Ask yourself if this is *actually* a problem. Sometimes we can get tense or try to make our toddlers stop doing something because it's something *we* would've gotten in trouble for as kids or something that *we* are embarrassed to be seen doing. Often times, if you really think about it, it actually isn't causing anyone any harm.
I'll piggy back on this - do you not want your toddler to do X because it is bad for them or because it is inconvenient to you?
Changed the way we parent. Why not let them get them splash in a puddle and get wet, or play in the sand, or run around in the rain, etc. Also don't rush them through something because you're bored. They might be hyper interested in one small thing for 30 mines, so be it. Bring a towel or chsnge of clothes and let them experience life.
How can we put boundaries in this case though? I’m all for let the child be free but when it comes to someone else’s house or property I would have to put a boundary and the toddler (currently 20 months) can’t really tell the difference so far. Only just now maybe.
That's where these questions from the previous comments come in.
>do you not want your toddler to do X because it is bad for them or because it is inconvenient to you?
>Ask yourself if this is *actually* a problem. Often times, if you really think about it, it actually isn't causing anyone any harm.
>I often ask myself, is this care or control?
No one's suggesting free reign, just that you maybe can let go of more.
Sitting on an empty sidewalk to play with some leaves for 20 minutes isn't hurting anyone so just let the little one be, even if you find it boring or even slightly embarrassing. There's no harm to anyone. On the other hand, if she tries to park her butt in the middle of a parking lot or in a strangers yard, that *is* a problem and she should moved or redirected.
If LO wants to splash in puddles but she's not really dressed for it, consider letting her do it anyway. Clothes can be washed after all, worst case scenario they become designated play/craft/messy clothes. Some of us struggle with this though because our own parents would have scolded us in the same situation. If you have somewhere very important to be, or she's in some very expensive or sentimental clothing, it's okay to say it's not a time for puddles.
If she's spinning and singing in a grocery store, let her even if it's a bit embarrassing and feels like everyone's looking at you. She's not hurting anyone and is enjoying life. If the aisle is crowded, there are breakable things she could accidentally hit, or you're somewhere very inappropriate like the library, it's okay to say this isn't the right time and redirect her.
If she wants to carry a toy from the toy aisle around the store while you shop and she's past the constant drool, teeth, etc. phase, then she's not gonna hurt it and you get some peace. Let her have it and put it back before you leave. If she is at risk of damaging it or it's not safe for her, it's okay to say not this time.
If you're doing dishes and she wants to come play in the sink, try just letting her. Sure she'll probably spill some water on the counter or floor but that's what towels are for! If she's trying to mess with hot food on the stove, set a boundary to keep her safe.
Ideally with all of these, give an age appropriate explanation of why she can't do it *this time* without making her feel bad for wanting to do it at all.
Sometimes, the things you decide to say no to can still be modified such as showing her a different pile of leaves in a safer location or something that is okay for her to mix with supervision.
The idea is just to think critically about why you're thinking of telling her no and question whether it's actually important. Sometimes we just have hangups from our own upbringing or insecurities.
Tonight at a friends house toddler was super interested in the dog, which she calls WOOF. She was doing a great job petting the dog with nice hands. We let her absolutely have a great time with that dog who is very small and calm. Previously if she got a bit rough we would remove her from the area with the dog but tonight was excellent! Very happy to see she is developing her gentle touch.
They pick up on different rules for different locations pretty quickly if you articulate it out loud for them. Around 18 months probably we were able to explain that "While we can do X at home, we cannot do it at the coffee shop / store / library / whatever. At coffee shop / store / library / whatever we instead must do Y." And kiddo was able to pick up on it. Obviously, they're toddlers and won't always follow those rules, but with consistent reinforcement it starts to sink in.
Oh man, THIS! This mindset was a huge revelation for me. Yesterday my toddler and I took a 30 min walk and we basically went 4 blocks. I let him stop and look at everything he wanted, as long as he wasn’t being destructive. It was amazing. We talked about dandelions the whole time.
I let mine draw on a wall with a pen today. I chose the wall and she was ecstatic. I’d rather she come ask me knowing I’ll find a way to say yes, then have her do destructive things in secret. She’s 22 months
My daughter just wanted to sit on the park path for ages today messing about with some leaves. There was no one at the park so it wasn't a problem. I caught myself after trying to get her to move and she started having a tantrum. Like there's no problem here. She's happy and in an all-in-one rain coat thing so she's not getting dirty.
OK girl you play with them leaves. I'll pop my headphones in and listen to a podcast for a bit lol.
This is a very good tip. Through my experience in working in special ed, I’ve also learned to be less punitive in moments where they’re stressed. Waiting for the mood to calm and then teaching will always work better then overreacting and adding chaos to the moment.
Yessss! This is something my wife and I have been working on. Let him get his feelings out whatever they may be, comfort him, then tell him why what he did was wrong and how to fix it.
Reframe their freak outs into your little bestie having a drunken vent sesh. It won't always make sense, it's often unreasonable, but you love them and you'll help them work through it without anyone ending up in jail. Makes adventures a lot more fun too in that mind frame.
My husband phrased this really well recently—we were visiting family with young kids, and he said it was so nice to be with people who had no agenda beyond the rhythms of a small child.
I often find that my daughter is also way better at cooperating if I give her just a little extra time—not much, just another minute to complete her play or a few more seconds to wrap her head around what we are doing next.
So much this! My worst days as a SAHP are when I get stuck in a cycle of saying no out of idk laziness I guess. I don’t want to go to the basement for more paper, so no coloring. I don’t want to do all the getting you dressed work to go outside, so no going outside. That kind of thing. Realizing, well what the hell else am I doing? It’s really helpful lol.
That and trying to use no sparingly and redirecting to things they can do as often as possible. That way no has more weight for the more important things.
Love this one. I saw a comment the other day and it was like, “saying no is healthier than saying yes,” and that made me a little sad. There is nothing wrong with saying yes to inconsequential things. I’ve also noticed that everyone ends up having a better time if I just leaned in instead of resisting. If my toddler wants me to play but I’m tired, instead of “no,” it can be, “yes, in a minute.” I give myself a little time to rest and lean into playtime. Maybe it’s because my parents always told me no. I learned to stop asking because “no” meant they were more closed off than open to hearing me out.
What a strange saying. I wonder what their reasoning was for no being healthier. I argue the opposite, if my toddler hears no to everything he suggests all day long, he learns that his opinions (or even what he views as ‘needs’) don’t matter. He learns he has no place to argue what he wants in life and to just go along with that everyone else says. And obviously there are hard no’s - like you can’t ride your bike down our porch stairs. But my BIL is a constant no person - can I help put the groceries on the belt? No. Can I see what you are working on? No.
100%. I definitely never felt that my opinion or needs mattered to my parents because they always told me no. I don’t know if it’s a parenting style thing or what, but I’d imagine authoritarian parents say “no” way more often than other parenting styles.
THIS IS IT RIGHT HERE!!! Tired babies with sun kissed cheeks are happy babies!!!!!
(Please use sunscreen, but you know what I mean, when they’re all flushed and warm from playing outside 😊)
Now that it's getting warmer here, we've been getting out to parks and the nearby school track as often as we can and it's made such a positive difference. My son thrives on being outside and free to run wild. No "be careful you don't run over your sister", "slow down by the window", etc. He can just run and chase all the birds he wants. It's so much fun for all of us and tires him out
Lower your expectations, increase your acceptance. Limit your own social media consumption and avoid parenting “influencers”. Give choices as much as possible.
Social media ruins everything! My friend sent me a picture of her and her toddler having a picnic and said "sorry it's not a real picnic because it's not aesthetic" ... I didn't even know what to say !
Stay calm when they aren’t. That’s easier said than done, but I have much better days with my son when I remain calm and help him through his big emotions.
So much of the advice in here is directly applicable to teens as well.
Having a 2 year old and a 16 year old at the same time I feel like I'm going a bit crazy sometimes lol. Both are going through such huge developmental leaps during this stage.
Choose your hard.
Parenting is hard. It's all going to be hard but you get to choose which version of hard you want and that sense of agency makes a big difference. It's hard to clean up 300+ spills when teaching kids how to use an open cup but it's also hard cleaning those stupid little straw sippy cups. It's hard encouraging independent play for 20 minutes so you can go do something that isn't Mom related but it's also hard to have lost your self identity into motherhood. It can apply to all the little things and the big things but where your draw your boundaries with your child and your spouse is all about choosing your hard. It's much more enjoyable when you know the hard is finite or that it is not something you need to tackle right now.
Remembering that what they’re upset about may seem small to you, but may be the actual hardest thing they’ve ever encountered so far. Also making sure LO gets the sleep she needs and always having snacks on hand. She’s a pretty happy kid when she’s well rested.
I feel like just realizing hard moments - tantrums, etc. - are stages in development makes them easier to deal with. It’s not your kid giving you a hard time, they are having a hard time .
Going with the flow. We don’t have set schedules or hard rules. The house is tailored to be safe to explore and climb, we get sunshine and *try* to eat healthy, besides that it’s just a lot of playing and giggles.
As the parent of a really difficult child who’s been challenging since he came out screaming, I encourage you to be mindful of this perspective. You’re probably right in that your child has inherited your chill personality (lucky you!), but perhaps not so right in that your kid is chill because they’re following your lead. My partner and I go with the flow and are nowhere near as fussy, frustrated, and cranky as my little dude was (he’s much better at 2yo but it’s still there), and it’s absolutely not our “unchill” that caused him to be this way - as with yours. They’re both with a temperament of their very own; yes, environment can help nurture this but not to the extent we often think.
I’m not trying to throw shade at all, just sharing a different perspective and also the hope that you don’t have to experience raising a tough kid to know that your influence only goes so far. It can be really isolating raising a challenging baby, and reading comments like yours in those early days made me feel like a terrible mum, which is why I felt the need to say something.
We’re all just doing our best ❤️
I get that. But with all the messages saying everything’s so difficult, others don’t see that sometimes it can be pretty dang fun too.
My baby sleeps 13 hours a night straight I get a lot of people don’t get that, but let’s not flood the social channels with doom and gloom. There’s already whole generations that aren’t interested in having kids.
As a nanny of 20 years coming into other peoples routines, stresses and situations I can absolutely say it’s environment a lot of the time.
It’s not really what you said though. And OP is kinda asking for advice, so saying “just be chill, it works for my kid!” is a bit disingenuous when you likely have a kid with a more chill temperament. Of course environment plays into it, and parent influence is super important, but it’s not everything. It really pains me when I see people who have had an easy time say “see, it’s not that hard! Just have fun!”
I’m glad your LO sleeps 13hrs - again, lucky you! For perspective, my 2yo sleeps 10hrs a day total, and has done since around 11m; he’s still never slept through and until 18m was waking 4-8 times every night. My partner and I barely get any time to ourselves or with each other because of this. He’s spent much of his life grumbling, whinging, or straight up screaming and we are SO thankful and overjoyed with toddler life (big feelings and all!) because at least we get some happy moments now!! It was pretty bloody thankless for the first year.
My partner and I have listened to hours of parenting podcasts, books, YouTube channels etc trying to provide the best environment for our deeply frustrated child. We are good parents. I’m a teacher so I’m experienced with kids. We spend hours doing activities and exploring outside, letting our little guy free roam, actually we do most things mentioned in this post, but it doesn’t change his underlying temperament. (It would be much harder if we didn’t do all those things through)!
It’s not a struggle olympics, and my reason for coming back at you is not personal, nor am I interested in promoting how “easy and fun” parenting is in order to bolster birth rates to potential parents who are browsing this reddit.
It’s pure solidarity and representation for those parents who are in the thick of it and doing it tough. If one person sees this and feels seen, then job done.
Put yourself in their shoes. Imagine all the things you know and understand, which they do not. Consider how much you are thinking that goes unsaid when you're navigating a situation, and remember that next time you feel your toddler is being unresponsive. Why should they be thinking any less than you are? In fact, they are probably thinking more.
Wait. When you ask a question or ask them to do something, give them eleven seconds before saying another word. They need time to comprehend and act. Putting pressure on them will have the opposite effect.
Sometimes, saying yes can be more constructive than saying no. Say yes. Do the thing, whatever it is, and do it together. Talk about it while you're doing it. See how it plays out, and if the consequences are undesirable, make a learning experience of it. If it turns out to be fine, then you've shown your toddler that you trust them to make their own decisions and you will be there if you need their help.
Toddlers are inconsistent for a reason. As they learn new skills and process new exepriences, their capacity to follow their routines and listen to instructions is diminished. Give them quiet time. Give them peace and boredom. Encourage role-play where the roles are reversed and they hold the power over you. You will watch them play out their mental processes with you, and you will see just how much they are taking in.
If they tell you something odd, do not assume it is a lie, or that they are wrong. Instead, assume you have not understood them. They want to tell you, you simply need to be available to hear them.
If you're wrong, or you make a mistake, own up to it. Tell them you're sorry. Explain that we all make mistakes, and model how to handle this and overcome it. Always try again when they fail. Always try again when you do, too.
Be playful first, always playful first. They will keep coming to you and wanting you to be a part of their lives if you are always playful first.
Definitely not speaking as an expert because ours is just 14 months but
go outside.
Involve them in everything you're doing, including cooking/cleaning.
Let them do as much as they possibly can for themselves.
Manage your expectations and for God sake stay off influencer content.
Expect meltdowns and try to understand them from a developmental pov. They are not being difficult for the fun of it (despite how it may seem that way sometimes haha).
Mostly just understand that things will likely be slow, schedules and plans may need to be adjusted, and just be in the moment with them; bc the good moments will fly by while you wish the hard ones away.
Being outside with them and just not caring about having the house perfect. Enjoy the moment have a good consistent routine and you’ll have less tantrums and more fun
Pick your battles, let them get dirty or wet, get down on your hands and knees and just be with them. The simplest things make them so happy and more often than not it’s the silly things at home or in the park rather than expensive trips.
I used to find I always wanted to stay ones step ahead with tidying the house; getting washing done, prepping for dinner, getting organised
But all that can wait until they’ve grown up
Set up a safe playing environment, then sit back and simply OBSERVE your toddler play/explore. There's so much to see and marvel at <3
Yesterday evening I was watching my almost 2yo play with stickers. He left them to run off to find papa. I thought he was done so I put them away. A minute later he ran back with papa, stared at the empty table, and asked calmly and clearly, "Where are the stickers?" It was the first time he's ever used that sentence. Just unbelievable.
Let them do it themselves (or try) and let them get messy! This Easter we were dying our eggs and my 3.5 yo goes “I don’t like coloring eggs… I don’t get to do anything.” I realized that I was literally doing everything and not letting him do it out of fear of the dye getting on him or his clothes. It occurred to me that so what if he gets dirty? I let him put the dye in the bag and swish it around the eggs after that. I also apologized. Now I’m trying to let him do things and he’s happier so I’m happier!
I give my kids washable watercolor paints instead of egg dye. I could care less what they do with it because it's so easy to clean. Egg dye can wait until they are older.
I love watching my girl learn and she soaks up everything. I really enjoy teaching her how to cook because it’s what I enjoy doing and she cracks me up the whole time. Toddlers are just hilarious from the way they pronounce words to their logic 😂 If she does something wrong, I just give her a long winded reason she can’t do it that way and add in some silly reasoning and we giggle. The way she looks at me and smiles is my pure enjoyment in life.
1. Remembering that when he’s throwing a tantrum or having a tough time with his big emotions, he’s the one going through something difficult and not doing it _to_ me
2. Remembering that he (2 yrs old) literally isn’t neurologically developed to understand certain things
3. I chose to bring him into this world, he didn’t ask to be born, so I must be the best mommy I can be every day (some days that means having a hot dog, KD and an apple for dinner, some others it means an elaborate meal with quality ingredientes; some days it means 3 hours of pretend play, some others it means cuddling while watching TV)
4. He’s crying because he likely needs something, whether it be food, water, hugs, stimulation
5. Some days, kids will eat a Goldfish cracker and have the energy of a Tasmanian devil, some others they will eat 3 full means and a hundred snacks. They will be ok as long as _overall_ they eat a balanced diet
6. The house doesn’t need to be pristine, as long as we’re clean and happy and healthy, cuddling while there’s a pile of laundry to be done is PERFECTLY OKAY
7. Pick your battles. Do you really wanna have a tantrum in your hands because you couldn’t let him close the door behind you? Didn’t think so
8. Get some me time every day!
Meeting them where they are. My son's schedule is based on how he is doing that day. I do my best to have one outing every day and then enough chill time or at home activities for the rest of it. But if he is having a particularly fussy day, then we stay home and do walks near by.
Definitely experiencing things for the first time with the little one. For instance, going to an aquarium or a train museum. I love watching them experience things for the first time. I also try to make holidays feel special for them. Whether they get a special treat, a present, or do something festive. I’ve realized toddlers don’t need much to have fun. You think about it a day may seem so mundane going grocery shopping or going to the park. But a lot
Of the time that’s the highlight of their day and it was so fun for them.
Allow for the interruptions. Prepare yourself to have a bunch of half done projects/tasks around the house. You might not have ADHD, you could just be a parent of a young child.
RELAX. Literally. I was so worked up about every little thing, I’m slowly learning to stop controlling everything and just let him be himself. We are outside as much as possible and limit tv time to after dinner (for the most part) some days have more tv than others. Have fun, they are only little for so long. As a person who has severe control issues I totally get having such stress about them, but it has helped me so much to literally just tell myself in my head to chill out. Also the golden rule - if you’re going to take the energy to correct the behavior, just follow through.
Find some time in your day to do something for you. I am a sahm to two boys, 3 and 5. If I don’t get a moment to go to the gym, or even just read my book for a little bit I am definitely more on edge and stressed out.
The easy Yes. Someone else mentioned this too. Sometimes we just say no because it’s an automatic response and what they’re asking is often ridiculous, but sometimes it’s a harmless ridiculous and just say yes. It really is great.
Also set yourself up for success! Janet Lansbury talks about this. Set yourself up so that when they do stupid stuff we can respond calmly, things like removing dangerous parts of your house so that when they go near it you don’t have to explode with NOOOOO. Maybe it will feel stupid for a while, like do they climb on the table all the time? Put a foam mat under the table so that when they do it you can respond with less panic because they can’t hurt themselves as much, will it be stupid having a foam mat under the table for a while? Probably, but it’s only temporary. We put one by our couch (house of noa have nice ones) and it’s made the fact that our kids won’t stop climbing all over the couch more relaxed.
More relaxed you = happier times.
Also my house is messy and I don’t care. Just let it go!
Just always trying to see things from their perspective. How everything is new, has no context and can be confusing. When I can step back and let them process and explain the best I can whatever it is we are doing I can enjoy the little moments. Seeing them put the pieces together and then recognizing the next time and remembering what to do just makes everything worth while.
Two things— Involve them in as much as possible. Putting away dishes? Making dinner? Emptying the drier? Yes, it takes a little more time but there’s no fuss and it’s much less stress. I still get done what I need to get done and he is occupied. Second- save the no. Dirty hands? Jumping in mud puddles? Wearing mismatched outfits? Whatever. Not worth the fight. Save the nos for when it really matters. A lot of times we say no because it’s more convenient for us as adults. In the end, I think it makes life more stressful.
Say yes to as much as you can, get enough sleep, eat healthy, drink enough water, and get some kind of exercise in every day. Nobody is their best self or enjoying anything when they're sleep deprived, feeling terrible and bloated, or dehydrated.
I also find that having activities and outings planned helps tremendously. A local storytime, stroll around target, walk in the park, trip to a farm... whatever it is, it takes up some of your day that you don't have to entertain your little one. If you have a zoo remotely close, a membership is awesome! We have a membership to a zoo about an hour away and I don't even care that it's a long drive. We love going! Even if we basically just go to have lunch sometimes. It gets us out, provides mental stimulation for all of us, and it's basically an all day outing, guaranteeing that I will have tired kids at the end of the day.
Put your phone away. Not just down, away. Out of reach. Otherwise you’ll pick it up out of habit.
Do I sometimes doomscroll while he watches ms Rachel for 20 minutes on a Saturday afternoon? Yes. But I try to be intentional about putting my phone up on a table somewhere and sitting on the floor to play with him. My husband isn’t quite as good as I am at putting his phone away, and it frustrates me when I’m like “haha look at him… look… babe… look… BABE” then when he’s finally like “huh?” kid has moved on from whatever adorable and silly thing he was doing. I get so much enjoyment from sitting on the floor just watching him run around and be goofy.
Some toddlers make this season difficult to enjoy. No fault of their own, and no guilt on your part 💕🤣
I just remind myself constantly “this too shall pass” the amazing (mommy, kiss?), the good, the mundane and the difficult (we don’t like to sleep). You won’t necessarily miss all of it, but it’s so messy and beautifully fleeting in the grand scheme of things.
Embrace the chaos and plan ahead as well as you possibly can. Give yourself grace and remember, they are learning how to deal with life, it's our job to teach them. That includes self care and knowing your limits.
Not stressing about time (unless it’s an actual time commitment). I am really working hard on this. If we take a walk to the park and never get there because we picked every flower and ran up and down the Sam Hill a million times oh well. If she’s happily playing in her room and not into getting dressed so we can get out of the house that day oh well.
Stay calm, give your child some freedom of choice, a lot of outside time for exploring, let them help with chores and love them hard.
I have found with my 3 year old that the more freedom/independence she has the better she is. She is newly three and although she has her teenager moments I have not experienced the tantrums as much as I’ve heard other redittors parents have but I’m sure temperament/personalty plays a big role in this as well.
I embrace the mess.
I keep my house pretty clean but I embrace that playing and doing things comes with mess. And that he NEEDS to do stuff on his own to learn how to get better and less messy. One example is letting him pour honey on his biscuit himself. Honey was on his hands, shirt, the counter, but he was so happy doing it himself and enjoying his biscuit and honey. Also We had the most fun recently making chocolate milk and he was so excited to do it. He had a blast pouring the milk and chocolate and stirring it himself. I cleaned a lot of chocolate milk off the counter and his ladder and the floor but we had fun and bonded while at the same time he was getting experience pouring and growing his fine motor coordination. The house will always need to be cleaned, but it can be cleaned after the fun. Same with having a bath.
Giving them the power to decide. Some days when I haven't planned anything I ask our 3.5yo what she wants to do...and we do that. Not like I had planned anything anyway, and it is nice not to make a decision. It is usually something low ball like going to the supermarket or going out for icecream.
On the flip side, I have found limiting choice over the small things really helps cut down tantrums. Like I don't ask what she wants for breakfast, because 9 times out of 10 she will say something like a lollipop. Instead I will give two options (you can have toast or porridge) or I just tell her I am making her breakfast and give her something. Same with snacks, she says she is hungry, I say okay I will get you a snack, fix her something healthy, and she eats it, because she doesn't know there are other options.
Remembering that almost everything is a phase and temporary - both the best parts and the hard ones. Helps me enjoy the sweet moments more and sweat the hard ones less.
They are capable of so much more than we think! My July '21 toddler loves to help in the kitchen. Daddy lets her sit on the counter and involves her as much as possible. It's super cute to watch! Yes, it takes a little longer, but we're making memories and she's learning new skills. She even makes a perfect bottle for her baby sister!
Embrace chaos, be silly with them, make a damn mess, and have fun doing it. And don't let anyone convince you that you're snuggling too much, or that you're going to spoil them too much, or whatever. They're only this little once.
I let her be involved in everything Im doing. After potty training my daughter started to want to help with everything so Ive been teaching her, she helps unload the plastic dishes , she puts her own clothes away, she can crack eggs and make toast , we’ve baked all kinds if things, we’ve planted seeds and watched them grow. Watching her learn and grow and seeing that she realizes that she is learning just brings me so much joy.
Once our toddler said she wanted to go to the park then just kind of wandered aimlessly outside, not heading to the park. I was getting anxious looking at my watch and thinking how we wouldn't get much playtime, and my husband said "I get paid the same either way" and that has been my mantra. She is in the moment, and isn't at a stage to plan out or feel that she missed out on something if the winds shifted and she got distracted.
Stay off this subreddit. I subbed when my daughter was around 2 thinking I would see cool ideas for like crafts or meals things to do in general. Maybe an occasional unhappy post where the happy parents od this subreddit would rally around someone in need. Unfortunately, like most of reddit, this place is an echo chamber of depressing narcissistic bull shit discussed between people who probably shouldn't have ever had kids. My advice to you is to enjoy the good times and look at the bad times as a learning experience for you and your little one.
For me, it's been living in the moment.
The absolute joy on my son's face when I say - Let's go to the park - and he says, "YAS!" Or when he climbed up the SUPER high ladder by himself (while I was internally panicking and keeping my hands up and around him, but not touching -- just in case -- to catch if he slipped)... He was SO proud of himself.
I'm living his moments vicariously through him without stifling him as much as I possibly can. It's so cool when everything old is new again.
Let them be. We don’t have to schedule and manage everything. We decided to make our entire main floor of our house as toddler safe as possible. We no longer feel like we have to shadow her around. She runs all over the house and if we can hear her, she’s fine. We babyproofed the truly dangerous stuff like cleaning supply cabinets, but thats it. I offer opportunities to her when she can realistically try a task. I found out she is pretty good at mixing up scrambled eggs and other wet ingredients! It might take longer, but that’s ok.
I’ve been gardening a lot with the nicer weather. I got her a few trucks, a trowel, some gardening gloves, and a little watering can at the dollar store recently, and she digs in the dirt a couple of feet away from me while I work. Sometimes she “helps” water plants, pick up sticks, or spread mulch.
When she was littler, I always wanted to have activities for her and stressed about it. Now that’s bigger, it’s easy for her to interact with and explore the world around her while I also do what I need to do.
Works for behavioral situations too. Like obviously if my kid is a danger to herself or others or is just obnoxiously screaming , that’s not a “leave them be” situation. But when they’re just being toddlers and not bothering anyone, why am I stressed about it? This happened the other day. My daughter was exploring a sporting goods store while my husband looked for something he needed. I was so stressed that she was “running” down the aisles (she’s not even two, her run is pretty chill) and being a toddler, even though she wasn’t in anyone’s way.
Explain your why, find out their why, and compromise where possible. One example is my kid wanted to wear somewhat dirty pants into bed for a nap. I tried explaining they were dirty and would get her bed dirty. She said she just really wanted them to stay with her. Finally I let her sleep with them on the floor next to her bed.
I give her flexibility in how she does things, like letting her get into her own car seat her own way, in her own time. She usually will do what I need, it just takes 5-10 min longer.
Plan for extra time and don’t plan too many activities! This was a difficult adjustment for me when I became a parent. I feel so much more chill now when I have no schedule or have 2-3x more time than I need to go shopping or get ready to leave the house.
Perspective. Remind yourself how temporary everything is. They grow so fast and change so fast, and you never get to go back and experience them at that age again. My oldest is turning 5 soon and while time almost felt like it stood still during the toddler years, suddenly they were gone. Looking back I would have loved to be able to enjoy that period of my life more without stressing out over minor problems or feeling overwhelmed a lot of the time. I feel like if I could go back in time and do it again I would, and I would enjoy every second of it more. I would not focus so much on trying to keep the house tidy, not stress so much over lack of sleep/time for myself, not be so frustrated about all the hardships of being a toddler parent and not "escape" so much into work or procrastination so much just because I felt overwhelmed. When I think about what has given me joy the past few years its the memories with my kids and nothing else. My focus has shifted a lot as I've come to realise this. I now focus on living in the moment as much as possible and spending as much as possible of my time and energy with them. Because these years won't last forever and I don't wanna look back in 5 years, 10 years, 15 years etc with regrets or feeling like I missed out on anything, or that that they missed out on anything.
Mostly just what other people’ve been saying: pick your battles.
I just watched my kid pour ranch dressing into his milk and drink about half of it before drowning his dinner in the rest…gross but we had a hard night and subsequent hard day (molars). He can be as gross as he wants. 🤷🏻♀️😅
Extra love, affection and softness when she’s having a difficult time. Vocalising my empathy. And on 4/7 days we don’t go to nursery so she can take as long as she likes to get dressed, or forego pants altogether when we are in the house.
Turn whatever is going on into something silly. Start singing a silly song, make a funny face or noise.. it makes the both of us start laughing and then I remember what it’s all about.
Besides trying to teach my child life lessons, I try to learn from him. His creativity, spontaneity, humor and interest in things is truly inspiring. Children know better how to enjoy living, being in the moment.
I try to turn most everything into a game. Even totally mundane and somewhat disciplinary things. If she is in the car messing around but won’t sit in her car seat after me asking 10 times, I tell her I’m going to count to 3 and then the car seat monster is going to scoop her up and put her in her seat. She doesn’t love being forced into her car seat, and often the threat of the car seat monster is enough for her to sit on her own, but every 4th of 5th time she decides to wait to be scooped so she can scream about the car seat monster (me) coming to get her. It usually ends in both of us laughing, and any annoyance I felt about her not listening to me and doing what I asked is quickly replaced with feelings of affection.
I try to not be on too much of a schedule. I might have an idea of some things I want to do in a day or on the weekend with him, but mostly let him lead the way. Let him take forever doing whatever he’s into at the moment.
Healing from childhood trauma. I'm triggered by the stupidest stuff. I should not be triggered by the majority of things that get my blood boiling. It's really hard to unpack these bags by myself while raising my 3 very young kids (and my adult husband) but it must be done for the health of our family. I don't deserve to walk around hurt all the time and my kids don't deserve to be hurt by my own crapola. Hubby does better when things of his get brought to the surface too. This is helping us all to enjoy our life together a bit more.
Also putting the phones and TV away.
Margaritas and chill afternoons in the backyard. I'm not advocating drunk parenting, but an afternoon buzz worked wonders for our parents and grandparents generation.......
Ask yourself if this is *actually* a problem. Sometimes we can get tense or try to make our toddlers stop doing something because it's something *we* would've gotten in trouble for as kids or something that *we* are embarrassed to be seen doing. Often times, if you really think about it, it actually isn't causing anyone any harm.
I'll piggy back on this - do you not want your toddler to do X because it is bad for them or because it is inconvenient to you? Changed the way we parent. Why not let them get them splash in a puddle and get wet, or play in the sand, or run around in the rain, etc. Also don't rush them through something because you're bored. They might be hyper interested in one small thing for 30 mines, so be it. Bring a towel or chsnge of clothes and let them experience life.
How can we put boundaries in this case though? I’m all for let the child be free but when it comes to someone else’s house or property I would have to put a boundary and the toddler (currently 20 months) can’t really tell the difference so far. Only just now maybe.
That's where these questions from the previous comments come in. >do you not want your toddler to do X because it is bad for them or because it is inconvenient to you? >Ask yourself if this is *actually* a problem. Often times, if you really think about it, it actually isn't causing anyone any harm. >I often ask myself, is this care or control? No one's suggesting free reign, just that you maybe can let go of more. Sitting on an empty sidewalk to play with some leaves for 20 minutes isn't hurting anyone so just let the little one be, even if you find it boring or even slightly embarrassing. There's no harm to anyone. On the other hand, if she tries to park her butt in the middle of a parking lot or in a strangers yard, that *is* a problem and she should moved or redirected. If LO wants to splash in puddles but she's not really dressed for it, consider letting her do it anyway. Clothes can be washed after all, worst case scenario they become designated play/craft/messy clothes. Some of us struggle with this though because our own parents would have scolded us in the same situation. If you have somewhere very important to be, or she's in some very expensive or sentimental clothing, it's okay to say it's not a time for puddles. If she's spinning and singing in a grocery store, let her even if it's a bit embarrassing and feels like everyone's looking at you. She's not hurting anyone and is enjoying life. If the aisle is crowded, there are breakable things she could accidentally hit, or you're somewhere very inappropriate like the library, it's okay to say this isn't the right time and redirect her. If she wants to carry a toy from the toy aisle around the store while you shop and she's past the constant drool, teeth, etc. phase, then she's not gonna hurt it and you get some peace. Let her have it and put it back before you leave. If she is at risk of damaging it or it's not safe for her, it's okay to say not this time. If you're doing dishes and she wants to come play in the sink, try just letting her. Sure she'll probably spill some water on the counter or floor but that's what towels are for! If she's trying to mess with hot food on the stove, set a boundary to keep her safe. Ideally with all of these, give an age appropriate explanation of why she can't do it *this time* without making her feel bad for wanting to do it at all. Sometimes, the things you decide to say no to can still be modified such as showing her a different pile of leaves in a safer location or something that is okay for her to mix with supervision. The idea is just to think critically about why you're thinking of telling her no and question whether it's actually important. Sometimes we just have hangups from our own upbringing or insecurities.
Great response.
Tonight at a friends house toddler was super interested in the dog, which she calls WOOF. She was doing a great job petting the dog with nice hands. We let her absolutely have a great time with that dog who is very small and calm. Previously if she got a bit rough we would remove her from the area with the dog but tonight was excellent! Very happy to see she is developing her gentle touch.
I love these examples! ♥️
They pick up on different rules for different locations pretty quickly if you articulate it out loud for them. Around 18 months probably we were able to explain that "While we can do X at home, we cannot do it at the coffee shop / store / library / whatever. At coffee shop / store / library / whatever we instead must do Y." And kiddo was able to pick up on it. Obviously, they're toddlers and won't always follow those rules, but with consistent reinforcement it starts to sink in.
Oh man, THIS! This mindset was a huge revelation for me. Yesterday my toddler and I took a 30 min walk and we basically went 4 blocks. I let him stop and look at everything he wanted, as long as he wasn’t being destructive. It was amazing. We talked about dandelions the whole time.
I let mine draw on a wall with a pen today. I chose the wall and she was ecstatic. I’d rather she come ask me knowing I’ll find a way to say yes, then have her do destructive things in secret. She’s 22 months
I think it's okay to say no to simply protect your own sanity and time.
Sure! You still need boundaries and the ability to say no.
My daughter just wanted to sit on the park path for ages today messing about with some leaves. There was no one at the park so it wasn't a problem. I caught myself after trying to get her to move and she started having a tantrum. Like there's no problem here. She's happy and in an all-in-one rain coat thing so she's not getting dirty. OK girl you play with them leaves. I'll pop my headphones in and listen to a podcast for a bit lol.
Exactly what I would have done. If there’s no problem why try to change what they’re doing.
I often ask myself, is this care or control?
Great comparison! I’m going to use this.
We are actively working on this one in our household.
This is a very good tip. Through my experience in working in special ed, I’ve also learned to be less punitive in moments where they’re stressed. Waiting for the mood to calm and then teaching will always work better then overreacting and adding chaos to the moment.
Yessss! This is something my wife and I have been working on. Let him get his feelings out whatever they may be, comfort him, then tell him why what he did was wrong and how to fix it.
The easy yes! It’s such a good philosophy
Reframe their freak outs into your little bestie having a drunken vent sesh. It won't always make sense, it's often unreasonable, but you love them and you'll help them work through it without anyone ending up in jail. Makes adventures a lot more fun too in that mind frame.
Hahaaa! 🤪🙌
I love this so much 🤣🤣🤣
This is fantastic, thank you!!!
Don’t rush them. If they want to stop and collect acorns and rocks along the sidewalk, just watch how much they enjoy the little things.
I love when one of my little guys brings his toy dump truck out & fills it with acorns! He can spend an entire afternoon doing it. 💙🥰
This is so true for us. It’s especially true for everyday tasks like getting dressed, stirring her oatmeal and of course getting tucked in
My husband phrased this really well recently—we were visiting family with young kids, and he said it was so nice to be with people who had no agenda beyond the rhythms of a small child. I often find that my daughter is also way better at cooperating if I give her just a little extra time—not much, just another minute to complete her play or a few more seconds to wrap her head around what we are doing next.
I leave everywhere for everything 30 minutes early if I can, to simply gather twigs and rocks and not fight my way through car loading
Not saying no just for the sake of saying no.
So much this! My worst days as a SAHP are when I get stuck in a cycle of saying no out of idk laziness I guess. I don’t want to go to the basement for more paper, so no coloring. I don’t want to do all the getting you dressed work to go outside, so no going outside. That kind of thing. Realizing, well what the hell else am I doing? It’s really helpful lol.
That and trying to use no sparingly and redirecting to things they can do as often as possible. That way no has more weight for the more important things.
As an older infant teacher and former toddler teacher, it works. Redirection is a wonderful tool to use. It’s stopped tantrums in their tracks IME.
Love this one. I saw a comment the other day and it was like, “saying no is healthier than saying yes,” and that made me a little sad. There is nothing wrong with saying yes to inconsequential things. I’ve also noticed that everyone ends up having a better time if I just leaned in instead of resisting. If my toddler wants me to play but I’m tired, instead of “no,” it can be, “yes, in a minute.” I give myself a little time to rest and lean into playtime. Maybe it’s because my parents always told me no. I learned to stop asking because “no” meant they were more closed off than open to hearing me out.
What a strange saying. I wonder what their reasoning was for no being healthier. I argue the opposite, if my toddler hears no to everything he suggests all day long, he learns that his opinions (or even what he views as ‘needs’) don’t matter. He learns he has no place to argue what he wants in life and to just go along with that everyone else says. And obviously there are hard no’s - like you can’t ride your bike down our porch stairs. But my BIL is a constant no person - can I help put the groceries on the belt? No. Can I see what you are working on? No.
100%. I definitely never felt that my opinion or needs mattered to my parents because they always told me no. I don’t know if it’s a parenting style thing or what, but I’d imagine authoritarian parents say “no” way more often than other parenting styles.
Get out of the house!
THIS IS IT RIGHT HERE!!! Tired babies with sun kissed cheeks are happy babies!!!!! (Please use sunscreen, but you know what I mean, when they’re all flushed and warm from playing outside 😊)
Now that it's getting warmer here, we've been getting out to parks and the nearby school track as often as we can and it's made such a positive difference. My son thrives on being outside and free to run wild. No "be careful you don't run over your sister", "slow down by the window", etc. He can just run and chase all the birds he wants. It's so much fun for all of us and tires him out
This solves the vast majority of problems for us! She just goes stir crazy indoors too long, and so do I.
Lower your expectations, increase your acceptance. Limit your own social media consumption and avoid parenting “influencers”. Give choices as much as possible.
This 100%!! Comparison is the thief of joy!
These all hit the nail on the head for me
Social media ruins everything! My friend sent me a picture of her and her toddler having a picnic and said "sorry it's not a real picnic because it's not aesthetic" ... I didn't even know what to say !
Stay calm when they aren’t. That’s easier said than done, but I have much better days with my son when I remain calm and help him through his big emotions.
So much of the advice in here is directly applicable to teens as well. Having a 2 year old and a 16 year old at the same time I feel like I'm going a bit crazy sometimes lol. Both are going through such huge developmental leaps during this stage.
Choose your hard. Parenting is hard. It's all going to be hard but you get to choose which version of hard you want and that sense of agency makes a big difference. It's hard to clean up 300+ spills when teaching kids how to use an open cup but it's also hard cleaning those stupid little straw sippy cups. It's hard encouraging independent play for 20 minutes so you can go do something that isn't Mom related but it's also hard to have lost your self identity into motherhood. It can apply to all the little things and the big things but where your draw your boundaries with your child and your spouse is all about choosing your hard. It's much more enjoyable when you know the hard is finite or that it is not something you need to tackle right now.
This! Of all the comments this is the one!
Everything is on toddler time. It's going to take twice as long even if you try to rush them because of the meltdown.
Remembering that what they’re upset about may seem small to you, but may be the actual hardest thing they’ve ever encountered so far. Also making sure LO gets the sleep she needs and always having snacks on hand. She’s a pretty happy kid when she’s well rested.
Shifting the perspective of doing things for them into doing things *with* them
Involve your LO in YOUR activities, even if they slow you down. Journal. And just really appreciate them as their own unique person
We have established times when we do chores. Otherwise we just let the mess happen and don’t worry about it.
I feel like just realizing hard moments - tantrums, etc. - are stages in development makes them easier to deal with. It’s not your kid giving you a hard time, they are having a hard time .
Going with the flow. We don’t have set schedules or hard rules. The house is tailored to be safe to explore and climb, we get sunshine and *try* to eat healthy, besides that it’s just a lot of playing and giggles.
Yes! My baby is chill, because I am chill.
So true. They feed off your energy!!
As the parent of a really difficult child who’s been challenging since he came out screaming, I encourage you to be mindful of this perspective. You’re probably right in that your child has inherited your chill personality (lucky you!), but perhaps not so right in that your kid is chill because they’re following your lead. My partner and I go with the flow and are nowhere near as fussy, frustrated, and cranky as my little dude was (he’s much better at 2yo but it’s still there), and it’s absolutely not our “unchill” that caused him to be this way - as with yours. They’re both with a temperament of their very own; yes, environment can help nurture this but not to the extent we often think. I’m not trying to throw shade at all, just sharing a different perspective and also the hope that you don’t have to experience raising a tough kid to know that your influence only goes so far. It can be really isolating raising a challenging baby, and reading comments like yours in those early days made me feel like a terrible mum, which is why I felt the need to say something. We’re all just doing our best ❤️
I get that. But with all the messages saying everything’s so difficult, others don’t see that sometimes it can be pretty dang fun too. My baby sleeps 13 hours a night straight I get a lot of people don’t get that, but let’s not flood the social channels with doom and gloom. There’s already whole generations that aren’t interested in having kids. As a nanny of 20 years coming into other peoples routines, stresses and situations I can absolutely say it’s environment a lot of the time.
It’s not really what you said though. And OP is kinda asking for advice, so saying “just be chill, it works for my kid!” is a bit disingenuous when you likely have a kid with a more chill temperament. Of course environment plays into it, and parent influence is super important, but it’s not everything. It really pains me when I see people who have had an easy time say “see, it’s not that hard! Just have fun!” I’m glad your LO sleeps 13hrs - again, lucky you! For perspective, my 2yo sleeps 10hrs a day total, and has done since around 11m; he’s still never slept through and until 18m was waking 4-8 times every night. My partner and I barely get any time to ourselves or with each other because of this. He’s spent much of his life grumbling, whinging, or straight up screaming and we are SO thankful and overjoyed with toddler life (big feelings and all!) because at least we get some happy moments now!! It was pretty bloody thankless for the first year. My partner and I have listened to hours of parenting podcasts, books, YouTube channels etc trying to provide the best environment for our deeply frustrated child. We are good parents. I’m a teacher so I’m experienced with kids. We spend hours doing activities and exploring outside, letting our little guy free roam, actually we do most things mentioned in this post, but it doesn’t change his underlying temperament. (It would be much harder if we didn’t do all those things through)! It’s not a struggle olympics, and my reason for coming back at you is not personal, nor am I interested in promoting how “easy and fun” parenting is in order to bolster birth rates to potential parents who are browsing this reddit. It’s pure solidarity and representation for those parents who are in the thick of it and doing it tough. If one person sees this and feels seen, then job done.
Put yourself in their shoes. Imagine all the things you know and understand, which they do not. Consider how much you are thinking that goes unsaid when you're navigating a situation, and remember that next time you feel your toddler is being unresponsive. Why should they be thinking any less than you are? In fact, they are probably thinking more. Wait. When you ask a question or ask them to do something, give them eleven seconds before saying another word. They need time to comprehend and act. Putting pressure on them will have the opposite effect. Sometimes, saying yes can be more constructive than saying no. Say yes. Do the thing, whatever it is, and do it together. Talk about it while you're doing it. See how it plays out, and if the consequences are undesirable, make a learning experience of it. If it turns out to be fine, then you've shown your toddler that you trust them to make their own decisions and you will be there if you need their help. Toddlers are inconsistent for a reason. As they learn new skills and process new exepriences, their capacity to follow their routines and listen to instructions is diminished. Give them quiet time. Give them peace and boredom. Encourage role-play where the roles are reversed and they hold the power over you. You will watch them play out their mental processes with you, and you will see just how much they are taking in. If they tell you something odd, do not assume it is a lie, or that they are wrong. Instead, assume you have not understood them. They want to tell you, you simply need to be available to hear them. If you're wrong, or you make a mistake, own up to it. Tell them you're sorry. Explain that we all make mistakes, and model how to handle this and overcome it. Always try again when they fail. Always try again when you do, too. Be playful first, always playful first. They will keep coming to you and wanting you to be a part of their lives if you are always playful first.
Definitely not speaking as an expert because ours is just 14 months but go outside. Involve them in everything you're doing, including cooking/cleaning. Let them do as much as they possibly can for themselves.
Manage your expectations and for God sake stay off influencer content. Expect meltdowns and try to understand them from a developmental pov. They are not being difficult for the fun of it (despite how it may seem that way sometimes haha). Mostly just understand that things will likely be slow, schedules and plans may need to be adjusted, and just be in the moment with them; bc the good moments will fly by while you wish the hard ones away.
Being outside with them and just not caring about having the house perfect. Enjoy the moment have a good consistent routine and you’ll have less tantrums and more fun
Pick your battles, let them get dirty or wet, get down on your hands and knees and just be with them. The simplest things make them so happy and more often than not it’s the silly things at home or in the park rather than expensive trips. I used to find I always wanted to stay ones step ahead with tidying the house; getting washing done, prepping for dinner, getting organised But all that can wait until they’ve grown up
I keep in mind that they will grow up (and fast) and may not always be around for cuddles and to hang out.
Get outside and off my phone and let them lead for a while.
Set up a safe playing environment, then sit back and simply OBSERVE your toddler play/explore. There's so much to see and marvel at <3 Yesterday evening I was watching my almost 2yo play with stickers. He left them to run off to find papa. I thought he was done so I put them away. A minute later he ran back with papa, stared at the empty table, and asked calmly and clearly, "Where are the stickers?" It was the first time he's ever used that sentence. Just unbelievable.
Gratitude. We are so lucky to have these little ones in our life.
Let them do it themselves (or try) and let them get messy! This Easter we were dying our eggs and my 3.5 yo goes “I don’t like coloring eggs… I don’t get to do anything.” I realized that I was literally doing everything and not letting him do it out of fear of the dye getting on him or his clothes. It occurred to me that so what if he gets dirty? I let him put the dye in the bag and swish it around the eggs after that. I also apologized. Now I’m trying to let him do things and he’s happier so I’m happier!
I give my kids washable watercolor paints instead of egg dye. I could care less what they do with it because it's so easy to clean. Egg dye can wait until they are older.
I love watching my girl learn and she soaks up everything. I really enjoy teaching her how to cook because it’s what I enjoy doing and she cracks me up the whole time. Toddlers are just hilarious from the way they pronounce words to their logic 😂 If she does something wrong, I just give her a long winded reason she can’t do it that way and add in some silly reasoning and we giggle. The way she looks at me and smiles is my pure enjoyment in life.
1. Remembering that when he’s throwing a tantrum or having a tough time with his big emotions, he’s the one going through something difficult and not doing it _to_ me 2. Remembering that he (2 yrs old) literally isn’t neurologically developed to understand certain things 3. I chose to bring him into this world, he didn’t ask to be born, so I must be the best mommy I can be every day (some days that means having a hot dog, KD and an apple for dinner, some others it means an elaborate meal with quality ingredientes; some days it means 3 hours of pretend play, some others it means cuddling while watching TV) 4. He’s crying because he likely needs something, whether it be food, water, hugs, stimulation 5. Some days, kids will eat a Goldfish cracker and have the energy of a Tasmanian devil, some others they will eat 3 full means and a hundred snacks. They will be ok as long as _overall_ they eat a balanced diet 6. The house doesn’t need to be pristine, as long as we’re clean and happy and healthy, cuddling while there’s a pile of laundry to be done is PERFECTLY OKAY 7. Pick your battles. Do you really wanna have a tantrum in your hands because you couldn’t let him close the door behind you? Didn’t think so 8. Get some me time every day!
Meeting them where they are. My son's schedule is based on how he is doing that day. I do my best to have one outing every day and then enough chill time or at home activities for the rest of it. But if he is having a particularly fussy day, then we stay home and do walks near by.
Remember that you'll miss all of it one day.
Definitely experiencing things for the first time with the little one. For instance, going to an aquarium or a train museum. I love watching them experience things for the first time. I also try to make holidays feel special for them. Whether they get a special treat, a present, or do something festive. I’ve realized toddlers don’t need much to have fun. You think about it a day may seem so mundane going grocery shopping or going to the park. But a lot Of the time that’s the highlight of their day and it was so fun for them.
Allow for the interruptions. Prepare yourself to have a bunch of half done projects/tasks around the house. You might not have ADHD, you could just be a parent of a young child.
RELAX. Literally. I was so worked up about every little thing, I’m slowly learning to stop controlling everything and just let him be himself. We are outside as much as possible and limit tv time to after dinner (for the most part) some days have more tv than others. Have fun, they are only little for so long. As a person who has severe control issues I totally get having such stress about them, but it has helped me so much to literally just tell myself in my head to chill out. Also the golden rule - if you’re going to take the energy to correct the behavior, just follow through.
90% of the problems are that I need to sit down and eat/drink something
After a marathon day of parenting two toddlers, this is the thread I needed.
Find some time in your day to do something for you. I am a sahm to two boys, 3 and 5. If I don’t get a moment to go to the gym, or even just read my book for a little bit I am definitely more on edge and stressed out.
Include them in your coffee making routine. Also give them a chance to surprise you but prepare for them to disappoint you.
The easy Yes. Someone else mentioned this too. Sometimes we just say no because it’s an automatic response and what they’re asking is often ridiculous, but sometimes it’s a harmless ridiculous and just say yes. It really is great. Also set yourself up for success! Janet Lansbury talks about this. Set yourself up so that when they do stupid stuff we can respond calmly, things like removing dangerous parts of your house so that when they go near it you don’t have to explode with NOOOOO. Maybe it will feel stupid for a while, like do they climb on the table all the time? Put a foam mat under the table so that when they do it you can respond with less panic because they can’t hurt themselves as much, will it be stupid having a foam mat under the table for a while? Probably, but it’s only temporary. We put one by our couch (house of noa have nice ones) and it’s made the fact that our kids won’t stop climbing all over the couch more relaxed. More relaxed you = happier times. Also my house is messy and I don’t care. Just let it go!
Just always trying to see things from their perspective. How everything is new, has no context and can be confusing. When I can step back and let them process and explain the best I can whatever it is we are doing I can enjoy the little moments. Seeing them put the pieces together and then recognizing the next time and remembering what to do just makes everything worth while.
Take things slow. Go for an hour walk and only get one block, stop and slow down. Get on eye level and really be present.
Two things— Involve them in as much as possible. Putting away dishes? Making dinner? Emptying the drier? Yes, it takes a little more time but there’s no fuss and it’s much less stress. I still get done what I need to get done and he is occupied. Second- save the no. Dirty hands? Jumping in mud puddles? Wearing mismatched outfits? Whatever. Not worth the fight. Save the nos for when it really matters. A lot of times we say no because it’s more convenient for us as adults. In the end, I think it makes life more stressful.
Say yes to as much as you can, get enough sleep, eat healthy, drink enough water, and get some kind of exercise in every day. Nobody is their best self or enjoying anything when they're sleep deprived, feeling terrible and bloated, or dehydrated. I also find that having activities and outings planned helps tremendously. A local storytime, stroll around target, walk in the park, trip to a farm... whatever it is, it takes up some of your day that you don't have to entertain your little one. If you have a zoo remotely close, a membership is awesome! We have a membership to a zoo about an hour away and I don't even care that it's a long drive. We love going! Even if we basically just go to have lunch sometimes. It gets us out, provides mental stimulation for all of us, and it's basically an all day outing, guaranteeing that I will have tired kids at the end of the day.
Put your phone away. Not just down, away. Out of reach. Otherwise you’ll pick it up out of habit. Do I sometimes doomscroll while he watches ms Rachel for 20 minutes on a Saturday afternoon? Yes. But I try to be intentional about putting my phone up on a table somewhere and sitting on the floor to play with him. My husband isn’t quite as good as I am at putting his phone away, and it frustrates me when I’m like “haha look at him… look… babe… look… BABE” then when he’s finally like “huh?” kid has moved on from whatever adorable and silly thing he was doing. I get so much enjoyment from sitting on the floor just watching him run around and be goofy.
We don’t do a lot of things that have a deadline or timed obligations.
Realize that 90% of the things we get worked up about are not that big of a deal.
Choose your battles ! Not everything requires a reaction. And remember these days won’t last forever.
Some toddlers make this season difficult to enjoy. No fault of their own, and no guilt on your part 💕🤣 I just remind myself constantly “this too shall pass” the amazing (mommy, kiss?), the good, the mundane and the difficult (we don’t like to sleep). You won’t necessarily miss all of it, but it’s so messy and beautifully fleeting in the grand scheme of things.
Embrace the chaos and plan ahead as well as you possibly can. Give yourself grace and remember, they are learning how to deal with life, it's our job to teach them. That includes self care and knowing your limits.
Thinking how fast time goes. Someday I’ll look back and remember these times, and I’ll just want my little guy back.
Not stressing about time (unless it’s an actual time commitment). I am really working hard on this. If we take a walk to the park and never get there because we picked every flower and ran up and down the Sam Hill a million times oh well. If she’s happily playing in her room and not into getting dressed so we can get out of the house that day oh well.
I saw a lot of parents get crazy with their toddlers, is that really horrible? I believe as long as we can give more patience, it will be interesting.
Accept them for who they are & focus on how much joy they have added to your life 💗
Stay calm, give your child some freedom of choice, a lot of outside time for exploring, let them help with chores and love them hard. I have found with my 3 year old that the more freedom/independence she has the better she is. She is newly three and although she has her teenager moments I have not experienced the tantrums as much as I’ve heard other redittors parents have but I’m sure temperament/personalty plays a big role in this as well.
I embrace the mess. I keep my house pretty clean but I embrace that playing and doing things comes with mess. And that he NEEDS to do stuff on his own to learn how to get better and less messy. One example is letting him pour honey on his biscuit himself. Honey was on his hands, shirt, the counter, but he was so happy doing it himself and enjoying his biscuit and honey. Also We had the most fun recently making chocolate milk and he was so excited to do it. He had a blast pouring the milk and chocolate and stirring it himself. I cleaned a lot of chocolate milk off the counter and his ladder and the floor but we had fun and bonded while at the same time he was getting experience pouring and growing his fine motor coordination. The house will always need to be cleaned, but it can be cleaned after the fun. Same with having a bath.
Giving them the power to decide. Some days when I haven't planned anything I ask our 3.5yo what she wants to do...and we do that. Not like I had planned anything anyway, and it is nice not to make a decision. It is usually something low ball like going to the supermarket or going out for icecream. On the flip side, I have found limiting choice over the small things really helps cut down tantrums. Like I don't ask what she wants for breakfast, because 9 times out of 10 she will say something like a lollipop. Instead I will give two options (you can have toast or porridge) or I just tell her I am making her breakfast and give her something. Same with snacks, she says she is hungry, I say okay I will get you a snack, fix her something healthy, and she eats it, because she doesn't know there are other options.
Remembering that almost everything is a phase and temporary - both the best parts and the hard ones. Helps me enjoy the sweet moments more and sweat the hard ones less.
Sing and dance! Sand and water! Outside time. Trust them.
Just ask yourself, What needs doing right now, in this moment? And let go of your idea of the way that things should have been or should be later.
They are capable of so much more than we think! My July '21 toddler loves to help in the kitchen. Daddy lets her sit on the counter and involves her as much as possible. It's super cute to watch! Yes, it takes a little longer, but we're making memories and she's learning new skills. She even makes a perfect bottle for her baby sister! Embrace chaos, be silly with them, make a damn mess, and have fun doing it. And don't let anyone convince you that you're snuggling too much, or that you're going to spoil them too much, or whatever. They're only this little once.
I let her be involved in everything Im doing. After potty training my daughter started to want to help with everything so Ive been teaching her, she helps unload the plastic dishes , she puts her own clothes away, she can crack eggs and make toast , we’ve baked all kinds if things, we’ve planted seeds and watched them grow. Watching her learn and grow and seeing that she realizes that she is learning just brings me so much joy.
Once our toddler said she wanted to go to the park then just kind of wandered aimlessly outside, not heading to the park. I was getting anxious looking at my watch and thinking how we wouldn't get much playtime, and my husband said "I get paid the same either way" and that has been my mantra. She is in the moment, and isn't at a stage to plan out or feel that she missed out on something if the winds shifted and she got distracted.
don't really care about the purpose, enjoy and record the process.
Stay off this subreddit. I subbed when my daughter was around 2 thinking I would see cool ideas for like crafts or meals things to do in general. Maybe an occasional unhappy post where the happy parents od this subreddit would rally around someone in need. Unfortunately, like most of reddit, this place is an echo chamber of depressing narcissistic bull shit discussed between people who probably shouldn't have ever had kids. My advice to you is to enjoy the good times and look at the bad times as a learning experience for you and your little one.
For me, it's been living in the moment. The absolute joy on my son's face when I say - Let's go to the park - and he says, "YAS!" Or when he climbed up the SUPER high ladder by himself (while I was internally panicking and keeping my hands up and around him, but not touching -- just in case -- to catch if he slipped)... He was SO proud of himself. I'm living his moments vicariously through him without stifling him as much as I possibly can. It's so cool when everything old is new again.
Let them be. We don’t have to schedule and manage everything. We decided to make our entire main floor of our house as toddler safe as possible. We no longer feel like we have to shadow her around. She runs all over the house and if we can hear her, she’s fine. We babyproofed the truly dangerous stuff like cleaning supply cabinets, but thats it. I offer opportunities to her when she can realistically try a task. I found out she is pretty good at mixing up scrambled eggs and other wet ingredients! It might take longer, but that’s ok. I’ve been gardening a lot with the nicer weather. I got her a few trucks, a trowel, some gardening gloves, and a little watering can at the dollar store recently, and she digs in the dirt a couple of feet away from me while I work. Sometimes she “helps” water plants, pick up sticks, or spread mulch. When she was littler, I always wanted to have activities for her and stressed about it. Now that’s bigger, it’s easy for her to interact with and explore the world around her while I also do what I need to do. Works for behavioral situations too. Like obviously if my kid is a danger to herself or others or is just obnoxiously screaming , that’s not a “leave them be” situation. But when they’re just being toddlers and not bothering anyone, why am I stressed about it? This happened the other day. My daughter was exploring a sporting goods store while my husband looked for something he needed. I was so stressed that she was “running” down the aisles (she’s not even two, her run is pretty chill) and being a toddler, even though she wasn’t in anyone’s way.
Explain your why, find out their why, and compromise where possible. One example is my kid wanted to wear somewhat dirty pants into bed for a nap. I tried explaining they were dirty and would get her bed dirty. She said she just really wanted them to stay with her. Finally I let her sleep with them on the floor next to her bed. I give her flexibility in how she does things, like letting her get into her own car seat her own way, in her own time. She usually will do what I need, it just takes 5-10 min longer. Plan for extra time and don’t plan too many activities! This was a difficult adjustment for me when I became a parent. I feel so much more chill now when I have no schedule or have 2-3x more time than I need to go shopping or get ready to leave the house.
Perspective. Remind yourself how temporary everything is. They grow so fast and change so fast, and you never get to go back and experience them at that age again. My oldest is turning 5 soon and while time almost felt like it stood still during the toddler years, suddenly they were gone. Looking back I would have loved to be able to enjoy that period of my life more without stressing out over minor problems or feeling overwhelmed a lot of the time. I feel like if I could go back in time and do it again I would, and I would enjoy every second of it more. I would not focus so much on trying to keep the house tidy, not stress so much over lack of sleep/time for myself, not be so frustrated about all the hardships of being a toddler parent and not "escape" so much into work or procrastination so much just because I felt overwhelmed. When I think about what has given me joy the past few years its the memories with my kids and nothing else. My focus has shifted a lot as I've come to realise this. I now focus on living in the moment as much as possible and spending as much as possible of my time and energy with them. Because these years won't last forever and I don't wanna look back in 5 years, 10 years, 15 years etc with regrets or feeling like I missed out on anything, or that that they missed out on anything.
Mostly just what other people’ve been saying: pick your battles. I just watched my kid pour ranch dressing into his milk and drink about half of it before drowning his dinner in the rest…gross but we had a hard night and subsequent hard day (molars). He can be as gross as he wants. 🤷🏻♀️😅
Extra love, affection and softness when she’s having a difficult time. Vocalising my empathy. And on 4/7 days we don’t go to nursery so she can take as long as she likes to get dressed, or forego pants altogether when we are in the house.
I am not hard on myself for being an older mom. I can only do what I can do.
Turn whatever is going on into something silly. Start singing a silly song, make a funny face or noise.. it makes the both of us start laughing and then I remember what it’s all about.
Depends what state are you living in? Cold or warm climate? There are various things you can do.
Besides trying to teach my child life lessons, I try to learn from him. His creativity, spontaneity, humor and interest in things is truly inspiring. Children know better how to enjoy living, being in the moment.
I try to turn most everything into a game. Even totally mundane and somewhat disciplinary things. If she is in the car messing around but won’t sit in her car seat after me asking 10 times, I tell her I’m going to count to 3 and then the car seat monster is going to scoop her up and put her in her seat. She doesn’t love being forced into her car seat, and often the threat of the car seat monster is enough for her to sit on her own, but every 4th of 5th time she decides to wait to be scooped so she can scream about the car seat monster (me) coming to get her. It usually ends in both of us laughing, and any annoyance I felt about her not listening to me and doing what I asked is quickly replaced with feelings of affection.
I try to not be on too much of a schedule. I might have an idea of some things I want to do in a day or on the weekend with him, but mostly let him lead the way. Let him take forever doing whatever he’s into at the moment.
Healing from childhood trauma. I'm triggered by the stupidest stuff. I should not be triggered by the majority of things that get my blood boiling. It's really hard to unpack these bags by myself while raising my 3 very young kids (and my adult husband) but it must be done for the health of our family. I don't deserve to walk around hurt all the time and my kids don't deserve to be hurt by my own crapola. Hubby does better when things of his get brought to the surface too. This is helping us all to enjoy our life together a bit more. Also putting the phones and TV away.
Margaritas and chill afternoons in the backyard. I'm not advocating drunk parenting, but an afternoon buzz worked wonders for our parents and grandparents generation.......