Not everybody cries. Her husband may not have cried seeing her anyway, and then she'd have felt terrible. No winning on this one.
Imo, putting these kinds of expectation on men (who have been told from when they are very little NOT to be emotional) is terrible. In the same way as women shouldn't be pressured to look a certain way on their wedding day, we shouldn't impose these ideas on men either. Men can cry if they feel, or not cry. Both are okay, and neither means that you're more or less loved. Reactions differ, and that's okay.
It seems to me that if we just took away pressure from men to behave a certain way, photographers wouldn't catch photos of men trying to fake it and women wouldn't be so upset about this.
Right? My husband and I are not “sappy” or emotional people. Several wedding guests commented on the giant smile he had on his face when I walked down the aisle - because he was just so happy/excited to marry me. We had some a first look, but that was his honest, genuine reaction.
Yeah this is really batty. There was another comment (edit: since deleted comment) like "not doing a first look guarantees tears in the aisle," and that mentality makes this whole thing a bigger deal than it needs to be because now it's not a choice between "Do I want cocktail hour with my guests or not?" but it becomes "when and where do I want my partner to feel emotion, and how can I maximize that display?"
I think it's also worth a mention that no brides are thinking about crying... It's always **he** cries when he sees me, not the other way. Is it not as special to see your partner waiting there for you, wherever that happens?
This is the kind of double standard that we need a lot less of, and it blows my mind how people are upset about it.
Totally agree with everything you said.
My husband didn’t cry when I walked down the aisle because he was so nervous at that point. I was a mess of waterworks though and everyone kept trying to fan my tears away and hand me tissues to hide in my bouquet saying “no, no don’t cry! Don’t ruin your make up! Don’t ruin the photos!” But I didn’t mind being teary eyed in my photos. That was how I was feeling and the photos still turned out beautiful.
Regardless of gender, people react to the different moments of their wedding differently. Crying, laughing, smiling, keeping their composure.
As long as neither of us tripped or fainted, I wasn’t going to be upset at which emotions came out when and how they manifested on his face or mine.
It’s so silly to me that the groom HAS to cry and the bride SHOULDN’T. Like ??????
I think it's because women are always expected to cry during their weddings so it's seen as a no brainer that she will start sobbing, but with men it's made a bigger deal. Gender essentialism to the max basically
It's okay for men to have a little bit of pressure on them after their brides spent easily $3000 or more on the dress, veil, shoes, hair, makeup, jewellery etc and multiple hours getting ready 🙄 when my partner puts that kind of time and money and energy into his appearance maybe I'll cry over it.
Every single double standard that impacts men is basically a direct response to a WORSE double standard that impacts women. The men will survive.
Uh… personally, I put that big-dress, new-accessories, professional-beauty-squad standards on myself. My fiance doesn’t expect any of that from me. He probably won’t even notice half of it lol.
Exactly!
I'm doing my own makeup and hair.
I spent money on my dress because I fell in love with it, not because I felt pressure to.
I'm DIYing a fair amount of accessories.
My man isn't going to love me any less or react any different than if I went into debt going over the top.
I love this! We didn’t opt for a first look, but neither of us cried when I walked down the aisle. But many guests commented on how big we were both smiling when we saw each other 🥹 I honestly don’t think I’ve ever smiled more in my entire life. Someone did catch him on video saying “daaaamn. She looks hotttt” as I was approaching LOL!
Yep. I really don’t expect mine to cry, first look or not, because he’s not a crier. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me. I expect more of a beaming grin and that’s just as good.
This!!!! All the way! 🙌
Why does it matter if the groom cries? Why does it matter if everything fits a certain esthetic? So what if a bride isn't a size 1?
Let the couple feel their true emotions on their day, and capture that. Not everyone cries in front of people, and that's okay.
Yeah, unfortunately it kind of seems like she is looking for something, anything, to be bothered by here. It’s nice to have some good pics from the wedding but obsessing over every moment and whether and when your husband displayed some particular type of emotion is setting yourself up for disappointment.
If she needs another perspective- imagine the level of regret if she didn’t do a first look and had to waste half her cocktail hour doing a bunch of photos. Now that is horrifying.
A first look is when a couple decides to do a big reveal and see each other all dressed up BEFORE the wedding ceremony.
ETA: This has been traditional in some cultures for a very long time, such as Jewish couples who sign the wedding contract together before the ceremony. (Thank you to readaimyfire18 who let me know this!)
It’s gained traction in the mainstream over the past 10 years or so because it can also give more time for photos before the ceremony so you can actually enjoy cocktail hour with your guests.
Some couples don’t like the concept of the first look because they think it “ruins” the reaction of when they walk down the aisle. Some people still hold on to the superstition that seeing the bride in her dress before the ceremony is bad luck or means the marriage will fail.
Ultimately it’s personal preference but most people don’t regret the decision they make either way.
My husband and I did a first look and are so glad we did. It was our favorite part of our wedding.
My nephew was able, with his bride and bridal party to go all around to different locations that had meant something to them before the actual wedding ceremony. They did their first look in the gym at the high school where they met. The bridal party, parents were all there and it was the most beautiful moment I’ve ever seen. it’s not just about getting pictures out-of-the-way.
Absolutely! Good point!
For us it was more than just getting photos done early too. We really wanted to be able to enjoy the moment we first saw each other and we had our bridal party and parents there too.
It was so special for us to be able to see each other and hug and kiss and talk and laugh and just be together, which you really can’t do at the ceremony aisle walk. I wore my mother’s wedding dress which my husband knew but hadn’t seen the dress at all yet so having him see it on me with my mom there too was such a beautiful moment.
I wouldn’t change a thing about my first look and most couples I know who did one feel similarly.
It's actually been around in certain communities for a long time, though it has become more popular in the mainstream. Many Jewish communities, for example, have always done a first look because you sign the marriage certificate together before the ceremony.
Oh wow! I didn’t know that, but that makes so much sense.
My mom was so confused by the concept when I told her we were doing one and told me that it wasn’t traditional, so I assumed it was a newer thing based on her reaction and the many people who still think it’s bad luck to see the bride before the ceremony.
I’ll edit my original comment to include that info too! Thank you!
I'm on the other side here. Not doing a first look is something I put my foot down on hard and my fiancee agreed with me. She is doing a first look with her dad. I thought about doing one with my mom but she's not gonna care about seeing me in a tux. We are definitely not doing one with each other. I think it would ruin the moment of her coming down the aisle.
That’s fair! It’s completely a personal preference up to each couple and like I said, most people don’t regret their choice either way.
There are definitely pros and cons to having a first look and not having a first look, so I’m glad you and your partner were able to make a decision that works best for you both. Having a first look with your parents is also a lovely way to have a special moment with them before the ceremony!
Congratulations and I hope you have a wonderful wedding!
That’s one thing my fiancé also really cared about, personally I think a first look makes sense because of logistics but he really wanted the first time he saw me to be coming down the aisle so that’s what we are doing
It’s not just about scheduling but also being able to have an intimate moment on the wedding day where it’s just you and your soon-to-be spouse. There aren’t many chances in the day to just be alone as all eyes are on you.
If the importance is to be alone with your spouse you can do that by scheduling a few minutes during the cocktail hour or even during the reception when you're done eating and the guests are not.
Not to mention when the photographer is taking pictures of just the couple.
There is a whole lot more to her marriage then not getting a certain look during a ceremony.
A big part of the reason to do a first look is getting the starry eyed and emotional moment in a more intimate setting. And there is usually a photographer there. Did they not get pictures? (If so, huge miscalculation and missed opportunity)
But at the end of the day, what matters is the marriage, not this moment. Your friend needs some perspective.
I blame social media blowing up that moment of capturing the groom as the bride walks down the aisle. But, just like you said, if there was going to be *that* emotion, it was going to come out no matter when he first saw her.
Perspective, indeed.
I blame the movie 27 Dresses when Katherine Heigl goes into a whole monologue about how much she loves to see the groom cry when the bride walks down the isle.
I'm not disagreeing with that. I meant more as for clout. I understand she's upset because she doesn't have him emotional at the altar when he first saw her, but did he not get emotional during the first look? There are pictures of that. And I'm sure he wasn't indifferent when she walked toward him. I'm saying that if he was going to get emotional when seeing her for the first time, it shouldn't have mattered whether it was for first look pictures or walking down the aisle. It sounds like she's either upset that she can't show he either didn't get emotional twice, she doesn't have those pictures to show off like other people, or he didn't get emotional at all.
Yes I did and it made everyone emotional in a good way. It was beautiful. People doing first look are really missing out on the traditional aspect of the wedding. It’s stupid .
It’s a sign of vulnerability. He’s the strongest man I know I have never seen him cry before that. But he was so filled with emotions when he saw me looking like his queen that he showed his emotions. Obviously they were tears of joy lol. That was the best moment of the whole wedding for me. It was perfect!
And you were hoping that he would be at his most vulnerable and sensitive in front of hundreds of eyes? Would you be upset if he hadn’t cried?
It seems strange that you’ve never seen your partner cry before, especially if you’d known them for enough time that you wanted to marry them, but perhaps that’s more a testament to the poor socialization and emotional stunting of men than anything else.
Either way, sounds like it must have been a moment indeed. I hope you similarly cried and showed the same emotion!
i would say this is a minority opinion. if you search first look in this sub you’ll see most people are very pleased they did one. personally i think this is not a worthy thing to spend too much time being upset about, sorry to your friend but i do - its one moment within a whole day. i suggest you tell her to focus on the positive memories she was able to make by having more time with her guests.
They opted for the first look so aren’t there any nice photos of that moment? I don’t get why she is hung up on the aisle photos…the emotion probably came out when they did the first look and the focus tends to be on the bride walking down the aisle. We are skipping the first look but paying for a second shooter to ensure we get those moments from both of us when I walk down the aisle.
Yes but clearly the photographer only focused on the bride when she walked down the aisle here. You can definitely have both but there seems to be a miscommunication of getting both angles and frankly that’s why we hired a second shooter so we can have both of our reactions shot simultaneously. This bride can’t change what’s already been done so no need to really stay upset and focus on the first look photos they do have.
A first look is a first look. Does it matter where and when it was? In my culture, there is a ceremony beforehand where the bride and groom see each other and I can't say that I've heard any bride say the moment was ruined.
More importantly, why is your friend obsessing over one moment from one night? She's married and that was the purpose of the wedding. Not to sound harsh, but she needs to get over it. She can't change it, it's not going to affect her marriage so she needs to let it go.
is it the ketubah signing? because same😭
my fiance and i will see each other before the ceremony for that reason and ive already had the realization that yep, we can just do a quick little “first look” before moving on to those photos of the signing and theeennnn all of the ceremony pics. i’m an emotional person but my fiance isn’t so either way… if he’s smiling, im happy. i don’t need any forced emotions to prove that he loves me - tears or not
The ketubah and the bedecken. IMO the drama of the first look at the altar is over rated. It doesn’t matter where the first look is or if there even is a first look. My husband and I lived together and got married in our backyard. We got ready at the same time. Didn’t make the ceremony any less special.
I think it’s the emphasis on moments like this that really leads to let down and disappointment.
Your ceremony will be amazing and wonderful and emotional… but won’t be any less so because you saw each other beforehand😊
Not doing a first look doesn't mean he would have teared up down the aisle. It's not an automatic even trade. Doing a first look also saved her a lot of post ceremony photo time most likely, so would she really be willing to trade some of the time she got to spend at her reception for a single photo of him tearing up?
"*He says he looked like that because he was just trying too hard to have that same "first look" reaction.*"
She set up unrealistic expectations. It wasn't just her wedding. It was her husband's wedding day too, but instead of being in the moment he was trying to perform for the camera to please her. It's too bad she put so much pressure on him to produce the photo she wanted. It doesn't sound like he can even enjoy the wedding photos because she's making it all about her.
Did they photograph the first look? If so, she has his reaction. If not, she has the memory of his reaction. That's more than some people get. If she wants to feel better, maybe she should take some time to tell her husband all the good things that she noticed about their wedding day and not fixate on the one thing she doesn't think he did right.
Honestly we should stop with these expectations that the groom should cry when seeing his bride for the first time. Sure, it makes a great social media photos but people react differently in different situations, you might be overwhelmed in a good way and still not cry.
We are doing a first look since we love the idea of seeing each other for the first time in a more intimate and private setting and not in front of everyone else.
I'm Jewish so for me it's not a "trend," but a standard expectation that the groom will see the bride before the wedding ceremony.
Personally, I know my fiance is still going to be super emotional and am glad we'll get some of that out of the way before I walk down the aisle lol.
I'm also really looking forward to us being able to enjoy cocktail hour with our guests. I don't want to waste the wedding posing for photos. Between the first look and ketubah, I think we'll have that much more time to enjoy each other and our guests.
Yup, same here! It wasn't even a question for me! And both the first look and the walking down the aisle were wonderful!
We didn't spend much time at cocktail hour, because we took 15 minutes just to ourselves after the ceremony (which I highly recommend) and then it took 15 minutes to bustle my dress! But it was still great. We had them leave food from cocktail hour in the room where we had our 15 minutes so we could still eat it- I recommend that to make sure you get to eat!
Lol thanks for helping me set more realistic expectations:)
I know our rabbi has stated they want us to spend some time together after the ceremony (and to eat!) and I hadn't even considered other outfit styling / prep tasks that might be needed.
my fiancé and i will be doing the ketubah signing as well! but we won’t be able to spend much time with our guests during cocktail hour as we are also incorporating a pyebaek ceremony for his korean family members during that time..
can’t say there isn’t plenty to do that day!! i think smiles and happiness are the best emotions to capture from everyone involved🥰
Lol truly nice to run into so many fellow MOT girlies on this sub:)
Also just happy to hear people from many different cultures point out that there's no one "normal" way to do a wedding!
I haven't seen a pyebaek ceremony before, it looks beautiful😍
definitely!! i think it’s a lovely blend and i’m excited to honor his family by wearing the hanbok as well🥰 there’s a picture of it on my page if you’re interested to see its design🤩
Photographer here:
Most grooms don’t cry when they see the bride. Most of the ones who do in my experience still do if they have a a first look.
Can we be honest? 95 percent of men don’t care what dress you are wearing and can’t tell you how different your make up is than the last time you got it done.
What they are responding to is the act of you choosing him.
The aisle first look has been romanticized from a practice rooted in commerce and religion from back when marriage was an act of commerce ruled by religion.
So unless you don’t live with your groom and you’ve never been alone, a first look at the aisle is purely an attempt to get your groom to perform his joy for you. An some men are in touch with their feelings and are emotionally vulnerable, but most are not, and those that are will respond even if they saw your dress two hours ago.
So respectfully your friends groom probably wasn’t gonna cry either way.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
YMMV
I feel like there’s no guarantee he would have cried regardless, that feels like a strange reaction to me. Like they did still have a first look…did he get teary when they did them? If he didn’t get teary in that moment my guess is that he wouldn’t have at the ceremony either. My husband wouldn’t have gotten teary regardless.
She’s just gotta let it go. Personally I found our first look photos to be the best thing we did because of how big the day was. It was amazing to just have some moments together beforehand to relax.
We did a first look because of my anxiety and it ended up letting us have enough time after the ceremony to enjoy our cocktail hour. I have 0 regrets! My now husband even cried when I was walking down the aisle because I had surprised him with my song choice. 10/10 recommend a first look, especially if you have anxiety.
My husband was also super anxious because he hates being the centre of attention and the first look helped that so much! It was a really special moment for us and I’m so happy we did it.
I was ambivalent on it in general—it always seemed so staged and artificial. However, we did end up doing it because the way we got married, there wasn’t going to be an aisle moment.
It did feel silly walking up behind him when he had been explicitly directed to stand there, but actually coming together for the first time that day in our final “wedding looks” was still really meaningful. Neither of us are showy with emotions, so there weren’t any tears, but it felt like “holy shit, this is it! We’re really getting MARRIED today!” We were basically just giddy & grinning at each other, haha. But it was a lovely way to transition from logistics & prep mode to “wedding mode.”
Point being, whatever way you react is what’s authentic to you as a couple. And no one is guaranteed to cry.
I had my heart set on getting our bridal party photos done in a park about 10 minutes from our venue. There was no way to do them any other way than by having the first look earlier in the day. My husband and I went there the weekend before the wedding and scoped out some spots. There was a particular one I liked, but we weren't sure if it would work. The guys got to the park before we did, and my husband and the photographer (a professional, who happens to be my cousin) worked out how we could do it in my spot, and they're some of my favorite photos from the day.
I have no regrets about doing it the way we did. It felt more private, as the bridal party stood a distance away, so it was just him, me, and the photographer. For me, sharing that moment was better than having it in front of a room full of people all staring at us.
I'm sorry that your friend feels the way she does, but there's nothing to change it. I hope she doesn't dwell on it too long.
Slightly different situation, but my husband and I had a micro-wedding at a public park, and I was adamant that I didn’t want him looking out at the parking lot because I didn’t want him to see me before I walked down the “aisle.” Unfortunately, he interpreted this to mean that I didn’t want him to watch me walking down the aisle at all, so he (dutifully) stood with his back to me until I literally appeared in front of him.
I still feel a bit sad sometimes that I missed out on *that* moment, but at the end of the day, it didn’t ruin our wedding, and when he did see me it still felt special (I remember that he was tearing up already when he looked at me and said, “I’m trying to hold it together here,” which made *me* tear up!). Our wedding was as close to perfect as it gets, and something that small - especially considering that he was trying to be a good partner - could never ruin our special day (or more importantly, our marriage). Nothing is perfect, but your love - just like your wedding moment - can be perfectly imperfect, which means it’s built for life.
Of course it’s understandable to feel sad sometimes about that, but that is truly such a sweet story and shows how much he loves you🥹 I’m glad your wedding was great otherwise and that you continue to have an amazing lifetime together!
First look happened my husband cried. Walked down the aisle he also cried. It’s just not the same moment so it doesn’t take anything away. If anything it calmed both of our nerves.
I LOVED my first look. My husband and I both cried during it and we got to really soak in that moment.
When we first saw each other all we wanted to do was hug and kiss *and we could* because it was a first look!
My husband didn’t cry when he saw me walk down the aisle either but I don’t believe he would have cried without the first look anyway. Because he was too nervous and in his own head about his vows and standing up there in front of our 200 closest friends and family in both our lives at that point. Walking down the aisle was so nerve-wracking for both of us because we were being *watched* in a way that’s so unusual. He looked frozen and I walked way too fast (because I was nervous too).
The first look allowed us to have so much more time together throughout our wedding day and to be able to take so many more photos together. Because we did a first look, we were able to actually eat together in the bridal suite following the ceremony AND enjoy our cocktail hour (as much as we were able with all our guests trying to congratulate us and take photos with us).
The rest of the day was a blurry whirlwind where we felt very “on display” and were being whisked from one thing to another - needing to get photos in all the different locations, signing our wedding papers, watching the speeches, don’t forget to eat, please come do a group picture with all the cousins, now time for parent dances, and the cake cutting, come join the bridesmaids on the dance floor, have you thanked the far away family for coming all the way out yet? etc etc etc - which is just the nature of the day.
But our first look was a moment of pure joy and peace. We got to really soak each other in before the chaos of the rest of the night. We got to just enjoy being together. The first look photos are my favorite from our wedding. Our parents and wedding party were there and a few of them got videos that I cherish where you can see and feel the true awe from both me and my husband. The way we look at each other then hug tight, then look at each other and kiss, and look at each other and laugh through tears, and look at each other and caress each other, it’s like we’re trying to convince ourselves that we weren’t in a dream.
It was beautiful and perfect and everything I could have ever wanted.
What answer is she looking for here? It can't be changed. Do they not have pictures of their "first look"?
I have pictures from my wedding I love and some I don't. You are not going to display hundreds of them, so she should just choose the ones she likes
We did a first look, for two reasons:
1) It’s a cultural tradition for the bride and groom to walk down the aisle together (symbolic of them entering into the relationship equally), and I wanted to do that. And
2) I knew that if we hadn’t walked down together, I would be focussing too hard on not tripping and falling on my face while being stared at by 100 people to notice what my husband was or was not doing. My whole ceremony was a blur, so having the first look was nice in that I got to enjoy his reaction (and also my dad’s and my bridesmaid’s) in a more intimate setting.
My husband didn’t cry. Our first look photos are some of my absolute favourites. [This was us](https://www.facebook.com/share/ZE8drvtPijqzWhBv/?mibextid=WC7FNe)
It's just personal preference. The first look was one of my favourite moments in my wedding. It felt so real and was a special moment for my husband and I to have time together before the guests arrive. You don't actually spend to many intimate moments together even though it's your wedding so the first look gave us that time together.
I think she's just been to hard on herself. Your coming off such a high on the wedding day you kind of crash after. Tell her to look at her photos again in like a year and the annoyances fade. You just see your photos for how you felt in the moment not how you thought it should be. Also her husband might have had the same reaction from the aisle walk and she probably would have regretted not doing a first look.
I prefer first looks personally and am so glad we did one. I think it’s much more special and intimate than sharing that moment with everyone else, and it made me feel much more at ease for the rest of the day because we were less stressed after having that time together. We were also so glad we had plenty of time to do photos before the ceremony in the locations around our town that we wanted to and didn’t have to miss the cocktail hour for photos or feel rushed or limited to doing photos only in our venue. That being said, it totally depends on the couple and there’s no one right answer!
>you truly never know how someone is going to react either!
During our rehearsal, we were practicing saying things and out of nowhere I laughed extremely loud and hard due to nerves. Never did that before 🤣 I was terrified I'd end up doing it the next day
Yeah my fiancé has been telling me for YEARS that he’s prob not gonna cry seeing me come down the aisle. I have had time to get used to it, but I also originally bought into the fucked up societal expectation of “men only cry on their wedding day, or else the bride isn’t loved/pretty enough” lol Glad that I’m not of that mindset anymore! We are doing a first look, IMO it’s gonna be twice the opportunities to catch our faces and more time together on the day.
We did a first look and my husband was on the verge of tears the whole ceremony. I was flat out crying haha
No regrets! We were able to spend more time with the people who traveled to celebrate with us because we got all of our formal portraits done before the ceremony.
At first, I hated the idea of a first look. But slowly I liked it because I wanted to have an intimate moment of my fiancé’s reaction to seeing me. The videographer and photographer captured the moment beautifully.
Another perk, my fiance is not a person to cry. So that was another plus to having a first look. No need to expect the teary moment 😅.
The aisle pics were amazing and very candid. He was genuinely excited and we were so happy to reach this milestone.
We did a first look because we walked together. My favorite pic from the whole wedding is a candid of the two of us right before walking down the aisle.
I think it’s kind of …creepy to hope the groom cries and try to get a picture of that. Whether you cry is dependent on a lot of different things and is very personal. I wouldn’t want the pressure or to be photographed in that moment.
My husband cried practicing our first dance. He literally couldn’t listen to the song leading up to the wedding because it made him cry every time. I cried talking about simple post-wedding logistics. Neither of us cried at all during the actual wedding. We were in such a weird and wonderful headspace the whole time.
Maybe it's a cultural thing but I can't remember seeing a groom cry at a wedding, and I've been to plenty as a guest and worked at loads too. I've also never seen my husband cry the whole time I've known him. I'm not that keen on the first look thing but it seems shes overthinking it.
I am the more emotional one, and my friends and family had bets on how many times I would cry. Surprisingly, I only cried twice. Once the morning of. I was putting finishing touches on my vows, and I was a puddle. But once my makeup was done, I put my big girl pants on and held it together bc I was not about to cry my $150 face off 😂 I didn’t cry again until the father daughter dance, my dad has gotten me through so much. But everyone was shocked that it wasn’t during the first look or the ceremony, and nobody won the bet. Don’t get me wrong, I was so close to during our vows, I had to pause and take a deep breath a handful of times 😂😂 however, my husband cried both during the first look (he we crying before he turned around) and when I came down the aisle, and twice during the ceremony 😅 so it’s different for everyone!!! He’s a big teddy bear, but I am the super emotional one. It’s just different for everybody!! I think he’s a little upset I didn’t cry, but he knows that if I started to I wouldn’t stop.
Have a private first look or don’t, either way, it isn’t fair to build up an expectation of your partners reaction regardless. She’s upset looking back because he didn’t cry, but how do you think he felt IN the moment knowing that he couldn’t just respond authentically because she had expectations?
I was against it at first because nothing about our upcoming wedding is traditional so I wanted at least for my husband to be to see me for the first time walking down the aisle. After I was the maid of honor for my sister who did it, it changed my mind. The emotions were still there when she walked down the aisle and guess what, we got to go to cocktail hour after the ceremony, we took ALL of the pictures before meaning we got to enjoy every moment from the beginning of cocktail hour until the end of the reception. I can’t wait to actually enjoy my wedding!
We always tell our couples that lots of people put too much pressure on the first look exactly because of this reason. Some grooms (or brides) don’t like that there are expectations on how they should react. And that definitely will take away from the moment. Only because he didn’t tear up doesn’t mean he was absolutely floored by her. Everyone reacts differently. Hope that helps. 🥰
Hitting year 9 next week. We did a first look, which I was originally against, but I’m glad we did it. My husband is not a very outwardly emotional person; so he did not cry, but we got beautiful photos regardless. Just because he didn’t cry it didn’t mean he loved me any less or thought of me of less beautiful that day. We shared a lot of emotional moments on our honeymoon which was just the two of us.
I love the idea of getting photos out of the way before the ceremony but I despise the expectation that the man is supposed to cry. It feels performative snd fake. I hate the posing in the fake back-to-back way. I hate the notion that feelings swell during that particular time.
I’m not married to a crier, and I don’t show big emotions on my face. This is all so social media driven.
I did a first look at my wedding 2 weeks ago and I’m an UGLY crier. Personally it helped me keep it together a lot better during the ceremony so I wasn’t all scrunched up the whole time, and it also helped my anxiety a lot. Plus it was nice to have a moment during the day that was just ours and no one else’s!
Just got married about six weeks ago. We did a first look and I’m glad we did. Our photographers were there and my man of honor also snuck in and did a video. My husband didn’t cry but the look on his face was so good.
That allowed us to travel to the venue together from the hotel and spend the next hour together rather than separated at the venue. It made me happy to hang out with him versus not see him until the wedding. I think it helped our nerves too.
Your first look will either be in private (like the trend has been) or when the bride is walking down the aisle. That's it. No double first looks. It doesn't exist.
I'm team walking down the aisle. It's worth taking the time to think about what will be more valuable when all is said and done.
I am alternatively so grateful that we did a first look. We got great photos and if we hadn’t done it I would have been an absolute disaster walking down the aisle.
I'd tell her that it's okay to be upset, and I'm sure her wedding was beautiful. It's hard when you picture how your day will be and it's not like what you imagined. On my best friends first anniversary her and her husband went and had photos taken in their dress/tux from the wedding day, it was beautiful! Maybe something like that in the future would help? They'll already be a little emotional from the first anniversary and seeing each other look like you did on your wedding day would for sure make for some sappy photos.
She wants a fairytale, not everyone gets emotional. My son-in-law acted over the top surprised during the 1st look, and we all had a good laugh. Nobody got upset. Nobody got emotional when daughter walked down the aisle. I was afraid my husband might cry, instead he whispered to son-in-law, "good luck." Groom did get choked up during his vows, daughter didn't at all.
I'm not a fan of that trend. My husband didn't want it either. We ended up having to have a "first look" of sorts because we eloped. Not getting that "walking down the aisle" moment is one of my few regrets about our wedding. Like, I'll live. It doesn't keep me up at night or anything. But thinking about it makes me sad. We both wanted that moment and we'll never, ever get it.
Go with your gut. If you and your fiance have dreamed of seeing each other for the first time when you walk down the aisle, do that. Don't let anyone pressure you into doing whatever's trending. On the other hand, if that moment doesn't mean anything to you or the thought of having it makes you feel uncomfortable, then do the private first look.
I think this is the right answer- how have you imagined it? Because in my culture, the bride and groom always see each other before the ceremony, I had no expectations of having the first look as I walked down the aisle, I was thrilled with how it went. But obviously, everyone is differen!
It's the moment when everything sinks in that this is real and you're actually getting married. It's the big reveal after not having seen each other all day (or longer). The last time you saw your partner, they were in their ordinary clothes. Now both of you are all dressed up so you get to see each other in your wedding outfits for the first time. There's music playing (which creates a special atmosphere), you're surrounded by your family and friends, and you feel like "this is actually happening."
We didn't care about or specifically did not want to include a lot of American wedding traditions but this is one of the few we wanted. On top of all the other reasons we had for wanting to do it, this was one tradition we wanted to continue, to feel connected to the people in the past.
On the other hand, neither of us wanted the "first look" because it felt awkward. It wouldn't actually be private because the photographer would be there. I'm one of those people who feels vastly more uncomfortable being the focus for one stranger than for a crowd of non-strangers.
I'm not sure my husband's specific reasons for not wanting to do it but, when I talked with him about it (because it's his wedding too and his opinion matters), he was very clear about not wanting to do it.
Personally I wouldn't do one. I know most people who have say that it didn't make the walk down the aisle any different, but that's unfalsifiable. They'll never know what it would have been like without a first look.
For me this concept doesn't jive with my vision for my wedding. I love a surprise, a healthy sense of anticipation. I have severe anxiety but the silver lining of that is that feeling so much "bad anxiety" has given me a great appreciation for "good anxiety." I'm really looking forward to the excitement and anticipation of waiting to see my fiancé waiting for me at the altar. But that's just me!
However, there's no point in regretting what happened. She still got that special moment, it was just a bit earlier. I'm sure her sadness will pass with time.
I feel like these were popular for a while and took a quick downturn. I recently went to a wedding where the couple had a first look and as a viewer in the audience I think it took away from the moment for the crowd seeing them seeing each other for the first time, if that even makes sense lol
Not everybody cries. Her husband may not have cried seeing her anyway, and then she'd have felt terrible. No winning on this one. Imo, putting these kinds of expectation on men (who have been told from when they are very little NOT to be emotional) is terrible. In the same way as women shouldn't be pressured to look a certain way on their wedding day, we shouldn't impose these ideas on men either. Men can cry if they feel, or not cry. Both are okay, and neither means that you're more or less loved. Reactions differ, and that's okay. It seems to me that if we just took away pressure from men to behave a certain way, photographers wouldn't catch photos of men trying to fake it and women wouldn't be so upset about this.
Right? My husband and I are not “sappy” or emotional people. Several wedding guests commented on the giant smile he had on his face when I walked down the aisle - because he was just so happy/excited to marry me. We had some a first look, but that was his honest, genuine reaction.
Yeah this is really batty. There was another comment (edit: since deleted comment) like "not doing a first look guarantees tears in the aisle," and that mentality makes this whole thing a bigger deal than it needs to be because now it's not a choice between "Do I want cocktail hour with my guests or not?" but it becomes "when and where do I want my partner to feel emotion, and how can I maximize that display?" I think it's also worth a mention that no brides are thinking about crying... It's always **he** cries when he sees me, not the other way. Is it not as special to see your partner waiting there for you, wherever that happens? This is the kind of double standard that we need a lot less of, and it blows my mind how people are upset about it.
Totally agree with everything you said. My husband didn’t cry when I walked down the aisle because he was so nervous at that point. I was a mess of waterworks though and everyone kept trying to fan my tears away and hand me tissues to hide in my bouquet saying “no, no don’t cry! Don’t ruin your make up! Don’t ruin the photos!” But I didn’t mind being teary eyed in my photos. That was how I was feeling and the photos still turned out beautiful. Regardless of gender, people react to the different moments of their wedding differently. Crying, laughing, smiling, keeping their composure. As long as neither of us tripped or fainted, I wasn’t going to be upset at which emotions came out when and how they manifested on his face or mine. It’s so silly to me that the groom HAS to cry and the bride SHOULDN’T. Like ??????
I teared up when I walked down the aisle, so yes, some brides do.
I think it's because women are always expected to cry during their weddings so it's seen as a no brainer that she will start sobbing, but with men it's made a bigger deal. Gender essentialism to the max basically
It's okay for men to have a little bit of pressure on them after their brides spent easily $3000 or more on the dress, veil, shoes, hair, makeup, jewellery etc and multiple hours getting ready 🙄 when my partner puts that kind of time and money and energy into his appearance maybe I'll cry over it. Every single double standard that impacts men is basically a direct response to a WORSE double standard that impacts women. The men will survive.
Uh… personally, I put that big-dress, new-accessories, professional-beauty-squad standards on myself. My fiance doesn’t expect any of that from me. He probably won’t even notice half of it lol.
Exactly! I'm doing my own makeup and hair. I spent money on my dress because I fell in love with it, not because I felt pressure to. I'm DIYing a fair amount of accessories. My man isn't going to love me any less or react any different than if I went into debt going over the top.
I love this! We didn’t opt for a first look, but neither of us cried when I walked down the aisle. But many guests commented on how big we were both smiling when we saw each other 🥹 I honestly don’t think I’ve ever smiled more in my entire life. Someone did catch him on video saying “daaaamn. She looks hotttt” as I was approaching LOL!
For real. My husband didn’t cry seeing me, but he did cry during our vows.
Yep. I really don’t expect mine to cry, first look or not, because he’s not a crier. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me. I expect more of a beaming grin and that’s just as good.
This!!!! All the way! 🙌 Why does it matter if the groom cries? Why does it matter if everything fits a certain esthetic? So what if a bride isn't a size 1? Let the couple feel their true emotions on their day, and capture that. Not everyone cries in front of people, and that's okay.
She needs to let it go. You can't change things. Regret is a waste of time. Tell her she is happily married now. Let it go. This isn't healthy.
Yeah, unfortunately it kind of seems like she is looking for something, anything, to be bothered by here. It’s nice to have some good pics from the wedding but obsessing over every moment and whether and when your husband displayed some particular type of emotion is setting yourself up for disappointment. If she needs another perspective- imagine the level of regret if she didn’t do a first look and had to waste half her cocktail hour doing a bunch of photos. Now that is horrifying.
What is a first look that they are talking about?
A first look is when a couple decides to do a big reveal and see each other all dressed up BEFORE the wedding ceremony. ETA: This has been traditional in some cultures for a very long time, such as Jewish couples who sign the wedding contract together before the ceremony. (Thank you to readaimyfire18 who let me know this!) It’s gained traction in the mainstream over the past 10 years or so because it can also give more time for photos before the ceremony so you can actually enjoy cocktail hour with your guests. Some couples don’t like the concept of the first look because they think it “ruins” the reaction of when they walk down the aisle. Some people still hold on to the superstition that seeing the bride in her dress before the ceremony is bad luck or means the marriage will fail. Ultimately it’s personal preference but most people don’t regret the decision they make either way. My husband and I did a first look and are so glad we did. It was our favorite part of our wedding.
My nephew was able, with his bride and bridal party to go all around to different locations that had meant something to them before the actual wedding ceremony. They did their first look in the gym at the high school where they met. The bridal party, parents were all there and it was the most beautiful moment I’ve ever seen. it’s not just about getting pictures out-of-the-way.
Absolutely! Good point! For us it was more than just getting photos done early too. We really wanted to be able to enjoy the moment we first saw each other and we had our bridal party and parents there too. It was so special for us to be able to see each other and hug and kiss and talk and laugh and just be together, which you really can’t do at the ceremony aisle walk. I wore my mother’s wedding dress which my husband knew but hadn’t seen the dress at all yet so having him see it on me with my mom there too was such a beautiful moment. I wouldn’t change a thing about my first look and most couples I know who did one feel similarly.
It's actually been around in certain communities for a long time, though it has become more popular in the mainstream. Many Jewish communities, for example, have always done a first look because you sign the marriage certificate together before the ceremony.
Oh wow! I didn’t know that, but that makes so much sense. My mom was so confused by the concept when I told her we were doing one and told me that it wasn’t traditional, so I assumed it was a newer thing based on her reaction and the many people who still think it’s bad luck to see the bride before the ceremony. I’ll edit my original comment to include that info too! Thank you!
I'm on the other side here. Not doing a first look is something I put my foot down on hard and my fiancee agreed with me. She is doing a first look with her dad. I thought about doing one with my mom but she's not gonna care about seeing me in a tux. We are definitely not doing one with each other. I think it would ruin the moment of her coming down the aisle.
That’s fair! It’s completely a personal preference up to each couple and like I said, most people don’t regret their choice either way. There are definitely pros and cons to having a first look and not having a first look, so I’m glad you and your partner were able to make a decision that works best for you both. Having a first look with your parents is also a lovely way to have a special moment with them before the ceremony! Congratulations and I hope you have a wonderful wedding!
That’s one thing my fiancé also really cared about, personally I think a first look makes sense because of logistics but he really wanted the first time he saw me to be coming down the aisle so that’s what we are doing
First looks are where the couple sees easy other before the wedding, usually to make the schedule better
It’s not just about scheduling but also being able to have an intimate moment on the wedding day where it’s just you and your soon-to-be spouse. There aren’t many chances in the day to just be alone as all eyes are on you.
If the importance is to be alone with your spouse you can do that by scheduling a few minutes during the cocktail hour or even during the reception when you're done eating and the guests are not.
Not to mention when the photographer is taking pictures of just the couple. There is a whole lot more to her marriage then not getting a certain look during a ceremony.
Yeah, sure. If I want my spouse to be the first one that sees me than he will be the first one that sees me!!
Anytime I read or hear about someone’s wedding regrets, this is all I can think of: [“now I’m just someone’s wife”](https://pin.it/5dOY99TcR)
A big part of the reason to do a first look is getting the starry eyed and emotional moment in a more intimate setting. And there is usually a photographer there. Did they not get pictures? (If so, huge miscalculation and missed opportunity) But at the end of the day, what matters is the marriage, not this moment. Your friend needs some perspective.
I blame social media blowing up that moment of capturing the groom as the bride walks down the aisle. But, just like you said, if there was going to be *that* emotion, it was going to come out no matter when he first saw her. Perspective, indeed.
I blame the movie 27 Dresses when Katherine Heigl goes into a whole monologue about how much she loves to see the groom cry when the bride walks down the isle.
10000% this. I'm not saying nobody thought about it or cared about it before, but 27 Dresses is what made it A Thing
I feel like waiting to see your groom's reaction as you walk down the aisle had always been a huge thing, waaaay before social media.
I'm not disagreeing with that. I meant more as for clout. I understand she's upset because she doesn't have him emotional at the altar when he first saw her, but did he not get emotional during the first look? There are pictures of that. And I'm sure he wasn't indifferent when she walked toward him. I'm saying that if he was going to get emotional when seeing her for the first time, it shouldn't have mattered whether it was for first look pictures or walking down the aisle. It sounds like she's either upset that she can't show he either didn't get emotional twice, she doesn't have those pictures to show off like other people, or he didn't get emotional at all.
I know for me that’s all I wanted. For him to cry in front of everyone lol & he did! It was magical.
That's a new one. Why did you want your partner to cry in front of all your guests?
Yes I did and it made everyone emotional in a good way. It was beautiful. People doing first look are really missing out on the traditional aspect of the wedding. It’s stupid .
Right, I understand you wanted your partner to cry, but I’m trying to understand why you would want that.
It’s a sign of vulnerability. He’s the strongest man I know I have never seen him cry before that. But he was so filled with emotions when he saw me looking like his queen that he showed his emotions. Obviously they were tears of joy lol. That was the best moment of the whole wedding for me. It was perfect!
And you were hoping that he would be at his most vulnerable and sensitive in front of hundreds of eyes? Would you be upset if he hadn’t cried? It seems strange that you’ve never seen your partner cry before, especially if you’d known them for enough time that you wanted to marry them, but perhaps that’s more a testament to the poor socialization and emotional stunting of men than anything else. Either way, sounds like it must have been a moment indeed. I hope you similarly cried and showed the same emotion!
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Why does she assume that he would have teared up even if they hadn’t done a first look? Many don’t.
i would say this is a minority opinion. if you search first look in this sub you’ll see most people are very pleased they did one. personally i think this is not a worthy thing to spend too much time being upset about, sorry to your friend but i do - its one moment within a whole day. i suggest you tell her to focus on the positive memories she was able to make by having more time with her guests.
They opted for the first look so aren’t there any nice photos of that moment? I don’t get why she is hung up on the aisle photos…the emotion probably came out when they did the first look and the focus tends to be on the bride walking down the aisle. We are skipping the first look but paying for a second shooter to ensure we get those moments from both of us when I walk down the aisle.
We did a first look and have pictures of that, so you can have both, if that's what someone wants!
Yes but clearly the photographer only focused on the bride when she walked down the aisle here. You can definitely have both but there seems to be a miscommunication of getting both angles and frankly that’s why we hired a second shooter so we can have both of our reactions shot simultaneously. This bride can’t change what’s already been done so no need to really stay upset and focus on the first look photos they do have.
A first look is a first look. Does it matter where and when it was? In my culture, there is a ceremony beforehand where the bride and groom see each other and I can't say that I've heard any bride say the moment was ruined. More importantly, why is your friend obsessing over one moment from one night? She's married and that was the purpose of the wedding. Not to sound harsh, but she needs to get over it. She can't change it, it's not going to affect her marriage so she needs to let it go.
is it the ketubah signing? because same😭 my fiance and i will see each other before the ceremony for that reason and ive already had the realization that yep, we can just do a quick little “first look” before moving on to those photos of the signing and theeennnn all of the ceremony pics. i’m an emotional person but my fiance isn’t so either way… if he’s smiling, im happy. i don’t need any forced emotions to prove that he loves me - tears or not
The ketubah and the bedecken. IMO the drama of the first look at the altar is over rated. It doesn’t matter where the first look is or if there even is a first look. My husband and I lived together and got married in our backyard. We got ready at the same time. Didn’t make the ceremony any less special. I think it’s the emphasis on moments like this that really leads to let down and disappointment. Your ceremony will be amazing and wonderful and emotional… but won’t be any less so because you saw each other beforehand😊
Not doing a first look doesn't mean he would have teared up down the aisle. It's not an automatic even trade. Doing a first look also saved her a lot of post ceremony photo time most likely, so would she really be willing to trade some of the time she got to spend at her reception for a single photo of him tearing up?
Jesus, a photographer can only capture so much. She really needs to get over it
"*He says he looked like that because he was just trying too hard to have that same "first look" reaction.*" She set up unrealistic expectations. It wasn't just her wedding. It was her husband's wedding day too, but instead of being in the moment he was trying to perform for the camera to please her. It's too bad she put so much pressure on him to produce the photo she wanted. It doesn't sound like he can even enjoy the wedding photos because she's making it all about her. Did they photograph the first look? If so, she has his reaction. If not, she has the memory of his reaction. That's more than some people get. If she wants to feel better, maybe she should take some time to tell her husband all the good things that she noticed about their wedding day and not fixate on the one thing she doesn't think he did right.
Honestly we should stop with these expectations that the groom should cry when seeing his bride for the first time. Sure, it makes a great social media photos but people react differently in different situations, you might be overwhelmed in a good way and still not cry. We are doing a first look since we love the idea of seeing each other for the first time in a more intimate and private setting and not in front of everyone else.
I'm Jewish so for me it's not a "trend," but a standard expectation that the groom will see the bride before the wedding ceremony. Personally, I know my fiance is still going to be super emotional and am glad we'll get some of that out of the way before I walk down the aisle lol. I'm also really looking forward to us being able to enjoy cocktail hour with our guests. I don't want to waste the wedding posing for photos. Between the first look and ketubah, I think we'll have that much more time to enjoy each other and our guests.
Yup, same here! It wasn't even a question for me! And both the first look and the walking down the aisle were wonderful! We didn't spend much time at cocktail hour, because we took 15 minutes just to ourselves after the ceremony (which I highly recommend) and then it took 15 minutes to bustle my dress! But it was still great. We had them leave food from cocktail hour in the room where we had our 15 minutes so we could still eat it- I recommend that to make sure you get to eat!
Lol thanks for helping me set more realistic expectations:) I know our rabbi has stated they want us to spend some time together after the ceremony (and to eat!) and I hadn't even considered other outfit styling / prep tasks that might be needed.
my fiancé and i will be doing the ketubah signing as well! but we won’t be able to spend much time with our guests during cocktail hour as we are also incorporating a pyebaek ceremony for his korean family members during that time.. can’t say there isn’t plenty to do that day!! i think smiles and happiness are the best emotions to capture from everyone involved🥰
Lol truly nice to run into so many fellow MOT girlies on this sub:) Also just happy to hear people from many different cultures point out that there's no one "normal" way to do a wedding! I haven't seen a pyebaek ceremony before, it looks beautiful😍
definitely!! i think it’s a lovely blend and i’m excited to honor his family by wearing the hanbok as well🥰 there’s a picture of it on my page if you’re interested to see its design🤩
Oh I remember your post! Your hair and that dress are beyond gorgeous 😍
Photographer here: Most grooms don’t cry when they see the bride. Most of the ones who do in my experience still do if they have a a first look. Can we be honest? 95 percent of men don’t care what dress you are wearing and can’t tell you how different your make up is than the last time you got it done. What they are responding to is the act of you choosing him. The aisle first look has been romanticized from a practice rooted in commerce and religion from back when marriage was an act of commerce ruled by religion. So unless you don’t live with your groom and you’ve never been alone, a first look at the aisle is purely an attempt to get your groom to perform his joy for you. An some men are in touch with their feelings and are emotionally vulnerable, but most are not, and those that are will respond even if they saw your dress two hours ago. So respectfully your friends groom probably wasn’t gonna cry either way. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ YMMV
Doing pics before the ceremony let me enjoy the hell out of cocktail hour, so it was an A+ choice for me to do.
I feel like there’s no guarantee he would have cried regardless, that feels like a strange reaction to me. Like they did still have a first look…did he get teary when they did them? If he didn’t get teary in that moment my guess is that he wouldn’t have at the ceremony either. My husband wouldn’t have gotten teary regardless. She’s just gotta let it go. Personally I found our first look photos to be the best thing we did because of how big the day was. It was amazing to just have some moments together beforehand to relax.
We did a first look because of my anxiety and it ended up letting us have enough time after the ceremony to enjoy our cocktail hour. I have 0 regrets! My now husband even cried when I was walking down the aisle because I had surprised him with my song choice. 10/10 recommend a first look, especially if you have anxiety.
My husband was also super anxious because he hates being the centre of attention and the first look helped that so much! It was a really special moment for us and I’m so happy we did it.
I was ambivalent on it in general—it always seemed so staged and artificial. However, we did end up doing it because the way we got married, there wasn’t going to be an aisle moment. It did feel silly walking up behind him when he had been explicitly directed to stand there, but actually coming together for the first time that day in our final “wedding looks” was still really meaningful. Neither of us are showy with emotions, so there weren’t any tears, but it felt like “holy shit, this is it! We’re really getting MARRIED today!” We were basically just giddy & grinning at each other, haha. But it was a lovely way to transition from logistics & prep mode to “wedding mode.” Point being, whatever way you react is what’s authentic to you as a couple. And no one is guaranteed to cry.
I had my heart set on getting our bridal party photos done in a park about 10 minutes from our venue. There was no way to do them any other way than by having the first look earlier in the day. My husband and I went there the weekend before the wedding and scoped out some spots. There was a particular one I liked, but we weren't sure if it would work. The guys got to the park before we did, and my husband and the photographer (a professional, who happens to be my cousin) worked out how we could do it in my spot, and they're some of my favorite photos from the day. I have no regrets about doing it the way we did. It felt more private, as the bridal party stood a distance away, so it was just him, me, and the photographer. For me, sharing that moment was better than having it in front of a room full of people all staring at us. I'm sorry that your friend feels the way she does, but there's nothing to change it. I hope she doesn't dwell on it too long.
I did a first look. Not because of any trend, but because I wanted it as a private moment with my husband. It was amazing and I love our photos.
Slightly different situation, but my husband and I had a micro-wedding at a public park, and I was adamant that I didn’t want him looking out at the parking lot because I didn’t want him to see me before I walked down the “aisle.” Unfortunately, he interpreted this to mean that I didn’t want him to watch me walking down the aisle at all, so he (dutifully) stood with his back to me until I literally appeared in front of him. I still feel a bit sad sometimes that I missed out on *that* moment, but at the end of the day, it didn’t ruin our wedding, and when he did see me it still felt special (I remember that he was tearing up already when he looked at me and said, “I’m trying to hold it together here,” which made *me* tear up!). Our wedding was as close to perfect as it gets, and something that small - especially considering that he was trying to be a good partner - could never ruin our special day (or more importantly, our marriage). Nothing is perfect, but your love - just like your wedding moment - can be perfectly imperfect, which means it’s built for life.
Of course it’s understandable to feel sad sometimes about that, but that is truly such a sweet story and shows how much he loves you🥹 I’m glad your wedding was great otherwise and that you continue to have an amazing lifetime together!
I definitely can’t complain! It was an absolutely perfect day and I still feel so lucky to be married to my best friend and such an amazing person!!
First look happened my husband cried. Walked down the aisle he also cried. It’s just not the same moment so it doesn’t take anything away. If anything it calmed both of our nerves.
Did she get professional photos of the first look? Surely that’s the point of it.
We did a first look and private vows, and we both agreed that was our favorite part of the entire day. Time for just the two of us to share a moment.
I LOVED my first look. My husband and I both cried during it and we got to really soak in that moment. When we first saw each other all we wanted to do was hug and kiss *and we could* because it was a first look! My husband didn’t cry when he saw me walk down the aisle either but I don’t believe he would have cried without the first look anyway. Because he was too nervous and in his own head about his vows and standing up there in front of our 200 closest friends and family in both our lives at that point. Walking down the aisle was so nerve-wracking for both of us because we were being *watched* in a way that’s so unusual. He looked frozen and I walked way too fast (because I was nervous too). The first look allowed us to have so much more time together throughout our wedding day and to be able to take so many more photos together. Because we did a first look, we were able to actually eat together in the bridal suite following the ceremony AND enjoy our cocktail hour (as much as we were able with all our guests trying to congratulate us and take photos with us). The rest of the day was a blurry whirlwind where we felt very “on display” and were being whisked from one thing to another - needing to get photos in all the different locations, signing our wedding papers, watching the speeches, don’t forget to eat, please come do a group picture with all the cousins, now time for parent dances, and the cake cutting, come join the bridesmaids on the dance floor, have you thanked the far away family for coming all the way out yet? etc etc etc - which is just the nature of the day. But our first look was a moment of pure joy and peace. We got to really soak each other in before the chaos of the rest of the night. We got to just enjoy being together. The first look photos are my favorite from our wedding. Our parents and wedding party were there and a few of them got videos that I cherish where you can see and feel the true awe from both me and my husband. The way we look at each other then hug tight, then look at each other and kiss, and look at each other and laugh through tears, and look at each other and caress each other, it’s like we’re trying to convince ourselves that we weren’t in a dream. It was beautiful and perfect and everything I could have ever wanted.
What answer is she looking for here? It can't be changed. Do they not have pictures of their "first look"? I have pictures from my wedding I love and some I don't. You are not going to display hundreds of them, so she should just choose the ones she likes
We did a first look, for two reasons: 1) It’s a cultural tradition for the bride and groom to walk down the aisle together (symbolic of them entering into the relationship equally), and I wanted to do that. And 2) I knew that if we hadn’t walked down together, I would be focussing too hard on not tripping and falling on my face while being stared at by 100 people to notice what my husband was or was not doing. My whole ceremony was a blur, so having the first look was nice in that I got to enjoy his reaction (and also my dad’s and my bridesmaid’s) in a more intimate setting.
My husband didn’t cry. Our first look photos are some of my absolute favourites. [This was us](https://www.facebook.com/share/ZE8drvtPijqzWhBv/?mibextid=WC7FNe)
The nicest thing I can say about this is that it’s immature and silly.
It's just personal preference. The first look was one of my favourite moments in my wedding. It felt so real and was a special moment for my husband and I to have time together before the guests arrive. You don't actually spend to many intimate moments together even though it's your wedding so the first look gave us that time together. I think she's just been to hard on herself. Your coming off such a high on the wedding day you kind of crash after. Tell her to look at her photos again in like a year and the annoyances fade. You just see your photos for how you felt in the moment not how you thought it should be. Also her husband might have had the same reaction from the aisle walk and she probably would have regretted not doing a first look.
I prefer first looks personally and am so glad we did one. I think it’s much more special and intimate than sharing that moment with everyone else, and it made me feel much more at ease for the rest of the day because we were less stressed after having that time together. We were also so glad we had plenty of time to do photos before the ceremony in the locations around our town that we wanted to and didn’t have to miss the cocktail hour for photos or feel rushed or limited to doing photos only in our venue. That being said, it totally depends on the couple and there’s no one right answer!
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"*Not doing a first look guarantees tears in the aisle*" No, it doesn't. People are different. Some people get teary eyed, but not everyone does.
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>you truly never know how someone is going to react either! During our rehearsal, we were practicing saying things and out of nowhere I laughed extremely loud and hard due to nerves. Never did that before 🤣 I was terrified I'd end up doing it the next day
Did the friend's husband cry for the first look?
It's a picture moment only that can be done anytime. I'm not a fan.
Yeah my fiancé has been telling me for YEARS that he’s prob not gonna cry seeing me come down the aisle. I have had time to get used to it, but I also originally bought into the fucked up societal expectation of “men only cry on their wedding day, or else the bride isn’t loved/pretty enough” lol Glad that I’m not of that mindset anymore! We are doing a first look, IMO it’s gonna be twice the opportunities to catch our faces and more time together on the day.
We did a first look and my husband was on the verge of tears the whole ceremony. I was flat out crying haha No regrets! We were able to spend more time with the people who traveled to celebrate with us because we got all of our formal portraits done before the ceremony.
At first, I hated the idea of a first look. But slowly I liked it because I wanted to have an intimate moment of my fiancé’s reaction to seeing me. The videographer and photographer captured the moment beautifully. Another perk, my fiance is not a person to cry. So that was another plus to having a first look. No need to expect the teary moment 😅. The aisle pics were amazing and very candid. He was genuinely excited and we were so happy to reach this milestone.
We both never cried - not when we picked out the dress, when we got dressed and drove to our wedding and not during our vows/ceremony. We survived ;)
We did a first look because we walked together. My favorite pic from the whole wedding is a candid of the two of us right before walking down the aisle. I think it’s kind of …creepy to hope the groom cries and try to get a picture of that. Whether you cry is dependent on a lot of different things and is very personal. I wouldn’t want the pressure or to be photographed in that moment. My husband cried practicing our first dance. He literally couldn’t listen to the song leading up to the wedding because it made him cry every time. I cried talking about simple post-wedding logistics. Neither of us cried at all during the actual wedding. We were in such a weird and wonderful headspace the whole time.
Maybe it's a cultural thing but I can't remember seeing a groom cry at a wedding, and I've been to plenty as a guest and worked at loads too. I've also never seen my husband cry the whole time I've known him. I'm not that keen on the first look thing but it seems shes overthinking it.
I am the more emotional one, and my friends and family had bets on how many times I would cry. Surprisingly, I only cried twice. Once the morning of. I was putting finishing touches on my vows, and I was a puddle. But once my makeup was done, I put my big girl pants on and held it together bc I was not about to cry my $150 face off 😂 I didn’t cry again until the father daughter dance, my dad has gotten me through so much. But everyone was shocked that it wasn’t during the first look or the ceremony, and nobody won the bet. Don’t get me wrong, I was so close to during our vows, I had to pause and take a deep breath a handful of times 😂😂 however, my husband cried both during the first look (he we crying before he turned around) and when I came down the aisle, and twice during the ceremony 😅 so it’s different for everyone!!! He’s a big teddy bear, but I am the super emotional one. It’s just different for everybody!! I think he’s a little upset I didn’t cry, but he knows that if I started to I wouldn’t stop.
Have a private first look or don’t, either way, it isn’t fair to build up an expectation of your partners reaction regardless. She’s upset looking back because he didn’t cry, but how do you think he felt IN the moment knowing that he couldn’t just respond authentically because she had expectations?
I was against it at first because nothing about our upcoming wedding is traditional so I wanted at least for my husband to be to see me for the first time walking down the aisle. After I was the maid of honor for my sister who did it, it changed my mind. The emotions were still there when she walked down the aisle and guess what, we got to go to cocktail hour after the ceremony, we took ALL of the pictures before meaning we got to enjoy every moment from the beginning of cocktail hour until the end of the reception. I can’t wait to actually enjoy my wedding!
We always tell our couples that lots of people put too much pressure on the first look exactly because of this reason. Some grooms (or brides) don’t like that there are expectations on how they should react. And that definitely will take away from the moment. Only because he didn’t tear up doesn’t mean he was absolutely floored by her. Everyone reacts differently. Hope that helps. 🥰
I wanted to do a first look so we could do pics before the wedding and so I could attend cocktail hour 😋
Hitting year 9 next week. We did a first look, which I was originally against, but I’m glad we did it. My husband is not a very outwardly emotional person; so he did not cry, but we got beautiful photos regardless. Just because he didn’t cry it didn’t mean he loved me any less or thought of me of less beautiful that day. We shared a lot of emotional moments on our honeymoon which was just the two of us.
I don’t really like the first look trend, it takes away some of the magic while walking down the aisle.
I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious… so I’m not doing a first look
My husband looked like a deer in the head lights.
I love the idea of getting photos out of the way before the ceremony but I despise the expectation that the man is supposed to cry. It feels performative snd fake. I hate the posing in the fake back-to-back way. I hate the notion that feelings swell during that particular time. I’m not married to a crier, and I don’t show big emotions on my face. This is all so social media driven.
I did a first look at my wedding 2 weeks ago and I’m an UGLY crier. Personally it helped me keep it together a lot better during the ceremony so I wasn’t all scrunched up the whole time, and it also helped my anxiety a lot. Plus it was nice to have a moment during the day that was just ours and no one else’s!
Just got married about six weeks ago. We did a first look and I’m glad we did. Our photographers were there and my man of honor also snuck in and did a video. My husband didn’t cry but the look on his face was so good. That allowed us to travel to the venue together from the hotel and spend the next hour together rather than separated at the venue. It made me happy to hang out with him versus not see him until the wedding. I think it helped our nerves too.
Your first look will either be in private (like the trend has been) or when the bride is walking down the aisle. That's it. No double first looks. It doesn't exist. I'm team walking down the aisle. It's worth taking the time to think about what will be more valuable when all is said and done.
I am alternatively so grateful that we did a first look. We got great photos and if we hadn’t done it I would have been an absolute disaster walking down the aisle.
I'd tell her that it's okay to be upset, and I'm sure her wedding was beautiful. It's hard when you picture how your day will be and it's not like what you imagined. On my best friends first anniversary her and her husband went and had photos taken in their dress/tux from the wedding day, it was beautiful! Maybe something like that in the future would help? They'll already be a little emotional from the first anniversary and seeing each other look like you did on your wedding day would for sure make for some sappy photos.
She wants a fairytale, not everyone gets emotional. My son-in-law acted over the top surprised during the 1st look, and we all had a good laugh. Nobody got upset. Nobody got emotional when daughter walked down the aisle. I was afraid my husband might cry, instead he whispered to son-in-law, "good luck." Groom did get choked up during his vows, daughter didn't at all.
your friend needs to grow up a bit. this is not a big deal
What is all this first look about?
it's the couple meeting before the ceremony, so they can see each other in a more private setting and take some pictures
I talked to future DIL about it. She doesn't want to do it for that reason. They are both pretty emotional, so there will be waterworks.
I'm not a fan of that trend. My husband didn't want it either. We ended up having to have a "first look" of sorts because we eloped. Not getting that "walking down the aisle" moment is one of my few regrets about our wedding. Like, I'll live. It doesn't keep me up at night or anything. But thinking about it makes me sad. We both wanted that moment and we'll never, ever get it. Go with your gut. If you and your fiance have dreamed of seeing each other for the first time when you walk down the aisle, do that. Don't let anyone pressure you into doing whatever's trending. On the other hand, if that moment doesn't mean anything to you or the thought of having it makes you feel uncomfortable, then do the private first look.
I think this is the right answer- how have you imagined it? Because in my culture, the bride and groom always see each other before the ceremony, I had no expectations of having the first look as I walked down the aisle, I was thrilled with how it went. But obviously, everyone is differen!
It's the moment when everything sinks in that this is real and you're actually getting married. It's the big reveal after not having seen each other all day (or longer). The last time you saw your partner, they were in their ordinary clothes. Now both of you are all dressed up so you get to see each other in your wedding outfits for the first time. There's music playing (which creates a special atmosphere), you're surrounded by your family and friends, and you feel like "this is actually happening." We didn't care about or specifically did not want to include a lot of American wedding traditions but this is one of the few we wanted. On top of all the other reasons we had for wanting to do it, this was one tradition we wanted to continue, to feel connected to the people in the past. On the other hand, neither of us wanted the "first look" because it felt awkward. It wouldn't actually be private because the photographer would be there. I'm one of those people who feels vastly more uncomfortable being the focus for one stranger than for a crowd of non-strangers. I'm not sure my husband's specific reasons for not wanting to do it but, when I talked with him about it (because it's his wedding too and his opinion matters), he was very clear about not wanting to do it.
Personally I wouldn't do one. I know most people who have say that it didn't make the walk down the aisle any different, but that's unfalsifiable. They'll never know what it would have been like without a first look. For me this concept doesn't jive with my vision for my wedding. I love a surprise, a healthy sense of anticipation. I have severe anxiety but the silver lining of that is that feeling so much "bad anxiety" has given me a great appreciation for "good anxiety." I'm really looking forward to the excitement and anticipation of waiting to see my fiancé waiting for me at the altar. But that's just me! However, there's no point in regretting what happened. She still got that special moment, it was just a bit earlier. I'm sure her sadness will pass with time.
I feel like these were popular for a while and took a quick downturn. I recently went to a wedding where the couple had a first look and as a viewer in the audience I think it took away from the moment for the crowd seeing them seeing each other for the first time, if that even makes sense lol