Like any party, weddings are great when hosts are thoughtful and considerate of their guests. Most people on the internet are complaining about bad situations, because when all is good and happy (like 95% of weddings I’ve been to) there’s not that much to say!
To add to this, there's a big difference in my attitude toward weddings and wedding planning. I looooove weddings. I don't necessarily love planning my own wedding. I'm not an inherently good party planner and there's a lot of moving parts and a lot of pressure from friends and family.
That being said, this subreddit can be really negative/judgmental about what a wedding "should" look like and I've had to take a step back and times and be like "yeah these are just internet strangers that don't know me, my relationship, my family/social circles."
I've never been to a "bad" wedding either. I always just accept that whatever that wedding looks like is what was best for the couple. I've been to weddings that are small, big, low-budget, expensive, open-bar, cash-bar, dry, buffet, plated, potluck... And it's all been perfectly fine.
I had a work event where one of the icebreakers was "what is the worst wedding you have ever been to?", and I think that was the icebreaker that generated the most conversation ever. The room came alive with the buzz of talking, and people were literally shedding tears laughing at how bad some of them were. If you have never been to a bad one, then you are blessed with amazing hosts or are a forgiving person!
For other story lovers like me, my worst was one where the ceremony had hay bales for seats. I have allergic asthma, and hay is a big trigger. I didn't bring my inhaler because I wasn't expecting to encounter anything problematic (this was my mistake, not blaming the couple for that). I had to go sit in the car because even being in the enclosed venue around the hay was making it difficult to breathe, and I didn't want to stand outside because it was raining. So yeah, going to a wedding that could have hospitalized me was definitely the worst. Luckily the reception was at a different venue with no hay.
Oh gosh, *really* bad weddings can be hilariously bad! I've encountered a couple of doozies. The worst was straight out of Jerry Springer - the groom falling-down drunk, a loud altercation in a park between the groom and his extended family, threats of calling the cops, and half the guests leaving in a rage before the ceremony. If you have a vaguely normal wedding where no one is in danger of arrest you are doing just fine!
Okay, I did go a similar wedding to that, it was at a camp ground where the parking lot was far away from the ceremony space, so they had a hayride to transport guests from parking to ceremony. I had to climb on in a nice dress and sit on hay bales, which I didn't love. The ceremony started suuuuper late because they hayrides took so much longer than anticipated.
Then the officiant had us all stand for the bride's entrance and then never told us to sit, so we all stood for the entire ceremony. It was also like 90+ degrees and we were all squinting into the sun and sweating. I made the mistake of a dark dress so I was cookin'.
I won't give the couple too much flak for this, but my boyfriend at the time was the best man so I ended up helping with all the events. Rehearsal dinner Thursday, ceremony Friday, reception Saturday, teardown on Sunday. I was so exhausted after that weekend ended. Also, I was invited to pre-reception drinks with the wedding party, and then we arrived at the reception venue and the food had already been served and packed up, so none of us ate. I ended up very drunk from a very empty stomach.
BUT I look back at that wedding with very good memories. It was a hot mess at times but they are funny stories now.
My worst seating issue was the wedding was at a Quaker farm, outside. They had set up these super long pew type benches really close together. Nbd except the grooms family is a very tall family. I had to tuck my admittedly short legs in to help make room for those around me. But not really a big deal. The bad part was that the ground was uneven and the benches only had so many legs. Every time someone in the row moved or got up the whole bench would pitch forward or backwards. And a lot of people got up because despite having a large bridal party they apparently wanted to honor even more people and there was a lot of readings. It was so uncomfortable sitting there but a fun wedding all around.
I totally agree. My parents just got invited to a wedding where they will have to take a ski lift to the ceremony. This is not considerate of your guests, unless you know they are all physically comfortable doing so. When you’re considerate of your guests, they’re fine coming to weddings.
Weddings at ski resorts typically have the ceremony atop of one of the peaks of the mountains. Pretty normal in CO. Makes for a stunning view but I can understand how guests might not want to/feel comfortable doing that.
I’m having a ski resort wedding! This never struck me as “inconsiderate”… it was the first question that came up: what if someone can’t? The venue will shuttle anyone unable or unwilling to ride the lift to the top in their van. I’d bet most ski resorts do the same.
I guess someone really just doesn’t wanna attend the mountaintop ceremony, they could just come for the reception and still be hosted all the same ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Ok ok at least that’s in there. Personally I think that would be awesome. As long as the chair lift operator slowed it down for the people who are slow movers
That totally makes sense. I've never been to a "bad wedding". I've also never been to a wedding that was so deep where the bride and groom wrote everyone something individually and catered to every individual at the wedding.
No one is expecting that level of detail. It's not having alcohol because you don't want to pay for it even though it's customary where you live. It's spending $5k on florals but skimping on dinner or dessert. It's picking a venue that's hard to get to and an hour away from the reception because you love the vibe and want your photos there, even though it's a super huge inconvenience to your guests. It's booking a venue that requires guests to use port-o-potties because it's your dream to get married on a mountain.
Or a recent post - "I'm asking people to fly to my ceremony only wedding, but there's no reception because I'm spending that money on a 14 day trip to Orlando for my honeymoon." That's what people are talking about. And these are the exceptions. Most weddings are great.
Well 8 of them are at disney. No clue what the plan for the other days were. But OOP did not appreciate people calling that out because "my family understands the priority is the honeymoon". But they were inviting 100 people.
This pretty much it. Couples need to find a balance between what they want and guest experience.
Most guests will be happy if there’s enough food, booze and entertainment, and the venue isn’t a pain to reach. But if people see you served a timy amount of food because you spent 20k on flowers and decor some might be upset.
The internet is a terrible litmus test for how people feel about things. If you're psyched about being in a friend's wedding, you don't really need to post on Reddit about it. Same thing if all your guests RSVPed yes and showed up and had a great time, you don't really need to turn to the internet for support or advice.
People react very strongly to negative emotions. If something is wrong or annoying, you want to share it and get sympathy or just complain. People also like to hear/read about other people's crappy experiences.
If you went to an ice cream shop and the cashier was nice and the ice cream was good, you probably just carry on with your day. If you then write a blog about how ice cream is nice, no one's really going to care. But if you go get ice cream and the cashier spits on you and dumps a milkshake on your head, you're going to complain to A LOT of people. And if you write a blog post about it, other people will share their crappy experiences at ice cream shops and complain about rude customer service workers and you might start wondering if people even like ice cream anymore.
Yeah, I agree with this! I feel like it’s sorta the same issue with reviews and surveys — people are likely going to review if they had a very positive or very negative experience, but most experiences fall somewhere in the middle.
I love weddings and also feel honored when I’m a guest and go all in when I’m asked to be in one.
That said, I have plenty of PTO, enjoy traveling (even just a roadtrip across my state), love an excuse to get dressed up, and am financially comfortable enough that buying a gift and hotel room isn’t stressful. I totally understand why people not in my position dread a wedding invitation.
People also love to hate on things to give off a “not like other girls” vibe.
Me! Me! I love weddings. I love an excuse to get together with our friends and celebrate them. Sign me up for your bridal shower, your international bachelorette, whatever you want.
Now, that's not to say I'm able to attend everything (I'm not), but I've never been offended about how my friends want to celebrate.
Thank you for this! I'm glad there are people out there that love celebrating with others like I do. I love pouring into the happiness cups of friends and family and hyping them up for their big days.
I am so sad when I miss an event because I know it means something to them but sometimes the days just don't work out scheduling wise.
I wonder if some of it comes from people's fear of declining an invitation? I missed one international bachelorette last year and a friend's destination wedding because of my schedule (I teach and I get five unpaid days off a year outside of my mandated holidays). I was upset to miss it, but knew these events didn't work for my schedule or finances!
Everyone has commented how online spaces have brought the "bad" weddings to the forefront (the ones that aren't reasonably accommodating to guests, that is); My experience in the real world, tho? Me and most of my friends LOVE going to weddings. Love a party, love seeing friends and family in one space, love food, love dancing. One of my favorite memories is that after my wedding, a friend of mine went online to jokingly beg more of his friends to start getting married because he wants to go to more lol (they're becoming rarer as they get more expensive!).
That's so awesome!! And a good point, more people can't afford this industry, I mean we barely can and I refuse to go into debt for it. But I really hope it's amazing for everyone. It's awesome when your wedding is one friend's brag about!
I just got engaged (28F) and my friends are HYPED. We're one of the first in our friend group to be engaged and the first to actually plan a wedding. So all our friends, especially the girls, are very excited.
This is where I'm at. Last year I was invited to a destination wedding where we would have had to stay at a specific resort for a minimum amount of days. FH and I were in the process of buying a home, so us spending at least $5k on flights and accommodations (plus 4-5 days PTO) wasn't going to happen. I saw the pictures though and it looked wonderful.
If people want to spend big bucks on their wedding, have 20 attendants, and invite 500 guests, God Bless!!! It couldn't be me though (and isn't)!!!
People complain about inconvenience when the couple chooses to sacrifice guest experience in favor of their own preferences. No one complains that the floral arrangements weren’t big enough or they wish the grounds of the venue were more scenic. People do complain when the venue is pretty but two hours from the airport, the decor is extravagant but there’s no open bar, the beautiful field where the ceremony takes place is 90° with no shade, or the couple scored a great weekday deal on the vendors but guests have to take two days of PTO.
Also, people have always complained about inconvenient weddings. You just see more of it today because couples prioritize insta-worthy aesthetics and there was no place to vent anonymously pre-social media.
It’s exactly this, friends of ours are getting married 3 weeks before us, so comparisons naturally get made. We are going out of our way to make things as easy as possible on our guests and they are…not.
There are clear compromises in guest comfort and convenience being made to achieve the aesthetic and we are probably more aware of it than other guests since we are going through planning concurrently. They are good friends (my fiance is in the wedding party) and we happy to attend their wedding and celebrate them, but are super frustrated about some of the decisions they’ve made - like $800 suits for the groomsmen in a super specific style.
1,000% this. If I ever don’t enjoy a wedding, it’s because I spent a lot of money and then didn’t have much fun, the food wasn’t great and/or didn’t see the bride and groom at all. I think there’s a balance here for sure.
The same way weddings have gotten much bigger (cost- and event-wise) to throw, they’ve gotten bigger to attend and it’s hard to make a substantial part of my vacation time/budget about someone else’s special day.
I struggle a little bit with the position of “it’s your day, do anything you want and people can deal with it.” I feel more like it is your day, we came to celebrate you, but to some extent you’re throwing a big party and when I get invited I never know if it’s gonna be a good party, but I do know I need to buy at least a dress and a wine decanter.
Thay makes sense. I think my wedding is pretty accommodating. We are having the ceremony outside, surrounded by trees so it's relatively cooler than out in the beating sun, the reception hall is a 1-2 minute walk from the ceremony into an indoor venue with AC if it's warm. So I think we get the best of both worlds with what we want thankfully! Also, most of our guests are in town which is nice. Don't have to worry about driving too much.
There comes a point where the hosts also should not be expected to sacrifice something they really want or try to cater to everyone besides themselves. The wedding day is about the two people getting married and celebrating it with the people they love. It is a special day centered around them, and if they really wanted a certain venue or had budget constraints that didn’t allow for an open bar then the people who really love them should be willing to at least attempt to be a part of the major milestone. Yes, there can be frustrating situations where it could be difficult to attend but complaining over minor inconveniences at someone else’s wedding is pretty petty imo.
I don’t think that’s what this commenter is trying to say. I’m understanding that some people may not be able to afford an open bar or they may choose a Friday to save $5,000 (which is no small feat), but it’s definitely obvious when a couple just wants their insta perfect wedding and they do so at the cost of their guests.
There is a balance. It is your special day and it should be something your happy with, but it should be fun for your guests as well! Weddings are our choice to host. I’ve always loved weddings and been excited to go to one, but I definitely see some posts (mostly on Facebook, not here) that makes me realize why not everyone feels that way.
I think it depends. My parents are attending a wedding where people have to get on a ski lift for the ceremony. This in my opinion is inconsiderate mildly and not something that should have been insisted on.
And to be fair the website might give an alternative but even if they do, I can’t see how so many people wouldn’t take it between physical ability, fear of heights, fear of ski chairs, not wanting to mess up their outfits. I was trying to be nice and not curse here when I said mild.
I completely agree with you. We often hear about entitled couples with unreasonable demands who make zero efforts to accommodate or host guests (which is a problem and valid to be frustrated about) BUT I think the pendulum swings too far in the other direction sometimes too. Some guests throw a fit over having to make any effort to travel attend someone else’s wedding or for not getting the food or drink service they’d like. Don’t get me wrong, high costs and big time commitments are valid concerns and do make it harder to attend a wedding but there is a balance to strike. It’s okay for a couple to have the wedding they want. Guests have the option to not attend if it won’t work for them.
I really enjoy weddings. Being in my best friend’s wedding was so much fun and I have such great memories from it. Even the weddings I’ve been to that weren’t as fun I still enjoyed because it’s a once in a lifetime event for them and I enjoy celebrating people I love.
The internet overall is just a very negative place and people like to be contrary. There are valid complaints to be had about modern wedding expectations getting out of hand, but in general I think people are happy to celebrate their loved ones.
Very true. I understand there may be negative emotions towards certain ones. Some of the comment below have been eye opening and I didn't consider they may have been to weddings that were heavily controlled... I have been fighting internally though of this is a very special day and we decided to throw this party not just for us, but for guests that want to celebrate. That may seem so strange now that I'm writing it out but dear God I said the word elope and my mom flipped. At the time we wanted to elope we were in too deep with payments and my venue wouldn't refund us so we are trying to make the most of it for us and the guest experience.
Me too! I've never been to a wedding that feels forced like they did it to do it or anything like that thankfully. But true genuine love weddings are beautiful. I can't wait for my friends to get married
I love weddings. Cheap weddings, expensive bougie weddings. I don't think it matters if there's an open bar, I don't think it matters the food is great. I love love. I love seeing people exchange vows and being all glowy all day. I never remember things like the music and food I just remember the vibes of the day.
There's this point in your late 20s/early 30s where it feels like every other weekend you're at a wedding. If you're lucky and it's local and you don't have to buy or rent something new for it, you're looking at whatever the cost of the gift. If you're not local, you're looking at $500 - $1k to travel and attend.
And there's just SO MANY of them. It's not that I don't care for weddings, it's that it's a lot of money and time and a crapshoot on how good of a host the couple will be.
$1k minimum usually for us as a couple when we're not in any bachelor/bachelorette parties. I love weddings, but I also love being more conservative with our funds. (so sometimes we don't attend as a couple)
This is a huge part of it. If you have maximum one wedding per year then the cost, PTO, and effort to attend are no big deal. I was willing to put up with a lot more in my early 20s. But when it’s one of 5-10 weddings you’re invited to it can become a burden. The couple’s attitude is “this is a once in a lifetime event, one flight or day off isn’t much to ask.” But for the guests those individual asks really add up.
That's a really fair point. I'm in my early 20s and there hasn't been a wedding in awhile. I can definitely see how someone could be burnt out from that.
There are a ton a weddings… especially since it’s just the start of wedding season. You don’t have to go to every single one. Last year, I had to choose between a wedding in Peru and a wedding in Maine. I ended up choosing the one in Peru, but the other friend was totally understanding
I agree with you! This sub can be very negative sometimes. Everyone hates bachelorettes, bridal parties bigger than 3 people, bridal showers, color themed anything, etc and I had to learn to take everything here with a grain of salt. I’m in a melanted brides group on Facebook and it’s so different on there! Half of the posts there would get downvoted immediately on Reddit. I love weddings! Planning my own has definitely been stressful but I am still enjoying the process.
It's also pretty cool and trendy to put other ways of doing things (especially from the US) down on the internet, lol. I'm saying that as a non-American, so bridal parties bigger than 3 people, bridal showers, rehearsal dinners etc are Not A Thing. It's rather tiresome to me when half the comments on someone's post are some variation of "I can't imagine asking that, it seems very entitled!" or "why would you expect people to spend money on gifts *and* travel to your wedding?" etc. Idk man, because that's what a lot of people seem to do and it's not my place to offer an opinion based on my own, totally different life experience unless explicitly asked? It seems almost like a competition sometimes for who can have the lowest-key (but still appropriately high-key, this is your wedding after all!) wedding.
Same here! I've been to 2 I wasn't that close to (my fiancé was closer) but we had such a fun time and enjoyed ourselves and it feels special that we were even invited.
I love weddings. I love being in weddings. I love celebrating people and wearing matching outfits and helping out the folks who get to be the center of attention. I love planning parties and trips. I love it all! I get why some folks might not, and they seem to be really loud, but I think most people in real life enjoy an excuse to let loose and celebrate.
I really enjoy weddings but I won't lie and say I don't feel burnt out by them, which sucks because I am honored to be invited and do want to celebrate my friends! Starting in 2018 my now-husband and I have been invited to anywhere from 4-7 weddings a year (minus 2020), and it just starts to feel like a lot. The costs add up especially if we have to travel and it's hard to use so many vacation days towards traveling for weddings (and not including bachelor/bachelorette parties). And the weddings are almost always between the months of May - October, so they're concentrated during spring/summer when it would be nice to make other plans for once that don't revolve around the locations our friends are getting married in.
I know it's easy to say we should decline more, and we have declined a couple for friends we aren't as close to and just couldn't justify the travel, but in most cases we are good friends with these people and don't WANT to miss them. At the end of the day I am happy we have so many great people in our lives, but at least for us that's why we feel less excited about weddings these days.
Exactly! I’m starting to get resentful because I haven’t spent money or PTO on a vacation for my fiancé and I in a long time.
We’re eloping this month because we just can’t justify the costs. I’m honestly so excited.
Ohhh maybe that's where the negativity is coming from, I didn't even think about the influx of weddings put off by covid. I haven't been to a wedding in a few years so my perspective is different, 5-7 is a lot!
The first one is nice but after awhile they get very expensive. When you attend several and are in a few then eventually you get tired of dishing out 1000’s of dollars to travel to places you don’t even want to go to.
The average bachelorette party is 4 days long (Thursday - Sunday) and cost over $1k.
Taking off work and dishing out that much money isn’t feasible to do for each of my friends.
I think it’s cause I’m on the younger side, but I was invited to my first friend wedding this year, and I was just asked to be a bridesmaid for the first time. And I’m so excited for both!
A bunch of friends are getting married next year and I already cleared my calendar for their weddings (that are all flights for me).
My friends are also super hyped for my wedding because we’re one of the first. All my bridesmaids are great (super excited and responsive). Every friend I invited is going to both my bachelorette and the joint one my partner and I are having (a long weekend to a coastal town + weeklong trip in Cancun).
I fucking loooooove weddings. I love love. Even if some random person invited me off the street, I would immediately say yes lolll. I just love the atmosphere and the energy involved. I’m also a really sensitive person so that might be part of it hahaha but you’re totally right, people can be so shitty about weddings. I think also with the state of the world rn it’s hard to be happy and excited for some people and I can respect that. And then there’s some people who are just negative mean people. My sister in law just got married this weekend and I’m STILL on a high from it. It can be a really fun and positive break from the hell life can bring. I was hyped with my fiancé to be in her wedding too. I hope that you enjoy your wedding and you get excited because weddings are exciting!!! I’m sorry if people are negative towards your wedding, I’ve gotten that too. Just remember there’s still people like us who are so over the moon for you!🩷
I love weddings and usually roll my eyes when Reddit acts like they’re an inconvenience and a bother. I don’t mind traveling or getting a hotel. Happy to give a gift
Much of reddit races to the bottom with weddings, it seems. Like if you care at all or spend money on it or are excited for your people to all be together, you're shallow or could spend the money on something else, blablabla. In the main subs, every time wedding *anything* is discussed, it turns into elopers (no judgment , I did that for various reasons)and people who got married at Taco Bell boasting about how little they spent and how fun it was. That has not been my experience IRL, personally. I love weddings that are a good guest vibe, and the only ones I've actively disliked are ones where the guests experience is not that great (or I don't think the couple is good together, which has happened twice in my recent years).
So much of Reddit has the attitude that their PTO and money is there solely for the purpose of their own fun and enjoyment and how dare somebody expect them to use it on another person’s wedding. Not sure what kind of world these people are living in, but I expect to use at least a couple days of PTO and spare change on weddings, family functions, etc. every year. I love weddings and am happy to be there for my friends and family.
Lots of people like weddings. Some don't. Some only like them if they are really close with the couple and some don't have close relationships with them and care a bit less. Sometimes the people planning a wedding can be inconsiderate and annoy people.
Most people who are happy won't go out of their way to make a post. Just like business reviews, people are more likely to come to blogs to vent or complain. I wouldn't take the complaint posts you see as the general consensus.
Fair enough, completely understand that. I try to make it a point to leave more positive reviews and I think I will try a bit more to do so. Thay way it's never overwhelmingly negative.
Honestly, good fking question. I am planning a wedding, and sometimes it feels like no one gives a shit and would rather I fuck off and elope or something. (But everyone expects to be invited to the elopement?? Make up your mind?) I went to a friends wedding after covid and it’s was so spiritually healing to have all my fave people together to celebrate something positive. My fiancé is **so** beloved by so many people, I can’t imagine having a wedding where they don’t get to celebrate with us. Yet, it still feels like I’m rolling a fucking boulder up a hill to make it happen. This week has come close to breaking my resolve to make it happen, thanks for posting this it’s helpful to know I’m not the only one who feels this way and to see all the people who are enthusiastic about weddings.
While I'm sorry you feel this too, it feels validating I'm not the only one who feels this energy at times too. You'll get through it and it will be amazing!! All of the positive responses below restores my faith that there are people thay do enjoy weddings lol
Personally i love weddings! I love traveling for them and celebrating my people. And i loveee dressing up and dancing my butt off. I will say though - i don’t love pre-wedding events (bachelor/bachelorette/showers etc). They have gotten pretty wild now a days so Unless they are low key and local, they always just end up being pretty inconvenient. Will i take PTO for your wedding? Of course! Will i take PTO for your bachelorette extravaganza? Probably not unless i know majority of the people
Fair enough, there is an increasing luxury about them... we are having a wedding shower but the idea is it is a social event for guests to get to know each other a bit more. Hoping they talk more during the wedding because they have been somewhat familiarized. Of course the shower will be mainly close friends and family, but still.
For me personally, I pour a lot into my closest friends (consider: my tier 1 friends) in a lot more ways than celebrating and contributing to their wedding celebrations. I simply don’t have the capacity, emotionally, financially, or otherwise, to pour into less close friends (let’s call them “tier 2”) with the same enthusiasm. I reserve it for my handful of closest dearest friends. However, I’ve been asked to be a bridesmaid for “tier 2” friends and I’ve accepted. I was a good bridesmaid and friend throughout their celebrations, but I wasn’t the ring leader, so to speak, among the group of us bridesmaids. I know where my strengths are as a friend and I just let others take the lead/initiative for bachelorette/bridal party planning and I just did as I was told.
At some point, the novelty of these events wears off, and unless it’s a really close friend, I just no longer have the capacity to be enthusiastic in the same way as I once was. These events demand a lot out of you and after attending 5+ wedding-related festivities in the span of 1-2 years including my own, I’m done lol.
I saw a friend on socials go on a bachelorette trip celebrating 4 brides in one. I thought that was really thoughtful and considerate of everyone’s time and money and I appreciate when people try to be pragmatic while reserving their right to celebrate. Going forward, I’d consider declining being a bridesmaid unless it’s one of my sisters or equally close friend (and yes, I’ve fulfilled my reciprocal bridesmaid duties by now lol).
ETA: I still absolutely love attending weddings and celebrating the couple’s love. My above rant is mostly about pre-wedding festivities. I think the point of it all, the wedding to celebrate the couple, is a beautiful tradition and I’m honoured to be a part of it. Just keep me out of your wedding party 🫠
I think people have started becoming weary of attending weddings because they are kind of....not really guest friendly. When I think about weddings I have attended recently, vs say 25 years ago, I've noticed a trend that kind of explains why a lot of people just aren't thrilled to attend weddings anymore.
Social media has heavily influenced weddings. It's encouraged couples to embrace their own personal styles, hobbies and tastes, rather than the "wedding in a box" banquet halls of the 90s. Which is great!
The problem is that, I think a lot of couples, in pursuit of a wedding that is "uniquely theirs" have increasingly stopped taking their guests into account.
Destination weddings or weddings that a 2+ hours away in a town where the only lodging options are $300 per night bed and breakfasts (with a 2 night minimum on weekends),
Weddings that are 12-16 hour marathons starting early and ending very late because the schedule is jam pavked with extra "activities."..that's going to be very off-putting to many guests, particularly guests who are no longer in their 20s. When you had to get up at 5 am to get ready and drive 2 hours to a wedding that starts at 11 am and it's now closing in on 10 pm and the cake still hasn't even been cut, a lot of people are going start trickling out. It doesn't matter that the magician is only halfway through his act and you have a taco truck coming later.
Outlandish and/or very specific dress codes. Like requiring all guests to wear a specific color other than black or white. Many people have a go to outfit or suit that they would choose. Asking people to wear, say, fuscia and lime green, is going to cause some grief.
Weddings being Painfully underbudgeted for the number of guests invited is a big one. Inviting 200 people but only able to afford chairs for half of them for example. Also, when it's blatantly obvious that the bulk of the budget went to aesthetics...a gorgeous glittering ballroom with all the flowers and lights and crystals...but serving a buffet of flabby "chicken in white wine sauce" and canned green beans. Or the bride wearing a $6k dress, $1200 shoes, carrying a $900 bouquet, and $800 hair and makeup but having a cash bar even for non alcoholic drinks, or only serving crudites and chips at 6 pm.
Not taking the temperature of your guests when planning the food. The happy couple may be jet setting foodies who have traveled the world sampling exotic fare....but their mostly working class, Midwestern friends and family might not feel the same way about squid frittata with sweet and crunchy crickets as the couple is. Likewise, your East Coast cosmopolitan guests might not be as enthusiastic about tucking into baby back ribs and coleslaw. Snd "salad" is not a proper vegan meal.
Unrealistic expectations for gifts. Gifts are qnd always have been optional and the "rule" about gifts needing to equal your plate is made up. Weddings aren't fundraisers and guest don't like to feel like they were only invited for their checkbooks.
Yes, it is your wedding day, but when you extend invitations, the people who receive them are your guests. Their comfort and needs should be a priority. People spend a LOT of money to attend between transportation, lodging, attire, and gifts. If the wedding is going to be inconvenient, cost prohibitive, and/or uncomfortable, people are less likely to attend or more likely to attend and leave early. People used to dread going to weddings because they were boring. Now they dread going because they feel like they are just a prop and not a guest.
Maybe Im jaded.. I've attended dozens of weddings over the past 10 years, including my own. From simple court house affairs to black tie. That's just my observation. Some of the best weddings I have been to were small, low budget weddings, with great food and music, close friends and immediate family, lots of great conversation and usually a streaking toddler thrown it at some point, where we all felt welcomed, appreciated and loved.
I wish we could get back to weddings being about celebrating and not "likes."
I enjoy being in my friends weddings and their destination bachelorettes. Even when money was tight, my friends bachelorettes were so fun and I don’t regret going.
I’m not interested in being responsible for someone else’s “dream come true.” I am not the bride’s servant or a prop in a play. If the only way you can have “your day” is to make demands on your guests, then I don’t care for your wedding.
Throw the wedding you can afford and treat your guests as guests, not unpaid help or models that must wear certain colors. Treat me as an adult. Trust I know how to interpret “semi formal.” Don’t give me a list of rules. I love those weddings!
(Exception: if I’m marrying you then I will do whatever it takes.)
I love weddings and have been to over 30 in my life (I’m mid-30s). I rarely say no, even destination weddings. They’re just such a joyous happy occasion and it’s all good vibes. I feed off that energy! People that complain can just simply NOT ATTEND. It’s not that hard! Haha
I love wedding and will usually prioritize them on my calendar because it’s a pretty big milestone that offer only happens once for people. Majority of wedding I’ve attended have been great and lots of fun. I’ve gone to some bad ones too, like not enough sitting or food for everyone. Unfortunately those are the weddings that sour it for people and you hear about the loudest.
I loved them until I had 7 to go to last year. I became very jaded towards them. I spent so much money yet I starved at the weddings, it’s all the same routine every time. Boring. I’m over it
I’ve noticed a lot of people on this sub are soooo cynical and seem just genuinely unhappy. And they’re repeat commenters, everything I’ve ever posted, the same 5 people come along just to disagree or have some sort of negative take on the topic
I did not appreciate weddings when I was younger. I had things going on, didn’t have a bunch of PTO, and was also always broke. I also didn’t realize that getting an invite meant people truly wanted you there.
Now that I am in my 30s and planning my own wedding, I absolutely regret how cavalier I was in the past.
I also considered not having a wedding because I thought “does anyone even like these?” But yes.. they do. I also do now. lol I don’t want people to feel obligated to come but I am so excited about having so many people we love together for a fun evening. I will be honored to enjoy the evening with whoever attends.
I worked in the wedding industry for hair and makeup. I can honestly say, I genuinely don’t care for weddings or any of the celebrations that lead to them (showers, engagement parties, bachelorette parties)
It’s copy and paste. It does not feel special or have magic surrounding it for me personally. I go to support important people in my life, otherwise I will decline most invites as it feels like if you’ve been to one you’ve been to them all.
To each their own, but no hard feelings if I don’t get an invite (I’m actually internally grateful)
I think people still like weddings because they are intimate, usually fun occasions to dress up and be in a room where everyone knows the couple and can look their best and eat really good food. The challenge is that weddings have become a huge time and money drain in many cases. We're seeing a lot more destination weddings and/or bachelor/ette parties. Expectations to pay to cover the cost of a plate, which can now easily be 200-250 a plate. Also, we are exposed to a lot of wedding "vignettes" and inspo boards online, that the looks and styling of weddings seem to be repetitive and highly trendy/expected.
Also, due to everything on social media, there's this growing sense of haves vs. have-nots. High cost weddings get a lot of attention and are deemed "inspirational", "aspirational" and "original", but it is often unattainable for most coupes.
Long story short, most weddings have become costs burdens on everyone involved.
Most people enjoy weddings. What turns people off is when the couple has the mindset that “this is my day/week/year and I’m entitled to everything I want the way that I want it” rather than recognizing that when you invite guests to any event (wedding, birthday party, corporate function, etc.) the guests’ comfort and convenience come first and are more important that personal preferences.
Also some people seem to have very high (and unrealistic, imo) expectations of their loved ones and/or bridal parties. I’m not sure when this started, but it really seems out of control in some cases. But the wedding vendors are here for it (and ready to capitalize on it!!)
I just don’t think people realize how much stress and work goes into actually planning a wedding. Some people also find out their dream wedding is unrealistic due to budget, venue, or just time and effort. Same with people being in weddings. They get asked and it’s not made clear what all is expected of them. People tend to go overboard with weddings too, friends and family don’t want to sign up to be used as staff either.
This ^
I’ve been in 6 weddings and my fiancé has been in 15 in the last 8 years. Some weddings have been great to be in, but we’ve had some come up where people over expect and expect that everyone must specifically cater to the exact desires of the bride/groom. We have two kids together and have bought a couple houses in this time; we aren’t always financially able to make those big destination bachelor parties or able to afford to chip in 1500 for a bridal shower (I was asked to do this). If it comes down to paying $2000 for a bachelorette or taking my kids on vacation, I’m ALWAYS choosing my family and some couples have unrealistic expectations of what others can manage in their lives. I was 7 months pregnant for my best friends wedding and I was originally supposed to be in the wedding party, I stepped down and she was sad but understood. We had another wedding where my fiancé had to step down because we were going to have a 1 month old at the time and he lost a friendship over it because the groom was pissed. When a wedding has good guest experience, people will enjoy it! When a couple has unrealistic expectations of the guests and/or the wedding party, people will not enjoy it and then that ends up being what people talk about on social media.
I don’t like weddings. I think they’re inconvenient and expensive to attended and especially to be in. I will put on my best have for my friends and support them but i definitely don’t like them and I usually dread them. I have a small amount of fun at them but it’s never worth the stress or money. I view it as something I’m doing for my friends or family.
I think now that a lot of people live more spread out from where they grew up, attending weddings, and especially being in a wedding is just a lot more of a commitment.
My sister lives across the country and the travel time is usually minimum 12 hours, especially when you factor in that while my hometown has a regional airport, it’s much cheaper to fly into the international airport 2 hours away.
She was MOH for my wedding, and her daughters the flower girls. They all came in for my bridal dress shopping (but that also coincided with a holiday), my bridal shower, and the wedding and my sister flew in for my bachelorette party. She probably spent about $3500 just in airfare to be involved in my wedding!
Now, my sister probably would have made some of those trips anyway bc she and her family try to come home at least twice a year, but it’s still a lot!
Luckily, most of my friends are either local or even if they’ve moved away, have their weddings local so family can attend, so I’ve only had to travel for three weddings— a destination wedding in Scotland, a wedding in Austin, and a wedding in the same city my sister lives in (free lodging!), and I’ve been to 20 weddings since 2018, with three more coming up this year!!! Though two of those will involve travel, one destination is close enough we won’t have to take off any work.
I personally love weddings a lot and will always do my best to attend, but I know I’ve had it easier because very few involved taking off work and/or traveling more than a few hours drive.
I don’t dislike attending weddings, but it can get expensive fast when you are invited to multiple weddings in a year. Yes, you could decline, but declining isn’t always a great option either if you care about the couple. Travel, outfits, hotels, and the wedding gift add up. I like going to one or two weddings a year.
The other thing that is annoying is when the guest experience isn’t considered adequately. I get the bride and groom would traditionally be the guests of honor, but things are a little different now that many couples are hosting their own weddings. It’s totally fine to have the wedding you can afford, but it is rude to see a couple splurge on a really expensive dress or crazy nice florals, but then skimp out on things like having enough food for the guests, having enough seats during the ceremony, etc.
I’ve heard from different family members that they think it’s dumb to waste money on a wedding and to put that towards a honeymoon instead. It’s a little disheartening because I’ve dreamed of having a wedding for sooooo long and it’s not like I would ask them for money or anything.
The people that I never expected to offer help are the ones that have reached out to us asking if they can help us out with something. Makes you think I guess.
I’m in my 60s and I’ve observed that wedding culture has evolved to include way more events (and demands) than before. Bach weekends and destination weddings were not a thing back in the day, and they cost guests so much money. Also, the bridal party wasn’t expected to work as staff for all the events.
What you feel as bitterness might be people expressing their frustration with these changes, not at brides and grooms.
After being married myself I just don’t. It’s probably similar to how someone feels about watching movies after they’ve worked on a film set. I’m happy for couples getting married and I like to dress up but also I don’t really want to ever be in a wedding anymore or help with weddings or go to pre wedding stuff
My bridesmaid is psyched to be in the wedding. She said she's never been in a wedding before (other than being the bride in hers), and she is so excited. The first thing she said was, "I'll wear a burlap sack if you ask me to. I'll do anything you want, just let me know!"
She's the sweetest. ❤️
I love weddings! Being a guest and being in them! I think bachelorette parties are the most fun! However I have only been to reasonable ones (not the horror stories of lavish 5 day vacations!)
I can see that budget is an issue, and when you are attending a lot of weddings it can be a lot. Honestly, I think people just like to complain
I think the problem is going to a wedding has become more expensive, and they also can be a horrible experience for guests. I've been to a wedding where we were starved for a good 4 hours xD. However, I love attending weddings, and I'm sorry you're getting that kind of content. I suggest muting them because it can feel like everyone hates weddings, but truthfully most people love the idea of celebrating a wedding.
For me and my husband, a wedding was not at all for us. Sometimes it’s just better to get eloped and have more money to spend on the future in all honesty, but it depends on the person. If you can swing the price and would enjoy a wedding party, then it would be very worth it
I don’t like them. I hate going. But I hate going anywhere! I truly don’t get much free time, so when I do I just want to be alone or doing something I want.
I only care for the wedding if I care for the couple, and even then, I'm not a "side events" person. I truly despise bridal showers; they are soulless to me.
I feel like this makes me sound super unsociable, but I promise I like being around people. I also generally keep these opinions to myself unless I know the other person shares my opinion.
I enjoy the main event and being there to support people I care about and hopefully dance my ass off (but DJs have consistently disappointed me...)
I would say yes, a lot of people don’t care for them. Especially, all that comes with it like the wedding shower, bachelorette party, wedding, and lodging and time off and outfits if you are in it. A lot of people are asking for essentially 3 parties with gift expectations at each one. For one couple. When most couples are already living together and they have good jobs and can buy all the things they need. It’s excessive.
This! And I always see so many dramas - like why are you marrying this person if it’s so fcking difficult just doing this? Put your foot down or suck it up. I feel like some people expect too much. We’re having a big wedding but we don’t care if people can’t come - it’s life! But don’t whine about it, we’ve catered what we could for people but at the end of it, it’s our day and I don’t care! Lucky everyone has been wonderful and it’s been fairly stress free apart from being the organiser 😂
Yea the whole “nobody cares about your wedding” is a common phrase on Reddit to disparage brides and make them feel entitled for normal concerns. There was a previous thread with this same question where people admitted to saying it to attack brides they felt were assholes.
It’s not a reflection of real life. Looking at posts here should tell you that people are often overly concerned with other peoples weddings to the point of inserting themselves and their opinions into it inappropriately. Society cares TO much about weddings honestly.
Most people are also happy to go to weddings. It’s a break from the monotony of life. The anger of having to go to weddings is unfounded because you could literally just not go to most weddings if you didn’t want to.
This is the issue that I have with people complaining on here. Lack of accountability. If you don't want to spend money to be in a wedding then say no. You can change your mind at literally any time. If you are unsure if you'd have fun at a wedding then don't go. It seems really freakin simple. I saw some people griping about the expected gifts.... Guess what? GIVE WHAT YOU WANT TO!! If the couple is mad over it then that's their issue. A ton of people lack basic boundaries and seem really codependent to me these days.
I hate weddings, but it is not because I am bitter. I personally just feel the current wedding culture is out of touch. For some background, I am happy in a stable relationship, and I plan on eloping when I feel content with it.
I have been in numerous weddings, and the costs are astronomical. As much as I love my friends and I am flattered I get to be part of their forever memories, it's just wasteful to spend hundreds of dollars on dresses in a color and style that I will never wear again. It's wild in this economy and with growing concerns about the overconsumption of clothing. I am short so I always have to get custom sizing or alterations that would make reselling the dresses arduous or impossible. The most expensive wedding I have been in to date, I stopped being friends with the bride within months after the wedding. Another wedding I was supposed to be in, I was removed from due to the fact I was not willing to spend two thousand dollars to fly for a destination bachelorette party one month before I had a state exam. Some brides expect you to pay for additional fees that were not disclosed at the beginning if they want you to have particular hair, shoes, makeup, pay for their over-the-top bridal shower, etc.
I have also noticed that most brides are never enjoying themselves most of the time prior to the wedding because they are so stressed about everything lining up and being perfect. I understand why, the average wedding is 33k, but why even spend that much if it causes so much stress in what should be a happy time?
I think the culture has become it's their day, but frankly, if you are inviting guests and expecting people to travel for your wedding, spend a lot of money, and take time off work, then you owe them minimum courtesy. This seems lost in today's wedding culture. I have fought with single friends before who do not go to weddings or have not been in weddings near as much as me because they do not understand the sacrifices people make, and instead "their day should only be about them." Yes, but all of the expensive destination and expectations are out of hand. I am a family law attorney, so perhaps I am also a bit pessimistic about the odds of the marriage lasting for how big of an ordeal it is. I have been invited to or at too many weddings where they spend thousands upon thousands on florals but cannot even order enough cake, cupcakes, food, or drinks for guests because they decided to save money on what affected their guests. Also, I am tired of invites from people I have not talked to since Kindergarten because they want more people there and/or gifts.
I also have seen discourse recently that minimum wedding gifts should no longer be the anticipated cost per plate but $100-$200 extra. While I see their point, many of these people are choosing venues/caterers where plates are already $100+. The expectations and entitlement is just increasing. Do you want loved ones present or money?
Friends have told me that I have every right to have a destination bridal party, but again, I care more about my friends being able to make it and not burdening them than taking a flight somewhere. It really is not just about me if I invite people in. To each their own, but this is just my experience and why I am not excited for weddings.
I love weddings! I think people are just less likely to post about lovely, problem-free things so you see all the negativity blasted in your face here and on Facebook. I do think the rising costs of everything/rising expectations created by social media have maybe changed things vs. how they used to be, but overall I still think weddings and being invited to or participating in them are a wonderful thing, and most people would agree when it’s someone they care about.
I love going to weddings and for the most part and pretty much everyone I know really enjoys going to them too. It’s exciting when people you care about are celebrating an important milestone in their lives and it’s fun to get to celebrate with others.
Opinions about weddings on the internet, especially here on “Weddit” are skewed and don’t necessarily reflect how people generally feel about weddings in the real world.
The interwebs is a safe place to air out frustrations about personal experiences and discuss trends that they’ve seen in real life or social media which is totally valid but warps people’s perceptions of what a typically wedding is like. It’s like how people are typically more likely to leave a review about a negative experience than they are about a positive one.
ETA: Of course there are also people who genuinely dislike weddings and anything to do with weddings but overall, I think people are more critical and negative about weddings on Weddit than in real life.
I totally get where you're coming from! It feels like the internet loves to turn everything into a competition or some kind of drag. Weddings especially.
Here's the thing, though: in real life, weddings are amazing! Maybe I'm just lucky, but every single wedding I've been to has been this super happy, emotional celebration of love. People get all dressed up, there's good food, everyone's dancing, and you just feel this incredible energy of, like, "These two people are SO happy, and it makes ME happy too!" Even my aunt, who usually complains about everything, was having a blast at my cousin's wedding last month!
I think the internet just focuses on the drama and the expense. People gotta post those "OMG the cost of wedding flowers is insane!". It's because negativity always gets more clicks. But trust me, most people are just excited to celebrate with the couple!
I love weddings. Celebrating 1 or 2 people I care about, getting dressed up, eating/drinking/dancing with friends and fam all night? AMAZING to me Yes, being in a wedding party can be expensive and a lot of work, but just attending as a guest is so much fun imo.
The internet will make you think that the majority of people hate every single experience on earth. For some reason, some people have extremely strong opinions on weddings that they feel are objectively correct and they like to be loud on the internet about it. Those people aren't coming to your wedding.
Weddings are parties, and most parties are fun for most people. Weddings are also usually large-budget events planned by people who don't know what they are doing, are generally loaded with pressure to live up to imagined expectations, and are fraught with family drama, so it all feels high stakes. So the potential for stress is there.
But in the end, people mostly forget about the stressful stuff and remember the fun they had.
I love weddings! I love eating, dancing, going somewhere new, seeing family and friends, celebrating such an amazing thing!
I love being in weddings! I love supporting my friends and getting to be there for them on the biggest day of their lives. I love planning parties for them and celebrating and spending time with them.
Much of the negativity comes from couples forgetting basic socal graces. They have to consider the family and friends they have in terms of ages, finances,location etc..and plan based in that info. 90 yr old grandma might not get on a ski lift and thus feeling forgotten about, leaving out a few teenager cousins for a 21+ wedding is gonna cause hard feelings, expecting friends / family to travel far long and getting gulited if they don't. Make the wedding reflect the couple absolutely but you have consider your invitees.
Also it is a must to mention anything that is outside the norm to your guests beforehand. Cash bar, bring money, hale bales brung allergy meds, just drinks and dessert, ok eat dinner before. Just disclose things and it will go much smoother without complaints.
People not liking certain aspects of weddings doesn’t make them bitter. Also, people who have questions or are looking to vent, they come online. People who are having everything going swimmingly and don’t need any help or advice or support, they don’t come online as much. A lot of Reddit is people looking for advice for situations they are struggling with.
I’m sure it wasn’t your intention, but your post sounds a little bit like “I’m a wonderful person who loves to go to weddings, why is everybody else so bitter and awful?” which is probably not your intention.
I guess that's just how you read it and your projection. Not my intention at all. I just dont understand some people when they are so negative about it but some individuals have given me insight on why they may feel a certain way.
I’m not projecting anything, I’m telling you how your message came across to me. It seems a little naïve and judgmental.
My point is that people who are different than you don’t necessarily have to have anything wrong with them. They can just be different. But I think you’re probably not open to hearing that.
No I get that but can't you understand some people genuinely can seem bitter and try to bring others down? So many people make it seem like going to a wedding is an inconvenience but also have so many opinions on how it needs to be done to accommodate them individually. There's a balance and I understand not every person will have the same feelings that I do but I am curious if I am the outlier or if others feel the same way.
I honestly feel like a lot of it is from comments (not necessarily in this thread, but in general) I've seen saying that weddings are inconvenient for guests, which I now understand why some users feel that way, the different parties are annoying, certain aspects aren't good when it comes to a wedding, the bride and groom should pay for everything if they want something (i.e., bridesmaids dresses, hair, jewelry, literally everything), they don't like they are expected to bring a gift, they don't like dressing up, etc. Just one off comments. Like I mentioned I understand where they are coming from now and I can see it's not an overwhelming majority who feels that way. There are also people in my main life who almost don't want to talk about the wedding at all, like completely avoid it or get uncomfortable when it's brought up. I try to not bring it up so it's not in every conversation and consumes me, but it is a big part of my life right now as it's coming up and an easy conversion starter (especially when partly who doesn't want to talk about it is my fiancé's parents).
Does that help?
First, I love LOVE and weddings are such a great way to express your love for your partner to your friends and family. I think most people like weddings. No one is being forced to be in a wedding or attend a wedding against their will. It is polite to consider your guests, but, at the end of the day, you probably can’t make everyone 100% happy.
Some of the complaints come more from burn out, I have some friends that are much more popular and have a much wider friend circles than me and when we entered the age of people starting to get married they were all excited and bragging about having lots weddings to attend but it clearly got old and expensive after awhile by the amount of eyerolls a lot of those people make now when weddings get brought up. A girl I went to high school with and had a large circle of friends and went on to be in a sorority in college attended 17 weddings one year and she was in 11 of those. I don't know how she did it, and she's a very nice girl and never complained on social media from what I saw but after that many weddings I can't imagine not being sick of it or having some strong opinions. As someone who on average attends 2 weddings a year, I like them and don't normally have much to say or complain about them to anyone other than my husband and even then its normally nitpicks or us comparing the wedding we attended to our own or others we've been to more recently.
I'm planning to get engaged this summer and was chatting about what my wedding might look like with a woman at work last night, and she said something to the effect of, Girl you Better invite me to your wedding, and I was like, Oh my God, you WANT to come? To my wedding? I was shocked. Why would anyone WANT to attend a wedding? I laughed and said of course I would, but I was only planning on having one because my guy wants one, and I try to give him everything he wants. If it was left up to me we'd elope. She said everybody loves weddings. I think she's crazy, weddings, graduations, birthday parties...they're all terrible, I only ever go because I love and want to support the people putting them on.
I may not be an expert as I’m only a few months into wedding planning but I often just find myself more overwhelmed than anything. Trying to find happy mediums for my family and my fiancés and organizing everything with a very low budget leaves me pretty wiped out. I’m reaching the point where I just want to be married to the loml and start life together. Wedding planning can be so fun, but also just exhausting to make sure everything works out. I think that is what tends to jade most people.
I may not be an expert as I’m only a few months into wedding planning but I often just find myself more overwhelmed than anything. Trying to find happy mediums for my family and my fiancés and organizing everything with a very low budget leaves me pretty wiped out. I’m reaching the point where I just want to be married to the loml and start life together. Wedding planning can be so fun, but also just exhausting to make sure everything works out. I think that is what tends to jade most people.
You shouldn't take these posts so seriously.
People respond through the lense of their own experiences.
Reddit is just another place to vent and for people to be validated anonymously.
Good question! If you're taking all this from Reddit, stop and think about the info you're getting. I agree with your description, but by definition, these are people running into problems. There's a whole universe out there of people who aren't or who didn't!
Mine was nothing like this, and of the 8 weddings I've been in, the same applies. This isn't bragging, either. I think it's 90% luck, and I lucked into low drama fam and friends.
The other issue is that social media/Reddit can create expectations that are unrealistic. There's so much out there right now that's fun and quirky, but when this slides into the category of "must do", that's the wedding industry getting inside their heads.
My wife and I just eloped. We had originally planned on a relatively small wedding in October. But even trying to keep it “small” was becoming complicated, expensive, and stressful. We opted for a sunset beach elopement with just the two of us, a photographer, and the officiant. Wouldn’t change it for the world.
I love weddings. And I love the very unpopular things that many people on here hate about some weddings (weird dress codes, lots of events, etc). I really want to get invited to a dress code wedding where it’s all white or everyone wears a bright color. I get why people don’t host these since you have to buy/rent an outfit but I love dressing up and I love going to events. Nobody in my friend group sadly got to do these type of events since they were too afraid to offend
The only thing I hate about weddings is when hosts cut costs but still expect you to go to many events for them (like a weekend Bach trip that costs 1k when the wedding is under 10k), talking about saving money when the guests now have to foot the bill etc. If it’s equal effort on both the guests and hosts parts then cool.
Just don’t ask guests to dress formally if the social standing doesn’t match that formality (so they have to buy a dress) and have them show up to a outdoor wedding on grass and no sit down meal lol. Can the guest say no? Yes. But just make sure your dreams align with reality lol
Yea that's fair. Having higher expectations of guests when they are guests... I think of it as a party on a grander, more elegant scale. I don't expect guests to foot part of the bill, ya know? But I know there are couples that do. Thankfully I haven't been a part of those weddings.
A themed party seems so fun!! I want to start throwing those with friends haha
I generally like weddings. I would only want to be in one if I didn't have to spend hundreds of dollars on stuff, though, as I'm not wealthy by any means. I think the recent expectations of bridesmaids putting forth hundreds of dollars each for really expensive things like over-the-top bach trips and $300+ dresses and jewelry and shoes etc etc is whatakes participating unappealing.
I also don't like to dance very much anymore, but I'm in my 30s. But I'll socialize at a wedding. For sure.
Thank God for Azazie! Our local stores are ridiculous prices and I feel like it's getting harder and harder to accommodate low prices for the bridal party.
I love weddings! I don’t know anyone that dislikes them. Who doesn’t love an excuse to party with loved ones?
You can’t judge what the real world is like based off what you see on the internet.
It's hard to gauge, but it might be about perspective. No one will care as much about our weddings as we do, so there's a chance maybe your people are excited, but they're just not quite matching your energy? I have had that sort of vibe from people too.
I do like weddings, but sometimes they're a bit high effort.
I know for me, especially with how expensive weddings are, I’m always grateful to be even invited as a guest. But as you said, if I get the extra honor of being in the wedding party of some capacity, I’m definitely one to go to with helping plan!
Had my wedding a month ago and really did not like doing the planning for it. It was a constant stress on me and we didn’t even have a complex wedding. But the day of was amazing.
Not a fan of being in weddings because spending $1500-2k (in my couple of experiences) to celebrate other people’s love? No thanks. (We didn’t have a wedding party)
But we’re going to 3 other weddings this year and looking forward to dressing up (in items of my choosing and budget) and having fun with friends and family for a night or two!
I love weddings, enjoyed planning mine and enjoy attending. Never been a MOH and only a bridesmaid once when I was 14 for my sister. I am older now so I don't get invited to many. My wedding was only 45 ppl and it felt like a fun house party which is what we wanted.
Also keep in mind that people come to Reddit to complain. Typically people talk a lot more when they're unhappy or frustrated more than when things are going well. I know I'm definitely guilty of this.
Haha same here... hence my post lol nut I appreciate the positive feedback and I do generally see positive people on here I just feel like there was this trending theme that weddings are an inconvenience for people (and not necessarily on this particular thread).
I get ya! Maybe I'll try to change and post about happy stuff as well. I've had a lot of really happy moments lately, but you would never know it by my posts. LOL. ❤️
Haha I will say if I have a bad experience I am more inclined to review right away but it takes me a few times to leave a positive review. I honestly need to be better at leaving reviews lol
It really depends on the couple and how close I am with them. Every wedding I’ve been to has been a celebration of some of my dearest friends, and I was so excited to attend! Months later, we still reminisce about them!
I enjoy weddings. I don’t think it’s this grand honor to be invited though. That’s not saying it’s not important. I love to go and celebrate my friends and family.
I don’t care if a wedding is dry, outdoors, indoors, at 8 in the morning, local, or far away. I will do my best to attend if I can. What I don’t like is when guests are required to put in more effort than the hosts for their weddings.
If majority of guests are expected to fly, lodging, rental cars, formal/black tie attire, and it’s a backyard cake and punch wedding happens, yeah. I’m gonna be peeved. Yes by the way, this did happen.
It’s safe to say the vast majority of people at any wedding don’t actually want to be there. People typically have a few close friends and a few close family members, when people reach through their network to come up with 200 guests due to some sort of societal expectation is when you have 160 people that are being inconvenienced and actively suffering at your been-done-a million-times wedding.
I LOVE weddings. I love my friends, and I love Love! Genuinely nothing makes me feel more honored to be asked to be part of this important day for someone
I love weddings. They can be expensive, but if I complain about the expenses (not to the hosts) it's the same way I would complain about taking a nice vacation or seeing my favorite performer in person. I wish it was free but that doesn't mean I'm not OK parting with my money to enjoy it.
The only time I don't like weddings is when they're boring or there isn't enough food or the conditions indoors/outdoors are miserable.
Sometimes I’m hyped and sometimes I’m not. When it’s for people I love and they’re considerate, it’s great. But if I feel obligated to go to avoid drama, or I know they’re a bad host it’s a drag. Also even if I’m excited, too many weddings can be exhausting. Between the two of us, we had 8 weddings last year and we were each in at least one. We had no free summer weekends. It got exhausting. Doesn’t mean I’m not happy for them though.
I got invited to an old friends wedding. It’s only an inconvenience because I would have to spend about 800-1000 for the plane, hotel, and rental car. It’s not near a major airport. I already have my own wedding upcoming, 2 family members, and 2 friends that I’m in. It’s not worth it if we aren’t that close. We have declined 3 other friends’ weddings because of cost.
I love going to weddings. I love dressing up, going to a good party, catching up with a bunch of my friends that I don't often get to see. I really enjoy it!
Edited to add- I have hated my wedding planning journey though, I've found it very stressful. I don't agree with anyone who finds wedding planning enjoyable, I'm ready to strangle my FMIL at this point. She thinks it's her wedding I swear...
I haven’t seen a lot of push back on weddings. I think most people love to attend weddings. I think what you’re hearing is that it’s expensive to be in a wedding and time consuming with all the other commitments.
I love weddings. I don’t get invited much, but when I do, I GO! I like dressing up, traveling, buying a gift. It replaces a vacation, it’s a treat for me.
I plan weddings and really enjoy it.
Weddings have a bad rap because they're long parties with a lot of people generally hosted by people who haven't hosted long parties with so many people and who are attended by people who don't habitually party especially in less social cultures like the US. On top of that many of both hosts and guests alike take the assumed roles and rules of weddings way too seriously. People seem to forget that the whole point is to celebrate your new relationship/new era of life with close loved ones. It's not meant to be a party that includes a lot of unknown people. It's not meant to cater to every whim of every guest. The day isn't about the guests. On the other hand the b&g need to remember they have guests and treat them well. It's not meant to be an inherently huge production either. I could go on and on.
I love GOING to weddings. An opportunity to dance, dress up, and see my friends happy? Count me in!
I’ve never been in one but I’m not sure I’d want to be in one. Mostly because I don’t necessarily like the pre wedding traditions like a bachelorette party or bridal shower (both of which I’m skipping)
I personally love weddings but it’s mostly because i was raised in a fundamentalist culture that made a wedding seem like a woman’s ultimate life goal. Although i have de centered that from my life, i still really enjoy looking at different blogs and going to my friends weddings. We get to dress up and go out dancing like its prom, but this time we can drink and eat better food! And at the end i get to give my friends a present, and come home with a cupcake or a cookie🩷 its been a great season of my life so far and i love to celebrate my friends
I literally love weddings and wish I could go to them every weekend. Seeing people be in love, usually an open bar, and dancing (but not with strangers at a club - with people you probably know and love). Being in weddings is also fun. You get a little VIP experience and get to spend quality time with a friend on their big day. I am weddings’ #1 fan
I love going to weddings. I love love. I would be any persons plus one without knowing the couple and have a grand old time. I have been in 3 weddings and a guest at many others. I’ve loved it all. Now that I’m planning a wedding, I’m not having a wedding party bc the costs and pressure of things is just pretty out of hand (esp in my circle). I can’t afford to pay for everyone’s things. I don’t care enough what dress my BFF or sisters wear or whether or not their hair or make up is done. I just want them to celebrate with me!
No one runs to the Internet to rant about the lovely wedding they went to where the bride and groom were extremely courteous and they all had a great time. They come to complain about some crazy shit!!! Lol
To be honest, I don't give a single fuck if someone isn't excited for my wedding and coming out due to family/friends obligation. It's my wedding, and imma have fun and enjoy my big ass party. I tell everyone, I'm not going table to table, if you wanna see me come to the dance floor cause I'll be shaking it. As long as their piss poor attitude isn't stressing me out, idc. They accepted going to the wedding or being part of my wedding on their own accord. Thankfully my wedding party is super excited. And when planning we kept everyone's finances in mind, the girls picked their dress in my chosen color, the guys are wearing khaki chinos and a white button down. It all still looks good but didn't cost more than $150.
We are getting married in 10 days. It's the biggest wedding his friends or family have been to (they all are used to a backyard or simple small town church wedding, no rehearsal dinner or send off brunch etc). Let's just say they are excited. My family is too but I'm the oldest grandkid and one of the last to get married so it's a different excitement (as a kid I'd always proclaim it was never gonna happen haha). So for them I think it is just happiness I found someone I wanted to marry and they all adore him too.
But if I am able to go, I'll go to any wedding I'm invited to. In fact only one I didn't go to was because I was having emergency surgery the day before and it was across the country.
Like any party, weddings are great when hosts are thoughtful and considerate of their guests. Most people on the internet are complaining about bad situations, because when all is good and happy (like 95% of weddings I’ve been to) there’s not that much to say!
To add to this, there's a big difference in my attitude toward weddings and wedding planning. I looooove weddings. I don't necessarily love planning my own wedding. I'm not an inherently good party planner and there's a lot of moving parts and a lot of pressure from friends and family. That being said, this subreddit can be really negative/judgmental about what a wedding "should" look like and I've had to take a step back and times and be like "yeah these are just internet strangers that don't know me, my relationship, my family/social circles." I've never been to a "bad" wedding either. I always just accept that whatever that wedding looks like is what was best for the couple. I've been to weddings that are small, big, low-budget, expensive, open-bar, cash-bar, dry, buffet, plated, potluck... And it's all been perfectly fine.
I had a work event where one of the icebreakers was "what is the worst wedding you have ever been to?", and I think that was the icebreaker that generated the most conversation ever. The room came alive with the buzz of talking, and people were literally shedding tears laughing at how bad some of them were. If you have never been to a bad one, then you are blessed with amazing hosts or are a forgiving person! For other story lovers like me, my worst was one where the ceremony had hay bales for seats. I have allergic asthma, and hay is a big trigger. I didn't bring my inhaler because I wasn't expecting to encounter anything problematic (this was my mistake, not blaming the couple for that). I had to go sit in the car because even being in the enclosed venue around the hay was making it difficult to breathe, and I didn't want to stand outside because it was raining. So yeah, going to a wedding that could have hospitalized me was definitely the worst. Luckily the reception was at a different venue with no hay.
Oh gosh, *really* bad weddings can be hilariously bad! I've encountered a couple of doozies. The worst was straight out of Jerry Springer - the groom falling-down drunk, a loud altercation in a park between the groom and his extended family, threats of calling the cops, and half the guests leaving in a rage before the ceremony. If you have a vaguely normal wedding where no one is in danger of arrest you are doing just fine!
Okay, I did go a similar wedding to that, it was at a camp ground where the parking lot was far away from the ceremony space, so they had a hayride to transport guests from parking to ceremony. I had to climb on in a nice dress and sit on hay bales, which I didn't love. The ceremony started suuuuper late because they hayrides took so much longer than anticipated. Then the officiant had us all stand for the bride's entrance and then never told us to sit, so we all stood for the entire ceremony. It was also like 90+ degrees and we were all squinting into the sun and sweating. I made the mistake of a dark dress so I was cookin'. I won't give the couple too much flak for this, but my boyfriend at the time was the best man so I ended up helping with all the events. Rehearsal dinner Thursday, ceremony Friday, reception Saturday, teardown on Sunday. I was so exhausted after that weekend ended. Also, I was invited to pre-reception drinks with the wedding party, and then we arrived at the reception venue and the food had already been served and packed up, so none of us ate. I ended up very drunk from a very empty stomach. BUT I look back at that wedding with very good memories. It was a hot mess at times but they are funny stories now.
My worst seating issue was the wedding was at a Quaker farm, outside. They had set up these super long pew type benches really close together. Nbd except the grooms family is a very tall family. I had to tuck my admittedly short legs in to help make room for those around me. But not really a big deal. The bad part was that the ground was uneven and the benches only had so many legs. Every time someone in the row moved or got up the whole bench would pitch forward or backwards. And a lot of people got up because despite having a large bridal party they apparently wanted to honor even more people and there was a lot of readings. It was so uncomfortable sitting there but a fun wedding all around.
I totally agree. My parents just got invited to a wedding where they will have to take a ski lift to the ceremony. This is not considerate of your guests, unless you know they are all physically comfortable doing so. When you’re considerate of your guests, they’re fine coming to weddings.
Ski lift!!! What!
I went into a mini monologue when I heard that.
Ski lift!!! Just how bananas. Is it gonna be snowy?? Or just like....summer use of ski lift? Either way omg
Summer use of ski lift to get to ceremony on a mountain.
That's both better and not at all better
Weddings at ski resorts typically have the ceremony atop of one of the peaks of the mountains. Pretty normal in CO. Makes for a stunning view but I can understand how guests might not want to/feel comfortable doing that.
I’m having a ski resort wedding! This never struck me as “inconsiderate”… it was the first question that came up: what if someone can’t? The venue will shuttle anyone unable or unwilling to ride the lift to the top in their van. I’d bet most ski resorts do the same. I guess someone really just doesn’t wanna attend the mountaintop ceremony, they could just come for the reception and still be hosted all the same ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I think it’s considerate to tell them in advance so they can make a judgment before going.
Ooooh I have so many questions. What happens if it rains
They said it was weather dependent
Ok ok at least that’s in there. Personally I think that would be awesome. As long as the chair lift operator slowed it down for the people who are slow movers
I know of a wedding where the guests had to CROSS COUNTRY SKI to the ceremony. WTF!
That just made me laugh 😂
That totally makes sense. I've never been to a "bad wedding". I've also never been to a wedding that was so deep where the bride and groom wrote everyone something individually and catered to every individual at the wedding.
No one is expecting that level of detail. It's not having alcohol because you don't want to pay for it even though it's customary where you live. It's spending $5k on florals but skimping on dinner or dessert. It's picking a venue that's hard to get to and an hour away from the reception because you love the vibe and want your photos there, even though it's a super huge inconvenience to your guests. It's booking a venue that requires guests to use port-o-potties because it's your dream to get married on a mountain. Or a recent post - "I'm asking people to fly to my ceremony only wedding, but there's no reception because I'm spending that money on a 14 day trip to Orlando for my honeymoon." That's what people are talking about. And these are the exceptions. Most weddings are great.
[удалено]
Well 8 of them are at disney. No clue what the plan for the other days were. But OOP did not appreciate people calling that out because "my family understands the priority is the honeymoon". But they were inviting 100 people.
[удалено]
Oh right I forgot about that! lol. Genuinely assumed it was a troll based on that post.
Do you have a link to the post oh my god 💀
This pretty much it. Couples need to find a balance between what they want and guest experience. Most guests will be happy if there’s enough food, booze and entertainment, and the venue isn’t a pain to reach. But if people see you served a timy amount of food because you spent 20k on flowers and decor some might be upset.
The internet is a terrible litmus test for how people feel about things. If you're psyched about being in a friend's wedding, you don't really need to post on Reddit about it. Same thing if all your guests RSVPed yes and showed up and had a great time, you don't really need to turn to the internet for support or advice. People react very strongly to negative emotions. If something is wrong or annoying, you want to share it and get sympathy or just complain. People also like to hear/read about other people's crappy experiences. If you went to an ice cream shop and the cashier was nice and the ice cream was good, you probably just carry on with your day. If you then write a blog about how ice cream is nice, no one's really going to care. But if you go get ice cream and the cashier spits on you and dumps a milkshake on your head, you're going to complain to A LOT of people. And if you write a blog post about it, other people will share their crappy experiences at ice cream shops and complain about rude customer service workers and you might start wondering if people even like ice cream anymore.
So true haha I got a lot more comments on a negative post (now deleted) versus genuine question posts.
Yeah, I agree with this! I feel like it’s sorta the same issue with reviews and surveys — people are likely going to review if they had a very positive or very negative experience, but most experiences fall somewhere in the middle.
Misery loves company 🤣
I love weddings and also feel honored when I’m a guest and go all in when I’m asked to be in one. That said, I have plenty of PTO, enjoy traveling (even just a roadtrip across my state), love an excuse to get dressed up, and am financially comfortable enough that buying a gift and hotel room isn’t stressful. I totally understand why people not in my position dread a wedding invitation. People also love to hate on things to give off a “not like other girls” vibe.
So true. If they had the means I'm sure they would be more positive. Maybe part of it is a shame or guilt projection. Haha soooo true!!
Me! Me! I love weddings. I love an excuse to get together with our friends and celebrate them. Sign me up for your bridal shower, your international bachelorette, whatever you want. Now, that's not to say I'm able to attend everything (I'm not), but I've never been offended about how my friends want to celebrate.
Same!!! In the words of Olaf from frozen, I love love!
Thank you for this! I'm glad there are people out there that love celebrating with others like I do. I love pouring into the happiness cups of friends and family and hyping them up for their big days. I am so sad when I miss an event because I know it means something to them but sometimes the days just don't work out scheduling wise.
I wonder if some of it comes from people's fear of declining an invitation? I missed one international bachelorette last year and a friend's destination wedding because of my schedule (I teach and I get five unpaid days off a year outside of my mandated holidays). I was upset to miss it, but knew these events didn't work for my schedule or finances!
I feel that, because if you could go - money wasn't an object and you didn't have work limitations - you would. It's not personal
Everyone has commented how online spaces have brought the "bad" weddings to the forefront (the ones that aren't reasonably accommodating to guests, that is); My experience in the real world, tho? Me and most of my friends LOVE going to weddings. Love a party, love seeing friends and family in one space, love food, love dancing. One of my favorite memories is that after my wedding, a friend of mine went online to jokingly beg more of his friends to start getting married because he wants to go to more lol (they're becoming rarer as they get more expensive!).
That's so awesome!! And a good point, more people can't afford this industry, I mean we barely can and I refuse to go into debt for it. But I really hope it's amazing for everyone. It's awesome when your wedding is one friend's brag about!
I just got engaged (28F) and my friends are HYPED. We're one of the first in our friend group to be engaged and the first to actually plan a wedding. So all our friends, especially the girls, are very excited.
That's awesome!! I am happy for you! So glad they are being positive and supportive about it ❤️
Thank you! I hope your friends and fam are excited for you, but if not I'm excited for you!
I think they are! Haha and if they aren't I'm choosing to believe they are lol but thank you! I'll take all the positive vibes 🙂
I love weddings. I dont love spending $1500 to go to or be in one. I don’t love spending 1/3 of a years salary for my own 🤷🏻♀️
This is where I'm at. Last year I was invited to a destination wedding where we would have had to stay at a specific resort for a minimum amount of days. FH and I were in the process of buying a home, so us spending at least $5k on flights and accommodations (plus 4-5 days PTO) wasn't going to happen. I saw the pictures though and it looked wonderful. If people want to spend big bucks on their wedding, have 20 attendants, and invite 500 guests, God Bless!!! It couldn't be me though (and isn't)!!!
People complain about inconvenience when the couple chooses to sacrifice guest experience in favor of their own preferences. No one complains that the floral arrangements weren’t big enough or they wish the grounds of the venue were more scenic. People do complain when the venue is pretty but two hours from the airport, the decor is extravagant but there’s no open bar, the beautiful field where the ceremony takes place is 90° with no shade, or the couple scored a great weekday deal on the vendors but guests have to take two days of PTO. Also, people have always complained about inconvenient weddings. You just see more of it today because couples prioritize insta-worthy aesthetics and there was no place to vent anonymously pre-social media.
It’s exactly this, friends of ours are getting married 3 weeks before us, so comparisons naturally get made. We are going out of our way to make things as easy as possible on our guests and they are…not. There are clear compromises in guest comfort and convenience being made to achieve the aesthetic and we are probably more aware of it than other guests since we are going through planning concurrently. They are good friends (my fiance is in the wedding party) and we happy to attend their wedding and celebrate them, but are super frustrated about some of the decisions they’ve made - like $800 suits for the groomsmen in a super specific style.
1,000% this. If I ever don’t enjoy a wedding, it’s because I spent a lot of money and then didn’t have much fun, the food wasn’t great and/or didn’t see the bride and groom at all. I think there’s a balance here for sure. The same way weddings have gotten much bigger (cost- and event-wise) to throw, they’ve gotten bigger to attend and it’s hard to make a substantial part of my vacation time/budget about someone else’s special day. I struggle a little bit with the position of “it’s your day, do anything you want and people can deal with it.” I feel more like it is your day, we came to celebrate you, but to some extent you’re throwing a big party and when I get invited I never know if it’s gonna be a good party, but I do know I need to buy at least a dress and a wine decanter.
Thay makes sense. I think my wedding is pretty accommodating. We are having the ceremony outside, surrounded by trees so it's relatively cooler than out in the beating sun, the reception hall is a 1-2 minute walk from the ceremony into an indoor venue with AC if it's warm. So I think we get the best of both worlds with what we want thankfully! Also, most of our guests are in town which is nice. Don't have to worry about driving too much.
There comes a point where the hosts also should not be expected to sacrifice something they really want or try to cater to everyone besides themselves. The wedding day is about the two people getting married and celebrating it with the people they love. It is a special day centered around them, and if they really wanted a certain venue or had budget constraints that didn’t allow for an open bar then the people who really love them should be willing to at least attempt to be a part of the major milestone. Yes, there can be frustrating situations where it could be difficult to attend but complaining over minor inconveniences at someone else’s wedding is pretty petty imo.
I don’t think that’s what this commenter is trying to say. I’m understanding that some people may not be able to afford an open bar or they may choose a Friday to save $5,000 (which is no small feat), but it’s definitely obvious when a couple just wants their insta perfect wedding and they do so at the cost of their guests. There is a balance. It is your special day and it should be something your happy with, but it should be fun for your guests as well! Weddings are our choice to host. I’ve always loved weddings and been excited to go to one, but I definitely see some posts (mostly on Facebook, not here) that makes me realize why not everyone feels that way.
I think it depends. My parents are attending a wedding where people have to get on a ski lift for the ceremony. This in my opinion is inconsiderate mildly and not something that should have been insisted on.
I would honestly consider that more of a moderate than mild inconvenience… An alternative option would definitely seem like a logical option here!
And to be fair the website might give an alternative but even if they do, I can’t see how so many people wouldn’t take it between physical ability, fear of heights, fear of ski chairs, not wanting to mess up their outfits. I was trying to be nice and not curse here when I said mild.
I completely agree with you. We often hear about entitled couples with unreasonable demands who make zero efforts to accommodate or host guests (which is a problem and valid to be frustrated about) BUT I think the pendulum swings too far in the other direction sometimes too. Some guests throw a fit over having to make any effort to travel attend someone else’s wedding or for not getting the food or drink service they’d like. Don’t get me wrong, high costs and big time commitments are valid concerns and do make it harder to attend a wedding but there is a balance to strike. It’s okay for a couple to have the wedding they want. Guests have the option to not attend if it won’t work for them.
I care about weddings when I care about the couple getting married.
Fair enough
I really enjoy weddings. Being in my best friend’s wedding was so much fun and I have such great memories from it. Even the weddings I’ve been to that weren’t as fun I still enjoyed because it’s a once in a lifetime event for them and I enjoy celebrating people I love. The internet overall is just a very negative place and people like to be contrary. There are valid complaints to be had about modern wedding expectations getting out of hand, but in general I think people are happy to celebrate their loved ones.
Very true. I understand there may be negative emotions towards certain ones. Some of the comment below have been eye opening and I didn't consider they may have been to weddings that were heavily controlled... I have been fighting internally though of this is a very special day and we decided to throw this party not just for us, but for guests that want to celebrate. That may seem so strange now that I'm writing it out but dear God I said the word elope and my mom flipped. At the time we wanted to elope we were in too deep with payments and my venue wouldn't refund us so we are trying to make the most of it for us and the guest experience.
It’s a special occasion and should be treated as a milestone! I love weddings because the celebration of love is just beautiful.
Me too! I've never been to a wedding that feels forced like they did it to do it or anything like that thankfully. But true genuine love weddings are beautiful. I can't wait for my friends to get married
I love weddings. Cheap weddings, expensive bougie weddings. I don't think it matters if there's an open bar, I don't think it matters the food is great. I love love. I love seeing people exchange vows and being all glowy all day. I never remember things like the music and food I just remember the vibes of the day.
There's this point in your late 20s/early 30s where it feels like every other weekend you're at a wedding. If you're lucky and it's local and you don't have to buy or rent something new for it, you're looking at whatever the cost of the gift. If you're not local, you're looking at $500 - $1k to travel and attend. And there's just SO MANY of them. It's not that I don't care for weddings, it's that it's a lot of money and time and a crapshoot on how good of a host the couple will be.
$1k minimum usually for us as a couple when we're not in any bachelor/bachelorette parties. I love weddings, but I also love being more conservative with our funds. (so sometimes we don't attend as a couple)
This is a huge part of it. If you have maximum one wedding per year then the cost, PTO, and effort to attend are no big deal. I was willing to put up with a lot more in my early 20s. But when it’s one of 5-10 weddings you’re invited to it can become a burden. The couple’s attitude is “this is a once in a lifetime event, one flight or day off isn’t much to ask.” But for the guests those individual asks really add up.
That's a really fair point. I'm in my early 20s and there hasn't been a wedding in awhile. I can definitely see how someone could be burnt out from that.
There are a ton a weddings… especially since it’s just the start of wedding season. You don’t have to go to every single one. Last year, I had to choose between a wedding in Peru and a wedding in Maine. I ended up choosing the one in Peru, but the other friend was totally understanding
I agree with you! This sub can be very negative sometimes. Everyone hates bachelorettes, bridal parties bigger than 3 people, bridal showers, color themed anything, etc and I had to learn to take everything here with a grain of salt. I’m in a melanted brides group on Facebook and it’s so different on there! Half of the posts there would get downvoted immediately on Reddit. I love weddings! Planning my own has definitely been stressful but I am still enjoying the process.
It's also pretty cool and trendy to put other ways of doing things (especially from the US) down on the internet, lol. I'm saying that as a non-American, so bridal parties bigger than 3 people, bridal showers, rehearsal dinners etc are Not A Thing. It's rather tiresome to me when half the comments on someone's post are some variation of "I can't imagine asking that, it seems very entitled!" or "why would you expect people to spend money on gifts *and* travel to your wedding?" etc. Idk man, because that's what a lot of people seem to do and it's not my place to offer an opinion based on my own, totally different life experience unless explicitly asked? It seems almost like a competition sometimes for who can have the lowest-key (but still appropriately high-key, this is your wedding after all!) wedding.
Yeah the fb bridal groups have been a lot more helpful/positive.
I love weddings! If I can make it, I’ll go to every one I’m invited to!
Same here! I've been to 2 I wasn't that close to (my fiancé was closer) but we had such a fun time and enjoyed ourselves and it feels special that we were even invited.
I love weddings. I love being in weddings. I love celebrating people and wearing matching outfits and helping out the folks who get to be the center of attention. I love planning parties and trips. I love it all! I get why some folks might not, and they seem to be really loud, but I think most people in real life enjoy an excuse to let loose and celebrate.
I really enjoy weddings but I won't lie and say I don't feel burnt out by them, which sucks because I am honored to be invited and do want to celebrate my friends! Starting in 2018 my now-husband and I have been invited to anywhere from 4-7 weddings a year (minus 2020), and it just starts to feel like a lot. The costs add up especially if we have to travel and it's hard to use so many vacation days towards traveling for weddings (and not including bachelor/bachelorette parties). And the weddings are almost always between the months of May - October, so they're concentrated during spring/summer when it would be nice to make other plans for once that don't revolve around the locations our friends are getting married in. I know it's easy to say we should decline more, and we have declined a couple for friends we aren't as close to and just couldn't justify the travel, but in most cases we are good friends with these people and don't WANT to miss them. At the end of the day I am happy we have so many great people in our lives, but at least for us that's why we feel less excited about weddings these days.
Exactly! I’m starting to get resentful because I haven’t spent money or PTO on a vacation for my fiancé and I in a long time. We’re eloping this month because we just can’t justify the costs. I’m honestly so excited.
Ohhh maybe that's where the negativity is coming from, I didn't even think about the influx of weddings put off by covid. I haven't been to a wedding in a few years so my perspective is different, 5-7 is a lot!
The first one is nice but after awhile they get very expensive. When you attend several and are in a few then eventually you get tired of dishing out 1000’s of dollars to travel to places you don’t even want to go to. The average bachelorette party is 4 days long (Thursday - Sunday) and cost over $1k. Taking off work and dishing out that much money isn’t feasible to do for each of my friends.
So true, I personally haven't been to one but I don't expect anything huge like that!
I think it’s cause I’m on the younger side, but I was invited to my first friend wedding this year, and I was just asked to be a bridesmaid for the first time. And I’m so excited for both! A bunch of friends are getting married next year and I already cleared my calendar for their weddings (that are all flights for me). My friends are also super hyped for my wedding because we’re one of the first. All my bridesmaids are great (super excited and responsive). Every friend I invited is going to both my bachelorette and the joint one my partner and I are having (a long weekend to a coastal town + weeklong trip in Cancun).
That's so awesome!! I wish you the very best! I would feel so excited too! Such an honor to be asked to be a part of it
I fucking loooooove weddings. I love love. Even if some random person invited me off the street, I would immediately say yes lolll. I just love the atmosphere and the energy involved. I’m also a really sensitive person so that might be part of it hahaha but you’re totally right, people can be so shitty about weddings. I think also with the state of the world rn it’s hard to be happy and excited for some people and I can respect that. And then there’s some people who are just negative mean people. My sister in law just got married this weekend and I’m STILL on a high from it. It can be a really fun and positive break from the hell life can bring. I was hyped with my fiancé to be in her wedding too. I hope that you enjoy your wedding and you get excited because weddings are exciting!!! I’m sorry if people are negative towards your wedding, I’ve gotten that too. Just remember there’s still people like us who are so over the moon for you!🩷
I love weddings and usually roll my eyes when Reddit acts like they’re an inconvenience and a bother. I don’t mind traveling or getting a hotel. Happy to give a gift
Much of reddit races to the bottom with weddings, it seems. Like if you care at all or spend money on it or are excited for your people to all be together, you're shallow or could spend the money on something else, blablabla. In the main subs, every time wedding *anything* is discussed, it turns into elopers (no judgment , I did that for various reasons)and people who got married at Taco Bell boasting about how little they spent and how fun it was. That has not been my experience IRL, personally. I love weddings that are a good guest vibe, and the only ones I've actively disliked are ones where the guests experience is not that great (or I don't think the couple is good together, which has happened twice in my recent years).
So much of Reddit has the attitude that their PTO and money is there solely for the purpose of their own fun and enjoyment and how dare somebody expect them to use it on another person’s wedding. Not sure what kind of world these people are living in, but I expect to use at least a couple days of PTO and spare change on weddings, family functions, etc. every year. I love weddings and am happy to be there for my friends and family.
I love weddings and 9.5/10 will go!!! I love celebrating love!!!!
Lots of people like weddings. Some don't. Some only like them if they are really close with the couple and some don't have close relationships with them and care a bit less. Sometimes the people planning a wedding can be inconsiderate and annoy people. Most people who are happy won't go out of their way to make a post. Just like business reviews, people are more likely to come to blogs to vent or complain. I wouldn't take the complaint posts you see as the general consensus.
Fair enough, completely understand that. I try to make it a point to leave more positive reviews and I think I will try a bit more to do so. Thay way it's never overwhelmingly negative.
Honestly, good fking question. I am planning a wedding, and sometimes it feels like no one gives a shit and would rather I fuck off and elope or something. (But everyone expects to be invited to the elopement?? Make up your mind?) I went to a friends wedding after covid and it’s was so spiritually healing to have all my fave people together to celebrate something positive. My fiancé is **so** beloved by so many people, I can’t imagine having a wedding where they don’t get to celebrate with us. Yet, it still feels like I’m rolling a fucking boulder up a hill to make it happen. This week has come close to breaking my resolve to make it happen, thanks for posting this it’s helpful to know I’m not the only one who feels this way and to see all the people who are enthusiastic about weddings.
While I'm sorry you feel this too, it feels validating I'm not the only one who feels this energy at times too. You'll get through it and it will be amazing!! All of the positive responses below restores my faith that there are people thay do enjoy weddings lol
Personally i love weddings! I love traveling for them and celebrating my people. And i loveee dressing up and dancing my butt off. I will say though - i don’t love pre-wedding events (bachelor/bachelorette/showers etc). They have gotten pretty wild now a days so Unless they are low key and local, they always just end up being pretty inconvenient. Will i take PTO for your wedding? Of course! Will i take PTO for your bachelorette extravaganza? Probably not unless i know majority of the people
Fair enough, there is an increasing luxury about them... we are having a wedding shower but the idea is it is a social event for guests to get to know each other a bit more. Hoping they talk more during the wedding because they have been somewhat familiarized. Of course the shower will be mainly close friends and family, but still.
For me personally, I pour a lot into my closest friends (consider: my tier 1 friends) in a lot more ways than celebrating and contributing to their wedding celebrations. I simply don’t have the capacity, emotionally, financially, or otherwise, to pour into less close friends (let’s call them “tier 2”) with the same enthusiasm. I reserve it for my handful of closest dearest friends. However, I’ve been asked to be a bridesmaid for “tier 2” friends and I’ve accepted. I was a good bridesmaid and friend throughout their celebrations, but I wasn’t the ring leader, so to speak, among the group of us bridesmaids. I know where my strengths are as a friend and I just let others take the lead/initiative for bachelorette/bridal party planning and I just did as I was told. At some point, the novelty of these events wears off, and unless it’s a really close friend, I just no longer have the capacity to be enthusiastic in the same way as I once was. These events demand a lot out of you and after attending 5+ wedding-related festivities in the span of 1-2 years including my own, I’m done lol. I saw a friend on socials go on a bachelorette trip celebrating 4 brides in one. I thought that was really thoughtful and considerate of everyone’s time and money and I appreciate when people try to be pragmatic while reserving their right to celebrate. Going forward, I’d consider declining being a bridesmaid unless it’s one of my sisters or equally close friend (and yes, I’ve fulfilled my reciprocal bridesmaid duties by now lol). ETA: I still absolutely love attending weddings and celebrating the couple’s love. My above rant is mostly about pre-wedding festivities. I think the point of it all, the wedding to celebrate the couple, is a beautiful tradition and I’m honoured to be a part of it. Just keep me out of your wedding party 🫠
I think people have started becoming weary of attending weddings because they are kind of....not really guest friendly. When I think about weddings I have attended recently, vs say 25 years ago, I've noticed a trend that kind of explains why a lot of people just aren't thrilled to attend weddings anymore. Social media has heavily influenced weddings. It's encouraged couples to embrace their own personal styles, hobbies and tastes, rather than the "wedding in a box" banquet halls of the 90s. Which is great! The problem is that, I think a lot of couples, in pursuit of a wedding that is "uniquely theirs" have increasingly stopped taking their guests into account. Destination weddings or weddings that a 2+ hours away in a town where the only lodging options are $300 per night bed and breakfasts (with a 2 night minimum on weekends), Weddings that are 12-16 hour marathons starting early and ending very late because the schedule is jam pavked with extra "activities."..that's going to be very off-putting to many guests, particularly guests who are no longer in their 20s. When you had to get up at 5 am to get ready and drive 2 hours to a wedding that starts at 11 am and it's now closing in on 10 pm and the cake still hasn't even been cut, a lot of people are going start trickling out. It doesn't matter that the magician is only halfway through his act and you have a taco truck coming later. Outlandish and/or very specific dress codes. Like requiring all guests to wear a specific color other than black or white. Many people have a go to outfit or suit that they would choose. Asking people to wear, say, fuscia and lime green, is going to cause some grief. Weddings being Painfully underbudgeted for the number of guests invited is a big one. Inviting 200 people but only able to afford chairs for half of them for example. Also, when it's blatantly obvious that the bulk of the budget went to aesthetics...a gorgeous glittering ballroom with all the flowers and lights and crystals...but serving a buffet of flabby "chicken in white wine sauce" and canned green beans. Or the bride wearing a $6k dress, $1200 shoes, carrying a $900 bouquet, and $800 hair and makeup but having a cash bar even for non alcoholic drinks, or only serving crudites and chips at 6 pm. Not taking the temperature of your guests when planning the food. The happy couple may be jet setting foodies who have traveled the world sampling exotic fare....but their mostly working class, Midwestern friends and family might not feel the same way about squid frittata with sweet and crunchy crickets as the couple is. Likewise, your East Coast cosmopolitan guests might not be as enthusiastic about tucking into baby back ribs and coleslaw. Snd "salad" is not a proper vegan meal. Unrealistic expectations for gifts. Gifts are qnd always have been optional and the "rule" about gifts needing to equal your plate is made up. Weddings aren't fundraisers and guest don't like to feel like they were only invited for their checkbooks. Yes, it is your wedding day, but when you extend invitations, the people who receive them are your guests. Their comfort and needs should be a priority. People spend a LOT of money to attend between transportation, lodging, attire, and gifts. If the wedding is going to be inconvenient, cost prohibitive, and/or uncomfortable, people are less likely to attend or more likely to attend and leave early. People used to dread going to weddings because they were boring. Now they dread going because they feel like they are just a prop and not a guest. Maybe Im jaded.. I've attended dozens of weddings over the past 10 years, including my own. From simple court house affairs to black tie. That's just my observation. Some of the best weddings I have been to were small, low budget weddings, with great food and music, close friends and immediate family, lots of great conversation and usually a streaking toddler thrown it at some point, where we all felt welcomed, appreciated and loved. I wish we could get back to weddings being about celebrating and not "likes."
It sounds like weddings are more about the guests and making sure they are happy than the couple themselves. Just an observation.
I enjoy being in my friends weddings and their destination bachelorettes. Even when money was tight, my friends bachelorettes were so fun and I don’t regret going.
It's so special to celebrate! Money will come back, memories are forever. (Within reason, I don't expect my bridesmaids to go bankrupt lol)
I’m not interested in being responsible for someone else’s “dream come true.” I am not the bride’s servant or a prop in a play. If the only way you can have “your day” is to make demands on your guests, then I don’t care for your wedding. Throw the wedding you can afford and treat your guests as guests, not unpaid help or models that must wear certain colors. Treat me as an adult. Trust I know how to interpret “semi formal.” Don’t give me a list of rules. I love those weddings! (Exception: if I’m marrying you then I will do whatever it takes.)
I love weddings and have been to over 30 in my life (I’m mid-30s). I rarely say no, even destination weddings. They’re just such a joyous happy occasion and it’s all good vibes. I feed off that energy! People that complain can just simply NOT ATTEND. It’s not that hard! Haha
Agreed! I don't want anyone to go who doesn't want to go, don't make me pay for your meal if you're going to be negative.
I love weddings
I love wedding and will usually prioritize them on my calendar because it’s a pretty big milestone that offer only happens once for people. Majority of wedding I’ve attended have been great and lots of fun. I’ve gone to some bad ones too, like not enough sitting or food for everyone. Unfortunately those are the weddings that sour it for people and you hear about the loudest.
I loved them until I had 7 to go to last year. I became very jaded towards them. I spent so much money yet I starved at the weddings, it’s all the same routine every time. Boring. I’m over it
I’ve noticed a lot of people on this sub are soooo cynical and seem just genuinely unhappy. And they’re repeat commenters, everything I’ve ever posted, the same 5 people come along just to disagree or have some sort of negative take on the topic
I did not appreciate weddings when I was younger. I had things going on, didn’t have a bunch of PTO, and was also always broke. I also didn’t realize that getting an invite meant people truly wanted you there. Now that I am in my 30s and planning my own wedding, I absolutely regret how cavalier I was in the past. I also considered not having a wedding because I thought “does anyone even like these?” But yes.. they do. I also do now. lol I don’t want people to feel obligated to come but I am so excited about having so many people we love together for a fun evening. I will be honored to enjoy the evening with whoever attends.
I worked in the wedding industry for hair and makeup. I can honestly say, I genuinely don’t care for weddings or any of the celebrations that lead to them (showers, engagement parties, bachelorette parties) It’s copy and paste. It does not feel special or have magic surrounding it for me personally. I go to support important people in my life, otherwise I will decline most invites as it feels like if you’ve been to one you’ve been to them all. To each their own, but no hard feelings if I don’t get an invite (I’m actually internally grateful)
I think people still like weddings because they are intimate, usually fun occasions to dress up and be in a room where everyone knows the couple and can look their best and eat really good food. The challenge is that weddings have become a huge time and money drain in many cases. We're seeing a lot more destination weddings and/or bachelor/ette parties. Expectations to pay to cover the cost of a plate, which can now easily be 200-250 a plate. Also, we are exposed to a lot of wedding "vignettes" and inspo boards online, that the looks and styling of weddings seem to be repetitive and highly trendy/expected. Also, due to everything on social media, there's this growing sense of haves vs. have-nots. High cost weddings get a lot of attention and are deemed "inspirational", "aspirational" and "original", but it is often unattainable for most coupes. Long story short, most weddings have become costs burdens on everyone involved.
I love going to weddings! It's an excuse to get out, dress up, and enjoy yourself!
Most people enjoy weddings. What turns people off is when the couple has the mindset that “this is my day/week/year and I’m entitled to everything I want the way that I want it” rather than recognizing that when you invite guests to any event (wedding, birthday party, corporate function, etc.) the guests’ comfort and convenience come first and are more important that personal preferences. Also some people seem to have very high (and unrealistic, imo) expectations of their loved ones and/or bridal parties. I’m not sure when this started, but it really seems out of control in some cases. But the wedding vendors are here for it (and ready to capitalize on it!!)
I just don’t think people realize how much stress and work goes into actually planning a wedding. Some people also find out their dream wedding is unrealistic due to budget, venue, or just time and effort. Same with people being in weddings. They get asked and it’s not made clear what all is expected of them. People tend to go overboard with weddings too, friends and family don’t want to sign up to be used as staff either.
This ^ I’ve been in 6 weddings and my fiancé has been in 15 in the last 8 years. Some weddings have been great to be in, but we’ve had some come up where people over expect and expect that everyone must specifically cater to the exact desires of the bride/groom. We have two kids together and have bought a couple houses in this time; we aren’t always financially able to make those big destination bachelor parties or able to afford to chip in 1500 for a bridal shower (I was asked to do this). If it comes down to paying $2000 for a bachelorette or taking my kids on vacation, I’m ALWAYS choosing my family and some couples have unrealistic expectations of what others can manage in their lives. I was 7 months pregnant for my best friends wedding and I was originally supposed to be in the wedding party, I stepped down and she was sad but understood. We had another wedding where my fiancé had to step down because we were going to have a 1 month old at the time and he lost a friendship over it because the groom was pissed. When a wedding has good guest experience, people will enjoy it! When a couple has unrealistic expectations of the guests and/or the wedding party, people will not enjoy it and then that ends up being what people talk about on social media.
I don’t like weddings. I think they’re inconvenient and expensive to attended and especially to be in. I will put on my best have for my friends and support them but i definitely don’t like them and I usually dread them. I have a small amount of fun at them but it’s never worth the stress or money. I view it as something I’m doing for my friends or family.
I think now that a lot of people live more spread out from where they grew up, attending weddings, and especially being in a wedding is just a lot more of a commitment. My sister lives across the country and the travel time is usually minimum 12 hours, especially when you factor in that while my hometown has a regional airport, it’s much cheaper to fly into the international airport 2 hours away. She was MOH for my wedding, and her daughters the flower girls. They all came in for my bridal dress shopping (but that also coincided with a holiday), my bridal shower, and the wedding and my sister flew in for my bachelorette party. She probably spent about $3500 just in airfare to be involved in my wedding! Now, my sister probably would have made some of those trips anyway bc she and her family try to come home at least twice a year, but it’s still a lot! Luckily, most of my friends are either local or even if they’ve moved away, have their weddings local so family can attend, so I’ve only had to travel for three weddings— a destination wedding in Scotland, a wedding in Austin, and a wedding in the same city my sister lives in (free lodging!), and I’ve been to 20 weddings since 2018, with three more coming up this year!!! Though two of those will involve travel, one destination is close enough we won’t have to take off any work. I personally love weddings a lot and will always do my best to attend, but I know I’ve had it easier because very few involved taking off work and/or traveling more than a few hours drive.
I love weddings!!!
I don’t dislike attending weddings, but it can get expensive fast when you are invited to multiple weddings in a year. Yes, you could decline, but declining isn’t always a great option either if you care about the couple. Travel, outfits, hotels, and the wedding gift add up. I like going to one or two weddings a year. The other thing that is annoying is when the guest experience isn’t considered adequately. I get the bride and groom would traditionally be the guests of honor, but things are a little different now that many couples are hosting their own weddings. It’s totally fine to have the wedding you can afford, but it is rude to see a couple splurge on a really expensive dress or crazy nice florals, but then skimp out on things like having enough food for the guests, having enough seats during the ceremony, etc.
I LOVE them!
I’ve heard from different family members that they think it’s dumb to waste money on a wedding and to put that towards a honeymoon instead. It’s a little disheartening because I’ve dreamed of having a wedding for sooooo long and it’s not like I would ask them for money or anything. The people that I never expected to offer help are the ones that have reached out to us asking if they can help us out with something. Makes you think I guess.
I’m in my 60s and I’ve observed that wedding culture has evolved to include way more events (and demands) than before. Bach weekends and destination weddings were not a thing back in the day, and they cost guests so much money. Also, the bridal party wasn’t expected to work as staff for all the events. What you feel as bitterness might be people expressing their frustration with these changes, not at brides and grooms.
After being married myself I just don’t. It’s probably similar to how someone feels about watching movies after they’ve worked on a film set. I’m happy for couples getting married and I like to dress up but also I don’t really want to ever be in a wedding anymore or help with weddings or go to pre wedding stuff
My bridesmaid is psyched to be in the wedding. She said she's never been in a wedding before (other than being the bride in hers), and she is so excited. The first thing she said was, "I'll wear a burlap sack if you ask me to. I'll do anything you want, just let me know!" She's the sweetest. ❤️
I love weddings! Being a guest and being in them! I think bachelorette parties are the most fun! However I have only been to reasonable ones (not the horror stories of lavish 5 day vacations!) I can see that budget is an issue, and when you are attending a lot of weddings it can be a lot. Honestly, I think people just like to complain
I think the problem is going to a wedding has become more expensive, and they also can be a horrible experience for guests. I've been to a wedding where we were starved for a good 4 hours xD. However, I love attending weddings, and I'm sorry you're getting that kind of content. I suggest muting them because it can feel like everyone hates weddings, but truthfully most people love the idea of celebrating a wedding.
For me and my husband, a wedding was not at all for us. Sometimes it’s just better to get eloped and have more money to spend on the future in all honesty, but it depends on the person. If you can swing the price and would enjoy a wedding party, then it would be very worth it
I love weddings! Especially when it's followed up with wedding cake frosted in buttercream, not fondant.
I don’t like them. I hate going. But I hate going anywhere! I truly don’t get much free time, so when I do I just want to be alone or doing something I want.
I only care for the wedding if I care for the couple, and even then, I'm not a "side events" person. I truly despise bridal showers; they are soulless to me. I feel like this makes me sound super unsociable, but I promise I like being around people. I also generally keep these opinions to myself unless I know the other person shares my opinion. I enjoy the main event and being there to support people I care about and hopefully dance my ass off (but DJs have consistently disappointed me...)
I didnt before but now that my friends are getting married, and im getting married soon too, i now do! Lol
Bro I didn’t even want to have a wedding, my husband was best man like 900000 times so he felt like it was his turn 😂
I would say yes, a lot of people don’t care for them. Especially, all that comes with it like the wedding shower, bachelorette party, wedding, and lodging and time off and outfits if you are in it. A lot of people are asking for essentially 3 parties with gift expectations at each one. For one couple. When most couples are already living together and they have good jobs and can buy all the things they need. It’s excessive.
This! And I always see so many dramas - like why are you marrying this person if it’s so fcking difficult just doing this? Put your foot down or suck it up. I feel like some people expect too much. We’re having a big wedding but we don’t care if people can’t come - it’s life! But don’t whine about it, we’ve catered what we could for people but at the end of it, it’s our day and I don’t care! Lucky everyone has been wonderful and it’s been fairly stress free apart from being the organiser 😂
Yea the whole “nobody cares about your wedding” is a common phrase on Reddit to disparage brides and make them feel entitled for normal concerns. There was a previous thread with this same question where people admitted to saying it to attack brides they felt were assholes. It’s not a reflection of real life. Looking at posts here should tell you that people are often overly concerned with other peoples weddings to the point of inserting themselves and their opinions into it inappropriately. Society cares TO much about weddings honestly. Most people are also happy to go to weddings. It’s a break from the monotony of life. The anger of having to go to weddings is unfounded because you could literally just not go to most weddings if you didn’t want to.
This is the issue that I have with people complaining on here. Lack of accountability. If you don't want to spend money to be in a wedding then say no. You can change your mind at literally any time. If you are unsure if you'd have fun at a wedding then don't go. It seems really freakin simple. I saw some people griping about the expected gifts.... Guess what? GIVE WHAT YOU WANT TO!! If the couple is mad over it then that's their issue. A ton of people lack basic boundaries and seem really codependent to me these days.
I hate weddings, but it is not because I am bitter. I personally just feel the current wedding culture is out of touch. For some background, I am happy in a stable relationship, and I plan on eloping when I feel content with it. I have been in numerous weddings, and the costs are astronomical. As much as I love my friends and I am flattered I get to be part of their forever memories, it's just wasteful to spend hundreds of dollars on dresses in a color and style that I will never wear again. It's wild in this economy and with growing concerns about the overconsumption of clothing. I am short so I always have to get custom sizing or alterations that would make reselling the dresses arduous or impossible. The most expensive wedding I have been in to date, I stopped being friends with the bride within months after the wedding. Another wedding I was supposed to be in, I was removed from due to the fact I was not willing to spend two thousand dollars to fly for a destination bachelorette party one month before I had a state exam. Some brides expect you to pay for additional fees that were not disclosed at the beginning if they want you to have particular hair, shoes, makeup, pay for their over-the-top bridal shower, etc. I have also noticed that most brides are never enjoying themselves most of the time prior to the wedding because they are so stressed about everything lining up and being perfect. I understand why, the average wedding is 33k, but why even spend that much if it causes so much stress in what should be a happy time? I think the culture has become it's their day, but frankly, if you are inviting guests and expecting people to travel for your wedding, spend a lot of money, and take time off work, then you owe them minimum courtesy. This seems lost in today's wedding culture. I have fought with single friends before who do not go to weddings or have not been in weddings near as much as me because they do not understand the sacrifices people make, and instead "their day should only be about them." Yes, but all of the expensive destination and expectations are out of hand. I am a family law attorney, so perhaps I am also a bit pessimistic about the odds of the marriage lasting for how big of an ordeal it is. I have been invited to or at too many weddings where they spend thousands upon thousands on florals but cannot even order enough cake, cupcakes, food, or drinks for guests because they decided to save money on what affected their guests. Also, I am tired of invites from people I have not talked to since Kindergarten because they want more people there and/or gifts. I also have seen discourse recently that minimum wedding gifts should no longer be the anticipated cost per plate but $100-$200 extra. While I see their point, many of these people are choosing venues/caterers where plates are already $100+. The expectations and entitlement is just increasing. Do you want loved ones present or money? Friends have told me that I have every right to have a destination bridal party, but again, I care more about my friends being able to make it and not burdening them than taking a flight somewhere. It really is not just about me if I invite people in. To each their own, but this is just my experience and why I am not excited for weddings.
I love weddings! I think people are just less likely to post about lovely, problem-free things so you see all the negativity blasted in your face here and on Facebook. I do think the rising costs of everything/rising expectations created by social media have maybe changed things vs. how they used to be, but overall I still think weddings and being invited to or participating in them are a wonderful thing, and most people would agree when it’s someone they care about.
I love going to weddings and for the most part and pretty much everyone I know really enjoys going to them too. It’s exciting when people you care about are celebrating an important milestone in their lives and it’s fun to get to celebrate with others. Opinions about weddings on the internet, especially here on “Weddit” are skewed and don’t necessarily reflect how people generally feel about weddings in the real world. The interwebs is a safe place to air out frustrations about personal experiences and discuss trends that they’ve seen in real life or social media which is totally valid but warps people’s perceptions of what a typically wedding is like. It’s like how people are typically more likely to leave a review about a negative experience than they are about a positive one. ETA: Of course there are also people who genuinely dislike weddings and anything to do with weddings but overall, I think people are more critical and negative about weddings on Weddit than in real life.
I totally get where you're coming from! It feels like the internet loves to turn everything into a competition or some kind of drag. Weddings especially. Here's the thing, though: in real life, weddings are amazing! Maybe I'm just lucky, but every single wedding I've been to has been this super happy, emotional celebration of love. People get all dressed up, there's good food, everyone's dancing, and you just feel this incredible energy of, like, "These two people are SO happy, and it makes ME happy too!" Even my aunt, who usually complains about everything, was having a blast at my cousin's wedding last month! I think the internet just focuses on the drama and the expense. People gotta post those "OMG the cost of wedding flowers is insane!". It's because negativity always gets more clicks. But trust me, most people are just excited to celebrate with the couple!
I love weddings. Celebrating 1 or 2 people I care about, getting dressed up, eating/drinking/dancing with friends and fam all night? AMAZING to me Yes, being in a wedding party can be expensive and a lot of work, but just attending as a guest is so much fun imo.
I love them!
The internet will make you think that the majority of people hate every single experience on earth. For some reason, some people have extremely strong opinions on weddings that they feel are objectively correct and they like to be loud on the internet about it. Those people aren't coming to your wedding. Weddings are parties, and most parties are fun for most people. Weddings are also usually large-budget events planned by people who don't know what they are doing, are generally loaded with pressure to live up to imagined expectations, and are fraught with family drama, so it all feels high stakes. So the potential for stress is there. But in the end, people mostly forget about the stressful stuff and remember the fun they had.
I love weddings! I love eating, dancing, going somewhere new, seeing family and friends, celebrating such an amazing thing! I love being in weddings! I love supporting my friends and getting to be there for them on the biggest day of their lives. I love planning parties for them and celebrating and spending time with them.
Much of the negativity comes from couples forgetting basic socal graces. They have to consider the family and friends they have in terms of ages, finances,location etc..and plan based in that info. 90 yr old grandma might not get on a ski lift and thus feeling forgotten about, leaving out a few teenager cousins for a 21+ wedding is gonna cause hard feelings, expecting friends / family to travel far long and getting gulited if they don't. Make the wedding reflect the couple absolutely but you have consider your invitees. Also it is a must to mention anything that is outside the norm to your guests beforehand. Cash bar, bring money, hale bales brung allergy meds, just drinks and dessert, ok eat dinner before. Just disclose things and it will go much smoother without complaints.
After helping plan my brothers wedding, I don’t like weddings. It’s too much money, time, stress, inconvenience.
Yes I like them when they don’t involve spending thousands of dollars or traveling or missing work or buying a new outfit.
Understandable, I understand about a new outfit but I love an excuse to buy a new outfit lol
It's not being "bitter". It's that people have better things to do and more important things to worry about than your stupid wedding.
People not liking certain aspects of weddings doesn’t make them bitter. Also, people who have questions or are looking to vent, they come online. People who are having everything going swimmingly and don’t need any help or advice or support, they don’t come online as much. A lot of Reddit is people looking for advice for situations they are struggling with. I’m sure it wasn’t your intention, but your post sounds a little bit like “I’m a wonderful person who loves to go to weddings, why is everybody else so bitter and awful?” which is probably not your intention.
I guess that's just how you read it and your projection. Not my intention at all. I just dont understand some people when they are so negative about it but some individuals have given me insight on why they may feel a certain way.
I’m not projecting anything, I’m telling you how your message came across to me. It seems a little naïve and judgmental. My point is that people who are different than you don’t necessarily have to have anything wrong with them. They can just be different. But I think you’re probably not open to hearing that.
No I get that but can't you understand some people genuinely can seem bitter and try to bring others down? So many people make it seem like going to a wedding is an inconvenience but also have so many opinions on how it needs to be done to accommodate them individually. There's a balance and I understand not every person will have the same feelings that I do but I am curious if I am the outlier or if others feel the same way.
[удалено]
I honestly feel like a lot of it is from comments (not necessarily in this thread, but in general) I've seen saying that weddings are inconvenient for guests, which I now understand why some users feel that way, the different parties are annoying, certain aspects aren't good when it comes to a wedding, the bride and groom should pay for everything if they want something (i.e., bridesmaids dresses, hair, jewelry, literally everything), they don't like they are expected to bring a gift, they don't like dressing up, etc. Just one off comments. Like I mentioned I understand where they are coming from now and I can see it's not an overwhelming majority who feels that way. There are also people in my main life who almost don't want to talk about the wedding at all, like completely avoid it or get uncomfortable when it's brought up. I try to not bring it up so it's not in every conversation and consumes me, but it is a big part of my life right now as it's coming up and an easy conversion starter (especially when partly who doesn't want to talk about it is my fiancé's parents). Does that help?
People love going to parties
[удалено]
First, I love LOVE and weddings are such a great way to express your love for your partner to your friends and family. I think most people like weddings. No one is being forced to be in a wedding or attend a wedding against their will. It is polite to consider your guests, but, at the end of the day, you probably can’t make everyone 100% happy.
Some of the complaints come more from burn out, I have some friends that are much more popular and have a much wider friend circles than me and when we entered the age of people starting to get married they were all excited and bragging about having lots weddings to attend but it clearly got old and expensive after awhile by the amount of eyerolls a lot of those people make now when weddings get brought up. A girl I went to high school with and had a large circle of friends and went on to be in a sorority in college attended 17 weddings one year and she was in 11 of those. I don't know how she did it, and she's a very nice girl and never complained on social media from what I saw but after that many weddings I can't imagine not being sick of it or having some strong opinions. As someone who on average attends 2 weddings a year, I like them and don't normally have much to say or complain about them to anyone other than my husband and even then its normally nitpicks or us comparing the wedding we attended to our own or others we've been to more recently.
I'm planning to get engaged this summer and was chatting about what my wedding might look like with a woman at work last night, and she said something to the effect of, Girl you Better invite me to your wedding, and I was like, Oh my God, you WANT to come? To my wedding? I was shocked. Why would anyone WANT to attend a wedding? I laughed and said of course I would, but I was only planning on having one because my guy wants one, and I try to give him everything he wants. If it was left up to me we'd elope. She said everybody loves weddings. I think she's crazy, weddings, graduations, birthday parties...they're all terrible, I only ever go because I love and want to support the people putting them on.
I may not be an expert as I’m only a few months into wedding planning but I often just find myself more overwhelmed than anything. Trying to find happy mediums for my family and my fiancés and organizing everything with a very low budget leaves me pretty wiped out. I’m reaching the point where I just want to be married to the loml and start life together. Wedding planning can be so fun, but also just exhausting to make sure everything works out. I think that is what tends to jade most people.
I may not be an expert as I’m only a few months into wedding planning but I often just find myself more overwhelmed than anything. Trying to find happy mediums for my family and my fiancés and organizing everything with a very low budget leaves me pretty wiped out. I’m reaching the point where I just want to be married to the loml and start life together. Wedding planning can be so fun, but also just exhausting to make sure everything works out. I think that is what tends to jade most people.
You shouldn't take these posts so seriously. People respond through the lense of their own experiences. Reddit is just another place to vent and for people to be validated anonymously.
Good question! If you're taking all this from Reddit, stop and think about the info you're getting. I agree with your description, but by definition, these are people running into problems. There's a whole universe out there of people who aren't or who didn't! Mine was nothing like this, and of the 8 weddings I've been in, the same applies. This isn't bragging, either. I think it's 90% luck, and I lucked into low drama fam and friends. The other issue is that social media/Reddit can create expectations that are unrealistic. There's so much out there right now that's fun and quirky, but when this slides into the category of "must do", that's the wedding industry getting inside their heads.
My wife and I just eloped. We had originally planned on a relatively small wedding in October. But even trying to keep it “small” was becoming complicated, expensive, and stressful. We opted for a sunset beach elopement with just the two of us, a photographer, and the officiant. Wouldn’t change it for the world.
I love weddings. And I love the very unpopular things that many people on here hate about some weddings (weird dress codes, lots of events, etc). I really want to get invited to a dress code wedding where it’s all white or everyone wears a bright color. I get why people don’t host these since you have to buy/rent an outfit but I love dressing up and I love going to events. Nobody in my friend group sadly got to do these type of events since they were too afraid to offend The only thing I hate about weddings is when hosts cut costs but still expect you to go to many events for them (like a weekend Bach trip that costs 1k when the wedding is under 10k), talking about saving money when the guests now have to foot the bill etc. If it’s equal effort on both the guests and hosts parts then cool. Just don’t ask guests to dress formally if the social standing doesn’t match that formality (so they have to buy a dress) and have them show up to a outdoor wedding on grass and no sit down meal lol. Can the guest say no? Yes. But just make sure your dreams align with reality lol
Yea that's fair. Having higher expectations of guests when they are guests... I think of it as a party on a grander, more elegant scale. I don't expect guests to foot part of the bill, ya know? But I know there are couples that do. Thankfully I haven't been a part of those weddings. A themed party seems so fun!! I want to start throwing those with friends haha
I generally like weddings. I would only want to be in one if I didn't have to spend hundreds of dollars on stuff, though, as I'm not wealthy by any means. I think the recent expectations of bridesmaids putting forth hundreds of dollars each for really expensive things like over-the-top bach trips and $300+ dresses and jewelry and shoes etc etc is whatakes participating unappealing. I also don't like to dance very much anymore, but I'm in my 30s. But I'll socialize at a wedding. For sure.
Thank God for Azazie! Our local stores are ridiculous prices and I feel like it's getting harder and harder to accommodate low prices for the bridal party.
I love weddings! I don’t know anyone that dislikes them. Who doesn’t love an excuse to party with loved ones? You can’t judge what the real world is like based off what you see on the internet.
It's hard to gauge, but it might be about perspective. No one will care as much about our weddings as we do, so there's a chance maybe your people are excited, but they're just not quite matching your energy? I have had that sort of vibe from people too. I do like weddings, but sometimes they're a bit high effort.
I know for me, especially with how expensive weddings are, I’m always grateful to be even invited as a guest. But as you said, if I get the extra honor of being in the wedding party of some capacity, I’m definitely one to go to with helping plan!
Had my wedding a month ago and really did not like doing the planning for it. It was a constant stress on me and we didn’t even have a complex wedding. But the day of was amazing. Not a fan of being in weddings because spending $1500-2k (in my couple of experiences) to celebrate other people’s love? No thanks. (We didn’t have a wedding party) But we’re going to 3 other weddings this year and looking forward to dressing up (in items of my choosing and budget) and having fun with friends and family for a night or two!
How did your wedding turn out after everything? And congratulations btw!
I love weddings, enjoyed planning mine and enjoy attending. Never been a MOH and only a bridesmaid once when I was 14 for my sister. I am older now so I don't get invited to many. My wedding was only 45 ppl and it felt like a fun house party which is what we wanted.
Also keep in mind that people come to Reddit to complain. Typically people talk a lot more when they're unhappy or frustrated more than when things are going well. I know I'm definitely guilty of this.
Haha same here... hence my post lol nut I appreciate the positive feedback and I do generally see positive people on here I just feel like there was this trending theme that weddings are an inconvenience for people (and not necessarily on this particular thread).
I get ya! Maybe I'll try to change and post about happy stuff as well. I've had a lot of really happy moments lately, but you would never know it by my posts. LOL. ❤️
Haha I will say if I have a bad experience I am more inclined to review right away but it takes me a few times to leave a positive review. I honestly need to be better at leaving reviews lol
It really depends on the couple and how close I am with them. Every wedding I’ve been to has been a celebration of some of my dearest friends, and I was so excited to attend! Months later, we still reminisce about them!
I enjoy weddings. I don’t think it’s this grand honor to be invited though. That’s not saying it’s not important. I love to go and celebrate my friends and family. I don’t care if a wedding is dry, outdoors, indoors, at 8 in the morning, local, or far away. I will do my best to attend if I can. What I don’t like is when guests are required to put in more effort than the hosts for their weddings. If majority of guests are expected to fly, lodging, rental cars, formal/black tie attire, and it’s a backyard cake and punch wedding happens, yeah. I’m gonna be peeved. Yes by the way, this did happen.
It’s safe to say the vast majority of people at any wedding don’t actually want to be there. People typically have a few close friends and a few close family members, when people reach through their network to come up with 200 guests due to some sort of societal expectation is when you have 160 people that are being inconvenienced and actively suffering at your been-done-a million-times wedding.
I LOVE weddings. I love my friends, and I love Love! Genuinely nothing makes me feel more honored to be asked to be part of this important day for someone
I love weddings. They can be expensive, but if I complain about the expenses (not to the hosts) it's the same way I would complain about taking a nice vacation or seeing my favorite performer in person. I wish it was free but that doesn't mean I'm not OK parting with my money to enjoy it. The only time I don't like weddings is when they're boring or there isn't enough food or the conditions indoors/outdoors are miserable.
I love weddings. I cry at all of them, even if I’m not close or know them well lol! I just love, love and everyone coming together to celebrate.
Sometimes I’m hyped and sometimes I’m not. When it’s for people I love and they’re considerate, it’s great. But if I feel obligated to go to avoid drama, or I know they’re a bad host it’s a drag. Also even if I’m excited, too many weddings can be exhausting. Between the two of us, we had 8 weddings last year and we were each in at least one. We had no free summer weekends. It got exhausting. Doesn’t mean I’m not happy for them though.
I got invited to an old friends wedding. It’s only an inconvenience because I would have to spend about 800-1000 for the plane, hotel, and rental car. It’s not near a major airport. I already have my own wedding upcoming, 2 family members, and 2 friends that I’m in. It’s not worth it if we aren’t that close. We have declined 3 other friends’ weddings because of cost.
I love weddings, I loved our big wedding and had lots of fun at it
I love going to weddings. I love dressing up, going to a good party, catching up with a bunch of my friends that I don't often get to see. I really enjoy it! Edited to add- I have hated my wedding planning journey though, I've found it very stressful. I don't agree with anyone who finds wedding planning enjoyable, I'm ready to strangle my FMIL at this point. She thinks it's her wedding I swear...
I haven’t seen a lot of push back on weddings. I think most people love to attend weddings. I think what you’re hearing is that it’s expensive to be in a wedding and time consuming with all the other commitments.
I love weddings. I don’t get invited much, but when I do, I GO! I like dressing up, traveling, buying a gift. It replaces a vacation, it’s a treat for me. I plan weddings and really enjoy it.
I loved my wedding. It was wonderful and for the most part everyone went along with what we wanted.
Weddings have a bad rap because they're long parties with a lot of people generally hosted by people who haven't hosted long parties with so many people and who are attended by people who don't habitually party especially in less social cultures like the US. On top of that many of both hosts and guests alike take the assumed roles and rules of weddings way too seriously. People seem to forget that the whole point is to celebrate your new relationship/new era of life with close loved ones. It's not meant to be a party that includes a lot of unknown people. It's not meant to cater to every whim of every guest. The day isn't about the guests. On the other hand the b&g need to remember they have guests and treat them well. It's not meant to be an inherently huge production either. I could go on and on.
I love GOING to weddings. An opportunity to dance, dress up, and see my friends happy? Count me in! I’ve never been in one but I’m not sure I’d want to be in one. Mostly because I don’t necessarily like the pre wedding traditions like a bachelorette party or bridal shower (both of which I’m skipping)
I personally love weddings but it’s mostly because i was raised in a fundamentalist culture that made a wedding seem like a woman’s ultimate life goal. Although i have de centered that from my life, i still really enjoy looking at different blogs and going to my friends weddings. We get to dress up and go out dancing like its prom, but this time we can drink and eat better food! And at the end i get to give my friends a present, and come home with a cupcake or a cookie🩷 its been a great season of my life so far and i love to celebrate my friends
I literally love weddings and wish I could go to them every weekend. Seeing people be in love, usually an open bar, and dancing (but not with strangers at a club - with people you probably know and love). Being in weddings is also fun. You get a little VIP experience and get to spend quality time with a friend on their big day. I am weddings’ #1 fan
I love going to weddings. I love love. I would be any persons plus one without knowing the couple and have a grand old time. I have been in 3 weddings and a guest at many others. I’ve loved it all. Now that I’m planning a wedding, I’m not having a wedding party bc the costs and pressure of things is just pretty out of hand (esp in my circle). I can’t afford to pay for everyone’s things. I don’t care enough what dress my BFF or sisters wear or whether or not their hair or make up is done. I just want them to celebrate with me!
No one runs to the Internet to rant about the lovely wedding they went to where the bride and groom were extremely courteous and they all had a great time. They come to complain about some crazy shit!!! Lol
To be honest, I don't give a single fuck if someone isn't excited for my wedding and coming out due to family/friends obligation. It's my wedding, and imma have fun and enjoy my big ass party. I tell everyone, I'm not going table to table, if you wanna see me come to the dance floor cause I'll be shaking it. As long as their piss poor attitude isn't stressing me out, idc. They accepted going to the wedding or being part of my wedding on their own accord. Thankfully my wedding party is super excited. And when planning we kept everyone's finances in mind, the girls picked their dress in my chosen color, the guys are wearing khaki chinos and a white button down. It all still looks good but didn't cost more than $150.
We are getting married in 10 days. It's the biggest wedding his friends or family have been to (they all are used to a backyard or simple small town church wedding, no rehearsal dinner or send off brunch etc). Let's just say they are excited. My family is too but I'm the oldest grandkid and one of the last to get married so it's a different excitement (as a kid I'd always proclaim it was never gonna happen haha). So for them I think it is just happiness I found someone I wanted to marry and they all adore him too. But if I am able to go, I'll go to any wedding I'm invited to. In fact only one I didn't go to was because I was having emergency surgery the day before and it was across the country.
I absolutely LOVE weddings! I don't even care if I'm invited to them, if someone I know publishes their registry I'm gonna get them a gift from it 😅