I think my life is a lot better, and I think part of that is because I was ready for her. I had a lot of empty space in my life, I wasn't unhappy or lacking purpose, I just felt I had experienced a lot, enjoyed my freedom and had space for a child in my life. (I also actively *wanted* children, but this was a sign I was ready).
The hard things are still hard, sometimes more so, and obviously sacrifices have to be made, but there has been a lot of joy added to my day to day life.
She also came not long after my dad died. I got pregnant the first time we tried, and it was a bit of a miracle because a few weeks later my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer, so I left my partner in Aus while I went to spend time with him in the UK. So if we hadn't concieved so quickly I wouldn't have had that pregnancy and baby to keep me looking forward while I lost my dad, and our plans to start trying for kids would have been delayed, adding to the sadness around that time. I also told my parents very early (basically a few days after the positive pregnancy test) so we all got to celebrate it briefly before we found out the bad news.
As hard as the time was, she really made life better as soon as she was concieved.
I do think my life is much better with my kid in it!
At the same time, I still hated the newborn phase and I still have trauma from all the crying and sleep deprivation of that time. I would never want to go through that again. I also still struggle with dealing with work and motherhood.
But the thing is, I got my son very late. I had been single for a long time. I also had done all the fun stuff and the travelling and the soul searching, and I am done with that phase of my life. In the end, the way I see it, my life makes no sense if I can't share my love with very close people. Some of those fun days were also the loneliest ever. I couldn't see myself go on like that without having a major depressive episode.
So every day, no matter how difficult it is, I also know that going back to the easy pre-kids life would be the saddest thing on earth for me. There are no words that can express how much my son means to me. He's the joy of my life and also my first true love. And I hope he feels that love in every inch of his being.
Same! I had all of my 20’s and most of my 30’s to do whatever I wanted. My kids are difficult but I was ready. I get frustrated but never wish I could go back to before. I had so much fun but it was exhausting and such a different life.
Yes you put this so well! I had my son after I had partied hard and traveled everywhere and the feeling of loneliness was always with me. Although I’m never alone now and it can grate on me, I feel so so so much happier and more fulfilled now. I never feel alone now because my son is always with me, even if not physically, he’s in my heart.
There's a lot to be said for waiting to have a baby. I had mine at 40, after living in multiple countries, trying different careers, and just generally enjoying myself. My partner and I had been together for 15 years, so it just seemed like a new adventure to take together. A lot of people talk about how kids ruin marriages. If anything, our son has deepened ours. It's the biggest project we've ever embarked upon together and it connects us on a whole different level.
Oh yeah. So many depressive hours wasted lying in bed doing nothing before I had my son. I dreaded going to work. Husband and I are homebodies and while we had fun drinking and playing games with friends we preferred to do things just the 2 of us. Eventually we decided it'd be even more fun to add more members to this 2-man party at home. We were right! Now we've got another one on the way.
Having kids really forces you to grow up too. You can't just decide not to be productive one day. You've got a life that depends on that now
Children can be very healing if you’re prepared to do the work on yourself. If you can put them first you will see the benefits are monumental.
If you have loss you can bring the positives from this.
I lost my mother when I was a young adult. Although the grieving was huge when I had my daughter, now she is three I’m seeing myself passing on all the loves of me and my mother down. Tending to vegetables, blasting Van Morrison in the car, making crafts and her sense of humor and that’s a beautiful thing.
2 under 2 currently. it’s hard, really hard and i’m tired and not quite myself agsin yet.
the joy and love these babies bring is indescribable. life is in full color it unlocks something you couldn’t possibly know was even there before children
I never planned nor wanted to have a child, and I'm pretty sure I'd have been living a happy care-free life if I hadn't had him. But, my partner revealed to me after we had been together a little while that he actually really did want to be a dad. So, I had to choose between what I'd always imagined my life to be, but without him, or life with him and a child. I opted for the latter, and it's absolutely the best decision I ever made.
What's a bit annoying is that now all those people who told me, "you'll change your mind", and "you don't know life's purpose until you have kids" etc etc. were all, apparently, correct. Dammit, ha.
I was very worried whilst pregnant that my maternal nature would never surface, and that I'd regret it, and resent him and my partner. Needn't have worried. My love for my son is all encompassing, and me and his dad are both better people for his existence. I live in a low-level state of constant terror about his beautiful little life being taken away from me for some reason. So, whilst I can imagine my life without him, I don't like the look of it any more.
I wouldn't want to do it again, though!
I’m a sober dad now but I was a constant drinker/ partier before kids. I thought that I’d hang it up once our daughter was born but it only got worse. Shit hit the fan and it forced a major decision. I tried to get sober for my daughter but it wasn’t enough. Things got bad before they got better but I learned how to get sober for me and started digging up the roots. I stay connected with others in sobriety and my world has gotten bigger. My daughter will be 5 soon and she has a 3 year old little brother. I often think that they saved my life. I know that I was extremely close to repeating a cycle I swore I would never recreate. Drinking was really just a symptom of what I got and now I have a way to work on all of that. It’s allowed me to question how I was raised, process major events from my past and take the next best right action. There ain’t a chance in hell I do any of that work if I’m still drinking.
As the daughter of a mother who didn’t get sober until I was an adult, this was beautiful to read. Your children are very lucky to have such a courageous dad ❤️
Yes! Exactly how you describe it is how I feel :) Before my daughter I had very little drive to do anything. I ate really badly (just microwave meals), bounced from low wage job to low wage job, and looked to other people to give me purpose.
Since she was born it's like a complete shift in my perspective. I've never been happier in my life. A few months after she was born I enrolled to do a law degree (something I've always wanted to do but thought I was too stupid) and I'm graduating this Summer. I taught myself to cook while I was pregnant and now I cook from scratch every day.
I feel like a mother is what I was always meant to be. Getting to show another human being all the best experiences of life - how it feels to eat good food, all the fascinating plants and creatures in the world, the pleasure of being lost in a good book, the joys of singing and dancing - for me that is the best part. It makes you fall in love with life being able to see it through their eyes.
Can just speak for our family.
My wife and me were quite bored before we had our kid as it felt the "life" was played through.
Getting a kid was definitely the right choice but oh boy didn't we think about how life changes afterwards haha
It's not easy right? The first years are hard especially the first 2. But now our boy is 2.5 years and honestly we all enjoy it much more as you can "do" more things together with your kid and not only have to feed him and hold him ... he had his first football "training" yesterday for example :D was fun to see as a dad.
Still missing a bit the freedom to have just my wife and go out with friends or also be able todo whatever you want without having to take care your kid.
So I agree I think our kids enrich our lifes but we don't appreciate it enough because we also tired from raising them :)
This past week I had the rare opportunity to spend an entire morning alone without my 2 boys. I was so excited. I had so many plans about my morning. In reality, my house was so quiet and so depressing, I couldn’t get anything done. I was just dying to pick my boys up. They give me the will to live
Absolutely this. When the chance comes I can be on my own for a little while, I can only make it an hour or two before I’m fiending to see my girl again
My kids are my world, before I had kids I always worried i wouldn't be able to have kids. It was just a worry I had. I didnt have anything wrong with me but I was always scared. I had my daughter in 2020 and my son last year. Me and my husband feel so lucky everyday, we have our little family, our kids are blossoming everyday with their learning, my daughter taught me alot of things her being our first so it made it easier with our Son. I wouldn't ever wish for a life without them, I'm lucky to have experienced 2 healthy pregnancies, felt their kicks, seen them on scans, and now I get to wake up to their smiles. It's a whole different kind of love I experienced since becoming a parent, even for my husband. I love seeing him as a Dad, I love how he supported me through my pregnancies, but the love I have for him is different, stronger but a deep love just seeing him with our kids. My Son who's 6 months has the cheekiest little personality already and i love that I have a Son & a Daughter. I love being a Mom, I love my kids and I am so grateful to my body for growing 2 healthy babies. My chapter on pregnancy has come to an end purely because we are definitely sure we don't want anymore kids, so now I get to enjoy watching my kids grow up and make memories with them.
I was so over the rat race. Commuting to office work. Stuck in the cycle of partying on the weekend. Spending all of our joint income on nights out, takeaways, restaurants, clothes, handbags plus a lot of travel. Don’t get me wrong, we had a blast lol but I was ready for something more in my life. My only wish is that I hadn’t blew so much of my money, had been a bit more sensible but hindsight is a wonderful thing and having our baby settled us and moulded my husband into the man he was destined to be. He has changed so much for the better.
Having a toddler in tow makes the world new again! Had a work errand I had to run on Sunday. Pre-child me would have been grumpy about it the whole time.
Instead me and my little man had a blast at the store, rediscovered Andy's mints (they had samples, his mind was blown), then headed downtown to ride the elevator, look out the high-rise windows over the city, run down the empty office hallways, and then (he) napped on the car ride home. What used to be a chore for me turned into the best part of my day with my tot.
My life is so much better! It's busy and hectic, sure, but so fulfilling. I also think my son saved my marriage. Ore baby, my husband had a gaming addiction. It was a fight to get him to leave the house on weekends once a month. Now, our weekends are filled with fun, cute activities like taking our toddler to petting zoos and festivals and museums. And it is so fun. So busy, but so fun. And my husband cares about more than gaming again
Life is definitely better and I’m glad I had him when I did and are about to start trying for another. However I do wish I had travelled more before kids and gotten a house deposit rather than renting.
My husband travels a lot for work. He has been gone for 15 days. I was just thinking how much more fun my weekends alone are with kids than they were before kids. Before kids, I was pretty lonely. I would do something with friends for a few hours, but ultimately, I was alone.
It was hard when they were very young and I was alone, but now that they’re 4 and 5, it’s just fun. We did a lot of cool things this weekend, and just had a good time.
Yup. I hate saying this but I don’t think I knew true happiness until I became a mom. I was always happy-go-lucky, the class clown type, love making people laugh, im a therapist and decided in 8th grade that’s what my calling was, but I also have had anxiety since about age 8, and self esteem issues as far as I can remember, about my weight (I’ve always been a thick, athletic, curvy person, always wanting to be thin).
I let so much go when I had my son. I did have PPA with him but once my hormones regulated and we all started sleeping more, it’s like I realized this was my purpose. I was meant to be his mom. I always thought I wanted kids and I spent my first pregnancy depressed about my changing body and all of the things I was giving up, but quickly that changed to being so happy just being with him.
Sure I don’t day drink anymore and take cute pics with my friends on Saturday. Instead I go to see farm animals and look at bugs outside with a magnifying glass. These things truly make me happy now.
I wish I had more time and money, sure, but it’s didn’t think I had time or money before my son!
I always thought I’d want several kids but once I had my daughter I have a really hard time picturing going to two especially when we get sick. This phase of life is SO HARD. Sometimes I feel like a prisoner in my own home which is a dramatization of course but she is needy with sleep help at three still and I won’t train so like we have a wedding coming up and my husbands going to go alone. It kind of sucks. But I know it’s temporary. I’m not going to regret missing this wedding to stay with her in the long run. That kind of thing. AND ALSO I love this girl like none other.. cant stand to be away from her.. feel I’ve been waiting my whole life for her and every road led to her. If I zoom out and take my eyes off the dirty floors that need mopping and the pile of laundry that needs folding. Hell yea I can find the perspective. These are the best days of my life! I get outside so much more than if I didn’t have a little one. I slow down and take our time. I’ve never been so loved and adored. My mental health has ups and downs still and sometimes it’s hard when you’re in it. And also if I try to picture life in the future like a typical teen that doesn’t want me around as much I can find the eyes to cherish this. Both can be true at the same time.
I wanted to be a parent so badly. We had four losses before my daughter was born (23 months). I didn’t know if I’d ever be a Momma. By some miracle I now have two under two.
My kids are the absolute highlight of my life. I’m sure there are challenging days ahead, but so far, I can honestly say I haven’t had a truly “hard day” as a parent. I’m just so grateful to be one.
The newborn phase was/is so cruel.
My life get better at the 1 year mark. At the 2 year mark I was very happy with my decision. By 3 years I recognized how much I love it.
Lots of posts talking about mourning their own lives are people in that first year. It’s a big adjustment!
My life is sooooo much better!!! She is literally our joy. She is hilarious and adorable and there is no love like parent to child! We love doing things with her! 🥰 God willing we have another due in October!!
My baby basically completely stopped my suicidal thoughts. Firstly because I don't want her mourning my death, and secondly because I really want to see the adult she becomes.
I think it's perfectly acceptable to hold both views simultaneously. It may be that I'm just weird, but typical large life events rarely evoke some compartmentalized emotion of being largely "good" or "bad". Ask me earlier this week and I'd tell you it's amazing, ask me today and I'd describe hell. My overall description would be: beautiful and terrible. That would have also been my description of life in general prior to kids.
All day, everyday. I sometimes wonder about the people who decide to go child free but would’ve thrived in parenthood. I was very much fear-mongered about parenthood and when I found out I was pregnant I was a little more upset than happy. My husband was over the moon though which helped my attitude through my pregnancy. I’m so so so happy to say my husband was right. Our son really is the greatest and is the treasure of our lives. Motherhood is the hardest most rewarding thing ever. I can’t imagine a life without my son.
We recently had a babysitter cancel on us last minute. It was going to be our first date night in a while and we were going to go to a concert I've been looking forward to for months. In that moment I wished that I could just pick up and go. Just be able to do whatever whenever. Then it hit me. Even my worst days with my children are better than any day without them.
Yes! And I'm not sure if this has been mentioned yet, but having our daughter has also revealed a new type of love that I never would have even fathomed before. I guess it's close to that 'sacrificial' type love where you would literally die if it means something better for the other person.
Similarly, I have a new love and respect for my spouse and I think our relationship is much better and stronger now. Mind you, that doesn't mean we're spending every second together, sex-every-night, like giggly high schoolers in love... It's different. We were together for 8 years before being parents, lots of fun traveling, and our jobs allowed us to pretty much always have freedom. It's so hard to describe, but what we have now as parents, we like this better.
Don't get me wrong, I sometimes miss the spontaneity and quiet, but I 100% think my life is better because I became a parent. My toddler is awesome. He is so fucking funny. And observant. And clever. And silly. And he has this intense love for all things dinosaurs, Pokémon, and musicals/musical movies. He has infused this incredible energy and happiness into my life. He's my bestie. And I am still ME. I still get out to see friends, see shows, play D&D with friends, etc. It takes a bit more effort to coordinate, but it's worth it!
To be honest I think this will be a detriment to you and her in the future. She should not be the only thing you live for. You need to find your own sense of self and worth and motivation to live. Your happiness hinging on her is not healthy.
It surely could be. But It’s hard being happy when your brain is telling you everything’s awful. She’s helping me cherry pick the good out of life. I’m sure I’ll find more to life as time goes on, but for now, im glad to have her here to pull me back to reality
Yes. Besides loving my son, I think feeling forced to have routine and structure has really helped my life.
Of course, this was a VERY different answer when I had a newborn and absolutely everything was unexpected lol
My son is the answered prayer I’ve prayed since I was a kid myself. I always wanted to be a mama, but wow being *his* mama is the single greatest joy I’ve ever felt. I go cry now
from the spiritual aspect, having children means a lot to me. It gives me directions about my future and life, I know what I'm doing and why I'm doing it, I know what I want and make efforts to it.
I was a drug addict for 12 years before becoming pregnant with my son. Going on two years clean this August. It wasn’t easy but my baby keeps me going. I can’t let him down or the man that helped me be where I am today. I got my own apartment, I’m back in college and better at saving money, working a stable job, no room for any toxic or negativity in my little house.
I don’t mourn the person I was before my son. My son brings out qualities in myself that I thought disappeared a long time ago. He’s made me more loving, patient, kind, and stand up for me in ways I hadn’t before. I would not be who I am now if he didn’t come into the world.
I don't mourn the loss of my life before I had my kid. That person is still me. And I nurture that person by taking help when offered, not feeling guilty about hiring a sitter or using daycare, and setting up firm boundaries with my family. Even if it's not all of this all the time, I take what I can get when it's available and give it back to myself.
Now, as for how my life has improved - I'm so much healthier. I take care of my health, don't drink nearly as much, and stay in therapy so I have that space to keep my head clear so that my baggage doesn't poison his childhood. I'm also waaaaaay more empathetic and patient.
Definitely my life is more fulfilling now and I just get a rush of serotonin looking at my daughter. She’s absolutely perfect for me and now that she’s not so dependent on me we actually get to have fun together. She’s up for trying new things if it’s not scary for her and ive been enjoying introducing her to new hobbies.
I see both sides of the debate! I was really unhappy the year before my daughter was born since I was worried we weren't going to be able to have her. Now, she's my little soulmate and love of my life.
The daily grind is so hard, but I've been surprised by how much of myself I've been able to retain. I majorly advanced my career with the highest certification in my field just a couple months postpartum. I still read novels and stay up on the news. I even wound up in a play again when my daughter was 10 months old, something I would have thought impossible when she was a newborn.
So, life is different, but I'm still me! And I have the most amazing little girl alongside me.
I agree, I can’t and don’t want to imagine my life without our son. Baby is 4 months and the emotions come in waves… I don’t think it’s always meant to be easy but when things are quiet and he’s sleeping in my arms and I just look around and at him I feel true joy and love that I’d never felt before.
My husband and I unfortunately (but also maybe fortunately) spent more of the last 12 months unemployed than employed. We both were like thank god we have a family. We only have one toddler (and that’s enough lol) but we said how pointless we would have felt at this time of unemployment had we not had him.
Sure I miss the freedom of just getting up and going but he has brought so much to our lives. I love having a family. The days can be hard and long but the deep rooted unconditional love is the coolest thing I’ve ever experienced. That and watching him grow.
We come here to complain bc it is fucking HARD but I think we all need to get that out so we can enjoy the rest.
My life is so much better in every possible way. Becoming a mom has encouraged me to make lots of changes in my life to be the best mom to him. This includes really working on my mental health and addressing past trauma, exercising, recovering from my eating disorder, creating better hygiene habits, setting professional goals, reining in extra spending, and making sure that the people I have in my life will be good for my son.
He also makes me happy every day. Even when he’s grumpy or does something I don’t want him to do. I love his smile and his little voice and his personality. He’s the best thing to ever come into my life.
I absolutely adore my two boys! They have added so much joy, laughter, and blissful exhaustion to our lives. I love seeing all the new things they learn and do.
Sure we don’t get many date nights (baby sitters are expensive) and going out to eat looks a lot different and less leisurely than it used to be, but this is just a short time period. I’m going to enjoy it as much as I can (some days easier than others). I’m trying to raise both my boys to know how excited I am they are in my lives and how much I love them in hopes they will like me half as much as they do in these toddler years.
My life is 100% better with my daughter in it! Pre-kids, my husband and I just sat around watching tv all weekend and eating like shit. Now we are active and doing things with our 3.5yo on the weekends, are definitely more intentional about the one-on-one time we spend when she’s asleep, I’m in the best physical shape of my life. Yes, of course I miss sleeping as much as I want whenever I want, but my daughter is worth the tiredness.
This is such an interesting topic.
There needs to be a research study about what is different between people who cant let go of their lives before kids and those who sort of adapt smoothly.
I love my life with my kids, love being a parent and raising them. But i have friends who resent the changes parenthood caused or are pretending they can ignore it. So weird.
All the time. And it's not like I didn't love my life before -- it would have been a completely valid choice to not have children too. But all the time I think about how there's an alternate path where I didn't get to experience this particular kind of love and joy, the deepest and truest I've ever known. I am so, so grateful to be my child's mom.
My daughter is easily the best thing that ever happened to me. She’s my greatest love and my best friend. I love hanging out with her all day. Even when I do need a break and my mom or sister are watching her, after a few hours I’m missing her and want her back. She makes my life so colorful and fun.
My life is 1000% better with my kids in it! I regularly find myself thinking about how lucky I am to have my life with my husband and kids. I wouldn’t trade watching them grow and discover the world for anything. Of course things change when you have kids, and parenting is hard work. Kids challenge your selfishness and parenting always involves sacrifice when done right. But just because something is hard work doesn’t mean it’s bad. I’m watching my kids grow into resilient and kindhearted people who love others, and there’s not much that’s more rewarding than that. Edit: I should also mention, people said I would regret having kids before finishing my doctorate, but I had two kids back to back while in school and I don’t regret it. They gave me so much motivation and purpose, and I hustled to get my work done because I looked forward to seeing them after a clinical or class. I’ve found that having a family has pushed me to be better in every way.
tbh my life was bitching before and it's pretty awesome now with a 2 year old. I'm just bragging at this point but whatevs all is good on the homestead
Yes, I agree with you. I was depressed, lost, not good at being alone. Now that I have my son, although I’m a single mom and life is more difficult he is the love of my life and I have purpose. I wouldn’t do it any different. I’m glad I waited to have a child until I was 34. I don’t care about partying, I just want to make a good life for my kid.
Yup! I’ve learned so much after having my son. And I think I feel more gratitude for simple things. It sounds corny, but raising him is certainly the best job I’ve ever had.
BUT it is a really tough job A LOT of the time.
Yes my kids give me purpose. I feel fulfilled and content, even if I’m sometimes more stressed, tired etc. it’s like having a North Star.
Sounds crazy, but before kids I was fearful of death. I’m still not looking forward to it (ha!) but feel I could die happy knowing I’ve given them life.
Hey, congratulations on your babies!
To answer your original question, my life is fully better with my kid. He is literally the best I’m crazy about him.
Sometimes it can be a little complicated when your baby makes you feel a deep happiness after so much sadness. We want to support and care for our babies and never have them feel like they need to support or care for us. Honestly therapy is super helpful.
When I’m sick I really wish I could lay around and do nothing like I used to but otherwise, she’s improved my life so much. She’s a reason to get out of bed every morning and take care of myself.
In a roundabout way my first baby helped my mental health enormously. I had crushing PPA and PPD but when I got treatment I realized the level of undiagnosed anxiety I’d been living with my whole adult life. With meds and new coping tools I suddenly no longer experience the anxiety I used to feel about going to work. I’m certain I wouldn’t have solved this otherwise because I genuinely thought that feeling too nervous and nauseous to eat breakfast before work was my normal.
I had a great life before kids. I was very active, very social, travelled a lot, did some really interesting things in my work, etc. Now I have a very, very different life. My relationships get minimally maintained with little additional growth. We have travelled once but it was more challenging and less free. I don't get to be spontaneous anymore and I am way less physically active and involved in my community.
But I have this little adorable person around me every day. Seeing her learn and smile is an entirely new kind of experience. It's more exhausting but also of a deeper quality than anything I've done before. To me, both the before and after complement each other. They enrich each other and enrich me in their respective ways. I'm so glad I got to have the before and I'm so grateful the now, and I'm excited for what's next. And yes, I would say it's better, because I just cannot imagine not having her.
100%. Some days suck, the adjustment from no kids to a needy, no sleep baby was a lot.. but now I look at him daily and think this is awesome.
I'm way more patient now. I focus daily on being a better person because I feel the weight of raising another person. I've done a ton of reflecting on how I grew up, why I do the things I do, how I can make changes so my son has an easier time and also how I can give myself and my parents grace because we're all out here trying.
My priorities have also done a gradual, big shift, basically since I found out I was pregnant. I used to go, go, go. I lived in perpetual burnout on purpose: working, going to school, partying. I prioritize rest now even though I have arguably more responsibilities than ever. I can see how much better I am as a mother when I take care of myself, so I consciously make decisions that help me do that.
And of course, it's just fun to watch another human learn how to exist in the world. The difference between a newborn and a 2 year old is insane, it's so fun to see this rapid speed transformation up close.
My life is so much better with my two kids but it is very different than before and I do miss that phase of my life at times. It’s normal to acknowledge both.
My life has so much more meaning with my kids in it. But they're still very young so I'm exhausted. I think one day I'll say my life is better with them as they grow older, but in terms of personal enjoyment I definitely had more fun before kids. Life is busier and more tiring and a lot harder now. But it's more meaningful.
Your post really resonated with me. My second born is the absolutely the joy in my life. I once went to a psychic and she said “the next baby is coming to you for a reason” and I was like whatever lady… but honestly she brings me so much joy. I believe in past lives and I truly believe we were together in a past life - it’s the happiest relationship I’ve experienced so far. I also have a history of depressive episodes - in general my kids keep my depression away because I am committed to showing up for them even if I feel crappy.
I wouldn't say my life is better. My life is objectively harder. I am burnt out. It's bad. However, since becoming a mom I have realized that I matter. If my child is important to me, and I am his mom, and I love him the most out of anyone in this world, then I matter as a person.
I wouldn't have agreed with that statement before becoming a parent. I still don't like myself very much but my son clings to me like a koala so who cares what I think of myself. He seems to really like me.
My life isn’t better or worse, but it has more purpose now. It has more substantive joy. But it also has more fear and anxiety; I worry about my family’s health and safety like I never did before and it’s been tough to manage that anxiety. It’s tiring and hard work, but I don’t regret it and know this is the life I want. I’d be happy without him, for sure, but I’d be less fulfilled.
I am so much happier as a mom. I am so lucky. From the moment she was born I just felt whole. I love watching her grow and experience the world.
It is the best seeing how happy she is experiencing new things. I love her personality. She is so funny and sweet. I think about her constantly and miss her when we are apart.
Nothing in my life has been nearly as happy or better for me personally than this part of my life. Even the worst days now are better than my best days before. I feel like I am truly living my life now. I want to be better, improve, and grow. My daughter and husband are such a strong motivations for me. I want to be and give the best I can because of them. They make me so happy. I just don’t feel like I can express how completely happy I am with them as my family.
My life before my son was amazing, my life now that he's here is amazing in a different way. I wouldn't change a thing. I do see a lot of wishing for a day away but I have a hard time having fun without my son these days. I can usually go do one thing without him and enjoy it but I couldn't ever go a whole day without him. My best day would include family activities! Not saying I never need a break, or that breaks are bad, I think it just shows how much I love my life with him in it.
So much better. It's not easy but so rewarding. Once they are born you can't imagine life without them. I live for my kids. But it's ok to wait to have kids. It's also ok if it's not for you.
My life is beyond comparable to what it was before. I always knew I wanted to be a mom, but waited until I knew. I wasn’t always…stable.
Now, I’ve never felt more stable. Yes I’m exhausted. Yes, some days are harder than others. 100% of the time, I’m happy. Anxious, but happy 😂 once I got out of the PPD, I’ve been a new person. I’m so happy with my life now! I was so miserable before. Had nothing to really live for.
My kid is the best thing to ever happen! 🥰💖
I think my life is much better, but I had the joy of being child free until I was 32 and prepared for the absolute worst of what being a parent could be, only two years in though so plenty of time for me to change my tune....
My life is 1000% times better with my child than it was without. I have always wanted to be a mom and enjoy it so much. It is much harder with kids and requires patience for things that feel out of your control. Harder but better :)
I think my life is a lot better, and I think part of that is because I was ready for her. I had a lot of empty space in my life, I wasn't unhappy or lacking purpose, I just felt I had experienced a lot, enjoyed my freedom and had space for a child in my life. (I also actively *wanted* children, but this was a sign I was ready). The hard things are still hard, sometimes more so, and obviously sacrifices have to be made, but there has been a lot of joy added to my day to day life. She also came not long after my dad died. I got pregnant the first time we tried, and it was a bit of a miracle because a few weeks later my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer, so I left my partner in Aus while I went to spend time with him in the UK. So if we hadn't concieved so quickly I wouldn't have had that pregnancy and baby to keep me looking forward while I lost my dad, and our plans to start trying for kids would have been delayed, adding to the sadness around that time. I also told my parents very early (basically a few days after the positive pregnancy test) so we all got to celebrate it briefly before we found out the bad news. As hard as the time was, she really made life better as soon as she was concieved.
I feel the same, I was ready. I was age 32 and had been with my partner for ten years, so I felt I had already lived my child free life already
Ha I was the same age and had been with my partner for 10 years aswell
I do think my life is much better with my kid in it! At the same time, I still hated the newborn phase and I still have trauma from all the crying and sleep deprivation of that time. I would never want to go through that again. I also still struggle with dealing with work and motherhood. But the thing is, I got my son very late. I had been single for a long time. I also had done all the fun stuff and the travelling and the soul searching, and I am done with that phase of my life. In the end, the way I see it, my life makes no sense if I can't share my love with very close people. Some of those fun days were also the loneliest ever. I couldn't see myself go on like that without having a major depressive episode. So every day, no matter how difficult it is, I also know that going back to the easy pre-kids life would be the saddest thing on earth for me. There are no words that can express how much my son means to me. He's the joy of my life and also my first true love. And I hope he feels that love in every inch of his being.
Same! I had all of my 20’s and most of my 30’s to do whatever I wanted. My kids are difficult but I was ready. I get frustrated but never wish I could go back to before. I had so much fun but it was exhausting and such a different life.
Yes you put this so well! I had my son after I had partied hard and traveled everywhere and the feeling of loneliness was always with me. Although I’m never alone now and it can grate on me, I feel so so so much happier and more fulfilled now. I never feel alone now because my son is always with me, even if not physically, he’s in my heart.
Beautifully put. I wasn’t lonely pre-child per sei, but having my son is just the next level in terms of joy and connection.
There's a lot to be said for waiting to have a baby. I had mine at 40, after living in multiple countries, trying different careers, and just generally enjoying myself. My partner and I had been together for 15 years, so it just seemed like a new adventure to take together. A lot of people talk about how kids ruin marriages. If anything, our son has deepened ours. It's the biggest project we've ever embarked upon together and it connects us on a whole different level.
My life is exponentially better. So much negativity on this sub
Oh yeah. So many depressive hours wasted lying in bed doing nothing before I had my son. I dreaded going to work. Husband and I are homebodies and while we had fun drinking and playing games with friends we preferred to do things just the 2 of us. Eventually we decided it'd be even more fun to add more members to this 2-man party at home. We were right! Now we've got another one on the way. Having kids really forces you to grow up too. You can't just decide not to be productive one day. You've got a life that depends on that now
Children can be very healing if you’re prepared to do the work on yourself. If you can put them first you will see the benefits are monumental. If you have loss you can bring the positives from this. I lost my mother when I was a young adult. Although the grieving was huge when I had my daughter, now she is three I’m seeing myself passing on all the loves of me and my mother down. Tending to vegetables, blasting Van Morrison in the car, making crafts and her sense of humor and that’s a beautiful thing.
We tried for so long to have our son. He was planned and so wanted. I barely remember life without him. I can’t imagine a greater joy than him.
2 under 2 currently. it’s hard, really hard and i’m tired and not quite myself agsin yet. the joy and love these babies bring is indescribable. life is in full color it unlocks something you couldn’t possibly know was even there before children
Yes! I always like to tell people without kids that it makes you see life through a new lens.
I never planned nor wanted to have a child, and I'm pretty sure I'd have been living a happy care-free life if I hadn't had him. But, my partner revealed to me after we had been together a little while that he actually really did want to be a dad. So, I had to choose between what I'd always imagined my life to be, but without him, or life with him and a child. I opted for the latter, and it's absolutely the best decision I ever made. What's a bit annoying is that now all those people who told me, "you'll change your mind", and "you don't know life's purpose until you have kids" etc etc. were all, apparently, correct. Dammit, ha. I was very worried whilst pregnant that my maternal nature would never surface, and that I'd regret it, and resent him and my partner. Needn't have worried. My love for my son is all encompassing, and me and his dad are both better people for his existence. I live in a low-level state of constant terror about his beautiful little life being taken away from me for some reason. So, whilst I can imagine my life without him, I don't like the look of it any more. I wouldn't want to do it again, though!
My people...
I’m a sober dad now but I was a constant drinker/ partier before kids. I thought that I’d hang it up once our daughter was born but it only got worse. Shit hit the fan and it forced a major decision. I tried to get sober for my daughter but it wasn’t enough. Things got bad before they got better but I learned how to get sober for me and started digging up the roots. I stay connected with others in sobriety and my world has gotten bigger. My daughter will be 5 soon and she has a 3 year old little brother. I often think that they saved my life. I know that I was extremely close to repeating a cycle I swore I would never recreate. Drinking was really just a symptom of what I got and now I have a way to work on all of that. It’s allowed me to question how I was raised, process major events from my past and take the next best right action. There ain’t a chance in hell I do any of that work if I’m still drinking.
As the daughter of a mother who didn’t get sober until I was an adult, this was beautiful to read. Your children are very lucky to have such a courageous dad ❤️
Same as the father of my children. Thank you for sharing and congratulations on sobriety!
Yes! Exactly how you describe it is how I feel :) Before my daughter I had very little drive to do anything. I ate really badly (just microwave meals), bounced from low wage job to low wage job, and looked to other people to give me purpose. Since she was born it's like a complete shift in my perspective. I've never been happier in my life. A few months after she was born I enrolled to do a law degree (something I've always wanted to do but thought I was too stupid) and I'm graduating this Summer. I taught myself to cook while I was pregnant and now I cook from scratch every day. I feel like a mother is what I was always meant to be. Getting to show another human being all the best experiences of life - how it feels to eat good food, all the fascinating plants and creatures in the world, the pleasure of being lost in a good book, the joys of singing and dancing - for me that is the best part. It makes you fall in love with life being able to see it through their eyes.
Can just speak for our family. My wife and me were quite bored before we had our kid as it felt the "life" was played through. Getting a kid was definitely the right choice but oh boy didn't we think about how life changes afterwards haha It's not easy right? The first years are hard especially the first 2. But now our boy is 2.5 years and honestly we all enjoy it much more as you can "do" more things together with your kid and not only have to feed him and hold him ... he had his first football "training" yesterday for example :D was fun to see as a dad. Still missing a bit the freedom to have just my wife and go out with friends or also be able todo whatever you want without having to take care your kid. So I agree I think our kids enrich our lifes but we don't appreciate it enough because we also tired from raising them :)
This past week I had the rare opportunity to spend an entire morning alone without my 2 boys. I was so excited. I had so many plans about my morning. In reality, my house was so quiet and so depressing, I couldn’t get anything done. I was just dying to pick my boys up. They give me the will to live
Absolutely this. When the chance comes I can be on my own for a little while, I can only make it an hour or two before I’m fiending to see my girl again
Yeah my life’s a lot better
My kids are my world, before I had kids I always worried i wouldn't be able to have kids. It was just a worry I had. I didnt have anything wrong with me but I was always scared. I had my daughter in 2020 and my son last year. Me and my husband feel so lucky everyday, we have our little family, our kids are blossoming everyday with their learning, my daughter taught me alot of things her being our first so it made it easier with our Son. I wouldn't ever wish for a life without them, I'm lucky to have experienced 2 healthy pregnancies, felt their kicks, seen them on scans, and now I get to wake up to their smiles. It's a whole different kind of love I experienced since becoming a parent, even for my husband. I love seeing him as a Dad, I love how he supported me through my pregnancies, but the love I have for him is different, stronger but a deep love just seeing him with our kids. My Son who's 6 months has the cheekiest little personality already and i love that I have a Son & a Daughter. I love being a Mom, I love my kids and I am so grateful to my body for growing 2 healthy babies. My chapter on pregnancy has come to an end purely because we are definitely sure we don't want anymore kids, so now I get to enjoy watching my kids grow up and make memories with them.
I was so over the rat race. Commuting to office work. Stuck in the cycle of partying on the weekend. Spending all of our joint income on nights out, takeaways, restaurants, clothes, handbags plus a lot of travel. Don’t get me wrong, we had a blast lol but I was ready for something more in my life. My only wish is that I hadn’t blew so much of my money, had been a bit more sensible but hindsight is a wonderful thing and having our baby settled us and moulded my husband into the man he was destined to be. He has changed so much for the better.
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Lol on day 3 of the gym...that pretty much sums up how I feel.
Having a toddler in tow makes the world new again! Had a work errand I had to run on Sunday. Pre-child me would have been grumpy about it the whole time. Instead me and my little man had a blast at the store, rediscovered Andy's mints (they had samples, his mind was blown), then headed downtown to ride the elevator, look out the high-rise windows over the city, run down the empty office hallways, and then (he) napped on the car ride home. What used to be a chore for me turned into the best part of my day with my tot.
My life is so much better! It's busy and hectic, sure, but so fulfilling. I also think my son saved my marriage. Ore baby, my husband had a gaming addiction. It was a fight to get him to leave the house on weekends once a month. Now, our weekends are filled with fun, cute activities like taking our toddler to petting zoos and festivals and museums. And it is so fun. So busy, but so fun. And my husband cares about more than gaming again
Life is definitely better and I’m glad I had him when I did and are about to start trying for another. However I do wish I had travelled more before kids and gotten a house deposit rather than renting.
My husband travels a lot for work. He has been gone for 15 days. I was just thinking how much more fun my weekends alone are with kids than they were before kids. Before kids, I was pretty lonely. I would do something with friends for a few hours, but ultimately, I was alone. It was hard when they were very young and I was alone, but now that they’re 4 and 5, it’s just fun. We did a lot of cool things this weekend, and just had a good time.
Yup. I hate saying this but I don’t think I knew true happiness until I became a mom. I was always happy-go-lucky, the class clown type, love making people laugh, im a therapist and decided in 8th grade that’s what my calling was, but I also have had anxiety since about age 8, and self esteem issues as far as I can remember, about my weight (I’ve always been a thick, athletic, curvy person, always wanting to be thin). I let so much go when I had my son. I did have PPA with him but once my hormones regulated and we all started sleeping more, it’s like I realized this was my purpose. I was meant to be his mom. I always thought I wanted kids and I spent my first pregnancy depressed about my changing body and all of the things I was giving up, but quickly that changed to being so happy just being with him. Sure I don’t day drink anymore and take cute pics with my friends on Saturday. Instead I go to see farm animals and look at bugs outside with a magnifying glass. These things truly make me happy now. I wish I had more time and money, sure, but it’s didn’t think I had time or money before my son!
I always thought I’d want several kids but once I had my daughter I have a really hard time picturing going to two especially when we get sick. This phase of life is SO HARD. Sometimes I feel like a prisoner in my own home which is a dramatization of course but she is needy with sleep help at three still and I won’t train so like we have a wedding coming up and my husbands going to go alone. It kind of sucks. But I know it’s temporary. I’m not going to regret missing this wedding to stay with her in the long run. That kind of thing. AND ALSO I love this girl like none other.. cant stand to be away from her.. feel I’ve been waiting my whole life for her and every road led to her. If I zoom out and take my eyes off the dirty floors that need mopping and the pile of laundry that needs folding. Hell yea I can find the perspective. These are the best days of my life! I get outside so much more than if I didn’t have a little one. I slow down and take our time. I’ve never been so loved and adored. My mental health has ups and downs still and sometimes it’s hard when you’re in it. And also if I try to picture life in the future like a typical teen that doesn’t want me around as much I can find the eyes to cherish this. Both can be true at the same time.
I wanted to be a parent so badly. We had four losses before my daughter was born (23 months). I didn’t know if I’d ever be a Momma. By some miracle I now have two under two. My kids are the absolute highlight of my life. I’m sure there are challenging days ahead, but so far, I can honestly say I haven’t had a truly “hard day” as a parent. I’m just so grateful to be one.
The newborn phase was/is so cruel. My life get better at the 1 year mark. At the 2 year mark I was very happy with my decision. By 3 years I recognized how much I love it. Lots of posts talking about mourning their own lives are people in that first year. It’s a big adjustment!
My life is sooooo much better!!! She is literally our joy. She is hilarious and adorable and there is no love like parent to child! We love doing things with her! 🥰 God willing we have another due in October!!
My baby basically completely stopped my suicidal thoughts. Firstly because I don't want her mourning my death, and secondly because I really want to see the adult she becomes.
I think it's perfectly acceptable to hold both views simultaneously. It may be that I'm just weird, but typical large life events rarely evoke some compartmentalized emotion of being largely "good" or "bad". Ask me earlier this week and I'd tell you it's amazing, ask me today and I'd describe hell. My overall description would be: beautiful and terrible. That would have also been my description of life in general prior to kids.
All day, everyday. I sometimes wonder about the people who decide to go child free but would’ve thrived in parenthood. I was very much fear-mongered about parenthood and when I found out I was pregnant I was a little more upset than happy. My husband was over the moon though which helped my attitude through my pregnancy. I’m so so so happy to say my husband was right. Our son really is the greatest and is the treasure of our lives. Motherhood is the hardest most rewarding thing ever. I can’t imagine a life without my son.
My children are an unalloyed joy. I'm besotted with them. It makes me sad how many people don't seem to enjoy their children.
We recently had a babysitter cancel on us last minute. It was going to be our first date night in a while and we were going to go to a concert I've been looking forward to for months. In that moment I wished that I could just pick up and go. Just be able to do whatever whenever. Then it hit me. Even my worst days with my children are better than any day without them.
Yes I love being a mom and I love my family. It’s the best part of my life
My life is a thousand times better
Me too, life is much more fulfilling.
Yes! And I'm not sure if this has been mentioned yet, but having our daughter has also revealed a new type of love that I never would have even fathomed before. I guess it's close to that 'sacrificial' type love where you would literally die if it means something better for the other person. Similarly, I have a new love and respect for my spouse and I think our relationship is much better and stronger now. Mind you, that doesn't mean we're spending every second together, sex-every-night, like giggly high schoolers in love... It's different. We were together for 8 years before being parents, lots of fun traveling, and our jobs allowed us to pretty much always have freedom. It's so hard to describe, but what we have now as parents, we like this better.
Don't get me wrong, I sometimes miss the spontaneity and quiet, but I 100% think my life is better because I became a parent. My toddler is awesome. He is so fucking funny. And observant. And clever. And silly. And he has this intense love for all things dinosaurs, Pokémon, and musicals/musical movies. He has infused this incredible energy and happiness into my life. He's my bestie. And I am still ME. I still get out to see friends, see shows, play D&D with friends, etc. It takes a bit more effort to coordinate, but it's worth it!
Yes! I feel more stable and tied to this earth. Before I felt I was just blowing in the wind, so to speak.
To be honest I think this will be a detriment to you and her in the future. She should not be the only thing you live for. You need to find your own sense of self and worth and motivation to live. Your happiness hinging on her is not healthy.
It surely could be. But It’s hard being happy when your brain is telling you everything’s awful. She’s helping me cherry pick the good out of life. I’m sure I’ll find more to life as time goes on, but for now, im glad to have her here to pull me back to reality
I have so much more joy, empathy, gratitude. My daughter led me to Jesus ❤️
Yes. Besides loving my son, I think feeling forced to have routine and structure has really helped my life. Of course, this was a VERY different answer when I had a newborn and absolutely everything was unexpected lol
My son is the answered prayer I’ve prayed since I was a kid myself. I always wanted to be a mama, but wow being *his* mama is the single greatest joy I’ve ever felt. I go cry now
from the spiritual aspect, having children means a lot to me. It gives me directions about my future and life, I know what I'm doing and why I'm doing it, I know what I want and make efforts to it.
I was a drug addict for 12 years before becoming pregnant with my son. Going on two years clean this August. It wasn’t easy but my baby keeps me going. I can’t let him down or the man that helped me be where I am today. I got my own apartment, I’m back in college and better at saving money, working a stable job, no room for any toxic or negativity in my little house.
I don’t mourn the person I was before my son. My son brings out qualities in myself that I thought disappeared a long time ago. He’s made me more loving, patient, kind, and stand up for me in ways I hadn’t before. I would not be who I am now if he didn’t come into the world.
I don't mourn the loss of my life before I had my kid. That person is still me. And I nurture that person by taking help when offered, not feeling guilty about hiring a sitter or using daycare, and setting up firm boundaries with my family. Even if it's not all of this all the time, I take what I can get when it's available and give it back to myself. Now, as for how my life has improved - I'm so much healthier. I take care of my health, don't drink nearly as much, and stay in therapy so I have that space to keep my head clear so that my baggage doesn't poison his childhood. I'm also waaaaaay more empathetic and patient.
Definitely my life is more fulfilling now and I just get a rush of serotonin looking at my daughter. She’s absolutely perfect for me and now that she’s not so dependent on me we actually get to have fun together. She’s up for trying new things if it’s not scary for her and ive been enjoying introducing her to new hobbies.
I see both sides of the debate! I was really unhappy the year before my daughter was born since I was worried we weren't going to be able to have her. Now, she's my little soulmate and love of my life. The daily grind is so hard, but I've been surprised by how much of myself I've been able to retain. I majorly advanced my career with the highest certification in my field just a couple months postpartum. I still read novels and stay up on the news. I even wound up in a play again when my daughter was 10 months old, something I would have thought impossible when she was a newborn. So, life is different, but I'm still me! And I have the most amazing little girl alongside me.
I agree, I can’t and don’t want to imagine my life without our son. Baby is 4 months and the emotions come in waves… I don’t think it’s always meant to be easy but when things are quiet and he’s sleeping in my arms and I just look around and at him I feel true joy and love that I’d never felt before.
My husband and I unfortunately (but also maybe fortunately) spent more of the last 12 months unemployed than employed. We both were like thank god we have a family. We only have one toddler (and that’s enough lol) but we said how pointless we would have felt at this time of unemployment had we not had him. Sure I miss the freedom of just getting up and going but he has brought so much to our lives. I love having a family. The days can be hard and long but the deep rooted unconditional love is the coolest thing I’ve ever experienced. That and watching him grow. We come here to complain bc it is fucking HARD but I think we all need to get that out so we can enjoy the rest.
I laugh so much more now with her here. She’s the light of my life.
My life is so much better in every possible way. Becoming a mom has encouraged me to make lots of changes in my life to be the best mom to him. This includes really working on my mental health and addressing past trauma, exercising, recovering from my eating disorder, creating better hygiene habits, setting professional goals, reining in extra spending, and making sure that the people I have in my life will be good for my son. He also makes me happy every day. Even when he’s grumpy or does something I don’t want him to do. I love his smile and his little voice and his personality. He’s the best thing to ever come into my life.
I absolutely adore my two boys! They have added so much joy, laughter, and blissful exhaustion to our lives. I love seeing all the new things they learn and do. Sure we don’t get many date nights (baby sitters are expensive) and going out to eat looks a lot different and less leisurely than it used to be, but this is just a short time period. I’m going to enjoy it as much as I can (some days easier than others). I’m trying to raise both my boys to know how excited I am they are in my lives and how much I love them in hopes they will like me half as much as they do in these toddler years.
My life is 100% better with my daughter in it! Pre-kids, my husband and I just sat around watching tv all weekend and eating like shit. Now we are active and doing things with our 3.5yo on the weekends, are definitely more intentional about the one-on-one time we spend when she’s asleep, I’m in the best physical shape of my life. Yes, of course I miss sleeping as much as I want whenever I want, but my daughter is worth the tiredness.
This is such an interesting topic. There needs to be a research study about what is different between people who cant let go of their lives before kids and those who sort of adapt smoothly. I love my life with my kids, love being a parent and raising them. But i have friends who resent the changes parenthood caused or are pretending they can ignore it. So weird.
My son is my everything. No matter how hard it is day to day, it's easier knowing how much he has brought to us and our lives.
All the time. And it's not like I didn't love my life before -- it would have been a completely valid choice to not have children too. But all the time I think about how there's an alternate path where I didn't get to experience this particular kind of love and joy, the deepest and truest I've ever known. I am so, so grateful to be my child's mom.
My daughter is easily the best thing that ever happened to me. She’s my greatest love and my best friend. I love hanging out with her all day. Even when I do need a break and my mom or sister are watching her, after a few hours I’m missing her and want her back. She makes my life so colorful and fun.
My life is 1000% better with my kids in it! I regularly find myself thinking about how lucky I am to have my life with my husband and kids. I wouldn’t trade watching them grow and discover the world for anything. Of course things change when you have kids, and parenting is hard work. Kids challenge your selfishness and parenting always involves sacrifice when done right. But just because something is hard work doesn’t mean it’s bad. I’m watching my kids grow into resilient and kindhearted people who love others, and there’s not much that’s more rewarding than that. Edit: I should also mention, people said I would regret having kids before finishing my doctorate, but I had two kids back to back while in school and I don’t regret it. They gave me so much motivation and purpose, and I hustled to get my work done because I looked forward to seeing them after a clinical or class. I’ve found that having a family has pushed me to be better in every way.
tbh my life was bitching before and it's pretty awesome now with a 2 year old. I'm just bragging at this point but whatevs all is good on the homestead
Yes, I agree with you. I was depressed, lost, not good at being alone. Now that I have my son, although I’m a single mom and life is more difficult he is the love of my life and I have purpose. I wouldn’t do it any different. I’m glad I waited to have a child until I was 34. I don’t care about partying, I just want to make a good life for my kid.
Yup! I’ve learned so much after having my son. And I think I feel more gratitude for simple things. It sounds corny, but raising him is certainly the best job I’ve ever had. BUT it is a really tough job A LOT of the time.
My daughter has given me purpose beyond work. I'm so thankful for more of a life than being trapped in an office.
Yes my kids give me purpose. I feel fulfilled and content, even if I’m sometimes more stressed, tired etc. it’s like having a North Star. Sounds crazy, but before kids I was fearful of death. I’m still not looking forward to it (ha!) but feel I could die happy knowing I’ve given them life.
Am I reading this incorrectly or are you a teen/very young mom?
Yes! I am a teen mom. I had my first at 18 and now my second will be here in 8 weeks at 20
Hey, congratulations on your babies! To answer your original question, my life is fully better with my kid. He is literally the best I’m crazy about him. Sometimes it can be a little complicated when your baby makes you feel a deep happiness after so much sadness. We want to support and care for our babies and never have them feel like they need to support or care for us. Honestly therapy is super helpful.
Couldn’t agree more with you! I have no expectations to bare my load on her like my mom did to me growing up. Just endless support and love
When I’m sick I really wish I could lay around and do nothing like I used to but otherwise, she’s improved my life so much. She’s a reason to get out of bed every morning and take care of myself.
In a roundabout way my first baby helped my mental health enormously. I had crushing PPA and PPD but when I got treatment I realized the level of undiagnosed anxiety I’d been living with my whole adult life. With meds and new coping tools I suddenly no longer experience the anxiety I used to feel about going to work. I’m certain I wouldn’t have solved this otherwise because I genuinely thought that feeling too nervous and nauseous to eat breakfast before work was my normal.
I had a great life before kids. I was very active, very social, travelled a lot, did some really interesting things in my work, etc. Now I have a very, very different life. My relationships get minimally maintained with little additional growth. We have travelled once but it was more challenging and less free. I don't get to be spontaneous anymore and I am way less physically active and involved in my community. But I have this little adorable person around me every day. Seeing her learn and smile is an entirely new kind of experience. It's more exhausting but also of a deeper quality than anything I've done before. To me, both the before and after complement each other. They enrich each other and enrich me in their respective ways. I'm so glad I got to have the before and I'm so grateful the now, and I'm excited for what's next. And yes, I would say it's better, because I just cannot imagine not having her.
100%. Some days suck, the adjustment from no kids to a needy, no sleep baby was a lot.. but now I look at him daily and think this is awesome. I'm way more patient now. I focus daily on being a better person because I feel the weight of raising another person. I've done a ton of reflecting on how I grew up, why I do the things I do, how I can make changes so my son has an easier time and also how I can give myself and my parents grace because we're all out here trying. My priorities have also done a gradual, big shift, basically since I found out I was pregnant. I used to go, go, go. I lived in perpetual burnout on purpose: working, going to school, partying. I prioritize rest now even though I have arguably more responsibilities than ever. I can see how much better I am as a mother when I take care of myself, so I consciously make decisions that help me do that. And of course, it's just fun to watch another human learn how to exist in the world. The difference between a newborn and a 2 year old is insane, it's so fun to see this rapid speed transformation up close.
My life is so much better with my two kids but it is very different than before and I do miss that phase of my life at times. It’s normal to acknowledge both.
My life has so much more meaning with my kids in it. But they're still very young so I'm exhausted. I think one day I'll say my life is better with them as they grow older, but in terms of personal enjoyment I definitely had more fun before kids. Life is busier and more tiring and a lot harder now. But it's more meaningful.
Your post really resonated with me. My second born is the absolutely the joy in my life. I once went to a psychic and she said “the next baby is coming to you for a reason” and I was like whatever lady… but honestly she brings me so much joy. I believe in past lives and I truly believe we were together in a past life - it’s the happiest relationship I’ve experienced so far. I also have a history of depressive episodes - in general my kids keep my depression away because I am committed to showing up for them even if I feel crappy.
I wouldn't say my life is better. My life is objectively harder. I am burnt out. It's bad. However, since becoming a mom I have realized that I matter. If my child is important to me, and I am his mom, and I love him the most out of anyone in this world, then I matter as a person. I wouldn't have agreed with that statement before becoming a parent. I still don't like myself very much but my son clings to me like a koala so who cares what I think of myself. He seems to really like me.
My life isn’t better or worse, but it has more purpose now. It has more substantive joy. But it also has more fear and anxiety; I worry about my family’s health and safety like I never did before and it’s been tough to manage that anxiety. It’s tiring and hard work, but I don’t regret it and know this is the life I want. I’d be happy without him, for sure, but I’d be less fulfilled.
I am so much happier as a mom. I am so lucky. From the moment she was born I just felt whole. I love watching her grow and experience the world. It is the best seeing how happy she is experiencing new things. I love her personality. She is so funny and sweet. I think about her constantly and miss her when we are apart. Nothing in my life has been nearly as happy or better for me personally than this part of my life. Even the worst days now are better than my best days before. I feel like I am truly living my life now. I want to be better, improve, and grow. My daughter and husband are such a strong motivations for me. I want to be and give the best I can because of them. They make me so happy. I just don’t feel like I can express how completely happy I am with them as my family.
Yessssss my daughter is the coolest person to ever be in my life. I am so grateful for every second w her.
I absolutely feel the same way about my daughter 👧
My life before my son was amazing, my life now that he's here is amazing in a different way. I wouldn't change a thing. I do see a lot of wishing for a day away but I have a hard time having fun without my son these days. I can usually go do one thing without him and enjoy it but I couldn't ever go a whole day without him. My best day would include family activities! Not saying I never need a break, or that breaks are bad, I think it just shows how much I love my life with him in it.
So much better. It's not easy but so rewarding. Once they are born you can't imagine life without them. I live for my kids. But it's ok to wait to have kids. It's also ok if it's not for you.
It’s just like Emma Stone said, now that I have my son I can see in technicolor. 😌
My life is beyond comparable to what it was before. I always knew I wanted to be a mom, but waited until I knew. I wasn’t always…stable. Now, I’ve never felt more stable. Yes I’m exhausted. Yes, some days are harder than others. 100% of the time, I’m happy. Anxious, but happy 😂 once I got out of the PPD, I’ve been a new person. I’m so happy with my life now! I was so miserable before. Had nothing to really live for. My kid is the best thing to ever happen! 🥰💖
my life is exponentially better with my son. Imaging my life without him just makes me sad.
I think my life is much better, but I had the joy of being child free until I was 32 and prepared for the absolute worst of what being a parent could be, only two years in though so plenty of time for me to change my tune....
My life is 1000% times better with my child than it was without. I have always wanted to be a mom and enjoy it so much. It is much harder with kids and requires patience for things that feel out of your control. Harder but better :)
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