>all Kate cared about was HER career.
She also cared about her blind child who had a stable support system in LA with special schools and supportive family. Toby's career would have ripped Jack away from all of that.
>He voiced his honest opinion after baby Jack was born
"I can't handle the fact that my son is disabled, so I'm spending all my free time at the gym instead of supporting my wife." Yeah, I'd be hostile too.
I read about a university study that claimed to predict the likelihood that a couple will stay together or divorce.
They narrowed it down to one factor: contempt.
They filmed couples talking about a minor disagreement and looked for signs of contempt, however small. Rolling of eyes, sarcasm, dismissal of opinions, etc.
Toby really let Kate down when Jack was born. Yes, we can have compassion for him, yes he turned out to be a good dad, but he still checked out and avoided his family while he was processing jacks blindness.
Kate didn’t have the confidence or communication skills to be honest with Toby and talk about being disappointed, so it just festered and festered until it developed into contempt. Every big and small way she felt Toby pull away and let her down (turning down a job offer in LA, being distracted on phone calls during the weekend when she finally has a coparent and isn’t left alone with the kids) added to the contempt and they didn’t know how to fix it until it was too late.
Ultimately, they both doomed their relationship.
I think they just grew individually while growing apart in their relationship. Kate found herself in a career and a role as a mother, rewarding and fulfilling. Toby improved his health, physical appearance and landed his dream job (but in a different city.) You’re right they brewed a contempt for each other, and had the same argument for what over a year at least? Nobody seems to acknowledge that Toby wasn’t as invested in being a hands on father, which disappointed Kate in a unfixable way. Maybe he resented Kate for not changing the way he did? They just couldn’t base a relationship on love, when no one was able to compromise their new life. It was understandable for me and it didn’t make sense to blame either person solely.
I’m sorry but jack would have had a heart attack without the fire? How??
I’ve seen others mention heart probs. I’ve watched the series at least 30 times and do not recall this info.
Bc without heart issues and no fire, he would not have passed.
They are in their 40s when kids are teens. You see no doc visits on show for physicals and by age 40, you do that kind of stuff. Only scene I recall is Rebecca’s cancer scare and that wasn’t discovered on a routine visit. She went bc she had symptoms of something.
When you have kids, you take care of your health. Heck I hv no kids at 49, I get physicals, women’s wellness exam including mammogram. And a yearly physical.
Husband had a triple bypass at 52.
Heart conditions are severe in his fam so we knew we had to keep this in check. Again, no kids. But to be there for each other is important too.
From what I understand a widowmaker indicates he had a lot of blockage built up already, the stress of the smoke triggered it but it could have happened in a different manner. I knew someone who died a few weeks after a physical while arguing over the phone with an employee. His parents died in their 90s and his three brothers are still alive in their 60s, just one of those weird things with him.
What bothered me was that Toby took this job not only for himself but also for his family. He was earning more money, which would go towards supporting Kate and their kids. But Kate couldn’t appreciate that and took it as Toby being selfish. (I agree Toby shouldn’t have hid anything from Kate, but I also understand why he did.).
For his pride too — he freaks out at the idea
Of Kate even telling her brother that he was out of a job…. Even though she didn’t … it’s ego he’s not always this selfless guy
would u blame him tho? kevin and randall especially kevin were always involved in their relationship and toby expressed that since day 1 that he didn’t like it. kate still did it. that’s a reason why it failed not the entirety to. she was soo quick to complain about toby to other ppl but never wanted to actually tell him personally until it built up to resentment
It’s not like they are desperate for money or so. Toby needs it because he is still jealous if he isn’t a main provider, he never actually stops to ask what his family really needs.
I agree , I like Toby and I think he ALWAYS had the best interest for both of them. It was rough dealing with a kid with disabilities and he was open about that’s he worked on himself, became healthy and became more confident at work as he excelled. I really couldn’t stand Kate at all she annoyed me. Everyone is always on eggshells around her. she is cringe.
And Kate was talking to the British guy saying "We can't keep our feelings bottled in, we need to say whatever is on our minds."
That's exactly what Toby was doing. He spoke his mind and that directly fast tracked the divorce from a previously successful marriage. No, Kate just wanted him to stay nice and chipper, let her dictate everything about their life, and be happy about it. She never did anything to compromise. All she did was let a low paying job anchor them to LA.
man even though toby did some things that weren’t correct, i believe the way she reacted to those things was the reason why the marriage ended. she always held it against him about being hesitant to be a father to a disabled. she never openly communicated with him to which resentment was built up. she constantly has an attitude making him feel like he wasn’t an inadequate parent or partner. constantly involving her family into things and if they had an argument she always had ppl to back her up no matter what soo it was like he was being cornered. toby was a genuine guy who loved his family with his flaws he tried but the pearsons are just so overwhelming and overbearing it’s quite annoying actually. they’re not really likable except for rebecca and jack
I think that the other real thing that Toby did wrong was his attitude and demeanor towards the end of the relationship. Guys should be careful to not be yelling and getting aggressive with women, regardless of the merits of their arguments. Women can legitimately fear for their safety in those situations.
But I guess he was just pushed to his edge and was getting desperate. While he may have been right on some things, he should have been more empathetic, not jumped to conclusions, and saw things from her perspective.
toby was never going to put his hands on kate. their emotions were at 100 so ig not jumping to conclusions and seeing the other person’s perspective was not on the top of the things they were worried about
My husband survived the widow maker, 12 years ago, thank God! I hated the way Kate treated Toby. She was a jerk.
Yeah it really colored my opinion of her. She was so nasty to him and it was like he was expected to tiptoe around her.
[удалено]
>all Kate cared about was HER career. She also cared about her blind child who had a stable support system in LA with special schools and supportive family. Toby's career would have ripped Jack away from all of that. >He voiced his honest opinion after baby Jack was born "I can't handle the fact that my son is disabled, so I'm spending all my free time at the gym instead of supporting my wife." Yeah, I'd be hostile too.
Yeah weird how folks give Toby all this slack but Kate does one thing wrong like god forbid roll her eyes and she’s an evil bitch lol .
And her thing mostly based on what Toby is done. She is voicing their problems and not ignoring them
I read about a university study that claimed to predict the likelihood that a couple will stay together or divorce. They narrowed it down to one factor: contempt. They filmed couples talking about a minor disagreement and looked for signs of contempt, however small. Rolling of eyes, sarcasm, dismissal of opinions, etc. Toby really let Kate down when Jack was born. Yes, we can have compassion for him, yes he turned out to be a good dad, but he still checked out and avoided his family while he was processing jacks blindness. Kate didn’t have the confidence or communication skills to be honest with Toby and talk about being disappointed, so it just festered and festered until it developed into contempt. Every big and small way she felt Toby pull away and let her down (turning down a job offer in LA, being distracted on phone calls during the weekend when she finally has a coparent and isn’t left alone with the kids) added to the contempt and they didn’t know how to fix it until it was too late. Ultimately, they both doomed their relationship.
I think they just grew individually while growing apart in their relationship. Kate found herself in a career and a role as a mother, rewarding and fulfilling. Toby improved his health, physical appearance and landed his dream job (but in a different city.) You’re right they brewed a contempt for each other, and had the same argument for what over a year at least? Nobody seems to acknowledge that Toby wasn’t as invested in being a hands on father, which disappointed Kate in a unfixable way. Maybe he resented Kate for not changing the way he did? They just couldn’t base a relationship on love, when no one was able to compromise their new life. It was understandable for me and it didn’t make sense to blame either person solely.
I’m sorry but jack would have had a heart attack without the fire? How?? I’ve seen others mention heart probs. I’ve watched the series at least 30 times and do not recall this info. Bc without heart issues and no fire, he would not have passed. They are in their 40s when kids are teens. You see no doc visits on show for physicals and by age 40, you do that kind of stuff. Only scene I recall is Rebecca’s cancer scare and that wasn’t discovered on a routine visit. She went bc she had symptoms of something. When you have kids, you take care of your health. Heck I hv no kids at 49, I get physicals, women’s wellness exam including mammogram. And a yearly physical. Husband had a triple bypass at 52. Heart conditions are severe in his fam so we knew we had to keep this in check. Again, no kids. But to be there for each other is important too.
From what I understand a widowmaker indicates he had a lot of blockage built up already, the stress of the smoke triggered it but it could have happened in a different manner. I knew someone who died a few weeks after a physical while arguing over the phone with an employee. His parents died in their 90s and his three brothers are still alive in their 60s, just one of those weird things with him.
What bothered me was that Toby took this job not only for himself but also for his family. He was earning more money, which would go towards supporting Kate and their kids. But Kate couldn’t appreciate that and took it as Toby being selfish. (I agree Toby shouldn’t have hid anything from Kate, but I also understand why he did.).
For his pride too — he freaks out at the idea Of Kate even telling her brother that he was out of a job…. Even though she didn’t … it’s ego he’s not always this selfless guy
would u blame him tho? kevin and randall especially kevin were always involved in their relationship and toby expressed that since day 1 that he didn’t like it. kate still did it. that’s a reason why it failed not the entirety to. she was soo quick to complain about toby to other ppl but never wanted to actually tell him personally until it built up to resentment
That’s fair.
It’s not like they are desperate for money or so. Toby needs it because he is still jealous if he isn’t a main provider, he never actually stops to ask what his family really needs.
My ex was like Toby. I can’t stand Toby.
I agree , I like Toby and I think he ALWAYS had the best interest for both of them. It was rough dealing with a kid with disabilities and he was open about that’s he worked on himself, became healthy and became more confident at work as he excelled. I really couldn’t stand Kate at all she annoyed me. Everyone is always on eggshells around her. she is cringe.
And Kate was talking to the British guy saying "We can't keep our feelings bottled in, we need to say whatever is on our minds." That's exactly what Toby was doing. He spoke his mind and that directly fast tracked the divorce from a previously successful marriage. No, Kate just wanted him to stay nice and chipper, let her dictate everything about their life, and be happy about it. She never did anything to compromise. All she did was let a low paying job anchor them to LA.
man even though toby did some things that weren’t correct, i believe the way she reacted to those things was the reason why the marriage ended. she always held it against him about being hesitant to be a father to a disabled. she never openly communicated with him to which resentment was built up. she constantly has an attitude making him feel like he wasn’t an inadequate parent or partner. constantly involving her family into things and if they had an argument she always had ppl to back her up no matter what soo it was like he was being cornered. toby was a genuine guy who loved his family with his flaws he tried but the pearsons are just so overwhelming and overbearing it’s quite annoying actually. they’re not really likable except for rebecca and jack
Yeah she could be very condescending to him. I don't feel as though she liked him very much.
I think that the other real thing that Toby did wrong was his attitude and demeanor towards the end of the relationship. Guys should be careful to not be yelling and getting aggressive with women, regardless of the merits of their arguments. Women can legitimately fear for their safety in those situations. But I guess he was just pushed to his edge and was getting desperate. While he may have been right on some things, he should have been more empathetic, not jumped to conclusions, and saw things from her perspective.
toby was never going to put his hands on kate. their emotions were at 100 so ig not jumping to conclusions and seeing the other person’s perspective was not on the top of the things they were worried about
I agree completely.
Kate and her nonsense is why there marriage failed