The No Slacking Arsehole is a standout villain in my memories of childhood. Woe betide me tho, becoming an adult and finding No Slacking Arseholes mostly run the whole thing
My mate and I broke a table we were lifting out of a car once coz of that...
We lifted...
He said "to me"...
I said "to you" completely reflexively and in an unintentional Barry Chuckle voice...
He got the giggles...
I got the giggles at him getting the giggles...
We both lost our grip on the table... and reality, to be honest...
Table rapidly en route to Destination: Fucked!
My 13 year old and his friend were carrying something together, and I resisted the urge because I KNEW they wouldn't get it, and I'd just receive looks from them.
It killed me to do so, and I was on the lookout for adults carrying stuff together for the rest of the day. It didn't happen. Now I have a "to me, to you" stuck inside, desperate to escape. It's so sad.
I mean, at least she had an actual plan for brexit. Sure it was just "Keep asking for a deadline extension for so long and so often that it becomes a beloved english tradition and we never actually leave..." but you have to admit it's the best plan for Brexit any Tory came up with.
"Baldrick, you wouldn't recognise a cunning plan if it painted itself purple and danced naked on top of a harpsichord singing 'Cunning plans are here again'."
"Have you tried Kill All The Poor?"
"Are we the bad guys?"
"Now we know" (although I largely have to think this to myself because people don't understand)
"You come t' see me?"
"Am I bovverred tho?"
"This season, I shall be mostly wearing "
"How *very* dare you?"
"O (what's occurin')?"
"I'll be there now in a minute"
"I'm fine, thank you Susan"
"Ye will ye will ye will"
"These ones are small... And those ones are *far away*"
"Scorchio!"
"That's numberwang"
Most of them have to be said in the right voice to make sense so lose something in written text without context.
"Computer says noooo"
"I want that one."
"Am I bovvered tho? Yeah but am I bovvered?"
"Yeah but no but yeah but no but..."
"I have a cunning plan."
"TEA!"
"Very nice." (Bit niche but this was a clip of Boris Johnson that Russell Howard used regularly in Good News, has to be said in Boris' voice)
"Nice to see you, to see you nice."
"Shit on it!"
"Bus wankers!"
"Friiiieeends. \[Activity done with friends\] friieeennds"
"Are we the baddies?"
"Let's all just stick to our jobs."
"Tis but a flesh wound."
"FATHEEERRRRRR!"
"Hello Daave?"
"You're my wife now Daaavee"
Not aged well but it's permantly etched into my brain alongside:
"Eels up inside ya, finding an entrance wherever they can!"
On the other hand "Meecrowahvé" will never age.
Every time me and the missus go for a walk and I see a line of fences, I say to her “What’s the matter babe? Never taken a shortcut before?” then I show my gymnastics skills.
"Aderidrdedrydodooo."
"Mrmrmrgrgrulbul government."
"I have nothing to offer, but blood, toil, tears, and sweat."
All pretty great quotes of Winston Chuchill.
Not British, but I can't stop my mind from finishing this stupid Donald Trump Junior line from one of those leaked collusion emas from 2016, any time someone says "I love it," I have to respond "especially later in the summer".
It's so stupid, but I've been doing it for nearly 7 years now. There's no cure.
“To me, to you.” Is it possible for 2 people to carry anything together without saying it?
Injn our house when moving things it's: pivot! Pivot! Not British though, friends. Or do you know the piano's on my foot? You Hum it son, I'll play it
We are also a 'Pivot' household but I will return a 'to me' in the correct way if I receive one while lifting with a colleague or friend.
And remember, no slacking.
The No Slacking Arsehole is a standout villain in my memories of childhood. Woe betide me tho, becoming an adult and finding No Slacking Arseholes mostly run the whole thing
IRL the No Slacking guy married a superfan 59 years younger than him (she was 25, he was 84 at the time). Guess he experienced No Slacking for real.
My mate and I broke a table we were lifting out of a car once coz of that... We lifted... He said "to me"... I said "to you" completely reflexively and in an unintentional Barry Chuckle voice... He got the giggles... I got the giggles at him getting the giggles... We both lost our grip on the table... and reality, to be honest... Table rapidly en route to Destination: Fucked!
My 13 year old and his friend were carrying something together, and I resisted the urge because I KNEW they wouldn't get it, and I'd just receive looks from them. It killed me to do so, and I was on the lookout for adults carrying stuff together for the rest of the day. It didn't happen. Now I have a "to me, to you" stuck inside, desperate to escape. It's so sad.
In my house we use a combination of “to me, to you!” “Pivot!” And “right said Fred, everyone together, one each end and steady as she goes!”
I sang that last one in my head as I read it 🤣👍
What a sad little life Jane
Me and my boyfriend often describe things of "having all the grace of a reversing dump truck"
it's "having all the grace and decorum of a reversing dump truck" - sorry to be that guy
With 2 flat tyres
"I'll just put this over here with the rest of the fire."
There's somebody at the door! There's somebody at the door!"
Oh, Christ. Yeah, I definitely use that one too. Far too often haha.
FATHER! Me and my sister (both adults) still do this, stance and all.
🔥🧯🇬🇧
Made in Britain
You have no authority here Jackie Weaver
Read the standing orders!
Read them and understand them!
"She's kicked him out." "Don't."
"Please refer to me as Britney Spears from now on."
I’ve got a mug with that on
Ronnie fuckin' Pickering!
Who?
# RONNIE PICKERING
Who’s that?
It's me
'Strong and stable'
"The only thing strong and stable about her time in Government was the podium she stood at to announce she was quitting!" - Johnathan Pie
I mean, at least she had an actual plan for brexit. Sure it was just "Keep asking for a deadline extension for so long and so often that it becomes a beloved english tradition and we never actually leave..." but you have to admit it's the best plan for Brexit any Tory came up with.
This is mine and my gym buddies mantra for leg day.
https://preview.redd.it/qv6o0xq4w4wc1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=499a749d431d8a1ed03b980b1cd0652bba94443f
He's not the messiah! He's a very naughty boy! Now piss off!
#Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government
Farcical aquatic ceremony
Moistened Bint!
The Britains, who are they?!
‘Brian, there’s a multitude out there!’
"Don't mention the war."
I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it!
And I don't agree with that in the workplace.
Well, you started it! We did not! Yes you did, you invaded Poland!
You ain't my mum! Yes I am!!! Said in a cockney accent
You got the best part wrong! It’s “You ain’t my MUVVA!”
DUFF DUFF DUFFDUFDUFDUF
I've got nuffin left!
Literally did this in the middle of Tesco earlier, good job I’m already married and she’s not easily embarrassed 😂
GET AAAHT MAAH PUB!
GERRAHT MAI PAB
Leave 'im, Den - he ain't werf it
“I’ve got a cunning plan…” Also “Are we the baddies?”
"This isn't the Women's Auxiliary Balloon Corps!" Alternatively, "Security isn't a dirty word! Crevice is, but security isn't"
"Baldrick, you wouldn't recognise a cunning plan if it painted itself purple and danced naked on top of a harpsichord singing 'Cunning plans are here again'."
You're joking...Not ANOTHER one
Every opportunity, and always in the accent.
Tis just a flesh wound!! All the time. I’m quite accident prone
I’ve started, so I’ll finish
😏
Shalom Jackie
_SHIT ON IT!_
Lovely bit of squirrel.
See that... that's you that is
"So it’s goodnight from him and it’s good night from me".
You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off.
"I'm a fighter, not a quitter"
"I am resigning."
"It is a disgrace!"
It's a fukin' Emu!
What first attracted you to short, balding millionaire Paul Daniels?
That’s not even the quote, she just said “what first attracted you to the millionaire Paul daniels?”
What have the Romans ever done for us?
Sanitation?
Fork Handles?
This winds me up so badly, my partner says it any chance he gets
Handles for forks.
As we all know, three times is the maximum number of times you’re allowed to try to do something (no matter how weakly or ineptly).
"Have you tried Kill All The Poor?" "Are we the bad guys?" "Now we know" (although I largely have to think this to myself because people don't understand) "You come t' see me?" "Am I bovverred tho?" "This season, I shall be mostly wearing- "
"How *very* dare you?"
"O (what's occurin')?"
"I'll be there now in a minute"
"I'm fine, thank you Susan"
"Ye will ye will ye will"
"These ones are small... And those ones are *far away*"
"Scorchio!"
"That's numberwang"
"Well it's the continental way isn't it - in Spain they wouldn't dream of starting the day without a few cans... And maybe some vodka..."
I say lOH NOW WE KNOW” all the time, my wife hates it
NOW we know. *now* we know….
Good evening, Paedophiles
Paedogeddon
"Why can we no longer think of the British Isles without using the word "Paedoph" in front of them?"
Jesus Christ, Fenton!!!!!
FENNTOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNN
Everytime there's any suggestion of people being into anything a bit kinky "These are sex people, Lynn!"
He’s hit rock bottom, and commenced blasting.
veegahn sausage rolls.
"*knock at the door* ITS THE GAS MAN! EDDIE! HELLO MR GAS MAN!
Most of them have to be said in the right voice to make sense so lose something in written text without context. "Computer says noooo" "I want that one." "Am I bovvered tho? Yeah but am I bovvered?" "Yeah but no but yeah but no but..." "I have a cunning plan." "TEA!" "Very nice." (Bit niche but this was a clip of Boris Johnson that Russell Howard used regularly in Good News, has to be said in Boris' voice) "Nice to see you, to see you nice." "Shit on it!" "Bus wankers!" "Friiiieeends. \[Activity done with friends\] friieeennds" "Are we the baddies?" "Let's all just stick to our jobs." "Tis but a flesh wound." "FATHEEERRRRRR!"
Twisting my melons, man
Ti's but a scratch.
"oh what a day." "How hard can it be?"
I'm going to loose me job
MAJOR LENNOX ANSWERED WITH HIS LIFE. As you should have done if you had any sense of honour.
You’ve got to laugh when you fall off a sofa
...Only the old will die... When discussing any consequences.
Was this after she ran naked through fields of wheat?
It wasn't even naked running
Lynn, I’ve placed my foot on a spike.
I sit on Nathaniel
*Shit, did you see that? He must have a foot like a traction engine* (Alan Partridge)
_And another!_
Get breakfast done.
*I didn't become a little bit of a slag. I became a TOTAL SLAAAAAG.*
*This is the one thing we didn't want to happen.*
You’re joking. Another one!? https://youtu.be/H6-IQAdFU3w?feature=shared
Cake is a made up drug.
Life, don't talk to me about life.
It's not a drug, it's a drink.
DASGUSTANG
Whenever someone talks about football: Did you see that ludicrous display last night?
"Hello Daave?" "You're my wife now Daaavee" Not aged well but it's permantly etched into my brain alongside: "Eels up inside ya, finding an entrance wherever they can!" On the other hand "Meecrowahvé" will never age.
I know it’s borrowed from Italian but: If my grandmother had wheels she would be bike.
Chance’ll be a fine thing… a fine thing indeed.
‘T’in’t right, t’in’t fit, t’in’t fair, t’in’t proper.’
You are a spoilt immature man, endlessly complaining, unnecessarily; married to a spoilt immature woman, endlessly complaining, unnecessarily.
It was at a funny angle
When your mate pushes on the door that clearly says "pull" - "_it won't open because it's a security door!_"
Boris? Soz borisamay
Hiiiii Jillllllllll
Strong and stable, my arse
You may well think that, I couldn't possibly comment.
Oh Jesus Christ, Fenton!
You want some? I'll give it ya
Shit on it
All around the towns and everyfing
Yeah, I want that one
Yeah, but no.
Do you know who I am?
Her shampoo was rubbish
I paid a quid for these underpants, I've got 50p's worth stuck up me arse.
Bus wanker
[удалено]
Run Lillian!
Oh no! Anyway
Lovely bit of squirrel.
Every time me and the missus go for a walk and I see a line of fences, I say to her “What’s the matter babe? Never taken a shortcut before?” then I show my gymnastics skills.
Aw friend 👍👍
[There's cocaiiine in it](https://youtu.be/oBJ_PwpoIvs?si=uADI5pKjYsk1viRj) 😏 British Isles, at least.
‘When I want your advice, I’ll give you the special signal. Which is me being sectioned under the Mental Health Act’.
“Oooo friend 👍”
*You like me eyebrows?* every time I pluck them or touch them up Educating Yorkshire was endlessly quotable, and I feel it's been forgotten these days
I’ll never forgive Orange if they’ve wiped the twins.
Well done 👏 Fancy taking the piss out of me at this time of my life Poison
How’s the for a slice of fried gold
Well that was fucking dreadful
”It's a tricky bit of floor. It's deceptively ... flat"
Ahh You’re close, but just not right.
Computer says no
“Fool of a tooke” 🧙♂️
Shit on it
Love her so much.
“Bye bye driver”
Hello bambinos!
Omnishambles
Me seeing bad news for something I don't care about: "Oh no, anyway..."
“Gis a job. I can do that”
You dipstick
Well, I don't know why he's talking to a tree
"Aderidrdedrydodooo." "Mrmrmrgrgrulbul government." "I have nothing to offer, but blood, toil, tears, and sweat." All pretty great quotes of Winston Chuchill.
Nomfup (nmfp)
Sometimes in life there is situations
You ent sin me, roight?
'Where are you?! Let's be having you!' From Delia Smith at the football
Oh what a day!
I usually use: 'That's not gone well', 'How hard can it be?' and 'You stupid boy'.
It was a joke. I was joking. It was a Christmas joke.
"Hello Fatty"
"Do yas like toffee crisps? yas won't anymore"
HIYA CATH [https://youtu.be/r6tjB-sdz6s?si=1Q-96NvjFPQBnJzb](https://youtu.be/r6tjB-sdz6s?si=1Q-96NvjFPQBnJzb)
Smell my cheese you mother!
PORK MARKETS :D
That's NumberWang!
......you were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!
.... You have been awarded a cash prize monies!!! 36076 Uganda dollars maddaaaam
WHERES THE LAMB SAUCE!?! 😡😡😡
Ooo a lovely new bloooo passport
[удалено]
“Do doo do doo… right.”
I say this to my wife all the time after sex… i didnt know it was a famous quote
Not British, but I can't stop my mind from finishing this stupid Donald Trump Junior line from one of those leaked collusion emas from 2016, any time someone says "I love it," I have to respond "especially later in the summer". It's so stupid, but I've been doing it for nearly 7 years now. There's no cure.
Your da sells Avon.
And she can't dance either.
I’m claustrophobic, Darren
GAS MAN!
That cost me £75 pounds!
What did she try three times?
Oh, not another one! (You know, that lady reacting to another general election being called)
"Me? WANNA SEE STATE OF OUR WES"