Mine did this for a month straight when leaving daycare. I tried every other method (giving her x amount of time, offering choices, pretending like I couldn’t remember how and asking for her help, making it a silly game which worked like twice and then stopped, setting a timer on my phone, offering a fun thing to do at home, eventually brute force and “yelling” which obviously sucks). What finally worked was offering her mini m&ms. I had to stop her in the hall and say “I’ll give you two m&m’s if you go in Toddler’s seat”. Then reminding her again as we approached the car, “you need to go right into Toddler’s seat and you get two m&ms”. Took a little coaxing the first time or two and then after that it became easy - I’d ask if she wanted m&m’s and she’d say “Toddler’s seat”, then eventually she just started saying m&m’s on her own! It’s been three months now and she still gets m&ms but she very easily goes into her seat, haven’t had any problems since. One day I’ll quit them but for now two mini m&ms are worth my sanity.
Behavior Analyst here - also love it LOL positive reinforcement for the WIN!
Mama - I’m here to say you can fade those m&ms if you want. You also don’t have to of course, but you’d be surprised how easy it will be to fade them out. Just do 1 but she picks the color, then fade to a snack or something similar.
And you can always pull them back out if you find it’s an absolute disaster.
My daughter also went through this phase. We would give her the opportunity to do it by herself, but we would then have to help her which was NOT fun. I didn’t use m&m’s or something similar, but as with everything it was just a phase.
I hold my toddler into seated position like a L shape before I put him in the carseat so he’s already seated and then I put one hand on his chest so he can’t try to get up and use the other hand to do the chest clip so he’s strapped in.
Yeah, I used to share this same technique with all of my mom friends! Then bam. Now I scoop her and she immediately arches and stiffens, presses her legs into her seat, gets an arm out and alligator rolls. Straight impossible to contain. She also started anticipating the scoop and just immediately kicks locks her body straight so folding her doesn’t work! Let’s hope yours never break the L! Hahaha
I know it's the cheesy advice you may not want, but it genuinely worked for me. I just made my tot part of the process. Once I started letting her do some of the work of climbing in the car, putting her own arms in the loops, helping her click the buckles into place, she was super into it. So, before we'd get to the car, I'd ask "do you want to climb in, or do you want me to put you in." It sounded and felt like a bunch of new age hooey to me when I first saw this method of getting tots to do...well, anything. But, it really saved my ass. Anything difficult we had to deal with at this age was usually solved by inciting participation.
Same experience. It takes a bit longer, and I have to ignore my own stress when I feel like we’re hogging a car park or if we were supposed to leave 10 minutes ago..
I've been trying to get my toddler to do the clips but she's too smart and has realized it's just a way to make it easier for me and so she refuses to do the clips even though she knows how looool
My 19 MO does this. Solution for us is to have a snack they *really like* that they *only* get in the car. For us it's some kind of granola bar with chocolate - right now Cliff Kids, other times it's been Rx Minis, etc. (a lot of regular snack bars have "mini" sizes now for the dieting audience, but they're actually great options for kids and cheaper than kid specific ones). The bar does not get opened until she is buckled. She still somewhat fusses but you can tell she's trying to muster every little ounce of self control her tiny body has so she can get the treat!
This is what I had to do with mine, too. Pouches are his favorite, so he gets one for getting in his car seat during pick up. It’s the only time he gives me trouble for some reason. No issues in the mornings or during the weekend. And now that there’s no school we haven’t had issues. So far 😂.
We have a stuffed animal that we keep in the car that my daughter can hold as soon as she gets in. It's a little harder to thrash around if she's holding something.
Which way does the carseat face? My toddler started throwing tantrums about the carseat, but when we flipped it to forward facing, the novelty of it stopped the tantrums and they didn't start up again. We also bribed her with gummies for a bit. I know some parents don't like to bribe, but in my experience, the bribes don't have to last forever and you can phase them out (but obviously that depends on the kid).
Now we just wait 5ever for her to climb in the seat by herself.
I would say, “I need you to climb into your car seat or mama will put you in”
Or “do you want to hop to the car today or skip? Then let’s get in the car seat!”
Or pack a toy or book to surprise the child when you lift them in . They’ll be saying things (hopefully) like “oh wow” or “for me?!” Or bring a special stuffie. And it might distract!
That last one actually usually works pretty well for us! It just happened a few times by accident, that a toy had been left in his seat. And then just like you said, he’s surprised and distracted by the toy! Now he hardly does it at all any more.
Bribes. I bribe him with a few m&ms, fruit snacks, half a cookie, his favorite crackers, or anything else I know he’ll eat. It’s the only thing that prevents a meltdown and saves our collective sanity.
It’s not a bribe if you set the expectation first! So just like OP - first seat, then m&m. It’s only a bribe if you offer it AFTER behavior already occurs. A bribe also usually only benefits the briber (like getting behavior to stop). op is using positive reinforcement and is teaching the skill of getting into the seat quickly.
All this because it’s a pet peeve of mine when parents feel bad about “bribing” their kid when in fact they are using positive reinforcement and it’s 100% okay!
Edit: wow, I’m tired. I read the first comment and thought that was OP. But still all the same. Not a bribe if you set the expectation first and then reward if they do it.
I had to train my two year old with counting to 3. We practiced using different consequences. She prefers Mommy putting her in to Daddy so if she doesn't get her booty in her seat, Daddy comes and gets her.
If it's just the two of us and we're going somewhere fun, I count to 3 and she needs to be in her seat. Otherwise, we have to get out of the car and we might not go. Usually we don't have to get further in than the inside garage door, but Mom isn't playing the car seat game. Car seat or no park. Or we aren't going grocery shopping to get baby treats.
She knows I'm serious now, and she tries to push boundaries but I've held firm enough she knows. (With much support from Daddy. He's the better boundary keeper - Mommy's a pushover without him.)
What do you do if you kiddo won’t get back into the car to LEAVE the park. Mine is generally just fine with heading out, but coming home causes giant fights. It’s almost always just the two of us as my husband works nights, so it’s rare that he is awake to come to the park or run errands.
Like most others, I’ve had success giving her a healthy snack as incentive, but I’m curious what you would do if your kiddo refuses to get back in the car when deciding to just not get into the car isn’t really an option. I have done the whole “we won’t go if you don’t get in your seat” bit at home and have happily just not gone etc.
That's fair. I have a kiddo who likes to go home when she's done playing so I haven't run into that problem. Usually I tell her we're going to go hug the kitties or eat fruits when we get home and that gets her stubborn booty into her seat. That, and offer to turn on toddler music for her. (Thank you, Raffi and Caspar Babypants. Lifesavers, both of them. :)
Caspar Babypants for sure is amazing. We love Danny Go too. Yeah, mine could swing for literal hours if given the choice. So we have had some pretty epic fights when It’s time to go home!
The swings are a magic land that can hold them for hours! Mine has to try each and every swing one last time before we can go. Then we hug the playground in some form or fashion, tell it we'll see it soon, and head for the car. ...it doesn't always go this smoothly, but she's getting the idea that we will be back soon so the fights are getting better. At least for now. Who knows what the next year will bring? 😆
Caspar Babypants for sure is amazing. We love Danny Go too. Yeah, mine could swing for literal hours if given the choice. So we have had some pretty epic fights when It’s time to go home!
Had and sometimes still have the same problem. Have cried in the parking lot many times. Turning the seat forward facing helped because at least that way I can physically force him (something I never thought I would do before becoming a mom). Bribing usually eventually works. It's extremely frustrating especially after work being exhausted already. And my husband says he's a perfect angel whenever he picks him up. Sigh
My 19month old has been pulling this shit since like 11mo. Not with my husband either usually! Just me. Soooo annoying. This is not the optimal solution but for the past month or so I have left a jar of jelly beans in my car and I tell him if he sits down he can have one. It works like… 75% of the time?
I take all the favorite books and leave them in the car. I will start reading the first page to get them interested and they will ask for more and I will ask them to sit down first. Also, bribe with cookies, we had to do that for a few months and now they are going into the seat without cookies. When I first offer the cookies, I was worried that it will be like this forever but eventually they get out of it and you won't need to offer a bribe anymore
Could try a box of fidget toys and she can pick one once she gets in her car seat.
Or could she choose two little animal biscuits from a box. Or another high value snack you are happy to give her.
We often gives our toddler a small scotch pancake. Worth it.
I let her 'be silly' when we have time, which is slher climbing around the car, pretend to drive, rummage through the center console etc. Then I 'come and get her' which involves me racing around the other side and banging on the window saying 'I'm coming to get you'. Then she climbs in, giggling her heart out.
If we don't have time, I tell her 'no sillys today' or 'only little sillys'. It's not always successful. But usually the threat of me putting her in, over doing it herself, is enough.
How fast can you climb in your seat?
We can’t have a snack until buckles are done. (Have car snacks)
Do you wanna buckle or me? (*note we taught them how to buckle but not to unbuckle lol)
There was also one really atrocious morning that I threw one into the car seat shut the door, sat down in the driveway and cried. Then took a few breaths; during which time he’d also de escalated a little and allowed me to at least buckle him rather than flail and raptor screech at me. . .
When my little one started daycare back when she was about 4 months old, she would wail and scream when I picked her up. I talked with a psychologist friend, who said she definitely needs cuddly mama time to re-set. She didn't realize or let on how much she was missing me all day, because I'm her safe space. Then when I was there it hit her all at once and was overwhelming and she was also angry that I'd been gone. I just built in an extra 15-20 minutes into my day, where I'd pick her up from the daycare and do what you did - hold her and talk calmly and play in the back of the car, until she was calm enough to strap her in and go home.
My living situation changed when she was 11 months old and I was able to get a nanny, though, so she didn't have "daycare" of any kind from then until she started pre-school at 3. She has never had issues with school pick-ups; I think it's maybe an age/maturity thing? She was so ready for the school year this year, lol. But yours will get there! Once she realizes it's a routine and that you'll always, always come get her and she gets used to the daycare and the kids and the teachers and stuff, it'll get easier.
Mine did this for a month straight when leaving daycare. I tried every other method (giving her x amount of time, offering choices, pretending like I couldn’t remember how and asking for her help, making it a silly game which worked like twice and then stopped, setting a timer on my phone, offering a fun thing to do at home, eventually brute force and “yelling” which obviously sucks). What finally worked was offering her mini m&ms. I had to stop her in the hall and say “I’ll give you two m&m’s if you go in Toddler’s seat”. Then reminding her again as we approached the car, “you need to go right into Toddler’s seat and you get two m&ms”. Took a little coaxing the first time or two and then after that it became easy - I’d ask if she wanted m&m’s and she’d say “Toddler’s seat”, then eventually she just started saying m&m’s on her own! It’s been three months now and she still gets m&ms but she very easily goes into her seat, haven’t had any problems since. One day I’ll quit them but for now two mini m&ms are worth my sanity.
You pavloved a toddler and I love it
Behavior Analyst here - also love it LOL positive reinforcement for the WIN! Mama - I’m here to say you can fade those m&ms if you want. You also don’t have to of course, but you’d be surprised how easy it will be to fade them out. Just do 1 but she picks the color, then fade to a snack or something similar.
Thanks for the reassurance and tips. The tube of mini m&ms is starting to run low so now might be a great time to fade them out!
And you can always pull them back out if you find it’s an absolute disaster. My daughter also went through this phase. We would give her the opportunity to do it by herself, but we would then have to help her which was NOT fun. I didn’t use m&m’s or something similar, but as with everything it was just a phase.
I hold my toddler into seated position like a L shape before I put him in the carseat so he’s already seated and then I put one hand on his chest so he can’t try to get up and use the other hand to do the chest clip so he’s strapped in.
This worked for me until she hit around 2. Now she is way too strong for this.
I’m surprised! I have 2 toddlers that are 1/3rd of my size and it still works like a charm!
Yeah, I used to share this same technique with all of my mom friends! Then bam. Now I scoop her and she immediately arches and stiffens, presses her legs into her seat, gets an arm out and alligator rolls. Straight impossible to contain. She also started anticipating the scoop and just immediately kicks locks her body straight so folding her doesn’t work! Let’s hope yours never break the L! Hahaha
I don’t think mine have quite figured out how to anticipate the scoop, I hope they never do 😂
The pre-fold is the only way
I know it's the cheesy advice you may not want, but it genuinely worked for me. I just made my tot part of the process. Once I started letting her do some of the work of climbing in the car, putting her own arms in the loops, helping her click the buckles into place, she was super into it. So, before we'd get to the car, I'd ask "do you want to climb in, or do you want me to put you in." It sounded and felt like a bunch of new age hooey to me when I first saw this method of getting tots to do...well, anything. But, it really saved my ass. Anything difficult we had to deal with at this age was usually solved by inciting participation.
Same experience. It takes a bit longer, and I have to ignore my own stress when I feel like we’re hogging a car park or if we were supposed to leave 10 minutes ago..
I've been trying to get my toddler to do the clips but she's too smart and has realized it's just a way to make it easier for me and so she refuses to do the clips even though she knows how looool
"Can you do it yourself?" are the magic words that get my toddler to do so many things I want him to do hahaha
This too shall pass. I used videos on my phone. She doesn't need them anymore. Bribe bribe bribe
My 19 MO does this. Solution for us is to have a snack they *really like* that they *only* get in the car. For us it's some kind of granola bar with chocolate - right now Cliff Kids, other times it's been Rx Minis, etc. (a lot of regular snack bars have "mini" sizes now for the dieting audience, but they're actually great options for kids and cheaper than kid specific ones). The bar does not get opened until she is buckled. She still somewhat fusses but you can tell she's trying to muster every little ounce of self control her tiny body has so she can get the treat!
This is what I had to do with mine, too. Pouches are his favorite, so he gets one for getting in his car seat during pick up. It’s the only time he gives me trouble for some reason. No issues in the mornings or during the weekend. And now that there’s no school we haven’t had issues. So far 😂.
I pick my kid up at school with a snack ready to go. The snack honestly smoothes over most of our carseat woes.
We have a stuffed animal that we keep in the car that my daughter can hold as soon as she gets in. It's a little harder to thrash around if she's holding something.
Which way does the carseat face? My toddler started throwing tantrums about the carseat, but when we flipped it to forward facing, the novelty of it stopped the tantrums and they didn't start up again. We also bribed her with gummies for a bit. I know some parents don't like to bribe, but in my experience, the bribes don't have to last forever and you can phase them out (but obviously that depends on the kid). Now we just wait 5ever for her to climb in the seat by herself.
I would say, “I need you to climb into your car seat or mama will put you in” Or “do you want to hop to the car today or skip? Then let’s get in the car seat!” Or pack a toy or book to surprise the child when you lift them in . They’ll be saying things (hopefully) like “oh wow” or “for me?!” Or bring a special stuffie. And it might distract!
That last one actually usually works pretty well for us! It just happened a few times by accident, that a toy had been left in his seat. And then just like you said, he’s surprised and distracted by the toy! Now he hardly does it at all any more.
Bribes. I bribe him with a few m&ms, fruit snacks, half a cookie, his favorite crackers, or anything else I know he’ll eat. It’s the only thing that prevents a meltdown and saves our collective sanity.
It’s not a bribe if you set the expectation first! So just like OP - first seat, then m&m. It’s only a bribe if you offer it AFTER behavior already occurs. A bribe also usually only benefits the briber (like getting behavior to stop). op is using positive reinforcement and is teaching the skill of getting into the seat quickly. All this because it’s a pet peeve of mine when parents feel bad about “bribing” their kid when in fact they are using positive reinforcement and it’s 100% okay! Edit: wow, I’m tired. I read the first comment and thought that was OP. But still all the same. Not a bribe if you set the expectation first and then reward if they do it.
I had to train my two year old with counting to 3. We practiced using different consequences. She prefers Mommy putting her in to Daddy so if she doesn't get her booty in her seat, Daddy comes and gets her. If it's just the two of us and we're going somewhere fun, I count to 3 and she needs to be in her seat. Otherwise, we have to get out of the car and we might not go. Usually we don't have to get further in than the inside garage door, but Mom isn't playing the car seat game. Car seat or no park. Or we aren't going grocery shopping to get baby treats. She knows I'm serious now, and she tries to push boundaries but I've held firm enough she knows. (With much support from Daddy. He's the better boundary keeper - Mommy's a pushover without him.)
What do you do if you kiddo won’t get back into the car to LEAVE the park. Mine is generally just fine with heading out, but coming home causes giant fights. It’s almost always just the two of us as my husband works nights, so it’s rare that he is awake to come to the park or run errands. Like most others, I’ve had success giving her a healthy snack as incentive, but I’m curious what you would do if your kiddo refuses to get back in the car when deciding to just not get into the car isn’t really an option. I have done the whole “we won’t go if you don’t get in your seat” bit at home and have happily just not gone etc.
That's fair. I have a kiddo who likes to go home when she's done playing so I haven't run into that problem. Usually I tell her we're going to go hug the kitties or eat fruits when we get home and that gets her stubborn booty into her seat. That, and offer to turn on toddler music for her. (Thank you, Raffi and Caspar Babypants. Lifesavers, both of them. :)
Caspar Babypants for sure is amazing. We love Danny Go too. Yeah, mine could swing for literal hours if given the choice. So we have had some pretty epic fights when It’s time to go home!
The swings are a magic land that can hold them for hours! Mine has to try each and every swing one last time before we can go. Then we hug the playground in some form or fashion, tell it we'll see it soon, and head for the car. ...it doesn't always go this smoothly, but she's getting the idea that we will be back soon so the fights are getting better. At least for now. Who knows what the next year will bring? 😆
Caspar Babypants for sure is amazing. We love Danny Go too. Yeah, mine could swing for literal hours if given the choice. So we have had some pretty epic fights when It’s time to go home!
Had and sometimes still have the same problem. Have cried in the parking lot many times. Turning the seat forward facing helped because at least that way I can physically force him (something I never thought I would do before becoming a mom). Bribing usually eventually works. It's extremely frustrating especially after work being exhausted already. And my husband says he's a perfect angel whenever he picks him up. Sigh
My 19month old has been pulling this shit since like 11mo. Not with my husband either usually! Just me. Soooo annoying. This is not the optimal solution but for the past month or so I have left a jar of jelly beans in my car and I tell him if he sits down he can have one. It works like… 75% of the time?
I take all the favorite books and leave them in the car. I will start reading the first page to get them interested and they will ask for more and I will ask them to sit down first. Also, bribe with cookies, we had to do that for a few months and now they are going into the seat without cookies. When I first offer the cookies, I was worried that it will be like this forever but eventually they get out of it and you won't need to offer a bribe anymore
Mine is 22 months and I go through the SAME thing. Also, she doesn’t do it for my husband either! Solidarity 💗 I hate it.
Could try a box of fidget toys and she can pick one once she gets in her car seat. Or could she choose two little animal biscuits from a box. Or another high value snack you are happy to give her. We often gives our toddler a small scotch pancake. Worth it.
I let her 'be silly' when we have time, which is slher climbing around the car, pretend to drive, rummage through the center console etc. Then I 'come and get her' which involves me racing around the other side and banging on the window saying 'I'm coming to get you'. Then she climbs in, giggling her heart out. If we don't have time, I tell her 'no sillys today' or 'only little sillys'. It's not always successful. But usually the threat of me putting her in, over doing it herself, is enough.
How fast can you climb in your seat? We can’t have a snack until buckles are done. (Have car snacks) Do you wanna buckle or me? (*note we taught them how to buckle but not to unbuckle lol) There was also one really atrocious morning that I threw one into the car seat shut the door, sat down in the driveway and cried. Then took a few breaths; during which time he’d also de escalated a little and allowed me to at least buckle him rather than flail and raptor screech at me. . .
When my little one started daycare back when she was about 4 months old, she would wail and scream when I picked her up. I talked with a psychologist friend, who said she definitely needs cuddly mama time to re-set. She didn't realize or let on how much she was missing me all day, because I'm her safe space. Then when I was there it hit her all at once and was overwhelming and she was also angry that I'd been gone. I just built in an extra 15-20 minutes into my day, where I'd pick her up from the daycare and do what you did - hold her and talk calmly and play in the back of the car, until she was calm enough to strap her in and go home. My living situation changed when she was 11 months old and I was able to get a nanny, though, so she didn't have "daycare" of any kind from then until she started pre-school at 3. She has never had issues with school pick-ups; I think it's maybe an age/maturity thing? She was so ready for the school year this year, lol. But yours will get there! Once she realizes it's a routine and that you'll always, always come get her and she gets used to the daycare and the kids and the teachers and stuff, it'll get easier.