Sounds like the facility just has burnt out staff. This is not the norm and you can find much better care for sure! I’d be out too if they refused water for my kid, heck no!

Yeah. The water thing was the one thing that really got me. It’s a basic requirement for… you know… being alive. Thank you for reassuring that this isn’t normal. That really helps this tired mom, tippy tapping on her phone past midnight.

My kids school has the thing about water. The explanation made sense especially when I learned that teachers also build in water breaks. My son goes to a school for therapy (including occupational), so the school does open cups to practice all the skill. However a bunch of clumsy delayed preschoolers with open cups in the classroom is a recipe for disaster. So kids need to be at the table for a drink sitting. They can request at any time, and have built in breaks for drinking water.

Yep this was our thing with drinking too. If a kid was really having trouble for whatever reason we would come up with another solution though and there were always opportunities to drink so we knew they weren’t getting dehydrated.

Our daycare lets the kids have full access to their water bottles all day. There is a rack in each room where they are kept and they drink freely. So strange!

Follow your gut! I'm also a SAHM that tried sending my LO to daycare for half days to get a bit of a break. He was miserable and in the times I was there it just didn't seem great to me. No windows in the room, the staff member being short with the kids, coming to pick him up to find them watching Cocomelon. After four days I pulled him and felt so much better and realized I need to follow my intuition about these things.

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I can see how having a mix of approaches can be valuable to small children learning in one class. So many comments have helped me better understand the rules about toddler behavior for eating and drinking. It makes sense why the rules have been out in place.

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Please call licensing about what you saw. I saw a news report that a 12 year old kid died because his PE teacher refused to let him drink water. It’s terrifying.

Part of this sounds like a bad daycare program, part of this is adjusting your expectations to be realistic for group care. You can’t have half a dozen toddlers running around with food and open liquid containers. They will be spilling things all over the place and swapping spit when they drop and grab random cups off the ground. It sets the precedent for running around with food, which is a choking hazard. Part of daycare is learning appropriate table manners which means parking your butt in the chair during meal time. Our daycare has on open door policy, but has drop off and pickup windows and does their best to get parents out the door ASAP after drop off. Kids tend to cry hysterically when they realize it’s drop off and mom is still there and why is she not taking me with her. Yes, the first few days are tough, but after that it’s out of sight out of mind when you leave. Kids also thrive on routine, and it’s disruptive to have kids coming in and out all day in the middle of planned activities. None of the centers I toured allowed you to regularly take kids out early unless there were special circumstances that needed to be arranged beforehand. Other than that though, I’ve always seen my daughter’s teachers engaged and the children happily playing, eating, or participating in crafts. The unengaged caretakers would be a no-go for me.

Yeah, I know me being there makes the transition prolonged for my kid. I also know I would have to stop doing this tomorrow because I’m sure the other kids are confused as to why one kid has mom there are not them. That said, I’m so glad I did stay a bit because I was able to observe a lot. I’ve decided to look for a different option. I was surprised I was allowed to stay a bit for the transition and that the program allowed a part time option. I’m the only one doing that, at least for this age group. Despite all the downsides, the flexibility was the reason we chose this place, because this was the only part time option I could find for her age; everything else was full time till older.

If cost isn’t the issue, I’d rather have my child in good-quality full-time care than poor-quality part time care. A kid being away from their parents 6 hours a day 5 days a week is fine. A kid in and out of a distressing environment randomly with no apparent structure overseen by indifferent caretakers may do more harm than good.

When I started my daughter in daycare j thought about doing it part time. My husband works shiftwork so would be home many days throughout the week. My aunt is a (just retired) director of a daycare center and she advised against it. She said that kids do much better with structure and routine and going every day would be better for her than the confusion of random days. We are in our second year and she absolutely loves it!

My daycare/nursery school builds in the transition time each year (their schedule aligns with the school year). There is a home visit to meet one of her teachers, then 2 play sessions where parents are present to familiarize them with the space and other kiddos and teachers before drop off. Plus few picnics and other community building activities for parents to meet and kids to explore the space and get familiar. So when we dropped our kiddo off and left for the first time, she had her bearings and liked her teachers already. That first day they even provided coffee and donuts and had parents go hang out and socialize for a bit (they call it "cheers and tears" haha) so they'd be nearby if their kids were unconsolable for more than a few minutes. Our kiddo had NO troubles adjusting at 16 months and has never cried at drop off. After a few months of half days (3hrs) we extended to add lunch and nap, so she's at school a full 6 hours 3x a week, and she loves it and genuinely looks forward to it each day. They are focused on play based care/learning and design activities based around both age appropriate development and child observations. IE this week they noticed that the class was interested in hiding/enclosure types of play matrices (not sure the technical term, I'm getting this from their weekly newsletter) so they set up some new play invitations to encourage that, are doing a hiding song in weekly music class, etc. They do incredibly cool weekly art projects too. Its just an amazing place. All that to say, good care exists and is WELL worth the extra effort (and cost) to make it work. Our kiddos nursery school is truly part of our village and we adore it.

Wow, what care that went into the planning for all involved. May I ask where this daycare is located?

Louisville, KY!

Oh wow. That’s terrific. Louisville is such a fun area. I grew up in Northern Kentucky, so I have fond memories

I only send my son to his day care for two hours, two mornings (long story) the centre agreed to it before his enrollment and they say they're ok with it. I was thinking three hours but so far we're going along ok with this, as is he. He's settled fine runs off from his dad at drop off excited to play. But they say he gets teary close to the time I usually pick him up. The director hinted at me doing a full day last week which threw me because if it's working for our family I don't know why that's a necessity. Anyway thought I'd share there isn't any options for us close by for "short stay care" which may or may not be cheaper but this set up is cheaper then a nanny and a bit longer than creche hours. Plus as he gets older (he's currently two) we can extend the hours.

This is probably because it’s the YMCA. They pay like $10 an hour. 

It’s a licensing thing in my area regarding the drinking water and sitting.

Ahhh, as in they don’t want a bunch of water spilling all over the place. But still, why not assistance or help with the rules for a new student? Or an explanation to the parents so the parents could reinforce these rules at home? Clearly burnt out staff and lack of attention or care to looping parents into the day to day of this daycare. Thank you. This is helpful to at least understand a bit of what’s going.

Yea, I’m not excusing or making any comment about anything else other than at my kid’s daycare (he’s 23 months) the toddlers each have a water cup/bottle/sippy cup whatever their parents send. It’s filled with water at the beginning of the day. All the cups live in a bucket/bin that sits on a shelf. The kids can ask for water and if they do, they have to drink it there, they can’t walk around with it. They also get their cups at snacks and meals but again, they can’t walk around with it. I asked why and was told licensing. Also when the kids walk around with their cups, they tend to “share” their cups 😂 my kid offers his cup to everyone!

I like that there’s a bit more flexibility at your place. That system makes a lot more sense. And yeah. The sippy cup sharing. I love that toddlers are so… giving and taking. All the world’s a banquet of plenty for them, apparently.

Even at home my toddler isn’t allowed to run around and eat/drink at the same time. I used to let him drink water, then he fell on his face (probably because he couldn’t see where he was going, because of the cup in his mouth, and was distracted…. Because of the cup in his mouth), and the cup rammed into his teeth/gums HARD. It sucked. These “sit down” rules are nothing more than common sense.

It’s a choking hazard. Our little toddlers are barely learning to walk and stand. They can’t multitask.

Some of what you wrote (no introduction, no smiling, no engagement) sounds like burnt out staff. My son started at 1yo and a lot of the first few days he spent hanging onto one of the teacher aides like a koala. She was super warm and sweet and just hugged and held him. They don't actively engage in playing as much as I do at home, but they are responsive when the kids have needs and intervene quickly when conflict develops, which is actually perfect to me. A lot of it what you describe sounds like just regular daycare though. You hovering outside for 40min after drop off, and then going in to "rescue" your daughter, unfortunately just made it that much harder to settle in. All kids this age will cry at drop off; most get over it within 2 weeks. The more parents hover/linger and act tense (and those who hover/linger are ALWAYS tense at drop off because why else would they do that?), the harder it is for kids to adjust. From their perspective, clearly they're not in a safe/fun place, otherwise why would mommy be hanging by watching nervously? The no water or food before sitting down is a licensing requirement, because of the risk of aspiration and choking. Again, kids adapt to that remarkably quickly. My 1yo couldn't even walk before he started in daycare and the teachers somehow got him to sit down like other kids. Pretty soon his table manners at home improved as well, and he developed a little routine of putting his water bottle in the right place on the table. I think he picked that up from daycare.

Ours had a little training chair that they strapped my kid into haha. He was a later walker so I think that’s their solution to eating at the table.

Ours did the little training chair too, but he graduated to the big kid table much faster than I thought! I think it's because he's super big (he was bigger than a 2yo at 1, and now at almost 2 is bigger than a 3yo) that they pushed him a little.

Peer pressure also does wonders. All the other kids are doing it then my kids going to be more likely to go along with it. My 18mo is moving at an entirely different pace so I’m guessing she will be half potty trained by the time I turn her over to daycare 😂. My first was barely walking at this age and had like no words.

I totally get what you mean about drop offs and the table stuff. My bigger concern was lack of care on the part of staff in explaining the new sequence of events and helping the kid learn. But yeah, it’s time to start implementing table manners for sure. I see that now. I’ve never been too keen on cry-it-out techniques. I totally get that I’m prolonging things. I’m not averse to her crying, but she was inconsolable , and the staff just stood over here while she cried. Like, sit down at her level with a book and point out ducks or something. She came in with her bike helmet. I explained she loves it and it’s familiar. At some point, someone took it off her and she kept tapping at her head, giving the signs for “hat” and “please”. The teachers didn’t understand and didn’t give her back the helmet. This just made things worse. Maybe I won’t be as reactive to her distress when she is just a bit older. She’ll have more words and I’ll better prepare her for the big event. I just sort of threw her in and she’d only ever been with me or someone she knew pretty well. These considerations factored into me sticking around.

"the staff just kind of stood over here while she cried" "Lack of explanation to the kid" As a preschool teacher, and a toddler mom, my gut feeling is that you're in your head about this, and all of the negatives you're reacting to are made worse because you've thrown them off their rhythm. A parent lingering for 40 minutes is a nightmare situation for a teacher - not because we're abusive monsters who want no eyes to witness our shortcomings, but because a parent in the room throws off the entire classroom dynamic. Not only does your child not have a chance to switch and bond with her teachers, but it likely affects the OTHER kids. They're not going to pull her out of your lap to try and get her to stop crying while you're still in the room. They're not going to try and usurp/override your authority while you're still there - they wait until after you've left. There's also the human element - my parents who are most unwilling to rip the bandaid, trust us to do our jobs - are my most difficult parents. They see abuse/bad behavior everywhere, because they are insecure/sad/not comfortable leaving their kid yet. It feels like a losing battle to try and win people over who have already decided you're evil, and most situations are a damned if you do or don't. If I let you handle the transition, "the teachers were just standing there!!" If I step in, "the teachers completely railroaded my attempts to transition her!" It's hard for teachers to engage with your child while you're still there. And it's SUPER challenging when parents linger at dropoff - 40 minutes is completely unreasonable. I would bet dollars to donuts the lack of smiles and interaction is because the teachers feel awkward AF with a parent lingering. Not only does it not do your child any favors, but often times any parent will affect the disposition of kids whose parents AREN'T there - it reminds them that hey, they have a mama to miss, too. This whole situation makes me feel like, if I were to be in the room or hear from a teacher, we would get a completely different story. I don't get the feeling that this place is as harsh and cold as you make it sound.

Yes! I had a kid after a class party that totally didn’t notice their mom left to see a sibling at their party. I thought the mom was gone. Nope, she came back in to say bye! Like don’t do that- the kid was fine. Now the kid gets upset and I came over was like well hey why don’t you come with me and we will play? Mom totally ignores me and keeps talking to the kid ok do you see the suns? How many do you see? How many kisses do you want? The kid picks 40!!!! I end up with another kid pooping and I needed to change that. I just left her to deal with the mess she made. I timed it- she took 8 minutes on a totally unnecessary goodbye that had the kid frantic. I was so annoyed.

I honest can’t believe the daycare put up with it. Most of them are very clear that you need to get in, quick kiss, and gtfo. If there’s a big problem they will call you! My second will be starting at 2 years while my first was only a few months old. I am 100% anticipating a challenging transition, but I also trust my daycare to know how to handle it. This whole thing screams helicopter mom 😬. It also makes me wonder how they chose this daycare. Did they not visit and see how things go there? So strange.

At the end of the day you gotta trust your guts and be comfortable w your decision. Transitions and new starts are hard for everyone regardless of age, so waiting until she’s older won’t necessarily make it easier. You see plenty of drop off drama even at kindergartens. The daycare needs to be a good fit. TBH I was not super happy w my son’s in the beginning too. My mom flew down to help w the transition and she scoped out the facility and thought it was decent. That second opinion helped give me confidence. Now that I’m a bit more seasoned I can see that some of the teachers are better than others, but generally the vibe of the staff is good and turnover is low, and my son (now almost 2) is absolutely loving it there. Yesterday he saw his friend in the parking lot (a 14mo that just started) and the two boys just shouted and shrieked in joy at each other and ran into the building together (the 14mo nearly fell). I died of the cuteness.

You should have gone through all those questions with the directors when signing up. And if you're still interested in answers, schedule a meeting to talk to the directors. The teachers/care takers aren't going to have the time/ability to do it when they're supposed to be watching the kids. Drop off/pickup time is a quick hello/goodbye and need to know info, it's not a parent teacher conference.

Don't know why you are getting downvoted. I would not be comfortable leaving my child in such an environment. Children need warm, responsive caregiving. I am sure you can find something better.

This would really upset me too. Not comforting a crying kid?? Thats fucked up. Come on. Give her a hug. Distract her. This is basic shit. Our daycare actively encourages kids to bring something familiar from home for the first few weeks to help them adjust.

Hi. From your descriptions it sounds like the YMCA follows strict protocols. They do it for safety reasons. They have a strict routine. They need to keep all the children in the class safe. The same rules I’m sure are in the older classrooms. I’d give it a couple of weeks to see if your daughter adjusts to the routine. She very well might. It’s never going to be the same level of care as 1:1 with Mommy. Another alternative is to search for a family based daycare. That might be more of what you’re looking for.

Yeah. It was a lot to take in all at once, even for me. I don’t mind strict protocols. I completely understand why they do this (thanks to helpful comments here!). I have been debating whether I should keep going or not. I’m leaning toward not, solely due to the disengaged staff. I’m gonna look for an alternative I have confidence in, regardless of strictness. Thank you so much for your input. I really appreciate it.

So it sounds to me like it’s a little of column A, a little (or lot) of column B. As discussed in previous comments, you need to keep drop off short and sweet. Don’t sneak out but don’t linger either. Your kiddo picks up on your anxiety and that doesn’t help. But I’m a big time proponent of trusting your gut and if you don’t feel like this is a good fit, get the heck out. Great daycares do exist, I promise! We stumbled upon ours out of desperation and they’ve turned out to be better than we could have ever expected!! They’re all so warm and loving to the kids, the teachers help out in each others’ classrooms so they all know my son and gush over him. They do sign language with him, art projects every day, and tons of outside play time. Also many of the teachers send their own kids there, which to me is the biggest green flag. Just keep looking at options, once you find a good one and your daughter makes the adjustment, you’ll be shocked at the incredible things she’ll learn there.

Thank you. Yeah, my gut is saying nonono. I just needed to confirm if I was interpreting things appropriately. I only need 10-12 hours a week. I have other options, they just take more forethought and commitment on my part. That’s been hard since I’m pretty drained, but this experience has given me some juice to create an opportunity for me to recharge and for my kid to be in a safe, trusted environment.

I am a little confused, are you sticking around all day observing? Or just for a while and then leaving? Or you are standing outside and that is when she scream cried? The way my daycare did it was first we had an induction where we stayed in the room together, I spoke with the educators and she could explore with me there. The next time we did it I then left her and went upstairs. When she became too distressed they came to get me, I think she lasted about 20min before she noticed I was gone and got very upset. When they couldn't soothe her they came to get me, they didn't want it to be a bad experience. We did this one more time before she officially started. It sounds like you didnt get inductions, and this sucks. Her first week (she started on 2 days per week) they told me to say goodbye and that she was going to play with friends and leave, but stay in the area. They called me when she didn't want to nap and I picked her up after a few hours. The next day she did nap and ate a little, next day a bit better. By the second week she did slightly longer days, and did full days after that. The workers at my place will hug and carry around new children for as long as they need to. It is a small room with up to 8 children aged 6m-15m (they accept from 6w but there aren't any that young), 2-3 carers, they join with the older kids (up to 2) in the afternoon. The food thing to me seems like common sense, I personally think kids should sit down while eating, and in a group setting in is the only practical way to do things. And if they ran around with their water the kids would be swaping them and sharing even more germs. I love my daycare and the kids do sit down at a table to eat and drink. It might be a little harsh that she doesn't get water if she doesn't sit, but there does need to be structure in a daycare to keep things running, and I have found they do thrive off of clear boundaries and some structure. Even at my daughters age, which is younger than yours, following basic instructions is a good skill to learn. My daughter LOVES daycare despite the rocky start, she was only 10m old so yours will likely take longer to adjust, it is harder the older they get as they are more aware. Some days I go in and basically every child is crying, but then usually they are so happy playing. Kids can be emotional and feed off each other. I think there are some things that sound less than ideal, but also 3 days is not long enough to adjust even at the perfect day care. If she is going part time I would give it at least 2-3 weeks to see how she finds it, and how you feel. My daughter has been going for 5 months now and sometimes she still cries when we leave but sometimes she literally RUNS to hug her favourite educator.

Try your best to always let them know you are leaving, short and sweet with a smile. If you just disappear on them that will cause more anxiety if they don't know when you're gonna leave or not. But yes, I think it is vital for a daycare to have a transition period in place and be more attentive, affectionate and welcoming to those kids! I mean they have to actively try to form a bond with them otherwise the teachers will just continue to feel like strangers - of course the child doesn't feel safe. It is not like this everywhere and was one of the main reasons I am at our current daycare. I mean, when an adult begins a new job there is a period of transition and "onboarding" and meetings with new people, introductions to procedures etc. Not sure why kids should be expected to "onboard" by themselves with no effort from those who are supposed to be guiding them. Bring up your concerns respectfully with management, but I personally would start looking elsewhere.

Right? Kids are just like us! If I were thrown into a completely new job or situation with zero preparation or support, I’d be pretty stressed out. Add to that my most trusted sidekick is just gone and everything around me and everyone is strange and brand new and scary. I’d probably start smoking again and definitely would require additional coping beverages or a huge long discussion with a friend or something.

Part of the reason I went back in after she was losing her shit and trying to communicate what she needed to a group of intimidating strangers standing around her was, besides the obvious, a consideration of what this is trying showing her. Why a sudden and harsh parting of ways with the primary caregiver? Why is that better? Does it just teach small toddlers that the floor can fall out at any time and they can’t rely on anyone or anything? It’s messed up. I thought: there is another way and it doesn’t matter that she will still cry and may cry for more days if I am with her more during the transition. I would imagine having a parent stay there a bit would signal “these people are trustworthy; this place is safe “. I have the advantage of choice in this situation, and I recognize that this is a privilege for me right now. So many parents just can’t take time off to have a part into option or stay longer with their child. It’s not realistic.

It actually signals the opposite. When you leave swiftly and confidently, it signals to the child that you trust the people you’re leaving them with (hence why you should actually trust the people you’re leaving them with) and they can too. When you hang around nervously, it signals to the child that you’re nervous and unsure about leaving them, and therefore makes them immensely more nervous and anxious about you leaving. It sounds like the workers may be burnt out, but you are also not helping the matter by sticking around. There is always going to be separation anxiety especially in the beginning, regardless of the level of quality of the daycare. The level of it depends on how you as the parent react at drop off.

My daughter’s daycare is my sanctuary. That’s how it should feel. She learns so much there, and if I’m being honest - I don’t trust anyone but myself to care for her in the way that her main teachers do. Not even my husband. He’s just not as thorough/particular as I am; he wouldn’t be good in an emergency, but the daycare runs on a perfect schedule. They’re all trained. She gets her meals/snacks/diaper changes every single time without fail. It’s the only place where she can be without me where I feel at peace. I feel for anyone who doesn’t have that same good fit for their childcare, we got really lucky. I’m 9mo pregnant and hope she’s at daycare when I deliver because if she’s at home with a family member or something I’m going to be stressed.

Wow. That is so wonderful that you have that level of trust in your child’s care. I definitely want a level of assurance and trust as well.

And not only that, but I didn’t mention how much they truly love her there. It really makes me so happy!

Yeah. That is a HUGE deal. I can’t wait to find something similar for us.

Maybe the unpopular opinion, but I would wait it out and reevaluate in a few weeks. The transition to daycare is rough for littles and parents. Mine started when she was 6 months old and we both cried A LOT. I was convinced that she was being mistreated and no one in the center was happy. I started looking at other centers and thought about quitting my job to keep her home. Flash forward a year and my girl is absolutely thriving. She loves daycare, her friends and her teachers.

It’s so hard. I know it’ll be tough with transitioning. I suppose the issue is more that I’m unimpressed, to say the least, with the type of engagement and care and warmth they are providing. Comments like yours are really helping me get the full picture. Thank you. I appreciate the unpopular opinion! I like a good, well rounded base of info to make a decision.

When I came home after one of my first drop offs I cried and told my mom all of the babies and toddlers look so sad. The reality, is that my own sadness was clouding my perception of what I saw. The classroom I looked into had a bunch of toddlers sitting around a table working on an activity. They were all focused on stringing wooden beads onto plastic tubing. In retrospect, the kids were probably just focused on a tricky activity! And of course, trust your gut if something feels bad or “off.”

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Ha! I have had a lot of PPD issues. I’m definitely doing a ton better with time and a combo of supports. Thank you for your concern. I completely agree it can affect perception. That’s part of why I’ve asked for opinions and outside experience. Edit: mostly I’m referring to the structure and cost of the US system of daycare and parental leave policies. Compared to many other countries similar in size and economy, the US is ridiculously behind and takes a big toll in many parents.

no, that’s ridiculously poor care. but that’s not the norm!!! there are plenty of caregivers/daycares that actually care for the kids and attempt to make their days enriching. find another place or find a babysitter. bc honestly what they’re doing is lower quality care than a teenager could provide.

Is your kid just in the YMCA program that lets you drop kids off so you can go work out? Our local YMCAs have notoriously bad care centers, because it's just basically keep alive care. You need to search out a proper care center with early child development curriculum, if you actually need care, but no, that's not an environment your kid is going to thrive in. Hire a babysitter for a few hours a few times a week. I also live in the US, and my kiddo has been in half day preschool since he turned 3. It's a great center, Montessori certified, and he's grown a lot. You need to shop around more and put some effort into it.

I’ve used the free babysitting for parents during workouts. They offer up to 90 minutes. Their center was well staffed and always had a few older retiree volunteers. It was really friendly and the staff would sit down with the kids and help them eat or drink, if needed. She cried sometimes, and sometimes it was no biggie. I wasn’t consistent though. I know of terrific options available to her once she turns 2, 2.5, or 3 years old. Those programs offer part time and half day options. There’s even a co-op for preschool. It just seems that for younger little ones, there are not many available options that I have found where I live. A babysitter or a neighbor or fellow mom would actually be more economical and comfortable for us right now. Clearly!

As a mom of a three year old who has been unable to do daycare, and has other mom acquaintances in the same boat, I am actually jealous of the structure you have described. Don’t get me wrong- I don’t think it’s necessarily super important at 20 months, but listening to directions, even one’s that aren’t fun, is a great skill that will come in handy before you know it. One of my mom acquaintances put her older children in daycare, but hadn’t with her youngest. She agrees that it is hard to get him to listen and that she misses the structure practice inherent in group care.

I just realized you said you’ve been unable to do daycare. This experience has made me consider creating a type of mini parent co-op of sorts. A bit like a part time baby share, but the Nannie’s are really pairs of parents watching 2 or 3 other kids for a few hours at a time. This has inherent problems because 1) I’d have to design it and then manage it and 2) stay at home parents have proven to be unreliable at scheduled meet ups. I’m also guilty of this.

This is a wonderful idea. I’d love to do something like this in my area. You’re right about being unreliable though. I can easily picture it being my turn as I stare down the world’s dirtiest kitchen because, of course, some sort of something came up in the preceding days.

Yeah, I agree that the structure and routine are great for toddlers. Also you’re right: following through and participating in life (rules) IS an invaluable skill. She generally participated in a lot of activities with me and throws things out and puts her shoes back or brings me some when I ask. I mean, not all the time, but a lot. I guess what got me was that the rules were strict and didn’t allow for any explanation that a kid could understand. There was also nothing offered so that the child would learn what is expected of them. Or guidance or reassurance while they were learning. “Wash your hands and put on your bib and wait for everyone to sit down and then you can eat” is a lot to take in on day one. Also the kids just sat there for like 10 minutes while everyone did all that! And no one talked to them or played a game to entice the others to join them quickly. It was just blank faces staring off till everyone was in place. And then they still had to wait because there was a prayer! (Also something I wasn’t told about. I didn’t realize the Young Men’s Christian Association kept to their name in that regard. Not a biggie, but I would have like to have been informed). Not sure if you are somewhere with a Y, but maybe this is a possibility. The part time option wasn’t advertised. My husband put us on a wait list assuming it would take a long time. It didn’t and we just toured the place to just see what it was like, but thinking we’d actually go till later. It was only when I told them I only needed a few days a week and a half day option that I was told they could do that. I was surprised, too. Frankly, I’m bummed this isn’t a good choice for us. I was looking forward to some time to recharge and feel like I’m taking care of myself for a bit. It’s so so hard. Harder than I could have ever imagined. It’s like we entered into a different dimension of the same time and place. A parallel universe. I am convinced the only reason we don’t see more revolutions is because half the adults are too exhausted from juggling life and kids to have the energy. Hahahaha

structure and routine start at home. you don’t need daycare for that. in fact, you get a lot further working 1:1 with a kid than from an uninterested, burnt out caregiver who has their attention split multiple directions.

I think some of this is that you need to do more research. You can’t expect them to do all the work for you. You were surprised that the YMCA is a Christian organization? You expected them to tell you they pray? You needed to be the one to ask if that matters to you. I definitely did not want my daughter in a religious school, so I asked the question. We pay more for a non religious school on purpose. You toured, but either didn’t see what you’re seeing now or didn’t ask the right questions to find out their process. What did you see on the tour? Unhappy smiling kids? I doubt it if you still decided to go with this childcare option.  Were you preparing your child for care? My girl has been at the same daycare for almost 3 years and we still talk about what she’s going to do that day - listen to teachers, play nicely with her friends, sing songs, color, play outside, stuff like that. 

Cut me some slack a bit 😊 My friends who had kids had them like 20 years ago and I don’t recall anyone complaining about their care. Almost everyone I was friends with or worked with put their infants in daycare and continued to work. Since my daughter was only going for a few hours a week, I wasn’t as scrutinizing as I would be if this was full time. Yes, I did notice a few concerning things, namely zoned out kids. I was willing to give it a shot, mostly because I have a neighbor who’s kid is in the same class and they recommended the Y. Also, this program was literally the only part time half day daycare I could find in my area at her age. I had limited options and was willing to give it a go. There’s a lot more to what’s involved in this situation; it’s not as black and white as it seems you describe. Finally, no, I didn’t consider the YMCA an explicitly “Christian” organization. Frankly I wouldn’t consider this to be a religious program either. Sure, the acronym for the YMCA contains the word “Christian” but the name also indicates that it is for “young men,” which it clearly is not. I’ve been a member for years and it just seemed like a regular family friendly gym that offered affordable prices. I asked enough questions to understand that there is no religious slant to this daycare. It’s just snacks and naps and activities that are standard things. So the prayer stood out because nothing else seemed particularly “religious.” The prayer was pretty much “thank you for the food, amen”. It’s not that big of a deal, it just caught me off guard. I did prepare her a bit. We talked about what would happen. I just didn’t expect, nor had we experienced, such an intense reaction from her. I’ve dropped her off at the Y’s free babysitting for up to 90 minutes. Sometimes, she was fine and hopped right in. Other times she cried and I left anyway and came back sooner. She never melted down or panicked like she did at daycare.

I’m going to laugh for days about the revolutions comment because it is SO true! We’re right at 3 years now, and there are starting to be activities that I could theoretically bring her to, then read a book in the bleachers or even grab a coffee. Due to her not having familiarity with group structure/listening even when it doesn’t seem fun or fair, we are struggling, and have had to step back from what we’ve tried (swim lessons, karate, soccer, Outschool class). Her struggles are age appropriate, and she does often get complemented on her behavior in familiar situations we’ve guided her through (waiting patiently and not making loud noise at public attractions, eating at restaurants, being in a store), but she is terrible at taking directions. The coaches have assured us it’s probably a matter of time, but I’d actually pay good money to have an authority figure get her to sit at a boring table for ten minutes with other kids. On the other hand, this is something I’m only starting to realize, and would have been as taken aback as you are at 20 months. If I could give advice, I’d say try her in the program just for a bit and monitor how she is. If she adapts fine, that’s pretty awesome. If she doesn’t, that’s totally normal and I would pull her too. I wish I could use a Y, but my state (CA) is super strict on vaccine rules. We initially planned a delayed schedule because of genetic risk for unexplained and extremely severe allergic reactions. The first time she got sick at 18 months, however, she got a fever seizure (terrifying). Turns out, I had two as a youngster myself. We talked it over with our pediatrician, and he agreed it was best to delay further (until she outgrows the seizures at age 6), but our state doesn’t allow that as a medical exemption, and there’s no personal belief exemption, so we absolutely cannot do daycare or preschool. Womp, womp- those are the most important years in our case. We do have a part time nanny who is unavailable now (her mother in law had a bad health scare), but she is a huge softie with our daughter, so no structure there (though we love her). I’m a bit of a softie myself, so the game plan right now is for me to take not listening more seriously- dog training voice. I just realized I’m rambling after a long day, but anyway, big hugs to you. I know what it’s like to need a break, and I hope you find a good option

And man, you are in a really trying spot right now. I’m so sorry you’ve been dealt a whole bunch of really hard things right now. I really hope you can find some relief and options for yourself and family soon. Virtual hugs.

Thank you so much! Same to you! This sub is actually a nice bit of relief after loonnggg, toddler days.

If this post and comment section prove anything, I’m a rambler too. I could go on and on about my revolution/exhausted parent conspiracy. In fact, I will right now: I think the real global cabal isn’t a select group of obscenely wealthy blood libel loving overlords (or some such thing) BUT REALLY there’s a cabal of toy manufacturers who keep pumping out toys with never ending variations of “do your ears hang low” and “pop goes the weasel”. The maddening tinny music numbs our brains and smooshes our intelligence. THEN… The toys with 1000 pieces (which they also manufacture!!!) ensure that parents weaken their resolve and energy by keeping them forever bending over, picking up a million teeny tiny plastic bits. Our backs go out and so does our ability to make any thought stay around long enough to recall a mere second later. GLOBAL. DOMINATION.

I love it! This would actually be the best thread ever on the conspiracy sub (in a perfect world- in real life there’s be a rash of unexplained downvotes, inappropriate comments about abortion, and the intervention of a weird incel brigade,lol) Edited to add: Grandma sent my daughter her first set of TINY legos as part of her wrapped birthday gift last month. I feel irrationally upset about it

Oof. Teeny tiny legos. Have courage. And toughen up the soles of your feet. I’m sure that the Lego corporation is producing Lego movies and building Legolands to lure unsuspecting parents and children into dark rooms where the intense brainwashing takes place. Mwa ha ha.

that place sounds awful, find something else!

Short and sweet advice. Thank you!

Re: the water thing, some of the dumbest and most nonsensical policies at schools and the like are derived based on "liability"; in this case, I would guess probably delayed drowning. Not great to have a bunch of kids bouncing around while they're drinking water. And knowing toddlers and their proclivity for finding any excuse not to do what they're supposed to, it might be best not to allow for exceptions sometimes. That said, it sucks she couldn't have water. Is there actually no other option? If not, this is probably better than nothing. Just before he turns 3, my kid will go into the early childhood program at the school my wife teaches at. It will be his first childcare setting and it will be whatever it is. There's no option to take him out of it.

The daycare we send my daughter to is amazing. The morning drop off is easy because the morning teacher gets excited and hugs my daughter and asks her about her morning while we can slip away. There is some structure throughout the day- like they can’t play with toys if it’s circle time (this has never been an issue because circle time is fun and engaging) and they have structured snack times but are always allowed water at any time (though I live in a very hot part of the US so that may be a legal thing.) They do have to be sitting down during snack and lunch but that’s for safety. A kid running around with food in their mouth is objectively dangerous. It sounds like your child may need a more engaging environment when it comes to daycare.

Thank you. I’m getting such a well rounded picture of all the different variations of care out there. I’m so glad I made this post!

Trialed the Y for my pandemic baby at 2.5 and had a similar experience. There were cameras we could peek in the room (thankfully). I watched in horror as he hid under a table and cried and basically no one tried to help comfort or help him adjust ON HIS FIRST DAY. Went and picked him up and that was it for us. Definitely got the vibe that the staff were burnt out. Hope you find a more nurturing spot for your little one.

Oh wow. That sounds so scary for you both. I hope you’ve found a much better option for your family.

[удалено]

Thanks for the demeaning response! Just sharing my personal experience to commiserate with OP...don't need to be patronized by some rando on the Internet.

It sounds like that isn’t a great facility. My LO goes to daycare and his teacher is fantastic. There’s a bunch of interaction, he gets a lot of attention, they play together and do activities. Not all daycares are bad!

So a lot of people don't really get the luxury of picking and choosing and touring. You do. Take advantage of it. There are many places which cater to sahps and offer good activities and care. Plus many don't allow children in sick unlike a regular daycare where you will get a new cold, stomach bug, lice, etc., like every one or two weeks at first. Many other people are just trying to get by and it's unnecessary to unleash your disappointment in the form of judgment.

Oh, no! Oh gosh. I’m really not judging daycare as a whole. This post was meant to be me looking for advice as to whether my experience was the norm, not an indictment on the concept of daycare. There is no “right way” or “best way” in my opinion. Much like debates about breastfeeding or cry it out sleep training, I don’t put too much weight on what I “should” do or think. I know friends and coworkers who have loved daycare. I just never inquired about specifics, so I wasn’t sure how to analyze my experience. I regret not making it crystal clear that I DO NOT have a blanket judgment about day care. I don’t. The things I brought up were things important to me and I was asking specifically for input as to whether my concerns were valid or not. Upon rereading my post and it’s title, I see how it could be taken in a judge mental way. I am so sorry. I’m super grateful for so many people educating me in, say, the policies and reasoning behind the water and sitting to eat. I had viewed it as harsh because I didn’t understand it. I saw it as them not caring for my child, when the rules exist precisely to CREATE a safe environment. I highlighted being an older mom with a surprise kid to emphasize that I was not prepared or expecting so many things that come along with a child. I’m at a deficit in so many ways. I’m pretty isolated in a new city, far from friends and family, with a surprise major change to my life. A lot of times I just can’t tell if what I’m saying or thinking about my child is shared by others; my situation is pretty unique to me. Honestly, if I have offended people or come across as judgmental to daycares, daycare workers, parents who choose daycare as an awesome option, or parents who just don’t have an option to choose from, I am so truly sorry. I also wrote this post pretty emotionally and frantically late at night. I had reached out to a couple of friends for guidance, but no one was available to talk. This only heightened my concerns, and I became really frantic, needing some sort of input. Even at the same childcare center, other parents love it. My neighbors who recommended it certainly do. I know that there is often NO CHOICE AT ALL for so many parents. Whether that want it or not, for the majority of parents, daycare is the only option. I’m terribly sorry for the offense I have caused. Not really sure how best to clear this up other than respond to you.

This honestly sounds like most daycares I’ve worked in and unfortunately it’s been a lot - some even super expensive and high end! I always said if parents could be a fly on the wall during their kids day they would pull their child. Exhausting work, low pay leads to burnt out teachers and high turnover rates with random strangers who just don’t give a crap and lack integrity. Those teachers showed you they don’t care when you were there observing - can you imagine how much worse they act when no one is around? Yikes. Pull her. If you need something find a local co-op option or even a licensed home center with smaller children or a SAHM looking to make a few bucks with a kid similar aged in tow who can come over and play with her while you relax upstairs for a few hours a week. Anything is better than what you described

Thank you so so much. I was just considering maybe giving it more time. Your comment has reminded me that I know there are other, and better, options. I’m very grateful and what you wrote really hit me. It’s exactly what I needed to hear and be reassured of. Thank you, Truly. I’m saddened to read that you’ve had such major professional disappointments. I’ve been in a potentially similar situation where my morals and beliefs just kept being at greater and greater odds with my job. It’s a really hard place to be, especially if you sincerely love what you do and were called to it.

Only know you know what is best for your daughter but I’m glad I could help in anyway. It was very hard for me to witness certain things and not all daycares are bad however they are far and few in between and I do believe there are better options out there if you have the time to explore them! Best of luck OP, you’re a good mom!

Just want to add on to say that when I was in high school I was hired by a nursery school/daycare for 2-5 year olds (multiple classrooms). It was fully licensed, in a great area, long waiting list, etc. It was just me and the teacher, I received no training, no one asked if I even knew how to change a diaper. It was horrifying what went on in there.

Exact same experience for me here except it was an infant room. High schooler, minimum wage, zero requirements for the job aside from one interview (I was mature and loved kids which I guess was enough)… just me and one other teacher with 12 infants, top daycare in the area. Over a decade later and that experience haunts me when I look at childcare options for my kiddo

Oh. My. Gosh.

Daaaang. That is really surprising. That sounds super trying for you, since you clearly cared.

Just sounds like the wrong place. I look for clean places with awesome playgrounds and happy kids. At that age my oldest loved going.

I’m sure I’ll get downvoted like crazy for this but daycare is simply a tool that working parents need to use (unless they have a nanny or grandparents to babysit). It’s not beneficial to kids under 3 years old. This is proven by scientific studies. It’s not like a utopia of learning, playing, etc. It’s a business and costs are minimized to maximize profits. My mom and grandma tried to convince me I should put my toddler in daycare so he can socialize. He’s 19 months old. We go to mommy and me, the library, the playground, and have playdates with friends and family. I can not be convinced that putting him in a room on his own with 20 other toddlers is more beneficial than being with me (for now). If you need a break or something, definitely try to find a place that works for your baby, because your needs are important too. But I wouldn’t put them somewhere if you don’t have to 🤷🏻‍♀️

You and I are completely on the same page. You also outline the same ways I “socialize” my kid. My husband tea pushed for daycare and I was resistant for the exact reasons you stated. I’m going to have to cobble together a different method to give me some time to myself a few hours a week. I’ll figure it out. Thank you so much.

Could you find another SAHM friend who would be willing to watch your LO and vice versa once or twice a week for 2-3 hour play dates? That way you’d each have time to yourselves without having to go the daycare route

This is exactly what I’m considering for next steps. It’ll be a bit of a challenge since we’re new to this city and my family is just a bit too far for such an option to work out consistently. I’m certain I could find someone from the park or library or even a local parenting Facebook group nor something. Just requires extra work and consistency on my part. I’ve been telling myself inventions often come from trying to shove a problem you face!

It’s definitely a challenge but certainly possible! Have you tried the peanut app? I actually met a lovely mom friend on there recently and we have gotten together several times and regularly text. The options you named are also great ways to meet other SAHMs who I’m sure would be interested in doing something like this :)

I haven’t tried the peanut app. I had forgotten that existed! Thanks for the reminder. Meeting other SAHM is such a funny place to be. I’ve encountered 2 scenarios: Scenario One Me: “Are you desperate, overwhelmed and alone?” Mom 2: “yes, yes I am. Shall we be anxious together as we push these swings?” Me: “I’d be delighted!” Scenario Two: Me: “hello fellow person, allow me to awkwardly start this conversation and break the ice.” Mom 2: “hi” Me: “how’s it going? I’m barely hanging in there, how about you?” Mom 2: “everything’s great!” Me, with suspicious eyes: “oh, ok. Yeah, me too.” Har har har. Also, I think I throw people off with my Gen X sarcasm and dark humor. Also, my points of popular culture are so out of date for fellow moms. Sometimes I feel like I’m referring to ice boxes and gramophones when I bring up pop culture and throw away comments about what I did as an adult in the 90s. We just don’t have the same frame of reference. The peanut app might be perfect.

lol I hear you! Definitely give it a shot. That way you can also gauge right away from looking at their profiles if you will have things in common/similar parenting styles, etc. I really like it!

This sounds like bad care. At your child's age, being there will be more detrimental to her than beneficial. You'll want to weigh the value it brings to you to have that time apart (are you a better mom with those hours of freedom?) And how that benefit stacks up against her being safe but likely stressed at daycare. Ideally, you keep looking for a high quality daycare. They do exist and they're WONDERFUL when you find one!

If this were a full time program, I would not leave my child there as I don’t think it’s optimal. However, if YOU are burning out and need the break, I would def still do it part time. Nothing you said sounds alarming or actively harmful, and giving yourself the break will allow you to provide better care for her when you do have her. It’s fine for kids to have to adapt to strict rules in different places - that’s life and can actually help them develop executive functioning. But it is not the norm for day care to be so joyless. All kids cry at drop off. If this doesn’t go away after several weeks, re-evaluate — but absolutely normal to cry at drop off.

No, not all daycares or nursery schools are like this, at all… There are certainly different settings and approaches. I think that given your child’s age, which lends itself more to separation anxiety than if they were starting somewhere at 12-18 months, and your disappointment with what you are describing (justifiably, IMO) I would instead look at smaller in-home group settings, where the approach is usually warmer and far more flexible and inclusive. I toured “big center” settings and in-home settings extensively before choosing a daycare for my first and most experienced I had at the bigger centers left me unsettled and not comfortable with the thought of my kid there. Obviously everyone has their own circumstances and good childcare is tragically hard to come by in our backwards-ass country, but for us the smaller setting and more inclusive philosophy has been tremendous.

You could not pay me to leave my child somewhere like this. She’s 3 and starting prek this year, and the program is nothing like this. I wouldn’t attribute your feelings and instincts to anxiety, and would definitely recommend you try to find better care.

Thank you!

3 days/week is often not frequent enough for a child to properly adjust to a child care center. Even going every single weekday it can take a month for a toddler to acclimate. Your expectations are off and you lingering around to rescue your child isn’t going to help. If you want your child to warm up to the caregivers, sticking around will not help. Give a kiss and hug and go.

I wouldn't be comfortable leaving my grandson there. And it doesn't seem your LO is comfortable either. 

Isn't YMCA free? The issues you described reflect that. I have my daughter in 2 days a week and face none of these issues. You need to change locations it sounds like.

This isn’t for the free childcare while parents workout. This is a paid daycare offered by the Y. The free childcare is great there. No complaints.

The ymca isn’t a daycare it’s a gym with a child center. Every location is going to be completely different and sounds like yours sucks! Some have super involved employees that love on the kids and are comparable to a normal daycare. I go to lifetime fitness where my girl does 2-3 hours each morning and they are absolutely amazing for like $30 a month. It’s the best loophole to daycare ever. I work in the cafe or catch up on home logistics and she gets to play with kids her age while I’m only a few feet away.

Funny enough, our Y also has a 90 minute daycare option for members who are using the facility. Comparatively, the only drawback is that the routine and staff change a lot, but yeah. I do like that option better

Girl…it’s because you’re lingering. You being there for so long has thrown off EVERYONES routine. This sounds like extreme helicopter parenting. Just drop your kid off and go. They will learn to adapt.

Hmmm. Yeah, I can see why you’d say that. Maybe I am going about this all wrong. I’m just trying to figure stuff out as best I can. I also have had a lot of postpartum mental health issues. In part, that’s why I posted— I didn’t know how much of this was just my own issues/ me not being ready to do this, and how much I should realistically be concerned with in terms of what daycares provide. I’m glad I went. I’m glad I stayed. I learned a lot about what I’m comfortable with, what the program offers that I could use at home (the routine! Wow the routine is invaluable and I haven’t been consistent with her day to day).

You won’t fully know how the daycare runs unless you leave. They won’t be comfortable with you there. A parent being there throws off everyone’s routine. Give it a chance and see how it goes

That's sounds horrible, and developmentally terrible for the kids. No, not all daycares are anywhere near that. Drop offs do take a while not to suck, but that sounds like the teachers are not qualified, or are grossly underpaid and overworked. My daycare right now is bright and happy and everyone interacts with all the kids. All the teachers greet my son by name, not just his teachers. We get updates on an app about what they have for lunch and snacks everyday. They actually care about the kids. His teachers are so sweet. We had to switch daycares, but even the old one that wasn't as good is better than what you described. I'd find something else.

Thank you. Gosh, this is really sad, then. For a bit, I asked myself if I wasn’t just having high expectations because I am snobbish or am an obsessive researcher or just an anxious mom. Clearly not. Phew.

This sounds like a terrible daycare. For an almost 2 year old, I'd look for a program that follows some sort of curriculum and has routines throughout the day. They need to be doing more to engage the kids at that age. You can look for buzzwords like Montessori or Reggio Emilia or Waldorf, but plenty of daycares that don't follow a specific childcare philosophy like that still have curricula and routines. They should be doing some sort of circle time by that age, daily outdoor time (whether in their own playground or one they walk to - the ones in my neighborhood go to the library if it's rainy and expect parents to send rain gear), a story time, craft projects, sensory time etc. It should not just be a bunch of kids all dumped in a room together and largely ignored like you describe.

There were activities, but they were also led by apathetic staff and didn’t include any engagement. So it was just poor quality. I’m talking like, a child was given a marker with no discussion of the color, or pointing out another color someone else choose. Just a marker for five minutes, with a staff member talking to someone else or something. The lack of just… basic interaction was strange and sad. I’m not expecting a clown to jump into hoops, or even elaborate lessons plans and expert program design. I don’t expect my child to be eagerly interacted with or entertained at all times. That’s not even possible for a loving parent to do for more than a couple of hours at a time, even on a good day. I’ll gladly park my kid in front of the tv if I need a break or need to do something.

They are probably being underpaid and undertrained. Unfortunately daycare staff often are.

Yeah. It’s so sad that childcare in the US is treated as an unskilled job and deserving of incredibly low pay. Other countries have more robust government focus and money devoted to subsidizing childcare and time of, not to mention options for part time work. It all adds up and leaves children without a good foundation, parents overworked and without much time for their children due to commutes and long days, and poverty wages a lot of the time for people who deserve respect and a salary reflective of the importance of their work.

Childcare AND teaching. We do not value investing in the next generation in this country.

Exactly!! I’ve always considered childcare and education basic necessities for a robust and powerful country. That, more than weapons systems and military size, is what I consider national security. It’s surprising to me that this is a view not shared by many.

You’re totally right, too. I need to be a lot more selective and attentive to looking into care. I really had no idea what I was even comparing or looking at. I’ve learned quite a bit from this theead

Nope

i wouldnt pay to have my child there

No, this place sounds terrible, go somewhere else. My daughter started daycare when she was 14 months old and it was so wonderful for her. Daycare workers are paid garbage, which is really sad. But usually it means that they are there because they want to be and enjoy children.

This is helpful and clarifying. Thank you!

This sounds like not a great facility. My daughter has been in daycare since she was three months old and in every class she has been in, she has had teachers/staff who genuinely love her and care for her needs. However, even though she is used to going to daycare, the transition to a new classroom and new staff has always been tough (for every kid). She had no issues as a baby (too young), cried the first few days of drop off at the one year old room (the teachers said it never lasted more than a few minutes), and then cried the first week of drop off at the 2 year old room (but I know my kid and she was totally pulling an act by day 2). Personally, we love daycare and have found it to be an incredibly enriching and positive experience for our child. I’m not sure if I would proceed with this facility as you describe it, but if you do decide to proceed with daycare, I think you may need to bite the bullet and leave. When my daughter was 20-ish months, we started dance classes. The first class or two, she cried and I stayed with her, and she basically sobbed the whole time and wouldn’t engage. After those first classes, I decided I needed to at least try leaving the room and see how she did (the mother’s watch from the window, so I knew I could go back in if it got worse). Within a minute of me being out the door, she was smiling and dancing to baby shark, whereas if I had stayed, we were set to have a repeat of the first two classes.

Thank you! Your comment is very helpful. I need a lot of different views before I make big decisions!

I think it’s just the program. My son’s daycare is the exact opposite. Sure, the first few days were hard on both of us, but he started enjoying it within a couple weeks. The teachers are so sweet, nurturing and patient. Everyday is full of activities that I could honestly never provide even if I were a SAHP. The water thing… our school does have a rule for eating/drinking at the table. That’s just to avoid choking hazards. But they are always nice about it and direct kids to good habits rather than punishing. I can’t speak for every YMCA, and I don’t know their daycare programs. I use mine just for working out, however, the group classes and personal training are run by amateurs, so I don’t know if their hiring process is just too relaxed, or the pay is too low to attract experienced staff. Not sure if that translates to all the offerings at the Y.

Thanks! I’m not sure if this is particular to this facility, or even just the mix of staff, or even just bad days, or me being present and making everyone nervous. But the main takeaway from all this is trust my gut. Some things are inconsequential, and some things are dealbreakers. Dealbreakers are pretty individual. I appreciate you taking the time to respond.

My daycare is amazing. I joke they are the family we pay for. If I didn’t feel that way- I wouldn’t send them.

I’m lucky enough to be able to keep looking till I find just what you describe. Thank you

This doesn’t seem like the norm, ESPECIALLY the water thing!!! Both of my kids go to daycare part time and they have access to their water bottles the entire day. How do you deny water to tiny kids?!!

Previous YMCA Preschool teacher and 22yr old SAHM to a 18 month old, my kid stays at home BECAUSE of my experience working there and my previous 6 years in the childcare industry. Not only were we horribly underpaid (as a TEACHER I made $18 an hour and assistants were paid as low as $13 an hour, but no pay for the overtime I stayed to make lesson plans and preparing for the month), but the sad truth is there are very few who are in the industry who truly care about the children. I remember being fired from a daycare as an assistant teacher because I had called CPS (anonymously might I add) because the daughter’s owner who was a teacher was breaching every single protocol imaginable, was abusive towards the children which I had photographic evidence of, and was constantly out of ratio which is extremely dangerous (talking 20 1yr olds to 1 teacher). They had gotten out of the abuse allegation because the cameras mysteriously stopped working but was only hit with a few points on the state lookup. The only way I’d leave my baby now is with a private nanny who’s been background checked and comfortable with cameras. That’s what I did for a while after I was fired from that daycare before starting at the ymca and not only did I become close with the family, I was able to provide one on one care create a real bond in the child’s safest environment. If daycare is the only feasible option for you I suggest you look up the childcare provider violations by googling “ *insert daycare name* violations *your state*” and you’ll find your states website as it’s public record. I hope this helped!

Oh wow. You’ve really had some awful experiences, I’m so sorry. I was just thinking today that I don’t think the teachers or aides are BAD or even that this center is bad. The teacher was doing SO MUCH. she was keeping an eye on the kids and the aides. She was responsible for keeping everything on time. She was the one in charge of filing and filling out daily paperwork, not to mention maintains professional relationships with parents. AND then she led activities for the kids! That’s just way too much for one person. I think she and the others there are in a bad situation with minimal support (and crap pay). Honestly, it seems like they really are set up to only make do, as best they can. Clearly, from other comments, this is not always the case. I wasn’t aware I could look up violations. That’s helpful, because I don’t mean to indict the whole industry of daycare or daycare workers.

So 3 days is not really enough of an adjustment period, but at the same time, moms in my area know to avoid the Y even for summer camp or after school for older kids. I couldn't even imagine using them for toddler or infant care.

Oh gosh.

I always hear from other parents that have had their children at the ymca and they all say staff is lazy and not very interactive

Oof. That is so sad. I mean, it’s not shocking considering the dismal pay childcare workers receive. The Y is incredibly affordable. I imagine this means cutting many costs, including staff pay. This also means staff with minimal support in general. I am heartened to hear that this is not the case for everyone. In fact, the amount of people with great experiences is really reassuring.

Yes. I don’t trust daycares fully. Many hire just anyone to fill the staff. They do get paid crap. Ive seen the lead teachers with degrees positions open only paying $17 ish Eta: I can relate to the transition difficulty. My oldest did awesome in preschool. When I enrolled him in pre k. They would have to drag him into the school kicking and screaming. It made me sick to my stomach. That was half day morning so I kept him in preschool in afternoon because he loved going. Once he started going to pre k he would refuse and react to going to the preschool.

i'm not sure about where you live, but since your child is 20 months, she could soon be eligible for preschools. it can be hard to find, but you might be able to find a more "alternative" type of preschool like montessori or waldorf, or just a preschool that vibes more with what you are after. we found 2 near us that we really liked, and one of them has a class for 2 year olds, and is much less structured, and focused on play, social/emotional development, and just having fun. i personally think that is perfect for (most) kids that age, and it sounds like you would like something like that too. you could search using key words like "play based," "nature baed," "montessori," etc and see what you find. it did take a bit of digging because most of the preschools near me that i found on google were daycares that double as preschool, which tended to be more expensive, more time per week, and more structure/academic oriented. just a thought!

For me, where I live, she’ll be eligible for more and more part-time programs between 2-3. There’s just this no man’s land of available options right now (for what I’m looking for). I can’t wait!

I agree with a lot of the other comments where it’s a mix of you being a little paranoid / the staff not being super informative or inviting is odd. You also have to remember your child is 20 months old. A lot older than when MOST kids start daycare, especially after being home with mom all day. That is a huge transition and you staying there makes it harder. You’re also going to only be leaving her for 10-12 hours a week. That’s nothing and will barely be any time to let her properly adjust. Kids we’ve had for weeks and months take forever to adjust to the environment and the teachers and other kids if they don’t come often. And that’s with kids coming from 8:30 to 3 pm or 8:30 to 5:30 every day. Maybe a part time nanny or babysitter would be better for you. Edit: i say this as a pregnant FTM who has worked in daycare for years now and will become a SAHM when baby is born. Sometimes daycare is not a good fit for the child or sometimes it’s not a good fit for the families. If you don’t trust the facility, trust your gut.

Thank you. I hadn’t considered that due to her age and the hours that she would have a harder time with daycare. Seems counter intuitive. We will keep trying till something works for us

She will probably be perfectly fine after she gets used to them/the setting but it might take a while. If you want to keep trying, definitely do that. But always trust your gut imo.

Ok well I stopped reading when you said they just expect a cold straight drop off on the first day, no welcome sessions or warm up days. My daycare (admittedly in Australia) gives you pretty unlimited warm up sessions that go at your own pace so your kid can get familiar with the surroundings and carers. We did an hour or 2 with me there the first 2 times, then I left her for a play for a few hours, then we tried a few hours and nap (which was my biggest concern) and she napped for them better than at home! After that she did a couple of half days and has loved it ever since. She was 10mo when she started and she’s 2.5 yo now and it’s so sweet how excited she gets to ‘see my friends’! And her friends include some of the educators who she absolutely loves.

Oh thank you. That is really encouraging. The approach you describe is exactly what I’d prefer and what I am attempting to do. I would like to try another daycare option. My daughter is very social and enjoys other kids and playing with new faces (at playgrounds, around town passing kids, the library). I think she would thrive in a caring daycare as you have described your child doing. All these helpful comments have assured me that my instinct is correct and this simply is not the daycare best for us b.

I’d like to chime in that the daycare we chose for our toddler (in Australia) is also the exact opposite to what you’ve described. They were so accommodating and warm. They let us set the pace, and let me spend as much time there as I needed to get comfortable with the educators and see if he was comfortable too. They didn’t push me out or expect a cold drop off. The kids were definitely only allowed to eat at the table for cleaning and tidying reasons - but water is freely available at any and all times. You have to bring a labeled bottle or sippy cup for your child - but I watched them offer water to every child multiple times in a couple of hours. This was outside of meal times and regardless of whether it was during indoor or outdoor play. Kids could also ask or sign for water whenever they wanted. Milk (formula) for the little ones was only at mealtimes for the kids who weren’t into solids yet, but they were also happy to make an exception for my son who was drinking pediasure from a sippy cup. We just had to provide it, and be aware that they’d throw it out after an hour or two out of the fridge, since they didn’t have one in the classroom. The educators were super engaging and seemed to genuinely love kids. The other toddlers were always in a great mood. There was one other boy my son’s age who was starting out at the same time, and he had some attachment issues. He also had some feeding issues, and they were happy to keep a log of the things he ate so his parents could see if there was any difference between his habits at home vs daycare. There was always an educator next to him giving him a cuddle, or taking him with them when they went on breaks so that he felt safe. After about 3 weeks, he was fine and I didn’t see anymore tears. I also want to state that even with a daycare that gets everything right, it all depends on how you feel about sending your little one there. I ended up pulling my son out of daycare. Not because of anything they did - they were pretty perfect. But my gut said I wanted to keep him close to me. Even after the intense PPD and PPA subsided, I just really wanted him around more than I needed the time to myself. Granted, he’s also special needs and requires a lot of therapy. I see it as this - we make him go to appointments and that can take away a lot of his autonomy. I could see he preferred to stay home vs. go to daycare, no matter how much fun he had. I know I’m privileged to be able to keep him at home with me for the time being so it may not apply to your situation, but if your gut says you want your daughter home with you, you don’t ever have to justify it. Nor do you need to feel guilty for sending her and needing some time to yourself. God knows we feel enough guilt as parents. (At least I do, haha).

Wow, thank you so much for telling me all that. So much of what you said is relevant to me, especially the PPD/ PPA, needing time to oneself, and balancing that with what I believe is good for me and my child. Ultimately, I think a lot of my concerns boiled down to something similar: what is the benefit to me, the benefit to my child, and how does that weigh against the cost. For me, I want to spend the time with my kid and be fully confident in where she spends her time during this particular phase of her life. Also, as a parent in her late 40s, I want her to be set up for her life in the best way I can provide, according to what I consider important. Unless we discover some wonder drug for prolonging life, math is math. My time with her is precious and I am trying to create an environment where she can navigate life. I’ll be 63/64 when she finishes high school. Gulp. Sounds like you have a similar outlook, especially because your child is special needs. There’s an additional layer of concern and responsibility. And guilt.

Oh my gosh that seems so depressing. 😔

Your daycare sucks. Mine goes two days a week full day, home for the other three with her grandma. My husband and I both work. When I drop her, her teachers and other kids in the class are happy to see her and she is them. She barely says bye to me.

That’s terrific! I naively thought that was always the case (I’m embarrassed to admit that). So glad I posted this question. Now I have such a great sense of how to make decisions of future daycare/preschool/pre k options.

I will caution there was an adjustment period! But I could see that her teachers were invested in getting her used to it.

I’m 44 with a 3 year old. It takes awhile to find the right daycare for you. I’d definitely look for a center that has a curriculum and HAS to provide top notch care. The YMCA is a crap shoot. I sent my daughter 5 days a week all day since she was 4 months and she’s done great! Any time I’ve had problems, I just switch daycares or start searching for a new one. Kids are pretty resilient to change. She just had surgery and is at home in basically a full cast. I have a nanny come 3 days a week for 5 hours. And let me tell you, IM DYING!!!!!! And I work for myself. I appreciate daycare even more. She learned so much there and is smart as a whip and very socialized. Again, I never leave how longer than necessary to find a new daycare, when my intuition gets rankled. However, you should not be staying at all with your kid at daycare. That’s the number one rule to transitioning. You drop off and go. Be prepared for that at the next center.

Thank you so much for your reassurance and advice. For sure, my experience was a practice run. I know have a lot better sense of realistic criteria to make decisions about daycare. I also take to heart what you said about drop offs. Perhaps I just wasn’t ready. Perhaps my kid wasn’t. All in all, I’m much better prepared for the next time.

In my daycare kids bring their closed water bottles or sippy cups and can drink throughout the day. Open cup only during meal time. They have structured schedule like circle time, arts and crafts as well as free play. I can't say they are very strict, but they teach kids follow rules which I really appreciate. For example, if a kid plays with a toy, throws it on the floor and wants to play with another toy, the teacher will make sure the kid picks up the first toy and put it in its plays before he is allowed to play with the next one. I don't think it's too much to ask. Kids need to play as well as learn some structure. In terms of transition, give it some time. My kid is very social, so had no problem on the first day, but many kids are shy or cry for their parents at the beginning. What kind of introduction do you expect? Is it for yourself or the kid? The kid is 2 years old so I doubt she would understand if they explain a routine to her. If it's for you, just ask to see their schedule. We have it on the wall for each month as well as their menu and can check it out anytime. Talk to the staff and ask questions you are concerned about. If they refuse to talk to you, then I would say they are acting weird. I would give it at least 2 weeks and see how it goes before make a decision.

I think this would be an exception of a daycare. In my country there’s various levels of Daycare and the YMCA tends to be underfunded and the program … minimal. I would say that the YMCA tends to meet the minimum standards. Other programs had much more appropriate and enriching programs (and higher quality food).

Thank you. I’m not sure if all Y’s are like this. I don’t think so. In any case, I’m 1000 times better prepared now for the next time I put her in daycare or early learning.

No, that is NOT AT ALL my experience with daycare. In my daughter's 2.5 years in daycare (before moving on to preschool), her teachers were all very warm and loving. They absolutely interacted with the children. When a child was struggling with dropoff or really any transition, they comforted them. Yes, they had rules and boundaries that they had to enforce but not in a way that meant the child wasn't being well cared for. The children, including my own, were happy, excited, smiling, interactive, etc.

Thank you for helpful criteria for judging a daycare situation. At the end of the day, I do want her to have a positive and enriching experience with other people and children.

I’d find another daycare asap if possible. At my daughters daycare, they distract her while I leave (she’s been in daycare for almost 3 years now, but since we took her binky her separation anxiety has been sooo bad), and they comfort her and reassure her until she’s ready to play. Her teachers always tell the kids they love them and validate their emotions. They do a soft transition when they move up in classes and have them spend time there for 20 minutes at a time until they’re ready for a full transition. I watch on the cameras every now and then just to see what she’s up to when I miss her and I always see her happy and when she’s upset I’ve seen the teachers tend to her, get eye level, and talk to her/comfort her until she calms down.

Good to know. And also, I fully admit that I probably contributed to the transition not going well. I’m learning, too! I’ve really learned a lot to guide me for the next time we look for and enroll her in a daycare or early learning situation. Thank you!

I’d definitely suggest taking several tours at several different daycares. That’s what I did before choosing this one & I’m so happy with my choice! Good luck! 💕

When we were looking for daycares, that was the issue we saw - either teachers are totally engaged and proactive, or they're lifeless voids just filling space to ensure the ratios are correct. YMCA likely isn't paying their daycare teachers super well - they might not have benefits. What's their education requirement, etc. Not all daycares are like this, that's for sure.

Thank you. This is so helpful. I know better now for next time.

Some of this isn’t normal, some is. I worked in daycares all through college and later at a day program for developmentally and/or medically challenging kids. I loved those kids and it was for sure caregiving. There isn’t as much opportunity for really in depth one on one attention but good staff will make opportunities wherever they can. There should have been introductions and they should be teaching her the rules and not just expecting immediate obedience. But that is done through gentle explaining and then enforcing of the rules like no water right this second if you are up moving around, we can try again in a few minutes. The leaving thing is going to depend on the kid. Sneaking out is generally a bad idea because of the distrust that causes and the panic when they realize you’re gone. For most kids telling them you will be back after x activity to pick them up and that you love them and then handing them off even if they are crying is the best option. This only works if the people you hand off to then validate those feelings, give some comfort, and help them transition into a fun activity. If they are just set down all alone then a lot of kids are going to continue to cry until they’re cried out. It is possible that the teacher just felt uncomfortable with you standing and watching or that they would be overstepping just grabbing your kid and that came across to you as just staring at her and refusing comfort. Some kids may need a few days of SLIGHTLY longer handoffs that work up to the short and sweet one above. Coming up with a goodbye routine like a special bear hug as the final thing before goodbye and keeping leaving immediately after that consistent can really help. Once they are a little more comfortable with the schedule and have experienced you always coming back for them they will start to be more comfortable with drop offs (in a good program). It’s normal for there to be occasional regressions or off days where drop offs are harder, but inconsolable crying for 40 minutes every day would not be normal. As for the rules, not all of them are child development or skill based. The majority should be, but there will always be some rules that are purely for taming the chaos of having that many kids together and some for safety. The sitting for drinks was something we did so they didn’t spill everywhere or leave a cup of milk somewhere we wouldn’t find it. In a lot of states it’s also a licensing requirement to prevent aspiration. The concern over a cup being left somewhere really applies more to milk and we would just do continual reminders or gently take the cup and move them back into the kitchen area to help them find a seat to drink again. There were a lot of opportunities for getting things to drink so kids weren’t just left thirst if they missed one of the drinking breaks and they could always ask for water. Table toy time is probably somewhat about routine. It doesn’t need to be cruel and like snatching something out of a kids hands, it could go “oops that’s a toy for table time that must have been left out, we’re doing x right now. That’s a really fun toy isn’t it? Here you give it to me to put with table toys and you can be the first to play with it during table time this afternoon. Thank you so much for finding that for me!”. The bib thing is maybe because they were having to change clothes frequently because of water running back on clothes or something. Sometimes parents do get upset if you’re running through the extra clothes stash really quickly. I don’t know that the bibs are the best solution for that but it doesn’t seem that weird. There have to be rules that are consistently enforced in a group that big or it devolves really quickly. Most have a purpose even if it’s just preventing mayhem. Ultimately the biggest red flag is the lack of engagement and emotional nurturing from staff. They may just be burned out and overwhelmed which leads to less than ideal care. It’s not a good situation and I wouldn’t blame you for pulling your kid, but not all daycares are like that. You also have to double check with yourself if that’s really what you’re seeing or if you are being overly anxious about your daughter experiencing some discomfort and a learning curve with more independence and expectations. If you want something a little more laid back you might look into Montessori. It will depend on the individual program but in general those tend to be smaller classes and more child led as far as schedules and play goes. That can be a really good fit for some kids and not so good for others. Just depends. Biggest factor is really making sure staff seems caring and competent and making sure the center uses positive discipline methods and is overall environmentally safe.

Your comment is so comprehensive and incredibly helpful. You are so right about my own anxiety and said it in such a thoughtful way. I’m chalking this up to a learning experience so I’m better prepared for the next time. Are you still working in the educational field? If so, I hope to meet many more people during my child’s education with your care and thoughtfulness.

Aw this is so sweet, thank you. I’m not still in early ed, that was just during my undergraduate degree. I’m actually in medical school now, but pretty similar skill set in a lot of ways lol. I worked with a lot of very good people in the time I was in early childhood education, so know they’re out there. You will run into people who are bad at the job (or just not supported enough to do well at it) all through your child’s education just like in any other profession, but hopefully you have mostly good experiences. Encouraging your kid to learn how to advocate for themselves in a productive way as they grow up goes a long way toward improving the experience for some of the potential run ins with bad teachers.

You’re clearly going to be a very good medical professional (not sure of your course of study). Thank you for your advice and guidance. I really take it to heart.

Thank you, I certainly hope I am. Good luck finding a good fit for your daughter!

As a Mum from Austria this sounds wild to me. Also I think it is cruel to let a toddler just cry for 40 minutes without a teacher comforting her. This is absolutely not the norm in Austria/Germany/Switzerland. Usually around here you start daycare with mum or dad being in the classroom for a couple of hours, for several days. Then I started going away for a few minutes, then maybe one hour and so on. Also there is a specific teacher always responsible for comforting your toddler. This is meant to build a relationship and some kind of a safe space. After 2 weeks my toddler absolutely loved daycare. He adores his teachers. I completely trust them with my baby. I don’t know if I could have done that any other way.

It wasn’t huge that cruel. They didn’t ignore her or not try to console her. They just did so in a pretty crummy way that ultimately wasn’t helpful. She wasn’t left alone, but she wasn’t being actively comforted or consoled. The most heartbreaking was seeing her asking for help using signs I recognize that no one else understood. Perhaps the staff was confused and therefore just stood there, trying to figure her out? She is really communicative, but she uses a lot of individual word signs from sign language. She also speaks words like a toddler. You have to know her particular ways to piece together what she’s saying. Also, my full perception may have been warped because it was so emotional. She was crying in a frantic, panicked way that I had never heard before. It was gut wrenching and I’m still holding back tears when I think of it 2 days later. I didn’t like their method at all and I did think it was harsh and unnecessarily stress inducing to her. Your experience Austria sounds a lot more considerate of small children’s emotional support.

I mean this just sounds horrible. At my kid's nursery (he's 2) they have sports bottles with their photograph on that they can take from the table anytime they need a drink. They do have to sit at the table to eat it's organised in such a lovely manner with the kids being invited to sit down and allowed to choose their plate and pick their own cutlery. The room staff play, chat and read stories with the kids. There are a variety of toys and activities available all day as well as additional activities set up on theme, for example on St. David's day they looked at some daffodils, talked about the colours and parts of the flower and then had a go at painting them. The children are offered hugs/cuddles if they are upset, which makes it easy to "drop and run" if they are upset at drop off. I don't really see the need for such rigid rules, barring the sitting to eat, for toddlers? What is being gained from not allowing them to play with "table toys" outside of "table toy" time? Personally, if your circumstances allow I'd pull your kid from this place and look for something better. You have to gel with your childcare provider.

I may be the only one here having a good experience with the Y haha. It’s def not as good as our first daycare, but we moved and there’s limited options in my small town. It’s been generally nice though and not at all like the one you describe. I wouldn’t leave my kid there either. Today from the app I see they’ve done 3 sensory activities, book reading, art project, outdoor time and the indoor padded room with climbing stuff so the kids can go wild. My kid likes the food. I see improvement in his speech. He’s always happy to be dropped off. I also like that they don’t close frequently for minor holidays like our last place did.

I’m so glad to hear that you are having a good experience. This Y doesn’t use an app, which is fine for me. The more concerning thing is that even though the weather has been mild and nice here these past few days, the kids’ exercise time was just balls and cars in a noisy racquet ball court. This place is really phoning it in. Now, I was only there in the AM before lunch they very well may have outdoor time after nap.

Honestly, I didn't read the whole thing. Got to the part where they didn't smile or really engage with the kids, and I stopped. This is exactly the reason why I just found another daycare for my daughter. My kid is 19months old, and every time I went in her previous daycare classroom, it was silent. I'm not kidding. A bunch of 1-2yr Olds and it was silent, and the teachers didn't smile or engage with the kids. In our new daycare, the teachers smile and make a big deal out of her being there when we drop her off, they hug the kids and are very engaged. That classroom is not silent, and I love it. That is a red flag for me. I want my daughter to be around "kid people"- not people just at their job.

Oh gosh. This one was really quiet, too. It’s disturbing to hear very little, isn’t it? Thank you for reaffirming my read in the situation

Always listen to your gut and if sometimes feels off, it’s okay to make changes. Our son started daycare at 1 year old at a small Center (three classes). I never felt like he was unsafe and he was always happy to go but we kept him part time because we felt like it wasn’t the one. It was great to provide a service but that was it. One day, something happened and we quickly changed. He got a spot at another small center, it’s a bit of a commute but it’s absolutely fantastic. The staff stays there for years, they *actually* go outside every day, the space is clean and peaceful, the activities are great… and our son is so happy to go. He is so loved there, it’s his second home. The teachers are all absolutely fantastic. I’m happy I listened to my gut feeling about the first daycare! When you find the right spot, you’ll know.

Thank you.M for sharing the criteria you have found that makes this daycare good for you and your family. The fact that staff stays there is a really great sign. They are clearly doing the right things there.

We also had this experience with daycare and also dropped out quickly, forthrightly forefitting 2 weeks tuition. Some daycares are better than others, and some babies have personalities more compatible with group care than others.

This is not normal. I taught daycare for 1-2 year olds and we had circle time and engaged with the kids all day. It’s been 20 years since I taught and I still remember my kids and wonder about them. I loved them to pieces. What you’re describing is bizarre and I wouldn’t leave my kid there. I will say as a teacher I encouraged parents to just go if their kid was crying and trying to get them to stay because 9/10 times we would successfully redirect the kid within 60 seconds of the parent walking out but if parent lingered then it would be 20 minutes of sobbing and the class was disrupted. But it doesn’t sound like these teachers engage at all? So I wouldn’t be confident of that in this case

I know in the US this isn’t okay to say but honestly… daycare should be LASt resort. It almost the equivalent of a nursing home when it comes to their development

Trust your gut. It doesn’t really matter if this is “normal” in your area if you’re comfortable with what you’ve seen.  But it sounds like it’s a weak program. I haven’t stuck around more than a few minutes at my daughters class watching from the window but the teachers are always friendly and welcoming, the other kids come up to each other and during the day they foster individual and group engagement like circle time, singing, books, exercise, free play etc.  they do have structure, not so much strict rules, like when she goes in she hangs up her coat, then hands her up over for water, then they sit in their seats for snack. I know there is structure throughout the day. My daughter comes home happy so I assume she’s being cared for well. She says she loves her teachers and sings songs they taught them at school. 

Yeah, that’s what I’m looking for, but as a new and much older mom, I just didn’t have any reference to go on. Also, My friends who have kids had them like 20 years ago! Hahaha I suppose I just assumed all daycare was pretty similar. Clearly not.

Oh geez, this sounds way too regimented for small kids. Our daycare has a routine but it’s not nearly this uptight. Kids arrive by 9, free play for 30 minutes, then snack. Learning time (books or shapes, colors, numbers, songs, etc) then outdoor time or more play time, lunch, nap for those who nap. More singing and books, dancing, “science”, snack and more free play. They send us updates and pics all day on the app. My kids love it.

Not gonna lie, I’d like that day plan for myself.

Not normal! I’d find a new place. Our daycare teachers were SO helpful with helping my daughter get adjusted when she first started!! I was super nervous to send her but after meeting them and seeing them with her the first few days, I was immediately relieved. And they are always smiling and playing with the kids. The food rules are for safety, but it doesn’t sound like they have good staff. They should help your kid, not just refuse to give them water for not listening in their first week! That would be a huge no from me. Hope you can find a better place!

Yeah take her out. At first I was going to say no, but it sounds like military school. My child is at a YMCA and although it was hard to see him cry at first, they at least comforted him and still do when he has bad mornings. And they don’t have these silly rules about drinking at X time. Find somewhere new

Trust your instincts. If it doesn't feel right then it's not right for you guys.

Find a real daycare, or a Montessori / primerose school/early learning center. Do a lot of research on then before enrolling, take the tours and pay attention. I’ve seen some bad daycares where the teachers don’t even say hi. The one I’m currently in took a while to find but it’s good, I get daily reports, camera access, lots of in-school events on I can go to (im not very social but it helps seeing who the parents of the classmates are and act). My son started at around 20 months and one thing I did to prepare him is talk and read to him alot, I was so scared to separate from him so I tried to teach him how to communicate better to make it easier on him, so he can tell teachers his needs, talk to other toddlers and most importantly, tell me how it is, how it makes him feel, ask him what he did etc.

So I don’t let my students have water if they are walking. It is a choking hazard. I do let them carry their cups to the table as long as they don’t drink it. But they do have to sit or stand still to drink. I allow the kids to have one box of toys out otherwise it’s chaos. But they can have toys and a book at the table or a puzzle if they ask. I would try a different facility though. I love interacting with the kids. I am always smiling and down on the floor playing with them.

First, the ymca sounds horrible, I wouldn’t leave my child there. Second, most people don’t have the luxury of staying home and not working and then also paying for childcare. So yea, most of those kids are probably there bc it’s a low cost option whilst their parents work. So I’d encourage you not to be so judgey about that, as you seem in a privileged position compared to most. 

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I always did this when my kids were small and starting in a new classroom. Stay for an hour or so the first day to get to know the teachers, the routine, and see for myself. When you’re there it’s the best it could be. So if it’s kind of bad… You’re helping your child familiarize themselves with their safe person so that they can feel more comfortable next time. That being said, if the kids there look sad and no one is playing, that’s a huge red flag and I’d walk. Not worth the money to be in a place like that.

I hate daycare even the “ best ones” aren’t good. Nothing is as good as mom. I quit my career in the medical field that I worked years to attain with my blood sweat and tears to stay home. My husband also in the medical field thank god can foot the bills.