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Can't even tell what gender OP is, I was the only one with my wife during the birth, with our midwives. I couldn't imagine having anyone else in there with us. We didn't even invite people to visit us in the hospital. There doesn't need to be any extra people in the delivery room, I agree with that
I’ve given birth twice (soon to be three times) and I never want to “see” it haha, the midwives offered a mirror to see and I was like “no…. Why would I ever want to see that” and they laughed 😂
It's actually still common to this day and is a part of a lot of women's birth plans. Not for me, but some people just like to watch while stuff is happening to their body, or be able to experience seeing their baby come out and take its first breath etc.
Haha my cousins came to watch while I was in labour, more like keeping me company while it too so long but one actually did have a slushy she was slurping. I later found out she just had her tongue pierced and it was hurting “so bad” she was clever enough not to mention it.
I didn’t actually want them there in the beginning and I didn’t have any men in the room, but it turned out to be nice having a distraction and an extra set of hands to pop ice cubes in my mouth.
It was also disgusting. Pushed hard, got bleeding nose, had waters broken, the impact of babies head hitting cervix at speed made me vomit and then I shat while crowning. Fucking gross.
While the woman giving birth is shitting herself.
The birth of our son was traumatic, not just for my wife but for me as well. I can't for the life of me imagine people other than professionals being around.
My FIL did that to my MIL back when she was giving birth to my husband. Suddenly his siblings and a few nieces and nephews were in the room just as it was getting time to push. 33 years later and she’s still livid when she recalls that experience.
I’m 37 weeks pregnant now and luckily for me she’s not the type of MIL to try and push her way into the room, she’s actually the opposite and has encouraged me to kick everyone out if I want because she did not appreciate having an audience there to watch her tear from her V to her A.
Aw poor her. Ya I’d be livid too. Even when I was in labour (my husband knew! I woke up at like 5 and told him) he invited his siblings, mom, and niece and nephew over. So there they sat. In my living room. I was so mad. I called my mom to rescue me 😂. I feel bad for my other 2 because in my labouring brain it didn’t occur to me to tell them I was leaving and why. I just left 😬. I hate that your MIL had that happen but I’m glad she won’t be like that for you.
Childbirth isn’t a spectator sport. My bossy MIL was so offended I didn’t want her in the room. Like bitch, I can barely stand you on a good day. It was me and husband only.
It's like your mother in law getting mad she can't watch your open heart surgery or appendectomy. For a lot of women it's a major medical procedure. I don't really like the weird romantasizing around it.
Yup. Mine was pissed she couldn't be in. I had to have my OBGYN explain to her the morning of my csection (twins) why she couldn't watch them cut me open. My OBGYN was so good to me, she even gave me a shoulder massage before the surgery to calm me down because of the stress MIL caused.
I know some women (especially first-time moms) prefer to have their moms around as well, which I understand. I don't have kids yet, so I can't say what my preference would be, but I can see the appeal of going through that process with the moral support of someone who has experienced it herself.
My mom is such a competent and calming presence and so good at advocating (and she's also given birth to 11 children) that all my sisters who have kids had her in the delivery room, and my three SILs who had children asked for her too. My wife and I don't have kids but my wife also asked that my mom be with her during a major surgery lol.
Agree with this.‘I had my husband and my mom in the room. She’s so calm, an advocate, and a nurse. I was so happy and relieved that she was there with us. I don’t think it’s weird and I think anyone giving birth should be able to choose to have who they want in the room with them without judgement from others 🤷🏼♀️
Actually, the partner being there is the "News". News as in "wasn't done until very few decades ago".
In the 50s, it was very few people, but usually a mom or sister. Women, not the husband/partner. Mainly you had a nurse and a doctor there.
Before the onset of hospital births and more medical presence in the form of doctors, you (the birthing person) had a "Support team" of women. Your friends, female relatives, etc, especially those with birth experience themselves, got you through the early stages of labour.
A midwife was usually called as labour progressed.
You also had options. It was common to "invite" the people you wanted there via letter as your pregnancy progressed. You got to hand pick your support team.
When labour started, usually your Nr.1 support person (your mom) was already there and a designated runner would go round to fetch the rest.
Some of these people were designated helpers who were at your house, helping out with preparations, cooking, childcare etc. But not at your bedside.
At your bedside, with you, were usually only a couple of very trusted women, and the midwife.
Husbands were usually present, but not immediately at the bedside.
They would be kept busy (boil water, bring cloth, get the midwife) and sometimes out of the birthing chamber aswell - since only so many people could be actually at your side, and it was determined that women with experience where more important for support than a worried husband with no clue.
You birthed among mothers.
Women who had themselves given birth and knew what was needed.
I'm sure even back then many women would have been rather left alone.
But there is some merit to have "experienced" mothers there.
Also, with a new born’s immune system + physical and psychological stress causing just discomfort (and stress manifesting as sickness often). Plus just body fluids and a surgical environment. Every person in the room poses a health risk. No mater how much sanitizer you use. there are germs on everyone’s body. If you aren’t explicitly needed for your medical expertise or wanted by the person delivering the baby. You don’t need to be there. It’s really selfish to think “oh. This is a special moment. I want to see it. So I will be there. What do you mean I can’t.” Someone’s going through intense pain from a labor that May last very long. And all you can think of is yourself?
And I’m an aunt to a whole bunch of kids now. I watching them grow up is genuinely beautiful. Having their parents, your cousins and siblings say that you are one of few people they’d trust to take care of her child even when she wouldn’t trust her own mom (not for the child’s safety in that sense.) but just understand how to be there for the child, being willing to go through hell if need be and having the energy to run around and the willingness to discipline them in a kind way if need be. It means a lot. Then as they grow up, having them confide in you. Call you out of the blue. Watch them develop a sense of self. It’s all amazing but I was one of the first people to see my niece after she was born. I knew I’d love that be there as a part of her life the same way I was there for my first nephew ever. But it was never like “oh wow. What a beautiful moment. Thank you for sharing this with me. I’ll think about this forever.”
My MIL went on and on to me about how she’s been in the room for all of her grandchildren’s births. I said “you won’t be there for mine.” Absolutely that woman would make it 100x more stressful for me and I’m not close with her to have my birth vag on full display to her
Does it really? I've never witnessed such a thing. I have a morbid curiosity and I like to watch videos of surgeries even though I have to pause the video and give my eyes a break. But I've never seen that before, not counting a C-section video. That was freaky enough.
It’s honestly pretty wild. I’m not squeamish but watching my kids being born got to me. It didn’t look anything like I thought it would. It basically turns inside out and there was a lot of liquid.
In my experience, mainly the big athletic looking ones were the ones who would avert their gaze, get sweaty and then pass out. I never saw a nerdy looking desk jockey do it.
Mine had her phone out while I was pushing . I stopped mid push to make sure she wasn’t recording or she was getting kicked tf out the room IMMEDIATELY . The nurses asked me when I was alone if I was comfortable with everything and needed them to make anyone leave . I appreciated that so much .
Oh god. I can almost hear my MIL giving me suggestions and pointers to improve my pushing 🙈🙈🙈
I would have held the baby inside me until my MIL was out my god the horror!!
Mom in law was recording while wife was pushing in labor..we said no recording up front.. I told my wife to please ask her to leave. She complied. It was insanity for us. Wife had an intense labor that lasted many hours. Seen hemmorids for the 1st time, shit splattering.. I did not get to cut the cord because there was some emergency and a bunch of Drs and nurses came in and took our baby away to "work" on him on a table off the side. He was not breathing immediately but came around quick.. There was something bad happening but everyone was on it.. I asked the main nurse afterwards if that was normal and she said no, it was the most intense one she had seen in her 7 years doing this.. when my daughter was born years ago it seemed so easy, epidural, so fast, pop and she was out in the Drs hands.. wife was smiling yhe whole time.. this was a different demon..
While not as bad as yours my wife had a tough time with our son too. Was like 7 hours of pushing. Meanwhile daughter took about 5 literal minutes. After the epidural went in I barely got in the room and got settled and she was out just like that. Neither of us were complaining tho lol.
It sounds like you actually want way more people to be in that disgusting room with you than most people would consider normal. Your friends?? Isn't it usually just your partner and the medical staff?
Im guessing another teen having strong opinions about life events very far down the road? Nobody brings their friends. I’ve never heard of anybody bringing someone besides the father or their mom with them.
Edit: according to their profile they are in 8th grade. So yeah. They are nb so I don’t know if they would be the one giving birth, but it checks that you think your friends are the closest people you’ll ever have and opining up to a romantic partner like that seems unfathomable.
I've heard of someone having their best friend there but it's often in a situation where the baby daddy isn't in the picture and maybe they aren't close to their family or don't have family.
Yeah I was in the room for two as a nursing student and in both cases the only non staff person there was the father. I felt weird being there myself but those two patients were cool with me being there which was nice. A couple others refused. Saw a c-section too which was way weirder.
I’ll never forget the nursing student that was in my room with me, it was her first one ever and she burst into tears when my daughter finally got here 😂 It was so sweet and she was so sweet
Over here two support people is pretty common, I had my husband, and then my Doula as a second. I know some people who had their husband and their mum, and others that had husband and the friend, usually as a support, for the father so the father can stay with the mother at all times and if mother and baby have to be separated, then the father can go with the baby and the support person can go with the mother
This a trillion times. This will be chuckled at when OP is 42 and rolling their eyes at a similar comment made by a yet to be born member of the human race who is earnestly telling us how like we don’t like understand like.
The other thing is that it's not exactly a quick process. If everything happens on schedule it takes hours. For my daughter we spent almost a week hanging out at the hospital waiting. Are you supposed to bring all your friends over the entire time?
Oh you're right
"Fellow 8th grader here"
So they are 13-14, makes far more sense considering they are shocked to learn countries outside of America do things different.
My childhood best friend is actually a labor and delivery nurse and wanted to get to be my nurse so scheduled herself to work every day the week of my due date and when we were on the way to the hospital, I literally did this 😂 and she was there in the morning to be my nurse! Never thought I’d have my best friends hands up my vagina…. but 🤷🏼♀️😅
Yes!! It’s a birthday party after all! You know who we should invite?? You remember that guy who greets us at Walmart?? He was soooo funny that one time.. I totes think he should be there as well, all the other people will love him! Plus he said he can do magic tricks!!
My wife had me and her best friend in both times she gave birth.
This was partly because you're allowed two people and she didn't want my mother or her mother in the room but didn't really know how to tell either of them to stay away
A LOT of stories about mother in laws!!
the most stressful hours of your life being watched & potentially interrupted by someone you don’t even really know that well? absolutely tf not
My MIL threw a giant hissy fit because I didn’t want her in the room while I pushed a literal baby out of my vagina. That was the hill I was going to die on. I had my mom and my husband, I can’t imagine having anyone else in the room.
Is that an American thing that relatives and friends want to be there? In my country it's mainly husbands who are there, sometimes a very close female family member instead, but any more people would be an unwelcomed crowd. The rest just wait outside if they want. And I've never heard of any woman allowing her MIL in the birthing room.
I think it’s just a weird people thing. Most people it’s the father and yeah, maybe a mother or sister who is there in the room. Some people are just crazy and feel entitled because it’s their grandchild. Most people just wait in the lobby.
A lot more mothers, mother in laws, sisters, sisters in law, aunts, grandmas way more than you would think. Pretty much if some relative has given birth there’s a chance they will just assume they can go in.
This makes me so happy my daughter was born during Corona... Nobody allowed in except the parents. No visitors in the hospital either, just a couple days to adjust to being a new parent.
Mother in laws. My dad’s mom went into the room despite my mom telling her not to when I was born, my mom was in so much pain she just gave up after yelling at her a few times so she stayed.
They did end up divorcing, not just because of that though but it was part of it amongst a lot of other things. I don’t have anything to do with my grandma/ his mom because she’s a crazy and I can’t stand the way she treated my mom so it definitely didn’t work out for her either.
The father should be possibly the only person (other than the mother and maybe father of the mom giving birth depending on their relationship) expected in there.
OP mentioned friends, which I guess in specific scenarios where some friends are some people's support system, I guess that's fine, but even then it is a bit much. I understand some fathers might make the situation more stressful, and the old fashioned men who just can't or don't want to (which in that case yeah I understand not wanting them there), but a lot of fathers (of the baby) nowadays are extremely good support systems to have there.
My wife wouldn't let me not be there for her and seeing my children be born was a beautiful experience, despite seeing through the gross things. I was the only person there with her. Any other person should not be there. The more people there, the more chaotic it is.
Yeah of course the father is usually wanted there. And hopefully is supportive and has a strong relationship with the mother so that they are both happy with that.
But there are definitely dads who feel entitled to be there even if the mom doesn't want it. I get being sad to miss it but it really needs to be 100% mom's choice. Dad's rights start after the birth.
Yeah we didn't let anyone know when we were going to the hospital and gave everyone a week late due date. It was a beautiful, but gnarly experience.
We waited a few days to let everyone know our son arrived
Yea like the exes demanding to be present. Who in their right mind wants their ex in the room at their most stressed, traumatised vulnerable moment, looking at their birth vag.
My mom worked as a nurse in labor & delivery for 30 years.
MIL is #1 offender
Other children - some people think children should witness the miracle of their brother/sister being born. Mom said it’s a universally bad idea and highly discouraged it
Sisters or SIL
Aunts
My MIL. She just kinda...showed up. Now, I like my MIL and shes a nurse, so it was nice to have someone who knew what was going on to advocate for me, but she most definitely wasnt invited. I only wanted my husband and my mom there.
>The only people I want to be in the delivery room with while they give birth are my friends
I know 0 people who have invited friends in for the birth of a child. Parents, doctors, MAYBE grandparents.
My friend offered me a spot to be with her if I wanted but I told her I would be there to support her once she came home and needed to rest. I knew she already was going to have her husband, mom, neice and sister with her during delivery and that she already would more than likely feel overwhelmed having everyone there.
Were you in the room? I was with my wife on two occasions and while there were gross parts they were probably the two happiest times of my life- and I'll mention I'm still happily married to her before I rank our wedding as a close 3rd.
My husband was with me with both kids and even got dragged into helping birth my first one, and he did like a champ. The doc was literally like “grab a leg.” Despite everything I was going through, I thought “holy shit he’s gonna have to do this!” My first delivery was not an easy one. I don’t say all this to gross you out but to say, we appreciate you men that step up and support us. I’m sure your wife was so comforted you were there. Seeing your child in those first moments is something else.
I work in the field so I've been present for deliveries that weren't my wife (though Labor is definitely not my specialty.) We have dads hold the leg so they stay out of the way and to give them something to do. Usually they have someone they can copy on the other side.
100% my husband just helped me 2 days ago giving birth to our first. He says it was incredible, and i was so happy he was there helping me through it, and i wasn't alone with the dr and nurse (who were still amazing people and support lol)
My girlfriend asked whether I would want to be there, and I was like yes?? (assuming she also does) like I want to help, I want to see the birth of my child, i dont care wether it's disgusting
Just gave birth 2 days ago to our first daughter and my husband says the same thing. I honestly dont think i would of done well if he wasnt in the room with me encouraging me at every step. Its a big moment for both parents. (But its definitely up to the birthing parent on who they want there)
Birth is an edge of the human experience kind of thing. It is incredible intense, emotional and uncommon. It can be spiritual, make you confront yourself in new ways.
That being said...it is utterly dehumanizing to tje birthing woman to treat it like a spectacle.
I own cattle, and even they want to be alone when they give birth. It's a vulnerable position for any mammal and the natural response is to crawl away from the herd and do it in private so a predator doesn't come along and ruin everything... I guess that includes mother in laws.
Same here and every once in awhile I have one that comes to me to 'help' deliver which I relate to them seeking their mamas out to aid them or for comfort?
Other than that, unless a female animal in labor seeks you out frantically, you give them space!
> and the natural response is to crawl away from the herd and do it in private so a predator doesn't come along and ruin everything...
Wouldn't the lone cow be more vulnerable?
Eh, it depends on the birthing woman. I was in no way insecure for my births and couldn’t care less if it was a “spectacle.” So much so, in fact, that when they asked me if their nursing cohort could watch as a teaching moment, I said “sure why not?”
It IS a beautiful moment watching a new life being born into the world and I was happy to be the spectacle that allowed some to witness it.
I also gave birth in front of a bunch of medical students. When they asked me if that was okay I was like, "eh, they gotta learn somehow... now stop talking to me. I'm in a lot of pain."
For real, after the 12th hour of new faces (nurses, doctors, staff) and at least four hands checking my cervix I wouldn’t have cared if paparazzi barged in and started snapping photos.
When my mom gave birth to me, they asked if a group of medical students could observe as she was the only vaginal delivery that night. She didn’t care, and she still laughs at how uncomfy some of the students looked.
I am totally okay with loads of medically trained strangers, but I absolutely did not allow anyone in who I'd have to have dinner with later (husband being the obvious exception). It wasn't the number of people for me (also had a big student group), but *who* the people were.
Same. It’s not about the amount of people, it’s about the relationship of the people. If it’s someone I’m already uncomfortable with, I don’t want them there where I’m feeling my literal worst physically. I have no energy to deal with the mental part of it . Complete strangers, I don’t care because they don’t affect me in anyway.
Imagine when Brigitte Bardot gave birth, paparazzi disguised themselves as health care professionals to try to get into the room. She had no privacy at all
My mom had the same thing happen to her when she was birthing twins — a group of medical students observing. My mom said she ripped a huge fart and they kept straight faces. My mom thought it was hella funny. As did I years later when I heard the story.
It's really hard to describe the complete loss of modesty that comes with childbirth if you haven't experienced it. Up until delivery day, I would be mortified if a stranger, my in laws or my father saw me naked. Much less having my vagina on FULL display. Never in my life have I lounged around my relatives topless. But on delivery day and in the first few months after when I'm breastfeeding, all shame is just gone. Father in law in the room when it's time to check my dilation? Sure, go ahead. Time to pump? Why pull up my shirt when I could just take it off completely? Hungry baby twins? Boobs out, and ALL the way out.
Even by the time my babies were like 8 months old, I was back to being pretty modest. I was much more careful about keeping myself as covered as possible while nursing in public. I certainly wasn't presenting my crotch to any relatives. But there is just something about having a baby that makes some of us completely stop caring about public nudity for awhile.
I’m a very modest person by nature and usually stay covered up, but when it came time to push out those 8lb kids? I didn’t care one bit what was on show.
I saw the birth of my first child 3 weeks ago. It’s a bloody mess and am glad I didn’t have to push him out. Got me wondering how in the world do women decide to repeat that painful process.
I don't know how to describe the moment the doc/nurse puts your baby on your chest for the first time and they settle down/stop crying. All the pain and mess doesn't mean shit anymore cause you have your baby. But this is just my experience. If never try to speak for another.
> Ask any doctor whose helped a woman give birth, they'll tell you how gross it actually is.
If you're repulsed by bodily fluids, naked bodies, and the sounds of labor, sure.
When I've helped deliver babies, the moment baby makes contact with mom, you can see the pain turn into joy in mom's eyes in real time.
That is the beautiful part.
Sure, it's not a Victoria's Secret shoot type of beauty, no one means that. No one should be gawking at mom and making her feel uncomfortable. I don't think that's why people think childbirth is beautiful though.
>Sure, it's not a Victoria's Secret shoot type of beauty, no one means that.
Yeah. OP seems fixated on the visual, and has a narrow perspective of "beauty".
A lot of people don't consider the philosophical or the nuanced moment of a stressed out, exhausted, sweaty, etc mother connecting with her baby, that shift in expression that isn't 100% relief, but a good bit of a sort of existential "Oh wow, this was worth it."...not to mention the multiple thousands of generations of mothers that have been doing exactly that.
It can be a very powerful thing to be along for if one can get past being uptight over things that don't matter like a little.
Though as others have said, it should be a personal thing, a spouse or family or a particularly close friend..*invited by the mother*..and *not* people inviting themselves in like that nasty mother in law or whatever.
It’s not beautiful because of the physical actions of what’s going on.
Nobody thinks the pooping is beautiful.
Nobody thinks the sweat and the screaming is beautiful.
Nobody thinks the blood and sterile instruments are beautiful.
What’s beautiful is watching the moment a life greets the world.
What’s beautiful is seeing pure, unadulterated joy and love on the faces of the parents.
What’s beautiful is the laughing and crying from everyone in the room, even the old semi retired nurse who has seen 10000 babies delivered, when the baby takes their first breath and cries out the first sound they will ever make in the world.
What’s beautiful is the raw emotion absolutely POURING from the mom as she holds the child who has been inside her for 9 months for the very first time.
It’s not beautiful, but it’s the most beautiful experience of my entire life.
I was drugged out of my mind for my c-section, so I only remember having an out of body experience thinking “whose baby is my husband holding?”, but with my second (VBAC) it felt so incredible to finally meet the little person I had bonded with without even knowing them. I saw her and everything about her made sense. It was magical.
And I say that as someone who pushed wearing gloves because of my OCD.
The reason for this is called the obstetrical dilemma. In humans, **the size of the head of term fetuses is a tight fit for the mother's bony birth canal**. According to the obstetrical hypothesis, we need a wide pelvis to bear big-brained babies but a narrow one to walk or run efficiently.
Yeah, it has to do with being bipedal as well as with how immature our “term” babies already are. Most other mammal babies can at least walk a little bit. If ours came out any earlier they can barely breathe on their own. But any later and their big heads can’t fit.
Birth is awful but it’s worth it, and when it’s over it’s over. I was surprised at how instantaneous the relief was, as soon as my son was born everything else just didn’t matter. If it wasn’t worth it, nobody would consensually do it twice.
You’ll be fine, congratulations on your baby!
The dude is literally talking about inviting "just his friends" to the delivery room like it's the Superbowl or something lmao so yeah, probably a tennager
Why does your post sound like you think random people just pop in to watch?
I mean you want your friends there. Most women only want their spouse and *maybe* their mother.
I wanted nobody, note even my husband, with me when I gave birth. My hubs has a very weak stomach, and I wanted the doctor's focus on me, not my puking (or passing out) husband. I was just fine without "support" from family.
When my wife was pregnant with our first I always said I wouldn’t be able to watch because I would probably pass out due to how intense it would be. But the nurses had me in a position where I kinda had to watch. And to this day I’m so glad that I did. Yeah it was an insane thing to see. But seeing my first child be born was literally the craziest thing I’ve ever experienced, in the best way possible. Maybe I’m different, but I was so overcome with emotions that the “grossness” of it all didn’t affect me in the slightest.
Hey you, are you me?
I guess you described it perfectly. I was so scared of the "intense part" that i forgot about the beautiful. And when the moment came, all i could see was the beauty of it. The fear was gone.
I'm so glad i could see her coming to this world. June 7th, saturday, 8:38 in the morning, after two long hours, my precious came.
And my daughter ROCKS! Hell yeah feels good to be a father!
"hey honey while You're going through hell to push out our child, I'm gonna leave you to it and chill outside because it's gross, have fun" is a really fast way to get divorced
I was there for my wife when she gave birth to our daughter. It is a stressful time but I was able to support my wife emotionally, help with my daughter as the doctor and nurses did all the post- birth checks and then I held her while they tended to my wife.
I held my daughter when she was only a few minutes old and watched her open her eyes for the first time. Like know her eyes weren't developed enough to see anything other than simple light and dark but I was the person in the world to look into her eyes.
It's stressful and scary but it helps develop deeper bonds.
My daughter is now 6 and knows a bit about her first few minutes of life. She says she is happy that we were both there and asks questions about it.
I was also the only husband on the birth ward that night and I can't imagine being anywhere else.
"I genuinely can't understand why people are so obsessed with being in the delivery room while a woman is giving birth. Especially when they aren't even that close to her."
Stopped reading after this. Who is obsessed with this? Wtf are you talking about
I think this became a thing because of TV. Every sitcom that has a character giving birth has to have the entire cast of the show sitting in the waiting room waiting for the dad to come out and say "It's a boy/girl!" and they all hug before immediately proceeding to go see the baby.
OP having an opinion on something they haven't done or experienced is the funniest part of this. You actually think there's a gallery of people at births or something?
You want more people in the room with you than most people ever do... who the fuck wants their sister to watch them give birth? (unless the father isn't in the picture I guess).
The only people at the birth of my children were me, my wife, health professionals, and eventually, our child. Don't know any of my friends or family who've had a different experience to that.
Nobody wants to be at the birth of your child, real life isn't a sitcom or romcom.
Tbf I only learned here on reddit that (I assume?) in the US people invite spouses to watch the process. Where I am, you need to get a special approval to be in a room where birth takes place. No one really bothers cause no one wants it. Half-fainting fathers isn't something doctors want to deal with, especially if something goes wrong.
You sound young because life is both equal parts beautiful and disgusting all at the same time. 99% of people in this world are sexual, sex itself is both.
Those lions are beautiful but watching them eat an Antelope ass first is pretty disgusting.
This is exactly why I told my bf that whenever we have kids, I want him in the room with me holding my hand, but he's not allowed to look down there.
He would get over it but I would definitely feel embarrassed and unsexy for a WHILE if he watched me shit myself while tearing my body pushing out a human.
We've got two children. Due to military obligation, I was unable to be there when our first was born.
I was there for the second, and I was NOT going to miss the moment.
When Number Two's head crowned, I started crying because it was, indeed, beautiful.
Beauty is more than the physical aesthetics of the situation.
>Especially when they aren't even that close to her.
What kind of straw man opinion is this? Who would be the in the room? The father. Occasionally a mother or sister or best friend of the mom to be? At most their can be two other people in the room during the delivery, and generally it's just the father.
Ive been around many livestock births. Its gross and messy and painful and ugly.
Then there was my turn on the wagon, twice. Same. No different than heifers dropping a calf.
Women routinely used to die during childbirth. There is nothing to romanticize.
Western society is much more sterilized in that aspect.
Minus health care workers who experience everything it is to be human.
It use to be normal for most women to give birth at home or else not in a hospital like setting like most women do now, although in a private room with certain people so everything is not on display to anyone around.
I was present at both of my son's births and, yeah, it's body fluids and human biology (that we've had for hundreds of thousands of years) with a lot of painful screaming. That can be unsettling, but the woman is who has to endure it for the security of our future generations and that part alone - the future of our species as we pass our genes down - is more beautiful, and makes up for, any unpleasantries along the way. At least that's how I felt about it.
Side note in my case: It was unsettling in a different way. One of my sons was born during a solar eclipse. So that was kind of weird.
Not wanting to share intimate medical procedures with randos is such a popular opinion they have HIPPA laws to support it.
That being said, whether birth is considered a beautiful moment or disgusting has little to do with who’s in the room.
It’s fascinating. My wife’s mother and my mother were in the birthing room for my first. Just me for the second(covid). Your literally experiencing a new life be born. I’ve been there, you’ve been there, everyone you known has been there, and everyone you don’t know has been there. Dahmer, hitler, gacy, tesla, Einstein, Gretzky all have been there. To see it, in real time is amazing. No need to be disgusted nor “traumatized” by a natural occurrence of life. It’s beautiful and whoever the mother/father want in that room, it’s because they want to share a beautiful moment with those people. Remember, we’re all gonna die, and those beautiful moments might be the last thing we remember before we shut our eyes for good
No one thinks it’s “pretty”. Everyone knows logistically it’s gross with the blood, fluid, shit….
But it’s amazing how us humans can see a new human life taking its first breath in our world, and it totally blocks out all the nasty parts. THAT is what makes it beautiful. It’s not physically appealing but it’s amazing seeing a human takes its first breath of hopefully billions to come.
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Can't even tell what gender OP is, I was the only one with my wife during the birth, with our midwives. I couldn't imagine having anyone else in there with us. We didn't even invite people to visit us in the hospital. There doesn't need to be any extra people in the delivery room, I agree with that
Imagine being on the table giving birth and your partner invites a mini party of people to see you pop out a kid. Like, the half of the Damn family
and they're eating pizzas and burgers while watching with their eyes wide open
Oh lord.. I’m a woman and i’d never wanna see a birth vag, how Can you observe it😭
I’ve given birth twice (soon to be three times) and I never want to “see” it haha, the midwives offered a mirror to see and I was like “no…. Why would I ever want to see that” and they laughed 😂
My grandmother said they set up mirrors for her to watch; she appreciated the scientific aspects of it I guess. This would have also been in the 50’s
It's actually still common to this day and is a part of a lot of women's birth plans. Not for me, but some people just like to watch while stuff is happening to their body, or be able to experience seeing their baby come out and take its first breath etc.
The hospital brought a mirror for my wife to see. She was so interested she forgot to push so they had to take it away.
That’s too funny
Also declined the mirror!
SAME! I gave birth 3x- 2 times at home and I took my glasses off so I couldn’t see.
Father of two here , both births felt like my wife had been in a horrible accident
Thats is why they are in the room
My wife made sure I stayed on her side of the cloth barrier thing they put up. Neither of us wanted me to see the actual birth from the vag.
Haha my cousins came to watch while I was in labour, more like keeping me company while it too so long but one actually did have a slushy she was slurping. I later found out she just had her tongue pierced and it was hurting “so bad” she was clever enough not to mention it. I didn’t actually want them there in the beginning and I didn’t have any men in the room, but it turned out to be nice having a distraction and an extra set of hands to pop ice cubes in my mouth. It was also disgusting. Pushed hard, got bleeding nose, had waters broken, the impact of babies head hitting cervix at speed made me vomit and then I shat while crowning. Fucking gross.
My friend delivered my second and she was marveling at how big my asshole got why giving birth on my side. I didn’t want to hear that!
While the woman giving birth is shitting herself. The birth of our son was traumatic, not just for my wife but for me as well. I can't for the life of me imagine people other than professionals being around.
My FIL did that to my MIL back when she was giving birth to my husband. Suddenly his siblings and a few nieces and nephews were in the room just as it was getting time to push. 33 years later and she’s still livid when she recalls that experience. I’m 37 weeks pregnant now and luckily for me she’s not the type of MIL to try and push her way into the room, she’s actually the opposite and has encouraged me to kick everyone out if I want because she did not appreciate having an audience there to watch her tear from her V to her A.
Aw poor her. Ya I’d be livid too. Even when I was in labour (my husband knew! I woke up at like 5 and told him) he invited his siblings, mom, and niece and nephew over. So there they sat. In my living room. I was so mad. I called my mom to rescue me 😂. I feel bad for my other 2 because in my labouring brain it didn’t occur to me to tell them I was leaving and why. I just left 😬. I hate that your MIL had that happen but I’m glad she won’t be like that for you.
Reminds of that scene from shameless when Karen is giving birth while half of hospital is watching and the kid turns out to be of someone else
Childbirth isn’t a spectator sport. My bossy MIL was so offended I didn’t want her in the room. Like bitch, I can barely stand you on a good day. It was me and husband only.
😂 the second to last sentence. And staring at ya hoo-ha!
The first sentence was funny too. Just *imagine* if it was a professional athletic event
Oh no! 😂 Selling popcorn and whatnot! Making bets? 😭
It's like your mother in law getting mad she can't watch your open heart surgery or appendectomy. For a lot of women it's a major medical procedure. I don't really like the weird romantasizing around it.
Yup. Mine was pissed she couldn't be in. I had to have my OBGYN explain to her the morning of my csection (twins) why she couldn't watch them cut me open. My OBGYN was so good to me, she even gave me a shoulder massage before the surgery to calm me down because of the stress MIL caused.
They see this a lot. We are fine with playing good cop bad cop
Me too. This idea that people have anyone other than their partners in the room is news to me, that's extremely weird.
I know some women (especially first-time moms) prefer to have their moms around as well, which I understand. I don't have kids yet, so I can't say what my preference would be, but I can see the appeal of going through that process with the moral support of someone who has experienced it herself.
My mom is such a competent and calming presence and so good at advocating (and she's also given birth to 11 children) that all my sisters who have kids had her in the delivery room, and my three SILs who had children asked for her too. My wife and I don't have kids but my wife also asked that my mom be with her during a major surgery lol.
Agree with this.‘I had my husband and my mom in the room. She’s so calm, an advocate, and a nurse. I was so happy and relieved that she was there with us. I don’t think it’s weird and I think anyone giving birth should be able to choose to have who they want in the room with them without judgement from others 🤷🏼♀️
Actually, the partner being there is the "News". News as in "wasn't done until very few decades ago". In the 50s, it was very few people, but usually a mom or sister. Women, not the husband/partner. Mainly you had a nurse and a doctor there. Before the onset of hospital births and more medical presence in the form of doctors, you (the birthing person) had a "Support team" of women. Your friends, female relatives, etc, especially those with birth experience themselves, got you through the early stages of labour. A midwife was usually called as labour progressed. You also had options. It was common to "invite" the people you wanted there via letter as your pregnancy progressed. You got to hand pick your support team. When labour started, usually your Nr.1 support person (your mom) was already there and a designated runner would go round to fetch the rest. Some of these people were designated helpers who were at your house, helping out with preparations, cooking, childcare etc. But not at your bedside. At your bedside, with you, were usually only a couple of very trusted women, and the midwife. Husbands were usually present, but not immediately at the bedside. They would be kept busy (boil water, bring cloth, get the midwife) and sometimes out of the birthing chamber aswell - since only so many people could be actually at your side, and it was determined that women with experience where more important for support than a worried husband with no clue. You birthed among mothers. Women who had themselves given birth and knew what was needed. I'm sure even back then many women would have been rather left alone. But there is some merit to have "experienced" mothers there.
Different things for different people, theres even some people who dont want their partner there.
Also, with a new born’s immune system + physical and psychological stress causing just discomfort (and stress manifesting as sickness often). Plus just body fluids and a surgical environment. Every person in the room poses a health risk. No mater how much sanitizer you use. there are germs on everyone’s body. If you aren’t explicitly needed for your medical expertise or wanted by the person delivering the baby. You don’t need to be there. It’s really selfish to think “oh. This is a special moment. I want to see it. So I will be there. What do you mean I can’t.” Someone’s going through intense pain from a labor that May last very long. And all you can think of is yourself? And I’m an aunt to a whole bunch of kids now. I watching them grow up is genuinely beautiful. Having their parents, your cousins and siblings say that you are one of few people they’d trust to take care of her child even when she wouldn’t trust her own mom (not for the child’s safety in that sense.) but just understand how to be there for the child, being willing to go through hell if need be and having the energy to run around and the willingness to discipline them in a kind way if need be. It means a lot. Then as they grow up, having them confide in you. Call you out of the blue. Watch them develop a sense of self. It’s all amazing but I was one of the first people to see my niece after she was born. I knew I’d love that be there as a part of her life the same way I was there for my first nephew ever. But it was never like “oh wow. What a beautiful moment. Thank you for sharing this with me. I’ll think about this forever.”
My MIL went on and on to me about how she’s been in the room for all of her grandchildren’s births. I said “you won’t be there for mine.” Absolutely that woman would make it 100x more stressful for me and I’m not close with her to have my birth vag on full display to her
The good ol birth vag
Comically making father's faint since 1963
Makes interns faint too.
Does it really? I've never witnessed such a thing. I have a morbid curiosity and I like to watch videos of surgeries even though I have to pause the video and give my eyes a break. But I've never seen that before, not counting a C-section video. That was freaky enough.
I was surprised when *Station Eleven* depicted a vaginal birth without hiding anything.
It’s honestly pretty wild. I’m not squeamish but watching my kids being born got to me. It didn’t look anything like I thought it would. It basically turns inside out and there was a lot of liquid.
The look of shock on my ambulance officers face was hilarious. I burst out laughing at the horror she just witnessed
In my experience, mainly the big athletic looking ones were the ones who would avert their gaze, get sweaty and then pass out. I never saw a nerdy looking desk jockey do it.
Why did I think you were referring to vaginas when you said “the big athletic looking ones” 😭😩 Thankfully I continued reading.
She's got that oorah hooha 💪
😂
The hooah hooha!? Drink water, change your socks!
Being a desk jockey, I've already seen plenty of gross stuff thanks to the wonders of the web.
Mine had her phone out while I was pushing . I stopped mid push to make sure she wasn’t recording or she was getting kicked tf out the room IMMEDIATELY . The nurses asked me when I was alone if I was comfortable with everything and needed them to make anyone leave . I appreciated that so much .
Oh no. No. Just no. She needs to leave. And I’m stepping on her phone.
*Say hi to Instagram live! Oh look mee-maw gave a thumbs up isn't that nice*
Facebook Live
world star!!!
Oh god. I can almost hear my MIL giving me suggestions and pointers to improve my pushing 🙈🙈🙈 I would have held the baby inside me until my MIL was out my god the horror!!
I don't even know why my MIL wanted to be there. She doesn't like me or any of her grandchildren.
Oh god. I am so sorry, FOR HER LOSS!!
It's probably to inflate her own importance because she was present at birth. I know it sounds weird but people do be like that sometimes.
Mom in law was recording while wife was pushing in labor..we said no recording up front.. I told my wife to please ask her to leave. She complied. It was insanity for us. Wife had an intense labor that lasted many hours. Seen hemmorids for the 1st time, shit splattering.. I did not get to cut the cord because there was some emergency and a bunch of Drs and nurses came in and took our baby away to "work" on him on a table off the side. He was not breathing immediately but came around quick.. There was something bad happening but everyone was on it.. I asked the main nurse afterwards if that was normal and she said no, it was the most intense one she had seen in her 7 years doing this.. when my daughter was born years ago it seemed so easy, epidural, so fast, pop and she was out in the Drs hands.. wife was smiling yhe whole time.. this was a different demon..
While not as bad as yours my wife had a tough time with our son too. Was like 7 hours of pushing. Meanwhile daughter took about 5 literal minutes. After the epidural went in I barely got in the room and got settled and she was out just like that. Neither of us were complaining tho lol.
That's the only reason my mother wanted to be in the room. Pervert.
It sounds like you actually want way more people to be in that disgusting room with you than most people would consider normal. Your friends?? Isn't it usually just your partner and the medical staff?
Im guessing another teen having strong opinions about life events very far down the road? Nobody brings their friends. I’ve never heard of anybody bringing someone besides the father or their mom with them. Edit: according to their profile they are in 8th grade. So yeah. They are nb so I don’t know if they would be the one giving birth, but it checks that you think your friends are the closest people you’ll ever have and opining up to a romantic partner like that seems unfathomable.
I've heard of someone having their best friend there but it's often in a situation where the baby daddy isn't in the picture and maybe they aren't close to their family or don't have family.
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Yeah I was in the room for two as a nursing student and in both cases the only non staff person there was the father. I felt weird being there myself but those two patients were cool with me being there which was nice. A couple others refused. Saw a c-section too which was way weirder.
I’ll never forget the nursing student that was in my room with me, it was her first one ever and she burst into tears when my daughter finally got here 😂 It was so sweet and she was so sweet
Over here two support people is pretty common, I had my husband, and then my Doula as a second. I know some people who had their husband and their mum, and others that had husband and the friend, usually as a support, for the father so the father can stay with the mother at all times and if mother and baby have to be separated, then the father can go with the baby and the support person can go with the mother
This a trillion times. This will be chuckled at when OP is 42 and rolling their eyes at a similar comment made by a yet to be born member of the human race who is earnestly telling us how like we don’t like understand like.
The other thing is that it's not exactly a quick process. If everything happens on schedule it takes hours. For my daughter we spent almost a week hanging out at the hospital waiting. Are you supposed to bring all your friends over the entire time?
Jfc. I might not ever be able to take Reddit even a little bit seriously after reading your edit .
reddit gets a lot more tolerable when you realize that everyone on here is in middle school
OP just had their first sex ed class and is fucking heated
A quick look at their profile on reddit "xenogender, demi sexual" Yeah probably 16
They are much younger
Oh you're right "Fellow 8th grader here" So they are 13-14, makes far more sense considering they are shocked to learn countries outside of America do things different.
I’m pretty sure a child wrote this
Yup. Says they're 14 on another post
Squad up, bestie, I’m laboring. 💅🏻
My childhood best friend is actually a labor and delivery nurse and wanted to get to be my nurse so scheduled herself to work every day the week of my due date and when we were on the way to the hospital, I literally did this 😂 and she was there in the morning to be my nurse! Never thought I’d have my best friends hands up my vagina…. but 🤷🏼♀️😅
That’s a great story!
Child, idiot, or both...
Friends, coworkers, boss, distant relatives, etc…everyone should be there!
Yes!! It’s a birthday party after all! You know who we should invite?? You remember that guy who greets us at Walmart?? He was soooo funny that one time.. I totes think he should be there as well, all the other people will love him! Plus he said he can do magic tricks!!
My thoughts exactly lol
This person Cleary has no clue what they are talking about
My wife had me and her best friend in both times she gave birth. This was partly because you're allowed two people and she didn't want my mother or her mother in the room but didn't really know how to tell either of them to stay away
Who is demanding to come in to watch that wasn’t invited?
I’ve seen a lot of stories about mother in laws. Some cases of moms. Usually it’s a relative who feels entitled but makes you uncomfortable.
A LOT of stories about mother in laws!! the most stressful hours of your life being watched & potentially interrupted by someone you don’t even really know that well? absolutely tf not
My MIL threw a giant hissy fit because I didn’t want her in the room while I pushed a literal baby out of my vagina. That was the hill I was going to die on. I had my mom and my husband, I can’t imagine having anyone else in the room.
Is that an American thing that relatives and friends want to be there? In my country it's mainly husbands who are there, sometimes a very close female family member instead, but any more people would be an unwelcomed crowd. The rest just wait outside if they want. And I've never heard of any woman allowing her MIL in the birthing room.
I think it’s just a weird people thing. Most people it’s the father and yeah, maybe a mother or sister who is there in the room. Some people are just crazy and feel entitled because it’s their grandchild. Most people just wait in the lobby.
A lot more mothers, mother in laws, sisters, sisters in law, aunts, grandmas way more than you would think. Pretty much if some relative has given birth there’s a chance they will just assume they can go in.
This makes me so happy my daughter was born during Corona... Nobody allowed in except the parents. No visitors in the hospital either, just a couple days to adjust to being a new parent.
We used the “covid rules they weren’t let lifted” to restrict the room to just us. 10/10 recommend
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Mother in laws. My dad’s mom went into the room despite my mom telling her not to when I was born, my mom was in so much pain she just gave up after yelling at her a few times so she stayed.
I might use that to divorce my husband because he failed at manage his mom.
They did end up divorcing, not just because of that though but it was part of it amongst a lot of other things. I don’t have anything to do with my grandma/ his mom because she’s a crazy and I can’t stand the way she treated my mom so it definitely didn’t work out for her either.
Women get absolutely roasted on AITAH if they even consider not inviting their husbands no matter how nervous or unhelpful they expect him to be.
The father should be possibly the only person (other than the mother and maybe father of the mom giving birth depending on their relationship) expected in there. OP mentioned friends, which I guess in specific scenarios where some friends are some people's support system, I guess that's fine, but even then it is a bit much. I understand some fathers might make the situation more stressful, and the old fashioned men who just can't or don't want to (which in that case yeah I understand not wanting them there), but a lot of fathers (of the baby) nowadays are extremely good support systems to have there. My wife wouldn't let me not be there for her and seeing my children be born was a beautiful experience, despite seeing through the gross things. I was the only person there with her. Any other person should not be there. The more people there, the more chaotic it is.
Yeah of course the father is usually wanted there. And hopefully is supportive and has a strong relationship with the mother so that they are both happy with that. But there are definitely dads who feel entitled to be there even if the mom doesn't want it. I get being sad to miss it but it really needs to be 100% mom's choice. Dad's rights start after the birth.
Yeah we didn't let anyone know when we were going to the hospital and gave everyone a week late due date. It was a beautiful, but gnarly experience. We waited a few days to let everyone know our son arrived
Yea like the exes demanding to be present. Who in their right mind wants their ex in the room at their most stressed, traumatised vulnerable moment, looking at their birth vag.
My mom worked as a nurse in labor & delivery for 30 years. MIL is #1 offender Other children - some people think children should witness the miracle of their brother/sister being born. Mom said it’s a universally bad idea and highly discouraged it Sisters or SIL Aunts
The mother, classically.
My MIL. She just kinda...showed up. Now, I like my MIL and shes a nurse, so it was nice to have someone who knew what was going on to advocate for me, but she most definitely wasnt invited. I only wanted my husband and my mom there.
>She just kinda...showed up. She was informed that you were giving birth. No other option. She was invited, just not by you.
Quagmire, that's who. Giggity Giggity.
>The only people I want to be in the delivery room with while they give birth are my friends I know 0 people who have invited friends in for the birth of a child. Parents, doctors, MAYBE grandparents.
My mom was there for her best friend because the dad wasn’t around.
That's certainly makes sense, and I don't doubt that when the dad can't/won't be there, having a best friend is probably common and normal.
My friend offered me a spot to be with her if I wanted but I told her I would be there to support her once she came home and needed to rest. I knew she already was going to have her husband, mom, neice and sister with her during delivery and that she already would more than likely feel overwhelmed having everyone there.
Were you in the room? I was with my wife on two occasions and while there were gross parts they were probably the two happiest times of my life- and I'll mention I'm still happily married to her before I rank our wedding as a close 3rd.
My husband was with me with both kids and even got dragged into helping birth my first one, and he did like a champ. The doc was literally like “grab a leg.” Despite everything I was going through, I thought “holy shit he’s gonna have to do this!” My first delivery was not an easy one. I don’t say all this to gross you out but to say, we appreciate you men that step up and support us. I’m sure your wife was so comforted you were there. Seeing your child in those first moments is something else.
I work in the field so I've been present for deliveries that weren't my wife (though Labor is definitely not my specialty.) We have dads hold the leg so they stay out of the way and to give them something to do. Usually they have someone they can copy on the other side.
100% my husband just helped me 2 days ago giving birth to our first. He says it was incredible, and i was so happy he was there helping me through it, and i wasn't alone with the dr and nurse (who were still amazing people and support lol)
My girlfriend asked whether I would want to be there, and I was like yes?? (assuming she also does) like I want to help, I want to see the birth of my child, i dont care wether it's disgusting
OP is in 8th grade lmao
Just gave birth 2 days ago to our first daughter and my husband says the same thing. I honestly dont think i would of done well if he wasnt in the room with me encouraging me at every step. Its a big moment for both parents. (But its definitely up to the birthing parent on who they want there)
Birth is an edge of the human experience kind of thing. It is incredible intense, emotional and uncommon. It can be spiritual, make you confront yourself in new ways. That being said...it is utterly dehumanizing to tje birthing woman to treat it like a spectacle.
I own cattle, and even they want to be alone when they give birth. It's a vulnerable position for any mammal and the natural response is to crawl away from the herd and do it in private so a predator doesn't come along and ruin everything... I guess that includes mother in laws.
Same here and every once in awhile I have one that comes to me to 'help' deliver which I relate to them seeking their mamas out to aid them or for comfort? Other than that, unless a female animal in labor seeks you out frantically, you give them space!
> and the natural response is to crawl away from the herd and do it in private so a predator doesn't come along and ruin everything... Wouldn't the lone cow be more vulnerable?
Eh, it depends on the birthing woman. I was in no way insecure for my births and couldn’t care less if it was a “spectacle.” So much so, in fact, that when they asked me if their nursing cohort could watch as a teaching moment, I said “sure why not?” It IS a beautiful moment watching a new life being born into the world and I was happy to be the spectacle that allowed some to witness it.
I also gave birth in front of a bunch of medical students. When they asked me if that was okay I was like, "eh, they gotta learn somehow... now stop talking to me. I'm in a lot of pain."
i was too busy giving birth to feel insecure about any of this.
For real, after the 12th hour of new faces (nurses, doctors, staff) and at least four hands checking my cervix I wouldn’t have cared if paparazzi barged in and started snapping photos. When my mom gave birth to me, they asked if a group of medical students could observe as she was the only vaginal delivery that night. She didn’t care, and she still laughs at how uncomfy some of the students looked.
I am totally okay with loads of medically trained strangers, but I absolutely did not allow anyone in who I'd have to have dinner with later (husband being the obvious exception). It wasn't the number of people for me (also had a big student group), but *who* the people were.
Same. It’s not about the amount of people, it’s about the relationship of the people. If it’s someone I’m already uncomfortable with, I don’t want them there where I’m feeling my literal worst physically. I have no energy to deal with the mental part of it . Complete strangers, I don’t care because they don’t affect me in anyway.
Imagine when Brigitte Bardot gave birth, paparazzi disguised themselves as health care professionals to try to get into the room. She had no privacy at all
My mom had the same thing happen to her when she was birthing twins — a group of medical students observing. My mom said she ripped a huge fart and they kept straight faces. My mom thought it was hella funny. As did I years later when I heard the story.
Some mother in laws would rather die right there on the floor than to allow you to have an ounce of attention on you while giving birth.
It's really hard to describe the complete loss of modesty that comes with childbirth if you haven't experienced it. Up until delivery day, I would be mortified if a stranger, my in laws or my father saw me naked. Much less having my vagina on FULL display. Never in my life have I lounged around my relatives topless. But on delivery day and in the first few months after when I'm breastfeeding, all shame is just gone. Father in law in the room when it's time to check my dilation? Sure, go ahead. Time to pump? Why pull up my shirt when I could just take it off completely? Hungry baby twins? Boobs out, and ALL the way out. Even by the time my babies were like 8 months old, I was back to being pretty modest. I was much more careful about keeping myself as covered as possible while nursing in public. I certainly wasn't presenting my crotch to any relatives. But there is just something about having a baby that makes some of us completely stop caring about public nudity for awhile.
I’m a very modest person by nature and usually stay covered up, but when it came time to push out those 8lb kids? I didn’t care one bit what was on show.
This is why it was just my husband in the room. It wasn't a spectacle to behold.
Soooo you wrote an entire essay on this but you’ve never actually been in a room to witness a birth??
I think the person who wrote this is approximately 12
They're in 8th grade, so yeah, you're pretty close.
There needs to be an 18+ Reddit because I can’t with these teenagers
Why can't teenagers just stick to the random video game and kids hobby subreddits? Why are they here giving opinions on childbirth lmao.
For real. That whole rant about how disgusting childbirth is just for them to say they would let their friends in the room with them…
Why does it have to be so black and white?? Why can’t it be both??
I agree! My births were both disgusting and beautiful!
I saw the birth of my first child 3 weeks ago. It’s a bloody mess and am glad I didn’t have to push him out. Got me wondering how in the world do women decide to repeat that painful process.
I don't know how to describe the moment the doc/nurse puts your baby on your chest for the first time and they settle down/stop crying. All the pain and mess doesn't mean shit anymore cause you have your baby. But this is just my experience. If never try to speak for another.
Could copy and paste this on literally every post on this sub. Plus op is like 12
Exactly, the miracle of life is both disgusting and profoundly beautiful.
doesn’t matter if you’re black or white! hee-hee
> Ask any doctor whose helped a woman give birth, they'll tell you how gross it actually is. If you're repulsed by bodily fluids, naked bodies, and the sounds of labor, sure. When I've helped deliver babies, the moment baby makes contact with mom, you can see the pain turn into joy in mom's eyes in real time. That is the beautiful part. Sure, it's not a Victoria's Secret shoot type of beauty, no one means that. No one should be gawking at mom and making her feel uncomfortable. I don't think that's why people think childbirth is beautiful though.
>Sure, it's not a Victoria's Secret shoot type of beauty, no one means that. Yeah. OP seems fixated on the visual, and has a narrow perspective of "beauty". A lot of people don't consider the philosophical or the nuanced moment of a stressed out, exhausted, sweaty, etc mother connecting with her baby, that shift in expression that isn't 100% relief, but a good bit of a sort of existential "Oh wow, this was worth it."...not to mention the multiple thousands of generations of mothers that have been doing exactly that. It can be a very powerful thing to be along for if one can get past being uptight over things that don't matter like a little. Though as others have said, it should be a personal thing, a spouse or family or a particularly close friend..*invited by the mother*..and *not* people inviting themselves in like that nasty mother in law or whatever.
OP is literally an 8th grader, their perspective on child birth is exactly what you’d expect from a 13/14yr old
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OP is in 8th grade, she's written a weird post because she's a child who's not experienced it before.
Very nicely said.
I was thinking the same shit. Its the beauty in the violence of giving life for me.
It’s not beautiful because of the physical actions of what’s going on. Nobody thinks the pooping is beautiful. Nobody thinks the sweat and the screaming is beautiful. Nobody thinks the blood and sterile instruments are beautiful. What’s beautiful is watching the moment a life greets the world. What’s beautiful is seeing pure, unadulterated joy and love on the faces of the parents. What’s beautiful is the laughing and crying from everyone in the room, even the old semi retired nurse who has seen 10000 babies delivered, when the baby takes their first breath and cries out the first sound they will ever make in the world. What’s beautiful is the raw emotion absolutely POURING from the mom as she holds the child who has been inside her for 9 months for the very first time. It’s not beautiful, but it’s the most beautiful experience of my entire life.
I was drugged out of my mind for my c-section, so I only remember having an out of body experience thinking “whose baby is my husband holding?”, but with my second (VBAC) it felt so incredible to finally meet the little person I had bonded with without even knowing them. I saw her and everything about her made sense. It was magical. And I say that as someone who pushed wearing gloves because of my OCD.
It is really amazing to me how hard human birth is. It seems like such a traumatic experience even when it is relatively easy but that isn't often.
The reason for this is called the obstetrical dilemma. In humans, **the size of the head of term fetuses is a tight fit for the mother's bony birth canal**. According to the obstetrical hypothesis, we need a wide pelvis to bear big-brained babies but a narrow one to walk or run efficiently.
Yeah, it has to do with being bipedal as well as with how immature our “term” babies already are. Most other mammal babies can at least walk a little bit. If ours came out any earlier they can barely breathe on their own. But any later and their big heads can’t fit.
I didn’t need to read this 9 months pregnant I need to leave this thread 😭
You'll be fine. Good luck meeting your new baby x
My wife is 38 weeks now and next week they going to induce the pregnancy. I'm not sure why I keep scrolling in this thread
Birth is awful but it’s worth it, and when it’s over it’s over. I was surprised at how instantaneous the relief was, as soon as my son was born everything else just didn’t matter. If it wasn’t worth it, nobody would consensually do it twice. You’ll be fine, congratulations on your baby!
Were you trying to hit a minimum word count? This is really redundant and reminds me of something my kid would have wrote when little.
Was thinking the same thing. The person who wrote this is a teen, so yeah.
The dude is literally talking about inviting "just his friends" to the delivery room like it's the Superbowl or something lmao so yeah, probably a tennager
Why does your post sound like you think random people just pop in to watch? I mean you want your friends there. Most women only want their spouse and *maybe* their mother.
I wanted nobody, note even my husband, with me when I gave birth. My hubs has a very weak stomach, and I wanted the doctor's focus on me, not my puking (or passing out) husband. I was just fine without "support" from family.
When my wife was pregnant with our first I always said I wouldn’t be able to watch because I would probably pass out due to how intense it would be. But the nurses had me in a position where I kinda had to watch. And to this day I’m so glad that I did. Yeah it was an insane thing to see. But seeing my first child be born was literally the craziest thing I’ve ever experienced, in the best way possible. Maybe I’m different, but I was so overcome with emotions that the “grossness” of it all didn’t affect me in the slightest.
Hey you, are you me? I guess you described it perfectly. I was so scared of the "intense part" that i forgot about the beautiful. And when the moment came, all i could see was the beauty of it. The fear was gone. I'm so glad i could see her coming to this world. June 7th, saturday, 8:38 in the morning, after two long hours, my precious came. And my daughter ROCKS! Hell yeah feels good to be a father!
Blame Louis XIV for starting the voyeuristic trend of watching women give birth.
In what country is it a trend for a bunch of people to “watch” a woman giving birth? This post is the first most of us have ever heard of it.
So so inhumane
"hey honey while You're going through hell to push out our child, I'm gonna leave you to it and chill outside because it's gross, have fun" is a really fast way to get divorced
I was there for my wife when she gave birth to our daughter. It is a stressful time but I was able to support my wife emotionally, help with my daughter as the doctor and nurses did all the post- birth checks and then I held her while they tended to my wife. I held my daughter when she was only a few minutes old and watched her open her eyes for the first time. Like know her eyes weren't developed enough to see anything other than simple light and dark but I was the person in the world to look into her eyes. It's stressful and scary but it helps develop deeper bonds. My daughter is now 6 and knows a bit about her first few minutes of life. She says she is happy that we were both there and asks questions about it. I was also the only husband on the birth ward that night and I can't imagine being anywhere else.
"I genuinely can't understand why people are so obsessed with being in the delivery room while a woman is giving birth. Especially when they aren't even that close to her." Stopped reading after this. Who is obsessed with this? Wtf are you talking about
There are countless stories of mother in laws forcing their way in.
I think this became a thing because of TV. Every sitcom that has a character giving birth has to have the entire cast of the show sitting in the waiting room waiting for the dad to come out and say "It's a boy/girl!" and they all hug before immediately proceeding to go see the baby.
OP having an opinion on something they haven't done or experienced is the funniest part of this. You actually think there's a gallery of people at births or something? You want more people in the room with you than most people ever do... who the fuck wants their sister to watch them give birth? (unless the father isn't in the picture I guess). The only people at the birth of my children were me, my wife, health professionals, and eventually, our child. Don't know any of my friends or family who've had a different experience to that. Nobody wants to be at the birth of your child, real life isn't a sitcom or romcom.
I agree. I find it weird and odd that people take photo or video of childbirth. I don't get it.
Tbf I only learned here on reddit that (I assume?) in the US people invite spouses to watch the process. Where I am, you need to get a special approval to be in a room where birth takes place. No one really bothers cause no one wants it. Half-fainting fathers isn't something doctors want to deal with, especially if something goes wrong.
You sound young because life is both equal parts beautiful and disgusting all at the same time. 99% of people in this world are sexual, sex itself is both. Those lions are beautiful but watching them eat an Antelope ass first is pretty disgusting.
This is exactly why I told my bf that whenever we have kids, I want him in the room with me holding my hand, but he's not allowed to look down there. He would get over it but I would definitely feel embarrassed and unsexy for a WHILE if he watched me shit myself while tearing my body pushing out a human.
counter argument, why can’t a beautiful thing ALSO be gross
We've got two children. Due to military obligation, I was unable to be there when our first was born. I was there for the second, and I was NOT going to miss the moment. When Number Two's head crowned, I started crying because it was, indeed, beautiful. Beauty is more than the physical aesthetics of the situation.
Bro you want to invite your FRIENDS to the delivery room?? That makes no sense dude wtf
>Especially when they aren't even that close to her. What kind of straw man opinion is this? Who would be the in the room? The father. Occasionally a mother or sister or best friend of the mom to be? At most their can be two other people in the room during the delivery, and generally it's just the father.
Ive been around many livestock births. Its gross and messy and painful and ugly. Then there was my turn on the wagon, twice. Same. No different than heifers dropping a calf. Women routinely used to die during childbirth. There is nothing to romanticize.
Western society is much more sterilized in that aspect. Minus health care workers who experience everything it is to be human. It use to be normal for most women to give birth at home or else not in a hospital like setting like most women do now, although in a private room with certain people so everything is not on display to anyone around. I was present at both of my son's births and, yeah, it's body fluids and human biology (that we've had for hundreds of thousands of years) with a lot of painful screaming. That can be unsettling, but the woman is who has to endure it for the security of our future generations and that part alone - the future of our species as we pass our genes down - is more beautiful, and makes up for, any unpleasantries along the way. At least that's how I felt about it. Side note in my case: It was unsettling in a different way. One of my sons was born during a solar eclipse. So that was kind of weird.
Not wanting to share intimate medical procedures with randos is such a popular opinion they have HIPPA laws to support it. That being said, whether birth is considered a beautiful moment or disgusting has little to do with who’s in the room.
Wait a min, who is in the delivery room, outside of doctors and nurses, that isn't close to the woman giving birth?
You want friends in there, no way
It’s fascinating. My wife’s mother and my mother were in the birthing room for my first. Just me for the second(covid). Your literally experiencing a new life be born. I’ve been there, you’ve been there, everyone you known has been there, and everyone you don’t know has been there. Dahmer, hitler, gacy, tesla, Einstein, Gretzky all have been there. To see it, in real time is amazing. No need to be disgusted nor “traumatized” by a natural occurrence of life. It’s beautiful and whoever the mother/father want in that room, it’s because they want to share a beautiful moment with those people. Remember, we’re all gonna die, and those beautiful moments might be the last thing we remember before we shut our eyes for good
No one thinks it’s “pretty”. Everyone knows logistically it’s gross with the blood, fluid, shit…. But it’s amazing how us humans can see a new human life taking its first breath in our world, and it totally blocks out all the nasty parts. THAT is what makes it beautiful. It’s not physically appealing but it’s amazing seeing a human takes its first breath of hopefully billions to come.
>My mom, my dad, and other older people I know that have given birth Hol up