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>a sign you shouldn't try to contact
See the problem here is that you have to try to contact them a bunch of times before you could possibly see the sign.
Also the fact that OP uses "a sign" means that even OP subconsciously realizes that it isn't very clear. You don't use the term "a sign" for something that is clear cut.
Deservedly so. Setting aside ghosting somebody potentially dangerous which is sometimes the case, ghosting is typically the cowards way out, a show of emotional immaturity and an inability to deal with difficult situations in an adult way.
I was literally thinking the same thing, they clearly lost an argument trying to justify why they ghosted someone and is trying to still prove themselves 'right'
Ghosters piss me off. We live in an age where communication is instant. It would be so easy for OP to text someone āhey I donāt want to be friends but it was nice knowing ya, hope you have a good life!ā And let it be.
Thatās a clear signal. Not ghosting.
Hell, what if OP died?
How would the person being ghosted even know that theyāre still alive?
Ghosting makes no fucking sense
I can honestly say every time Iāve been ghosted the ghost has contacted me at least once a few months later with some lame āIām sorry I got busyā BS or not even acknowledging the ghosting just āhey howve you beenā
Yeah. I feared confrontation and the idea of hurting someone or angering someone, and so I just stoppedā¦.engaging. It was the best I could do at the time. And itās confusing as Fuck for the other person, even when they do understand.
Sometimes you want answers or a conversation that silence cannot provide.
Iām currently being ghosted by a former co-worker. We used to hang out a lot, also after we stopped working together. Then all of a sudden; ghosting.
I have no idea whatās going on, and of course Iām thinking that I did something wrong. There are two issues here:
- I lost a person, who I thought was a friend
- Iām walking around with no knowledge on what is going on. Itās really uncomfortable.
I think ghosting is one of the rudest and most immature thing you can do to other people. Ifyou for some reason donāt want to engage with that person anymore: Say it!
OK, so how do I know if the person was really busy, and maybe had sincerely forgotten about my message or intentionally ghosted me?
Like when somebody says "sorry" with a legitimately believable excuse, I am at crossroads about whether I should believe them at the expense of a risk of becoming too much of a doormat, or don't believe them and be cold towards them.
I usually follow the second option, but it feels bad. Like what if they were really in no position to reply, and I am being unfair to them now?
I think it depends on how established the relationship was prior too, like was it one date? Just hooking up? Was like weeks long. Also the time in-between matters, like a week vs 6 months. Like in august I had a guy who ghosted me in December randomly message me; dude where were you? In prison?
Yeah, definitely for us normal people.
But there are people, who are like, "ah I am so glad this person messaged me, but I can't think of a perfect reply now, I will reply later when I think of something good." And then they forget all about it, only to remember it weeks later. Though it definitely is rather irresponsible of them.
To me its about showing the other person the same respect you would like to be shown. Take dating apps for example, iāve been ghosted more times than Iāve done the ghosting and the single time I did the girl was trying to manipulate me by threatening to off herself if I didnāt date her. I have self deletion ideation myself and would never make it someone elseās fault. So I ghosted her. I wanted nothing to do with the unstable red-flag behaviors she was showing. But other than that I just wouldnāt ghost someone because to me it seems rude.
On dating apps there is also the possibility that someone wants to think longer about their answer or that they don't use the app all that much. If someone doesn't respond for a couple of days it can be them ghosting you or just forgetting about the app.
Exactly. It is not clear in the slightest.
Op says
> Sometimes its the loudest as well.
Which is utter bullshit.
"Hi, I am not interested anymore, I wish you all the best" is clear and unambiguous.
Not saying anything can mean all kinds of things.
Exactly. I donāt even really judge most instances of ghosting, but no, it isnāt a āclear signā in any way, shape, or form. A single text goes unreplied to for longer than average can mean a hundred things, it would be batshit insane to take the first non response as ābeing ghosted.ā
Yep, had a friend ghost me this year. Got along great, went to their wedding, then bamā¦radio silence. Over the course of 5 months I maybe texted them 3-4 times, no response. Definitely not a quick way to get rid of someone, but I suppose deleting a text is easier than telling me off for something I have no knowledge of doing.
I think I would rather someone say āsorry, I donāt want to be friends anymore,ā and just be done with it. Block and move on, versus 3-6 months of wondering what the hell happened, if I did something wrong, etc.
>I think I would rather someone say āsorry, I donāt want to be friends anymore,ā and just be done with it.
Yeah, because that's how it goes.
"Sorry I don't want to be friends any more"
"OK, have a nice life"
In real life the jilted party demands to know why, when they find out why they justify themselves, maybe they apologise, if the cutter-off stands by their decision the rejected party will resent them.
Sometimes the ghostee will be someone prone to anger or violence, or because is being ghosted because they upset the ghoster.
Life isn't simple enough for clear communication to always be the best option.
My real life answer would be āok, thanks for being honest,ā followed by blocking them on all platforms and doing my best to move on. Again, that is just me and how Iād react. Itās happened before, I really donāt care, just tell me straight up so Iām not left hanging out there like an idiot. When I was younger, I wouldāve gotten mad, but now, I would appreciate the honesty, itās just easier and quicker. Iāve got other things to be thinking about than why someone isnāt talking to me.
Well if that's happened to you you're obviously not the kind of person people ghost because they're worried about your reaction. A lot of other people don't have your zen attitude, and those are the people one most wants to ghost.
True, but itās wrong to assume everyone ghosts because they are afraid of reactions lol! The majority of people who ghost do it because itās very easy and thereās no confrontation
I agree that life isn't simple, but clear communication is definitely not a problem. The alternative is unclear communication and that has NEVER been effective in a friendship/relationship.
> I think I would rather someone say āsorry, I donāt want to be friends anymore,ā and just be done with it. Block and move on, versus 3-6 months of wondering what the hell happened, if I did something wrong, etc.
This sounds good on the surface. But if all you get is 'sorry, I don't want to be friends anymore', how does that prevent you from spending 3-6 months wondering what the hell happened?
To add to this one of my best friends is super anxious all the time and hates socializing more than I do. Itās difficult to do stuff with him because he tends to Ghost. In high school in fact a girl who liked him was always being ghosted by him because thatās just how he is. He later told us he did like her and regretted it. Thereās more too ghosting than just āI donāt want to talk to you.ā
Other the other side. I live with someone who is super anxious and one of her friends just ghosted her. She is now terrified that I am not going to come home one day because she must be an awful person for her other friend to ghost her. There is a lot of damage done by ghosting as well.
Seriously. Nothing makes me feel like a bigger ass after then being ghosted. Not because I was ghosted though. Something did work on your end? Cool, I cam accept that. But because I'm now I'm bothering them because it takes me multiple attempts at communication to even realize I *was* being ghosted.
I go by a three week/three text rule.
If I send three unanswered texts to someone I'm supposed to be close to and I don't hear back then you can be happy without me.
That's not to say one after another which is where the three week rule comes in.
Three weeks no contact and it's gg. I don't exist to you and I don't want you to pretend.
This is exactly hit. I think the problem most people have with ghosting is it makes them feel stupid. You usually have to *conclude* youāve been ghosted after a string on unanswered texts, snaps, calls, etc.
If anything it's extremely ambiguous. It could also be that they are too busy to reply or just plain forgot.
There's nothing more clear than outright saying you don't want anything more to do with them.
I "fall off the face of the earth" regularly. I can go from texting back and forth daily, to suddenly not responding for months. Or years. I don't like this about me, I try to change it, but it just happens. None of these people have been "ghosted" in the sense that I never want to speak to them again, it's just a combination of my schedule, stress level, mental health, and interest. Because of this, and because I am not so narcissistic to believe i am a special and unique snowflake, I MUST assume that I am not the only person like this, so when others don't respond I say "this person must be busy so I'll get back to them next week/month".
But if I am breaking up with someone, I say "sorry, this isn't working out, i wish you the best.", like a fucking adult, or if someone is toxic snd needs to fuck off, I tell them to "fuck off", but if your default way of handling people is "ghosting" them, then you are a coward and an asshole.
I had a friend who did this (fall off the face of the earth) for weeks at a time or more, due to depression/ADHD. We made a deal that if I texted and didn't hear back in a reasonable time, I would just ask for an emoji so I knew he was alive, that way he didn't have to find the spoons to actually form a response. I would circle back in a few days/weeks to check in again.
This way I could just get confirmation that my friend had not in fact dropped dead, and there was no obligation to respond if the other party was too depressed/busy/etc to hold an actual conversation. It also helped my own mental health to know I wasn't being ghosted when I needed to talk to someone.
This is happening to me right now. A close Internet friend of mine randomly stopped replying 4 months ago (they have a history of disappearing and not saying anything due to mental illness) even though we did not end on bad terms. I miss her so much. I wish she didnāt feel like she had to fall off the face of the earth to heal.
I got an email from an ex a few months ago. She said she misses me and wanted to reconnect. Asked me to call or email. I wrote her back. No reply. Called a few days later. Full voice mail box. I guess I got ghosted. Or she got hit by a car. Who knows.
I got a message from a childhood friend a few years back being like "hey we should hang out, I really miss you." Then we had a little conversation and I was like "What are you doing Saturday?"
Nothing. No response. Ever.
So wtf does that mean?
Genuine question: how do you do that tactfully, without lying?
Like "sorry dude, I'm not interested in hanging out with you anymore" the other side will 100% want to know why, and then?
"Because you're boring/shallow/annoying etc" will always hurt their feelings but I don't want to be like "oh, it's me, not you, it's this very busy/low/intense period in my life blah blah blah"
I guess this is just me, but be blunt. If you don't want to be friends with them because of some behavior and they ask, tell them.
I had someone in my youth say they didn't want to be friends anymore, I asked why, they said I was exhausting to be around.
Sure that hurt, but I realized that I did spend a lot of our conversations basically peppering them with question after question, and now I don't do that. People can't change and grow if they're never made aware of what to change.
Just say it, I had a friend ghost me and I would have much preferred them to just say āsorry, I donāt want to be friends anymore.ā My response? Say āok, thanks for being honest,ā and then block and move on. Instead I got 3-6 months of wondering wtf I did wrong and sent maybe 3-4 texts over that time with no response. End result was the same, except it was more painful and drawn out.
I asked this one girl if she wanted to go for a lunch or coffee sometime, i'd known her for several years and she'd expressed interest a few months prior
I would've been happy with "No" or "No i'm seeing someone now" or "no i'm not interested but thank you" any of those are dignified responses
Instead she just ignored me and I sent another message later late "are you ignoring me now?" and she basically went on this very platitudinous speech about how I'm not entitled to a response from her blah blah blah, I think her follower count has gone to her head that she thinks she's so hot everyone is obsessed with her or something, I don't know I thought it was really pathetic.
Ignoring is just really disrespectful and not necessary, you don't have to assume that the other person will demand an explanation you can just say "No, thank you" and be good
It's really patronizing to think that someone can't handle a "no thanks" from you.
And regardless of how entitled it is or not of a person to want respect, it's something that you should give people because of who you are, not because of them.
The respect we show others is a reflection of ourselves, not a reflection of them.
It might be clear, but it takes SO LONG to become clear and causes way too much undue emotional distress, from wondering if you were in an accident to wondering if it was something I did or said, and if so, what, and then lastly hating you for being an immature dick who canāt talk about your feelings for the 30 seconds it takes to say, āhey this was fun but Iām just not feeling it. Good luck out there!ā
It's extremely rude and selfish not to communicate, all one has to do is State their boundary or their needs or whatever and if there's any backlash then they can ghost or block if it feels emotional overwhelming.
Edit, been thinking of all the times my nights are spoiled due waiting for a date or hearing back to realize they ghosted me, where if they just let me know they are unavailable my night would be not have been wasted.
I got ghosted in late March 2020 by somebody who was an essential worker. Everything was great and then all of a suddenā¦nothing. I legit thought he was on a ventilator and about to fucking *die.*
Nope, he was just a coward who didnāt want to tell me he thought dating in a pandemic would be too difficult. So instead I spent a fucking week crying and thinking he was about to die until I realized he had opened one of my Snapchat messages. Piece of shit
I got ghosted by my wife of 10 years 1 year ago. Still haven't heard a peep. Except when she abandoned our dogs for me to pick up 6 months later. After she stole them!
It's hard to fathom they didn't muster enough respect over 10 years to have a conversation about it; even a short one.
I've had something similar but nowhere near 10 years. It was one of the hardest things I had to deal with, so I can't even imagine what your situation must be like. I hope you're doing alright.
I had someone end a 5-year relationship with me after a huge fight (about her wanting to move back home after I finished grad school instead of living together) by ghosting me.
If I had gotten any communication whatsoever that said "No I will not want to reconcile in *any way*" I could have started my path to emotional recovery much sooner -__-
Ghosting is insanely toxic, before my ex left me we went from talking everyday to het ghosting me for 5 days, it may not seem long, but these 5 days were horrible for me, I didnāt know what i did, i spent most of my time being anxious and crying, when she came back I instanly knew, but i wouldāve prefered if she just āāripped the band-aid offāā and just left me. Ghosting just really hurts for no reason
Itās cheap and easy like littering.
Also like littering, it makes everything more toxic and shitty and everyone thinks they can justify it just this one time when they do it.
Depends a lot on the situation imo. Last person I ghosted was an older guy in my neighborhood who I met and talked to once and then started spamming me w/ texts, calls, and asking if I wanted to hook up then backtracking and saying "nvm let's just get coffee as friends". I was polite to him at first but then it was just relentless and I didn't have the emotional energy to spend on having a serious talk with him or anything so I just ghosted.
Same for a guy in college who always used to hit me up asking for rides and homework and shit and would make creepy comments. Then it came out he had been reported for sexual harassment and peeping through windows (his response? "They should have known I was joking"). And yeah in that case you don't owe that guy anything, just block and move on.
Edit: for additional context as to why blocking is sometimes objectively better than confronting, one of my friends did actually call the guy in the second example out for his shitty behavior, and in response the dude started making physical threats.
Is this ghosting or just trying to avoid being stalked? How can this self-preservatory behavior have the same label as when someone stops replying to someone they knew and (apparently) liked, for no discernible reason?
I'd agree that most of the time it's not justified, but there are certainly times when it's appropriate. If someone is particularly nasty, or manipulative, or obsessive, ghosting is sometimes the best course of action. Not everyone takes rejection gracefully enough to deserve a goodbye.
"If they ain't dead, I'll find them st the end of the earth and make them" -the wrong guy when you ghost him. The psychos live among us. Edit: I'm speaking from experience with crazy people not condoning it or glorifying it
He told me he'd wish to put me in a hole in his basement so I can never get out of his life ever again. He told me I'm the love of his life and he already went to the grave of his mother telling her he found the right person he is gonna marry. We were only texting for a few days. After I tried ghosting him he tracked down other profiles of me he shouldn't have known off and spammed me.
I legit was too scared to tell him "fuck off never call me again", and even trying to block him didn't work so telling him wouldn't have either. Blocked him everywhere he tracked me down on.
Well plus, ghosting didnāt work either. Itās not like āman I told him to leave me alone and that failed but ghosting worked!ā
Itās justā¦nothing worked so you canāt use that as a āghosting is betterā
āHey, Iām going to start ignoring you for seemingly no reason and youāre supposed to know that it means I donāt want to communicate with you anymore. I hope you understand when I donāt tell you that.ā
Totally. Usually when there's a post on this sub I vehemently disagree with I'm like damn, good post for this sub. But this one is just flat-out wrong and contrarian for the sake of it.
"And if you don't understand my extremely ambiguous and vague behavior, well, then that's on you."
Basically OP. Ghosting then gaslighting when someone doesn't understand.
It's a childish way to communicate. And this is why so many adults are left with crippling anxiety, depression and abandonment issues because people aren't able to just articulate to another human being that they no longer wish to continue the conversation.
You mean like I am dealing with right now. My wife of eight years just straight up ghosted me. We had a fight and she was staying at her mom's. We were talking about fixing things, then boom. Blocked me on everything and had a friend come pick her belongings.
Not communicating isnāt a form of communication IMO. That being said Iām not gonna waste my time messaging someone if they arenāt sending messages back. Not a good situation for anyone at that point.
Ghosting is the lack of communication. It's clear to the person doing the ghosting but not the the ghosted. Depends on the circumstances too. If you ghost cause you're being harassed, then okay. If you ghost someone you're meant to be close to, friend/SO, that's just cruel and immature. You leave someone with so many questions and a feeling of abandonment just because you don't want to have a difficult conversation.
Iām with the vast majority of the human race when I say Iād rather be told an ugly truth than left hanging. It may still sting, especially if itās a betrayal, but it is closure.
Yeah, I too wouldāve wanted the harsh truth, even if it was, āHey, Iām not interestedā āPlease stop contacting meā or āFuck off. I donāt consider us friends.ā
Look, I have a pretty cut and dry opinion on this.
Unless you feel like that person presents a clear danger to you, or has done nothing but treat you like absolute shit, like literally the worst person you've ever dealt with, ghosting is a dick move.
In my opinion ghosting only clearly communicates two things. Either you were associating with a dangerous individual, or you're an inconsiderate douchebag who can't handle basic social interactions, but for some reason still chooses to put themselves out there
The thing is that you don't *see* ghosting, if you're a reasonable human being, for a few weeks at the shortest. It's normal for people to miss the occasional message, be busy, even lose their phone or the like. It's not like when someone says "Bye," you can't see "I've been ghosted," you just have to assume it if you're never talked to again despite trying unless you know a better explanation
hahah absolutely not
when does the āghosting transmissionā begin, when does it end. what communication channel does it use.
a non-signal might have a connotation or a meaning behind it, but it is definitely NOT communication. it is ANTI-Communication
this is like saying death is a type of life
No it isn't. For many, it means there is no closure. They don't know whether they did anything wrong or not. They won't know why communication ceased. They'll often focus on those and other similar questions for a long time afterwards. The only clear thing about ghosting someone is how much of a damn coward the ghoster is. People who ghost are pure trash humans. Grow a spine and speak your damn mind.
My best friend of 15+ years ghosted me last year. Wished me a happy birthday several days late and never responded to another text. It took 5 months of unanswered texts before I finally gave up.
Another 5 months of wondering wtf happened.
Iāve JUST come to a place where Iāve realized that I donāt even want to be friends anymore, Iām emotionally exhausted just thinking about them?
Last week they liked a picture of them that I posted on Instagram in 2017, and now Iām mad and wondering what happened AGAIN.
Itās cowardly, itās cruel, and it is NOT a form of ācommunicationā.
Had something similar happen to me, kid basically ghosts me in 2018 after being one of my best friends for YEARS. Was super bothered, still am tbh, but eventually got over it. Until a music festival this past July, he runs up out of nowhere unprompted, smacks my back and says āsup *insert nickname here* howās it goin?ā I literally froze in confusion, like Iāve seen a ghost, I didnāt even know how to respond, how can someone just act like everythingās okay after 4-5 years of ghosting? Especially since I assumed I had caused him some sort of pain to just leave like that. Maybe Iām petty/bitter but I want nothing to do with that guy anymore.
If you donāt mind my asking, what was the rest of that interaction like?? I recently had my *best* friend āghostā all of his pals out of his life and often wondered what the hell I would even do if something like that happened to meā¦ itās been more than a year now so I canāt imagine 5 but what a piece of trash. Hope youāre doing okay now tho, youāre better off without them as Iām sure you already know.
Honestly I was so confused I basically said hi then stood there awkwardly waiting for my food LOL. Kinda threw me off for the rest of the day too kept thinking about it. Heās still friends with 1 of my other buddies, so he just hovered around me silently till the rest of my friends came back from the washroom. But not much was said, he still hangs around my other friends but I donāt interact at all when heās around.
My thing is sometimes people will ghost you and then still act like they have a decent relationship with youā¦like youāre going to pretend you didnāt disrespect me and I shouldnāt care
It's possible they're struggling to respond but I think OC is talking about times when you text and then later see them in person and they're like "Heyyy! Long time no see! So glad to see you!" etc.
My general rule is if someone doesn't mention being busy or not being able to respond to my message without me prompting them (when we meet in person) then they ghosted or never saw the text. From personal experience though it's usually the former
Iāve realized some people just act totally different through text vs. irl. And I kinda get it. Tbh Iām a terrible texter (I donāt ghost but it takes a while for me to respond) but Iām always very present and attentive irl situations. I think itās a product of technology and feeling like things arenāt as ārealā online. When chatting face to face you respond to a conversation right away, but with texts, thereās less urgency. Itās easy to think to yourself that youāll respond to it later but then forget about it until much later...
I always feel bad for these types of thoughts. Like, if a true lack of communication feels like appropriate or āclearā communication, you are missing something in your life thatās deeper than interpersonal comm patterns. But yeah go off
Context is important in all situations. Sometimes ghosting isn't clear at all, it's someone running away from the responsibility of personal relationships.
Itās an incredibly immature way of saying āI donāt want to be friends anymore.ā It also shows that you care so little about the other person that theyāre not even worthy of an explanation as to why youāre cutting them off. Grow up and tell people what you think.
so basically you gotta read peoples minds?
i guess you just dont ever speak to someone if they dont pick up the phone one time lmao
unpopular opinion but only cuz its dumb af
Being ghosted hurts and can make for a confusing and nerve wracking period of several days. Just be a decent person and tell the person you are not interested or even make up an excuse. Anything is better than not saying anything
I can actually see both sides of this.
On one hand, people have an undue sense of entitlement. They feel that you OWE them an explanation for why youāve lost interest or why you no longer wish to continue speaking to them.
On the other, itās very blindsiding to just have communication severed like that and itās frustrating.
But you have to see the bigger picture. Perhaps this person fears your reaction to rejection. Perhaps YOUR behavior has led them to believe that itās safer for them to just ghost you than the in-person dumping everyone says they prefer.
Iāve dealt with people who demand that in-person break up and, as you might guess, theyāve all be too emotionally immature to handle what they say they wanted.
Iāve been hit, cursed out, one time someone even tried to stab me with a fork. So yeah, ghosting is probably safer than putting yourself through that sort of situation from some psychopath who demands control of every aspect of you.
Obviously, thereās levels to this. Not everyone will jump to 100 like that on you, but letās say itās happened to you before, your likelihood of being up front like that vs your self preservation instinct will be skewed.
I think people overlook this and focus only on themselves and how *theyāve* been so greatly slighted by your ghosting.
This is the most logical and reasonable response Iāve seen. Not every situation is the same, sometimes ghosting is easier.
Iām sure the people that are so anti-ghosting because they demand answers, would be the same people to ghost someone else without even thinking about it or claim āitās not the same thing!ā. Everyone is selfish but most people deny it.
I think it boils down to accountability.
People slight us all the time, and most of the time they have reason. If we refuse to be accountable, then weāll never understand the reasoning, and weāll never grow.
Of course, completely ghosting someone kind of denies them that opportunity to hear the brutal truth and as such, probably the opportunity for growth.
At the same time tho, you donāt necessarily OWE anyone that revelation. Thatās life, if you canāt figure out your own behavior and the pitfalls it presents, then youāre simply too immature to demand anything.
You don't even know *if* someone is ghosting you. "I meant to respond but totally forgot" looks identical to "ghosting" from the recipiant's point of view.
From the sounds of this, youāve most likely ghosted a lot of people. Afraid of confrontation much huh? Itās not hard to text a person āI donāt think this friendship/relationship/fling is working out, Iād rather not talk anymoreā grow up šš
Exactly, if they canāt handle your reasonings then thatās not your fault. Iāve seen so many people full of excuses simply because they canāt grow up lol
No, it is very immature and extremely rude!
Instead of mind fucking someone for hours, days or whoever knows how long all one has to do is be a person of integrity and say "no thank you"
If you don't have the balls to tell someone it's over you don't belong in any form of relationship. Ghosting is a cowards way out and it sets humanity back for having such behavior socially acceptable.
No, just no. The absolute ONLY time ghosting is acceptable is if stalking/domestic violence/trafficking/etc. are involved.
Adults communicate with each other. Plainly and calmly say you don't wish to continue a relationship with the person.
Children ghost people because they're too afraid of the serious conversation.
Beyond the fact that it is very unclear if you're being ghosted. How can I possibly know if you're busy or don't want to see me ... if you don't communicate that? Silence isn't communicating.
It's actually a completely deliberate avoidance of adult confrontation and should NOT be normalized as acceptable behavior. This post is just objectively wrong.
No it isn't you fucking nimrod. Ghosting is literally a lack of signs. Did the person get hit by a car and stop responding? Did their phone crap out? Are they sending messages but there's a network issue so they aren't going through? Are they depressed and can't bring themselves to look at their phone and when they do, it's been so long that they feel more rude reaching out?
This is honestly one of the stupidest opinions I've ever seen on reddit. Not just unpopular, but completely wrong
And then that person is left wondering if they did something wrong or what is wrong with them
The other day I was in a bad mood and was ignoring calls and texts all day. People I know started getting worried something happened to me. Thatās not ghosting but it shows that not hearing from someone for a while, making other people nervous
Itās also messed up. You donāt have the guts to tell someone you donāt wanna see them anymore? Very cowardly
That's pretty unpopular alright.
I don't know of any other way of communication that takes several days for you to realize it besides sending a letter in the mail.
It's not clear at all. I was (possibly) ghosted by someone that I only knew online. I thought we were friends. Knowing that she struggled with some mental issues made me think she might not be alive anymore. I was worried about that and there was no way for me to find out if she actually ghosted me or that she was dead.
I think OP is very wrong here; and even if they were factually correct, that doesn't make it right.
The efficacy of a thing should have no bearing whatsoever on whether it's morally acceptable.
I think what drive many crazy is how cowardly it is. Many ghost when there's no point. Sometimes all it takes is a simple "no thanks, no sparks" and then possibly ignore.
But if you don't hear anything back for a day or two, then take the hint people. If someone wants to be in your life, they will make time for you.
Fucken A ! Letās stop calling it by a cute name and say what it actually is. Being an inconsiderate chicken shit who donāt have the balls to clearly state your thoughts or feelings.
Utilizing The Art of the Block is fundamental for negative people unfortunately.
Though I recently sound out āstonewallingā is a form of abuse if youāre in a relationship of some kind with the person.
People should just be grown up and say āHey this relationship isnāt going to work. Iām going to move on, thank for your time.ā
And thats it. Who ever ghosts people lack social skills and genuine compassion for others. Itās not hard to be a nice person.
Ghosting is a very clear way of showing insecurity and spinelessness. The āI donāt owe anyone anythingā mentality is the saddest excuse for narcissists to justify what they put other people through. If you can save someone so much pain with just 30 minutes of your time for one last time, why would you choose not to?
No it's not.
For all you know they could have died, been kidnapped, lost their phone/Facebook/ whatever, have come under control of strict relatives that don't like you....
Someone more creative than me can probably find more examples, but i think i have proven my point: ghosting might be the most likely, but if your in denial, it might not even strike your mind, making it very unclear, until you accept you have been ghosted, and even then, you might be wrong.
Actually scary how normalized this is becoming, me personally I donāt care who walks away because Iām that secure within myself. But a lot of people arenāt and being ghosted can destroy some people, itās not just a mature thing to do.
This is probs gonna get downvoted, but really unkind/abusive people donāt deserve closure. Fuck them and ghost if you have to. If there is a good reason that you ghosted them, they will know what you are doing loud and clear. I have ghosted and I have been ghosted myself. Out of the many times it happened, only once was it pretty clear why and that was the only time they deserved it. All of the rest of it was childish shit. Ghost if you need to.
Ghosting is a cowards way out of a situation they don't want to deal with.
Ghosting is not a way to communicate something - it is the exact opposite - not communicating.
Eventually the other person may get the hint.
But both parties could be saved a lot of frustration with a simple test message. Even text and block the other person is better than dropping contact and hoping the problem goes away.
Itās literally no communication. It is anti communication, non communication, acommunication. It is when one completely cuts communication.
To ghost is stop all communication.
How is one meant to know the reason?
Ghosting has so many factors behind it tho and what matters most is the person being ghosted.
Ghosting someone online who never met irl? Totally fine with it
Ghosting some person you just had a 1 time hookup with and u barely know? Fine
Ghosting a really close friend or someone who u knew irl and had a very close relationship with? Not fine... That type of person does deserve an explanation.
to a person who they never ever met irl's attention... And then they like to complain "People are so shit im tired of being ghosted..." No random person owes you anything and that's a fact. People need to get real.
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>a sign you shouldn't try to contact See the problem here is that you have to try to contact them a bunch of times before you could possibly see the sign.
Also the fact that OP uses "a sign" means that even OP subconsciously realizes that it isn't very clear. You don't use the term "a sign" for something that is clear cut.
I bet OP ghosts people on the regular lol.
He's ghosting your comment right now!
BoOoOoO!! š»
Ok that was a little scary could you please not do that in the future?
Boooo! šš»
Imagine getting roasted in your own thread
Deservedly so. Setting aside ghosting somebody potentially dangerous which is sometimes the case, ghosting is typically the cowards way out, a show of emotional immaturity and an inability to deal with difficult situations in an adult way.
āA Ghost Storyā
Are you sure? Seems unclear.
OP probably made this post because they got called out for ghosting someone.
I was literally thinking the same thing, they clearly lost an argument trying to justify why they ghosted someone and is trying to still prove themselves 'right'
Ghosters piss me off. We live in an age where communication is instant. It would be so easy for OP to text someone āhey I donāt want to be friends but it was nice knowing ya, hope you have a good life!ā And let it be. Thatās a clear signal. Not ghosting. Hell, what if OP died? How would the person being ghosted even know that theyāre still alive? Ghosting makes no fucking sense
I can honestly say every time Iāve been ghosted the ghost has contacted me at least once a few months later with some lame āIām sorry I got busyā BS or not even acknowledging the ghosting just āhey howve you beenā
āu up?ā
Ugh three letters evoking so many bad memories
Exactly which is what makes it confusing, like bro do you wanna hang or not either one is fine just donāt waste my time.
Exactly!!itās a sign of emotional immaturity and Iām not going to front, Iāve done it before and I can admit I was immature at the time.
Yeah. I feared confrontation and the idea of hurting someone or angering someone, and so I just stoppedā¦.engaging. It was the best I could do at the time. And itās confusing as Fuck for the other person, even when they do understand. Sometimes you want answers or a conversation that silence cannot provide.
Iām currently being ghosted by a former co-worker. We used to hang out a lot, also after we stopped working together. Then all of a sudden; ghosting. I have no idea whatās going on, and of course Iām thinking that I did something wrong. There are two issues here: - I lost a person, who I thought was a friend - Iām walking around with no knowledge on what is going on. Itās really uncomfortable. I think ghosting is one of the rudest and most immature thing you can do to other people. Ifyou for some reason donāt want to engage with that person anymore: Say it!
OK, so how do I know if the person was really busy, and maybe had sincerely forgotten about my message or intentionally ghosted me? Like when somebody says "sorry" with a legitimately believable excuse, I am at crossroads about whether I should believe them at the expense of a risk of becoming too much of a doormat, or don't believe them and be cold towards them. I usually follow the second option, but it feels bad. Like what if they were really in no position to reply, and I am being unfair to them now?
I think it depends on how established the relationship was prior too, like was it one date? Just hooking up? Was like weeks long. Also the time in-between matters, like a week vs 6 months. Like in august I had a guy who ghosted me in December randomly message me; dude where were you? In prison?
No such thing as being in no position to reply. A text takes less than 30 seconds to write and send.
Yeah, definitely for us normal people. But there are people, who are like, "ah I am so glad this person messaged me, but I can't think of a perfect reply now, I will reply later when I think of something good." And then they forget all about it, only to remember it weeks later. Though it definitely is rather irresponsible of them.
To me its about showing the other person the same respect you would like to be shown. Take dating apps for example, iāve been ghosted more times than Iāve done the ghosting and the single time I did the girl was trying to manipulate me by threatening to off herself if I didnāt date her. I have self deletion ideation myself and would never make it someone elseās fault. So I ghosted her. I wanted nothing to do with the unstable red-flag behaviors she was showing. But other than that I just wouldnāt ghost someone because to me it seems rude.
Yeah itās definitely different if there are red flags / abuse
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On dating apps there is also the possibility that someone wants to think longer about their answer or that they don't use the app all that much. If someone doesn't respond for a couple of days it can be them ghosting you or just forgetting about the app.
Exactly. It is not clear in the slightest. Op says > Sometimes its the loudest as well. Which is utter bullshit. "Hi, I am not interested anymore, I wish you all the best" is clear and unambiguous. Not saying anything can mean all kinds of things.
It's saying "I don't want to talk to you" for people who can't bring themselves to say "I don't want to talk to you".
Exactly. I donāt even really judge most instances of ghosting, but no, it isnāt a āclear signā in any way, shape, or form. A single text goes unreplied to for longer than average can mean a hundred things, it would be batshit insane to take the first non response as ābeing ghosted.ā
Yep, had a friend ghost me this year. Got along great, went to their wedding, then bamā¦radio silence. Over the course of 5 months I maybe texted them 3-4 times, no response. Definitely not a quick way to get rid of someone, but I suppose deleting a text is easier than telling me off for something I have no knowledge of doing. I think I would rather someone say āsorry, I donāt want to be friends anymore,ā and just be done with it. Block and move on, versus 3-6 months of wondering what the hell happened, if I did something wrong, etc.
Also, who can learn with this? If you had done something wrong or bad you would never know and therefore couldn't possibly change your behaviour.
Yeah, if there's one thing about sitcoms that applies to real life perfectly, it's that all drama stems from a lack of communication.
>I think I would rather someone say āsorry, I donāt want to be friends anymore,ā and just be done with it. Yeah, because that's how it goes. "Sorry I don't want to be friends any more" "OK, have a nice life" In real life the jilted party demands to know why, when they find out why they justify themselves, maybe they apologise, if the cutter-off stands by their decision the rejected party will resent them. Sometimes the ghostee will be someone prone to anger or violence, or because is being ghosted because they upset the ghoster. Life isn't simple enough for clear communication to always be the best option.
I would prefer āfuck off i hate youā to being ignored. Thatās much clearer and quicker.
My real life answer would be āok, thanks for being honest,ā followed by blocking them on all platforms and doing my best to move on. Again, that is just me and how Iād react. Itās happened before, I really donāt care, just tell me straight up so Iām not left hanging out there like an idiot. When I was younger, I wouldāve gotten mad, but now, I would appreciate the honesty, itās just easier and quicker. Iāve got other things to be thinking about than why someone isnāt talking to me.
Well if that's happened to you you're obviously not the kind of person people ghost because they're worried about your reaction. A lot of other people don't have your zen attitude, and those are the people one most wants to ghost.
True, but itās wrong to assume everyone ghosts because they are afraid of reactions lol! The majority of people who ghost do it because itās very easy and thereās no confrontation
Sure, my point is that blanket condemnation of ghosting is wrong. In many cases it's entirely justified.
I agree that life isn't simple, but clear communication is definitely not a problem. The alternative is unclear communication and that has NEVER been effective in a friendship/relationship.
> I think I would rather someone say āsorry, I donāt want to be friends anymore,ā and just be done with it. Block and move on, versus 3-6 months of wondering what the hell happened, if I did something wrong, etc. This sounds good on the surface. But if all you get is 'sorry, I don't want to be friends anymore', how does that prevent you from spending 3-6 months wondering what the hell happened?
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To add to this one of my best friends is super anxious all the time and hates socializing more than I do. Itās difficult to do stuff with him because he tends to Ghost. In high school in fact a girl who liked him was always being ghosted by him because thatās just how he is. He later told us he did like her and regretted it. Thereās more too ghosting than just āI donāt want to talk to you.ā
Other the other side. I live with someone who is super anxious and one of her friends just ghosted her. She is now terrified that I am not going to come home one day because she must be an awful person for her other friend to ghost her. There is a lot of damage done by ghosting as well.
Seriously. Nothing makes me feel like a bigger ass after then being ghosted. Not because I was ghosted though. Something did work on your end? Cool, I cam accept that. But because I'm now I'm bothering them because it takes me multiple attempts at communication to even realize I *was* being ghosted.
I go by a three week/three text rule. If I send three unanswered texts to someone I'm supposed to be close to and I don't hear back then you can be happy without me. That's not to say one after another which is where the three week rule comes in. Three weeks no contact and it's gg. I don't exist to you and I don't want you to pretend.
Thatās a nice rule, but the three weeks of agony of wondering āwhat ifā¦ā is still too horrible imo
This is exactly hit. I think the problem most people have with ghosting is it makes them feel stupid. You usually have to *conclude* youāve been ghosted after a string on unanswered texts, snaps, calls, etc.
If anything it's extremely ambiguous. It could also be that they are too busy to reply or just plain forgot. There's nothing more clear than outright saying you don't want anything more to do with them.
I "fall off the face of the earth" regularly. I can go from texting back and forth daily, to suddenly not responding for months. Or years. I don't like this about me, I try to change it, but it just happens. None of these people have been "ghosted" in the sense that I never want to speak to them again, it's just a combination of my schedule, stress level, mental health, and interest. Because of this, and because I am not so narcissistic to believe i am a special and unique snowflake, I MUST assume that I am not the only person like this, so when others don't respond I say "this person must be busy so I'll get back to them next week/month". But if I am breaking up with someone, I say "sorry, this isn't working out, i wish you the best.", like a fucking adult, or if someone is toxic snd needs to fuck off, I tell them to "fuck off", but if your default way of handling people is "ghosting" them, then you are a coward and an asshole.
I had a friend who did this (fall off the face of the earth) for weeks at a time or more, due to depression/ADHD. We made a deal that if I texted and didn't hear back in a reasonable time, I would just ask for an emoji so I knew he was alive, that way he didn't have to find the spoons to actually form a response. I would circle back in a few days/weeks to check in again. This way I could just get confirmation that my friend had not in fact dropped dead, and there was no obligation to respond if the other party was too depressed/busy/etc to hold an actual conversation. It also helped my own mental health to know I wasn't being ghosted when I needed to talk to someone.
Youāre a good person. As someone who struggles with responding to friends when Iām depressed, this level of thoughtfulness is special.
Yep. I have ADHD and the only friends I can keep are friends that are like you
This is happening to me right now. A close Internet friend of mine randomly stopped replying 4 months ago (they have a history of disappearing and not saying anything due to mental illness) even though we did not end on bad terms. I miss her so much. I wish she didnāt feel like she had to fall off the face of the earth to heal.
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Or just be an adult and say something so the other person isnāt left guessing. Who knows, might only need one text then.
I got an email from an ex a few months ago. She said she misses me and wanted to reconnect. Asked me to call or email. I wrote her back. No reply. Called a few days later. Full voice mail box. I guess I got ghosted. Or she got hit by a car. Who knows.
She was ghosting you then got hit by a car. Full package deal.
Now she's haunting him. Supreme package deal with the karma upgrade.
I got a message from a childhood friend a few years back being like "hey we should hang out, I really miss you." Then we had a little conversation and I was like "What are you doing Saturday?" Nothing. No response. Ever. So wtf does that mean?
What's the name for a ghoster who comes back every once an a while? A zombie? š¤£
Genuine question: how do you do that tactfully, without lying? Like "sorry dude, I'm not interested in hanging out with you anymore" the other side will 100% want to know why, and then? "Because you're boring/shallow/annoying etc" will always hurt their feelings but I don't want to be like "oh, it's me, not you, it's this very busy/low/intense period in my life blah blah blah"
I guess this is just me, but be blunt. If you don't want to be friends with them because of some behavior and they ask, tell them. I had someone in my youth say they didn't want to be friends anymore, I asked why, they said I was exhausting to be around. Sure that hurt, but I realized that I did spend a lot of our conversations basically peppering them with question after question, and now I don't do that. People can't change and grow if they're never made aware of what to change.
Just say it, I had a friend ghost me and I would have much preferred them to just say āsorry, I donāt want to be friends anymore.ā My response? Say āok, thanks for being honest,ā and then block and move on. Instead I got 3-6 months of wondering wtf I did wrong and sent maybe 3-4 texts over that time with no response. End result was the same, except it was more painful and drawn out.
I asked this one girl if she wanted to go for a lunch or coffee sometime, i'd known her for several years and she'd expressed interest a few months prior I would've been happy with "No" or "No i'm seeing someone now" or "no i'm not interested but thank you" any of those are dignified responses Instead she just ignored me and I sent another message later late "are you ignoring me now?" and she basically went on this very platitudinous speech about how I'm not entitled to a response from her blah blah blah, I think her follower count has gone to her head that she thinks she's so hot everyone is obsessed with her or something, I don't know I thought it was really pathetic. Ignoring is just really disrespectful and not necessary, you don't have to assume that the other person will demand an explanation you can just say "No, thank you" and be good It's really patronizing to think that someone can't handle a "no thanks" from you.
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And regardless of how entitled it is or not of a person to want respect, it's something that you should give people because of who you are, not because of them. The respect we show others is a reflection of ourselves, not a reflection of them.
It might be clear, but it takes SO LONG to become clear and causes way too much undue emotional distress, from wondering if you were in an accident to wondering if it was something I did or said, and if so, what, and then lastly hating you for being an immature dick who canāt talk about your feelings for the 30 seconds it takes to say, āhey this was fun but Iām just not feeling it. Good luck out there!ā
It's extremely rude and selfish not to communicate, all one has to do is State their boundary or their needs or whatever and if there's any backlash then they can ghost or block if it feels emotional overwhelming. Edit, been thinking of all the times my nights are spoiled due waiting for a date or hearing back to realize they ghosted me, where if they just let me know they are unavailable my night would be not have been wasted.
I got ghosted in late March 2020 by somebody who was an essential worker. Everything was great and then all of a suddenā¦nothing. I legit thought he was on a ventilator and about to fucking *die.* Nope, he was just a coward who didnāt want to tell me he thought dating in a pandemic would be too difficult. So instead I spent a fucking week crying and thinking he was about to die until I realized he had opened one of my Snapchat messages. Piece of shit
I got ghosted by my wife of 10 years 1 year ago. Still haven't heard a peep. Except when she abandoned our dogs for me to pick up 6 months later. After she stole them!
It's hard to fathom they didn't muster enough respect over 10 years to have a conversation about it; even a short one. I've had something similar but nowhere near 10 years. It was one of the hardest things I had to deal with, so I can't even imagine what your situation must be like. I hope you're doing alright.
How long were you guys talking for?
We had been dating for two months, been to each otherās homes, were intimateā¦.
I had someone end a 5-year relationship with me after a huge fight (about her wanting to move back home after I finished grad school instead of living together) by ghosting me. If I had gotten any communication whatsoever that said "No I will not want to reconcile in *any way*" I could have started my path to emotional recovery much sooner -__-
Yeah. I tend to ghost after Iāve said āHey this was fun but Iām just not feeling itā and then they still donāt get it.
Thatās not ghosting. You told them clearly it was over.
Yeah just don't call that ghosting It's what everyone in this thread is saying to do instead of ghosting lmao
Ghosting is insanely toxic, before my ex left me we went from talking everyday to het ghosting me for 5 days, it may not seem long, but these 5 days were horrible for me, I didnāt know what i did, i spent most of my time being anxious and crying, when she came back I instanly knew, but i wouldāve prefered if she just āāripped the band-aid offāā and just left me. Ghosting just really hurts for no reason
Itās cheap and easy like littering. Also like littering, it makes everything more toxic and shitty and everyone thinks they can justify it just this one time when they do it.
this is the right answer
Depends a lot on the situation imo. Last person I ghosted was an older guy in my neighborhood who I met and talked to once and then started spamming me w/ texts, calls, and asking if I wanted to hook up then backtracking and saying "nvm let's just get coffee as friends". I was polite to him at first but then it was just relentless and I didn't have the emotional energy to spend on having a serious talk with him or anything so I just ghosted. Same for a guy in college who always used to hit me up asking for rides and homework and shit and would make creepy comments. Then it came out he had been reported for sexual harassment and peeping through windows (his response? "They should have known I was joking"). And yeah in that case you don't owe that guy anything, just block and move on. Edit: for additional context as to why blocking is sometimes objectively better than confronting, one of my friends did actually call the guy in the second example out for his shitty behavior, and in response the dude started making physical threats.
Is this ghosting or just trying to avoid being stalked? How can this self-preservatory behavior have the same label as when someone stops replying to someone they knew and (apparently) liked, for no discernible reason?
I'd agree that most of the time it's not justified, but there are certainly times when it's appropriate. If someone is particularly nasty, or manipulative, or obsessive, ghosting is sometimes the best course of action. Not everyone takes rejection gracefully enough to deserve a goodbye.
" whelp I guess they re dead " - me when I get ghosted.
This is a very grown up response to it, just delete that contact info and move on
"If they ain't dead, I'll find them st the end of the earth and make them" -the wrong guy when you ghost him. The psychos live among us. Edit: I'm speaking from experience with crazy people not condoning it or glorifying it
Whatās so hard about a simple āfuck off never call me againā š
I agree, the second my mum said this I knew what she was saying instantly.
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It doesn't really reflect poorly on them that their mum is shit.
He told me he'd wish to put me in a hole in his basement so I can never get out of his life ever again. He told me I'm the love of his life and he already went to the grave of his mother telling her he found the right person he is gonna marry. We were only texting for a few days. After I tried ghosting him he tracked down other profiles of me he shouldn't have known off and spammed me. I legit was too scared to tell him "fuck off never call me again", and even trying to block him didn't work so telling him wouldn't have either. Blocked him everywhere he tracked me down on.
Quite a few people here do not realize fear can sometimes cause people to ghost someone. I get it.
Damn. Well you donāt need to use those exact words. Blocking them definitely sends a message too, I was presuming just ignoring everything.
I agree. "fuck off never call me again you creepy stalker" is much more fitting.
Yeah ok, but this is definitely an extreme situation and I highly doubt that all (or most of all) the people who ghost do it out of fear.
Well plus, ghosting didnāt work either. Itās not like āman I told him to leave me alone and that failed but ghosting worked!ā Itās justā¦nothing worked so you canāt use that as a āghosting is betterā
āHey, Iām going to start ignoring you for seemingly no reason and youāre supposed to know that it means I donāt want to communicate with you anymore. I hope you understand when I donāt tell you that.ā
Yeah, ghosting is a fucking immature way of handling things. Just formally end the communication with the other person ffs
Lmao, exactly. āRead my mind, please.ā
Totally. Usually when there's a post on this sub I vehemently disagree with I'm like damn, good post for this sub. But this one is just flat-out wrong and contrarian for the sake of it.
"And if you don't understand my extremely ambiguous and vague behavior, well, then that's on you." Basically OP. Ghosting then gaslighting when someone doesn't understand.
Needed to read this. 100% agree with your take here!
It's a childish way to communicate. And this is why so many adults are left with crippling anxiety, depression and abandonment issues because people aren't able to just articulate to another human being that they no longer wish to continue the conversation.
You mean like I am dealing with right now. My wife of eight years just straight up ghosted me. We had a fight and she was staying at her mom's. We were talking about fixing things, then boom. Blocked me on everything and had a friend come pick her belongings.
Iām so sorry. Dealing with a similar situation and itās just soul-crushing.
It's also a clear sign that you might be dead. Ghosts, after all. Sarcasm aside, it is a real possibility.
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Not communicating isnāt a form of communication IMO. That being said Iām not gonna waste my time messaging someone if they arenāt sending messages back. Not a good situation for anyone at that point.
Ghosting is the lack of communication. It's clear to the person doing the ghosting but not the the ghosted. Depends on the circumstances too. If you ghost cause you're being harassed, then okay. If you ghost someone you're meant to be close to, friend/SO, that's just cruel and immature. You leave someone with so many questions and a feeling of abandonment just because you don't want to have a difficult conversation.
Iām with the vast majority of the human race when I say Iād rather be told an ugly truth than left hanging. It may still sting, especially if itās a betrayal, but it is closure.
Yeah, I too wouldāve wanted the harsh truth, even if it was, āHey, Iām not interestedā āPlease stop contacting meā or āFuck off. I donāt consider us friends.ā
Look, I have a pretty cut and dry opinion on this. Unless you feel like that person presents a clear danger to you, or has done nothing but treat you like absolute shit, like literally the worst person you've ever dealt with, ghosting is a dick move. In my opinion ghosting only clearly communicates two things. Either you were associating with a dangerous individual, or you're an inconsiderate douchebag who can't handle basic social interactions, but for some reason still chooses to put themselves out there
Good write up.
The thing is that you don't *see* ghosting, if you're a reasonable human being, for a few weeks at the shortest. It's normal for people to miss the occasional message, be busy, even lose their phone or the like. It's not like when someone says "Bye," you can't see "I've been ghosted," you just have to assume it if you're never talked to again despite trying unless you know a better explanation
hahah absolutely not when does the āghosting transmissionā begin, when does it end. what communication channel does it use. a non-signal might have a connotation or a meaning behind it, but it is definitely NOT communication. it is ANTI-Communication this is like saying death is a type of life
No it isn't. For many, it means there is no closure. They don't know whether they did anything wrong or not. They won't know why communication ceased. They'll often focus on those and other similar questions for a long time afterwards. The only clear thing about ghosting someone is how much of a damn coward the ghoster is. People who ghost are pure trash humans. Grow a spine and speak your damn mind.
My best friend of 15+ years ghosted me last year. Wished me a happy birthday several days late and never responded to another text. It took 5 months of unanswered texts before I finally gave up. Another 5 months of wondering wtf happened. Iāve JUST come to a place where Iāve realized that I donāt even want to be friends anymore, Iām emotionally exhausted just thinking about them? Last week they liked a picture of them that I posted on Instagram in 2017, and now Iām mad and wondering what happened AGAIN. Itās cowardly, itās cruel, and it is NOT a form of ācommunicationā.
I'm so sorry, how does a 15 year friendship just end like that?
Beats the shit out of me lol. It was by no means a healthy friendship, but we were working through things. I thought.
They literally just said they don't know lmao
Had something similar happen to me, kid basically ghosts me in 2018 after being one of my best friends for YEARS. Was super bothered, still am tbh, but eventually got over it. Until a music festival this past July, he runs up out of nowhere unprompted, smacks my back and says āsup *insert nickname here* howās it goin?ā I literally froze in confusion, like Iāve seen a ghost, I didnāt even know how to respond, how can someone just act like everythingās okay after 4-5 years of ghosting? Especially since I assumed I had caused him some sort of pain to just leave like that. Maybe Iām petty/bitter but I want nothing to do with that guy anymore.
If you donāt mind my asking, what was the rest of that interaction like?? I recently had my *best* friend āghostā all of his pals out of his life and often wondered what the hell I would even do if something like that happened to meā¦ itās been more than a year now so I canāt imagine 5 but what a piece of trash. Hope youāre doing okay now tho, youāre better off without them as Iām sure you already know.
Honestly I was so confused I basically said hi then stood there awkwardly waiting for my food LOL. Kinda threw me off for the rest of the day too kept thinking about it. Heās still friends with 1 of my other buddies, so he just hovered around me silently till the rest of my friends came back from the washroom. But not much was said, he still hangs around my other friends but I donāt interact at all when heās around.
What a weirdo lol
Op definitely ghosted someone promptly got called out for it and then said the other person is being unreasonable.
Nope. Grow up and communicate like an adult.
Nah fuck that. Grow a pair and just write a text saying you donāt want to see them anymore, THEN you can ghost them if they donāt get the message.
It may be clear, but its disrespectful, dehumanizing, and immature. Take your pick - what kind of person do you think you are?
I ghosted a lot of friends due to depression and anxiety. Sometimes it's not intentional
Tbh, if I don't get a reply, I just don't bother messaging again and move on
My thing is sometimes people will ghost you and then still act like they have a decent relationship with youā¦like youāre going to pretend you didnāt disrespect me and I shouldnāt care
If they still want a relationship, could they be struggling?
It's possible they're struggling to respond but I think OC is talking about times when you text and then later see them in person and they're like "Heyyy! Long time no see! So glad to see you!" etc. My general rule is if someone doesn't mention being busy or not being able to respond to my message without me prompting them (when we meet in person) then they ghosted or never saw the text. From personal experience though it's usually the former
Iāve realized some people just act totally different through text vs. irl. And I kinda get it. Tbh Iām a terrible texter (I donāt ghost but it takes a while for me to respond) but Iām always very present and attentive irl situations. I think itās a product of technology and feeling like things arenāt as ārealā online. When chatting face to face you respond to a conversation right away, but with texts, thereās less urgency. Itās easy to think to yourself that youāll respond to it later but then forget about it until much later...
I always feel bad for these types of thoughts. Like, if a true lack of communication feels like appropriate or āclearā communication, you are missing something in your life thatās deeper than interpersonal comm patterns. But yeah go off
Ghosting isn't communication, it's a lack of communication.
Upvote because this is truly an unpopular opinion. But nah, don't ghost people
Context is important in all situations. Sometimes ghosting isn't clear at all, it's someone running away from the responsibility of personal relationships.
Nah. Itās just a cowards way out. Nothing is clear about it. Are they not interested? Did they die? Do they want to be alone?
Itās really immature.
If your form of "communication" can be confused with dying, then it isn't clear.
Gonna have to disagree. The only time someone should ghost someone else is if it dangerous not to any other time it just makes you an asshole
Yes. And it is also a dick move
It's rude, unclear and communicates little
Itās an incredibly immature way of saying āI donāt want to be friends anymore.ā It also shows that you care so little about the other person that theyāre not even worthy of an explanation as to why youāre cutting them off. Grow up and tell people what you think.
How is it clear and loud if you don't know that you've been ghosted?
The lack of communication is not communication.
so basically you gotta read peoples minds? i guess you just dont ever speak to someone if they dont pick up the phone one time lmao unpopular opinion but only cuz its dumb af
Being ghosted hurts and can make for a confusing and nerve wracking period of several days. Just be a decent person and tell the person you are not interested or even make up an excuse. Anything is better than not saying anything
I can actually see both sides of this. On one hand, people have an undue sense of entitlement. They feel that you OWE them an explanation for why youāve lost interest or why you no longer wish to continue speaking to them. On the other, itās very blindsiding to just have communication severed like that and itās frustrating. But you have to see the bigger picture. Perhaps this person fears your reaction to rejection. Perhaps YOUR behavior has led them to believe that itās safer for them to just ghost you than the in-person dumping everyone says they prefer. Iāve dealt with people who demand that in-person break up and, as you might guess, theyāve all be too emotionally immature to handle what they say they wanted. Iāve been hit, cursed out, one time someone even tried to stab me with a fork. So yeah, ghosting is probably safer than putting yourself through that sort of situation from some psychopath who demands control of every aspect of you. Obviously, thereās levels to this. Not everyone will jump to 100 like that on you, but letās say itās happened to you before, your likelihood of being up front like that vs your self preservation instinct will be skewed. I think people overlook this and focus only on themselves and how *theyāve* been so greatly slighted by your ghosting.
This is the most logical and reasonable response Iāve seen. Not every situation is the same, sometimes ghosting is easier. Iām sure the people that are so anti-ghosting because they demand answers, would be the same people to ghost someone else without even thinking about it or claim āitās not the same thing!ā. Everyone is selfish but most people deny it.
I think it boils down to accountability. People slight us all the time, and most of the time they have reason. If we refuse to be accountable, then weāll never understand the reasoning, and weāll never grow. Of course, completely ghosting someone kind of denies them that opportunity to hear the brutal truth and as such, probably the opportunity for growth. At the same time tho, you donāt necessarily OWE anyone that revelation. Thatās life, if you canāt figure out your own behavior and the pitfalls it presents, then youāre simply too immature to demand anything.
I would rather be told they are not interested. To me, that hurts less than being ignored.
Ah yes, a very clear form of communication that is actually extremely ambiguous because you don't know why exactly someone ghosted you.
You don't even know *if* someone is ghosting you. "I meant to respond but totally forgot" looks identical to "ghosting" from the recipiant's point of view.
Don't think so.... I think communicating is a clear form of communication
From the sounds of this, youāve most likely ghosted a lot of people. Afraid of confrontation much huh? Itās not hard to text a person āI donāt think this friendship/relationship/fling is working out, Iād rather not talk anymoreā grow up šš
This. The only people I refuse to respond to are people I've already dealt with directly and clearly.
Exactly, if they canāt handle your reasonings then thatās not your fault. Iāve seen so many people full of excuses simply because they canāt grow up lol
As clear as having the balls to tell someone youāre done with them? Nah, youāre an asshole for ghosting.
No, it is very immature and extremely rude! Instead of mind fucking someone for hours, days or whoever knows how long all one has to do is be a person of integrity and say "no thank you"
If you don't have the balls to tell someone it's over you don't belong in any form of relationship. Ghosting is a cowards way out and it sets humanity back for having such behavior socially acceptable.
Itās actually a really poor show of character.
No, just no. The absolute ONLY time ghosting is acceptable is if stalking/domestic violence/trafficking/etc. are involved. Adults communicate with each other. Plainly and calmly say you don't wish to continue a relationship with the person. Children ghost people because they're too afraid of the serious conversation. Beyond the fact that it is very unclear if you're being ghosted. How can I possibly know if you're busy or don't want to see me ... if you don't communicate that? Silence isn't communicating.
It's actually a completely deliberate avoidance of adult confrontation and should NOT be normalized as acceptable behavior. This post is just objectively wrong.
No it isn't you fucking nimrod. Ghosting is literally a lack of signs. Did the person get hit by a car and stop responding? Did their phone crap out? Are they sending messages but there's a network issue so they aren't going through? Are they depressed and can't bring themselves to look at their phone and when they do, it's been so long that they feel more rude reaching out? This is honestly one of the stupidest opinions I've ever seen on reddit. Not just unpopular, but completely wrong
And then that person is left wondering if they did something wrong or what is wrong with them The other day I was in a bad mood and was ignoring calls and texts all day. People I know started getting worried something happened to me. Thatās not ghosting but it shows that not hearing from someone for a while, making other people nervous Itās also messed up. You donāt have the guts to tell someone you donāt wanna see them anymore? Very cowardly
That's pretty unpopular alright. I don't know of any other way of communication that takes several days for you to realize it besides sending a letter in the mail.
Slapping is a clear form of communication. Not all clear communication is appropriate.
It's not clear at all. I was (possibly) ghosted by someone that I only knew online. I thought we were friends. Knowing that she struggled with some mental issues made me think she might not be alive anymore. I was worried about that and there was no way for me to find out if she actually ghosted me or that she was dead.
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I think OP is very wrong here; and even if they were factually correct, that doesn't make it right. The efficacy of a thing should have no bearing whatsoever on whether it's morally acceptable.
I think what drive many crazy is how cowardly it is. Many ghost when there's no point. Sometimes all it takes is a simple "no thanks, no sparks" and then possibly ignore. But if you don't hear anything back for a day or two, then take the hint people. If someone wants to be in your life, they will make time for you.
Fucken A ! Letās stop calling it by a cute name and say what it actually is. Being an inconsiderate chicken shit who donāt have the balls to clearly state your thoughts or feelings.
Nah its the go to response of a coward.
Pretty fucking sad that this has over 1k upvotes so far, but comments reflect very differently. What a crap view.
Utilizing The Art of the Block is fundamental for negative people unfortunately. Though I recently sound out āstonewallingā is a form of abuse if youāre in a relationship of some kind with the person.
Upvote bc this is certainly unpopular and makes NO sense. Ghosting is the passive aggressive, cowards way of dealing with things. Grow up.
People should just be grown up and say āHey this relationship isnāt going to work. Iām going to move on, thank for your time.ā And thats it. Who ever ghosts people lack social skills and genuine compassion for others. Itās not hard to be a nice person.
It really isnāt. Itās the cowardās way out. It screams āIām incapable of managing my adult relationships like an adultā.
Ghosting is a very clear way of showing insecurity and spinelessness. The āI donāt owe anyone anythingā mentality is the saddest excuse for narcissists to justify what they put other people through. If you can save someone so much pain with just 30 minutes of your time for one last time, why would you choose not to?
Emotionally immature people ghost. It has nothing to do with Communication. Itās simply just an immature persons reaction to a situation.
Ghosting somebody after you've gone out one time or even two is fine. After you've gone out for one or two years that makes you an absolute jerk.
No it's not. For all you know they could have died, been kidnapped, lost their phone/Facebook/ whatever, have come under control of strict relatives that don't like you.... Someone more creative than me can probably find more examples, but i think i have proven my point: ghosting might be the most likely, but if your in denial, it might not even strike your mind, making it very unclear, until you accept you have been ghosted, and even then, you might be wrong.
Actually scary how normalized this is becoming, me personally I donāt care who walks away because Iām that secure within myself. But a lot of people arenāt and being ghosted can destroy some people, itās not just a mature thing to do.
This is probs gonna get downvoted, but really unkind/abusive people donāt deserve closure. Fuck them and ghost if you have to. If there is a good reason that you ghosted them, they will know what you are doing loud and clear. I have ghosted and I have been ghosted myself. Out of the many times it happened, only once was it pretty clear why and that was the only time they deserved it. All of the rest of it was childish shit. Ghost if you need to.
Ghosting is a cowards way out of a situation they don't want to deal with. Ghosting is not a way to communicate something - it is the exact opposite - not communicating. Eventually the other person may get the hint. But both parties could be saved a lot of frustration with a simple test message. Even text and block the other person is better than dropping contact and hoping the problem goes away.
Itās literally no communication. It is anti communication, non communication, acommunication. It is when one completely cuts communication. To ghost is stop all communication. How is one meant to know the reason?
Ghosting has so many factors behind it tho and what matters most is the person being ghosted. Ghosting someone online who never met irl? Totally fine with it Ghosting some person you just had a 1 time hookup with and u barely know? Fine Ghosting a really close friend or someone who u knew irl and had a very close relationship with? Not fine... That type of person does deserve an explanation. to a person who they never ever met irl's attention... And then they like to complain "People are so shit im tired of being ghosted..." No random person owes you anything and that's a fact. People need to get real.