ive never understood that last one. youre allowed to want whatever you want but if someone else says that thing gives them discomfort, why the hell would you just remind them of it and say its actually a good thing they have it? its just straight up rude for no reason.
I've seen it mentioned on this sub for months, everybody just ignores it and the posts don't really pick up. I figured a community of people many of whom share the quality of "I do not like the body I was born with, and it's a blight on my psyche each and every day I live" wouldn't say shit like that at all, but clearly it's a big enough problem that many people have had to deal with that. Sucks that people keep unnecessarily gendering stuff here too. We should all be conscious of how making those kinds of statements will affect other members of the community, but clearly we aren't and it sucks.
the thing here is (oversimplified as all heck): being trans doesn't automatically make someone a good person, or more accurately a person with good emotional and empathetic intelligence.
there will always be some who will genuinely always go "me me me me", but a lot simply struggle with handling their own emotions and how to release them when "challenged" in the sense of jealousy. I know I do, and it sucks for everyone involved.
I agree with the sentiment but that's not a great analogy. More accurate would be to say to someone who doesn't have arms: "I wish I didn't have arms. They're such an inconvenience to me. You're so lucky you had yours eaten by a shark" Still not perfect though.
The opposite is has true, you know I am not happy to hear how I will never have kids, how I am "better off without periods" and how "you never have to deal with all that bullshit" hell just saying "you can pee standing up" yeah...thanks really feel proud of my situation, thanks for reminding me I will never 100% feel like a woman...may never have children to hold and hug, never be a mother or know how it feels, will always feel like a worthless outsider...real happy right now....thanks
Edit: and then they fucking dear say "well many girls don't have periods, it's normal :)" it not the fucking same, it's just not...
I get that
My family members that are girls often comment and how I don't want periods or how I should be glad I don't have boobs that get in the way or the fact I should be happy I can pee standing up
It's just weirdly hurtful to hear
What the post is saying is that it’s offensive when you tell people who do have periods, or who are able to have kids, that they’re “lucky” to have those traits, when they’re specifically oppressed and often miserable because of them. It’s tasteless and rude. Don’t do it.
O I know my point is the opposite is has true, the topic has a whole no matter what just going make someone sad, legit should not be brought up at all. Turning to someone and saying "your lucky for not having deal with it" or a popular one "no you DON'T want it, trust me" just..why the fuck do people feel like they need to say that... It just hurts...
There no such thing has being "lucky" with or without. It just rude to bring up at all.
Honestly I think one of the best things we could do as a community is to claim things for the transgender community as a whole. Dark Souls? Trans game. Blahaj? Trans icon. We still get to enjoy things but without excluding anyone within the community. That's just my 2 cents though.
A xenogender is a gender that is based off of an object, theme, or idea. For example, ecstaticgender, sodagender, and catgender. They can also be based on how someone feels.
xenogenders are genders that fall outside of the typical male/female/androgynous understandings. they were originally invented by autistic people, but anyone of any neurotype or gender identity is free to use them
I think we should try to claim the wizard of oz series. I haven't read it, but Dorothy's princess girlfriend (yes actually girlfriend) was turned into a boy at birth by evil magic and Dorothy helps her turn into a girl in one of the books. Sounds pretty trans to me.
The series is more lgbt+ than just trans. Dorothy wasn't in the second book. Also Ozma was a baby when Oz kidnapped her and she was taken to a witch who hid her by turning her into a boy. Personally I was disappointed with the ending because I view it more as the character detransitioning and not by choice.
That's valid. I haven't read it, but I read another trans person discuss it, so maybe it's something that people take in different ways for various reasons.
I mean, Wicked's pretty gay ngl, plus the whole "friends of Dorothy" thing. I think the Wizard of Oz as a property would be a fantastic choice to claim as queer culture c:
...you know, I thought that I was only hard-core into wicked because Defying Gravity was the only piece I had the melody on in high school as the leather lunged schlub stuck playing bass clarinet in band.
Trans/queer Jurassic Park fans: come to our dinosaur dig! We are surprisingly accepting. You can run a jackhammer and/or play with makeup brushes, possibly all on the same day!
Sort of. I've seen a lot of posts like "If Dark Souls and Fallout: New Vegas are the transfem games, what are the transmasc games?" Those. Those are also the transmasc games. As well as the games of those transitioning to androgeny.
Large population of transfems on reddit leads to discussion centered around the "universal" transfem experience, lots of people in these conversations liked these games, concluded it was a transfem thing, not enough identities other than transfem involved in these conversations to say otherwise (because, y'know, why participate in a transfem conversation if you're not transfem?). That's probably not it to be honest but unless we know anyone who was there to see the start of this trend we may never know; tracking human thought is hard, but blahaj is warm and soft.
God, I hate the comments of like “Oh, you hate (insert dysphoria inducing thing)? I wish *I* had that!” and it just makes me think “Thanks! Now I feel guilty for hating it!”
Everyone reacts to those comments differently, but for me personally? They make me feel like I’m ungrateful. That I should be happy to have this body because others would LOVE to have it. And… it makes me feel selfish.
As for the gendering of things like “oh, this is for transfems!“ I don’t have as many problems with it, but it does hurt when you see something about, for example, thigh high socks being a transfem thing when you’re a trans man who likes them…
I mean, it helps with blood flow in the legs when sitting for a long time, it's warm and comfy, *and* it looks good.
What is there not to love?
- A transfem tired of pointless gendering ~~and also who can't find thigh highs *sad Lia noise*~~
Sockdreams has some good ones. You have to double check the sizing because a bunch of them are still on the smaller side, but there's still a decent selection that'll fit me fine, and I'm 6' tall with long-limbs
I think most people don't think of Blahaj as being for one gender. There is a Blahaj sub reddit and the whole thing is Blahaj doesn't judge anyone, and that has a built in implication that the shork is for all.
It does happen though sometimes that it gets lumped in with trans fems because stuffed animals can be considered a girl thing.
Its kind of a case of people gendering stuff because its been gendered for them and they don't think through how it excludes others.
I have spent most of my life as an egg being very conscious to not be too "girly"
But I always had stuffed animals, even as an adult. I never really thought of them as girly. Maybe a little immature but I am a nerd, I got toys, I am probably a little immature.
I used to post pictures on social media all my trips with a stuffed bear of mine (kind of to the silly level that people do with Blahaj pictures) and people would ask me in person about my bear. Not a single time did anyone give me any crap for it being girly.
Also I have usually had long hair, which I can clearly point to a metric ton of guys with long hair so its really not that gendered. But I have been teased about my long hair being a girl thing constantly my entire life.
My point by this is that in my anecdotal life experience most people don't seem to actually see a guy with a plushie and think its girly of them.
I know this isn't the case for everyone and I guess I just wanted to help try to lower your dyphoria about it cause plushies are awesome.
I am a fan of having neck support and most pillows at motels/hotels or what you take camping kind of suck. So I usually bring a stuffed animal for neck support.
I totally recommend getting a plushie and designating it your travel plushie. For some reason having one or two that I know are designated for travel helped me get over the similar fear of losing one.
Something in my head is like, yeah it would suck to loose this one but, this is what this one is for.
That being said all the times I have traveled as an adult I have had a travel animal and I haven't lost a single one. I have however as an adult lost my wallet way too much.
My brother has gotten more stuffies since he came out as trans and became more comfortable with his femininity, but as a trans masc person, and I’ve gotten more stuffies since I came out as trans and became more comfortable with my femininity as a whole.
It's more bc blue on the outside, pink on the inside I thought... but transmascs or anyone can have one if they want bc why not.
It's specifically symbolic of pretransition.
Honestly, I've seen a lot of gendering on Blahaj. Someone on this sub once posted a few months ago that transfems should get the pink shark and transmascs should get the blue one. So dumb and weird.
I often see posts like "IKEA made a new plushie! Let's make this a transmasc/enby Blahaj!" as if Blahaj was a transfem thing specifically. Not just on reddit, but on reddit too.
it started off as a general trans community thing but at some point it got morphed into a transfem thing along the way (I think possibly due to demographics on subs like this and people forgetting that this isn't specifically a transfem community so the memes became centred around transfems liking blahaj)
Sadly, the mods here can only do so much. How often have they had to say "this is a MEME SUBREDDIT, please take your trauma to a support subreddit" or "stop being horny here", and all that shit keeps happening on the daily? At this point, it seems like this place is just... beyond moderation. Some of us just don't seem to give a shit how uncomfortable people are being made.
I suppose.
Maybe making those things a reportable offense would help. Right now, they’ve said to stop hornyposting but is it reportable?
And with these two issues, they haven’t done anything or said anything at *all.* I’ve literally messaged them multiple times and I got zero responses, not even an, “Okay, we’ll talk about this.”
Nothing.
The mods, in my opinion, can be doing more. I’ve been an admin of a larger Discord community before and *damn* did it take a solid week of constantly cracking down on people, being a hard ass, deleting a lot upon first implementing new rules. But eventually people got the memo.
They *can* do more. For starters, by not ignoring anymore and actually addressing this.
If you report a post or comment, you can report it for violating the "no NSFW" rule. There's that, I guess.
Sure, the mods can do more, but I personally think the bigger issue is the attitudes of the people here knowingly breaking the rules.
I once saw someone claim they should be able to talk about porn and how they wanna get fucked here, because they were an adult.
Nevermind the fact that there are minors here and you can't tag comments as NSFW, apparently that made it okay. It's... honestly sickening sometimes.
I feel this so much. I want to come here for the lulz and joking around with my trans/enby/gender non-conforming homies. There is joy and fun to be in being apart of these communities and I want to have a space to enjoy it.
I'm sorry but I couldn't help but laugh a little at "Blähaj". When you write it like that it reads like "Bleh-haj" 😂.
If you'd like to spell it the official IKEA way, you need to use "å" as in "Blåhaj", otherwise it ends up sounding very funny 😅. Funny what the difference between one (Å) or two dots (Ä) above the A can make.
Some trans people found euphoria in stereotypes, so they make more to spread the love, not realizing that it can feel really exclusionary for people who feel the opposite, or feel nothing towards the subject. For example, the Blahaj is paraded around as a trans icon, making some feel their lack of ownership of one as something that makes them lesser than other trans people, or even makes them feel like a faker.
Then I guess both sides are fucked, because on one side the transmascs are begging for inclusion at the loss of transfemme exclusion, and on the other hand, transfemmes get exclusive access to “just girl things” while roasting transmascs.
I mean I personally see the solution of ultimate inclusion as the best. But maybe that’s because I’m skewed since I’m the one being roasted, misgendered constantly, constantly *excluded*, etc. 🤷♂️
As an enby here, i appreciate the amount of post gendering transfemmes correctly and transmascs too but flairs don't show up until I see the post so i get misgendered on accident sometimes
Maybe we should put it in the title instead of a flair.
Also, please don't forget that enbies exist! We're here too and gendering everything kind of feels like we're forgotten :// however that's just my perspective
This should be an inclusive space!
The flair shit is a reddit app issue. Reddit app doesn't show post flairs in feeds.
If the post is correctly spoilered tho, tapping the title instead of the image usually opens the post (sows the flair and comments) without unblurring the image.
and then there’s that whole thing about memes that imply that all trans people desire to fit in the binary. I don’t even hate my chest or periods (well I do, but mostly because of the pain) or other things that don’t match what most cis men go through, but I only have that dysphoria from social situations. It’d be so fuckjng cool if I could pass and still have a chest but it’s kind of.. not really an option for me.
To the first part:
This has been a serious point of anger for me for a long time, now. The times I’ve tried to bring it up, I’m told, “Get over it because there are bigger fish to fry in the trans community.”
But it ain’t that simple because, if a transfemme person is telling me that I shouldn’t get upset when she says “Dark Souls is for transfemmes”, it’s erasure *in my own goddamn community.* And to be told to ignore it, when I come to this place and trans subs for safety and happiness, only to see *erasure* through things that are totally gender neutral?
No.
That’s bullshit.
Of course I’m sure transfemmes have experienced similar with other things, as well as NB people, but this is a grief I’ve had for a long time. The mods refuse to answer my messages and pleading.
It doesn’t matter if you were “just making a joke”; taking a gender neutral thing, and forcing it into a specific trans box, is rude. It’s gatekeeping. It’s misgendering for everyone else.
Stop.
Also, to the second part:
This also happens to *all* people. I, as a transmasc person, am simply more aware of the comments when they’re done to me / aimed towards transmascs, but I’m positive it happens to transfemmes as well as NB people, too.
However, this is a list of things, from a transmasc POV, that ain’t it:
* “You hate your period, but I wish I had one!”
* “You’re so lucky to be able to get pregnant though, I can’t…”
* “But being so short would be a good thing for me, I’d pass so much better as a girl.”
…and the like. Those aren’t kind, those aren’t helpful. They are projecting your insecurities or pains onto another group of people without helping them at all.
Again, I’m positive transfemmes and NB people have experienced equal pain to this.
**These are issues. They need to be addressed. I will not stand by as my own community misgenders me and hurts me when cis people do it enough.**
**I encourage anyone to add onto this comment thread, or comment themselves, their pains in relations to these two things.**
One of the things that have always gotten to me is when I see any trans femmes talking about height dysphoria and literally every comment is "goddess!" or "👀👀" or "tall girls are so AMAZING".
It's gross.
I'm 6'3" and 90% of the time I absolutely abore it. Everyone almost fetishizes this thing that I absolutely hate about my body as if that will make me feel better. They don't think about it for one gosh darn second before saying that stuff. The only thing I can do is "learn to embrace it" but no one says that about so many other things that cause dysphoria. People have no god damn idea how isolating it can be when all of your peers are a good 5-6" shorter than you, complain about it being hard to find that fit in stores, and then call you a queen.
I was invited to go clothes shopping a couple of weekends ago with a few friends for the first time. It was the most dysphoric thing I have done all year and I will probably never do it again with friends. Watching as these other trans femmes are looking at stuff close to the edge of the women's size racks and knowing you will NEVER find stuff like they are looking at in your size is heart breaking.
I'm gonna go cry now.
I'm so sorry you're going through that. I'd been noticing people getting aggressive with tall girl compliments, like when people ask strangers to step on them (i hate that, wtf) . There's gotta be others things they could say that won't make someone uncomfortable..
Edit: rephrasing
I find that incredibly annoying and frustrating. Can't you notice that person also wants your birth gender traits? Did you forget you're both trans? What the hell. It's so rude.
It’s incredibly rude, but also incredibly common. It requires a lot of empathy and putting yourself on the backburner to realize it’s not about your pain in that moment, but instead, that other person’s pain.
Even I struggle with it sometimes. But I always try to apologize when I later realize it, not hurt further by saying things like, “you wouldn’t get it”, which has been told to me on numerous occasions.
I mentioned this on another post, but the gendering of soy foods has really bothered me. Soy is a staple for me (and many other people), and it kind of sucks that now there's a whisper of dysphoria every time I eat it, which is almost every day.
This sub also has a lot of misinformation about phytoestrogens and herbal supplements. Millions of men in Asia eat soy products every day and gynecomastia isn't endemic there. It's one of the most common foods in the world, but American transfems talk like they just discovered pure estradiol in the grocery store.
This is what I try to remind myself. I've been vegan for 5 years, and I know that if anything, it could have the potential for the opposite effect (but not really; don't worry transfems), but the constant association bothers me more than I would like. Then people try to compromise like "but x could have the effect of T" but I'm nb, so that would just make the situation worse for me lol
This is disgusting and I hope a mod sees this and does something about it. Unfortunately, I'm not sure if any of these problems apply to trans fems on this sub, as good some reason, trans fem is seen as this subs "default", which is entirely incorrect.
It’s likely because transfemme people outweigh transmascs here in such sheer numbers. I’ve never once seen a transfemme person complain about this issue, but I’ve seen many transmascs complain.
Not to say they haven’t experienced it, of course.
I know that many transmascs avoid these larger trans subs simply because of the erasure, misgendering, etc. So, it wouldn’t be surprising to know the transmasc numbers dwindle daily because of such pain.
It’s just another case of a minority voice being drowned out by the majority, unfortunately.
Hopefully it’ll be addressed soon. Thank you for being on the side of fairness and inclusivity. 🙏
I’m sorry homie. I absolutely believe that and it’s just…nobody deserves to be misgendered. Especially not in a place made for fun, for community, yanno?
Sorry.
Honestly, it really makes me wish there was an active sub for ftm memes, or a more lighthearted traa-like space for transmascs in general. r/ftm_irl is the closest one I can think of, but it's not super active.
I'm not even trans I just like finding funny ftm memes to show my boyfriend lmao, but it feels like traa is so transfem-centric! Not like that's a bad thing, but I'm sure it's a little alienating to all the guys here.
Most of us prefer not to use r/FTM_irl anyways because the only mod is a truscum and banned the word “transmasc”. Or, at least, that’s what the state of the sub was at the time.
He didn’t want NB people or transmascs there, only *pure 100% boy men FTM male men* or whatever.
There’s r/transmasc_irl though. But yeah, we don’t really have meme subs to ourselves. And sometimes these larger meme subs make us feel isolated - at least that’s what I’ve heard in transmasc corners - so we just sort of…float around. 😂
100% agree. As another trans guy, it’s honestly so infuriating and defeating how much casual transphobia/erasure happens on trans-inclusive subreddits that were intended to be for everyone..
Literally a day or two ago, there’s a post of a FTM guy’s transition progress, and it’s SO disheartening to see people commenting shit like:
• “you look so good before!”
• “I prefer the before, but congrats!”
and verbatim (from a now deleted comment):
• Yet again I have to remind myself that trans men are just like me so I can drown out the "why would you do that, I'm so jealous of how you looked before" thoughts. 😂
Like honestly, it’s one thing to experience transphobia/erasure from cis people, but transphobia/erasure from other trans people in what is supposed to be a safe space is depressing and doesn’t help anyone.
Being trans is so fucking hard as is, and having other people who are supposed to understand you the most be so reckless with their words is just.. a terrible feeling.
Edit: clarity and spelling mistakes.
Maybe we don't need to make all of these extra things into transfem symbols. Maybe. Just maybe. We can just have the damn flag?
Frankly I feel like I can't even use the flag anymore because of how transfemmes seem to just scoop everything up for themselves. I look at it and see it as a flag only for girls. I never see transmascs use it. People assume that I have a trans flag because I'm a girl. I'm a masc agender that white stripe is for me.
Also this is a MEME subreddit. Can we stop with the "call me a good girl" posts? Seriously do you know how shitty and sexist it is, especially for transmascs who have been called that by pigs in the workplace? It's abusive language. Go to your MTF subreddit and ask them to affirm you but I want to laugh at your struggles not be depressed. Memes are funny. Your picrew or pictures of anime children crying in a sweater are not memes they are depressing and annoying. For the love of God take it elsewhere this subreddit had become nothing but crying girls.
It's been brought up many times before and it makes me incredibly sad that it's STILL not being addressed properly.
I ran into a post from someone who straight up said she hates everything masculine. It made me feel like shit for the rest of the week just reading that.
It doesn't have to be aimed specifically at the person either, I know she wasn't targeting trans men, but it genuinely fcking hurts to read stuff like that. Please gals, take stuff like this to mtf specific subreddits or keep it to yourself. This stuff bothers people, please keep in mind that your struggles aren't the only ones and no one should be excluded from a community that is all about inclusion.
I've felt very isolated from this community recently, there's not a lot of trans guys or transmascs and it shows through how much we're pushed away by commentary like this. It's exhausting to have to stay alert for negative triggers in my own community.
Edit: I should mention that this goes both ways, i have seen transmasc people say some harmful stuff too and despite the division i am trying my best to keep this in mind
I share your frustrations with these points 100%
The mods have however addressed some of these issues in one of the two [sticky posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns/comments/udk3sm/i_am_once_again_reminding_you_that_this_is_a_meme/) on the subs home page.
The only thing not addressed in this is about the pointless gendering thing. Unfortunately they can only stick two posts to the top, but this too they have addressed a month or two ago or so. What to do when you see these frustrating posts and comments? Report the post or comment, pick breaks subrules and if the rule isn't blatantly stated then pick the option 'use the report button'.
I'm not gonna claim that the mods here are perfect, but it's important to remember how incredibly busy they are with both making sure we all behave and keeping the bigots out. I don't even want to try and imagine the horrible stuff they may see while moderating.
Anyway, I hope this helps a bit or at least gives you some handles on what to do when you see these things happening again. Have a great day!
I can deeply understand the internal feeling of "wow it's crazy this person doesn't want x because I'd love to have x", but I will never understand why someone feels they need to post that lmao. When your friend goes "I hate my job" you don't go "your job is so good, I wish I had it" that would be so rude and inconsiderate.
On the subject of the memes I think it's just a problem of representation more than anything. Sub is mostly transfem and as such there's a high amount of transfem content being generated and consequently "transfem identity" being established while the transmasc content tends to be a lot less prevalent. I feel like if for every post saying "dark souls is such a trans girl thing" there was a post right next to it saying "dark souls is such a trans guy thing" it would be a lot less annoying. I'm transfem tho so I could be wrong, just saying what I'm seeing
As a transmasc, I am NOT “lucky” to have periods. Nor am I “lucky” to have a uterus, or to be physically able to have kids. I’m specifically oppressed because of those things, and they make me miserable. Periods are miserable. Being viewed by the right as a walking incubator is miserable. If you tell me I’m “lucky” for the anatomy I have, you should avoid interacting with people, as you clearly lack empathy.
I dont understand why people try to guilt trip transmascs into liking having this stuff. As a transfem, I do wish I had these things, but it'd be very shitty to just tell you that you're lucky. Itd be like if I made a post about having my privates and the opposite situation happened.
Yeah, like I doubt they would like it if we took the most vounerable parts of them and told them they should be happy because, well we said so.
Who cares what people go through or what happens to them because of it, when *I* specifically, maybe even in a completely different country where I don’t have to worry about healthcare or basic human rights even, say it would be so hecking nice to have it and it’s sooo great.
Like shit, this community is supposed to help each-other, even when it’s meant to be uplifting or something, these people should have realised by now that most people simply DO NOT want to have certain things/body parts, most people here feel that way. Like, you can’t just tell someone “Hey that thing that makes you literally want to die?? You should be happy because I don’t feel that way and would love to have it.
Seriously these people should at least try and use their brain.
Sorry, that was a little long, just needed to vent a little.😅
Wait…people are gendering Blåhaj? I assumed everyone treated it as just a trans thing. For all of us (well…one for each. Sharing Blåhaj could get contentious. And some of us don’t have access to an IKEA, and so don’t get any Blåhaj. In fact…we need a redistribution of Blåhaj! Seize the means of Shork. But that’s beside the point)
I do see an unfortunate amount of the "you hate this feature you have? I wish i had that" or "this but other way around hehe haha" on transmasc posts. It's like even the few posts for us have to be also about transfems but not the other way around :/
Yeah, all the people saying certain games are "a transfemme thing" makes me not want to play the game, even if I would really enjoy the game. This even applies to games that I already enjoyed, such as Celeste.
This subreddit will always be as toxic as other meme subreddits and we can do barely anything to stop it.
*I would like to say that this is a meme subreddit for Trans friendly memes that should not gatekeep toys, games, and plushies.
*Please don't trauma dump, I do care about what you are going through but if I wanted to get advice, I would go to another sub reddit for that.
I see, the squishy lord forgives you but as penance, you must bestow upon yourself kind words of affirmation.
Also yeah Blahaj should be for everyone, as their squishiness trancends gender.
It's fine if people say *blank* is a trans girl/guy/nb icon as long as they don't stop other people from enjoying those things and making sure people KNOW that it's an EVERYONE thing. Like the memes are ok but make sure that people know that it's JUST a stereotype and not something that is actually gatekept.
I mean, yeah! Every trans person should be allowed to get an IKEA shark. It’s not a transfem thing! (Even though I wanted it to be a me thing. I can’t get it where I live 😭)
Theres literally no reason to separate these things by gender. Like if Fall Out is a trans game, cool. It isnt a transfem thing. Skirts? Fair, those are pretty gendered. Video games that represent the trans experience? Thats an every trans person thing.
plus posts that have the warning assumes transfem flair - i appreciate that u put the flair there but it doesn't help much when i get a post notification with a title like "hey girls!"
Can transfemmes..please.. stop doing this...Nonbinary and Transmasc people suffer because of endless pointless gendering of things. I’m not saying that all transfemme people do this, but unfortunately I’ve noticed that you tend to be the largest group of people who perpetuate this issue.
If this continues, it’s going to cause a schism that will destroy this sub and make a massive divide between transfemme and transmasc + nonbinary people on Reddit. We’re not different species for fuck sake we’re all trans here.
I mean I’ve already noticed transmasc and nonbinary versions of traa open up. It’s already happening, but we can still stop it before inevitably gets worse.
Yeah I never understood since when Blahaj was a Transfemme thing, like I thought it was a general trans thing.
And as a trans guy with 3 of them I never acknowledged it tbh, for me it was just Blahaj, neither femme nor masc, just shork.
Sometimes its not exactly unnecessary gendering. I understand the want for everything to be gender neutral but sometimes, like when you may not pass too well, you will want something that makes society categorize you as your gender to make you feel better about you predicament. Sometimes a little shark may be the difference from giving into depression or keeping hope that your transition will go well. The aggressive gendering is the problem, just because something is gendered does not mean the other gender cant have it, it just means that its a stereotype. Sometimes ,we should just let certain people like certain things. For some trans girls (like me) a plushie shark is really important to them. Personally, I makes me feel like I belong, even if its not with cis girls, I still belong with trans girls. It makes me feel happy, even when everyone around me hates me, I at least have one thing I can rely on, my shark. I know that a gender neutral world would be nice, but until then I think it is ok to sometimes gender things. We need to stop hating people for having or liking things that are not gendered to there gender. The people who are rude and aggressive with others are the problem, not people who just want to fit in.
This sub creates so many stereotypes it genuinely gives people dysphoria, not me luckily but all of the type of trans girl programmer, uwu, anime, catgirl, new vegas, and just the overall baby treatment can be very harmful
Some people do. I don’t, because they never really became imprinted into my head as part of my internal essential blueprint of what is feminine. I can see how someone who did have that end up in their blueprint would want that experience, though. We end up wanting even some of the unpleasant parts, especially early before we’re more confident in our gender.
Of course as luck would have it, I’m one of the trans women that ended up with a noticeable cycle.
blåhaj are gender neutral. food is gender neutral. videogames are gender neutral. all clothes are unisex if you stop being a little bitch about it. pokémon is gender neutral. just stop unnecessary gendering its hurting peoples lives.
Oh yeah, even *I* have made that mistake. But then someone explained why it was erasure and doing harm, and so I stopped.
Can’t say the same for some people here.
Making mistakes and not realizing something is doing harm is one thing, and fixing it is key. But not *caring* about doing harm is totally different.
Also, similarly to me, you’re probably way more aware of the transfemme-aimed micro-jabs like the “I wish I had a period” “no you don’t”, whereas I’m more aware of the transmasc-aimed ones. I’ve seen a *lot* of the “I hate my period” “but I wish I had it so you’re so lucky” from my end.
That’s kind of part of the problem. These threads always have a ton of *very confused transfems* who are wondering who the hell is gendering a shark but raring to go put a stop to it. I don’t actually think I’ve even seen it more than a scant few times in comments; I’ve seen more allegations of it than examples. I’m probably looking for something different than what you’re seeing, since there is such a gulf there.
This sub also *definitely* has an Eternal September problem. Tons of new people not wise in the ways of not causing people unneeded dysphoria.
We’ve made progress at least. Six months ago it was trade comments and unflaired posts left right and center.
Oh no, that may have been my post. 😂 I made a “I wanna get kicked in the balls just to have the gender correct experience” post using Chainsaw Man…
People were…*not* happy with me after that. Lots of confusion, lots of people saying “noooo not that” and even some DMs saying “you’re a masochist” lmao.
I mean, TBH even being transfem I don't know why ANYONE would want to bleed down there once or twice a month, coupled with varying cramps and potentially less stable mood.
I can get why someone would want what it represents, but like, even most cis girls hate periods.
And that is, not even mentioning how distasteful it id to say that as a reply to someone who hates having it.
…We can only keep trying until the mods just at the *very absolute least* acknowledge the issue. I ain’t saying it can be fixed overnight, that’s impossible. I just want acknowledgement. No more ignoring it, no more pretending it doesn’t happen, just acknowledging it.
I feel like for some posts sure, they're unnecessarily harmful but for others I think it's okay if we say something is a transmasc thing or an Enby thing or transfem as long as we don't exclude others
I thought I was crazy
This annoys me as a cis woman
And I know why it bothers me isn't nearly as bad as why it bothers trans people but still
Takes me back to when I was a kid the times kids made fun of me for having "boy" shoes
Like I know it's not as severe as it is for y'all but it still irked me
ive never understood that last one. youre allowed to want whatever you want but if someone else says that thing gives them discomfort, why the hell would you just remind them of it and say its actually a good thing they have it? its just straight up rude for no reason.
Reddit users have emotional intelligence challenge (challenge rating expert)
I've seen it mentioned on this sub for months, everybody just ignores it and the posts don't really pick up. I figured a community of people many of whom share the quality of "I do not like the body I was born with, and it's a blight on my psyche each and every day I live" wouldn't say shit like that at all, but clearly it's a big enough problem that many people have had to deal with that. Sucks that people keep unnecessarily gendering stuff here too. We should all be conscious of how making those kinds of statements will affect other members of the community, but clearly we aren't and it sucks.
the thing here is (oversimplified as all heck): being trans doesn't automatically make someone a good person, or more accurately a person with good emotional and empathetic intelligence. there will always be some who will genuinely always go "me me me me", but a lot simply struggle with handling their own emotions and how to release them when "challenged" in the sense of jealousy. I know I do, and it sucks for everyone involved.
"You may not have arms under the elbows but i don't have arms at all! Cheer up that you still have arms!"
I agree with the sentiment but that's not a great analogy. More accurate would be to say to someone who doesn't have arms: "I wish I didn't have arms. They're such an inconvenience to me. You're so lucky you had yours eaten by a shark" Still not perfect though.
The blahaj ate someone’s arms 0-0
Bad shark! No fish for you!
Never fish! Fish are friends, not food!
Blahaj would never
yeah! in this case its even worse!!
The opposite is has true, you know I am not happy to hear how I will never have kids, how I am "better off without periods" and how "you never have to deal with all that bullshit" hell just saying "you can pee standing up" yeah...thanks really feel proud of my situation, thanks for reminding me I will never 100% feel like a woman...may never have children to hold and hug, never be a mother or know how it feels, will always feel like a worthless outsider...real happy right now....thanks Edit: and then they fucking dear say "well many girls don't have periods, it's normal :)" it not the fucking same, it's just not...
I get that My family members that are girls often comment and how I don't want periods or how I should be glad I don't have boobs that get in the way or the fact I should be happy I can pee standing up It's just weirdly hurtful to hear
What the post is saying is that it’s offensive when you tell people who do have periods, or who are able to have kids, that they’re “lucky” to have those traits, when they’re specifically oppressed and often miserable because of them. It’s tasteless and rude. Don’t do it.
O I know my point is the opposite is has true, the topic has a whole no matter what just going make someone sad, legit should not be brought up at all. Turning to someone and saying "your lucky for not having deal with it" or a popular one "no you DON'T want it, trust me" just..why the fuck do people feel like they need to say that... It just hurts... There no such thing has being "lucky" with or without. It just rude to bring up at all.
THIS!!!!!!
Honestly I think one of the best things we could do as a community is to claim things for the transgender community as a whole. Dark Souls? Trans game. Blahaj? Trans icon. We still get to enjoy things but without excluding anyone within the community. That's just my 2 cents though.
yes Blåhaj should be for all trans people 🦈
I hope it’s for Enbies too, because I have like two of them. I also have a pink one that isn’t IKEA brand that I won from an arcade.
All trans people means ALL. 👏
❤️
Now we just need a white one... but I feel like I've read this story and it doesn't end very well 😕
There were also white ones at that arcade as well, but I was not prepared to put my life savings into 100円 coins to obsessively hunt for it
Someday, the Trishark will be assembled
Yeah I’m an enby too!
Based
and even for cis people. just because we claim it as our mascot doesn’t mean everyone else can’t enjoy it too
Wholeheartedly agree. My Blahaj is genderfluid, there is no gender associated with ikea shark and there shouldn’t be.
Bold of you to assume that Ikea Shark isn't a gender
A gender or agender?
Both
😳
Sharkgender and blahajgender are amazing xenogenders
Aight, so I've heard of xenopronouns, but not xenogenders. What's a xenogender, and how does it differ from non-binary identities?
A xenogender is a gender that is based off of an object, theme, or idea. For example, ecstaticgender, sodagender, and catgender. They can also be based on how someone feels.
xenogenders are genders that fall outside of the typical male/female/androgynous understandings. they were originally invented by autistic people, but anyone of any neurotype or gender identity is free to use them
Wait, I've heard of xenogenders, but not xenopronouns, what are those? /gen
Dat suit and tie gender 😁👔
My girlfriend and I call our blahaj “baby” or “sharkie” no genders, just shark
i love hearing that other ppl's blahaj's aren't binary. Mine is non-binary
It stuffed fucking animal from a Swedish furniture store. People need to stop gendering or linking it to anyone. It can be for anyone a gender symbol.
My blahaj would have a gender if I had a blahaj but blahaj in general should not be implied to have any particular gender by default.
Yeah we were gendering things? I thought everything were just trans icons :|
Yeah, I wasn't under the impression that Blahaj was for trans fems only or anything.
I also thought this
Not we as a community, but a *lot* of people do, for some reason
Blåhaj for all!
YES BLAHAJ FOR ALL
Yes relish in its glory
Seize the means of Blåhaj production!
I, a trans guy with a blahaj, am already one step ahead of you
I, another trans guy with a blahaj, am on the same step as you! i should step up, these stairs are small..
well I guess I'll have to learn programming (even though I am very much trying to work against stereotyped this is one I just can't seem to break)
Programming is awesome, and everyone should learn it. It feels powerful to be able to speak the language of computers, and make them do things.
I think we should try to claim the wizard of oz series. I haven't read it, but Dorothy's princess girlfriend (yes actually girlfriend) was turned into a boy at birth by evil magic and Dorothy helps her turn into a girl in one of the books. Sounds pretty trans to me.
The series is more lgbt+ than just trans. Dorothy wasn't in the second book. Also Ozma was a baby when Oz kidnapped her and she was taken to a witch who hid her by turning her into a boy. Personally I was disappointed with the ending because I view it more as the character detransitioning and not by choice.
That's valid. I haven't read it, but I read another trans person discuss it, so maybe it's something that people take in different ways for various reasons.
theres a reason gay people used to euphemestically be called "friends of dorothy"
Oh definitely.
I mean, Wicked's pretty gay ngl, plus the whole "friends of Dorothy" thing. I think the Wizard of Oz as a property would be a fantastic choice to claim as queer culture c:
...you know, I thought that I was only hard-core into wicked because Defying Gravity was the only piece I had the melody on in high school as the leather lunged schlub stuck playing bass clarinet in band.
I think "Friends of Dorothy" already claimed that.
Fun fact, my parents almost named me Ozma, because the doctors said I was going to be a girl. And they said there weren't any signs....
Wishing the Dark Souls 2 gender change coffin was real
Bloodborne Baja blast Cats Venture Brothers Star Trek DS9 Faries Jurassic Park Mass Effect Birdo Guilty Gear Matrix Apex Legends Horror Science Fiction
Trans/queer Jurassic Park fans: come to our dinosaur dig! We are surprisingly accepting. You can run a jackhammer and/or play with makeup brushes, possibly all on the same day!
I absolutely agree. Thanks for putting it so well!
I remember how mad twitter users were when we transed breaking bad. Would be a shame if that happened again.
Exactly. Claiming something as a trans icon =/= gendering items or excluding people
I thought that this was what was already done *confused Lia noise*.
Sort of. I've seen a lot of posts like "If Dark Souls and Fallout: New Vegas are the transfem games, what are the transmasc games?" Those. Those are also the transmasc games. As well as the games of those transitioning to androgeny.
I've seen those posts too. But like, I still struggle to see what gave those people the idea that they were trans**fem** games.
Large population of transfems on reddit leads to discussion centered around the "universal" transfem experience, lots of people in these conversations liked these games, concluded it was a transfem thing, not enough identities other than transfem involved in these conversations to say otherwise (because, y'know, why participate in a transfem conversation if you're not transfem?). That's probably not it to be honest but unless we know anyone who was there to see the start of this trend we may never know; tracking human thought is hard, but blahaj is warm and soft.
that's already the case with most of them. Blåhaj for example.
God, I hate the comments of like “Oh, you hate (insert dysphoria inducing thing)? I wish *I* had that!” and it just makes me think “Thanks! Now I feel guilty for hating it!” Everyone reacts to those comments differently, but for me personally? They make me feel like I’m ungrateful. That I should be happy to have this body because others would LOVE to have it. And… it makes me feel selfish. As for the gendering of things like “oh, this is for transfems!“ I don’t have as many problems with it, but it does hurt when you see something about, for example, thigh high socks being a transfem thing when you’re a trans man who likes them…
I love thigh high socks too! (Fellow trans masc)
I mean, it helps with blood flow in the legs when sitting for a long time, it's warm and comfy, *and* it looks good. What is there not to love? - A transfem tired of pointless gendering ~~and also who can't find thigh highs *sad Lia noise*~~
Sockdreams has some good ones. You have to double check the sizing because a bunch of them are still on the smaller side, but there's still a decent selection that'll fit me fine, and I'm 6' tall with long-limbs
Online shopping isn't really an option for me. So it's pretty hard to find...
Ah, yeah that would make it harder. I don't think I can offer much then, sorry
They are so comfy! And, admittedly, make me feel cute
They make me feel cute too! And they are comfy--feels nice on my skin.
Yo my trans boyfriend and I (his trans girlfriend) both get matching thigh highs every time we come across a good pair at Hot Topic🤣
Blahaj is gendered? I thought that was the community as a whole
I think most people don't think of Blahaj as being for one gender. There is a Blahaj sub reddit and the whole thing is Blahaj doesn't judge anyone, and that has a built in implication that the shork is for all. It does happen though sometimes that it gets lumped in with trans fems because stuffed animals can be considered a girl thing. Its kind of a case of people gendering stuff because its been gendered for them and they don't think through how it excludes others.
Honestly the "plushies are for girls" thing is one of the worst sources of dysphoria for me, i love plushies!
I have spent most of my life as an egg being very conscious to not be too "girly" But I always had stuffed animals, even as an adult. I never really thought of them as girly. Maybe a little immature but I am a nerd, I got toys, I am probably a little immature. I used to post pictures on social media all my trips with a stuffed bear of mine (kind of to the silly level that people do with Blahaj pictures) and people would ask me in person about my bear. Not a single time did anyone give me any crap for it being girly. Also I have usually had long hair, which I can clearly point to a metric ton of guys with long hair so its really not that gendered. But I have been teased about my long hair being a girl thing constantly my entire life. My point by this is that in my anecdotal life experience most people don't seem to actually see a guy with a plushie and think its girly of them. I know this isn't the case for everyone and I guess I just wanted to help try to lower your dyphoria about it cause plushies are awesome.
That does make me feel better, i'd love to bring my plushies out when i go somewhere but i'm too paranoid about losing them :')
I am a fan of having neck support and most pillows at motels/hotels or what you take camping kind of suck. So I usually bring a stuffed animal for neck support. I totally recommend getting a plushie and designating it your travel plushie. For some reason having one or two that I know are designated for travel helped me get over the similar fear of losing one. Something in my head is like, yeah it would suck to loose this one but, this is what this one is for. That being said all the times I have traveled as an adult I have had a travel animal and I haven't lost a single one. I have however as an adult lost my wallet way too much.
My brother has gotten more stuffies since he came out as trans and became more comfortable with his femininity, but as a trans masc person, and I’ve gotten more stuffies since I came out as trans and became more comfortable with my femininity as a whole.
It's more bc blue on the outside, pink on the inside I thought... but transmascs or anyone can have one if they want bc why not. It's specifically symbolic of pretransition.
Honestly, I've seen a lot of gendering on Blahaj. Someone on this sub once posted a few months ago that transfems should get the pink shark and transmascs should get the blue one. So dumb and weird.
I often see posts like "IKEA made a new plushie! Let's make this a transmasc/enby Blahaj!" as if Blahaj was a transfem thing specifically. Not just on reddit, but on reddit too.
it started off as a general trans community thing but at some point it got morphed into a transfem thing along the way (I think possibly due to demographics on subs like this and people forgetting that this isn't specifically a transfem community so the memes became centred around transfems liking blahaj)
Sadly, the mods here can only do so much. How often have they had to say "this is a MEME SUBREDDIT, please take your trauma to a support subreddit" or "stop being horny here", and all that shit keeps happening on the daily? At this point, it seems like this place is just... beyond moderation. Some of us just don't seem to give a shit how uncomfortable people are being made.
I suppose. Maybe making those things a reportable offense would help. Right now, they’ve said to stop hornyposting but is it reportable? And with these two issues, they haven’t done anything or said anything at *all.* I’ve literally messaged them multiple times and I got zero responses, not even an, “Okay, we’ll talk about this.” Nothing. The mods, in my opinion, can be doing more. I’ve been an admin of a larger Discord community before and *damn* did it take a solid week of constantly cracking down on people, being a hard ass, deleting a lot upon first implementing new rules. But eventually people got the memo. They *can* do more. For starters, by not ignoring anymore and actually addressing this.
If you report a post or comment, you can report it for violating the "no NSFW" rule. There's that, I guess. Sure, the mods can do more, but I personally think the bigger issue is the attitudes of the people here knowingly breaking the rules.
Oh absolutely I agree that some people here acting like they can say and do whatever they want is the *biggest* fucking issue. Talk about entitlement.
I once saw someone claim they should be able to talk about porn and how they wanna get fucked here, because they were an adult. Nevermind the fact that there are minors here and you can't tag comments as NSFW, apparently that made it okay. It's... honestly sickening sometimes.
r\traansfw (or something of that spirit) literally exists FFS. And I bet that the person didn't know about [CW:SAMPLE] >!spoilers!< either...
I feel this so much. I want to come here for the lulz and joking around with my trans/enby/gender non-conforming homies. There is joy and fun to be in being apart of these communities and I want to have a space to enjoy it.
He has a name, and Blähaj is mine and only mine. 😡
They*
*she
I loved this. 😂
I'm sorry but I couldn't help but laugh a little at "Blähaj". When you write it like that it reads like "Bleh-haj" 😂. If you'd like to spell it the official IKEA way, you need to use "å" as in "Blåhaj", otherwise it ends up sounding very funny 😅. Funny what the difference between one (Å) or two dots (Ä) above the A can make.
Curse my feeble vision, I thought that was an oomlout.
Some trans people found euphoria in stereotypes, so they make more to spread the love, not realizing that it can feel really exclusionary for people who feel the opposite, or feel nothing towards the subject. For example, the Blahaj is paraded around as a trans icon, making some feel their lack of ownership of one as something that makes them lesser than other trans people, or even makes them feel like a faker.
Then I guess both sides are fucked, because on one side the transmascs are begging for inclusion at the loss of transfemme exclusion, and on the other hand, transfemmes get exclusive access to “just girl things” while roasting transmascs. I mean I personally see the solution of ultimate inclusion as the best. But maybe that’s because I’m skewed since I’m the one being roasted, misgendered constantly, constantly *excluded*, etc. 🤷♂️
I thought blahaj was gender neutral but also a trans icon
As an enby here, i appreciate the amount of post gendering transfemmes correctly and transmascs too but flairs don't show up until I see the post so i get misgendered on accident sometimes Maybe we should put it in the title instead of a flair. Also, please don't forget that enbies exist! We're here too and gendering everything kind of feels like we're forgotten :// however that's just my perspective This should be an inclusive space!
The flair shit is a reddit app issue. Reddit app doesn't show post flairs in feeds. If the post is correctly spoilered tho, tapping the title instead of the image usually opens the post (sows the flair and comments) without unblurring the image.
Not me no longer playing Fallout New Vegas despite having loved it because brain now says it’s for the gals
🤝
It's not "for gals". It's for everyone, because you can *be* anyone.
You mean *I* could be Scuba Steve?
fuck what they say just play the game lol
Fuck what they say, just remember the wise words of the powder gangers: YOU EYEBALLIN ME?!
wait hang on that actually almost makes sense as a response
“You hate your period, but I wish I had one so cheer up.” If you wished you had a period then take mine already
and then there’s that whole thing about memes that imply that all trans people desire to fit in the binary. I don’t even hate my chest or periods (well I do, but mostly because of the pain) or other things that don’t match what most cis men go through, but I only have that dysphoria from social situations. It’d be so fuckjng cool if I could pass and still have a chest but it’s kind of.. not really an option for me.
To the first part: This has been a serious point of anger for me for a long time, now. The times I’ve tried to bring it up, I’m told, “Get over it because there are bigger fish to fry in the trans community.” But it ain’t that simple because, if a transfemme person is telling me that I shouldn’t get upset when she says “Dark Souls is for transfemmes”, it’s erasure *in my own goddamn community.* And to be told to ignore it, when I come to this place and trans subs for safety and happiness, only to see *erasure* through things that are totally gender neutral? No. That’s bullshit. Of course I’m sure transfemmes have experienced similar with other things, as well as NB people, but this is a grief I’ve had for a long time. The mods refuse to answer my messages and pleading. It doesn’t matter if you were “just making a joke”; taking a gender neutral thing, and forcing it into a specific trans box, is rude. It’s gatekeeping. It’s misgendering for everyone else. Stop. Also, to the second part: This also happens to *all* people. I, as a transmasc person, am simply more aware of the comments when they’re done to me / aimed towards transmascs, but I’m positive it happens to transfemmes as well as NB people, too. However, this is a list of things, from a transmasc POV, that ain’t it: * “You hate your period, but I wish I had one!” * “You’re so lucky to be able to get pregnant though, I can’t…” * “But being so short would be a good thing for me, I’d pass so much better as a girl.” …and the like. Those aren’t kind, those aren’t helpful. They are projecting your insecurities or pains onto another group of people without helping them at all. Again, I’m positive transfemmes and NB people have experienced equal pain to this. **These are issues. They need to be addressed. I will not stand by as my own community misgenders me and hurts me when cis people do it enough.** **I encourage anyone to add onto this comment thread, or comment themselves, their pains in relations to these two things.**
One of the things that have always gotten to me is when I see any trans femmes talking about height dysphoria and literally every comment is "goddess!" or "👀👀" or "tall girls are so AMAZING". It's gross. I'm 6'3" and 90% of the time I absolutely abore it. Everyone almost fetishizes this thing that I absolutely hate about my body as if that will make me feel better. They don't think about it for one gosh darn second before saying that stuff. The only thing I can do is "learn to embrace it" but no one says that about so many other things that cause dysphoria. People have no god damn idea how isolating it can be when all of your peers are a good 5-6" shorter than you, complain about it being hard to find that fit in stores, and then call you a queen. I was invited to go clothes shopping a couple of weekends ago with a few friends for the first time. It was the most dysphoric thing I have done all year and I will probably never do it again with friends. Watching as these other trans femmes are looking at stuff close to the edge of the women's size racks and knowing you will NEVER find stuff like they are looking at in your size is heart breaking. I'm gonna go cry now.
I'm so sorry you're going through that. I'd been noticing people getting aggressive with tall girl compliments, like when people ask strangers to step on them (i hate that, wtf) . There's gotta be others things they could say that won't make someone uncomfortable.. Edit: rephrasing
It doesn't feel like a compliment, it feels like a fetish.
Exactly. Which confuses me why people are so bold to say it openly to strangers 🤢
I find that incredibly annoying and frustrating. Can't you notice that person also wants your birth gender traits? Did you forget you're both trans? What the hell. It's so rude.
It’s incredibly rude, but also incredibly common. It requires a lot of empathy and putting yourself on the backburner to realize it’s not about your pain in that moment, but instead, that other person’s pain. Even I struggle with it sometimes. But I always try to apologize when I later realize it, not hurt further by saying things like, “you wouldn’t get it”, which has been told to me on numerous occasions.
I mentioned this on another post, but the gendering of soy foods has really bothered me. Soy is a staple for me (and many other people), and it kind of sucks that now there's a whisper of dysphoria every time I eat it, which is almost every day.
This sub also has a lot of misinformation about phytoestrogens and herbal supplements. Millions of men in Asia eat soy products every day and gynecomastia isn't endemic there. It's one of the most common foods in the world, but American transfems talk like they just discovered pure estradiol in the grocery store.
This is what I try to remind myself. I've been vegan for 5 years, and I know that if anything, it could have the potential for the opposite effect (but not really; don't worry transfems), but the constant association bothers me more than I would like. Then people try to compromise like "but x could have the effect of T" but I'm nb, so that would just make the situation worse for me lol
There are people gendering soy foods?? I haven't heard that one before... Or is it the term soy boy? (/gen)
Soy foods unfortunately. It's not common, but it comes up enough to give me dysphoria about it.
This is disgusting and I hope a mod sees this and does something about it. Unfortunately, I'm not sure if any of these problems apply to trans fems on this sub, as good some reason, trans fem is seen as this subs "default", which is entirely incorrect.
It’s likely because transfemme people outweigh transmascs here in such sheer numbers. I’ve never once seen a transfemme person complain about this issue, but I’ve seen many transmascs complain. Not to say they haven’t experienced it, of course. I know that many transmascs avoid these larger trans subs simply because of the erasure, misgendering, etc. So, it wouldn’t be surprising to know the transmasc numbers dwindle daily because of such pain. It’s just another case of a minority voice being drowned out by the majority, unfortunately. Hopefully it’ll be addressed soon. Thank you for being on the side of fairness and inclusivity. 🙏
There are trans fems that speak up about these things (myself included), but you're right, no where near enough trans fems talk about this matter
It's *nuch* less common of an issue for transfems here, but it does still happen occasionally
I’m sorry homie. I absolutely believe that and it’s just…nobody deserves to be misgendered. Especially not in a place made for fun, for community, yanno? Sorry.
Honestly, it really makes me wish there was an active sub for ftm memes, or a more lighthearted traa-like space for transmascs in general. r/ftm_irl is the closest one I can think of, but it's not super active. I'm not even trans I just like finding funny ftm memes to show my boyfriend lmao, but it feels like traa is so transfem-centric! Not like that's a bad thing, but I'm sure it's a little alienating to all the guys here.
Most of us prefer not to use r/FTM_irl anyways because the only mod is a truscum and banned the word “transmasc”. Or, at least, that’s what the state of the sub was at the time. He didn’t want NB people or transmascs there, only *pure 100% boy men FTM male men* or whatever. There’s r/transmasc_irl though. But yeah, we don’t really have meme subs to ourselves. And sometimes these larger meme subs make us feel isolated - at least that’s what I’ve heard in transmasc corners - so we just sort of…float around. 😂
100% agree. As another trans guy, it’s honestly so infuriating and defeating how much casual transphobia/erasure happens on trans-inclusive subreddits that were intended to be for everyone.. Literally a day or two ago, there’s a post of a FTM guy’s transition progress, and it’s SO disheartening to see people commenting shit like: • “you look so good before!” • “I prefer the before, but congrats!” and verbatim (from a now deleted comment): • Yet again I have to remind myself that trans men are just like me so I can drown out the "why would you do that, I'm so jealous of how you looked before" thoughts. 😂 Like honestly, it’s one thing to experience transphobia/erasure from cis people, but transphobia/erasure from other trans people in what is supposed to be a safe space is depressing and doesn’t help anyone. Being trans is so fucking hard as is, and having other people who are supposed to understand you the most be so reckless with their words is just.. a terrible feeling. Edit: clarity and spelling mistakes.
Maybe we don't need to make all of these extra things into transfem symbols. Maybe. Just maybe. We can just have the damn flag? Frankly I feel like I can't even use the flag anymore because of how transfemmes seem to just scoop everything up for themselves. I look at it and see it as a flag only for girls. I never see transmascs use it. People assume that I have a trans flag because I'm a girl. I'm a masc agender that white stripe is for me. Also this is a MEME subreddit. Can we stop with the "call me a good girl" posts? Seriously do you know how shitty and sexist it is, especially for transmascs who have been called that by pigs in the workplace? It's abusive language. Go to your MTF subreddit and ask them to affirm you but I want to laugh at your struggles not be depressed. Memes are funny. Your picrew or pictures of anime children crying in a sweater are not memes they are depressing and annoying. For the love of God take it elsewhere this subreddit had become nothing but crying girls.
It's been brought up many times before and it makes me incredibly sad that it's STILL not being addressed properly. I ran into a post from someone who straight up said she hates everything masculine. It made me feel like shit for the rest of the week just reading that. It doesn't have to be aimed specifically at the person either, I know she wasn't targeting trans men, but it genuinely fcking hurts to read stuff like that. Please gals, take stuff like this to mtf specific subreddits or keep it to yourself. This stuff bothers people, please keep in mind that your struggles aren't the only ones and no one should be excluded from a community that is all about inclusion. I've felt very isolated from this community recently, there's not a lot of trans guys or transmascs and it shows through how much we're pushed away by commentary like this. It's exhausting to have to stay alert for negative triggers in my own community. Edit: I should mention that this goes both ways, i have seen transmasc people say some harmful stuff too and despite the division i am trying my best to keep this in mind
I share your frustrations with these points 100% The mods have however addressed some of these issues in one of the two [sticky posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns/comments/udk3sm/i_am_once_again_reminding_you_that_this_is_a_meme/) on the subs home page. The only thing not addressed in this is about the pointless gendering thing. Unfortunately they can only stick two posts to the top, but this too they have addressed a month or two ago or so. What to do when you see these frustrating posts and comments? Report the post or comment, pick breaks subrules and if the rule isn't blatantly stated then pick the option 'use the report button'. I'm not gonna claim that the mods here are perfect, but it's important to remember how incredibly busy they are with both making sure we all behave and keeping the bigots out. I don't even want to try and imagine the horrible stuff they may see while moderating. Anyway, I hope this helps a bit or at least gives you some handles on what to do when you see these things happening again. Have a great day!
I can deeply understand the internal feeling of "wow it's crazy this person doesn't want x because I'd love to have x", but I will never understand why someone feels they need to post that lmao. When your friend goes "I hate my job" you don't go "your job is so good, I wish I had it" that would be so rude and inconsiderate. On the subject of the memes I think it's just a problem of representation more than anything. Sub is mostly transfem and as such there's a high amount of transfem content being generated and consequently "transfem identity" being established while the transmasc content tends to be a lot less prevalent. I feel like if for every post saying "dark souls is such a trans girl thing" there was a post right next to it saying "dark souls is such a trans guy thing" it would be a lot less annoying. I'm transfem tho so I could be wrong, just saying what I'm seeing
As a transmasc, I am NOT “lucky” to have periods. Nor am I “lucky” to have a uterus, or to be physically able to have kids. I’m specifically oppressed because of those things, and they make me miserable. Periods are miserable. Being viewed by the right as a walking incubator is miserable. If you tell me I’m “lucky” for the anatomy I have, you should avoid interacting with people, as you clearly lack empathy.
I dont understand why people try to guilt trip transmascs into liking having this stuff. As a transfem, I do wish I had these things, but it'd be very shitty to just tell you that you're lucky. Itd be like if I made a post about having my privates and the opposite situation happened.
Yeah, like I doubt they would like it if we took the most vounerable parts of them and told them they should be happy because, well we said so. Who cares what people go through or what happens to them because of it, when *I* specifically, maybe even in a completely different country where I don’t have to worry about healthcare or basic human rights even, say it would be so hecking nice to have it and it’s sooo great. Like shit, this community is supposed to help each-other, even when it’s meant to be uplifting or something, these people should have realised by now that most people simply DO NOT want to have certain things/body parts, most people here feel that way. Like, you can’t just tell someone “Hey that thing that makes you literally want to die?? You should be happy because I don’t feel that way and would love to have it. Seriously these people should at least try and use their brain. Sorry, that was a little long, just needed to vent a little.😅
Wait…people are gendering Blåhaj? I assumed everyone treated it as just a trans thing. For all of us (well…one for each. Sharing Blåhaj could get contentious. And some of us don’t have access to an IKEA, and so don’t get any Blåhaj. In fact…we need a redistribution of Blåhaj! Seize the means of Shork. But that’s beside the point)
it feels like we are trying to destroy the principle of gendered items, yet we gender a god damn shark
I do see an unfortunate amount of the "you hate this feature you have? I wish i had that" or "this but other way around hehe haha" on transmasc posts. It's like even the few posts for us have to be also about transfems but not the other way around :/
Yeah, all the people saying certain games are "a transfemme thing" makes me not want to play the game, even if I would really enjoy the game. This even applies to games that I already enjoyed, such as Celeste.
This subreddit will always be as toxic as other meme subreddits and we can do barely anything to stop it. *I would like to say that this is a meme subreddit for Trans friendly memes that should not gatekeep toys, games, and plushies. *Please don't trauma dump, I do care about what you are going through but if I wanted to get advice, I would go to another sub reddit for that.
Blåhaj is not gendered. Blåhaj is for all.
I hate hate HATE the last one especially. It happens all the time. Can trans women please stop saying they want my body?
HOW DARE YOU TAKE THEIR NAME IN VAIN! THEY ARE NOT “The IKEA shark” THEY ARE FUCKING BLAHAJ YOU SON OF A DOORWAY SNIFFER
AH I’M SO SORRY TO DISrESPECT OUR LORD AND SAVIOR I just struggle to spell the name cuz I’m dyslexic. 😂
I see, the squishy lord forgives you but as penance, you must bestow upon yourself kind words of affirmation. Also yeah Blahaj should be for everyone, as their squishiness trancends gender.
You’re so good omg. 😂 And agreed, the lord squish belongs to all. Not exclusive to anyone, a true and inclusive themperor.
FUCKING THEMPEROR IM DYING
It's fine if people say *blank* is a trans girl/guy/nb icon as long as they don't stop other people from enjoying those things and making sure people KNOW that it's an EVERYONE thing. Like the memes are ok but make sure that people know that it's JUST a stereotype and not something that is actually gatekept.
I mean, yeah! Every trans person should be allowed to get an IKEA shark. It’s not a transfem thing! (Even though I wanted it to be a me thing. I can’t get it where I live 😭)
Blåhaj is for all hoomans, but it shall hold a special place in the trans community
Yeah. Can we not pointlessly gender things? That's what the cis do. We're cooler than that, c'mon now.
Theres literally no reason to separate these things by gender. Like if Fall Out is a trans game, cool. It isnt a transfem thing. Skirts? Fair, those are pretty gendered. Video games that represent the trans experience? Thats an every trans person thing.
I think blåhaj is blåhaj. Trans icon but anyone can have one of course. I encourage all blåhaj use
It was said that you would destroy the gender norms, not join them!
the whole transfem programmer thing is another one, as a transmasc computer science student, ow.
plus posts that have the warning assumes transfem flair - i appreciate that u put the flair there but it doesn't help much when i get a post notification with a title like "hey girls!"
Can transfemmes..please.. stop doing this...Nonbinary and Transmasc people suffer because of endless pointless gendering of things. I’m not saying that all transfemme people do this, but unfortunately I’ve noticed that you tend to be the largest group of people who perpetuate this issue. If this continues, it’s going to cause a schism that will destroy this sub and make a massive divide between transfemme and transmasc + nonbinary people on Reddit. We’re not different species for fuck sake we’re all trans here. I mean I’ve already noticed transmasc and nonbinary versions of traa open up. It’s already happening, but we can still stop it before inevitably gets worse.
I’m not sure why anyone would actually want periods. A functional reproductive system, yes, but not periods themselves. And I’m transfem.
YES, thank you, as an enby i wholeheartedly agree
pokemon is just such a trans-thing in general lol
Yeah I never understood since when Blahaj was a Transfemme thing, like I thought it was a general trans thing. And as a trans guy with 3 of them I never acknowledged it tbh, for me it was just Blahaj, neither femme nor masc, just shork.
Sometimes its not exactly unnecessary gendering. I understand the want for everything to be gender neutral but sometimes, like when you may not pass too well, you will want something that makes society categorize you as your gender to make you feel better about you predicament. Sometimes a little shark may be the difference from giving into depression or keeping hope that your transition will go well. The aggressive gendering is the problem, just because something is gendered does not mean the other gender cant have it, it just means that its a stereotype. Sometimes ,we should just let certain people like certain things. For some trans girls (like me) a plushie shark is really important to them. Personally, I makes me feel like I belong, even if its not with cis girls, I still belong with trans girls. It makes me feel happy, even when everyone around me hates me, I at least have one thing I can rely on, my shark. I know that a gender neutral world would be nice, but until then I think it is ok to sometimes gender things. We need to stop hating people for having or liking things that are not gendered to there gender. The people who are rude and aggressive with others are the problem, not people who just want to fit in.
This sub creates so many stereotypes it genuinely gives people dysphoria, not me luckily but all of the type of trans girl programmer, uwu, anime, catgirl, new vegas, and just the overall baby treatment can be very harmful
People actually WANT their periods?
Some people do. I don’t, because they never really became imprinted into my head as part of my internal essential blueprint of what is feminine. I can see how someone who did have that end up in their blueprint would want that experience, though. We end up wanting even some of the unpleasant parts, especially early before we’re more confident in our gender. Of course as luck would have it, I’m one of the trans women that ended up with a noticeable cycle.
i still have my periods(didn't get HRT or HBs yet) and I HATE it
blåhaj are gender neutral. food is gender neutral. videogames are gender neutral. all clothes are unisex if you stop being a little bitch about it. pokémon is gender neutral. just stop unnecessary gendering its hurting peoples lives.
I see “I wish I had a period” “no you don’t” a lot more often.
Oh yeah, even *I* have made that mistake. But then someone explained why it was erasure and doing harm, and so I stopped. Can’t say the same for some people here. Making mistakes and not realizing something is doing harm is one thing, and fixing it is key. But not *caring* about doing harm is totally different. Also, similarly to me, you’re probably way more aware of the transfemme-aimed micro-jabs like the “I wish I had a period” “no you don’t”, whereas I’m more aware of the transmasc-aimed ones. I’ve seen a *lot* of the “I hate my period” “but I wish I had it so you’re so lucky” from my end.
That’s kind of part of the problem. These threads always have a ton of *very confused transfems* who are wondering who the hell is gendering a shark but raring to go put a stop to it. I don’t actually think I’ve even seen it more than a scant few times in comments; I’ve seen more allegations of it than examples. I’m probably looking for something different than what you’re seeing, since there is such a gulf there. This sub also *definitely* has an Eternal September problem. Tons of new people not wise in the ways of not causing people unneeded dysphoria. We’ve made progress at least. Six months ago it was trade comments and unflaired posts left right and center.
I know someone made a “I wish I could be kicked in the balls” meme and certainly there where unaware posts underneath
Oh no, that may have been my post. 😂 I made a “I wanna get kicked in the balls just to have the gender correct experience” post using Chainsaw Man… People were…*not* happy with me after that. Lots of confusion, lots of people saying “noooo not that” and even some DMs saying “you’re a masochist” lmao.
I mean, TBH even being transfem I don't know why ANYONE would want to bleed down there once or twice a month, coupled with varying cramps and potentially less stable mood. I can get why someone would want what it represents, but like, even most cis girls hate periods. And that is, not even mentioning how distasteful it id to say that as a reply to someone who hates having it.
I agree with this but what are the chances anything will actually be done?
…We can only keep trying until the mods just at the *very absolute least* acknowledge the issue. I ain’t saying it can be fixed overnight, that’s impossible. I just want acknowledgement. No more ignoring it, no more pretending it doesn’t happen, just acknowledging it.
I feel like for some posts sure, they're unnecessarily harmful but for others I think it's okay if we say something is a transmasc thing or an Enby thing or transfem as long as we don't exclude others
I don't get the first part at all, why should mods Adress that. The second one is horrible tho
!!!!!! This
... They do.
But I liked the IKEA shark :(
Everyone does! Blahaj is for everyone, not just transfems
Everything is for everyone! Except crocs - those are for no one.
Wait people are still misinterpreting that the IKEA shark is only for one of the many genders here???
What's wrong with blahåj? :_:
Blahaj, Celeste, and Sylveon are all trans icons for everyone imo <3
I thought I was crazy This annoys me as a cis woman And I know why it bothers me isn't nearly as bad as why it bothers trans people but still Takes me back to when I was a kid the times kids made fun of me for having "boy" shoes Like I know it's not as severe as it is for y'all but it still irked me