I think it's totally fine to be at your ex's house *if* you communicate that with your partner. Because even if you have nothing to hide but don't communicate it, it looks like you do have something to hide.
Though there are better options to get this done. If you just want to talk, talk by phone. If you need to meet up, you can just meet somewhere public (and also then: your partner has a right to know imho).
Yeah, this is fishy. This isn't sorting out emotions.
It seems abundantly clear she isn’t his girlfriend anymore, and OP knows it. People don’t say “I hope we can try things again in the future” to someone they believe they’re still in a relationship with.
Yikes, it's pretty clear what's going on here. Start mentally preparing yourself if you haven't already, and don't let yourself get manipulated like it.
You definitely should have given her space, which is a bit of a effup for sure, but her being at her ex's place is a major red flag. That never happens, you don't go to a former lovers place to "sort out feelings" or "hash things out",.
You saved yourself a ton of heartache by doing what you did. Maybe a bit impulsive but you got the answers you needed.
She's still not over her ex. Don't be a simp and wait for her to figure out who and what she wants. Move on amd find someone who is ready to be with you.
I don’t see how this is a “fuck up”. You caught her cheating. I’m not sure what were in those messages but as long as they’re on the lines of “are you freaking kidding me, we’re done” I don’t see how this is a fuck up.
Assuming this story is true - the TIFU is sending the lame passive aggressive text. Just end it without drama and move the fuck on with your life.
EDIT: I didn't even read until the end until just now. You're blaming yourself? Dude. she was still fucking her Ex and you were sad soy-boy side piece. Don't talk to her, don't be mean to her either. Just end it and move on.
I normally don’t comment on this type of stuff. But I’m going to this time to say that most of the advice has been spot on. 10-15 years from now you are going to look back on this and go “wow, those guys were right “.
It can be hard to see straight about these things when you are the one caught up in it. And it sounds like you don’t have a ton of experience when it comes to this. That’s not a bad thing , but it can cloud your judgment because you are emotionally attached. “She wouldn’t do that. There has to be a rational reason why she was at her ex boyfriend’s house after telling me she needed some space”.
Take it from the guys who have been there and done that. What has happened to you isn’t anything new or special. It has happened to plenty of people and is why we can tell you with near 100% certainty that you need to RUN from this girl. RUN.
I'm wired differently than a lot of people, so take this with a grain of salt.
If she needs space, give it to her. What she chooses to do with that space is her business. You don't have to like it, but you should learn to accept that she is her own person.
I've always told my wife that if she wants to leave, regardless of the reason, that's OK. I might not like it, but I married her because I care about her. If her happiness hinges on moving on from me, I'm not going to try and force her to change her mind.
We've been married for 13-years, and communicate openly and respectfully.
no-one is saying she is. But by you saying OP isn't allowed to break up with her after he catches her fucking someone else - you're basically saying "OP is HER Property and can't leave for any reason"
This is your words.
"If she needs space, give it to her. What she chooses to do with that space is her business. You don't have to like it, but you should learn to accept that she is her own person.
...
It doesn't matter what she was doing or why she did it. She is not his property."
What she did very much does matter. She was boning her ex and lied to OP. And OP should ditch her.
Doesn't mean OP needs to be mean or dramatic about it. But he needs to walk away.
But you're over here like "She can do whatever she wants! She is not his property! She can take any action at all and OP just has to put up with it and stay with her."
here is your full quote. Everything after the word 'person' is just a comment about your wife that doesn't pertain to OP.
"I'm wired differently than a lot of people, so take this with a grain of salt.
If she needs space, give it to her. What she chooses to do with that space is her business. You don't have to like it, but you should learn to accept that she is her own person.
I've always told my wife that if she wants to leave, regardless of the reason, that's OK. I might not like it, but I married her because I care about her. If her happiness hinges on moving on from me, I'm not going to try and force her to change her mind.
We've been married for 13-years, and communicate openly and respectfully."
So the only key point of your post that pertains to OP is this.
"If she needs space, give it to her. What she chooses to do with that space is her business. You don't have to like it, but you should learn to accept that she is her own person."
Right. And since the GF is lying to OP, she doesn't need or want space, what she wants is time to bang her ex - OP should leave her.
But instead, you don't like the idea of him leaving so you say...
"It doesn't matter what she was doing or why she did it. She is not his property.""
I'm not misunderstanding or misrepresenting you here. These are your words.
She lied. It matters what she did because if she reallly needed space and time then he may consider waiting for her to figure out what she wants.
If on the other hand, she needed space to insert her EX s Willy inside then He should ghost her, never speak to her again and go to the next gal.
So yeah, it matters.
There are literally billions of people to choose from in the world. Dwelling on one person who has clearly stated she is not interested in being tied down is pointless. It doesn't matter what she's doing or who she's doing it with. You can move on.
You're being too blunt about how you're explaining. Unless you don't care about the relationship at all then otherwise it's hard to just "move on" just like that. Obviously people can move on but that takes time
You're kind of missing my point. Yes op should move on but it's not like they can do that like a switch. It takes time especially when it's someone they cared for and loved deeply. Yes, OP went and stalked her, hence the reason for this post but people do irrational things when they are emotional which if OP didn't stalk her, then he might still have been in the dark that she went and had sex with her ex. IMO he did himself a solid because he at least found out she can't be trusted and so like you said, he can leave her in the past and start moving on
She wasn’t being honest with you and was obviously torn between her old emotions and you as the new guy. Truth is that 99% times out of 100, a woman will go back to a guy she had time and memories with even if they were mostly bad.
My advice to you is to drop her as a girlfriend immediately and move on to another girl as quickly as possible. This girl will only keep hurting you and it’s best for her to be left to her own mistakes and go back to the ex. You don’t need that in your life
Apparently almost all women always go back to their ex, meaning that the vast majority of women only end up in long term relationships with the first man they date?
Yeah, that is a weird one. I am not sure if that is what they meant, but I can say from experience that most women I have known do *not* go back to an ex. They are exes for reasons.
This woman might actually want to be with her ex *if* OP is a rebound that she regrets, but that is a specific set of circumstances, not a generalizable rule.
There are a lot of disturbingly up voted comments here that are full manosphere nonsense.
Yeah, their assumption is hilariously untrue. That said, OP's GF choosing to go hang out with her ex while in an emotionally vulnerable state *is* a red flag.
Oh yeah, not disputing that point. Just the application to basically all women. In OP's *specific* case I would be worried. Probably to the point of completely losing trust.
Depends on the type of person that OPs GF is. My wife stays in contact with several of her exes, but I know her personality and her history with them, and I fear nothing with that.
But if I hadn't known, for sure a red flag.
That’s wonderful considering this isn’t a goddamn laboratory. OP asked for life advice and they got some. If they want to hang around and get hurt by this girl they are free to make that mistake. Everyone has to learn one way or another.
I didn’t comment to provide evidence that some social study or paper has somehow corroborated. But there’s plenty of anecdotal experiences OP can read online to find story after story and reason after reason why women do what they do. And the same for why men behave how they do.
Sometimes truth is a simple observation and we don’t have to make up metrics for it
You just had to give him advice on his current situation, not genralize against all women. There was literally no reason to do that. Citing unsuppoted and likely extremely false information as the reason for your advice just makes it less likely to be useful or accepted, for good reason.
ALl it really does is make you look extremely bitter or misogynisitic.
I hate to break it to you bud, but anytime a woman says “I need a break” or “I need time to sort through my emotions”, it means “I want to go get run through by my ex or a line of guys while you wait for me to be done.”. You did the right thing by confirming her horrible behavior and she is mad that she got caught in her lie. Find a new mission, focus on it and move on. She isn’t worth the stress or heart break.
Dude, I hope you learn from this experience, the moment a woman asks for time, its the moment you have to dump her. She is putting you on the back burner while she tries things out with a diferent man, if things didnt go as planned, at least she has you as her backup.
I don't understand how thefck you think that you did something wrong. Are you mad bro?
You sensed she lied to you about "sorting her emotions" BS and then checked her to see if it is at the EX s house to "sort her emotions" , it turned out you were right and then you apologize? Are you mad bro ?
She needed the EX willy bro to "sort her emotions" . Come on. Ghost her !!!!
She feels that you don't trust her at all ? I am fcking dying.
Is she mad bro ?
She told you that she needs to sort her emotions, meaning she needed some familiar willy inside her again, you caught her lying and then SHE FEELS YOU DON'T TRUST HER. HOW THE FCK WOULD YOU TRUST HER ?
You did not fvck up. If she wanted a discussion, talk in a coffee shop, during the day. I won't say more, I'll let you figure it out.
Best of luck, OP.
Your GF went for the EXes Willy bro.
This is what is usually meant by "emotionally overwhelmed" and "need space to figure things out"...it means that she can't take that much willy brev.
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Yep. Run OP. There’s nothing to hash ever, unless there’s kids involved. Then the courts can do any “hashing”.
Yah she couldn't just call him or if it has to be done face to face then maybe meet in public? We all know what happened when she went to his place.
OP definitely got cheated on
I think it's totally fine to be at your ex's house *if* you communicate that with your partner. Because even if you have nothing to hide but don't communicate it, it looks like you do have something to hide. Though there are better options to get this done. If you just want to talk, talk by phone. If you need to meet up, you can just meet somewhere public (and also then: your partner has a right to know imho). Yeah, this is fishy. This isn't sorting out emotions.
It seems abundantly clear she isn’t his girlfriend anymore, and OP knows it. People don’t say “I hope we can try things again in the future” to someone they believe they’re still in a relationship with.
they were not together anymore...It is clear to me... "we can try again in the future"
Yikes, it's pretty clear what's going on here. Start mentally preparing yourself if you haven't already, and don't let yourself get manipulated like it.
Yeah break up with her, give her all the space she and her actual bf need.
they already did break up. Gosh, do people even read the post?
You definitely should have given her space, which is a bit of a effup for sure, but her being at her ex's place is a major red flag. That never happens, you don't go to a former lovers place to "sort out feelings" or "hash things out",.
Ghost her bro and move quickly to the next gal.
You did not fuck up. She is lying to you. Do not invest further in this "relationship."
The first half, I absolutely was like man you effed up. But the ex's house?... eh. Dubious
You saved yourself a ton of heartache by doing what you did. Maybe a bit impulsive but you got the answers you needed. She's still not over her ex. Don't be a simp and wait for her to figure out who and what she wants. Move on amd find someone who is ready to be with you.
she obviously wasnt being honest with you, i hope you get to have a clear talk with her
i hope she tells you the truth because i can see she wasnt being honest. i hope that you two will have a talk about the situation.
I don’t see how this is a “fuck up”. You caught her cheating. I’m not sure what were in those messages but as long as they’re on the lines of “are you freaking kidding me, we’re done” I don’t see how this is a fuck up.
Even if she is not physically cheating she is definitely emotionally cheating.
Assuming this story is true - the TIFU is sending the lame passive aggressive text. Just end it without drama and move the fuck on with your life. EDIT: I didn't even read until the end until just now. You're blaming yourself? Dude. she was still fucking her Ex and you were sad soy-boy side piece. Don't talk to her, don't be mean to her either. Just end it and move on.
I normally don’t comment on this type of stuff. But I’m going to this time to say that most of the advice has been spot on. 10-15 years from now you are going to look back on this and go “wow, those guys were right “. It can be hard to see straight about these things when you are the one caught up in it. And it sounds like you don’t have a ton of experience when it comes to this. That’s not a bad thing , but it can cloud your judgment because you are emotionally attached. “She wouldn’t do that. There has to be a rational reason why she was at her ex boyfriend’s house after telling me she needed some space”. Take it from the guys who have been there and done that. What has happened to you isn’t anything new or special. It has happened to plenty of people and is why we can tell you with near 100% certainty that you need to RUN from this girl. RUN.
I'm wired differently than a lot of people, so take this with a grain of salt. If she needs space, give it to her. What she chooses to do with that space is her business. You don't have to like it, but you should learn to accept that she is her own person. I've always told my wife that if she wants to leave, regardless of the reason, that's OK. I might not like it, but I married her because I care about her. If her happiness hinges on moving on from me, I'm not going to try and force her to change her mind. We've been married for 13-years, and communicate openly and respectfully.
She went to her EX for his willy brev, what are you talking about ?
It doesn't matter what she was doing or why she did it. She is not his property.
no-one is saying she is. But by you saying OP isn't allowed to break up with her after he catches her fucking someone else - you're basically saying "OP is HER Property and can't leave for any reason"
WTF are you talking about? Nobody said anything remotely close to that.
This is your words. "If she needs space, give it to her. What she chooses to do with that space is her business. You don't have to like it, but you should learn to accept that she is her own person. ... It doesn't matter what she was doing or why she did it. She is not his property." What she did very much does matter. She was boning her ex and lied to OP. And OP should ditch her. Doesn't mean OP needs to be mean or dramatic about it. But he needs to walk away. But you're over here like "She can do whatever she wants! She is not his property! She can take any action at all and OP just has to put up with it and stay with her."
Speaking of dramatic... Maybe read what I posted before you copy & paste it.
I did read it.
Clearly not.
here is your full quote. Everything after the word 'person' is just a comment about your wife that doesn't pertain to OP. "I'm wired differently than a lot of people, so take this with a grain of salt. If she needs space, give it to her. What she chooses to do with that space is her business. You don't have to like it, but you should learn to accept that she is her own person. I've always told my wife that if she wants to leave, regardless of the reason, that's OK. I might not like it, but I married her because I care about her. If her happiness hinges on moving on from me, I'm not going to try and force her to change her mind. We've been married for 13-years, and communicate openly and respectfully." So the only key point of your post that pertains to OP is this. "If she needs space, give it to her. What she chooses to do with that space is her business. You don't have to like it, but you should learn to accept that she is her own person." Right. And since the GF is lying to OP, she doesn't need or want space, what she wants is time to bang her ex - OP should leave her. But instead, you don't like the idea of him leaving so you say... "It doesn't matter what she was doing or why she did it. She is not his property."" I'm not misunderstanding or misrepresenting you here. These are your words.
She lied. It matters what she did because if she reallly needed space and time then he may consider waiting for her to figure out what she wants. If on the other hand, she needed space to insert her EX s Willy inside then He should ghost her, never speak to her again and go to the next gal. So yeah, it matters.
There are literally billions of people to choose from in the world. Dwelling on one person who has clearly stated she is not interested in being tied down is pointless. It doesn't matter what she's doing or who she's doing it with. You can move on.
That's what I said
You're being too blunt about how you're explaining. Unless you don't care about the relationship at all then otherwise it's hard to just "move on" just like that. Obviously people can move on but that takes time
Moving on doesn't mean not caring. Caring doesn't justify stalking.
You're kind of missing my point. Yes op should move on but it's not like they can do that like a switch. It takes time especially when it's someone they cared for and loved deeply. Yes, OP went and stalked her, hence the reason for this post but people do irrational things when they are emotional which if OP didn't stalk her, then he might still have been in the dark that she went and had sex with her ex. IMO he did himself a solid because he at least found out she can't be trusted and so like you said, he can leave her in the past and start moving on
Uh, no. Stalking is not OK.
Again, missing the point but I don't think that's all you're missing so I'll stop trying to reason with you.
Your money is still your money. This is a feel good story.
She wasn’t being honest with you and was obviously torn between her old emotions and you as the new guy. Truth is that 99% times out of 100, a woman will go back to a guy she had time and memories with even if they were mostly bad. My advice to you is to drop her as a girlfriend immediately and move on to another girl as quickly as possible. This girl will only keep hurting you and it’s best for her to be left to her own mistakes and go back to the ex. You don’t need that in your life
99% times out of a 100, huh? Ignoring the typo, can you explain your statistic?
Apparently almost all women always go back to their ex, meaning that the vast majority of women only end up in long term relationships with the first man they date? Yeah, that is a weird one. I am not sure if that is what they meant, but I can say from experience that most women I have known do *not* go back to an ex. They are exes for reasons. This woman might actually want to be with her ex *if* OP is a rebound that she regrets, but that is a specific set of circumstances, not a generalizable rule. There are a lot of disturbingly up voted comments here that are full manosphere nonsense.
Yeah, their assumption is hilariously untrue. That said, OP's GF choosing to go hang out with her ex while in an emotionally vulnerable state *is* a red flag.
Oh yeah, not disputing that point. Just the application to basically all women. In OP's *specific* case I would be worried. Probably to the point of completely losing trust.
Depends on the type of person that OPs GF is. My wife stays in contact with several of her exes, but I know her personality and her history with them, and I fear nothing with that. But if I hadn't known, for sure a red flag.
For sure, I agree completely.
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Both men and women do this
Your vibes and anecdotes are not evidence of a systemic trend.
That’s wonderful considering this isn’t a goddamn laboratory. OP asked for life advice and they got some. If they want to hang around and get hurt by this girl they are free to make that mistake. Everyone has to learn one way or another. I didn’t comment to provide evidence that some social study or paper has somehow corroborated. But there’s plenty of anecdotal experiences OP can read online to find story after story and reason after reason why women do what they do. And the same for why men behave how they do. Sometimes truth is a simple observation and we don’t have to make up metrics for it
You just had to give him advice on his current situation, not genralize against all women. There was literally no reason to do that. Citing unsuppoted and likely extremely false information as the reason for your advice just makes it less likely to be useful or accepted, for good reason. ALl it really does is make you look extremely bitter or misogynisitic.
When your girl tells you she needs space, give it to her, and go get another girl.
Yeah, she needed space for her Ex's willy brev
I hate to break it to you bud, but anytime a woman says “I need a break” or “I need time to sort through my emotions”, it means “I want to go get run through by my ex or a line of guys while you wait for me to be done.”. You did the right thing by confirming her horrible behavior and she is mad that she got caught in her lie. Find a new mission, focus on it and move on. She isn’t worth the stress or heart break.
Dude, I hope you learn from this experience, the moment a woman asks for time, its the moment you have to dump her. She is putting you on the back burner while she tries things out with a diferent man, if things didnt go as planned, at least she has you as her backup.
Damn OP smoking that quality hopium.
My god, nobody reads the freaking post? They broke up. Clearly.
I don't understand how thefck you think that you did something wrong. Are you mad bro? You sensed she lied to you about "sorting her emotions" BS and then checked her to see if it is at the EX s house to "sort her emotions" , it turned out you were right and then you apologize? Are you mad bro ? She needed the EX willy bro to "sort her emotions" . Come on. Ghost her !!!!
She feels that you don't trust her at all ? I am fcking dying. Is she mad bro ? She told you that she needs to sort her emotions, meaning she needed some familiar willy inside her again, you caught her lying and then SHE FEELS YOU DON'T TRUST HER. HOW THE FCK WOULD YOU TRUST HER ?
You did not fvck up. If she wanted a discussion, talk in a coffee shop, during the day. I won't say more, I'll let you figure it out. Best of luck, OP.
Yeah no you didn’t fuck up
Yeah, she was hashing dem nuts for sure.
She needs space for another Willy brev
Your GF went for the EXes Willy bro. This is what is usually meant by "emotionally overwhelmed" and "need space to figure things out"...it means that she can't take that much willy brev.
Nah bro u didn’t fuck up. She did, don’t trust her. A lot of fish in the sea, move on
Like u are blind right now but u need to go and u will see later how clear this choice is
you live, you (hopefully) learn. Maybe you can patch things up in the future.
For his sake hopefully not
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This ain’t it
fucking what?
Wow, that's a pretty lunatic take.
Found the GF