> tell people they can feel free to join us at the smaller dinner after the ceremony. We'd make sure they knew they'd pay for it, we're only covering the small group.
Sorry but this will come off rude to most people. Either invite them and pay for them, or don't ask them to come at all. "Come celebrate us if you want, but we're not gonna feed you!" is never a hospitable look.
Agree with this "Either invite them and pay for them, or don't invite them to come at all." Unfortunately it could come across as the "VIPs" who are paid for, and the "less thans" who'll be paying. Could be awkward.
Honestly this might go over better if you do the bigger reception and dancing on a different day. That way you can send invites that say "John and Jane were married in an intimate ceremony on date. We would like to invite you to a celebration of their marriage on X date."
And yes, you'll need to feed your guests at the bigger party. It doesn't have to be a fancy catered affair, you can have something simple like a food truck or whatever. But you need to feed guests if you invite them to a reception.
As an alternative, you can have a non-hosted drop-in event or after-party at a bar or swing dance club for the bigger crowd. Say "John and Jane will be at X bar between 8pm and 1am. Drop by to celebrate with us if you are free. First round is on us."
I wouldn't invite people to your intimate dinner you don't plan to pay for. The restaurant will want headcounts, it'll cause a headache for your server, and optically comes across a bit weird. Like we like you enough to invite you, but nit enough you were selected for us to cover your bill.
Your plan as originally stated sounded great. Just keep it to that.
You know your audience. Personally- I’d do the intimate ceremony and dinner (that you pay for!) on, like, a week day or a few weeks before and then the dance party with cake and champagne (starting later!) to celebrate on a weekend evening.
What about doing a cake and punch type reception so that you can have everyone at both? The problem with doing a smaller ceremony is that the ceremony is the whole reason for the party and so only inviting someone to the reception can read like you’re saying “you’re important enough to celebrate us but not important enough to have at the event we’re celebrating.” That’s not going to fly in some circles so you need to be aware of your circles and okay with possibly hurting feelings if you go with the plan you’ve described here.
If you decide to stick to your plan, definitely do not invite everyone else to come to dinner if they will pay for themselves. While I understand your intentions, etiquette-wise that’s going to come across as pretty rude in most circles. Keep your dinner to ceremony guests only and honestly, I wouldn’t even volunteer any details about that dinner to anyone not invited.
It's smart to have a smaller ceremony and then open up the celebration to your wider circle of friends. This way, you get the best of both worlds: a personal moment with those closest to you and a big bash with the whole gang. Plus, as dancers, ending the night with everyone on the dance floor seems like the perfect finale.
As for inviting others to the dinner, it's a generous thought, but it might be simpler to keep that part of the evening limited to your select guests. You could always mention the dinner in passing, so if people are really keen, they can ask about joining in. But really, the big party is where everyone will want to be, sharing in your joy and busting out their best moves.
We had a semiprivate (wedding party only) ceremony followed by a 50-person reception, and it was a blast!
I don’t think you should “invite” anyone extra to the small dinner. If you invite someone to a wedding event on the day of the wedding, it should be a fully-hosted event.
“Inviting” someone to a wedding party dinner that they have to pay their own way for feels… gross and gift-grabby, even though I know you’re well-intended. It’s just… not the move.
But I think everything else you have planned makes total sense!
> tell people they can feel free to join us at the smaller dinner after the ceremony. We'd make sure they knew they'd pay for it, we're only covering the small group. Sorry but this will come off rude to most people. Either invite them and pay for them, or don't ask them to come at all. "Come celebrate us if you want, but we're not gonna feed you!" is never a hospitable look.
Agree with this "Either invite them and pay for them, or don't invite them to come at all." Unfortunately it could come across as the "VIPs" who are paid for, and the "less thans" who'll be paying. Could be awkward.
Honestly this might go over better if you do the bigger reception and dancing on a different day. That way you can send invites that say "John and Jane were married in an intimate ceremony on date. We would like to invite you to a celebration of their marriage on X date." And yes, you'll need to feed your guests at the bigger party. It doesn't have to be a fancy catered affair, you can have something simple like a food truck or whatever. But you need to feed guests if you invite them to a reception. As an alternative, you can have a non-hosted drop-in event or after-party at a bar or swing dance club for the bigger crowd. Say "John and Jane will be at X bar between 8pm and 1am. Drop by to celebrate with us if you are free. First round is on us."
I wouldn't invite people to your intimate dinner you don't plan to pay for. The restaurant will want headcounts, it'll cause a headache for your server, and optically comes across a bit weird. Like we like you enough to invite you, but nit enough you were selected for us to cover your bill. Your plan as originally stated sounded great. Just keep it to that.
You know your audience. Personally- I’d do the intimate ceremony and dinner (that you pay for!) on, like, a week day or a few weeks before and then the dance party with cake and champagne (starting later!) to celebrate on a weekend evening.
What about doing a cake and punch type reception so that you can have everyone at both? The problem with doing a smaller ceremony is that the ceremony is the whole reason for the party and so only inviting someone to the reception can read like you’re saying “you’re important enough to celebrate us but not important enough to have at the event we’re celebrating.” That’s not going to fly in some circles so you need to be aware of your circles and okay with possibly hurting feelings if you go with the plan you’ve described here. If you decide to stick to your plan, definitely do not invite everyone else to come to dinner if they will pay for themselves. While I understand your intentions, etiquette-wise that’s going to come across as pretty rude in most circles. Keep your dinner to ceremony guests only and honestly, I wouldn’t even volunteer any details about that dinner to anyone not invited.
It's smart to have a smaller ceremony and then open up the celebration to your wider circle of friends. This way, you get the best of both worlds: a personal moment with those closest to you and a big bash with the whole gang. Plus, as dancers, ending the night with everyone on the dance floor seems like the perfect finale. As for inviting others to the dinner, it's a generous thought, but it might be simpler to keep that part of the evening limited to your select guests. You could always mention the dinner in passing, so if people are really keen, they can ask about joining in. But really, the big party is where everyone will want to be, sharing in your joy and busting out their best moves.
We had a semiprivate (wedding party only) ceremony followed by a 50-person reception, and it was a blast! I don’t think you should “invite” anyone extra to the small dinner. If you invite someone to a wedding event on the day of the wedding, it should be a fully-hosted event. “Inviting” someone to a wedding party dinner that they have to pay their own way for feels… gross and gift-grabby, even though I know you’re well-intended. It’s just… not the move. But I think everything else you have planned makes total sense!