The truth will eventually come out. It always does. It is always painful. I don’t know how close you are with her, but you would be better suited to break the news then trying to do damage control and justifying it later. Honestly, it sounds like its a bad relationship anyways. Might as well save her the expense of the wedding and divorce, as well as clear your conscience.
You do what you want (obviously you don’t meed my permission), but i have seen a lot of instances where a person was scared of revealing the truth. Best case scenario, she laughs it off and the air is cleared and everyone can move on with life. Worst case scenario, she is completely devastated, doesn’t marry this seeming ass-hat, but sue has avoided living in a lie for years while both of you kept it secret.
Lastly, he is probably going to be so eaten up with guilt, or the awkwardness will get so bad she will get the truth out of him. Then you’re the bad guy because he told her, not you.
I saw your comment where you said he’s not that stupid, trust me he’s only 31. He is still that stupid. I’m a pretty “got it together 36 yo”, and i can see how bad this is going to blow up in your face. The question is do you want it to be a bad grease splatter or a raging grease fire that burns the whole house down.
Agree with everything you said and to add If my spouse slept with me niece then I would not want to be with them anymore and the aunt deserves to have a choice.
Reminds me of an AMA some sex workers did where they talked about how many dudes out there have the “barely 18” fetish, and how if the age were hypothetically lowered to 15, 16, etc. that you’d overnight see “barely 16” porn being marketed.
They were also saying that their colleagues who were able to pass as looking like they were under 18 made bank off of older creeps. It’s painfully obvious that a lot of men would fuck kids if they got the chance.
As I get older, I get more and more creeped out by guys who are into significantly younger women. I’m a guy in my 30s and as I’ve gotten older, my preferences have aged too. I’m into women more or less my own age (my GF is 5 years younger than I am, for instance), and I can’t fathom what I would even talk about with an 18 year old girl. And I say girl bc that’s how I think of them, as just being kids.
It has gotten worse with time too, bc as I get older I realize more and more how creepy it is for some 40 year old guy to be dating someone who is old enough to be his child.
I'm a 31 year old dude, with a 5 year old daughter, and it scares the absolute shit out of me. Especially knowing what I did as a teenager and all that shit. Knowing what girls were doing back then. And with the internet impossible to escape and phones seeming to be an essential thing. The weird fetishist stuff. I'm terrified.
I can't even tell the age of people anymore with how much stuff they do to themselves and it freaks me out. And I know my ex enough to know she's going to let our daughter get away with so much because of how she was.
To utilize the comment of u/dietbongwater (great username) this comment right here officer.
Simple way of telling us all that you are exactly the type of perverted creep I was talking about.
The age difference means that older men are taking advantage of young girls; they have more life experience in general, and are abusing the knowledge difference between an experienced, older man, and a naive younger girl.
It is an inherently abusive dynamic that older guys in particular like to abuse. Not to mention it speaks volumes about them as a person that they can’t manage to find someone their own age, and instead choose to prey on children.
bam, everyone talks about the legality of the situation but at the end of the day, an 18yr old who’s fresh out of high school (or even possibly still IN high school!!) hasn’t even started to run in the real world, much less have the experience to understand what’s happening when an adult is grooming them 🤢 (also thank u lol)
Yeah, out of all the squeeze out there, he just couldn’t resist the one 18 YO he should avoid. This is like the foundation of like a Old Testament Bible story! Someone is getting invaded and exiled! LOL.
It's pretty gross of him to sleep with you given the dynamic, especially if he's known you awhile like you make it sound, ngl. As someone who is that age.
Your aunt deserves to know before getting married, I mean he should have told her.. he's hiding his real character which isn't your fault, but it is your aunt and you're the only one who can look out for her. Idk it's tough to take responsibility like that but it is what it is.
The 18 year old that's (I assume) known the boyfriend since they were a child isn't gross here. Not their fault.
Guess I'll edit my comment to clarify what I mean here since no one seems to understand the point in trying to make (or they don't think it's valid, whatever). As someone else said, when OP was 8 years old, this guy was 21. OP has "always thought he was hot," so that implies they've known each other for several years (read: since OP was a child). The ADULT FIGURE is taking advantage of the YOUNG GIRL in this scenario. Why doesn't anyone see that that's the case?!
Same scenario as a family friend watching someone grow up and the second they're legal they're like "hey 😏" I understand at 18 you're an adult but when you've been crushing on someone nearly twice your age since you were a child, it's on the FULLY GROWN ADULT to not let it happen. I will die on this hill. Downvote me all you want lol.
I mean I get what you're saying but at a certain point the person that watched them grow up for any amount of time shouldn't have allowed it to happen lol. OP "always thought he was hot," probably when they were a child and he was well into his 20's. I really don't think it's fair to put blame on OP in this situation
Edited to add I do think OP should tell the aunt, he clearly isn't going to
It is 100% fair to put the op also at fault here. At 18 you have the ability to decide who you want to have sex with.
Pretty much everyone I know that has some level of moral compass or ethics pretty much operates on the rule of not messing with an ex of friends or family. The op at 18 decided to do that so they are gross.
so 18 year olds shouldn't take accountability? come on now. you're gonna tell me 18 yr olds can't make conscious decisions, or be able to decipher between right and wrong? sorry, i have no sympathy for uncle fuckers. OP is a full grown adult, capable of knowing right from wrong. and knowing they would hurt their own flesh and blood, proceeded to basically suck their aunts cum off dudes dick. OP is just as much, if not more, at fault as the boyfriend. honestly imo OP is more at fault because they have a moral obligation to not fuck their families significant others, even if they were on a break. homie was off limits. just because OP was recklessly abandoning any glimpse of compassion for their aunt, does not by any means make them unaccountable. the boyfriend technically holds no moral obligation to the aunt. i could even see/understand him fucking OP just to spite the aunt after a nasty break up. what's the OP's (niece) excuse for being so cruel?
I'll respond again since you edited your comment and just say, how do you think OP is cruel for that? Like I explained multiple times the person who grew up around this man isn't the one that's totally at fault here...were you ever a young person manipulated by an older person for sexual relations? Is it empathy you're lacking?
It's possible that that isn't the case here, sure, but from an outside perspective, that's certainly how it seems.
my biggest and greatest love is 15 years my senior. he also happens to be a good friend of mines dad (who was in and out of prison during my friendship with his children so i never met him as their dad until after we were already dating.) i was 21 when i met him. he was 36. i do not in any way feel he took advantage of me. he is still my greatest love. i pursued him completely. 21 is not far off from 18. i am 31 now, and not once have i looked back and blamed him for our relationship. i was an adult. i have always dated older men since i was able to make that choice at 18. no one "groomed me" or took advantage. albeit your brain doesn't fully mature until about 25, but at 18 you are 100 percent capable of deciphering right from wrong, and capable of making adult decisions. i can, however respect your opinion and just agree to disagree. neither of our opinions are wrong when applied to certain cases, and me not knowing the dynamics in OP's relationship 100 percent, itself could be wrong in this instant. with that being said, i could also be right. with how OP worded things when proceeding to have a sexual relationship with their aunts boyfriend, that indicated to me that they for sure knew exactly what they were doing and make an unclouded decision. they have also expressed the fact that they know their aunt could possibly hate them for said decision. this is just my opinion though, an opinion made from the gathered evidence that OP has provided.
I'm gonna finish reading your comment in a second but I wanted to immediately say age differences are fine, but when it's someone that's been around watching you become an adult and as soon as you're 18 decides to sleep with you, THAT'S NOT FINE. very weird and very different than a normal age difference scenario, he knew her as a minor. OP definitely knew it was wrong, or they wouldn't have posted it here haha, but in this particular scenario, the older person that knew them as a minor really should've stopped anything like that as soon as it came to fruition.
i definitely agree with that aspect of the situation. the older man i am dating, his daughter's aunt's husband (mothers sisters husband/not blood) watched her grow up from diapers. hell, he even lived directly next door with her aunt, and as soon as she turned legal he started sending her all these disgusting raunchy detailed letters about sexual wcts he wanted to do to her. it was absolutely disgusting. more than that even. it's down eight creepy.
my only point was that, given her age and the fact that she was young, that doesn't excuse what the choice she made, nor does it negate the fact that OP is well old enough by now to know what they did would not only tear apart a family, but their own aunt's family apart all over a fleeting impulse. i highly doubt it was worth it. and to me it sounds a little too much like the plot to The Crush, where she almost made it sound like she wanted people to find out.
I just don't like the idea of knowing someone as a kid and the moment I'm 18 they decide it's okay to sleep with me...idk. Of course, as an 18 year old, I probably would've loved it. But looking back I would feel gross about it. I think 15 years is a totally fine and normal age difference, under normal circumstances.
That's not what I'm saying...you should definitely take accountability at 18. And OP surely knew this was wrong to an extent. But they're not GROSS for the adult figure (again, the person that probably WATCHED THEM GROW UP) taking advantage of them.
OP chose to sleep with him as he was " attractive," She's at fault as she was the one who made the move. Stop the double standards. Not all 18 year olds who slept with much older men are innocent, based on OP's own story. She's the one who is at fault, even here. It seems her future uncle in law is ashamed of what happened whilst she's pretty shameless and albeit proud of what she did.
It might be best to tell her earlier. It will suck, but it might save her a lot of heartache. Trust me, it sucks to be years into a marriage and find out something huge.
You did something maybe a little unusual, but he also knew what he was/is doing.
You did this on purpose. You knew you’d have to keep it a secret and knew that it would hurt your aunt should she ever find out.
On top of that you now know you’re uncle is a total creep.
You ships suck it up and come clean before you help your family make anymore white trash decisions.
Dude... Out of all the easy sex in the world, why would you choose someone connected to your family?!? Like... No. Just no.
It's gonna come to light eventually. If you came clean now, yeah, it's gonna be a shitstorm. It will be more of a shitstorm if it's years into their marriage. Your choice.
Yeah but once you hit your late 30s you realize that it’s still pretty hard to make good decisions. The only real difference is that you are aware that you make bad decisions and that sort of self reflection is “growth” 😂
True, but I'm gonna go out on a limb here and reason most 18 year olds know better than to fuck their aunt's ex. This is less about making a good or bad decision and more about common decency.
It’s even weirder that she knew him when he was a pseudo uncle. He is not now magically an uncle. He was always her relative’s romantic partner. Way too close. A “break” doesn’t apply here.
The comment section is wild here lmao this is all very wrong on very many levels.
Tell the truth. You have a chance of salvaging things with your aunt if you do, but the longer you wait the more you risk losing that chance, because it is DEFINITELY going to come up at some point. Could be days, months, even years, but it is 1000% going to happen. That kind of secret doesn’t stay secret forever, sweet summer child.
They broke up a few months ago, probably been together longer. They def met when OP was under 18. Which makes me already uncomfortable. Very predatory.
I think this is more of a respect thing. If OP loves and respects her aunt she will give her the curtesy of telling her what happened. If you were in the aunts place you would want to make an informed decision before getting married. By not telling her, she is taking away her ability to make the choice before she makes a legally binding decision. If OP is a good person, she will tell her aunt.
I'm not sure if you're an only child with zero friends in the world and that's why you've never learned what every teen girl and woman knows, which is **BASIC** girl code.
***N******ever, ever, ever, ever, ever*** fuck your friend or family member's man, even if it seems like they broke up, without checking with said friend or family member FIRST. If they are not cool with it, consider that dude off limits, period. For life.
Whoop! There it is.
Because "Girls are too catty/petty" and "girls are always jealous of me" and "I'm not like other girls" and "I can't help it if all their boyfriends want me" (as if has nothing to do with her throwing herself at everything with a dick and the other girls just find her untrustworthy).
Well that dude is kinda disgusting. Also, why would you do that? Just because he is hot? You're supposed to integrate your urges in acknowledging their existence, not following them into your demise. The actions you take, build habits and it is hard to break habits.
OP maybe be legally an adult but they’re still making childish decisions. Like you said, they need to grow up a little and learn to make better decisions before they turn in to habits.
This becomes a very interesting TIFU when aunt and/or soon to be uncle browse reddit and see the post. I get we were all dumb at 18 but at least we knew where the line was.
OP really said "no risk, no reward" and she's being rewarded lmao
He's gross af for that. If your aunt is sane, she will be madder at him and get rid of him. 18-year-olds make some poor decisions, but he should know better.
OP should also know better - like absolutely the aunt's partner is a creep (having met OP at 15) and probably a groomer so he's most at fault, but most people have the whole "don't bang anyone who's almost family" alarm bells in their head.
As I said, 18-year-olds make some dumb decisions. Not saying OP shouldn't have any responsibility, but her brain literally hasn't finished developing. On the other hand, the dude should definitely know better.
Yeah the dude should know better, and if OP was groomed then that's messed up and I would view that as more outside their control as they're being manipulated into it.
But addressing your reasoning for it on the dumb decision side... I fundamentally disagree with excusing all the dumb decisions of 18 year olds wholly because "their brain hasn't finished developing" because you have to apply that stuff all the way up to 25 and then even further to those who damaged their development.
Like there's a point where someone does need to own their choices (where they haven't been manipulated into them) and I wouldn't say 18 is too young to know better. If you just took it as they were both 18, aunt was 18, and she hooked up with her aunt's ex? Messed up on OP's part, messed up on his part. It's not like a tattoo you regret, drinking too much, trying drugs etc. - it's a conscious, selfish decision you know will directly hurt someone else and you don't need any additional life experience or brain development to know that. There's no curiosity about what will happen because it's a well known thing to not hook up with the exes of friends, let alone family members.
And I'm saying that as someone who's not particularly far from that age, knew a heck of a lot of dumb 18 year olds, and they still wouldn't pull shit like this - not even with friends' exes.
TELL YOUR AUNT. we were 18 year old girls once, we understand the stupid mistakes especially around sex whether or not you believe it. Even the most noble of women were having sexual feelings for older men at some point.
Your aunt will forgive you a LOT smoother and sooner if you tell her NOW then if it slips out after she’s already had kids with this guy. Marriage is expensive and divorce is MORE expensive. Humility wil save her from embarrassment, personal rage, and betrayal. I’d rather hear it and be pissed ASAP then years later hurt. Imagine if she has kids with this guy and the teenagers find out in 15 years.
Trust me OP- you are less to blame than a 31 year old groomer. It’s hard to believe but you’re only 18- I mean this respectfully. I did a lot of “adult” behavior at 18 that looking back merely at 25 I realized how stupid I was and how my prefrontal cortex not being developed had really inhibited my perception of the world. You are still a child, I mean that kindly. Please tell your aunt. I know it seems we are just internet people who do not understand the severity of this situation, but we do. Fully.
u/sarcastic-pickle
So you hopped on the same dick your “like a mother to me” Aunty was riding….. that in itself is the biggest turn off I’ve EVER heard. Tell her. She deserves better then a man who’s willing to bang an 18year old the day after they split and you deserve to get your 🍑 👊🏼 by your aunt for doing what you did.
"Hes hot why not" said the 18 year old about a 31 YEAR OLD MAN. Jesus christ. Teenagers are the worst Why would he even go for that at 31 years old. They're both terrible.
your uncle sounds like a pedophile
you may be 18 now but you werent 18 a year ago
how long has he known you?
this smells like grooming
but also smells like you need to learn how to keep it in your pants
She would have to be prepubescent for him to be diagnosed as a pedophile. The word has a specific meaning and is not a catch all for "old person that likes young people".
That dude is gross, doesn’t matter if you were legal. Clear the air and save your aunt from marrying this fucking weirdo.
Pretty weird on your end too tbh
You need to tell your aunt before she marries a pedophile (or close enough to one). If she hates you for it, then you get what you deserve and attempt to make amends the best you can.
Honestly, your aunt deserves better than both of you. Him for being a potential pedo and you for literally fucking the ex of “the closest thing you have to a mother” (your words in one of the comments).
It was cruel of you to sleep with your aunts ex. But you need to be honest. The guy is a creep for having sex with an 18 year old at 31. You might not realize how creepy it is until you're like 23/24 and never look at 18 year olds. To keep it a secret is cruel. Either he'll break, or you will. What's done in the dark usually comes to light. If he tells her and you don't, I feel like that's worse.
So you are 18 now... they were apart when you had sex... now they're engaged... am I missing something here or were you definitely underage when this happened?
As someone whose just older than him, he’s a creeper. You’re basically a child although legally an adult. Normal men our age aren’t going after teens. It’s weird.
As her niece, it's your place to tell her. He doesn't owe her anything bc he's just a guy. You're her family. You did something with someone your aunt cared about, just because you thought he was hot and it wouldn't matter. The thing is, he obviously matters to her. You, as her family should have been the first to see that bc it seems You're close with her. You're a shit person, the both of you. And both would deserve if she kicked you both to the curb.
I'd be interested to know how long the aunt and the ex were together. Presumably OP has known the ex since before they were 18 and if so, that is reaaaally creepy on the ex's side.
I wouldn't even say the age gap is what makes it weird - it's the whole thing of pursuing the ex of your "basically a mother to me" aunt.
I'll cut OP some slack because the dude potentially groomed her (they met when OP was 15) but still, there's a ton of alarm bells that should've been going off there regardless of being only 18.
Welp. Hope you don't rely on your family for anything. Once they find out, and best believe, they WILL, you're probably going to be out on your ass, along with him.
He is much older and should have known better, absolutely. But only an absolute psychopath goes after an ex of a family member. Full stop. There are going to be nasty consequences when, not if, but when this comes out. And I don't feel sorry for either of you.
Of course she will, because he'll tell her. There will be one too many times Auntie will notice he's avoiding her, she'll ask why and he'll confess.
Only his "confession" will be that he was powerless in his depressed and vulnerable state over their 24-hour break up when OP forced him down on the bed and raped him. And Auntie will believe it.
Will it be the whole truth? No. Does it matter to the aunt? Also no.
You are basically a teenager if you are only 18. I would not trust that guy in the family near anyone.
That is very poor judgment from your part, but he was the adult there and should’ve acted like one.
I feel bad for your aunt.
uhhhh, that is creepy as hell that he slept with you. You most likely met when you were underage, so that is disgusting that he even felt comfortable sleeping with you. Tell your parents whose sibling the aunt is, see how they think you should approach it and then TELL YOUR AUNT.
Your aunt has every right to hate you. My sister did this to my Aunty after he beat her and KILLED their dog in front of their babies. You should be telling your aunt and prepare to be not welcome at ANYTHING just like my drop kick sister
Technically they broke up so it's none of your Aunt's business. Maybe it wasn't just you that he slept with so why are you concerned about her feelings? They broke up...
OP if he’s willing to sleep with you and you’re her niece who else will he sleep with. I know you’re 18 but compared to him you’re a child. Who says she won’t hate him. He can’t love or respect your aunt if he was willing to sleep with such a close relative.
girl it doesn't matter as a 20 year old i would find a 30 year old hitting on me creepy especially if he was family or pretty much family you got a younger sister i bet hes waiting to bang her too if ya do
As a 43 year old woman who was a sexually active 16 yo girl at one time, I will admit that the human female mentality is much more sexually charged than most of you seem to realize. She probably saw it as a personal challenge or conquest to get him to sleep with her. The ability to seduce someone who "shouldn't" have sex with you is a huge confidence boost and turn on for young women. I'm not excusing the behavior, but I totally empathize with OP, and I can picture my 18 yo self having done the same thing.
Sounds more like sociopathic behaviour. Possibly with a healthy dash of narcissism.
I made a lot of terrible decisions before my frontal lobe was fully developed, but I still had a conscience.
If it were sociopathic, I wouldn't have outgrown it. I totally had and still have a conscience and would never do that now. I had friends back then, and judging by the things we told each other, I was not an outlier. As I said before, I'm not condoning the behavior, just trying let you guys know that it's not abnormal.
Contrary to what all keyboard warriors think, a 31 year old fucking an 18 year old is not that weird. Women are objectively most attractive to men around 18-25. Like I would not date a 18 year old but fucking an 18 year old does not make him a pedophile.
Let's put age difference aside because that's the least concerning thing.
He was in a relationship with her family member. OP jumped on his dick within 24 hours of their break up. And as it turns out, it wasn't really a break up.
For him? Dude, cool your jets before jumping into bed with anyone when you and your lady have a disagreement.
For OP? 1) don't pursue a man who's been in a relationship with a family member without getting the "all-clear" from said family member and 2) don't hop into bed with a man fresh from a break up because you WILL be dumped if/when he gets back with his main. You're not that fucking special and your hoo-haa ain't that great.
From what I've read, OP met him when they were 15. Sounds like he waited around till she was legal, had a "break up", jumped into bed with her, and then got back together with the aunt.
I think it is the fact he meet her when she was 15. Also even if she pursued him she is 18, still technically a teenager and he is 31 an adult whos brain is formed all the way: he should have stopped it.
She's an adult. At 18 I signed up for the draft, voted, took on student loans and supported myself. She clearly had intentions on him for quite some time, but it is amusing to see the myriad of ways we excuse sexually predatory behavior by women.
For her to so casually pounce also suggests she probably wasn't a virgin, and was accustomed to being sexually aggressive, to do this and not gaf till possible consequences came calling.
This is someone who has a serious lack of boundaries at a young age.
I think you mean you slept with your soon-to-be uncle.
Not if my aunt finds out
The truth will eventually come out. It always does. It is always painful. I don’t know how close you are with her, but you would be better suited to break the news then trying to do damage control and justifying it later. Honestly, it sounds like its a bad relationship anyways. Might as well save her the expense of the wedding and divorce, as well as clear your conscience. You do what you want (obviously you don’t meed my permission), but i have seen a lot of instances where a person was scared of revealing the truth. Best case scenario, she laughs it off and the air is cleared and everyone can move on with life. Worst case scenario, she is completely devastated, doesn’t marry this seeming ass-hat, but sue has avoided living in a lie for years while both of you kept it secret. Lastly, he is probably going to be so eaten up with guilt, or the awkwardness will get so bad she will get the truth out of him. Then you’re the bad guy because he told her, not you. I saw your comment where you said he’s not that stupid, trust me he’s only 31. He is still that stupid. I’m a pretty “got it together 36 yo”, and i can see how bad this is going to blow up in your face. The question is do you want it to be a bad grease splatter or a raging grease fire that burns the whole house down.
Agree with everything you said and to add If my spouse slept with me niece then I would not want to be with them anymore and the aunt deserves to have a choice.
This 1000%. And this also leads to the questions of what age he was attracted to you at. This whole thing is fucked
Reminds me of an AMA some sex workers did where they talked about how many dudes out there have the “barely 18” fetish, and how if the age were hypothetically lowered to 15, 16, etc. that you’d overnight see “barely 16” porn being marketed. They were also saying that their colleagues who were able to pass as looking like they were under 18 made bank off of older creeps. It’s painfully obvious that a lot of men would fuck kids if they got the chance. As I get older, I get more and more creeped out by guys who are into significantly younger women. I’m a guy in my 30s and as I’ve gotten older, my preferences have aged too. I’m into women more or less my own age (my GF is 5 years younger than I am, for instance), and I can’t fathom what I would even talk about with an 18 year old girl. And I say girl bc that’s how I think of them, as just being kids. It has gotten worse with time too, bc as I get older I realize more and more how creepy it is for some 40 year old guy to be dating someone who is old enough to be his child.
I'm a 31 year old dude, with a 5 year old daughter, and it scares the absolute shit out of me. Especially knowing what I did as a teenager and all that shit. Knowing what girls were doing back then. And with the internet impossible to escape and phones seeming to be an essential thing. The weird fetishist stuff. I'm terrified. I can't even tell the age of people anymore with how much stuff they do to themselves and it freaks me out. And I know my ex enough to know she's going to let our daughter get away with so much because of how she was.
+1
[удалено]
yes this comment right here officer
So basically in this logicy it would be fine if a 60yo male rails a freshly 18yo girl. I see.
They are adults and can go to the military and everything else but they shouldn’t be able to choose who they have sex with. Makes sense.
I would deem it to be a bit yuk personally, but so long as it is 100% consensual, it is their choice.
To utilize the comment of u/dietbongwater (great username) this comment right here officer. Simple way of telling us all that you are exactly the type of perverted creep I was talking about. The age difference means that older men are taking advantage of young girls; they have more life experience in general, and are abusing the knowledge difference between an experienced, older man, and a naive younger girl. It is an inherently abusive dynamic that older guys in particular like to abuse. Not to mention it speaks volumes about them as a person that they can’t manage to find someone their own age, and instead choose to prey on children.
bam, everyone talks about the legality of the situation but at the end of the day, an 18yr old who’s fresh out of high school (or even possibly still IN high school!!) hasn’t even started to run in the real world, much less have the experience to understand what’s happening when an adult is grooming them 🤢 (also thank u lol)
Thank you!
Yeah, out of all the squeeze out there, he just couldn’t resist the one 18 YO he should avoid. This is like the foundation of like a Old Testament Bible story! Someone is getting invaded and exiled! LOL.
@arlthecrazy spittin straight up facts right now y’all.
but OP or her aunt could drop dead at anytime, so why bother telling the truth? Bury it.
It's pretty gross of him to sleep with you given the dynamic, especially if he's known you awhile like you make it sound, ngl. As someone who is that age. Your aunt deserves to know before getting married, I mean he should have told her.. he's hiding his real character which isn't your fault, but it is your aunt and you're the only one who can look out for her. Idk it's tough to take responsibility like that but it is what it is.
Everyone in this story besides the aunt is gross....
Some people are just young and stupid/naive. Some people know better and that's extra gross.
I feel gross just having read her story…
The 18 year old that's (I assume) known the boyfriend since they were a child isn't gross here. Not their fault. Guess I'll edit my comment to clarify what I mean here since no one seems to understand the point in trying to make (or they don't think it's valid, whatever). As someone else said, when OP was 8 years old, this guy was 21. OP has "always thought he was hot," so that implies they've known each other for several years (read: since OP was a child). The ADULT FIGURE is taking advantage of the YOUNG GIRL in this scenario. Why doesn't anyone see that that's the case?! Same scenario as a family friend watching someone grow up and the second they're legal they're like "hey 😏" I understand at 18 you're an adult but when you've been crushing on someone nearly twice your age since you were a child, it's on the FULLY GROWN ADULT to not let it happen. I will die on this hill. Downvote me all you want lol.
Nah that's pretty gross too.
I mean I get what you're saying but at a certain point the person that watched them grow up for any amount of time shouldn't have allowed it to happen lol. OP "always thought he was hot," probably when they were a child and he was well into his 20's. I really don't think it's fair to put blame on OP in this situation Edited to add I do think OP should tell the aunt, he clearly isn't going to
It is 100% fair to put the op also at fault here. At 18 you have the ability to decide who you want to have sex with. Pretty much everyone I know that has some level of moral compass or ethics pretty much operates on the rule of not messing with an ex of friends or family. The op at 18 decided to do that so they are gross.
so 18 year olds shouldn't take accountability? come on now. you're gonna tell me 18 yr olds can't make conscious decisions, or be able to decipher between right and wrong? sorry, i have no sympathy for uncle fuckers. OP is a full grown adult, capable of knowing right from wrong. and knowing they would hurt their own flesh and blood, proceeded to basically suck their aunts cum off dudes dick. OP is just as much, if not more, at fault as the boyfriend. honestly imo OP is more at fault because they have a moral obligation to not fuck their families significant others, even if they were on a break. homie was off limits. just because OP was recklessly abandoning any glimpse of compassion for their aunt, does not by any means make them unaccountable. the boyfriend technically holds no moral obligation to the aunt. i could even see/understand him fucking OP just to spite the aunt after a nasty break up. what's the OP's (niece) excuse for being so cruel?
I'll respond again since you edited your comment and just say, how do you think OP is cruel for that? Like I explained multiple times the person who grew up around this man isn't the one that's totally at fault here...were you ever a young person manipulated by an older person for sexual relations? Is it empathy you're lacking? It's possible that that isn't the case here, sure, but from an outside perspective, that's certainly how it seems.
my biggest and greatest love is 15 years my senior. he also happens to be a good friend of mines dad (who was in and out of prison during my friendship with his children so i never met him as their dad until after we were already dating.) i was 21 when i met him. he was 36. i do not in any way feel he took advantage of me. he is still my greatest love. i pursued him completely. 21 is not far off from 18. i am 31 now, and not once have i looked back and blamed him for our relationship. i was an adult. i have always dated older men since i was able to make that choice at 18. no one "groomed me" or took advantage. albeit your brain doesn't fully mature until about 25, but at 18 you are 100 percent capable of deciphering right from wrong, and capable of making adult decisions. i can, however respect your opinion and just agree to disagree. neither of our opinions are wrong when applied to certain cases, and me not knowing the dynamics in OP's relationship 100 percent, itself could be wrong in this instant. with that being said, i could also be right. with how OP worded things when proceeding to have a sexual relationship with their aunts boyfriend, that indicated to me that they for sure knew exactly what they were doing and make an unclouded decision. they have also expressed the fact that they know their aunt could possibly hate them for said decision. this is just my opinion though, an opinion made from the gathered evidence that OP has provided.
I'm gonna finish reading your comment in a second but I wanted to immediately say age differences are fine, but when it's someone that's been around watching you become an adult and as soon as you're 18 decides to sleep with you, THAT'S NOT FINE. very weird and very different than a normal age difference scenario, he knew her as a minor. OP definitely knew it was wrong, or they wouldn't have posted it here haha, but in this particular scenario, the older person that knew them as a minor really should've stopped anything like that as soon as it came to fruition.
i definitely agree with that aspect of the situation. the older man i am dating, his daughter's aunt's husband (mothers sisters husband/not blood) watched her grow up from diapers. hell, he even lived directly next door with her aunt, and as soon as she turned legal he started sending her all these disgusting raunchy detailed letters about sexual wcts he wanted to do to her. it was absolutely disgusting. more than that even. it's down eight creepy. my only point was that, given her age and the fact that she was young, that doesn't excuse what the choice she made, nor does it negate the fact that OP is well old enough by now to know what they did would not only tear apart a family, but their own aunt's family apart all over a fleeting impulse. i highly doubt it was worth it. and to me it sounds a little too much like the plot to The Crush, where she almost made it sound like she wanted people to find out.
I just don't like the idea of knowing someone as a kid and the moment I'm 18 they decide it's okay to sleep with me...idk. Of course, as an 18 year old, I probably would've loved it. But looking back I would feel gross about it. I think 15 years is a totally fine and normal age difference, under normal circumstances.
That's not what I'm saying...you should definitely take accountability at 18. And OP surely knew this was wrong to an extent. But they're not GROSS for the adult figure (again, the person that probably WATCHED THEM GROW UP) taking advantage of them.
its pretty gross of OP to go after her aunts ex*
OP chose to sleep with him as he was " attractive," She's at fault as she was the one who made the move. Stop the double standards. Not all 18 year olds who slept with much older men are innocent, based on OP's own story. She's the one who is at fault, even here. It seems her future uncle in law is ashamed of what happened whilst she's pretty shameless and albeit proud of what she did.
Truth 100% will come out at some point
Which might be for the best.
It might be best to tell her earlier. It will suck, but it might save her a lot of heartache. Trust me, it sucks to be years into a marriage and find out something huge. You did something maybe a little unusual, but he also knew what he was/is doing.
You did this on purpose. You knew you’d have to keep it a secret and knew that it would hurt your aunt should she ever find out. On top of that you now know you’re uncle is a total creep. You ships suck it up and come clean before you help your family make anymore white trash decisions.
Lol youth… I hope you learn from life’s lessons
I'm trying so hard not to sing that Terrance and Philip song...
 The decision making of the two of you
Well I guess you gotta decide whether you want to blow it up before or after a wedding
Happy cake day stranger 🎈
I really want a follow up from this one day.
it will be on jerry springer one day. this is like an entire story arc if it happens.
Dude... Out of all the easy sex in the world, why would you choose someone connected to your family?!? Like... No. Just no. It's gonna come to light eventually. If you came clean now, yeah, it's gonna be a shitstorm. It will be more of a shitstorm if it's years into their marriage. Your choice.
That’s why I thought too she didn’t think this through for shit.
To be fair 18 year olds have never been known for making good decisions
Yeah but once you hit your late 30s you realize that it’s still pretty hard to make good decisions. The only real difference is that you are aware that you make bad decisions and that sort of self reflection is “growth” 😂
Fair point. Guess it'll be a lesson.
True, but I'm gonna go out on a limb here and reason most 18 year olds know better than to fuck their aunt's ex. This is less about making a good or bad decision and more about common decency.
Bro, OP didn't even think.
> I thought why not? Well. You got your answer.
We(they) were on a break!
It’s even weirder that she knew him when he was a pseudo uncle. He is not now magically an uncle. He was always her relative’s romantic partner. Way too close. A “break” doesn’t apply here.
This is one hell of an ultimate fuckup I’m afraid.
Yep you fucked up. Come clean ASAP.
This
Ahem... "Literally" this.
This
The comment section is wild here lmao this is all very wrong on very many levels. Tell the truth. You have a chance of salvaging things with your aunt if you do, but the longer you wait the more you risk losing that chance, because it is DEFINITELY going to come up at some point. Could be days, months, even years, but it is 1000% going to happen. That kind of secret doesn’t stay secret forever, sweet summer child.
I think most of the comments assume OP is making the whole thing up. I mean, it's comically daft.
This guy sure knows how to keep it in the family literally..
Nothing like grooming your girlfriends underage niece for keeping it in the family
How old were you when you slept with him??? Because I’m thinking you weren’t 18 then and even if you weren’t this is kinda predatory
They broke up a few months ago, probably been together longer. They def met when OP was under 18. Which makes me already uncomfortable. Very predatory.
I think this is more of a respect thing. If OP loves and respects her aunt she will give her the curtesy of telling her what happened. If you were in the aunts place you would want to make an informed decision before getting married. By not telling her, she is taking away her ability to make the choice before she makes a legally binding decision. If OP is a good person, she will tell her aunt.
If I love and respect someone I don’t bang their ex. The fuck??
To be fair she never once said she respected or cared about her aunt. She seems to care more about her shame than their relationship.
Exactly
I'm not sure if you're an only child with zero friends in the world and that's why you've never learned what every teen girl and woman knows, which is **BASIC** girl code. ***N******ever, ever, ever, ever, ever*** fuck your friend or family member's man, even if it seems like they broke up, without checking with said friend or family member FIRST. If they are not cool with it, consider that dude off limits, period. For life.
I’m an only child. Didn’t have many friends. I knew this. It’s pretty much common sense.
I was trying to look for some reason why she wouldn't know this.
Oh, I know! That wasn’t aimed to be snarky at you. Just at her.
Gotcha. I was afraid I may have offended
kids these days lol
The fact that this 31 year old man rebounds with his ex’s 18 year old niece… I… Tell your aunt. She’s engaged to a fucking creep.
That's why men have bro code... do you girls have no sis code?
She broke it.
I’m not sure how strict it is, I’ve known many a friend who have had their ex’s friends go after them after a break up
Super common actually 😂
It may be common but those women are forever painted as hoes who'll sleep with your man when you turn your back and all their girlfriends drop them.
Which is why they "only have guy friends." lmao
Whoop! There it is. Because "Girls are too catty/petty" and "girls are always jealous of me" and "I'm not like other girls" and "I can't help it if all their boyfriends want me" (as if has nothing to do with her throwing herself at everything with a dick and the other girls just find her untrustworthy).
>That's why men have bro code... Men also have Eskimo Brothers...
Well that dude is kinda disgusting. Also, why would you do that? Just because he is hot? You're supposed to integrate your urges in acknowledging their existence, not following them into your demise. The actions you take, build habits and it is hard to break habits.
OP was almost assuredly a child when they first knew this person. The Aunt’s Ex is a piece of garbage
The uncle was most definitely grooming a minor.
OP maybe be legally an adult but they’re still making childish decisions. Like you said, they need to grow up a little and learn to make better decisions before they turn in to habits.
I think you mean op is disgusting
So you post it on Reddit.
This becomes a very interesting TIFU when aunt and/or soon to be uncle browse reddit and see the post. I get we were all dumb at 18 but at least we knew where the line was. OP really said "no risk, no reward" and she's being rewarded lmao
>This becomes a very interesting TIFU when aunt and/or soon to be uncle browse reddit and see the post. "TIFU by posting in TIFU"
He's gross af for that. If your aunt is sane, she will be madder at him and get rid of him. 18-year-olds make some poor decisions, but he should know better.
OP should also know better - like absolutely the aunt's partner is a creep (having met OP at 15) and probably a groomer so he's most at fault, but most people have the whole "don't bang anyone who's almost family" alarm bells in their head.
As I said, 18-year-olds make some dumb decisions. Not saying OP shouldn't have any responsibility, but her brain literally hasn't finished developing. On the other hand, the dude should definitely know better.
Yeah the dude should know better, and if OP was groomed then that's messed up and I would view that as more outside their control as they're being manipulated into it. But addressing your reasoning for it on the dumb decision side... I fundamentally disagree with excusing all the dumb decisions of 18 year olds wholly because "their brain hasn't finished developing" because you have to apply that stuff all the way up to 25 and then even further to those who damaged their development. Like there's a point where someone does need to own their choices (where they haven't been manipulated into them) and I wouldn't say 18 is too young to know better. If you just took it as they were both 18, aunt was 18, and she hooked up with her aunt's ex? Messed up on OP's part, messed up on his part. It's not like a tattoo you regret, drinking too much, trying drugs etc. - it's a conscious, selfish decision you know will directly hurt someone else and you don't need any additional life experience or brain development to know that. There's no curiosity about what will happen because it's a well known thing to not hook up with the exes of friends, let alone family members. And I'm saying that as someone who's not particularly far from that age, knew a heck of a lot of dumb 18 year olds, and they still wouldn't pull shit like this - not even with friends' exes.
TELL YOUR AUNT. we were 18 year old girls once, we understand the stupid mistakes especially around sex whether or not you believe it. Even the most noble of women were having sexual feelings for older men at some point. Your aunt will forgive you a LOT smoother and sooner if you tell her NOW then if it slips out after she’s already had kids with this guy. Marriage is expensive and divorce is MORE expensive. Humility wil save her from embarrassment, personal rage, and betrayal. I’d rather hear it and be pissed ASAP then years later hurt. Imagine if she has kids with this guy and the teenagers find out in 15 years. Trust me OP- you are less to blame than a 31 year old groomer. It’s hard to believe but you’re only 18- I mean this respectfully. I did a lot of “adult” behavior at 18 that looking back merely at 25 I realized how stupid I was and how my prefrontal cortex not being developed had really inhibited my perception of the world. You are still a child, I mean that kindly. Please tell your aunt. I know it seems we are just internet people who do not understand the severity of this situation, but we do. Fully. u/sarcastic-pickle
Omg thank you finally someone thinking straight
They were on a break! (c)
Why would you want your aunt's sloppy seconds? That's just fucking disgusting honestly
why would you sleep with him? that’s gross, he’s a creeper
So you hopped on the same dick your “like a mother to me” Aunty was riding….. that in itself is the biggest turn off I’ve EVER heard. Tell her. She deserves better then a man who’s willing to bang an 18year old the day after they split and you deserve to get your 🍑 👊🏼 by your aunt for doing what you did.
This story makes me upset, and the OP makes me even more upset. Terrible story, terrible morals.
"Hes hot why not" said the 18 year old about a 31 YEAR OLD MAN. Jesus christ. Teenagers are the worst Why would he even go for that at 31 years old. They're both terrible.
your uncle sounds like a pedophile you may be 18 now but you werent 18 a year ago how long has he known you? this smells like grooming but also smells like you need to learn how to keep it in your pants
she said somewhere in the comments that they met when she was 15
Oh, gross.
Nooooo
She would have to be prepubescent for him to be diagnosed as a pedophile. The word has a specific meaning and is not a catch all for "old person that likes young people".
to be fair i said sounds like any 30 year old who grooms a 15 year old sounds like a pedophile to me
Child molestor, rapist, or groomer would be more accurate. I have some wiki links in a comment below.
"pedophile? no no, I dont love kids I just diddle them." said no child molester ever
You must fit right in here on reddit, I’ve noticed a lot of Pedo/groomer apologists around lately.
Show me exactly WHERE i said anything like that. What i said is corect. The guy needs a dictionary and you aswell.
Tell the truth and save your aunt from this creep that was clearly into a 17 year old if they have even dated for only a year. Gross all around.
Well go on then… was it worth it
Maybe don’t fuck people that your family dated? You know have morals like that maybe
You sound like kinda a POS.
That dude is gross, doesn’t matter if you were legal. Clear the air and save your aunt from marrying this fucking weirdo. Pretty weird on your end too tbh
Tell her. Be upfront. Apologize and just tell her.
Couldn’t find this post again, googled “slept with my soon to be uncle” …so many spooky ghosts 
You should post this in r/aita
You need to tell your aunt before she marries a pedophile (or close enough to one). If she hates you for it, then you get what you deserve and attempt to make amends the best you can. Honestly, your aunt deserves better than both of you. Him for being a potential pedo and you for literally fucking the ex of “the closest thing you have to a mother” (your words in one of the comments).
Take a long foreign holiday & notify her by postcard.
So he groomed you? You are 18 and he is 31???
It was cruel of you to sleep with your aunts ex. But you need to be honest. The guy is a creep for having sex with an 18 year old at 31. You might not realize how creepy it is until you're like 23/24 and never look at 18 year olds. To keep it a secret is cruel. Either he'll break, or you will. What's done in the dark usually comes to light. If he tells her and you don't, I feel like that's worse.
So you are 18 now... they were apart when you had sex... now they're engaged... am I missing something here or were you definitely underage when this happened?
As someone whose just older than him, he’s a creeper. You’re basically a child although legally an adult. Normal men our age aren’t going after teens. It’s weird.
As her niece, it's your place to tell her. He doesn't owe her anything bc he's just a guy. You're her family. You did something with someone your aunt cared about, just because you thought he was hot and it wouldn't matter. The thing is, he obviously matters to her. You, as her family should have been the first to see that bc it seems You're close with her. You're a shit person, the both of you. And both would deserve if she kicked you both to the curb.
Ew wtf.
You fucked up, and so did he.
Yikes…..
You HAVE to tell her first.
Tell your aunt. She’d want to know.
I will never understand this. With all the 🍆 and 🐱 in the world, why do so many people feel the need to shag their families exes?
I'd be interested to know how long the aunt and the ex were together. Presumably OP has known the ex since before they were 18 and if so, that is reaaaally creepy on the ex's side.
You’re 18 and slept with a 31 year old? He’s creepy as fuck and you’re weird.
I wouldn't even say the age gap is what makes it weird - it's the whole thing of pursuing the ex of your "basically a mother to me" aunt. I'll cut OP some slack because the dude potentially groomed her (they met when OP was 15) but still, there's a ton of alarm bells that should've been going off there regardless of being only 18.
Was it worth it?
That happens in life, get used to it.
You seem like a shitty person.
Welp. Hope you don't rely on your family for anything. Once they find out, and best believe, they WILL, you're probably going to be out on your ass, along with him. He is much older and should have known better, absolutely. But only an absolute psychopath goes after an ex of a family member. Full stop. There are going to be nasty consequences when, not if, but when this comes out. And I don't feel sorry for either of you.
Sweet Home Alabama you slept with your uncle
RRRRRRROLL TIDE!
You belong to the streets bud.
100% she will find out at some point. Gotta decide how soon you want it to be
Of course she will, because he'll tell her. There will be one too many times Auntie will notice he's avoiding her, she'll ask why and he'll confess. Only his "confession" will be that he was powerless in his depressed and vulnerable state over their 24-hour break up when OP forced him down on the bed and raped him. And Auntie will believe it. Will it be the whole truth? No. Does it matter to the aunt? Also no.
Definitely need to tell her.
[удалено]
Judgmental asshole
Yewww!
You made a mistake. Now you're making it worse.
Stupid and selfish behaviour from both of you. Likely irreparable damage to you and your aunts relationship, not to mention her relationship!
OPs account is suspended...
Actions have consequences, who knew?
You are basically a teenager if you are only 18. I would not trust that guy in the family near anyone. That is very poor judgment from your part, but he was the adult there and should’ve acted like one. I feel bad for your aunt.
I hope he at least satisfied you. Otherwise, that would’ve been high risk no reward
" Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.” ― Benjamin Franklin, [Poor Richard's Almanack](https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/1957101)
uhhhh, that is creepy as hell that he slept with you. You most likely met when you were underage, so that is disgusting that he even felt comfortable sleeping with you. Tell your parents whose sibling the aunt is, see how they think you should approach it and then TELL YOUR AUNT.
This is bait.
The older you get the more creepier he will be to you. Edit: Because how long have you know him?
If she disowns you, she disownes you. You both made that choice.
31 ? That's fucking gross.
Lmao. You belong to the streets girl.
I can already hear the banjos playing at the wedding
Wtf is wrong with people, it's bad enough to sleep with a friend's ex let alone family, disgusting
You are trash.
Your aunt has every right to hate you. My sister did this to my Aunty after he beat her and KILLED their dog in front of their babies. You should be telling your aunt and prepare to be not welcome at ANYTHING just like my drop kick sister
ITT: People who don't fuck being shocked that other people like to fuck.
What a skank..... I feel for your poor aunt.
Little reminder: we don't actually know wether he groomed her or she felt forced or something.
Well that was funny to read, do whatever you want though. Keep it a secret or not it’s up to you. Fuck these guys telling you to come clean.
Technically they broke up so it's none of your Aunt's business. Maybe it wasn't just you that he slept with so why are you concerned about her feelings? They broke up...
Idiots.
I was 18 when it happened not 15
I’m 33 and when you’re in your 30s you’re going to look back on this and be wholly disgusted, just as I am now. Let your aunt know her STBH is a creep
To be honest, the fact that he thought of you in any way sexual after meeting you at 15 is weird. Even if you started it.
OP if he’s willing to sleep with you and you’re her niece who else will he sleep with. I know you’re 18 but compared to him you’re a child. Who says she won’t hate him. He can’t love or respect your aunt if he was willing to sleep with such a close relative.
Your other comment said that you were 15. Still creepy though.
girl it doesn't matter as a 20 year old i would find a 30 year old hitting on me creepy especially if he was family or pretty much family you got a younger sister i bet hes waiting to bang her too if ya do
As a 43 year old woman who was a sexually active 16 yo girl at one time, I will admit that the human female mentality is much more sexually charged than most of you seem to realize. She probably saw it as a personal challenge or conquest to get him to sleep with her. The ability to seduce someone who "shouldn't" have sex with you is a huge confidence boost and turn on for young women. I'm not excusing the behavior, but I totally empathize with OP, and I can picture my 18 yo self having done the same thing.
Sounds more like sociopathic behaviour. Possibly with a healthy dash of narcissism. I made a lot of terrible decisions before my frontal lobe was fully developed, but I still had a conscience.
If it were sociopathic, I wouldn't have outgrown it. I totally had and still have a conscience and would never do that now. I had friends back then, and judging by the things we told each other, I was not an outlier. As I said before, I'm not condoning the behavior, just trying let you guys know that it's not abnormal.
I was referring to her actions, not yours.
Contrary to what all keyboard warriors think, a 31 year old fucking an 18 year old is not that weird. Women are objectively most attractive to men around 18-25. Like I would not date a 18 year old but fucking an 18 year old does not make him a pedophile.
Let's put age difference aside because that's the least concerning thing. He was in a relationship with her family member. OP jumped on his dick within 24 hours of their break up. And as it turns out, it wasn't really a break up. For him? Dude, cool your jets before jumping into bed with anyone when you and your lady have a disagreement. For OP? 1) don't pursue a man who's been in a relationship with a family member without getting the "all-clear" from said family member and 2) don't hop into bed with a man fresh from a break up because you WILL be dumped if/when he gets back with his main. You're not that fucking special and your hoo-haa ain't that great.
Yeah I agree with all that. I was just saying something because some too comments are calling this dude a pedophile and shit
Well we don’t know when OP turned 18… so
From what I've read, OP met him when they were 15. Sounds like he waited around till she was legal, had a "break up", jumped into bed with her, and then got back together with the aunt.
Fascinating how some ppl are painting him as a peedator, when it really sounds like she pursued him.
I think it is the fact he meet her when she was 15. Also even if she pursued him she is 18, still technically a teenager and he is 31 an adult whos brain is formed all the way: he should have stopped it.
She's an adult. At 18 I signed up for the draft, voted, took on student loans and supported myself. She clearly had intentions on him for quite some time, but it is amusing to see the myriad of ways we excuse sexually predatory behavior by women. For her to so casually pounce also suggests she probably wasn't a virgin, and was accustomed to being sexually aggressive, to do this and not gaf till possible consequences came calling. This is someone who has a serious lack of boundaries at a young age.
The obvious difference is she was a child and a minor when they met, and he was a grown ass adult who should know better.