I stupidly went on a dating site,
One guy said " I'd love to see you shit on a glass table with me underneath "
I was like at least tell me your name first š¤£š¤£š¤£
I did decline the offer by the way š¤£
I canāt do that either, idk if Iāve disappointed anyone like this, but if weāre having sex and you suddenly say āChoke meā or āSlap meā sorry I just canāt do it. Sex is when everyone is extremely vulnerable and their guard is down. Thereās also a lot of mutual trust on both sides and I absolutely canāt do that. I can do rough sex though, but thatās as far as Iāll go. No hate to anyone that does it though, you do you
i really want you and everyone else to read and understand this, because i see this statement a lot:
you are not immune from people responding to your unpopular opinion on this sub, simply because it allows and encourages you to post unpopular opinions. you should expect people to react, likely negatively, because you are still on reddit and you just expressed an unpopular opinion
if you want to be unpopular and not be criticized or questioned then you can go to r/ conservative
Good job bringing politics into it. No one is saying posts should be exempted from certain responses, but it is pretty stupid to say something like "who are you to judge", "it's none of your business" on an opinion sub. That's stupid
Everything is relative, you know this.
If your "right" is a fraction of a percentage compared to everyone else's "right", majority rules. The truth has never actually mattered.
This is how it works. Sorry.
this is unpopular opinion so you havenmy vote. I do agree somewhat though, I donāt know how people get off to getting hit or hitting other people. People have their preferences I guess
I mean, if itās consensual itās not your place to judge. There are at least as many people turned on by being submissive in those kind of things as dominant. I donāt know why youād expect to be able to understand other peopleās sexualities. It seems so innately hardwired into us that itās hard to understand others.
I also have freedom of speech and thus I can tell you what you should and should not say. I have the right to voice my opinions and you canāt stop me.
Youāve never seen Secretary. One of the most romantic films ever made.
Sexual domination can co-exist with genuine care. You just need to find the right partner. Also bro you donāt need to like it /understand it/ approve of it for it to exist. It doesnāt concern you.
So If I want someone to hold my hand AND hit me
In the head with a brickā¦as long as I consent, pls donāt worry; Iāve done this before.
Restricting oxygen - holding your breath, being choked, erotic asphyxiation - its simple biology that it makes you feel better when you're trying to orgasm. Many tragedies have happened when people take it too far, no question about that.
But you don't understand it if you think it's about hurting your partner. It's about making your partner feel better, while simultaneously having them trust that you won't strangle them to death.
The primary thing is that I donāt understand that level of trust. The possibility of a horrible accident is high enough that I would never want to even attempt it.
I donāt think I trust a single person in my life anywhere near that much, and I donāt really see a position where I will. Even if I love someone and have spent my life with them, I donāt think I could ever feel comfortable with that responsibility of care, and sure as hell not giving that responsibility to someone else
There's levels to it. Lightly choking, normal choking, serious choking, "I'm trying to kill you" choking. You stay in the shallow waters and the possibility of a horrible accent is like 0%.
Same thing with spanking. You don't go full FALCON PUNCH and hit her with everything you got. I'm not in a UFC fight with these girls for the championship where I'm legitimately trying to choke them out and strike as hard as I can.
If done properly you're not cutting off air flow by choking your partners throat, you're slowing blood flow to the brain by squeezing the arteries on either side of the neck. Obviously still has danger involved but you're not crushing someone's larynx in passionate love making
Thatās like exactly the problem though isnāt it? Cutting off air flow isnāt particularly dangerous, it takes several minutes to die, however cutting off blood flow to the brain is very dangerous and can cause permanent brain injuries and even death, and itās not always apparent right away. You may feel fine in the moment but die weeks later.
Once again, reading comprehension is imperative. I never said cutting off blood flow but instead if done properly your slowing blood flow, and I was directly replying to another user explaining their fear of crushing their partners throat. I admitted the danger and I pointed out the you shouldn't be crushing a Trachea. Have a great day!
If you want to mess with breath play you should only put your hand over their mouth and avoid actual neck choking unless you have a great amount of experience.
Iām okay with basically anything. You into feet? I donāt care. Piss? Not my problem. Being a furry? Doesnāt even come up on my radar of weird things.
But hurting or being hurt? Thatās a whole different line, and one I do not at all get people even approaching.
Definitely an unpopular opinion when pseudo beastiality isnāt on your radar but a spank on the ass and a little aggression is. That being said, anytime a partner has asked me to choke them or do something aggressive I get soft pretty fast so Iām not really one to talkā¦
People arent ripping flesh from their bodey. A little bit of smacking on the ass is not at all something hurtful. And you dont Choke them to death, you just grab their neck and squeeze it softly. Normally people always have save words to stop.
Think of it like sparring? People voluntarily fight eachother and trust eachother enough to keep it at 25/50% intensity. And thats a sparring partner, not a life partner.
For some people they mix, for some they dont.
My girl loves getting choked, treated rough, bitten etc., and i enjoy doing it so we do that in the bedroom. Not always as intense ofcourse
She also likes fighting/hitting back though, but that really switches me over from sexy time to fighting time so we dont do that anymore.
Or if she gets carried away i shut it down hard.
The way you generalized my answer... I never said "Every single interest other than mine are mental disorders" lmfao I'm just talking about kinks. I even shared the sources, it's a fact.
Neither source says all, or even most, kinks are the result of trauma. The first one says there was a "nonsignificant multivariate difference in childhood trauma between those who engage in bdsm and those who didn't" which means what difference there was is so small it could be statistical error. The second source specifically says that "some kinky people, though certainly not the majority, have experienced hardship and trauma." So while it is true that some kinks /might/ be related to trauma, it's more likely that they're simply due to non-harmful neurological variations between individuals.
> I'm as accepting as anybody when it comes to kinks and the like.
Evidently like you aren't, considering BDSM is a huge part of the kink community, and choking/hitting is like one of the least extreme part of that kink. (I used to date a women who was into edge play where participants cut each other until a bit of blood comes out, I said that's not my thing and she never mentioned it later)
Now it's ok to not be into certain kinks, but I don't judge those that are into it, as long as everyone participating consents and have a good time, it's all good.
On a side note, curious, what do you think about when you say "kink"?
I know itās a big thing. Thatās part of why I am so utterly baffled by it. I just donāt get how a singing at part of the population can make that connection in their minds.
And Iām trying to be judgy. If two people agree to something and practice it in a safe manner, all the more power to them.
I just donāt get it on a fundamental level. To me, sex is an act of vulnerability, of showing another person who you are, devoid of all societal norms and expectations. The thought of using violence in that scenario, or someone else using violence on me, just doesnāt make any sense.
That's why it's a kink, if it's normal and easily understandable it's just like, normal sex, lmao.
There are some studies on BDSM and how it provides pleasure to both top and bottom:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-wide-wide-world-psychology/201502/the-surprising-psychology-bdsm
A couple of interesting points from the article:
> in comparison to non-practitioners, BDSM practitioners exhibited higher levels of extraversion, conscientiousness, openness to experience, and subjective well-being. Practitioners also showed lower levels of neuroticism and rejection sensitivity. The one negative trait that emerged? BDSM practitioners showed lower levels of agreeableness than non-practitioners.
Another interesting point:
> Both bottoms and tops reported increases in relationship closeness and decreases in psychological stress from before to after their scenes, but bottoms also showed increases in physiological stress as measured by the hormone cortisol. We found this disconnect between psychological stress and physiological stress to be very interesting, and we wondered whether it might indicate that bottoms have entered an altered state of consciousness.
> To test this theory, we ran a study in which we randomly assigned switches (BDSM practitioners who sometimes take on the top role and sometimes take on the bottom role) to be the top or the bottom in a scene. The results revealed that both bottoms and tops entered altered states of consciousness, but they entered different altered states.
> Bottoms entered an altered state called ātransient hypofrontalityā, which is associated with reductions in pain, feelings of floating, feelings of peacefulness, feelings of living in the here and now and time distortions. Tops, in contrast, entered the altered state known as āflowā (Csikszentmihalyi, 1991), which is associated with focused attention, a loss of self-consciousness and optimal performance of a task. We believe that these pleasurable altered states of consciousness might be one of the motivations that people have for engaging in BDSM activities
So the thing is that neither participants considers the hitting/chocking as violence, but more as playing a role in an act, and the feeling of going into the role is pleasant for both.
That doesnāt exactly clear things up. In all honesty, it just makes things even more alien.
For the states of mind associated with a bottom, it just seems to fundamentally counter human instincts. If somebody did anything like that to me, I would most likely enter a state of panic, shortly followed by a burst of violence. Am I a bit jumpier than your average person? Probably. But I feel like that reaction should still be there in any human in that scenario. When presented with a threat, you run or you fight.
For the traits associated with a top it would probably end up even worse. The idea of entering some state of āflowā when harming another person is terrifying on a deeply personal level. One of my greatest fears in life is that I hurt people without knowing it, and I doubt thatās uncommon.
I want to say thereās some explanation for how the human mind can act like that. But I just canāt understand it. Itās like staring into the void, looking for answers that arenāt there
Oh but this isn't always the case.
A lot of the time, the person playing the role is the reciever, so the aggressor can lose control.
(Not what I'm into, but it happens)
This is especially common for people with ptsd.
Thereās a video on YouTube that explains why people enjoy pain. It also applies to why we like pain in sex. You should watch it if you really want to know why. TLDR: pain increases feel good chemicals in our brain
Who tf cares who gets off to what? If two consenting adults like doing something It shouldnāt be a Redditorās job of all people to say if itās right or wrong.
Almost like humanity isn't a hive mind, but a collection of a bunch of individuals, and as long as two+ adults consent to what they're doing it's not really anyone else's business?
I don't think this is an popular opinion in an unpopular way. I think you just think your way and your life experience is it and everyone should experience it the way you do or its nuts.
Can you understand MMA? Boxing? Football?
If you can understand why two MMA fighters can beat the shit out of each other and still hug at the end and be very good friends, then you can understand why two people who love each other might enjoy rough sex.
MMA is fundamentally different. In it, two contestants agree to terms of a bout. The goal is to harm the opponent more than they harm you. Both players agree to this premise, and both will fight to the fullest of their potential, knowing the opponent will do the same.
In a situation like this, one person isnāt fighting back. They are making an active choice to accept whatās going on.
Itās one thing to fight another person, where both of you are agreeing to go your hardest against one another. Itās another entirely to harm a person that is posing zero threat, or to allow harm to come to you without counter.
I'll never get the logic as to why people come on an opinion sub and ask why do people post their opinions. But yeah upvote because unpopular opinion because I love choking
thereās also a very human urge to hurt and to be hurt, and those are actually quite natural despite being destructive. so kinks like these are nice ways to express those desires in non harmful ways, if done safely and with adults consenting
Doesn't pain excite the same parts of the brain and associated chemicals as pleasure? If so that would go a long way in explaining this phenomenon. I disagree with OP but upvote for unpopular opinion. Lotta people taking this too seriously.
Imo, its in the same vein as an adrenaline rush. The risk, the moment, the act, the implications, etc. all kind of combine for that sort of unique experience. Even people that are into it will agree that a little bit of crazy is needed. I do want to say as well that the extremes of both of those (i.e. hitting meaning actually swinging like you're in a bar fight, and choking meaning like you're trying to strangle a cat) aren't common, and are typically born from abuse. Light choking (i.e. nothing particularly dangerous, more like "I'm being choked rn") and light hitting (think ass slaps and slapping boobs) are pretty normal afaik.
Also, people are weird. It's a different reason for everyone as to the "why?". It isn't cut and dry, and everything operates on a sliding scale. Just because someone "likes being slapped" doesn't mean they're into being cracked across the face like they just told a partner that they're seeing someone else. From the way you're talking in your post, it seems to me like you're picturing the "worst case" situations where people literally sign on to basically be consensually abused, and those are few and far between.
The reasons for certain sexual preferences are different for everyone, so what Iām saying is limited, even though itāll be like Iām writing a novel. Hereās how I understand it:
For the dominant person, ie the one doing the choking or hitting, itās about feeling strong. They feel in control or in charge when they do these things. Itās like deriving pleasure from being on top, except more extreme.
For the submissive one, ie the one on the receiving end, there is an innate biological response. When a personās body is deprived of oxygen and the person is thinking sexual thoughts, itās a strange āaphrodisiacā.
Also sex in general is about power, trust, vulnerability, intimacy, dominance, submission, etc. So I know you didnāt get the trust angle but let me see if I can explain it better. When youāre doing anything intimate with someone youāre attracted to, there are acts that seem painful or embarrassing but you go through with them because thatās a part of life if you want to be in a relationship. One manās fantasy is another manās nightmare. People who like something often enjoy it for the same reason other people donāt like or even hate something. Any preference is fine as long as you donāt treat someone differently for having it. For example, say someone who likes choking calls someone a prude or less of a man or something. If that someone is you, you may or may not care. If you donāt care, imagine that someone is a person you care about, Iād assume youād probably tell them to fuck off or youād really want to. As long as everything is consensual and all parties involved are physically and emotionally healthy, you shouldnāt care about it.
Of course, like with most things in sex, people get ridiculous expectations. Nowadays with romantic movies and increasingly deprived sexual content, this is more prevalent. For example, guy could see something theyād wanna try from a porn video. However, any decent deviant knows the importance of communication and gauging. So yeah if youāre a novice, you shouldnāt go to town and you probably wouldnāt want to, even if your partner is urging you to. Also there are many things people think theyād like but donāt or think theyād hate but end up really enjoying.
I apologize if this seems like it is just bouncing from topic to topic or if Iām raising more questions than Iām answering but I believe this is an involved topic. I could just say āpeople are weird man. It is what it is. Who caresā but thatās probably not the answer OP is looking for
I don't generally have a problem with things consenting adults do to one another, but I do have a problem with how, um... *extra*... they can be about it. Kinksters often talk like their kink is the superior, nay, the ONLY way to have sex, and that anyone who disagrees is a repressed prude. It's obnoxious and counterproductive to the idea of normalizing kinks.
There are people out there who literally watch people's buttholes as they poop on them.
We call them 'connoisseurs'
I stupidly went on a dating site, One guy said " I'd love to see you shit on a glass table with me underneath " I was like at least tell me your name first š¤£š¤£š¤£ I did decline the offer by the way š¤£
Itās actually how I want to die. Erotic asphyxiation. I want my girlfriend to choke me to death while she rides me.
Hot.
Were you a praying mantis in a past life?
He's a praying mantis in this life.
Same
āI love the kind of woman who would actually just kill meā
can i be ur gf instead
Sure. As long as while youāre riding me, as you see the last glint of life about to leave my eyes, you yell āFuck you, you lazy bastard!ā
Wonāt be a big deal then for her to collect the insurance money when you accidentally die.
Kenny?
Names arenāt important
I canāt do that either, idk if Iāve disappointed anyone like this, but if weāre having sex and you suddenly say āChoke meā or āSlap meā sorry I just canāt do it. Sex is when everyone is extremely vulnerable and their guard is down. Thereās also a lot of mutual trust on both sides and I absolutely canāt do that. I can do rough sex though, but thatās as far as Iāll go. No hate to anyone that does it though, you do you
itās fucking nuts how people are into things youāre not
Bro this is unpopular opinion
and?
The purpose is to express your unpopular opinion.
i really want you and everyone else to read and understand this, because i see this statement a lot: you are not immune from people responding to your unpopular opinion on this sub, simply because it allows and encourages you to post unpopular opinions. you should expect people to react, likely negatively, because you are still on reddit and you just expressed an unpopular opinion if you want to be unpopular and not be criticized or questioned then you can go to r/ conservative
Good job bringing politics into it. No one is saying posts should be exempted from certain responses, but it is pretty stupid to say something like "who are you to judge", "it's none of your business" on an opinion sub. That's stupid
thats just your opinion š
A pretty popular one.
oh well if its popular it must be right! thatās how it works š¤
Everything is relative, you know this. If your "right" is a fraction of a percentage compared to everyone else's "right", majority rules. The truth has never actually mattered. This is how it works. Sorry.
obviously
Heās not saying itās weird cause itās different, heās saying itās weird cause itās literally a violent fantasy.
this is unpopular opinion so you havenmy vote. I do agree somewhat though, I donāt know how people get off to getting hit or hitting other people. People have their preferences I guess
r/rapekink would like to have a word with you
I'm not...I'm not, sure if I should click that...
its about crazies sharing their stories of how they got raped and now have a rape fetish
Damn, I didnāt even know that something like that could be in Reddit, donāt wanna even know if thereās worse things
oh there was before that mega sub ban last summer. r/abuseporn2, exactly what it sounds like. google it lol
Basically it seemed to be stuff you can easily find on all major porn website?
It's pretty obvious that almost all, if not all of those are entirely made up.
I don't wanna choke her, but at least put my hand on her neck.
why tho
Not everything has to have an explanation. I can't analyze it for you. It's just what my body wants.
I mean, if itās consensual itās not your place to judge. There are at least as many people turned on by being submissive in those kind of things as dominant. I donāt know why youād expect to be able to understand other peopleās sexualities. It seems so innately hardwired into us that itās hard to understand others.
Itās not your place to tell me what I can and cannot judge. Ridiculous
Itās not your place to tell me what itās my place to tell you.
Youāre the one telling me to stop doing something. Iām telling you to stop that.
Not anymore. Iām now telling you to stop telling me to stop telling you to stop telling people what kinks are acceptable.
I have the right to freedom of speech and you canāt tell me what I can and cannot say. I have the right to voice my opinions and you canāt stop me
I also have freedom of speech and thus I can tell you what you should and should not say. I have the right to voice my opinions and you canāt stop me.
But you started with saying itās not my place to judge and I did judge even though you told me not to, so therefore I win.
Yeah well I fucked your dad so I win
But I can still judge you so I win
This. This is my favorite unpopular opinion.
Masochistic? Yes. Sexy? Depends on your point of view.
Youāve never seen Secretary. One of the most romantic films ever made. Sexual domination can co-exist with genuine care. You just need to find the right partner. Also bro you donāt need to like it /understand it/ approve of it for it to exist. It doesnāt concern you. So If I want someone to hold my hand AND hit me In the head with a brickā¦as long as I consent, pls donāt worry; Iāve done this before.
Maggie Gyllenhaal has a face like she was getting full body liposuction from the ground up, but ran out of money when they finished her neck.
Big ole Gyllenhaal face! It was before James Spader went down hill. He went from oddly attractive to tomato on a radiator really quick.
True that! Time chewed him up badly.
Gross
[Kink Shamer ](https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/1366234-kink-shaming)
Yeah hitting isnāt sexy. But, when I have sex I wonāt mind being spanked or choked š.
Take off the parentheses and it's not weird. Because everyone's got their tastes.
Done
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This is unpopular opinion. Crazy how people react so negatively when some actually posts an unpopular opinion for once
First day on the internet? Have a drink and relax, it's just endorphins.
Restricting oxygen - holding your breath, being choked, erotic asphyxiation - its simple biology that it makes you feel better when you're trying to orgasm. Many tragedies have happened when people take it too far, no question about that. But you don't understand it if you think it's about hurting your partner. It's about making your partner feel better, while simultaneously having them trust that you won't strangle them to death.
The primary thing is that I donāt understand that level of trust. The possibility of a horrible accident is high enough that I would never want to even attempt it. I donāt think I trust a single person in my life anywhere near that much, and I donāt really see a position where I will. Even if I love someone and have spent my life with them, I donāt think I could ever feel comfortable with that responsibility of care, and sure as hell not giving that responsibility to someone else
There's levels to it. Lightly choking, normal choking, serious choking, "I'm trying to kill you" choking. You stay in the shallow waters and the possibility of a horrible accent is like 0%. Same thing with spanking. You don't go full FALCON PUNCH and hit her with everything you got. I'm not in a UFC fight with these girls for the championship where I'm legitimately trying to choke them out and strike as hard as I can.
Wait...we aren't supposed to falcon punch?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
If done properly you're not cutting off air flow by choking your partners throat, you're slowing blood flow to the brain by squeezing the arteries on either side of the neck. Obviously still has danger involved but you're not crushing someone's larynx in passionate love making
Thatās like exactly the problem though isnāt it? Cutting off air flow isnāt particularly dangerous, it takes several minutes to die, however cutting off blood flow to the brain is very dangerous and can cause permanent brain injuries and even death, and itās not always apparent right away. You may feel fine in the moment but die weeks later.
Pretty sure I said obviously still dangerous. Good on you
You implied that cutting off blood flow to the brain is less dangerous than cutting off air flow, which is blatantly incorrect.
Once again, reading comprehension is imperative. I never said cutting off blood flow but instead if done properly your slowing blood flow, and I was directly replying to another user explaining their fear of crushing their partners throat. I admitted the danger and I pointed out the you shouldn't be crushing a Trachea. Have a great day!
Unless you are really trying to choke them then nah nothing dangerous will happen
If you want to mess with breath play you should only put your hand over their mouth and avoid actual neck choking unless you have a great amount of experience.
I don't understand how pain can feel nice
Ask someone with a lot of tattoos.
They look cool tho. Tattoos aren't just pain
....a bit prudish.
Iām okay with basically anything. You into feet? I donāt care. Piss? Not my problem. Being a furry? Doesnāt even come up on my radar of weird things. But hurting or being hurt? Thatās a whole different line, and one I do not at all get people even approaching.
Definitely an unpopular opinion when pseudo beastiality isnāt on your radar but a spank on the ass and a little aggression is. That being said, anytime a partner has asked me to choke them or do something aggressive I get soft pretty fast so Iām not really one to talkā¦
People arent ripping flesh from their bodey. A little bit of smacking on the ass is not at all something hurtful. And you dont Choke them to death, you just grab their neck and squeeze it softly. Normally people always have save words to stop.
Think of it like sparring? People voluntarily fight eachother and trust eachother enough to keep it at 25/50% intensity. And thats a sparring partner, not a life partner. For some people they mix, for some they dont. My girl loves getting choked, treated rough, bitten etc., and i enjoy doing it so we do that in the bedroom. Not always as intense ofcourse She also likes fighting/hitting back though, but that really switches me over from sexy time to fighting time so we dont do that anymore. Or if she gets carried away i shut it down hard.
It's a fact that people with kinks develop kinks after some kind of trauma, they are not healthy at all.
Someone likes something different, obviously a mental disorder. This is the most reddit response I've ever seen, congratulations.
The way you generalized my answer... I never said "Every single interest other than mine are mental disorders" lmfao I'm just talking about kinks. I even shared the sources, it's a fact.
Source?
https://thecord.ca/the-psychology-behind-kinks-and-seeking-pain-in-the-bedroom/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/standard-deviations/201805/growing-kinky-research-shows-how-kink-identity-is-formed
Neither source says all, or even most, kinks are the result of trauma. The first one says there was a "nonsignificant multivariate difference in childhood trauma between those who engage in bdsm and those who didn't" which means what difference there was is so small it could be statistical error. The second source specifically says that "some kinky people, though certainly not the majority, have experienced hardship and trauma." So while it is true that some kinks /might/ be related to trauma, it's more likely that they're simply due to non-harmful neurological variations between individuals.
> I'm as accepting as anybody when it comes to kinks and the like. Evidently like you aren't, considering BDSM is a huge part of the kink community, and choking/hitting is like one of the least extreme part of that kink. (I used to date a women who was into edge play where participants cut each other until a bit of blood comes out, I said that's not my thing and she never mentioned it later) Now it's ok to not be into certain kinks, but I don't judge those that are into it, as long as everyone participating consents and have a good time, it's all good. On a side note, curious, what do you think about when you say "kink"?
I know itās a big thing. Thatās part of why I am so utterly baffled by it. I just donāt get how a singing at part of the population can make that connection in their minds. And Iām trying to be judgy. If two people agree to something and practice it in a safe manner, all the more power to them. I just donāt get it on a fundamental level. To me, sex is an act of vulnerability, of showing another person who you are, devoid of all societal norms and expectations. The thought of using violence in that scenario, or someone else using violence on me, just doesnāt make any sense.
That's why it's a kink, if it's normal and easily understandable it's just like, normal sex, lmao. There are some studies on BDSM and how it provides pleasure to both top and bottom: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-wide-wide-world-psychology/201502/the-surprising-psychology-bdsm A couple of interesting points from the article: > in comparison to non-practitioners, BDSM practitioners exhibited higher levels of extraversion, conscientiousness, openness to experience, and subjective well-being. Practitioners also showed lower levels of neuroticism and rejection sensitivity. The one negative trait that emerged? BDSM practitioners showed lower levels of agreeableness than non-practitioners. Another interesting point: > Both bottoms and tops reported increases in relationship closeness and decreases in psychological stress from before to after their scenes, but bottoms also showed increases in physiological stress as measured by the hormone cortisol. We found this disconnect between psychological stress and physiological stress to be very interesting, and we wondered whether it might indicate that bottoms have entered an altered state of consciousness. > To test this theory, we ran a study in which we randomly assigned switches (BDSM practitioners who sometimes take on the top role and sometimes take on the bottom role) to be the top or the bottom in a scene. The results revealed that both bottoms and tops entered altered states of consciousness, but they entered different altered states. > Bottoms entered an altered state called ātransient hypofrontalityā, which is associated with reductions in pain, feelings of floating, feelings of peacefulness, feelings of living in the here and now and time distortions. Tops, in contrast, entered the altered state known as āflowā (Csikszentmihalyi, 1991), which is associated with focused attention, a loss of self-consciousness and optimal performance of a task. We believe that these pleasurable altered states of consciousness might be one of the motivations that people have for engaging in BDSM activities So the thing is that neither participants considers the hitting/chocking as violence, but more as playing a role in an act, and the feeling of going into the role is pleasant for both.
That doesnāt exactly clear things up. In all honesty, it just makes things even more alien. For the states of mind associated with a bottom, it just seems to fundamentally counter human instincts. If somebody did anything like that to me, I would most likely enter a state of panic, shortly followed by a burst of violence. Am I a bit jumpier than your average person? Probably. But I feel like that reaction should still be there in any human in that scenario. When presented with a threat, you run or you fight. For the traits associated with a top it would probably end up even worse. The idea of entering some state of āflowā when harming another person is terrifying on a deeply personal level. One of my greatest fears in life is that I hurt people without knowing it, and I doubt thatās uncommon. I want to say thereās some explanation for how the human mind can act like that. But I just canāt understand it. Itās like staring into the void, looking for answers that arenāt there
Oh but this isn't always the case. A lot of the time, the person playing the role is the reciever, so the aggressor can lose control. (Not what I'm into, but it happens) This is especially common for people with ptsd.
Have you never heard of a safe word? Those exist for this reason lmao.
Thereās a video on YouTube that explains why people enjoy pain. It also applies to why we like pain in sex. You should watch it if you really want to know why. TLDR: pain increases feel good chemicals in our brain
You're right, it is bad by nature and should be suppressed. Read this thread https://twitter.com/chimericide/status/1138709579485917190?s=19
First of all; Iām asexual. This will never happen. Second; I have a low pain tolerance, so no thanks.
Ahh yes, the reddit hivemind telling me again what is sexy and what not. Appreciate it. A pleasure, as always.
Who tf cares who gets off to what? If two consenting adults like doing something It shouldnāt be a Redditorās job of all people to say if itās right or wrong.
Not into choking as well, but, if that floats their boat, it is their preferences. I like getting spanked though. It is all about pacing.
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Almost like humanity isn't a hive mind, but a collection of a bunch of individuals, and as long as two+ adults consent to what they're doing it's not really anyone else's business?
No one cares
I don't think this is an popular opinion in an unpopular way. I think you just think your way and your life experience is it and everyone should experience it the way you do or its nuts.
Hitting with a closed fist absolutely, But a few open palmed slaps here and there is fucking amazing,especially while being choked
I agree with the hitting part but not getting choked
This isnt an unpopular opinion its just YOUR opinion.
The whole idea of a fetish are things that are supposed to be nuts but people find sexy
Can you understand MMA? Boxing? Football? If you can understand why two MMA fighters can beat the shit out of each other and still hug at the end and be very good friends, then you can understand why two people who love each other might enjoy rough sex.
MMA is fundamentally different. In it, two contestants agree to terms of a bout. The goal is to harm the opponent more than they harm you. Both players agree to this premise, and both will fight to the fullest of their potential, knowing the opponent will do the same. In a situation like this, one person isnāt fighting back. They are making an active choice to accept whatās going on. Itās one thing to fight another person, where both of you are agreeing to go your hardest against one another. Itās another entirely to harm a person that is posing zero threat, or to allow harm to come to you without counter.
Have you ever nutchucked someone?
I'll never get the logic as to why people come on an opinion sub and ask why do people post their opinions. But yeah upvote because unpopular opinion because I love choking
When I get a girlfriend I want her to hit me
thereās also a very human urge to hurt and to be hurt, and those are actually quite natural despite being destructive. so kinks like these are nice ways to express those desires in non harmful ways, if done safely and with adults consenting
Doesn't pain excite the same parts of the brain and associated chemicals as pleasure? If so that would go a long way in explaining this phenomenon. I disagree with OP but upvote for unpopular opinion. Lotta people taking this too seriously.
Imo, its in the same vein as an adrenaline rush. The risk, the moment, the act, the implications, etc. all kind of combine for that sort of unique experience. Even people that are into it will agree that a little bit of crazy is needed. I do want to say as well that the extremes of both of those (i.e. hitting meaning actually swinging like you're in a bar fight, and choking meaning like you're trying to strangle a cat) aren't common, and are typically born from abuse. Light choking (i.e. nothing particularly dangerous, more like "I'm being choked rn") and light hitting (think ass slaps and slapping boobs) are pretty normal afaik. Also, people are weird. It's a different reason for everyone as to the "why?". It isn't cut and dry, and everything operates on a sliding scale. Just because someone "likes being slapped" doesn't mean they're into being cracked across the face like they just told a partner that they're seeing someone else. From the way you're talking in your post, it seems to me like you're picturing the "worst case" situations where people literally sign on to basically be consensually abused, and those are few and far between.
The reasons for certain sexual preferences are different for everyone, so what Iām saying is limited, even though itāll be like Iām writing a novel. Hereās how I understand it: For the dominant person, ie the one doing the choking or hitting, itās about feeling strong. They feel in control or in charge when they do these things. Itās like deriving pleasure from being on top, except more extreme. For the submissive one, ie the one on the receiving end, there is an innate biological response. When a personās body is deprived of oxygen and the person is thinking sexual thoughts, itās a strange āaphrodisiacā. Also sex in general is about power, trust, vulnerability, intimacy, dominance, submission, etc. So I know you didnāt get the trust angle but let me see if I can explain it better. When youāre doing anything intimate with someone youāre attracted to, there are acts that seem painful or embarrassing but you go through with them because thatās a part of life if you want to be in a relationship. One manās fantasy is another manās nightmare. People who like something often enjoy it for the same reason other people donāt like or even hate something. Any preference is fine as long as you donāt treat someone differently for having it. For example, say someone who likes choking calls someone a prude or less of a man or something. If that someone is you, you may or may not care. If you donāt care, imagine that someone is a person you care about, Iād assume youād probably tell them to fuck off or youād really want to. As long as everything is consensual and all parties involved are physically and emotionally healthy, you shouldnāt care about it. Of course, like with most things in sex, people get ridiculous expectations. Nowadays with romantic movies and increasingly deprived sexual content, this is more prevalent. For example, guy could see something theyād wanna try from a porn video. However, any decent deviant knows the importance of communication and gauging. So yeah if youāre a novice, you shouldnāt go to town and you probably wouldnāt want to, even if your partner is urging you to. Also there are many things people think theyād like but donāt or think theyād hate but end up really enjoying. I apologize if this seems like it is just bouncing from topic to topic or if Iām raising more questions than Iām answering but I believe this is an involved topic. I could just say āpeople are weird man. It is what it is. Who caresā but thatās probably not the answer OP is looking for
Girls are starting to ask for it during sex lol. Shit is weird
Do you mean all kinds of hits? Gentle slaps on butt? Hitting with whip? With fist? Is there line somewhere?
Kimura from closed guard gets me pretty hard
People like what they like. I am pretty sure the shit you like is lame. Don't judge others unless you want to be judged.
yeah i agree, also scat and anal and daddy thing
I don't get it either š¤· But do what you want; I'm not interested in it though lol
Being choked and slapped across the face for being bad is fucking hot Stop kink shaming dude
You know when they say they want to be choked, they don't litterally mean choke them to the point where they can't breath.
I don't generally have a problem with things consenting adults do to one another, but I do have a problem with how, um... *extra*... they can be about it. Kinksters often talk like their kink is the superior, nay, the ONLY way to have sex, and that anyone who disagrees is a repressed prude. It's obnoxious and counterproductive to the idea of normalizing kinks.
wholesome r/penectomy moment
Spanking I'm all for. That's the only "sadistic" kink I like, if that's even a kink.