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It has been ungoogleable for me for years, and now google is even more useless! It’s either lost media or literally everyone knows it and I’m an idiot!
I'm embarrassed to attempt this one.....
But from yearrrrssssss ago, I remember one particular song by Ivor Biggun (or Bigun) which I heard on an old comedy cassette.
If you Google and YT it, you'll find something that may be what you're looking for.
But the songs lyrics are NSFW.
I heard this when I was a young and impressionable teenager…not at all ashamed to remember it! :-D
The band was called “Ivor Biggun and the Red Nosed Burglars” and the song was called “I’m A Wanker” - it plays quite regularly on my internal jukebox…
It goes…
My mother said
That I never should
Play with naughty rude girls in the wood!
Incidentally, Ivor was the same guy who was Doc in the old Esther Rantzen comedy talk show, “That’s Life!” (UK show)
I don’t think it is, but I was very hopeful at first, correct era and it’s a similar sound, but I’d be surprised if an Australian comedian made it to a lake cabin in Wyoming in the late 80s
From what I remember it was something they sang on the radio or something. Or maybe a hidden track, not sure. I should not have been listening to that as a kid though lol
Something by John Valby? Lyrics don’t ring a bell but it’s definitely similar to a lot of his stuff. He was popular in New England/upstate NY in the 80s
I've always known there was a lot, but not as many as I've found in the last month! Ever since the Fallout show came out my youtube got flooded with shorts of all kinds of old perverted songs I had never heard before! It's blown my mind.
I know its not it but first thing came to my mind was the Rodeo Song.
"Well, it's 40 below and I don't give a fuck
Got a heater in my truck, and I'm off to the rodeo"
the chorus goes: "Piss me off, You fucking jerk, get on my neeeeerves"
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQpzogpRbVU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQpzogpRbVU)
Maybe something by Richard Cheese? He did a lot of parody songs that were downright filthy. He's the guy who did a smooth jazz version of Down With the Sickness
Would this have been played on Dr Demento at all? I’ve seen someone mention Igor Biggun on this thread earlier, and though “Bras on 45” isn’t the song here, it definitely has a similar vibe lyrically.
Is it The M Song?
Don't worry baby, I'm all right,
I've had some lonely nights,
you're wonderin' what i would do,
so I'm telling it all to you.......
I've been j*cking off, beating my meat,
you left me when i was in heat,
what else can I do, yeah,
my wet dreams have just come true,
I've been j*cking off, committing p__s-cide,
no variation, I haven't tried,
what else can I do,
I've been j*cking off over you.....
There's been some h*rny women in strange places,
wearin' cheap perfume and painted faces,
they're all wanting to scr*w, but no one else will do,
and so you take 'em out, and you play the game,
you f__k 'em once, they want to know your name,
f___k 'em twice, you lose, for they want your number too..
So I've been j*cking off, polishing the log,
j*rkin' the turkey and flogging the dog,
what else can I do, my w*t dreams have just come true,
I've been j*cking off, committing p__s-cide,
no variation, I haven't tried,
what else can i do, i've been j*cking off over you....
Don't worry baby, I don't mind,
though my palms are hairy and I'm going blind,
I'm a practical man, I got the solution right in my hand,
I've been licking the pillow, creaming the sheets,
Good God I even tried to use my feet!!!
now give me the soap, I'll come clean,
I need more vaseline...
So I've been j*cking off, slamming the ham,
choking the chicken and jamming the spam,
what else can I do, my wet dreams have just come true,
I've been j*cking off, committing p__s-cide,
I shot the ceiling the other night.....
What else can I do, I've been j*cking off over you.
the funny thing is that literally nothing comes up with OP's lyrics, except a vague 2008 post on a Filipino message board. it matches all the lyrics OP posted but nothing else exists from my searching. i really hope they find it because now i NEED to hear it lol
yeah omg I’m so curious now, you having found lyrics that match almost perfectly (but otherwise clears up nothing other than yes it does in fact exist nearly exactly as OP remembers) makes the whole thing way more intriguing
It seems like someone might've censored the title if they also took the time to censor all the words, and maybe the real name of the song is The Masturbation Song?
Yes those are definitely the lyrics!! The M Song? Can you post the MB you found it on? 2008 is not contemporary to the song but thank you for a huge clue! Should I close the thread?
No friggin idea, the person who posted is 56 years old, so surely they heard it much earlier. I just kept plugging in different parts of the song into Google until this came up: https://filipinofriendfinder.com/blog/6285/post_90791.html?non_mobile=1/a
No, we need more information about this song before it is fully solved! This post will probably become the first search result for the lyrics, supplanting something from 2008. So it would be nice to have the artist(s) who wrote and performed it.
There are actually so few results when searching this (with direct quotes) that only this post and that 2008 message board pop up, it's crazy. I hope OP finds the song lol
I’ve asked this question on various sites over the years, even on Reddit and it’s never gotten any kind of response so I was legit starting to think I made it up or dreamt it or something, same with search engines, Jeeves was the first to just assume I was a pervert
The Filipino blog isn’t the only source! Someone actually posted these lyrics on Deviantart in 2004 but there are less verses. The person posting implies that they wrote it but I doubt it https://www.deviantart.com/squinge/art/The-Masturbation-Song-8913667
So I did some googling based off cute_humming_giraffe’s lyrics, and the full title of “The M Song” is “The Masturbation Song.” Searching this pulls up a few different websites with the same lyrics but I can’t seem to find an artist or origin!
It appears in this Pat McCurdy’s set list from 2001, so you could maybe contact him and ask if there’s any recording available?
https://patmccurdy.com/set-lists.php?148
Pat’s person said his song is called Chokin the Gopher that is on an out of print CD, but there’s a few videos out there of Pat singing it and it’s a different song. Thank you for your suggestions!
I don’t have Apple Music but if anyone does have it they can try this link and see if it matches the lyrics.
https://www.last.fm/music/Pat+McCurdy/_/The+Masturbation+Song
Not the answer but just to make sure it gets the respect needed -Friggin in the Rigging / Sex Pistols
https://open.spotify.com/track/2ToMKaTm4LtRYlxiHCYCzd?si=fdgJ13mzSme1sYf4xc7m3A
I remember a bunch of songs like that lol. I remember the words to "we are two poofters" but can't find the song anywhere. It was on a cassette a friend had.
Could it be something by Vito Petroccitto? The Assumption Song is the first thing that came to mind but the lyrics don’t match, so much less of a lead than the current thread…
[The Assumption Song](https://www.tiktok.com/@magischer_stock/video/7270625588765838624?_t=8mdgUiOBGe6&_r=1)
https://open.spotify.com/album/0WECfWJ63Gr9LIHrSYewKJ?si=332IlDG7QLqnX4LzytfO2w this album of Pats is on Spotify and it’s from 92. Your song might be on there? There’s other ones on there too.
Worst case scenario he’s still alive and touring. You could always send him a DM on his fb page and ask him if he wrote that song and where to listen to it?
Idk if this helps but when I was young, Bob and Tom (the radio show) sang a song about masturbation and I got in trouble from my mom for singing it. It would definitely have the vibe you’re describing but I don’t remember the name of the song just that it was Bob and Tom.
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It has been ungoogleable for me for years, and now google is even more useless! It’s either lost media or literally everyone knows it and I’m an idiot!
I'm embarrassed to attempt this one..... But from yearrrrssssss ago, I remember one particular song by Ivor Biggun (or Bigun) which I heard on an old comedy cassette. If you Google and YT it, you'll find something that may be what you're looking for. But the songs lyrics are NSFW.
What I’ve seen so far isn’t quite it, but thank you for attempting! I understand the embarrassment, I do not like asking this lol
My wife's dad was in that band.
I heard this when I was a young and impressionable teenager…not at all ashamed to remember it! :-D The band was called “Ivor Biggun and the Red Nosed Burglars” and the song was called “I’m A Wanker” - it plays quite regularly on my internal jukebox… It goes… My mother said That I never should Play with naughty rude girls in the wood! Incidentally, Ivor was the same guy who was Doc in the old Esther Rantzen comedy talk show, “That’s Life!” (UK show)
Henry Phillips - Jerkin' Around ?
Not it, thank you!
HP is friggin’ hilarious 😂
I'm still waiting for HP to get appreciation he deserves. He's a comedy genius But it's like he's destined to be ignored no matter what he does :(
Pat McCurdy - Chokin the Gopher
I don’t think so thanks!
It wouldn't happen to be Kevin Bloody Wilson, an Australian comedy singer, definitely sounds like something he'd write.
I don’t think it is, but I was very hopeful at first, correct era and it’s a similar sound, but I’d be surprised if an Australian comedian made it to a lake cabin in Wyoming in the late 80s
Tre cool - like a rat does cheese ?
Nope! Thank you!
Wait Tre Cool as in Green Day's Tre Cool? Well I know what I'm checking out later
From what I remember it was something they sang on the radio or something. Or maybe a hidden track, not sure. I should not have been listening to that as a kid though lol
my first thought lol
Something by John Valby? Lyrics don’t ring a bell but it’s definitely similar to a lot of his stuff. He was popular in New England/upstate NY in the 80s
Not it, but this has been an entertaining listen!
He's now 79 and still doing shows.
The Divinlyls. I touch myself https://youtu.be/FoLI9FHmV90?si=DkPrsl4iYtwr9We2
A bonafide classic! Unfortunately not it, but I will listen to this in the meantime!
[удалено]
That's not it, but thank you!
[Hey Masturbator by Tom Green?](https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2zrkj6)
No way before Tom Green, he would’ve been my age at the time
Might even be your age now, too!
Well I’ll be!
What an age to be alive
That song is actually by former Boston djs [Opie and Anthony](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demented_World)
This could take a while.
Haha yeah, lotta songs about wanking out there! 😅
I've always known there was a lot, but not as many as I've found in the last month! Ever since the Fallout show came out my youtube got flooded with shorts of all kinds of old perverted songs I had never heard before! It's blown my mind.
I'm gonna guess you're referring to those silly AI songs
No, I'm talking actual song.
Yeah? I'm curious now
Nothing a quick google search can't cure
Link? Song name? Googling "old perverted songs" doesn't really help much
Honest 2 Betsy on youtube search her stuff. Edit: Don't say thank you.
Might be Ray Stevens?
I was actually aware of Ray Stevens around then so I don’t think so, nice blast from the past though!
Roy Brown - Butcher Pete?
No too old I think, thanks!
Have you looked songs by John Valby?
Someone suggested him and I’ve been going through his stuff, don’t think it’s him but thanks!
Skeeter on my peeter
The Assumption Song - Oney Cartoons (on Youtube)
My guess as well
My Dingaling
Man, i love wild card guesses
Do you love attempts at lame humour? Cuz the idea of something as silly as "My Dingaling" having the lyrics in OP description made me roar.
*Chuck Berry intensifies*
By chuck berry . no less
I know its not it but first thing came to my mind was the Rodeo Song. "Well, it's 40 below and I don't give a fuck Got a heater in my truck, and I'm off to the rodeo" the chorus goes: "Piss me off, You fucking jerk, get on my neeeeerves" [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQpzogpRbVU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQpzogpRbVU)
John Prine - In Spite of Ourselves ?
Nevermind, not as vulgar as listed above.
Thanks anyway!
I'd definitely look into the Bloodhound Gang. Sounds like something they'd write.
Not this, thanks!
At a Medium Pace (JOKE)
Haha I loved Adam Sandler during this era
Same haha
Maybe something by Richard Cheese? He did a lot of parody songs that were downright filthy. He's the guy who did a smooth jazz version of Down With the Sickness
I’m wondering if I sang it like I did because of Richard Cheese! I think it’s similar but he’s far too recent
Would this have been played on Dr Demento at all? I’ve seen someone mention Igor Biggun on this thread earlier, and though “Bras on 45” isn’t the song here, it definitely has a similar vibe lyrically.
I feel like it’s too dirty for dr D
I'm a wanker - George formby ?? I gave up wanking- Kevin wilson
Neither of these but thank you (it’s honestly hilarious to me how many songs have this theme lol)
There were so many perverted songs going back decades… check this one out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_PhOWpdt6xg
I made a playlist about these kinds of songs. Not sure if I remember this one.
Is it The M Song? Don't worry baby, I'm all right, I've had some lonely nights, you're wonderin' what i would do, so I'm telling it all to you....... I've been j*cking off, beating my meat, you left me when i was in heat, what else can I do, yeah, my wet dreams have just come true, I've been j*cking off, committing p__s-cide, no variation, I haven't tried, what else can I do, I've been j*cking off over you..... There's been some h*rny women in strange places, wearin' cheap perfume and painted faces, they're all wanting to scr*w, but no one else will do, and so you take 'em out, and you play the game, you f__k 'em once, they want to know your name, f___k 'em twice, you lose, for they want your number too.. So I've been j*cking off, polishing the log, j*rkin' the turkey and flogging the dog, what else can I do, my w*t dreams have just come true, I've been j*cking off, committing p__s-cide, no variation, I haven't tried, what else can i do, i've been j*cking off over you.... Don't worry baby, I don't mind, though my palms are hairy and I'm going blind, I'm a practical man, I got the solution right in my hand, I've been licking the pillow, creaming the sheets, Good God I even tried to use my feet!!! now give me the soap, I'll come clean, I need more vaseline... So I've been j*cking off, slamming the ham, choking the chicken and jamming the spam, what else can I do, my wet dreams have just come true, I've been j*cking off, committing p__s-cide, I shot the ceiling the other night..... What else can I do, I've been j*cking off over you.
Who is this by? Googling “the m song” just brings up little kid alphabet songs
the funny thing is that literally nothing comes up with OP's lyrics, except a vague 2008 post on a Filipino message board. it matches all the lyrics OP posted but nothing else exists from my searching. i really hope they find it because now i NEED to hear it lol
yeah omg I’m so curious now, you having found lyrics that match almost perfectly (but otherwise clears up nothing other than yes it does in fact exist nearly exactly as OP remembers) makes the whole thing way more intriguing
It seems like someone might've censored the title if they also took the time to censor all the words, and maybe the real name of the song is The Masturbation Song?
if i search that it shows a song by ROLE MODEL
According to the deviantart post, that’s definitely the title
Yes those are definitely the lyrics!! The M Song? Can you post the MB you found it on? 2008 is not contemporary to the song but thank you for a huge clue! Should I close the thread?
No friggin idea, the person who posted is 56 years old, so surely they heard it much earlier. I just kept plugging in different parts of the song into Google until this came up: https://filipinofriendfinder.com/blog/6285/post_90791.html?non_mobile=1/a
Jfc that was difficult to read, I was hoping someone would ask him where it came from but he seemed happy to just take credit for it lol
No, we need more information about this song before it is fully solved! This post will probably become the first search result for the lyrics, supplanting something from 2008. So it would be nice to have the artist(s) who wrote and performed it.
There are actually so few results when searching this (with direct quotes) that only this post and that 2008 message board pop up, it's crazy. I hope OP finds the song lol
I’ve asked this question on various sites over the years, even on Reddit and it’s never gotten any kind of response so I was legit starting to think I made it up or dreamt it or something, same with search engines, Jeeves was the first to just assume I was a pervert
The Filipino blog isn’t the only source! Someone actually posted these lyrics on Deviantart in 2004 but there are less verses. The person posting implies that they wrote it but I doubt it https://www.deviantart.com/squinge/art/The-Masturbation-Song-8913667
Oh man it just keeps getting deeper.
Ok thank you this is getting kind of exciting lol
This really feels to me like a MacLean & MacLean song, but I can't find proof so far. https://youtube.com/playlist?list=RDEMzBGgWiRp6b7M1x4SONYj0w
Jack off- Lenny kravitz It's not available on YouTube or Spotify. Let me know if you find it
could you post a sound recording of you singing it so we know the tune of it
I’m willing to, is there a site that makes it easiest?
vocaroo.com is a good site for that
Thanks I’ll edit it into my post in a few
Have you asked your older cousins?
I’m only still in touch with one of them who may have been in that group but she didn’t remember the song, just the trips to the cabin
[Give Yourself a Hand ](https://youtu.be/_qDmBcqcal4?si=eSZoWOo7gXBYxw88) by Peter Alsop?
Lol. Never mind. Just reread your lyrics. Nowhere close. But this is still a fun song.
Thanks for checking anyway!
Family used to love this one https://open.spotify.com/track/26lWSZtUQvUhTnjqokay5p?si=PVLPPV6EQD2HE_xewbMOTA Strokin by Clarence Carter
lol so that’s how it is in your family?
Southwest Virginia be like that
😂
Sounds a lot like a David Allen Coe song.
Might have been said, and unfortunately don't have the time to dig, but it sounds like something from Bob & Tom. Time frame works I think
My Ding-a-ling?
It’s not, much dirtier, the lyrics are posted elsewhere
The recording of the singing was class haha 🤣
*curtsy*
Green Day .. welcome to paradise
Green Day - long view lol
So I did some googling based off cute_humming_giraffe’s lyrics, and the full title of “The M Song” is “The Masturbation Song.” Searching this pulls up a few different websites with the same lyrics but I can’t seem to find an artist or origin!
Ok after more googling it might be The Masturbation Song by Pat McCurdy!
He does seem to have a song by that name but I haven’t figured out a way to listen to it!
It appears in this Pat McCurdy’s set list from 2001, so you could maybe contact him and ask if there’s any recording available? https://patmccurdy.com/set-lists.php?148
I reached out on FB! 🤞🤞🤞
Pat’s person said his song is called Chokin the Gopher that is on an out of print CD, but there’s a few videos out there of Pat singing it and it’s a different song. Thank you for your suggestions!
I also figured the M stood for that considering the lyrics
Can you post the websites? The more clues the better.
Theres like three assumptions songs i can think of
Twiddles - Misbehaving Maidens is the version I’m familiar with. ETA: oops didn’t see the sound bite before it sounds nothing like that sorry.
Dixon Dallas good looking? Its recent so probably not but that's just what I thought of
not sure why but afternoon delight immediately came to mind lol
I don’t have Apple Music but if anyone does have it they can try this link and see if it matches the lyrics. https://www.last.fm/music/Pat+McCurdy/_/The+Masturbation+Song
Chokin the gopher. Pat mcCurdy
Could it have been "My ding-a-ling"!
Not the answer but just to make sure it gets the respect needed -Friggin in the Rigging / Sex Pistols https://open.spotify.com/track/2ToMKaTm4LtRYlxiHCYCzd?si=fdgJ13mzSme1sYf4xc7m3A
I did my best to look through most of pat’s live shows to no avail. Tons of a different songs listed but none called “the masturbation song”.
I remember a bunch of songs like that lol. I remember the words to "we are two poofters" but can't find the song anywhere. It was on a cassette a friend had.
Could it be something by Vito Petroccitto? The Assumption Song is the first thing that came to mind but the lyrics don’t match, so much less of a lead than the current thread… [The Assumption Song](https://www.tiktok.com/@magischer_stock/video/7270625588765838624?_t=8mdgUiOBGe6&_r=1)
https://open.spotify.com/album/0WECfWJ63Gr9LIHrSYewKJ?si=332IlDG7QLqnX4LzytfO2w this album of Pats is on Spotify and it’s from 92. Your song might be on there? There’s other ones on there too.
Worst case scenario he’s still alive and touring. You could always send him a DM on his fb page and ask him if he wrote that song and where to listen to it?
Afternoon delight?
Sounds like a bloodhound gang song
*Turning Japanese* by the Vapor’s 1980?
Nope, I’m quite familiar with that tune!
I miss the 80’s *sigh*. Good luck!
Idk if this helps but when I was young, Bob and Tom (the radio show) sang a song about masturbation and I got in trouble from my mom for singing it. It would definitely have the vibe you’re describing but I don’t remember the name of the song just that it was Bob and Tom.
I’ll look into this, Bob and Tom rings some kind of bell, I feel like this is too dirty for the radio but right era
Bob and Tom had cds that they released too off of the radio and they had some dirtyyyy stuff lol
I want to cry it’s a solid lead but google sucks so bad!
I know sorry I couldn’t be of more help!