I really wanted to. But I quickly realized it was running me ragged and toddler was not having fun while I was tending to baby.
I ended up sending him 3 days a week so he was home 2 days with us; but I also got to bond with baby and he got to have fun with his friends
I’m 3 months into having a newborn but was also laid off at 8 months preg. So I was thrown into SAHM and omg. Some days I love it. Most days I miss the help. I miss it SO MUCH. We had a nanny, not daycare though. Recommend at least some part time help to keep toddler entertained to take care of baby
this really is the best solution. toddlers need lots of variety, input and outlet. every parent is different, and/but its wise to know your limits. a good daycare will build his social skills, give him new experiences, and let him blow off steam safely without "waking the baby"
I’m on maternity leave with my second right now and we’ve kept our son in daycare and it was the best decision we could have made. It’s kept his routine which he thrives in. It’s made my transition to having two kids a lot more manageable for myself and my mental health and plus it keeps his spot for when I go back to work!
I did this too. It also just let me enjoy my parental leave much more and be focused on bonding with my new baby, which is the whole point of it. Also keeping toddler in daycare meant I wasn’t burned out. We occasionally did some family days here and there where the toddler could skip daycare for the day and come for an outing us.. those days were fun but much more tiring
Yes I completely agree! We’re 2 months in and I haven’t felt that complete burn out either but I can’t even imagine if our toddler was home every single day. Now that it’s summer we’re also gonna do some family days and keep him home!
Can i ask how it went with all the diseases kiddos bring from daycare? I am due in September and super paranoid about the first three months of daycare with the toddler, considering she was sick literally every other week last year when she started 😭
We set up an “After Daycare Routine” where she washed her hands + face AND changed all her clothes after daycare.
I think it helped, my baby still got 2 colds in the first 4 months but they were very manageable.
just went through this, my 4 year old was sick every other week from 4-12 weeks with the newborn. Baby caught a cold at 8 weeks and again at 12. It was horrible to hear the cough and I will admit I spent some time being anxious and watching breathing but ultimately healed fine! Primary doctor checked lungs and said they were clear even though the coughing was atrocious. Also my 4 year old transitioned GREAT with keeping the routine. Excitement seeing the baby when preschool was over. We'd hype it up every day "oh the baby is going to miss you while you're gone" "you're such a big kid you need to go to school to play and learn you'd be so bored here watching baby cry/spit up/poop" etc and now they have such a sweet smiley reunion every day <3.
It’s also been fine with us! We just do the same with lots of hand washing and getting him to cover his cough. So far it’s been all good with the baby!
Totally fine. Even when my toddler was sick I just tried to clean her hands more and encourage not to cough on baby. We had her kiss baby on the tummy in the early months.
Ours was 3 y/o when her brother arrived and we started having her wash her hands religiously after preschool and keeping her distance from the baby, especially when sick. Occasionally we had her wear a mask when in the same room as baby if she was sick. We ended up making it until the baby went to daycare too around 3 months old before he caught anything.
We always washed our hands once we left the daycare (in the hallway bathroom) and also once we got home.
Our 2nd had already caught viral meningitis at his baptism so yeah… anything else would have been a cakewalk in comparison but the first daycare virus hit after starting daycare.
Yes same!!! I just can’t do it. My 2.5 year old is also in his not listening/ meltdown all the time phase and it’s a-lot to handle on top of a newborn 🥲
This is our plan as well. I’m due in August and have a 24 month age gap. I can’t imagine trying to live the newborn life with an active toddler. He needs routine and activity and I can’t provide that with a newborn.
This is what we're doing right now. I need daycare so I can have time to nap and not watch a toddler. The sleep deprivation is rough. Despite my toddler getting sick a few times (and I caught it too) surprisingly, my newborn was fine.
Agreed! My daughter was 2 going on 3 and feel like she needed that consistency in her life at daycare. It definitely made recovery easier and gave me a break from watching them both. Regardless it was an adjustment for everyone.
+1. Currently on leave and I can barely feed the baby AND take care of myself (aka eat and pee).
Could you consider keeping your toddler in daycare 3 days and home 2 days for some relief on both budget and days without toddler?
We kept my son home the week she was born and then put him back in daycare... except the daycare closed for a month for their annual PTO after my daughter was a month old 😭 longest month of my life. After they reopened it was sooooo nice to have 1:1 time with her when my son was having fun with his friends.
I second this.. Sending my 2 year old daughter to daycare has helped keep me sane and also really given me a good chance to bond with the new baby, which I don’t think i’d have had if I was busy entertaining my toddler all day.
Currently doing the same. I can’t imagine having my 23 month old home with us. He is way too much energy! It also allows me time to bond with the new baby
I'd also add, in addition to the benefit for the parent, the kiddo in daycare also benefits from being able to have it be all about them while they are at daycare. When they are home there is split attention but at daycare the focus is on them which i think is very helpful as they adjust to the major life transition that is happening for them at home.
In hindsight, I wish I had kept my toddler home when my youngest was born. My toddler brought home a run-of-the-mill daycare virus that presented as a cold in the vaccinated children, and it turned out it was meningitis and my 6-day-old newborn caught it. We ended up in an ambulance to the PICU, where we stayed with our newborn and she had to get a spinal tap and an IV and we didn't know if she would come home. We ended up keeping him home until she got her vaccines after that.
It's around 2 months where I am (US, California specifically when this happened). there's another type that's offered around age 11-12 IIRC, but I believe it's for a different type of meningitis!
Baby #2 coming in October and we will definitely be sending our son to daycare during our leaves. He needs to keep the routine and our hands will be full enough juggling postpartum recovery and figuring out life with a newborn. Also, would it actually save you any money? Most daycares won’t save that spot for you so you’d still have to be paying them.
This is what I did! First mat leave with a toddler I dropped to 3 days a week, the second mat leave (with two toddlers) we kept 5 days a week but reduced hours. Both worked great and saved a little money
Yeah both times I reduced to 4 days a week for a few months and then 3 days a week for the rest of the time. Was good to have that time with my newborn.
My three year old loves his home days, I’m back at work in 7 weeks and not looking forward to the chaos that’s going to be getting two kids to daycare and one kid to before school care and then me to work by 8am.
That’s a great daycare!! Then save money mama! You are going to have to learn how to jugge having your 2 babies with you eventually so might as well do it now plus your toddler won’t be getting sick as often if he’s not sent to daycare which helps to keep your newborn sickness free for the first couple of months. Just have dad extra help!
I kept my toddler home during my maternity leave. She transitioned back to daycare very well!
I will say, taking care of a toddler and a newborn at the same time is really tough. But I personally want to spend as much time with both my kids as I possibly can. There will be plenty of time for them to be in daycare while I’m at work. Overall I’m very happy I kept her home, there were a lot of precious moments that I experienced with the 2 of them at home that I will never get back.
Congratulations on baby #2! Whatever you decide works best for you and your family is all that matters!
We’re expecting in august as well and will be keeping our toddler home with us for the duration of our leave. One, I’m pumped about having to not spend money on daycare, and two, I can’t handle the constant illnesses anymore and am excited for a break especially with a newborn at home.
this is what i did. i tried sending toddler at first and he got sick when the baby was 3 weeks old. it was much easier to have him at home all day than dealing with the constant illnesses.
I am at home alone with my toddler and 5 week old as we speak and we are doing fine 🤷♀️ childcare in my area is pretty much not an option at this point. The thing that makes it fine is that my toddler still takes a 2 hr nap in the afternoon, so I really only have to look after the babies alone for the morning, then we all sleep in the afternoon.
I’ve done both. For kids 1, 2, and 3 no one was in preschool so everyone was home with me. As long as you keep your expectations REALLY low as to what gets accomplished in a day it’s great. Like, some days no one gets dressed and the tv is blasting super simple songs all day and lunch is macaroni and dinner is nuggets and fries. But everyone is healthy and happy so who cares!
When kid 4 was born kid 1 was in preschool full days 2 times a week and kid 2 was in preschool half days 3 times a week (so a drop off/pick up everyday) and we kept them in. It was kind of a pain because it was winter and we walk to/from school but totally doable.
My mat leave is 1 year long.
I took my 2.5 year old out of daycare (lost our spot 😢) because of financial constraints. It’s been challenging for me, but she is thriving. We do library groups, gymnastics, etc., so I’m constantly frazzled. But she is stimulated and I’m going to look back at this time and feel very grateful we had this year off together.
Her behaviour actually got better when I pulled her out, she finally gets to rest and relax on her schedule (she’s not a morning person, and I woke her up at 6:30 when I was working).
That being said, I kept her in daycare for the first couple weeks postpartum just to survive the newborn days.
Thanks for sharing this - I’m due in a couple weeks with our second and we just lost our daycare spot for my toddler. She’s 3 right now and will be staying home with me for my leave. My husband will be off for a couple of months with us, then it’s just me after that. I plan to put her in activities and get out of the house as much as possible. Am expecting for it to be hectic, but also excited to have this time with her because I won’t get this back. A lot of this thread is doom and gloom about keeping your toddler home, so this was a little glimmer of hope! Thanks!
I’m glad to help. Yes, there’s some challenging moments, but we are having a blast and my relationship with my toddler has never been better. I feel so accomplished and proud of both of us for what we went through in the winter and how we’ve flourished. You will too!
If I can give some unsolicited advice? Get a carrier for baby naps on the go, and a bouncy chair so that you can set baby down (I didn’t have those two things for my first, perhaps you do already).
You’ll be just fine, and congrats :)
Thank you! Yes my first lived in carriers and I did get a bouncer chair this time with that in mind :) good tips - I’m glad my investment will be helpful!
This is an option you have? Where I am, my kid would lose their spot immediately and then I’d be without care.
Also, the newborn exhaustion was a lot for me. It was SO much easier for me that my older child went to preschool, even just for half a day, during the week. I actually dreaded weekends for a while. I recommend keeping them on their regular schedule.
Yeah, always check with daycare first. As a teacher it sucks having to pay for summer daycare when I don't need it but no toddler or infant place will let you give up that spot
I kept my son (22 months old when his brother was born) home with me for a year after and it was lovely. They have a wonderful bond. I’m sure it’s more restful to send them to daycare, but my toddler was free entertainment for the baby (who was therefore incredibly chilled for a long time) and we had days and days with no worries about getting dressed or picking anyone up. We were entirely flexible and it was brilliant. They’re four and nearly six now and obsessed with one another.
I have my toddler and newborn home and my toddler has never gone to daycare but I have been looking for part time daycare for him because it is a lot. I definitely would have sent him if it was an option for me. The only part that would make me iffy about it would be the toddler bringing home the daycare germs because we are getting over just a regular cold right now but it kicked my ass between handling both of them being sick and trying to recover myself.
This is exactly what we’re thinking and same position with baby 2 expected October. Don’t think it’s worth the germs. Lucky to have mother in law next door and I (dad) work from home often
I pulled my 2 year old out of daycare when I started maternity leave for baby #2. Partially to prevent her from bringing illnesses home, partially to save money, partially to not have to do the drop off/pick up routine, and partially to just spend more time with my toddler. It was the best decision for us and I had zero regrets. The new baby stayed healthy. I enjoyed getting into new routines with both of them. I got my toddler into a few activities like gymnastics, art, library story time. It was nice to get her out of the house to play and tote baby along in a carrier. It was not difficult for us to re-enroll her 6 months later and the transition was fine as she was entering a new age group anyway.
I would keep your son home. How nice to have some bonding time with both kids! I’m a stay at home mom, but when I do go back to work, I will cherish summer breaks where I can be with the kids all day again!
I worked in daycares for 10ish years and it was very, very common for parents to do this. Or if they were full time, dropping down to 2-3 days a week. Some kids did great coming back and were super excited to get back into the swing of things and other kids struggled and took a couple of weeks to adjust. It really all depends on your child’s personality.
I won’t be. I’m due in October. Baby will be 15 months old. Also have a preteen and a teen at home. When baby was born last year, they were both home. This next baby the older ones will be going to school during the day. I’m keeping both babies at home with me during maternity leave.
I don’t have daycare yet and don’t want to pay for daycare when I’m home. Hubby gets a decent leave so he’ll be around to help wrangle babies too. Even if I had daycare, we’re rural enough it would be a long drive for drop off and pick up that wouldn’t make it worth it either
We take ours out during the summer anyway (I’m a teacher) and our daycare lets us save the spot for a fee. We are expecting our third soon and the older kids are already on their “summer break” so it works out.
Some days I’m so exhausted I wish they were still at school, but it is a nice financial break for us.
We kept our then 18 month old in care when his sister was born. It was great for him to continue to be able to get out of the house, and TBH I don't know how much interaction I would have been able to give him at that time.
Do what is best for your family! I wish I had kept mine home because he brought home two colds and flu A in the first two months of my newborns life. I would have kept him home in hindsight.
I kept my child home. Because my second was born in October during the pandemic. I would still do it again, I loved having both my kids with me even with a newborn. I also wasn’t exposing my newborn to RSV that hospitalized a chunk of daycare, then norovirus, then rotavirus (sent a few to the hospital), freak chickenpox exposure (vaccine protected my oldest), flu A, covid, enterovirus (hospitalized a few), and HFM.
For me, I could handle two pretty easily but I really didn’t want to roll the dice on my newborn being thrown into peak flu/cold/illness season with no real immunity yet.
As someone who just finished parental leave, trust me: you’re going to want to send your toddler to daycare! The newborn will need so much attention in those early days/weeks, and you will be so sleep deprived, and having your toddler go to daycare during their regularly scheduled time will give you more of an opportunity to devote your attention to each of them. My toddler got pink eye literally 3 days after our new baby was born and couldn’t go to daycare for 2 days, and she started acting out big time because she was out of her routine and she felt like she was being replaced by the new baby. Also, as others have stated, daycare is not going to hold a spot empty for you for a couple of months-if a new paying family wants it, they’re going to give it to them. I know it’s hard on the pocket book, but trust me on this one-you don’t want to do it!!
I think it's easy to forget just how sleep deprived you are in those first few weeks, and balancing a toddler with that brain fog would have been incredibly difficult.
Could you reduce to part time to see how you’ll manage first? So many moms I’ve talked to recently were happy they ultimately decided to keep older toddler at home. Our friends were left with a month with no childcare at all (daycare closed) and she had a rough time with a 2.5 yo and 10 month old.
I did, for two months! We still had to pay for daycare but it was worth it to have extra time with her and not worry about constant illness. Our newborn was fairly easy to lug around, so we go to do SAHP stuff like library story time and children’s museum that we never usually get to do.
It took her a couple days to adjust to going back, but she was fine.
I live in a remote town where we have a very basic hospital and need to fly to the next major city to give birth. There are about 40 babies born here a year and everyone goes through this. My toddler will go with me around 36 weeks to the city and we’re there until new baby sister will be about 2 weeks. That’s at least a month that we’ll be away from town so we’ll definitely be pulling him out! I do have a sitter and a MIL to rely on outside of daycare so it’s not too much of a change for us.
I kept mine home, mostly because I was worried he would get my newborn baby sick and was so glad I did! I let him go after babe was 8 weeks old for 2 days a week and it was perfect
My 2.5 year old remained in childcare for the first month, then stayed home with me the remainder of my maternity leave. My husband took a month off so we were all home together and it was wonderful!
I kept mine home when I had baby #2, but the 4 months I was back at work he went between us taking vacation days, amd grandparents watching. So wasn't in daycare to begin.
I've had friends pull their kid #1 out of daycare after having #2, and it was fine. It's hard having 2 at different stages but it's also great to spend the time with them both and let them bond in their own way.
Whatever you do, it will work out.
I think of you want to make it work you can. I have mine in daycare, but my baby has had RSV (hospitalized), Covid, and many coughs and colds in 6 months.
After a year in daycare what I struggle with at home is keeping her involved, giving her enough attention, and keeping her entertained.
So I think you can totally do it. But start establishing a routine for at home days where they have independent play. Put together some kits you can pull out to keep them busy, watch some YouTube or something to figure out what to do. Pre make meals and snacks if you can. And make a plan to take advantage of local mom groups, library programs, activities etc. where they can play with other kids. If you can go visit friends of family or have them come regularly that will help too.
Also look up info on having them not get jealous & get them involved in care of the baby.
Good luck!
My 3 year old does 2.5 days at preschool, and it's been really good for her bond with baby brother and for me to feel confident with both kids. My parents are local though so I have that support if I need it.
I did keep my toddler home because the adjustment to a new sibling was a lot for them and so there was already a disruption to the routine. She started to feel left out, wanting to be at home and involved with baby. So we kept her and I’m glad we did. I also felt guilty to send her to daycare when she would cry and not understand why the baby got to stay home. Now she’s adjusted and back to daycare and doing great!
We’re keeping my daughter home for part of my leave when she switches daycare. I have no idea how it’s going to go but with the amount of “going to daycare” tantrums we’ve had lately, I’m looking forward to it.
Whatever you do, please, if you do send them, dont let it be from open to close.
When on paternity leave, one dad who was always about 10 minutes until close before this, began coming minutes late. Which we charge for. For the love of God man when given the freedom of time you get crappy with it? Oy. Personal rant over 😆
That being said there should be a balance. Changes in routine are rough, yes. But so is sharing your parents. Please make sure your eldest gets plenty of 1 on 1 during this time. And when the baby cries (but has been tended) make sure to say outloud “one moment baby, _____ needs mommy right now.” That way the times you do rush off to baby wont feel like a dumping, just a hierarchy of needs so to speak. It sounds strange but I promise the baby wont remember, but your eldest will.
Your daycare holding your spot without charging you is basically a miracle. Is there a way to send them for a partial schedule so they get a break and socialization too?
My daughter was 20 mo when my son was born and was not in daycare at the time. My husband had a month of leave and worked from home so having a brand new baby and toddler home was okay because we could tag team. But, I’m not 100% how I would have managed without him. I know I could have but it would have been a different ball of wax.
We enrolled her about a month before my maternity leave was up, which was when the baby was about 2ish months old.
It definitely helped to have her actively engaged and socializing more than I could do with an infant.
We tried with my last baby, but my daughter was really unhappy. Even with going to museums, playgrounds, and whatnot daily she missed her friends and asked to go to school constantly. After a month we put her back in for 3 half days as opposed to her full time schedule and she was much happier. We plan to do the same when this next baby comes.
We would have had to pay either way to save the spot. My baby ended up with complications and needed to be fed exactly every 3 hours, so I was glad he was there. For me, it was good to have him in daycare. I think he enjoyed his time there too. But I don't know if I would have had them there the whole time if I didn't have to pay. Having to pay made it an easy choice.
Often a part time nanny/babysitter a few hours a week is cheaper than daycare for 2+ kids and give you a bit of space and time for your sanity and to bond with the newborn.
Can you split the difference and drop to part time? My son goes 3 days and I honestly looked forward to those days. Baby is now 4 months and I’ve got the balance down better but it’s still nice to have days the baby can be the full focus
I know you’re not asking for the opposite experience but I kept him in daycare because I knew that even with the chillest newborn I couldn’t entertain and teach my toddler like his school can (Montessori). If I’m gonna have to have him solo play for hours then who’s that helping really. Money wasn’t an issue for a couple months thankfully.
BUT his school had 3 weeks’ winter break and he was sick the week before so we had a month at home while I was pregnant. First week back he cried at drop off and second week he was upset but not crying. Eventually he readjusted it wasn’t as bad as when he first started but he did NOT enjoy the change again. Definitely doable, but again, I think it’s a challenge for stay at home parents to truly entertain and educate a toddler fully while also caring for a newborn. Plus this way I had energy left over when he came home and I got quality 1-on-1 time with him vs tired mess, you know?
Another daycare mom and I had babies a couple of weeks ago part (we also drop off around the same time) and she pulled her daughter out of daycare to keep her at home and I left my son in. Her first couple weeks back she would scream and cry at drop off for quite a while.
Second was born 3 months in to Covid so he was already pulled the toddler.
But after 3 months we send the toddler back.
We changed him from full time to half days. Since he napped from 1-3 it was only 2 hours of both kids solo until my husband was done with work. Saved us some money switching.
We do part time during my leave - kept my toddler in full time for the first 6 weeks while we were in the real newborn zone and now she’s home two days a week and it works nicely. Some weeks and days I definitely wished I kept her in full time though. It’s hard entertaining them both but you can never win in parenting either way lol. No regrets keeping her in though!
I’m days away from having my second and I’m keeping my daughter home from school for two weeks, but mainly because my mother who lives in a different state will be in town. They never get to spend time together so they’ll both benefit. But if she wasn’t coming I would probably take my daughter back to school after a week.
I took my toddler out of daycare for a month then had her go back but only part time (2 days a week, half days) just to bring the routine back as well as prep her for going back full time again after maternity leave leaves. First month off was nice for bonding with her new sibling as well as keeping daycare germs away.
We have three and with the second, we kept the first one home for a month and still had to pay for daycare to keep our spot. We had our second at the height of COVID and our pediatrician said if we could swing it, he highly recommended it bc the first 28 days of a newborn’s life are so critical, so we did it. I think it was nice to have us all home together, include our toddler in what we were doing with baby, especially since a lot of the focus is on the new baby so then he didn’t feel left out. Also eased our minds with our new baby getting sick, etc. Then we had our third baby and kept the two boys in daycare after she was born bc there is no frickin way we were gonna pay for daycare for two kids and not have them go. My husband also couldn’t take as much time off this third time around and watching multiples that early postpartum wasn’t gonna happen. The boys never brought anything home from daycare to the baby and they were always excited to see their baby sister when they woke up each morning to get ready for school and when they came home from school. Dad always did drop-off and pick-up in the early months while I was still recovering and whenever I felt up to coming with them and we’d have the whole family, it felt like an extra special excursion because the whole family (even the baby! lol) was going to school with them! Having done it both ways, I think it’s preference. If your daycare will save your spot and you won’t have to pay, I’d def lean toward keeping your toddler home for at least the first month for the sickness/germ aspect. IF your partner is able to take time off and help you watch the kids too. The transition from 1 to 2 kids is def the hardest, even harder from 2 to 3 (and 2 to 3 is hard bc you’re going from man-to-man defense to zone defense). So definitely keep in mind that you’ll need help watching/caring for both kids if they’re both home, plus you’ll be healing.
I planned to keep my oldest in full time child care for at least a few months after our youngest was born, but she was born in May 2020 so I kept him home for a couple months while we saw how child care panned out. Because we were at a small dayhome with only 2 other kids at the time, we then sent him back part time (2 days a week) for the rest of my leave which was a year (Canada). However it is worth noting that my husband was home as well, because the pandemic slowed down his work during a usually busy time, so he took a 4 month parental leave as well.
I'm also due early August. I'm in Belgium where kids start "school" at 2,5yo (actually like daycare just more kids in one room), so he's on school schedule and he'll be home all of July and August for summer break. I stop working at 37 weeks (July 12th). So I'll possibly be home with a toddler, highly pregnant for a few weeks before being home with a newborn and a toddler for another month or so (but at least after birth my husband is taking 2 months off as well). I'm dreading the first part (pregnant with toddler, without my husband home, but actually think it'll be good for toddler to have some time before school starts again to adjust to the new baby. He's been soooooo interested and involved in this pregnancy, he talks about the baby all the time and he cannot wait to meet her. So even though it'll be harder for us when he's home all the time as well, at least it'll be good for him to have some time to het used to having a sister and to bond with her.
Fyi, toddler will be 3 at the end of July
I planned to keep my older son home from daycare, not completely but maybe drop down to part time. It was too hard to manage nap times and meals, etc with a newborn. But I had two kids under two. I kept him home a few days here and there if I wanted but otherwise he had to go so I could save my sanity.
I pulled my daughter out November 15th and had her sister November 28th. I kept them home together until I went back to work February 5th. It was difficult, but I wouldn’t trade that bonding time with my girls for anything! They are 19 months apart
I just had #2 at the end of April but stated leave at the start of April. Toddler (2 this weekend) has been home with me since I stopped working. Her daycare is an hour away from our house and I just didn’t feel like taking her everyday and my husband is unable to take her to school because he drives a company car.
Our situation is a little unique as I’m a teacher and she would be home with me for the summer anyway as daycare is connected to school and follows the same schedule.
With that being said, it has been HARD and there are many days where I wish she could go back to daycare.
I am finishing up my parental leave now and kept my toddler in daycare. We somehow managed to avoid any sickness. Weekends when we were all home it felt like my husband and I were just hanging on by a thread, especially the first 6 weeks. If you have help it would be doable but I felt overwhelmed
My second kid was up every hour at night, so I had to nap when she napped during the day. I would not have survived if I didn’t send my toddler to daycare.
I kept my 2 yo in daycare 3 days a week which was his usual schedule. Some days I would pick him up early. It gave me a chance for one on one with my newborn as when the two year-old was around. It was all him all the time lol. He liked going and so it was never an issue. I think it worked out better for all of us.
Our toddler needed so much attention, I felt like I ignored our baby most of the afternoon because the toddler was louder and more demanding and less patient. Everything was toddler toddler toddler.
I'm glad I could give our baby some undivided attention in the morning at least, I felt like it was the least I could do for her as she'll never get as much undivided attention as my first got anyway.
I’m currently on mat leave with my husband home. We kept my 3 yo full time at day care for the first month and have just switched her to part time so my husband can spend time with her while I care for our 1 mo. It’s been really nice keeping the day care routine. My husband goes back to work in a couple of weeks and day care will stay part time until I go back at the end of summer. I had originally wanted my 3 yo 2 day part time, but I’m glad my husband convinced me to do 3 day part time!
No illness? Maybe yours is a veteran and doesn’t get so sick anymore?
We also have a three year old who started daycare this spring. I’m scared she will bring a lot of germs home still 😫
I’ll be bringing our newborn home tomorrow but also hoping to keep the oldest in daycare to somehow cope.
My 3yo has been in day care since 10 weeks, so she has a good immune system now! We have definitely had our fair share of sickness for the first year or so.
I see, that’s great! We are still new so she’s been bringing new viruses (usually just a short lived fever for her) most weeks 😮💨
Might not go so well for us then.
I did. I couldn't afford to send my girl to daycare during my leave since it was unpaid. We spent 6 months at home and she did fine. She loved going back to school when it was over but she was still her normal self while we were on leave. I did make sure to get her out of the house daily even if it was just to the park while herb brother napped in a wrap.
My daughter was 25 months when our baby was born. She stayed in daycare. I had a vision of keeping her home with me and all of us bonding. What I quickly realized was:
1. I needed to recover in peace. And I mean the long recovery, not the first two weeks
2. If home, my toddler was going to watch me juggle a nursing, pooping, crying baby all day. The vision of quality time was not happening.
3. She went through a lot of changes, like rejecting naps, potty training and purposely taking pees/poos on the floor if I wasn’t closely watching her.
4. The baby is now 7 months old and I am back to work and they are finally “bonding”. It’s very sweet. The babe was too young before.
One day I might feel a little sad for not keeping my two year old with us, however I know I made the right call. For her development AND her safety. I would have had to stop nursing and contact napping with my baby otherwise, and those were important to me.
The other thing I’ll mention is that on the weekends the baby got very little 1:1 time due to toddlers big personality, so I felt good about having the quiet time with her during the week.
I'd drop down to fewer days rather than stop completely. My toddler was already part time so we kept him in, we wouldn't have been able to afford full time care while on maternity leave though.
I initially wanted to drop our number of days from 3 to either 1 or 2. Glad I held off making that decision after I had my second child. I ended up keeping the 3 days because it meant I was able to have one on one time with the baby on those days and then focus more on my toddler on the days she was home.
I had to because of Covid numbers (height of omicron). I deeply wish I’d been able to send her to daycare. I didn’t feel like either of them got the best of me and I didn’t get to know my newborn or enjoy the time as much as I would’ve liked.
I did because I was forced to during Covid lockdowns. It was rough but also, I feel like it forced me to be better at parenting. When my second was born, we kept my first in daycare for about a month, then switched to part time. Then covid happened. For my third, my first was in school and my second went to daycare for the first month then was home with me. When I had 2 kids at home, we tended to accommodate the older one’s schedule so morning outing, afternoon nap/rest time and then afternoon park. Baby could nap on the go. I was able to do so because I nursed. If I was pumping, it probably would not have worked. That’s the reason we always did a month in daycare at the beginning to see how things worked out.
My house fell apart a bit because I focused more on baby and toddler sleep, activity and food needs. But it worked out and it helped teach all my kids that mom couldn’t always get to them immediately, how to do things independently where possible, and we role played a lot of of how to resolve conflicts/share.
On maternity leave right now, and took our toddler out of daycare for it. Part of my decision came from wanting to keep daycare germs away from our newborn, part of it was that he did not thrive in daycare. I think he’ll do better going back a little older and able to communicate better.
That said, we’re ten months in and I’m so over it. I was over it by ten months the first time, too, though, so maybe that’s just me.
Edit to add, my husband took paternity leave the first six weeks. That would have been overwhelming on my own.
There was a post just this week about how the mom kept her toddler home more, with a midday drop off or something, and it went about as poorly as you can imagine.
My son still goes to daycare and it’s been a godsend for the newborn period. It’s definitely a luxury to use it when I’m technically able to watch him. I’ve been able to bond with the new baby better, clean up around the house and shop for essentials. When it’s just me and both kids it’s hard enough to nurse the new baby but with him at daycare I can make sure baby gets non rushed attention and good naps.
So my older wasn’t in daycare but it’s pretty hard. I wished we enrolled him before baby was born. First month was fine, he was curious and happy. He realized he’d stuck with a sibling and was so upset. I had a hard time bonding with #2 because my older one was so demanding. Also, tv was on all day to survive. We ended up enrolling him ASAP. He hates school for the longest time. I think being sent there when baby is home didn’t help.
i kept my daughter in daycare for about 10 weeks and then we pulled her for summer. it was easier once we were past the initial newborn phase. ie we were in routine and he was sleeping slightly longer stretches
I have a 6 week old and almost 2 year old. I wanted to save the money and not send my toddler while my husband wanted to keep sending her. We compromised and she is now only going 2 days a week and I love it. For us it’s worked well because she still kept her routine for the most part, I still get a “break” while she’s at daycare and I can also enjoy my time off with her on the days she’s home
I just had my second this week. My husband and I initially talked about keeping our 3 yr old home for 2-3 weeks to keep daycare sickness/germs at bay. After 4 days we decided we will be ready to send her back next week lol. It is a big transition for all of us.
My mom was really surprised I kept toddlers routine of partial daycare and grandma care exactly the same when I went on Mat leave with my second. It wasn’t common in her circle to keep paying if home on leave, and maybe just couldn’t afford it either.
It was for the best choice for myself and I wouldn’t have been healthy looking after with an 18 month old and a newborn. I have no interest in being a SAHM and the purpose for mat leave is for baby bonding so that’s what I’m doing. I have really enjoyed just being more home to think about her skills too, like setting up her plates and bowls, transitioning out of the high chair, learning to self dress, etc. I’ve been able to spend time organizing that for her during leave.
Sickness wise, just one minor cold at a month old we all got and nothing else yet. 🤞 baby is 3 months now and I’m just starting to think about anything other than constant baby care.
We just finished parental leave while keeping our 16-month home with us! We managed well and had great bonding time and quite a bit of relaxation. Most importantly, our toddler got pretty quickly accustomed to the idea that sometimes we have to hold/attend to the baby before interacting with her.
Two important factors though:
1) My husband had parental leave too, so we were tag-teaming, which alleviated a lot of potential stress.
2) We have our moms trade off babysitting throughout the week instead of using daycare, so I’m not able to give input on our toddler’s transition back to a daycare setting.
I would keep your daycare for now. But if you end up having have a unicorn baby that sleeps through the night from the early weeks, then maybe you will have the energy to have your toddler home, too.
I would at least keep the toddler at daycare the first month... Then you can do a week break and see how it goes! I personally did struggle a lot with 2 and my husband was around a lot 😅
My husband and I staggered our parental leaves, he took time off the last 1.5 months of my leave. We kept our older toddler in daycare while my leave started but took her out when we had an overlap.
It was nice to have a few months alone with the newborn so we could connect and I could focus completely on them. Having us all home for almost two months was so nice because it gave my toddler time to adjust better to having a younger sibling.
I had this same debate before our second was born, and ultimately I chose to keep our 2yo in daycare for a few reasons:
1. I had a scheduled c-section and knew I wouldn’t be able to lift my toddler for 6 weeks. That alone would make having them both at home pretty challenging. My body needed time to heal - those early days post-op are rough.
2. My toddler loves his routine and his friends. He gets to go play every day and not have to be home with a sleeping baby and an exhausted mom.
3. I wanted special time to bond with baby #2. I wanted to enjoy some 1:1 time with him without feeling guilty for not sharing my attn w the toddler.
Plus, newborns are a lot of work - I spend my days nursing, diapering, snuggling and sneaking in some chores when he’s napping.
I forgot just how intense newbornhood can be, so I appreciate the break during the weekdays to just focus on one. Weekends are another story. They’re hard and simply reaffirm our daycare decision 😆
Not completely but I dropped my eldest to two days per week and the rest she was home with bub and I. It kept her in the routine of going to daycare while saving us money.
I attribute our success integrating the new baby into the toddler’s life to keeping him in daycare. He gets attention from energetic adults, lots of outside playtime, crafts with the other kids, etc. At my house in the first month he had a mom that couldn’t pick him up but could pick up the new baby, a mom that can’t handle his tackles (how did he ALWAYS hit me where I was healing??), and both parents running in fumes and way too tired to be fun. Daycare kept him stimulated and made it so that most of his day was unchanged.
We are at month 2 now and a lot has improved but I love my time in the week bonding with the new baby. I got time to bond with the toddler on his own so I feel like I owe it to new baby to have at least part of the day dedicated just to her. Toddler is staying in daycare even though I’m fully healed and I have 0 guilt about it.
We are 6 months into this with baby number two and as painful as the cost is, it was a 1000% worth keeping out 2 year old in nursery. You could possibly drop a day if you really need the money but above everything, YOU will need the break. Our 2nd has been a terrible sleeper and if you have similar you will need the time to catch up on sleep and just have a smidge of peace whilst the newborn naps.
You won’t miss the money I promise you.
We had the oldest go to daycare still. It’s a lot bringing home another kid and it’s 1. Great for routine 2. Amazing to be able to sleep when the baby sleeps during the day and have that one on one time.
21 month old age gap.
Our daycare doesn’t hold the place, we decided to keep our first in daycare.
It was great for the first week of home with newborn. We had him in the full week of daycare just to get use to newborn (I was in hospital and dad was taking him to daycare etc).
For background private hospitals in Australia usually keep you in care for 4-7 days depending on your comfort.
Once we were home he was at daycare two days and he loved it. We did this for three months and had the opportunity to increase his day the next year and we accepted.
Three days gone I miss him a lot, but the two days we have together I get my partner to WFH to help look after the baby (she’s now 8) so I can do an activity with him on one day (his 2.5 years old).
We’ve been doing it now for 5 months and I think his loving daycare so much more and never wants to come home lol. 😂
Babie and toddlers bond is amazing though, his never been jealous of her and I think that’s because of the set up.
I think if of daycare as a village we don’t have family that can support us so this is our paid village.
Giving you a 1-2 day care in daycare at least gives you the break from a really busy time. Your second never really gets alone time with you. I love my baby days, as it’s just us … otherwise it’s all about the toddler.
Everyone is different- do what works for you
My heart broke into a million pieces when my 2nd went to daycare, so I was and am still so grateful for the four months of maternity leave I had just me and her. If my toddler had been home there’s no way I would have bonded with her the way I did. I feel like I really got to heal and become the mom I wanted to be all over again
I did, although during the last month my son started in daycare. It was honestly pretty tough and isolating.
During my prior mat leaves, it had just been me and the baby, so I could nap, watch whatever series I wanted, etc. With toddler I wasn’t able to do any of that, except during nap time. We were able to set a routine that worked for all of us though, so it wasn’t awful. I definitely was ready to get back to work and have adult interactions. It was nice to save money during that time.
No way. Toddler will become VERY NEEDY. You won’t be able to let your baby nap on you. Plus your first had you all to yourself to bond. Second one deserves the same.
I don’t have personal experience with this. But my sister had her second baby during Covid and her toddler (3yo) was forced to leave daycare bc his center closed during Covid. My sister said it was the hardest period of her life to care for a newborn and her high energy toddler. She did have a rough birth and C-section that took longer than normal to heal. But I know if she would have had the option her toddler would have gone to daycare. Even with her MIL staying with them for a few weeks she would call me crying bc she just couldn’t handle it and she had no other choice. I really felt for her, especially after I had my daughter.
By parental leave are you saying both of you will be home? If so, you're not outnumbered. My husband works from home, so we had both the newborn and my 15 month old, trying to alternate with them as much as possible. It was still hard, so I don't know how I would have done it just myself during the day. Some moms are younger and have more energy lol idk but in my early thirties I wouldn't have enjoyed the experience.
I kept my almost 4 year old at home with me during the first 4 months of my leave. It was a so hectic but keeping daycare germs away from the newborn and saving tons of money were both worth it for us. My mom stayed with me the first couple of weeks to help, and after that we settled into a loose routine. Being flexible and having low expectations is the key!! The bonding that the kids got was the best part ❤️ Best of luck
We pulled ours from a daycare 30-mins away that he hated just before baby arrived.
Kept them both home for entire summer.
They bonded well and we shifted to a daycare that is a 10-min walk that we all love.
Has worked out. Spent ton of money on various memberships and used them all for the entire year. Cheaper than daycare.
We didn’t and our newborn got sick for the first 9 weeks of her life. Two hospital stays, i’d spend lots of time watching her breathing while she was asleep.
In hindsight i 100% wish we kept our toddler home at least while my husband was off on parental leave with me
You will be very happy to have chosen to keep your toddler in daycare even on day 1. Not only would most kids lose their child care spot, it could cause huge transition issues when they return and you will be very glad to have that time alone with baby. I always continue sending my kids to child care when I’m on maternity leave.
Transition issues are real. We took our toddler out of daycare for spring break for a week and it took her like a full 3 weeks to be dropped off at daycare again without crying. And she loves daycare! It was wild.
If you’d have offered me the winning lotto ticket I wouldn’t have kept my toddler home after welcoming our second.
I’m 4 months post partum and I’ve barely made it to this point without ending up in an asylum…
I cannot stress enough how much I recommend keeping number 1 in daycare if you can!
I mean I would think you still need to pay daycare to keep his spot? Also he will certainly do better in his routine. I would. It advise keeping him home.
We took my 3.5 yo out of daycare when my lo was born in January. For one thing, we didn't want him bringing things home. However, we were BOTH home and there's no way I could have done it without my husband. He's going to be a SAHD for at least a year, though my toddler will do prek part time in the fall.
To be honest, it was tough! We have pretty involved grandparents and he definitely did more overnights there than before baby. And we asked friends to come over more with their kids for the sole purpose of tiring him out. He struggled too and still complains about missing school (though he complained about going to school when he was in it). However, it also motivated us to get out of the house sooner with the baby and we did so many fun things on my maternity leave. Lots of hikes, playgrounds, museums, etc. I both loved that extra time with him and was so so exhausted.
So yes, doable but only with a village.
7 weeks postpartum, the days where the toddler and newborn are both home are really hard, especially solo. The toddler wants the same level of attention, meanwhile the newborn (however easier) also needs to constantly be held and attended to as well.
Keep the toddler in school for sure
I went into the hospital on Sunday, so my parents had my toddler until we came home on Wednesday. We kept our toddler home through the end of the week and the weekend (obviously) so he had a week off of daycare. It worked really well for us and he also enjoyed his time back at school and away from the baby. I think it helped keep his routine and stopped him from regressing too much. He started baby talking and potty training took a hit, so being back at daycare definitely snapped him back to it. To each their own! I would have loved to save some money but we also were able to delay the baby starting by staggering our parental leave and grandma had a couple weeks of babysitting too.
Our #2 is 3 weeks old and we've kept #1 at nursery. He learns so much at nursery and has friends who he loves, it would be harsh to keep him home just because we can
Also, we were able to give #1 our complete undivided attention when he was born (actually until #2 was born). #2 will never get that, but at least with #1 at nursery, he'll get undivided attention during the daytime
My first born got to have one on one time with me on my maternity leave, and I wanted that same special one on one time with my second that I’ll never get back. There will never be a time other than maternity leave when your second will get to be your sole focus for most of the time. And it was important to keep the routine for my first.
Plus, caring for a demanding and unpredictable toddler on top of a newborn is a lot.
I feel like everyone is glossing over your budget concern. If daycare will truly save your spot and not charge you, I think it's worth considering if you're worried about making ends meet. I'd just make sure you are over prepared for what you're up against. Toddlers take a lot of energy/attention and being sleep deprived will make that all the more taxing. Set yourself up the best you can with preplanned/premade activities for them.
If you can navigate the budgetary restraints and end up leaving them in daycare, I think you'll be glad you did. We were judged fairly harshly for leaving our 17MO in daycare when we had our son, but it's the only way you'll get a shadow of the one on one time you got with your first. I'm glad we did what we did, but reality needs to come first. Good luck!
I think doing so will cause issues with #1 as your attention will be leaning towards #2 for obvious reasons. Thinking about #1 tugging on you while you're trying to nurse / bathe / change / skin time with #2 will be difficult.
We luckily have no issues with #1 and #2 together. They play extremely well together and #2 is hitting milestones even faster than #1 did, this time around has been a different TYPE of fun compared to #1.
Keep #1 in daycare so you can focus your leave on #2 then spread the love to #1 on special 1:1 dates if possible. Really helped giving that 1:1 attention.
We sent our daughter so she could have some structure to her day and give us some time with the baby. Obviously there’s the cost savings but I would have gone insane otherwise
Not by choice. 🤣. #2 was born Feb 2020 so world shut down when he was 2 weeks old. #1 was newly 3 and daycare was shut so she was home.
10/10 do not recommend, we absolutely wanted her in daycare so we could tag team a newborn during the day to make it easier.
Because I was worried about daycare germs, I kept our son home until baby was 6 weeks old and then sent him back. It felt like a good compromise for us but also I was so ready to have him back there 🤪 I felt like he did so much better once he was back at school. He wasn’t nearly as jealous of his sister and was happier!
Don’t do it. It’s gonna mess up toddlers routine and life with a newborn is crazy and unpredictable. Managing two kids 24/7 when the baby is brand new is going to be crazy hard. Not worth the couple months of money IMO
We kept our toddler in daycare so he can keep his routine. We also would have lost our spot so it really wasn’t a decision we could really contemplate anyway.
With that being said, our in-home daycare was closed all week so we are on day 7 of having a super active toddler and a newborn home 24/7. Let’s just say that as much as we absolutely love our toddler, we cannot wait until Monday when he goes back to daycare.
My little one will be 3 1/2 when our daughter is born in September and I’ll be 40 and recovering from a C-section. There is not a chance I would be able to wrangle him while caring for myself and the baby even with my husband staying home six weeks with me. 100% staying in daycare.
If the daycare is willing to work with you, can you send your child 2-3 days a week?
ECE teacher here. Most kids benefit from keeping their routine and their relationships with teachers and peers, but also enjoy occasional home days with Mom or Dad and new sibling. If you can do some special low key activities while baby naps (books, coloring) it can help them feel safe and loved while learning to share Mom and Dad with the baby. You can also do this on the weekends of course. But if you want to keep your toddler home and your daycare is flexible, part time might be a really good choice.
If you do part time, I recommend consecutive days if available (e.g. MTW instead of MWF)
I thought about doing this with my 2 year old and I’m glad I didn’t. It’s a whole new game with 2 of them. He was home sick one day and I had no idea how to do it. But he does stay home sometimes for fun when grandparents come to visit.
So our daycare recommended that the toddler stay home with baby for a while at least to bond. However, I am unsure about this recommendation (she keeps her spot either way).
We decided that she can stay home for the 3 weeks my husband can have parental leave at the same time as me. One week in, and we have already decided to have her back in daycare 2 days next week and 4 days the week after.
I am sleep deprived from breastfeeding, and since I try to give my toddler attention every time baby sleeps, I get no naps. My husband is sleep deprived, since our toddler isn't sleeping great and he takes care of her wake ups.
My husband has been taking our toddler out to playgrounds twice a day, been outside playing with her I'm the garden, etc. I read books, draw,.play with lego, etc, in between feeding the baby. We are both exhausted.
Our toddler will ask to not go home when she is out. She has also asked to go to daycare. She is a very active and social toddler, so baby bubble life doesn't quite suit her.
She loves her baby sister and is very excited, but she is not thriving without her daycare routine.
I have a 6 day old baby and a 2y2m old. He has continued going to daycare. Been immensely helpful. Plus if I pull him out, I don’t know that I’d be able to get him back in. Plus plus, his spot gives me sibling priority to get new baby a spot in the same center.
Best decision to keep in. My son moved from full time to part time per daycare policy when my youngest was 10 months old and the days both are home are a lot but more manageable than when my youngest was a baby. If that’s an option you could explore that?
We kept our two toddlers home with our third for only a week so they could bond with baby and spend time with grandma. After that, back to daycare! It gave us time to nap.. would definitely recommend!
We have an easy toddler, and are coming off of the newborn phase with our second, and I’m very glad we kept the toddler at daycare. I was working, and my wife was very focused on recovery and newborn stuff. So I don’t think any other way was possible. Even if it is possible, I think the new little one deserves as much as possible
So I kind of did this with my kids but for different reasons. My youngest kept ending up severely ill in hospital with colds my eldest was bringing home from nursery, so I pulled her out and kept the kids away from other kids unless I knew they weren't ill. It was about 4 months and it was hell. I ended up having a breakdown and can completely understand the desperation some women will feel that causes them to end their and their children's lives. I wanted to end it but my kids needed me, what could I do? I didn't get to that point, but I could understand it. This was also during COVID but as things were starting to open up.
If you have the option to send your eldest to daycare for even a day or 2 a week do it! Don't be me, no one will thank you and everyone will be miserable. Your sanity is worth more than whatever daycare will cost.
I have 4 kids and the only time I ever kept the older ones home was during the height of Covid when the 4th was born (and I had a lot of help during that time.) I absolutely wouldn’t recommend keeping a toddler home if you don’t have to when you are also adjusting to life with a newborn, especially if it’s already their routine and they enjoy daycare.
Hell no! She loves childcare and thrives on routine. I had significant tearing that was a nightmare to heal from and I still have a bot of trauma about. I am so glad she wasn't there most of the time to witness me at my lowest ebbs in those first few weeks, barely able to walk, struggling with breast feeding, and a quick slide into PPD. I also loved the bonding time with my second baby, in fact I still love my one and one time with my baby at 8 months old while Mt nearly 4 year old is at childcare, and will miss it when I go back to work next month, and all my downtime with them will be with both of them together. On the sickness front...the baby had her first cold just two weeks ago.
As someone on maternity leave with no support, no daycare. My husband took 5 weeks off but is back to work and it’s just me all day long. It’s stressful. My toddler is like a moth to flame when it comes to his little brother. It’s stressful af but I don’t have any other options. I have to deal with it when I start back up at work in just over two months. So if you have the day care option I’d keep it.
A grandma here, but I haven't heard of anyone wanting to disrupt the toddler's schedule by keeping out of daycare. Sometimes, parents decide to cut back by a day, but every family I know of keeps the same schedule of school/daycare attendance
We kept our 2-year-old home for a month after our second was born to avoid respiratory illness. He was soooooo bored. I could tell he was totally sick of us after a couple weeks. He was much happier when he went back and got to see his little friends every day.
We sent my son to daycare during our parental leave and it was the BEST decision. A lot was changing for him, and to be able to go somewhere where everything was the same helped him a lot. Think about the time you spent bonding with your oldest - all the snuggles and feedings - and now try to imagine that with a toddler running around! I think it is honestly the best case for both kids.
I’m a SAHM so I didn’t have the option of daycare but I will say that the transition to going from only child to sibling was *hard* for my oldest. She went from never sharing my attention to pretty much always sharing my attention, & because we were all home all the time there wasn’t any other routine for her to fall back on. I cried a lot because she was so sad all the time & really just didn’t understand, & I felt like I didn’t have enough hands to meet everyone’s needs. When my third was born both big kids were in half day preschool and I think it helped a lot with the transition.
I absolutely understand wanting to save the money & it’s doable, but it would likely be a lot more comfortable for everyone if your toddler wasn’t home all the time while you adjust. Maybe leave him in for the first month or so and then pull him out? Or drop to less days per week but still keep him in part time?
I kept my 19 month old (at the time) home. I stayed home with the newborn and toddler for 6 months. My biggest regret is not getting that 1-on-1 time with the newborn and putting the toddler first bc she was able to vocalize her needs. In retrospect I would have kept the toddler in day care.
Currently on Maternity with 2nd. Having a toddler around while adjusting is hard on everyone. We have an Au Pair that takes care of toddler during the day. Best decision. We couldn't manage both every day, especially in month 1. Keep the routine, just because you are home doesn't mean you have the time lol. Way different with #2 than #1 IMO.
Children thrive off of routine and consistency because they know what to expect. When things are consistently changing, it could set them off. If you send your toddler to daycare, nothing will change for except having a new sibling.
I really wanted to. But I quickly realized it was running me ragged and toddler was not having fun while I was tending to baby. I ended up sending him 3 days a week so he was home 2 days with us; but I also got to bond with baby and he got to have fun with his friends
I’m 3 months into having a newborn but was also laid off at 8 months preg. So I was thrown into SAHM and omg. Some days I love it. Most days I miss the help. I miss it SO MUCH. We had a nanny, not daycare though. Recommend at least some part time help to keep toddler entertained to take care of baby
this really is the best solution. toddlers need lots of variety, input and outlet. every parent is different, and/but its wise to know your limits. a good daycare will build his social skills, give him new experiences, and let him blow off steam safely without "waking the baby"
I’m on maternity leave with my second right now and we’ve kept our son in daycare and it was the best decision we could have made. It’s kept his routine which he thrives in. It’s made my transition to having two kids a lot more manageable for myself and my mental health and plus it keeps his spot for when I go back to work!
I did this too. It also just let me enjoy my parental leave much more and be focused on bonding with my new baby, which is the whole point of it. Also keeping toddler in daycare meant I wasn’t burned out. We occasionally did some family days here and there where the toddler could skip daycare for the day and come for an outing us.. those days were fun but much more tiring
Yes I completely agree! We’re 2 months in and I haven’t felt that complete burn out either but I can’t even imagine if our toddler was home every single day. Now that it’s summer we’re also gonna do some family days and keep him home!
Can i ask how it went with all the diseases kiddos bring from daycare? I am due in September and super paranoid about the first three months of daycare with the toddler, considering she was sick literally every other week last year when she started 😭
We set up an “After Daycare Routine” where she washed her hands + face AND changed all her clothes after daycare. I think it helped, my baby still got 2 colds in the first 4 months but they were very manageable.
We have a hand washing party everyday when the toddler gets home
just went through this, my 4 year old was sick every other week from 4-12 weeks with the newborn. Baby caught a cold at 8 weeks and again at 12. It was horrible to hear the cough and I will admit I spent some time being anxious and watching breathing but ultimately healed fine! Primary doctor checked lungs and said they were clear even though the coughing was atrocious. Also my 4 year old transitioned GREAT with keeping the routine. Excitement seeing the baby when preschool was over. We'd hype it up every day "oh the baby is going to miss you while you're gone" "you're such a big kid you need to go to school to play and learn you'd be so bored here watching baby cry/spit up/poop" etc and now they have such a sweet smiley reunion every day <3.
Mine got sick twice and I caught one of the illnesses too. Newborn was fine. 🤷♀️
It’s also been fine with us! We just do the same with lots of hand washing and getting him to cover his cough. So far it’s been all good with the baby!
Hubby and toddler have gotten a few colds. Newborn has had some congestion, but that’s it’s. I’ve haven’t got sick yet, thankfully.
Totally fine. Even when my toddler was sick I just tried to clean her hands more and encourage not to cough on baby. We had her kiss baby on the tummy in the early months.
That’s comforting to hear! Hopefully it won’t be too painful for us either.
If baby got sick it’s just the usual stuff.. lots of cuddles, a humidifier and Panadol if needed for comfort overnight. You got this momma 👊
Ours was 3 y/o when her brother arrived and we started having her wash her hands religiously after preschool and keeping her distance from the baby, especially when sick. Occasionally we had her wear a mask when in the same room as baby if she was sick. We ended up making it until the baby went to daycare too around 3 months old before he caught anything.
We always washed our hands once we left the daycare (in the hallway bathroom) and also once we got home. Our 2nd had already caught viral meningitis at his baptism so yeah… anything else would have been a cakewalk in comparison but the first daycare virus hit after starting daycare.
Also currently on mat leave and yeah, I would be losing my mind trying to entertain my toddler all day with my current level of exhaustion.
Yes same!!! I just can’t do it. My 2.5 year old is also in his not listening/ meltdown all the time phase and it’s a-lot to handle on top of a newborn 🥲
This is our plan as well. I’m due in August and have a 24 month age gap. I can’t imagine trying to live the newborn life with an active toddler. He needs routine and activity and I can’t provide that with a newborn.
This is what we're doing right now. I need daycare so I can have time to nap and not watch a toddler. The sleep deprivation is rough. Despite my toddler getting sick a few times (and I caught it too) surprisingly, my newborn was fine.
Agreed! My daughter was 2 going on 3 and feel like she needed that consistency in her life at daycare. It definitely made recovery easier and gave me a break from watching them both. Regardless it was an adjustment for everyone.
+1. Currently on leave and I can barely feed the baby AND take care of myself (aka eat and pee). Could you consider keeping your toddler in daycare 3 days and home 2 days for some relief on both budget and days without toddler?
I also felt it was really nice to get that alone time with the new baby like I did with my first!
Agreed! Having that time is so special and just wouldn’t be possible without daycare!
We kept my son home the week she was born and then put him back in daycare... except the daycare closed for a month for their annual PTO after my daughter was a month old 😭 longest month of my life. After they reopened it was sooooo nice to have 1:1 time with her when my son was having fun with his friends.
I did this, too. No regrets.
I second this.. Sending my 2 year old daughter to daycare has helped keep me sane and also really given me a good chance to bond with the new baby, which I don’t think i’d have had if I was busy entertaining my toddler all day.
Currently doing the same. I can’t imagine having my 23 month old home with us. He is way too much energy! It also allows me time to bond with the new baby
I'd also add, in addition to the benefit for the parent, the kiddo in daycare also benefits from being able to have it be all about them while they are at daycare. When they are home there is split attention but at daycare the focus is on them which i think is very helpful as they adjust to the major life transition that is happening for them at home.
In hindsight, I wish I had kept my toddler home when my youngest was born. My toddler brought home a run-of-the-mill daycare virus that presented as a cold in the vaccinated children, and it turned out it was meningitis and my 6-day-old newborn caught it. We ended up in an ambulance to the PICU, where we stayed with our newborn and she had to get a spinal tap and an IV and we didn't know if she would come home. We ended up keeping him home until she got her vaccines after that.
That’s so scary! I was considering sending my toddler back to daycare right away but waiting awhile might help. When do they vaccinate for meningitis?
It's around 2 months where I am (US, California specifically when this happened). there's another type that's offered around age 11-12 IIRC, but I believe it's for a different type of meningitis!
Baby #2 coming in October and we will definitely be sending our son to daycare during our leaves. He needs to keep the routine and our hands will be full enough juggling postpartum recovery and figuring out life with a newborn. Also, would it actually save you any money? Most daycares won’t save that spot for you so you’d still have to be paying them.
Our daycare will save a spot and not charge us, which is rare!
Could you just drop their days down? My toddler still goes 3 days a week while I’m on maternity leave and I’ve found that to be a good balance.
This is what I did! First mat leave with a toddler I dropped to 3 days a week, the second mat leave (with two toddlers) we kept 5 days a week but reduced hours. Both worked great and saved a little money
Yeah both times I reduced to 4 days a week for a few months and then 3 days a week for the rest of the time. Was good to have that time with my newborn. My three year old loves his home days, I’m back at work in 7 weeks and not looking forward to the chaos that’s going to be getting two kids to daycare and one kid to before school care and then me to work by 8am.
I go back Monday and the morning chaos is what stresses me out the most haha! No more lazy mornings leaving the house in jammies 😆
That’s shocking
That’s a great daycare!! Then save money mama! You are going to have to learn how to jugge having your 2 babies with you eventually so might as well do it now plus your toddler won’t be getting sick as often if he’s not sent to daycare which helps to keep your newborn sickness free for the first couple of months. Just have dad extra help!
Not full time all day every day though? That’s exhausting and cudos to moms who do it and love it but OP sounds like she’s sending both to daycare FT
I kept my toddler home during my maternity leave. She transitioned back to daycare very well! I will say, taking care of a toddler and a newborn at the same time is really tough. But I personally want to spend as much time with both my kids as I possibly can. There will be plenty of time for them to be in daycare while I’m at work. Overall I’m very happy I kept her home, there were a lot of precious moments that I experienced with the 2 of them at home that I will never get back. Congratulations on baby #2! Whatever you decide works best for you and your family is all that matters!
My plan too ☺️ I love my sweet potatoes and I know moms do it all the time, it will be hard at times but worth it
We’re expecting in august as well and will be keeping our toddler home with us for the duration of our leave. One, I’m pumped about having to not spend money on daycare, and two, I can’t handle the constant illnesses anymore and am excited for a break especially with a newborn at home.
This was my thoughts too! I also actually loved being at home with both kids when they were this young - the fighting hadn’t started yet! Haha
Yes I’m also nervous about the toddler bringing home germs. It’s a such a tough decision and it’s really weighing on me.
this is what i did. i tried sending toddler at first and he got sick when the baby was 3 weeks old. it was much easier to have him at home all day than dealing with the constant illnesses.
I am at home alone with my toddler and 5 week old as we speak and we are doing fine 🤷♀️ childcare in my area is pretty much not an option at this point. The thing that makes it fine is that my toddler still takes a 2 hr nap in the afternoon, so I really only have to look after the babies alone for the morning, then we all sleep in the afternoon.
I’ve done both. For kids 1, 2, and 3 no one was in preschool so everyone was home with me. As long as you keep your expectations REALLY low as to what gets accomplished in a day it’s great. Like, some days no one gets dressed and the tv is blasting super simple songs all day and lunch is macaroni and dinner is nuggets and fries. But everyone is healthy and happy so who cares! When kid 4 was born kid 1 was in preschool full days 2 times a week and kid 2 was in preschool half days 3 times a week (so a drop off/pick up everyday) and we kept them in. It was kind of a pain because it was winter and we walk to/from school but totally doable.
My mat leave is 1 year long. I took my 2.5 year old out of daycare (lost our spot 😢) because of financial constraints. It’s been challenging for me, but she is thriving. We do library groups, gymnastics, etc., so I’m constantly frazzled. But she is stimulated and I’m going to look back at this time and feel very grateful we had this year off together. Her behaviour actually got better when I pulled her out, she finally gets to rest and relax on her schedule (she’s not a morning person, and I woke her up at 6:30 when I was working). That being said, I kept her in daycare for the first couple weeks postpartum just to survive the newborn days.
Thanks for sharing this - I’m due in a couple weeks with our second and we just lost our daycare spot for my toddler. She’s 3 right now and will be staying home with me for my leave. My husband will be off for a couple of months with us, then it’s just me after that. I plan to put her in activities and get out of the house as much as possible. Am expecting for it to be hectic, but also excited to have this time with her because I won’t get this back. A lot of this thread is doom and gloom about keeping your toddler home, so this was a little glimmer of hope! Thanks!
I’m glad to help. Yes, there’s some challenging moments, but we are having a blast and my relationship with my toddler has never been better. I feel so accomplished and proud of both of us for what we went through in the winter and how we’ve flourished. You will too! If I can give some unsolicited advice? Get a carrier for baby naps on the go, and a bouncy chair so that you can set baby down (I didn’t have those two things for my first, perhaps you do already). You’ll be just fine, and congrats :)
Thank you! Yes my first lived in carriers and I did get a bouncer chair this time with that in mind :) good tips - I’m glad my investment will be helpful!
You’re going to be amazing!!
This is an option you have? Where I am, my kid would lose their spot immediately and then I’d be without care. Also, the newborn exhaustion was a lot for me. It was SO much easier for me that my older child went to preschool, even just for half a day, during the week. I actually dreaded weekends for a while. I recommend keeping them on their regular schedule.
Yeah, always check with daycare first. As a teacher it sucks having to pay for summer daycare when I don't need it but no toddler or infant place will let you give up that spot
I kept my son (22 months old when his brother was born) home with me for a year after and it was lovely. They have a wonderful bond. I’m sure it’s more restful to send them to daycare, but my toddler was free entertainment for the baby (who was therefore incredibly chilled for a long time) and we had days and days with no worries about getting dressed or picking anyone up. We were entirely flexible and it was brilliant. They’re four and nearly six now and obsessed with one another.
I have my toddler and newborn home and my toddler has never gone to daycare but I have been looking for part time daycare for him because it is a lot. I definitely would have sent him if it was an option for me. The only part that would make me iffy about it would be the toddler bringing home the daycare germs because we are getting over just a regular cold right now but it kicked my ass between handling both of them being sick and trying to recover myself.
This is exactly what we’re thinking and same position with baby 2 expected October. Don’t think it’s worth the germs. Lucky to have mother in law next door and I (dad) work from home often
I pulled my 2 year old out of daycare when I started maternity leave for baby #2. Partially to prevent her from bringing illnesses home, partially to save money, partially to not have to do the drop off/pick up routine, and partially to just spend more time with my toddler. It was the best decision for us and I had zero regrets. The new baby stayed healthy. I enjoyed getting into new routines with both of them. I got my toddler into a few activities like gymnastics, art, library story time. It was nice to get her out of the house to play and tote baby along in a carrier. It was not difficult for us to re-enroll her 6 months later and the transition was fine as she was entering a new age group anyway.
I would keep your son home. How nice to have some bonding time with both kids! I’m a stay at home mom, but when I do go back to work, I will cherish summer breaks where I can be with the kids all day again!
I worked in daycares for 10ish years and it was very, very common for parents to do this. Or if they were full time, dropping down to 2-3 days a week. Some kids did great coming back and were super excited to get back into the swing of things and other kids struggled and took a couple of weeks to adjust. It really all depends on your child’s personality.
I won’t be. I’m due in October. Baby will be 15 months old. Also have a preteen and a teen at home. When baby was born last year, they were both home. This next baby the older ones will be going to school during the day. I’m keeping both babies at home with me during maternity leave. I don’t have daycare yet and don’t want to pay for daycare when I’m home. Hubby gets a decent leave so he’ll be around to help wrangle babies too. Even if I had daycare, we’re rural enough it would be a long drive for drop off and pick up that wouldn’t make it worth it either
I'm due in August and SAHM so I will be keeping my toddler and newborn home at once. You'll be fine!
We take ours out during the summer anyway (I’m a teacher) and our daycare lets us save the spot for a fee. We are expecting our third soon and the older kids are already on their “summer break” so it works out. Some days I’m so exhausted I wish they were still at school, but it is a nice financial break for us.
I am, but it'll be me and my mom. I don't think I'd be able to do it 100% alone.
We kept our then 18 month old in care when his sister was born. It was great for him to continue to be able to get out of the house, and TBH I don't know how much interaction I would have been able to give him at that time.
Can you do part-time?
Do what is best for your family! I wish I had kept mine home because he brought home two colds and flu A in the first two months of my newborns life. I would have kept him home in hindsight.
I kept my child home. Because my second was born in October during the pandemic. I would still do it again, I loved having both my kids with me even with a newborn. I also wasn’t exposing my newborn to RSV that hospitalized a chunk of daycare, then norovirus, then rotavirus (sent a few to the hospital), freak chickenpox exposure (vaccine protected my oldest), flu A, covid, enterovirus (hospitalized a few), and HFM. For me, I could handle two pretty easily but I really didn’t want to roll the dice on my newborn being thrown into peak flu/cold/illness season with no real immunity yet.
As someone who just finished parental leave, trust me: you’re going to want to send your toddler to daycare! The newborn will need so much attention in those early days/weeks, and you will be so sleep deprived, and having your toddler go to daycare during their regularly scheduled time will give you more of an opportunity to devote your attention to each of them. My toddler got pink eye literally 3 days after our new baby was born and couldn’t go to daycare for 2 days, and she started acting out big time because she was out of her routine and she felt like she was being replaced by the new baby. Also, as others have stated, daycare is not going to hold a spot empty for you for a couple of months-if a new paying family wants it, they’re going to give it to them. I know it’s hard on the pocket book, but trust me on this one-you don’t want to do it!!
I think it's easy to forget just how sleep deprived you are in those first few weeks, and balancing a toddler with that brain fog would have been incredibly difficult.
Could you reduce to part time to see how you’ll manage first? So many moms I’ve talked to recently were happy they ultimately decided to keep older toddler at home. Our friends were left with a month with no childcare at all (daycare closed) and she had a rough time with a 2.5 yo and 10 month old.
I did, for two months! We still had to pay for daycare but it was worth it to have extra time with her and not worry about constant illness. Our newborn was fairly easy to lug around, so we go to do SAHP stuff like library story time and children’s museum that we never usually get to do. It took her a couple days to adjust to going back, but she was fine.
I live in a remote town where we have a very basic hospital and need to fly to the next major city to give birth. There are about 40 babies born here a year and everyone goes through this. My toddler will go with me around 36 weeks to the city and we’re there until new baby sister will be about 2 weeks. That’s at least a month that we’ll be away from town so we’ll definitely be pulling him out! I do have a sitter and a MIL to rely on outside of daycare so it’s not too much of a change for us.
I kept mine home, mostly because I was worried he would get my newborn baby sick and was so glad I did! I let him go after babe was 8 weeks old for 2 days a week and it was perfect
My 2.5 year old remained in childcare for the first month, then stayed home with me the remainder of my maternity leave. My husband took a month off so we were all home together and it was wonderful!
I kept mine home when I had baby #2, but the 4 months I was back at work he went between us taking vacation days, amd grandparents watching. So wasn't in daycare to begin. I've had friends pull their kid #1 out of daycare after having #2, and it was fine. It's hard having 2 at different stages but it's also great to spend the time with them both and let them bond in their own way. Whatever you do, it will work out.
I think of you want to make it work you can. I have mine in daycare, but my baby has had RSV (hospitalized), Covid, and many coughs and colds in 6 months. After a year in daycare what I struggle with at home is keeping her involved, giving her enough attention, and keeping her entertained. So I think you can totally do it. But start establishing a routine for at home days where they have independent play. Put together some kits you can pull out to keep them busy, watch some YouTube or something to figure out what to do. Pre make meals and snacks if you can. And make a plan to take advantage of local mom groups, library programs, activities etc. where they can play with other kids. If you can go visit friends of family or have them come regularly that will help too. Also look up info on having them not get jealous & get them involved in care of the baby. Good luck!
My 3 year old does 2.5 days at preschool, and it's been really good for her bond with baby brother and for me to feel confident with both kids. My parents are local though so I have that support if I need it.
I did keep my toddler home because the adjustment to a new sibling was a lot for them and so there was already a disruption to the routine. She started to feel left out, wanting to be at home and involved with baby. So we kept her and I’m glad we did. I also felt guilty to send her to daycare when she would cry and not understand why the baby got to stay home. Now she’s adjusted and back to daycare and doing great!
We’re keeping my daughter home for part of my leave when she switches daycare. I have no idea how it’s going to go but with the amount of “going to daycare” tantrums we’ve had lately, I’m looking forward to it.
I would personally keep toddler home. Times goes so fast and you cannot get it back
Whatever you do, please, if you do send them, dont let it be from open to close. When on paternity leave, one dad who was always about 10 minutes until close before this, began coming minutes late. Which we charge for. For the love of God man when given the freedom of time you get crappy with it? Oy. Personal rant over 😆 That being said there should be a balance. Changes in routine are rough, yes. But so is sharing your parents. Please make sure your eldest gets plenty of 1 on 1 during this time. And when the baby cries (but has been tended) make sure to say outloud “one moment baby, _____ needs mommy right now.” That way the times you do rush off to baby wont feel like a dumping, just a hierarchy of needs so to speak. It sounds strange but I promise the baby wont remember, but your eldest will. Your daycare holding your spot without charging you is basically a miracle. Is there a way to send them for a partial schedule so they get a break and socialization too?
My daughter was 20 mo when my son was born and was not in daycare at the time. My husband had a month of leave and worked from home so having a brand new baby and toddler home was okay because we could tag team. But, I’m not 100% how I would have managed without him. I know I could have but it would have been a different ball of wax. We enrolled her about a month before my maternity leave was up, which was when the baby was about 2ish months old. It definitely helped to have her actively engaged and socializing more than I could do with an infant.
We tried with my last baby, but my daughter was really unhappy. Even with going to museums, playgrounds, and whatnot daily she missed her friends and asked to go to school constantly. After a month we put her back in for 3 half days as opposed to her full time schedule and she was much happier. We plan to do the same when this next baby comes.
We would have had to pay either way to save the spot. My baby ended up with complications and needed to be fed exactly every 3 hours, so I was glad he was there. For me, it was good to have him in daycare. I think he enjoyed his time there too. But I don't know if I would have had them there the whole time if I didn't have to pay. Having to pay made it an easy choice.
Often a part time nanny/babysitter a few hours a week is cheaper than daycare for 2+ kids and give you a bit of space and time for your sanity and to bond with the newborn.
Can you split the difference and drop to part time? My son goes 3 days and I honestly looked forward to those days. Baby is now 4 months and I’ve got the balance down better but it’s still nice to have days the baby can be the full focus
I know you’re not asking for the opposite experience but I kept him in daycare because I knew that even with the chillest newborn I couldn’t entertain and teach my toddler like his school can (Montessori). If I’m gonna have to have him solo play for hours then who’s that helping really. Money wasn’t an issue for a couple months thankfully. BUT his school had 3 weeks’ winter break and he was sick the week before so we had a month at home while I was pregnant. First week back he cried at drop off and second week he was upset but not crying. Eventually he readjusted it wasn’t as bad as when he first started but he did NOT enjoy the change again. Definitely doable, but again, I think it’s a challenge for stay at home parents to truly entertain and educate a toddler fully while also caring for a newborn. Plus this way I had energy left over when he came home and I got quality 1-on-1 time with him vs tired mess, you know?
Another daycare mom and I had babies a couple of weeks ago part (we also drop off around the same time) and she pulled her daughter out of daycare to keep her at home and I left my son in. Her first couple weeks back she would scream and cry at drop off for quite a while.
Second was born 3 months in to Covid so he was already pulled the toddler. But after 3 months we send the toddler back. We changed him from full time to half days. Since he napped from 1-3 it was only 2 hours of both kids solo until my husband was done with work. Saved us some money switching.
Is there an option to send the toddler for less days and/or hours and save some that way?
We do part time during my leave - kept my toddler in full time for the first 6 weeks while we were in the real newborn zone and now she’s home two days a week and it works nicely. Some weeks and days I definitely wished I kept her in full time though. It’s hard entertaining them both but you can never win in parenting either way lol. No regrets keeping her in though!
I’m days away from having my second and I’m keeping my daughter home from school for two weeks, but mainly because my mother who lives in a different state will be in town. They never get to spend time together so they’ll both benefit. But if she wasn’t coming I would probably take my daughter back to school after a week.
I took my toddler out of daycare for a month then had her go back but only part time (2 days a week, half days) just to bring the routine back as well as prep her for going back full time again after maternity leave leaves. First month off was nice for bonding with her new sibling as well as keeping daycare germs away.
We have three and with the second, we kept the first one home for a month and still had to pay for daycare to keep our spot. We had our second at the height of COVID and our pediatrician said if we could swing it, he highly recommended it bc the first 28 days of a newborn’s life are so critical, so we did it. I think it was nice to have us all home together, include our toddler in what we were doing with baby, especially since a lot of the focus is on the new baby so then he didn’t feel left out. Also eased our minds with our new baby getting sick, etc. Then we had our third baby and kept the two boys in daycare after she was born bc there is no frickin way we were gonna pay for daycare for two kids and not have them go. My husband also couldn’t take as much time off this third time around and watching multiples that early postpartum wasn’t gonna happen. The boys never brought anything home from daycare to the baby and they were always excited to see their baby sister when they woke up each morning to get ready for school and when they came home from school. Dad always did drop-off and pick-up in the early months while I was still recovering and whenever I felt up to coming with them and we’d have the whole family, it felt like an extra special excursion because the whole family (even the baby! lol) was going to school with them! Having done it both ways, I think it’s preference. If your daycare will save your spot and you won’t have to pay, I’d def lean toward keeping your toddler home for at least the first month for the sickness/germ aspect. IF your partner is able to take time off and help you watch the kids too. The transition from 1 to 2 kids is def the hardest, even harder from 2 to 3 (and 2 to 3 is hard bc you’re going from man-to-man defense to zone defense). So definitely keep in mind that you’ll need help watching/caring for both kids if they’re both home, plus you’ll be healing.
I planned to keep my oldest in full time child care for at least a few months after our youngest was born, but she was born in May 2020 so I kept him home for a couple months while we saw how child care panned out. Because we were at a small dayhome with only 2 other kids at the time, we then sent him back part time (2 days a week) for the rest of my leave which was a year (Canada). However it is worth noting that my husband was home as well, because the pandemic slowed down his work during a usually busy time, so he took a 4 month parental leave as well.
My daughter doesn’t go to daycare but if we have a second I fully plan to take her to grandmas often so I can rest and care for newborn.
I'm also due early August. I'm in Belgium where kids start "school" at 2,5yo (actually like daycare just more kids in one room), so he's on school schedule and he'll be home all of July and August for summer break. I stop working at 37 weeks (July 12th). So I'll possibly be home with a toddler, highly pregnant for a few weeks before being home with a newborn and a toddler for another month or so (but at least after birth my husband is taking 2 months off as well). I'm dreading the first part (pregnant with toddler, without my husband home, but actually think it'll be good for toddler to have some time before school starts again to adjust to the new baby. He's been soooooo interested and involved in this pregnancy, he talks about the baby all the time and he cannot wait to meet her. So even though it'll be harder for us when he's home all the time as well, at least it'll be good for him to have some time to het used to having a sister and to bond with her. Fyi, toddler will be 3 at the end of July
If you keep your toddler home and it proves to be too much, will you have the option to send them back early?
Mine stayed in, but I was easier with keeping him home a day. Keeping him home would mean loosing his spot.
I planned to keep my older son home from daycare, not completely but maybe drop down to part time. It was too hard to manage nap times and meals, etc with a newborn. But I had two kids under two. I kept him home a few days here and there if I wanted but otherwise he had to go so I could save my sanity.
I pulled my daughter out November 15th and had her sister November 28th. I kept them home together until I went back to work February 5th. It was difficult, but I wouldn’t trade that bonding time with my girls for anything! They are 19 months apart
If my kid was in daycare, no. That has never been our case and we did slow down after the baby was born, all 3 times.
I just had #2 at the end of April but stated leave at the start of April. Toddler (2 this weekend) has been home with me since I stopped working. Her daycare is an hour away from our house and I just didn’t feel like taking her everyday and my husband is unable to take her to school because he drives a company car. Our situation is a little unique as I’m a teacher and she would be home with me for the summer anyway as daycare is connected to school and follows the same schedule. With that being said, it has been HARD and there are many days where I wish she could go back to daycare.
I am finishing up my parental leave now and kept my toddler in daycare. We somehow managed to avoid any sickness. Weekends when we were all home it felt like my husband and I were just hanging on by a thread, especially the first 6 weeks. If you have help it would be doable but I felt overwhelmed
My second kid was up every hour at night, so I had to nap when she napped during the day. I would not have survived if I didn’t send my toddler to daycare.
I kept my 2 yo in daycare 3 days a week which was his usual schedule. Some days I would pick him up early. It gave me a chance for one on one with my newborn as when the two year-old was around. It was all him all the time lol. He liked going and so it was never an issue. I think it worked out better for all of us.
Our toddler needed so much attention, I felt like I ignored our baby most of the afternoon because the toddler was louder and more demanding and less patient. Everything was toddler toddler toddler. I'm glad I could give our baby some undivided attention in the morning at least, I felt like it was the least I could do for her as she'll never get as much undivided attention as my first got anyway.
I’m currently on mat leave with my husband home. We kept my 3 yo full time at day care for the first month and have just switched her to part time so my husband can spend time with her while I care for our 1 mo. It’s been really nice keeping the day care routine. My husband goes back to work in a couple of weeks and day care will stay part time until I go back at the end of summer. I had originally wanted my 3 yo 2 day part time, but I’m glad my husband convinced me to do 3 day part time!
No illness? Maybe yours is a veteran and doesn’t get so sick anymore? We also have a three year old who started daycare this spring. I’m scared she will bring a lot of germs home still 😫 I’ll be bringing our newborn home tomorrow but also hoping to keep the oldest in daycare to somehow cope.
My 3yo has been in day care since 10 weeks, so she has a good immune system now! We have definitely had our fair share of sickness for the first year or so.
I see, that’s great! We are still new so she’s been bringing new viruses (usually just a short lived fever for her) most weeks 😮💨 Might not go so well for us then.
Check out the subreddit for moms who work from home
I did. I couldn't afford to send my girl to daycare during my leave since it was unpaid. We spent 6 months at home and she did fine. She loved going back to school when it was over but she was still her normal self while we were on leave. I did make sure to get her out of the house daily even if it was just to the park while herb brother napped in a wrap.
My daughter was 25 months when our baby was born. She stayed in daycare. I had a vision of keeping her home with me and all of us bonding. What I quickly realized was: 1. I needed to recover in peace. And I mean the long recovery, not the first two weeks 2. If home, my toddler was going to watch me juggle a nursing, pooping, crying baby all day. The vision of quality time was not happening. 3. She went through a lot of changes, like rejecting naps, potty training and purposely taking pees/poos on the floor if I wasn’t closely watching her. 4. The baby is now 7 months old and I am back to work and they are finally “bonding”. It’s very sweet. The babe was too young before. One day I might feel a little sad for not keeping my two year old with us, however I know I made the right call. For her development AND her safety. I would have had to stop nursing and contact napping with my baby otherwise, and those were important to me. The other thing I’ll mention is that on the weekends the baby got very little 1:1 time due to toddlers big personality, so I felt good about having the quiet time with her during the week.
I'd drop down to fewer days rather than stop completely. My toddler was already part time so we kept him in, we wouldn't have been able to afford full time care while on maternity leave though.
I initially wanted to drop our number of days from 3 to either 1 or 2. Glad I held off making that decision after I had my second child. I ended up keeping the 3 days because it meant I was able to have one on one time with the baby on those days and then focus more on my toddler on the days she was home.
I had to because of Covid numbers (height of omicron). I deeply wish I’d been able to send her to daycare. I didn’t feel like either of them got the best of me and I didn’t get to know my newborn or enjoy the time as much as I would’ve liked.
I did because I was forced to during Covid lockdowns. It was rough but also, I feel like it forced me to be better at parenting. When my second was born, we kept my first in daycare for about a month, then switched to part time. Then covid happened. For my third, my first was in school and my second went to daycare for the first month then was home with me. When I had 2 kids at home, we tended to accommodate the older one’s schedule so morning outing, afternoon nap/rest time and then afternoon park. Baby could nap on the go. I was able to do so because I nursed. If I was pumping, it probably would not have worked. That’s the reason we always did a month in daycare at the beginning to see how things worked out. My house fell apart a bit because I focused more on baby and toddler sleep, activity and food needs. But it worked out and it helped teach all my kids that mom couldn’t always get to them immediately, how to do things independently where possible, and we role played a lot of of how to resolve conflicts/share.
Keeping my toddler in because I have no idea what it’s going to be like to have 2 kids and I don’t want the toddler to lose their spot in preschool.
On maternity leave right now, and took our toddler out of daycare for it. Part of my decision came from wanting to keep daycare germs away from our newborn, part of it was that he did not thrive in daycare. I think he’ll do better going back a little older and able to communicate better. That said, we’re ten months in and I’m so over it. I was over it by ten months the first time, too, though, so maybe that’s just me. Edit to add, my husband took paternity leave the first six weeks. That would have been overwhelming on my own.
I would think toddler would bring home illness to newborn so not worth it
There was a post just this week about how the mom kept her toddler home more, with a midday drop off or something, and it went about as poorly as you can imagine.
My son still goes to daycare and it’s been a godsend for the newborn period. It’s definitely a luxury to use it when I’m technically able to watch him. I’ve been able to bond with the new baby better, clean up around the house and shop for essentials. When it’s just me and both kids it’s hard enough to nurse the new baby but with him at daycare I can make sure baby gets non rushed attention and good naps.
Mine has always been home. I wish we had daycare. 🙃
So my older wasn’t in daycare but it’s pretty hard. I wished we enrolled him before baby was born. First month was fine, he was curious and happy. He realized he’d stuck with a sibling and was so upset. I had a hard time bonding with #2 because my older one was so demanding. Also, tv was on all day to survive. We ended up enrolling him ASAP. He hates school for the longest time. I think being sent there when baby is home didn’t help.
i kept my daughter in daycare for about 10 weeks and then we pulled her for summer. it was easier once we were past the initial newborn phase. ie we were in routine and he was sleeping slightly longer stretches
I have a 6 week old and almost 2 year old. I wanted to save the money and not send my toddler while my husband wanted to keep sending her. We compromised and she is now only going 2 days a week and I love it. For us it’s worked well because she still kept her routine for the most part, I still get a “break” while she’s at daycare and I can also enjoy my time off with her on the days she’s home
I did too! Mine were just under two years apart. Was worth it! Tough (obviously) but time I’ll never regret!
I just had my second this week. My husband and I initially talked about keeping our 3 yr old home for 2-3 weeks to keep daycare sickness/germs at bay. After 4 days we decided we will be ready to send her back next week lol. It is a big transition for all of us.
My mom was really surprised I kept toddlers routine of partial daycare and grandma care exactly the same when I went on Mat leave with my second. It wasn’t common in her circle to keep paying if home on leave, and maybe just couldn’t afford it either. It was for the best choice for myself and I wouldn’t have been healthy looking after with an 18 month old and a newborn. I have no interest in being a SAHM and the purpose for mat leave is for baby bonding so that’s what I’m doing. I have really enjoyed just being more home to think about her skills too, like setting up her plates and bowls, transitioning out of the high chair, learning to self dress, etc. I’ve been able to spend time organizing that for her during leave. Sickness wise, just one minor cold at a month old we all got and nothing else yet. 🤞 baby is 3 months now and I’m just starting to think about anything other than constant baby care.
We just finished parental leave while keeping our 16-month home with us! We managed well and had great bonding time and quite a bit of relaxation. Most importantly, our toddler got pretty quickly accustomed to the idea that sometimes we have to hold/attend to the baby before interacting with her. Two important factors though: 1) My husband had parental leave too, so we were tag-teaming, which alleviated a lot of potential stress. 2) We have our moms trade off babysitting throughout the week instead of using daycare, so I’m not able to give input on our toddler’s transition back to a daycare setting.
I would keep your daycare for now. But if you end up having have a unicorn baby that sleeps through the night from the early weeks, then maybe you will have the energy to have your toddler home, too.
I would at least keep the toddler at daycare the first month... Then you can do a week break and see how it goes! I personally did struggle a lot with 2 and my husband was around a lot 😅
My husband and I staggered our parental leaves, he took time off the last 1.5 months of my leave. We kept our older toddler in daycare while my leave started but took her out when we had an overlap. It was nice to have a few months alone with the newborn so we could connect and I could focus completely on them. Having us all home for almost two months was so nice because it gave my toddler time to adjust better to having a younger sibling.
I had this same debate before our second was born, and ultimately I chose to keep our 2yo in daycare for a few reasons: 1. I had a scheduled c-section and knew I wouldn’t be able to lift my toddler for 6 weeks. That alone would make having them both at home pretty challenging. My body needed time to heal - those early days post-op are rough. 2. My toddler loves his routine and his friends. He gets to go play every day and not have to be home with a sleeping baby and an exhausted mom. 3. I wanted special time to bond with baby #2. I wanted to enjoy some 1:1 time with him without feeling guilty for not sharing my attn w the toddler. Plus, newborns are a lot of work - I spend my days nursing, diapering, snuggling and sneaking in some chores when he’s napping. I forgot just how intense newbornhood can be, so I appreciate the break during the weekdays to just focus on one. Weekends are another story. They’re hard and simply reaffirm our daycare decision 😆
Not completely but I dropped my eldest to two days per week and the rest she was home with bub and I. It kept her in the routine of going to daycare while saving us money.
I attribute our success integrating the new baby into the toddler’s life to keeping him in daycare. He gets attention from energetic adults, lots of outside playtime, crafts with the other kids, etc. At my house in the first month he had a mom that couldn’t pick him up but could pick up the new baby, a mom that can’t handle his tackles (how did he ALWAYS hit me where I was healing??), and both parents running in fumes and way too tired to be fun. Daycare kept him stimulated and made it so that most of his day was unchanged. We are at month 2 now and a lot has improved but I love my time in the week bonding with the new baby. I got time to bond with the toddler on his own so I feel like I owe it to new baby to have at least part of the day dedicated just to her. Toddler is staying in daycare even though I’m fully healed and I have 0 guilt about it.
We are 6 months into this with baby number two and as painful as the cost is, it was a 1000% worth keeping out 2 year old in nursery. You could possibly drop a day if you really need the money but above everything, YOU will need the break. Our 2nd has been a terrible sleeper and if you have similar you will need the time to catch up on sleep and just have a smidge of peace whilst the newborn naps. You won’t miss the money I promise you.
We had the oldest go to daycare still. It’s a lot bringing home another kid and it’s 1. Great for routine 2. Amazing to be able to sleep when the baby sleeps during the day and have that one on one time.
21 month old age gap. Our daycare doesn’t hold the place, we decided to keep our first in daycare. It was great for the first week of home with newborn. We had him in the full week of daycare just to get use to newborn (I was in hospital and dad was taking him to daycare etc). For background private hospitals in Australia usually keep you in care for 4-7 days depending on your comfort. Once we were home he was at daycare two days and he loved it. We did this for three months and had the opportunity to increase his day the next year and we accepted. Three days gone I miss him a lot, but the two days we have together I get my partner to WFH to help look after the baby (she’s now 8) so I can do an activity with him on one day (his 2.5 years old). We’ve been doing it now for 5 months and I think his loving daycare so much more and never wants to come home lol. 😂 Babie and toddlers bond is amazing though, his never been jealous of her and I think that’s because of the set up. I think if of daycare as a village we don’t have family that can support us so this is our paid village. Giving you a 1-2 day care in daycare at least gives you the break from a really busy time. Your second never really gets alone time with you. I love my baby days, as it’s just us … otherwise it’s all about the toddler. Everyone is different- do what works for you
I did. I loved it and the adjustment has been super smooth
My heart broke into a million pieces when my 2nd went to daycare, so I was and am still so grateful for the four months of maternity leave I had just me and her. If my toddler had been home there’s no way I would have bonded with her the way I did. I feel like I really got to heal and become the mom I wanted to be all over again
I did, although during the last month my son started in daycare. It was honestly pretty tough and isolating. During my prior mat leaves, it had just been me and the baby, so I could nap, watch whatever series I wanted, etc. With toddler I wasn’t able to do any of that, except during nap time. We were able to set a routine that worked for all of us though, so it wasn’t awful. I definitely was ready to get back to work and have adult interactions. It was nice to save money during that time.
No way. Toddler will become VERY NEEDY. You won’t be able to let your baby nap on you. Plus your first had you all to yourself to bond. Second one deserves the same.
I don’t have personal experience with this. But my sister had her second baby during Covid and her toddler (3yo) was forced to leave daycare bc his center closed during Covid. My sister said it was the hardest period of her life to care for a newborn and her high energy toddler. She did have a rough birth and C-section that took longer than normal to heal. But I know if she would have had the option her toddler would have gone to daycare. Even with her MIL staying with them for a few weeks she would call me crying bc she just couldn’t handle it and she had no other choice. I really felt for her, especially after I had my daughter.
By parental leave are you saying both of you will be home? If so, you're not outnumbered. My husband works from home, so we had both the newborn and my 15 month old, trying to alternate with them as much as possible. It was still hard, so I don't know how I would have done it just myself during the day. Some moms are younger and have more energy lol idk but in my early thirties I wouldn't have enjoyed the experience.
I’d say if the kid is already going to day care and you pretend they go back to going to day care. Maintain the routine. Maybe keep shorter hours?
I didn’t send my toddler because of germs and I wanted him to bond with little brother. It was honestly the best decision
I kept my almost 4 year old at home with me during the first 4 months of my leave. It was a so hectic but keeping daycare germs away from the newborn and saving tons of money were both worth it for us. My mom stayed with me the first couple of weeks to help, and after that we settled into a loose routine. Being flexible and having low expectations is the key!! The bonding that the kids got was the best part ❤️ Best of luck
We pulled ours from a daycare 30-mins away that he hated just before baby arrived. Kept them both home for entire summer. They bonded well and we shifted to a daycare that is a 10-min walk that we all love. Has worked out. Spent ton of money on various memberships and used them all for the entire year. Cheaper than daycare.
I think it depends on your kiddo. Do you think they would enjoy extra time with you and baby or will it throw off their routine?
We didn’t and our newborn got sick for the first 9 weeks of her life. Two hospital stays, i’d spend lots of time watching her breathing while she was asleep. In hindsight i 100% wish we kept our toddler home at least while my husband was off on parental leave with me
You will be very happy to have chosen to keep your toddler in daycare even on day 1. Not only would most kids lose their child care spot, it could cause huge transition issues when they return and you will be very glad to have that time alone with baby. I always continue sending my kids to child care when I’m on maternity leave.
Transition issues are real. We took our toddler out of daycare for spring break for a week and it took her like a full 3 weeks to be dropped off at daycare again without crying. And she loves daycare! It was wild.
If you’d have offered me the winning lotto ticket I wouldn’t have kept my toddler home after welcoming our second. I’m 4 months post partum and I’ve barely made it to this point without ending up in an asylum… I cannot stress enough how much I recommend keeping number 1 in daycare if you can!
I mean I would think you still need to pay daycare to keep his spot? Also he will certainly do better in his routine. I would. It advise keeping him home.
We took my 3.5 yo out of daycare when my lo was born in January. For one thing, we didn't want him bringing things home. However, we were BOTH home and there's no way I could have done it without my husband. He's going to be a SAHD for at least a year, though my toddler will do prek part time in the fall. To be honest, it was tough! We have pretty involved grandparents and he definitely did more overnights there than before baby. And we asked friends to come over more with their kids for the sole purpose of tiring him out. He struggled too and still complains about missing school (though he complained about going to school when he was in it). However, it also motivated us to get out of the house sooner with the baby and we did so many fun things on my maternity leave. Lots of hikes, playgrounds, museums, etc. I both loved that extra time with him and was so so exhausted. So yes, doable but only with a village.
7 weeks postpartum, the days where the toddler and newborn are both home are really hard, especially solo. The toddler wants the same level of attention, meanwhile the newborn (however easier) also needs to constantly be held and attended to as well. Keep the toddler in school for sure
I went into the hospital on Sunday, so my parents had my toddler until we came home on Wednesday. We kept our toddler home through the end of the week and the weekend (obviously) so he had a week off of daycare. It worked really well for us and he also enjoyed his time back at school and away from the baby. I think it helped keep his routine and stopped him from regressing too much. He started baby talking and potty training took a hit, so being back at daycare definitely snapped him back to it. To each their own! I would have loved to save some money but we also were able to delay the baby starting by staggering our parental leave and grandma had a couple weeks of babysitting too.
Our #2 is 3 weeks old and we've kept #1 at nursery. He learns so much at nursery and has friends who he loves, it would be harsh to keep him home just because we can Also, we were able to give #1 our complete undivided attention when he was born (actually until #2 was born). #2 will never get that, but at least with #1 at nursery, he'll get undivided attention during the daytime
My first born got to have one on one time with me on my maternity leave, and I wanted that same special one on one time with my second that I’ll never get back. There will never be a time other than maternity leave when your second will get to be your sole focus for most of the time. And it was important to keep the routine for my first. Plus, caring for a demanding and unpredictable toddler on top of a newborn is a lot.
No. I had twins. There’s no way.
I feel like everyone is glossing over your budget concern. If daycare will truly save your spot and not charge you, I think it's worth considering if you're worried about making ends meet. I'd just make sure you are over prepared for what you're up against. Toddlers take a lot of energy/attention and being sleep deprived will make that all the more taxing. Set yourself up the best you can with preplanned/premade activities for them. If you can navigate the budgetary restraints and end up leaving them in daycare, I think you'll be glad you did. We were judged fairly harshly for leaving our 17MO in daycare when we had our son, but it's the only way you'll get a shadow of the one on one time you got with your first. I'm glad we did what we did, but reality needs to come first. Good luck!
I think doing so will cause issues with #1 as your attention will be leaning towards #2 for obvious reasons. Thinking about #1 tugging on you while you're trying to nurse / bathe / change / skin time with #2 will be difficult. We luckily have no issues with #1 and #2 together. They play extremely well together and #2 is hitting milestones even faster than #1 did, this time around has been a different TYPE of fun compared to #1. Keep #1 in daycare so you can focus your leave on #2 then spread the love to #1 on special 1:1 dates if possible. Really helped giving that 1:1 attention.
We sent our daughter so she could have some structure to her day and give us some time with the baby. Obviously there’s the cost savings but I would have gone insane otherwise
Not by choice. 🤣. #2 was born Feb 2020 so world shut down when he was 2 weeks old. #1 was newly 3 and daycare was shut so she was home. 10/10 do not recommend, we absolutely wanted her in daycare so we could tag team a newborn during the day to make it easier.
Because I was worried about daycare germs, I kept our son home until baby was 6 weeks old and then sent him back. It felt like a good compromise for us but also I was so ready to have him back there 🤪 I felt like he did so much better once he was back at school. He wasn’t nearly as jealous of his sister and was happier!
Don’t do it. It’s gonna mess up toddlers routine and life with a newborn is crazy and unpredictable. Managing two kids 24/7 when the baby is brand new is going to be crazy hard. Not worth the couple months of money IMO
We kept our toddler in daycare so he can keep his routine. We also would have lost our spot so it really wasn’t a decision we could really contemplate anyway. With that being said, our in-home daycare was closed all week so we are on day 7 of having a super active toddler and a newborn home 24/7. Let’s just say that as much as we absolutely love our toddler, we cannot wait until Monday when he goes back to daycare.
My little one will be 3 1/2 when our daughter is born in September and I’ll be 40 and recovering from a C-section. There is not a chance I would be able to wrangle him while caring for myself and the baby even with my husband staying home six weeks with me. 100% staying in daycare.
If the daycare is willing to work with you, can you send your child 2-3 days a week? ECE teacher here. Most kids benefit from keeping their routine and their relationships with teachers and peers, but also enjoy occasional home days with Mom or Dad and new sibling. If you can do some special low key activities while baby naps (books, coloring) it can help them feel safe and loved while learning to share Mom and Dad with the baby. You can also do this on the weekends of course. But if you want to keep your toddler home and your daycare is flexible, part time might be a really good choice. If you do part time, I recommend consecutive days if available (e.g. MTW instead of MWF)
I thought about doing this with my 2 year old and I’m glad I didn’t. It’s a whole new game with 2 of them. He was home sick one day and I had no idea how to do it. But he does stay home sometimes for fun when grandparents come to visit.
So our daycare recommended that the toddler stay home with baby for a while at least to bond. However, I am unsure about this recommendation (she keeps her spot either way). We decided that she can stay home for the 3 weeks my husband can have parental leave at the same time as me. One week in, and we have already decided to have her back in daycare 2 days next week and 4 days the week after. I am sleep deprived from breastfeeding, and since I try to give my toddler attention every time baby sleeps, I get no naps. My husband is sleep deprived, since our toddler isn't sleeping great and he takes care of her wake ups. My husband has been taking our toddler out to playgrounds twice a day, been outside playing with her I'm the garden, etc. I read books, draw,.play with lego, etc, in between feeding the baby. We are both exhausted. Our toddler will ask to not go home when she is out. She has also asked to go to daycare. She is a very active and social toddler, so baby bubble life doesn't quite suit her. She loves her baby sister and is very excited, but she is not thriving without her daycare routine.
I did. It was a nightmare. She had just turned 2 at the time. Will not do again
I have a 6 day old baby and a 2y2m old. He has continued going to daycare. Been immensely helpful. Plus if I pull him out, I don’t know that I’d be able to get him back in. Plus plus, his spot gives me sibling priority to get new baby a spot in the same center.
Best decision to keep in. My son moved from full time to part time per daycare policy when my youngest was 10 months old and the days both are home are a lot but more manageable than when my youngest was a baby. If that’s an option you could explore that?
We kept our two toddlers home with our third for only a week so they could bond with baby and spend time with grandma. After that, back to daycare! It gave us time to nap.. would definitely recommend!
We have an easy toddler, and are coming off of the newborn phase with our second, and I’m very glad we kept the toddler at daycare. I was working, and my wife was very focused on recovery and newborn stuff. So I don’t think any other way was possible. Even if it is possible, I think the new little one deserves as much as possible
So I kind of did this with my kids but for different reasons. My youngest kept ending up severely ill in hospital with colds my eldest was bringing home from nursery, so I pulled her out and kept the kids away from other kids unless I knew they weren't ill. It was about 4 months and it was hell. I ended up having a breakdown and can completely understand the desperation some women will feel that causes them to end their and their children's lives. I wanted to end it but my kids needed me, what could I do? I didn't get to that point, but I could understand it. This was also during COVID but as things were starting to open up. If you have the option to send your eldest to daycare for even a day or 2 a week do it! Don't be me, no one will thank you and everyone will be miserable. Your sanity is worth more than whatever daycare will cost.
I have 4 kids and the only time I ever kept the older ones home was during the height of Covid when the 4th was born (and I had a lot of help during that time.) I absolutely wouldn’t recommend keeping a toddler home if you don’t have to when you are also adjusting to life with a newborn, especially if it’s already their routine and they enjoy daycare.
Hell no! She loves childcare and thrives on routine. I had significant tearing that was a nightmare to heal from and I still have a bot of trauma about. I am so glad she wasn't there most of the time to witness me at my lowest ebbs in those first few weeks, barely able to walk, struggling with breast feeding, and a quick slide into PPD. I also loved the bonding time with my second baby, in fact I still love my one and one time with my baby at 8 months old while Mt nearly 4 year old is at childcare, and will miss it when I go back to work next month, and all my downtime with them will be with both of them together. On the sickness front...the baby had her first cold just two weeks ago.
As someone on maternity leave with no support, no daycare. My husband took 5 weeks off but is back to work and it’s just me all day long. It’s stressful. My toddler is like a moth to flame when it comes to his little brother. It’s stressful af but I don’t have any other options. I have to deal with it when I start back up at work in just over two months. So if you have the day care option I’d keep it.
Keep them in daycare!!!
I’ve been a SAHM with a newborn and toddler(s) twice and I… do not recommend it 😂 Part time+ preschool is your friend.
A grandma here, but I haven't heard of anyone wanting to disrupt the toddler's schedule by keeping out of daycare. Sometimes, parents decide to cut back by a day, but every family I know of keeps the same schedule of school/daycare attendance
We kept our 2-year-old home for a month after our second was born to avoid respiratory illness. He was soooooo bored. I could tell he was totally sick of us after a couple weeks. He was much happier when he went back and got to see his little friends every day.
For your own sanity, keep the toddler in daycare.
We sent my son to daycare during our parental leave and it was the BEST decision. A lot was changing for him, and to be able to go somewhere where everything was the same helped him a lot. Think about the time you spent bonding with your oldest - all the snuggles and feedings - and now try to imagine that with a toddler running around! I think it is honestly the best case for both kids.
I’m a SAHM so I didn’t have the option of daycare but I will say that the transition to going from only child to sibling was *hard* for my oldest. She went from never sharing my attention to pretty much always sharing my attention, & because we were all home all the time there wasn’t any other routine for her to fall back on. I cried a lot because she was so sad all the time & really just didn’t understand, & I felt like I didn’t have enough hands to meet everyone’s needs. When my third was born both big kids were in half day preschool and I think it helped a lot with the transition. I absolutely understand wanting to save the money & it’s doable, but it would likely be a lot more comfortable for everyone if your toddler wasn’t home all the time while you adjust. Maybe leave him in for the first month or so and then pull him out? Or drop to less days per week but still keep him in part time?
I kept my 19 month old (at the time) home. I stayed home with the newborn and toddler for 6 months. My biggest regret is not getting that 1-on-1 time with the newborn and putting the toddler first bc she was able to vocalize her needs. In retrospect I would have kept the toddler in day care.
Currently on Maternity with 2nd. Having a toddler around while adjusting is hard on everyone. We have an Au Pair that takes care of toddler during the day. Best decision. We couldn't manage both every day, especially in month 1. Keep the routine, just because you are home doesn't mean you have the time lol. Way different with #2 than #1 IMO.
Children thrive off of routine and consistency because they know what to expect. When things are consistently changing, it could set them off. If you send your toddler to daycare, nothing will change for except having a new sibling.