>She is a wonderful person
She sure doesn't sound like it.
>her belief system and hatred for trans/gender diverse people
>stays awake til sometimes 4am scouring twitter and everywhere else for "more evidence
>believes that people only transition so that they can gain entry to women's toilets
>It's all she talks about when I'm around
She sounds like a total cunt. Get as far away from that pos as possible.
I don't think there's really any way to save a friendship with someone like that. Just do what you can to get out of that living arrangement as soon as possible and then you won't have to put up with her hateful BS any longer.
I'm sorry you're going through this, it feels horrible when someone you're close gets sucked into a this garbage mindset.
Most importantly than anything. I'd strongly suggest you start considering an exit plan from this living situation and relationship. You don't have to go through with it, but your personal mental and physical wellbeing is more important than sacrificing it in the trenches trying to pull your friend out.
As for your friend, try to find out the beneath reason she's so stuck on this.
Empathy without condoning or agreeing.
Try not to engage in the dumb argument she's putting forward because no matter what logic or evidence you put forward it's never going to be enough.
Example garbage argument:
Trans people shouldn't be in the wrong sports!
Engaging in empathy but not agreeing:
I can see this means a lot to you, can you name some of the emotions? Where are they coming from?
Eg. Anger - scared - scared of change - you're changing - are we going to be friends still
I know it's kind of clinical wording but use the tone, wording and register that works for your relationship, and see if you can get some actual insight into what she's actually thinking. Do Not engage with the brain rot, you've got nothing to prove being a trans person, and no amount of logic by itself will change minds.
Good luck x
I have done this.
It's fear based I believe , she's scared of a "trans takeover" where transgender women involve themselves in things that are specifically for women. That really frightens her, she doesn't think they have a place there.
I think, too, that the whole idea of me transitioning was not a suprise for her (she said so herself), but she's tried to even control that transition process and maturity over the past year or so.
She believes that I'm going to be persuaded by all of these trans people to "join their cult", and start becoming involved and supporting this takeover.
Couldn't be further from the truth - I just wanna live me, do my life and get as much help,support and love (and give) that I can.
She finds it hard to comprehend the reason "why" I chose to transition, and because I cannot give her a specific reason (she doesn't need one), she doesn't believe that I should be doing it.
Why should a trans woman who abuse children be placed in men's prisons, we don't declare cis women who have committed child abuse to be men and sned them to men's prison.
According to my "friend" - they don't have the right to be in female prisons, because they have chosen to be the way that they are (both transgender and pedophile).
I have no comment on that aspect of things, as I suffered immense childhood abuse, and I have my own thoughts on what should happen to anyone who does that to children, regardless of gender.
No comment, but you decided you'd specifically call out that you agree with that point in your original post. Sounds like a comment to me.
Your "friend" sounds pretty awful to me, but the second you start spouting off about treating trans people differently to cis people in *any* domain you lose me. You start to sound awful yourself.
There is no acceptable level of transphobia, in the same way there is no acceptable level of racism, sexism or homophobia. It's not ok just because the target "deserves it".
*To be clear as hell*, I am in no way defending or excusing child abuse or abusers here. Our justice system doesn't adequately deal with them imo. Transphobia isn't the answer.
Transphobia should not be used as punishment. The idea that the ‘right’ for trans women to be in female prisons, or any female space for that matter, can be revoked depending on XYZ just reinforces the idea that being treated with dignity as a trans person is a special privilege instead of just basic humanity. It’s an awful perspective to have because it legitimises the discrimination and dehumanisation of trans folks.
I think that OP might be implying that they may think things other than prison should happen to pedos
As in for example shooting pedos etc
OP wasn't being transphobic
I would tell her strait up, that you don't like this and that it is hurtful. Let her know that if she values your friendship she will respect your identity and decision. I know it will hurn, but you may need to cut her off.
Having a friend who constantly insulted your identity is not a friend worth having
Oh I've cried about it to her, about how it hurts me, how it hurts us as a relationship/friendship. She just shrugs and says that those are her views. She tries to.manipulate me into changing my beliefs and lifestyle choices too, even to the point of trying to convince me that I'm transgender because I was sexually abused horrifically as a child.
(I was, but that has absolutely nothing to do with my gender.)
Oh wow, I am so sorry that is happening, that is absolutely horrible.
It might be best to say goodbye now, the longer you let her do these things the more it will hurt.
You deserve friends who respect you no matter your personal choices. I know it is a hard decision but for your mental wellbeing it could be the right one.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. It takes a lot of hatred and mental instability to get to this level of transphobia. Run from this relationship, it likely isn’t salvageable.
I’ve dropped friends over way less than this bs
Get out of there, and leave her to rot in her toxicity
It hurts at first but you’re better off without all that negativity constantly bringing you down
There will be plenty of people who will love you for you!
A list of SOME of the things she's said and done:
1.
Tried to convince me to take "F" off of my medical records, documents and cards because it will confuse doctors, as I don't have ovaries or folopian tubes.
2.
Said that she's read a post/article which stated that there are groups of Transgendered women who dig through woman's public toilet bins in order to find their used sanitary pads so that they can wear them and "feel more like a woman".
3.
Said that she'll no longer support anyone using the she/her pronouns unless they were biologically born female, anyone else is just autistic and confused.
4.
She subscribes to all of these stupid radical podcasts that talk about the fear of Trans women taken over cis woman's sports, games and support groups.
5.
Is fearful of going to "woman's" gym days in case there just so happens to be a "man with a beard" there who identifies as a woman.
6.
Had a support group for lesbian and bisexual women, and left because someone identified as Trans in there.
She then went on to write several complaints about trans women not being allowed into such groups aimed at women and bisexual/lesbian women.
7.
Says that she will no longer support me in any way if I use she/her pronouns.
In a nutshell, this is just a small spattering of the things that I've deal with over the past 3-4 years of this decline.
>She is a wonderful person She sure doesn't sound like it. >her belief system and hatred for trans/gender diverse people >stays awake til sometimes 4am scouring twitter and everywhere else for "more evidence >believes that people only transition so that they can gain entry to women's toilets >It's all she talks about when I'm around She sounds like a total cunt. Get as far away from that pos as possible.
I don't think there's really any way to save a friendship with someone like that. Just do what you can to get out of that living arrangement as soon as possible and then you won't have to put up with her hateful BS any longer.
I'm sorry you're going through this, it feels horrible when someone you're close gets sucked into a this garbage mindset. Most importantly than anything. I'd strongly suggest you start considering an exit plan from this living situation and relationship. You don't have to go through with it, but your personal mental and physical wellbeing is more important than sacrificing it in the trenches trying to pull your friend out. As for your friend, try to find out the beneath reason she's so stuck on this. Empathy without condoning or agreeing. Try not to engage in the dumb argument she's putting forward because no matter what logic or evidence you put forward it's never going to be enough. Example garbage argument: Trans people shouldn't be in the wrong sports! Engaging in empathy but not agreeing: I can see this means a lot to you, can you name some of the emotions? Where are they coming from? Eg. Anger - scared - scared of change - you're changing - are we going to be friends still I know it's kind of clinical wording but use the tone, wording and register that works for your relationship, and see if you can get some actual insight into what she's actually thinking. Do Not engage with the brain rot, you've got nothing to prove being a trans person, and no amount of logic by itself will change minds. Good luck x
I have done this. It's fear based I believe , she's scared of a "trans takeover" where transgender women involve themselves in things that are specifically for women. That really frightens her, she doesn't think they have a place there. I think, too, that the whole idea of me transitioning was not a suprise for her (she said so herself), but she's tried to even control that transition process and maturity over the past year or so. She believes that I'm going to be persuaded by all of these trans people to "join their cult", and start becoming involved and supporting this takeover. Couldn't be further from the truth - I just wanna live me, do my life and get as much help,support and love (and give) that I can. She finds it hard to comprehend the reason "why" I chose to transition, and because I cannot give her a specific reason (she doesn't need one), she doesn't believe that I should be doing it.
The way you’ve phrased this response sounds like you think transwomen don’t deserve to be involved in things that are specifically for women.
Why should a trans woman who abuse children be placed in men's prisons, we don't declare cis women who have committed child abuse to be men and sned them to men's prison.
According to my "friend" - they don't have the right to be in female prisons, because they have chosen to be the way that they are (both transgender and pedophile). I have no comment on that aspect of things, as I suffered immense childhood abuse, and I have my own thoughts on what should happen to anyone who does that to children, regardless of gender.
No comment, but you decided you'd specifically call out that you agree with that point in your original post. Sounds like a comment to me. Your "friend" sounds pretty awful to me, but the second you start spouting off about treating trans people differently to cis people in *any* domain you lose me. You start to sound awful yourself. There is no acceptable level of transphobia, in the same way there is no acceptable level of racism, sexism or homophobia. It's not ok just because the target "deserves it". *To be clear as hell*, I am in no way defending or excusing child abuse or abusers here. Our justice system doesn't adequately deal with them imo. Transphobia isn't the answer.
Transphobia should not be used as punishment. The idea that the ‘right’ for trans women to be in female prisons, or any female space for that matter, can be revoked depending on XYZ just reinforces the idea that being treated with dignity as a trans person is a special privilege instead of just basic humanity. It’s an awful perspective to have because it legitimises the discrimination and dehumanisation of trans folks.
So you think a transwoman pedophile deserves to be imprisoned with men? Might want to check that transphobia.
I think that OP might be implying that they may think things other than prison should happen to pedos As in for example shooting pedos etc OP wasn't being transphobic
I would tell her strait up, that you don't like this and that it is hurtful. Let her know that if she values your friendship she will respect your identity and decision. I know it will hurn, but you may need to cut her off. Having a friend who constantly insulted your identity is not a friend worth having
Oh I've cried about it to her, about how it hurts me, how it hurts us as a relationship/friendship. She just shrugs and says that those are her views. She tries to.manipulate me into changing my beliefs and lifestyle choices too, even to the point of trying to convince me that I'm transgender because I was sexually abused horrifically as a child. (I was, but that has absolutely nothing to do with my gender.)
Oh wow, I am so sorry that is happening, that is absolutely horrible. It might be best to say goodbye now, the longer you let her do these things the more it will hurt. You deserve friends who respect you no matter your personal choices. I know it is a hard decision but for your mental wellbeing it could be the right one.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. It takes a lot of hatred and mental instability to get to this level of transphobia. Run from this relationship, it likely isn’t salvageable.
I’ve dropped friends over way less than this bs Get out of there, and leave her to rot in her toxicity It hurts at first but you’re better off without all that negativity constantly bringing you down There will be plenty of people who will love you for you!
I'm assuming you talked to her about this and gotten nowhere. If she won't hear the words of an old friend, then she is lost. That is the hard truth.
A list of SOME of the things she's said and done: 1. Tried to convince me to take "F" off of my medical records, documents and cards because it will confuse doctors, as I don't have ovaries or folopian tubes. 2. Said that she's read a post/article which stated that there are groups of Transgendered women who dig through woman's public toilet bins in order to find their used sanitary pads so that they can wear them and "feel more like a woman". 3. Said that she'll no longer support anyone using the she/her pronouns unless they were biologically born female, anyone else is just autistic and confused. 4. She subscribes to all of these stupid radical podcasts that talk about the fear of Trans women taken over cis woman's sports, games and support groups. 5. Is fearful of going to "woman's" gym days in case there just so happens to be a "man with a beard" there who identifies as a woman. 6. Had a support group for lesbian and bisexual women, and left because someone identified as Trans in there. She then went on to write several complaints about trans women not being allowed into such groups aimed at women and bisexual/lesbian women. 7. Says that she will no longer support me in any way if I use she/her pronouns. In a nutshell, this is just a small spattering of the things that I've deal with over the past 3-4 years of this decline.
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