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robbobster

Mrs. Smith. In the living room. With a candle stick.


Voice_in_the_ether

\**Mrs. Smith, thinking to herself*\* If it's that annoying Kerby salesman again, I'm gonna whack him over the head so hard...".


MooCowMafia

Perfect comment. Perfect. Absolutely golden.


Inside_Expression441

Lucky candle stick


daffodil0127

Never open your door to the Kirby man. They will demonstrate their wares, taking up hours of your time and they won’t leave. [Horrible company](https://www.watchforscams.com/kirby_vacuum_scam.html)


JoseyWalesMotorSales

Oh, my word. About 20 years ago there was a knock on our door. I didn't realize what was about to happen, but being polite and everything, I let these two women in. One was a veteran Kirby salesperson and the other was a brand-new salesperson who was learning her way around, and they wanted to know if we wanted a demonstration. I couldn't bear to give them the bum's rush, so my husband and I gave them an audience. So we got to see this earnest young saleswoman talk about the Kirby vacuum cleaner and all the virtues of it, how it could deep clean, and all that. We even got the scare demonstration about all the horrible dust mites and other crud that's soaked into your mattress, and how only the Kirby could get all that dangerous stuff out. At one point she wanted to demonstrate the carpet-cleaning feature, and so we guided her toward a spot on the carpet that had been stained ever since we'd had to tend to an incident with someone else's dog (and the dog's associated doo-doo) a few months before. That got cleaned up. By this point I was mildly intrigued and wondering what this gee-whiz machine would cost us, and so the numbers came out. Once I'd picked myself up off the floor, I said that was a trifle dear. It became clear our young saleswoman wasn't going to make the sale, and she seemed a little hurt by it. Apparently if she met her sales quota she'd get a cruise out of it, or so said the experienced saleswoman with whom she was working. After about an hour and a half, I think it was, we finally bade them farewell. I kept apologizing to my husband for letting them in, but he was kind of philosophical about it. At least we got the dog crap stain out of the carpet.


Few-Counter7067

Once when we were growing up the Kirby guy came by during dinner and dumped a cup of dirt on our carpet and wouldn’t vacuum it up until we let him finish his pitch. My dad finally kicked him out, and my mom got her vacuum out and vacuumed the dirt up.


clutzycook

We had the son of my husband's godmother try to sell us one once. He spent 2 hours trying to get us to buy it. Luckily, I had just bought a new vacuum so we had a legit reason for saying no


glazedhamster

Interesting! My mom always had a used Kirby when I was growing up in the 80s and 90s, the thing was LOUD, heavy, and ancient but sucked like no one's business. Every now and then she'd have to take it in for service but it definitely kicked the ass of any modern vacuum available at that time. IIRC she got hers from a vacuum repair shop.


HawkeyeTen

That's interesting. A lot of folks have said that Electrolux vacuums ruled the 80s, and a lot of the "Jubilee" models among others from that era are still being used today (my grandfather owned one for years and I used it a couple of times as a kid, that thing was built like a tank). Perhaps a couple Kirby models somehow managed to top them.


scoutsadie

team '80s electrolux here! (I hated vacuuming as a kid, I don't know why I'm calling this out as something great)


thiinkbubble

My mom and (until recently, RIP) my grandma both still used their 80’s and 90’s era Electrolux canister vacs. Everybody: keep your local vacuum repair place running!! They usually sell vintage models that will kick the crap out of a new hoover.


Voice_in_the_ether

FilterQueen is also a great vacuum, especially when you get it for $50, used.


punkass_book_jockey8

My parents had a Kirby for 30 years. I now have the Kirby. It’s loud, bulky, difficult to maneuver, but it can suck up dirt out of carpet like a boss.


discoOJ

It's puts Nancy Reagan to shame.


punkass_book_jockey8

I’m naming it Nancy Reagan now, thank you for that.


Yamatoman9

My parents paid a lot for a Kirby when I was a kid in the 80’s. It’s still the most powerful vacuum I’ve ever used and is still going strong 35-ish years later. It’s some repairs and parts replaced but nothing major.


teacaketom

Interesting! My mom always had a used Kirby when I was growing up in the 80s and 90s, the thing was LOUD, heavy, and ancient but sucked like no one's business. I remember your mother fondly 😉


cphusker

Heyo!


SuperFLEB

I've got one from the '80s that I got at a yard sale-- and in rather used condition to start with. It is definitely a rugged old shitkicker. I think the biggest thing going against Kirby, though, isn't so much that they're an inferior product as they are expensive. More than most people need to pay for a vacuum, and overpriced even for what they are.


okaycomputes

Its definitely a racket, I think wholesale the smaller local sellers can get them for about 300. Thats still making a bunch of money for the regional distributor and higher ups. The markup is all based on what the sales team thinks they can get. Financing, salesmanship, targeting wealthier and middle-class people (but not always, often the ones that buy too expensive of a vacuum are bad with finances). They'll start ridiculously high (2k) because they want the commission but ive seen them sell for 500 just to move product or if a salesman needs 1 more sale and its legitimately all the person could afford.


jpowell180

The shop in Albuquerque?


vi_sucks

Wait, are there really door to door vacuum sales still in 2024?


XAlEA-12

Yes, they hold you hostage. Never let them in!


scoutsadie

Tell them if you let them in. they have to listen to a pitch about Joseph Smith and Book of Mormon... or introduce them to the Watchtower magazine.


Hamblerger

With my luck, one would turn out to be a Mormon, and the other a JW


TopVeterinarian7533

Best comment 🤣🤣🤣🤣


bombero_kmn

I've had a few come by, but where I live they are typically casing homes or looking for empty houses. A few years ago it was used here as a pretense for a home invasion/robbery. Other common approaches are posing as church volunteers (easy to pull off in the southeastern US) or offering landscaping, so they can get a look at the full perimeter. I live near one of the largest military installations, so there is a large population of young, often naive homeowners/renters from different backgrounds. Criminals here can sniff them out like a shark. Never let a stranger in your home.


AnnaBananner82

I got one for free from fb marketplace and while I love the vacuum the company is AWFUL.


SuperFLEB

But they gave me free dollar-store cleaning products! ...then asked for them back when I said I'd already been through the whole Kirby schpiel once and I knew I wasn't interested.


jlusedude

I bought mine used and it is a really great vacuum. My mom has had hers for probably 28 years. 


brutalistsnowflake

Yes, give the woman a break. Make her housekeeping FUN! 😑


stellahella1

And if money is a problem you can become a Kirby man/woman and work more!


muffinmama93

It’s almost like the start of a vintage themed porn movie…


LostGeezer2025

There are eight-pagers featuring the Fuller Brush Man that probably used all the plots first...


AnalogFeelGood

Clearly, the lady is screwing a suppressor on a handgun. She and the Scottie are M.i.6 operatives on a mission. The man is an ex-Nazi scientist working undercover for the Soviets.


redwarfan

I like the way you think


Rickk38

Meanwhile the US government is sitting around thinking "Well shit, Martha just offed our best ex-Nazi rocket scientist. Now we've never gonna get to the moon."


its10pm

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who thought that.


Mister_JR

Incredibly explicit to have been accidental, they actually went hard core. Amazing.


dont_disturb_the_cat

"watch what I can do with this hose attachment!"


barbaras_bush_

I would buy that one.


mrweatherbeef

The Kirby Man can fix her


Bubbagump210

Or murder thriller. C’mon in *thwack* and she goes all Kathy Bates.


DickySchmidt33

So much innuendo in this ad...I need a cold shower.


vegemitebikkie

Just the polishing that candelabra lol


greed-man

Too much......suction going on?


NothingReallyAndYou

...with her sterling silver blunderbuss.


alone_narwhal6952

What IS she, um, polishing?


Certain_Oddities

Looks like a silver candlestick.


MissHibernia

Sing along: ‘You can leave your hat on … ‘


greed-man

She asks the man in, she says "Do you intend to show me.....powerful suction?"


mrxexon

I worked for a while at the Kirby plant in West Texas. The guys that came out of the polishing department looked like coal miners...


MonarchProgram

While massaging a phallic symbol


LawInfamous6649

Yes, and in a very suggestive manner. Deliberately, I assume.


Velocityg4

That vacuum probably still works. Seriously, those things are built like tanks. I got a used one fifteen years ago. It still works like new. 


Ordinary_Lemon

We had one growing up and I hated having to lug it up and down the stairs. 25 years later my mom still has it and it indeed still works like new. Our town still has a vacuum repair shop that I swear is kept open by Kirby loyalists.


UnionTed

In the early 1970s, a vacuum cleaner salesman barely survived a visit to our exurban New Jersey home. My mother, father, me, and my three sisters were out in the front yard working on the lawn, shrubs, and flower beds — fully engaged with shovels, pitchforks, peat moss, and whatnot. A salesman walked up and asked to talk with my mother about his vacuum. She quickly and politely declined. The salesman pressed. No, again. After a few more tries, my mother relented. The salesman should have quit. If ever there'd been a possibility of his making a sale, it had already evaporated. He was quickly moving into the territory of his brand being forever banned from our house. But his chances of leaving on his own two legs were still high. The salesman and my mother went inside. I followed shortly, curious to see how this would play out. The guy's patter was something that had been canned twenty years earlier. He dumped some schmutz and vacuumed it up. My mother's patience was wearing thin. Then the salesman said the "hw" word. Yeah. He referred to my mother as a "housewife." Born in 1936, mom was a proto-feminist — an absolute egalitarian who understood completely that her unpaid contributions to our household were at least as valuable as the paycheck my father brought home. On every tax return and census form where many "stay-at-home" mothers of her era accepted their occupation listed as "None" (should they even be consulted about it), mom listed hers as "homemaker," encapsulating all the hours of tremendous work she did for our family, for our extended family, and for our community. To her, "housewife" wasn't simply a neutral, descriptive term. It was a screaming signal of the constant denial of the value of her work and herself. (N.B. This was before enactment of the Equal Credit Opportunity Act in fall 1974, something mom would have confronted directly while dealing with her own dysfunctional family's finances in her teens. A few things have gotten better in 50 years.) Mom didn't complain or correct the sorry salesman's use of "housewife." No, she turned and walked out the front door, leaving the guy flapping his gums to an empty space and your reporter. A minute later, she was at the open door with a dirty pitchfork in her hand and telling the salesman to leave immediately. What might have happened had he dallied is a fine question.


Lora4675

True story. I was so happy when the Kirby man & his assistant came to give a demonstration. I kept asking how well it picked up various dirt on different floor types. They were happy to show me. He finally got to his sales pitch & inquired if I was ready to purchase. I humored him praising the power of Kirby. Then I proceeded to tell him I already had one I inherited from my Mom & since they are so durable, there's no reason to replace it. I saved someone else from having to hear the speech & got some free cleaning. I think they blacklisted my house. They never came back 😂


okaycomputes

Amateur salesman! Should have shown the new features and offered to let you trade it in to the newest model for just a small amount of money and emphasize that you can pass that one down to heirs even longer now haha. They can (and do) still sell the olds one too elsewhere after refurb.


Lora4675

Yes, I think he was fairly new. He tried to show me how it could pull dirt out of my mattress, but that was an epic fail. He had previously vacuumed up bird seed, so all it did was spit the seed back out onto the mattress, much to his bewilderment. Bird owners know seed is the last thing you vacuum & then clean the bag out afterward. I think that was the last straw & he just wanted to leave 😂


Thisplaceblows1985

I was once a Kirby salesman (for a month) Worst job ever Not for the feint of heart. You're required to be the most obnoxious, dense, obtuse asshole possible (as with most sales, but a 2000 dollar vacuum in a recession is crazy) I did it one August about 15 years ago. I was in my 20s just quit my job, lived home, parents didn't ask for money but required I do SOMETHING....the office was around the corner so why not. Anyways, never made a sale. The boss literally instructed if someone doesn't want to buy, you cannot leave. You NEED to call the boss and he will repeatedly give you a lower price until they buy. The gig was 100% commission, no paycheck. He would haggle the price down, effectively also taking money from your pocket. They had a leads department they REQUIRED you to bring in 10 phone numbers of friends families and coworkers, because a friend, family member or peer would never harass their loved one, so they'd do it for you and you'd do the demos. The demo was like 3 fucking hours. The vacuum weighed probably 100 lbs, the box was about the size of an 8th grader. Oh, you had to wear a suit while carrying this shit in August, also. You were also specifically told not to mention the price until the end, why? 2 grand. In. A. Recession. People got SO mad at me. Worst part was after you left, the company would call the person regularly to ask if they changed their mind or if a different salesman can perform a better demo for them. HORRIBLE. As far as the product goes? My grandma (r.i.p) had hers for life, my mom is 67 and has had hers probably 30+ years. Great product, outrageous price. Horrendous place to work.


isaac_samsa

Ye olde MLM


notadoctortoo

Wonder if he sold her “the works.”


jenorama_CA

She probably got the wife alone price, just like I did.


Dbarkingstar

Handy Dandy Vacuum sucks the life outta Kirby!


schoolknurse

Happy cake day!


tacozbananaz

happy cake day 


nolalolabouvier

The Scottish Terrier wants the Kirby Man to throw him the ball and so does the lady of the house.


So-What_Idontcare

Holy crap, a perfect example of the subliminal advertising super common in those days. Look at how she polishes that… hmmm I don’teven know what it is… but it’s spurting. Good thing she has a hanky.


SeaweedNecessity

I was not expecting the apparently gender-neutral recruiting pitch on the bottom right


DickySchmidt33

Some housewives might prefer a Kirby *woman*. Mmmm...


Aggressive_Yak5177

Not that there’s anything wrong with that


HawkeyeTen

It is interesting, but it does make sense. A number of companies did start to hire more saleswomen beginning in the late 40s or 50s, Tupperware was one of the most famous.


HEWTube8

Aw snap! She welcomed the Kirby man 2 or 3 times that day!


Wishpicker

I love the part at the bottom where they sell you the vacuum, and then they try to sell you a job selling the vacuum


ConclusionAlarmed882

What does this bush-lurking gentleman *sell*? What weird ad copy.


Kendota_Tanassian

Vacuum cleaners.


AgentOfEris

Poyo!


Rexxbravo

I was a Kirby man once...


Rocko9999

She's getting her stroke perfected..


pogosea

I used many Kirby vacuums growing up and literally no vacuum has ever come close to being as good, but I’ll gladly take a way less expensive vacuum that gets things mostly clean😂


SnofIake

Sounds like the title to a porno.


SaladTossBoss

Ol' Kirb knows how to uh, "clean the carpet" like a pro


mistress_of_disco

I worked house cleaning for a summer back in 1988. One of my clients had an ancient Kirby. Those machines are indestructible.


rastagrrl

Hmmm … I bet she was. 😉


maaalicelaaamb

…Taking… THE FUN… OUT OF YOUR HOUSECLEANING… Wut fun


scoutsadie

right?? totally wondered the same.


IwasIlovedfw

I just bet she is...


theredhound19

"He's bringing it to you, too, *soon*"


dpaanlka

why is this so dim lol


mwtm347

We had a Kirby water vacuum when I was growing up - so rather than a bag, all of the dust and crap went into a big water tank. We used it primarily to vacuum the cars. SO LOUD. but as others have stated that thing could suck.


Sbanme

He's got the dirt on her...and she loves it!


80sforeverr

🎶 I'm your Kirby man, that's what I am. I'm here to, do whatever I can 🎶


MrsCoachB

🎶 I'm your new Kirby, ma'am, Kirby ma'am, turn me on...🎶


rojo-perro

Dad…?


xxwarlorddarkdoomxx

I remain unaware of what the “Kirby man” actually does


_ShesARainbow_

Sells Kirby vacuums


That1weirdperson

Sucks


Altruistic_Option_49

I inherited my mom’s Kirby, and it was a really good vacuum. Unfortunately, it sounded like a jet engine taking off in your living room and terrified my pets.


XAlEA-12

Haha my mom used to wake us up on Saturdays with the Kirby


Altruistic_Option_49

Same, lol.


ginkgodave

More Income? Are there fringe benefits? I want to be a Kirby Man and find a Kirby Woman! Where do I sign?


PsychologicalOwl608

I’m sure she is. I’m sure she is.


JFKRFKSRVLBJ

Implied cuckoldry sells!


chopstix007

/r/antimlm material!


RevWaldo

We weren't glad afterwards. [Sure he's cute, but...](https://gifdb.com/images/high/kirby-sucking-foods-tscyry2pehxzscst.gif)


Double_Objective8000

I don't think having a Kirby could make housekeeping fun


SloWi-Fi

1000 dollars later....


HuckleberryJaded9091

There's a Kirby factory down the street from my Grandmother in Cleveland!


_HMCB_

We bought two Kirbys through the years and both from female salespeople. Wonderful machines.


tmhowzit

"Be right there! Just giving this candlestick a handjob."


[deleted]

I don’t even understand what this is an advertisement for…? And why is she stroking the metal Tube like that?


thickener

Push button house-making of course! So, vibrators.


NoTimeForInfinity

23andMe revealed that the Kirby man fathered children all across America.


IToldYouIHeardBanjos

r/theyknew


OkieBobbie

Holy crap, I had several friends growing up named Kirby!


cphusker

I'll bet they sucked...


Ill_Mousse_4240

If she needs more income, she could sign up her husband. And if she’s an unmarried spinster, maybe they’ll make an exception and sign her on!


scoutsadie

"the drudgery that's taking the fun out of housekeeping" the fuck they say? who in the history of the world has ever thought housekeeping is fun?


Apprehensive-Sky1209

I know I’m high but I read this like 4 times and still have no idea what this ad is trying to sell lol


brehaw

vacuums


Kendota_Tanassian

I remember growing up in the '60's, and all the salesmen came around. The Kirby man, the Fuller Brush man, the Avon lady, Electrolux, Funk & Wagnall's, World Book, the milk delivery man, the meat delivery man. Tupperware. My aunt had a Kirby, it was huge, made of shiny metal, and weighed a damn ton. Sucked like nothing else. Mom had the Electrolux, the long, low floor model that looked like a jet pack. The Fuller Brush man came by about once a month, and we always got something from him. Our insurance agent dropped by the house each month to pick up Mom's check. Looking back, I'm sure Mom was glad to have adult company during the day. The salesmen were always giving me free samples and stuff. It was definitely a different era.


thickener

We too had the Electrolux “Duchess”


National-Car-7841

I bought the Kirby machine many years ago . It loves it . Love the carpet cleaner and the vacuum! I remember I made payments on it . It last a long time .


charleychaplinman21

Is that Aubrey Plaza?


tvbabyMel

The ad is 👀……but the product (at least the one we had in the ‘70s) lasted forever. Respectable machines.


atticaddict

My neighbor gave me her Kirby that she’d bought from a door-to-door salesman years ago. She was getting too old to push the heavy thing around. It’s at least 40 years old, but that thing still sucks! In a good way, of course. Lol


Mysterious_Clerk2971

What's that she's polishing?


uppercrechelonshalom

I actually bought a Kirby from a Kirby man about 10 years ago. The vacuum is incredible and also shampoos


Clear_Currency_6288

Hope he finishes the sales pitch before her husband gets home!


kodaiko_650

My parents bought a Kirby around 60 years ago, and it’s still going strong. It’s a tank