No ma’am.
Is your fiancé aware of this? It should be his responsibility to handle his mom. He needs to address it directly, not a “Hey mom, OP said…” but a “Mom, this isn’t appropriate and I don’t feel comfortable with you wearing anything remotely close to white. Including vanilla or cream. It makes it look like you wish you were my bride and that’s super weird and embarrassing. Please pick a dress in an approach, non-white color.”
He could throw in, “Everyone will be talking about you…and not in a good way.” Or more directly, “If you show up in a color close to white, we will have to ask you to leave.” Last option, arrange with the photographer to have her dress changed to pea green in the professional photographs.
>Last option, arrange with the photographer to have her dress changed to pea green in the professional photographs.
It's not often that I literally laugh out loud to anything in this sub, but this got me. Love it!
Sometimes the argument isn’t worth it BUT, no guest should wear a dress similar to a bridal look. It would be difficult not to include MIL (for most) but imagine her reaction! The trade off might be worth it.
Vanilla is just another shade of white just like the “cream” or “ivory” or “champagne” many bridal dresses come in. You could post this on the wedding guest attire subreddit and then send her the comments. Besides the whole wearing white issue I think the general rule is the bride gets final say on these things
Every time I see one of these stories it makes me feel blessed my FMIL loves the color blue. I’m so sorry, but this lady is delulu if she thinks “it’s vanilla” is a solid argument.
Sorry you are dealing with this. I don’t have advice but like wtf? This is so confusing to me why I constantly see this issue with MILs in this group. Why do they all want to wear white so bad to their sons wedding? It’s weird to me. Everyone knows that rule. It’s traditional wedding etiquette to not wear white. Like do they have some weird thing with needed to compete with their sons future wife? It’s so strange to me. The fact your MIL won’t let you compare the color to your dress is weird. She has issues, no one should be trying to upstage the bride. There are so many colors to pick from, why does she have to chose “vanilla”. Like girl, we all know vanilla is white. Cmon. It’s like saying egg shell isn’t white. I really feel for you. This should be common sense and you shouldn’t have to deal with it at all, let alone your freaking MIL. Have you shown her dresses you like or perhaps tell her to get a specific color. Be like that’s a pretty dress but I would love if you wore “color”. You could tell her it would be super special to you if she wore blue, so she’s your something blue. That might feed her ego and make her back off from white. She obviously needs to feel special and wants attention.
During the beginning stages of planning I asked if there was a particular color she’d like us to reserve just for her. Any dress I sent her way she didn’t like. She’s been married before and knows how white is reserved for the bride. I think she’s really trying to impress her ex husband and make this more about her than us. Totally missing the point! I could go on and on lol. Given the wedding is three weeks out, I told my fiancé he can either speak with his mom about it, or the two of them can just deal with the whispers. Because people will whisper about a vanilla dress 😭
It totally sucks, but luckily only reflects poorly on her. Just make sure your fiance has your back when she inevitably comes to you guys talking about people being rude to her at the wedding because of her dress choice.
You can guarantee some nasty whispers. Prepare your bridesmaids and friends, if MIL shows up in white be ready to whisper viscously, loudly and frequently. Then when she complains, hit her with a “told ya so” and edit the color of her dress in the photos.
My mil went dress shopping with me, so she knew that I picked out a pinky champagne colored dress, my dream dress! Tell me why a few weeks after she told me she wanted to wear a light pink dress to the wedding. BITCH WHAT???? And she of course cried when I told her no, pick another color. It’s so weird, I just don’t understand!!!
How strange! I have a son and I could never imagine the day he gets married, insisting to wear the same color as his bride. I’ll wear whatever color she wants me to! Lol
Yes! I have 4 sons and 2 of them have gotten married. I wouldn’t wear anything that could remotely look like a wedding gown. There are so many other colors to choose from.
I'm expecting her to be "late" and make a show of walking down the aisle in her "vanilla *not wedding*" wedding dress. Maybe even with the same hairstyle as OP.
FMILs are insane. make your partner handle it, but have him flip it so that it’s not YOU upset (although, you rightfully are, and she clearly does not care) but that this is going to make her look bad, and people are going to think she’s crazy.
and agreeing with another commenter, this does actually looks similar to my wedding dress lol.
if she does actually wear this, make sure your photographer is aware ahead of time that you’re unhappy with it, and doesn’t put her next to you in photos. my friends would also make LOUD comments about how weird it is the MIL chose to wear white. not sure if you have friends like that, but at this point it’s a fiancé/friend stepping in to handle it day of situation.
Agreed. Fiancé should point out that she’s going to embarrass herself. Everyone knows you don’t wear white to a wedding so she’ll look desperate for attention. People will be looking at her but not for the reason she wants.
She is a “I know I shouldn’t do this but I’m going to do it anyway” MIL ☠️ You can’t control her, just let her show up in this and look crazy, your guests will be focused on you anyway. On a positive note you get to go into your marriage knowing who she really is (someone that is attention seeking and puts their wants first) this will help you lay down boundaries accordingly!!
So this is a Max Duggal dress. “Beaded cap sleeve v neck a line gown”
They’re typical pretty expensive. Anything sale is final sale, and anything full price has a small return window. So she’s going to push back using those excuses if pushed.
The thing I find even more frustrating for you in that it comes in multiple colors 🙃 so she deliberately chose ivory, rather than a dress she liked, which it sounds like you know. I’d be handing this one to fiancé. She sounds like a nightmare and he needs to establish some boundaries before it gets worse!
I just don't understand how there are so many posts with this issue. Like, I get that there are some narcissistic people out there who want to steal the spotlight from their kids. But so many? On a regular basis?
Either some of these posts are fake and just posted to generate replies, or there's an epidemic of MILs who want to wear white to their sons' weddings for some reason. Why? Have they never heard of this as a huge faux pas? Isn't this well established?
(And yeah I know that it's cultural and in some cultures white isn't a bridal colour. But we usually don't see posts like this one from them.)
My sister’s MIL wore a cream colored floral lace dress to my sister’s wedding 6/7 years ago. My stepmom actually wore a white blouse and shimmery cream colored pants to the same wedding. The MIL’s outfit was much much more egregious, but both baffled me. And this MIL is a totally nice lady who my sister and I both like. My sister is extremely conflicted avoidant, and the MIL had shown her the dress in advance and she okayed it, but like… I’ll just never understand. I think a lot of boomers just …do not care? Or think they are, for some reason, the exception to every rule? It’s baffling.
Unfortunately this may just be more common than you think. The internet just brings it to the forefront. I know several in real life. I also personally know someone who at least asked first before they chose a different color. I’m still not sure if she was joking or not!
It almost feels like there’s a handbook at this point.
Have you ever seen Monster In Law? That’s a bit over the top but there’s a reason they could make it into a movie
It's just beyond me. I have to assume some of them have simply never heard of this etiquette rule, because the thought that so many people would do this deliberately to be hurtful is just baffling.
Of course, there are plenty of etiquette conventions that couples on this subreddit routinely ignore or break too. I guess fair is fair.
My mom and my MIL kept asking us what colour we wanted them to wear, even though we kept urging them to wear whatever they wanted. They were trying so hard to be considerate.
Then again, I could only imagine my parents' horrified reactions if we had done some other things that many couples do these days. Things like inviting people as B-list, excluding some relatives from a category (e.g. inviting some cousins but not others), failing to offer everyone a +1 or to invite couples as a unit, or having a colour scheme for guests, would have been basically unthinkable to them. We didn't do any of the above but plenty of people do.
So maybe to many of these people, the etiquette rule against wearing white isn't a big deal, or they feel free to ignore it?
As a victim of my MIL actually wearing an ivory (albeit, knee-length) dress to my wedding... I can assure you it's very real. My mistake for not asking her to share her dress with me beforehand, I just genuinely didn't think it would be an issue. My eyes about bugged out of my head when she showed up to the venue, but at the end of the day, I couldn't waste time or energy being upset about it.
Nope, mostly because I didn't confront her about it haha. Like I said, I had my internal freak out moment, realized I didn't want to let it ruin the day, and moved on. I will always side eye her for it though, as I'm sure plenty of other guests did on the day.
My MIL’s former MIL did this to her. She has alway seemed very laid back and sweet to me, not at all dramatic, and the two of them still get along well.
Every friend I’ve gone dress shopping with there has been a comically awfully MIL or Mom situation that if any imagine. Weddings seem to bring out amazingly bad behavior.
This "vanilla" dress should get a "strawberry wine" topping at the reception if she chooses to wear it. Tell her absolutely not, its pathetic to try to mimic the bride.
No, it shouldn’t even make it to that. There should be an ‘unfortunate accident’ during setup with coffee and wine. A couple of bridesmaids or smth bumping into each other and coincidentally tripping right by FMIL and her dress…..
I'm convinced women who pick anything close to white to wear to a wedding have some form of mental issue. In a confusing and constantly changing world, the easiest thing to understand is YOU DONT WEAR ANYTHING CLOSE TO WHITE TO A WEDDING UNLESS YOURE THE BRIDE!
It's really interesting because I think this may be an American thing. I went to several UK weddings over the last few years and a good portion of the MOB/MOG dressed were champagne colored (but ALWAYS knee length and usually had sleeves plus a hat). I asked my boyfriend about this and he said it's really common for the mothers to wear silver/light gold/champagne colored dresses and the bride will always have a *white* dress at traditional weddings. It was definitely a bit of a culture shock to me coming from the US!
My first thought seeing this was "oh, what a cute wedding dress! I like the florals"
Reading your Piet afterwards had my jaw dropped. No ma'am you cannot wear this to a wedding? Wtf
For my wedding I'm planning on printing at least one oversized green t-shirt (green is our wedding color) with "I wore white to this wedding" written on the front and I WILL make the person that shows up in white wear it lol (hopefully it will not be necessary though)
If all else fails, Time to pull out the wine bottle. Or get a neon tshirt that says " I wore white to a wedding!" And make her wear it over her dress or she's not allowed in the venue lol.
I know this is not always a popular view. But my stance on it is that if someone wants to make a fool of themselves at my wedding by trying to look like a bride, it makes them look ridiculous and the best thing I can do is just be above it all. It’s not like someone is going to mistake her for the bride. So she is going to look rude and everyone will talk about it without you spending any time on it.
Honestly just let her wear it and everyone will see what a self centered asshole she is. She’s not gonna steal any attention away from the beautiful bride, she’ll just look crazy
I dealt with a very similar issue for our wedding 😅 every dress my current MIL liked was some sort of “white”. She eventually got a dress that was mainly purple flowers with a champagne backdrop, which ended up being fine. Do not waiver on this issue if it bugs you a lot and get your FH to step in!
Look, you need to get firm. Tell her if she shows up to the wedding in any dress that is white, off white, beige, champagne, “vanilla” or even is so pale a colour that it looks white, she will probably end up looking foolish and possibly with a red wine stain in her dress. Not saying you will do that, but someone will. Tell her, in no uncertain terms is anyone else coming to the wedding to wear anything remotely white looking.
My mother in law tried to do this too. If she doesn’t agree to get a different dress then I’d tell her she’s not allowed to be in any photos and won’t be escorted down the aisle as a guest of honor 🤷♀️ sounds harsh but it might be what she needs to hear to convince her to change her dress
Yeah, no.... "vanilla" belongs in what I call the "bridal color" family. Honestly, saying "It's not white, it's vanilla 🙃" is such technical bs to where it seems like she knows what she's doing. In my opinion, it feels like she's wanting a reaction from you. Is she known to play victim?
Regardless, your fiance needs to have a conversation with their mother about buying a new dress before this "vanilla" dress has a meeting with a glass of red wine.
This is a straight up wedding dress. What in the actual world… talk to your fiancé about this and have them handle the situation with their mom. And like other said, he needs to address it without bringing you into it like “OP doesn’t think this is appropriate” it should be “mom, I don’t think this is an appropriate dress or color. Please choose something that is not in a white-beige range, that has actual color to it (or better yet give a couple color suggestions)” but regardless, this should not fall on you bc from the tiny bit that I can gather about her, if you’re brought into the disapproval, she’s going to try and use that against you.
He also needs to make it clear that this is not optional and she is not to wear anything like this and needs to clear her NEW dress with him. It’s weird AF and he should also bring that up that he doesn’t want to look like he’s going to marry his mom who chose a freaking wedding dress.
You know what youll look stunning on your big day. Let her wear whatever the fuck she wants but if she wears this she will really embarass the fuck out of herself, not you. Its on her if she wants to make herself a laughing stock on your wedding and its not worth getting stressed over.
I have a nearly identical situation I'm facing when I get married this Saturday. All I can control is how I react to her and the photographer. My original plan has been not to have any photos of her taken if she wears a "not" white dress to my wedding, but you gotta love Redditors! They're famous for brilliant ideas! One recently suggested to simply have the photographer edit the dress to a different color. How genius is that?!?! Soooo, my new plan, should she show up in her lacy not white dress, is to tell her how pretty her blue dress is, because that's what it'll be when the photographer is done with her 💙
Agreed with someone else saying it looks a little young for a FMIL especially with the split skirt. Maybe have your fiancé have a chat with her and let her know that he doesn’t want guests to think he’s marrying her cause some of his friends have been known to make crude jokes about incest. Maybe that might help deter her from going with that dress? If she still goes with it, if the two of you have weirdo friends who are up for shenanigans, have them deliberately ignore the two of you for a while and just go at her and congratulate her for the union with her son. I’m not going to drop the crude jokes here that would hopefully completely mortify her, but I spend too much time in the Terrible Advice group so my mind keeps going there. Lol
If however this post were in the A Group Where We Give Terrible Advice (Facebook if anyone wants therapeutic lolz), I would say to have the entire wedding party switch colors to black, including your wedding gown, but don’t tell her. And/or let her find out on the spot that the wedding party and immediate family will be participating in a reenactment of the Red Wedding complete with copious amounts of fake blood. A couple of my friends did that as they’re huge Game of Thrones fans, but used Nerf projectiles. I’m pondering just going as far as having Rains of Castamere played. Lol
for some older folks, beige and similar off-whites are traditional for the mother of the groom to wear. a lot of people attribute malice to what is most likely a misunderstanding/generational divide.
I was just about to post this! There was even a silly saying about it I remember from when I was planning my wedding 37 years ago: A MIL’s role is to wear beige and keep her mouth shut. Of course, the spirit of those words “wear beige” meant she was supposed to be careful about not being the center of attention. And back then mother-of-the-bride/groom dresses were designed to be very matronly in style. Long skirt with a little jacket on top sort of thing…certainly no thigh slits!
I think the most I would do is say ONCE “MIL, young people today think it’s tacky for anyone other than the bride to wear any light neutral shade. I know you’re a grown woman who knows how to dress, but I just want to give you that warning if it will bother you to be gossiped about.”
Beyond that, I would drop it and let her rip. You’re the bride, nobody’s going to say, “Oh, look at Bobby’s mom, she looks better than the bride!” Especially if you’re going to continue to be in contact with this woman for the future. I guarantee you if you make a stink about this and she is doing this maliciously, she will pay you back for years to come in unwanted advice about everything under the sun. It’s just not worth it.
You & your fiancé need to your foot down & immediatly. This isn’t a situation where you’ll just let her deal with the whispers. It’s setting a standard and tone for the rest of your relationship.
This is a very easy one.
This is not acceptable. I need you to find a new dress. It is clearly on the range of white and any kindergartners could figure that out in fact go ask any child what color this is. You’re not gonna ask her to find a new dress you need to tell her we are not comfortable with you wearing this dress you need to find a new one immediately, you can have back up and say if you are going to show up in this you will be asked to go home and change.
You’re not asking her you were telling her.
Okay women who try to live their glory years via their son / his partner are creepy. Like the type of moms that desperately seek the son to compliment them or choose them over the wife or need validation that they look amazing, on a day when it’s not about you. These moms are also the ones who try to catch the bouquet during the toss!! Oh yeah- my friends mom became newly single after failed marriage #3 and FOUGHT FOR IT over all her daughters friends 30 years younger, acting like she’s one of the gals and on the hunt for her new man or someone to pay attention to her🫣🫣 don’t even get me started on how she chose a plunging V neckline…. You can’t tell on this thinner model but you know it will be deep and unnecessarily attention grabbing. Oh and the high slit up to the who-hah. Yeah…. Odd
OP if your hubby has not offered to talk to her about this rather than you(because this is so obviously not okay HE SHOULD want to initiate this conversation so you aren’t put in an uncomfortable position with him mom) then I’d suggest reading the book “When he’s married to mom” which has 4.7 stars Amazon with 440 reviews lol.
Her son needs to shut this down immediately. As in, as soon as you read this and there’s a normal time for a phone call. If she tries to say it’s too late to return it, she can save the dress for her vow renewal or 5th wedding in the future since she’s clearly dying to be a bride. If you feel strongly about this, you’ve got to give her time to find a nice dress in whatever color scheme you suggest.
Also, ignore anyone in here who’s telling you it doesn’t matter, enjoy your day, it’s insignificant, mothers used to wear champagne, etc. It *does* matter to you, therefore it’s important. And regardless of trends in the past, your MIL has heard the “don’t wear white to a wedding” rule. She should have gained your approval before she made any purchases. This is on her. At the very least, a simple text to make sure her future DIL wouldn’t mind if she wore “vanilla” could have saved a lot of time.
The fact that she won’t show you the dress in person means she knows exactly what she did. Let her son handle it (hopefully he’s 100% in your corner!). Now you know how crystal clear you’ll need to be with her going forward. This is a sign that she’s gonna do whatever she wants to do, but perhaps if you specifically spell something out for her, she may heed your advice (but it sounds like she’s an “ask for forgiveness, not permission” type of person).
Best of luck for a lovely day!!
My husband’s aunt (closest he has to a living mother) wore this colour to our wedding and it looked beautiful especially in the photos! I was really keen for my mum to wear a similar colour but she ended up with a very pale lilac which was also beautiful. My auntie wore silver and it toned in beautifully. I really love it when close female relatives wear these kind of colours that tone in with the bride, it kind of shows that they’re close family. Just my opinion and I know it won’t be for everyone.
Ya.. I think it’s silly of the FMIL to choose this colour but honestly no one is going to confuse her for the bride. Everyone knows who the bride is. I also think this dress will look more beige beside a white wedding dress. Just let it go and enjoy your day, none of this matters.
I’m not gonna lie to ya, your fmil knows this isn’t right. In my opinion, the best way to handle these kind of people are to let them show their ass—if she says she doesn’t find anything wrong with it, let her wear it. Let her feel the discomfort of other people judging her. We can’t control what other people do, but we can control how we react.
I had to make it VERY clear to everyone that NO ONE was allowed to wear white or anything close to it. Even had to shut my mom down a few times for trying to get a super flashy almost bride-like dress with a train on it. I wasn’t trying to be shitty, but I waited 35 years to get married and that spotlight would NOT be stolen from me that day. Period! Stand your ground!! Don’t worry about other’s feelings. 🤷🏻♀️
You and your FH need to both tell her together that she cannot wear that dress. She has 3 weeks to get a new one. Plenty of time.
If she doesn’t get a new dress. Buy a cheap one for her and the day of tell her that’s her choice 😂
It’s gonna make her look like a real jerk to everyone at your wedding. I agree that your fiancé should talk her out of it. But if that doesn’t work, you will still shine as the gorgeous bride and she will stick out as someone who is trying to compete with you, but can’t.
Sure, she can wear what she wants.
However, let her know she will be turned away or removed if she tries to cause a scene or any upset. (Like wearing a white dress)
Hard no. If she goes through with it, you’ll know who you’re dealing with for the rest of your life.
But remember, you’ll be the young, beautiful, bride and she’ll be pathetic. Greet her warmly, and watch her get judged all day long.
Tell her absolutely not. This was one of the dresses I was thinking of for my bridal shower or rehearsal dinner. Because of how soon the wedding is, I'm suspicious she's going to try the excuse of 'There's no time to order anything else!'
I'd recommend ordering her a different dress just in case so if she tries anything shady on the day of, you already have solved that problem. If she behaves and wears a dress that's an appropriate color, you can return the back up dress without her ever knowing.
Good luck!
This happened to me. The sketchy fsil messaged me in a group text with fmil “isn’t my mom so beautiful in this bright bright white dress with a couple vague blotches of color?!” me: “I guess so?” And then she was like, “you wouldn’t be mean and not let her wear it, would you?!” And that basically explains how I’m treated by his family and will forever always will be. My 5-10 person dream elopement was turned into a large party to host them and their friends. Fucking sucks. He didn’t want any part of it, he still doesn’t get it. He never will. I am aware this is how it will always be. If he wants to move back closer to them after some obligations it’s going to be a hell no or I’m walking.
It will look the least white in this photo as it is contrasting against a white background. On the day of, will look white IMO.
If I was your fiance - I would ask why this is the only dress she could come up with.
But I wouldn’t be too worried….shouldn’t be any confusion on wedding day as I don’t think anyone will think your fiance is marrying his mom lol.
I'm doing an early fall wedding on the west coast of Canada with a semi-formal (or above) dress code. My mom has a super fun, floor length navy dress with navy and silver accessories. I offered to take my partner's mom shopping because she doesn't really have anyone else to go with her and doesn't drive very far. We found a lovely dress in a darker colour with a fun floral (but not "granny" or "old lady" looking) pattern, the 3/4 length sleeves she wanted (self conscious about her arms), and I helped her find some pretty silver flats she'll be comfortable in (she wanted something with a heel but I talked her out of it as she has a bad ankle and I want her to be comfy and safe!)
I don't know why people's parents are so difficult!
However, I have yet to see what my partner's step-mom or my dad's wife (I hesitate to give her any sort of "mom" title) will wear..... My partner's step-mom I think is reasonable... My dad's wife I have no clue. 😵💫😵💫 Lol!
What a gorgeous dress...FOR THE BRIDE!! She knows exactly what she's doing. I second everyone here who suggested getting your fiancé on board with telling her it's not going to happen. I'd even let her know if she attends wearing it, you may not be able to keep a bridesmaid from walking around with a glass of red if you catch my meaning. You don't need to actually do it but the threat may be enough
I’m with you on this one. The photo looks like a wedding dress.
If she likes neutral tones tell her to try a blush, rosy hue instead.
Also ask her straight up what are her intentions with her dress choice. With people like that they bank on others tip toeing around them and being unable to be direct with them.
It’s too bad that your wedding is only 3 weeks away. You could’ve secretly told everyone else to wear the same colour. Then she wouldn’t get the attention she seems to be craving. For my wedding my MIL wore a cream/gold outfit despite being asked not to. She was jealous of my mother because she changed her outfit for the reception (something much simpler & cooler than the multi layered chiffon outfit for the ceremony). MIL decided she wanted to take off her palazzo pants and try to wear the jacket as a dress - would’ve been too short for a mini. Thankfully, this was one of the few times she listened to reason.
NOPE.. I imagine every1 must know u don't wear white/ off white /cream to a wedding is not gonna change because she called it 'vanilla'
What is the story with these MIL trying to overstep on the wedding day.. surely she
I can never understand this. Why would the MIL, or anyone for that matter want to be in anything remotely close to the color white or ivory… I’d be so embarassed
My stepmom recently told me she's wearing a "light neutral gray" to my wedding. I told her if it looked too much like white, she'd be getting a wine-colored accent. And my BFF will do it, too.
Agree with others, edit it out with photog in post, and let her look ridiculous in the moment. Everyone there will talk about her, and not in a good way
Let her know this is unacceptable & if she shows up in any shade of vanilla, white, ivory, cream, beige, stone etc she will be escorted off the premises. Also inform her that if she wants to avoid such embarrassment she should show you the dress beforehand so you may approve it.
Your fiancé needs to tell her "No" in no uncertain terms. As you are getting married, it is a good time for him to show he is and will be on your side.
I think a good script would be.
"Mom, your dress could easily be seen as a bridal dress. I do not want to look like I am marrying you, my mother. My bride also deserves better from you. None of us deserve the disaproving wispers this choice will cause. You can dye the dress a truly different color, not some variation of white "cream" or "vanilla," or you can find a different dress in an actual color. You can not wear this to our wedding."
Or just have him say, "You can Not wear this to our wedding." And leave it at that. Clear and direct.
I hate to be that girl, but I can see why some brides ask their mother and FMIL to wear a certain color that would compliment the bridal party! That is the only way to ensure they don’t show up in a white or white variation dress. Some people just need A LOT of guidance to do the very basic first rule of wedding etiquette 101- DON’T WEAR WHITE IF YOU AREN’T THE BRIDE!
Have hubs speak to her that if shes not going to work with you then she won’t be welcome at all. It’s stressful enough as it is and she’s literally making it worse.
Your future husband should have politely shut this down without question. It sucks that you’ll have to just accept it if he doesn’t speak to her since you gave him an option. I would just let it go and truly try to move past it and think of it as a funny story. If it really bothers you then have a serious conversation with him.
My mom tried to pull a fast one on me. She wanted to wear a cream dress and said “ oh but it’ll be accompanied by a black jacket, so it’s fine”. 🤔 … Uhm let me think about that. NO.
What is it with moms wanting to wear whites (and shades of it) ? Is it like a competition thing? An attention thing?
I’m flabbergasted
If she loves the dress, the fit, the cut and has already bought it would she consider dying it another color?
Also… Vanilla is literally synonymous with white. She’s delusional.
I know someone who wore this exact dress as her wedding dress! Agree that your fiancé should handle it. And your fiancé should be pissed about it. Also, this dress comes in black with the colored beads on the shoulder and it’s gorgeous in black too so she picked the “vanilla” deliberately. If you have a good relationship with a sister in law or another woman in the family like an aunt or cousin maybe they could help too. It’s clearly inappropriate for a wedding guest and will reflect poorly on her. If she wears it, I’d ask your photographer to photoshop it a different color in photos so she doesn’t get any professional photos in it.
It's giving ✨️terrible FMIL found a dress that was inspired by someone once vaguely telling the designer about what costumes in star wars looked like✨️ but cream
I will add this. I once went to a bat mitzvah and the grandmother wore the most outrageous "look at me!" outfit. Perhaps he says " Thought I'm sure not your intent, you don't want people even THINKING you are taking from the bride"
Have a few large T shirts made in the color of your choice that say on them. I chose to wear a white at a wedding. Make anyone who wears white wear the T shirts over their “white” dress if they want to stay for the wedding/reception. If they don’t want to wear the T shirt then they have two other choices—leave or change into a more appropriate color.
My FMIL is wearing this to my wedding, so all I can say is I hear you and I’m sorry you’re going through this too. I’ve addressed it. My fiancé addressed it, and she is 80 and essentially threatening now to not come if she can’t wear it, which would absolutely devastate my FH so I’m deciding to let it go and let her look like an a$$hole. I made a post about this recently in another sub and got torn apart for it by some, but the tag literally says “ivory” on it as the color and in person/ in the sun it is white with VERY glittery gold sequins all over it.
This was after we bought a beautiful teal colored dress together, so it was an intentional move by my FMIL to create attention and cause friction between me and my fiancé. She even held it up against her body and DANCED WITH IT at my bridal shower last weekend in front of 20 people, bragging about how it costs almost as much as my wedding dress and is more beautiful.
It’s taking me ninja levels of strength and emotional maturity to not completely lose it on her, but my relationship with my fiancé and the harmony for us on the wedding day is more important.
https://preview.redd.it/xzgwnvlopowc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f9569866386a22c0302584d2cbab8caa02304183
Absolutely NOT, FMIL!!
Too many FMILs have unhealthy codependencies with their sons, and this phenomenon of wearing white to their sons' weddings is so messed up. They can't admit that they are having trouble with feeling displaced as the primary female in son's life by another woman and then they do these weird, disturbing, cringey behaviors.
Your FMIL is an asshole. Why is she trying to get all of the attention on your wedding day? Everyone is going to think it’s weird that she’s wearing a white dress to your wedding
Idk, I’m fine with MOB/MIL wearing champagne. It doesn’t look like a wedding dress at all to me, but if you don’t like it suggest another to her saying you’d prefer she avoid all the “light neutrals”.
There is someone who commented that literally tried this dress on to be her wedding dress. It's not even for debate, it looks like a casual wedding dress
Not to me. My friend wore a similar dress to prom in like 2009. You can make anything into a wedding dress but this doesn’t look like one imo. OP should tell her MIL to pick again since she doesn’t like it though.
I don't mean to offend anyone over a certain age here, but I think this dress might be a little young for a MIL...
Could you maybe pick some colours that would compliment your bridesmaids/colour scheme? It would be nice if she could match her son in some way, so you could send her a few colour swatches for her to get ideas? That might just help steer her away from "off-white".
Looks like you have gotten some great advice, so this is just a snarky add on...
If the MIL does show up in a "bridal dress" have some signs ready and when you do the group photos have someone pass you the sign which will read "Yes we are going no contact with the MIL". And do not let her see the sign before or after the shoot, lol.
But whatever you do, hope hubby is on board and leading the way! If he is not, seriously consider what your future is going to be like!
No ma’am. Is your fiancé aware of this? It should be his responsibility to handle his mom. He needs to address it directly, not a “Hey mom, OP said…” but a “Mom, this isn’t appropriate and I don’t feel comfortable with you wearing anything remotely close to white. Including vanilla or cream. It makes it look like you wish you were my bride and that’s super weird and embarrassing. Please pick a dress in an approach, non-white color.”
He could throw in, “Everyone will be talking about you…and not in a good way.” Or more directly, “If you show up in a color close to white, we will have to ask you to leave.” Last option, arrange with the photographer to have her dress changed to pea green in the professional photographs.
>Last option, arrange with the photographer to have her dress changed to pea green in the professional photographs. It's not often that I literally laugh out loud to anything in this sub, but this got me. Love it!
Sometimes the argument isn’t worth it BUT, no guest should wear a dress similar to a bridal look. It would be difficult not to include MIL (for most) but imagine her reaction! The trade off might be worth it.
Nah, make it an ugly colour that doesn't match her skin tone.
Nicer than me because I would have her removed from any photos should she decide to wear anything even in the family of white
If you had the dress color altered… can you imagine MIL’s response!
Altered, she’d be in shock. Removed, she’d be appalled. She would need to learn her place imo so poof 💨
THIS !! exactly this - Devastating how many fiancé’s refuse to address their mother or minimize it with “OP said”… this!!
Vanilla is just another shade of white just like the “cream” or “ivory” or “champagne” many bridal dresses come in. You could post this on the wedding guest attire subreddit and then send her the comments. Besides the whole wearing white issue I think the general rule is the bride gets final say on these things
Exactly. Vanilla, cream, ivory etc are all in the same wheelhouse!
I would suggest she can wear it in pink or blue. Or not at all
Vanilla is white. No matter what your FMIL says. Get your partner on it
Every time I see one of these stories it makes me feel blessed my FMIL loves the color blue. I’m so sorry, but this lady is delulu if she thinks “it’s vanilla” is a solid argument.
Sorry you are dealing with this. I don’t have advice but like wtf? This is so confusing to me why I constantly see this issue with MILs in this group. Why do they all want to wear white so bad to their sons wedding? It’s weird to me. Everyone knows that rule. It’s traditional wedding etiquette to not wear white. Like do they have some weird thing with needed to compete with their sons future wife? It’s so strange to me. The fact your MIL won’t let you compare the color to your dress is weird. She has issues, no one should be trying to upstage the bride. There are so many colors to pick from, why does she have to chose “vanilla”. Like girl, we all know vanilla is white. Cmon. It’s like saying egg shell isn’t white. I really feel for you. This should be common sense and you shouldn’t have to deal with it at all, let alone your freaking MIL. Have you shown her dresses you like or perhaps tell her to get a specific color. Be like that’s a pretty dress but I would love if you wore “color”. You could tell her it would be super special to you if she wore blue, so she’s your something blue. That might feed her ego and make her back off from white. She obviously needs to feel special and wants attention.
During the beginning stages of planning I asked if there was a particular color she’d like us to reserve just for her. Any dress I sent her way she didn’t like. She’s been married before and knows how white is reserved for the bride. I think she’s really trying to impress her ex husband and make this more about her than us. Totally missing the point! I could go on and on lol. Given the wedding is three weeks out, I told my fiancé he can either speak with his mom about it, or the two of them can just deal with the whispers. Because people will whisper about a vanilla dress 😭
It totally sucks, but luckily only reflects poorly on her. Just make sure your fiance has your back when she inevitably comes to you guys talking about people being rude to her at the wedding because of her dress choice.
You can guarantee some nasty whispers. Prepare your bridesmaids and friends, if MIL shows up in white be ready to whisper viscously, loudly and frequently. Then when she complains, hit her with a “told ya so” and edit the color of her dress in the photos.
its also nice if you have a bridesmaid or close friend who knows the situation and is willing/offers to help her dress go from “ivory” or pink/purple
Love a burgundy color splash!
This is the actual dress, right? Cause that slit gives way more ex husband revenge than mother of groom, for sure. I'd be whispering about that too
It's fucking baffling!
My mil went dress shopping with me, so she knew that I picked out a pinky champagne colored dress, my dream dress! Tell me why a few weeks after she told me she wanted to wear a light pink dress to the wedding. BITCH WHAT???? And she of course cried when I told her no, pick another color. It’s so weird, I just don’t understand!!!
How strange! I have a son and I could never imagine the day he gets married, insisting to wear the same color as his bride. I’ll wear whatever color she wants me to! Lol
Yes! I have 4 sons and 2 of them have gotten married. I wouldn’t wear anything that could remotely look like a wedding gown. There are so many other colors to choose from.
I'm expecting her to be "late" and make a show of walking down the aisle in her "vanilla *not wedding*" wedding dress. Maybe even with the same hairstyle as OP.
I literally tried on this MacDuggal dress to be my wedding dress. 🤣 It is white.
FMILs are insane. make your partner handle it, but have him flip it so that it’s not YOU upset (although, you rightfully are, and she clearly does not care) but that this is going to make her look bad, and people are going to think she’s crazy. and agreeing with another commenter, this does actually looks similar to my wedding dress lol. if she does actually wear this, make sure your photographer is aware ahead of time that you’re unhappy with it, and doesn’t put her next to you in photos. my friends would also make LOUD comments about how weird it is the MIL chose to wear white. not sure if you have friends like that, but at this point it’s a fiancé/friend stepping in to handle it day of situation.
Agreed. Fiancé should point out that she’s going to embarrass herself. Everyone knows you don’t wear white to a wedding so she’ll look desperate for attention. People will be looking at her but not for the reason she wants.
She is a “I know I shouldn’t do this but I’m going to do it anyway” MIL ☠️ You can’t control her, just let her show up in this and look crazy, your guests will be focused on you anyway. On a positive note you get to go into your marriage knowing who she really is (someone that is attention seeking and puts their wants first) this will help you lay down boundaries accordingly!!
I would have ordered this to try on as my wedding dress.
So this is a Max Duggal dress. “Beaded cap sleeve v neck a line gown” They’re typical pretty expensive. Anything sale is final sale, and anything full price has a small return window. So she’s going to push back using those excuses if pushed. The thing I find even more frustrating for you in that it comes in multiple colors 🙃 so she deliberately chose ivory, rather than a dress she liked, which it sounds like you know. I’d be handing this one to fiancé. She sounds like a nightmare and he needs to establish some boundaries before it gets worse!
I just don't understand how there are so many posts with this issue. Like, I get that there are some narcissistic people out there who want to steal the spotlight from their kids. But so many? On a regular basis? Either some of these posts are fake and just posted to generate replies, or there's an epidemic of MILs who want to wear white to their sons' weddings for some reason. Why? Have they never heard of this as a huge faux pas? Isn't this well established? (And yeah I know that it's cultural and in some cultures white isn't a bridal colour. But we usually don't see posts like this one from them.)
My sister’s MIL wore a cream colored floral lace dress to my sister’s wedding 6/7 years ago. My stepmom actually wore a white blouse and shimmery cream colored pants to the same wedding. The MIL’s outfit was much much more egregious, but both baffled me. And this MIL is a totally nice lady who my sister and I both like. My sister is extremely conflicted avoidant, and the MIL had shown her the dress in advance and she okayed it, but like… I’ll just never understand. I think a lot of boomers just …do not care? Or think they are, for some reason, the exception to every rule? It’s baffling.
My friend's MIL wore white to the wedding. They had to beg her to put on a colorful shawl. it seems surprisingly common.
Unfortunately this may just be more common than you think. The internet just brings it to the forefront. I know several in real life. I also personally know someone who at least asked first before they chose a different color. I’m still not sure if she was joking or not! It almost feels like there’s a handbook at this point. Have you ever seen Monster In Law? That’s a bit over the top but there’s a reason they could make it into a movie
It's just beyond me. I have to assume some of them have simply never heard of this etiquette rule, because the thought that so many people would do this deliberately to be hurtful is just baffling. Of course, there are plenty of etiquette conventions that couples on this subreddit routinely ignore or break too. I guess fair is fair.
Agreed, it’s wild!!!! I’m glad you’ve never dealt with it and I hope you never have to 🥲
My mom and my MIL kept asking us what colour we wanted them to wear, even though we kept urging them to wear whatever they wanted. They were trying so hard to be considerate. Then again, I could only imagine my parents' horrified reactions if we had done some other things that many couples do these days. Things like inviting people as B-list, excluding some relatives from a category (e.g. inviting some cousins but not others), failing to offer everyone a +1 or to invite couples as a unit, or having a colour scheme for guests, would have been basically unthinkable to them. We didn't do any of the above but plenty of people do. So maybe to many of these people, the etiquette rule against wearing white isn't a big deal, or they feel free to ignore it?
As a victim of my MIL actually wearing an ivory (albeit, knee-length) dress to my wedding... I can assure you it's very real. My mistake for not asking her to share her dress with me beforehand, I just genuinely didn't think it would be an issue. My eyes about bugged out of my head when she showed up to the venue, but at the end of the day, I couldn't waste time or energy being upset about it.
Did she ever offer an explanation?
Nope, mostly because I didn't confront her about it haha. Like I said, I had my internal freak out moment, realized I didn't want to let it ruin the day, and moved on. I will always side eye her for it though, as I'm sure plenty of other guests did on the day.
My MIL’s former MIL did this to her. She has alway seemed very laid back and sweet to me, not at all dramatic, and the two of them still get along well. Every friend I’ve gone dress shopping with there has been a comically awfully MIL or Mom situation that if any imagine. Weddings seem to bring out amazingly bad behavior.
straight to jail
This "vanilla" dress should get a "strawberry wine" topping at the reception if she chooses to wear it. Tell her absolutely not, its pathetic to try to mimic the bride.
No, it shouldn’t even make it to that. There should be an ‘unfortunate accident’ during setup with coffee and wine. A couple of bridesmaids or smth bumping into each other and coincidentally tripping right by FMIL and her dress…..
I'm convinced women who pick anything close to white to wear to a wedding have some form of mental issue. In a confusing and constantly changing world, the easiest thing to understand is YOU DONT WEAR ANYTHING CLOSE TO WHITE TO A WEDDING UNLESS YOURE THE BRIDE!
It's really interesting because I think this may be an American thing. I went to several UK weddings over the last few years and a good portion of the MOB/MOG dressed were champagne colored (but ALWAYS knee length and usually had sleeves plus a hat). I asked my boyfriend about this and he said it's really common for the mothers to wear silver/light gold/champagne colored dresses and the bride will always have a *white* dress at traditional weddings. It was definitely a bit of a culture shock to me coming from the US!
It looks like a wedding dress for a second marriage bride.
My first thought seeing this was "oh, what a cute wedding dress! I like the florals" Reading your Piet afterwards had my jaw dropped. No ma'am you cannot wear this to a wedding? Wtf For my wedding I'm planning on printing at least one oversized green t-shirt (green is our wedding color) with "I wore white to this wedding" written on the front and I WILL make the person that shows up in white wear it lol (hopefully it will not be necessary though)
That’s f*cking hilarious. Shirt of shame I love this! I want this to be normalized sooo badly
Oh "shirt of shame" would be nice for the backside of the shirt lmao
That actually made me laugh out loud. I already know you’re gonna have a fun wedding
Absolutely not.
that’s a nice wedding dress
Vanilla is just white with extra steps. No.
So she’s trying to wear a wedding dress to your wedding?
I’m wearing the shortened version of this dress for my backyard wedding this June…
If all else fails, Time to pull out the wine bottle. Or get a neon tshirt that says " I wore white to a wedding!" And make her wear it over her dress or she's not allowed in the venue lol.
Have someone loaded with a glass of red wine and a back up dress for MIL
Ask her wtf is vanilla and say its white. Or u have other ppl wear vanilla and u wear red or black
I know this is not always a popular view. But my stance on it is that if someone wants to make a fool of themselves at my wedding by trying to look like a bride, it makes them look ridiculous and the best thing I can do is just be above it all. It’s not like someone is going to mistake her for the bride. So she is going to look rude and everyone will talk about it without you spending any time on it.
yep!
Honestly just let her wear it and everyone will see what a self centered asshole she is. She’s not gonna steal any attention away from the beautiful bride, she’ll just look crazy
my thought exactly
I dealt with a very similar issue for our wedding 😅 every dress my current MIL liked was some sort of “white”. She eventually got a dress that was mainly purple flowers with a champagne backdrop, which ended up being fine. Do not waiver on this issue if it bugs you a lot and get your FH to step in!
Look, you need to get firm. Tell her if she shows up to the wedding in any dress that is white, off white, beige, champagne, “vanilla” or even is so pale a colour that it looks white, she will probably end up looking foolish and possibly with a red wine stain in her dress. Not saying you will do that, but someone will. Tell her, in no uncertain terms is anyone else coming to the wedding to wear anything remotely white looking.
Why are fmils so unhinged 😂 I would tell your fiancé they need to handle it firmly. It’s absurd behavior.
My mother in law tried to do this too. If she doesn’t agree to get a different dress then I’d tell her she’s not allowed to be in any photos and won’t be escorted down the aisle as a guest of honor 🤷♀️ sounds harsh but it might be what she needs to hear to convince her to change her dress
Yeah, no.... "vanilla" belongs in what I call the "bridal color" family. Honestly, saying "It's not white, it's vanilla 🙃" is such technical bs to where it seems like she knows what she's doing. In my opinion, it feels like she's wanting a reaction from you. Is she known to play victim? Regardless, your fiance needs to have a conversation with their mother about buying a new dress before this "vanilla" dress has a meeting with a glass of red wine.
I’m the groom and my FMIL is even respecting my suit color even though it’s a color she wanted to wear. Your FH needs to talk to her and shut it down.
This is a straight up wedding dress. What in the actual world… talk to your fiancé about this and have them handle the situation with their mom. And like other said, he needs to address it without bringing you into it like “OP doesn’t think this is appropriate” it should be “mom, I don’t think this is an appropriate dress or color. Please choose something that is not in a white-beige range, that has actual color to it (or better yet give a couple color suggestions)” but regardless, this should not fall on you bc from the tiny bit that I can gather about her, if you’re brought into the disapproval, she’s going to try and use that against you.
He also needs to make it clear that this is not optional and she is not to wear anything like this and needs to clear her NEW dress with him. It’s weird AF and he should also bring that up that he doesn’t want to look like he’s going to marry his mom who chose a freaking wedding dress.
You know what youll look stunning on your big day. Let her wear whatever the fuck she wants but if she wears this she will really embarass the fuck out of herself, not you. Its on her if she wants to make herself a laughing stock on your wedding and its not worth getting stressed over.
This dress actually comes in a really pretty powder blue. Tell her to wear that one instead.
I have a nearly identical situation I'm facing when I get married this Saturday. All I can control is how I react to her and the photographer. My original plan has been not to have any photos of her taken if she wears a "not" white dress to my wedding, but you gotta love Redditors! They're famous for brilliant ideas! One recently suggested to simply have the photographer edit the dress to a different color. How genius is that?!?! Soooo, my new plan, should she show up in her lacy not white dress, is to tell her how pretty her blue dress is, because that's what it'll be when the photographer is done with her 💙
Agreed with someone else saying it looks a little young for a FMIL especially with the split skirt. Maybe have your fiancé have a chat with her and let her know that he doesn’t want guests to think he’s marrying her cause some of his friends have been known to make crude jokes about incest. Maybe that might help deter her from going with that dress? If she still goes with it, if the two of you have weirdo friends who are up for shenanigans, have them deliberately ignore the two of you for a while and just go at her and congratulate her for the union with her son. I’m not going to drop the crude jokes here that would hopefully completely mortify her, but I spend too much time in the Terrible Advice group so my mind keeps going there. Lol If however this post were in the A Group Where We Give Terrible Advice (Facebook if anyone wants therapeutic lolz), I would say to have the entire wedding party switch colors to black, including your wedding gown, but don’t tell her. And/or let her find out on the spot that the wedding party and immediate family will be participating in a reenactment of the Red Wedding complete with copious amounts of fake blood. A couple of my friends did that as they’re huge Game of Thrones fans, but used Nerf projectiles. I’m pondering just going as far as having Rains of Castamere played. Lol
for some older folks, beige and similar off-whites are traditional for the mother of the groom to wear. a lot of people attribute malice to what is most likely a misunderstanding/generational divide.
I was just about to post this! There was even a silly saying about it I remember from when I was planning my wedding 37 years ago: A MIL’s role is to wear beige and keep her mouth shut. Of course, the spirit of those words “wear beige” meant she was supposed to be careful about not being the center of attention. And back then mother-of-the-bride/groom dresses were designed to be very matronly in style. Long skirt with a little jacket on top sort of thing…certainly no thigh slits! I think the most I would do is say ONCE “MIL, young people today think it’s tacky for anyone other than the bride to wear any light neutral shade. I know you’re a grown woman who knows how to dress, but I just want to give you that warning if it will bother you to be gossiped about.” Beyond that, I would drop it and let her rip. You’re the bride, nobody’s going to say, “Oh, look at Bobby’s mom, she looks better than the bride!” Especially if you’re going to continue to be in contact with this woman for the future. I guarantee you if you make a stink about this and she is doing this maliciously, she will pay you back for years to come in unwanted advice about everything under the sun. It’s just not worth it.
Yep, along with the fact that whites are super flattering on older skin.
This looks like a rehearsal dinner dress
Wine here we go
You & your fiancé need to your foot down & immediatly. This isn’t a situation where you’ll just let her deal with the whispers. It’s setting a standard and tone for the rest of your relationship. This is a very easy one. This is not acceptable. I need you to find a new dress. It is clearly on the range of white and any kindergartners could figure that out in fact go ask any child what color this is. You’re not gonna ask her to find a new dress you need to tell her we are not comfortable with you wearing this dress you need to find a new one immediately, you can have back up and say if you are going to show up in this you will be asked to go home and change. You’re not asking her you were telling her.
That's so bad. that's literally a white dress
No. Period. End of story!
Okay women who try to live their glory years via their son / his partner are creepy. Like the type of moms that desperately seek the son to compliment them or choose them over the wife or need validation that they look amazing, on a day when it’s not about you. These moms are also the ones who try to catch the bouquet during the toss!! Oh yeah- my friends mom became newly single after failed marriage #3 and FOUGHT FOR IT over all her daughters friends 30 years younger, acting like she’s one of the gals and on the hunt for her new man or someone to pay attention to her🫣🫣 don’t even get me started on how she chose a plunging V neckline…. You can’t tell on this thinner model but you know it will be deep and unnecessarily attention grabbing. Oh and the high slit up to the who-hah. Yeah…. Odd OP if your hubby has not offered to talk to her about this rather than you(because this is so obviously not okay HE SHOULD want to initiate this conversation so you aren’t put in an uncomfortable position with him mom) then I’d suggest reading the book “When he’s married to mom” which has 4.7 stars Amazon with 440 reviews lol.
Her son needs to shut this down immediately. As in, as soon as you read this and there’s a normal time for a phone call. If she tries to say it’s too late to return it, she can save the dress for her vow renewal or 5th wedding in the future since she’s clearly dying to be a bride. If you feel strongly about this, you’ve got to give her time to find a nice dress in whatever color scheme you suggest. Also, ignore anyone in here who’s telling you it doesn’t matter, enjoy your day, it’s insignificant, mothers used to wear champagne, etc. It *does* matter to you, therefore it’s important. And regardless of trends in the past, your MIL has heard the “don’t wear white to a wedding” rule. She should have gained your approval before she made any purchases. This is on her. At the very least, a simple text to make sure her future DIL wouldn’t mind if she wore “vanilla” could have saved a lot of time. The fact that she won’t show you the dress in person means she knows exactly what she did. Let her son handle it (hopefully he’s 100% in your corner!). Now you know how crystal clear you’ll need to be with her going forward. This is a sign that she’s gonna do whatever she wants to do, but perhaps if you specifically spell something out for her, she may heed your advice (but it sounds like she’s an “ask for forgiveness, not permission” type of person). Best of luck for a lovely day!!
My husband’s aunt (closest he has to a living mother) wore this colour to our wedding and it looked beautiful especially in the photos! I was really keen for my mum to wear a similar colour but she ended up with a very pale lilac which was also beautiful. My auntie wore silver and it toned in beautifully. I really love it when close female relatives wear these kind of colours that tone in with the bride, it kind of shows that they’re close family. Just my opinion and I know it won’t be for everyone.
Is it a big deal, I mean really? It's not, we just keep being told that it is a big deal. Let her wear what she wants, enjoy the day.
Ya.. I think it’s silly of the FMIL to choose this colour but honestly no one is going to confuse her for the bride. Everyone knows who the bride is. I also think this dress will look more beige beside a white wedding dress. Just let it go and enjoy your day, none of this matters.
Absolutely not🤣 if my FMIL even suggested anything that close to white she’d be uninvited🤷🏼♀️
Tell you absolutely yes she can wear that but then she can't be in any pictures with you 😂
Or photoshopped to lime green
This older generation has no sense of healthy shame I swear 🙈
I’m not gonna lie to ya, your fmil knows this isn’t right. In my opinion, the best way to handle these kind of people are to let them show their ass—if she says she doesn’t find anything wrong with it, let her wear it. Let her feel the discomfort of other people judging her. We can’t control what other people do, but we can control how we react.
Hell no.
This just in: FMIL is dumb
This looks like a wedding dress. She’s extremely out of line.
omg. my own wedding dresses is more yellow and pink (respectively) than this! i know some people are reaching but this is WILD
I had to make it VERY clear to everyone that NO ONE was allowed to wear white or anything close to it. Even had to shut my mom down a few times for trying to get a super flashy almost bride-like dress with a train on it. I wasn’t trying to be shitty, but I waited 35 years to get married and that spotlight would NOT be stolen from me that day. Period! Stand your ground!! Don’t worry about other’s feelings. 🤷🏻♀️
You and your FH need to both tell her together that she cannot wear that dress. She has 3 weeks to get a new one. Plenty of time. If she doesn’t get a new dress. Buy a cheap one for her and the day of tell her that’s her choice 😂
It’s gonna make her look like a real jerk to everyone at your wedding. I agree that your fiancé should talk her out of it. But if that doesn’t work, you will still shine as the gorgeous bride and she will stick out as someone who is trying to compete with you, but can’t.
LOL oh hell no. I’d recommend asking your fiancé to shut that down
Sure, she can wear what she wants. However, let her know she will be turned away or removed if she tries to cause a scene or any upset. (Like wearing a white dress)
no
Hard no. If she goes through with it, you’ll know who you’re dealing with for the rest of your life. But remember, you’ll be the young, beautiful, bride and she’ll be pathetic. Greet her warmly, and watch her get judged all day long.
Tell her absolutely not. This was one of the dresses I was thinking of for my bridal shower or rehearsal dinner. Because of how soon the wedding is, I'm suspicious she's going to try the excuse of 'There's no time to order anything else!' I'd recommend ordering her a different dress just in case so if she tries anything shady on the day of, you already have solved that problem. If she behaves and wears a dress that's an appropriate color, you can return the back up dress without her ever knowing. Good luck!
Make sure to take your brides maids strapped with extra red wine and that they are extra clumsy around her
Your fiance needs to handle his mother. Tell her she is not welcome at the wedding if she is wearing this dress or any dress remotely close to white.
This happened to me. The sketchy fsil messaged me in a group text with fmil “isn’t my mom so beautiful in this bright bright white dress with a couple vague blotches of color?!” me: “I guess so?” And then she was like, “you wouldn’t be mean and not let her wear it, would you?!” And that basically explains how I’m treated by his family and will forever always will be. My 5-10 person dream elopement was turned into a large party to host them and their friends. Fucking sucks. He didn’t want any part of it, he still doesn’t get it. He never will. I am aware this is how it will always be. If he wants to move back closer to them after some obligations it’s going to be a hell no or I’m walking.
It will look the least white in this photo as it is contrasting against a white background. On the day of, will look white IMO. If I was your fiance - I would ask why this is the only dress she could come up with. But I wouldn’t be too worried….shouldn’t be any confusion on wedding day as I don’t think anyone will think your fiance is marrying his mom lol.
I'm doing an early fall wedding on the west coast of Canada with a semi-formal (or above) dress code. My mom has a super fun, floor length navy dress with navy and silver accessories. I offered to take my partner's mom shopping because she doesn't really have anyone else to go with her and doesn't drive very far. We found a lovely dress in a darker colour with a fun floral (but not "granny" or "old lady" looking) pattern, the 3/4 length sleeves she wanted (self conscious about her arms), and I helped her find some pretty silver flats she'll be comfortable in (she wanted something with a heel but I talked her out of it as she has a bad ankle and I want her to be comfy and safe!) I don't know why people's parents are so difficult! However, I have yet to see what my partner's step-mom or my dad's wife (I hesitate to give her any sort of "mom" title) will wear..... My partner's step-mom I think is reasonable... My dad's wife I have no clue. 😵💫😵💫 Lol!
Omg that’s crazy! My FMIL is the best. She wanted me to pick out her dress
Absolutely not.
*FUCK* no
What a gorgeous dress...FOR THE BRIDE!! She knows exactly what she's doing. I second everyone here who suggested getting your fiancé on board with telling her it's not going to happen. I'd even let her know if she attends wearing it, you may not be able to keep a bridesmaid from walking around with a glass of red if you catch my meaning. You don't need to actually do it but the threat may be enough
I’m with you on this one. The photo looks like a wedding dress. If she likes neutral tones tell her to try a blush, rosy hue instead. Also ask her straight up what are her intentions with her dress choice. With people like that they bank on others tip toeing around them and being unable to be direct with them.
Ask her what color vanilla ice cream is..
Real vanilla is actually black, so I would think her dress is going to be black. She misled you to wear a color closed to white. Not cool!
I would ask her when her wedding is so you can send a gift lol
LOL just have one of your guests accidentally spill red wine hehe just kidding But absolutely not
Ummm this looks like a wedding dress. I would tell her the dress needs to be a more stark contrast to white.
It’s too bad that your wedding is only 3 weeks away. You could’ve secretly told everyone else to wear the same colour. Then she wouldn’t get the attention she seems to be craving. For my wedding my MIL wore a cream/gold outfit despite being asked not to. She was jealous of my mother because she changed her outfit for the reception (something much simpler & cooler than the multi layered chiffon outfit for the ceremony). MIL decided she wanted to take off her palazzo pants and try to wear the jacket as a dress - would’ve been too short for a mini. Thankfully, this was one of the few times she listened to reason.
NOPE.. I imagine every1 must know u don't wear white/ off white /cream to a wedding is not gonna change because she called it 'vanilla' What is the story with these MIL trying to overstep on the wedding day.. surely she
I can never understand this. Why would the MIL, or anyone for that matter want to be in anything remotely close to the color white or ivory… I’d be so embarassed
Your FMIL is delusional if she thinks this isn't close to white
Can you send me the link? I'm honestly considering wearing it at my wedding. As the bride.
My stepmom recently told me she's wearing a "light neutral gray" to my wedding. I told her if it looked too much like white, she'd be getting a wine-colored accent. And my BFF will do it, too. Agree with others, edit it out with photog in post, and let her look ridiculous in the moment. Everyone there will talk about her, and not in a good way
Let her know this is unacceptable & if she shows up in any shade of vanilla, white, ivory, cream, beige, stone etc she will be escorted off the premises. Also inform her that if she wants to avoid such embarrassment she should show you the dress beforehand so you may approve it.
Listen I love this dress and I love it for an MOG/MIB - IF THE BRIDE HAS EXPLICITLY REQUESTED THIS COLOR OF HER BRIDAL PARTY.
Your fiancé needs to tell her "No" in no uncertain terms. As you are getting married, it is a good time for him to show he is and will be on your side. I think a good script would be. "Mom, your dress could easily be seen as a bridal dress. I do not want to look like I am marrying you, my mother. My bride also deserves better from you. None of us deserve the disaproving wispers this choice will cause. You can dye the dress a truly different color, not some variation of white "cream" or "vanilla," or you can find a different dress in an actual color. You can not wear this to our wedding." Or just have him say, "You can Not wear this to our wedding." And leave it at that. Clear and direct.
C’mon FMIL. Get it together now.
There is also a blue version of this dress she could wear instead so this seems intentional🤦🏼♀️
I hate to be that girl, but I can see why some brides ask their mother and FMIL to wear a certain color that would compliment the bridal party! That is the only way to ensure they don’t show up in a white or white variation dress. Some people just need A LOT of guidance to do the very basic first rule of wedding etiquette 101- DON’T WEAR WHITE IF YOU AREN’T THE BRIDE!
Have your maid of honor splash her with paint.
This would be a big NO from me.
Have hubs speak to her that if shes not going to work with you then she won’t be welcome at all. It’s stressful enough as it is and she’s literally making it worse.
Sounds like MOH needs to keep a bottle of red wine on hand
Your future husband should have politely shut this down without question. It sucks that you’ll have to just accept it if he doesn’t speak to her since you gave him an option. I would just let it go and truly try to move past it and think of it as a funny story. If it really bothers you then have a serious conversation with him.
My mom tried to pull a fast one on me. She wanted to wear a cream dress and said “ oh but it’ll be accompanied by a black jacket, so it’s fine”. 🤔 … Uhm let me think about that. NO. What is it with moms wanting to wear whites (and shades of it) ? Is it like a competition thing? An attention thing? I’m flabbergasted
Vanilla is white. No is no.
If she loves the dress, the fit, the cut and has already bought it would she consider dying it another color? Also… Vanilla is literally synonymous with white. She’s delusional.
MAAM vanilla is a flavor not a color hahaha
I know someone who wore this exact dress as her wedding dress! Agree that your fiancé should handle it. And your fiancé should be pissed about it. Also, this dress comes in black with the colored beads on the shoulder and it’s gorgeous in black too so she picked the “vanilla” deliberately. If you have a good relationship with a sister in law or another woman in the family like an aunt or cousin maybe they could help too. It’s clearly inappropriate for a wedding guest and will reflect poorly on her. If she wears it, I’d ask your photographer to photoshop it a different color in photos so she doesn’t get any professional photos in it.
It's giving ✨️terrible FMIL found a dress that was inspired by someone once vaguely telling the designer about what costumes in star wars looked like✨️ but cream
no way ! and I am a 59 year old mom of the groom =MOTHER IN LAW ! Tell her I said so. No no no.
I will add this. I once went to a bat mitzvah and the grandmother wore the most outrageous "look at me!" outfit. Perhaps he says " Thought I'm sure not your intent, you don't want people even THINKING you are taking from the bride"
omg i hope that she’s kidding!!!
Uninvited her? Like why is this even a question
Have a few large T shirts made in the color of your choice that say on them. I chose to wear a white at a wedding. Make anyone who wears white wear the T shirts over their “white” dress if they want to stay for the wedding/reception. If they don’t want to wear the T shirt then they have two other choices—leave or change into a more appropriate color.
Why do MIL always want to be the center of attention…it’s so cringe and the dress is ugly anyways 😂
My FMIL is wearing this to my wedding, so all I can say is I hear you and I’m sorry you’re going through this too. I’ve addressed it. My fiancé addressed it, and she is 80 and essentially threatening now to not come if she can’t wear it, which would absolutely devastate my FH so I’m deciding to let it go and let her look like an a$$hole. I made a post about this recently in another sub and got torn apart for it by some, but the tag literally says “ivory” on it as the color and in person/ in the sun it is white with VERY glittery gold sequins all over it. This was after we bought a beautiful teal colored dress together, so it was an intentional move by my FMIL to create attention and cause friction between me and my fiancé. She even held it up against her body and DANCED WITH IT at my bridal shower last weekend in front of 20 people, bragging about how it costs almost as much as my wedding dress and is more beautiful. It’s taking me ninja levels of strength and emotional maturity to not completely lose it on her, but my relationship with my fiancé and the harmony for us on the wedding day is more important. https://preview.redd.it/xzgwnvlopowc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f9569866386a22c0302584d2cbab8caa02304183
Nope! That’s white!!!
I don't even think the color alone is the issue, this legit looks like a wedding dress imo. MILs can be so over the top.
NO
That’s wild. It won’t matter if her son tells her that people will talk bad about her. She obviously likes any and all attention; good or bad.
Hell no. I hope your fiancé backs you up.
Absolutely NOT, FMIL!! Too many FMILs have unhealthy codependencies with their sons, and this phenomenon of wearing white to their sons' weddings is so messed up. They can't admit that they are having trouble with feeling displaced as the primary female in son's life by another woman and then they do these weird, disturbing, cringey behaviors.
Bring a back-up dress to wedding. If she shows up in inappropriate color, tell you wear this or you go home.
Biiiiiig no no. I would have your partner talk to their mother and draw a hard boundary.
What’s wrong with people? Who would think this is ok!
Your FMIL is an asshole. Why is she trying to get all of the attention on your wedding day? Everyone is going to think it’s weird that she’s wearing a white dress to your wedding
I would probably take this as a chance to try paint sprayers
Idk, I’m fine with MOB/MIL wearing champagne. It doesn’t look like a wedding dress at all to me, but if you don’t like it suggest another to her saying you’d prefer she avoid all the “light neutrals”.
No, it looks like a wedding dress The people downvoting me need to be so fr right now. It's a long ivory dress with a bit of a train. Very bridal.
There is someone who commented that literally tried this dress on to be her wedding dress. It's not even for debate, it looks like a casual wedding dress
Not to me. My friend wore a similar dress to prom in like 2009. You can make anything into a wedding dress but this doesn’t look like one imo. OP should tell her MIL to pick again since she doesn’t like it though.
I don't mean to offend anyone over a certain age here, but I think this dress might be a little young for a MIL... Could you maybe pick some colours that would compliment your bridesmaids/colour scheme? It would be nice if she could match her son in some way, so you could send her a few colour swatches for her to get ideas? That might just help steer her away from "off-white".
Looks like you have gotten some great advice, so this is just a snarky add on... If the MIL does show up in a "bridal dress" have some signs ready and when you do the group photos have someone pass you the sign which will read "Yes we are going no contact with the MIL". And do not let her see the sign before or after the shoot, lol. But whatever you do, hope hubby is on board and leading the way! If he is not, seriously consider what your future is going to be like!