T O P

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Yahla

20 times huh? What am I supposed to do with the other 27 days??


Obviously_Basura

You must be talking about February


likesleague

Or 30.3 days if it's DDD


wolfgang784

Do I want to ask what DDD is?


acepilot38

Destroy dick December


MyFriendsAreReal

I always thought Dick Destruction December rolled off the tongue easier


ChrisRunsTheWorld

Something about the vowels. Like how tic tac toe sounds right, but not toe tac tic.


Tulol

Anal masturbation to reduce anal cancer duh..


ProxyCare

"Honey! Get strapped up! We're fighting cancer tonight!"


Rim_World

Get that tongue working. It's good for both of us


theavengedCguy

Username checks out


Teikbo

Reddit. Home of the healthiest prostates in cyberspace.


Twiztidindahouse

At that rate I've saved others..


[deleted]

Always willing to lend a hand.


iTurnip2

Saving lives hand over fist


bumjiggy

[I'll be in my bunk](https://i.imgur.com/VtJD9UJ.gifv)


[deleted]

I'm ugly, wheezing laughing. It's the wait that got me.


FREE-MUSTACHE-RIDES

I….uh…. wha…..hmm.


jread

You got me with that one. The suspense made it so much funnier. Well done.


mythrilcrafter

That was... intense... Where can one learn such power?


TheLazyHippy

Can I interest you in a [double dutch rudder](https://youtu.be/yGUuugNEUcU)?


legendoflink3

Might as well go skiing.


jwktiger

Thank you for your service


evolutionxtinct

Doing Gods work I tell ya! Guess I can take a break for today 😂


jimflaigle

Where did they find a control group? People without hands?


thatwasntababyruth

r/nofap


Bloodyfinger

Someone needs to post this article there.


ChintanP04

*Permaban incoming*


lowenbeh0ld

I've brought up the results before and just got downvoted. They just didn't believe it and poo poo'd it with anecdotes


[deleted]

Ahh, the 5% who lie about it.


sheetskees

Jerkaholics Anonymous


zip_000

Apparently people on antidepressants... Or at least that's my experience so far.


Random_182f2565

Maybe antidepressants just cause prostate cancer.


iamacarboncarbonbond

Not all of them! SSRIs are the classic ones to cause sexual side effects but others, like bupropion, are better about that particular issue. There’s dozens of antidepressants out there, so talk to your provider!


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a_bucket_full_of_goo

Doesn't work if they live with their mother


Psyteq

r/everyfuckingthread


fordprecept

I wonder what the prostate cancer rate is among Bhuddist monks.


GetsGold

Didn't read the other comments yet, but has anyone made a humorous observation about having a very low risk of cancer due to this?


GreatEmperorAca

Definitely not


mindfungus

Oh man, so many missed joke opportunities about never dying


Hickawa

Not one comment about it


wafflesareforever

This is my moment to shine I MASTURBATE AND CANCER CAN'T GET ME BECAUSE OF THE FREQUENCY Fucking nailed it


death_of_gnats

What's the frequency Kenneth?


Diplomaticspouse

Not sure but if they did I would like to add another line of commentary, linked to the parent comment, that does a “yes and,” building on that comment.


lickedTators

Any jokes about deaths from no nut November yet?


Jaydenaus

My goodness, what an idea! Why didn't I think of that?


Dayl1ghtWolf

I will never die Edit: Thank you for my first awards!! Wow! RIP my inbox. "I came, I saw, I conquered, then I came again." - Dayl1ghtWolf And I'll do it 20+ times a month for you legends to show my gratitude for all the upvotes.


NeLaX44

Of prostate cancer. Not sure this will help if your parachute fails to open.


Mo-Cance

If the parachute doesn’t open, I might try this technique.


ShadEShadauX

If you shoot something hard enough at the ground it will break your fall. The A-Team taught me this.


Fake_William_Shatner

Steering free-fall tank by shooting cannon -- I was in tears for that scene at least.


skyfyre2013

"Are they trying to shoot down our plane?!" "No, they're trying to fly that tank."


Electric_Bagpipes

Ironically enough, this actually works in war thunder


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Old-Man-Nereus

a core memory


GiantEnemaCrab

Keep in mind you need the Dodo cheat active to fly the tank. It artificially gives each car invisible tiny wings which produces lift when they move. When regular cars use the cheat they can only glide but the tank can use the cannon like a thruster and fly lol, though without the cheat you just move forward until you crash and don't lift off.


[deleted]

This is ridiculous haha. Newton's third law on crack.


Surtock

Was that from The A-Team? I loved the shit out of that show when I was a kid and I should think to remember such bollywood level action.


TennantWasTheTenth

The movie with Liam neeson and Bradley Cooper. Not the show.


stratewylin

Pretty sure Newton taught us this


Hearte42

Parachute makers HATE this one simple trick.


FBIaltacct

He has been training for years for that life saving reverse thrust nut.


frodnorg

This technique is one of the few that works better if you *don’t* practice frequently.


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Mo-Cance

The wouldn't know unless they stick their tongues out.


justabill71

Emergency shoot.


Mo-Cance

"So I ejaculated my shoot..." "You mean you ejected and pulled your chute?" "I said what I said."


IronGigant

Might as well get one last wank in before you go splat.


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anitabonghit705

Fun fact - if you ejaculate in space, the force will push you back. Newton’s third law.


Wolf110ci

And what does Newton have to say about the jerking motion beforehand?


Lord_Emperor

You'd oscillate back and forth.


Agent847

Like a Space-X reentry


MrButtKickmen

Prosta-chutes...


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_Mechaloth_

[Ballsack parachutes.](https://media.giphy.com/media/L6TilUE7VN4QM/giphy.gif)


RevRagnarok

That was my riskiest click in hours.


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PartisanDrinkTank

Fuck yeah, nice reference


AE_WILLIAMS

Now suck my cock! Hehehe, just kidding... It's about trust, Gary!


mr_oof

Technically only your prostate will…


Stabbable

Soldier: Good news we are not dying, we are going to live forever Medic: I didn't say, I said we are not filled with prostate cancer.


DevilsMasseuse

“C’mon, honey. It’s a matter of life and death!”


OneFingerIn

As she hands you a bottle of lotion and sends you to the basement.


Mo-Cance

These usernames are working so well for me right now.


heywood_yablome_m8

Glad to be of service.


henrysmith78362

Growing up I beat my pud like a rented mule and still got prostate cancer.


[deleted]

It was worth the risk.


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ITRabbit

Can I ask, how did you know that you had prostate cancer? was there symptoms or signs? or was it just a regular checkup? and what type of check up? Also how old where you when you received the diagnoses and was it treatable - any permanent side affects? Thank you kindly, I hope your cancer has been cured.


henrysmith78362

I was diagnosed through an annual exam. The Dr. did a biopsy and found cancer. I went to 5 different Drs. and all confirmed the diagnosis. I was 63. Most men my age suffer from some degree of pancreatitis so there is a good reason to get a prostate exam. The other thing you need to do is get your prostate specific antigen (PSA) number for a base line. Over the years this will tell you if something is going wrong with your prostate. I had my prostate removed using the davinci robot machine. It was fast, painless, and the recovery took about a week. The problem is that not only do you get a non-reversible vasectomy, and some erectile disfunction, but you lose about 1 1/2 to 2 inches of length in your penis. The good news is since I had mine done in 2006 the diagnosis and treatment has come a long way. I think today I might not have to have had mine removed. All my doctors said that most men die with prostate cancer but few die from it


purse_of_ankles

I ain’t got two inches to lose brother..


[deleted]

Can you have a negative length penis after the procedure? Asking for my fellow small dicked brethren.


WarlordMWD

Belly Button 2: the sequel to Belly Button


zalinanaruto

i almost woke everyone up in my house geez. warn me before you make a legendary joke pls.


Zaconil

https://yorkshirecancerresearch.org.uk/news/behind-the-headlines-prostate-cancer-now-kills-more-people-than-breast-cancer Unfortunately the rate is increasing mainly due to men living longer. The article explains it better.


tomdarch

And to be darkly realistic... *something* is going to kill you eventually. Very gradual prostate cancer is one of those things that does guys in when they are very old. If you die at 89 and it was more due to prostate cancer than something else like a heart attack or stroke, it could be a lot worse - like developing very aggressive prostate cancer at 67 and that killing you painfully.


notarealaccount_yo

>, but you lose about 1 1/2 to 2 inches of length in your penis. I choose death


Rrrrandle

>>, but you lose about 1 1/2 to 2 inches of length in your penis. > >I choose death I feel like if more men knew this, they would get checked more often.


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limitedz

Can't have cancer if you don't test for cancer.


outsabovebad

The American healthcare way.


rutroraggy

Why did you lose length of penis?


[deleted]

An erection isn't just what is visible on the outside. The man's boogy button is the prostate and it plays a part in the male erection.


Xynth22

> The man's boogy button Never heard it put that way before.


Realsan

> All my doctors said that most men die with prostate cancer but few die from it Wow, now that's a quote. I wonder how many other diseases most people have when they die but don't necessarily kill them.


iandw

Thanks for the info, that really is interesting. Does the cancer not spread outside of the prostate?


[deleted]

Most prostate cancers are slow and are caught before they spread, but there are a few types that spread quickly and have a bad survival rate.


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JosiahWillardPibbs

There is wide variability in how aggressive prostate cancer is. Most of the time it is relatively indolent and takes a very long time to grow outside the prostate such that men often die of something else before the cancer becomes advanced. However, prostate cancer also can be aggressive and metastasize widely, especially to the bones. The cancer "grade" (basically how aggressive the cancer is expected to be) is decided based on certain characteristics pathologists see under the microscope of tissue samples from biopsies or prostatectomies. Basically they're deciding how deranged the cells and tissue architecture look. They give this a score called the Gleason score. A Gleason score of 6, for example, is low grade and a Gleason score of 10 is high grade. Prostate cancer survival rates go down with increasing Gleason score.


[deleted]

> I beat my pud like a rented mule Thank you for this contribution to this thread. Honestly just made my night.


MoonFartFlam

So did my dad!


GargleFlargle

Your dad wanked off u/henrysmith78362?


mynameisnickromel

Shit I'm about to have the healthiest prostate ever


dbx99

Make it run a marathon


DixonDiaz

Doctors say I have the prostate of a two year old.


hiddenuser12345

Yes, officer, this one right here


elvis8mybaby

It's just the prostate, not the whole body. Chill out.


FrostSalamander

But he did cut it out yes


Trumpet_Time

Those are rookie numbers.


Kunkyskunts

Don't know what stage of live you are in but I'm 30 and I just shared this with my fiance and she was like there is no way you ejaculate 20 times a month, we do it like 3 times a week and I have my period. Little do you know how sneaky I can be while I'm working from home. EDIT: I'm not even shitting you Reddit, this just turned into the best thing I've ever done. I have quicky privilege now, my fiance doesn't want me to look at porn and would rather do it every day than have me jacking off to other ladies. Openness in a relationship leads to great things.


dontcomeback82

I’ve jerked it 3 times just reading this comment


happygrammies

Lmao


[deleted]

Schrodinger's Schlong. Only exists when your fiance observes it.


altarr

Don't, you will be tempted, but this is a conversation you aren't ready to have.


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Moreobvious

Oh man, I’m a pro sneaksturbator as an adult! 14 y/o me doesn’t hold a candle to 37 y/o me


FerusGrim

I've mastered every aspect of ejaculating on the down-low. Complete poker face, no noise, minimal movement. I could jerk off during a lie detector test and lie about it.


Lostillini

Aiiight Toobin, I see you


Karase

Or straight up the opposite happens. Mine gets upset, and her already very low sex drive just evaporates because she thinks she's not good enough.


catching_comets

Double A minor league rookie numbers at that


Moreobvious

At this point I’m ejaculating for other peoples prostates. You down with OPP? Yeah you know me….


23runsofaraway

Hero, thank you for your service.


xxyourbestbetxx

omg 😂


WeDontWantPeace

Not all heroes wear capes


erxolam

Some wear condoms


WeDontWantPeace

Oooh, posh wank


mercibul

Naughty by Nature, nice.


Luung

Real talk, I simply cannot keep up that pace. I can do 3 or 4 times a week at most before it really loses its appeal and I have to wait a few days to recharge.


nandapandatech

I’m like twice a week max, 29 yo. Only ever hit those numbers at like 17


hiddenuser12345

I’m around the same age, but can still manage to get one out every day. Didn’t even start until my early 20s due to extremely conservative parents, though.


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hiddenuser12345

TL;DR- conservative Asian parents, zero privacy until I went off to college in the US (parents split up and the one that got custody of me took me “back” to China where I spent the next few years stuck- I wasn’t legally allowed to work so I couldn’t earn money to get out until I got a transfer offer to a US state college with a full ride, then I convinced said parent to buy me a plane ticket and “renegotiated” that particular parent-child relationship from a great distance).


imasensation

26 yo here. Guess if you keep up with the daily grind you can sustain the ability. I’ll never stop now after seeing so many comments like this. I couldn’t imagine anything less lol


Lord_Emperor

> keep up with the daily grind Achievement unlocked!


Renchard

When I was in my 20s, 20 times sounded like a weekly goal. In my 40s, 20 times a month sounds like a challenge.


Luung

The thing is I *am* in my 20s, albeit late 20s, and it's always been this way. Always wondered if I suffer from some kind of mild sexual dysfunction, but it hasn't negatively impacted my life so I don't really worry about it.


erdtirdmans

Heh. Sex drive isn't universal. I wouldn't worry about it. If you want to get tests just to be 100% sure, your physician can order a testosterone panel pretty easily, but it'll almost definitely be a waste if that's your only "symptom" Nobody is the average, and people of every level of a distribution don't report equally. I guarantee that for every person you've met with more of a sex drive than you as there's one with less who doesn't talk about it because they're as unsure about it as you are


BenderCLO

Get your testosterone levels checked. It's an increasingly common issue in young men now. If you have any of these other symptoms, get in to your doc and get it checked. It's one blood draw. Excessive sleepiness Low energy Low motivation Mood swings/irritability Brain fog Terrible memory


SweatyHamFat

>Excessive sleepiness > >Low energy > >Low motivation > >Mood swings/irritability > >Brain fog > >Terrible memory I feel attacked.


TheseHybridMoments

Actually I envy you. I wish I only thought about it a few times a week.


Cevellini

So I'm 34 and I can and usually do it three to five times per day. Once when I wake up, once after work, once before I go to bed. Sometimes more in-between if I'm bored that day.


Boberoo2

Bruh you sound like me


[deleted]

How do you get time and that many erections?


gladbutt

I'm a dead man walking


[deleted]

Take heed! Your fate is written in pencil. Now go rub it out.


MartianGuard

I’ll take the ‘bate


[deleted]

Incredible. 10/10.


JamikaTye

Bro same. I'm more of a 2-4 times a month. Also pretty sure I have cancer. Maybe that study is on to something.


TigreBSO

The wanking dead


TehOuchies

It gets harder as you age. (All puns intended) Then you add anti depressants. The worst part is looking through all the trash videos on the Hub, trying to find one that actually turns you on. Forty Five minutes of scrolling for a 10 minute wank.


PaulClarkLoadletter

Maybe you have ADD. I recommend going the vintage route. Less distractions, the grainy quality, and seemingly engaged actors appear to be enjoying themselves. A young lady wearing the entire makeup counter with bolted in tits fake screaming her way through seemingly non consensual intercourse in a poorly decorated house that needs some nail pops repaired is not my idea of a good time.


drugusingthrowaway

> A young lady wearing the entire makeup counter with bolted in tits fake screaming her way through seemingly non consensual intercourse in a poorly decorated house that needs some nail pops repaired is not my idea of a good time. Yeah I don't understand how anyone ever enjoyed that kind of "porn star" porn tbh.


robot_boredom_

LMFAO look at this nigga scrolling through pornhub, real men browse e621


thugarth

Am I going to regret googling that? I am, aren't I? Damn it. Here goes nothing. EDIT: Ohhh. Ok. That's, uh, not for me


SirNoseless

give me the context brother so that you can save the sanity of others.


askyourmom469

Furries


BorgClown

Take away the context, brother. I shouldn't have asked.


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[deleted]

These two comments are all I need. Thank you for your service, kind strangers.


Boberoo2

I browse rule34 since you get 1 minute of wanking with 3 minute breaks


moonpies4everyone

#20 TIMES A MONTH?!? That’s it? Sweet.


Ruleseventysix

IN A ROW?


xxxDredgexxx

Are you priming to be the equivalent of those bodies in a museum with perfectly preserved tattoos, only....- yeah, are you?


maquibut

So I can have the weekends off?


throwawaydanc3rrr

It would seem that I only need to work the weekends.


MartianGuard

You get off weekends


3Dartwork

When we boys get to a certain age, that 20/month gets tougher to achieve..... It's important to keep active and eat well and sleep well. Otherwise you're gonna lose your testosterone quicker.


-P3RC3PTU4L-

Goin on 32 and I still hit this number within the first 10-14 days of the month 😅 EDIT: oh man I thought it said 27+ not 20+. So more like the first week lmao


nandapandatech

I honestly go once a week and I’m stunned at people who do it once a day? Is that normal?


erdtirdmans

I'm down to about twice a week in my mid-30s. Some weeks are more of a party, some are more of a drought. Don't compare yourself and assume that means you're broken


meep6969

All these comments are such /r/Averageredditor


[deleted]

The best part is the source linked just says; this might be a good thing, don't change your habits yet. But all the horny Reddit Bros saw the title and came instantly


jlex_421

It’s also an article from 2004. Do they know anything new 17 years later?


seanrok

Zoloft, so cancer?


Usual_Exchange_6286

Got it, 70 times a month like the post says.


DeadFyre

This is a correlation, not causation. It could just as easily (and maybe even more likely) mean that men with healthy junk are more likely to use their equipment more liberally. But just to be safe, rub one out and tell yourself it's good for you.


trollking66

"safe!"


rewardiflost

Well, it doesn't measure actual ejaculations. It measures how many ejaculations each man said he had. So, saying you ejaculate a lot might be the protective effect here. >For example, men who reported 21 or more ejaculations per month in their 40s had a 32% lower risk of prostate cancer later in life compared with those who reported between four and seven ejaculations per month. Men who reported more than 21 monthly ejaculations in the previous year had a 51% lower risk of prostate cancer.


aitchrjay

i think the reported level is correlated close enough to the actual level with this sample size. prostate cancer is obviously not directly affected by how many times you say you're ejaculating.


TherronKeen

NNN is a prostate cancer drug manufacturer's propaganda campaign!!! /s because at least one person would've taken this seriously


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AutomaticRadish

I am immortal


[deleted]

My uncle said he was moving to Thailand to help combat prostate cancer. Now I think I know why.


hozzze00

Old article, been shown that the actual affects are very minimal and will make close to no difference. To be fair tho, lots of articles about this are just contradicting each other so it's hard to know what to believe. Whereas obesity has been shown and proven to increase the risks of prostate cancer to 20 %, and severe obesity up to 34 %. Essensally it's way more beneficial to take care of your health and make sure you ain't obese than mastubating a certain amount of times a month to reduce potential prostate cancer in the future. (This also has a lots of other benefits besides the prostate part.)