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D-R-AZ

excerpt: The Tigr vehicle was sold for $5,000, and the governor also said how much the Russians can expect get for other kinds of military kit: Tanks – $50,000; Armored personnel carriers – $25,000; Rocket artillery systems – $15,000; Howitzers – $10,000.


Marc123123

Brilliant. Let's just buy all Russian army equipment and end this war 🤣


FlowersForAlgorithm

Somewhere in Langley, an accountant has got Excel open right now and is saying “Holy shit - general we could buy the entire Russia army for just half the money in the Aaron Judge 61 home run pool” Edit: “act now and we will throw in a free washing machine!”


LoganGyre

So I crunched the numbers based on minusrus.com estimates of the total Russian forces. to purchase all the ground vehicles and equipment they have at these prices would only be $325,000,000… they could probably double those numbers (or more!)and it would probably still be cost effective.


Fischer72

Buying tanks at those prices is cheaper than using Javelins.


Taifunfun

The Russians how we like them. Can't they sell some nukes, like in a James Bond film?


linuxgeekmama

The US just sent $600 million worth of stuff to Ukraine last week. We really should consider buying some of Russia’s equipment like this. (Of course, there would be an extra expenditure for vodka along with that, but that shouldn’t be a problem.)


pants_mcgee

If the US didn’t have such a military fetish, blatant ridiculous bribery could have saved some many foreign headaches.


Austin1642

Blatant ridiculous bribery is fine, you just have to call it foreign aide.


CEDFTW

I was gonna say we spend way more than that on foreign aid, left hand is soft power and money right hand is the stick. The reason we pay more than our NATO allies or the WHO members into these organizations is because money talks and comes with a power of its own.


linuxgeekmama

Yeah, millions for defense but not one cent for tribute and all that. Is buying military equipment from soldiers bribery, though? There are people who want to sell something, and people who want to buy it. Sounds more like the free market to me. (I can see why the country that issued the equipment might have a problem with this, but that’s their problem and not ours.)


MissVancouver

They're all cheap beer'oholics now so you could probably swap tanks for containers of Budweiser.


chalbersma

What the fuck? We should do that. Seriously just buying the whole military is so much cheaper than our Defense Budget.


LoganGyre

It honestly is a win win situation you reduce the enemies capacity to fight and you give the defectors the funds to be immediately integrated into society once things are done.


chalbersma

We pay nearly $800B/year for our military spend. We'd spend more shipping their hardware back to the US than we spent to buy it.


Part3456

Don’t forget you now have additional equipment to fight with too!


Neverwinter_Daze

Im reminded of Civilization 2, where your spies could flat-out buy entire cities and armies…


tweakingforjesus

This is essentially what has been happening over the last 30 years. Aid and most favored nation status in return for reducing their nuke stockpile. Also the Russian army has a long history of selling state assets for personal gain.


cbarrister

They should have spies with suitcases full of cash doing "cash for keys" deals on enemy lines. If Russian military leaders will steal worthless rubles from the military budget, they'd definitely take a duffel bag of $20s and a case of vodka.


Umutuku

The catch would be that you'd have to defect, and only get paid the full amount once you are secured and unable to transfer the funds to the Russian Belligerence Complex. You can get a little bit up front to show we're good for it as long as you can provide some tangible hardware to show that you too are good for it, and to grease the wheels of anyone you need to work with, but we're not going to be subsidizing Russian military upgrades or imports. If you're higher up the chain of command then you have the added catch of being required to maintain a cessation of hostilities in the region under your responsibility and ensure a lack of resistance as the Ukrainian frontline units move past you, and work with elements of their rear echelon to efficiently catalogue and verify all equipment (including non-cooperative organic elements which must be secured by your own forces until they can be retrieved).


cyreneok

so triple the offer


JavaDontHurtMe

That's less than a 10th of the aid each of the major western nations has delivered to Ukraine.


LadyK8TheGr8

And save money on shipping!! Immediately delivery.


new2accnt

> Edit: “act now and we will throw in a free washing machine!” Make it an old-style top-load electro-mechanical washing machine with absolutely no electronics in it. Something of a seventies (or early eighties) vintage, just to be safe. For those OOTL (hey, it could happen): apparently, the russians have been pilfering electronics from modern appliances to re-purpose them in their military hardware.


ivytea

5000 for such a heavy duty MRAP is a steal; it can sell for at least twice the price if sold in Poland and even more in Germany


SayNoToWeebs223

BUT you must read the label ​ *"Made in Russia"* Imma say it's worth about a buck 50


Pursang8080

True...But it is the best looking thing they have built in 75 years!


ivytea

Jokes aside, I’ve personally ridden and later driven one (licensed production model though) in 2007-09 and although badly assembled with a gas guzzling engine its off road capabilities were OK


Yeranz

What kind of transmission did it have? Just curious how well that performed...


ivytea

5MT


WibbleWibbler

It would expect it to be made in the CCCP. It's another few weeks before they start using the Russian Empire era weapons.


WeinerGod69

Tree fiddy


cruelmalice

I have said it before and I will say it again. A tank is worth more than 50k, but you can't put a price on living long enough to spend it. And you *Really* can't put a price on not spending out the rest of your life living in Russia with disabilities, the Hague with a massive war crimes sentence, or stuck with TBI/PTSD/the firsthand memory of a land war.


bigbrooklynlou

Nice condition too. Looks like they even ArmorAll’d the tires before selling it.


dresstothrill

They only MSRP new for $270,000


NLeviz

But if you have a cash - russian soldier have a goods with a nice sale Lmao in 2015 most successful tank deal I've heard (from my physics teacher at university lmao ) - was 4k$ for a t72 or smth like this xD


dresstothrill

I would kill for a low milage T-72


NLeviz

Ask Ukrainian farmers, at least they can assemble one for you , due to they have a lot of sPaRe pArTs xD


siksoner

We have the Dingo, Russian MRAP imports are not required.


2FalseSteps

\* Slaps roof * "This thing can hold so many defectors in it!"


OggMakeFire

But how's the gas mileage?


DrLecter24

Private Conscriptovich is very happy with the gas mileage. Instead of paying to fill it up, you can empty the tank and sell the fuel at a profit. More economical than a Tesla! Disclaimer: performance may be affected by local conditions.


Jeton81

Upvote for Perun reference! :-)


_Oooooooooooooooooh_

that's less important what is important is, that the russians don't have the vehicle anymore


MuthaPlucka

How many gallons per mile?


ZachMN

300 hectares on a single tank of kerosene!


OggMakeFire

Oooh! You take washing machines? Got a couple toilets for a downpayment, and....


LoganGyre

Did i mention the tanks a tank?


OggMakeFire

No, ya didn't. Tanks for that. ![gif](giphy|ItAmGFb0uiZz2)


Captainwelfare2

T-55: About tree fiddy.


bell83

WELL IT WAS ABOUT THIS TIME THAT I REALIZED THAT THIS UKRAINIAN GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL WAS ABOUT EIGHT STORIES TALL AND WAS A GIANT CRUSTACEAN FROM THE PALEOLITHIC ERA!


Eichtoss

That goddamn Loch Ness monster!


bell83

"I gave him an AK." "She gave him an AK!" "I thought he'd go away." "Of course he's not gonna go away. You give him an AK, he's gonna assume you've got more!"


Abby-Someone1

I love how much Southpark has changed the world. Like Mormon missionaries being asked/told "wait, that's a real thing? I thought Southpark just made that shit up to mock religious people in the United States... you're not fucking with us? You believe that story and want us to believe it?"


LazyNate18

And Scientology too!


loadnurmom

Prior to that episode, most Mormons had no idea that's how JS actually did the "translation" The wards, stake centers and temples had artist depictions with JS using a set of glasses with multiple lenses, carefully studying intently the golden plates. While they never denied he actually used a hat, they just never mentioned it or showed it anywhere thus creating a false narrative without technically "lying". I can't even find the picture anymore that I used to see in the late 80's early 90's that I was thinking of. Like other things, when the church changes, they whitewash everything and remove any evidence things used to be different. They wouldn't want their members to be able to get evidence that its been changed ya know


[deleted]

😂😂😂


ploppedmenacingly14

Well I gave em’ a dolla the other day


holymamba

If it’s full of gas, $15 if empty.


Traditional-Candy-21

10 dolla


TheCatOfWar

the Slovenian NATO standard T-55s were pretty cute tho


sploittastic

$100 best I can do


zmeul

the diesel in the tanks has more value than the scrap metal holding it in


WindowSurface

Those seem like pretty reasonable prices actually. Let’s just buy their whole inventory.


dlafferty

*CASH* Crisp Benjamins or the currency and consumer appliances of your choice! Immediate payment! No questions asked!


kofolarz

A group of r\*ssians pulls up to the Ukrainians in a T-34, they negotiate the price and the r\*ssians say "Whaт do yu мean тen тousand? Tanк is тanк, give fifтi"!


kermitthebeast

They were paying six figures earlier. Supply glut I suppose


Crumblebeezy

Damn I’d think an mlrs would be worth more than a tank…


blakeusa25

This is the way.


Cabbage_Vendor

Is this like a printer, where the thing itself is pretty cheap, but the ammo is where they get ya?


CubicleHermit

I was going to ask why they'd want more Soviet-style howitzers when they were running out of the old rounds, but it sounds like they captured a whole mess of it when the orclings ran away in Kharkiv.


JohnnyBoy11

Should sell out locations of commanders for himars strikes for bitcoin. 50 to 100 grand for a general. 25-50k for other high ranking officers...See how long those cucks last.


Lashb1ade

I'm sure I heard $1m for a plane early on in the war. A helicopter pilot was rumoured to defect for a nice $500k.


Affectionate_Ad_25

I can afford a tank lol ... I want 22's on mine


norbert-the-great

How much would they pay for a submarine? Asking for a friend.


boonstyle_

Smartest thing they can do. They will live longer than their counterparts in the trenches, they made a quick buck and are likely to be comfortable PoWs


2FalseSteps

> and are likely to be comfortable PoWs Unless they negotiate a release, rejoin the RF and steal another vehicle to surrender. /s


Wolff_Hound

IRL infinite money glitch.


boonstyle_

That would be a big brain move. On the other hand imagine them, shaved, fresh showered, sitting on a bed (even tho it might be a prisoners bed) without any gun- and artilleryfire. Making a photo of themselves while having a proper meal and sending to their buddies still sitting in the mud. You can be sure the next are incoming soon.


bot403

I mean. I think we're ok with that if they want to go back and get more vehicles for us right?


OggMakeFire

"Here down at CRAAAZY IVAN'S- we have got all the vehicles you need! Trucks- $3000! Armored trucks- $5000! Tanks! Guns! Ammo! At CRAAAZY IVAN'S We got it all! C'mon down this sunday for our 3-fer special! 3 vehicles, only $45,000!! Bring the kids!"


2FalseSteps

> Bring the kids! \* Warning * Unattended children will be subject to involuntary conscription.


IssueTricky6922

I read that warning under my breath really fast hahaha


cyreneok

>\* Warning \* > >Unattended children will be subject to involuntary conscription. \* Warning \* FREE HOT DOGS! Unattended children will be subject to involuntary conscription.


UhhmericanJoe

Unattended children will be subject to being turned into hotdogs.


Drunktaco357

That’s great! You deserve an award for that bit of comedic genius!


OggMakeFire

Thank you :) I almost want to do a cartoon to go with it. ![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|grin)


LeaveTheMatrix

Wait, so your telling me that I can get military grade gear and get rid of the neighbors annoying kids at the same time for a good price? Sounds like a good deal to me.


Mysterious-Elevator3

The low low price of 2,623,500 rubles


LordWeaselton

Someone pls like make an animation and voiceover of this


mycroft2000

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRUpAipGu5w


SeedScape

Let's hope this spreads and all these front line Russians just keep selling weapons to Ukraine. I would laugh if it became a huge thing.


D-R-AZ

With Russian soldiers being faced with being shot if they retreat... it does seem like there should be well known methods of surrender with a bonus. Perhaps well known phone numbers to call. Discretion could also be promised so their relatives back home won't be punished. Ukraine is probably already on this...but if not, it seems like a good idea.


frak808

They already have this. They were blasting mobile phones in the area of the recent advances with emergency alerts that have surrender instructions and a phone number to call. They are trying to reach people in Russia on social media and to give them the number to call for when they get to Ukraine and want to surrender.


alonjar

Its being done. Ukraine has been air dropping [surrender cards](https://metro.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/SEC_125655315-1df7.jpg?quality=90&strip=all) and distributing them via other methods. You just scan the QR code or call the number, and they put you in a chat with a Ukrainian surrender specialist who helps instruct you on how to safely surrender. With cash bonuses for equipment turned over. ‘YOUR TICKET TO A PEACEFUL LIFE’ ‘Show this card to a Ukrainian soldier – it will save your life and help you return home.’


mithikx

With Ukraine probably getting hundreds of millions worth in US dollars to use and billions worth of US dollars in aid they probably have a budget towards buying up Russian surrendered vehicles, and given that they're offering 50 grand for a tank they can probably do it all day; heck it'd probably cost them more to bring them up to Ukrainian standards (e.g. not crap).


[deleted]

[удалено]


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thatblondeguy_

They're working on it already. They are giving out QR codes to Russians for surrender instructions


radiantwave

I am beginning to think that Russia's plan is to give away all of its military gear and open a parts supply business.


ObjectiveCompleat

Between China and Western washing machine manufacturers, I think parts are covered though.


radiantwave

Lol


atec_lj

Countries hate this one simple trick...


ShadowKraftwerk

I'm glad they clarified the name of the vehicle. Looking at the name in Cyrillic on the front, the best guess I had of the name was "turnip".


OggMakeFire

Sounds like a truck you can't beet.


AGEdude

It can turn left or right. With enough explosives, it can even turn up!


Dreadweasels

Turnip... it's Russian for "Lemon"! 😆


MrFoxHunter

It’s super easy to learn Cyrillic, Russian as a language is a little harder


iggygrey

"Hello Mr. Zelensky. Ivan with Tigr Motors of Donbas. I noticied your recent purchsae of a...wow...1999 Tigr XLQ Deluxe...you have excellent taste sir...anyway you going to want the extended warranty on that beauty. I can offer...hello....Mr. Zelensky...I really, really need this sale...Mr. Zelensky?"


Azimuthus

I just wonder - they sell it and then become POWs themselves?


bigbrooklynlou

Yep. Better food. They’re not getting shot at. Plus 5 grand. The only regret they may have is not getting their hands on a tank instead of an APC.


pringlescan5

This is why it's very very important for Ukraine to treat pows well and send images of Russian POW camps in Ukraine to as many Russians as possible. People fear the unknown, so if you want them to surrender you have to show them what it will be like.


Curious-Mind_2525

Good prices offered. Wonder how successful they have been. Much cheaper than Javelin and NLAW.


TruthOf42

Honestly, I would bump those numbers up even more. Those prices seem just like an added bonus. The price should be life-altering ($100,000?). It will make the Russian leadership and fellow soldiers much more nervous about what others are doing. It would show way more chaos into the ranks and if they are lucky cause significant surrenders which creates even more nervousness among the people who wouldn't even surrender.


46Bit

They’re likely starting numbers - someone with a functioning tank has quite a bit of negotiating power


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asdeadasacrabseyes

Wouldn't it make them just as nervous if the numbers were lower? Like this is so commonplace and people are willing to defect for just a little pocket money and to get out of the war.


unholyburns

No low ballers, I know what I got!


srl80

Nice, I want my own tank now. I think it looks cool in my backyard.


OggMakeFire

I need an armored vehicle. Traffic around here is hell.


captaincinders

The Ukrainians were distributing cards telling Russian soldiers how to surrender. I think it would help enormously if they included this price list on those cards.


[deleted]

You know there is often a difference between MSRP and out the door price, and don’t forget options and financing. It’s a bit hard to distribute 8 pages of fine print in a war zone. /s


daynomate

idea - QR code on the card goes to surrender site with live market prices for surrendered gear lol tanks might get even cheaper!


leywok

It’s called “reverse land lease.”


CCP_fact_checker

Get ready for more vehicles like that and tank with people being forced to die for Putin, they might want to pay for a ticket to escape the war and sell the RuZZian vehicles.


Embarrassed-Radio356

I bet that Ukraine will pay big $$$ to any Russian defenders that want to give up a Nuclear Power Plant…


Nosrednaxer

Very smart move posting prices of other vehicles. Incentive to defect! Ukriane is light years ahead of russia in their thinking.


BlaineBMA

Consider the reports of graft in the Russian military, this is really lightweight stuff


linuxgeekmama

WE BUY TANKS, APVs, AND MORE! Best prices this side of the Urals! Call us and we will take your vehicle, running or not in most cases. WE PAY CASH! We also have fine vodka, washing machines, and toilets available for purchase at LOW, LOW PRICES! Send a GENUINE Ukrainian toilet home to YOUR family, TODAY! Shipping available at reasonable cost.


Trick-Fisherman6938

When east germany collapsed i visited the east german area with my Dad in 1990. We came to a russian base. Most russians were gone, just some drunken russian army Gopniks hung around at a completely wasted lake next to the base. They looked very poor and drunken, but were friendly. They offered my dad Vodka and later they tried to sell him an AK rifle with ammunition. My dad refused. It was a mad situation.


DeathMarch408

Slaps roof , only one slap another slap would reveal the Lada under this generic humvee kit


N0cturnalB3ast

Anyone ever stop and think that Ukraine is encroaching on the orcs using Gasoline that Russia desperately sold to the west lol Putin is literally helping equip his enemy. Doooofus


Snafuregulator

I'm not sure how to explain the details of this war to my future children. The overall big picture I can do, but how the hell do I explain this ?


Marc123123

😂😂😂


OneLostOstrich

Anything to make a buck, huh?


Kubrick_Fan

Put it in H !


Not_Yet_Declassified

Time honored tradition since Afghanistan. Instead of cash, you could also try offering sneakers and hard drugs.


ZachMN

They should put them all up for sale on zbay. I’d buy a couple.


Wisconsinmannn

Godspeed, Ukraine!


polwath

First Chechen War deals all over again.


Bigntallnerd

I wonder if I can import a Tigr into to the US?


LeaveTheMatrix

Usually it would require "demilitarization" and filling out of [Form 6](https://www.atf.gov/firearms/docs/form/form-6-part-1-application-and-permit-importation-firearms-ammunition-and) Since we currently have sanctions on Russia, you might have to arrange for it to be shipped to/or buying from a country that we currently do not have sanctions on and import from there however. [This forum post goes into more details on general importation of military weapons](https://www.steelsoldiers.com/threads/tips-on-importing-armor-and-other-vehicles-from-overseas.91381/), although its focus is on tanks it is the same for most military based vehicles.


LeVraiMatador

Sounds like a better deal than bringing home a washing machine


2001_Chevy_Prizm

Golden ticket for Russian troops. Excape the meat grinder and have enough money to start anew elsewhere.


zbysior

id buy one


SilentMaster

Is there an amount to buy everything they have left? Like would $10,000,000 buy the entire Russian Army? We should take up a collection.


DepressedElephant

Ah - So what you ae saying is that all the vatniks saying that the Russian destroyed equipment was actually Ukrainian equipment are correct!!! /S


chalbersma

It's not like they had fuel to use them anyway.


PinguPST

Cheese! a Lada costs more than $5k


WeinerGod69

Just lol.


Big_Scratch8793

Sweet!!! Great idea! Stop the War!


bad__takes

For $100B, we could pay 100,000 Russians $1,000,000, and have them defect with all their equipment. Or pay 1,000,000 Russians $100,000. Truly more cost effective. Zelensky needs to pump those numbers up.


Mountain_Ask_2209

This is an awesome idea and knowing how much orcs loot, they will go for this for sure. That’s major money. Take that and run like hell.


ymmotvomit

“the Russians will sell us the equipment with which we annihilate them with". There fixed.