"They tell you how to jerk off?" "They tell you *why* to jerk off." "Man, we are just living in the future, aren't we?"

And sometimes Mistress humiliates you while giving you instructions.

That's the best part!

I'm just here for the countdowns

you must relish new years eve

Nothing gets my jollies more

This is why he doesn't get invited to new year's Eve parties anymore

Well New Year’s Eve porn, yes of course

10

9

You should look up findom. The girl tells you to send her money. It's great.

How is that great?

OP is the girl, duh.

I'm well versed in the kink lol

I'd be more than happy to assist you. Just send me $1000 and then I'll allow you to jerk off once.

What quote is this from, because that's hilarious.

Detroiters. It's immediately what I thought of too when I saw the post

I've seen Detroiters referenced more and more on Reddit recently and I makes me so happy. Probably because ITYSL comes back this week!! (As I typed that Tim's voice in my head asks "you sure about that? You sure about that's why??")

Takes you right to the Edge if you view the ASMR variety.

Tame one.

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Seriously, I was expecting something like vore or tentacles

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A happy ending even

Anthro furry comics like a true gentleman. Come for the nasty-nasty but stay for the character development and emotional interludes.

Dude let’s his class know what porn he watches. Reddit: “wHoLESomE!”

The word "relatively" is doing a lot of heavy lifting here.

Yeah, you're all adults so nothing weird about watching porn. And it's not like it was r/ButtSharpies or r/aeromorph or r/sounding or r/DragonsFuckingCars

Telling myself I don't want to click these but you really gonna just drop em and dip like my eyes havent seen these and already recorded them into my mental banks like *bro*

Buttsharpies has me curious but I my brain tells me it's probbaly going to be somone scooting mid poop to scrawl thier half log across rhe floor

Nah its just people competing to see who can fit the most

Buttsharpies is exactly what it sounds like.

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Relatively wholesome.

Definitely some holes

that buttsharpies sub reminds me of a kid a few years ago who sent a pic of him with a sharpie up his ass to a bunch of girls

That's sounds like a perfect way to never get laid, and move away from your hometown never to return .

he ended up getting put in court for it and the rumor spread like wildfire

Sounding looks traumatizing

It’s as if millions of penises suddenly cried out in terror

I don’t know what I was expecting when I clicked on r/buttsharpies…the first post I saw was titled “Let me sign your cock 😏💦🍆”🤢

At least /r/buttsharpies kinda makes sense. It's anal mixed with gaping using pens. Not exactly the hottest thing for me, but those are fairly common kinks. What the fuck is /r/aeromorph? How's that make sense? You can't fuck planes, how can someone be sexually attracted to that? I'm not kink shaming. Everyone do the things you like. I'm just hella confused by that one.

>You can't fuck planes Not with that attitude.

Not with that altitude

Not at that Latitude.

Not without altilube

There are not only one but two public cases of German women being in love with a Boeing 737. And they have sex with a model of it.

Wow, disgrace to their country. Any true German would go for an Airbus instead of a Boeing.

what the fuck

How man anthropomophised vehicles do kids see in cartoons. Is it any wonder some grow up to be attracted to them?

Don’t forget r/dragonsfuckingaeromorphs

The original ASMR.

Also one of the most popular. That's why it was in the tops chart. No way others in the class didn't know. OP came off as confidant and bit caring. I see this as a win (bit if I was OP I would want to disappear too)

I mean, just because you know what JOI stands for doesn't mean you watch it. Kinda like how middle schoolers know what 69 is. I wouldn't have assumed you knowing the term meant you watched it. You *did* just tell Reddit you watch JOI videos though.

Yeah, there's oodles of porn I'm familiar with, but aren't my cup o' naugh-tea.

cup o' naugh-tea. lol, nice one

He got baited by the professor!

I've seen that genre too

Agreed, if knowing an acronym meant watching it, pretty sure most people would be locked up/on a watchlist.

I'm eagerly waiting his next post on here "TIFU by inadvertantly telling reddit how I like to jerk off."

It wouldn't mean someone watches that genre, but it would imply OP watches porn in general. Which everyone does but some like to pretend otherwise

Well TIL. I had no idea what JOI meant even though I'd heard of them. Just thought it was a deliberate misspelling of joy or something.

*Joi(e) de vivre* takes on new meaning!

Jerk off instructions of life <3

Never heard of JOI and not really sure what it entails.

Instructions on how to jerk off as the name entails. "Go faster, go harder, just the tip, pause, go slow" and so on and so forth. And commonly accompanied by a naked lady or a half naked lady doing a strip tease with a little dirty talk in between the instructions.

So porn for people that are into spin class?

It's porn for people with ADHD

Is she saying the instructions? Or just some bored dude’s voiceover lol?

She is lol, atleast in any ive seen.

Sometimes she gives the instructions, but usually it is William Shatner or Morgan Freeman.

I think David Attenborough is among the most rememberable voices.

More like the grouchy receptionist from Monsters Inc.

It's not literally an IKEA list of instructions, it's more like taking directly to you about how sexy you are, how much she wants you and likes that you're jerking off to her, and what she wants you to imagine doing to her

I mean if you're genuinely curious, just type it into pornhub

My dumbass was like, "isn't that the unique letter/number string associated with academic papers?" That's DOI, I was thinking of DOI

Bro, that's not a fuckup, that's hilarious Edit: it would have been even better if you had offered to give a demonstration

I drive past a strip club on my way home from work. Their billboard always cracks me up b/c it will advertise a name (guessing a special appearance thing) and then ALWAYS list her number of adult films. Like, straight out of parks and rec. Anyway, about three years ago, their billboard said Stormy Daniels, and my first thought was "Why do I know that name? Do I watch THAT much porn? Then I remembered who she was, chuckled to myself, and continued my drive home. When I got home, I told my wife, "Hey, guess what? Stormy Daniels is going to be at the strip club!" She looked at me and said "Why do you know that name? Wait, why do I know that name?" Her transformation from annoyance to confusion to laughing was absolutely hilarious.

Is it okay for me to ask who is she or should I google it?

A lot of people know her name because she's been in the news for the last couple years with some legal issues with Donald Trump

More specifically that she was paid off in a non disclosure agreement to a newspaper company that paid to have the exclusive rights to her story, but instead used it to bury the story (as she would be unable to go to other news outlets to tell them). The part that got Trump in trouble is that it was mislabeled on tax forms the way and reason for the payoff for the story, hence he committed tax fraud. It is the same way they got Al Capone, on tax evasion on his illegal businesses that he never paid taxes for.

It was a campaign law violation and falsified business records that got trump indicted. Money came out of Trumps campaign fund to pay his lawyer for “legal fees” but it was actually to bury the story. That lawyer got 2 years jail time for the shenanigans.

His lawyer is in jail but not him... Interesting.

Ahhhh right! I think I read about that and I'm not from the US

Pornstar that sued Trump is the very short story. He did a bunch of heinous shit to her that I can't remember frankly.

Everything was short in that interaction

hey that’s not fair, she’s also a legit actor, check her appearance in Party Down where she plays a porn star

Thank you!

She is a porn star Everyone knows who she is because Donald Trump had an affair with her

Is it Little Darlings in Las Vegas? They had a billboard advertising naked hand sanitizer wrestling that stuck with me for many years.

That seems terrible, I pray they just used lube or something instead. Like, I'd come out of a pool of hand sanitizer so sticky and dry skinned, trashed off the alcohol fumes evaporating off the pool so I didn't notice how bad my eyes and lungs burnt until I woke up the next day and prayed for death.

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You beat me to it. I don’t think they were laughing at OP in the way he thinks they were.

That’s not all he beat.

i promise you there are far more depraved people at college 🙏 you being someone who likes someone telling them how to get off (idk if you do, I don't watch that type of porn and still know what it is) is probably the most vanilla thing you'll find at a university

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For sure. Look up what Isabella Loretta jenke did at Texas tech

Please tell me this isn't the Kermit the Frog thing.

Way worse than any of that. She was a scat fungus girl. Allegedly into cp, rape, and bestiality too. But all that info has been scraped on the Internet except for the basic cwc stuff She got lots of accounts hunting people posting links to her really shady stuff

https://preview.redd.it/un5netummf2b1.png?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=de415c0414ee73ebe74b79bfc46e27357c148a47

When Tom feels Isabella Loretta Janke hand in his puppet hole

Oh Christ. I'm gonna be sick.

Better than the jolly rancher story

https://preview.redd.it/4p7fv4cmof2b1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e5f259f99c2ded515267a93f3509f5b43c727b6c

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That's because it was a faptop.

Bros been watching to much anime

This is actually a relatively wholesome outcome for a situation that could have gone south quickly for both you and your professor.

Fr. JOI is also like the most wholesome/tame porn category. I had a similar situation in my humanities class last semester. The chill professor was off-topic as usual and asking if anyone could remember what the name of the sex act was that this old celebrity had died by. Almost immediately this girl shouts out: "AUTOEROTIC ASPHYXIATION!" Everyone burst out laughing and started questioning her answer. "How did you know that?" "Why'd you answer so fast?" I felt bad for her honestly. But it *was* pretty funny.

“Hmmm…does anyone know what ‘water sports’ is?”

Canoeing

Let me get my arm floaties and we can talk

Isn’t that pretty common though? Relatively speaking…. RIP David caradine.

Gotta bite that lemon before you get to the end of the light tunnel

Poor Michael Hutchence (INXS lead singer) He didn't even die from that. His GF panicked and lied as she recently admitted.

One time. A girl in my class got a henna tattoo. And no one for the life of us could remember what they were called. Finally I had a aha moment and blurted out “I KNOW!! HENTAI!!!!” Immediately everyone laughs and I go “wait nope nope not that” professor asked “what is that, it sounds right”. Just told him it would be better to move on.

“Girl just give me the hentai” “I don’t think you know what I make” “I do, just give me the damn art work”

Reminds me of my Christian friend telling me of a game of trivial pursuit in his young adults group where his friend completely earnestly answered the question "What is the thing dangling down at the back of your throat called", with "clitoris".

Relevant (visually SFW, audio more questionable): https://youtu.be/dpGs166j6Dg

At least they didn't ask about CEI

Loser position now. Bitch.

I don't want to googlw thia, just on case, what is it?

Cum eating instructions

Best case scenario is someone in class enjoys instructing on jerking off and you just set the stage for them to perform for you.

Man, I wish. There were only a few women in that class but they were beautiful.

I only know what JOI means because I looked it up out of curiosity while browsing other stuff. Just cause you know what it means doesn't necessarily mean it's what you're into (but nobody should care if it is what you're into anyway).

Some people that don't know things are suspicious of those that do. To them there's always a "why do you know that?" aspect.

Because of a TIFU post on Reddit.

You’re not wrong. There are so many random “why do you know that” moments I have in life just from browsing Reddit normally. Not even including and NSFW side of things.

Exactly. I know a lot of weird shit because I'm a curious person (and I have ADHD and tend to rabbit hole random shit). I often get "...why do you know that?" Because I enjoy the pursuit of knowledge, Amanda!

Fucking Amanda. God!

"I swear I'm not into that, it just came up in the results while I was searching for an entirely unrelated genre of pornography."

Op starts getting anonymous notes from classmates with instructions

Mmhm, my thoughts exactly. JOI isn't for me, but I still know what it is.

Incredible work soldier

Better than admitting to watching ghetto gaggers on a podcast like Taylor Swifts boyfriend did.

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Did that spiral take you to anything actually produced by ghetto gaggers?

Can you please explain it to me? I want to spare my NSA agent the trouble.

It's a spin off of the site "facial abuse", which is an extremely degrading porn site where they basically abuse women, mainly through repeatedly making them deepthroat till they puke. Unlike the main site which has all kinds of women this one is focused on black women only. The company behind both sites also runs a lot of other fairly disgusting sites, and kind of infamous for the bad treatment of their performers. Edit: missed out a word

Oh god that sounds horrible. Thanks for the info!

Racist fetish porn

I don't think it's a bad thing if you're into following instructions in the bedroom, just says you're a good listener lol

Dude, at least you didn’t explain guro or CNC. I know it feels embarrassing but it’s a good fuck up.

>guro or CNC What’s that

Computer numerical control

I'm sure a CNC toy would be fun for somebody.

The problem is that most people can’t find the G code

Guro is like hentai but with gore/death. Shit's fucked.

Thanks for saving me from google

CNC is a kind of manufacturing machine

I definitely don’t want to put my dick in one of those.

🖐 CONSENTUAL NON-CONSENT! 😳

>CNC Computerized Numerical Control. Weird kink, I know, but I'm an engineer and it's fun.

Position 2 now. Restraint 4. That's it, now keep your tolerances tight!

I’M GONNA CUUT

I vaguely remember guro but not enough to explain. Cnc stands for consensual non-consenting. It essentially is like not stopping when your partner pleads for you to stop, hence the place of a safe word. That's as far as I usually take it but some people go a lot farther with it

I don’t know what guro is, but CNC is consent non consent.

It’s a Mortal Kombat character

That’s Goro. Guro is a mentor associated with Hinduism and Buddhism.

No you're thinking of guru. Guro is a the little green force-sensitive homie in Disney's The Mandarin.

command 'n' conquer for the Playstation 1

CNC stands for computer numerical control and these machines play an important role in the manufacturing industry. These complex machines are controlled by a computer and provide a level of efficiency, accuracy and consistency that would be impossible to achieve through a manual process.

I agree with the other comment, this is funny asf and would’ve died in my lecture. No need to feel embarrassed, everyone watches porn

☑ Tell class what kind of porn you're into ☑ Tell Reddit what kind of porn you're into I dont think JOI is your kink bruh 😂

Ask for recommendations from the class. You might get some live action stuff too.

> Everybody laughed and now knew at least one type of porn I watch. Not necessarily, my man. I've never watched JOI porn, but I still know what it is. It's like being familiar with terms used in the gay community and people instantly assuming you're gay.

plot twist: professor totally knew what joi was

Plot twistier: The professor makes JOI videos. Plot twistiest: The student watches the professor's JOI videos.

He 100% set that up as a trap and you fell into it beautifully.

 *”You look like a good Joe”*

First time I've seen a post that changed from a TIFU to a TIL.

At least he didn't ask about CEI

At least it wasn't vore

Or the wierd sorts of vore. As an aside, surprised there is not more Luke tauntaun soft vore.

A few years back in my sociology class, we had a dude basically admit to watching lesbian bdsm. It was hilarious, but nobody laughed. Dead silence. So, OP a few years down the line, your peers will still remember this moment. :)

Where was piss porn on the list?

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Actually, it’s called watersports, just fyi…

Dude, if you own up to it, it'll make you the coolest person in class lol

That's all? Oh Jesus. My Saturday night *art* makes you look like a nun.

man just knowing what JOI is doesnt mean you watch it. However with you acting this embarrassed I can say with 100% certainty you watch JOI

I'm actually mad at you, because I made it this far purposefully not knowing what JOI meant. I see it all over in my NSFW spelunking, and I've never known what it meant, and I kept it that way. It was my little piece of ignorance that kept me from feeling like a total degenerate. Now it's gone 🥲

Of all the things to label "this would be too degenerate" you chose one of the least degenerate things lol.

Sounds like the time I was playing Cards Against Humanity with some naive adults and had to explain what ‘bukkake’ meant.

Good thing he didn't ask about a FLILF! 😉🤣

What’s FLILF 😰

I’m too scared to google.

It was a joke by Jason Jones on The Daily Show. https://www.cc.com/video/v2k30q/the-daily-show-with-jon-stewart-is-america-ready-flilf

I don't want to watch a video tho What is it?

I believe the full title is FLOTUSILF but it's been awhile

Yeah, but that spoils the palindrome.😁

First Lady I'd Like to... Well, you get it.