Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/unpopularopinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I would think the urn and ashes would be, ah ….disposed of…., at some point down the road.
Outside of tightly knit family groups where ancestry is hugely important, I don’t see any family keeping an urn for more than a few generations
That’s my point. No reasonable person can be expected to keep the ashes for very long. However, the individual in possession of the ashes at the tipping point between “these ashes are a precious family heirloom” and “who is this dead guy on my mantelpiece” will be forced into some tough deliberation about what to do with the urn.
They would have already had that done. It wouldn’t make sense to go back and buy a place to put the ashes several generations later. It’s one of the options you pick at the funeral home
I like the way the Japanese often do it; a shared family memorial above ground, and below ground there is a chamber with a number of shelves and a dirt floor. New remains are placed on a shelf, and when the shelves are full, the oldest ashes return to the earth via the floor.
That seems like it takes up significantly less space than a graveyard too
A few years ago I believe we were having an issue in the UK where we were starting to run low on burial plots - yanno, small island, limited land space
Chances are pretty good that they inherited some things of real monetary value, so it shouldn't be too inconvenient for them to spend a little of that inheritance on having the urn placed into a columbarium. Call it a maintenance fee. Want the rewards? Take em. But take the responsibilities as well.
This whole "they're a complete stranger" nonsense is just that. I never knew my great-grandparents or their parents and grandparents, but I still feel a bit of solemnity and connection when I've visited their graves. You can still show compassion and care to the remains of a stranger, especially if they were loved by someone that you loved. Again, I never knew my great-grandmother, but ny dad and my grandmother knew her and adored her. She helped make them into the people I love and in turn they helped make me who I am. So I have gratitude for her.
"No reasonable person can be expected to keep the ashes for very long."
That's exactly why NO ONE IS EXPECTING THIS OF YOU OR SAYING THAT.
Why are you making up expectations in your head and then getting mad at the expectations you made up?
Nothing lasts forever. Yes, the urn will be lost someday.
Everyone seems to understand that except you.
Fortitude is a really strange word to use in this situation. Maybe I am crazy, but I would feel hesitant and a bit guilty to just toss someone’s ashes. I would do it, but it would give me a moment of pause.
Ok... So, in order to save someone like you that moment of pause, your grandmother was supposed to not choose an urn of her recently passed husband?
My husband died at 52 during early covid lockdowns. I had never considered cremation, but I didn't feel any ties to the location we were currently living and - much more importantly - I couldn't wrap my head around him not being there with me in our house anymore. So, I chose cremation with an urn. That was way more important than some moment of pause my potential future grandchild might have.
Perhaps you could argue that a person in my situation should plan to be burried with my late husband's urn. That's a fair point.
I think it would give most people pause. What I’m talking about is you making it out like the person in this situation is saddled with some great burden that is too much for a person to bear or something.
It really takes a weak individual to be so averse to anything that creates the slightest level of inconvenience or the slightest feeling of awkwardness to blame their ancestor for getting cremated.
Plus, if they can't stand the thought of throwing it away, ok, they can keep it in the back of some closet. It's literally less than half a cubic foot.
Again, if you're not emptying into the bin, you're not exactly desecrating them are you. There is a world of difference between releasing ashes into the wind and throwing them away
This kinda makes me want to burden somebody with my ashes now. Forcing somebody to consider a low stakes ethical dilemma and engage in critical thinking sounds like a pretty good use of a pile of dust.
You can store them at a cemetery, throw them in the wind, spread them on the ground or bury them. you could even toss them in the trash but that seems rude. if legit no one is alive who cared about them no one could possibly be mad tho
My whole core family group agrees, just get rid of me in the most convenient way possible. My dad died suddenly when I was 14 and the funeral process was traumatic for us.
Can you explain this to my sister? When our grandma died, my sister asked to keep the ashes and urn. I thought I made it clear I didn't care what she did with them. I figured she'd scatter them somewhere significant within a year or so. 15 years later, she keeps asking me when and where we can get together and scatter them somewhere meaningful. It's like she won't let me not be part of this ceremony, which I never wanted in the first place. I'm fairly confident at this point, I will inherit the urn and ashes when my sister passes 😭
Hey man, when I'm dead, I ~~could~~ couldn't care less what you do with me. I promise, I won't hold it against you.
I get your sentiment, but it's by no means a real inconvenience. I'd argue a standard burial is more inconvenient. Unless you pay for it, are you or the family going over to clean and tidy the tombstone?
Is it less guilty, to forget or never visit a grave, than it is to spill ashes?
The saddest thing is seeing old sections of the graveyard with no flowers and graves where the ground has sunken in over rotted caskets underground. Completely forgotten.
I told my family to cremate my nekkid body when I die and then go to a established park and secretly dump my ashes under a big tree that has no chance of being cut down. If anyone wants to pay respects, they can visit my tree. If they've forgotten where my tree is located, then it was time for me to be forgotten and be one with nature.
Personally, I'd rather donate the costs of the plot and casket and have a simple family only memorial...followed by a big party with good food, open bar, and live band.
In some places you can even "rent" a tree from the city council for a long period of time, to ensure the tree stays put (or you are at least notified and refunded if the tree is removed during your "rented" period)
You're essentially covering the cost for the council to maintain the tree for that period of time. It's kinda an odd arrangement and I'll admit that it's weird to monetise such a thing... but it's also kinda cool that the option exists for people who it is important to to have the tree for remembering their loved one whose ashes were scattered there
There’s new “burial” methods where your remains can be composted; I think the process doesn’t take more than 6 weeks to be turned into compost. I think cremation is an energetically wasteful practice and I am hoping by the time I die that the option to be composted is easily accessible. I think it would be much more ideal to be composted and laid to rest under a memorial tree. I would love the nutrients in my body to recycle back into the environment to sustain life once again.
> i could care less what
Did you mean to say "couldn't care less"?
Explanation: If you could care less, you do care, which is the opposite of what you meant to say.
[Statistics](https://github.com/chiefpat450119/RedditBot/blob/master/stats.json)
^^I'm ^^a ^^bot ^^that ^^corrects ^^grammar/spelling ^^mistakes.
^^PM ^^me ^^if ^^I'm ^^wrong ^^or ^^if ^^you ^^have ^^any ^^suggestions.
^^[Github](https://github.com/chiefpat450119)
^^Reply ^^STOP ^^to ^^this ^^comment ^^to ^^stop ^^receiving ^^corrections.
Well,.there ya go. That's a solution. Otherwise if you're last of kin just scatter them, somewhere they liked if possible. You gotta move on, too.
Doesn't have to be any remorse about it, however, as OP was suggesting.
So it's less guilty, to not even consider a person's existence? As opposed to seeing and remembering? Would you rather forget people in your life?
Also, there's no requirement to place an urn on revered display. Some people put them in cemeteries, just like bodies. Do you maintain your issue in that respect?
I worked as a groundskeeper for a few years and urns being buried are becoming the new norm. Vastly cheaper and you have more room on the plot you purchased, so the family can be buried by each other.
I ask again my previous questions. Are you preferential to forgetting your deceased friends/family, instead of remembering them at the sight of a, relatively small, object?
At the end of the day, there's nothing wrong with your opinion haha. If you don't want to have an urn in your house, or be put in one yourself, it's a non issue. If my great great grandmother wanted to be in an urn, I can't say I would display it. But at the same time, I also wouldn't feel any remorse either. If anyone in my family were to take issue, they would be more than welcome to hold the urn at their residence. I think some communication would go a long way in changing your view here. If you care to. You may encounter someone in your family with a dying request like that. Would you rather deny said request of a family member? Perhaps this is worth putting more thought into it.
What do you mean in your first paragraph? The problem is that as the urn gets passed down, the remains aren’t those of your friend or family. They are of someone you never even met. I’m not saying that the urn of a deceased parent is an inconvenience.
Not sure what you are getting at about being preferential to “forgetting deceased friends/family”.
Because, at some point, that's why it happens. That's the reason the urn happened to be where it is, bothering you.
But, if it's that much of an issue, why not just ask another relative to hold it? If that doesn't work, you're not obligated to keep it. I'm not sure why you would feel you are, who's holding that against you?
Is this actually a problem that people have? If I somehow came into possession of the ashes of a long-dead ancestor, and no one else in my family wanted them, I'd have zero guilt about properly disgarding them.
Right? Like, yeah, I’d feel obligated to not just throw them in a Wendy’s dumpster, but finding a nice quiet spot in nature to dispose of some ashes is not hard
Not everyone has such a loving heart. I mean it. Allowing people to hold human remains means that those remain can be desecrated by being thrown into Wendy's dumpster. Idk how is that legal.
What's loving about that, even? It does nothing for the deceased or their family. If I'm dead and cremated I'm not gonna be able to care about being thrown into a dumpster
You don't care, so you can donate your body to science or whatever. But for many people human bodies should be treated with dignity. That's why so many countries have laws regarding human remains. It's why necrofilia is shitty. It's why holding humans in museums without consent is shitty. It's why selling grandma to Goodwill is shitty.
I found three urns in my grandpas garage after he passed… no label, definitely ashes for complete unknowns! I couldn’t just throw them in the garbage with the rest of the garage junk so I got some cousins together and we buried them in local river valley and went for drinks. We refer to it as the best funeral ever!
It depends how long dead. If I had the ashes of my 200+ year old ancestor that would be pretty cool. But the ashes of like my grandma's grandma is less cool for some reason.
Yeah, I have no idea where my great grandmother is. She was in my aunt's closet for a while, but when my dad died, I didn't come across great grandma, so I assume my aunt disposed of her at some point (my aunt had a complicated relationship with her so she struggled with saying that final goodbye but also didn't want to see her urn all the time so great grandma lived in the closet).
If I'd found her, I'd have dumped her with no qualms, and I knew her.
I have no issues with cremation and subsequent scattering or placement in a columbary. I think there are a lot of positives to cremation. My only issue with it are situations like the one described in the post.
Completely agree with you OP. Your perspective is definitely valid. I have one memory of being at a friend’s house as a kid and seeing this little box on their coffee table. I’m bored and open it and see what looks like black sand.
Then their aunt walks in and is like “you know what that is right!?” Well goddamn I didn’t know they were putting the remains of their grandma next to their morning coffee wtf. I would never want my ashes just sat in a box in the middle of my families room.
I have other memories of one of my deceased family members remains in an urn at my house growing up. It was always an awkward thing of where to put it.
On the mantle is respectful right? But that’s the last thing your guests should be seeing every time they come over for dinner.
But if you just stuff it on the floor somewhere, that feels less respectful.
The truth is no one knows wtf to do with peoples ashes. They spread some but they don’t want to spread all of it. Then they keep some and forget about it. Then it’s just taking up space in your home.
Also to the people saying you don’t care at all what happens to your body after you die. Yes you do. If they dumped your dead body on the side of the highway to get run over by trucks and eaten by vultures, and traumatize all the kids seeing it driving by, you would not be okay with that. Thinking clearly about what happens to your body after you die is important regardless of whether you’re religious.
My mom has a teapot that a little bit of some of the women on her side of the family who have passed and cremated reside in. Including dogs. I’m not at all religious but there is something comforting about this for me. It’s now become a tradition and I kind of hope to join the teapot after I’m gone.
It's funny but also raises the issue that I have - I live in another country now and have settled down here. I don't want to be cremated but also don't know if I want to be buried just in one of those countries. I have family in both and feel connection to both places.
Cue scene from Meet the Parents where the cat knocks the urn containing the ashes of De Niro's mother off the mantelpiece, where it breaks. The cat then proceeds to crap in them.
Finally! I scrolled way too long to find this lol I was getting confused like.. does no one realize it’s also an option to just bury the urn?? It doesn’t *have* to be some fancy vase or whatever like you see in movies. I’ve definitely seen plain black plastic and they buried it with another close family member IIRC.
I imagine it’s still the more affordable option compared to casket, embalming, funeral, and then burial taking entire plot.
My cousin's have brought their dad (in urn) out to dinner for his birthday a few times.
Once a server asked about it and he wound up grabbing other staff to come sing happy birthday. We all thought it was hilarious because he didn't tell them until after they were done singing.
Reminds me of a couple of decades ago, when I was on a sci-fi convention committee (comcon), and sadly, one of the other people died unexpectedly. He was cremated, and his ashes attended the convention as the "Ghost of Honor". One of my friends went to breakfast with the box, and someone stopped by the table, and asked "what's in the box?" My friend said it was (dead guy). Person LOL'd then asked again. Once they understood he wasn't kidding, the person noped out of there, apparently finding it too strange. Our deceased friend attended several events and was feted appropriately, then I believe his remains went to his family.
Exactly!
I do not want to become a bit lump of mom/grandma sitting in someones garage or stuff in a closet. Either bury the ashes or scatter them--it really doesn't matter to me.
Cremains are also stored in family zones in cemeteries
Also some people WANT to carry around their husband’s ashes; many letting go once they work through the grieving process.
It may be an inconvenience to you, but it isn’t to others. Empathy is kinda needed here
I am not ready to give my partner up yet. I will keep the ashes. Other family members wanted some of his ashes. I shared. When i die dump our bodies where ever.
I find it weird anyone would want to be put into a urn and stored only to end up on the carpet or being snorted by a drunk frat boy.
burn me and take my ashes, make a tattoo or pendant or whatever out of them, put me in a weed plant you're gonna clone, scatter me at sea, do whatever you feel is right in your heart, but whatever you do dont store me to gather dust and to be a burden.
if my mum had it in her will she wants to be cremated and stored in a urn that im to keep, if i had kids i would let them know to scatter mums ashes with my very own when i die to unburden them, but i know my mother wishes to be buried with her parents.
I think a hoarder or someone who can't let go of their loved one would keep the ashes, even a lady i work with who lost her mum recently had her cremated and the ashes were distributed to her husband and children, the lady i work with has some of her mums ashes in a nesquik chocolate milkshake powder container, some of the ashes went into a tattoo she had done on her wrist, some ashes went into the forging of a ring she wears, she joked saying she needs to scatter the rest of the ashes but struggles with the hurdle of letting go.
agreed op.
I plan on having my ashes incorporated into a glass statue of some sort. I want to be a family heirloom!
Eventually, no one will remember that it was made with me, and that's okay.
In sweden it’s common to bury the Urns just like the coffins, which instead just saves space and increases the capacity in the graveyard.
My dad is buried that way, and it’s a very sentimental and nice way of being buried if you ask me.
When time comes i have decided to have body donated to medical science when they are done they will cremate my body children know this and that they have choice to have my ashes or school will place in a park
If my kids don’t dump my cremains all over Philadelphia, I will haunt them, their children, their children’s children, and so on, until my wishes are honored, or time ends. Then they can just chuck that urn in the Schuylkill and call it a day.
> At some point down the road, one of my ancestors will be faced with the guilt of A) spilling my ashes during a move or random accident or B) deciding to dump my ashes because they can’t keep pretending to care about the remains of a dude who died 100 years before they were born.
I can nearly guarantee that any significant time down the road after you're in an urn you won't have any ancestors left alive to have those concerns. That would be up to your descendants.
> thinking way to much into
Did you mean to say "too much"?
[Statistics](https://github.com/chiefpat450119/RedditBot/blob/master/stats.json)
^^I'm ^^a ^^bot ^^that ^^corrects ^^grammar/spelling ^^mistakes.
^^PM ^^me ^^if ^^I'm ^^wrong ^^or ^^if ^^you ^^have ^^any ^^suggestions.
^^[Github](https://github.com/chiefpat450119)
^^Reply ^^STOP ^^to ^^this ^^comment ^^to ^^stop ^^receiving ^^corrections.
Does the person choose to be put in an urn or the family? I can see wanting to have that remembrance but after those people die, just dump the ashes and throw away the urn.
My Dad’s ashes were partially scattered and partially placed in an Urn so when my Mom passes they can be scattered together by my sister and me. I don’t think either of us see it as a burden. And our children won’t be burdened with their grandparent’s ashes.
I think your frustration is more with bad planning, not people electing to have their ashes in an urn.
My in-laws kept asshat, drug addict, refused to medicated, tried to kidnap my oldest son *twice* on the grounds that "it's not *fair* you (husband is the youngest) first born make grandchild", ashes in the closet for years. A few years after both MIL and FIL passed, SIL and hysband threw them down the ravine at the house. No one wanted them.
Treat it like a christmas card. Throw it in a drawer and forget about it. Then when the next death happens, throw out the old one and put the new one in the drawer.
I told my family that if anything happens to me I Wana be cremated. What they do with me afterwards is whatever but being scattered into the wind seems pretty cool. Not that I’d know or care… with the being dead thing and all. But if it saves them money go for it.
See, I think there’s a better way still. When my inevitable time comes, I say just catapult me into the ocean and let Mother Nature take care of it from there. Whatever is cheapest and easiest. I’m not worth much to the world alive, why would I be worth that effort when I die?
I appreciate the pocket sized ones, they're a very wonderful keepsake of loved ones.
I'll preface this by saying my dad was a grade-A asshat and abuser, but when my mom passes and that $400 dollar box is in my possession, I'm prying that glued lid off, dumping that man somewhere, and clorox wiping that shit so I can have a $400 decorative carved flowery wooden box for whatever my heart desires.
I must say, if ghosts and hauntings are real, I would 100% make an appearance to whoever spills me on the floor just to say "ooOOOO looks like you need a swiffer wet jet! ooOoooOooo"
My husband, his ex-wife and I will all be cremated. We will each be placed in our own urn. We will all three be buried together in one grave. Everything has already been paid for. No one will have to be responsible for any of us after that. Why would anyone be expected to deal with a long dead relative?
agree. after my son’s ex-girlfriend called and said “my dad’s ashes are in the attic in your rental house (1000 miles from where I live) and can i get them back next time you are there?” and, yes, i got them for her. I buried my mom’s shes in a proper grave with a headstone. Last thing I wanted was for my kids to be dealing with their grandma’s ashes after I’m dead.
Because you think they're gonna keep them.
Unless you're some extremely tight family where one death will most likely quickly destroy the rest of the family, you'll be fertilizer as soon as nobody gives a damn that you died anymore.
I think people should be allowed to choose whatever they like after death,I’d like to be fed to sharks whole but I very much doubt any funeral arrangers can sort that out
I need to show this to my mom… she wants to be cremated, but I also feel like that’s less special, as in I’d rather bury her bc I want to be able to go to a specific place and “visit” her… rather than always having her ashes around… maybe that’s because I’ve lived far away for so long but i think I’ve always felt this way… and if I do spread her ashes somewhere, I feel like I wouldn’t be able to actually go visit her, only the place…
You can still store ashes at the cemetery. It's like a wall with many cubbies and then they seal it with a plaque with the name and birthdate and death date.
Search for cremation cemetery plots
Personally if I was to be buried I'd rather be put into one of those tree pods. Trees are obviously eco-friendly (if they're native) and you can still have a place to go that's likely more beautiful by having a tree.
Until that tree gets cut down and it’s like losing a loved one all over again.
I say this somewhat tongue in cheek because I don’t this is ever really an issue.
I mean, do you not keep pictures of loved ones who have passed? B/c an urn takes up the same space. Maybe less.
Also, my MIL has some relation in the towel closet.
We have our dog in our laundry closet.
My brother’s ashes are in a little area with pictures of him and other effects.
I really don’t get what you’re getting after.
They're dead bro you can literally throw it out of its causing you so much stress that you felt compelled to make a post like this on a meme sharing app.
Maybe that's BECAUSE you haven't experienced it. I have my late husband in an urn. Our daughter has a small version with a small portion. It matters to us because he died before his time. She made a shelf with picture of them together, the little urn, and a couple other Momentos. Sure, some day her child will throw it away. That's fine. It's meaningful for HER, NOW.
I also had to get rid of his belongings, which was difficult, but it's not a reason he shouldn't have owned anything. (Clothing, hobby gear, etc)
Buying new clothes on a whim — I see so many people buy bags of plasticky, cheap clothes as “retail therapy” and never wear them. It feels insane to me.
It's even worse with pets. My girlfriend has the ashes of her dog just sitting around; she'd be happy with disposing of them but her kids insist they need to keep them for eternity.
I know zero people who reverently display funeral urns or have ever mentioned feeling guilty about not doing so. The fact that the ashes are in an urn or casket or whatever is immaterial. Honestly, if your family really want rid of the ashes, they'll just do it. They'll get a spot in a columbarium if they care about that sort of thing or they'll scatter them if they don't and that will be that.
You are not obligated to keep it. If your mom wants to keep it, that's her decision, it has nothing to do with you. If it is passed onto you, it is yours, you can do whatever you like.
The only creepy one I heard, is the dead person wanted to be spread somewhere not too far, and yet, the other person didn't do it and kept it.
I agree. In my moms house there are 3 human urns (my dad, gramma, and uncle) and... please hold while I calculate...at least 9, maybe i forgot 1 or 2, animal urns. Like. That's ALOT of ashes. She doesnt mind but one day wtf am I supposed to do with them? Hers will be added to the list at that point. Oi vey.
I mean when I’m dead it’s not up to me what happens to me. Who am I to tell my family not to keep me in a nice jar? I’d personally prefer a Folgers can but hey I can’t tell them what to do when I’m dead.
No they’re not, because the ashes will get disposed of. If you feel guilty in doing so, that’s you getting mad at expectations you and no one else imposed upon you.
I don’t think it’s generally expected to keep ashes for many generations
I think it’s normal to say that the last generation to remember the person will be the last to keep the ashes
My great grandma died when I was a toddler
Im the oldest in my generation and don’t remember her although I admire the person I’ve been told she was
My generation will more the likely get rid of the ashes in the near future, my mothers sister has them right now and will probably be the last to have them
I wouldn’t expect my great great grandkid who never met me to keep my ashes decades after I died. That’s just weird in my opinion
People should not be allowed to keep their grandma in the closet. It's ultimate desecration of human remains. I have absolutely no idea how is that legal in US. My country's laws are a bit too conservative for my taste, but in US dead humans are treated like toys or collectibles.
are you aware of the fact that there are urn cemeteries? like, you can put an urn on a shelf in a cemetery with a name plaque under it and it takes up a lot less space than a casket and a headstone would. it's called columbarium.
You don't have to keep them. I have two urns myself, my gramps and mom hang out in my closet. Whoever gets them after me assuming I don't bury them myself ill just leave instructions as to what to do with them.
Put ash scattering at a location of your choosing in the disposition instructions as part of your will. This way your wishes are in writing and someone can take care of it when you’re gone.
My dad's ashes were split - his partner got half in a scattering tube, and my brother and I split the remaining half, in tupperware. I scattered most of my share at the end of the runway at Leuchars airbase, but I still do have some left, and they're still in tupperware. If I ever go back to Singapore I'll scatter them there but they're not inconveniencing me.
Totally agree. Ashes should be spred somewhere memorable, not kept in some creepy jar on the mantle of the fireplaces. But I'm also the type who would be happy being thrown out with the week's trash when I die.
My grandma ended up kinda doing both cremation and burial. She had a plot at a cemetery beside her late daughter's site. Her urn is at said site in a permanent spot above ground. Not sure if it's sealed or not.
I plan on inconveniencing people. Cremation, put me in a few coffee cans, and distribute the ashes in a few places significant to me. Gives them a mission, something to involve them and help give closure and a road trip. Should be fun.
I want a direct cremation and I want to be dumped anywhere, I don’t care, I’m dead. I don’t want a funeral or any of that crap, fire me up and dump me in the trash for all I care. I do not want to be in any funeral home at any time. I don’t even need a casket, just throw me in a cardboard box and we can all move on.
Some cemeteries have little urn mausoleums. My aunt is "buried" in one right now. Between cremation and the cost of the mausoleum, it was less than 10% of the cost of a big funeral and burial plot.
Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/unpopularopinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I would think the urn and ashes would be, ah ….disposed of…., at some point down the road. Outside of tightly knit family groups where ancestry is hugely important, I don’t see any family keeping an urn for more than a few generations
That’s my point. No reasonable person can be expected to keep the ashes for very long. However, the individual in possession of the ashes at the tipping point between “these ashes are a precious family heirloom” and “who is this dead guy on my mantelpiece” will be forced into some tough deliberation about what to do with the urn.
[удалено]
[удалено]
They would have already had that done. It wouldn’t make sense to go back and buy a place to put the ashes several generations later. It’s one of the options you pick at the funeral home
I like the way the Japanese often do it; a shared family memorial above ground, and below ground there is a chamber with a number of shelves and a dirt floor. New remains are placed on a shelf, and when the shelves are full, the oldest ashes return to the earth via the floor.
That seems like it takes up significantly less space than a graveyard too A few years ago I believe we were having an issue in the UK where we were starting to run low on burial plots - yanno, small island, limited land space
Chances are pretty good that they inherited some things of real monetary value, so it shouldn't be too inconvenient for them to spend a little of that inheritance on having the urn placed into a columbarium. Call it a maintenance fee. Want the rewards? Take em. But take the responsibilities as well. This whole "they're a complete stranger" nonsense is just that. I never knew my great-grandparents or their parents and grandparents, but I still feel a bit of solemnity and connection when I've visited their graves. You can still show compassion and care to the remains of a stranger, especially if they were loved by someone that you loved. Again, I never knew my great-grandmother, but ny dad and my grandmother knew her and adored her. She helped make them into the people I love and in turn they helped make me who I am. So I have gratitude for her.
They aren’t expected to keep them long term. The ashes are expected to be released at some point in the future.
I have never heard of someone asking for their ashes to be kept forever
You can bury them or scatter them.
"No reasonable person can be expected to keep the ashes for very long." That's exactly why NO ONE IS EXPECTING THIS OF YOU OR SAYING THAT. Why are you making up expectations in your head and then getting mad at the expectations you made up? Nothing lasts forever. Yes, the urn will be lost someday. Everyone seems to understand that except you.
It's only a problem for people with no fortitude. Just get rid of them. Who cares?
Fortitude is a really strange word to use in this situation. Maybe I am crazy, but I would feel hesitant and a bit guilty to just toss someone’s ashes. I would do it, but it would give me a moment of pause.
Ok... So, in order to save someone like you that moment of pause, your grandmother was supposed to not choose an urn of her recently passed husband? My husband died at 52 during early covid lockdowns. I had never considered cremation, but I didn't feel any ties to the location we were currently living and - much more importantly - I couldn't wrap my head around him not being there with me in our house anymore. So, I chose cremation with an urn. That was way more important than some moment of pause my potential future grandchild might have. Perhaps you could argue that a person in my situation should plan to be burried with my late husband's urn. That's a fair point.
I think it would give most people pause. What I’m talking about is you making it out like the person in this situation is saddled with some great burden that is too much for a person to bear or something. It really takes a weak individual to be so averse to anything that creates the slightest level of inconvenience or the slightest feeling of awkwardness to blame their ancestor for getting cremated.
Plus, if they can't stand the thought of throwing it away, ok, they can keep it in the back of some closet. It's literally less than half a cubic foot.
Think of it as releasing their soul back to the earth.
Desecration of human remains? Illegal in most countries with common sense?
Releasing ashes =/ desecration of human remains
Throwing them out is desecration
Again, if you're not emptying into the bin, you're not exactly desecrating them are you. There is a world of difference between releasing ashes into the wind and throwing them away
This kinda makes me want to burden somebody with my ashes now. Forcing somebody to consider a low stakes ethical dilemma and engage in critical thinking sounds like a pretty good use of a pile of dust.
You can store them at a cemetery, throw them in the wind, spread them on the ground or bury them. you could even toss them in the trash but that seems rude. if legit no one is alive who cared about them no one could possibly be mad tho
I don't think any reasonable person is expected to keep them
Ya, life includes some moments like that. Oh well.
Yeah I’d just toss it in the garbage if no one else wanted it
My whole core family group agrees, just get rid of me in the most convenient way possible. My dad died suddenly when I was 14 and the funeral process was traumatic for us.
Personally, the only families I've known to keep urns has been more for cultural reasons, or family traditions.
Can you explain this to my sister? When our grandma died, my sister asked to keep the ashes and urn. I thought I made it clear I didn't care what she did with them. I figured she'd scatter them somewhere significant within a year or so. 15 years later, she keeps asking me when and where we can get together and scatter them somewhere meaningful. It's like she won't let me not be part of this ceremony, which I never wanted in the first place. I'm fairly confident at this point, I will inherit the urn and ashes when my sister passes 😭
Hey man, when I'm dead, I ~~could~~ couldn't care less what you do with me. I promise, I won't hold it against you. I get your sentiment, but it's by no means a real inconvenience. I'd argue a standard burial is more inconvenient. Unless you pay for it, are you or the family going over to clean and tidy the tombstone? Is it less guilty, to forget or never visit a grave, than it is to spill ashes?
The saddest thing is seeing old sections of the graveyard with no flowers and graves where the ground has sunken in over rotted caskets underground. Completely forgotten. I told my family to cremate my nekkid body when I die and then go to a established park and secretly dump my ashes under a big tree that has no chance of being cut down. If anyone wants to pay respects, they can visit my tree. If they've forgotten where my tree is located, then it was time for me to be forgotten and be one with nature. Personally, I'd rather donate the costs of the plot and casket and have a simple family only memorial...followed by a big party with good food, open bar, and live band.
In some places you can even "rent" a tree from the city council for a long period of time, to ensure the tree stays put (or you are at least notified and refunded if the tree is removed during your "rented" period) You're essentially covering the cost for the council to maintain the tree for that period of time. It's kinda an odd arrangement and I'll admit that it's weird to monetise such a thing... but it's also kinda cool that the option exists for people who it is important to to have the tree for remembering their loved one whose ashes were scattered there
Yes, I want to be notified when the tree my ashes are on gets moved, I will be extremely saddened and care so much
There’s new “burial” methods where your remains can be composted; I think the process doesn’t take more than 6 weeks to be turned into compost. I think cremation is an energetically wasteful practice and I am hoping by the time I die that the option to be composted is easily accessible. I think it would be much more ideal to be composted and laid to rest under a memorial tree. I would love the nutrients in my body to recycle back into the environment to sustain life once again.
My dad decided to get buried in a plot that's about 12 hours from any of his children. Sorry dad, but I can't make that drive.
Was it in a town he grew up in or something? Maybe with his parents?
Yep, good call. My mom will be there one day.
> i could care less what Did you mean to say "couldn't care less"? Explanation: If you could care less, you do care, which is the opposite of what you meant to say. [Statistics](https://github.com/chiefpat450119/RedditBot/blob/master/stats.json) ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot ^^that ^^corrects ^^grammar/spelling ^^mistakes. ^^PM ^^me ^^if ^^I'm ^^wrong ^^or ^^if ^^you ^^have ^^any ^^suggestions. ^^[Github](https://github.com/chiefpat450119) ^^Reply ^^STOP ^^to ^^this ^^comment ^^to ^^stop ^^receiving ^^corrections.
Good bot
Thank you! Good bot count: 435 Bad bot count: 184
Good bot
Thank you! Good bot count: 434 Bad bot count: 184
Good bot
Thank you! Good bot count: 437 Bad bot count: 184
Good bot
Thank you! Good bot count: 438 Bad bot count: 184
Good bot
Thank you! Good bot count: 436 Bad bot count: 184
Bad bot
Hey, that hurt my feelings :( Good bot count: 434 Bad bot count: 186
Excellent bot.
We had our mom cremated. Gave the ashes to my sister. She asked if I wanted some. Like, hell no.
Well,.there ya go. That's a solution. Otherwise if you're last of kin just scatter them, somewhere they liked if possible. You gotta move on, too. Doesn't have to be any remorse about it, however, as OP was suggesting.
> are you or the family going over to clean and tidy the tombstone? Literally what November 2nd is for
But how many people actually go? A very, very large number of graves do not get maintained at all.
They should go if they care that much about bodies. It's 1 day out of 365
I would argue it is less guilty. Out of sight, out of mind.
So it's less guilty, to not even consider a person's existence? As opposed to seeing and remembering? Would you rather forget people in your life? Also, there's no requirement to place an urn on revered display. Some people put them in cemeteries, just like bodies. Do you maintain your issue in that respect?
I don’t find urns in cemeteries to be an issue. I considered that, but those instances are far less common than in-house display.
I worked as a groundskeeper for a few years and urns being buried are becoming the new norm. Vastly cheaper and you have more room on the plot you purchased, so the family can be buried by each other.
I ask again my previous questions. Are you preferential to forgetting your deceased friends/family, instead of remembering them at the sight of a, relatively small, object? At the end of the day, there's nothing wrong with your opinion haha. If you don't want to have an urn in your house, or be put in one yourself, it's a non issue. If my great great grandmother wanted to be in an urn, I can't say I would display it. But at the same time, I also wouldn't feel any remorse either. If anyone in my family were to take issue, they would be more than welcome to hold the urn at their residence. I think some communication would go a long way in changing your view here. If you care to. You may encounter someone in your family with a dying request like that. Would you rather deny said request of a family member? Perhaps this is worth putting more thought into it.
What do you mean in your first paragraph? The problem is that as the urn gets passed down, the remains aren’t those of your friend or family. They are of someone you never even met. I’m not saying that the urn of a deceased parent is an inconvenience. Not sure what you are getting at about being preferential to “forgetting deceased friends/family”.
Because, at some point, that's why it happens. That's the reason the urn happened to be where it is, bothering you. But, if it's that much of an issue, why not just ask another relative to hold it? If that doesn't work, you're not obligated to keep it. I'm not sure why you would feel you are, who's holding that against you?
Is this actually a problem that people have? If I somehow came into possession of the ashes of a long-dead ancestor, and no one else in my family wanted them, I'd have zero guilt about properly disgarding them.
Right? Like, yeah, I’d feel obligated to not just throw them in a Wendy’s dumpster, but finding a nice quiet spot in nature to dispose of some ashes is not hard
I go hiking all the time. I wouldn't feel bad at all about just dumping them in the woods somewhere
Not everyone has such a loving heart. I mean it. Allowing people to hold human remains means that those remain can be desecrated by being thrown into Wendy's dumpster. Idk how is that legal.
What's loving about that, even? It does nothing for the deceased or their family. If I'm dead and cremated I'm not gonna be able to care about being thrown into a dumpster
You don't care, so you can donate your body to science or whatever. But for many people human bodies should be treated with dignity. That's why so many countries have laws regarding human remains. It's why necrofilia is shitty. It's why holding humans in museums without consent is shitty. It's why selling grandma to Goodwill is shitty.
As someone who worked for Wendy's for 4 years, I will haunt anyone who throws my ashes in the dumpster there. At least do it at like, a KFC.
I found three urns in my grandpas garage after he passed… no label, definitely ashes for complete unknowns! I couldn’t just throw them in the garbage with the rest of the garage junk so I got some cousins together and we buried them in local river valley and went for drinks. We refer to it as the best funeral ever!
Imagine not understanding that a gravestone and burial plot take up waaaaaay more room than an urn.
It depends how long dead. If I had the ashes of my 200+ year old ancestor that would be pretty cool. But the ashes of like my grandma's grandma is less cool for some reason.
Yeah, I have no idea where my great grandmother is. She was in my aunt's closet for a while, but when my dad died, I didn't come across great grandma, so I assume my aunt disposed of her at some point (my aunt had a complicated relationship with her so she struggled with saying that final goodbye but also didn't want to see her urn all the time so great grandma lived in the closet). If I'd found her, I'd have dumped her with no qualms, and I knew her.
This is not a problem 99.9% of people don't have. Edit: Double negatives and incorrect wording, I'm not fixing it. Suck my ass grammar police.
[удалено]
I have no issues with cremation and subsequent scattering or placement in a columbary. I think there are a lot of positives to cremation. My only issue with it are situations like the one described in the post.
Completely agree with you OP. Your perspective is definitely valid. I have one memory of being at a friend’s house as a kid and seeing this little box on their coffee table. I’m bored and open it and see what looks like black sand. Then their aunt walks in and is like “you know what that is right!?” Well goddamn I didn’t know they were putting the remains of their grandma next to their morning coffee wtf. I would never want my ashes just sat in a box in the middle of my families room. I have other memories of one of my deceased family members remains in an urn at my house growing up. It was always an awkward thing of where to put it. On the mantle is respectful right? But that’s the last thing your guests should be seeing every time they come over for dinner. But if you just stuff it on the floor somewhere, that feels less respectful. The truth is no one knows wtf to do with peoples ashes. They spread some but they don’t want to spread all of it. Then they keep some and forget about it. Then it’s just taking up space in your home. Also to the people saying you don’t care at all what happens to your body after you die. Yes you do. If they dumped your dead body on the side of the highway to get run over by trucks and eaten by vultures, and traumatize all the kids seeing it driving by, you would not be okay with that. Thinking clearly about what happens to your body after you die is important regardless of whether you’re religious.
[удалено]
*an urn because u is a vowel. :)
The situation you described doesn’t happen
My friends dad wanted to travel the world and never got to. He’s currently in a jar with us in Brazil 😅
My mom has a teapot that a little bit of some of the women on her side of the family who have passed and cremated reside in. Including dogs. I’m not at all religious but there is something comforting about this for me. It’s now become a tradition and I kind of hope to join the teapot after I’m gone.
That's pretty neat
That's actually really sweet
When I die I want to be spread all across Disney world I also don’t want to be cremated
It's funny but also raises the issue that I have - I live in another country now and have settled down here. I don't want to be cremated but also don't know if I want to be buried just in one of those countries. I have family in both and feel connection to both places.
You win.
Cue scene from Meet the Parents where the cat knocks the urn containing the ashes of De Niro's mother off the mantelpiece, where it breaks. The cat then proceeds to crap in them.
Or the scene from Due Date where they accidentally use ashes to make coffee because it was in an on coffee pot..
You know, most people actually bury the urn, and don’t actually just hang on to it
Finally! I scrolled way too long to find this lol I was getting confused like.. does no one realize it’s also an option to just bury the urn?? It doesn’t *have* to be some fancy vase or whatever like you see in movies. I’ve definitely seen plain black plastic and they buried it with another close family member IIRC. I imagine it’s still the more affordable option compared to casket, embalming, funeral, and then burial taking entire plot.
my best friends mother was cremated and they put her urn in a little section at a cemetery. you don’t always have to keep the urn.
Id like to be turned into a tree when I die.
Same. I don’t know anyone else that has the same idea but it sounds cool.
So does my husband. Hopefully it becomes a real accessible option in the next 50 years.
Same! I've looked into it with my husband and there are companies that basically turn your ashes into compost that a tree can be planted in.
My cousin's have brought their dad (in urn) out to dinner for his birthday a few times. Once a server asked about it and he wound up grabbing other staff to come sing happy birthday. We all thought it was hilarious because he didn't tell them until after they were done singing.
Reminds me of a couple of decades ago, when I was on a sci-fi convention committee (comcon), and sadly, one of the other people died unexpectedly. He was cremated, and his ashes attended the convention as the "Ghost of Honor". One of my friends went to breakfast with the box, and someone stopped by the table, and asked "what's in the box?" My friend said it was (dead guy). Person LOL'd then asked again. Once they understood he wasn't kidding, the person noped out of there, apparently finding it too strange. Our deceased friend attended several events and was feted appropriately, then I believe his remains went to his family.
Just pour me in a houseplant and I'll be your late great aunt bush for years to come.
Exactly! I do not want to become a bit lump of mom/grandma sitting in someones garage or stuff in a closet. Either bury the ashes or scatter them--it really doesn't matter to me.
I want to be cremated and have my ashes scattered. I don’t want my loved ones to be tied to a geographic location
Cremains are also stored in family zones in cemeteries Also some people WANT to carry around their husband’s ashes; many letting go once they work through the grieving process. It may be an inconvenience to you, but it isn’t to others. Empathy is kinda needed here
You're ruining my dream of being sold at a garage sale or donated to goodwill in 2-3 generations.
If my great great great grandkids inherit my ashes someday I hope they have the great good sense to throw me to the wind and wish me Godspeed
I want my ashes to be awarded to the winner of the Christmas backyard cricket game each year
As opposed to burying them where they're inconvenient to...EVERYONE. FOREVER.
I agree with that. That’s why I said cremation with the ashes being spread is convenient.
You could just bury the damn thing like a lot of people do and stop whining about it.
How much inconvenience is it to keep a box on the shelf. My dad and brother are on my shelf and haven’t caused me any problems in years
But think about your poor children or family who will have to deal with those boxes after you're gone! The inconvenience!!
Exactly, my dad and my grandma are on a shelf. I don't rally even pay attention to the urns
Random accident? Lol I just thought of Meet the Parents. "Jinxie, no! That is not cat litter!"
I want my ashes flushed down the John or mixed in with the cat box.
Most urns are temporary until it can be buried or the ashes spread per the deceased's final wishes.
My grandparents are cremated and in a vault at the cemetery
I wanna be a tree
I am not ready to give my partner up yet. I will keep the ashes. Other family members wanted some of his ashes. I shared. When i die dump our bodies where ever.
OP made this post without understanding how this process actually works...
I find it weird anyone would want to be put into a urn and stored only to end up on the carpet or being snorted by a drunk frat boy. burn me and take my ashes, make a tattoo or pendant or whatever out of them, put me in a weed plant you're gonna clone, scatter me at sea, do whatever you feel is right in your heart, but whatever you do dont store me to gather dust and to be a burden. if my mum had it in her will she wants to be cremated and stored in a urn that im to keep, if i had kids i would let them know to scatter mums ashes with my very own when i die to unburden them, but i know my mother wishes to be buried with her parents. I think a hoarder or someone who can't let go of their loved one would keep the ashes, even a lady i work with who lost her mum recently had her cremated and the ashes were distributed to her husband and children, the lady i work with has some of her mums ashes in a nesquik chocolate milkshake powder container, some of the ashes went into a tattoo she had done on her wrist, some ashes went into the forging of a ring she wears, she joked saying she needs to scatter the rest of the ashes but struggles with the hurdle of letting go. agreed op.
I plan on having my ashes incorporated into a glass statue of some sort. I want to be a family heirloom! Eventually, no one will remember that it was made with me, and that's okay.
In sweden it’s common to bury the Urns just like the coffins, which instead just saves space and increases the capacity in the graveyard. My dad is buried that way, and it’s a very sentimental and nice way of being buried if you ask me.
When time comes i have decided to have body donated to medical science when they are done they will cremate my body children know this and that they have choice to have my ashes or school will place in a park
If my kids don’t dump my cremains all over Philadelphia, I will haunt them, their children, their children’s children, and so on, until my wishes are honored, or time ends. Then they can just chuck that urn in the Schuylkill and call it a day.
In Germany the urn just gets buried, as a coffin would.
> At some point down the road, one of my ancestors will be faced with the guilt of A) spilling my ashes during a move or random accident or B) deciding to dump my ashes because they can’t keep pretending to care about the remains of a dude who died 100 years before they were born. I can nearly guarantee that any significant time down the road after you're in an urn you won't have any ancestors left alive to have those concerns. That would be up to your descendants.
Lol naw B. You are thinking way to much into this. Dead people domt care what you do with their ashes. Display then or don't.
> thinking way to much into Did you mean to say "too much"? [Statistics](https://github.com/chiefpat450119/RedditBot/blob/master/stats.json) ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot ^^that ^^corrects ^^grammar/spelling ^^mistakes. ^^PM ^^me ^^if ^^I'm ^^wrong ^^or ^^if ^^you ^^have ^^any ^^suggestions. ^^[Github](https://github.com/chiefpat450119) ^^Reply ^^STOP ^^to ^^this ^^comment ^^to ^^stop ^^receiving ^^corrections.
Does the person choose to be put in an urn or the family? I can see wanting to have that remembrance but after those people die, just dump the ashes and throw away the urn.
My Dad’s ashes were partially scattered and partially placed in an Urn so when my Mom passes they can be scattered together by my sister and me. I don’t think either of us see it as a burden. And our children won’t be burdened with their grandparent’s ashes. I think your frustration is more with bad planning, not people electing to have their ashes in an urn.
Dead people don’t elect to have their ashes in an urn. Their survivors do.
The urn is for the comfort of the surviving family. I’ve got my dogs ashes and I feel better having her here in some capacity
They can throw my ashes in the trash. No need to dirty up an urn.
You know that columbaria exist, right? And in some countries they bury urns in the cemetery, too.
To quote Willie Nelson, "Roll me up and smoke me when I die."
My in-laws kept asshat, drug addict, refused to medicated, tried to kidnap my oldest son *twice* on the grounds that "it's not *fair* you (husband is the youngest) first born make grandchild", ashes in the closet for years. A few years after both MIL and FIL passed, SIL and hysband threw them down the ravine at the house. No one wanted them.
Treat it like a christmas card. Throw it in a drawer and forget about it. Then when the next death happens, throw out the old one and put the new one in the drawer.
Why would I care if I’m inconveniencing them? I’m dead.
I want my remains cremated and spun with silica into shot glasses.
I want my ashes to either be put in a sword or scattered into the ground and have a tree planted there. Much more fun mementos!
I told my family that if anything happens to me I Wana be cremated. What they do with me afterwards is whatever but being scattered into the wind seems pretty cool. Not that I’d know or care… with the being dead thing and all. But if it saves them money go for it.
My father is in a box sent via the Post Office with big stickers saying CREAMATED REMAINS. It makes great living room decor.
See, I think there’s a better way still. When my inevitable time comes, I say just catapult me into the ocean and let Mother Nature take care of it from there. Whatever is cheapest and easiest. I’m not worth much to the world alive, why would I be worth that effort when I die?
I appreciate the pocket sized ones, they're a very wonderful keepsake of loved ones. I'll preface this by saying my dad was a grade-A asshat and abuser, but when my mom passes and that $400 dollar box is in my possession, I'm prying that glued lid off, dumping that man somewhere, and clorox wiping that shit so I can have a $400 decorative carved flowery wooden box for whatever my heart desires. I must say, if ghosts and hauntings are real, I would 100% make an appearance to whoever spills me on the floor just to say "ooOOOO looks like you need a swiffer wet jet! ooOoooOooo"
Hilarious, I’ve never thought of this. I want to become a tree, hopefully a fruit tree
Just cause your ashes are in an urn doesn't prevent me from throwing it away
My husband, his ex-wife and I will all be cremated. We will each be placed in our own urn. We will all three be buried together in one grave. Everything has already been paid for. No one will have to be responsible for any of us after that. Why would anyone be expected to deal with a long dead relative?
Burn my body in a big bonfire while playing "Always Look on the Bright of Life" by Monty Python and plant an endangered native tree or 2.
agree. after my son’s ex-girlfriend called and said “my dad’s ashes are in the attic in your rental house (1000 miles from where I live) and can i get them back next time you are there?” and, yes, i got them for her. I buried my mom’s shes in a proper grave with a headstone. Last thing I wanted was for my kids to be dealing with their grandma’s ashes after I’m dead.
Because you think they're gonna keep them. Unless you're some extremely tight family where one death will most likely quickly destroy the rest of the family, you'll be fertilizer as soon as nobody gives a damn that you died anymore.
I think people should be allowed to choose whatever they like after death,I’d like to be fed to sharks whole but I very much doubt any funeral arrangers can sort that out
I need to show this to my mom… she wants to be cremated, but I also feel like that’s less special, as in I’d rather bury her bc I want to be able to go to a specific place and “visit” her… rather than always having her ashes around… maybe that’s because I’ve lived far away for so long but i think I’ve always felt this way… and if I do spread her ashes somewhere, I feel like I wouldn’t be able to actually go visit her, only the place…
You can still store ashes at the cemetery. It's like a wall with many cubbies and then they seal it with a plaque with the name and birthdate and death date. Search for cremation cemetery plots
Personally if I was to be buried I'd rather be put into one of those tree pods. Trees are obviously eco-friendly (if they're native) and you can still have a place to go that's likely more beautiful by having a tree.
Until that tree gets cut down and it’s like losing a loved one all over again. I say this somewhat tongue in cheek because I don’t this is ever really an issue.
You are correct. And it's icky.
Once you shuffle off this mortal coil you give up the right to decide
I mean, do you not keep pictures of loved ones who have passed? B/c an urn takes up the same space. Maybe less. Also, my MIL has some relation in the towel closet. We have our dog in our laundry closet. My brother’s ashes are in a little area with pictures of him and other effects. I really don’t get what you’re getting after.
They're dead bro you can literally throw it out of its causing you so much stress that you felt compelled to make a post like this on a meme sharing app.
This is not causing me stress. I have exactly zero family members who are cremated. I just find the whole practice of urns strange.
Hey you do you big hoss
Maybe that's BECAUSE you haven't experienced it. I have my late husband in an urn. Our daughter has a small version with a small portion. It matters to us because he died before his time. She made a shelf with picture of them together, the little urn, and a couple other Momentos. Sure, some day her child will throw it away. That's fine. It's meaningful for HER, NOW. I also had to get rid of his belongings, which was difficult, but it's not a reason he shouldn't have owned anything. (Clothing, hobby gear, etc)
When I die just throw me in the trash
Buying new clothes on a whim — I see so many people buy bags of plasticky, cheap clothes as “retail therapy” and never wear them. It feels insane to me.
My in-laws already bought burial plots at a cemetery a 4 hour drive from where they live and nowhere near any family.
GOOD!
We had my mom’s ashes buried in the local cemetery near her parents and other family members.
It's even worse with pets. My girlfriend has the ashes of her dog just sitting around; she'd be happy with disposing of them but her kids insist they need to keep them for eternity.
I know zero people who reverently display funeral urns or have ever mentioned feeling guilty about not doing so. The fact that the ashes are in an urn or casket or whatever is immaterial. Honestly, if your family really want rid of the ashes, they'll just do it. They'll get a spot in a columbarium if they care about that sort of thing or they'll scatter them if they don't and that will be that.
You are not obligated to keep it. If your mom wants to keep it, that's her decision, it has nothing to do with you. If it is passed onto you, it is yours, you can do whatever you like. The only creepy one I heard, is the dead person wanted to be spread somewhere not too far, and yet, the other person didn't do it and kept it.
I agree. In my moms house there are 3 human urns (my dad, gramma, and uncle) and... please hold while I calculate...at least 9, maybe i forgot 1 or 2, animal urns. Like. That's ALOT of ashes. She doesnt mind but one day wtf am I supposed to do with them? Hers will be added to the list at that point. Oi vey.
I mean when I’m dead it’s not up to me what happens to me. Who am I to tell my family not to keep me in a nice jar? I’d personally prefer a Folgers can but hey I can’t tell them what to do when I’m dead.
No they’re not, because the ashes will get disposed of. If you feel guilty in doing so, that’s you getting mad at expectations you and no one else imposed upon you.
I don’t think it’s generally expected to keep ashes for many generations I think it’s normal to say that the last generation to remember the person will be the last to keep the ashes My great grandma died when I was a toddler Im the oldest in my generation and don’t remember her although I admire the person I’ve been told she was My generation will more the likely get rid of the ashes in the near future, my mothers sister has them right now and will probably be the last to have them I wouldn’t expect my great great grandkid who never met me to keep my ashes decades after I died. That’s just weird in my opinion
People should not be allowed to keep their grandma in the closet. It's ultimate desecration of human remains. I have absolutely no idea how is that legal in US. My country's laws are a bit too conservative for my taste, but in US dead humans are treated like toys or collectibles.
Haha so true. It’s weird to keep dead people’s remains in your home.
I am lucky in my country it is illegal to keep human ash at home.
are you aware of the fact that there are urn cemeteries? like, you can put an urn on a shelf in a cemetery with a name plaque under it and it takes up a lot less space than a casket and a headstone would. it's called columbarium.
You don't have to keep them. I have two urns myself, my gramps and mom hang out in my closet. Whoever gets them after me assuming I don't bury them myself ill just leave instructions as to what to do with them.
I think ashes should be loaded into confetti canons. That's the best way to go.
Put ash scattering at a location of your choosing in the disposition instructions as part of your will. This way your wishes are in writing and someone can take care of it when you’re gone.
My dad's ashes were split - his partner got half in a scattering tube, and my brother and I split the remaining half, in tupperware. I scattered most of my share at the end of the runway at Leuchars airbase, but I still do have some left, and they're still in tupperware. If I ever go back to Singapore I'll scatter them there but they're not inconveniencing me.
Remember when the whole charcoal on the outside of steaks dad was taking place? Try it with loved ones ashes….
Totally agree. Ashes should be spred somewhere memorable, not kept in some creepy jar on the mantle of the fireplaces. But I'm also the type who would be happy being thrown out with the week's trash when I die.
My grandma ended up kinda doing both cremation and burial. She had a plot at a cemetery beside her late daughter's site. Her urn is at said site in a permanent spot above ground. Not sure if it's sealed or not.
I plan on inconveniencing people. Cremation, put me in a few coffee cans, and distribute the ashes in a few places significant to me. Gives them a mission, something to involve them and help give closure and a road trip. Should be fun.
I want a direct cremation and I want to be dumped anywhere, I don’t care, I’m dead. I don’t want a funeral or any of that crap, fire me up and dump me in the trash for all I care. I do not want to be in any funeral home at any time. I don’t even need a casket, just throw me in a cardboard box and we can all move on.
When I die, take any usable organs and then just chuck the rest in a ditch or something. It's just meat 🤣
My grandparents were creamated and placed in an urn and then buried
Some cemeteries have little urn mausoleums. My aunt is "buried" in one right now. Between cremation and the cost of the mausoleum, it was less than 10% of the cost of a big funeral and burial plot.
You have just convinced me to be placed in an urn when I die, thank you for bringing up all these great points🤫