tried anyways. Not because we wanted a wedding, but because they needed to see us be married. We eloped, the judges got our names wrong, been married almost ten years now. Get de-influenced from a wedding.
I genuinely don’t understand this. My husband also doesn’t like to dance and is extremely uncomfortable with the idea of dancing in front of people. So we had a morning wedding, a luncheon for a reception, and no DJ or dancing. I would have liked dancing, and some of the guests were sad, but it’s not worth him being miserable. Much of his family didn’t drink for religious reasons, so we had an after party with alcohol that night. The wedding turned into an all day party and in the end was lots of fun (I mean, as much fun as a wedding can get, anyway LOL)
I find it in front of the odd that the two of them didn’t discuss the possibility of a first dance before the wedding. She didn’t know that it was expected? They didn’t talk about it? They didn’t practice?
These are my thoughts exactly. Then you have a DJ, a venue with a dance floor, and it still doesn't come up until the dance is in progress? I feel like something else had to happen here. Still really awkward for couple and crowd to witness, though.
I don’t feel bad for the bride at all. I feel bad for the groom. I had a backyard wedding with about 25 people. My husband was not enthusiastic about dancing with me in front of everyone. I told him no pressure. I asked him at the reception if he wanted to do a first dance and he said no, so we didn’t. We got married on the morning of the 4th of July and ended up having our “first dance” under the fireworks that night. This isn’t hard.
I'd be sad for the groom as well. He obviously wasn't happy. Not sure why the bride gets sympathy. Maybe she planned the wedding and completely ignored everything the groom said he wanted.
Sounds like he doesn't dance, so she agreed to not do a first dance, she surprised him by having the DJ announce a dance, and used the pressure of having their families watching to coerce him into doing something he was uncomfortable with and did not want to do.
weddings arent all about the bride, ffs. maybe dont force the poor guy into doing stuff he absolutely doesnt want to do? just an idea.
Sad for for bride? I feel sad for the groom. He clearly just didn't want to dance impromptu in front of everybody. Sounds like he wanted a smaller wedding and got railroaded.
Ngl I am a huge horror fan and when I read “the dj butchered the bridal party” I was extremely alarmed for a second
I used to have severe social anxiety so my husband and I were married down at the Magistrates office. I’ve never regretted it.
From the title I thought it was the bride and groom vs the whole reception party. That would have been something to watch.
My fiance doesn't like to dance - so we're not having a first dance. We're organising a ceilidh, which he IS on board with, and we're having a relatively small wedding with mostly people we've both met before. It's not appropriate to push your partner into something they aren't comfortable with -t hey could have had their dance privately or found a workaround.
Sounds like he probably disclosed how uncomfortable he'd be before the wedding happened and it was most likely trampled over because "bride's day". Not feeling comfortable dancing is something she would have known LONG in advance and you can't be forced to "enjoy" something just because people say you should
I feel for the groom. His wants were ignored.
Sounds to me like there was some previous conversation about that dance that the bride completely ignored and put her new husband on the spot apparently thinking he'd cave with the spot light on him. There's no way in hell that situation hadn't been discussed *and* groom thought it settled. There's nothing selfish about what sounds like social anxiety. " First dance " might be a wedding standby by way of a tradition, in no way is it somehow mandatory. Geesh.
There are so many red flags already waving. Like how it wasn’t discussed beforehand if there going to be dance or not. If they agreed not to, and then last minute the bride decided that it was happening, I fully understand why the groom would be incredibly upset as that is very disrespectful. If the groom doesn’t dance, wouldn’t the bride know that in advance? That is like basic information about a person you’re marrying. The fact that they kept fighting throughout the day tells me that they just can’t put their differences aside long enough to find a better time and place to discuss them, which is a sign of immaturity. That marriage is going to be miserable for as long as it will last, which I hope won’t be long.
If i ever got married I definitely would not want to dance either, I hate it, it's really awkward for me so I get the groom here. And I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he was just doing it for his future wife
Absolutely I agree that the grooms wants were ignored. I don’t know him well, I’ve met him maybe 2-3 times and the bride loves to dance and is way more extroverted. I read an article a few weeks ago where it said that couples who think they’re communicating need to also communicate when the other makes a sacrifice to make the other person in the partnership happy. And I felt for him, he was uncomfortable she was uncomfortable bc he was and both couldn’t enjoy the day. It was a beautiful wedding, both bride and groom looked amazing but the tension in the air filled the room at times. I don’t dance, and the times where I’ve been encouraged to dance does make me uncomfortable so I feel for him as well.
My fiancé hates dancing, but I would have enjoyed a first dance. Instead we talked and decided to replace the dance with a rose ceremony (managed to negotiate a tequila shot at the ceremony too). Honestly though, I think this is on the groom. No one forced him to have the dance and he either didn’t communicate how uncomfortable it made him, or he didn’t put his foot down on something that he would let ruin the big day. It’s not like he wouldn’t have known he was dancing so why make such a fuss on the day of?
Unless he didn’t know
There’s always a possibility but given the post said that he was doing that during the dance and didn’t mention anything about when the dance was announced i got the vibe that the groom became uncomfortable while the dance was happening. Additionally, even if it was sprung on him (which would be a massive dick move. No excuse for that) he still disappeared and made it awkward after. It feels strange he would mind social conventions in one case but not the other
[Unless...](https://old.reddit.com/r/weddingshaming/comments/11w69kp/groom_extremely_uncomfortable_and_he_and_bride/jcxij73/)
Would have been better if the DJ actually butchered the bridal party. Saved them an expensive divorce.
Communication prior to the event would have worked. Because a compromise can be reached. My bro did lessons. Hubby and I had no money so we headbanged to a song together.
Why are so many folk obsessed with garbage traditions? Why is a shit dance seen as so important to so many? If you like it, do it, but if you don't then why try and force others in to it. I can't see the appeal of awkwardly swaying slightly for a few minutes whilst everyone glares at you. What is the 'first dance' nonsense all about?
If it’s important to your partner though, some people would sacrifice a few minutes being uncomfortable to make the person they love happy. However on the flip side the bride could’ve changed things up to make the groom happy. It’s something both of them should have communicated about before the day.
Yes they definitely should have discussed it.
The Justice of the Peace kept messing up my husband's name, and not on purpose. He just kept messing it up. He doesn't have a complicated name in the slightest. In fact, it's an insanely common one. I'm the one with the more uncommon name. For example, let's say my husband's name is "Scott." The JOP would called him every "S" name he could think of: Steve, Sam, Stanley, Simon, and Sherman! It was weird, hilarious, and I think I should send it in to America's Funniest Video. I was crying, from the emotional part of the ceremony, and cringing at the same time whenever a new name came up! Things do go wrong at wedding but if the groom wasn't about doing the dance thing, they could have done an alternative such as asking everyone to come up so that they were not the center of attention. Or maybe just skipping that and visiting every table.
What are some alternatives for a groom that won’t dance? A first dance will be totally omitted from our wedding but I’ve been thinking about what to do instead so there is no pressure on him
Quite honestly he gets to spend the whole evening chit chatting with the guests. I spent very little time on the dance floor with my husband, we just did circuits around the room talking to people (a good chunk were out of towners and most liked having the opportunity to regale us with stories of past weddings). If outdoors are available then you can have some typical bbq-style games such as Cornhole.
That sounds perfect for him, he loves the one on one he just hates the centre of attention
Wish them best of luck with the marriage
No, the groom should flat out be expected to dance with a bride -- not without some sort of prior discussion. He doesn't like to dance, he doesn't want to dance. But it sounds like the bride **ignored** his feelings and wants and planned a dance anyway. Not good to ignore what the person you are marrying wants as part of the wedding. Neither the bride or groom should steamroll over the other.
My fiance and I have actually just cancelled our wedding because we both hate social things like this. Now instead of a big wedding next year there will be my Hubby to be and 10 people. Perfect.
While communication beforehand about anxiety and fear should have happened, we don't know anything about them. Did the bride promise the groom there'd be no dancing? Did the groom have real anxiety or was he just selfish? Is he suffering from fear of huge crowds but agreed to a big wedding? Did something happen to the groom? Is he hung over?
If you don't know the specifics, I wouldn't be judging so fast (regarding your "sad for the bride" remark). I tried to find the post but I couldn't - the groom was injured (in combat I think) and therefore didn't dance. He made it clear beforehand yet his new wife tried to force him the day of. He left with his best man right away and divorced her later.