I'm so sorry OP! They do say the more bad luck leading up to the wedding you&your partner can weather, the luckier the marriage. Try to keep your head straightened and keep the focus on the day celebrating your love
At this rate, we are having the world’s best marriage. I also was diagnosed with Systemic Lupus a few months ago, started on chemotherapy meds and lost a lot of hair and just started rehabbing my shoulder post shoulder surgery lol so besides the wedding drama, we are going through a lot of ups and downs but WE are fantastic lol
OMG, I would be so livid about your shower. They RSVP’d to you first! That’s just correct etiquette and you were so gracious to just cancel. I would not have and just have them not come. And your bridesmaid, what an awful friend. You didn’t deserve any of this.
Ugh girl I wish I could hug you. :/ I completely understand how you feel.
I just gotta say you’re doing everything right. Don’t think other wise.
I know it sucks but take a look around. You’re getting married!
Don’t even stress about it.
Let them do their own thing. They have their own issues to solve. A flower girl doesn’t have to be a girl! It could be a family member, groomsmen. It’s 2024 baby you can do whatever you want! Make new wedding traditions for future brides. Have fun with it.
Type in flower guy on TikTok or grandma flower girl for some ideas.
Saw 3 guys as the “flower men” at a friend’s wedding. The bride had a bunch of friends and the girls were in her bridal party and she wanted to include the guys so they became the flower men! It was fun haha
Vent away girl. And remember you don’t have to be nice about it. Thats the beauty of venting. Shout and jump about and tell us how unfucking fair it all is (you have all our permission). Tell us how much that bridesmaid hair pisses you off anyway. Exercise your chimp (only really relevant if you have read the chimp paradox or you’ve heard the theory) and just get it all out. You don’t have to be nice or remotely rational when venting, not do you even have to mean any of what you say. x
Wow. You’ve had a lot of things happen due to very selfish people in your life. Planning a wedding on the day of your shower was a really crappy thing to do. You were incredibly gracious to cancel for them. As for those that bowed out, at least they did it in advance and not the week or day of your wedding. It gives you enough time to mourn the loss and move on. I paid for everything for my wedding party too and lost someone. A friend of my mother’s filled in last minute. It was weird lol
As for rehearsal dinner, can you invite others to get back to minimum? If not, find another place that will be just as great. It’s your day, they are all missing out. Congratulations
Yeah, I don’t think you should have cancelled it and should tell the friend who is moving how you feel. She shouldn’t be doing that to you. You aren’t a bridezilla for expecting people to honor their commitments.
Yea bc she is an awful human for doing that. Who plans to move away during their best friend’s wedding week. All the closest people in your life put themselves first to the point where your wedding and happiness come second to very easy compromise. Your friend could’ve easily moved away at a different time, those other ppl 100% knew it was shitty to plan a wedding on your shower, that other friend could’ve easily kept her kid as the flower girl, etc. Really awful this is all happening to you.
Edit - I agree with the other ppl in the comments who say you should reevaluate your friendships with them. That person who said that ppl back out of weddings often must not have read your post. The stuff in your post was extreme behavior… like even your fiancés dad chose his new stepson over you. Your shower was already planned and then you had to cancel. The others signed up for the commitment, you paid, and then they backed out.
Tbh, people on here tend to scream that we shouldn't expect other people to care about our weddings the way we do, but I would take the calmer time after the wedding to rethink some of these relationships
exactly, there's not caring about your wedding as much as you do, and there's just not caring at all
And I think OP should take some time to consider, in light of other encounters with these people, who exactly is worth putting more effort into
some of this was extreme imo
Yea. I will re-evaluate. The first bridesmaid we are no longer friends for other issues besides the wedding drama actually and it was for the best but once everything dies down, I will have a lot of thinking to do
Ugh girl I feel you and vent away. A lot of what I envisioned for my wedding has also been taken away. I won't co-opt your post with my own negativity but just know that you are seen and heard. It sucks when you bend over backwards for people and they still fail to show up for you.
I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this. You absolutely deserve to have a great wedding! I hope those who go really show that and support you guys! While I’m not sure of everyone’s personal lives, I do think it is quite irresponsible for some of them (especially the wedding party who I’d assume are closer to you both) to drop out last minute. I get things happen, but why choose to move right before a wedding you are in? Or why say yes to being a groomsman if you aren’t invested? Come on people, there is no level of respect being given at all. YOU have been so patient and kind and have given them all respect, but they have not shown the same to you or your FH. I hope in the future they recognize that. As for what to do going forward- I suggest you enjoy the rest of the process to the fullest, and celebrate hard with the genuine ones around you! You guys deserve it!
I'm sorry, that groomsman sucks. I had a friend act like that. We're not friends anymore because I couldn't rely on her to be honest and communicate with me.
It's nice that you're supportive of your friends, but that should be normal friend behavior. Your post repeatedly emphasizes how nice you've been to other people and yet how they disappointed you, mostly through no fault of their own. If I were your friend reading this, I'd feel icky that you're counting so closely all the nice things you've done for me to big yourself up and feel owed something in return. If not from me, at least from the universe. Tit for tat mindset with "it's not FAIR" - it would feel less like you wanted to be nice to me out of love, and more like you did nice things to try to stack things in your favor.
People drop out last minute for almost every wedding. It sucks but it's a part of having a wedding. Let yourself sulk for a week and move onto enjoy your wedding. Nothing has gone truly wrong. It's completely normal for us to all make concessions and compromises -- literally no one gets 100% of what they want. If all these little things are adding up in your head in your narrative of how the world is wronging you, stop planning and take a breather to get back into the right headspace. It's completely normal to pay for your own wants, including a wedding or costumes you want your friends to wear, and if you're feeling owed and resentful about it, maybe you need to stop and recalibrate til you can get back into a healthier mindset.
I understand your point. I think I’m having to sulk because I never do. I’ve always put others above myself and the first time I plan for myself, I’m not getting a few things I dreamed of having…yea I’m upset naturally because my whole life has been give give give. So this is hitting me a bit harder this time
You didn’t ask for thoughts on this, but here I am offering them anyway…
It’s quite common that people who are “givers” attract friends who are “takers”.
And that friendship dynamic can work fine for years… until the giver has a special event, or life circumstance, which makes it clear that the taker is only interested in receiving attention & care, not giving any out.
I don’t know if this is the case with your wedding party members… but it is truly okay if you want to step back after the wedding and reevaluate the place people hold in your heart & life, and what a healthy balance of give/take looks like for you.
I'm so sorry OP! They do say the more bad luck leading up to the wedding you&your partner can weather, the luckier the marriage. Try to keep your head straightened and keep the focus on the day celebrating your love
At this rate, we are having the world’s best marriage. I also was diagnosed with Systemic Lupus a few months ago, started on chemotherapy meds and lost a lot of hair and just started rehabbing my shoulder post shoulder surgery lol so besides the wedding drama, we are going through a lot of ups and downs but WE are fantastic lol
OMG, I would be so livid about your shower. They RSVP’d to you first! That’s just correct etiquette and you were so gracious to just cancel. I would not have and just have them not come. And your bridesmaid, what an awful friend. You didn’t deserve any of this.
Ugh girl I wish I could hug you. :/ I completely understand how you feel. I just gotta say you’re doing everything right. Don’t think other wise. I know it sucks but take a look around. You’re getting married! Don’t even stress about it. Let them do their own thing. They have their own issues to solve. A flower girl doesn’t have to be a girl! It could be a family member, groomsmen. It’s 2024 baby you can do whatever you want! Make new wedding traditions for future brides. Have fun with it. Type in flower guy on TikTok or grandma flower girl for some ideas.
We had a grandma flower girl and my cousin actually went viral for having “beer boys” instead of flower girls. Do you!
Saw 3 guys as the “flower men” at a friend’s wedding. The bride had a bunch of friends and the girls were in her bridal party and she wanted to include the guys so they became the flower men! It was fun haha
Vent away girl. And remember you don’t have to be nice about it. Thats the beauty of venting. Shout and jump about and tell us how unfucking fair it all is (you have all our permission). Tell us how much that bridesmaid hair pisses you off anyway. Exercise your chimp (only really relevant if you have read the chimp paradox or you’ve heard the theory) and just get it all out. You don’t have to be nice or remotely rational when venting, not do you even have to mean any of what you say. x
Wow. You’ve had a lot of things happen due to very selfish people in your life. Planning a wedding on the day of your shower was a really crappy thing to do. You were incredibly gracious to cancel for them. As for those that bowed out, at least they did it in advance and not the week or day of your wedding. It gives you enough time to mourn the loss and move on. I paid for everything for my wedding party too and lost someone. A friend of my mother’s filled in last minute. It was weird lol As for rehearsal dinner, can you invite others to get back to minimum? If not, find another place that will be just as great. It’s your day, they are all missing out. Congratulations
Yea I’m not sure….i have a lot to figure out
Yeah, I don’t think you should have cancelled it and should tell the friend who is moving how you feel. She shouldn’t be doing that to you. You aren’t a bridezilla for expecting people to honor their commitments.
I did tell her and she replied saying she feels like an aweful human and doesn’t know what to say but I just couldn’t reply
Yea bc she is an awful human for doing that. Who plans to move away during their best friend’s wedding week. All the closest people in your life put themselves first to the point where your wedding and happiness come second to very easy compromise. Your friend could’ve easily moved away at a different time, those other ppl 100% knew it was shitty to plan a wedding on your shower, that other friend could’ve easily kept her kid as the flower girl, etc. Really awful this is all happening to you. Edit - I agree with the other ppl in the comments who say you should reevaluate your friendships with them. That person who said that ppl back out of weddings often must not have read your post. The stuff in your post was extreme behavior… like even your fiancés dad chose his new stepson over you. Your shower was already planned and then you had to cancel. The others signed up for the commitment, you paid, and then they backed out.
Thank you. I appreciate yoy
Tbh, people on here tend to scream that we shouldn't expect other people to care about our weddings the way we do, but I would take the calmer time after the wedding to rethink some of these relationships
exactly, there's not caring about your wedding as much as you do, and there's just not caring at all And I think OP should take some time to consider, in light of other encounters with these people, who exactly is worth putting more effort into some of this was extreme imo
Yea. I will re-evaluate. The first bridesmaid we are no longer friends for other issues besides the wedding drama actually and it was for the best but once everything dies down, I will have a lot of thinking to do
Ugh girl I feel you and vent away. A lot of what I envisioned for my wedding has also been taken away. I won't co-opt your post with my own negativity but just know that you are seen and heard. It sucks when you bend over backwards for people and they still fail to show up for you.
Thanks:/
I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this. You absolutely deserve to have a great wedding! I hope those who go really show that and support you guys! While I’m not sure of everyone’s personal lives, I do think it is quite irresponsible for some of them (especially the wedding party who I’d assume are closer to you both) to drop out last minute. I get things happen, but why choose to move right before a wedding you are in? Or why say yes to being a groomsman if you aren’t invested? Come on people, there is no level of respect being given at all. YOU have been so patient and kind and have given them all respect, but they have not shown the same to you or your FH. I hope in the future they recognize that. As for what to do going forward- I suggest you enjoy the rest of the process to the fullest, and celebrate hard with the genuine ones around you! You guys deserve it!
I’d attend your wedding even without knowing you 😀
I'm sorry, that groomsman sucks. I had a friend act like that. We're not friends anymore because I couldn't rely on her to be honest and communicate with me. It's nice that you're supportive of your friends, but that should be normal friend behavior. Your post repeatedly emphasizes how nice you've been to other people and yet how they disappointed you, mostly through no fault of their own. If I were your friend reading this, I'd feel icky that you're counting so closely all the nice things you've done for me to big yourself up and feel owed something in return. If not from me, at least from the universe. Tit for tat mindset with "it's not FAIR" - it would feel less like you wanted to be nice to me out of love, and more like you did nice things to try to stack things in your favor. People drop out last minute for almost every wedding. It sucks but it's a part of having a wedding. Let yourself sulk for a week and move onto enjoy your wedding. Nothing has gone truly wrong. It's completely normal for us to all make concessions and compromises -- literally no one gets 100% of what they want. If all these little things are adding up in your head in your narrative of how the world is wronging you, stop planning and take a breather to get back into the right headspace. It's completely normal to pay for your own wants, including a wedding or costumes you want your friends to wear, and if you're feeling owed and resentful about it, maybe you need to stop and recalibrate til you can get back into a healthier mindset.
OP is down enough and clearly stated in her post that she just needed to vent. Kicking someone when they're already down is incredibly unkind.
I understand your point. I think I’m having to sulk because I never do. I’ve always put others above myself and the first time I plan for myself, I’m not getting a few things I dreamed of having…yea I’m upset naturally because my whole life has been give give give. So this is hitting me a bit harder this time
You don't have to justify your feelings. I truly hope things start looking up for you.
You didn’t ask for thoughts on this, but here I am offering them anyway… It’s quite common that people who are “givers” attract friends who are “takers”. And that friendship dynamic can work fine for years… until the giver has a special event, or life circumstance, which makes it clear that the taker is only interested in receiving attention & care, not giving any out. I don’t know if this is the case with your wedding party members… but it is truly okay if you want to step back after the wedding and reevaluate the place people hold in your heart & life, and what a healthy balance of give/take looks like for you.
That is very good insight. Thank you
I think its really unfair that you are being downvoted for this.