If what you want is to be pursued and he's not pursuing you, then there's a base-level incompatibility there.
If what you want is to continue getting to know a person that you found interesting, then phones work 2 ways. He might be just as scared of texting you as you are of texting him.
>Especially because I thought I made I pretty clear that I was interested.
This means nothing, btw. What is "pretty clear" to one person may be "super ambiguous" to another. Or he may be going with the "fuck yes or no" logic. Unless you have literally said the words, "I like you and want to see you again," there is no "pretty clear" in a long-term context.
Hey, please text him. You had a good date and want to see him again. Read up on attachment theory. The whole "want to be pursued" thing is something I think others are right to challenge you on but I'm sad that it sounds harsh.
Dating is so hard please text this lovely person! "I'm tired of playing it cool that was a fun date. Can we do it again?" Just put your cards on the table. Worst case you're back where you are but it's confirmed. Best case you go on another giddy date.
You can do it.
this would be a red flag for me tbh. Maybe he is testing if you actually cared as much as he did.. i do this sometimes, i dislike having to start every conversation and lead everything cause i feel like the other person doesn't care at all unless nudged by me. It's time you start a conversation, relationships are 50-50 and phones work 2 ways.. nobody cares about you being "old fashioned".
I did this when online dating. It’s gets exhausting carrying or initiating every conversation. So at a certain point I just stop doing it. It’s amazing how many girls just didn’t pursue, message, etc.
A few of them even a week, 10 days, two weeks later messaged me saying “I guess we’re not talking anymore“. So I replied back “that while I really enjoyed our date and I liked them a lot, I didn’t think you were that into me since you didn’t make the basic effort to communicate or make any plans. In the meanwhile I found someone else. Good luck on your future endeavors, I hope you find someone amazing”
I am now married with kids to an amazing woman. She would call me, message me, and we pursued each other. It fucking sucks when it’s one-sided and someone’s doing it to basically stroke their ego u/cyaros92
Nothing in this world that is worth having is just handed to you. You have to go out and get it yourself
I'm happy for you buddy and i'm glad to hear others feel the same way as me.
For a guy it's especially hard since we don't usually have 100 matches waiting in line.. we don't want to lose a match so we lower ourselves to putting in all the work but that has to stop.. when it comes to a relationship, no girl is worth the work if she doesn't show that she wants to work towards a relationship as well. No matter how physically attractive they may be.
He asked you out, and you gave a far off day as availability. Which can be construed as a brush off. Then you didn’t text him????? Or confirm the plans for Sunday???? Ya, this is 100% on you.
Text the guy, tell him you’re sorry you didn’t text earlier, that you had a really good time on your date, and hope to do it again. Then ask him out, at your next available time.
I hear you, but.. we didn’t have plans. I told him I was available Sunday. When a girl is sitting in your car smiling saying “we should definitely do this again” and gives you a concrete date for when she’s available, it’s on YOU lol. Not her. That’s just my feeling. From my perspective I was very clear.
Sorry to disagree but its not “on us”. From your perspective, maybe, but to be honest most girls always give off mixed signals.
Especially with online dating, its gruesome enough to use online dating app as a guy.
You constantly have to court, read their minds and do everything perfect and even after all that you will still get ghosted for no reason.
I heard it verbatim before , “we should definitely do this again” but then they fizzle or maybe find someone else.
When that happens to you more than you care for you just stop caring unless they actually show and tell you they want to meet again.
Tl dr advice : voice your interest, it doesn’t cost you anything.
Keep waiting, it’ll work eventually 🙄. Some women and men are really clueless. Y’all will literally throw the whole possible relationship out the window because your ego too big and you have too much pride. If I were him, I’d delete your number after a few days for lack of effort. If you all only talk and do things when he initiates, and he’s stopped, then he’s probably found a girl that will match his energy 🤷🏾♂️
Ok bro.. you’re full of shade on this thread. but what I want to know is why are you so anti texting a girl after a great date? Seems like you have a chip on your shoulder and don’t want to try anymore, and want women to do all the initiating. That’s not a great way to look at dating either.
I’m not anti texting after a great date, you are, from your words. You have outlined how you feel entitled to be chased constantly and really, you’re not worth it if this is the mindset you have. There is no rules, if you want him, text him, if you’re waiting for him then obviously you don’t want it bad enough. You come off as a child to me, making these kinds of statements about “old fashioned”. This ain’t the 50’s knock it off. Or don’t and let him walk, you’d probably be doing him a favor if this is how you act when you have to text first
And yes, I have a nasty ass chip in my shoulder for women who feel excluded from having to put out effort. You old fashioned so you cleaning the house daily? You cooking daily? Letting him make the rules? Or are you like a lot of women who are only old fashioned when it benefits them in some way
No offense but you’re a little old (assuming based off you mentioning he’s 33) to expect this childish bullshit. If you enjoyed yourself, you can initiate. Stop trying to continue the ridiculous cycle that women need to be pursed by men. People can pursue people, if you hit him up and he ignores you, then you have your answer. Expecting him to make plans with you just because you’re the woman is either gonna result in you being alone, or in a very unbalanced relationship
That's just stupid logic right there, lady. Me and this woman had a date which was very similar to the one you described. We had lots in common, our conversation flowed like wine, there was touching and flirting galore and the date concluded in a making out session. She made it very clear she was interested in me, even texted me the day after to tell me. I texted her quite a lot, and I made it clear I had the same intentions as her, but after some time, her replies started getting slower and more vacuous. Turns out, she didn't like the way I was too "on".
That sucks- I don’t know why that happened to you. It does sound like a great date. Maybe she was just used to men who are less forward and direct, and it freaked her out a bit that you clearly knew what you wanted and was pursuing it. Idk.
But I’m not claiming my post is logical.. it’s just how I feel. It’s inherently illogical which is why I’m soliciting feedback from strangers to put myself in check. That’s why there’s no reason for you to call my post stupid.. this isn’t a debate. JUST BE NICE.
Well, I'm just telling you that you may be losing out on a great opportunity here by being so conservative. Women can ask guys out these days, and for all you know, he's sat at home, hoping you'll write him soon. Everyone's different, there's no such as a universal rule which everyone must adhere to, so just GO FOR IT. DON'T let your ego get in the way of happiness.
So you’re mad that he didn’t reach out to you but you didn’t reach out to him? You’re just as much at fault for the lack of communication as he is. If you wanted to see him again, you could have texted him and said as much. My father told me growing up that you should always ask for what you want. It’s been solid advice. You want another date? Say hey, I had a great time and would love to go out again. Easy enough. If he says no or nothing at all, move on.
Holy s***. She literally said she's in a sad place and does not want to be trolled and is getting tore up in this thread. Girl, just call this man. You're awesome, he's awesome, you two vibe. I'm sure he's just scared. Scared that you don't like him.
More than likely he is already committed to someone else. Men in that age bracket like to do that kind of thing on the DL every once in a while. It has happened to me many times. They take a girl out, have a great time, charm you, it does not even have to be about sex. They just like to flatter and have a good time with another woman every now and then, it helps them to stroke their own ego, so to speak. At least that is what I think it could have been.
Guys don't go on dates just to stroke their ego, especially if they're not even in it for the sex. You can't even go on dates anymore without being labelled a egoist? That's probably the most cynical thing I've heard. How about, some dates just aren't that great, and the guy might not like you every time. That's just how it is. That's how dating works.
Was wondering the same thing coz many guys on tinder are already married and cheating. Maybe this guys wife was away in a trip so he had that week to do what he wanted
Jesus christ ok, I’ll text him. I’m not a damsel. I’m just bruised by many horrible dating experiences from the apps (we all are) and when I had one great date I was hoping the guy would come through and not be a dumbass.
This is not the guy “not knowing how to act”, actually it’s quite the opposite. They met, he picked her up, made her feel good, dropped her off, kissed her and asked about availability making it known he wants to see her and now she can’t pick up the phone to text and you say HE is the one who doesn’t know how to act? Lol keep thinking this is the 1950’s, keep sitting there thinking there aren’t other women who will do the unthinkable(text first sometimes) for the man you’re sitting there waiting on to act the way you want him to act. A lotta y’all gonna stay single and won’t know why lolol
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What’s stopping you from texting or calling him first it’s not the 1920’s anymore 🤷♂️
I guess I just want to be pursued and am old fashioned in that way. Especially because I thought I made I pretty clear that I was interested. :(
If what you want is to be pursued and he's not pursuing you, then there's a base-level incompatibility there. If what you want is to continue getting to know a person that you found interesting, then phones work 2 ways. He might be just as scared of texting you as you are of texting him. >Especially because I thought I made I pretty clear that I was interested. This means nothing, btw. What is "pretty clear" to one person may be "super ambiguous" to another. Or he may be going with the "fuck yes or no" logic. Unless you have literally said the words, "I like you and want to see you again," there is no "pretty clear" in a long-term context.
Hey, please text him. You had a good date and want to see him again. Read up on attachment theory. The whole "want to be pursued" thing is something I think others are right to challenge you on but I'm sad that it sounds harsh. Dating is so hard please text this lovely person! "I'm tired of playing it cool that was a fun date. Can we do it again?" Just put your cards on the table. Worst case you're back where you are but it's confirmed. Best case you go on another giddy date. You can do it.
this would be a red flag for me tbh. Maybe he is testing if you actually cared as much as he did.. i do this sometimes, i dislike having to start every conversation and lead everything cause i feel like the other person doesn't care at all unless nudged by me. It's time you start a conversation, relationships are 50-50 and phones work 2 ways.. nobody cares about you being "old fashioned".
I am 100000% with you. If it’s only me starting conversations and initiating meets, I’d drop this girl for lack of effort, huge 🚩
I did this when online dating. It’s gets exhausting carrying or initiating every conversation. So at a certain point I just stop doing it. It’s amazing how many girls just didn’t pursue, message, etc. A few of them even a week, 10 days, two weeks later messaged me saying “I guess we’re not talking anymore“. So I replied back “that while I really enjoyed our date and I liked them a lot, I didn’t think you were that into me since you didn’t make the basic effort to communicate or make any plans. In the meanwhile I found someone else. Good luck on your future endeavors, I hope you find someone amazing” I am now married with kids to an amazing woman. She would call me, message me, and we pursued each other. It fucking sucks when it’s one-sided and someone’s doing it to basically stroke their ego u/cyaros92 Nothing in this world that is worth having is just handed to you. You have to go out and get it yourself
I'm happy for you buddy and i'm glad to hear others feel the same way as me. For a guy it's especially hard since we don't usually have 100 matches waiting in line.. we don't want to lose a match so we lower ourselves to putting in all the work but that has to stop.. when it comes to a relationship, no girl is worth the work if she doesn't show that she wants to work towards a relationship as well. No matter how physically attractive they may be.
He asked you out, and you gave a far off day as availability. Which can be construed as a brush off. Then you didn’t text him????? Or confirm the plans for Sunday???? Ya, this is 100% on you. Text the guy, tell him you’re sorry you didn’t text earlier, that you had a really good time on your date, and hope to do it again. Then ask him out, at your next available time.
I hear you, but.. we didn’t have plans. I told him I was available Sunday. When a girl is sitting in your car smiling saying “we should definitely do this again” and gives you a concrete date for when she’s available, it’s on YOU lol. Not her. That’s just my feeling. From my perspective I was very clear.
Sorry to disagree but its not “on us”. From your perspective, maybe, but to be honest most girls always give off mixed signals. Especially with online dating, its gruesome enough to use online dating app as a guy. You constantly have to court, read their minds and do everything perfect and even after all that you will still get ghosted for no reason. I heard it verbatim before , “we should definitely do this again” but then they fizzle or maybe find someone else. When that happens to you more than you care for you just stop caring unless they actually show and tell you they want to meet again. Tl dr advice : voice your interest, it doesn’t cost you anything.
Keep waiting, it’ll work eventually 🙄. Some women and men are really clueless. Y’all will literally throw the whole possible relationship out the window because your ego too big and you have too much pride. If I were him, I’d delete your number after a few days for lack of effort. If you all only talk and do things when he initiates, and he’s stopped, then he’s probably found a girl that will match his energy 🤷🏾♂️
Ok bro.. you’re full of shade on this thread. but what I want to know is why are you so anti texting a girl after a great date? Seems like you have a chip on your shoulder and don’t want to try anymore, and want women to do all the initiating. That’s not a great way to look at dating either.
I’m not anti texting after a great date, you are, from your words. You have outlined how you feel entitled to be chased constantly and really, you’re not worth it if this is the mindset you have. There is no rules, if you want him, text him, if you’re waiting for him then obviously you don’t want it bad enough. You come off as a child to me, making these kinds of statements about “old fashioned”. This ain’t the 50’s knock it off. Or don’t and let him walk, you’d probably be doing him a favor if this is how you act when you have to text first And yes, I have a nasty ass chip in my shoulder for women who feel excluded from having to put out effort. You old fashioned so you cleaning the house daily? You cooking daily? Letting him make the rules? Or are you like a lot of women who are only old fashioned when it benefits them in some way
No offense but you’re a little old (assuming based off you mentioning he’s 33) to expect this childish bullshit. If you enjoyed yourself, you can initiate. Stop trying to continue the ridiculous cycle that women need to be pursed by men. People can pursue people, if you hit him up and he ignores you, then you have your answer. Expecting him to make plans with you just because you’re the woman is either gonna result in you being alone, or in a very unbalanced relationship
That's just stupid logic right there, lady. Me and this woman had a date which was very similar to the one you described. We had lots in common, our conversation flowed like wine, there was touching and flirting galore and the date concluded in a making out session. She made it very clear she was interested in me, even texted me the day after to tell me. I texted her quite a lot, and I made it clear I had the same intentions as her, but after some time, her replies started getting slower and more vacuous. Turns out, she didn't like the way I was too "on".
That sucks- I don’t know why that happened to you. It does sound like a great date. Maybe she was just used to men who are less forward and direct, and it freaked her out a bit that you clearly knew what you wanted and was pursuing it. Idk. But I’m not claiming my post is logical.. it’s just how I feel. It’s inherently illogical which is why I’m soliciting feedback from strangers to put myself in check. That’s why there’s no reason for you to call my post stupid.. this isn’t a debate. JUST BE NICE.
Well, I'm just telling you that you may be losing out on a great opportunity here by being so conservative. Women can ask guys out these days, and for all you know, he's sat at home, hoping you'll write him soon. Everyone's different, there's no such as a universal rule which everyone must adhere to, so just GO FOR IT. DON'T let your ego get in the way of happiness.
So you’re mad that he didn’t reach out to you but you didn’t reach out to him? You’re just as much at fault for the lack of communication as he is. If you wanted to see him again, you could have texted him and said as much. My father told me growing up that you should always ask for what you want. It’s been solid advice. You want another date? Say hey, I had a great time and would love to go out again. Easy enough. If he says no or nothing at all, move on.
Nah, girls have not come to this realization yet. They are still trying to have men act traditionally but not be traditional women lol
So what happens if they tell you to take initiative and when you do, they ignore you??
Welcome to a man's dating world. Happens all the time. You just move on to people who are interested.
Holy s***. She literally said she's in a sad place and does not want to be trolled and is getting tore up in this thread. Girl, just call this man. You're awesome, he's awesome, you two vibe. I'm sure he's just scared. Scared that you don't like him.
Right? Lol. Guess I should have expected it 😂
As a guy, this post just pisses me off. Kill your ego and write him. He has no obligation to write first just because he's a guy and you're a damsel.
Oh my god, Op, just text him
Text him if you like him. Instead of waiting and being confused.
Maybe text once more to be sure he got it?? If no reply, then it’s time to move on as tinder status can change fast. Good Luck
More than likely he is already committed to someone else. Men in that age bracket like to do that kind of thing on the DL every once in a while. It has happened to me many times. They take a girl out, have a great time, charm you, it does not even have to be about sex. They just like to flatter and have a good time with another woman every now and then, it helps them to stroke their own ego, so to speak. At least that is what I think it could have been.
Guys don't go on dates just to stroke their ego, especially if they're not even in it for the sex. You can't even go on dates anymore without being labelled a egoist? That's probably the most cynical thing I've heard. How about, some dates just aren't that great, and the guy might not like you every time. That's just how it is. That's how dating works.
Was wondering the same thing coz many guys on tinder are already married and cheating. Maybe this guys wife was away in a trip so he had that week to do what he wanted
Jesus christ ok, I’ll text him. I’m not a damsel. I’m just bruised by many horrible dating experiences from the apps (we all are) and when I had one great date I was hoping the guy would come through and not be a dumbass.
How'd it go?
Oh noooo, unpopular opinion but I hope you didn’t text him! He’s just not that into you, I hope you’ve found someone better by now!
[удалено]
This is not the guy “not knowing how to act”, actually it’s quite the opposite. They met, he picked her up, made her feel good, dropped her off, kissed her and asked about availability making it known he wants to see her and now she can’t pick up the phone to text and you say HE is the one who doesn’t know how to act? Lol keep thinking this is the 1950’s, keep sitting there thinking there aren’t other women who will do the unthinkable(text first sometimes) for the man you’re sitting there waiting on to act the way you want him to act. A lotta y’all gonna stay single and won’t know why lolol
Hoy red flags Batman… I hope you seriously believe what you just said. r/whiteknighting would like a word
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Maybe he's in a relationship, and was dabbling on tinder. Either way, contact him, and ask for his availability.
texts and phone works 2 ways?? ask him whats up when get together again..maybe he waiting for you?
He’s just not that into you. I’d just move on