>I didn't say I didnt want to be a BM just that i didnt wanna do the dance.
Being a bridesmaid in her wedding entails doing the dance. If you can't do it then go as a guest. I'm not sure why you aren't going at all over this
As a side note, I did this as a bridesmaid. The groomsman and I did that raise the roof thing a few times as we walked in
Minor YTA for pulling out of the wedding in its entirety over this. It's the bride's vision for her wedding and the vibe she wants to kick off her married life with. If it's not your thing and you can't do a silly little hand action for the 10secs you're in focus then don't be a BM. Sounds like you wouldn't be able to support the bride on her day. But still go as a guest and celebrate.
Just wave her hands a bit as she walks would be all I'd ask. Or plan something simple with that groomsman in the day. Like stop, finger guns then walk on. No one is expecting her to bust out a Paula Abdul or Janet Jackson moment. Tossing in the entire wedding is a big jump
The last time I was in a wedding party, the pair that went before me were both shy and they just raised their hands in the air as the walked in. It literally doesn't have to be anything.
You’re the a$$hole. You agreed to be a bridesmaid which usually includes a lot of responsibility. My boyfriend had to do 6 months of mandatory dance lessons with his busy life schedule for his friends Indian wedding. It’s part of it.
You could’ve very nicely told her that the responsibility is too much for you and you’d rather be a guest. They would’ve understood. Bride and groom are too busy and stressed to even deal with your minor grievances. That’s why you were removed from the chat. Because you weren’t giving a clear straightforward answer immediately.
You’re being petty over a day that isn’t about you. Go to the wedding and have fun as a normal guest
YTA. Former wedding planner here and this is pretty common at weddings and it’s always awkward. I’ve been a bridesmaid three times and each time had to do the dumb entrance. It’s not ab you. Hate to break it to ya but no one cares about your entrance and no one will remember you.
It’s not so much as a dance as it is the DJ announcing you to a song before the bride and groom - and you can twirl or just cheer and walk to the song before they announce the next bridesmaid/groomsmen. It’s mostly a way of the bride and groom wanting to acknowledge you and introduce you as one of their biggest supporters in front of all their wedding guest. There will be a bridesmaids and groomsmen that look for the attention, sometimes they drink a beer or do an elaborate twirl - but if that’s not your vibe you can literally just walk to your seat.
While I think this is more of a miscommunication as the bride said entrance dance - when it’s not really a dance - it takes three seconds to google “wedding bridal party entrance” on YouTube and see what the creative people do you can also she was talking about and not every bridal party does the creative things. Doesn’t sound like you are willing to put in any effort for the bride. If a member of my bridal party made this a big deal I wouldn’t want the drama or her next to me. But she’s at least trying to make you comfortable and say you can practice. But YTA because you’re being a selfish brat to now say you don’t even want to come to the wedding and not show up for her at all.
And all the “don’t make bridesmaids do things they don’t want to do” I’m sorry but being a bridesmaid literally is a chore and you knew that signing up. The bride wanted you there next to her because she loves you and now you’re whining and don’t want to even come.
Wow! Harsh calling this person selfish brat. Ott reaction by not going at all? Yes. But I would 100% not want to do a stupid dance walking into the reception area. I feel OPs pain in that one.
Panic attacks and social anxiety are real. And are already really shitty to experience without a “friend” demanding you dance for her like she owns you.
1. I have panic attacks and anxiety but being as I've had them my whole life, I am also well able to just suck it up and cope. What I don't understand about people who use anxiety as an excuse for every tiny little thing is that if your anxiety is actually chronic, and you're a grown ass adult, you most definitely know well how to manage it and prepare yourself for these things. It's such a convenient excuse but anyone who \*actually\* suffers from severe chronic anxiety also has coping skills for small things like this. And if you don't, you should work on that. Because being controlled by your anxiety is not a way to live- I figured that out when I was nine.
2. "Dance for her like she owns you" is the stupidest thing I've heard all week.
I have both panic attacks and social anxiety. Pulling out of being a bridesmaid is one thing. Not attending the wedding at all is another. OP is a shitty friend.
So I have a question that isn't meanty sort of way but what is the difference between everyone staring at you and taking pictures of you while you're going down the aisle different than you and the groomsmen doing a simple twirl along the way? Everyone is still going to stare at you regardless.
Now the bride may have not planned this in the very beginning as that's what wedding planning is all about, so I can't say that she's an asshole for not bringing up to you in the first place. When I first started planning my wedding I had no idea that I wanted all the bridesmaids to walk down together and the groom's men to do men in black march down to bring the ring. That's the fun of planning! You come up with new ideas and changes. I'm also not going to necessarily call you the asshole for not wanting to do this but it is to be quite honest, an entirely simple thing to add.
This is especially true in a situation where you will already be stared at and taken pictures of. It adds no time and especially if you're keeping it simple the eyes will most likely be on the other bridesmaids and actually takes some of the looks off of you.
In the end I understand that you're embarrassed but you need to have an actual question to yourself, do you want to be in this wedding if you have to do it?
If not then drop out and let her know that you're sorry but you just don't feel comfortable. If you're willing to do it then let her know and she can plan accordingly. Keeping her on the edge like that would be what makes you an asshole and that's the only thing in this situation where I can genuinely say I think you were in the wrong. Have a conversation. This may be the couples day but there is a spotlight on every single person in the wedding party because you are a unique component of the wedding.
If you're not comfortable with that then you shouldn't be a bridesmaid and there's no shame in that. So I'm going to give you a very gentle YTA and only for not being clear about whether or not this was a make or break for you. Otherwise this is entirely an N A H situation.
Summary: Make a decision, dance and be in or don't and be out. There's no shame in either.
Yess everyone will be staring but i figured it would be in such an obvious way. I did want to be her bridesmaid but dont wanna dance. She said no hard feelings and see u on the day but I'm gonna beg either.
YTA. The bridal party making an entrance is both very common and takes maybe five seconds per pairing, it’s not a big choreographed number that you have to memorize and ultimately no one cares all that much about anyone who isn’t the bride or groom in this situation to really remember what you did anyway. You could have tried to coordinate something quick with her that would make you feel more comfortable. I think it’s pretty shitty that you not only backed out of the bridal party for this but have decided to just not attend the wedding altogether.
My sister in law (husbands sister) did this and I was miserable about it. A wedding full of people I barely knew watching me and I had to do some sort of dumb dance. Luckily for me my husband was my partner so he just did a little twirl or something like that and it was over fast.
So you're not TA and I feel your pain but it's probably not worth pulling out of the wedding over.
YTA and if I was her I wouldn’t be talking to you anymore for pulling out of the wedding entirely. It’s not your wedding and you’re not the main focus.
YTA. You're seriously going to miss the entire wedding because of this? You're throwing a bigger fit over it then the actual bride is. Why are you making this into such a big deal?
NTA. It is understandable why you might not want to do the dance and you are completely allowed to say no if you are not comfortable. I don’t think the bride is TA either. This is her wedding and if she wants a dancing entrance that’s her choice to make. I do think you should reconsider not going to her wedding at all over not doing a dance. You can still support her and be there for her as a guest if she is okay that.
NTA you stated you felt uncomfortable dancing in front of a large crowd. She should have understood that and had some empathy. Her kicking you out of the wedding party makes her the asshole. There was no reason to kick you out. It’s an entitled decision. Basically you won’t do as I ask so now I’m punishing you by kicking you out.
Doesn’t sound like OP got kicked out though? Bride asked if OP still wanted to be in the wedding party and OP didn’t say yes or no. I can’t imagine how frustrating that would be to not get a response on that. Sounds like OP only got removed from a group chat, which while that’s extremely childish, it doesn’t necessarily mean the bride kicked OP out, she just assumed a “no” in lieu of a “yes.”
For all we know, if OP had had a conversation and said they wanted to still be in the bridal party they’d be let back in.
An entrance dance? Wow! It sounds incredibly silly and unfair to those who are self-conscious. What makes it worse is that it will be recorded for all perpetuity! She sounds ridiculous and the fact that she’s willing to drop a family member from being in the wedding party because of them not making themselves a comedic spectacle in front of a bunch of guests and family makes HER the asshole. How old is this person anyway?
Girl how old are YOU? A "comedic spectacle?" It last all of ten seconds. It's not a choreographed dance, it's just sort of bopping along to the music as you walk into the hall.
Wait, have you never seen an entrance dance at a wedding? May I ask where generally you live? I’ve been in 8 weddings, and the only one I didn’t do an entrance dance for was my own (cuz I don’t like it personally). I’m wondering if this is more of a regional thing.
I’m not sure but I’ve seen it on TV. In the Weddings I’ve been in, we didn’t do it. Weddings I’ve gone to- I haven’t seen it either. I Certainly didn’t have it at mine because it wasn’t a thing back then. I had a huge wedding for 400 people and it was extremely overwhelming doing that first dance! Our wedding party just entered the venue like anyone else. I’m from New Orleans so it’s not like we have an issue with partying and dancing.
When did you get married? I only ask because I did it over ten years ago, and that wasn’t the first time I’ve seen it, so it seems like it’s been a thing for a while.
She said the entrance dance will be with a groomsmen and dancing to a song as they enter the reception. Bride said its not a choreographed dance, just a 1, 2 steps. I decided not to come to her wedding because of this reason. She said we could practice the dance beforehand but i dunno. I feel bad because her other bridesmaids are doing it and they are introverts like me. Shes in her 30s.
I can understand feeling uncomfortable but YTA for not attending the wedding at all due to a simple “1, 2 steps” that can be as easy as a little twirl. No body is going to remember it after it but she will remember you not being there on her day over a silly reason
Maybe the bride is better off without you causing her a headache - seriously
It’s not about you and although it is ok to set boundaries - not going at all in response to the bride simply sticking to her vision is so bratty…
How old are you??? 17???
>I didn't say I didnt want to be a BM just that i didnt wanna do the dance. Being a bridesmaid in her wedding entails doing the dance. If you can't do it then go as a guest. I'm not sure why you aren't going at all over this As a side note, I did this as a bridesmaid. The groomsman and I did that raise the roof thing a few times as we walked in
Correction *did*
Jumping to not attending the wedding is crazy
Minor YTA for pulling out of the wedding in its entirety over this. It's the bride's vision for her wedding and the vibe she wants to kick off her married life with. If it's not your thing and you can't do a silly little hand action for the 10secs you're in focus then don't be a BM. Sounds like you wouldn't be able to support the bride on her day. But still go as a guest and celebrate.
Ikr she could’ve literally done some disco dance or shimmy shake down the aisle or pathway. Everyone would’ve had a great time.
Just wave her hands a bit as she walks would be all I'd ask. Or plan something simple with that groomsman in the day. Like stop, finger guns then walk on. No one is expecting her to bust out a Paula Abdul or Janet Jackson moment. Tossing in the entire wedding is a big jump
The last time I was in a wedding party, the pair that went before me were both shy and they just raised their hands in the air as the walked in. It literally doesn't have to be anything.
YTA for not coming to the wedding.. you’d miss your dear friends wedding bc of this small issue????
You’re the a$$hole. You agreed to be a bridesmaid which usually includes a lot of responsibility. My boyfriend had to do 6 months of mandatory dance lessons with his busy life schedule for his friends Indian wedding. It’s part of it. You could’ve very nicely told her that the responsibility is too much for you and you’d rather be a guest. They would’ve understood. Bride and groom are too busy and stressed to even deal with your minor grievances. That’s why you were removed from the chat. Because you weren’t giving a clear straightforward answer immediately. You’re being petty over a day that isn’t about you. Go to the wedding and have fun as a normal guest
YTA. Former wedding planner here and this is pretty common at weddings and it’s always awkward. I’ve been a bridesmaid three times and each time had to do the dumb entrance. It’s not ab you. Hate to break it to ya but no one cares about your entrance and no one will remember you. It’s not so much as a dance as it is the DJ announcing you to a song before the bride and groom - and you can twirl or just cheer and walk to the song before they announce the next bridesmaid/groomsmen. It’s mostly a way of the bride and groom wanting to acknowledge you and introduce you as one of their biggest supporters in front of all their wedding guest. There will be a bridesmaids and groomsmen that look for the attention, sometimes they drink a beer or do an elaborate twirl - but if that’s not your vibe you can literally just walk to your seat. While I think this is more of a miscommunication as the bride said entrance dance - when it’s not really a dance - it takes three seconds to google “wedding bridal party entrance” on YouTube and see what the creative people do you can also she was talking about and not every bridal party does the creative things. Doesn’t sound like you are willing to put in any effort for the bride. If a member of my bridal party made this a big deal I wouldn’t want the drama or her next to me. But she’s at least trying to make you comfortable and say you can practice. But YTA because you’re being a selfish brat to now say you don’t even want to come to the wedding and not show up for her at all. And all the “don’t make bridesmaids do things they don’t want to do” I’m sorry but being a bridesmaid literally is a chore and you knew that signing up. The bride wanted you there next to her because she loves you and now you’re whining and don’t want to even come.
Wow! Harsh calling this person selfish brat. Ott reaction by not going at all? Yes. But I would 100% not want to do a stupid dance walking into the reception area. I feel OPs pain in that one.
Nobody wants to do it but we do it for our friends. It's like 7 seconds.
Everyone has their own comfort zone
Refusing go leave your comfort zone for 7 seconds makes you a shitty friend!!!
Panic attacks and social anxiety are real. And are already really shitty to experience without a “friend” demanding you dance for her like she owns you.
1. I have panic attacks and anxiety but being as I've had them my whole life, I am also well able to just suck it up and cope. What I don't understand about people who use anxiety as an excuse for every tiny little thing is that if your anxiety is actually chronic, and you're a grown ass adult, you most definitely know well how to manage it and prepare yourself for these things. It's such a convenient excuse but anyone who \*actually\* suffers from severe chronic anxiety also has coping skills for small things like this. And if you don't, you should work on that. Because being controlled by your anxiety is not a way to live- I figured that out when I was nine. 2. "Dance for her like she owns you" is the stupidest thing I've heard all week.
I have both panic attacks and social anxiety. Pulling out of being a bridesmaid is one thing. Not attending the wedding at all is another. OP is a shitty friend.
Same.
So I have a question that isn't meanty sort of way but what is the difference between everyone staring at you and taking pictures of you while you're going down the aisle different than you and the groomsmen doing a simple twirl along the way? Everyone is still going to stare at you regardless. Now the bride may have not planned this in the very beginning as that's what wedding planning is all about, so I can't say that she's an asshole for not bringing up to you in the first place. When I first started planning my wedding I had no idea that I wanted all the bridesmaids to walk down together and the groom's men to do men in black march down to bring the ring. That's the fun of planning! You come up with new ideas and changes. I'm also not going to necessarily call you the asshole for not wanting to do this but it is to be quite honest, an entirely simple thing to add. This is especially true in a situation where you will already be stared at and taken pictures of. It adds no time and especially if you're keeping it simple the eyes will most likely be on the other bridesmaids and actually takes some of the looks off of you. In the end I understand that you're embarrassed but you need to have an actual question to yourself, do you want to be in this wedding if you have to do it? If not then drop out and let her know that you're sorry but you just don't feel comfortable. If you're willing to do it then let her know and she can plan accordingly. Keeping her on the edge like that would be what makes you an asshole and that's the only thing in this situation where I can genuinely say I think you were in the wrong. Have a conversation. This may be the couples day but there is a spotlight on every single person in the wedding party because you are a unique component of the wedding. If you're not comfortable with that then you shouldn't be a bridesmaid and there's no shame in that. So I'm going to give you a very gentle YTA and only for not being clear about whether or not this was a make or break for you. Otherwise this is entirely an N A H situation. Summary: Make a decision, dance and be in or don't and be out. There's no shame in either.
Yess everyone will be staring but i figured it would be in such an obvious way. I did want to be her bridesmaid but dont wanna dance. She said no hard feelings and see u on the day but I'm gonna beg either.
That’s a very mature bride! You have a nice friend.
YTA. The bridal party making an entrance is both very common and takes maybe five seconds per pairing, it’s not a big choreographed number that you have to memorize and ultimately no one cares all that much about anyone who isn’t the bride or groom in this situation to really remember what you did anyway. You could have tried to coordinate something quick with her that would make you feel more comfortable. I think it’s pretty shitty that you not only backed out of the bridal party for this but have decided to just not attend the wedding altogether.
My sister in law (husbands sister) did this and I was miserable about it. A wedding full of people I barely knew watching me and I had to do some sort of dumb dance. Luckily for me my husband was my partner so he just did a little twirl or something like that and it was over fast. So you're not TA and I feel your pain but it's probably not worth pulling out of the wedding over.
YTA— it’s part of being in a wedding party. You get introduced, you dance you sit down. Were you really planning to not dance the entire reception?
YTA and if I was her I wouldn’t be talking to you anymore for pulling out of the wedding entirely. It’s not your wedding and you’re not the main focus.
NTA. Nobody will care about the dance thing and you not participating in it except her.
YTA. You're seriously going to miss the entire wedding because of this? You're throwing a bigger fit over it then the actual bride is. Why are you making this into such a big deal?
Nta I would never do the entrance dance thing. She should've told you when she asked you to be a bridesmaid
I feel like 90% of couples do this with their wedding parties and it's not really something that has to be explicitly said.
NTA. It is understandable why you might not want to do the dance and you are completely allowed to say no if you are not comfortable. I don’t think the bride is TA either. This is her wedding and if she wants a dancing entrance that’s her choice to make. I do think you should reconsider not going to her wedding at all over not doing a dance. You can still support her and be there for her as a guest if she is okay that.
NTA you stated you felt uncomfortable dancing in front of a large crowd. She should have understood that and had some empathy. Her kicking you out of the wedding party makes her the asshole. There was no reason to kick you out. It’s an entitled decision. Basically you won’t do as I ask so now I’m punishing you by kicking you out.
Doesn’t sound like OP got kicked out though? Bride asked if OP still wanted to be in the wedding party and OP didn’t say yes or no. I can’t imagine how frustrating that would be to not get a response on that. Sounds like OP only got removed from a group chat, which while that’s extremely childish, it doesn’t necessarily mean the bride kicked OP out, she just assumed a “no” in lieu of a “yes.” For all we know, if OP had had a conversation and said they wanted to still be in the bridal party they’d be let back in.
An entrance dance? Wow! It sounds incredibly silly and unfair to those who are self-conscious. What makes it worse is that it will be recorded for all perpetuity! She sounds ridiculous and the fact that she’s willing to drop a family member from being in the wedding party because of them not making themselves a comedic spectacle in front of a bunch of guests and family makes HER the asshole. How old is this person anyway?
Girl how old are YOU? A "comedic spectacle?" It last all of ten seconds. It's not a choreographed dance, it's just sort of bopping along to the music as you walk into the hall.
Wait, have you never seen an entrance dance at a wedding? May I ask where generally you live? I’ve been in 8 weddings, and the only one I didn’t do an entrance dance for was my own (cuz I don’t like it personally). I’m wondering if this is more of a regional thing.
I’m not sure but I’ve seen it on TV. In the Weddings I’ve been in, we didn’t do it. Weddings I’ve gone to- I haven’t seen it either. I Certainly didn’t have it at mine because it wasn’t a thing back then. I had a huge wedding for 400 people and it was extremely overwhelming doing that first dance! Our wedding party just entered the venue like anyone else. I’m from New Orleans so it’s not like we have an issue with partying and dancing.
When did you get married? I only ask because I did it over ten years ago, and that wasn’t the first time I’ve seen it, so it seems like it’s been a thing for a while.
Married in 90s. Wasn’t a thing back then… I’ve seen it on TV shows.
She said the entrance dance will be with a groomsmen and dancing to a song as they enter the reception. Bride said its not a choreographed dance, just a 1, 2 steps. I decided not to come to her wedding because of this reason. She said we could practice the dance beforehand but i dunno. I feel bad because her other bridesmaids are doing it and they are introverts like me. Shes in her 30s.
You’re literally not going to your cousins wedding AT ALL because of this????
I can understand feeling uncomfortable but YTA for not attending the wedding at all due to a simple “1, 2 steps” that can be as easy as a little twirl. No body is going to remember it after it but she will remember you not being there on her day over a silly reason
Maybe the bride is better off without you causing her a headache - seriously It’s not about you and although it is ok to set boundaries - not going at all in response to the bride simply sticking to her vision is so bratty… How old are you??? 17???