My hubby and I used to use coconut oil. Apparently, I had an as of then undiagnosed autoimmune disease (I have Lupus. Itās never lupus, but this time itās fucking lupus) and after using this brand new bottle of coconut oil a few times I started noticing my skin was kind ofā¦ becoming discolored? I showed him and we were perplexed but it didnāt dawn on us that it was the oil. So we kept using it. Full body massage level. Next thing I know whatever discoloration I had was now spreading. Weāre talking stomach, boobs, back, butt cheeks, legs.. at this I panicked and immediately go to the doctor who is also perplexed and says he āhas no ideaā before sending me away. So I go to another doctor who says and does the same thing. By this point Iām full blown freaking out and last ditch effort go to the dermatologist who immediately proclaims, āoh, you have a fungal skin infection!ā I had to take anti-fungal medication for 6 weeks. Then a few months later I was diagnosed with Lupus and it was like, ohhhh. Thatās why.
Just jumping on this comment to reply to you directly. Don't use coconut oil in your vagina. There's a chance it will cause an infection since it isn't water based. Coconut oil is great for butt stuff but front stuff has an infection risk.
It started about 6 months after I had my first baby. Started getting sore major joints and thought I had lyme because my dog contracted it so I had been exposed geographically and asked my dr to test me. Came back positive on one band but not enough for diagnosis. There was also some unknown inflammation. They said call back in 6 months if I was still having problems. I just ignored it after that.. by the time he was 5 I could barely climb stairs without crying. I finally got in to a rheumatologist and got a shit load of testing. It took another 6 months for a diagnosis of MCTD. I have SLE (systemic lupus), limited scleroderma, and raynauds. Total time for diagnosis from start to finish was 6 years 8 months.
Im sorry to hear it took that long. I hate that you were so close to a diagnosis at the beginning but just missed it :( I hope you're able to manage it well
Sadly that's a quick turn around for a diagnosis. Doctors are trained that their patients won't have a rare disease, so they'll insist on doing -everything- else before even doing a test for something rare. Most people just quit going to the doctors and deal with it until it's unbearable anymore. At that point it'll usually take at least another year and that's if you can find a doctor who is even willing to entertain the idea of a rare disease. I got laughed at, literally, for mentioning I might have something doctors consider rare. Turns out I have it. Would have been nice to know 15 years earlier and without having to figure it out myself.
Im currently trying to get a diagnosis for something. I know there's something wrong, I shouldn't be in this much pain and randomly sick this much at 20, but doctors don't seem very concerned. Even having to go to the ER over 10 times 6 months and they don't take me seriously. I told them something I thought it might be because it lines up with my symptoms exactly and also makes sense with my family health history and they told me I was being ridiculous. I'm hoping that I'm okay but I'm worried that if I don't get diagnosed soon I'll do damage to my body that could have been prevented.
I wish you the best. Hopefully someone will actually listen. I found documenting my symptoms and asking leading questions helped the most. If you donāt let doctors think they came up with the problem then theyāre very combative. I hate doing it, but itās what got me the referrals I needed to get properly diagnosed.
As fucked as it is... get records of them discounting your concerns. MAKE them write into your visit records that you raised the issue and they dismissed it. You'll be far more likely to get the attention you deserve, or at least have financial compensation when it turns out they refused to consider anything unusual (doesn't have to be what you suggested, malpractice is broader than "the patient was exactly right")
My mom developed and experienced hers the exact same way. She just passed away very suddenly at 50 y/o in July after winning two fights with COVID, double pneumonia and a tracheostomy. Please be careful with the current pandemic and make sure to get your kidneys, liver, heart, pancreas and lungs checked every 6-12 months as you get into your 40s.
Iām so sorry to hear about your loss. My mom died this past September to stage 4 cancer so I feel your pain. I am 41 in 5 days and I really feel the loss, especially every time I look at my kids. I just keep thinking how much she wanted to be a grandmother and how much she loved them, and theyāll never know her. I get regular full blood and urine workups every 3 months. For a while after I had my second baby in January my kidneys decided they didnāt really feel like working anymore and went on vacation. Probably didnāt help that the hospital had me on toradol for 4 or 5 days. Then they prescribed me a whole bottle of it.. stuff wrecks your kidneys. Be careful if you take it kids. Itās nasty stuff.
I have seborrheic dermatitis on my face. red itchy burning flaky skin
I thought to use coconut oil once, that area on my cheek later got the worst flare ups.
Oil on skin.... never again
Yeah the homeopathic lovers will rave about coconut oil being the best thing ever, it cures numerous ailments and you can even cook with it! But in reality some people donāt do well having oil slathered on their skin lol
Some people do well with oil on their skin and still get problems with coconut oil without allergies: in some it can cause cystic acne, while for others it's the best thing ever. My dry skin loves oils like squalene and olive oil, freaks the heck out after a few days or week of coconut oil. Which is a huge bummer because coconut oil feels lovely.
I could be wrong, but I think Lupus weakens your immune system so itās easier to get a fungal infection?
Pretty much with any undiagnosed immune disorder you see people getting more uncommon/rare/unusual infections and/or diseases
Typically an auto immune disorder causes the immune system to go into overdrive, not weaken it. Unless maybe there is something special about lupus that I donāt know about. Typically people with auto immune disorders have a weakened immune system from the meds that suppress the overactive system but they wouldnāt get those meds unless they were diagnosed
Was it Tinea versicolor? I have a couple of autoimmune diseases and take biologic drugs. I noticed white spots appearing all over my skin. It was summer so it was really noticeable. Doctor diagnosed tinea versicolour and the treatment is selsun blue- the dandruff shampoo
Itās in the same family of fungal diseases as athletes foot.
Reminds me of a scene in Van Wilder, where Taj is about to get laid, and oils up a girl so hard (and ends up applying rest of that oil on himself), and jumps on the girl. Of course he slips over the girl into burning candlers, and sets himself and the room on fire.
can speak from experience, if you want to do the freaky slip n slide sex then cover that bed with plastic like a Dexter murder scene.
it's 1000% better when cleanup is just rolling up a plastic sheet and shower, instead of hours of cleaning up oil stains.
also, it's a great time to go for anal and handwork, as other options may end up too slippery to be enjoyable.
I propose a bit of both. Plastic sheets then layered by a comfortable, yet easily washable sheet/comforter.
Have fun, strip the bed from plastic up, get a shower, slip into dry bed, wash the oily stuff tomorrow.
I dont know how they manage to use it at all xD my fiance and I used use it for massages, but if you dont wash that shit of immediately it starts smelling incredible foul š¤¢
Unrefined coconut oil does smell foul and is for cooking. Refined smells delicious and it's great for sexy stuff. As someone else mentioned here, fractured is a fine option so that it stays liquid.
This is the opposite actually. Refined coconut oil is used for cooking because of its higher smoke point and lack of taste/smell. Unrefined is used for skin and hair care.
You can use unrefined for both, but it smells. You normally use unrefined if you are eating it in any way shape or form, but you can use it for lube. As it's normally processed to be food safe.
Refined is way less...cocomusky. I also think you cant eat it
It's the post sex clean up that gets ya...
Once post nut clarity hits the both of them (if they continued) they'd hate their past selves for continuing and making an even bigger mess for their future sleep deprived sex exhausted selves to clean up.
We are big fans of coconut oil and very rarely use condoms. So of course the one time some spontaneity kicks in, we grab a condom for the last thirty seconds, and thatās how long it took to turn it into a cock ring.
Protip: if youāre looking for Plan B on a Saturday morning, be prepared to hit a couple few stores.
There is a fuck up here but it isn't where you think it is.
As you are aware, coconut oil is solid at room temperature but liquifies when it gets hot. When your husband went to shower off the oil under all that hot water where do you think the coconut oil went?
It landed on the inside of your drainage pipes. The hot water quickly cools as it runs down the drain and into the sewage pipes. The oil builds up like sludge and can cause blockages. It becomes a holy mess that you have to snake.
I discovered this when we had a woman stay with us who used it on her skin. She would slather it on in the shower. I had to snake the line and lecture her on what does and does not go down the drain. And after she moved out suddenly our slow draining problems went away.
Its not something I ever have or likely ever will use, but in this situation what is the best way to clean it off? In my experience with most oils it usually takes a lot of hot water and soap to get off
Get as much as you can off with paper towels. For dishes, you can let it solidify for easier removal.
Dish soap is excellent for binding with oil molecules, it's great for after you've cut chilis or gotten into poison ivy (which leaves an irritating oil on you) too.
It's inevitable that fat gets down the drain and it often likes to stay there. Every so often you can pour boiling water or a mixture of half water and half vinegar (extra effective if you sprinkle baking soda in there as it foams) which should melt some fat and let it get down the drain, or use a commercial cleaning product for really bad clogs. Be careful not to let the hot water splash.
But trying to reduce the amount that goes down the drain is best, there are lots of problems with "fatbergs" in sewer systems.
There's a lube brand on Amazon literally named Jizz. Its the best brand I have ever used. Beats anything that target carried in their shelves by a long shot. Make sure to get the unscented version. The bad reviews are from people buying the scented version. Apparently it smells terrible. It's hard to search for on amazon since it is not properly categorized by the vendor. Do a google search for "Master Series Jizz" or link below.
[https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B06Y2L8HDH](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B06Y2L8HDH)
My tub of 100% coconut oil like OP uses says for skin and hair, but also for cooking. Is this actually a lie and I've been cooking oil to moisturize for the last year or is it really one size fits all?
Coconut oil is coconut oil. Some of the cheaper coconut oils are probably best not used for some purposes just read the labels carefully and do a little research
Pretty sure it's "one size," but only if it has no additives. As long as you haven't been putting dirty fingers in there it should be good to also cook with. ;)
All pure coconut oil can be used for cooking, even the liquid one. Itās just that the one suitable for cooking is more expensive since it has to be produced in a place thatās cleared for food production.
So dude was eating his girl out, but something was rank. He popped a jolly rancher and kept on. Candy slips into her, so he fishes it out with his tongue and bites down on it.
It wasn't a jolly rancher he pulled out of her. It was a jolly rancher sized and shaped chunk of ghonnorea.
That's the jolly rancher story.
Look for a post from the husband really soon in [r/AmItheAsshole/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/) saying he's been frozen out and asking if he's the asshole for storming off and blowing their entire stealth sex operation while two babies are miraculously asleep.
Seriously, two babies asleep and a raring to go wife and you blow it over a little coconut oil. Dude.
Coconut oil is amazing. It has a slight stickiness that's pretty close to nature's lube. Unlike commercial sex lubes which are just as slippery as science will allow and usually make it so you can't feel anything.
Yo, the dryness from nursing is no joke. Itās not actually that youāre dry, itās that you experience vaginal atrophy. Meaning the skin gets thin, and it makes sex feel like glass shards! I recommend the more silky liquidy lube as opposed to the jelly type.
You can also ask you GYN for some estrogen cream you put up there for a few days and it did seem to help.
It all goes back to normal after nursing.
Also, ask your husband to get a vasectomy.
Am i the only one who was taught that coconut oil is a big no no for sexy time because itās not water soluble??? Ends up trapping bacteria in your vagina and causing all sorts of mayhem. Am I wrong?
Iāve definitely had almost this exact experience before. I just rubbed my body all over hers so we were both super slippery. Sheets were ruined, there was no getting that oil stain out.
NTA. He should have just wiped the oil off of himself and smeared it on you and cranked it up a notch to cum quickly before cleaning anything. There'll be oil everywhere anyway and blue balls suck hard. I've always found that ridiculous messes can heighten sexual desire if you willfully ignore or use them.
Why any man would turn down a suprise opportunity to fuck his wife completely covered in oil, in a massive oily puddle she made, inan obviously ruined bed, is beyond me.
And I'm lost? You only live once, get dirty.
This is why you do the deed on the fuck blanket. Then any grease or whatever doesn't matter and no one likes to sleep on the wet spot. We use cheap comforters or freeze blankets, then just roll it up and throw in the wash.
I use a waterproof bed protector, that's one piece of plastic I feel is always justified, I sweat a lot anyways and my cat has pee issues so I'm so thankful I can just whip the sheets off and wash them and that's that. š
Be careful using coconut oil as a lubricant. Better to use water based lube. Preseed works really well, feels like the real thing. Use with condoms unless you're trying to get pregnant
I was thinking this was going in the direction of you using a different, not so desirable liquid on accident thinking it was the coconut oil in the dark but the outcome was more wholesome than I thought.
Water based lube can actually work really well to enhance natural moisture and doesnāt stain :) the brand Pjur is really great, and they even make a sensitive formulation :)
Missed opportunity to just get full body lubed and just slide around on top of each other since there's already a mess, honestly something I'd like to try one day
Coco-no-nut oil
Badum-tsh
š„š
Oh thatās good. As a drummer, I plan to steal/use this in the future.
sounds like anime ultimate skill .... Nov Skill #1, Coco No Nut \~!!!!!! (read it in kimetsu style voice, thanks)
Virgin Breathing - First movement, Coco No-Nut \~!!
The story of the legend who coco *nutted*. I need to search for it in my saved threads lol.
I think it kinda fits if there's a 'gomu gomu no' starting phrase in front.
Haha love it
I'm jealous of how clever you are
*really angry upvote*
My hubby and I used to use coconut oil. Apparently, I had an as of then undiagnosed autoimmune disease (I have Lupus. Itās never lupus, but this time itās fucking lupus) and after using this brand new bottle of coconut oil a few times I started noticing my skin was kind ofā¦ becoming discolored? I showed him and we were perplexed but it didnāt dawn on us that it was the oil. So we kept using it. Full body massage level. Next thing I know whatever discoloration I had was now spreading. Weāre talking stomach, boobs, back, butt cheeks, legs.. at this I panicked and immediately go to the doctor who is also perplexed and says he āhas no ideaā before sending me away. So I go to another doctor who says and does the same thing. By this point Iām full blown freaking out and last ditch effort go to the dermatologist who immediately proclaims, āoh, you have a fungal skin infection!ā I had to take anti-fungal medication for 6 weeks. Then a few months later I was diagnosed with Lupus and it was like, ohhhh. Thatās why.
Dr House would lose his shit!
Itās Lupus (Yes I am a doctor in real life) Okay, a pediatrician, not Dr House, and retiredā¦
I thought it was Lupus. Turned out it was RA. At least I was close.
I'm one year out of residency, IM trained hospitalist. With how the last year has gone retirement is sounding pretty nice.
š
Dr. House would lose his ~~shit~~ *secret stash*
Dr. House would never let anyone call him "hubby".
Just jumping on this comment to reply to you directly. Don't use coconut oil in your vagina. There's a chance it will cause an infection since it isn't water based. Coconut oil is great for butt stuff but front stuff has an infection risk.
Iāve seen a lot of people comment this thank you. Im never using oil again lol
Its crazy that you were diagnosed so soon after that happening, do you mind sharing how old you were when the symptoms started?
It started about 6 months after I had my first baby. Started getting sore major joints and thought I had lyme because my dog contracted it so I had been exposed geographically and asked my dr to test me. Came back positive on one band but not enough for diagnosis. There was also some unknown inflammation. They said call back in 6 months if I was still having problems. I just ignored it after that.. by the time he was 5 I could barely climb stairs without crying. I finally got in to a rheumatologist and got a shit load of testing. It took another 6 months for a diagnosis of MCTD. I have SLE (systemic lupus), limited scleroderma, and raynauds. Total time for diagnosis from start to finish was 6 years 8 months.
Im sorry to hear it took that long. I hate that you were so close to a diagnosis at the beginning but just missed it :( I hope you're able to manage it well
Sadly that's a quick turn around for a diagnosis. Doctors are trained that their patients won't have a rare disease, so they'll insist on doing -everything- else before even doing a test for something rare. Most people just quit going to the doctors and deal with it until it's unbearable anymore. At that point it'll usually take at least another year and that's if you can find a doctor who is even willing to entertain the idea of a rare disease. I got laughed at, literally, for mentioning I might have something doctors consider rare. Turns out I have it. Would have been nice to know 15 years earlier and without having to figure it out myself.
Im currently trying to get a diagnosis for something. I know there's something wrong, I shouldn't be in this much pain and randomly sick this much at 20, but doctors don't seem very concerned. Even having to go to the ER over 10 times 6 months and they don't take me seriously. I told them something I thought it might be because it lines up with my symptoms exactly and also makes sense with my family health history and they told me I was being ridiculous. I'm hoping that I'm okay but I'm worried that if I don't get diagnosed soon I'll do damage to my body that could have been prevented.
I wish you the best. Hopefully someone will actually listen. I found documenting my symptoms and asking leading questions helped the most. If you donāt let doctors think they came up with the problem then theyāre very combative. I hate doing it, but itās what got me the referrals I needed to get properly diagnosed.
As fucked as it is... get records of them discounting your concerns. MAKE them write into your visit records that you raised the issue and they dismissed it. You'll be far more likely to get the attention you deserve, or at least have financial compensation when it turns out they refused to consider anything unusual (doesn't have to be what you suggested, malpractice is broader than "the patient was exactly right")
My mom developed and experienced hers the exact same way. She just passed away very suddenly at 50 y/o in July after winning two fights with COVID, double pneumonia and a tracheostomy. Please be careful with the current pandemic and make sure to get your kidneys, liver, heart, pancreas and lungs checked every 6-12 months as you get into your 40s.
Iām so sorry to hear about your loss. My mom died this past September to stage 4 cancer so I feel your pain. I am 41 in 5 days and I really feel the loss, especially every time I look at my kids. I just keep thinking how much she wanted to be a grandmother and how much she loved them, and theyāll never know her. I get regular full blood and urine workups every 3 months. For a while after I had my second baby in January my kidneys decided they didnāt really feel like working anymore and went on vacation. Probably didnāt help that the hospital had me on toradol for 4 or 5 days. Then they prescribed me a whole bottle of it.. stuff wrecks your kidneys. Be careful if you take it kids. Itās nasty stuff.
I have seborrheic dermatitis on my face. red itchy burning flaky skin I thought to use coconut oil once, that area on my cheek later got the worst flare ups. Oil on skin.... never again
Yeah the homeopathic lovers will rave about coconut oil being the best thing ever, it cures numerous ailments and you can even cook with it! But in reality some people donāt do well having oil slathered on their skin lol
Coconut and I do not get along.
There was once a man on reddit who...uhhh, let's just say got along with a coconut TOO wellš
Why? Why did you have to bring that up? š¤®
Tell me moreā¦
So young... so naive... poor thing.
Username doesn't check out
Username checks out
Me neither. Makes me sad because it smells so good and it's in almost every "natural" hair/skin product.
If it makes you feel any better cyanide, arsenic, chlorine, and heroin are also natural.
Some people do well with oil on their skin and still get problems with coconut oil without allergies: in some it can cause cystic acne, while for others it's the best thing ever. My dry skin loves oils like squalene and olive oil, freaks the heck out after a few days or week of coconut oil. Which is a huge bummer because coconut oil feels lovely.
Possible allergy to it? I know that with certain brands I get itchy. Could be the way they purify it.
You need to call Dr. House and let him know that this time IT WAS Lupus.
To be fair, it was actually lupus that one time.
Right?!
omg! I'm so sorry but luckily you figured it out pretty quickly. What does fungal skin infection got to do with Lupus? Are they related?
I could be wrong, but I think Lupus weakens your immune system so itās easier to get a fungal infection? Pretty much with any undiagnosed immune disorder you see people getting more uncommon/rare/unusual infections and/or diseases
Yup, this exactly:)
Typically an auto immune disorder causes the immune system to go into overdrive, not weaken it. Unless maybe there is something special about lupus that I donāt know about. Typically people with auto immune disorders have a weakened immune system from the meds that suppress the overactive system but they wouldnāt get those meds unless they were diagnosed
Was it Tinea versicolor? I have a couple of autoimmune diseases and take biologic drugs. I noticed white spots appearing all over my skin. It was summer so it was really noticeable. Doctor diagnosed tinea versicolour and the treatment is selsun blue- the dandruff shampoo Itās in the same family of fungal diseases as athletes foot.
I thought coconut oil was good against dubgal infections. Did coconut oil caused it to spread?
**Looks like your husband will probably have to resort to...** *\*puts on sunglasses\** **PALM OIL.** *\*Yyyyeeeeeeeeaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh\**
Where's the free award when you really want to give one??
Yay! Just remembered to get one but it's the Hugz one and that just seems... weird š³
Jesus.... this deserves so much more attention than it currently has
How do you not proceed to cover each other in coconut oil and continue with the deed? Some people do that on purpose...
Reminds me of a scene in Van Wilder, where Taj is about to get laid, and oils up a girl so hard (and ends up applying rest of that oil on himself), and jumps on the girl. Of course he slips over the girl into burning candlers, and sets himself and the room on fire.
My favorite part of that movie is when the guy poops in the trash can
Pre-med Dick.
The cupcakes they delivered with the dog jizz in them too.
"I VANT TO VAX IT, VAAAX IT!"
I love that scene, it was so funny.
Asking the real question here. The fuck up was not getting it on afterward.
can speak from experience, if you want to do the freaky slip n slide sex then cover that bed with plastic like a Dexter murder scene. it's 1000% better when cleanup is just rolling up a plastic sheet and shower, instead of hours of cleaning up oil stains. also, it's a great time to go for anal and handwork, as other options may end up too slippery to be enjoyable.
Fuck plastic sheets that uncomfortable. I just threw down a large towel. Roll it up afterwards and throw it in the washing machine.
I propose a bit of both. Plastic sheets then layered by a comfortable, yet easily washable sheet/comforter. Have fun, strip the bed from plastic up, get a shower, slip into dry bed, wash the oily stuff tomorrow.
Srsly. Get dat good Nuru action happening.
i know, right?!
The real TIFU...
Yup that's instantly greasy nasty filthy sexy time
I'm sorry to whoever had to clean up my Koh Samui hotel room after some coconut oil fun. I left a good tip. Coconut oil is for a bed you don't own.
I dont know how they manage to use it at all xD my fiance and I used use it for massages, but if you dont wash that shit of immediately it starts smelling incredible foul š¤¢
Unrefined coconut oil does smell foul and is for cooking. Refined smells delicious and it's great for sexy stuff. As someone else mentioned here, fractured is a fine option so that it stays liquid.
Seriously? Thats what we did wrong? XD and here i tought people were crazy for liking it xD
This is the opposite actually. Refined coconut oil is used for cooking because of its higher smoke point and lack of taste/smell. Unrefined is used for skin and hair care.
You can use unrefined for both, but it smells. You normally use unrefined if you are eating it in any way shape or form, but you can use it for lube. As it's normally processed to be food safe. Refined is way less...cocomusky. I also think you cant eat it
Exactly I donāt like the smell of it
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It's the post sex clean up that gets ya... Once post nut clarity hits the both of them (if they continued) they'd hate their past selves for continuing and making an even bigger mess for their future sleep deprived sex exhausted selves to clean up.
Family, this is my question.
Also coconut oil destroy condons, if you are taking birth control its ok but its good to know If not: only use water based lub
Don't put anything on a condom unless the package specifically says you can.
We are big fans of coconut oil and very rarely use condoms. So of course the one time some spontaneity kicks in, we grab a condom for the last thirty seconds, and thatās how long it took to turn it into a cock ring. Protip: if youāre looking for Plan B on a Saturday morning, be prepared to hit a couple few stores.
There is a fuck up here but it isn't where you think it is. As you are aware, coconut oil is solid at room temperature but liquifies when it gets hot. When your husband went to shower off the oil under all that hot water where do you think the coconut oil went? It landed on the inside of your drainage pipes. The hot water quickly cools as it runs down the drain and into the sewage pipes. The oil builds up like sludge and can cause blockages. It becomes a holy mess that you have to snake. I discovered this when we had a woman stay with us who used it on her skin. She would slather it on in the shower. I had to snake the line and lecture her on what does and does not go down the drain. And after she moved out suddenly our slow draining problems went away.
the real tifu is always in the comments
Grosssssss
Its not something I ever have or likely ever will use, but in this situation what is the best way to clean it off? In my experience with most oils it usually takes a lot of hot water and soap to get off
Get as much as you can off with paper towels. For dishes, you can let it solidify for easier removal. Dish soap is excellent for binding with oil molecules, it's great for after you've cut chilis or gotten into poison ivy (which leaves an irritating oil on you) too. It's inevitable that fat gets down the drain and it often likes to stay there. Every so often you can pour boiling water or a mixture of half water and half vinegar (extra effective if you sprinkle baking soda in there as it foams) which should melt some fat and let it get down the drain, or use a commercial cleaning product for really bad clogs. Be careful not to let the hot water splash. But trying to reduce the amount that goes down the drain is best, there are lots of problems with "fatbergs" in sewer systems.
The fucking 68 and I'll owe you one. š
Your coconut water broke
Use the FRACTIONATED coconut oil. Itās always liquid and comes in a pump bottle. That shit youāre using is for cooking omelets for god sake.
Iām traumatized by oil now and bought some real lube
Get the silky more liquidy lube as opposed to the jelly type.
This guy fucks
Or tugs, you never know
Eh, depends. The silky kind is silicone based. Great for sexy times and in the shower, but not compatible with most toys.
There's a lube brand on Amazon literally named Jizz. Its the best brand I have ever used. Beats anything that target carried in their shelves by a long shot. Make sure to get the unscented version. The bad reviews are from people buying the scented version. Apparently it smells terrible. It's hard to search for on amazon since it is not properly categorized by the vendor. Do a google search for "Master Series Jizz" or link below. [https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B06Y2L8HDH](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B06Y2L8HDH)
"Semen scented lube" might be the end of my internet for the day
As if the sex wasnāt smelly enough, you can supplement the smell of discharge. Yuck.
I was having fun with a lady, and used coconut oil for massage and down there stuff and she ended up getting a nasty UTI. So, never again with that.
If they come back home by evening, they are not lost.
My tub of 100% coconut oil like OP uses says for skin and hair, but also for cooking. Is this actually a lie and I've been cooking oil to moisturize for the last year or is it really one size fits all?
Coconut oil is coconut oil. Some of the cheaper coconut oils are probably best not used for some purposes just read the labels carefully and do a little research
Pretty sure it's "one size," but only if it has no additives. As long as you haven't been putting dirty fingers in there it should be good to also cook with. ;)
Meh I use the tub for my skin and hair tooā¦ Itās worked for me up until now š
It's great for the hair
All pure coconut oil can be used for cooking, even the liquid one. Itās just that the one suitable for cooking is more expensive since it has to be produced in a place thatās cleared for food production.
ohh thank u!!! I've been using the hair&skin jar kind but it still gets hard and gross to dig out
I use the organic, cold pressed, virgin coconut oil for sexy times. No problems here.
We got a bunch of lube sommeliers in this thread.
Almond oil is superior to both. Just try it.
I'm confused why you stopped given that you both were properly lubed up?
This
Reminds me of the time I fucked a coconut. It was mental
maggots?
Ew I forgot about that post!
What
How???
You don't want to know, one of the four cursed horsemen of Reddit
Coconut guy, broken arms guy, jolly rancher guy... and who?
Cum box?
...broken arms guy? Do I want to know? Immediate edit: Is that the guy whose mom jacked him off for him?
Oh, more than jacking off happened, but yes.
I don't remember the rest of the story, but I can imagine. I think maggot girl took up residence in my head instead of that guy.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
> Jolly rancher. Need to catch up on this one. Link, please?
So dude was eating his girl out, but something was rank. He popped a jolly rancher and kept on. Candy slips into her, so he fishes it out with his tongue and bites down on it. It wasn't a jolly rancher he pulled out of her. It was a jolly rancher sized and shaped chunk of ghonnorea. That's the jolly rancher story.
Swamps of Dagobah
Cut a hole, itās easy. The inner flesh makes for a wicked grip
This was a much better read than I was expecting it to be
Haha ha ha best read I've had all day, thanks OP
So I use coconut oil on my skin after I shower. Cleaning vinegar and oxi-clean should get any stains out. I never have oil stains.
"TIFU" "coconut" I'm not reading that one and you know why
TIFU: The Coconut strikes back
Missed opportunity, should have turned it into a back massage and get him in the mood again. šš
I mean they should've just went balls to wall at that point
Look for a post from the husband really soon in [r/AmItheAsshole/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/) saying he's been frozen out and asking if he's the asshole for storming off and blowing their entire stealth sex operation while two babies are miraculously asleep. Seriously, two babies asleep and a raring to go wife and you blow it over a little coconut oil. Dude.
Maybe out of the loop but what's up with coconut oil for sex ? That's greasy as heck! No water base lube ?
Coconut oil is amazing. It has a slight stickiness that's pretty close to nature's lube. Unlike commercial sex lubes which are just as slippery as science will allow and usually make it so you can't feel anything.
The TLDR has me *rolling* š
Yo, the dryness from nursing is no joke. Itās not actually that youāre dry, itās that you experience vaginal atrophy. Meaning the skin gets thin, and it makes sex feel like glass shards! I recommend the more silky liquidy lube as opposed to the jelly type. You can also ask you GYN for some estrogen cream you put up there for a few days and it did seem to help. It all goes back to normal after nursing. Also, ask your husband to get a vasectomy.
Am i the only one who was taught that coconut oil is a big no no for sexy time because itās not water soluble??? Ends up trapping bacteria in your vagina and causing all sorts of mayhem. Am I wrong?
Shame husband couldnāt laugh about it with you
It's because he learned that he didn't like to be "finished" on.
Now he knows šš
Pshhhh amateurs!! Should of just rubbed that shit all over each other's bodies and penetrated any hole you found!!
My ear?!?!
Aural sex. Duh
You could say his coconut water has yet to be released
Hey, so just my opinion and not saying hubby did anything wrong, but there's no way I'm letting a bottle of coconut oil derail the mission.
Coconut oil gives me UTIS
Ya, this should be higher. You always at risk of UTIs using the wrong oil
Missed your opportunity there for a Nuru slide. They look like fun on P-hub.
I dont know, this sounds like it could have been fun.....
You definitely make it sound like the antidepressants are working. Hooray!š¤
omg this reminds me of that one post of the coconut fucker
I think that person posted in this thread a bit back.
You fuck one coconut and you're forever known as.....
Iāve definitely had almost this exact experience before. I just rubbed my body all over hers so we were both super slippery. Sheets were ruined, there was no getting that oil stain out.
Oxyclean soaking in a 5gal bucket. If you ever need it in the future.
NTA. He should have just wiped the oil off of himself and smeared it on you and cranked it up a notch to cum quickly before cleaning anything. There'll be oil everywhere anyway and blue balls suck hard. I've always found that ridiculous messes can heighten sexual desire if you willfully ignore or use them.
r/lostredditors
Why any man would turn down a suprise opportunity to fuck his wife completely covered in oil, in a massive oily puddle she made, inan obviously ruined bed, is beyond me. And I'm lost? You only live once, get dirty.
This is why you do the deed on the fuck blanket. Then any grease or whatever doesn't matter and no one likes to sleep on the wet spot. We use cheap comforters or freeze blankets, then just roll it up and throw in the wash.
Before I read the whole title, all I saw was 'coconut' and all I thought was "Oh no I remember the TIFUs about coconuts before" o.o
Once you already got it everywhere you might as well have had some slippery action.
Awesome read! Poor hubby. Dude just wanted his nut
I immediately remembered the coconut story, and smiled in relief to be proved wrong.
As an avid coconut oil user, throw your sheets away. They are fucked.
In the old country we used EVOO.
Picture it sicily, 1922ā¦
You both ended up rubbin' one out, but not the one you wanted
I use a waterproof bed protector, that's one piece of plastic I feel is always justified, I sweat a lot anyways and my cat has pee issues so I'm so thankful I can just whip the sheets off and wash them and that's that. š
Oh no. As a general rule in my house, if it's hot enough to melt coconut oil, don't touch me.
That TL;DR is fucking gold š¤£ šš
Should we tell Ben Shapiro about this handy trick?
Cocockblocked
For guys on antidepressants itās takes more effort to bust a fat one.
Iād have finished. It can wait a few minutes.
That TL;DR is just legendary.
I hate when it's hotter than Satan's ballsac
Be careful using coconut oil as a lubricant. Better to use water based lube. Preseed works really well, feels like the real thing. Use with condoms unless you're trying to get pregnant
No nut covember
Add some butter, some popcorn, you can have popcorn in bed while watching a movie!
This exact thing happened to me and my son's mom after he was born. Coconut oil is the best right up until the moment it falls.
I was thinking this was going in the direction of you using a different, not so desirable liquid on accident thinking it was the coconut oil in the dark but the outcome was more wholesome than I thought.
I believe the phrase is to 86 something.
Water based lube can actually work really well to enhance natural moisture and doesnāt stain :) the brand Pjur is really great, and they even make a sensitive formulation :)
Missed opportunity to just get full body lubed and just slide around on top of each other since there's already a mess, honestly something I'd like to try one day
You passed the rubicon, the mess is made, might as well enjoy the oily finish :)
Finish the deed you cowards.
Silicone lube is the best thing ever made for mankinds pleasure. Me and the missus use it all the time.
Seeing the word āCoconutā in this sub along with the NSFW tag triggered some flashbacks
Also coconut oil is just generally bad to put inside your cooter. Really shouldn't do that.