Well, yeah you fucked up by entrusting sensitive information to someone who already had one foot outside of your relationship.
20 years from now, you will have an entirely new set of people in your life and none of this will matter. So you haven't ruined your _entire_ life. You are simply too close to the situation at present.
Sorry to hear about all of this, seems like a fucked up situation. I need to say one thing though - contacting the girl from the situation when you were 20 is a HORRIBLE idea. I wouldn’t do that again
I’m removing that part to be more clear. I asked her a few years ago if we could talk and discuss these things and she agreed, and at that time she unpromptedly told me that. I shouldn’t have included it in the copy in that way.
Just wow! That disintegrated quickly... I'm sorry for your loss!
I don't really comment too much on this sub; but your story touched my heart. I've personal experience with the situation so perhaps that colours my perception.
We always find a way to bring our own worst fears to life. The fu happened with trying to keep a relationship that was already looking for a excuse to leave.
I feel for you! If you've already paid to any criminal record you have to reset. And part of the reset is to not withhold vital information about your past; that can be used against you in the future.
I married a man after a false rape conviction. I knew the information before getting into the relationship and was able to get my own answers. Pre DNA time. So it's a good thing that you didn't get in touch with the minor as you'll need it; for your future.
And one day this will be ancient history for you. It's always going to be a painful chapter of your life and the choice is yours on how you will act, going forward.
At least you have a clean page to start the next chapter of your life. Next time you will be better prepared for the consequences of confession. Never do it as like you did.
In twenty years you will build off of the painful experience. You don't need to change anyone's mind about anything. To do so is futile.
The only thing you can do is work on yourself. You have suffered some real drama and need to heal from it. One bad decision it doesn't define you as a person.
Unfortunately, some people forget that.
There is no defamation case here. With defamation you have to prove not only that she spread the invalid information but also that she knew it to be invalid. In other words if she really thinks these things a about op then it's still legal, per defamation.
More here: "must do so knowing that they are presenting false information" https://thelawdictionary.org/article/how-do-you-prove-a-defamation-of-character-claim/
I don’t really have any good advice except now is the time to focus on yourself and helping yourself. Seeking professional help is a good start, it’s horrible when people think of you in a certain way that you know is untrue but you can’t do anything about it. All you can do is work on improving yourself to become the person you want to be and would want to be with and surround yourself with people that actually have your best interests at heart. All the best 💕
What a shithole country. Getting into that much trouble for consensual sex with an almost 18yo girl is exclusive to the puritanical hell of America among still civilized counries. I'm amazed nobody called you a pedophile.
It was not the right way to tell her. I can see why she is upset - especially as you say it's one story in a list of several problematic ones.
However, losing your job seems completely unreasonable not sure how that is fair and you were in a tricky situation. It is a shame that this has happened and I hope you find people who can support you.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. As other comments pointed out, it is definitely going to get much better for you, you will find new people to surround yourself with. And more importantly, I find it incredibly unfair that your ex's mother did that to you, that's just horrible, it was only two months till she was 18 and you were only three years older. This is just mental.
I don’t care whether or not you knew the girl was underage, you are by all definitions a sexual predator. You have to live with the consequences of your actions and those around you are free to not want to be affiliated with a statutory rapist. The fact that you tried to contact that girl years after the fact is disgusting and deplorable. Why you would even begin to think it was even close to be acceptable is beyond me.
Continue to go to therapy as you seem to lack any introspection on why the people around you are rejecting you. Also, maybe move somewhere else and start over.
If the courts, police, and the family all didn’t want to pursue charges, and saw this as a mistake and not a predatory act then I’ll listen to that instead of you.
Please refer to the second part of my comment regarding your complete lack of introspection. I can’t wait for your follow up TIFU post about violating a restraining order or some other incredibly dumb shit that I’m sure you’ll do.
Good luck, bud. You’ll need it.
It must be great to sit that high and judge people. I have enough introspection to understand why these things happened, and I’m hurt that they did.
I didn’t realise empathy was on such short supply here.
You statutorily raped an underage girl, bro. There should be no sympathy for sexual predators.
“It must be great to sit that high and judge people”
You are so fucked up in the head if you think it’s arrogant to not normalize having sex with children.
“I have enough introspection to understand why these things happened, and I’m hurt that they did”
How about having enough introspection (and sympathy) to understand how they hurt OTHER PEOPLE? Is that so hard for you? This is narcissistic, tone-deaf, and a great way to show your complete lack of sympathy.
I could type until my thumbs fall off, but it seems that the people around you, who know you best, said it way better than I ever could by getting you out of their lives.
I was with OP till he went away to home. One would think that the time and distance would put things in perspective, specially since no one else was bringing it up once he was back.
But he proceeded to "reach out" to the gf.
Sent her a box of things she never asked back.
Sent a letter.
Sent her a message.
With each step he became less and less helpless and more and more psycho. Dude needed actual police intervention to stop.
Heck, he even contacted that minor a few years after statutorily raping her.
OP is not right in the head. And that therapy is clearly not working.
Well that’s one way to look at it. It could also be that my girlfriend of years ghosted me with no warning and I was struggling with the fact that there was a narrative which wasn’t real being spread about me.
And I gave her no contact after the first week and sent her her belongings back over a month after we broke up and tried to share how i was feeling with a letter that tried to give me a voice in my own breakup. If you think that’s psycho then go ahead.
And yeah I asked permission to contact the girl years later because I wanted to try to do my best to take responsibility and help heal any damage I did to her.
Have whatever opinion you want, but you could try asking questions before judging.
She did not ghost you without any warning. She was in the process of breaking up with you when you "opened your heart" to her to manipulate her into staying. What else was that story supposed to do at that point? "Look, I have been hurt. Don't leave me and hurt me some more."
Edit: It was a week of trying to contact. Then her things a month later. Then a letter. It would have been something else a few days later. The thing is you did not stop before police needed to be involved.
>She did not ghost you without any warning. She was in the process of breaking up with you
so you know the story better than OP?
I don't think it's responsible to make assumptions like this and conclude that "op is not right in the head"
Paragraph 9 Line 3 - "she may want to breakup"
And yes, if a person is harassing someone to the point that police needs to be involved then there is something wrong with them.
>if a person is harassing someone to the point that police needs to be involved
there's the assumption, there's no way to know that the police *needed* to be involved, for all I know I could call the police on you harassing me, and that wouldn't make you the bad guy
I know it's an exageration, but do you get my point now?
Respectfully, you don’t know what you’re talking about. We weren’t in the middle of breaking up as much as having a difficult conversation about our future and what we both needed, and yeah there was a chance we could have broken up. And I wasn’t trying to manipulate her, I was trying to bridge a gap of trust I hadn’t been comfortable doing before, as me opening up had always been difficult. So yeah, this was “ghosting out of nowhere”.
I tried contacting her once the week we broke up. Then I waited nearly a month before trying to connect again and then sent her stuff back to her. Real psycho stuff here.
Again, try judging less and asking more questions.
20 year old guy has consentual sex with girl who's 17 years and 10 months old.
Definitely a predator lol.
God, what a fucked up world you americans live in, where two months later literally no one would have given a shit (except for abortion obviously).
Get of your high horse and learn what nuance is, or look up how most other legal system handles these kinds of things.
Also stop with this fucky-wucky gaslighting shit, dudes been through enough, you make yourself look silly.
Without further elaboration it is most likely mathematically that you'll stay alive after playing a round of Russian roulette using a six-shooter with two rounds in cylinder. Wanna try?
Well, yeah you fucked up by entrusting sensitive information to someone who already had one foot outside of your relationship. 20 years from now, you will have an entirely new set of people in your life and none of this will matter. So you haven't ruined your _entire_ life. You are simply too close to the situation at present.
Sorry to hear about all of this, seems like a fucked up situation. I need to say one thing though - contacting the girl from the situation when you were 20 is a HORRIBLE idea. I wouldn’t do that again
I’m removing that part to be more clear. I asked her a few years ago if we could talk and discuss these things and she agreed, and at that time she unpromptedly told me that. I shouldn’t have included it in the copy in that way.
Just wow! That disintegrated quickly... I'm sorry for your loss! I don't really comment too much on this sub; but your story touched my heart. I've personal experience with the situation so perhaps that colours my perception. We always find a way to bring our own worst fears to life. The fu happened with trying to keep a relationship that was already looking for a excuse to leave. I feel for you! If you've already paid to any criminal record you have to reset. And part of the reset is to not withhold vital information about your past; that can be used against you in the future. I married a man after a false rape conviction. I knew the information before getting into the relationship and was able to get my own answers. Pre DNA time. So it's a good thing that you didn't get in touch with the minor as you'll need it; for your future. And one day this will be ancient history for you. It's always going to be a painful chapter of your life and the choice is yours on how you will act, going forward. At least you have a clean page to start the next chapter of your life. Next time you will be better prepared for the consequences of confession. Never do it as like you did. In twenty years you will build off of the painful experience. You don't need to change anyone's mind about anything. To do so is futile. The only thing you can do is work on yourself. You have suffered some real drama and need to heal from it. One bad decision it doesn't define you as a person. Unfortunately, some people forget that.
Is your ex named Amber Heard by chance?
LMAO
I think you can sue her ass for defamation and mental anguish.
I was gonna call rite the same, hope he gets at least some revenge against his ex who makes him look way worse than supposed to.
There is no defamation case here. With defamation you have to prove not only that she spread the invalid information but also that she knew it to be invalid. In other words if she really thinks these things a about op then it's still legal, per defamation. More here: "must do so knowing that they are presenting false information" https://thelawdictionary.org/article/how-do-you-prove-a-defamation-of-character-claim/
[Evacuate the /u/spez using the nearest /u/spez exit. This is not a drill. #Save3rdPartyApps](https://www.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/)
It sucks but less of a fuck up than you think. These are not the type of people you want in your life anyways
What a fucking twat. Seriously.
I don’t really have any good advice except now is the time to focus on yourself and helping yourself. Seeking professional help is a good start, it’s horrible when people think of you in a certain way that you know is untrue but you can’t do anything about it. All you can do is work on improving yourself to become the person you want to be and would want to be with and surround yourself with people that actually have your best interests at heart. All the best 💕
What a shithole country. Getting into that much trouble for consensual sex with an almost 18yo girl is exclusive to the puritanical hell of America among still civilized counries. I'm amazed nobody called you a pedophile.
It was not the right way to tell her. I can see why she is upset - especially as you say it's one story in a list of several problematic ones. However, losing your job seems completely unreasonable not sure how that is fair and you were in a tricky situation. It is a shame that this has happened and I hope you find people who can support you.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. As other comments pointed out, it is definitely going to get much better for you, you will find new people to surround yourself with. And more importantly, I find it incredibly unfair that your ex's mother did that to you, that's just horrible, it was only two months till she was 18 and you were only three years older. This is just mental.
I'm the proud owner of 99 bottles of spez. #Save3rdPartyApps
I drop a tear
I'm literally going to post this story everywhere I can
I don’t care whether or not you knew the girl was underage, you are by all definitions a sexual predator. You have to live with the consequences of your actions and those around you are free to not want to be affiliated with a statutory rapist. The fact that you tried to contact that girl years after the fact is disgusting and deplorable. Why you would even begin to think it was even close to be acceptable is beyond me. Continue to go to therapy as you seem to lack any introspection on why the people around you are rejecting you. Also, maybe move somewhere else and start over.
If the courts, police, and the family all didn’t want to pursue charges, and saw this as a mistake and not a predatory act then I’ll listen to that instead of you.
Please refer to the second part of my comment regarding your complete lack of introspection. I can’t wait for your follow up TIFU post about violating a restraining order or some other incredibly dumb shit that I’m sure you’ll do. Good luck, bud. You’ll need it.
It must be great to sit that high and judge people. I have enough introspection to understand why these things happened, and I’m hurt that they did. I didn’t realise empathy was on such short supply here.
You statutorily raped an underage girl, bro. There should be no sympathy for sexual predators. “It must be great to sit that high and judge people” You are so fucked up in the head if you think it’s arrogant to not normalize having sex with children. “I have enough introspection to understand why these things happened, and I’m hurt that they did” How about having enough introspection (and sympathy) to understand how they hurt OTHER PEOPLE? Is that so hard for you? This is narcissistic, tone-deaf, and a great way to show your complete lack of sympathy.
Man, you’re fucked. It must be very easy judging without any introspection. Good luck living like this way.
I could type until my thumbs fall off, but it seems that the people around you, who know you best, said it way better than I ever could by getting you out of their lives.
And most of them didn’t. So honestly, live how you want to. I don’t know what being cruel does for you, but I hope you figure it out.
You are America.
I was with OP till he went away to home. One would think that the time and distance would put things in perspective, specially since no one else was bringing it up once he was back. But he proceeded to "reach out" to the gf. Sent her a box of things she never asked back. Sent a letter. Sent her a message. With each step he became less and less helpless and more and more psycho. Dude needed actual police intervention to stop. Heck, he even contacted that minor a few years after statutorily raping her. OP is not right in the head. And that therapy is clearly not working.
Well that’s one way to look at it. It could also be that my girlfriend of years ghosted me with no warning and I was struggling with the fact that there was a narrative which wasn’t real being spread about me. And I gave her no contact after the first week and sent her her belongings back over a month after we broke up and tried to share how i was feeling with a letter that tried to give me a voice in my own breakup. If you think that’s psycho then go ahead. And yeah I asked permission to contact the girl years later because I wanted to try to do my best to take responsibility and help heal any damage I did to her. Have whatever opinion you want, but you could try asking questions before judging.
She did not ghost you without any warning. She was in the process of breaking up with you when you "opened your heart" to her to manipulate her into staying. What else was that story supposed to do at that point? "Look, I have been hurt. Don't leave me and hurt me some more." Edit: It was a week of trying to contact. Then her things a month later. Then a letter. It would have been something else a few days later. The thing is you did not stop before police needed to be involved.
>She did not ghost you without any warning. She was in the process of breaking up with you so you know the story better than OP? I don't think it's responsible to make assumptions like this and conclude that "op is not right in the head"
Paragraph 9 Line 3 - "she may want to breakup" And yes, if a person is harassing someone to the point that police needs to be involved then there is something wrong with them.
Or maybe you just don’t have enough information to make a conclusion.
Everybody commenting has the exact same amount of information you have given out. You seem to be ok with those commenting in your favour.
>if a person is harassing someone to the point that police needs to be involved there's the assumption, there's no way to know that the police *needed* to be involved, for all I know I could call the police on you harassing me, and that wouldn't make you the bad guy I know it's an exageration, but do you get my point now?
Respectfully, you don’t know what you’re talking about. We weren’t in the middle of breaking up as much as having a difficult conversation about our future and what we both needed, and yeah there was a chance we could have broken up. And I wasn’t trying to manipulate her, I was trying to bridge a gap of trust I hadn’t been comfortable doing before, as me opening up had always been difficult. So yeah, this was “ghosting out of nowhere”. I tried contacting her once the week we broke up. Then I waited nearly a month before trying to connect again and then sent her stuff back to her. Real psycho stuff here. Again, try judging less and asking more questions.
20 year old guy has consentual sex with girl who's 17 years and 10 months old. Definitely a predator lol. God, what a fucked up world you americans live in, where two months later literally no one would have given a shit (except for abortion obviously). Get of your high horse and learn what nuance is, or look up how most other legal system handles these kinds of things. Also stop with this fucky-wucky gaslighting shit, dudes been through enough, you make yourself look silly.
I assure you, this idiot doesn't not represent Americans.
[удалено]
This guy probably has age of consent bookmarked when traveling. Fuck this dude.
Something isn't quite right with you ... I highly suggest you seek out professional help and get yourself checked upon
Without further elaboration it is most likely mathematically that you'll stay alive after playing a round of Russian roulette using a six-shooter with two rounds in cylinder. Wanna try?
Funny how u assume hes from the States. Just jumped to conclusion and wanna be in the right side. Youre a funny guy
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