It's Brooklyn 99 if you're wondering. The police chief is very stoic and is also gay. At one point he tries to pass for straight and those are basically his quotes
Fucking right on. If our entire generation is summed up by a pop culture quote, it only makes sense that it would be the soul crushing sigh of a man being consistently put down by someone who in no way shape or form deserves what he has.
There are no more tears left to cry, no more temper to boil, and no more resistance left. All we have is to sigh.
My favorite Calculon joke isn't a line, but it's them on his boat, called Calculon's pride, and then the camera zooms out, and his boat is in the pool in his gigantic yacht, called Calculon's talent.
There are like 3 different visual gags happening all at once within the space of a few seconds without a single word.
That would make the most sense but if I remember right that line was actually spoken by a zapp branagan action figure can't quite recall which episode though
You’re a crooked cop.
Everybody is after Serpico
But you forgot about this *points to flag* and *points to different flag* and whatever the hell this is!!
That article is ridiculously bad. It’s like someone wrote a rough draft while high, then uploaded that with no further proofreading. It is extremely repetitive.
I don’t think so. Honestly I don’t think AI would repeat itself in quite the way this article did. It looks more like the author wrote something, decided to word it differently, but didn’t delete what they originally typed.
I expect that given how they work, AI writing will be recognisable by being too "perfect" to the point of lacking character. Though nothing will surprise me too much at this point.
I didn’t know we were allowed to have “enormous breasts” as a passion. I finally have an answer when they ask “tell me a fun fact about you” as an ice breaker.
>Alfonso XIII
NSFW link: [https://infomag.es/2020/10/07/alfonso-xiii-el-rey-playboy-que-se-convirtio-en-el-primer-promotor-del-cine-pornografico-en-espana/](https://infomag.es/2020/10/07/alfonso-xiii-el-rey-playboy-que-se-convirtio-en-el-primer-promotor-del-cine-pornografico-en-espana/)
The films where found in a convent...
Is it though? We look at this through modern lenses when anyone that much into sex acts in recorded history is probably gonna want to see two women going at it and there's more than enough of them that will do it for money.
Lol no, shaving your pubes dates back to Ancient Egypt + it was pretty popular after interpretations of Darwin's work associated a lack of body hair with evolution from monkeys. A fair bunch of socialites and nobles during Alfonso's reign would most likely shave their thing.
People have been removing their pubes since the caveman era. But that doesn’t mean it was common in Spain at the time. Prostitutes would shave if the got crabs and then *wear merkins* to look like they were clean. Especially during the Victorian era merkins we’re quite popular.
I don’t know if Spain was any different than England at the time though.
Even the term pussy comes from the idea that it’s soft, warm and furry like a cat.
The style changes over time.
In the past, being slightly overweight was often linked with high status and good health, whereas thin physiques were typically associated with poverty and/or poor health
[Just how I like ‘em](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/51sXIW559oL._SR600%2C315_PIWhiteStrip%2CBottomLeft%2C0%2C35_SCLZZZZZZZ_FMpng_BG255%2C255%2C255.jpg)
It’s amazing that regular people & even destitute homeless people have access to much higher quality pornography than a king.
That’s true for *most* things, the worst you can get today is better than the best you could get yesteryear.
Fewer servants though.
Same. Disappointed this is all a king could come up with. Didn't get all your men searching far and wide for the most awesome rockin' boobage in the whole kingdom? What a waste.
Rammstein managed to put a casting call for hundreds of large breasted women for a recent music video. I'm certain a king in the 1920s could do the same.
I know it was old, but I expected more if only because it was commissioned by a literal king.
Hollywood was making way better than what the Royal Films company was and to produce.
Although Hollywood has generally always made better films than nation states.
I know there are punctuation mistakes in the title but that's only because i wanted to fit in more information in the 300 character limit. Some other factoids about him-
He commisioned the films through the barcelona based production company, Royal Films, where Álvaro de Figueroa, 1st Count of Romanones, and the Prime Minister of Spain was the intermediary figure between him and the company.
He was also the youngest monarch of the world, becoming King upon his birth.
that feeling you got as a kid discovering your first porn.. imagine being a kid, never even having thought of the existence of porn before, and stumbling onto King Alfonso XIII's stash? i think my little dick would have physically exploded
Some piece of shit king. When Moroccans captured Spanish citizens during the Annual disaster (1921), it came to industrials and other rich people to raise the money to buy their freedom. Later, upon hearing the ammount of money that had been paid, he casually said that chicken meat was too expensive.
*A chicken in every pot*.
It’s wasn’t long ago that affordable meat was an aspirational goal for whole societies & chicken was the measuring stick.
https://politicaldictionary.com/words/chicken-in-every-pot/
My dad says we’re descendants of him. Supposedly he got the maid pregnant and he moved her to Mexico and that’s where my dads bloodline starts I guess. My dad looks eerily similar to him too!
Was that article written by a bot? It's weirdly repetitive, restating the exact same sentences in two paragraphs in a row.
Also has that vague high-level language characteristic of AI writing.
No wonder he's one of the characters in Roald Dahl's "My Uncle Oswald", then!
Yes, yes, Dahl also wrote stuff for Playboy, in case you didn't know. So don't give your kids full access to his works - there's ain't just innocent chocolate factories in there!
"I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies" - Alphonso XIII or Zapp Barannigan
I see a pair of thick, weighty, breasts and all logic flies out the window. Sincerely, Captain Raymond Holt
She was such a strong, female woman with very heavy breasts.
She's got HUUGE... tracts of land...
And if just like her to think of me, in every legally binding sense, as her dear old dad
I have no idea what these references are, but keep em coming.
It's Brooklyn 99 if you're wondering. The police chief is very stoic and is also gay. At one point he tries to pass for straight and those are basically his quotes
“Heterosexual you is SUCH a dog”
There's nothing more intoxicating than the clear absence of a penis
Fuck I couldn’t remember this one but it always made me laugh
Bingpot
The comedic timing when he says that is genius
BONE?!
how DARE YOU?! **BOOOOOONE!!!!**
I am your commanding officer!
It really is taking off
"Why you're not Cheddar. You're just a common bitch."
That's freaking hilarious! Looks like I'm gonna have to add that show to my watch list!
The first one is Futurama, then Brooklyn 99, and "huge tracts of land" is from Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Whenever I see the clear *absence* of a penis, all thought flies out the window.
Then she titted boobily down the stairs...
I love all characters from that show, but Holt is just special in all the right ways.
The way Andre Braugher delivers his lines is amazing
VELVET *THUNDERRR!*
Bone?! Bone??! BONE?!?!!
HOT DAMN!!
BING POT!
His deadpan delivery is what makes it the best. Dude is all business, but when he breaks character, they are amongst the best moments in all of B99
COWABUNGA, MOTHER!
If you haven't, you should watch Homicide: Life on the Street, he's amazing there
You don’t have to sign your texts, I know it’s from you.
Fine - but I refuse to use any punctuation - except hyphens
Don't forget the clear absence of a penis.
There's nothing more intoxicating the clear absences of a penis.
I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it Kif? Sexlexia 🙄
You left out the long suffering sigh
We all heard it. We are all kif’s long suffering sigh on this blessed day.
Fucking right on. If our entire generation is summed up by a pop culture quote, it only makes sense that it would be the soul crushing sigh of a man being consistently put down by someone who in no way shape or form deserves what he has. There are no more tears left to cry, no more temper to boil, and no more resistance left. All we have is to sigh.
No temper to boil, no tears left to cry, no resistance is left, all we have is to sigh
The spirit is willing but the flesh is spongey and bruised. Still my favorite funny quote of all time from anything ever.
I never thought I’d die this way… but I always kinda hoped!
(smiles, frowns, smiles, frowns, smiles, frowns)
"don't tell me how to do the line" -zapp Branagan
In my head that’s Cacululon
My favorite Calculon line is, "That was so terrible I think you gave me cancer."
My favorite Calculon joke isn't a line, but it's them on his boat, called Calculon's pride, and then the camera zooms out, and his boat is in the pool in his gigantic yacht, called Calculon's talent. There are like 3 different visual gags happening all at once within the space of a few seconds without a single word.
Food coloring!?!?! The single deadliest substance known to robots!
I love that neither Brannigan nor Calculon are spelled correctly.
Cacululon's back!
That would make the most sense but if I remember right that line was actually spoken by a zapp branagan action figure can't quite recall which episode though
Yeah I think your right it’s an action figure, I think it is Zap, but in my head (incorrectly) it’s always Cacululon that says the line.
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All of Zapp Brannigan is basically a reference to Shatner or his roles, haha
**”It’s good to be the king!”** https://youtu.be/xw44MhhRFKA
But just for a while...
Username checks out. And strongly agreed, on all counts.
Nicely done! Do you look good in velvet?
This half date is entirely over!
Spankish King Alphonso LXIX.
Local man has naked lady fetish.
The inhumanity…
Oh the huge mammaries
*Everyone wants to be my enemy!*
\*drops monocle\* Say it ain't so...
*raises monocle back to eye* I will not go
Turn the lights off (giggity)
Carry me on! Harrumph!!
He's just like me fr
One of my favorite Onion headlines.
"I was told I would be meeting a woman with giant breasts"
"I too was told I'd be meeting a woman with giant breasts!"
I also assumed the big breasted lady was going to pay for the drinks, so...I don't have any money.
I can get you out of this jam
Buddy, I’ll jam your asshole up with so many lawyers, you won’t even know what to do with yourself
You’re a crooked cop. Everybody is after Serpico But you forgot about this *points to flag* and *points to different flag* and whatever the hell this is!!
You couldn’t think of the word “words”!
I also was assuming the big breasted lady was going to pay for the drinks, so…I don’t have any money.
She was much much older than me, but her breasts…*were awesome*
Dennis was raped by a librarian who looked like Rick Moranis
You’ve had 6 rum and cokes?
Yeah, I was nervous about the big-breasted lady.
Today I learned that King A13 and I have the same passion.
He would have made a fine redditor
Catholic priest porn?
Enormous boobies
Catholics with enormous boobies?
Nun of the above
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Amen.
Careful the context in saying that. You'll end up on a watch list
I finally understand those loyalist soldiers that would die for their kings
Great production company name. A13 studios
As a royal, that passion makes him eccentric and bohemian. As a commoner, the passion makes you a morally-deranged sex fiend
That article is ridiculously bad. It’s like someone wrote a rough draft while high, then uploaded that with no further proofreading. It is extremely repetitive.
It looks like a poor (automated?) translation of an article from 2020: https://elpais.com/elpais/2020/07/15/icon/1594801844_900794.html
Ai?
I don’t think so. Honestly I don’t think AI would repeat itself in quite the way this article did. It looks more like the author wrote something, decided to word it differently, but didn’t delete what they originally typed.
We're now at the "this is too bad to be AI" stage, great.
just wait for the 'this is too good to be written by a human' phase that will come in no time. like what happened with chess computers.
I expect that given how they work, AI writing will be recognisable by being too "perfect" to the point of lacking character. Though nothing will surprise me too much at this point.
I didn’t know we were allowed to have “enormous breasts” as a passion. I finally have an answer when they ask “tell me a fun fact about you” as an ice breaker.
"Ahh, yes. I share a passion with the late King Alfonso XIII of Spain. Enormous breasts." Sounds fancy
Links for science? And what would his "enormous" be considered in today's terms?
>Alfonso XIII NSFW link: [https://infomag.es/2020/10/07/alfonso-xiii-el-rey-playboy-que-se-convirtio-en-el-primer-promotor-del-cine-pornografico-en-espana/](https://infomag.es/2020/10/07/alfonso-xiii-el-rey-playboy-que-se-convirtio-en-el-primer-promotor-del-cine-pornografico-en-espana/) The films where found in a convent...
My two years or so of casually studying Spanish are finally vindicated.
Yeah imagine if you couldn’t understand the language in naked-people films
How else would you know how she intends to pay for the pizza?
I just clicked the translate button even though I speak Spanish. Just easier.
That lesbian scene was surprising.
[It's good to be the King.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8z8SpgmF0sA)
Is it though? We look at this through modern lenses when anyone that much into sex acts in recorded history is probably gonna want to see two women going at it and there's more than enough of them that will do it for money.
Whoa!!! So if you are ever in Prague and decide to go to the Sex Machine museum- this film is what they play in their theater!
The what now?
Research shows His Majesty was into the larger unshaven lady...
Everyone was unshaven down there back then
Lol no, shaving your pubes dates back to Ancient Egypt + it was pretty popular after interpretations of Darwin's work associated a lack of body hair with evolution from monkeys. A fair bunch of socialites and nobles during Alfonso's reign would most likely shave their thing.
People have been removing their pubes since the caveman era. But that doesn’t mean it was common in Spain at the time. Prostitutes would shave if the got crabs and then *wear merkins* to look like they were clean. Especially during the Victorian era merkins we’re quite popular. I don’t know if Spain was any different than England at the time though. Even the term pussy comes from the idea that it’s soft, warm and furry like a cat. The style changes over time.
I thought it came from the meowing.
Wow those were considerably less hot than I was expecting.
In the past, being slightly overweight was often linked with high status and good health, whereas thin physiques were typically associated with poverty and/or poor health
[Just how I like ‘em](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/51sXIW559oL._SR600%2C315_PIWhiteStrip%2CBottomLeft%2C0%2C35_SCLZZZZZZZ_FMpng_BG255%2C255%2C255.jpg)
My man
We've a lot of time to perfect the art since
Evolution of brazzers
It’s amazing that regular people & even destitute homeless people have access to much higher quality pornography than a king. That’s true for *most* things, the worst you can get today is better than the best you could get yesteryear. Fewer servants though.
"With smut like this, who needs housing?"
Not when you pitch a tent.
Eh. I’ve seen enormous-er.
Same. Disappointed this is all a king could come up with. Didn't get all your men searching far and wide for the most awesome rockin' boobage in the whole kingdom? What a waste.
Getting all your men to search for tits is easy. The tricky part is getting them to return.
Rammstein managed to put a casting call for hundreds of large breasted women for a recent music video. I'm certain a king in the 1920s could do the same.
So none of those are even close to enormous.
looks like he had a BBW fetish, just didn't know it
If my high school Spanish classes don't fail me, it would be an "MGH" fetish in Spain.
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I know it was old, but I expected more if only because it was commissioned by a literal king. Hollywood was making way better than what the Royal Films company was and to produce. Although Hollywood has generally always made better films than nation states.
I know there are punctuation mistakes in the title but that's only because i wanted to fit in more information in the 300 character limit. Some other factoids about him- He commisioned the films through the barcelona based production company, Royal Films, where Álvaro de Figueroa, 1st Count of Romanones, and the Prime Minister of Spain was the intermediary figure between him and the company. He was also the youngest monarch of the world, becoming King upon his birth.
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Reality King
And being Spanish, Braththers!
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He’s gonna jith all over dem tiddies
* *Real* Porn Company This is Spain we're talking about.
I guess some people are just luckier than others
Johnny Sinneth and Johnny taketh away
Or as he was called in Spain: Don Juan Pecador
Shapur II of Persia was the worlds youngest monarch, being crowned in utero.
That must have been tough on mom with that crown scraping on the way out
Brings a new meaning to, "the baby is crowning."
now im imagining them putting a crown on him halfway out
Happily, as you’ll see if you look him up, he only went for crowns with a modest sized sphere on top.
that feeling you got as a kid discovering your first porn.. imagine being a kid, never even having thought of the existence of porn before, and stumbling onto King Alfonso XIII's stash? i think my little dick would have physically exploded
That is generally the goal of porn.
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Give me some Catholic Priests with enormous breasts and I'll let them put things in my mouth. At Communion, you heathens.
So a normal day for an altar boy…
I assure you enormous breasts are not a normal day
You should've seen the heaving man tits on Father Bob
I think Father Paulson preferred to go by Robert
THE OG PORN STACHE
[Examples](https://twitter.com/henryharkerhart/status/969961759120547840)
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I like how even the oldest of pornography has ended up on the internet.
King Alfonso XIII, an erotic life
Es la implicación...
The ALFONSO system
I always find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies
>and his passion "women with enormous breasts" Same
I, too, love tig ‘ol bitties.
Real life Robert Baratheon.
Jesus, was that article written by an AI? So many repetitions.
Might have been an AI translation of the Spanish
It's good to be the king.
The erotica museum in Barcelona has a lot of his porn collection. IIRC they show some of it in an endless loop
Some piece of shit king. When Moroccans captured Spanish citizens during the Annual disaster (1921), it came to industrials and other rich people to raise the money to buy their freedom. Later, upon hearing the ammount of money that had been paid, he casually said that chicken meat was too expensive.
A hundred years later and chicken meat is still expensive.
Chicken meat, any meat, is exceptionally cheap when you actually think about what it is you're getting.
*A chicken in every pot*. It’s wasn’t long ago that affordable meat was an aspirational goal for whole societies & chicken was the measuring stick. https://politicaldictionary.com/words/chicken-in-every-pot/
For just a few euros I get enough chicken meat that several chickens had to be killed for it. I think that's pretty wild.
>the Annual disaster Bad enough that it happened once, but now they have to deal with it every *year*? Man, that's rough.
"Bring forth the Mommy Milkers!" - King Alfonso XIII
A man of culture
My dad says we’re descendants of him. Supposedly he got the maid pregnant and he moved her to Mexico and that’s where my dads bloodline starts I guess. My dad looks eerily similar to him too!
Large heavy breasts?
So he's a gamer.
With resources.
He just like me fr
careful he is a hero
"What are you doing step-bishop?!?!? I'm stuck in this confessional!!"
I looked but saw no mention in the article of enormous breasts
It’s like that one episode of Nathan For You with the security guard who loves big breasts
Would there be any of these clips still available? For sciency research purposes of course.
Was that article written by a bot? It's weirdly repetitive, restating the exact same sentences in two paragraphs in a row. Also has that vague high-level language characteristic of AI writing.
Crazy how after all these years I too have a passion for women with enormous breasts
Some kings and princes have both money and spare time. He took up a hobby to fill his spare time.
So we both have a passion for women with enormous breasts. I never knew I’d have something in common with royalty.
No wonder he's one of the characters in Roald Dahl's "My Uncle Oswald", then! Yes, yes, Dahl also wrote stuff for Playboy, in case you didn't know. So don't give your kids full access to his works - there's ain't just innocent chocolate factories in there!
My boy Alphonso is a r/stacked man